kim............. just some headcanons for how i characterize him. i might be missing somethings. i might add to this. this is very disorganized but it's fine
He wears cologne
He was raised by a Dolores dei church orphanage, hence why he’s very slightly religious (he prays. Occasionally. And he’s respectful in churches)
He’s very attached to his car, refers to it in his head with she/her and sees it as a motherly figure
Eyes didn’t die immediately. Instead Kim had to watch over him and take care of him, just like with harry, but eyes died in his sleep
Kim has a serious amount of self-loathing and is REALLY critical of himself due to shit when he was a kid and the shit he got working juvie
As such he really likes how harry much worships him
He likes to listen to insulindian classical music like operas and symphonies because as a kid the church orphaning him tried to indoctrinate him and erase his culture. He didn’t even have any culture, and all they ended up doing was making him love the country. This is also why he knows so much history
He also listens to it as a big fuck you to the fascists bc it’s fascist music (bc it’s really national, like the music of the country) and the fascists would hate to know someone who looks like him listens to their music
As a kid, the orphanage referred to him by last name, so he refers to himself by his last name in his head because it’s a way of being formal with himself and keeping up his image (also kinda’ says he is his own father figure, since the closest thing to a father figure he had was the dolorian priest that ran the orphanage, and he referred to all the kids by their last names)
The only person who ever referred to kim by his first name was eyes who was the only other person who really saw Kim for who he was
Kim used to be a really pissed off kid, and he used to respond to injustice with rage, but it kept getting him into trouble. Eyes had to teach him how to calm down and deal with the shit, and he was the only person who was kind to Kim
Kim reflects a lot of what eyes taught him in his own interactions with people; it’s why he gives people the benefit of doubt, and it’s why he’s so kind to harry. It’s kinda’ like eyes passed the mentorship down to Kim and now Kim’s teaching harry
Kim genuinely tries to be kind with people because he doesn’t want anyone to have to deal with the shit he’s dealt with
He doesn’t like to ask for help though. Has a real hard time with that because that shows vulnerability
Kim has a little picture of eyes in his wallet and he talks to him and updates him when he misses him. He will never get over his death. He will tear himself apart about it forever. He seriously still blames himself for eyes’s death, even though he did all he could, and he’s spent many nights replaying it over in his head to see how he could’ve done it better
Kim’s buried the “Kim” in him so deep, he’s started to be closed off even when he’s alone, always putting on a false face, pretending he’s much more put together and professional than he is internally. The only time he really lets loose is when he’s in the kineema alone, and sometimes in his room in the dark
Harry calls him Kim so much, Kim starts to love himself again
Otherwise he’s just trying to ignore the past, trying to fix the past, or trying to keep himself together. He’s afraid if he relaxes even once, he’ll slip up
He has some kinda’ general anxiety disorder, very well stifled, but it comes up when harry does anything stupid or late at night after a long day when he worries if he said the wrong thing earlier. He’s always trying to make sure things r going smoothly, and he deals with mistakes really badly (internally. On the outside he’s professional as hell about them)
He’s very hard on himself and thinks really lowly of himself
He thinks he’s never been anyone’s favorite person (even if there was eyes, he thought eyes was too cool for him, and that Kim could never be as cool as him (though eyes wanted to tell him how much he meant to him, but he couldn’t because he DIED))
He’s kinda’ silly. He has a lot of interests he’s picked up from the kids he’s worked with such as really harsh electronic music and wirral, among others (though he likes the electronic music bc it makes him feel like shit)
He’s really nerdy / geeky. Likes machines, cars, has a very specific obsession with aerostatics. He has so many books he’s read over and over. He just thinks they’re really cool. Something always fascinated him about flight. Maybe because it’s so freeing
I think his cosplay is literally something he just does for fun because he can get away with it. It makes him feel cool. He’s always in the pursuit of being cool
He likes games he can micromanage where there’s a lot of moving parts he has to strategize really deeply. It gives him a challenge and it’s also a sense of control
He’s always taking notes. He’s gone through so many notebooks. He’s afraid if he doesn’t write things down, he’ll miss something important that’ll get someone killed, but also it’s a way to pay attention to what someone’s saying without having to look at them (meaning he doesn’t have to act a certain way. It gives him a break)
He writes his notes in shorthand. Harry can read them, just like harry knows French (innate things he never forgot)
He’s got a lot of rage in him that he’s gotten really good at controlling, but it comes back out when anyone’s racist towards him or thinks less of him, though he tries really hard to keep it down
He’s scared to open up because it’s gotten him really hurt before.
He’s got wall after wall built up around his soul
He has a little box he tries to stay in where it’s safe, and when things challenge that, or when things try to pull him out of the box, he insists on staying in the box because he’s scared of leaving it because things outside the box are no longer under his control
Harry’s slowly loosening him up and Kim’s learning how to let go a little more bc harry keeps challenging him and pulling him out of that box (like with the cryptids. Kim’s like that shit’s not real shut up I don’t want my reality challenged with even the Consideration that there are things beyond my control. And harry’s like well Kim the nature of the universe is that everything is out of your control and either you succumb to it and ride it or you die. Also cryptids Are real and I’m gonna find them and you’re coming with me. And then they DO find them. And it’s so freeing for Kim to let go and let things happen to him and to like. Actually experience the world without the fear that he starts to let himself be a lot more open to it all. (Plus he trusts that if harry’s there, it’ll all be ok. That if something gets fucked, they can work through it together. He’s never had anyone else to work through shit with. He finally doesn’t have to do everything alone.))
The pale freaks him out bc it’s the ultimate unknown. He doesn’t like thinking about it, he doesn’t like talking about it, he just pretends it doesn’t exist / doesn’t dwell on it
Also after eyes dies, he has no one to back him up and support him anymore, so he really toughens up and hardens and gets his Cool Exterior after that. It’s big protection thing, and also in the very beginning he tries to manifest and become eyes bc he has no fucking clue how to deal with losing him other than becoming him. He’s slowly dropped off that, but he still tries to be cool and put together and professional. Its bc of the racism he has to be tough and bc he was working juvie he always couldn’t act his age even though he was an adult (and he really doesn’t want to be seen as a child anymore. He wants to be Trusted to handle things like an adult). He was also scared the grief was getting to him and he was scared of how much control he was losing
WAIT I FORGOT HE'S GAY THAT'S ANOTHER REASON WHY HE TRIES TO BE PROFESSIONAL ok thank you that's all. for now
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I was getting worked up and annoyed about people trying to push Elrond toward one side of his heritage over the other, and I could imagine that Elrond likely got some of that himself, how lonely and frustrating it would be to not have anyone else who straddles the divide between different groups the way he does, and have no one understand what it’s like. Then I realized, actually he does have someone. He has Celebrian, she’s also Noldor and Sindar the way he is.
Just imagine Elrond so frustrated because he’s spent an entire formal event smiling and clenching his teeth over people trying to push the idea of him being more Sindar or Noldor, diminishing one side of his heritage to build up another, talking poorly about both sets of his parents, and finally he’s had enough. He slips outside and goes to hide in the gardens to cool down. He’s upset and angry and misses his brother so much it hurts, because Elros would have understood how he felt. And then he hears a soft voice behind him and it’s Celebrian, sitting on a bench smiling.
“I wondered how much more of that you were going to be able to stand,” she says to him. “I grew tired of it hours ago. People tutting because I look more like a Sindar than a Noldor, or others thinking I’m far too willful and headstrong like my Noldor mother. It’s awfully tiresome, isn’t it? Why do they not understand that I love both sides of my heritage and that they’re both part of me? Why must I favor one over the other?”
And Elrond, who has already been head over heels for Celebrian since the moment he first saw her, is even more hopelessly and completely in love with her than before. It takes everything inside him to not immediately propose to her on the spot, and instead he sits beside her and for the rest of the night they talk and share stories of what it’s like being a child of two different peoples. Celebrian is able to give Elrond more information about his Sindar relatives from stories her father told her. Elrond tells her about his adopted fathers and of the Noldor of their family he met or knows stories about, things that Galadriel maybe has a hard time telling her daughter about.
When they marry and live in Rivendell together, Elrond and Celebrian show appreciation to all their heritages in their home.
Celeborn does a double take during a visit when he finds a portrait of the Noldor royals right next to one of the Doriath royals. Later he finds Luthien and Thingol’s symbols on pillars in the gardens alongside his own and Galadriel’s. Earendil’s symbol and Elwing’s appear over a stained glass window, and Finarfin’s and Fingolfin’s are on an archway. Celeborn also discovers Elros’s and others from the lineage of Men displayed proudly in the library alongside those of Galadriel’s brothers. He nearly chokes when he sees what looks suspiciously like eight pointed stars in Elrond’s study and the Hall of Fire. Galadriel pretends not to notice but later she tells Elrond casually that she knows someone who can make accurate statues of certain people for him if he wants. Elrond accepts immediately, and Celebrian mouths ‘thank you’ at her mother.
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