The worst part about anything that’s self-destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive.

What's the point in staying clean when your reasons for getting clean in the first place are now dead?

i am trying.

i listen to my podcasts, do my meditations, i pray, i read the bible… i do everything to try to fill this void and it’s just hard. some moments i feel better but tonight is just hard.

my ed loves to talk to me in these moments. it tries to tell me things about myself and my body, and i try not to believe it. i’m just scared.

i haven’t done any behavior in over a week. i’m trying so hard. going to the baby shower was hard. i wish i was still pregnant so bad. i wish none of this would have happened. i wish i had left ryan two years ago when i first had the thought that i should leave. but i stayed.

i know this is the healing process, to let the wound bleed. drain it out until all of the old is gone so that the new me can thrive.

i feel like i’m in the in between i am not the old me but i’m not the new me yet either. her shoes feel too big…

Happy Hump Day errybody! 🐫 Anyone else needing a little encouragement to make it to Friday?? We talk an awful lot about our experiences, mess-ups, and victories on our recovery journey’s… (which is kinda the point for this page, I guess LOL) HOWEVER… let’s give that a break for a moment, shall we? We’d like to hear from YOU. What’s on your mind today! What experience, strength, or hope do you have to share? Are you struggling? Did you grow through some challenges this week? How’s work? What are the kids up to? How’s ya momma and’em 🤣😂 • • • • #sharethegoodnews #experience #strength #hope #sobersupport #recoverysupport #soberblogger #recoveryblog #sober #sobriety #sobercommunity #recoverycommunity #addiction #addictionrecovery #soberthoughts #whatsupwednesday #wednesdayvibes #humpday #positivevibes #soberinstagram #soberinspiration #sobermovement #sobermotivation #sobertribe #odaat #carrythemessage https://www.instagram.com/p/CpiD41duDkK/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

At CTD Housing Inc., our primary mission is to enhance the quality of life in low-income areas of Oakland, California by bolstering our neighborhoods through housing rehabilitation, homeownership, new multifamily housing, and community-focused services.

We aspire to serve as a community-based facility that offers affordable housing to at-risk individuals, while also providing life skills, counseling, and other resources to equip, educate, and empower them to become self-sufficient and promote independent living. Our ultimate goal is to help individuals "connect the dots" and build a better future for themselves and their families.

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🏆 CTD HOUSING INC. 🥇 KELLY RHONE 📲 (510) 751-2027 🌐 www.ctdhousing.com 📧[email protected]

sobriety and recovery spell candle:

use a purple candle: resembles addiction

sobriety sigil: here

carve the sigil to the top of the candle

cover the candle in oil (i used avocado oil) 

cover the candle in lavender to resemble anti stress, emotional healing, protection, and strength

surround the candle with crystals such as tigers eye, rose quartz, and moss agate to resemble addiction recovery, self love, and emotional balance

Note: This is no replacement for professional help!

Top 10 Internet Addiction Tips

Well, here are some recommendations for preventing internet addiction:

1. Have clear goals: Decide what you want to get out of using the internet and make clear goals for yourself. You can stay focused and avoid mindless browsing by doing this.

2. Set a timer: When you are using the internet, set a timer. When it goes off, take a break and do something else. You'll be able to better organise your time and use the internet less frequently as a result.

3. Establish a schedule: Designate particular periods of the day for internet use and follow it. This will assist you in establishing a regimen and lessen the possibility of excessive use.

5. Maintain a log: Record your internet usage and record your mood before and after. You'll be able to see trends and triggers as well as create healthy habits as a result.

6. Exercise self-care: Make sure you are taking care of your mental and physical health. Get a healthy diet, get enough sleep, and engage in fun hobbies.

7. Restrict access: Take internet-capable devices out of your bedroom and other common spaces. This will make it easier for you to resist the urge to use the internet excessively.

8. Locate substitute activities: Choose other things you like to do and schedule time for them. You'll be able to break old habits and use the internet less as a result.

Use apps: Use apps that help you manage your internet use, such as timers, blocking tools, and activity trackers.

9. Get assistance: Discuss your internet use with friends, family, or a mental health professional. When you attempt to overcome your addiction, they can offer support and direction.

10. Take a break: If only for a day or two, think about taking a complete break from the internet. You can reset as a result and create better habits going forward.

Talk to Angel is an online platform that helps individuals struggling with addiction. It provides a safe and secure environment for people to talk about their struggles and receive support from professionals. The platform offers a range of services, including one-on-one counseling sessions, group therapy, and relapse prevention programs. Talk to Angel also provides resources such as articles, blogs, and videos that help individuals understand the root causes of their addiction and how they can cope with it. In addition, the platform also connects users with support groups in their local area so they can find help close to home. With its comprehensive services and resources, Talk to Angel is a valuable tool for anyone seeking help for addiction.

https://www.talktoangel.com/area-of-expertise/addiction

Nasha Mukti Kendra: Helping Individuals Overcome Addiction

Addiction is a complex issue that affects millions of individuals worldwide. It not only impacts the individual but also their family, friends, and community.

visit:- https://avtarnashamuktikendra.com/government-nasha-mukti-kendra-in-india/

Hello Again

Hi Tumblr.

It’s been a huge while and my life has been through lots of changes, some good and some not so much. I’ll start from the start.

This time last year I was in hospital due to a close call in an attempt which left me in intensive care. Afterwards, I moved back into Uni accomodation until my drinking and dangerous behaviour were at a point that the Uni decided I was no longer fit to be a student. I became homeless for the second time in my life due to my mental health, living on a friend’s bedroom floor for months. Drinking was awful and I had to acknowledge my alcoholism as it was destroying my life.

Last Summer, I moved into supported accomodation for people with addictions but was living with 7 men much older than me who were regularly using, drunk and abusive. I managed to get sober through therapy and groups and started an incredible art course at a brilliant school.

After an incident where my life was threatened, I was moved into independent living despite not being ready for it for my safety from other residents. I moved into my own flat in November and adopted an incredible cat who I will post about!

I was also given a scholarship to continue at the art school and started to really enjoy life, reaching nearly 5 months sober until I lapsed at the end of December. A few weeks ago my therapist decided I could no longer see her due to mostly missing or being drunk/hungover in sessions but she is willing to see me if/when I have been sober for a while.

Currently in a painful and miserable place, struggling to get out of bed or contact anyone or attend any of the classes that I loved so much last year. Day 4 of being sober and alcohol withdrawals are grim. However, I am doing it and know from experience that it does get easier.

Still recovering, still growing.

“I don‘t want this. But I want it so badly.“

At first, I was skeptical that anything could sway me from alcohol. And then I met Shrooms last fall.

The first trip was mixed with alcohol, not what I intended but the friend we tripped with was drinking and I felt like I should join. I am bad at saying no to things bad for me. It was okay though, the trip was okay, although I didn't feel much besides nonstop crying and laughing.

The second "trip" was solo and I ate about half a homemade brownie and ended up going to sleep two hours later, feeling nothing. After that it had me thinking my medication stopped me from tripping. I'm on Welbutrin though and as far as I've researched those aren't supposed to cause a disruption. Apparently, I was not pleased with the failed research so I stopped the medication a week before my third trip, again solo.

This third trip actually was amazing. Definitely my top experience. No alcohol got involved. It wasn't even a thought. Just the shrooms and green once in a while. I was happy. I was focused and I felt creative. I created many neat photos, got back into tarot, and journaled. I created a system of each room having a different color light. Each color had meaning for things I had to come face to face with. The last light I had to get to was Grief. I acknowledged its existence but stayed away. I have yet to go back to that. I want to though and it is planned eventually. I came out of that trip feeling refreshed. It felt like so much shit was lifted off my back, all these stupid minor problems, no longer screaming in my head. After that, I got back on my Welbutrin and I was still doing fine. I was still drinking here and there but nothing big.

A fourth trip came up where I was solo, but not alone. My boyfriend was home with me that night. I stayed in my living room coloring and listening to music for 5 hours straight. It was very zen, I was too lost in the music and enjoying myself to leave my spot. I didn't want the dog ruining my peace if I got up, he's very excitable and I was not in that mindset to handle such chaos. I was happy but not as happy as my previous trip. There was anxiety around my boyfriend. I was overthinking. "Did he want to trip? Why doesn't he join in? Why doesn't he want to hang out with me?" He was in the bedroom watching TV all night, trying to keep the dog away from me so he didn't disturb me. That's most likely why. But my brain couldn't connect those dots until now as I actually type it out. We've never tripped alone together though. Only with another friend. Which comes the fifth trip. But may I just add, going to the gym coming down from a trip is one of the best feelings I've experienced. The confidence and the focus, I've never felt that before. It was a great new experience.

Fifth trip with our friend yet again. The evening that led up to these events didn't start out great. He was angry. And I was anxious. A window got broken. Nothing bad happened but I get scared around people that are angry. Even if I know they'd never hurt me. I felt safe and more reassured around our friend though once we got to her place to trip for the night. My boyfriend nearly had a panic attack beginning of his trip, thinking his wrist was broken. I was getting that scared feeling again and didn't know what to do to comfort him. Which is typically how I already am normally. I also almost had a panic attack until he eventually got over that wave then I started feeling better. I tried to stay focused on the instruments of the music and the snacks I was munching on, to keep myself grounded. We played Cards Against Humanity until we could no longer read the cards. The green in the bowl I packed for us was breathing as much as her plants and I was melting into the couch feeling nothing but the music. She got up to get a drink which got me curious to drink again. I took the bottle and took a sip, nearly spitting it out before the bottle even left my lips. I felt sick. I needed the bathroom and a moment. We came down with an edible and a movie. Wish I could remember the name. Some really old trippy Disney film. Everything was fine until it wasn't when she nearly tried to start an argument with my boyfriend. Something about like father like son, his dad is an abusive piece of shit. To which he told her to stop and she eventually did. She passed out shortly after and we joined not much longer.

To this day I still think about her. I was depressed a few days later and made a Facebook status. I will not go into it, it wasn't a bad status. There wasn't even full context. But she took it to heart and immediately went off. I felt bad and apologized for a handful of times. That I was depressed and it was just a thought, it wasn't that deep. She kicked us both out of her life and last I heard she's gone off her rocker. Going off on everybody, even family. I think, "Did I cause this?" But then I remind myself it was a minor status with zero context and she refused to communicate properly. I did apologize multiple times as well so what more could I do? I've learned to accept it and move on. I still wish her well and hope she gets better. Maybe something during the trip triggered her and she ended up having a bad time in the end. Or did something happen between her and my boyfriend? They'd been best friends for twenty years so I just found it odd. She's the type that would say something though if something were to happen so I try not to fall down that road again. He doesn't even seem to be bothered by his best friend for that long to cut him out. I still can't wrap my head around it but again, I try not to think about it. He's not good with feelings, to begin with. I had another solo trip a few months later.

My sixth trip, which actually wasn't even supposed to be a trip. I'd been reading up on micro-dosing and wanted to try it for myself. Now before this, I had started drinking more again. I also had stopped my Welbutrin for a whole month, thinking it wasn't even helping. Long story short, it was and I learned the hard way but now I know I need it. My grief was pretty heavy as well. I blended my "micro-dose" into a protein shake only to throw it up probably twenty minutes later. Right away I felt it hit me, I had goofed. I started laughing and saying, "Oh shit." I turned my music on our Bluetooth bathroom light, fancy right? The bass in that cheap thing is so good it had me trapped in the bathroom for a good while. About a good hour later I manage to find my way to the bedroom to watch the Hangover. It was one of my dad's favorites and I enjoyed it just as much. There was a lot of laughter and random tears thrown into the mix. It felt therapeutic. I felt good. Depressed for a while and had a few black-out drinking nights after but I came through and felt better than ever.

Recently, I had a seventh trip. With a different friend. A better friend. It was his first experience and he's been dealing with grief too. It was as chill of a night as we could make it, besides a few people disrupting the peace here and there. It still wasn't awful. I was handed a Four Loko by someone, I didn't want it but I was curious, like always. It was a new flavor or something, I nearly spit that out too. And let me just say I had a few drinks an hour or two before tripping and those had me feeling sick for a while. So, I didn't really want any more alcohol that night. And then I see someone I still care about. "Needing" alcohol. It hurt to see. It was a familiar sight. I wanted to do something but nothing came up, and I just wanted us to have a good time. I had to evacuate, I left the room without looking back. After all, how am I supposed to help someone when I still battle my own demons whenever any minor inconvenience happens?

Right now that I'm writing this experience I've had an open Twisted Tea next to me for a couple hours. I only took one sip of it and it wasn't a good experience. The taste was so bitter. I might even dump it out, and I never believe in dumping out alcohol. Or I might drink it.

The second sip in doesn't taste as atrocious but it's still not enjoyable and I'm no longer in a happy mindset. Depression and irritation are hitting me. Throwing this out is the right thing to do. I don't want to feel worse.

I'm not saying Mushrooms are a cure at all. But my will and care to drink has gone down enormously.

And I'm finally finding the real me. Alcohol and pills blurred my vision so much that I ended up on the wrong path and it feels good to be steered in the right direction.

Don't get me wrong, I still get thoughts almost daily that I need to drink or that I need to pop that bottle of pills. I even still try to physically drink when the cravings hit me too hard, like tonight. That doesn't last long before I get sick.

It's literal fucking poison and I want to stay away. I need to get away. My body can't take it anymore and it's time to listen to those messages now. My dad wouldn't want that life for me, right? He was an addict too.

A relapse will still happen from time to time but shit happens. Sometimes you have to accept that failure and keep learning from it. Eventually, it'll get through to you be it by psychedelics, losing everything/everyone, or even potentially nearly losing your life.

My focus and creativity are back more than ever and I've been at my happiest these past couple of weeks. I seem to learn something new about myself and surprise myself every day, it's become a healthy addiction to keep finding myself and healing from all this trauma.

My depression comes and goes in quick waves now, it doesn't sit and bubble up for weeks and drag me down anymore. I'm still staying on my Welbutrin though, that was an awful episode I put my boyfriend and everyone else through and let's not let that happen again.

Genuinely don't think I would be here if I never met Shrooms though. The grief of my dad leaving this world would have swallowed me whole. But I now know I did all I could and his passing isn't my fault in any way. Cancer is just a bitch.

I'll forever miss you I know you wouldn't want to see me suffer again. So I'll get up and live for you and keep making you proud. I remember you telling me to get out there and live my life and just be happy. Not sad.

I also appreciate the friend that did introduce me, despite kicking me out of her life. I wish nothing but the best for her.

#recovery #recoveryispossible #relapse #suicideprevention #suicidesurvivor #gaylifestyle #gaymen #pride #methusers #meth #methrecovery #crystalmeth #party #partyboy #slamming #ivdrugs #addiction #addictionrecovery #addictedtoart #art #acrylic #self-love #loves elf #heart #selfcare #therapeutic #cloudsmoker #smokeclouds #clouds @artskills @folkartcrafts @rustoleum @liquitex_worldwide @liquitexofficial (at Marshfield, Wisconsin) https://www.instagram.com/p/CnyILQzsBve/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Always forward, forward always Not everyday sober feels like a step forward, but each day sober is leaps and bounds ahead of where we were in our drinking days. Remember that sobriety is not a race. There’s not finish line, no first place prize, you don’t have to feel guilty if it’s taking you longer than you thought to get to where you want to be. It’s been said a million times, a million ways, but it worth repeating. This whole sobriety journey is all about progress, NOT perfection. • • • • #onwardsandupwards #progressnotperfection #alwaysforward #forwardalways #onedayatatime #onefootinfrontoftheother #onestepatatime #sober #sobriety #soberjourney #recoveryjourney #sobercommunity #recoverycommunity #addictionrecovery #wedorecover #recoveryispossible #carrythemessage #sobervibes #soberthoughts #easydoesit #keepitsimple #friendsofbillw #alcoholicsanonymous #recoveringalcoholic #mondaymotivation #sobermotivation #soberinspiration #soberinstagram #sobermovement #soberliving https://www.instagram.com/p/CqTCZVKOXzv/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

🏆 CTD Housing provides an overview of the various programs and services that it offers to at-risk individuals in Oakland, California. The video begins by highlighting the organization's core mission of improving supportive housing and providing self-sufficiency resources to those in need. The video also emphasizes CTD Housing's commitment to helping veterans, elderly individuals, and ex-incarcerated men and women who face many challenges as they acclimate back into society. Through engaging with all tenants to determine their needs and providing help through any challenging process, CTD Housing ensures that residents receive the assistance needed to become better citizens within the community.

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🏆 CTD HOUSING INC. 🥇 KELLY RHONE 📲 (510) 751-2027 🌐 www.ctdhousing.com 📧[email protected]

found this. thank god this isn’t my reality anymore.