#also i appreciate you asking with an aim to listen rather than out of pettiness/with a means to be ignorant and get a rise out of nothing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

megacovenimagines · 3 years

Note

👀Part 1 of 3: I love your blog 🙀💕 I was lurking all over it last night. Would I be able to get a male match up please? I'm female, with long green hair side shaved. My hair is very curly naturally but I usually straighten it otherwise it kind of gives off Krusty the clown vibes.. I'm a virgo. I have a few piercings and tattoos. I'm very confident. I love to joke around and make my friends laugh. I like to be around people who can make me laugh too.

♡ Thank you very much I greatly appreciate that ♡

(★ Parts 2 & 3 of info is posted at the bottom of this post.)

❣ Your Match is Gabriel

Gabriel is very easy going, protective, caring and fun loving, he tends to make light out of most situations and can become bored easily. He doesn’t push a relationship on you but things can develop fairly quickly with him simply because he tends to get straight to the point, he won’t really like beating around the bush or not knowing where he stands with you. But he won’t push or pressure you into anything you aren’t comfortable or ready for, if you seem uncomfortable with anything at any point, he eases up a lot or slow things down in the relationship without you even needing to say anything.

He can be kind of hard to figure out or pin down initially because he can seem uninterested in an actual relationship, but that’s not really the case it’s just that he can be fairly emotionally guarded and may even seem to try and keep you at arm’s length or deflect questions with humor.

This is because he worries if he gets close to you or falls in love with you, he could put you in danger, you could get hurt or maybe you could betray him, he’s been hurt before which makes him cautious now. But it doesn’t actually take very long for him to begin falling for you and he’ll slowly start making his feelings for you pretty clear, but he won’t straight up confess his feelings for you openly unless he absolutely has to. Like if you question him about his feelings or if you threaten to leave, then he’ll feel like he has no choice but to be completely honest with you.

He is very protective over you and will go to great lengths to keep you safe, he can become very serious and spiteful towards anyone who does you wrong or even criticizes you. Even to the extent of being rather cruel to people even for rather minor things, but that’s just how protective he can be over you and will feel the need to really send a message to anyone who messes with you. Even if you can handle yourself and stand up for yourself, he’ll let you, but is very likely to still get revenge on them behind your back and you may never even find out about it. However; you can kind of be the same way by going out of your way to be mean to people your friends don’t like if you know it could make them feel better. Gabriel can just take things a little further than you might and be a bit more aggressive or hostile.

He adores your looks and style from your hair style and color to your piercings and tattoos, but at the same time he doesn’t make a big deal about it either. He’s not going to rave about how cool or beautiful you are because of your hair and tattoos; he’ll just tell you how beautiful and cool you are as a whole. Which he will compliment you pretty frequently and at random times, you won’t even have to change how you look or anything to receive a compliment because he always adores you and isn’t afraid to tell you. He will show curiosity about your appearance preferences though, maybe asking you when you got your tattoos and piercings, why you wanted them, where the ideas for your tattoos came from etc, and this is just because he’ll want to know more about you.

You are both very confident and enjoy having a good time, making others laugh and being around people who can make you laugh. This is just one of the reasons the two of you will get along really well, because if you’re feeling down, he will try to cheer you up and make you laugh and you’ll do the same for him. He doesn’t like being serious for too long or being upset which is why he generally is very upbeat and easy going, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be calm and serious. When it comes to serious matters, he can set aside his immature and joking nature, he is a really good listener when he wants to be especially when it comes to you. He can also be very supportive and comforting towards you he won’t like seeing you sad or upset, and if there’s something you need to vent about or talk to him about, he can be very patient and hear you out. He may not always be the best at giving advice especially depending on what your problems are, but he will always be there for you to talk to and vent your frustrations.

He’ll press you to open up to him and tell him what’s on your mind because he is very good at picking up on body language and reading you like a book; he can tell within a few seconds if something is off. He can go from very happy and cheerful to serious when he picks up on something being not right with you, even if you think you are doing a great job at hiding it, he’ll still see through you and won’t drop it until you tell him what’s going on. Even if you try to make fun of your situation or joke about things to lighten the situation, he won’t let you get away with it, and he can tell when something serious happened and your mentally/emotionally hurt versus you’re just having a bad day.

This means days when you are feeling down or depressed, he’ll have your back and do what he can to help you through your depression, whether it’s trying to cheer you up, listening to you or just lying around quietly with you all day, he’ll do what he can to help you through it. This also makes him very attentive to you and even quite clingy at times, even more so if he’s bored or if you’re busy and wants your attention. He pays a lot of attention to you in every way, showing an interest in you, your hobbies, your interests, your appearance, etc. He can even be a little overbearing at times but he likes spending time with you and showering you with attention, especially if he learns you actually enjoy the attention.

Gabriel will show a genuine curiosity in your hobbies especially the more unique hobbies or skills you have such as fire eating, he’ll like to see you do it as well as have real questions about why you started it, when you got into it and such. He genuinely does take an interest in you and will like learning about you as a whole, what made you turn out the way you are, why you like the things you like, which can make him ask a lot of deep and personal questions sometimes at completely random times. But it can also make him see kind of nosy at times because he likes to see what your doing, what you’re drawing etc. He enjoys spending time with you and doesn’t really like to be away from you, because he really does love being with you but also likes to keep you near incase anything were to happen and you needed to be protected.

He is very outgoing and will try just about anything and he can really push you out of your comfort zone as well because he’ll like experiencing and trying new things with you. Going out, going to concerts, ice skating, amusement parks, festivals, restaurants etc, he’ll be up for anything and likes to make stuff happen, so if you mention an idea of wanting to do something, trying something or going somewhere he’ll make it happen and pretty quickly after you mentioned it too. He does like action and adventure but can also go through lazy spurts where he’ll be perfectly comfortable staying home with you binge watching trash tv, horror movies or just about anything else because he can be a big tv show and movie junkie.

Is very romantic and affectionate with you right from day one, though can be more cheesy in the beginning with some funny, some lame pick up lines. Which is mostly because he’s trying to make you smile or laugh so he really doesn’t care what kind of cheesy lines he has to use if he can make you smile. But he really can be genuinely romantic when he wants to be its just that he tends to sway between cheesy or romantic depending on what gets a better reaction from you. If making you laugh with pick up lines gets a better reaction from you then trying to sweep you off your feet with poetry and flowers that’s what he’ll go to. He is loving and affectionate with you hugging you often, holding your hand, cuddling up with you and he can be clingy when it comes to cuddles and won’t want to let you go from cuddling or hugs for that matter.

Overall, he is very loyal, protective and loving he’ll do just about anything to make you smile no matter the cost and will really go out of his way to give you anything you want or take you anywhere you want to go. He can be over protective or overbearing sometimes because he doesn’t like being away from you, he can also get jealous extremely easily and can become hostile towards anyone that might flirt with you or just get to close to you in general excluding friends or family of yours. He’ll have your back in any situation and will keep you safe even if he has to sacrifice himself to do so, your happiness and safety will be the most important thing to him.

❣ Headcanons of the Relationship

● Will spoil you quite a bit with attention, affection and physical gifts. He tries to surprise you with gifts randomly but will go all out for holidays or special occasions, he usually aims his gifts towards stuff he knows you like or things you collect. But can also go for the generic romantic gifts like jewelry, flowers, chocolate, etc.

● Arguments between the two of you are rare but when they do happen, they can be rather childish and petty, almost like two toddlers fighting. But neither of you hold a grudge and get over things really quickly, practically forgetting what the fight was even about to begin with.

● Will adore your pet parrot, particularly because it’s a more unique pet than just a cat or dog, and that doesn’t mean he hates other animals but he’ll like that you chose something more unusual than a dog. Though if you let your parrot sit on you like on your shoulder you will receive a lot of pirate related jokes and pick-up lines.

● He tends to hold your hand a lot when walking with you and will play with your hair, touch your arms or you knees when sitting next to you or even trace the outlines of your tattoos (if they’re on your arms and legs). He can become more touchy when he’s trying to get your attention, like if you are reading a book he may play with your hair or run his finger tips up your arm to try and win over your attention.

❣ Other Matches

● Lucifer is affectionate, overly protective and likes to have fun, however; his ideas of fun can be more on the sadistic side, though not so much directed at you but bystanders. Though he can be pretty tame when he wants to be especially when he’s trying to get your attention or win you over, but once he starts falling for you, he can be very over protective to the extent of killing someone in the blink of an eye just for looking at you the wrong way. Which he won’t see any problems with and will feel like his behavior is always completely justified, especially when he feels like he’s doing something for you. He is laid back, fun loving and sarcastic he’ll like making you laugh but his humor can be pretty far on the dark side, to the extent that he may be over all too dark, sadistic and aggressive for your liking.

● Chuck is very laid back, loving and on the lazy side, he can be completely comfortable staying home with you watching movies, binge watching tv shows or listening to music all day. Though he can be fairly judgmental with shows, movies and music and can be quite clear about it when he doesn’t like something like a bad story plot in a movie, to the point where he won’t even want to finish watching a movie if he thinks its bad. He likes your confidence and sense of humor which can make him smile, and he’ll like seeing you happy. He can become extremely jealous and won’t like you spending a lot of time with others even to the extent that he can come across as very controlling at times but that’s really only because he cares about you so much. He also has a hard time admitting when he’s wrong which means arguments can be pretty extreme because he’s unwilling to admit to his flaws.

-- ✚ Parts 2 and 3 of information from asks are posted below ✚ --

👀Part 2 of 3: I do fire eating as a hobby and I play the drums. I kind of low key like attention even when I act like I dont. And I really love cheesy pick up lines especially if they're funny. I also like to draw, go ice skating, go to concerts, watch horror movies, binge watch trash TV or just lay around listening to music. I have a pet parrot whom I love very much. As far as negative traits go I have some depression issues but I try my best to make light of it and joke about my problems. 👀Part 3 of 3: I can go out of my way to be an asshole to people my friends don't like if I think it will make my friend happy or laugh. I also get moody easily and can be a petty little gremlin when I'm mad but I get over things pretty quickly because most of all I just want to have fun. Oops 😵 sorry that was so long.

#spn #spn headcanons #spn match up #spn match ups #match up #match ups #headcanons #supernatural #supernatural headcanons #supernatural match up #Gabriel #supernatural gabriel #Lucifer #spn lucifer #chuck shurley

12 notes · View notes

sarcastically-defensive17 · 4 years

Note

Hey, so I really like your work so I have a request 👀 maybe you could write Luke and reader being best friends but both having deeper feelings, they're roommates but they fight over Luke's gf bc he says that she needs to move out bc his girlfriend wants to move in and she doesn't like reader so she ends up leaving and running with Crystal but she asks to not tell anyone (except Mike for obvious reasons) that she's there and Luke is really worried but he and reader end up together, pretty please

I LOVE THIS REQUEST!! Sorry if I didn’t do it justice, but I hope you like it!

Also I’m so sorry that the layout went weird! I posted it from my computer and now it looks odd on the phone!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

Love? Love. - L. Hemmings

"If she gets those fake blonde extensions wrapped around my straightener one more time, Lucas, I will rip them out myself."

He simply sighed, focusing more of his attention on his phone rather than his best friend.

Y/N and Luke has been best friends since they were 17. They kindled their friendship on the very last day of year 12, such as she did with Calum and Michael.

Since that day, as they sat in the barren English Room and discussed everything and anything that came to mind, her and Luke had been inseparable.

She was the Bucky to his Steve, the Yang to his Yin, the regular sized human to his giant stature.

Well, until Suzanna stepped into the picture.

She is 5"7, coated in fake tan that was applied by somebody with the vision of Stevie Wonder and fake blonde extensions that accentuate how beautiful she would be, if she toned down the Geordie Shore look.

Y/N couldn't help but wonder if her personality would be able to shine brightly through the thick foundation, if she had one, that is.

"Thank you for pretending to listen to me, I appreciate it so much," she rolled her eyes.

For the past few weeks the air in the house had been incredibly tense.

"Y/N?" He asked, his voice hesitant. "Can I talk to you about something?"

She couldn't stop her eyes from lighting up. This was the calmest her and luke had been with each other in almost a week, and she would take any chance to talk to him in a civilized manner.

To be honest, the idea of talking to him did nothing to quell the overflowing feelings she had for the man.

"Is that even a question? You can always talk to me, Lu," she sat opposite to him on the lounge, pulling her legs up underneath her.

He was nervous. That was obvious in the way he raked his fingers through his blonde curls. Suzanna constantly hounded at him to cut his hair but Y/N knew how much he loved his hair.

She couldn't deny that she adored the ringlets that decorated his soft locks.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a little bit," he rung his hands together, spinning rings on his fingers. "I, um, I'm gonna need you to move out."

He mumbled the last few words, sighing softly when she asked him to repeat it. It's safe to say, she was at a loss of words.

"You - you want me to move out? Why?" Her eyebrow was cocked, and she tilted her head to the side slightly.

Luke couldn't help but admire how much she resembled a puppy dog. He always found her to be a mix of adorable and purely beautiful. Which is part of the reason he forced himself to say yes when Suzanna asked to take a larger step in their relationship.

He had spent so much time fighting his feelings for Y/N. Suzanna helped, but he still needed to force himself to deny his feelings in favour of the smaller ones he had for his girlfriend.

He was cruel, he knew it.

"Suzanna and I were talking, and we’re ready to move in together. And she couldn't move in here because of-"

"Because of what? Because I can't stand the woman that has cheated on you multiple times?" Y/N was angry, that much she knew. She couldn't believe the audacity. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Well I would love nothing more than for my girlfriend and my best friend to get along but you make it so difficult for Suzanna to get to know you," he snapped pinching the bridge of his nose between his long fingers.

"I gave her a chance before she slept with one of your mates, Luke. As far as I'm concerned, you should have gotten rid of her months ago when she did it a second time."

"Why can't you just be happy for me?" His eyes were narrowed and the blue orbs held the same lack of patience she had seen a lot over the past week.

She opened her mouth to retort but couldn't find the words to say. Truthfully, she was shattered when Luke told her about his relationship, but she decided to be the bigger person and let go of the idea that Luke could be hers. Their friendship has lasted too long for that to be a possibility.

Luke's comment set her off.

"Oh so I am meant to happy for you, with the Geordie Barbie who fucks another guy regularly, but you couldn't be happy for me with Daniel?"

"Daniel was an asshole!"

"And so is Suzanna!"

They were both on their feet now, staring each other down with a ferocity they hadn't seen since an argument in their teenage years.

Sure, Daniel was a bit of an asshole, but Luke knew he was in the wrong for hating the man so fiercely. The moment he had finally worked up the nerve to ask Y/N on a date - a real date - Daniel swept in and the two were together for almost a year until he started getting more controlling.

The last straw was when Daniel flipped because of the close relationship Y/N and Luke shared and Luke threw a punch at him.

"You're jealous," Luke scoffed, his blue eyes aimed anywhere but at her for he knew his anger was unwarranted but he couldn't bare to face the truth about his relationship.

"Excuse me?" She cocked a brow again and he had to glance away quickly as his eyes fell on her for a second.

"You are jealous that I can keep somebody around and you haven't been able to keep anybody around for almost a year." His brows were pinched tight together and he squared his shoulders.

It was easy for Y/N to notice the slight hunch in his posture, a symbol that he was immediately guilt stricken by his words.

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I can't settle for somebody who doesn't deserve me," she barked out a sarcastic laugh, slamming her hand on the bench to grab her keys.

Luke opened his mouth to retort, but she fixed him with a glare so angry that he physically recoiled.

She slipped her vans on at the door, grabbing her bag off of the hook where she organized all of her daily belongings. She was meticulous and Luke had always admired how neat she was compared to his disorganized chaos.

"You wanted me gone? I'm going. Don't bother contacting me til you wake up to yourself," she stomped towards the door, pausing as she pulled the wood open. "I'll have my stuff gone by the end of the week. Tell Barbie to keep my straightener. God knows she fucked it anyways."

The door slammed behind her and the entire house instantly felt as if the warmth was gone.

She went straight to Crystal's house. The woman was packing for the impending move to a new house; one which her and Michael would share.

"So he wants you to move out so that thing can move in?" Her voice was laced with disgust.

All of them despise Suzanna. The woman had hurt Luke more times than they could count, she blatantly ignores or insults both Y/N and Crystal for fear of any sort of threat in her relationship, yet she regularly cheats on him.

Go figure.

Y/N made a noise of agreement around her glass of wine. The minute she had stepped in the door Crystal had phoned Micheal and ordered a Girls Night, to which Y/N profusely demanded that she would make it up to the couple whose date night she disturbed.

"He better hope I don't get my hands on him, Y/N."

"It's not worth it Crys," she sighed, swirling the contents of her glass in a circle. "I've been basically invisible in that house since the Barbie started coming around."

Crystal pulled the girl into a hug. Not many knew of her hidden feelings for Luke, but Crystal figured it out after a week of knowing the pair.

"I'll cut her extensions and glue them to Luke's eyebrows."

<><><><><><>

Exactly a month had passed. Y/N had ordered Crystal and Michael to not speak a word of where she was because she didn't want to see Luke. Instead, she found a small apartment to live in, while she gathered her wits to find a better place.

She knew it was petty, but she didn't have the care to feel guilty.

Luke on the other hand, was going insane and harbored so much regret surrounding his decision that he couldn't bare to think straight.

Moving in with Suzanna did nothing to make the home feel less empty. Y/N had made sure to collect the rest of her things while Luke was out.

She knew his schedule inside and out and used it to her advantage.

Luke wanted nothing more than to see her face. To hear her voice. The time apart made him realize just how deep his feelings went. The same feelings he had spent many years attempting to bury.

Now his only fear was that he would never get the chance to tell the woman how much he needs her in his life.

That, and how he would manage to get rid of the woman who he had caught sneaking out of their house at all hours of the night.

He didn't know what to expect when he entered his house to hear pornographic moans echoing from the bedroom.

He didn't feel angry. He didn't feel sad. He didn't even feel betrayed.

In fact, he couldn't contain his laughter. After all, catching her in the act of cheating on him simply opened the window for him to break up with her without the guilt.

He simply walked towards their bedroom door, which was ajar, and entered with no hesitation.

He was met with the sight of a bare assed male and a moaning Suzanna.

"I'm breaking up with you," he had a wide smile on his face, already planning his next actions with severe determination. He pulled his long curls into a small bun at the back of his head, “Please get out by tomorrow?"

He didn't leave room for her to argue, instead choosing to snatch his keys off of the bench and exit the house while Suzanna called him from behind.

The minute his backside hit the seat of his Jeep, he had the key turned in the ignition and he was dialing Crystal's phone number.

If anybody knew how to get in contact with Y/N, it would be the woman she had the closest bond to.

"What do you want, Luke?"

"Is Y/N at your house?" He asked quickly.

He was met with silence for a moment. He knew that Crystal knew where she was, but he also knew Crystal would most likely be reluctant.

"Why should I tell you? Want to go kick her out of her own house again?" He heard the malice in her voice.

It was obvious that after a month the pain would still linger. He deserved to be spoken to in such a way.

He knew he had a lot to make up for.

A deep sigh sounded through the receiver, and Crystal took another moment to reply.

"She is going to kill me for this, but I swear, you better be taking your breadstick ass over to apologise or I will kill you myself," she recited the address for an apartment not far from where Crystal and Michael now lived, and hung the phone up without another word.

He arrived at the apartment block soon after, and rushed up the stairs - not having the patience to wait for the elevator.

Number 304 shone brightly in his vision, and his heart tugged at the thought of seeing Y/N again.

He knocked with such urgency that caused the girl inside to jump out of her seat.

The door swung open and before she could close it in his face a converse covered foot was wedged between the door and the frame.

He cringed at the pain but refused to move it.

"What do you want?" Her voice was hard, and his stomach lurched at the sound. Even if she was mad, she still sounded more melodic that he ever could.

He chose to jump straight to the point, not wanting to leave room for her to reject him before he could confess.

"I have been in love with you since a few months after we met. I realised it when we were at your house, and you were doting over your baby cousin," His eyes were basically smiling, as he retrieved the fond memory. "Since that moment, I have done my best to push down how I feel about you, but I am sick of hiding it. I just broke up with Suzanna. I walked in on her with another guy, but I can't do this without you. I can't go back to that house for another minute without you there."

She was at a loss for words. He spoke so fast that it took a moment to piece his sentences together, and when she did, she couldn't help the confused look that coated her features.

"You- what?"

"I broke up with Suzanna," he had a wide smile on his face that she couldn't comprehend.

"Finally?"

"Yes. And, I have been in love with you since we were 18."

"Are you sure?" She cocked her head again.

The action made his stomach erupt in butterflies. He truly adored how she could look so cute through a simple gesture.

Y/N was genuinely confused. She knew how she felt about Luke. The month apart from him hadn't done anything to stop those feelings.

She truly had feelings stronger for him than she had for any of her past relationships. If she were to think about it, she would even say that she loved him.

"How could I not be sure?" He pinched his brows together in confusion. He grabbed both of her hands in his, leading her into the house and to the lounge where they both slumped down.

She stammered, "Where did this even come from? How?-"

He moved his hands to the side of her face, framing her confused expression.

She didn't know how to feel. For so long, Y/N had longed for Luke to notice her in such a way, and now that he is admitting that he has felt the same way about her that she had about him for so long, she was truly at a loss of words.

His eyes were full of pent up emotion. He didn't necessarily look sad, but he looked the most apologetic she had ever seen him, and she had been there through many emotions with the man,"Y/N, I'm sorry. Not just for what happened last month, but for everything I have done. I'm sorry I couldn't work up the courage to confess to you so many years ago, I'm sorry I let my jealousy ruin your relationship with Daniel, I am sorry I wasted time with other girls just to try and deny how much I truly adore you, and I am sorry that I ever thought I would be happy choosing anybody over you. I can't stand to live without you, and even if you have zero feelings for me in the same way I feel for you, would you please come back-"

She pulled his hands from her face and put her own on his before crushing her lips against his in an urgent moment of passion.

The contact was full of so much emotion, and it was the most loving kiss she had experienced from any of those who she had kissed.

It was intimate, but not rushed. Simply lips against lips; no pushing to move it deeper.

They pulled back after an unknown time, and she bumped her nose against his.

"I can't tell you how long I have wanted to do that for," she told him, feeling most of her anger melt away along with her confusion.

Instead, they both felt a love that they hadn't felt before.

"Come back, please?" He was ready to beg. Hell, he was ready to not go back to that house until she was ready to go with him.

"My name's still on the lease, you can bet your thick ass I'm coming back. But if I see one blonde hair extension, I will go on the warpath," she smirked at him, staring at his plump lips.

"I'll make sure it's spotless for your return," Luke beamed at her, feeling his nerves both escape his body and ignite at her touch.

"Good. Now get back over here and kiss me some more."

#luke hemmings #luke hemmings x reader #5sos #5 seconds of summer #crystal leigh #michael clifford #calum hood #Ashton irwin

90 notes · View notes

a-simple-imagine · 5 years

Text

Bad Babysitters

Requested by Anonymous: can you write an imagine with natasha where her and the reader babysit someone’s kid and it’s just really cute and sweet

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!reader

Words: 2.4+

A/N - I reached 600 followers sometime in the last couple of days so I just wanted to say thank you for enjoying my god awful writing. I am very grateful. Also, I think this is soft, I hope you all do too. As always, feedback is appreciated

TRIGGER WARNING - Endgame spoilers (everyone is alive and well though) and mild swearing

"Just stay low and quiet..." You linger around the edge of the Stark estate. You'd forever be jealous of their choice of a location not only was it beautiful and secluded but imagine all the spooky shit that must go on among the trees. These are definitely witch coven woods. Crouched behind the trunk of a tree, two hands against the bark as you peered around the edge. Your partner stood behind you; her hands on you back as she mimicked your movements. The area was secure. Onto the wooden porch walked the target. Surveying the area as she searched the grounds for the both of you. Quickly, you duck out of sight as they look in your direction.

"Time for lunch, you two."

"You ready?" You ask in a hushed tone, glancing to your companion. A knowing smile on your lips.

"Mhmm."

"Don't make me come find you," Glancing at the target once more, the woman now stood with her arms crossed.

"just like we practiced, okay? In three... two... one... Go!" The plan was in motion. The little girl jumps onto your back; arms wrapping around your neck while her legs wrap around your waist. You use your arms to support the five-year-old as you rise to your feet. Charging out of the foliage at a steady speed. Not too fast but not too slow either. Your partner holds bother her hands straight out across your shoulders; her palms flat. Leaning against your back to stop herself from falling. You were relatively strong and she wasn't all that heavy.

Pew. Pew. Pew. Pew

You move chaotically across the makeshift battlefield as you mimic the sound of her blasters.

Pew.... Pew- Pew. Boom. Pew. Pew. Pew.... Pew.

As you approach your eye's narrow in on the older woman. You loved her but would it kill her to play along right now. How are you supposed to create the illusion of an imaginary battle to save the world if your main villain was standing there looking beautiful but unamused. She wasn't bad with kids, not in the slightest. You'd seen her with Clint's kids and they seemed to love her.

"Oh no, Morgan, your blasts aren't working. I think we need more power to defeat the evil black widow." Extra emphasis on her superhero name or, in this case, supervillain name in hopes she would take the hint. "You remember how to do that?"

"Yep!" Little hands rub together rapidly in front of your face as she charges her blasters.

"I'll get us in closer." You whisper, hiking Morgan up a little on your back you slowly creep towards Natasha now. Abruptly, jumping to the side and spinning around to dodge Black widow's non-existent attack. She wasn't even making a half-assed effort. You come to a stop at the edge of the patio. Natasha leaned forward onto the railing, looking down on the both of you.

"Are you coming?"

"Now Morgan!" You call. Morgan holds both hands outside by side in front of your face.

Whooooooooooooo- You take a deep breath mid-charge beam sound, shooting the other woman a less than favorable look. Oooooshhhhhhhh.

The evil black widow stumbles dramatically backward. Carefully sitting down on the wooden deck in an attempt to look like she had fallen over. Morgan was more than amused. You run up the stairs and plop the little girl down right in front of her evil foe.

"It over, black widow!" Morgan recites with an adorably determined look on her face. One hand held forward in warning just like iron man. Natasha's hands shoot up in the air to announce her surrender.

"I give up, I can't possibly beat you. You're just too strong."

"We did it, Y/N. We won." Morgan declared, jumping around to face you with a bright smile on full display. Crouching down next to her you hold out your hand and she gives you a quick high five.

"Hell yeah, we did. Now, I think we deserve a post-battle snack, don't you?" Morgan just gives you a firm nod in response. "Let's go see what Nat made."

The little girl skips off into the house while you see to your girlfriend. She takes your held out a hand and you help her to her feet. "Damn! You must be getting old if you can't even beat a five-year-old." You tease, a playful, lips curling at the edge into a mocking smirk.

"She charged her power, how was I supposed to beat that?"

"Now you play along? Little late don't you think." You gently bump into her side. "I taught her that move."

"You're really good with her,"

"I know," You announce proudly although your demeanor is soft. Your shoulders rising in a much more casual shrug. "I've always been good with kids."

"Have you ever thought about having any?" The question caught you a little off guard but you quickly composed yourself. You hadn't really discussed the idea of having children before. You knew Natasha couldn't conceive a baby but that was about as far as it went. Your Y/E/C eyes settle on the only child in the house. There was no denying she was adorable but having to look after a little person all day, every day seemed like it'd be a lot. Maybe one day. Maybe not. They definitely weren't on the table right now.

"Not really. I like being able to give them back." You chuckle as you let go of Nat's hand. Sneaking up behind the little Stark who was much too occupied by the food on her plate, you nab her packet of crisps that you assume Natasha had left out for her.

"Hey, they're mine." She huffs, the cutest of frowns on her face as she looks in your direction. You just stick out your tongue like a petty five-year-old as you take a seat on the couch. It doesn't take long before she's back to eating her lunch and you're enjoying the crisps you stole - which your girlfriend scolded you for doing to a child - while listening to Natasha talk about a moment in her past when she first started working with Tony. Honestly, you were only half listening.

"Can I have a biscuit?" Morgan's voice breaks you from your thoughts and your hand closes around the empty packet in your hand.

"Did you eat it all?" You question, glancing towards her. She nods, holding up her plate to show you. "Then you sure can," you inform her, turning back to your girlfriend and gently nudging her. "Natasha go get her a biscuit."

Her brow furrows as she gets up, you grab her hand before she has a chance to walk away. Placing your rubbish in her hand. "Take this too, please," You offer a warm smile. "I love you." Wiggling from your grip, she takes the little girl into the kitchen. A few minutes later and Morgan comes running back in, two cookies in her hand. The day progresses rather quickly from there, chatting with Natasha as you observe the little girl as she draws pictures of god only knows what. Occasionally, she would get up and show you what she had done. Every time, you'd act like she was Picasso or something but for the most part, they were pretty messy. When she showed Nat, the way she reacted was very endearing. She seemed genuinely touched when she saw a scribble that the little girl claimed was of Nat in her black widow suit. It always nice to see the much softer side of your girlfriend. She was so gentle with Morgan. Always making sure she was okay and had everything she needed. When Morgan bored of that, she began showing you her newest toys to which Natasha insisted you would have to help tidy up before dinner. You begrudgingly complied, helping carry everything she brought down back to her room. For dinner, you had pizza. It was good, there were no complaints from anyone. Natasha accidentally knocked over a glass which you then teased her about. God, Natasha can't take you anywhere, you're worse than the child. It was playful. Nothing serious. She seemed to see the light-hearted side. To help settle down for the evening, you all retire to the couch.

"Can we put a movie on or something?" You ask, looking to Morgan for an answer over Natasha to give her the sense of authority. They both said yes.

"What would you like to watch?" You wonder. "Frozen? Moana? The secret life of pets? I'm surprisingly running out of kids movies on the top of my head because I'm under pressure."

"Lion King." She declares.

"Lion King? How do you even know what that is? It was made like a billion years ago." You exaggerate, comply with the request by getting up and putting the animated movie up on the screen. "I love the og version."

"You would." Natasha retorts playfully.

"Fuck You, okay. Its a really good movie." you fire back defensively but with a hint of amusement laced in your voice.

"Fuck you," Morgan repeats quietly but clearly aimed at Natasha in an attempt to copy you. A silence comes between the three of you as the movie begins playing in the background. Morgan obviously has no clue she's done something wrong while you fight the smile that's so desperate to adorn your lips. Surely, Tony has let a swear word or two slip out in front of his kid. You remember him telling you about the 'shit' incident so maybe you weren't to blame here. Natasha stares daggers at you before being the first to break the silence.

"You really shouldn't say that word, sweetie," Natasha scolds softly before shooting you the dirtiest of looks. You can't help but snigger to yourself. It was kind of funny. The redhead clearly didn't agree because she just swatted your arm causing you to flinch. Ow, your mouth silently, your brow knitting together. With a defeated sigh, you look to Morgan.

"Natasha is right. You shouldn't copy me and you definitely shouldn't say it ever ever ever again. Once you go to bed, she is definitely gonna tell me off." you leave it at that. Unsure of what exactly you're supposed to do in this situation. There was no way to stop her from copying you and it was much too late to take it back.

"Okay," You settle in to watch The Lion King. Letting Morgan interrupt with commentary and other random things but immediately telling Natasha off every time she even tried. When it comes to an end, you pick up a very sleepy little girl who was about to suddenly be very awake considering it was bedtime and practically leap up the stairs. Making the journey faster and also more enjoyable as a whole. Dropping her onto her bed, she seemed happy.

"Will you calm down," Natasha tells you from her space towering over you. Gently caressing the young girl’s face, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "Good night, Malishka."

"Goodnight, auntie Nat."

You hover, crouched down by the side of the bed as Nat leaves, tucking in the little girl. "Now go to sleep, little miss. Every superhero needs a good nights sleep."

"Story?"

You groan a little dramatically, shaking your head. "Couldn’t you have asked while Natasha was still here, I don't know any."

"Please?" Her bottom lip sticks out in pout; guilt tripping you into compliance.

"Fine." she moves over and you join her on the bed. Laying down next to her.

"Uh... Once upon her time there lived a dragon who never learned how to fly..." You tell the story of a dragon who was always using her wings to take care of others but eventually find a balance and learns to fly through hard work. You only vaguely remembered the story so most of it had been made up on the spot, including but not limited to the funny voices you used. Morgan lay next you listening intently as she snuggled up to a teddy bear. "The end. Now go to sleep," You demand. "Please?"

Rising to your feet, you check on her one last time before switching off the light and close the door before heading back downstairs. You sprawl out over the couch, head resting in Natasha's lap. A smile on your lips as you as stare up at your girlfriend. "I'm exhausted. Kids are hard work."

"All you did all day was play." She countered. "I wasn't sure who was enjoying themselves more you or her."

You chuckle a little. She wasn't wrong. Most of the grown-up jobs had been fulfilled by Natasha while you played with Morgan. But it was a team effort keeping her amused and looking after her so you're playing all day was kind of essential. "Don't be jealous just because she likes me more than you."

"She does not."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Nat. It's obvious she prefers me."

You remain in this spot. The TV playing some movie Natasha had idly put on while you just talked until Tony and Pepper came home.

The next day you're sat in the kitchen of the avenger's facility; enjoying a bowl of cereal while Natasha lingered by the coffee machine waiting patiently for it to brew. Your phone buzzed against the table top and you pick it up on the third ring. It was Tony.

"Hey Tony," you respond. "What's up?"

"Is Natasha with you?"

"She is indeed, I'll put you on loudspeaker," You do as you say before placing the phone down on the table. "Nat, Tony wants to talk to you."

You bring another spoon full of cereal into your mouth as she makes her way over. "What's up, Tony?"

"Yeah... Pepper wanted me to ask which one of you taught Morgan to say fuck you?"

"About that..." You both glance at each other. A playful smile on your lips. A stern glare on her face. "It was Natasha. I told her not to swear because kids are very impressionable but she just wouldn't listen. We're really sorry."

Natasha attempted to explain her side of the story while Tony was trying to understand what was going on. You take the phone off loudspeaker and bring it to your ear making the other woman stop talking. "Ignore my friend here, she just doesn't want to take the blame. I'm sorry, I'll have a word with her about it now. I'll take to you later."

You hang up before Tony can poke holes in your story. Going back to eating your breakfast before it gets soggy. You knew this would come back and bite you in the ass next time you saw him but for now, you relished in the fact you were off the hook.

"You're such a fucking liar." Your girlfriend mutters as she wonders back over to the coffee machine. Pouring herself a mug.

"Language Natasha," you tease, chuckling as you put another spoonful of cereal into your mouth.

#natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #marvel #avengers #black widow x you #natasha romanoff x you #one shot #Bad Babysitters

529 notes · View notes

ophiniaonistecua · 6 years

Text

((Why not s’more))

She’d seen these buildings before, usually from a safe distance. Police stations were more easily hassled and molested, given the circumstances, but these places were built to operate above it all. The idea, as she heard it, was to promote a healthy relationship by handing power and authority to the new class, instead of enforcing it themselves.

She was told it was a facade of power, where dogs were trained to sit on command, while also being told that it was all on them. Simultaneously exerting control while washing their hands of responsibility. A cake that is had and eaten all at once. From a distance, such things are easier to say. Few things survive a closer analysis, and that included her own views.

It was such a rich structure, with glass and steel, and brickwork on the side. Meant to inspire the familiar, the modern, the accepting, the new.

Or so she heard. She really didn’t know much about human history.

T-Rex, however, was less appreciative of her analysis. To him, it was akin to a bank robber callously walking straight into a bank, flipping every desk to find every alarm. Admittedly, this metaphor wasn’t appropriate. He was more upset that she was beating around the bush. The outside was not the reason she was here.

“Miss Liz, I’d like to remind you that your bag would better be placed inside. Your room is ready and waiting, after all.” He said with a polite cough. “And perhaps you can dress into something less provocative? The vibrant orange and reflective strips are not complimenting your appearance, if you’ll excuse my language.”

Her crossed arms tightened as she provided him with a dismissive glare. With a chuckle he reached for her bag instead, offering to carry it. Liz provided not rebuttal, even as he entered without her.

“Not going to hold the door!?” She shouted, finally relenting to enter the place. A wash of cooler air brought her off balance.

“You’ve shown not interest in manners. And nothing more insulting than to continue with manners when someone prefers otherwise.” T-Rex, despite being quite large, and speaking with a hefty voice, had a curious gentleness to his intonation. He chose his words carefully, or at least with more care than she was used to.

“Now then, shall we get to business?”

“What business?”

“The business of telling you where your room is, and what needs to be taken care of. Miss Liz, I can’t help but get the feeling you’re not taking this situation with the kind of seriousness I had in mind when I suggested it.” His voice sounded disappointed, as did the lowering of his brows.

“Then you shouldn’t look for recruits in a prison.” She snidely remarked, her rear bumping the door closed. Instead of heading along, she remained leaning against it.

“I can’t claim to be psychic, miss Liz. I only believe that people in prison simply need guidance. Especially with a background as your own.”

“And what if I just hoof it?”

“I’d question your logic of running while wearing your prison garment, instead of at least changing into something less suspicious. Following that, I’d wonder how interested your old friends would be in you, given that this deal wasn’t exactly done under cloak and dagger circumstances.” He placed her bag on the table and, figuring she wasn’t going to budge, waved his hand a few pictures on and besides the refridgerator.

“That one is Lilly. A little younger than you. Holds beliefs like my own, though too zealous for her own good. I requested she be moved to another district, but they insisted I fluff out my squad before making requests.” He started off, aiming at a picture of an orange-scaled lady. Liz knew that kind of build; the bulky kind, bound to try and meet human standards.”Or was it Lucy? I’m quite sure she flips a coin on that.”

“And that’s Terry. A thrill-seeker. Plenty of those each year. Similar to Lilly, with the type of parents to push him to the safer spots so he doesn’t get too hurt.” The bright orange, slender head had such a wide grin she almost felt like she’d met him before.

“And then there’s me. But there’s nothing to be said about me. Just a big old softy who thinks that everyone has good in them.”

“Would you kill a man to save another?” Liz asked with a straight face.

“Miss Liz, if you’re asking questions like those, you’ve never considered the importance of context.” He replied with a healthy chuckle.

“Are you going to keep calling me ‘miss Liz’ then?”

“I’d call you Elizabeth, or Lizard, but I’d rather not create any undue animosity. Respect is earned, after all.”

“But.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. She shifted from the door only to take a glass and drink from it. The open kitchen saved her the awkwardness of having to ask. “You’re in charge.”

“You believe that power comes with exceptions?”

“Wha?”

T-Rex seemed to lose it as he covered his nose in confined snickers. Liz was not as happy, if only because she didn’t fully understand the comedy. She asked again and again, before he recovered and answered properly.

“You know, my father had a good saying to live by. The king holds not the keys, only the favor of the ones that do. At the end of the day, abusing my power for petty entertainment wouldn’t help anyone, would it? Or, how does that other saying go: 'Any man who must say I am the king is no true king?' Pah, listen to me, going on. Do tell me when I’m babbling too much, I’d rather not stink the place with an air of pompous book clubbery.” His chuckling had not ended.

By this point, Liz just gave him a cold stare. He laughed at his own jokes, he talked like some librarian who read books purely for the quotes, and seemed oblivious to his own position in life. With another sip, she stilled her mind.

“They’re out on a little stint. Groceries, I mean.” His eyes darted to the clock. “If you’re fast, you can get to your room and change. Not to imply I have anything against it. I just have the feeling you’re dressed like this to provoke.”

The yellow lady plopped her glass down with a heavy thud and shrugged. Even as T-Rex grabbed her bag and headed to the oddly placed spiral staircase, she refused to move. “What about it?”

“How about another saying? ‘You can’t bury the past you’re carrying with you?’ I’m sorry, that’s a little too direct. If you want your bag, I’ll leave it upstairs, second room on the... only wall on the upper floor.”

Her eyes peeked up a minute. The staircase went to an elevated walkway. Indeed, it’d be strange if her room was over the railing. A soft snort came from her nostrils, the only acknowledgement that T-Rex had a proper sense of humor. With a heavy steps, she moved forward. Not so much to change, moreso to get her stuff out before he got in it, and maybe put on some shoes.

And he wasn’t kidding. Ascending the stairs, she saw the rooms and nameplates. Somehow, Lilly was also labelled Lucy. On a small spinning rail. Giving it a twirl, either name ended on top, left or right. A lot of work for no gain.

And from up here, she could enjoy the rather opulant room. Big couches, nice tables, big glass wall. This place felt more like the penthouse suite to a fine hotel than any sort of mission base. Only the briefest second did she not find this suspicious. An alliance born from bribery, is what she’d call it.

“Your room, miss Liz. There’s a short questionairre on the desk. Mostly for personal accouterments and what have you. As well as sizes for your field gear.” T-Rex leaned in close and whispered. “There’s a measuring tape and a size-conversion sheet as well.”

“You could just check my clothes. Or whatever FBI document the parole hearing provided.”

“It might be the FBI’s business to snoop around in your clothing labels, but not mine, miss Liz. Your bag, your key, and most importantly, your file.”

Her eyes bulged. His hand produced a filled folder, with her name on it. It quantly mentioned “Classified” on it. It would’ve been believable if it didn’t smell of fresh ink.

“It’s not the only copy. It wouldn’t be right for me to hold onto it either. After all, if I have questions, you’re right here.”

She snatched the keys, bag and file out of his hands, juggling them between her own. He didn’t produce any particularly cute or overwhelming smile, only a simple polite one. Even cashiers put on more insulting grins than this.

Even when she closed the door, he just kinda walked off. Her eyes trailed him, part of her hoping he’d suddenly turn into a vampire or something equally exciting.

Subsequently she figured that the situation was just getting better. Either he was a trusting oaf, or she just found her way into a nice cozy place. She was going to play this one for every thing she could get. It could’ve been much worse....

10 notes · View notes

samanthasroberts · 5 years

Text

The 10 Most Difficult-to-Defend Online Fandoms

Oh, fandom. So passionate, so partisan—and, too often these days, so prolifically peevish. From Tumblr and Wattpad to more mainstream platforms like Twitter and Instagram, online communities have served as rallying points for stan armies: obsessives who comb over every interview and shred of non-news for information about the object of their adoration. But increasingly, fandoms' emotions have been curdling into a different kind of potion; something petty, entitled, conspiratorial, even abusive. So on the occasion of San Diego Comic-Con, one of the biggest fan events in the world, it's time for some tough love.

First, a note: this is a look at toxic strains that exist within a larger fandom, not an indictment of a given artist or person. Fandom is a pure and precious thing, and no one should feel conflicted about being invested in a pop-culture figure or property. If you express that investment by being a worse person, though—treating appreciation like warfare, demanding dogmatic purity tests, attacking people, or seeing yourself as some kind of a crusader—than it's probably time to take some time and re-assess things. We're sure nothing in the following catalog sounds like anything you've done in the name of fandom, right? Enjoy Comic-Con!

10. Barbz (Nicki Minaj Fandom)

The Barbz are a fiercely loyal sort. Case in point: In April, upon the release of Invasion of Privacy, a writer for British GQ explained how Cardi B had adopted Nicki Minaj’s style in a much more accessible way. “Nicki intimidates; Cardi endears,” she wrote. Minaj disciples responded with an all-out attack. The GQ staffer was flooded with malicious tweets, ranging from the direct (“I will kill u bitch”) to even more direct (“You better to delete that before we get your address and start hunting you and your family down!!”) The following month, the Barbz turned on one of their own when a self-proclaimed fan wondered aloud on Twitter: “You know how dope it would be if Nicki put out mature content? No silly shit, just reflecting on past relationships, being a boss, hardships, etc.” (Minaj took it further and DMed a disgustingly petty reply to the fan). For Barbz, fandom doesn’t allow for dissent—even when it's not dissent but a valid, healthy appraisal. This may come as a surprise, y'all, but love and criticism are not mutually exclusive.

9. Swifties (Taylor Swift Fandom)

Generally speaking, Taylor Swift’s fans aren’t bad—they just really love Swift and tend to be a little over-the-top about it. And most of the time, that’s what fandom is. (Also, this is a pop star who sends holiday presents to them; she’s earned their devotion.) But within that group, the “Bad Blood” singer has a few bad apples. There are those who go after Hayley Kiyoko for daring to point out that she shouldn’t be criticized for singing about women when Swift sings about men all the time. (Swift actually agrees with Kiyoko on that point.) There are Swifties who get bent out of shape when she doesn’t get nominated for enough awards. And then there are the white supremacists—fans Swift seems to have done nothing to court, but pop up anyway. Yeah, the ones who call her an “Aryan goddess”? Those are the ones who give her a bad reputation.

8. Zack Snyder Fans

Look, Zack Snyder's hardcore supporters have it rough. Or, well, they think they do. They’ve hitched their wagon to a star that occasionally blinks out. He’s made some OK movies (Dawn of the Dead, Watchmen) but he’s made even more that have been trashed by critics: Sucker Punch; Man of Steel; Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. That's led to a persecution complex among more than a few of his stans. While this kerfuffle has died down a bit with Snyder's step back from the spotlight—recently, he has shifted focus to make iPhone movies and produce the DC movies rather than direct them—the coming years represent a reckoning. James Wan’s Aquaman and Patty Jenkins' Wonder Woman sequel are headed to theaters, and the receptions they get may determine whether critics have complaints with all DC movies, or just the ones with Snyder behind the camera. In the meantime, though, his own personal justice league will be there to defend it.

7. Rick and Morty Fans

Yes, Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland created a funny, smart, challenging (god, those burps) cartoon. Yes, it delivers a bizarro Back to the Future ride through both spacetime and genre tropes. Yes, it's the most STEM-conscious animated show since Futurama. But sweet tapdancing Pickle Rick, you've never seen a TV fandom more noisome than this one. There's the "this show is so smart normies don't get it" self-congratulation that's so over-the-top it became a copypasta meme; there's the propensity to doxx the show's female writers and generally be such venal stains that Harmon despises them; there's the mass freakout after McDonald's ran out of limited-edition Szechuan dipping sauce. (Yes, that's correct.) While Adult Swim recently renewed the show for 70 new episodes, there's going to be quite a lull before anyone sees a new episode—here's hoping the fans grow up a little bit in the meantime.

6. #TeamBreezy (Chris Brown Fandom)

It’s been almost a decade since reports first surfaced of Chris Brown’s violent abuse of then-girlfriend Rihanna. Since then, Rihanna has rocketed to pop superstardom while Brown’s career has strided along, aided by a loyal following that borders on enablers. Despite an earnest-seeming redemption tour, reports of Brown’s violent behavior continue to bubble up: Brown’s ex-girlfriend filed for a restraining order; Brown went on a homophobic Twitter rant; Brown punched a fan in a nightclub; Brown locked a woman in his home, without a cell phone, so she could be sexually assaulted. (Brown’s camp denies that last accusation.) Yet, Team Breezy generally attributes such reports to misinformation and "haters." Fandoms are built on stand-by-your-man loyalty, but at some point it becomes impossible to love the art in good conscience. If the #MeToo movement is any indication, the times have changed since Rihanna’s bloody face headlined gossip sites. Willful ignorance is no longer an acceptable choice.

5. XXXtentacion Fans

On June 18, outside of a Broward County motorcycle dealership, 20-year-old Jahseh Onfroy was fatally gunned down by two assailants. At the time of his death, Onfroy, who rapped under the moniker XXXTentacion, had already amassed a rare kind of fame: He attracted deep love and even deeper hate with a ferocious mania. The allure of Onfroy’s dark matter inspired the type of fandom that spills into violent obsession. A recurring source of vitriol for the rapper, and an easy target for his rabid fanbase, was his ex-girlfriend, Geneva Ayala, who filed multiple charges against the rapper (including aggravated battery of a pregnant woman, domestic battery by strangulation, and witness tampering). When it came to light that Ayala created a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for hospital bills due to damage inflicted by Onfroy, his fans bullied her into exile: forcing her to delete Instagram, hacking her Twitter account, harassing her at work to the point that she was left with no option but to quit, and shutting down her GoFundMe (it was later reopened). Having made a name for himself on Soundcloud, where he often engaged issues of mental health in his music, Onfroy willingly embraced his demons (he once called himself “lil dylan roof” on Twitter, referencing the Charleston shooter who murdered nine parishioners in South Carolina in 2015). But even now, in death, XXX is a reminder that extreme fandom has the power to blind people to the blood on their own hands.

4. Logang (Logan Paul Fandom)

Let’s get this out of the way up front. Many, even most, of Logan Paul’s fans are literal children. And so if you ask us who is really responsible for their bad behavior, we’re going to have to say the fault is predominantly with Paul and, you know, other adults. But the Logang (or the Logangsters, depending on who you ask), like Lil Tay, are inventing a new category of internet villain: the terrifying baby troll. They do all the things adult trolls do—parrot back the sexist and racist things Pauls says, stalk him outside hotel rooms, and harass and troll the “haters” daring to criticize their deeply problematic idol—but they’re kids! So you can’t really fire back at them without being a jerk yourself. Listen, Logang: all Logan wants to do is sell you merch. He’s not really your friend. Can I interest you in a puppy video?

3. Bro Army (Pewdiepie Fandom)

First rule of non-toxic fandoms: Don’t call yourselves "bro," don’t call yourselves an "army," and definitely don’t call yourselves the Bro Army. People might assume you’re a bunch of flame-war-loving trolls who think girls are icky—and where YouTuber PewDiePie’s fans are concerned, everyone would be absolutely right. It’s not just that they’ve stuck with the Swedish gamer/alleged comedian as he peppered his videos with racial slurs, rape jokes, anti-Semitism, and homophobia for nearly a decade (though that’s bad enough). It’s also that they insist that PewDiePie somehow isn’t being hateful at all. Oh, and if you quote their hero back at them, they’ll wallpaper your social media accounts with thoughtful messages about how you suck—for years.

2. The Dark Side of Star Wars Fandom

The most recent eruption has been a hilariously non-ironic campaign to remake The Last Jedi, but that's sadly just the latest in a long line of online grossness from the entitled Sith-heads who are so keen on reclaiming the Star Wars universe . Somehow, Gamergate has come to a galaxy far, far away; hectoring, harassment, even death threats aimed at director Rian Johnson. To be clear, this is a tiny (if vocal) subset of Star Wars fandom, which on the whole is as joyous and inclusive as the universe is finally becoming. But to to quote our own Adam Rogers:

"Everyone has a right to opinions about movies. Everyone has a right, I guess, to throw those opinions in the face of the people who make those movies, though it does seem at minimum impolite. Everyone has the right to ask transnational entertainment companies to make the movies they want, and if those companies don’t respond, to stop giving the companies money. But harassment, threats, jokes about someone’s race or gender? A Jedi would fight someone who did that stuff. The Force binds us all together. Hatred and anger are the ways of the Dark Side; they may bring power, but at a cost. It harms individuals, debases the people who do it, and it breaks the Fellowship. In the end, the cost of that power will be powerlessness."

1. Elon Musk Acolytes

"Always punch up" is a good life motto. You’ll accomplish a lot by speaking truth to power; dissecting the misdeeds of a relative unknown, though, makes you look like a tool. That’s why, despite the plethora of dark and toxic fandoms that flourish on the fringes of the internet, the group that tops our list of nasties is devoted to a person at the internet's very center: Elon Musk. To his fan club, Musk is so much more than a charismatic artist, a talented musician, or, hey, a flawed but successful tech entrepreneur—he’s a messiah, a vestige of an age of retrograde masculinity, when a reasonably successful man could expect his ideas to remain unchecked and his words be read as gospel. And Musk wields his one-man metaphor status (and his 22.3 million follower army) to whack out any dissenting opinions. “Because before he commented on my tweet, it was floundering in relative obscurity,” science writer Erin Biba wrote in a piece for the Daily Beast. But after Musk’s dismissive response, Biba found herself drowning in hate mail and abuse. By letting his mob pick over opinions he does not like, Musk is able to control the narrative, playing up investigative reporting on Tesla’s poor labor practices as a misinformation campaign—or even, in some recent deleted tweets, insinuating that one of the people involved with the Thai cave rescue efforts is a pedophile. It’s bad to be thin-skinned, and terrible to play the underdog, but playing it while you ignite a million-man bullying campaign is reprehensible.