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#able to cope with that and build my support systems outside of my family so strong to make up for what my family can’t give me but it just
pepprs · 2 years
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lol i hit tag limit but i have more to say so im saying it. im just afraid that if / when i get this job and then we like get existentially threatened or whatever (bc we are at the forefront of a movement that is not widely embraced yet and our entire purpose is to get people to embrace it (except… not as domineering as it sounds) but they don’t and of course are gonna push against it and threaten us) my mom is gonna be like i told you so which is only gonna make me spiral about it even more. lol
#purrs#and im gonna be living at home until the end of this year at least bc i am fucking broke rn and so coming home and having to deal with that#is going to be an actual nightmare. i just want her to be supportive and instead of’s all about how i won’t take her advice like she litera#rally texted me ‘it doesn’t matter what i think’ which is like.. true but also yes it does bc you’re my mom and also you saying that is a#TOTAL guilt trip. everything she says that’s like in my favor is a guilt trip. she will never ever ever see my side and i just have to be#able to cope with that and build my support systems outside of my family so strong to make up for what my family can’t give me but it just#hurts. like i get it you think im replacing you bc theyre like a second set of parents but have you ever considered that maybe that is#happening (and maybe this kind of thing has been a pattern since i was 6) bc there are defiencies in YOUR parenting that you have never#fully done something abt even though the signs have been CRYSTAL fucking clear my whole life. lol. like why do you think i am the way i am#maybe it’s bc every time i have an emotion you shut me down or walk out of the room or say (in effect) that im being selfish or delusional!#maybe the reason i am so happy here is bc the people ive met here have taught me that my emotions are PRECIOUS and my experiences are#PRECIOUS and *I* choose my life and *YOU* don’t and no one can ever fucking take any of this away from me!!!!!! maybe if you listened to me#for like 2 seconds instead of perceiving everything i say to you as an attack (and feeling attacked if i don’t take your advice and follow i#in your exact footsteps or want to) you would understand and the world would burst into rainbows and sunshine and birdsong!!!!! but instead#im fucking doomed bc im hurtling towards coming home to you again and again and again and you forever and ever and ever seeing me as someone#im not when i am trying to change the world and ive already started changing it. lol#delete later#idk what i just even typed im so mad im dizzy from pacing back and forth but i do like actually. have to delete this#ik she’s only saying this stuff bc she thinks i have a lot or give and doesn’t want to see me waste it on something she thinks ive outgrown#and will be unhappy in but like… i am growing and have room to grow and i am happy (except for when im not but me getting this job will fix#so fucking much of it) and she doesn’t believe me bc im just a pischer 😍#when she whips out the ‘Ok Tess’ and you know she’s abt to not talk to you until friday night at the earliest 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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idk if ur gonna see this or anything but i fully relapsed pretty bad into my ed about two months ago. I've had god knows how many recoveries and relapses and I always seem to end up back in. i want out this time and i want out for good, i don't want to spend the rest of my life doing this. any advice?
Hi there, anon! I did see this. I get to everything in my askbox eventually, if it's something I'm able to put on my blog.
I'm sorry to hear you've been having so much trouble staying well. I don't know exactly what you've tried so far, but here's the advice I can give:
Are you surrounded by supportive people? If you can, find friends you trust to confide in about the issues you've been having. Think about what they can do to be supportive, whether it be reminding you to be soft about your body image or reminding you how they hope you are healthy and eating well. We all need to learn to love ourselves, but outside support from the right people can give us a big, big boost when we find ourselves needing it most. Building a support system also gives you people to reach out to when you're struggling. That can be hard and scary, but it can also be a resource.
Speaking of resources, is therapy open to you? I don't know if you're able to access therapeutic resources, but a therapist might be able to help you develop coping mechanisms for the issues you might be struggling with that keep you coming back to your ED. I'm also going to preface this next statement by saying that I am not an expert on DBT, and that what I'm going to tell you next is just something I heard during a brief overview of DBT during a training we had at work recently. However, apparently a big premise in DBT is about learning coping strategies to get through those moments of crisis we experience without resorting to the destructive impulses we may have. "Whatever you do, don't make it WORSE" is an excellent thing to remember in crisis. Sometimes you can just...do nothing, and ride out the feeling until it passes, and then work through it later. Or use a coping strategy. Once you've practiced that, maybe you can learn positive responses to your moments of crisis to help you deal with them productively. That way you may learn to better resist urges to relapse - or to pull yourself out of a lapse before it becomes a full relapse. (Be honest but kind to yourself when doing this - shame may only make the lapse worse! Those of us with EDs are often prone to using shame as a motivator, which can sometimes work well in the short term but is terrible for us in the long term.)
It's hard for me to give specific advice without knowing what your ED is like, but perhaps you can use timed reminders to hold yourself accountable to consistently practicing self care before, during, and after eating. Especially when you're going places like - out to a restaurant with friends and family, event where surprise food might be offered, holiday party, etc. Self-care can be whatever works for you - writing down positive affirmations, meditating, taking a long hot bath, taking a little walk and moving your body, gently reminding the bully in your head that what they're saying to you is not helpful to you in the long run, doing some stretches, creating some art...literally whatever self-care looks like for you, but create a self-care regimen around eating properly. Create a self-care regimen for lapses, too. Hopefully you won't need it, but understand that self-care means investing in resources and safety nets for yourself in the event that you might have a hard time, rather than punishing yourself by letting yourself fail. Think about it in advance so that you are not struggling to come up with a self-care plan when you're already in crisis: what are you going to need in order to help gently pull yourself out of a lapse? Failing is human and struggling is common in eating disorders. Learning to be kind to yourself when you fail and growing from your mistakes is a huge part of ED recovery, since we tend to be big self-punishers.
Hope this helps! You can tell me a little more about your ED for more specific advice if you want to, but you don't have to. I hope you find your way back to your own healing path, anon. <3
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babyspacebatclone · 9 months
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Hey, I'm a 32(f) who is leaning very heavily towards a self dx of autism. I'm a mom of 2 kids under 4yo and having difficulty finding resources/support groups for moms/parents with autism. All I can find is stuff for parents of autistic kids. I know you don't have children, but would you mind sharing this and maybe someone in the community would have a lead for me?
Thanks <3
Well, I’m going to start off by “reassuring” you that there was a reason you had trouble finding resources for being a parent with Autism:
There isn’t much formal out there at the moment.
This is not to say there’s nothing, but almost all of it is either antidotal (blogs and other writings by Autistic Parents) or summaries cataloging frequent items from the antidotal stuff.
Note: Through this response, the term Autistic Parent/Guardian exclusively refers to an adult guardian who has either a formal or a self diagnosis for Autism. For simplicity, I will use the term “parent” throughout unless there is reason, e.g. my own experiences.
That does mean if you want a support system, you’re going to have to jury-rig it yourself.
Who in your life has guardianship duties you respect? Teachers (of anything), clergy etc, family and extended family?
Who has skills about looking after children that you want?
Reach out to them. Ask questions. Be as personal as you feel you can.
Hopefully, this post will get some traction and we can get some Autistic Parents of Tumblr willing to both be and get resources.
Outside of that, for specifics…
From my own experiences with being a (childfree) daycare teacher, I can make several points I’ve used about being an Autistic Guardian. I’ll list them under a cut for sanity.
At the bottom of the post will be a link collection from aggregate type webpages (ones that quote multiple Autistic Parent voices) I liked while searching the interwebs.
My suggestions for living as an Autistic Guardian/Parent:
The tools you use to cope with Autism in everyday situations are the same tools you will use as a parent, the trick is to build up that tool bag.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, get the kid safe and then walk away. Your ability to parent depends on your mental health; it is not “selfish” to need to rebalance before you can deal with a kid. Instead, it means you will be able to handle the situation better when you can return.
Delegate what you need to.
The first point is both obvious and not. On one hand, parenting obviously requires a lot of behaviors in different quantities than “everything else.”
On the other hand, a lot of it boils down to the same core issues: overstimulation, navigating social rules, masking your emotions in order to deal with the crisis at hand (no matter how small).
This page has some great tips about building your toolbox, some of which I’ll be repeating here!
Tooltip the best: Lists lists lists. Have sticky notes everywhere, so even when you’re brain is mush you can look and see of you’ve forgotten anything important.
The second I learned from our mandatory and necessary Abusive Head Trauma and Shaken Baby Syndrome training for the daycare.
Stepping away is always better than trying to do something when you’re past your limit.
Mistakes happen when you’re past your limit. Injuries, harsh words, bad decisions.
Those last longer than saying “I need five minutes, I will get back to you.” Even for preschoolers.
If they’re too young to handle that (less than 3) and you can’t delegate supervision to someone else, my best suggestion is to sit on the floor, get them on your lap, wrap them in a hug (deep pressure and hold them still), pull out for phone of they let you, and start blasting music you find calms you down. If they don’t let you get your phone, sing nursery rhymes or something.
When you feel like you can breathe, make sure the kid is calmed down and restart the conversation.
The best thing is to teach “we can take me-time” from a young age. Not the easiest thing, but normalizing “When you are upset, calming down by yourself is the best thing, for kids and adults.”
While you’re at that, bodily autonomy. Yours and theirs. Teach your child you will respect when they don’t want to be held/touched/etc unless they are unsafe, and you will expect the same.
I promise, with consistency children as young as 2 can get and apply these concepts.
Teaching your children that you are allowed your own space helps with your overstimulation (because you’ve normalized using coping strategies) and just prepares your kid for life, Autistic or Allistic.
Finally, outsource what you have to.
It’s not a failing to pay for what you can’t handle. CEOs do it all the time: cleaning staff, secretaries, chauffeurs, etc.
My best suggestion here is to look at what you’re struggling with the most, and find resources to bridge that gap so you have more energy/brainpower to deal with the rest.
You want your kids to have playdates? Is there a family member/friend who would be willing to chaperone them and make the arrangements?
Can’t cook, brain fried from diapers? Look into meal delivery services you can use ones a week (or more!) to give you some breathing room. (link intended as examples of the service, I have no experience with these and offer no recommendations for using any)
It’s never wasted money if it allows you to do your job elsewhere!!
And as a note, be aware of being an Autistic Parent to an Allistic Child.
This divide is purely in being the neurominority: Autistic Kids don’t struggle because they’re Autistic, they struggle because their needs don’t match their parents’ instincts.
But the opposite is true as well: an Allistic Child will suffer under an Autistic Parent unless the parent accepts their child’s brain for what it is, and parents to that.
If you find yourself in that situation, look for “typical” child development guidelines, particularly for social development.
Allistic Children, for example, often need more oversight than Autistic Children to feel safe; their need for neurotypical social interaction means a “hands off, I trust you” approach may feel neglectful, even if the Autistic Parent and any Autistic Children may view the same thing as empowering autonomy.
Here are pages I particularly liked while searching for hard resources, including the one from above for convenience.
Tips for handling common challenges for Autistic Parents.
An introduction to being an Autistic Parent, including some nice interviews with an Autistic Mother and an Autistic Father (separate families).
A great overview of the issue.
Note: The last article had an emphasis on Irish families, and at the time it was written (2017) “Asperger Syndrome” was an official, distinct diagnosis for that country that most of the individuals were diagnosed with.
The article is aware of the problematic nature of this term (which I do not endorse for those reasons), and uses “Autism” (100+ instances of “autis*) when not referencing a specific diagnosis (13 instances of “Asperger*”).
My decision to include this article is based on the wealth of information it contains, and I hope people understand my decision to include it despite that term and the (justified) baggage surrounding it.
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mannien · 3 years
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Mornings in Sheffield Park | TH - PROLOGUE
The one with graduation, daisies and carnations, and a hopeless emotional addiction.
Word count: 3.1k
Warnings: some stress and anxiety here and there
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Some feelings are addictive. It’s easy to get used to the way something tingles with excitement, warms up with passion, or stings with powerful adrenaline rush. People get comfortable with feelings known and desired and more often than not, they turn them into coping mechanisms. Whatever sticks their wobbly pieces together the longest, is the ultimate solution. Feelings don’t need to be entirely positive or with pure intentions behind them. As long as they cover up the shattered pieces, they stay. They may enhance some experiences, especially when someone decides to stick with something as simple as joy. But some make life more difficult than it seems; they mess up the timeline and allow people to feel so many wrong things before reaching the truth.
An array of emotions weaves through fresh university graduates. A sense of freedom and relief is somewhat clouded by fear or excitement. Someone has an internship lined up, their friends take a year to travel across Europe, a roommate has an apprenticeship at their next job. Others might take things slow and see what the future holds, while some students get prepared to have a fresh start. The overall unknown seems to be the underlying tone in the speeches during the graduation ceremony, but each person in polished shoes and with a rapid heartbeat subconsciously sticks to a feeling that makes them feel more at ease.
Students of each program are called on stage. Every little success along the way is cradled into slippery hats and fitted gowns with the university’s subtle emblem on the front. The audience is sitting on the large balcony above the graduates. People clap with appreciation at each young person walking across the wooden floor and shaking the chancellor’s hand. Some receive a more enthusiastic applause, sometimes even a roar of cheers. As the long queue of journalism graduates makes its way through the hall, the names are listed rapidly. Students walk as if they were a part of an assembly line, trying their best not to delay the process of the nerve-wracking hand-shaking and walking without tripping. The last are always graduates with exceptional results, so the crowds are encouraged to clap vigorously. And that’s what’s heard when the eyes of two women in the audience are focused on the proud figure walking on stage: the loudest cheers of the afternoon so far.
“Remind me, why aren’t we screaming for your boyfriend, and the whole department of journalism is?” A questioning voice surprised Millie so much that she jumped in her seat.
“I’m nervous, Thea. That’s why.”
She stated the obvious. Millie Beaver was the one to frantically fix the sleeves of her gown as a nervous tick. She got up early that morning, dreading the day full of polished festivities and exaggerated elegance requested upon a bunch of tired, educated enough people. The pride in successfully finishing her studies was yet to come; her body was rather keen on reacting dramatically to the large crowds of scholars, pupils and their families. The dread of participating in an unrehearsed event like this clouded her brain and made her focus solely on not loosing it. Though she wouldn’t dare admit it to the smiling man, who was just about to shake some hands on stage. The confidence he wore on his face was something she was used to seeing, even in the least favourable scenarios.
“I still don’t get it, how some people are born so talented that they don’t need to work their asses off to get somewhere,” she shrugged, making her tight black curls shake with her head, “I mean, the hours we spent on reading and researching…”
“I guess we’re just different.”
“Different? It’s not fair, that’s what it is. Patriarchy at its finest.”
The comment made Millie laugh and release some of the tension. Her eyes followed Franklin into the side corridor, where a little crowd of his friends formed a circle around him – the star of the department - before continuing into their seats. His cheerful stance made her bit her lip in excitement; for a moment, she tried to forget about whatever was said through the speakers. She genuinely wanted to be feel happy for him and his academic achievements. After all, she spent previous months on watching him get to the top of their classes almost effortlessly, as if he was born to be talked about by the teachers.
Millie felt her heart speed up at the thought that he might start searching for her for a little cheer, or even a tiny wave of support. But Frank sat down and continued to enjoy his fame, and Thea started to pull her up from the wooden chair.
“Come on, it’s our turn.”
She followed her friend and attempted to smooth out the heavy gown. Her light brown hair flowed as she walked, making her nervously fix it every now and then. She turned to the very end of the queue to find Jane, who wore a wide smile. They made eye contact and the blonde sent her a half-smile, knowing that they are almost through the tough part. It calmed Millie to know that she had her support system, not only up in the balcony, but also somewhere among the students of literary and media studies. At one point she feared that her nightmare of falling off the stage will become reality, but as a surprise to her and her close ones, clumsy Millie walked gracefully and with pride painted across her face.
Mission accomplished: she made it through college without falling.
The main floor of the event hall once again filled with students, their peers, and families. Loud chatter was heard across the building as people were celebrating the achievements of the year’s graduates. Some of the groups moved outside and took in the chilly London air. It smelled of rain and freedom, clouded with light grey pillows in the sky.
The three girls tried to make it through the crowds of chatting people in search for the perfect spot to take pictures together. Jane wore the highest heels of them all, so she was designated to lead them to the wall with the logo of the university. In a tight weave of pinkie fingers, they rushed through the hall just as they would through a college party. Millie felt dizzy from the sea of the same black gowns surrounding them from every angle. Some people waved at them, so she kept her smile wide and left Thea – with her one hand free – to the waving back duty. Their secure escape led them safely to the back wall on the side of the entrance, where some of the students usually found peace between classes and sat down on the floor, watching over the busy entrance to the building during the semester. The carpet remembered a lot of spilled coffees and teas in the wobbly little cups purchased from the cafeteria inside. Millie let out a breath of relief, seeing that only a couple of students found this spot perfect for keeping the memories.
“Hey, congrats! We’re graduates!” Jane welcomed the group that was finishing their poses in front of the wall.
Thea laughed with them, but desperately waved her hand in front of her reddening face to cool off.
“I hate your speed in heels. That was too fast!”
“Don’t worry, at least you don’t have to run to the Linguistics ever again.” Millie pulled her little bag from underneath the gown and looked for a sheet of paper with old notes. As long as Jane was busy chatting up other students, the other two tackled the makeshift air conditioning to prevent Thea’s makeup from running.
“Okay, are we ready for some iPhone memories?” The sound of a snapshot stopped Millie from frantically fanning their friend’s face.
“You sound ready. Do you have a tripod or a selfie stick, though? I want to have a picture with all of you.”
“We could still catch that group and ask someone to snap a few?”
“I’m not running anywhere, I’ve just fixed my face!” Thea puffed her cheeks and did a few more waves around them, certainly for an enhanced dramatic effect.
“Then don’t run anywhere, I’ll call my mom to come here, she’s probably out for a smoke anyway.”
“You really want to have your graduation pictures taken by your mom?” Thea and Millie chuckled at Jane’s resigned sigh. “Maybe Frank could come here? I trust his steady hands more.”
“He was supposed to go to the student’s office after the ceremony. Honours and stuff.” Millie pursed her lips.
“Right when we need him! What a boyfriend.”
“Jane!”
“Do you need a hand, girls?”
A sudden male voice stopped the rising argument and made the three of them look into the corridor. He welcomed them with a warm smile and soft wrinkles by his eyes. With a small bunch of colourful flowers, he stood out in casual, non-graduate clothes, yet with similar youthfulness to him.
“I’m not my brother but I can take a straight picture in focus.”
“What the fuck?” Millie covered her mouth in shock. Hesitantly, she took one step away from Jane and Thea, afraid of her next reaction. “What the actual fuck are you doing here?”
“I came to my friend’s graduation, fancy seeing you here.”
“I’m serious!” She raised her voice and made her way over to him, meeting his steps somewhere in the middle of the distance. He was smiling at her stupidly and she couldn’t stop herself from mirroring his reaction.
“I’m serious too, you made it! That’s so cool!” He opened his arms and invited her in, with a small encouragement of his waving hand.
One of the most addictive feelings are those of an utter comfort and safety. This teasing sparkle making your insides warm up and encouraging you to be a little more positive. That’s precisely what Millie felt when she was engulfed in a tight hug by her childhood best friend. Tom held her tightly across her back and swayed them side to side, earning a hearty laugh from the girl who was now, shining. She felt a sense of genuine relief once he squeezed her in reassurance; her brotherly figure showed up, so she was finally able to relax. Suddenly everything felt easy and perfect. All of the stress, fear of the unknown, anxiety about the grand event of the day, and the rest of damaging emotions slowed down their tempo in her veins, simply because she was home. Her smile swiftly changed into more prominent and definitely brighter by a shade or two. As he held her close, he could feel Millie’s warmth suddenly radiate through his body, making his eyes twinkle with joy because of this very girl.
“Congratulations, Minnie Mouse, I’m so proud of you,” he whispered next to her ear, cautious of what others may hear from their little exchange. She did not need any more nerves weighting her down, so he decided not to make a big scene – even though he definitely wanted to tease her worrying head and make sure she’s having a good time. “you’re all grown up now, so I got you flowers.”
“Oh, so otherwise you wouldn’t?” Millie shook his head, but accepted a small bouquet of carnations and daisies.
“Nah, I know you hate flowers.” He winked at her and put his arm around Millie’s arms, tucking her into his side a little too tightly.
“Absolutely. Thanks Tom, I’ll throw them out after the pictures.”
“Go ahead,” He tucked her in even more, making her squirm in discomfort. It was one of their things, to squeeze one another too tight. It made them feel connected as if they were siblings. They knew how sibling love worked, Tom having three younger brothers and Millie being the youngest of three sisters, but it was refreshing to have it a little spiced up. She let out a shy laugh and pushed him away before taking the delicate bunch from him. She lost the smell of his familiar perfume and took a breath. Once he extended his hand to Millie’s friends, he was back to his public confidence and charm. “Hey! Thea and Jane, right?”
They took an intimidating number of pictures; some of them good enough to share with people, other more fitting into a private photo album filled with silly, heart-warming memories. The group shared a lot of easy laughs together; Millie’s girlfriends eased into the lightly flowing chatter with Tom in no time. It made her sink into the bubble of comfort and light; she was smiling brightly when they reached the entrance to the building. Tom opened the glass door for all of them. A slightly chilly air hit Millie in her blushing cheeks and slowed down the pinky glow spreading across her cheekbones. Somewhere in the distance she noticed her parents lurking excitedly at the group and waving them over expectantly.
There was this heaviness slowing her down and taking up an excess of space in the back of her mind. As they were making their way across the university’s main square, Millie slowly turned her head to the side. She perked up at the sound of loud cheers and noticed a familiar group of students. Among them, there was Frank—laughing and hugging people from his department—and he definitely enjoyed being in the centre of attention. She was sure he didn’t even notice her walking by, but she didn’t want it to affect her as much as it was going to.
In turn, what she didn’t think of was the attention someone would give to her best friend: the smiling, cheerful young man, who was shamelessly chatting up Millie, Thea and Jane.
“Oh my God, is that Tom Holland?”
This simple question, raised somewhere from the group of journalism graduates, didn’t surprise Tom. However, it definitely rose the hairs on the back of Millie’s neck. Though he brushed it off and sent her a reassuring smile, Millie felt panic flowing through her veins. They both knew it could happen, but Tom seemed to be focused more on making her a priority, rather than fearing being recognized as the famous actor. He watched her reaction, now fully aware of her boyfriend emerging from the crowd and skipping towards them.
“Hey, I was trying to find you earlier,” he brushed his hand through his dark blonde hair and gave her a brief smile, before turning excitedly to Tom. “Hey man, I didn’t know you were coming!”
“We just went to…” she paused, seeing as he was already extending his hand towards her friend. “…take pictures.”
“The girls had a nice little photoshoot back inside.” Tom cut short his smile, raising the side of his mouth only to her. He accepted Frank’s handshake but didn’t allow it to turn into a bro-hug. It was fairly easy to read their body language; Franklin tried his best to seem friendly with his girlfriend’s celebrity friend, but the said celebrity was too kind to allow his cheekiness outshine Millie’s comfort zone. Jane and Thea turned their heads away at the sight of palms squeezing a little too tight for a friendly greeting. Frank’s friends and a couple other bystanders watched the exchange with prying eyes, and Millie let out a frustrated groan at the unnecessary tension.
“Cool, cool. Can I steal my girl for a moment?”
Frank didn’t wait for an answer, but rather just took her hand and pulled her to the side, hiding slightly behind the group of people. He fixed the tinsel attached to her hat and winked at her, giving her his full attention. He looked at her with his gleaming blue eyes and made her smile at the intimate moment.
“You good, sweetie?”
“Yeah, just fine.”
“Good. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”
“Are your parents here? I haven’t seen them.” She looked around, trying to find his mom’s flowing blonde hair.
“They went to get the table at the restaurant nearby. Wanna join us?” He searched her face and leaned in closer, brushing his nose against hers. Millie laid her hand on his shoulder and allowed him into her little space.
“Why are you asking me to choose between our parents?” She chuckled, but patiently waited for his reaction. “Could we all spend time together, at least once?”
“I told you, it’s not a good idea,” Frank brushed his lips against Millie’s, slowly easing her into him and making her return the kiss. “you can ask Tom to come to the party tonight, it’ll be fun.”
“No promises.”
They shared a few more kisses that left Millie breathless - Franklin wasn’t usually the one to publicly show his affection, so she craved anything he willing to give her. She smiled up at him and let him go, happy that he took the minute to catch up with her.
With one last wave of his hand, Frank joined his party. Although he was instantly pulled into celebratory pictures, he couldn’t help but watch Millie walk away; she joined Jane and Thea in a heart-warming group hug. She was just sweet like this: sticking to her people, making sure everyone’s happy, and embracing all the kindness in the simplest actions. Franklin smiled to himself at the sound of her cheerful laugh and turned back to his friends, but then he noticed the source of her laugh. Her and Tom did a barely-there joyful dance, raising their hands and curtseying to her parents. Alfred, her dad, patted him on the back and shook his hand vigorously, while Millie was being squeezed by her mom.
People from Frank’s department praised him for having any kind of relationship with Tom Holland. Frank watched Tom’s joyous exchange with his girlfriend. Tom was proudly paying attention to his best friend, and Millie’s cheeks were hurting from the smiles. She was content and felt at ease. She was sure that her heart was filled to the brim with love and comfort.
Yes, being addicted to feelings is difficult. It holds people hostage in the arms of the sole premise of positive emotional experiences. It’s also blinding for the addicts, making the loss of certain feelings hurt more than it should. Addiction feeds off the weak, the confused, and the uncertain. It eats them up alive and strives to receive more and more satisfaction. It allows for the illusion of reality, so that the addicts can project certain feelings onto their consciousness. They live in their bubbles of unruly contentment and often forget to look into their souls and perform a regular check-up.
Millie was an addict.
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Please let me know what you think!
tagged: @peeterparkr @katieraven @kozybear @sunsetholland @hey-marlie @lauras-collection @cunaeparker @constellationsv @heyhihellowhatsup0
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horseflavor · 3 years
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Headcanon: Scootaloo
Alrighty, since I've seen some debate on whether or not Scootaloo is disabled and more so, whether or not she can just get over it, I decided she'll be the first character I address. As far as I care, she is permanently physically disabled, and I will have such representation in my art. About Scootaloo: Scootaloo already was canonically very close to having the lesbian pride colors, so I just went in and did it fully. Yes, that lesbian flag there is also her color palette. Scootaloo is a nonbinary lesbian that uses she/they pronouns. They're more in line with the butch type. Scootaloo was one of the very lucky ones who just knew she was gay ever since they were little. They never really had to deal with compulsory heterosexuality, but they did have to learn to help other mares who did struggle cope with their reality. Scootaloo advocates for both the unseen lesbians and the physically disabled. Since there are no cutie marks in my universe, the CMC will have a completely different purpose, which I will get into later on. Scootaloo was born with Pennon Unvaned Disorder (PUD) and struggled with the fact that she will never fly like her idol, Rainbow Dash. This struggle was their primary conflict in youth (besides POS parents), but they have come to accept it in adulthood. Scootaloo, understanding that children not only have to cope with their physical disabilities but also a world that does not welcome them, specializes in pediatric physical therapy. The PT is her main career, but she still openly advocates in her free time in the public eye. Scootaloo still has to deal with some internal grief with the PUD- she's not completely over that loss- but on the outside, they do a very good job of demonstrating normalcy with disability. About Pennon Unvaned Disorder PUD: PUD is a genetic default that pegasi are born with. It is a chromosome skip, where the genotype to activate primary and secondary feather growth never gets activated. This means it can happen to any pegasus foal, pure or mixed. It affects about 0.5% (1 in 200) of the avian pegasus population. This means it is actually not that uncommon, but the pegasi who have this affliction normally go unseen. We have two canon characters with this disorder in the show, Scootaloo and Bulk Biceps. So what happens here? Well, with PUD, it affects both the feathering and skeletal systems. On the skeletal level, the humerus (upper arm bone) and radius/unla bones (forearm bones) are almost always typical in size and shape. The carpometacarpals, or what would be our hand bones, have a 50/50 chance of being typical in size, or showing signs of under-development. On the feathering system, the primary and secondary feathers are always absent. The coverts are almost always present, but some pegasi have those missing too, resulting in naked "chicken" wings. Yes, that terminology is considered ableist, as is that joke, in modern day society. PUD individuals who have their coverts present, such as Scootaloo, often get misled by ignorant ponies that one day those feathers will come in and one day they will fly! Aunt Lofty was the one who had to have the talk with Scootaloo that no, she'll never be able to fly without accommodation. Like in our world, accommodations are made for the wealthy and the privileged. PUD prosthetics are fairly simple. Since PUD pegasi have functioning wing bones, muscles, and nerves, these prosthetics are just carefully crafted gliders that compensate the absent feathering. Their are different versions, some for every day flying, some for stunts and sports, even some for swimming. Drawn above is the standard model. Apteral avian prosthetics are for those who are absent of a wing through birth defect or injury. I will explore those another time. Either way, PUD prosthetics are still very expensive and hard to access. Most PUD individuals, Scootaloo included, don't bother getting a pair until adulthood. It takes a long time of physical therapy to build up with wing muscles and to get prosthetics crafted to what your wing shape would be, if they were typical. This is usually a several year process, but many able-bodied individuals assume that it's very easy to just get a pair of wings and start flying within the next week. (CW: Mentions ableism, child neglect) There is no cure for PUD, just accommodations for it. There is no way to 'catch' PUD early on since pegasi are born with featherless wings, unless your family is rich and privileged enough to get a chromosome scan done beforehand. In olden society, parents of PUD foals would quietly abandon or 'dispose' the unfortunately afflicted. In modern society, pegasi parents most definitely keep their children and most are lovingly willing to accommodate for their children. Poor Scootaloo was not so lucky, with her PUD being one of the reasons her parents abandoned her. As long as the child is not left to die, many pegasi still quietly sympathize with this cruel and unusual decision. It is still somewhat normalized in society. There is a disproportionate amount of pegasi orphans who are afflicted with PUDs in the modern foster care system. --- I lived about a third of my childhood physically disabled by a horrendous neck injury. I am lucky that it was a temporary disability. My physical disability was an injury with a very long healing time. When most children are exploring age-appropriate topics, I was in and out of dozens of hospitals and doctors from ages 6 to 12-ish. I had no idea- and neither did doctors- if I was ever going to get better. Lucky me, I did. But I could only imagine how kids in that same situation feel when they have something that won't get better. Not every disability has an easy cure, and not every disability can go away with enough determination. And that is okay. There is nothing wrong with disabled individuals, but there is something deeply wrong with how society treats us. My page is a safe space for the marginalized and undesirable. This means I won't be standing for any bigotry such as ableism in my space. Also, I am permanently mentally disabled, but that's a story for another day. TL;DR - Any ableist, ignorant takes will be hidden and you'll be blocked. Support me and see more exclusive art: www.patreon.com/horsecrimes Character © @hasbro Art © HorseCrimes
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flickeringart · 3 years
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The Megxit Drama pt. 2
Since I already went through Meghan Markle’s chart in light of the Megxit Drama, I’m going to get into Prince Harry’s as well, considering that they’re both very much part of this demonstrative break with tradition and authority. However, for Harry, it’s not only a break with a work environment and in laws, it’s a break with his family, his up-bringing and his roots in an attempt to rid himself from outdated and harmful beliefs and thought-systems imbedded in fabric of the institution.  
As stated in my previous post, Harry and Meghan has been far from applauded in their break with the Royal Family, especially after the Oprah interview in March where they made public accusations of being treated unfairly in various ways. Meghan felt attacked by the media, left out in the cold and denied protection, deprived of support when she felt suicidal and even encountering racism. Aside from Harry’s motivation to help his wife, he admittedly also felt like Meghan’s situation gave him the opportunity to cut ties for good with a way of life that apparently had affected him more negatively and positively throughout his childhood and into his adulthood.
It’s certainly bold for Prince Harry to make complaints seeing as the public tends to not appreciate when wealthy and privileged people come out whining and wimping about their “difficult life”. However, the world is not as straight forward as rich equals happy and poor equals sad. Starvation and difficulty can be encountered on many levels of existence and just because one is born a prince doesn’t mean that one is incapable of experiencing legitimate lack. Life doesn’t spare any of us, which is why there should be compassion for all people – there’s no group or individual that is exclusively entitled to have their suffering be acknowledged. In a sense, Harry being able to look at his own struggles and prioritize his own and his wife’s well-being is a good thing. The message and spirit behind their action is good, at least if they’re honest and genuine (which people still doubt). Regardless, when the status quo is disrupted, there will be friction and unpleasantries.
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(Chart of Prince Harry on astrotheme.com)
Although Harry’s chart reflects a predominantly earthy influence, which is speaking to the need for structure, permanence and routine, his planets in Sagittarius and Scorpio, gives him a free spirit and emotional endurance. Ever since Harry was little he was notably more impulsive and risk-taking than his brother William. Harry’s Mars (which marks his physical energy and drive) is suitably placed in the restless fire sign of Sagittarius, conjunct Uranus, which gives him a non-conformist and individualistic streak – especially in the context of friends and groups. Apparently, he was a wild teenager, drinking a lot, letting lose in “inappropriate ways”, being aggressively competitive on the polo court and so on. He seems to be quite the mellow type at first glance, his Capricorn Ascendant gives him an outward persona of seriousness and his Scorpio MC gives him a public image of being a bit “in the background” not wanting to attract too much attention or reveal too much. As I mentioned in the previous post, Harry acted passive in the interview, coming off as a troubled man not knowing what he’d gotten himself into – which is quite characteristic of the Scorpio MC and Saturn conjunct. Astrology is a very useful tool when analyzing a person, because sometimes, the public image is only a tiny speck of what really goes on. Harry’s chart shows that he comes off as more cold and guarded than he actually is, and quite understandably so considering growing up with the media on constant watch for slip-ups. Opposite the MC, in the 4th house he has his Taurus Moon, pointing out that his sensitivity and vulnerability only comes out in private with his own family in his own home. It’s a deeply loyal placement that is resistant to change and it might not have been that easy to uproot for him, if he hadn’t had his own family with Meghan to provide some safety and emotional containment.
It has become evident that Harry seems to be a troubled soul that is haunted by past traumas and experiences. His Sun (which marks his individuality, his will and sense of significance) is in the 8thhouse, suggesting that his identity is based on other people’s values. There would be a feeling of having one’s identity and significance being in the hands of other people – of having one’s individuality being owned and controlled. When being part of the Royal Family, one is subjected to rules and values imposed from the outside. Significance is granted based on the opinions and approval of others – it’s given if one succeeds in appealing to their psychology. The 8th house is the house of death, regeneration and traumatic events. The Sun usually signifies the father image and it’s obvious that Harry is very disappointed of his father. He pities him for being trapped, undoubtedly resents him for being a “bad” husband to his late mother and not caring enough to make a change to alleviate his children’s suffering (typical 8th house themes). Even though his father was present during his childhood and inevitably involved, at least physically, he probably wasn’t able to be there as an effective role model and supporter of Harry in the way he needed emotionally. The Sun in Virgo squares Mars and Neptune in Sagittarius, which describes Charles’s disapproval of his son’s recklessness and marked individualism.
Harry’s Sun in the 8th house also points to someone who derives a sense of self from his troubles and tribulations in life. Since the big break with his family he has gained a sense confidence and has undertaken a kind of hero-journey through opening up about his mental health struggles and destructive coping mechanisms used in the past to numb out his emotions directly or indirectly related to his mother’s death. Sun square Mars and Neptune describes someone who struggles to act on his own will as well as finding and pursuing his own ideals and dreams. He is probably struggling and has been struggling with undermined sense of importance his whole life, perhaps naturally given the circumstances of always being the unruly sidekick to his older brother growing up. His 3rd house of siblings is ruled by Aries, which points to competitiveness and head butting, not to mention a strong need to be the best. I’m sure this competitiveness isn’t and wasn’t all bad – it likely kept them alert and motivated to improve their skills and abilities. Another sibling signifier is Mercury, sitting in the 8th house. Harry has admitted that he views his brother to be as stuck as his father, that he is trapped within the system upheld by other people’s values. Charles and William presumably don’t like being reduced to “victims” by their family member in a public statement. It must feel like being stabbed in the back by someone who’s supposed to show loyalty, to only for the sake of the monarchy but for the sake of personal feelings involved. Harry stated in the Oprah interview that he has great respect for all members of his family, but it was done in a business type manner, like an employee respects his employer “in theory”. The true feelings of Harry are obviously more complicated and seep through the carefully portrayed civilized sentiments. His public image being that of Scorpio, it certainly appears to the public like he’s take pains in order to get revenge through strategic moves involving relating secrets to the public of the power dynamics going on behind closed doors. Saturn in Scorpio conjunct the MC is especially prone to build a career by getting to the bottom of shady events. He’s now putting an emphasis in his work on mental health, raising awareness and exploring his own psyche as a way of enlightening the world, which is his Saturn in Scorpio in the 9thacting out. He has collaborated with Oprah on the on the documentary “The Me You Can’t See”, in which several well-known celebrities open up about their own mental and emotional difficulties. As a 9th house Saturn and Pluto in Scorpio person that Harry is, it’s not surprising that he wants to share these things. The 9th house is about sharing and distributing knowledge and Scorpio is about that which is hidden and taboo. Pluto sits in this house as well, putting an even stronger emphasis on highlighting uncomfortable issues hidden underneath the surface.
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thegreenwolf · 4 years
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(This post was originally posted on my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/its-okay-to-not-hustle/)
There’s this meme going around Facebook right now, saying “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a new skill, your side hustle started, or more knowledge, you never lacked time. You lacked discipline.” Thankfully multiple people have already skewered it, but it continues to be shared around by the sort of person who is trying to one-up everyone else, or who’s just plain clueless–or, for that matter, just trying to guilt you into buying whatever they’re selling.
Now, there’s not a damned thing wrong with self-promotion. That’s how indie artists, authors, and other self-employed folks get the word out. You have to be able to talk good talk in order to get people’s attention. But leading with this meme? Guilting people for not leaping from sudden unemployment straight into the thick of the ever-shifting gig economy? That ain’t gonna fly, Brocephus.
You Have Good Reasons to Slack
Excuse me while I dust off my counseling psych degree a sec, here. *ahem* We are in a very sensitive, turbulent time right now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century in the Western world. We are in a hugely traumatizing situation here. Not just for the financial losses, but the fact that COVID-19 has killed thousands of people and left many more with permanent lung damage. We still haven’t gotten a handle yet on exactly how contagious this thing is, how long you’re contagious for, or whether you’re immune once you’ve had it, assuming you survive. We don’t have adequate testing, emergency rooms estimate that for every positive test there are 10-20 people out there infected and untested, and everyone with a cough is suddenly Schroedinger’s COVID case. Governments worldwide are slow to react in spite of the rising death toll. People have had friends and family die horribly from this thing in a short period of time. Even people who didn’t already have issues with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses are feeling stressed, strained and scared–and, yes, traumatized. This image is guilt-tripping people who are actively being traumatized.
So we’re already starting with a populace that is dealing with this collective trauma, as well as whatever personal trauma each individual is experiencing. Not always easy to seize the day when you’re going through that. And I can think of a few other reasons that might further complicate this whole “Just get a side gig!” thing:
–They’re a parent who suddenly has all their kids at home, all the time, demanding time and attention and food, AND they still have to work eight hours a day from home, or maybe even more if their S.O. is unemployed/sick/etc. By the way, if someone trots out Isaac Newton or William Shakespeare or some other historical guy who managed to do epic things during a pandemic, remember that they usually had wives or servants to do all the laundry and cooking and cleaning and (if applicable) childcare for them.
–They’re disabled or chronically ill, and don’t have the ability/energy/etc. to just go and make something happen, just like that. Imagine if you just randomly got the fatigue from a really bad flu, and you never knew whether it was going to last a day or a month. And if you tried exerting yourself when you were feeling better, chances are you’d slip back into fatigue-land. That’s what a lot of my chronically ill/etc. friends have to deal with, to say nothing of issues with accessibility of resources for starting a side gig.
–They don’t have any money for the supplies needed to start a side hustle, or the supplies have been hoarded by hobbyists preparing for a Pandemic Staycation.
–They don’t have the skills for something that just requires what they already have (like, for example, writing on a laptop you already happen to own). Often these skills are things that can’t be perfected in a few weeks at home, but may take years to develop before they’re really marketable–like, for example, the skill to make a decent living on side hustles.
–They have anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions that make it hard to function even in the best of times, but even moreso in this…well…mess. Even people who were mentally healthy before are going to be developing diagnosable anxiety and depression disorders before all’s said and done. And speaking from personal experience, those of us who look successful on the outside can still be internally hamstrung by these conditions at times.
–Plus there’s the fact that we’re not supposed to, you know, leave our homes, which narrows down the field of potential side gigs by a lot.
Even doing something less financially-wrought like learning a new skill or subject takes time, energy, and sometimes money, any or all of which may be scarce for the reasons above and more.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
I am saying all of this as someone who is arguably an expert on the side gig. I have spent the past eight and a half years 100% self-employed (and a lot longer doing it part-time) as an author and artist, able to cover all my bills and expenses, and for a time I was the primary breadwinner of a multi-person household. I have like ten different things I was doing for a living before this all hit, a pretty diverse set of streams of income, even if most of them just up and evaporated in the past few weeks. And while I’m definitely a hell of a lot leaner now than I was a month ago, I still have my head above water for the moment. So I think I know side gigs.
I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m overall healthy. I have a dog who is a lot less demanding of my time than kids would be. I have my own space where I can focus more or less without interruption. More importantly, I have the skills, the knowhow, the drive and the personality to go out and seek new opportunities. And I’m used to fluctuations in income, though admittedly this one’s unprecedented. Don’t gauge yourself by where I am now. I’ve spent twenty-two years building up my art business, my first book came out in 2006, and I’ve had a series of really good opportunities come my way that I had the privilege to be able to make the most of. I am not your measuring stick, so don’t say “Well, if she can do it why can’t I? I must suck!”
If you’re feeling crappy because you aren’t hopping to it and carpeing the diem and getting everything done, here’s what I have to say to you: Look, you just had your world turned upside-down. Job loss, scarce commodities, sudden lack of outside childcare, restricted movement and inability to be around much of your support system, and did I mention a pandemic is happening, too? Any single one of those things would be difficult for just about anyone to deal with, never mind all at once. And I don’t even know what all else has already been going on in your life–unstable or unsafe living situation, other health issues, breakups and other losses, interpersonal conflicts. You know, normal life stuff.
You’re Not Lazy, or Screwing Up, or (Gods Forbid) Undisciplined
It is totally okay if all you’re doing right now is surviving. It’s okay if you feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by all that’s happening both on a global level and more personally. It’s okay if all you can manage right now is to get out of bed and stumble through each day a moment at a time, struggling with a tidal wave of emotions. It’s okay if you’re just trying to keep your kids busy, dealing with a crowded home every single day, or trying to keep COVID-19 at bay. It’s okay if, instead of firing up DuoLingo or opening an Etsy shop, you spend your evenings vegging to Netflix or reading a book or playing hours and hours of Animal Crossing.
Not every moment in your life has to be about being productive even in the best of circumstances, and that goes exponentially so right now. Be patient with yourself, and be kind. You may be one of those folks who literally has to spend all their time scrabbling to try to cover the bills or get some leeway from bill collectors, and you have to dedicate your waking time hunting for resources just to try to get through this week. Believe me, I feel for you, I have a lot of friends in that situation right now, and I hope all of you can find some relief and assistance.
May I suggest something? If you have the energy for something more than the bare essentials of getting by, put that energy toward self-care, whatever you can manage under the circumstances. You can use it to recuperate, to rebuild your emotional and physical resilience. That way if things get rough again in the future, you have more internal reserves to build on. If your usual methods don’t work or aren’t accessible due to lockdown, ask others what they’re doing to keep themselves grounded in this trying time.
Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you don’t have to throw yourself right into something productive! Don’t feel pressured to just go-go-go the moment you have a little freedom to move. If you do decide you want to try a side gig, or a new skill, or learn all about some specialized topic of interest, go for it! If you have the energy and attention and opportunity to pursue something new, it can be a great coping skill during this traumatic time. Just don’t pressure yourself; keep it fun.
One last thing: I want you to save the image I have at the top of this post. And then if you see someone post that meme, saying “Come on, you lazy bums, get up and make that side gig happen! Learn new stuff! Do all the things! No excuses!” you pull out this version, and you look at the edits, you remember that it’s okay to be where you are, and you get back to doing things at your own pace no matter what someone else says. (I find visualizing stapling a printout of the edited version to the offender’s forehead to also be therapeutic, but that may just be me.)
Hang in there, okay? It’s going to be a rough time, but you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling right now is shared by so many people. So just let yourself be where you are in this moment, and we’ll see what hope tomorrow brings. And remember that whatever you’re capable of in this moment: it’s enough.
Did you enjoy this post? Please consider supporting my work on Patreon, buying my books here on my website, buying my art and books on Etsy, or tipping me at Ko-fi!
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rickyandgina · 3 years
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Season 2 Predictions
Section 1 characters- Nini: YAC. I'm almost 100% sure that she goes, it would be such a shame if she didn't take this amazing opportunity and allow herself to experience something on her own. But if she doesn't then what? Well as we know there is going to be rival school in the next season. North high. Maybe she goes here? In the limited amount of promo photos released from season 2, she's absent. Aside from what seems to be the first episode. My theory is that she may not get as big of a role in play and go somewhere else where she feels more appreciated . IDK but I'm guessing there is going to be a major arc for Nini venturing off to find herself outside of East high and her relationship with Ricky. Whether that be Youth Actors Conservatory or NHS. We wanna see growth girl!
Ricky: Ricky, I'm more unsure about. I think he's complacent in his relationship with Nini and is comfortable with having his security blanket back. Obviously the news from Nini is going to shake him and mirror his breakdown after his parents and them separating. Do they separate though? I don't think so... It would such a fan disservice to spend all season building them up only to break them down again an episode later. What I do think is that his main strory-line is going to be learning to cope with people not always going to be around and how to make relationships work that aren't always 100 percent perfect. Also I think that we will see him really getting into theatre for himself and taking it more seriously the second time around.  Without Nini there I don't think he will try out for the main role- I'm guessing Gaston as there's promo photos of him acting out a scene that just seems so like that character. Also there's the question of Gina and his relationship with her being unresolved,,, but I'll talk more about that later.
EJ: Oh, I am so excited to see his character next season. He arguably got the best development last season and we can already see this change. With Ricky maybe out of the picture? I think we'll see him try out for the main role and get it. The beast just fits his storyline so perfectly and I think it would be such a shame for them not to go that route. It's also his last semester at the school and nice way to wrap up his storyline and send him off. Or they could go the route of Gaston for him, but ehhh Idk. It just seems like reverting. BUT there's also episode 2 (type casting) so we will see. Overall I think we will see him be the person he was becoming in the last few episodes. More kind, caring, and not so into himself (maybe a little tho). His relationship with Gina is obviously is going to develop- hopefully friendship- and I think that it is going to be nice seeing these two characters who were so vain and focused on winning last season be able to lean into one another. Let's look forward to likeable EJ.
Gina: My girl. My bean. My ride or die. I am so excited to see her next season, it's a little unhealthy lol. Okay, so for her I am also uncertain where they are going to take her character. She obvi stays from the promos. But what does that mean? Clearly she was struggling with her decision so I think that will be her main story line for episode 1- in the end her choosing to stay. I think this will be mirrored with Nini choosing to leave, then from there just straight up DRAMA. From the promo photos we see her, Kourtney, Ashlyn all in the auditorium trying out. From the looks of it, it seems like they are all trying out for the same part. Belle??? If she gets the part... I don't think so. It just doesn't seem like her time yet. So where does this leave us? Maybe she also goes to North High where she can shine brighter and bigger... maybe she stays. I could see it both ways, Gina is not used to being somewhere for long and it is so in character for her to go off to find something new and better for herself. This could lead us to her having to face off against her friends and roommate, struggling in doing so. Or they could have her stay, not get the main role and snag a smaller part. Having her stay would allow them to develop her relationship with Ricky. Especially with Nini gone. Idk either way I'm excited to see her and all her new friendships with the crew.
Carlos: I think once again we will see him as Ms.Jenn's right hand man. Running the play and being his beautiful controlling self. Maybe he gets a smaller role in play as well. These are only the minor parts of his story. What's the big stuff? SEB! I really think they are going to develop this relationship more, hopefully we will get to see them together and happy. Not just happy though, what's a good romance without hardship? Being queer and in high school is not easy for a lot of teens, though while in their bubble of theatre kids they are all accepting and happy, maybe they will show the other side of this, of people who aren't so willing to see things differently. Out of the two I think Carlos would be the one to struggle with this. Clearly Seb is not afraid to be who he is and own it. So maybe we will get to see them struggle through this together, and obviously come out on top in the end.
Seb: I'm hoping he will get a bigger role in the play, what role though? Idk its hard to say. But as we know he's becoming a series regular so we will get to know more about him. Maybe about his home life and the relationship he has with his family. We know that his family works on a farm and he's expected to do that too. So maybe we will see him stand up to his parents and take control of his life.  Overall I'm just hoping and thinking that they will develop his character more and allow us to see a different side of him outside of the theatre and in a more realized setting.
Kourtney: She is so going to shine this season! Main role? You bet ya.. I think she's getting the part of Belle. Or at least fights for it. From the way the last season ended and them alluding to having more in store for her, and the announcement of the second season, all dressed in yellow. It just makes sense. This girl is so talented and ready to take center stage. I'm also thinking they're going to introduce a romance for her... hopefully. It would so fun to see her get her love story. I'm thinking one of the new characters that is going to be introduced as there really aren't any prospects in the cast already. We'd love to see it! On the other side, maybe she doesn't and goes to North High? IDK Tim said that people go over there, so we will see.
Ashlyn: Another one of my favs, can't wait to see her and Gina's relationship. She is obvs going to be like a big sister to Gina, guiding her and helping her through her second semester. Again, I see bigger things for her in this upcoming series. Big Red, need I say more? So clearly they are going to showcase this couple and develop them more as the season goes on. Big part of her story line this season. Moving onto the play, again, in the sneak peeks we see her with Gina and Kourtney trying out. I think she is going to take a leap and tryout for Belle and fail. Maybe this takes a shot to her confidence and we get to see her struggling with not being chosen. Having to take a back seat again, IDK. I could see it happening. Anyways, I think the points of her plotline are mainly going to be about her relationship with Big Red and her stepping up and into the spotlight.
Big Red: The Lefou to Ricky's Gaston? Probably. I think this season he will get a role in the play, it's only fair. Larry is sooo talented they have to let him tap dance his heart out and kill his role in the production. Again we will see him be support a system for Ricky and him dealing with Nini and all of their drama, but he's going to have his own going on too. I think that we will see A LOT of miscommunication between Ashlyn and Big red. They just aren't that great at communication. Clearly. This could be a big source of drama for him and his story line and allow us to see more of him and the writers to develop his character outside of the nerd archtype. I really hope.
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fairycosmos · 3 years
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i just spent 2 hours trying to hang myelf and when that didn't work trying to strangle myself with a cord. i tried so hard. my face is full of broken blood vessels, my eyes too and my neck feels tight and is bruised and i cant swallow. im in such pain. physical and emotional. why is it so hard. i want to die. im so alone. i hurt so much. even killing yourself is a luxury i have no access to pills or drugs. i want to die it hurts so much my neck hurts everything i want to die
hey, jesus dude i’m really really sorry. obviously you’re in a lot of pain right now and i don’t want to condescend to you when i don’t know your specific needs or history. you may not be in the headspace to be able to take any of this seriously and if that’s the case i understand, but i hope you can come back to it when you are ready. i just want to let you know firstly that i’m so so glad you’re still here and that you are absolutely not alone. can’t imagine what has gotten you to this point and i don’t blame you for being tired because whatever it is, i can see that it is all so very difficult in the most unexplainable way, and i don’t want to minimize that at all. but the fact that you’re alive and surviving this moment, no matter how much you don’t want to, counts for so so much. your future self knows it too. please for now, just get yourself to a safe and familiar location and work on trying to come down from the adrenaline rush. breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. name 5 things you can see, 4 you can physically feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. understand that these little habits are not cures to your situation obviously, i’m not saying a few deep breaths is going to fix anything. there is clearly a much larger issue at play here, it’s just a matter of grounding yourself in this moment so you can find some clarity. mental illness only functions to warp your entire reality and level of judgement, you can not trust your brain or your beliefs about yourself/the world right now. i know it hurts and it feels like the realest thing in the universe. but these impulses are so strong that they’re generally not built to last - you CAN move forward from this and you CAN find a healthier way to do it. no matter what your mind is telling you. if you have ever felt like this before and gotten through it, then that is proof of this.
are you so injured that you need to call an ambulance or go to the ER? are you struggling to breathe, having chest pain or coughing up blood? if so, please call them right now. please. if not, is there anyone less immediate that you can call? i’m talking a suicide hotline, a friend, a family member, your doctor, your therapist if you have one, literally anyone. your brain is likely going to reject this idea but it’s one of the most effective ways of stopping this suicidal cycle that you’re currently stuck in. people care about you, they do, and it’s important to give them the opportunity to show that. you need outside intervention to mediate the situation, and it is perfectly ok to need that support. it is truly completely understandable and it is not going to be anywhere near as bad or as scary as your fear is building it up to be. please consider reaching out to someone my love. i’m not just saying this just to say it, your life has so much inherent worth and your current circumstances are not where you’re destined to stay. i understand that it’s tiring and sometimes it doesn’t feel worth it hanging on day after day, just for some vague notion of improvement occurring in some far off future. but even on a day to day basis there are small things work sticking around for. even in the midst of absolute agony. please try to consciously explore these reasons for living, even if all you want to do is lean into your reasons for dying. it can be something as simple as eating your favourite food again. no, it doesn’t compare to the amount of pain you’re in, but it is a good reminder that the pain isn’t all there is. please just focus on getting through the next hour and doing whatever it takes to achieve that, rather than trying to figure anything out. it’s alright to be all over the place, to be exhausted, it is not alright to harm yourself because of it. even if it takes you forever to learn that distinction, the whole point is to try. that is more than good enough. you are so strong and capable and good. you are supposed to be here and things would be irreparably different without you even if you genuinely can’t see that. you deserve to move forwards, you deserve to have a strong and healthy support system, you deserve to get to a place that feels less chaotic and more peaceful. i believe in you and i honestly think you can do it. speaking and working with the right professional over an extended period of time honestly gives you the tools to learn to manage these feelings and emotions in a way that stops them snowballing and getting to this point. being listened to, acknowledge and formulating a plan can make all the difference. as with any physical illness, treatment is necessary in order to heal but it is not some far off impossible thing to seek. it can be done, even just through a mental health organization in your area or by talking to a friend about what’s going on at first. any step in the right direction is something to be proud of. and sometimes that just looks like laying in bed surviving the day. i appreciate you sharing this w me and i know this must’ve been one of the worst days of your life, i really am so sorry. please, please consider calling or texting someone and getting some rest when you can. my inbox is open if you need a friend, i’m sending you so much love. please take care. x 
https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/a-z/resource/50/suicide-coping-with-suicidal-thoughts
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treechangeseachange · 3 years
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The return
It’s coming up to 3 months since we returned to our block and it took us 8 weeks to slow down. On the weekend we slowed down we enjoyed the first official Friday night catch up with our neighbours as the full moon rose. On Saturday we went out for brunch. No sport on Sunday morning meant a sleep in. I played handball with my boys for the first time ever in my life. Lamb shanks slow cooked on the wood heater. We squeezed in a late Sunday afternoon fishing trip. It took us 8 weeks to find some calm. We had forgotten how to do normal. I haven’t written for this blog since um wow December?! My leisure time since then has been extremely limited and when it occurred I prioritised my mental wellbeing and sleep.
This journey has brought me to the edge of my psychological and physical limitations. I watched my husband do a terminator style non stop renovation while trying also to commence a rebuild. His promises to take time off over Christmas dwindled to 2 days. There was so much to do. I helped with whatever jobs I was able to and then focussed on the household and occasionally, our boys. Midway through January this year we realised trying to work on both the renovation and the rebuild was insanity. The local real-estate market was booming. Post COVID, Sydney city dwellers realised they could put in a few days in the city then work from their coastal holiday pad the rest of the week. We decided to get our investment property, come bushfire haven, onto the market before the summer ended. We mapped out each remaining job and the days required to accomplish them. We calculated selling time, settlement time and remaining bank balance. What were need to do’s and what were optional extras. If everything went to plan, we could pay to get some work done at the block and make it habitable enough to move into. It was an extreme test of time, energy and resources.
It worked. We listed by the end of February, sold in three weeks and settled five weeks after settlement. I write that all in one glib sentence. Of course all of that only happened with considerable focus and effort. Life for the boys was hectic. 99% of their toys were packed and moved into storage weeks before the house went on the market. As the house neared completion we stressed about them damaging something. When the house was on the market we stressed about them getting things dirty - the walls, the windows or the cupboards. I banished them from the bathroom, they had to brush teeth in the laundry and shower outside. Luckily it was warm and didn’t rain much in those few weeks! Anyone who has sold a house while living in it knows how painful open homes are. The logistics and effort of cleaning and styling, while working full time from home, scheduling everything between work appointments, getting the dog out of the way and the boys to school, nearly broke me. Thankfully the selling process was short, but we packed a lot of opens into that time and by the end of it all, I had become a shouty, grouchy mum and wife. It was also a real highlight to hit menopause and bring some phenomenal hormonal energy into the mix. Phew.
Before we packed up and left I was lucky enough to have a week away with the boys. My fully wired self hit Melbs and my family gave me refuge and forgave my intensity. We managed some fun and the change of scenery was a big relief. Husband, however, stayed behind to work on the temporary shed home. Holiday behind me, I returned to packup and clean and polish the house for the financial return of our lives. Literally.
Can you then imagine our triumphant and spectacular return to our block bathed in happiness and light? Um well perhaps instead picture this - we arrived exhausted to an unpowered, work in progress temporary residence in the middle of a mice plague and endured 200ml of heavy rain in four days leaving us surrounded by mud. Happy to catch the rain in our tank? I wish! The new tank leaked 8000L the week before we moved, and only our neighbour’s spare tank loan meant we had any water at all. But being so small, it overflowed and made even more mud. The heavy rain was so loud on the tin roof it frequently woke the kids in the night (who then woke us), mice ran across the floor, huntsmen spiders dropped from the ceiling. With nowhere really to unpack things, cooking became like the biggest ever memory game, which box were the bowls in? Where did I pack the cutlery? The rain delayed our solar power install so for 10 days we lived out of an esky and by torchlight. We both kept working full time, getting the boys to school, after school sport commitments and then husband kept building after he got home and into the night. After a week of stress and chaos we knew something had to give, fortunately husband could take time off work to focus on our build and family life.
Fast forward to now. The financial pressure of the summer has eased. The temporary living quarters are functional and steadily improving. We have a beautiful wood heater. Our off grid solar system is powering us even during these short winter days. I have more kitchen cupboards than ever before, plus a dishwasher! I have hung up my clothes in a full wardrobe for the first time in nearly four years. The boys each have clean new wardrobes. Their separate rooms are still being built so they are in what will be our room which is insulated and wall paneled. We can cope with an outside shower and toilet. My husband is a legend.
What’s it like actually being back? I confess I was nervous about my own and the boys emotions. Eldest son is extremely happy to be back. Youngest son has taken time to adjust but that has more been due to his fear of the dark. The noises of the bush are unfamiliar and there are no streetlights out here! There has only been one time where a prebushfire memory overwhelmed me. Every person’s bushfire experience and recovery is unique. Unlike many others we are fortunate have the opportunity to not have to build on the exact footprint of the old place and I think this is psychologically helpful. It’s not the same space, and with some trees dead and gone the landscape is altered, its a slightly different perspective. The boys are older now, so our lifestyle is different too. Slowly we are finding a new rhythm on our land. The boys are absolutely loving being back on their bikes on bush tracks.
I was excited to resume my morning walks, although maybe not as excited the dog! He’s happy to have his off-lead roam again. But the first week of walking I found tough, the burnt and recovering state forest I traverse didn’t bring me the joy it used to. In the heavily logged areas where only isolated saplings were left unlogged, they couldn’t survive the heat of the fire or they didn’t have community trees to share nutrients through their roots to support recovery. The undergrowth is now the canopy and is booming with all the extra sunlight but when I look at it, all I see is fire hazard. Then as the weeks went by, my view softened, I recognise the bush is healing like me. I am appreciating small wonders of nature. A spider’s web highlighted with morning dew or the fascination of new plants thriving. There are trees that have fully recovered, others seem to be doing well, and there is much green in the landscape to enjoy.
On my morning walk I also see which animals are about in the night from what they leave behind. There is at least one very busy wombat! We see wallabies reasonably often and last week one morning I found big roo prints in the clay right near our place. We hear a boobook owl calling most nights and more frogs chirping croaking from the gully than I ever remember. Which now makes sense, we definitely were in drought for some years prior to the fires and the creek has this year been running for months. Less exciting is hearing foxes at night, my son especially dislikes their eerie calls. In daytime the bird life is altered. We are down to one lyrebird, there used to be two with adjacent territories battling loudly with their extraordinary mimicry. But at least there is one, how a ground bird survived I can’t imagine. The yellow robins aren’t around us now, we have wrens in the cleared spaces and in the lush shrubs busy brown gerygones dart and chirp. A shrike thrush has made a nest in our bushfire remains pile, her song is piercing and wonderful. Rarely are the yellow crested black cockatoos here now. This past weekend we did see two circling wedge tailed eagles the silent assassins of the sky wheeling high over the gully with that phenomenal wingspan.
Surprisingly my greatest source of happiness in these first few months being back has come from the sky. Unobstructed by buildings, the sky feels bigger in the bush. I’m loving the late winter sunrises. My very favourite time is just after the sun has risen when the horizontal sun rays set tops of the trees bright orange. Those are magical minutes of golden tinged trees. The sunsets. The stars. The moon. the sky has been a revelation and a source of happiness. Maybe because I’m spending more time outside I notice it more. Seeing glittering stars through the steam of a hot outdoor shower makes the cold walk inside completely worth it!
Slowly I am regaining my sense of gratitude for this place. The quiet. The privilege of not seeing another house. Having no curtains and that not mattering. Not worrying about noise and neighbours. Lack of street lights at night.
All of a sudden things aren’t hectic and we are settling in. It still amazes me after 6 moves in 5 years how intense moving is and then how imperceptibly things transition to not being new anymore. Normalcy sneaks up on me every time. Clearly this isn’t really normal but we’re enjoying this new start in our old place.
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swampgallows · 3 years
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i was writin it in the tags before i maxed em out but it had me thinking about how much more shit i did in college because i actually had access to shit. for one, there was a viable public transit system there. there was a bus stop literally outside my dorm, and i used to take the bus all kinds of places and just walk around the city and shit. i did tons of things i previously would not have accessible to me because i didnt drive. back when disney passes were cheap as fuck i had days where id swing by disneyland after class just to hop on a ride or two and then go home. i went to parks, beaches, the aquarium, the movies, clubs, raves, morris dancing, restaurants, the mall, and all kinds of shit on my own because i could actually physically fucking get there. the only real challenge a lot of the time was if i bought anything to get it home (i remember walking half a mile with a full length mirror back to my dorm because i kept missing the bus). but the point is that i DID SHIT. i wasnt constantly being micromanaged by people in my environment about what food i bought or what i ate, where i went and when, etc. and i had the resources to actually go fucking do things.
it all came crashing down, i think, when i got into that series of bad relationships. i dont think i was aware of it at the time, but that was about the time that things were ramping up toward something great and then i was betrayed by people close to me and continuously shot down. i didnt know how to process those toxic relationships, and part of me still doesn’t. almost ten years later im still trying to recover from the damage of them. yes, it was the same time that i was having heightened anxiety and the worst period of panic attacks in my life, which were and are awful and shitty, but i also had very understanding and supportive friends who were there for me during that time. it would be no different than if i got very sick and had friends who took care of me. i was having a human experience and because i had a good support network, i was able to cope.
so like. of course i got depressed when my boyfriend would hate-fuck me and embarrass me on purpose in public or in front of his friends. of course i felt too scared and sad to go to class when i was constantly being told my art wasn’t good enough and was a waste of time and “useless to society”. of course i hid in my room playing video games with rude assholes because at least they couldnt touch me. of course i didnt want to open up to people when they told me it was “fascinating the way your mind mistreats you”. 
of course i got suicidal when i got zero weekend days off for three straight years. not even easter sunday, even though greek easter usually falls on a completely separate sunday. of course i didnt want to live anymore when i couldnt see or be with my friends or express myself naturally. of course i would be depressed about waking up at 7am every day to stand in a cold room alone for 8 hours and not even be paid enough to live.
friends and family and past teachers on facebook can encourage me to go on medication, but for what? will a SSRI pay me a living wage? is celexa going to make men treat me better? will prozac install a public transit system in my area, or help me move to a place where a better one already exists? xanax didnt sit in the car with me to teach me to drive and offer support, but it did help me recuperate from the dozens of screaming crying fits and panic attacks i had while orchestrating my own exposure therapy. it took years for me to get acclimated to just sitting in the driver’s seat of my car while it was off without having a complete meltdown and slamming it full speed into the garage to kill myself. because i am still so mad that i learned so late, that nobody gave a shit about me enough to teach me, that i had to shell out hundreds if not thousands of dollars on lessons with complete strangers to learn this skill that has become mandatory for survival in the place i live. i had to use money to replace the love and support normally given by family or my community.
i am trying to condition myself to see my car as an emblem of freedom, but it feels like a cage. it costs so much money, it is so scary and exhausting to operate it, and everything in this world and society is forcing me to use it. and honestly it feels like, because i have it, i have run out of “excuses” for not being employed. that if i have a car, i should be able to go to any job whatsoever and sit in my car in traffic for four hours a day like every other average person in l.a. even at the trader joes i interviewed at THREE TIMES before they eventually didnt bring me on, i would have to drive anywhere from 30-45 minutes to work every fucking day just to work at a fucking grocery store. i know people see those numbers and go ‘psh that’s nothing! my commute is so much longer!’ and that just feels like hustle propaganda. like why are you proud that you have to sit in your car in fucking traffic every day to do a job that you probably could (and now probably do) work at from home?
the shitty case worker i had, tonya, could not offer a suggestion to me when i brougth this up to her. how is medication going to make me more employable? how am i not supposed to blow my brains out when my life is going to be sitting in a car that i struggle to operate to go to a job that doesnt pay me enough to live and then doing that forever until i die? why dont i skip all that and just die right now? why live through that? all she could say was “well, that’s just how it is.” 
The much more obvious answer is that mental disorders, while influenced by genetic factors, are largely caused by trauma and context, and that oppressed groups of people experience way more trauma under capitalism, and are way less able to navigate the context of American society because it was built without them in mind, and in many cases to intentionally harm them.
this is why im going to be mentally ill forever, man. because i can’t fucking adapt to a society that doesn’t care about me. why would i do that? is it not inherently harmful and mentally ill to perpetuate an unhealthy environment? why belong to a society if we don’t care about the people in it? who is society for? if these circumstances were due to a partner, they’d tell me to leave them. if these circumstances were due to my living situation with my family or roommates, they’d tell me to move out. so must i leave society? do i have to live off the grid? do i have to hunt game and skin animals for fur and build my own shelter? even if i wanted to, like many natural peoples, capitalism is taking those things away too. look at first nations and indigenous people. look at the multitudes of the people experiencing homelessness and mental illness simultaneously. 
it is all so obvious when you’re on the outside. no one expects, or wants, people like me to survive. the whole point is that we do not belong to society. the whole point is that capitalism wants me dead. my suicidality means capitalism is working as intended.
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himbeaux-on-ice · 3 years
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Sorry! Lehner had around a 10 minute rant today about how he feels like the NHL lied to the players about loosening up the restrictions placed on teams and forced teams to get the Covid Vaccine. ESPN and the New York Post released an article about it today.
(this is a follow-up on this ask)
Ah okay, I found a TSN article about it, which covers the fact that he also apologized for some of his remarks (mainly comparing the restrictions to being “like prison” which is a bit cringe when you’re a millionaire in a free hotel, yeah), and also significantly clarified some of the intent behind what he was trying to say at the presser:
I’m gonna put my full thoughts this under a cut because it’s ended up running pretty long and rambly, but tl;dr: after considering his more precisely clarified points here and with the perspective I know he’s coming from, I can honestly see and empathize with what Lehner seems to be expressing here about how the NHL has chosen to handle player vaccinations and informing them about what that means for the restrictions on their lives, and I actually don’t disagree with his criticisms overall. Some of the phrasing could have been better, but he’s acknowledged that too.
All in all, it sounds like the NHL may have done a poor job of honestly managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the extra restrictions placed on the players and their families with each team, and that they’re also up to some version of their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.
Right, so, long thoughts are down here. Also gonna copy the majority of his comments directly because I think it’s worthwhile for people to read exactly what he said:
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"As I’m frustrated like a lot of people in the world right now everything didn’t come out of today’s press in the right way," Lehner wrote. "Main point is that we need to start take the mental health important as well In this situation. It has a huge impact on everyone in society right now. To put competitive edge before well being of people's lives is wrong. As I said, people are struggling with many different things mentally and we need to consider that, as well. Then, being lied to makes it worse."
I love hockey and the league has done a lot of good things," Lehner continued. "But this missed the mark. My bad to say it’s like prison and I apologize, but with mental health issues that are developing in the world, it develops problems mentally. We will see exactly how this affects everything with time. I don’t mean to offend anyone. I hope we can all work together to help people that suffer through mental help from this going forward. I’ve heard how a lot of people are doing through this as people talk to me about it."
During his briefing, Lehner said that the league has misled the players about how vaccination will lead to the loosening of restrictions.
"They told me yesterday that they're surveying all of the teams to see who has taken the vaccine and who has not taken the vaccine and they're not going to change the rules for us as players until all of the teams have a fair [amount] of [vaccinated players] at the same time, so there's not a competitive edge," Lehner said. "And that made me go crazy, to be honest."
Lehner said the league is failing to look at its players as people first and lied to them about taking the vaccine.
"These are human lives and people are struggling with this stuff a lot in society and we are humans just as everyone else," Lehner said. "So there's a twofold problem for me here - the first one is we got promised something to take something that not necessarily everyone wanted. So that was lie - a blatant lie. Second, to put competitive edge over human lives in terms of going back - and I'm not saying we're going out to a party or whatever, but we had a meeting when the season started, at the beginning of camp, that pretty much told us we can't go outside of our house, can't do anything, can't go to the grocery store, can do nothing on the road. You can take a meal out of the meal room and go sit up in your room, don't be with your teammates, don't do this, don't do that. Nobody thinks about the mental impact."
The Gothenburg, Sweden native says his peers are struggling through this pandemic season.
"I know people will say, 'Oh, you're millionaires' and this and that or 'What about these guys?' but we care about that, too, man," Lehner said. "No matter what people think, this is a society problem. But when government, corporations, NHL, whoever are taking decisions in terms of irrelevant things like competitive edge over the human being? It's not okay."
It seems pretty clear to me from this article that his main issue isn’t really with getting the vaccine or being required to do so (my understanding is that it is still opt-in for all players, not mandatory. It’s that he doesn’t view the League as having provided players with a realistic expectation ahead of time for how being vaccinated would or would not change their daily reality. That they were led to believe that getting vaccinated would lead to things that didn’t end up happening, and therefore weren’t empowered to make an informed choice about when to get vaccinated.
The way he describes it, the League was not clear enough ahead of time about the fact that individual players being vaccinated would not make them individually exempt from league-wide restrictions, and this created a feeling of false hope about what getting vaccinated would mean in terms of not just having to stay in your house or hotel room literally all the time. If you were looking forward to getting vaccinated because you were led to believe it would mean finally not having to live in that isolated, mentally draining environment all the time, and then only found out at the last minute or after the fact that no, you actually still have to keep following all these rules that are making your life so isolated and difficult, that’s gotta be pretty emotionally jarring. If you were a player who was a little unsure about getting vaccinated quite yet (for whatever reason, including possibly being in a risk group for side-effects or just not wanting to get waylaid for a week with the smile symptoms it induces during a crucial stretch of games), but decided it was worth it for the tradeoff of getting back to a life that was less of a strain on your mental health, and then got told AFTER you made that decision and got the shot that no, that tradeoff isn’t happening the way you were made to expect it to, I think it would understandably piss you off.
It also sounds like part of what he has taken issue with is that, from the sounds of it rather than ease internal restrictions on a team-by-team basis as determined by each team’s vaccination rates (which would mean that if for example the Wild had 95% of their team vaccinated, the Wild only the Wild would get to start living a life with slightly less restrictions), the League is instead opting to say “no, we’re only going to ease the rules for EVERYONE at the same time once all teams have reached similar numbers of vaccinated players and staff to ea other, because we would see having different rules for different teams as giving some of them an unfair competitive edge”.
Lehner takes umbrage with this approach, because he thinks that focusing solely on “competitive edge” by making more-vaccinated teams keep having to live incredibly isolated lives (even isolated from vaccinated teammates) is a case of the League prioritizing parity over the toll that barely being able to interact with other people or leave their houses is taking on players’ mental health. And I can really really understand his point here. We have all seen what quarantine has done to our individual mental health, and even if they are millionaires, those impacts also exist for the players.
I actually just recently re-read the Athletic piece about the intense mental health and addiction struggles Lehner has gone through and done the incredibly difficult work of getting help for in the last five years. This man has fought incredibly hard and done a massive amount of therapy and other work to sort out his head, deal with his demons, and get himself to a place where he can cope and wants to be alive. That kind of recovery journey is a battle which will continue for the rest of your life and requires constant maintenance practices (again, speaking from experience). He also spent most of this season not even getting to be around the team at all, stuck at home recovering from a concussion (which usually involves doing frustratingly little and waiting around impatiently in dimly lit rooms for your brain to heal). And now, upon returning to the team, road games mean more time spent sitting in a room trying not to be bored out of your skull, while possibly also having to have some limits on things like screen time as a post-concussion precaution.
Imagine being somebody like him, who has spent a lot of time working very hard to build up a lifestyle and a system of coping mechanisms in recent years which have allowed him to live a healthier and happier life, to then be thrown back into an isolated and highly restricted new lifestyle where probably at least half of all those habits and norms and support systems are taken out of reach, that has to be incredibly difficult (I’ve experienced something similar myself this year). Especially when you haven’t been able to even go and be with the team in the dressing room, or probably even do anything with your family that classes above “mildly strenuous”, because you’re out for six weeks recovering from a concussion, which is its own mental and physical health battle. And then, you are apparently given the impression from the League that “hey, if you’re willing to get vaccinated, that will lead to you being able to return to some semblance of a life that is less taxing on your psyche”, and you agreed to do so even if you were perhaps cautious about getting the vaccine before, because you’d rather accept whatever risk comes with the shot than gamble on keeping your sanity together for however much longer this isolation drags on, only to then find out that “actually no, even if your team and staff is entirely vaccinated you still have to spend most of your time sitting alone in rooms trying not to sink into a spiral of dangerous depression until other teams in other states with different vaccination programs are also immunized to similar levels, and our only real reasoning for holding that mental relief out of reach is mostly based on ‘competitive parity’”.
Yeah, I absolutely understand why he would feel very frustrated and even betrayed by that course of action! For Lehner, it’s not about competitive edges or the game on the ice, it’s about having made the decision to get vaccinated at this time with the understanding that it would allow access to an at least slightly less mentally taxing lifestyle, only to find out later that the League seemingly never intended to follow through on providing that despite you holding up your end of the deal. And it sounds like he is speaking for a number of other players beyond just himself who are also struggling with their mental health in these conditions. Even if he himself is managing to cope because of what he’s learned in his recovery, he would certainly be well-positioned to recognize signs in the people around him that they are struggling in ways that may be similar to what he went though before, and know how dire that can spiral into being.
Look, I don’t think Robin Lehner ever expected to be allowed to go out and lick people’s eyeballs or wander the supermarket maskless once vaccinated, but you heard the description of how intensely restrictive the NHL’s rules for players off-ice lives during COVID are. They are far more intense than the rules being enforced for non-NHL individuals in many of the same cities and states, because the NHL is trying to bring risk as close to zero as possible. And if you were a player told that being vaccinated was going to reduce contagion risks enough to mean that right away the NHL would finally let you and your teammates from “can’t go anywhere or see anyone, eat your dinner in your hotel room and try not to be depressed about it” to “you can go to the store with a mask on. you can eat meals with your also-vaccinated teammates. you can visit your parents or siblings while social-distancing/masking. you can spend free time around other people and/or in more public spaces without being chaperoned constantly by team staff. you can sit next to your also-vaccinated teammates on the plane/bus. you can hang out with them in their room”, and THEN later were told “sorry, we’re not actually going to let you do that yet. not for COVID reasons but rather because we worry not being totally miserable shut-ins will give you a competitive edge over that team in another state who aren’t getting vaccinated as quickly”. That has to feel like a slap in the face in terms of how much the league actually cares about your well-being or about being honest in its role in your personal medical decisions. Perhaps when he says “forced” he is expressing a feeling of being stuck between choosing “either get vaccinated or let your mental health keep degrading in isolation”, only to find out that making the deal doesn’t get you the relief you were promised.
Idk I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot here trying to circle in on my precise point bc my brain is a little scrambled today, but like. If the players made their decisions to consent to vaccination (at this time, with whatever version of the shot was offered, under whatever circumstances they may have going on personally or medically) based on one understanding of the situation, and then NHL really said “lol NOPE actually that was a false premise” and changed things after the fact, that’s kinda an informed consent issue and I think he’s right to call it fucked up! And everything he says about how mentally taxing such a super-isolated lifestyle is honestly only repeats worries I myself had right from the moment the “stay in your hotel room alone” rule was announced — that the League may be underestimating the toll (especially with some of the long road trips this season) that forcing players to live in total isolation like that was going to have on individual wellbeing and team morale.
Robin’s comments this morning could have been put better, but as somebody who has ADHD and who knows about bipolar disorder, I know emotions for folks with brains like ours can run fast and intense and sometimes lead to not always planning out every word as precisely and you might later have liked to once that moment has passed. The fact that he apologized for the less tactful part of the comment and sought to clarify his words tells me he’s thought a lot about this and wasn’t happy with how he expressed his thoughts initially. Also, while his English is very good, you can sometimes forget it isn’t his first language, Swedish is — some thoughts don’t translate exactly as they sounded in your head. That said, also Robin Lehner one of the more outspoken NHL players about mental health issues in recent years, and he also doesn’t seem like the type of guy to mince his words or tiptoe around a point — I’m not surprised he’s the person expressing these concerns about mental health, and I’m not surprised he was a bit blunt about it either lol.
All in all, it sounds like the NHL did a poor job of managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the players and their families, and that they’re also up to their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.
(also: the New York Post is a right-leaning sensationalist rag 90% of the time. take all spin it puts on things with a grain of salt)
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bitches say they’re gonna write up a list of things that would be cool to see in s6 of jamie johnson and then don’t follow up with that for like 2 years
it’s me. i’m bitches
as a preface this is just kind of a shitpost from start to end and they’re not really fully developed ideas but yeah, it’s something at least
jamie and dillon at northport
- see friendship strengthen, still with same dynamic that they’ve always had, very playful and with a lot of sarcasm
- jamie struggling with taking risks after injury - since you start learning to drive during these years in the uk, maybe fear of driving now?
- jamie defends dillon with homophobia that may arise, no wavering from that
- elliot has to fucking come back, dealing with a romance there, where dillon is really shy at first, doesn’t reveal his feelings for a little bit
- maybe foxborough make a comeback, tension with homophobia there? i don’t know if they seem like the homophobic type
- both finding their way as the youngest on the team - how do the older players handle it? are they pretty vengeful and jealous or are they impressed? maybe one of them has some kind of backstory that will intertwine with jamie or dillon’s, like a real-life mentor
- will we get a comeback of the guy who wanted to steal jamie for some team in china, i believe it was?
- maybe seeing some stuff from hawkstone with their new prodigy, highlighting that they never really cared, they only were worried about the money, which in turn makes jamie feel bad
- SIENNA MAKE A COMEBACK WITH A GIRLFRIENDDDDDDDDDD AND SEE ELLIOT AND DILLON TOGETHER
- okay, not likely, but like lowkey it makes sense to bring her back because duncan is going to be a more significant figure in this season, it would be nice to see him improve as a father and strike the balance between handling the club but also taking care of his daughter, who is going through a lot in her teen years, it would be nice to see them have nice moments at home together
- but like actually give her a valid storyline besides social media, what does she want to do when she gets older? i can see her almost doing something artistic, like designing outfits or something, but whatever we does, it would be nice to see her not feel so restricted by her father’s work and go along her own path outside the club
- sienna and dillon become friends again and people are like, “oh my god you have a gay best friend” and she becomes really vocal about that being literally the dumbest thing ever, the show can demonstrate this type of homophobia that’s kind of “in disguise,” not as in your face as dillon’s dad
- progressive queen and then realizes she can use her platform on social media to spread awareness, since that is what she enjoys doing
- but at the start of the season wanted to step away from it, reminded her too much of everything with her dad and wanted a break, she thought it was toxic but realizes she could do good with her voice
- jamie and jack reunite, even if it’s not playing against each other (i don’t think that would work), but meeting each other now when they’re both where they wanted to get to
- can we finally get that romance between them
zoe and kat at hawkstone
- talking about body image for women in sports
- it would be really cool to have transgender girl on the team, and some of the struggles she faces being an athlete while also being trans
- or talking about disabilities in sports, that would be really nice to see
- zoe falling in love with kat, but like no comment on sexuality, it just is what it is
- IF SHE BROUGHT KAT HOME AT THE END OF THE SEASON AFTER BEING SO HIDDEN ABOUT IT OH MY GOD AND SHE MET HER MOM
- like zoe’s very private because she’s worried that kat won’t like her if she talks about her mom, which is silly, but then seeing kat support her and learning how to be in a relationship with someone with a lot of responsibilities at home
- maybe her mom’s situation interferes with her place at hawkstone
- do they meet up with jack’s team again? would they even play against her (like are hawkstone and st. george’s even compatible?)
- exploring more of kat’s backstory, maybe why she’s so superstitious and what kind of an impact her grandmother had on her
- i believe she mentioned having a brother who plays (gave zoe his old boots) so it would be interesting to hear how having a sibling doing the same thing has affected kat, in a different way to the whole competition between dillon and liam
- watching kat lose some of her superstition in that she’s able to believe more in herself and her abilities and allow herself to make mistakes
- they’ll probably have a lot of pressure on them since hawkstone just started this new women’s team, maybe there could be a lot of competition with the boys’ team
- zoe is not going to do the whole, “being jealous of other girls” thing anymore, okay? she’s grown out of it
- honestly would like to see some dillon and zoe moments, wlw mlm solidarity
boggy our absolute hero
- boggy finding his passion outside of helping sports, unless that is his passion
- friendship between him and jamie struggling at first when he finds what he wants to do, but proving that you can stick together even with not exactly aligned interests
- schoolwork getting more intense with whatever tests they have to do at his age (i have no idea how the british education system works haha)
- check in with his therapy, see how that’s going, we actually see him get to go to one appointment, maybe, hopefully he’s built a good relationship with his therapist and we see the show promoting finding professional help if you need it
- maybe tries to get through a panic attack himself, with coping mechanisms he’s learned in therapy, i don’t know if the building pressure of school would be what induces it or not, but if his storyline is more about getting to see him outside of football, i doubt it would be because of anything related to the sport or stats or whatever
- anything about his family? like how they react to his diagnosis (unless he’s already told them what’s been happening), how close he is with them, if some of the pressure in school comes from at home, whether he has any siblings - we want to know more!!
- would he and nancy cross paths after he finds the thing he’s interested in, since it might be the same thing, or at least something similar, they realize they’re really good together and supportive of each other
- i can see them really pulling through, and it would be nice to see nancy being there for him with his panic attacks and learning how to be a supportive girlfriend to someone who does have problems with anxiety, panic attacks, etc
u14s at phoenix
- i want them to get a comparable opportunity as the gothia cup, something else though, so that they get the experience they missed out on with the whole duncan situation, the season will center around them working towards that thing, i don’t really have any suggestions since i don’t know football but i’m sure there’s something else for them out there
alba and ruby
- her and ruby get further apart, doing their own respective things, now that ruby isn’t playing football anymore, for some reason i feel like she’ll be into either art or psychology, but i can also see her trying to do some activism-esque stuff after her experience growing up in foster homes and now finally being adopted (!! i’m still so happy for them)
- now that she’s not playing at phoenix, we have no idea who ruby’s friends with, maybe she has some at school? i would like elliot to come back and the two of them to bond
- i can see ruby wanting to know more about her background but alba not being so much into that, which causes tension between the pair, ruby just feels like she doesn’t have a solid idea of who she is and wants to know where her roots are, whereas alba is in a good place at phoenix with a sense of being in a family there and doing what she loves
- alba’s anger management is poor, her and ruby bond over futsal or whatever after a period of time not talking after whatever issues come up between them
- the trio made up so it doesn’t seem like she has any issues with freddie or eric, but i want to see her grow more into the captain’s role and take on the responsibilities and stresses of getting the team to whatever opportunity they’re doing, maybe working more with duncan and him being more willing to help the team
eric
- i want to get a look into his home life, maybe how that affects him at school and just in general the emotional impact it has on him
- what happens to his family after the team get that comparable opportunity to gothia, compared to what ryan was doing? 
- we’ve just heard little snippets of his life and it sounds like a really complex story to explore which i think would be really cool, dealing with grief and the loss of a family member, and how it affects day to day life
freddie
- once they get this formal opportunity, freddie would be asked to be more serious on the team, kind of always the jokester and not fulfilling his full potential
- he doesn’t know where he fits in and who he wants to be, was there something in his past that made him feel like he had to feel that jokester role (like how wozza with adhd always wanted to crack the jokes and make a fool of himself so people were laughing with him)?
- it would be great to see him get a bit vulnerable and open up about some of his motivations, but eventually he finds the balance between putting in effort and not getting distracted and also being his normal fun-loving self
- please keep commentating because that was lots of fun, freddie
liam
- i want to see him bond with one of the three when they’re in a bad spot, happened to be there by accident and they’re going through something that maybe he can relate to, that’s why he is able to help, that way it isn’t a planned way to get people to forgive him, but rather, just natural, now that he’s growing up a bit
- does he even want to do football anymore? or was it always a pressure from dillon being so good, and he’s found other interests? or maybe he just doesn’t want to be as good as dillon, i feel like there’s a lot of emotional manipulation from the dynamic at home, and i can see him realizing that he never liked football for football, he just liked winning and making his dad “proud”
the johnson family
- is karen dating someone new? i would like to see her on her own and she absolutely doesn’t need anyone to help her, but i also feel like she deserves someone that truly would be there for her and support her, especially after everything that’s gone on with ian
- i also want to hear more about her own career endeavors, and how that intertwines with jamie now going pro - she’s always been there to support him but it’ll be interesting to see how family impacts professional players in general, and ones that are really young like jamie as well
- is mike staying at phoenix? literally what’s the point of his character, does he even want to be with the now u14s? or is he going to try and interfere too much in jamie’s career, which he wouldn’t want because he’s now pro? maybe i’m just still kind of annoyed at mike and have a very negative view of his intentions, so ignore this
- ian can just disappear forever, please, unless he comes back for one episode because that’s what ian does
- what about feeling guilty for literally running his own son down bitch, i thought we were going to get a whole arc with that but maybe the point is that ian is such a flawed character and sometimes people don’t change and -
- who would teach jamie to drive, karen? new boyfriend? depending on who it is, it might present different issues with jamie learning to drive if they do want to explore him being a little nervous after the accident
TL;DR
i just kind of want to see more of the characters in their own individual element, bring in school more (season 2-3 vibes) and get a more well rounded view of some of the characters we don’t know a lot about. i think they’ve left it in a place with a lot of interesting storylines to be explored, i just hope we don’t get another freddie-eric-aisha love triangle situation
...
i was going to say stan stormzy for clean skin but it took me way too long to figure out what her name was so that is no longer a valid statement
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dsk129 · 3 years
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Breakup advice from a relationship therapist
Hello all. Hopefully all of you have been doing well. Unfortunately, although im not clinically experienced in therapy myself(as you guys may have hoped), I have visited a relationship therapist who was a friend of my relatives back when I wanted to become a therapist myself back in 11th grade 4 years ago. After some general talks about this possible future career, I out of curiosity asked what the best breakup advice would be regarding if I had to encounter a future breakup if I were to enter a relationship with someone. He said that the first thing one should acknowledge is that love is an overwhelming emotion that defies rationality and logic. A breakup would bring even the emotionally strongest people on their knees, despite how many emotional struggles they have endured in the past with seemingly little effort. It brings even the most logical people into a great state of confusion. They may act on emotions rather than their own rationality, serving as proof that emotions can overpower logic. Not only do people struggle emotionally, but also physically. People suffer from a lack of appetite, breathing would be like inhaling toxic gas for them, and many patients of his would report body cramps all over. He told me that emotional strength is determined by how quickly one would strive to rebuild himself and focus on healing from a breakup. As much as time is needed in order to heal, effort is the main thing that heals one from any emotionally devastating experience, whether if it’s a breakup or loss of a loved one!
Here comes my own advice: Rather than trying to distract yourself in the toughest stages of a breakup, just grieve it out. Cry if you want. Grieve if you want. Smash everything you see if that is what helps you. Acknowledge that it requires time and effort to regain a positive and healthy mindset. Thinking about your ex often is normal. Feelings of anger and regret are normal. Having desire to stalk his or her social media is normal. If these thoughts are overpowering you, talk to a friend or family. Mental force alone does not overpower love. Therefore trying to force yourself to believe that the “past is just the past” will never work. We are humans, not androids or computers that can delete unwanted data from our memories. We need to stick and become one with our emotions and evolve with them. Apart from exercise and daily goals, focus on releasing oxytocin and serotonin. These activities can include a warm bath, hot coffee, writing a sad poem, etc(research this if you wish). A particular advice tho, is to call a friend or family. Talk about what made you feel grateful about their presence. Talk about any particular moments you guys had together. Try to establish the most heart-warming conversation you can attempt. Read books on character building. Grab sunlight and fresh air too. Practice tidiness and organization. Perhaps stop wearing shoes in the house if you are wearing them(I feel so much better not wearing shoes in the house lmao). What I would recommend for you guys is to start doing daily goals. Every morning when you wake up, the first thing I want you to do is to try and plan out how you will spend your day. Try to make it as productive as possible without making it too overbearing or inadequate. The key here is to gradually uplift your motivation and spirit without overstraining yourself. As you heal, gradually challenge yourself more and more. Push to your limits, but do not go beyond them. At the end of the day, I want you to reflect on how it was. How could you improve it? Was it helpful? Was it worth it? Additionally, prepare a list of daily triggers on a separate piece of paper. It is always helpful to write down your emotions as it can help process your thoughts better.
After a decent healing, consider doing long-term goals. try and Conquer any fears and insecurities you may have. Overcoming them helps build your self-worth as you recover from a breakup. Practice good character. Perhaps dedicate some time into supporting homeless children or pets by joining a particular group. Offer some change to the homeless too. Try new things in life. Hobbies are fine, but the problem is for hobbies is that you are repeating the same lesson you learned over and over. For many people, finding new ways to cope by building new skills and experiences does not only help one recover from a breakup, but also score points in life in general. Scoring points in life is not just about building new experiences and skills. It refers to emotional growth as a whole. Emotional growth is how we evolve as people. We become better at handling issues as well as developing good moments as we mature. Imo, everyone should strive to learn new things. This is because we share a planet with nearly 8 billion people who have went through different experiences. Therefore, there is always something we can learn from each other. Not only that, we then have the solar system which is outside earth. Then we have the galaxy, and then the universe, and lastly, a realm of space which humankind is completely unfamiliar with. Therefore, logic is infinite. It is impossible to learn everything. No matter how much we learn humankind will never be able to learn everything. This is why we take advantage of every opportunity to learn!
Finally see the breakup as an opportunity to grow stronger and wiser. As you heal, your heart grows stronger and stronger. Your outlook will improve! Look forward to seeing the evolved version of yourself! Hopefully this doesn’t trigger any of you, but a breakup might just be a blessing in disguise. Yes it is painful, but no one else was hurt. All that happened was that your heart was shattered into pieces. All that needs to be done is to recollect the shattered pieces of your heart and re-glue them. A recovery from a breakup will help you deal with other emotional challenges, whether if they are lighter or heavier. The thing that will score you the most amount of points is the recovery from the breakup! Completing day to day chores and everyday responsibilities to achieving major goals grants you new points in life! Scoring as many points in life as you can without unnecessarily overstraining yourself emotionally is the second best advice I can ever offer to one going through a breakup!
Another piece of advice i forgot to include is to let go of grudges against your ex, even towards anyone. Im not suggesting to let go because its wrong, but because it is unhealthy to a person as a whole. It can affect your relationships with others and overall all it will do is prevent you from having a positive outlook towards life. Build the time and effort to gradually let go of your grudges. I BELIEVE that one reason why people struggle on accepting and moving on is because they hold resentment towards their ex. Part of accepting and moving on is to let go of hatred. Hatred is never healthy at all. Try to see yourself as the bigger person and pity them for what they are if you were in the right.
Conclusion: Yes it is a hard and difficult road with many roadblocks and obstacles. A breakup will be like a rollercoaster. Some days are easier. Other days it may be a challenge getting out of bed! Remember that as you go through this you will grow. You will mature. You are in the process of overcoming one of life's most emotional challenges. You will grow stronger. You will be able to lead other people as well. See your breakup as a physical illness/injury that requires time and judicious effort to bring yourself up for recovery. Finally, I want you to scream at the sky. Scream and yell at the top of your lungs saying that you will not let the past cling onto you and you will be mighty and work on yourself to recover. To give you some motivation, think about the low economic status the poor residents of Africa suffer from. They go through so many fears. They lack housing, food, access to medical care, as well as lack of access to clean water. They have to go through the fear of losing someone dear to them and may have even lost so many loved ones from disease or poor living conditions. Despite these emotional challenges they struggle from, they are always up on their feet, working for survival, staying positive and happy. They are some of the mightiest people on Earth. If these people were able to achieve such emotional strength from these hardships, then why can’t you? To become strong like them, challenge yourself. Stop relying on simple everyday comforts such as Wifi and technology and strive to improve. Becoming stronger means extending your comfort zone. Everyday challenges was how the people of poor economic status stand mightier. My overall summarizing advice is to not try and simply “move on.” In fact, I encourage you to embrace your grief and grow from it. Every emotion serves its purpose in our hearts. Happiness brings us energy and motivation, but negative emotions such as anger and grief grant us exceptional emotional growth once we recover from them. Therefore it is at times of hardship, no matter how big it is, should be embraced. The summary of this post is: rest. Then cradle. Then stand. Then baby steps. Then walk. Then sprint. Then sprint faster. Finally. sprint as fast as you can.
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dawnfire13 · 4 years
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Excerpt from the Archives
File name: Progenitors
It is said that the most significant members of any clan are its progenitors. In all of my travels, I have not seen any concrete proof of this, but it certainly rings true in Arcstead. Kihor and Aria are the Progenitors here and are heavily involved in the community. Older than most that live here, they are more than familiar with the ins and outs of the place. In truth, our understanding of their biological nature is vague at best, and most of the clan just assume that they were created by the arcanist himself. I cannot vouch for the validity of this claim. What I can say confidently is that they have no lineage they can trace.
They stumbled across our cavern system by accident. As young dragons, they fell into an opening in a cavern ceiling while searching for a territory to call their own. When they finally found their way back to the surface, they found themselves at a cave opening in the heart of the Starwood strand. It was one of many that we use now. From there they were able to chart the systems beneath and they began to build themselves a home, using the rivers that course through the caverns as a means to transport building materials.
Most progenitors have a nest together almost immediately, but they were hesitant. Their first brood didn’t hatch until after several other dragons had joined the clan. At this time, according to weather records kept at the time, there was a great deal of flooding taking place, due to an excessive amount of rain on the surface. It was during one of these floods that their entire nest was washed away. The hatchlings were ever found. As of the writing of this document, I have not been able to question Kihor and Aria about this event. If more is learned, it will be added.
We often tend to refer to our leaders as one unit. While this isn’t an unreasonable tendency, after all they do spend a great deal of their day to day lives together, it’s certainly an injustice on both of their parts.
Kihor is known for his soft, quiet demeanor. He’s often seen as contemplative, humble, and peace loving. This is not exactly true. While he may be a dragon of few words, and often prefers negotiations over bloodletting, his daily word count in no way reflects his potential for violence. Beneath the dense coat of fluff lies a powerful reserve of magical energy that rivals that of ten fae. Indeed, Kihor is quite possibly the most powerful battle mage in the clan, his raw potential honed by time spent serving in the ranks of the arcanist. In addition, there seems to be a unique tie between him and the southern ice field. According to his recollections, he “came into existence” (his own words) on the arcane territory’s southern border, the portion along the southern ice fields. As such, he has a remarkable propensity for the coordinated breath attacks almost exclusively used by the tundras of the ice flight. In spite of this battle prowess however, Kihor is in fact a homebody. His favorite place to be is home alongside his family.
Service to the arcanist was hard on Kihor particularly due to his memory. While some mixed breed tundras have escaped the plight of memory loss which is so common among our breed, Kihor was not so lucky, given his parentage, or rather lack thereof. He and Aria were away from the clan for several years before their return, and in that time, many new faces arrived and many old ones were forgotten. While the clan at large has been understanding of the situation, Kihor has always felt incredibly guilty for it, in spite of everybody’s reassurances. Regardless, Kihor is an effective leader and cares for those under his stewardship deeply.
Aria is something of a puzzle to many members of the clan. She’s an accomplished swordswoman, and has very little by way of magical potential, if indeed she has any at all. A stark contrast to her mate to be sure. Though often seen as aloof or even cold by outsiders, this is hardly her natural state of being. In reality, Aria is perhaps one of the most expressive residents of Arcstead. She laughs easily, loves deeply, and can hold a grudge that can outlive most dragons. Combine this with a biting wit and really it’s no wonder why she’s so beloved by her friends and family.
In the early days, when her first nest was washed away, Aria took the loss hard. The hatchlings had been but a few days old, and she had loved them immediately. She would have been in the nursery at the time of the tidal wave, but they had been shorthanded on the evening patrol, and her presence had been required. She always felt guilty about that fact, even though Kihor and the rest of the clan tried to assure her that there was nothing she could have done, even if she were present.
It wasn’t too long after that when Aria decided to join the forces of the arcanist. She’d never had a charge, unlike most guardians. As much as she’d searched, she always seemed to wind up back home, with the general feeling of need, but nothing to pin it on. When her offspring hatched, she had believed them to be her charges, ignoring the offness. When they were lost, the grief began to eat her up inside. She worked on the clan for a long time before coming to a decision, setting it on a straight path as best as she could. When the hour of her departure finally arrived, she tried to sneak away alone, leaving Kihor alone in their den. He wasn’t so easily fooled however, and insisted on accompanying his mate, in spite of her protests. While Aria was secretly grateful, she still carries immense guilt for what the ordeal did to Kihor. They saw many shadeborn horrors during their service, things that would melt weaker minds, things that would bring even the most stoic souls to tears. It was during one particularly dangerous assignment several years in when Aria realized that her real charge had been staring her in the face for practically her whole life. And she had ignored him in her search. She petitioned the Arcanist to allow them to return to arcstead, a request which was graciously granted. They both suffered trauma, physical and mental, but the struggle of memory was for Kihor to bear alone, a fact which Aria despised and mourned in turn. They found that night terrors are far easier to cope with and analyze when you can remember the events that caused them, instead of just the pure primal fear. A support system is easier to gather when you can remember the names and faces of your friends. Things have gotten easier with time, and the guilt has eased, but Aria can never forget the suffering that she feels she has inflicted upon her best friend and closest companion.
General information - Kihor
Tundra Male
Ice leapoard/Sky clouded/jungle peacock
Arcane
Mate: Aria
Level 1
Gen: 1 (progenitor)
Offspring: 5
General information - Aria
Guardian female
Gold leopard/gold clouded/coal peacock
Arcane
Mate: Kihor
Level 1
Gen: 1 (progenitor)
Offspring: 5
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dropintomanga · 4 years
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10 Years of Manga Therapy
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Today is a very special day as it’s the 10th year of this blog. Yeah, it’s been that long.
I think back to what the manga world was like 10 years ago. I remember how huge Naruto, BLEACH, and One Piece were to fans in 2010 and now we have a new generation of Jump series to follow (My Hero Academia, Demon Slayer, etc.) today. I remember how the manga industry decided to take steps to deal with scanlations in the start of the decade albeit they were very weak attempts. Now there’s better digital manga services with more to come. I remember how the closing of Borders bookstores hurt manga in the U.S. and in 2013, the 1st season the Attack on Titan anime’s success gave the U.S. manga industry new life. Today, I see so much manga series I heard about online in bookstores.
What hasn’t changed over the past 10 years is the perception of watching anime compared to reading manga. Reading still feels frowned upon as a leisure activity. Many fans prefer watching anime since visuals and voices are they’re often easier to follow. There are attempts to get anime fans to read manga as anime adaptations still drive manga sales overseas. What I would like to try and do is come up with some ideas on how to get interested fans started on reading manga and go on to become lifelong readers of it.
It’s easy to think about all the changes I’ve seen in manga, but I want to talk about my own changes over the past 10 years.
I still remember when I first started the blog, I made 2 serious posts along with a few quotes. Then I made a post stating my commitment to take the blog seriously. I wanted to have some kind of fame. I hoped that I would get a great job/career with help from my blog. And here we are today. I had social media pages and decent enough followings at the start, but over time, my attitude towards the blog began to change. 
I realized how I was beginning to obsess with metrics like SEO, analytics, retweets, likes, etc. I remember a friend pressuring me to do online ads. Thank god I didn’t since ad-blockers are now a thing. To be honest, I was really surprised that my blog did well. I still can’t believe my top article ever is the one I wrote about why incest is popular in Japanese otaku culture back in my first year.
At the same time, my life was starting to change around 2015. I wasn’t really watching as much anime as I used to. I also got back into gaming thanks to watching speedruns of Japanese RPGs. I felt that video games were always my first love. Thankfully, my second love was reading, especially of the comics and manga kind.
The first half of the decade was fun for me, but the 2nd half was where I managed to grow into my own as a person. I started to see life outside of the blog and social media in general as I was tired of seeing so much online discourse over topics that are so nuanced and devoid of proper context. I began to take more walks, check out sights and sounds offline, observed people in the streets and spend more time with my family.
When I started Manga Therapy, I had so much self-hatred. It was a big problem that held me back. As much as I had support at the time, I felt so dependent on other people helping me to feel better. I wanted to help others so bad because I wanted to ignore my own problems.
Some of you may have read my Anime NYC yearly recap posts and those were the years that I felt like I’ve made a huge stride in getting past my persistent depression. I finally stopped hating myself. I started to put my own care first. I stepped away from unnecessarily comparing myself to other people. I walked away from any rhetoric (especially online) that sounds super-ideological and/or full of “-isms.” I feel like I have a sense of self-worth and peace of mind that I wish I felt 10 years ago. Hell, even 20 years ago, I wish I had that feeling. I still suck at a few things and I’ll continue to work on them.
The more I’ve changed, the more I feel both compassion and sympathy for people who’ve been through so much and have been ignored by most of society. I realize that even people considered “good” aren’t exactly good. The people you need to worry about aren’t necessarily your enemies; it’s sometimes the people closest to you. That was perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my life so far. I also learned that chasing happiness is a trap that leads to less happiness.
I think about how different I am from most people. I don’t fit into systems labeled in black-or-white fashion. I despise both extremism and groupthink. I see that notable folks in the manga industry are outspoken about things I don’t necessarily agree with. I see notable folks outside of it are outspoken about things I don’t necessarily agree with. While I do enjoy talking to the people who work in or cover the manga industry, I feel that I occupy this in-between area that not many people want to reside in.
I’m starting to believe that not being too involved in fandom has helped me process life better. Fandom is fun to get involved in, but you have to be able to deal with and/or accept BOTH the good and bad sides of it. I don’t know where manga fandom is going because both the fans and industry are going to struggle finding a middle ground with regards to digital manga. Yet I do know that manga fandom has to continue fighting for acknowledgement because it’s not just anime fans who may not care about manga; it’s also the Western comics industry and fans who still ignore the continued success of manga for whatever reason.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to make a prediction list of what’s gonna happen in the next 10 years. I do hope to see a bunch of manga titles that discuss mental health and illness licensed here. Other than that, the one thing that’s certain is uncertainty. Life is always full of randomness. I didn’t think I was going to start a blog 10 years ago about my own experiences. I didn’t think I was going to last as long as I have. I didn’t think this blog would leave me feeling heartbreak and later renewed joy from a healthy distance. I don’t know where Manga Therapy is going to take me. All I know is that I’ll enjoy this ride for the time being. It’s what I’ll do for myself and my readers. 
So, thanks to all my readers for reading and huge props to anyone who’s read for the whole 10 years I’ve been around. Reading manga still provides value to my life. To everyone who has mental health problems or mental illness, I hope that manga with all its complexities can help you cope and build resilience in ways that last not just 5, 10, or 20 years, but a lifetime.
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