People that would be better Fathers and mentors to the Umbrella Academy than Reginald “ Fucking Simp” Hargreeves in no particular order:

(The future is not as fucked when Five arrives there)

(He kills Reginald and steal the kids)

(The girls learn about the Hargreeves, they drop Reginald in jail and take their new siblings home)

(Five jumping through time was registered in the Tardis and Ten came to investigate)

(Crowley met the kids at Griddy’s, got attached awfully quickly, convinced them to run away with him, stuffed seven kids on the back of the Bentley, hauled ass so quick that he traveled across the ocean on wheels and scared the shit out of Aziraphale with their seven brand new kids)

(“Its for a evil plot! No I’m not attached to them, shut up Minion!”)

(They sneak out to Griddy’s, Diego sees this red and blue truck that is “So awesome! Guys, you have to see it” they see that is unlocked, they go inside, they mess around and eat donuts and then fall asleep in the seats. Optimus wakes from his recharge and doesn’t notice that he has seven little organics inside. Accidental kid acquisition)

(One Halloween Jack uses one of the stone caskets of a particular mausoleum as a doorway to the human world and— Why is there a kid being harassed by ghosts in here???)

(Five travels, not to the future, but to Sesame Street)

(As a fellow experiment raised to be a weapon but that was actually loved, Reginald’s methods are deeply offensive. Shadow shots him point blank. He later takes the kids to have some ice cream and teaches them how to roller skate)

SPOILERS FOR TUAS3 (The Umbrella Academy s3) as well as like s1+s2

Alright I’m seeing a lot of people saying that “oh we’re only coming after Allison cause she’s black what about the other characters and what they did?!”

No. NO. It’s not cause she’s a black woman at all.

I wanted to fucking murder Diego in season 2 when he wouldn’t shut up about JFK and ACTIVELY tried to ruin shit.

I wanted to lock up ALL the sibs (besides Klaus and Ben) in season 1 for the way they treated Viktor but I also wanted to fucking deck him myself because he was being a little BITCH.

People keep talking about Allison losing Clair and how she’s justified in killing Harlan bc he killed their (the umbrellas) mothers, and therefore killed Clair, first of all no he didn’t kill Clair she just never fucking EXISTED in the fucking first place bc Allison didn’t exist.

BUT THEY ALSO FORGET THAT ALLISON DIDNT EVEN HAVE CUSTODY OF CLAIR BC SHE ACTIVELY AND ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS RUMORED HER OWN FUCKING DAUGHTER AND HER ORIGINAL HUSBAND DIDNT STAND FOR THAT. AND IN SEASON 2???? SHE DIDNT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT CLAIR CAUSE SHE FOUND RAY.

As soon as she’s back in the future (a completely DIFFERENT future like Five tries to tell them but they’re all literally dumbasses) she’s immediately all about “finding my daughter” and “finding Clair” BITCH YOU DIDNT CARE ABOUT HER FOR LIKE 2/3 YEARS WHEN YOU WERE WITH RAY!

AND THATS NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING SEXUAL ASSULT AND RUMORING LUTHER. HOW MANY TIMES HAS SHE DONE THAT?? DID HE LIKE HER AT ALL OR WAS HE JUST RUMORED TO LIKE HER AND RUMORED TO FORGET SHE RUMORED HIM LIKE VIKTOR WAS?? HAS SHE ALWAYS RUMORED HER WAY INTO SHIT?

I’ve never liked Allison, I kinda hated Luther and even the rest for treating Viktor the way they did but for the first 2 seasons I actively disliked multiple characters choices/actions. But what Allison did was unforgivable and I despise that she got her happily ever after (at least for now) while the others suffered/are going to suffer and I hate that they kept choosing to trust her.

everyone was so scared of viktor for being a ticking time bomb in the umbrella academy 

but diego was literally in a parasocial relationship with jfk

luther is still sexually frustrated incestually 

klaus is a cultist that got slapped by his past-present (ex?)boyfriend(time travel is weird) for trying to stop him from going into the vietnam war

ben died twice

five is an elderly 15 year old that had sexual relations with a mannequin  

allison got revenge on white people for segregation (rightfully so)

tua spoilers but i loved this season even more then the first. absolutely adored how they focused on the siblings dynamics and bonds with eachother, honestly what we needed. (the diego luther scenes were my favourite. god)

also luther had such a good character development, as well as allison, and god himbo diego? literally fantastic. gay rights vanya?? yes. and as well we got to see so much more ben! also we met ray who i wholeheartedly adore.

overall this season was so good!! loved how at the end, they stuck together and just... the car scene... you know the one. anywho loved the season! also fuck reginald hargreeves ❤

Thinking about him again.....

C-can we please stop blaming Five for things that isn't his fault

Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy What about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry

You’ve heard of Ben having a tik tok now get ready for R*ggie having a tik tok :)

i can’t believe they replaced my girl vanya with a fuckin cube.. 😭😭😩💀

luther and five deserved to have been raised as twins, like i can’t believe reginald kept it from them oh my god

We could have had it all!!!!

One more reason to hate Reginald :/

Klaus: Fuck Reginald Hargreeves all my homies hate Reginald Hargreeves

Ben: you do know I’m your only homie right?

Klaus: exactly. FUCK REGINALD HARGREEVES ALL MY HOMIRS HATE REGINALD HARHREEVES

Even more people that would be better Fathers and mentors to the Umbrella Academy than Reginald “ Fucking Simp” Hargreeves in no particular order:

[PART 1]

(Five travel to the future)

(Five travel to the past)

(Five travels to Seattle)

(Klaus dies a shit ton of times and he is not even ten yet and Grim is tired of chaperoning this eight year old every time his dad kills him so he takes things in his own hands)

(Not a human version of him, he is still a toy. Ben found him in the carnival when he and his siblings sneaked out one night. Woody is just breaking every toy law to talk and move around them)

(They are still cats. Viktor feeds Misto from time to time when he appears on the courtyard and was just mildly scared when he received a “Thank you” from the tuxedo cat. Just a Magical Cat, his Maine Coon boyfriend and seven kids following them)

(He has beef with Reginald personally)

(He also has beef with Reginald personally)

(It started as a “Take over Gotham with my child army” plot but them he got attached so now Martin has seven siblings. Gertrude loves them. Ed and Five have a blood feud.)

(I don’t know man, I just thought it would be funny)

fuck sir reginald hargreeves. all my homies hate sir reginald hargreeves

Hargreeves Kids in Order of Their Problems (and do i have a problem?)

No secret that the Hargreeves children are all fucked up, but as I was re-watching I was like damn - what if we ranked them? So here we go, I’m ranking all the Hargreeves’ spawn by their pain; taking into account their trauma with and without Reginald (mostly for Five/Klaus) and how bad it messed them up. I’ll be sticking mostly to the first season because that’s where a lot of the meat is, but I might include a tiny peek into season two.

Also, I will be directly addressing the frequent question I ask myself “Am I attracted to trauma when it comes to characters?” by looking at my favorites and if they’re all deeply scarred.

S Tier Pain - Five Hargreeves:

Not only was he forced to endure Reginald’s abusive training regime (at least until the haha moment), but he also got stuck in the future after a miscalculated time jump. You’d think that’d be bad enough, what with no longer being able to see your family, but no. Well, technically he did see them when he found their dead bodies but that’s just more to Five’s suffering. He also got jammed into a post-Apocalyptic life where he was the sole survivor and had to live all on his own (though he had Dolores, which is a whole can of sad, loneliness worms we don’t have time for). Then to make matters worse he was taken into the Commission where he was turned into as assassin for years, to which he quit early to save his family from the Apocalypse. After the first one - yes, the first - and arriving in the 60s, Five got to see a glimpse of his siblings dying to the second one. All he ever does is for his family’s survival, even if it means his misery. In season one (and two) he makes a deal with the Handler, who he can’t stand, just to

maybe

 ensure she’ll protect his loved ones from the end of the world. He willingly works with a woman he hates and likely doesn’t trust so his family would be safe. And who could forget that redheaded lady in the bowling alley, like gosh, she really ruined his life by assuming his age like that... poor guy.

A Tier Pain - Klaus Hargreeves:

Unlike Five, he got to stick around for the entirety of Reggie’s cuck ways of abusing his kids physically/emotionally/mentally. From a young age (if that episode two lunch scene is anything), Klaus has been using drugs as a way to cope with his family life and his power. His addiction has led to a rather sad life, as evident from the first episode and some of his own dialogue - he’s not used to staying in one place, if anything his visits to rehab centers are the longest homes he really has. He’s not expected to stay sober long by the counter employee, indicating he’s been there before multiple times. When talking to Five outside of the prosthetic department, he outright admits he hasn’t been with someone for longer than about two weeks. He’s never shown to even hold down a job unless you count supplying local pawn shops - or, you know, the army. He served in war, straight up war, he likely has PTSD and to make things better, note the sarcasm, he lost his boyfriend in that war. Dave, the one person he’s described as loving more than he does himself. Klaus is constantly brushed under the rug as this crazy, attention-seeking junkie for most of season one by his family, but he’s more likely just calling for the help he clearly needs. Speaking of his family, I just wanna throw in that Klaus was kidnapped and tortured and not one person seemed to notice or even care.

B Tier Pain - Vanya Hargreeves:

Neglected by her adoptive father and siblings her entire life, Vanya was left out of the loop of even her own powers until she discovered them fucking decades later. She wrote a book trying to air out her father’s awful deeds and rather than finding solidarity with their shared agony at least a little, her siblings pushed her even further away. Quick mention, during the argument on whether or not to turn off Grace, she was immediately shut down on an opinion until she was shown to agree with Diego. Her vote didn’t matter until she sided with another sibling. Vanya grew up so starved for attention and love that when she got into her first relationship with Leonard (that bitchy murderer) she mistook it for a real love. Stayed with an abusive, gaslighting killer against all her sister’s warnings. She was betrayed by her own brother (fuck Luther, me and the homies hate Luther) after coming home, sobbing and pleading forgiveness, just wanting to help into being locked back in that vault Reginald used to keep her in. Vanya snapped, felt there was no other outlet and truly there possibly wasn’t for her, and ended the world. She was in so much pain, so angry with her life and how it was ruined by her own family that she blew up the moon. And honestly? I’m not even mad at her for it.

C Tier Pain - Diego Hargreeves:

Dude found his ex-girlfriend’s - and probably his potential love interest’s - corpse. He’s aching inside at least a bit. His spot as Number Two fueled a deep need to prove himself, whether he admits it or not, it’s why he’s a vigilante. Diego functions off of stopping crime and it’s only different from his childhood because he does it alone. He feels the need to validate what he went through, as if his suffering needs to be explained in some way. Speaking of childhoods, who gives them to us? Moms. Grace is his robo-Mom with no real sentience (well, before Cha-Cha and Hazel raided the place anyway, reboot Grace has some weird independence complex going on). She read to him, put him to bed, and fed his Mama’s Boy fixation - even going as far as to help Diego with his stutter. He put her down, in the robot sense. Diego was the first person to speak against shutting Grace down and yet he did so himself - knowing it’s what had to happen.

D Tier Pain - Ben Hargreeves:

He’s dead, so I’m not sure what he’s gone through other than having “The Horror” in his stomach and Reginald as a dad. So there’s not much to say about his trauma other than having to sit through watching people die horribly by his power’s hand. But again, he’s dead, and dying is one of the most traumatic things I can think of. That’s why he’s higher than the others but still lower than the previous four Hargreeves’ kids.

E Tier Pain - Allison Hargreeves:

She’s known as a “Daddy’s Girl” how that’s possible with Reginald, I’m not sure, but she is. Not to excuse any of the torment she got as a child or give the abuse a pass, at all. It’s just an inference that as Number Three and someone who easily got what she wanted with her power, she probably didn’t feel out-casted like Vanya. Nor was she left to survive on her own and then kill to live like Five. Allison, in all fairness, was viciously attacked by her sister after revealing she “Rumored” her memory away. Unlike Ben, she survived and went on to be the peaceful one of the family and her power didn’t directly kill, especially in ways that “The Horror” did. So I must rank her pain lower with a sad bob in my throat, nervous that all the Allison lovers will scream at/cancel me for putting her at E.

F Tier Pain - Luther Hargreeves:

Fuck Luther, me and the homies hate Luther. This little fuck found something out of proving himself to his father. So far up his dad’s ass that he was cool with being a monkey space boy for years until he realized Reginald didn’t give a shit about him. And honestly? Same. No but really, he did become a monkey man purely out of Reginald’s need for a hero to do what he said - and Luther couldn’t fill that if he was dead. I do recognize that his life was essentially wasted by his years spent on the moon, blindly following Dad’s orders but to be honest, he’s too in the background. He had nothing other than his father and therefore lost nothing other than his family, it’s hard to feel bad when you know he had no intention of doing anything other than be by Reginald. No plans unlike Klaus who had his life decimated by his drugs dependency or fuck, Five! Five had absolutely no life other than living through the Apocalypse for decades. Overall, I hate Luther but even though I can’t stand his gorilla guts, I do recognize that he has trauma.

~~~Do I Have A Problem?~~~ Considering that Five and Klaus are my favorite characters and they are the most traumatized? Yes, I am unnecessarily in love with characters in pain. I didn’t want to be a mannequin before I knew about Five, and now I crave to morph into Dolores (or at least combine with her like a Power Ranger)

ben’s funeral scene... fuck reginald hargreeves all my homies hate reginald hargreeves

Petition to shoot Reginald Hargreeves into space and see how he fuckign likes it. Wanker.