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foxwell · 2 years

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Let's just continue this fun game, A8E8! This time: I am unspoiled. Completely unspoiled. The episode dropped today while I was in an oral exam and I have not listened to the VC, I have not looked at anything in the Discord. I might cry. Who knows. Let's go.

Finally! Assassinate the Pinn! (I'm just a little bit sad that John won't be part of this I think that would have been fun)

Terrible thunderstorm? Quinn joins the angry commoners and goes to save Sybilla confirmed?

I want to draw a Penny Lovejoy tracksuit now, shit

Is Sir Up trying to switch his patron because it sure sounds like that

Hang on Sybilla! Hang on Sybilla!!! Queen of my heart!!!

Hang on Nephila!!!

Everything is so far away from everything in this castle, oh noooo

There comes the thunderstorm from my darling Isadora!!

Annie has murder in her heart and I am here for it

Pinn is going to take control, 100%

SYBILLA MY LOVE YOU CAN DO IT PLEASEEEEE

Yes Penny you are saying he's doing a great job but all your compliments are backhanded

Annie has other priorities than murdering a Lovejoy for the moment

"Yes Miss Wintersummer" I am so here for everyone respecting the shit out of Annie it's what she deserves!!! My darling girl!!

"She is two-armed. Also, quite small."

"I just want to ask a question. Sir Up Ton, do you have more than 150 hitpoints?" The shocked silence after that, SAME. SAME.

She appears right there and Annie has... no healing, does she? That's horrible. That's honestly horrifying.

IN THIS HOUSE WE LOVE AND SUPPORT ANNIE FUCKING WINTERSUMMER

Nephila!!! Nephila my love!!! You got this hell yeah!!!

Gus saying "Helga Hatebad" the same way Sam always does, adorable

HEAL HER!! HELGA MY LOVE YOU CAN HEAL HER!!!

SHE IS SAVED!!!

SYBILLA IS SAVED!!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

SYBILLA I HAD ALL THE HOPE AND SO LITTLE BELIEF AND HERE YOU ARE!!!!

MY LOVE MY QUEEN MY DEAREST!!! YOU ARE ALIVE AND BREATHING AND CONSCIOUS!!!

Helga you had the best turn ever I love you

I still cannot believe that Sybilla is breathing

I mean there is still so much pod left to cast for this episode but oh my god

"It's my duty as a dungeon master to let you know that's possible" translates to "please kick Penny fucking Lovejoy" to me

Nephila you gay sweetheart

Yondo runs! You are running so good!

It may be stupid but honestly I respect Isadora for wanting to do the honourable thing. And I respect her even more for knowing that it's stupid and trying to find a balance.

I don't know why but the fact that Penny turned away feels like an important character moment, just like it felt important that Isadora did not, in Arc 3. Very different scenes, but still, both feel important in a similar way.

Sybilla do not touch that sword. Do not get within six inches of that sword I beg you.

NO DO NOT TOUCH THAT SWORD AHHH

I am not sure if it's better or worse that Annie has the sword. I guess her saves are better. But oh my god I have seen the Evil!Annie fanart and I am so scared

RUN BOY RUN!!

Annie my life my love my light my dearest (how many characters am I allowed to adore per arc)

KILL THE GUARD! SAVE OUR QUEEN! HELL YES!

It makes me very scared that there is still an hour left. How is there still an hour left. Please let it be just therapy or something.

Isa just knocked her father figure unconscious 🙂 this is fine

YONDO YOU CAN DO THIS I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!

Penny is helping Helga???? A Hatebad and a Lovejoy working together???? "I hope my mother forgives me for this" is this the point where I mark the Bingo field for Hatebad and Lovejoy at least friends at the end??

How do these Nat 20s come at such convenient moments I cannot. Fucking. Believe it.

There he is, the man of the hour!

PENNY FUCKING LOVEJOY

DID YOU JUST

PENNY

DID YOU JUST AGREE TO THIS MAN'S PROPOSAL WHILE HE IS OUT OF BREATH, BATHED IN SWEAT, STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCENE™

Penny I adore you. I want to study you.

Yondo is adorable oh dear, I am pretty sure he deserves better but I'm glad he got what he wanted

Amazing sibling energy, as always

A better tomorrow 😭😭 I am not sure if this is meant as a reference to what Helga said but it sure feels like it and I love it

Laz and Nephila 😭😭 they are adorable. Also. Great way to not just ignore what happened between them before. I am very glad.

WHAT IS HE DOING THERE

LEAVE, EVIL WIZARD

YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE

The coronation while bodies are still lying around the castle. What a glorious metaphor for the mess Sybilla inherits from her father.

This kingdom needs to take some time to heal from a great many things I feel like

Yes my love, un-ban charity!

Mixed reaction is probably the best that could happen after that

Roadtrip with Penny, I am sure Isa could not think of anything more fun

AHAHAHAHAHA OH SHIT

Hnghhh three new recurring villains established in a single arc? Pinn, Loroy, Up Ton?

LOROY GO AWAY

GO AWAY

Where is Annie, someone get Annie, please

Sybillaaaaaa please do not let yourself be pushed into a corner by the evil wizard

NO NO NO

JESUS FUCK

OH MY GOD

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

NO NO NO NO NO NO

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

YOU CAN'T JUST FUCKING DO THIS

INCLUDING THE SOUL

I AM: IN FUCKING SHOCK

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN STABBED

IN THE CHEST

I AM GOING TO SCREAM

What the fuck is happening

I am going to cry

How dare he

How fucking dare he

Prime Lich Wizard I am going to personally hunt you down

If there is one thing I cannot imagine then it's Gem Lovejoy in a standard prison uniform

Where are the Hatebads

Is this the summon Hatebad dice roll?

This feels like the summon Hatebad dice roll

WHELP THERE IT IS

BERYL HATEBAD HER-FUCKING-SELF

I am so happy for Beryl, and at the same point I am honestly sorry for Penny and her siblings

Jesus fucking Christ

I am feeling so many emotions

Maevir darling you did your best, but oh dear

We were right, a fucking lich

Sybilla. My love. My darling.

THE CONTRACT COUNTS? IT'S FAIR AND TRUE???

THE NATION OF GLACERIA?

EXCUSE ME???

Oh my god

This arc

My heart

I am a changed woman

I am a broken and changed woman

Phil and Helga are very much not fine I think

Gus. Gus. I forgive you for Arc 8 just as I forgave you for Arc 6. But oh my fucking god.

I knew things were going far too well far too early into the episode.

Wiki will get updated end of next week when my last exam is finally over, promise.

Also, I am excited for a guest DM, and so much love to Gus! Take your well-deserved break!

#unprepared casters spoilers #unprepared casters #uc arc 8

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aulupine · 2 years

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One of those playlist challenges but actually tagged by a mutual this time

I see you @thunderdone Thanks for the tag! Rules: You can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, and then tag 10 people. No skipping!

I much like thunder have a million fucking playlists and they all have different vibes so here's from my likes as well. Be prepared for whiplash, and no explanation because my taste is... wild xD

1. It's All Futile! It's All Worthless! - Lovejoy Wilbur, and indie-alt. Need I say more?

2. 4BLOOD - Kira, Hatsune Miku I got nothing... This can only be explained by the words: "Animation Meme Vibes".

3. Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic Literal animation memes. Uh...., that and one hell of a smarmy character/confidence booster song lmao

4. Pushing Me Away - Linkin Park A bitch do be depressed

5. Killer Queen - Mad Tsai Uh, animation, storytelling but also savage spite revenge song vibes. And if anyone knows me, they know I like my sarcastic bitch vibes probably a bit too much

6. Roses Are Red (Violets Are Blue) - Jon Caryl A bitch do be depressed 2 electric boogaloo

7. Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic! at the Disco Vaguely edgy alt-pop with a hell of a sound. Idk, it's old P!atD so yeah vaguely nostalgic and has a good sound. Just... pleasing to the earbones *shrugs*

8. Hourglass - Set It Off We're just rolling through my edgy picks aren't we, goddamn! One of my "fuck it all and fight" vibe songs, when you want to wear stompy boots and tip your chin up at the world. Could accurately be described as: "everything sucks so fuck it, what else could go wrong?"

9. Until the Wolves Come Out - NateWantsToBattle It's his friggin original album, with P!atD mixed with FOB vibes, and a hint of "fuck it society won't listen so I'll make them" vibes. Good fucking shit. Not my favorite song from this album but definitely a good one! (check him out, did a lot of fandom stuff too, you've probably heard his stuff. I genuinely prefer his original stuff funnily enough tho lmao)

10. Songs for a Guilty Sadist - Crywank Blame Wilbur. Don't actually listen to this much at all, but it's what came up. I like the chords and lyrics, just not Crywanks specific version. One of those weird times I like a cover more than the OG Honorable mention: Pinch Me - Young Friend Idk alt-indie-pop kinda? Depressed but cheery, masking vibes. Love me some masking vibes.

Honorable mention 2 Electric Boogaloo: "Cosmic Dreams - Intro" - Jay Sarma, Ritorikal I like instrumental stuff, especially if it makes me feel like I'm in an edgy concept anime video, witnessing the end of the universe and the beginning of a new one, going through a metamorphosis one might say.

Conclusion: What I'm learning is that, wow I'm depressed and it *shows* xD

Tag Time! uh, Honestly I don't have 10 people I'd tag, lets try @baronazazel @littledreamsoflife @thepidgeonqueen @catzoomies @corveknight And uh, anyone else who wants to try lol. Also no req to do this and if you've already been tagged, feel free to ignore!

#music #caff talks #playlist challenge #spotify #musical whiplash #dear god #a bitch do be depressed

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barlowpng · 3 years

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Thoughts on Pebble Brain by Lovejoy

1. Oh yeah, you gonna cry?: very ya movie opener. ya know those movies about finding yourself as a teenager? Think Love, Simon or Perks of being a Wallflower.

2. Model Buses: THAT BASS THO. im gonna need to look up the lyrics for this one. GOD I LOVE TRUMPETS.

3. Concrete: such a strong opening. the vocals with just the bass? *chefs kiss* i really like the pacing of this one. oh i love the drum part on this one, pop off Mark. thats conkrete babey

4. Perfume: it’s 3:45-AM! OH HELL YEAH. HE/THEY PRONOUNS LETS GO. THAT BASS. there’s so much emotion in this one. oh god the chorus on this one might be my favorite so far.

5. You’ll Understand When You’re Older: also a strong opening. a bit long but the introduction of the vocals makes up for it. OH THE WAY THE INSTRUMENTAL CUTS OUT!!!! i really like the overall beat on this one. an odd ending, but im here for it.

6. The Fall: oh? interesting opening? oh i like the backing vocals. it’s a but angrier than the others. oh i like the high hat. that guitar tho???? oh my goodness, Wilbur i didnt know your voice could sound like that. this is the kinda song i wanna play on rockband.

7. It’s All Futile! It’s All Pointless!: “ive lost that passion that comes with living since i started university.” don’t i know it friend. very strong opening, right into the vocals. oh this one might be my favorite overall. wilbur, sir, your voice is so pretty. i like how this one is a narrative. Mark popping off again with the drums, okay. THE JAMMING CAT POPPED UP ON SCREEN ON MY GOD THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT IM DOING.

Overall Thoughts: at first listen i still like “Are You Alright” more, but i still like it. Futile is by far my favorite, followed by Perfume. i like the overall vibe of the songs. it’s a bit all over the place at some points, like early Panic! but as of right now i give it a 8/10. cant wait to listen to it more.

#pebble brain #lovejoy #wilbur soot #joe goldsmith #ash kabosu #mark boardman #music #lovejoy pebble brain #analysis #music analysis #music rec #hmm #this is how i spent my morning #class was canceled so why not #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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pascalls · 4 years

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Huzzah! A romance prompt:

Hot Chocolate

I finally wrote something for this and it’s so dumb but I hope you all enjoy it. Featuring Charlie, Sam the Barfly, and Moe (and also Barney a little bit).

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With the taste of malt liquor stale on his tongue, Charlie found himself coming back to consciousness, a musky scent filling his nose and making him want to gag. The greasy floor he was laying on was hard and uncomfortable, having left his bones aching and his back feeling like he’d just been hit by a car. His eyes opened, despite his brain not wanting to, and for once, he was thankful that the lighting in Moe’s was subpar, at best. The dusty interior was not an aggravated assault on the senses, but still, he would have liked to have woken up in a bed instead of on the hard tile.

“Ugh… What time is it,” he groaned, not yet sitting up, but at least trying to peer over to where Moe was hovering, lazily wiping down the bar top with an overused rag. There was no way it was morning yet. Or, at least, it wasn’t past sunrise. Otherwise Moe would be pouring vodka into his bowl of Froot Loops. It didn’t seem like he’d gone to bed yet.

“Two-thirty,” the bartender responded. He didn’t seem very bothered by the fact that Charlie had passed out on the floor. Not like it was the first time. As of late, the hybrid had a bad habit of finding some kind of substance, chasing it with his body weight in whiskey, and then promptly falling asleep before he could make it back to the reverend’s. “You slept with Barney.”

“I what-?!” Charlie exclaimed, pushing himself up, only to whack his head on the underside of the table he’d holed up under. His ears rang and he groaned again, reaching up to rub at his scalp. Ow.

“Oh. Hah. Sorry. I meant you fell asleep under the table next to Barney.”

Charlie glanced over to see that Moe was correct. Barney had somehow rolled off the bar stool he’d been sitting on a few hours prior, passing out unceremoniously underneath the large circular table that was neighbor to Charlie’s. The hybrid muttered to himself before eventually crawling out from under his sleeping spot, making his way over to the bar to sit and glaring at Moe.

“Don’t ever scare me like that ever again.”

They weren’t alone. While Barney had opted for a nap, Charlie recognized a few others still lingering in the wee hours of the morning. He assumed both Lenny and Carl had staggered home not too long ago, but both Larry and Sam remained, neither seeming to be very invested in their own consciousness. As was the usual. Charlie’s stare lingered for just a moment before Moe was pulling his attention back.

“You wanna nightcap?” He asked, already in the process of grabbing a nearby bottle which Charlie quickly refused. His stomach was churning a bit from his previous binge. He didn’t need to lose everything he’d eaten during the day on top of his splitting headache and exhaustion.

“No, m’fine. I should probably… go before somebody gets on my ass about not being where I need to be.”

“Alright, but you better not be drivin’.” Moe pointed at the hybrid with a squint; one that Charlie returned in kind.

“I don’t have a car.”

“I figured you’d steal one.”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

“Because that’s what I’d do.”

Rolling his eyes, Charlie scooted off the stool and made his way to the door, passing the other two men briefly and giving them a passing wave. He’d talked to the pair once or twice. They were wordier when they were drunk, but only just so. And somewhere in the back of his mind, Charlie reminded himself, that Sam knew a little more about Charlie by pure happenstance. Thankfully, he’d remained fairly quiet about that too.

Swinging open the door, Charlie took a few steps outside before he realized - a little too late - that rain was coming down fairly heavily. There was no wind to carry it in one direction or another, the drops simply pouring onto the pavement and soaking Charlie entirely. The hybrid stared dully into the distance. This might as well happen.

He didn’t move from where he was, just sort of standing there on the sidewalk and feeling his clothes get more and more soaked through. His brain didn’t seem to think that was much of an issue, but his feet refused to carry him in the direction of home. Instead, he continued to stare into nothingness, exhaustion - and a sudden heavy veil of listlessness - keeping him rooted to the spot. Somewhere along the line, he began to realize that his temperature was dropping. That was probably not good. He’d have to fix that before long.

“...You’re gettin’ all wet.”

The voice pulled him back to the present, turning and noticing that Sam and Larry had finally made their way out of Moe’s, presumably to retire for the night before they too passed out next to Barney. Larry was already walking away, his jacket collar pulled up in a fruitless effort to protect him from the rain. Sam, on the other hand, at least had an umbrella keeping him dry as he stared at Charlie with some manner of concern.

“...Uh. Yeah. I guess I am,” Charlie replied, blinking once or twice and then glancing down at himself. Hm. Well. Yeah. He was wet. Wow.

Sam glanced around briefly before taking a few steps over and placing the umbrella over the both of them. As he spoke, his words slurred, but Charlie didn’t notice over his own foggy state of mind. “You’re not some kinda marine iguana or somethin’ right? I think they like water. Saw it on uh… Mm… That… science… channel once.”

“National Geographic?” Charlie asked, tilting his head slightly.

“Nah…” Sam replied. “ESPN 2.”

The hybrid snorted in amusement. “No. I’m not a marine iguana. I’m just… really drunk, I think.” Among other things. He’d taken some mixture of pills that he would not recommend to anyone else. But they would make their way out of his system eventually. “Uh… Thanks. For the…” He gestured to the umbrella.

“Honestly, this weather ain’t great for walking. Y’think Moe’s got anything to eat in there?”

Charlie seemed to give that some thought. It was already the middle of the night. And if Lovejoy wasn’t blowing up his phone by now, the chances of him noticing any time before sunrise was slim. He hummed a little under his breath before shrugging. It was probably best he filled his stomach with something other than booze and pills.

“Let’s ask.”

Sam didn’t need much convincing himself before he moved to keep them marginally dry as they wandered back into the bar. Moe had been in the process of trying to roll Barney over with a broom so he could sweep up underneath him, but glanced up when the door opened again. Charlie shook the water from himself as best as he could, but it was to little avail. He’d probably just need to wait until he was dry.

Closing the umbrella, Sam tossed it against the wall near the door and settled himself back on the stool where he’d been before, Charlie scooting up and onto the one next to him. As long as Barney was passed out, the hybrid took some time to pull off his mask and other effects which were fairly soaked through, placing them on the stool next to him and breathing out a little sigh. Moe had seen him a few times by now. It seemed like more and more people knew what he looked like as time went on. At that particular moment, he couldn’t find it in him to care.

“Tell me you’ve got something to eat,” Charlie asked as Moe drifted back over, looking over the rain-soaked man with some scrutiny.

“I’ve got uh… Probably some Spam sitting around somewhere. Lemme look.”

“I’m having a hard time turning that down.” Charlie wasn’t going to be picky. And apparently, neither was Sam, as the man said nothing.

Moe disappeared in the back room for a time, clattering around among his shelves and god knew what else. Charlie watched as a roach slid out from the doorway and promptly disappeared into the nearest electrical socket. There was a little buzz, a hiss, and the roach did not re-emerge. The hybrid assumed that whatever it saw in the back room was heinous enough for the little bug to end it all.

“Well lookee here!” Moe proclaimed as he re-emerged, holding a half-empty jug of milk and a bottle of chocolate syrup that looked like it came from the 70’s. “It ain’t Spam, but it’s somethin’, huh? Check this out.”

“Chocolate milk?” Sam asked, staring at the bartender.

“Nah. Even better.” Moe brought over the ingredients, pouring the milk into a few glasses and squirting the chocolate… syrup (it looked more like sauce at this point) into it soon after. He then held up each mug in turn, using a lighter to heat up the bottom of the glass before plopping a few stale marshmallow Peeps that were sad and dull from their time spent hidden somewhere in the cabinets beneath the bar. Presumably from Easter. ...This past Easter, hopefully.

Pleased with himself, Moe offered two of the glasses to Charlie and Sam who stared at the brown concoction that was making short work of dissolving those Peeps into rainbow mush that floated at the top of the layer of milk. “See? Hot cocoa! PERFECT for them rainy days like this one.” As if to sell the mixture, he took a long swig of his own, choking back the drink with a few hacked coughs and then offering his two patrons a grimacing smile. “Eh? EH?!”

Charlie squinted down at his own before coming to the conclusion that… he really didn’t even care what he put into his own body at this point. And the chocolate DID smell at least a little enticing. So with a little glance at Sam and a shrug, he upended his own into his mouth. It was not great. In fact, one might even say that it was terrible. The milk was absolutely close to spoiling, if not already spoiled, and the Peeps floated around in his mouth in chunky bits. But he downed the drink dutifully. It was warm, if nothing else. And it’d keep him from drifting off into a hypothermic coma.

“...It’s great, Moe,” Charlie replied once he was able to say anything about it at all. A blatant lie, but the bartender was content with the review. The hybrid just hoped he wouldn’t put it on his ‘menu’ as a permanent addition.

“Uh… yeah. Really… great.” Sam added, having had a bit of a harder time with his own, but he too didn’t find it very necessary to spoil Moe’s spirits. But the two shared a knowing glance, watching as Moe, triumphant that he’d created something worthwhile for once in his life, scurried off to write down his ‘recipe’.

Charlie pushed his empty glass away, poking his tongue out a little in disgust. Egh. “We can never tell him.”

Sam did the same with his own, wishing that he’d just ordered another beer instead. “...Yeah, I’m on board with that.”

“And so the pact is sealed,” Charlie joked, reaching up with a hand to offer his pinky claw to the other. “I would say we should seal it in blood, but I’m already suffering with this aftertaste.”

Sam offered a little smirk before reaching up to hook his own pinky with Charle’s. “Takin’ it to the grave.”

Their hands remained touching for a few seconds, a delayed reaction only bringing Charlie’s back to himself after a prolonged met gaze, his eyes flicking away in mild embarrassment. He was drunk. They were both drunk. Reaching up, Charlie absently ran a hand through his hair to try and make it a little more… presentable. He wasn’t sure why.

Well. He wanted to pretend that he wasn’t sure why.

Moe’s return chased away the moment. He’d come back with more random ‘ingredients’ he’d found in the back storeroom.

Charlie and Sam gave a few little groans. Had Charlie known they’d be given the job as taste-testers, he might have just walked back to Lovejoy’s in the storm.

But… he wasn’t alone here. Even if he’d never get the taste of stale Peeps off his tongue, he at least felt content with the knowledge that there was a warmth keeping him from drifting too far into the cold loneliness of the rain.

Yeah. This was better.

#tj talk #tj writes #oc #simpsona #axe bosk #spooky-simp

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carrigerpigeon · 4 years

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On THE ENFORCER ENIGMA

Okay, y’all.

We need to talk about The Enforcer Enigma because I have many, many problems with it.

I’ve been sitting on my feelings for this book for a month or so, after I got my ARC of it and I read it. It’s been hard to decide what I was going to say, how I was going to approach this. Like I’ve said before, my relationship with Gail exists in a liminal space between fan and friend, and is even more complicated than that.

I’ve decided, as both a fan AND friend, that I can’t ignore the problems in this book.

Which is where this post comes from.

When I first I heard it was dealing with the Selkie mob I was excited, because I loved how ridiculous they were in the short story and I think the concept is gloriously ludicrous. But this book overall felt very contrived, very basic, and very tone deaf in a racist way. The gay boys felt objectified and cookie cutter, and the racist treatment of Judd made me very, very upset.

I’m going to get to my issues with the treatment of Judd, as best as I can as a white person with a lot to learn, but I want to start with something I am able to speak better on, and that’s the gay characters in this book.

So let’s get into it. Spoilers, obviously, and lots of talk about systematic racism and homophobia, antiblackness, stereotypes, etc.

(Also, Gail, since you follow me on this blog and I know you’ll probably see this—READ THE WHOLE THING. Think about it. And then if you’d like to talk about it, you know how to contact me.)

This is going behind a cut, not because of the content but because it’s almost 6 pages long.

The Gay Boys

Okay. Look.

I love a catty, fabulous gay boy as much as the next queer. They have a space and a place in our community. But not EVERY gay man is like this IRL. Meanwhile, in SAS, it feels like every gay male character (or close to) in this series is a waspy, catty, faaaabulous gay. Isaac, Marvin, Max, Trick, even to some extent Alec and Bryan…they’re just all the exhausting waspy, catty, fabulous gay boy that we see exhibited heavily on Drag Race and other mainstream platforms.

And like. I get it. Colin is repressed and gay and wants to be a fabulous twink. That’s fine. But it just felt like he was slipping into the stereotype all the other gay male characters inhabit in these books, and that’s really, really exhausting.

Also, I am from the East Coast, where according to my West Coast friends we apparently grow gay boys differently. I can’t say with any accuracy how much of this is true. BUT MOST OF THESE GAY BOYS ARE FROM THE EAST COAST. They lived in Boston before moving to California. So why are they like this?

It feeds into this larger trend I’ve seen in Gail’s word with fabulous, savage gay boys—from Akeldama and all his drones, to Biffy, and even Lyall. Seen over the spread, it’s harder to sweep it away as just a “modern storyline” thing or a “California storyline” thing. It’s a trend, one which I find very uncomfortable as a queer person.

There is a place and space for Queer people to take back the tropes and stereotypes that have been used against us and write them our own way. But what I’ve seen as a longtime reader isn’t that. What I seem is lazy stereotyping and an overarching stereotype and characterization that feed into the larger the ways I feel gay men are objectified by female authors (no matter how queer the author is).

Many more people have covered this topic better than I, but it explains why I’ve felt so uneasy about this series from the get go. The sex and the relationships in these books don’t feel real—it feels objectifying. There’s lots of talk about big and strong sexy, muscle-y men but very little else. And while there is something to say about having a partner who thinks you’re sexy—that’s important, and I want everyone to have that…. this isn’t that.

These are muscle-y, strong, sassy gay men for cis white women to coo over on Facebook and feel good about. But to me, a real life nonbinary queer person, I feel uneasy and frankly uncomfortable with the objectification of them.

And since we’re talking about queer representation, after having a decent wlw spread in the Parasolverse there are two WLW (specifically lesbians) in SAS (Trickle and Pepper) and they (a) barely get any screen time and (b) feel stereotypical to me. And they are side characters, so I get it, but seriously?

And also while we’re on queer representation, there’s Mana, aka Manifest Destiny. Mana is the drag queen and arguable trans woman* who started off alright BUT was named after the colonization and violent taking of Native and Indigenous people’s lands and wrapped up in patriotism. Gail has said she made a mistake, that she meant her name to be Mana From Heaven, and that this would be addressed in the upcoming book (aka The Enforcer Engima).

It was not.

There is talk, from what I understand, this issue will be addresses in the upcoming short story about Mana and Lovejoy. But there are several throwaway lines about Mana in this book, her work in LA and her becoming a drag queen superstar (I guess akin to RuPaul?). So why wasn’t her name change discussed or even mentioned there?

[*Sidebar: Mana has been quoted as saying, “I suppose I should be transgender, under modern parlance. But I like drag queen. It suits me. I like the fabric roughness of drag, and the royalty of queen. It's a nice change to have the luxury of choosing one's own semantics, if not one's own situation." But whenever she appears, it seems she’s always in face/wearing false eyelashes/wearing women’s clothing.

I’m not going to police Mana’s trans experience because gender is a spectrum, and I as someone under the trans umbrella know that. But it feels…weird and off to me.]

Regardless of my sidebar, the name she was supposed to have, Manna from Heaven is…also sort of problematic? If I understand the reference correctly, it refers to the Biblical story of the food that God miraculously provided to the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness. It means as a phrase the coming of unexpected benefit or assistance, especially when that benefit/assistance comes at the time when it is needed most. Which is what Mana is for the pack—she lets them live in her apartment in Book 1, she swoops in to save the day in Book 2. But it feels…very white and more than a little gross to name a character with Chinese and Japanese ancestry after something from the Bible.

And then there’s Judd.

Oh, Judd.

I really wanted to like Judd. The premise of his character was interesting, a Black, Pre-Saturation werewolf shifter, and I liked his cameos in the other books. But then we got a book about him, and it all fell apart.

Judd is a gay Black character, pre-Saturation, meaning he’s old as hell (from the Parasolverse time). He is objectified like the other gay boys, and there’s a lot of talk about how hard and strong his muscles and how sexy he is. He’s depicted on the cover this way.

And that’s…fine I guess, but gay Black men frequently have their bodies objectified as Black and muscley and strong. He’s also a pack Enforcer, so he’s depicted as not very smart and very violent. All of those are racist stereotypes that Black men deal with constantly, and they are racist stereotypes and tropes that are constantly hurled at Black men by the system and by society.

Additionly, Judd, the only Black member of the pack, is the only werewolf in the series to carry a gun.

A Black man. Is the only member. To carry a gun.

Yeah.

It gets worse.

There is mention of Judd’s backstory—very heavy inferences to Phineas/Soap (whose problematic naming convention and descriptors have been talked about especially by jhenne-bean ) being his mentor until he gets kicked out of Sidheag’s pack—but it falls very flat. I understand not wanting to write too much history of a Black character as a white writer, especially after tenuously connecting that history to the traditionally published series you’re Not Connected SAS To Not At All….

But.

Judd is over 150 years old.

He lived through some of America and Canada's worst racial discrimination, discrimination which would have affected him and his habitus and the way he moves through the world. He’s a gay Black man, and his gayness and his Blackness does not appear to affect how he interacts with the world at all. The police are called at the beginning and he’s OKAY ABOUT IT? AS A BLACK MAN? He basically says, “Thank God, the cops are here.”

You had a BLACK MALE CHARACTER SAY THAT when we’ve had a nationwide conversation since 2013, a conversation that has been reignited in the past three months?

Like????

And I was willing—perhaps whitely and naively—to give Gail the benefit of the doubt with Soap/Phineas. E&E was written in 2011, before Black Lives Matter was founded, before we began to have this nationwide reckoning with how Black and brown folks are treated systematically and especially by police violence. These conversations were definitely being had in 2011, but they were seen as fringe discussions and not necessarily part of the mainstream narrative as it is today.

However. It’s not 2011. It’s 2020.

It’s been 7 years since BLM was founded, and there have been countless discussions happening about racism and systematic issues in publishing and with white writers writing Black characters since that point.

Soap/Phineas has been mentioned or has cameo’d in The Custard Protocol and in Meat Cute. There’s been no conversation about his name or the way he has been described And both he and Judd fall into the Caring-POC-Partner trope which has been discussed very heavily in romance circles and in ways I am not necessarily equipped to discuss in this post. But I will link to this post for everyone to read: https://medium.com/@ashiamonetb/queer-love-interests-of-color-and-the-white-gaze-8928b7b5e6ad

It’s 2020. These conversations have been being had, quite fervently, for many years, so there’s absolutely no excuse with how Judd is approached or treated in this book.

And here’s the CRUX of all this.

This book isn’t even really about Judd.

It’s about Colin.

Even though Judd is on the cover of the book, in all of his objectified Black body goodness, the plot of the story is about Colin. It’s very much entrenched in Colin’s issues with his family and his identity. Judd is there to take care of Colin and ~guide~ him and ~teach~ him things. To protect him. To be sexy to him.

See the medium article above. See the conversation about objectification above.

So if this book is SO MUCH ABOUT COLIN, why is Judd on the cover?

Why is Judd naked and glistening and Black on the cover of the story about the trials and tribulations of a white twink?

…Do I really have to say it? Maybe I do. It’s racist.

It might not be intended that way, but it is.

And look. There were parts of this book that I found enjoyable. I am still a fan of Gail’s wit and the way she writes. I’m a sucker for the found family trope, which all of these books have, and I really like Trick and Marvin. I’ve been where Colin is. I’ve fucked around with my gender presentation and been scared to out and fabulous or be perceived a certain way because I present a certain way.

But I’m really frustrated and frankly ANGRY with the racist stereotypes and gay stereotypes present in this book. It doesn’t feel like this was sensitivity read at all, by anyone. The book feels like a culmination of racist and homophobic trends that make me feel that Gail hasn’t been paying attention or listening to the cultural reckoning happening nationwide or in publishing.

And yes, there is a lot of “don’t idolize authors” talk, but here’s the thing.

Gail isn’t some anonymous author to me, someone I can just cancel and be done with.

Gail is a mentor to me. We’ve hung out at multiple cons, shot the shit about publishing, and talked about queer shit together with. We aren’t close, but she’s a friend (liminal space, etc). She gets a Christmas card from me every year, she asks after my partner when we chat. We’ve been in each other’s orbits for TEN YEARS.

I have this entire sideblog dedicated to her books, for fucks sake.

So when I read shit like this, it makes me upset. This book is a pile of microaggressions that stacked into a macroagression. It’s insensitive, definitely hurtful, and feels exceptionally tone deaf (AT BEST) to have written and released this book.

She has people in her inner circle who could have caught this if we’d been allowed to read it before hand, if we’d been a part of the beta process. But we weren’t. And it shows.

Gail, this is a message directly for you: You talk a lot about supporting people. You reblog lots of #ownvoices work and have been plugging a lot of #ownvoices fiction. I know (or at least hope) you’re a good person.

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

Why is this book such a disaster?

Have you been listening at all?

And I get it, we all have things to learn and things to unlearn. As white ally, and as a member of the queer community, as someone in your inner circle and as a friend (liminal space!), I get it.

I’m also saying this isn’t ok.

This book that you’ve written is not okay. Not even a little bit.

Here’s the thing: you can fix it (or you can try). It’s gonna be hard and require difficult conversations and actions, but you can.

If you want to know more, if you want to talk: you know how to contact me. I’ll give you my number. We can email, Skype, Zoom, text, call, whatever. I know I’m not the only member of the Pigeons that feels this way. You have people here to help.

As for everyone else:

As might be apparent I have…a lot of feelings right now. I’ve loved these books for so long, made a friend (liminal space!) with the author through social media. Genevieve Lefoux, and Sidheag, and Aggie, and lots of other characters mean a lot to me. Gail’s books have helped me through hard times and hard places, and she’s influenced a lot of whom I am as a writer.

But right now having this blog, dedicated to all these books with this massive subthread of racism and stereotypes, feels…not great.

And I don’t know if I can continue to support Gail and continue to be a fan (and a friend) if she keeps up with this.

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fireflier · 3 years

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@⌛🪐, sucks that you miss your home, I get that :( (/gen). Also I'm downloading Lovejoy's episode so I can blast it in my headphones + "Soulless Heart" by NyxTheShield because mmmm kin vibes let's go -🌕 (🌈🖌️)

yeah :( !!

and HELL YEAH !!! the ep is so good i’m sure you’ll like it >:D and oooooh is that a fansong ? that’s pog !!

#🌕 anon #🌈🖌️#@⌛️🪐

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deadcactuswalking · 3 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22/05/2021 (Olivia Rodrigo, J. Cole’s ‘The Off-Season’, Nicki Minaj)

Yeah, it’s a big week, given the impact of J. Cole, Jorja Smith, Olivia Rodrigo (more on that next week) and the remaining impact of the BRIT Awards. There’s a lot of nonsense on this chart, a busy as hell one at that, but this surprisingly did not affect the #1, as the remix to “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne spends a third week at the top. Let’s just attack this head on. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

First of all, let’s get this nonsense out of the way: what happened to songs already on the UK Top 75 chart, which is what I cover? Well, a fair few of them dropped out. Any song that spent five or more weeks in the chart or peaked in the top 40 is considered a notable drop-out, and this week, they include “Wants and Needs” by Drake featuring Lil Baby off of the return last week, “Track Star” by Mooski, “Heat” by Paul Woolford and Amber Mark, “6 for 6” by Central Cee, “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G, “Hold On” by Justin Bieber, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa, “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee (Gosh, didn’t think J. Cole would take a chunk out of this guy’s audience specifically), “Up” by Cardi B, “Streets” by Doja Cat and finally, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd, but also interestingly “i n t e r l u d e” by J. Cole dropping out off of the top 40 debut despite the album boost. This doesn’t mean it didn’t perform well but rather this is demonstrating this silly chart rule where in the top 100, one artist can only have three songs, preventing album bombs that you see on the US Billboard Hot 100. It makes the chart less accurate but arguably more diverse and hence fun for me to talk about.

There are also a few returning entries to add some fuel to this chart fire, one that has already combusted in the US this week, as “Slumber Party” by Ashnikko featuring Princess Nokia is back at #70 thanks to the video, “All You Ever Wanted” by Rag’n’Bone Man is back at #51 thanks to a delayed album boost, and the same can be said for “Addicted” by Jorja Smith at #49.

Then we have our notable losses, songs that fell at least five spots down the chart this week, including “WITHOUT YOU” by the Kid LAROI at #18, “Higher Power” by Coldplay falling big off of the debut at #25, “Your Power” by Billie Eilish at #26, “Didn’t Know” by Tom Zanetti at #28, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #30, “Leave the Door Open” by Silk Sonic at #31, “Don’t You Worry About Me” by Bad Boy Chiller Crew at #39, “Latest Trends” by A1 x J1 at #46, “Last Time” by Becky Hill at #52, “All I Know So Far” by P!nk at #55 off of the debut, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #57, “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #58, “Miss the Rage” by Trippie Redd featuring Playboi Carti dropping hard off of the debut at #60 (Really, what was expected here?), Travis Scott’s remix of HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” at #61, “Cover Me in Sunshine” by P!nk and Willow Sage Heart at #63, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #65, “Sunshine (The Light)” by Fat Joe, DJ Khaled and Amorphous at #66, “Tonight” by Ghost Killer Track featuring D-Block Europe and Oboy at #71, and finally, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK at #73.

That’s not to say there weren’t any notable gains however as we do have some interesting remnants of BRITs excitement and some other reasons for our gains this week, which include “One Day” by Lovejoy (more on them later) at #54, “It’s a sin” by Elton John and Years & Years at #47, “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack at #43, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo at #35 off of the success of “good 4 u” (again, more on that later), “Black Hole” by Griff at #23 thanks to the BRITs, and finally, “deja vu” by Olivia Rodrigo at #11. Really, all of this is just me stalling because this is a massive week – I’m writing this early – let’s just get through this... starting with—oh, for God’s sake.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Taunt” – Lovejoy

Produced by Cameron Nesbitt

Two weeks in a row, ladies and gentlemen: Minecraft YouTuber-core. How this happens I have no idea but regardless, the people of the UK seem to enjoy this Wilbur Soot guy’s new band. Is the new single better than the last one that charted from this EP, at least? Well, yeah, it is, mostly because at least this one’s an actual pop rock tune that, whilst derivative again, has more hooks than “One Day”, especially those stop-and-start-again verses that give me mathcore flashbacks, just with less of a catharsis to come from it other than that infectious, trumpet-laden chorus. The content is pretty gross if anything, seemingly focusing in on this past relationship from secondary school in which Wilbur tears into a girl for being insecure despite her privileges... for seemingly no reason. I mean, surely, you’ve moved on, right? Thankfully, Wilbur does get his comeuppance by the end of the song as the girl throws his drink at him, but it does leave the rest of the song with a pretty spiteful taste in my mouth that can’t be avoided by some pretty, 2000s indie rock-esque instrumentals. It doesn’t help that Wilbur Soot is such a non-presence as well, which I can see improving as the band goes on to record more material but the problem is with this early stage is that for now, it’s all rather primitive... yet it’s still charting. Oh, and if any people happen to find this that are fans of this guy, I am terrified of you so I’ll clarify that I don’t dislike this band at all, I’m just not a fan of what I’ve heard. I just wanted to put that out there because I value my personal information.

#74 – “Crocodile Teeth” – Skillibeng

Produced by Adde Instrumentals and Johnny Wonder

So last week, Nicki Minaj re-released her classic 2009 mixtape Beam Me Up Scotty onto official streaming services for the first time, with a remastered mix of some of her classic remixes as well as some new tracks or fan-favourite loosies sprinkled in. Why do I say this in reference to some random unrelated track, you ask? Well, we’ll get back to Nicki later but this song was actually remixed by Nicki and appears on that mixtape, despite baring no resemblance or relation to that mixtape at all, given this was released in 2020. The UK Singles Chart is particularly inconsistent is crediting remixes however, so we have the original here and, for what it’s worth, I quite like this. Skillibeng isn’t the most interesting presence but does his job in being vaguely menacing and violent over this cheap piano-led Afroswing instrumental with some questionable bass mastering. The song is in Patois but you can get the gist that it’s gunplay and flexing, typically stuff you’d hear in any UK drill track and it’s generic for sure but catchy enough to ignore. This version of the song is completely passable but I do think it is elevated by Nicki’s short introductory verse on the remix. I’d obviously have preferred there be more interplay but the remix was probably only known to Skillibeng when Nicki’s lawyers reached out anyway.

#72 – “Straightenin” – Migos

Produced by DJ Durel, Atake, Sluzyyy, OSIRIS, Nuki and Slime Castro

So Migos are finally preparing to release their highly-anticipated record Culture III as the boys are back together after some time apart, in which they have had varying levels of success, with Offset probably delivering the best solo material because he has both the best qualities of Takeoff and Quavo and always delivers on guest verses... I’m sorry, what about this needed six producers? This beat is not bad by any stretch with some vague flute loop eerily played under a rote trap beat, of which the bounced 808s are probably of most interest, but I do not understand how one person, let alone just an AI, couldn’t have made this alone. Regardless, the beat is good enough to make Quavo sound like he finally cares, even if he’s just going to talk about how he just saw Tenet – a bit late to the party – and how he turned a pandemic to a “band-emic”. Yeah, okay, so we’re going to ignore Mr. Quavious and move onto Takeoff and Offset who... at least have some good flows, albeit just the same triplet deliveries they’ve had for years. I think the most interesting part about this whole song is the slippery backing vocal that follows Quavo in the later choruses, which shows an attention to detail I missed from these guys. There’s only so much I can hear Quavo say “don’t nothin’ get straight ‘bout straightenin’” before I lose my mind, though, especially by the time we get to that awkward outro, so I can’t call myself a fan of this. If we’re speaking trap-rap from acts on hiatus, I really would have preferred “Lay wit Ya” by Isaiah Rashad and Duke Deuce to chart but I guess these guys will do.

#64 – “Independence Day Freestyle” – Fredo

Produced by Handz

By the end of this episode, I will never want to hear skittering hi-hats ever again. For now, however, we’ve got the same genre, different country as we go home to Fredo, a British rapper who’s pretty consistently good to be fair to him and did release an album I liked earlier this year. This is just a random freestyle he dropped last week because he felt like it, and here it is on the chart. Okay, well, it isn’t an actual freestyle because nothing that’s called a freestyle actually is in 2021, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a trap banger in itself and it’s got the foundation for it. I love the eerie chipmunk vocal sample that adds a touch of soul to the menacing keys before they get drowned out by trap percussion and Fredo going through his typical rags-to-riches commentary and memories of gang violence in one massive verse that somehow keeps my interest throughout the entire three minutes. The flow is about as smooth as it gets with UK rap, typically a lot stiffer, especially in drill, and the mixing’s fine, so yeah, I can’t really complain. I’d have preferred a chorus, obviously, and there are extended freestyles we’ll talk about later that do this a lot better, but for now, I can dig this, especially considering it’s pretty damn quotable for what it is. “If I fell off, I must have fell off the stairs into some elevators” is a bar, as is when he says he’s got more foreign cars than an Asian wedding or when he calls himself “Lord of the Bling”... okay, maybe that one’s not as impressive.

#62 – “The Great Escape” – Blanco and Central Cee

Produced by LiTek and WhyJay

Central Cee is a more familiar name but you may not know Blanco who, despite the collaboration with Cee making it ripe for comparison and comedy, is not a French white rapper. Rather, he’s from pioneering drill group Harlem Spartans and this is actually his first solo charting song thanks to Cee’s appearance. As you’d expect, this has some loud drill production and vague acoustic guitar loop as well as some stuttering vocal production peppered with dark 808s (that do bang here in all honesty) and pointless alarm sounds. Whilst drill is so standardised now, I do actually like this beat because it’s what I want to hear Cee on; sure, it’s got the guitar and the flutes but it’s also got a sax riff, which is what made “Loading” so fun. Blanco himself is also a more charming presence than Cee and their two energies bounce off of each other pretty well, even if the most witty their punchlines get are just referencing Powerpuff Girls characters... and when they’re not basic, they’re borderline incoherent but whatever, this is a fun slice of misogyny and violence that you’d expect from the genre with at least some care put into it. Not bad at all.

#56 – “Bussdown” – Jorja Smith featuring Shaybo

Produced by Riccardo Damian, Jeff “Gitty” Gitelman and Kal Banx

This is the break-out single from the most recent “project” from Jorja Smith, going the Drake route of not bothering to name it an album, mixtape or EP, and this one features London rapper Shaybo in a track about materialism but not as much embracing it as becoming increasingly alienated by it as whilst wealth may bring you luxury and connections, it detaches you from reality, which is the point in Shaybo’s verses about being Miss Naive, someone who is increasingly aggressive as a result because, well, she always gets what she wants, right? This is not a project I listened to but the content is promising... until I actually hear the song, with its awkward, clattering percussion showered in overwhelming vocal mixing that fails in whatever intimacy it attempts to present, and that’s before the decidedly unsubtle air horns and guitar licks. The song is minimal enough for the content to kind of fall flat as well, as a song like this feels like it deserves more than a slick bass groove, rather some kind of maximalist yet subtlety eerie production. I’m thinking Shaybo would actually make more sense there than she would here as well as her awkward, pathetic-sounding flow is delivered in the most dead-pan cadence, so much so that it drifts off fully into background “vibe” music but even then, it feels too distracting in the mix to work as that. I did want to like this but it just ends up as a really disappointing track from Jorja Smith, once again.

#42 – “Seeing Green” – Nicki Minaj, Drake and Lil Wayne

Produced by GOVI and Kid Masterpiece

We’re half-way through our batch of new arrivals and what better way to celebrate than a posse cut by three rappers long past their prime by now without a chorus that pushes six minutes? Normally, that would be sarcastic, but in this case it is absolutely not as this is awesome. I love 2000s hip-hop and a chipmunk soul-inflected beat blended with early 2010s era proto-trap production is obviously going to appeal to me as that type of contrast is what I love about more lyrical hip-hop, hell, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was said this was a Kanye beat or more accurately perhaps one by Harry Fraud. It helps that over that gorgeous soul sample we have all three rappers proving they still have it as performers, with some detailed verses from the classic Young Money crew that if nothing else provide a perfect nostalgia button for their era of dominance in hip-hop, not that it’s ever stopped since. I also just love hearing Lil Wayne hungry again, because I am a pretty big fan of his voice, delivery and even some of his wordplay and one-liners, all of which he expresses perfectly in his high-energy verse that switches through flaws as if it were all some off-the-top freestyle, and knowing Wayne, it might as well could have been. I love how he starts his verse off by shooting a guy and then saying it was his bad for doing it because he was a “good cat” and somehow it gets more off the rails afterwards, as he calls his girl a vacuum and says he’s peeing lean, before this self-proclaimed “badonkadonk bikini fiend” reminisces about his bisexual ex from Atlanta in a pretty clever use of repetition in rap. This is all with his sludged drawl of a delivery, which becomes especially important when he calls us all back to 2010 as when Wayne was in prison at his career peak, Drake always said “Free Weezy” and now 10 years later, Wayne’s saying “Free Drizzy” because Drake’s locked up in Canada because of the COVID-19 pandemic... because of course. I know it just seems like I’m itching out tiny little details in the verse but that’s what’s so great about repeated listens to detailed and great rap verses. That’s not to say Wayne is the only stand-out here either as Nicki Minaj impresses with that confident delivery she’s known for as she clarifies her beef with Cardi B being less about her “copying her homework” as it was about her up-hill battle with the industry, she recites how bitches are infamously her sons and delivers some pretty clever and quotable lines of her own, like “brand new Vanilla Maserati, I’ve been Haagen-Daszin’”... which again sounds like a bar straight out of 2010. I think the best verse here might actually be from Drake as much as I hate to say it, with bravado out of the gate that seems pretty deserved for someone with as immense success as he’s had. Not only is he referencing back to 2010 and even his Degrassi days, comparing it to the run-up to his upcoming album since he’s back on two crutches, but he’s also delivering some of his most interesting and quotable lines in years, and it all runs off so effortlessly and smoothly, but with a constant hunger and conviction reminding me of some of his deeper cuts like “Dreams Money Can Buy”. I won’t go further than I already have with this song – even though I could gladly quote practically the entirety of Drake’s verse, even when he aspires to be Vladimir Putin (I guess it’s better than accidentally comparing himself to Hitler) – but I’ve rambled on enough about this wonderful track. Triumphant lyrical rapping over soulful vocal loops will never be a thing I stop having a fondness for; these are some of my nostalgia biases creeping in – especially since these aren’t close to being the best verses any of the trio have delivered – but it’s so great hearing all three back on form together. Check this out if you haven’t as it’s absolutely a highlight off of the mixtape’s re-release.

#37 – “Build a Bitch” – Bella Poarch

Produced by Sub Urban and Elle Rizk

Bella Poarch is a name I had to search up and it turns out she is another one of these TikTok stars turned pop singers and all power to them for starting their career through such a useful and culturally important platform, honestly, and realistically, anyone regardless of their career background could make a song I enjoy, so there’s no use in dismissing them as a result, especially if I actually enjoy the concept of this song. The writing tends to be a bit childish as expected – again, more on that later – particularly when she sings lines like “Bob the Builder broke my heart and told me it needs fixing”, but the song’s theme of embracing young women for how they really are instead of Photoshopped, unrealistic beauty expectations is a message I like being expressed to her audience of teenage girls; I see it as necessary in the social media age. I do think that this message could be expressed with more tact than a Build-a-Bear parody but it never goes the slut-shaming route and is more critical of the men demanding or expecting perfection from their female partners, or on a wider scale the expectation for successful women to follow fashion and beauty trends, especially by men in their industries and fields. Poarch herself is a light-hearted vocalist kind of reminding me a bit too much of a self-serious Ashnikko but the melody in the chorus is infectious enough for me to ignore how void a personality she is. It’s harder however to ignore the stiff 808s that drown out clattering, awkward future-bass production and that drop just being really gross, kind of ruining the song in how it’s clearly a lean towards hyper-pop without fully drawing itself within that lane. Either way, this is fine, and at barely two minutes it struggles to find itself as a finished song let alone anything I can be offended by. This is remarkably okay, and that’s more than I expected.

#16 – “a m a r i” – J. Cole

Produced by T-Minus, J. Cole, Sucuki and Timbaland

These songs don’t even show up when you search them on Spotify and to be honest, I was hoping that would lead to limited success but of course, it didn’t. J. Cole’s latest album The Off-Season is yet another mediocre instalment in a dull catalogue full of rambling verses from a guy who thinks he has much more to say than he actually ends up saying, and it’s exhausting to listen let alone discuss the man’s art out of a sheer lack of personality or wit that follows his every move. His Dreamville label is filled to the brim with people more consistent, skilful and interesting than Cole has ever been so it’s just frustrating to see the label boss get all of the recognition. Regardless, I’ve never liked Cole as an artist – especially not a conscious one given the ableism, homophobia and tone-deaf exchange with Noname just last year – so I’m almost glad he’s stripped off half of the pretence of making a woke, important album. He’s just rapping on this record, which gives me the excuse to run through the rest of these consecutive bores from Cole as quickly as possible. First of all, we have “a m a r i”, a barely sufferable dud from the album scored by a blend of acoustic guitars and squelching trap percussion that fails to platform Cole’s Auto-Tuned moaning, oftentimes just aggravating and barely listenable, and sometimes disguising some pretty weak, topic-less verses for a man who claims to be focused. “Want smoke? I’m a whole nicotine company” is not the silliest bar on the album, but I’m almost convinced the song ends as abruptly as it does because Timbaland’s embarrassed that he helped produce such an underwhelming beat and not even someone praised as a modern great can save it from being worthless.

#15 – “p r i d e . i s . t h e . d e v i l” – J. Cole and Lil Baby

Produced by T-Minus

One of my favourite hip-hop releases of last year was Aminé’s Limbo, a diverse selection of tracks that ranged from conscious hip-hop about his ambitions and fears about growing up and raising children in a modern world as well as typical trap-rap flexing and R&B crooners about girl problems. All of this is smoothly stirred into a pot of personality that actually attempts to bridge a gap between older and newer generations of rappers rather than just claiming to. “Can’t Decide” is not one of my favourite tracks from that record – “Compensating” with Young Thug executes its ideas just that little bit better for me – but it’s still a fun, R&B-adjacent tune with insanely catchy hooks about Aminé’s relationships. So why did we need a J. Cole remix? This guy sucks the fun out of beats like a vacuum in a bouncy castle, as he sloppily whines in an almost emo-rap cadence over a cheaper West Coast slide he just can’t convincingly sell. Lyrically, Cole focuses on the idea of pride and how it corrupts someone’s morals, criticising the flashing of money and social isolation from the family... both of which seem like Cole’s M.O. at this point, right? Success amidst independence? Platinum without features? This time around, there is a feature however from Lil Baby, who much like Cole claims to be focused in this very focused whilst pick-and-choosing between random trains of thought in his typical frog-throat delivery. Hey, at least Lil Baby flows with less strain and unwarranted, desperate effort that Cole does, and ends up out-shining the primary artist entirely, even if he’s going to “pay silly bands to have sex on the jet”. ..What?

#13 – “m y . l i f e” – J. Cole, 21 Savage and Morray

Produced by WU10, J. Cole and Jake One

The first lines of this song are “Spiralling up just like a rich person’s staircase; no fly zone, please stay out of my airspace”. Cole, I thought pride was the devil! I understand that one can still acknowledge the flaws in their worldview whilst embracing it and engaging themselves in it – that’s really a lot of the point of rags-to-riches rap – but some subtlety or at least some explanation from someone who wants you to see him as focused, woke, hungry and a master of his craft, would have been nice, right? This is Morray’s first charting hit in the UK and I’m glad he’s here as he’s basically what differentiates this from the duo’s prior collaboration “a lot”, a song that not only banged harder but felt smoother and Hell, just more coherent, especially with some soulful production that this new collaboration glaringly rips off. Morray’s biggest hit is “Quicksand” but his mixtape Street Sermons is full of soulful and honest trap-rap that I’d absolutely recommend for gospel flavour on the surface and the lyrical detail behind the bravado being extensive and confidently delivered, especially standing out on his own with no features to speak of. He has the chorus on here and I’m surprised DaBaby doesn’t have the second verse so this could be a North Carolina anthem but we do have 21 Savage, who delivers his typical brand of cold-hearted (or rather no-hearted), stoic paranoia bars but at least that’s a personality. 21 Savage delivers a slick flow over this sample and spits the pretty simple yet profound bar of “I pray that my past ain’t ahead of me”, leading to probably the most enjoyable verse on the whole album. If you couldn’t tell, the new guys outshine the old guard so obviously with so little effort it’s kind of impressive on Cole’s part even. I’m glad this is the biggest hit from this album so far as not only is this one of the best tracks out of a slim selection but it’s big for both 21 and especially Morray, who I’m really rooting for against, say, a Rod Wave or Kevin Gates in terms of southern rap with a lot more soul and grit. Oh, and Cole, “know it’s on sight when I see you like I’m working at Squarespace”? Really? Again, it’s not the dumbest bar on the album.

#2 – “good 4 u” – Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Alexander 23 and Dan Nigro

It’s pretty fitting to book-end a batch of new arrivals mostly consisting of hardcore gritty trap with two up-beat alternative rock tracks, and I’ll say I prefer this to Lovejoy mostly because, well, like I said with “Seeing Green”, my biases will always be on full and honest display, and as someone who’s a sucker for pop-punk of all eras, especially if it’s a female-fronted band with some youthful, raspy vocals, this will obviously hit for me. Throughout Sour, I found it hard to buy into the teenage melodrama due to Dan Nigro’s production often sounding too clean for its own sake, never allowing the guitars to really crash into some lo-fi, distorted noise like they seem to want to do on tracks like this, “deja vu” and especially the opener, “traitor”. Sadly, that cuts the chances of radio airplay by a ton more than it should, so we end up with mixing that slides off Rodrigo’s reverb-drenched vocals too smoothly, creating a rather formulaic album, unfortunate for its sheer excess of promise. With that said, this is one of my favourite tracks off of the album, if only for that funky bassline and some of Nigro’s most interesting stylistic and production choices, particularly in the drumming, which sounds as organic as possible for something that was programmed by him and Alexander 23. The sarcasm-laced post-break-up kiss-off is already not unfamiliar territory for Olivia Rodrigo and neither was it for Avril Lavigne, which this track tends to sound almost like an imitation of, down to the inconsistently PG-13 image as “screw you” is delivered with as much conviction as the actual F-bomb in the same verse. Regardless of how much it wants to consistently kill its own momentum, this janky songwriting actually reminds me of early Paramore, much of which holds a special place in my heart, so whilst Hayley Williams has been off doing her solo work – and Paramore seem to have moved on from this kind of bitter, petty pop rock anyway – this quenches that thirst pretty effectively.

Conclusion

Olivia Rodrigo bags the Honourable Mention for “good 4 u” as well as it’s one of two songs debuting this week I think are pretty damn special, the other one being “Seeing Green” by Nicki Minaj, Lil Wayne and Drake as it grabs Best of the Week. For the worst, I mean, pick your J. Cole-flavoured poison but personally I’d say “a m a r i” can be crowned Worst of the Week with a Dishonourable Mention to... great, I don’t want to seem like I hate J. Cole but nothing else here is even as bad as his Lil Baby collaboration “p r i d e . i s . t h e . d e v i l”. Here’s this week’s top 10:

Expect two more of those spaces filled up by Olivia Rodrigo next week as whilst we may not get any new entries from her the album will have an impact regardless on the chart. Otherwise, I guess we’ll have to wait and see with how a Queen-sampling BTS song wrecks the chart – probably will give both Olivia and “Body” some #1 competition – as well as new songs from Little Mix, Lana Del Rey, Polo G and Lil Nas X popping up not too far behind it. It should be just as busy next week, folks, so strap in, I suppose. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you then!

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uterusclub · 5 years

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I think it goes without saying that Sharon and I were well-aware of the infamous town of Alton, IL for quite some time due to our extended ghost-hunting research. The only detail daunting us from execution was the 5 hour drive down state. It wasn’t until Ghost Adventures recently released a few episodes investigating the spooked town that our fire was fueled! The itinerary was, shortly thereafter, drawn up (thanks to Sharon) with inclusions of Saint Louis, Missouri as well.

Our journey jump-started at a departure of 7:30 a.m. With freshly burned CDs in tow for music accompaniment, we headed out the door with much excitement. First stop – Grafton, Illinois to check in early to our hotel, Ruebel Hotel where we had prebooked an allegedly haunted room #11. Driving into the small town, we noted but dismissed several ‘road closed’ signs as they had no effect on our commute to the hotel. Upon speaking with Moe at the front desk, we were informed that our check-in was actually scheduled for the night before and that our reservation was for 2 nights? Whoops! This conversation had taken place a few weeks earlier as I recall trying to verify this detail with Sharon who assured me we were only staying for 1 (she later redacted and apologized for miss-remembering). In any case, we checked out our room very briefing concluding it didn’t ‘feel’ haunted before heading back out to soothe our aching bellies. Next stop? Grafton Harbor for food and drinks!

On the way to the car Sharon scoffed at her GPS. “This wants us to go all the way around which is 18 minutes, but it’s a 7 minute walk!” We prepared to depart but happened to look back at a ‘road closed’ sign which now made sense. It was then that we noticed the backdrop to our hotel – high waters submerging the streets below it. “Guess that’s why it’s telling me to go this other way” Sharon concluded. Leaving with minimal annoyance, we made our way to a flooded roadway of unpredictable depth. Sharon reluctantly backed the car up to return back the way we came, only to notice several cars behind us. “Wait, wait, wait, let’s see what they’re going to do” she said. So we sat and waited as one ballsy car at a time drove through the wading tides to the other side. We watched in awe and terror. And while tempting, decided in the end, it wasn’t worth it. The panic, that is. So no food.

Venturing forward with a slight chip on our shoulders, we skipped to our next scheduled stop: Piasa Bird. As Sharon drove along the shoreline we continued our perfect view of the high waters. We also noted several barriers stating ‘road closed – local traffic only’ which Sharon concluded didn’t apply to us for some reason. Bi-passing without a thought, we continued our journey hoping upon hope that there was indeed an end in sight as there was really no way of turning back on this one-way road. As we anti-climatically reached the Piasa Bird and climbed out of the car, our enthusiasm dwindled as we both half-heartedly took turns reading the backstory to it. I can’t even recall it now (and this occurred yesterday) so clearly, it was too much detail for my a.d.d. brain or just uninteresting. You decide. A couple photos later, we jumped back into the car and headed to the downtown area of Alton, Illinois!

Next stop? My Just Desserts! The thing is, we hadn’t even had what I refer to as ‘normal’ food yet so by the time we got to this little town and found the joint, I didn’t care much for pie or baked goods. I’ll also blame my questionable stomach but we ended up splitting a spinach, bacon, and chicken salad with an amazing poppyseed vinaigrette that Sharon ended up purchasing. Having fed the hunger demons, our demeanors quickly simmered. The majority of our ‘activities’ for the town were based around the local shopping area. We visiting the Mineral Springs Antique Mall where we saw some gorgeous ceiling-lined umbrellas and had far too much fun in the Historic Museum of Torture Devices! Several random shops later, Sharon had a Doodle Bear ($1.50) and I, an awesome corduroy hippie dress (definitely not $1.50). Shopper high complete, we now made our way to Elijah P. Lovejoy Monument or what I’ll refer to as, ‘pretty cemetery’ for all intent and purposes.

Cemeteries. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all and if you’re Sharon, they’re all ‘pretty’ so there’s really not much to say about the stop. Literally. We can move along now. To St. Louis, specifically.

Now my only recollection of St. Louis, Missouri was occasionally visiting childhood friends of my family ‘back in the day.’ That and it being hot as balls during the summertime. Outside of that, nada. First and most regrettable stop – Gateway Arch. So I guess it’s a thing now that you can ‘ride’ inside an elevator to the top? Sounded cool. SOUNDED. Foreshadow much? Anyway, after a confusing debacle over the ‘parking’ situation ie. being in a ghetto ally and asking a random ‘officer’ looking dude for assistance, we parked in a nearby garage and walked over to the grassy grove encompassing the Arch. I wont knock the splendor of the shining sight and absorbing all the un-obnoxious people enjoying themselves around us, however, I WILL take a few jabs at our attempts at finding the goddamn entrance to the illusive ‘ride.’ There was no ‘pot of gold’ at the end of either rainbow for these unlucky leprechauns. It wasn’t until we actually FOLLOWED the random arrows painted on the ground that we discovered an underground mound. Victoriously entering the ticket line, I glanced at the pricing monitor: ‘Trams sold out for the day.’ Mother****! ALL that effort. Though I will add that we mysteriously ended up departing our parking garage without paying which I can only assume was karma’s apology to us.

So now what? BOOZE. Much much deserved BOOZE. A quick ride took us to Brick River Cider where we were greeted immediately and provided with an oratory comparison of all draft ciders. Sharon and I settled on different, favorable choices which resulted in a growler and 6-pack for the homefront. With inebriation healing past wounds, we moved ahead to the City Museum of St. Louis. Sharon had briefed me on this but I couldn’t recall much – save for it looking interesting.

Upon arriving to the City Museum of St. Louis and parking across the street, you could see a whole, structural display on the very top of the building which we hoped would be open for the season (it wasn’t). You could also see and hear the shrills of lots and lots of children playing outside on the interactive displays. Normally this would put me off but the booze had muted the sounds and annoyance for the moment. I suppose I should take this time to mention Sharon’s wardrobe change from a dress into a different dress with pants for what she claimed was ‘comfort’ purposes. Entering this playground from hell, I can only describe it as a poor man’s attempt at a children’s Meow Wolf inside the locker room of a YMCA. Between the chaotic amount of children, the dingy apparatuses and the confusing layout (which was suppose to be a ‘schtick’ of exploration’), sobriety became king. I’d like to also point out that the main form of ‘travel’ was through slides and tunnels – the likes of which were most inconvenient for probably the only individual at this place wearing a dress! Still, I attempted to ‘play nice’ and took a turn on a ‘slide’ which I’m fairly sure, resulted in me flashing one very happy man (he owes me at lease $5 for that). Fixated on annoyance, we didn’t last long and decided our only salvation now was food.

We chose to eat at Square One Brewery & Distillery solely based on my pre-researched discovered of them having a goat-cheese artichoke dip appetizer which was the best part of the entire meal. My salmon with potatoes and broccoli was beyond basic (shame on you) and Sharon’s ‘barbecue’ pork sandwich tasted of funky, spiced ketchup (I still can’t believe she ate as much of it as she did after trying it myself). The only saving grace to this most egregious meal was our next stop down the street – Bailey’s Chocolate Bar. Surely, no wrong can come of chocolate!

This cute little bar was situated atop an escalating stairway into a dim, intimate dining area. The menu consisted of ice cream booze drinks, booze drinks, or desserts. Both deciding upon ice creamed, booze martinis, we partook in some mini, complimentary chocolate chip cookies which were divine! Drinks were strong AND delicious. I’ve actually never heard Sharon confess something to be ‘dangerous’ so many times.

Feeling much better after chocolate intoxication, the only thing left now was to continue boozing for the remainder of the evening! We headed over to W Karaoke Lounge which I had previously researched and observed a super cool looking ‘performance’ floor that lit up beneath the performers. We stayed just long enough for me to get one rendition of ‘Just a Girl’ in and finished up one drink before moving along to the next booze endeavor.

Thaxton Speakeasy. Another place I had previously researched which looked super cool inside. We arrived a few minutes after the place ‘opened’ and were met by an older gentleman outside the door advising us that the place was closed for a private party. Goddamnit! Foiled again! Guess we didn’t need that drink. Onto the next!

Our last stop for the night was at The Monocle & The Emerald Room where we had purchased tickets to a see a Burlesque show a few ladies I knew were in. We sat, drank and bided our time for an hour and a half – despite the show time scheduled for 10pm. Once 10:30pm hit and the performances began, we knew we wouldn’t last long. Sharon’s mentality drastically switch from ‘if your friends are in the second half, we have to stay’ to ‘yeah, I’m sorry, no, if they’re not on the first half, too bad, I’m tired.’ We were glad to stand in line next to a super buzzed, hilariously friendly gentleman who had absolutely no filter. The theater gods granted us the delight of seeing my wonderful friends during the first half of the show after which we immediately took our exit for the long journey (hour) back to our hotel in Grafton, Illinois.

Suffice it to say, we were absolutely exhausted by the time we got back to the hotel. Ironically, I had a difficult time falling asleep after falsely identifying paranormal activity of my toiletries. My heart was literally in my throat for quite some time. I could hear Sharon had no problem getting to sleep. At some point, tossing and turning throughout the night, I caught some portion of sleep and roused at the usual, ungodly hour of 7am Tired still but forcing the will to journey for more immediate comfort at home, we showered, packed and departed in optimal time. Discovering no roadside coffee availability nearby, save gas station coffee, we waiting patiently (2 hours) for the reward of Dunkin Donuts. I took the reigns for the rest of the drive home and played road tag with a Kia whom I’m not sure when I divulged from. I can only hope that some day – definitely not today – definitely not tomorrow but in the very, very distant future, we may meet again in St. Louis.

Meet Me In St. Louis Or Rather, Don’t I think it goes without saying that Sharon and I were well-aware of the infamous town of Alton, IL for quite some time due to our extended ghost-hunting research.

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