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wxldchxld · 5 years

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Every third question for our favorite fox

Oh y’all better buckle up.

003. Does your character like coffee better, or tea?

Beck’s not allowed to have coffee. The world isn’t ready for that degree of energy. But also she just enjoys tea better.

006. What sense do they most rely on?

It depends on the form she’s currently in. For instance in hawk form it’s definitely sight, fox form most of it’s hearing, bear form it’s smell. In her human form idk if she relies on this the most but she’s probably at least the most aware of her sense of sight?

009. Do they believe in happy endings?

Sure. She’s not really the Debbie Downer type, and she fully believes she could have been truly happy with Harper if not for her penchant for self-indulgence and her overwhelming anxiety when it comes to conforming to society.

012. What makes your character embarrassed?

I’m not super sure this is a feeling Beck has tbh XD. I have a whole headcanon about this somewhere that I’ll link if you can find it. But like, it’s near impossible to embarrass Beck.

015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?

Beck’s not very likely to fight at all. She loves to stir shit up and rile people that she doesn’t like especially (or ones she wants to fuck lmfao), but when things turn into a real fight even if it’s just an argument, Beck’s more likely to head for the door. She dislikes confrontation. It makes her very uncomfortable.

018. Your character wakes up to find that war has been declared. What do they do?

Probably leave. If leaving it’s an option she’ll keep her head down until she has to do something. Like I said Beck doesn’t do fighting unless her back is to the wall and she has no choice. If she had to take some sort of role in a war it would probably be more espionage related.

021. How do they display affection?

All of the ways. TBH Beck is very affectionate even to her friends. Most prominently she wants to touch you and be touched. She’s very touch motivated. But she’ll also make things like knitting scarves and hats or cook food for her loved ones. She spends a lot of time with that person rather than running off into the woods constantly. She’ll sing to you a lot. And basically she’ll just kind of actually listen to you and respect you. Like if you tell her something to do she’ll do it rather than being an asshole.

024. What do they consider ugly in others physically?

Beck’s not super down with bodily hair. It’s one of the big reasons that even tho she’s bi she doesn’t fuck a lot of dudes. She’s never understood why women’s hair is supposedly gross and men can just grow a fur pelt on their legs/arms/chest/underarms and no one says shit. She’s a million times more likely to sleep with a man who shaves.

She also just finds a general lack of hygiene to be a real turn off. Beck makes it a point, even living in the woods, even without the constant use of magic, to look presentable. She doesn’t like people that look nasty. Wash your hair. Take a bath. Brush your teeth. Otherwise she’s taking a hard pass.

027. What is their idea of perfect happiness?

Beck’s idea of perfect happiness is finding someone who will live with her and travel with her and they can be wild wanderers and roam the world together unburdened by people. Where her familiars are happy and safe and she’s free.

030. Do they believe in the afterlife?

Sort of? Witch opinions vary just as much as ours when it comes to what happens to you after you die, with each theory holding a significant amount of weight. Beck’s in the unique position where she doesn’t often thing about it, because she knows her “death” it’s really going to be a thing. As a feral witch her life, unless abruptly ended through murder, is going to end with her spirit being reclaimed by the wilds, and never returning to the world of men or the life she knew before.

033. Do they keep their promises?

Beck generally doesn’t make promises. If she does, whether or not she keeps them depends on who you are to her. She’s a liar and a manipulator and a con-woman, of course she’s going to break promises. When she makes a witch’s deal (something she can’t break) she makes sure only to make them if they’re stacked in her favor and she’s able to fuck someone over if the desire strikes her.

Beck does try to keep promises she makes to people she genuinely likes. Like there are a couple of promises she made to Fen when they were kids, and even though he’s been warped and changed over the years, she still keeps her promises to him, even though he can’t hold her to them.

036. How honorable is your character?

….I mean not really at all.

039. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?

Imprisonment, probably? Or being forced to change who they really are.

042. What is their greatest achievement?

She’s a very good shifter and a decent dream walker. These are both abilities she was born with, sure, but having any control over your dream walking takes a lot of time and practice, and most witches never learn to take the form of anything aside from their clan symbol.

045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?

Not really

048. Do they have any allergies?

She often claims to be allergic to people who annoy her but that’s 100 percent not true and she’s allergy free. Witches on the whole tend to be very healthy creatures.

051. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today?

Probably contact Fenris and Harper and Cora and her amma. Mostly Fenris and Harper, because there’s still a lot unsaid between them. She’d want to say goodbye to Cora and her amma, but one of her greatest fears is dying without talking to her brother one last time and letting him know some things. Harper isn’t as dire to where it causes her anxiety to even entertain the thought that she might die without having one last talk, but if she KNEW she was dying, she’d want to try and give Harper closure, to let her know their fall out wasn’t Harper’s fault, and to tell her that she still loved her.

054. Does your character want power or authority of any kind?

Nah. Beck’s attracted to women that have both power and authority, but that’s just her type. Beck herself really has no interest in being in charge of anything. That’s too much responsibility. And the only power she needs is the power to do what she wants—which she has.

057. Has your character ever killed anyone?

It depends on the verse. In her verse for t100 yes she has killed and more than once. Each time was out of self defense and she had no other options.

060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning?

As an educator myself her attitude toward education is frustratingly apathetic. She was so severely neglected as a child that paired with her dyslexia she never really learned how to read beyond some very basic shit. Math was always frustrating for her. Service was hell for Beck because when it comes to reading spell books she’s useless, and she’s not particularly interested in learning spells she doesn’t feel will be of use to her. So like, she’ll encourage other people if they want to get an education, but she’s going to take a pass.

063. How well does your character handle difficult people?

Fairly well? I guess it depends on the type of difficult. Like I have a verse with @lcgioned where Beck’s life goal seems to annoy Lexa into an early grave, and yet she gets along with post-dictator Octavia just fine. Beck doesn’t really have a temper, and she doesn’t really do fights, so it’s hard to be too difficult for her. She just kind of rolls with it.

The kind of person she really struggles with is the one that wants her to conform. The one that tells her she can’t act that way or scolds her because her behavior reflects poorly on them. If Beck doesn’t already like that person, for example she’s more than willing to behave to make Asha look good in my verse with @ashayara, then they can fuck off. Respect from Beck, in large part, comes from affection, and she doesn’t just listen to people because she should or she was told to. She won’t be controlled and micromanaged, so in order to curb her less desirable habits you have to be smart and endear her to you so that she’ll care about what you think. Because in general she doesn’t care how people see her. She doesn’t care if they think she’s strange or crazy, she’s living her gd life and it’s not their business.

066. Does your character prefer city life or being out in nature?

Nature. She doesn’t even tolerate cities well. They make her irritated and sometimes, if she’s subjected to them long enough, physically ill from all the anxiety they cause.

069. What about your character is heroic?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha………. I don’t know?????? I’m so sorry. I don’t see anything about Beck as heroic. Beck won’t like, stand by and let you murder a child or something horrendous if it’s like, right there in front of her. Like if she’s faced with something that she can put a stop to without it being too much of a risk to herself or her familiars she’ll do it, but Beck isn’t going out of her way to help people because it’s the “right” thing to do and she’s rarely going to put herself in danger unless it’s someone she loves on the line.

072. In a Dungeons & Dragons game, which class would your character be? (wizard, fighter, bard, priest, ranger, etc.)

I have never played D&D, so I honestly couldn’t answer this? I would assume either a wizard or a ranger just from what the name sounds like, but Idk.

075. Is your character ticklish?

Very and in all forms so think on that for a good while.

078. How emotionally stable is your character?

Beck lives in a stone fortress of denial that can only fall if you hit her with some major shit. Like she’s obstinately, often unshakably happy. Even if she slips for a few seconds, even in the worst and weirdest situations, she’ll turn around and be a smiling, ball of sunshine after a few seconds to gather herself.

Of course she does have a history of abuse, and especially in verses like ours she’s going through a lot, so she isn’t on as firm a footing as normal, but Beck’s not easy to shake in general.

081. Is your character religious?

Not really? Which is strange because she’s nominally a priestess to her people. But it’s more of a cultural thing. Like, witches in and of themselves don’t worship gods per se, but they hold their traditions and myths and stories in an almost religious regard. It’s very strange, I have a couple of deeper headcanons on it, but to make it kind of simple: Beck isn’t at all what we would likely call “religious” in our society.

084. Describe your character in one word.

If I’m being serious? Asshole. If I’m being nice? Witch.

087. How would your character describe themself in three words?

“One Foxy Lady”

090. How bodily expressive is your character?

I’m… not super sure what this means. If it means is she like, an animated person to talk to then yes. Unless she’s specifically trying to stay calm and use that to influence the emotions of something else, Beck’s never still. She’s almost kind of dizzying to talk to not because she moves in any crazy, major way, but just because it never stops.

093. What is your character’s goal in life?

To be free.

096. How do they move and carry themselves? What energy do they project?

Beck’s energy is best described as “a lot.” She’s got a big presence and like I just mentioned, she’s very active and animated. She doesn’t walk around slumped over, shy, or ashamed of herself. Unless she’s specifically trying to like fade into a crowd, she’s generally someone who grabs the eye because she’s confident and active and engaging to deal with and it’s almost overbearing over long periods of time.

099. Do they talk to inanimate objects?

She’s got a weird concept of inanimate. Like, in her world there are spirits all over the place, and they have a varying degree of sentience depending on the spirits, their age, their type, and the population density. So she’ll compliment a waterfall on how lovely it’s looking today but a small part of her thinks that like the spirits in the area take note of that and enjoy it even if they’re only semi-sentient. She struggles with seeing how those things aren’t transferable to stuff like computers and cellphones. In cities where most of the natural, open spirits that interact with everything without their own ulterior motives have been driven out, there aren’t any “cell phone” or “computer” spirits, but she’s so in the habit of it that (generally when she’s frustrated she’ll forget) she’ll curse at them or ascribe motive to something an inanimate object is doing.

Harper once bought Beck an extremely expensive sports car, only to immediately sell it after Beck amassed 4 speeding tickets in a month and got her license suspended because, as Beck put it, “the car wanted to go fast.”

#justicescreaming #i'm-----not putting this under a cut #y'all can get over it this is my blog #hc #long post

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mcrmadness · 4 years

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Okay, it seems to be one of these days again. When I just... don’t know what I want from life. I’m going to be 29 sooner that I’d want to and I still have no fucking clue what I want from the future. Lately I’ve been wanting to have an own house so bad because I’m so annoyed by people everywhere that even living in a smaller apartmen building gets on my nerves because I don’t even want to take out the trash daytime because I might have to meet my neighbours. But I cannot have an own house - I have no money, I’ve never had a real job and and besides: I don’t know WHERE that house should be at. I mean, which city? Which country??? So I can only dream.

I’m kinda having the same feels I had 10 years ago. When I felt like I was stuck in this city. Here’s nothing for me, I don’t have friends (well, one + my family and relatives), here’s not anything I could even imagine doing as a job, apart from horse work but this is such a small place no one can hire because of money problems and those who can, I don’t want to work with. And I couldn’t study more now, I wouldn’t get the unemployment money for studying this time and the actual student money is smaller than my rent. And I already have the existing student loan to pay away because I had to take it when I was studying horse grooming and otherwise I would have not been able to pay my rent at all. I kinda crave to somewhere else but there’s so many places on this earth and I have no clue where I’d even go. Obviously I’m always either wanting to go where I have friends or wanting them to come to live here, but then I also feel like that would be such a huge risk to take because what if I didn’t get along with people after all and I’d be alone again. And they would be alone too. And everyone would be sad and angry.

I also don’t know what I’d even do. What I would want to do as a job? I originally chose the horse and animal work because I love animals and I was so pissed by how everyone has to work, and for me it felt less work and more like fun so I have never really felt like I’d have been at work when I have been at stables. Horses is a lifestyle after all, once you’re sucked into that world, you just kinda... get stuck to there :D And being too long away from it and you just crave more and want to go back. So I guess horse or animal work would still be my number 1 option but at the same time, even tho I see horses more of as lifestyle than work, it’s still pretty heavy and physical work you’re doing there. It’s tiring, exhausting, you’re sometimes working around the clock, have to stay up late or wake up super early, sometimes can’t get sleep at all. I’ve always been lucky to get to sleep at nights but I know people who have been on the road for 24 hours, or slept in the stable for couple of hours because they needed to get going almost immediately after getting back to stable at night. And it’s not healthy. And I’m so afraid that if I got horse job from abroads, would my mental health AND physical health be enough fot that? What if I had horrible people as my bosses? What if I was made to do things I don’t want to because “it’s part of the job”, especially when I do have heart defect but it’s said not to affect anything I do at work. But isn’t it enough if I’m physically hurting from breathing so much I feel like dying? I know I’ve had so much luck for having the best possible ex-employer in the world (I still go to their house every now and then to take care of the horses) and I’m so afraid I would be miserable anywhere else. I know it happens that even if you’re physically hurting, you’re told that there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re just lazy and just get back to work. And even if I’d be able to continue, I have so terrible anxiety it would ruin my mental health because I’d be so afraid of dying at night because “what if I should have listened to my body more?” This is just what makes me so scared to go to work for anyone else. I already worked (well, it was more of a training thing through employer agency) for someone else for few months last year and I quit because he started counting my work hours together and saying I had too little daily hours which meant I should have worked extra days. And the last straw was when he started talking things that between the lines was “poor people suck”, something about is the society’s money being wasted if I don’t even do all the hours, and I told him that it’s the exact same money I get if I sit at home doing nothing anyway. And that’s where I quit because fine, be rich and be worried about your tax money being wasted, but you apparently don’t need me here if you worry about your tax money more than your worker’s (who wasn’t even an actual worker) mental and physical well-being. I didn’t say this to him, but fuck I got so angry by his comment about society’s tax money that after that day I never went back. I actually first thought I was trapped because of the contract he kept refering to and maybe I did bit bad thing but I read carefully through the contract, googled and read about employer (well-being) laws in Finland overall and wrote to the employer agency and talked about things that were “against the laws” or against the contract and they agreed that I need to quit. I kinda felt bad for doing so, I felt like I did ugly to them, but then again, I was on the edge of a mental breakdown and I needed to get out. So I’m happy I did it. (And I still see unpleasant dreams about this place, how I visit the stable and suddenly realize I’m stuck at there working again when I didn’t mean to go there for work.)

I’ve always related a lot to Die Ärzte’s song “Allein”. I remember loving the sound of that song long before I even had any idea of the lyrics. I guess I knew what the title meant but that was all. I remember sitting in my old car one day, waiting for someone to come out of a grocery store and I was listening to “Jazz ist anders!” and this song came. I was busy with my thoughts so I didn’t realize the song was playing but I suddenly paid lots of attention to it and it sounded so good and I then had to start it over just to hear the whole song and it was... mindblown. It sounded so amazing and that’s when it became my favorite song from that album. And some time later, I think I found a channel from youtube with DÄ songs with English subtitles and I found this song from there too and now I was blown away by the lyrics. I was probably 19 or 20 and I could relate to the world so much, not to all parts but almost all of them. And I find it bit sad that even after 10 years later, I can relate to this song so strongly but not only on the “career” part of it. It’s pretty much my anthem and some days I I just feel so trapped and it’s like that’s probably how my life will always be. It sucks that instead of meeting actual friends, I have to fantasize about meeting friends. I’ve done that for years and some days I just realize how fucked up it is. I’m so lonely that it’s become normal to me. It’s like when you watch a movie or read a story where people are hanging out with friends. That’s how those fantasies in my head feel like too - something that only happens in the movies and never in real life. And sometimes I still keep the hopes up that one day I will have friends I can spend time with in person but then there’s days when I feel like I’m doomed to have my life be like the song “Allein” but forever, and that’s when I kinda feel like... why do I even dream? It just hurts more to realize things are never going to change. At least not if I do nothing about them, but how could I when everytime I think about huge changes, I start to dissociate and panic and look for things to do for escapism because it’s all too overwhelming to me to even think about.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #it got bit depressive I know but it's more like... my nature some times and not an actual depressive state #my depression does not look like this but this is more like... Idek well it's not nice either but more like something #I've got so used to I've become so numb I don't even feel depressed by it. It just is how the things are.#I guess I have just detached myself from the feelings so well because I'm the master of escapism.

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