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divinegrey · 2 years

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gentle bullying / cypher w/ gn!reader

love me some cypher <3 this is a platonic prompt that my friend wanted me to do, hope this is good !

prompt: Hey Grey! May I humbly request bullying Chamber from his clothes to his ugly hair and every little thing with our dearest boy Cypher? (Platonic I'm gay af) [requested by my most sincerely annoying bestie]

words: 900

warnings: absolutely slam dunking on chamber (deserved)

“Like, c’mon, are you serious? He’s wearing sketchers,” you say, wrapping your hand around the warm cup of freshly brewed coffee. You’d make a cup for Cypher too, but frankly, you’ve never seen the bottom half of his face, nor does he ever intend to show it to you, despite how buddy-buddy you are with him.

That is, however, beside the point.

“Who wears velcro on a mission?” You say, gesturing your hands into the air. “No, not even that! Why would you wear a silk vest, a tie, and a button down? To a goddamn gunfight?”

“Not to mention, he somehow has a costume change whenever he pulls out that ridiculous gun of his,” Cypher says, adjusting the brim of his sharply angled hat over his head. You snort into your coffee, taking a rather hearty sip of it. You promptly regret that choice, burning the roof of your mouth. “Careful. That’s hot.”

“Yeah, I got that,” you retort. You focus back on the subject at hand, moving away from the kitchen area and to the chess table. You and Cypher take your seats on opposite ends, and you watch the man recline in his seat and crack his knuckles. You shake your head, hardly suppressing your own laughter. “And that thing he says! You want to play, let’s play? Like, of all the catchphrases someone could say. Really? That’s what you choose? At least yours is good. That shit makes me scared whenever I hear it.”

“You should always be scared at the prospect of information in someone else’s hands,” Cypher remarks, rolling a rather large coin across his knuckles. Brimstone recently banned the agents from using their abilities in the break room, so you threw Cypher a bone and got him a coin he could do it with instead of his tripwires.

“Honestly, I get more spooked by your neural theft ability than Chamber’s sniper rifle. But do you have to lose the hat every single time? I’m sorry, but you look bald without it,” you say, and you’re sure Cypher is rolling his eyes under his mask.

“Yes, I do. Will you start the game or no?” Cypher gestures to the chess board. You move a random pawn, only to hear Cypher hum. “Interesting opening play.”

“My only knowledge of chess comes from you. I’ve gotten used to losing,” you retort, sipping your coffee. You quirk your brow. “Do you think Chamber actually needs those glasses or wears them because he wants to look smart?”

“The latter,” Cypher says in that tone of I know this to be true. Your mouth drops open in shock, and you put your hand over your mouth to stop your laughter. Why it’s so funny, you don’t really understand, but the simple concept of Cypher knowing this and only sharing it with you makes you giggle.

You call yourself Cypher’s best friend, even if he won’t agree with it. Of all the agents in the Protocol, Cypher is arguably the one you’re the closest with, even though he knows everything about you and you know hardly anything about him. It’s a strange symbiosis of a friendship, but you’re beyond the point of caring. Besides, Cypher wipes any information of you off the internet for free, and by god, you love internet anonymity.

“Oh my god, I can't believe Chamber wears those fucking glasses to look smarter. I thought he was genuinely blind. Do you know how thick those glasses are?” You giggle to yourself as Cypher moves his pawn on the chessboard. “I bet they’re something expensive too, like Gucci.”

“Yves Saint Laurent, actually.” Cypher corrects. “French fashion company.”

“Oh, of course, he would never betray his homeland,” you say, making a sweeping gesture over your head. You move another one of your pieces across the board. “The man can afford YSL but can’t get a pair of decent looking shoes. It’s embarrassing.”

“Perhaps I should steer his internet search ads toward something better,” Cypher says.

Leaning forward with a look of awe in your eyes, you whisper, “You can do that?”

“Of course I can. I do it for everyone, including you,” Cypher responds, and it prompts you to wonder what you’ve bought recently that was gently guided by Cypher. The question causes your brain to fry, and you hardly have enough brain cells to play chess as it is. “We’re forgetting one thing about our dear Frenchman, however.”

“What’s that?” You grab your coffee again, raising it to your mouth.

Cypher cocks his head to the side. “His juvenile crush on our resident lab jockey.”

You spit out the liquid into the cup, followed by hacking coughs. “Fuck, Cyph, stop saying this these things when I’m trying to drink my coffee!”

“That was on you, my dear.”

You wave your hand at him dismissively. “Doesn’t matter. Do you think Chamber knows that Viper is, like, a total homo? Straight up lesbian? Entirely uninterested in men?”

“His pride seems to smear that fact in his brain,” Cypher replies. “You think he would know the signs, considering a high majority of us in the Protocol are, as you say… fruity.”

“And you’re the only straight guy I tolerate,” you remark, putting your hand on your chest. “And Sova. Sova’s chill.”

Cypher moves another chess piece. “Consider me flattered.”

You do the same, not truly paying attention to the game because you’re way too invested in your cup of coffee that you don’t notice Cypher moving his piece until his foot nudges you beneath the table. You jerk, moving your rook.

“Checkmate,” Cypher says, and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

“Ugh, c’mon!”

~~~~~ A/N: there is something so personal about being mean to chamber <3

#cypher #cypher valorant #amir el amari #cypher imagines #valorant fanfiction #valorant #valorant imagines

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