#also covid is still a thing
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Fans need to not hug movie stars. It's sweet that you want them to know they are special to you but you are a stranger to them.
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(The rest is under the readmore!)
(Next part) ->
#breaking news: local man is confronted with the fact that if he uses dumb contests as an excuse to avoid emotional vulnerability —#then his partner is going to do the exact same thing lol#also covid update: I had a bit of a relapse and have been completely stuck in bed again the last couple days#am still definitely doing better than before but remain very very fatigued#apparently changing my bedsheets was a little much for me lol#anyway thank you to the people who have sent in asks the last couple days!! I am very excited to get to them#I just had to get this self indulgent comic out of my system first lololol#bsd#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#soukoku#skk#bungou stray dogs#my art
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Also - I guess I never really mentioned it here - but I'm fucking PISSED at how much this whole COVID bullshit threw a wrench in my work plans this month. I was sick by the 1st, almost two weeks later still coughing and dizzy and can't work as much as I'd like to. I tested myself this Wednesday, still said positive. I just want this shit to be over, I have old commissions to work on, new commissions to start, other unnamed things to work on that are time sensitive, not to even mention my poor comic on Patreon...
I'm just angry. This is bs, I had plans.
Alright I'm done with my rant, I just wanted to vent.
I'm excited about everything I have to work on but I'm pissed that I cannot be working on them at the capacity I hoped for. Fuckin... *kicks stone*
#I know who we got it from and I wish them a big FUCK YOU YOU KNEW YOU WERE SICK AND STILL WENT OUT IN PUBLIC YOU ASSHOLE#anyway... at least now I know I can survive it?#I guess getting a yearly booster is a thing now like it's the flu#COVID#sorry for the covid talk but also be careful#personal#text#whining#delete later#gif
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readers for 20 years: wheel of time doesn't really start feeling like wheel of time until books 2 and 3. book 1 is more of a run-of-the-mill LOTR knockoff that isn't the most interesting or unique story.
readers when season 2 is more interesting, unique, and wheel-of-time-y than season 1:
#it's SO funny to me jdkfjg#sure there's also stuff like production values being higher in s2 due to a) no covid fucking with things#and b) more spare budget now that they aren't starting completely from scratch#but the vast majority of the difference is just that........s2 is based on better source material than s1#(and i say this as someone who adored s1! very much including 1x08! i adored it and am still blown away by how s2 is even better!)#wot#wot on prime
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oh man i had a notion ages ago to start doing like an october-ish Event of getting a bunch of people together to get flu shots and donuts (or something else tasty idk) and I forgot about it til today
I think if getting yearly vaccines was more of a fun social event it'd be a lot easier to do it promptly
and it's like-- if you have a reaction and the vaccine(s) end up making you feel sick the next couple days, well, at least you just got some fun social in right beforehand!
#toasts poasts#also this is a reminder to get ur autumnal shots if you haven't already. there's a new covid one and everything#[guiltily] i still have not gotten mine.......#but it's been an acutely rough couple months. I can forgive myself this lapse I suppose#i actually had the notion in march-april of 2020 and scheduled an event on facebook for that october#being all [smugly-wisely] “people think this coronavirus thing is gonna be over and done with in a month or two#but EYE know it'll take longer. 6 months is a safe bet. october."#anyway. everyone on earth pls steal this idea I really think it's got legs#more notes than usual
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hey are you okay...?
you havent posted anything in a month...
yeah I know 🥺🥺😭 for someone who did that nearly daily for years it's really, really strange. (But I'm still alive, so I'm answering this, although a little late.)
In news of the trailer!! And our boy!! (and what they have done to his hair, pfpfpp) part of me wants to draw so very, very bad, but my body isn't cooperating, sadly 🥺 Hopefully I'll be able to once S3 truly starts...
#my current state of functioning it's more like riding a clownishly small bike that is on fire and slowly falling apart but alas#I do work a lot right now#lots and lots and lots of weekend shifts too#I want to quit all of my jobs and become a goat farmer 😭#but then it would also only need a baby goat to kill me#... I wanna draw 🥺🥺#but maybe it's also good that I don't currently something is wrong with both of my hands I have zero grip strength these days 😔#and when do I not have a fever - maybe my body is just trying to fry itself for funsies#mixed with the migraines and the things that I still have from covid I am one ill little bean 😅🤦♀️#alas!#this bean will draw once S3 is out or she goes mental 🤸♀️
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moodboard for this past week ❤️
#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane#i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile#this week was just horrible#there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe#even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment#during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll#the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab#AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly#i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window#im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner#which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment#where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough#and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful#and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out#debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame
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this is gonna be a long one so bare with me as i ramble
i’ve realized fairly recently that doing art as a job is never going to be sustainable for me. while my hands being injured absolutely sucks and i hate it, it’s made me realize i was actually really stressed out, especially since art has been my single source of income. being a working artist means that there will be very little structure and it’s all on me to create my schedule. i can’t do that very well! and not it a “woe is me i cant do it”, but more of a “i understand my limits”.
the timing of this sucks though because i literally have one more semester left until i finish my art degree :’) but after the initial panic im actually kind of excited! i’ve actually decided that once i finish my degree, im going to get my prerequisites out of the way and then major in marine biology (nobody saw this coming)!!! i’ve always had a tough time seeing my future as a professional artist. it’s much clearer now with this new potential job:)
so once my hands get better (please please please be soon oh my god), i’m going to take less commissions and draw for myself more often 💕
#if u read this thanks for reading! i needed to get it off my chest#only thing i’m not excited for is math 😀 but i’m determined to get thru it!!#also this doesn’t mean commissions are off the table i will still be taking those lol#tbh i flip flopped between orthinology and marine biology but the b1 orcas won me over#maybe i’ll major in wildlife biology idk#my current major is illustration and sequential art!#it was supposed be to be 2 years but uh. covid#i don’t regret it at all tbh i really enjoyed all my art classes (especially art history and sketching comics)#and life drawing!!!! but the professor was kinda. rude lol#okay i’m done rambling
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I love him but I can also slander him
Also go watch Puss in Boots y'all
#pjo#toa#rrverse#trials of apollo#trials of apollo memes#apollogists#pjo apollo#lester papadopoulos#puss in boots the last wish is a gorgeous movie and i have rewatched it in its entirety twice#also rip to my friends ik i was supposed to go watch it with yall but listenn covid is still a thing
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i’m gonna put off publishing it til tomorrow, but just a little preview of skinny dipping:
let me know if you wanna be tagged when i post it ♡
#sorry but bit exhausted today cause i still do have covid#i'll finish it up by tomorrow and post it then#but in the meantime i wanna continue my replay of tlou2 lsdkfjsfs#i put it off cause i'm not emotionally ready to relive the trauma but also i wanna kill things#belle speaks
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to be honest im not a fan of how life has "returned to normal" for the most part. covid still exists but people are just treating it like its regular. i barely know anyone who still wears a mask. the fact that we're just continuing on with our lives as if it were pre-pandemic doesnt sit right with me.
#i still mask. mainly bc i dont want to get sick from covid or other things. im already fucked up as is i dont need illness.#& also its almost been 4 fucking years since the pandemic started. you'd think we wouldve gotten our shit together by now
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having long ago made the executive decision to sublimate MUCH more of my rage over all the ways my body identity and personhood have been violated over the course of my life on levels both mental physical domestic and systemic into my writing by the way
#this does not mean we will be Seeing things on screen we don't need to#just that i am going to crank the dial and how much harrowingly visceral information can be conveyed -without- actually doing that#good horror will make a frame with seemingly nothing going on the scariest shit ever bc you Know. you cant see. but you Know.#the tragedy of 'my schizophrenia did not disable me but the PTSD from how i've been treated and taken advantage of bc of it DID'#'and SO MUCH of the WORST trauma was inflicted in the name of Fixing me (be it the mental illness or my gayness or my being a girl wrong)#and a lot of other things really but this is at the forfront of my mind as i finally finish recovering from a lot of repressed shit finally#boiling over to dangerously lethal levels last year and my entire brain just Imploded lmao#i dont know when i'll be able to really forgive my family for refusing to vaccinate or distance and transmitting covid to me twice#resulting in seizures and brain damage the second time#which basically hit a reset button on how well i could manage my pre-existing schizophrenic symptoms and damaged my cognition#i've had to mourn losing a big chunk of my own mind's ability to function focus or even remain anchored in reality because of that#oh yeah the transphobia my family still refuses to work on that and it also contributed heavily to the system shattering so bad#i finally realized that it even existed#some of the alters now have mutually exclusive genders and orientations presumably as weird coping mechanism
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My mom gave me covid for Christmas (likely before the holiday, when I was mailing her holiday baking for her because she has physical limitations that mean she can’t do it herself), but she also gave me the first four volumes of The Husky and His White Cat Shizun because she read the title instead of the plot summary and decided it sounded like the least objectionable thing on my wish list, so I forgive her for the covid thing
so anyway, Mo Ran is the most hilarious narrator I’ve encountered recently. It is sort of confusing to be laughing so much because I decided to read 2ha after being promised that the novel is really fucked up, but seriously, he is such a shit and it’s SO funny, spending an entire scene referring to Cheng Da as “Big Intestine-gongzi” destroyed me
#i’m not happy about the covid thing but i forgive her for it#i’ve also decided to blame it on my dad more officially like maybe he brought it home first#he’s unvaxxed and basically believes he can prevent himself from getting covid by mainlining zinc lozenges & taking hydroxychloroquine#spoilers: my mom is on hydroxychloroquine for her rheumatoid arthritis and she still got fucking covid#kassie hush#mine: text#kassie liveblogs erha#erha#2ha#husky and his white cat shizun
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i can never understand all the people going “covid’s just a cold” “it’s just like the flu”. it’s not influenza or a rhinovirus. covid sars-cov-2: severe accute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2. scientifically, it can never be a cold or flu, and it will cause severe accute respiratory syndrome. that’s not posturing or dramatics, it’s science
#also looking at long term symptoms of sars1. i think in 5-10 years we’re going to start seeing a barrage of horrible long term symptoms and#find out a lot of people never fully recovered#that’s what gets me is like. when i talk about covid my backing is from scientific journals and studies and then my own personal experience#watching someone die of covid. meanwhile people are like ‘well i read in an article’ or ‘well the cdc says’. also y’all the cdc is not forth#coming about covid info. they definitely don’t publicise things. but they still have information on their website that’s concerning that i#think if they publicised would make a lot more people concerned about the pandemic again#for example. Covid causes sepsis. this is something you can find on pub med and on the cdc website#if you’re curious: https://www.cdc.gov/sepsis/what-is-sepsis.html#it’s under ‘what causes sepsis’#also once again. all the studies about long term symptoms coming out and the damage covid does to the body are horrifying#coronavirus#imagine if people said ‘yeah I just tested positive for severe accute respiratory syndrome’
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kaiser, I've been low-key worried about you as you crawl your way out of the Covid Hole. How are you doing? Hopefully recovering some energy? Sending you good healing vibes from afar!
Ahh, I hope you don't mind that I answer this one publicly. First of all, aww, that is very sweet, thank you 🥺💖 I'm not gonna lie, I still struggle quite a bit with breathing and concentration, but I'm getting there! (That I'm exhausted all the time is a given, but it's always been like thay.) I'm currently working out to get my lungs back to where they should be, but I'm also currently teaching and studying and working and moving and traveling for work and- *deflates*
I miss drawing a lot and I feel really restless since I stopped. Hopefully I'll come back to it by next month - once S3 is here I'm definitely back in my clown makeup 🙈🤡
#covid really got to me#but moving is also really exhausting#and I'm teaching some uh.. I guess college classes (?) soon that I have yet to prepare for#and a paper to write#I should also hop over to the netherlands by the start of next month for a congress - I did send an abstract in for that one#and another one in six weeks#have I mentioned aaaaaa yet#also moving really sucks the life out of me#very exhausting and much to carry and build and so many ikea trips#but I still have a head like a sieve sadly so it's all a bit unorganized - which is normally not how I handle things#and I'm really :( about not drawing - it always makes me antsy because I feel the longer I stop the harder it is to start again#and I don't want to loose all my drive and just. stop one day#that has happened before and lasted for years ._______.
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God there was a time when I took pride in not looking Odia, and cringing over my own culture
#samridhi speaks#it wasn't the English thing but some shitheads who always told me that I come from a tribal state#boycotted my brother and literally used odia as a gaali in front of us#and since I am fair and pretty (ab toh khudko apsara bulati hu) they told me meaning in a “complimentary way”#that you look good unlike odia girls#god the complex they gave me for my own state and culture#until I started spending more time with my state thanks to covid#and finally accepted my heritage#now odia is something I speak more often at home my brother still has that complex but I guess he will come around sometime#but all of you guys no they aren't on tumblr#who felt they could shame my state and culture a big fuck you and I hope that you all learn better#also they were big time colourists too ek chamet maarni hai meine
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