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#alright Im done defending my toxic boy
missjugheadjones · 7 years
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Unspoken Words
Word Count: 2774
A/N: I know. I know. You all probably hate me because of how little I've updated, im still sorting my problems out and also I just started junior year in a public school but im trying to get into online and bla bla stupid stuff lol. Anyways, heres a much awaited story, and im halfway through another so keep an eye out. Much love!
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     When I close my eyes, visions of home flash through my head. Buildings I've drove by millions thousands of times, the places I've been, people whom I used to spend almost every waking hour with. Most everyone there was poisonous though, and when you have that kind of toxicity in your life sometimes you have no other option but to leave. It was a painful decision none the less, but it was one that was needed in order to save myself, my sanity, my overall mental and physical health, so one night I packed up a few of my belongings and left. I snuck through my window and walked to a car I rented the day before and I drove away, tears stinging in my eyes as I passed by the city sign. That was the end of a dark chapter in my life, hopefully the new one would be lighter and brighter.
    That's what I wish for every night, that my life will get better from her on out. I moved to a town called Riverdale, its small and quirky, it suits my style. I found myself a place to stay, a small and cheap apartment and I got myself a job practically nannying the kids downstairs for their mother as she worked. It was the beginning of summer and I had a lot of free time on my hands, you know with being new and not having any friends and all, so I didn't mind the job. The kids were crazy but they kept me company, they reminded me a little of my friends and I when I was smaller. Around the time the fourth of July rolled around, I was practically settled into my new little town and apartment, and I was happy for the first time in a long time. It was quiet here, and I liked that about it.
    That was until the death of Jason Blossom, a local teenager that surprisingly enough I had known just a bit. I met him at Pops, he approached me as I sat alone drinking a milkshake and staring out the window watching as rain rolled down the glass and wet everything beyond it. He sat by me, pushing another milkshake my way and giving me a smile. There was something about this ginger haired boy, something that told me we would be good friends. He made small talk, and he made me smile. He was my first friend, and after that day we hung out quite a bit, so his death took me by surprise and really hurt me. Who would want to kill a boy like that? What had he gotten himself into that would end up with him shot and floating in Sweetwater River?
    I spent the rest of the summer mourning his death, and when school started could tell that's how most of the kids at Riverdale High spent it. My new home seemed to have turned just as gloomy and dreary as my last, and I was close to just moving again, starting afresh once more, but it all changed when I met him. The werido, loner, raven haired boy who spent all of his time on his laptop, typing away. He was so misunderstood, no one truly really knew the boy, they all made assumptions about him and never took the time to get him, and I get it, people did that about me too. When I looked over at him, my heart skipped a beat and I decided I was going to be the one to get to know him.
    As confidently as I could, I walked over to him and smiled, but he didn't look up from his laptop, like he didn't notice my presence. Out of curiosity of what he'd do, I leaned over and closed it, and a pair of blue-green eyes shot up and met mine. He didn't look mad, nor did he look happy about what I just did, instead he looked shocked, which made me laugh.
    "You look like you've just seen a ghost." I said sarcastically, and his face turned cold, to which also took me aback a bit. Maybe I had done something wrong and rude.
    "Maybe because a stranger closed my laptop on me mid-sentence." He shot back, giving a slight smirk that made my heart melt and made me feel a bit better. He had a sense of humor, thank god.
    "You looked interesting, and I wanted to talk." I defended myself, and he chuckled slightly.
    "Normal people just say something along the lines of 'Hello', you know." I rolled my eyes and took a seat beside him on the couch in the student lounge, laughing a bit.
    "Who said I was normal?" He seemed to like that answer, and he put his laptop away in his bag, and we spent the rest of our off period talking. His name was Jughead, Jughead Jones. It was an odd name, but I liked it, it suited him. That day a beautiful friendship was born, and soon to follow was feelings beyond anything I had ever felt for anyone before. I never really believed in love until I met him, but it was the only word that I could use to describe my feelings towards him, love. I never said anything about it though, especially after him and another girl whom he had introduced me to when I met all of his friends, Betty Cooper got together.
    They seemed so happy, and I did care for them both, so I held my peace and kept it to myself. I tried exploring new feelings with Jugheads best friend Archie, but after I saw him jump from girl to girl I couldn't bring myself to like him in any other way than a friend. So after they got together, I stayed away from Jughead. No more nights at Pops laughing and writing, no more video games in my apartment, no more taking his beanie and hiding it in random places, and especially no more of staying at his dads trailer with him for a few nights while he didn't have a place to stay. It hurt me to stay away, and I could tell it hurt him too, but seeing him and Betty cozy it up hurt more than anything else I had ever felt.
    To be completely honest, after our first encounter, I would have sworn on my life that him and I were meant to be. We seemed perfect together, we made eachother happy, and even throughout disagreements, because trust me there was a lot of those, we still made up and were a strong duo. I was almost certain he felt the same way towards me, but I guess we all have times where we make a bad judgement, and I guess this was one. I started spending lunches with just Archie, Veronica, and Kevin because Jughead and Betty were off somewhere doing something else. They noticed a change in my behavior, and finally guessed why. They apologized profusely but I told them it was alright, that some things weren't meant to be.
    That night I went home and replayed their comments in my head. They all thought he had felt the same towards me as well, they were just as confused as I was. It was weird that we all thought the same thing and were so wrong, but hey, I guess Jughead is harder to read than we all thought. As I laid on my bed, my eyes started getting heavy, and I fell asleep with visions of Jughead and I together at Pops, drinking milkshakes and laughing, just as we used too. I was woken up not too long after to hard knocks on my front door, worrying me slightly. No one ever knocked like that unless there was something wrong. I quickly jumped off my bed and made my way to the front door, opening to find a wet Jughead. I hadn't even noticed it was raining, let alone hard.
    "Jughead, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked sleepily, letting him into my apartment and out of the rain.
    "I needed to see you." He said, his voice almost sounding desperate.
    "Whats up? Is everything okay?" he was worrying me. He shook his head and took off his beanie, coat and shoes, setting them beside my front door and looked me deep in the eyes.
    "where have you been the last few weeks, why are you avoiding me?" he asked, taking me by surprise.
    "Juggie..I-" I didn't know how to answer his question without spilling my true feelings, and I definitely couldn't do that to Betty.
    "Did I do something wrong?" he questioned quietly, and I shook my head.
    "No, its more like something I did, a long time ago. Its caught up to me and now I have to figure it out on my own." I tried to explain, and he took a step closer to me.
    "I can help you, Y/N. Do you need me to do anything?" My heart was racing at how close he was, and I could have sworn by the way he was looking at me he felt the same. I almost found myself leaning in, I wanted so badly to do just that, but I couldn't. I stepped back and shook my head.
    "Not really, maybe giving me space would help."  I quietly said, and his face fell.
    "Y/N, I- I wish I could help you, and I wish I could give you space its just..." he trailed off, staring at the floor. I wished so badly he would finish his sentence, I wanted to know what was wrong, I hate seeing him like this.
    "Juggie?" I noticed how he smiled softly to himself when my name left his mouth.
    "Y/N." he practically whispered, and I couldn't help it when a small smile came onto my own face, my chest feeling fuzzy when he said it. He looked back up at me, and I could have sworn he looked almost sad.
    "Juggie whats wrong?" I asked, but he didn't answer. Instead he watched me, a soft expression of what I could only describe as admiration and love, although I've never really had that expression thrown my way, so what do I know? Slowly he shook his head slightly, stepping closer to me once again.
"Nothing, I've just come to the realization lately that I think I'm doing something wrong with my life." He replied, reaching for my hand. My gaze shot from his face to his hand that was slowly inching its way towards mine, back to his face. This couldn't be happening.
    "What have you been doing wrong?" I quietly asked.
    "I think I might have made a wrong decision weeks ago, one that pushed away my best friend, the one person who I now know gives me most of the happiness I feel in my life as of lately. I should have told her something, I should have done something." He rambled, and my cheeks started to heat up. I felt as his hand brushed over mine, and I looked up at his face looking for any signs of regret. When I saw none, I let my guard down, I decided to let whatever was about to happen, happen. I wanted it, and it seemed like he did as well.    
    "What was your wrong decision?" I questioned, hoping to myself that I already knew the answer. He opened his mouth to reply, his hand grabbing mine finally, but before he could get anything out, his phone rang. The ringer scared us both, and his hand left mine, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. I caught glimpse of the caller, and I saw Bettys name, and my heart sank to my stomach.  
    "Hey Bets, can this wait, I'm a little busy." He said, and I heard crying on the other side of the phone. "Woah, woah, Betty, whats going on? Are you okay?" he asked frantically, backing up and running his free hand through his hair. His soft expression was now replaced with a worried one, and I missed just a few seconds ago when all was nice.
    "Is she okay?" I whispered, no matter how much I missed the moment before, I was also worried about Betty. Jughead shook his head, and quickly made his way to the front door, pushing past me. He sat on the floor and started to put his shoes back on with one hand as the other held the phone up to his head.
    "Be-Betty. Please take deep breathes, you're going to be okay, I'm coming to get you." He said, and I heard more crying on the other end. He stood up and put his coat back on, the garment still dripping rain onto my carpet. "Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes... Yup. ..Mhmm, I'll see you in a few. I-" Jugheads gaze fell onto me, and I thought I saw his eyes watering, it must have something to do with Bettys situation though."I love you." He stared at me a second longer than I felt was appropriate before he burst out of my front door, closing the door behind him and leaving me broken hearted and hopeless.
    "Ouch." I softly whispered to myself, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes. I couldn't believe how stupid I was, I actually thought he was going to tell me he loved me back, I thought this was going to be when I finally got my chance with the mysterious raven-haired boy I fell in love with.
    "How could I have been so stupid?!" I yelled to myself. The tears now falling freely down my face. I dropped to the ground, holding my head in my hands. I looked up slowly and noticed the wet beanie sitting by the front door, a few feet from me. I reached for it and held it in my hands, my tears falling more now. I sat there for what felt like hours that night, crying and trying to mend my broken heart, the one I had opened up so stupidly out of hope that he loved me back. But they never do, do they? What did I think this was, a fairytale? Some kind of stupid, sappy love story? No, this is real life, and it hurts. Finally I picked myself up and carried myself to my bed, taking the beanie with me and I fell asleep with it clutched into my chest.
Jugheads POV:
    I hung up the phone and made my way to my dads truck, my heart hurting, but that didn't matter right now. All that matters is that I get to Betty, she needs me. I open the door and run my hand through my hair, taking a deep breath in an attempt to figure out my thoughts. I noticed my beanie was gone, and I remembered I had left it in Y/Ns apartment. Betty would ask questions if I didn't have it, she loves to wear it especially when she was upset, so I decided to go back for it. If I was lucky I could sneak in and grab it without being noticed by Y/N, I don't know if I want to face her after my bravery back there. It would hurt too much.
    I jumped out of the car and ran back to Y/Ns front door, opening it slightly to look for my beanie. I heard crying, and I looked at Y/N with her head in her hands, she was crying heavily and my beanie was in her lap. My heart broke at the sight, I did this. I broke her, and it was too late to fix it, I walked out. I shouldn't have wimped out, I should have told her what I came to tell her. Or maybe I shouldn't have come at all, either way, I messed up. I slowly closed the door and made my way back to my truck, tears threatening to spill. I had to go, I had to be strong. Betty would ask questions if I showed up crying, and I cant have that right now. I started the truck and drove away, taking one last look at the only illuminated window on the building, Y/Ns. My heart sank, and I sped off. Betty needs me right now, although so does Y/N, but Betty is my girlfriend, not Y/N. I made that decision weeks ago, and right now is not the time to rethink that.
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