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#also don't worry if im not active regularly i work a lot lol
calcium-cat · 2 years
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i noticed you werent active for a couple of days
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so i made you a welcome-back gift :] just some lil wholesome fluff ykyk
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betaparticle0-1 · 3 months
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my new year's resolution is to put effort into improving my mental state so i can do better at everything else in my life (long post)
i had another breakdown last night. I got rlly bad and cried so much and i was awake all night. i only got some interrupted sleep from around 6am-11am (i know my sleep schedule is bad lmao the holidays are messing me up)
usually these things happen pretty regularly. Last year i had to take so many days off because my mental health was collapsing and i physically couldn't manage to do anything. I know that i can't perfectly control how i feel and my medication isn't helping that much but i guess i realised that maybe its because i wasn't trying to change and feel better
my main problem is extreme stress around non-extreme things. one thing happens and it feels like my life is over. when i think of certain things it means my day is over because i get so worried i can't do anything else except for cry because i feel so hopeless
anywayy im gonna try my best to sort of overcome this and i know that i can't just magic my mental issues away by trying to be happy because on january 1st i tried basically just ignoring all my anxiety inducing thoughts and it was actually pretty tiring
i have new strategies that will hopefully help. the problems i need to deal with are 1. preventing these thoughts before they happen and 2. dealing with them when they inevitably do happen
1. Preventing the thoughts from happening
they happen when my mind starts to wander. sometimes when im playing minecraft (a new hobby i've found that i really enjoy doing to unwind !!) or when im studying they just appear randomly and i panic.
to prevent this i will try to focus more actively on my tasks by
going back to check my work regularly (i guess to keep me more focused??)
trying to justify my processes in my head as im studying (first of all to prevent 'autopilot brain' and second so i know what im doing)
apparently listening to videogame music helps? I will try with minecraft
having my day planned out a bit more rigorously
using my 'brain dump' page i made on notion to write down things so i don't have to think about them
avoiding repetitive tasks where possible (when it unavoidable, eg im practising basic integration, i will mix up the questions so i integrate logs in one question, then a polynomial in another, then a trig function etc)
sometimes they also happen when i get a lot of questions wrong and i get scared that i'll fail all my exams lol. also recently (actually its been happening on and off for the past 3 years) whenevr someone mentions school or exams or anything i get INSANELY anxious. its an actual problem.
spending time with others can help me avoid these thoughts, but not if they're other people who constantly mention school and exams. I will try to avoid these people as much as i can. it is also possible for me to dodge their questions until they stop asking
i will ask my parents to stop mentioning it because it makes me anxious. they know about my issues (obviously) but they don't know they make me worried when they talk about school.
idk i guess i just need to go mind over matter and force myself to calm down
2. dealing with them when they do happen
this is what im bad at lol
writing down my thoughts and feelings in my notes app as if im talking to someone really helps sometimes
honestly i just need to accept that what happened is done and i can only move forward. its just hard for me
taking steps to calm down. deep breathing somewhat helps? taking a walk could help??
coloured noise seems to help. i will try listening to all the colours to see which is best. so far brown is good.
3. being happier in general
im dropping my old friend group because i always felt really left out and lonely when im with them. im going to try make more attempts to make friends or at least make social contact with people.
i am considering downloading character ai? i feel it could help me deal with some feelings of loneliness but im scared it could have terrible side effects
i will make effort to go outside. i will try for once a day. just walk around my garden. its sunny and nice and it could help me feel better. i will make my brother come with me.
i will keep my room clean because i feel like the mess could be making me feel bad
apparently stretching helps
i get that i won't be able to completely fix my life tomorrow but i know that i can try !! i will try my best.
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ruvigapo · 2 years
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Another personal post today bc i feel like i just.. am better able to think when i know someone's listening.
Remember blog culture?? I'm channeling That right now 😂😂
It's occured to me lately all the ways on which my adhd really has inhibited my ability to draw, and i just wanted to write it all out in a bulletpoint format and go through them to see if i can't find a solution to some of them.
Boredom - i get bored doing the same thing for too long and will rarely finish something if it takes me more than a week to finish.
Computer runs on 4GB - My computer is, sadly, shit. Which means a lot if waiting and hassling to save files on external hard drives.
External validation - not unique to adhd but i've been told we react much more strongly to other people's opinions of us, which sounds about right. So if i don't feel other people enjoy what i make, or even one person doesn't, whose opinion i value, i lose motivation.
Going outside - drawing from life is something i enjoy but it's very hard for me to do, which has led to me feeling very stuck in a single mindset for a very long time even though i would like to get inspiration from other sources. The insp bank is just very empty.
Starting and stopping - it's just such a hassle to navigate hyperfocus. To an extent i know how to trigger it, work with it, make the most of it, etc. But it still just takes a Lot of energy to manage.
Back pain - having a hard time exercising and stretching regularly has made it so my back pain is stopping me from drawing even if i want to.
Too tired all the time - everything is much more exausting when u have adhd so even if i wanted to work on åersonal projects or whatever, the physical and emotional toll is just too high.
Probably not an exaustice list lbr but at leadt i have it.
So a few things are more existential in nature like: "what do i want to spend my limited time on this earth making?" "Why do i feel like what i am doing is not enough?" Etc. Etc. And probably can't be solved in one sitting.
A couple things can rly be aided by a better settup though so once i move in i'm going to need to start thinking about a better settup:
A better computer with a RAM that doesn't actively want me dead.
(And good screen placement to go w that, so im not actively murdering my neck).
(And a new tablet that's not 10yrs old and a safety hazard).
Established places for all my tools so i can work with minimal effort.
Smaller usb sticks labeled by year would be nice. Computer folders drive me mad.
An inspiration board (and planning board) would be nice. Being able to visually see all my projects in action at all times. Worth a try honestly.
Moving in and settling down will aid on a few fronts:
Generally not being constantly worried about moving in to a new appartment will be swell. Love that for future me.
Exercise will happen more regularly once i move in and am not constantly stressed. Also i'll live rly close to a gym so.. fingers crossed that solves That problem.
Going back to work will help with that.
Fingers crossed ill have energy for parkour again soon🤞🤞🤞
Genuinely no solution for the Too Tired problem. I'll likely just have to let myself rest once in a while even if it means giving up on exercise and drawing for a week or more at a time. Which is probably healthy lbr.
Which.. that leaves the three biggest issues (shocker).
Going outside would help with boredom but going outside is hard.
I think i'll have to invest in some better outdoorsy bags. Like those rly cool leather hip pouches. Those would be great. Just.. a way to easily carry equipment qith me so i can just draw when i feel like it and don't have to dig around a bag just find a pencil.
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Like this lol. Big enough to fit an a5 sketch book bc that's my preffered size snd like.. one water colour set and a pen. Imagine that. I think that would be Swell. I don't need a bunch. Just enough that i can carry the essentials anywhere i go.
The dream.
Another reason to marry a leather worker.
And honestly like.. i think taking a break from fanart and social media and just going outside to draw and see the world.
I think that's what i need rn.
Then there's the issue of external validation, which isn't anyone's fault, it just kinda Is.
I figure quitting social media can help with that too. Sorry to say.
The rest is probably just processing what i want to do and stuff. Ya kno. The existential bits.
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