today was mom’s trip to the neurologist and once again we learn that you have to be rich o do anything in this world. if youre not then as far as the medical industry or the government is concerned you might as well die. The neurologist refuses to see mom cause we couldnt pay $250 upfront for a fucking office visit. not even any tests. just for the guy to talk about her medical shit which he could just get by fax from her Primary but whatever. So we drove 4 fucking hours to get to his office only for him to refuse her service, then on the way home mom was having some severe pains in her chest, ribs, and a hard time breathing and we couldnt do anything about that either.

Dad isnt able to work the hours he needs cause he has to take mom to all these doctor appointments (she had one everyday this week and still 2 more to go). I can’t make any fucking money to help and all that i had saved up for moving out has gone into paying my cellphone bill (they need my cellphone to take with the when they leave without me) in case of emergencies, helping with groceries, and paying for gas to get me to my own doctors appointments every other week. We are already over 10,000 dollars in debt to hospitals and that’s not including her medical costs. We dont have insurance cause we dont have the money to pay it out of pocket cause what little my dad makes goes to bills and keeping a house over our head, which we werent able to pay for our house payment this month so who knows how long that will last. 

That $400 I had saved up is now at $60 cause I had to pay for gas this week for mom’s doctors visits and for food and my cell phone bill. ANd Next week I have another so that $60 will be $10. Just. I have no clue what to do. My depression has hit an all time low, im stressed one million percent of the time, im still working on not having a panic attack from today's misadventures and we have no money for shit rn. Im super terrrified that my mom’s going to die cause she’s getting worse and worse and I really can’t also handle her death. Im already at my limit

I really dont know what to do and i jsut idek

i jsut dont know what we are going to do. I cant drive though Im going to have to get my license to drive mom so dad can work but I’ve a massive phobia of driving and being in the driver’s seat and Im goign to fuck up so bad. Im so fucking useless. I cant fucking drive and we live out in the middle of fuck all no where and theres no fucking jobs except an hour and a half away and almsot all those are physical labor jobs, which I can’t do cause my fucked up foot. Dad used to work in the city and got in a wreck cause the long hours left him with no sleep and he had a wreck and he cant handle the long hours and long drive at ridiculous hours with minimal sleep. I just have no idea what we are going to do. And I still want to move out into either my own place or with my girlfriend and our friend and just I dont know how I’m going to get that money. My oboss only lets me work 10 hours a week at $9 and hours, minus whatever taxes are in that, and I have to give mom $40 out of that so I only get about $40 a week to save and the nphone bill is $50 a month and the nI also Have to pay for gas for the car and now also helping with the medical bills for mom and my testosterone every few months and I jsut theres no fuckign way I can make that money and save up anything to move out on.

and now with moms medical problems I stil lwanna move out but feel guilty as all fuck about it cause no one else will help her. The government wont help us. From what it looks like you legit have to be a lazy fuck adn not even TRY for the government to try and help cause my dad “makes too much money” but literally all of what he makes goes to our electric, gas, transportation, food, internet, adn liek HOUSE bills, we cant afford insurance or doctors bills too. How the fuck is he making “too much”?

mean while my sister does nothing but sit on her ass and bum off these people in a different state cause shes an entitled little fuck who thinks that she doesnt have to work for anything and if she bats her eyelashes and whines about being abused when to her abuse is “mom/dad said no i cant do this thing so im going to run away and bum off other people and drag them all under the bus wit hDFS with blatant lies”. and what does that get her? Exactly what she fucking wants. Shes doing jack shit and bumming off these people in Missouri cause shes a manipulative fuck and tricked them adn told them we abused her and all that PLUS the government pays for her to feed her cat. Liek. The government is paying for her to feed her cat and its litter of kittens while she does jack shit to even try and earn money and she’s off getting high half the time anyway but when people actually fuckign NEED the medication or the assistance for medication and hospital and what not, OH HELL NO. They dont want to help cause we “makes too much money” which is hardly even anough for 4 people to live on.

Im just so fucking tired, im stressed, ive thrown up twice already jsut trying to write this cause nerves are so fucking insane and I cant fucking do anythign i really dont know what to do i jsut wish i could get more commissions or SOMETHING im getting fucking desperate and i guess its a good thing i cant drive and im ugly cause robbing a bank or sex work is really the only fucking way i cna think of to make enough money and i dont have a car or the ability to drive and im not appealing to fuck so theres that. I really hate the fact that those even come up in my mind since I know Im a faithful partner in a relationship, but desperation makes me thing stupid shit sometimes.

I just have no idea what im going to do and im terrified for my mom adn my family cause we’ve got nothing anymore and i wouldnt be surprised if we lost the house in the next month or two cause we cant afford to pay the damn payments.