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#a very delayed answer
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hello may i request some of ur cutest and/or silliest bears to send to my friend he doesnt have a tumblr but he luvs bears and I wanna make him Happy
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Our deepest apologies for the delay in answering this. We hope these silly goobers give your friend much bearotonin
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eloquent-edits · 1 month
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Hello!!!!
I'm writing a rivals to lovers office AU and am in need of some inspiration. Can you please do a list of office AU prompts? I don't mind if they get suggestive.
Absolutely! (Also thank you for being the first person to request prompts :3)
Character A and character B have issues with their work computers at the same time, and the poor IT guy has to deal with their bickering while fixing the computers
The printer is constantly breaking and A can’t help but snidely remark on B’s struggle every time it happens
B critiques A’s work whenever they get the chance, claiming A needs to do better if they want to get up to B’s level (the criticism is actually kind of helpful, just poorly worded)
B’s desk is across from A’s, leading to stare-downs when the other seems to be slacking on work and eyebrow raises when personal calls are taken
A leaves anonymous sticky notes on B’s desk about office drama, rumors, and random news stories to see what sort of conversations B likes (B usually looks at these with confusion, throwing them away buT THEY KEEP SHOWING UP WHY)
In the company project group chat, A and B don’t acknowledge each other outside of emoji reactions unless it is necessary
They are forced to work together on a major project with much longer hours than they expected, leading to sleep deprived A actually being nice to B in the mornings (they share a quiet moment at the coffee machine)
B’s ex comes into the office as another company’s assistant, and A can’t help but be concerned at the grimace and pain in B’s eyes
A starts using the printer incidents to ask about B’s history and get to know them better
A celebration at work includes a happy hour, so B dresses up just a little more than usual and A cannot stop staring
B notices A is lingering around their desk more and teases them about wanting to take their spot (A definitely wants to take them in a fight right?)
A’s car won’t start in the parking lot, so B offers to jump it… it’s the first time seeing B less professional (let’s get those sleeves rolled up and a couple buttons loosened from the button-down)
The AC breaks while only a couple people are in office, meaning it’s up to A and B to try and fix it while waiting on maintenance, leading to B on a ladder and A most definitely trying to not stare at their butt
C, an older friend at the office, retires and throws a massive party where A and B get a little too drunk, and B accidentally compliments A instead of criticizing them (A doesn’t know how to process it and B refuses to acknowledge this ever happened)
After A openly disagrees with one of B’s ideas, B confronts them privately, getting a little too close as A is stubborn and standing firm (give me that tension you can cut with a knife, give me that turn away because otherwise one of them will do something they regret)
B finds A asleep at their desk one morning and can’t decide whether to wake them up for the meeting or to let them sleep longer because this is definitely not normal for A
Turns out A worked their ass off to get a major promotion, one that B was eyeing for a while, which makes B jealous and get a little snappy
A is shifted to another area of the office and an annoying coworker, C, takes over the old spot. B finds the change welcoming and unsettling (“They’re not here to bother me anymore…” “That’s a good thing!” “… Yes. I suppose you’re right.”)
B is called into A’s office to discuss another coworkers’ weird behavior, which gives A the opportunity to call B out on their behavior around A
“It’s like on day one of me working here, you put a note in your calendar that said to torment me whenever you could.”
“You’ve gone from criticizing everything I do to actually being somewhat nice and helpful and then right back to being an absolute prick! I don’t understand it at all. What changed? You still seem to hate me, so why be so kind? Why?”
B doesn’t respond with words, just by slowly reaching out to touch A’s hand and swiftly pulling them into a kiss (ideally B would explain more later but that’s up to you hehe)
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Ignore all logistical considerations of "would they ever meet each other under these circumstances". If you don't think Jules Bashir would have chosen to join Starfleet, imagine he is on the station for some other reason, or they meet in some other location.
I wanted to make this poll because I've seen various fics where Garak reassures Julian that far from being upset over him being augmented, Garak is grateful for it, either explicitly because (he thinks) they wouldn't be able to have their usual conversations if it weren't for the augmentations, or simply because he likes Julian "just the way he is" and wouldn't want him to be "different". I disagree that Garak would think like this (or at the very least, I think Julian would react negatively if he did, rather than be reassured), so I wanted to hear everyone else's thoughts.
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thecryptidart1st · 1 year
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Michael and Sammy can never find out that their dads had a little something-something. Henry needs to take that one to the grave because if Michael finds out he will never stop asking him about it because of ALL the men in Hurricane... WILLIAM???? WILLIAM?! THAT TWIG SNAKE OIL SALEMAN BITCH OF A MAN? BILLY???
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It probably wasn’t much of a secret to them, when they thought about it…
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cementcornfield · 1 year
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https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS89UA6AW/🥹🥹
Thank you anon! Perfect timing for the birthday boy 🥰
(love that Joe got to have his own little cup of slime to pour lmao)
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fucking TEENAGE DIRTBAG by wheatus
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Honestly i love you sm for submitting this (rad) song because her name is not noelle they don’t have gym class they’re the opposite of teenage… you are fully embracing your brainrot and not afraid to show it. 🥂 to the world!!!
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super-paper · 4 months
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"what's afo gonna do next bc there's no way he's getting to Tomura now--" I feel like the real question should be "what's our favorite self-saboteur gonna do next" bc I have this sneaking suspicion that he's about to make everyone miserable (including himself) on purpose lmao,,.
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tswwwit · 1 year
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Do the Other Pines ever figure out that Dipper is the mysterious husband Bill was oh so eager to get back to? If they did, how would they react?
They'll only figure it out if they get more information!
Upon learning said information, they will each take 2d10 psychic damage.
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singsweetmelodies · 28 days
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Hi there! Im still kind of new to f1 so please, can you share all the piarles deep lore with me? Like your favorite moments from them, the story of them growing up, etc. I have a burning need 🙏 ❤️
hiiii dearest anon! i am so sorry for the delay in replying - i saw this ask and immediately got SO freaking excited, because, well, piarles is my absolute OTP in this fandom, so of course i'd love to share all the details about them!!
i started working on a piarles lore post almost immediately, and that's when i realised... um, there is actually rather a lot of piarles lore. like, a lot. enough that i've been working on this post for over a week in-between work and irl stuff, and it's still not done??
so yeah.... 🙈 i just wanted to reply to you today and say that i have seen this ask and i am working on a piarles lore post for you ❤️😘 it's just taking quite a bit longer than i thought because of how much piarles lore there is. but rest assured, the post is definitely happening!! thank you SO much for asking, and for giving me the chance to embark on the most fun research project ever <3333
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chiscribbs · 3 months
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Okay so the httyd thing. I've been so excited to share this idea w/ you you have no idea.
So what I've been thinking, is Hiccup seemed to recover wayyyyyyyyy too fast for someone who's been neglected and ostracized from his entire community most of if not all his life. Like when Stoick comes home from looking for the nest in the first movie, and the villagers are saying things like "congratulations" or "out with the old in with the new" and "good riddance if you ask me" and they're "throwing a party to celebrate" Stoick assumes Hiccup is dead and that Berk is celebrating. Berk hated him that much. So what I'm thinking is, Hiccup has made inventions and stuff, he's been trying to do something that will prove he's one of them, a real Viking, trying to make them like him, and none of it worked. The only thing that made them realize he was worth anything was when he started being himself, but what if Hiccup doesn't see it quite that way. What if he thinks that if they can change their minds that quick to like him, then they might change their minds again if he doesn't stay useful. What if no one apologized to him for how they treated him? Because I don't think anyone did. What if his self esteem is still 6 feet lower than the ground and he's walking around waiting for the other shoe to drop. In Gift of the Night Fury we see he feels guilty for Toothless needing him to fly, and so he makes him a new tail that doesn't need a rider. Toothless doesn't want it, but that's not the point. What if Hiccup gives people the option to leave him, because he still thinks its possible that they will. It probably wouldn't be super obvious if he did, but what if he makes them all (Astrid, Tuff and Ruffnut, Fishlegs, Snotlout, maybe even Gobber and Stoick) inventions and things that make it so they don't have to rely on him so much? Leaning a little into Race to the Edge, what if he gives Fishlegs some books he's always borrowing, just as an example. What if they all think he's just being nice, and he's actually trying to make sure they don't need to have him around? This is probably a bit of a stretch, but it's all to say that Hiccup deserved better, and I want the gang to see that and help this boy dig his very very low self esteem out of the hole they buried it in. (Also I like to think that hiccup did this with Gobber when he was younger, because Gobber being the only one who didn't hate him is my emotional support headcannon)
TLDR: What if the gang realized that Hiccup has no self worth and thinks that if everyone could suddenly like him then they could still suddenly hate him?
This might be out of character, but I think all of Berk hating his guts and calling him a screw-up probably did some nasty damage to Hiccup's self esteem, and I want to see that realized and dealt with, because being hated and then suddenly loved might have been a dream come true, but it also probably made him scared it was a dream, and that he will eventually have to wake up.
(Finally getting around to responding to this - sorry it took awhile, I've had my mind on other things and I really didn't want to give a half-brained response when you put so much work into this.)
Ahhhhh, "social outcast genius equating his self-worth to his usefulness in the eyes of others" trope, my beloved.
I will say, my perception of his relationship with the people of Berk was always a bit more on the "he's a nuisance, but he's still family" side of things than out-right hatred. Like the equivalent of a small-town's troubled youth, they don't like him, but he grew up there and he's the village leader's son, so they still have some sense of ownership of him prior to his making them change their minds. If that makes any sense? ...they're Vikings, though, so it's hard to tell the difference sometimes, lol. But, in fairness - it's been awhile since I've watched the first movie, so I'll concede to the freshest memory here. Anyway, that's beside the point-
I wholeheartedly agree with you on this! Hiccup was definitely owed a town apology, at the very least. I understand why they didn't go into that in the movie - limited time, plus the the Stoic-Hiccup relationship was really the core of the conflict, so they opted to focus on that instead - but I agree it would have been nice to see some closure regarding the people of Berk's attitude and treatment towards him. Or some recognition for how it might have affected him after the first movie's conclusion. Because you're absolutely right, that kind of emotional whiplash can be damaging - especially on a teenager who already has considerably low self-esteem.
This does feel pretty in-character for Hiccup, in my opinion, considering the doubts he has in himself as a leader. He neither wanted nor felt right for that job, even when everybody else was sure of his qualifications. So it'd be easy to see him projecting his own doubts in himself on others and assuming they might see things the same way as him. That's the kind of thing that eventually fades as it's repeatedly proven untrue, but it takes time for that reassurance to grow, and the doubts would definitely be pretty prominent at the start. And him wanting to do what's best for everyone else, having the sense of love and responsibility for his community that he has, it makes sense he wouldn't try to hold on too tightly and would instead provide ample opportunity for people to leave if/when they wanted to. (Just like he did with Toothless.)
I think if anybody was gonna pull him out of that, or help him pull himself out of that, it would be Astrid. She'd immediately know something's up - she's always the one to ground him when he's too inside his own head to see things clearly. And unlike his confidence in himself, her confidence in him has never once wavered, she knows he's more capable than he thinks. Astrid also has a much healthier relationship with the rest of Berk, so if anybody can provide some reassurance on the public opinion front, it would be her.
...
All that to say - I like this idea! Very well thought-out and well-considered, imo. I'm not quite as well-versed on the HTTYD world as some people - while I adore the movies, I never quite reached fixation levels of interest in the franchise, for whatever reason - so I can't add too much to this. But I like it and I appreciate you sharing your concept with me! Thanks! :>
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noxxha · 1 year
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How do you envision the Uchiha clan culture to be? Collectivistic? More individualistic than the Senju's? Harmonic? Militaristic? Merciful? Ruthless? Generous? Selfish? I'm so curious!!!
Hello anon! Thank you so much for your question - and what an interesting question indeed! I have had thoughts of pinning down how I perceive the Uchiha clan - so your question feels like the “answer” that yes, its time to finally do so. x3
But I wish not to keep you in suspense for too long, and I hope this answer will satisfy your curiosity:
*Note* the following headcanon(s) is not an accurate portrayal of Japanese culture. It is inspired from some historical and cultural aspects of it, but I have taken liberties in my portrayal of a culture to a fictional clan.
And yes I did not respect canon 100%…
This is also the type of headcanon that might undergo changes in time, but this is how I would answer your question atm, anon.
———
I see the Uchiha clan as more individualistic than collectivistic. They value harmony and peace, but not to the same collectivistic degree as the Senju. Their mentality was first and foremost focused on their loved ones - then the clan as a whole. But even then there existed those that saw the collective before the individual.
From the eyes of outsiders the Uchiha appear quite selfish and ruthless, but each and every Uchiha has a strong sense of kinship with one another despite their loved ones being their priority. Trust flows freely between one Uchiha member to the next.
Everyone also has the back of one another in times of need, but it is no secret that they do value a sense of independence before a sort of “hive mind”.
In a sense “survival of the fittest” can be used to describe the clan - but it is a very simplified way of viewing the clan.
The Uchiha clan of old - long before Konoha was even founded, and the Warring States Era had even begun - was actually a very peaceful clan that shunned conflict and preferred a peaceful living; until the daimyō began to grow both restless and dissatisfied with the land and power they already had. Conflicts broke out and spread quickly. Before they were called “shinobi” all the different clans that would emerge during the Warring States Era were called samurai. It was only around four centuries before the Warring States Era happened, that the different clans began calling themselves “shinobi” and began the form of “hire for coins” that would define the entire Warring States period.
During the Warring States Era the entire world was in upheaval because of the earlier power structure completely breaking down.
The Uchiha clan quickly made a name for itself, and it took not long until the daimyō had formed a cycle of hatred between the Uchiha clan and the Senju clan
Leadership
The Uchiha clan is unified by one single leader, who then guides the entire clan to follow a shared conviction. The Uchiha clan chooses their leader on the basis of strength (physical and emotional) and there is a high degree of trust in their leader’s decision(s). 

Leadership is generally given to males, but there have been three cases of women leading the clan as its leader. 

The process of leadership itself is a dance of ruthlessness (in the eyes of outsiders) and democracy (unity).

While anyone in the clan has the potential to become its leader, throughout the history of the clan many of its leaders has had a military background – whether high-ranking or not. Aristocratic and peasants is a distinction that doesn’t exist in the clan, unlike in the Hagoromo clan (which is said to be direct descendants of the Sage Hagoromo himself).
Uchiha Tajima was a renowned warrior, but a “mere” lieutenant, by the time his successor – with no living child of his own, and dying on the field of battle – asked him to lead the clan. 

A leader undergoes a strict “appointment ritual” before they are officially made leader. This ritual includes a process of voting (to see if they are in favour of the rest of the clan), to battle the other potential candidate(s) (which is often the son or someone close to the second-in-command) into submission, battle strategy/war meeting and philosophical questions to discern values and whether they align with the wishes of the clan.
The leader appoints a second-in-command, and it is not unusual – as a sign of respect – to give that specific role to the very person they fought for leadership. The prior second-in-command steps down if that is the case.

Co-leadership (or “symbiotic leadership” as it also is called) was very common, and yet it is not the same as being appointed the role of second-in-command, not entirely. If the leader of the clan appoints someone as co-leader, they have the role of acting as second-in-command, as well as a “pseudo-leader”. This type of leadership was common during the peaks of the war, as it kept leadership intact should one of the leaders fall in battle. It was most common to appoint a fellow male as co-leader (often a relative to which there was a strong bond), but Uchiha Tajima was one of few that made his wife his co-leader. 
The most famous example of co-leadership throughout the entire history of the Uchiha clan, was the co-leadership between Uchiha Madara and Uchiha Izuna. It was so effective at keeping the clan unified, yet it also polarized the clan – something that was painfully seen the moment Izuna succumbed to his wound – that the entire clan was split, and many even defected to the Senju of all clans. Even years later the death of Uchiha Izuna would forever haunt the clan, and it was only during the founding of Konoha that co-leadership was abolished once and for all. 

While leadership generally falls onto the son of the current leader, that is not entirely a given. There have been exceptions in the past (as was the case for Tajima) as well as not all leaders having had a son. Leadership comes down to their readiness to rule and care for the clan in the end, but the oldest son of the leader (Madara in Tajima’s case) and the son of the second-in-command, tend to be those that are trained into the role of leader. 
While the “me versus you” system puts tremendous pressure onto each of the children, they know that it must exist as a precaution should one of them be deemed unfit to care for the clan.

The wife of the leader (matriarch) has a very high position socially. She cares for the clan the same way the leader does - but on a different front. Tajima cared for anything related to the battlefield, and used the funds for the sake of battle, while Kiyo - his wife - cared for the clan’s internal order. She used the remaining funds for medication, food (that they could not get themselves) and other necessities to keep the clan afloat.
Climate
Despite the leadership being a ruthless affair, the climate in general is one of harmony and a peaceful co-existence – if a highly competitive one as well. As much as the clan cares for one another outside of battle, during the midst of combat everyone is expected to fend for themselves. 
Weakness is frowned upon in other words. As well as being “sloppy” and “careless” with training. 

Training itself is harsh. It is here that the more individualistic mindset of the clan reveals itself at its strongest; kill or be killed is drilled into every child. 
Children have to be strong so to fend for themselves, if they don’t, they will only bring everyone else down with them. Families do try to keep an eye on inexperienced members, but there is only so much focus they can expand without dying themselves. 
Weakness also guarantees death.
Parents teach their children early the life of shinobi (it is to them the morally right choice, not necessarily the choice of the highest love) and children as young as three years old begin their shinobi training (said training becomes much more ‘real’ around the ages of 4 – 7). Generally children follow their fathers into battle around 5 – 8 years of age depending on the circumstances.
Children are barely allowed to be children at all. Everything they know is the lifestyle of a shinobi, even something innocent like playing “tag” is training. Even skipping rocks across a river is treated as training.
Despite the above the clan is in general a generous one, sharing with the less fortunate ones and helping one another, but everyone does first and foremost care for themselves and living by the premise of “I can only help others if I myself am taken care of”.
This is easily seen as being a “survival of the fittest” scenario - and on some level that is correct - in the eyes of outsiders, but the clan knows from experience that they cannot help their kin if they, themselves, are dead. It would also be a waste if their help was met with death, especially if resources are scare.
That is the most genuinely cruel the Uchiha clan will be to one another.
Social hierarchy (family + clan)
The social hierarchy in a family is well defined and each member addresses their fellow family members with respect (as well as affection through their tone, or the occasional use of nicknames that have a very deep, profound meaning). “Anata” is common to hear from married couples (the names of husband and wife only pass their lips when there is obvious disagreement with a choice).
Izuna, for example always called Madara “nii-san” (and was called such in return by their three younger brothers), and addressed Tajima as “tō-sama” and his mother “kā-sama”. His deepest sign of love for his family was calling Madara by his childhood nickname, “Mada-nii”, his father “tō-san”and mother “kā-san”. But no matter if more formal or not, there was always a particularly strong bond between them.
The oldest children help care for their younger siblings, and they are also taught various skills from their mothers (cooking, sewing, treatment of illnesses) to be there for the family should the parents be away at the time (war meetings as in Tajima’s case, or traveling for supplies or other reasons) - but the entire clan is there to help their fellow Uchiha.
Tajima has never laid a hand against his sons, and never would dare to do so. He shows his disapproval through voice and eye-contact (never with the Sharingan active though). And that is in general how parents discipline their children. Physical violence to discipline children is met with contempt, which is partly a reason the Uchiha loathe the Senju and their willingness to resort to physical violence against a child.
When amongst their kin the Uchiha clan are respectful and mindful of the social hierarchy in place. Younger children are chided should they make mistakes, but its only when they are a tad older - and step out of line - that the tone of guidance becomes a sharp glance in disapproval.
While families primarily focus on their loved ones, the Uchiha clan of old was not below caring for other children, or the elderly and sick, as a group. Compassion and kindness is very important for the clan, but their strongest drive to care for one another was out of love for one another.
Affection and gestures
In private families are very affectionate towards one another (some more than others, of course) but physical touch is not frowned upon. Children generally sleep in the same room as their parents (more common during winter than summer) both for their comfort and their safety.
While perhaps more a social gesture, to take a bath together is still a very intimate experience as well. It is a sign of affection to wash the hair of a fellow Uchiha (a gesture reserved mostly for family - but between potential lovers it is a first sign of trust and that there is fondness there that goes deeper).
Hugs are more common among children than adults, through. But its not unheard of for adults to embrace each other - it is simply very intimate to do so.
The most intimate gesture of affection between a couple is to look into each other’s eyes, and watch their emotions reveal themselves.
Kissing someone is generally a very sacred gesture, and is done in private with their life partner. It is also a very intimate gesture as Uchiha - who rely heavily on eye-contact for communication - close their eyes while sharing a kiss. To brush a kiss against the eyelids of their partner is considered the most intimate of kisses - as with it follows the unspoken promise to look for one another in the next life.
The gesture above would be interpreted as romantic in the following generations, but during the Warring States Era this particular kiss/oath is platonic in nature. It was actually more common for siblings, rather than lovers, to exchange it. The bond between lovers had to be exceedingly deep to make such a promise as to reincarnate and look for one another again.
Gesture-wise the above has the same meaning as saying “Ai Shiteru” to their lover. Uchiha generally prefer gestures of affection over words, but if a couple speak “Ai Shiteru” to one another their love for one another is profound, absolute and genuine.
Children
Children are generally born in the winter months (December - February/early March) as it was the winter time that (while harsh in its own right) allowed the clans a brief respite from the wars that raged at the time (most of the time). This weakened state was as much a disadvantage as it was an advantage for the few clans ruthless enough to strike outside of a contract.
Most families had many children. To have 5 to 7 seven children was not uncommon. Not many reached adulthood, though. Most barely made it into their teens when the wars were at their peak.
Children, sons rather, were acknowledged as adults by the time they mastered the “Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu” (daughters were taught the jutsu by the time Konohagakure was founded and equality could be established)
It was not unusual to know the jutsu by the age of nine to thirteen. Cases than the usual development frame are not unheard of, such as Madara - gifted beyond compare - who learnt the jutsu by the time he was seven. Izuna was close to seven himself (the age gap between them was 14 months) when he followed in his brother’s footsteps.
But those cases were exceedingly rare as most simply could not handle the destructive nature of the fire element until they were a touch older than the above mentioned prodigies.
Wedlock and parenthood
Wedlock was done out of love and compatibly. It was also not as common as it was in other clans at the time - the only exception to the rule was the leader of the clan: they were required to enter wedlock out of legal reasons. It was both for the sake of their wife - securing her status to the rest of the clan - as well as having a potential “crisis mediator”. While it was very rare that the clan’s structure would collapse, there was once a particular siege that nearly eradicated the Uchiha clan. During that particular battle they were wounded severely in every way imaginable. Only the wife of their leader remained from the Uchiha in high-ranking positions - and that particular woman single-handedly brought order and structure back to the Uchiha clan, that was on the verge of internal collapse from having lost their entire leadership in the bloodiest war in that particular period. It was thereafter that marriage was required of their leader, and the matriarch gained the single most important role in a time of absolute chaos, a role that throughout history became more or less obsolete - but it would remain up until the founding of Konoha just in case. When the matriarch had made her choice for a fitting candidate she would often step down from her position and work as an advisor for the next wife of the leader.
Like wolves, couples (whether married or not) lived together their entire lives (or until death parted them). Most found someone new, but those in the position of leadership generally refused to love anyone else. Wearing black was the sign of their grief, and that was something they wore until their death.
The Uchiha clan made a very important distinction between love/emotional partnerships and sexual partnerships. While most loved (and were emotionally faithful) to only their lover, it was not uncommon for men (and women) to seek out sexual pleasure with someone else. The act of love-making, however - the creation of a child - was a sacred experience that was shared only between lovers.
While the Uchiha strongly preferred unions in the clan, it was not unheard of for Uchiha men and women to form unions with one of their allied clans at the time (Like the Hagoromo clan). While still out of love, most of these unions were the very few cases of political marriages existing in the Uchiha clan.
Marriages were kept purely in the Uchiha clan after the Hagoromo clan were eradicated.
It was not unusual to become parents young (15 - 25). To become parents around 15 was common when wars were many, but not as common in more peaceful times. Wedlock was usually entered around the same time or even later than that. As only the leader was required to marry, most others saw no true need for such (it was more a symbolic gesture in those cases).
Women and their role
Women were treated with respect and even reverence - despite not fighting in the wars with their loved ones. As much as the notion appears sexist, the reason was because women secured their survival at the time (through children, yes). Exceptions existed, such as women who were infertile, but pretty much all women were taught the art of hunting and gathering rather than combat for the battlefield. During the winter months, especially, women secured the survival of the clan through hunting of fish (and some meat), gathering of herbs and resource management.
Women were exceptional at treating the most various of illnesses - from fever to hyperthermia, to more complex cases of amputation to removal of eyes and even cases of organ transplantations - and from a young age girls were taught to help out during childbirth.
Young daughters were seen as women the day they “bled”.
While most women were not taught the art of combat in the same capacity as men, they were taught to defend themselves should other clans perceive themselves as particularly clever for going after them.
Madara and Izuna were two of the first Uchiha teaching their lovers combat the way they were taught since childhood (a training session that would have appeared abusive in the eyes of outsiders).
Their lovers would end up becoming the clan’s strongest women, as well as a symbol for many young girls who wanted a different life for themselves.
Women were known to nurse their own children and children of others if breastfeeding did not work for a new mother. Older women were especially considerate and kind to young, inexperienced mothers and helped out their fellow woman the very same way men supported each other on the battlefront.
Women were also known to adopt orphaned Uchiha children if they had the capacity to care for them. As was the case for Ryoko - a healer in the clan - who adopted a fair share of orphaned children (girls) to teach them the art of healing (not medical ninjutsu as we know it from the Naruto canon), they were much more primitive with treatment of illnesses, as records of more elaborate healing had vanished through time (yes, that includes the Senju as well, who were quite advanced for their time)
Medical ninjutsu - both in theory and practice - began in this era through.
As absurd as it sounds, barely anyone saw the very fact that chakra - which caused such destruction - could be used for its opposite as well. That is how destructive the Warring States Era was to the generations living through it. They could only see destruction rather than healing.
Religion
Religion and particular shinto practices were quite important to the Uchiha clan. Families would pray at particular shrines for good health and the safety of their loved ones.
Reincarnation was a deep seated belief in most Uchiha, as most of their gestures and social practices actually originated from the belief that they were allowed a second chance at life (which did not mean that they were reckless with the life already given, not the Uchiha of Tajima’s era at least).
Their were many deities that the Uchiha believed in, but the most respected deities were Amaterasu, Tsukiyomi, Izanagi and Izanami and Susano’o.
Children were especially fond of hearing the various stories about the above mentioned deities.
Another mythical creature that children enjoyed hearing about was the Tengu and Minamoto no Yoshitsune.
Sharingan
The Sharingan was something the Uchiha clan was proudest of. In battle it was the greatest asset of the clan, but outside of battle the Sharingan was not seen activated, and if so, it was under very specific circumstances.
Most Uchiha actually sparred without the Sharingan to better hone their abilities. Over reliance on the Sharingan was frowned upon, as - while it was their greatest strength on the battlefield - it did not make them invincible. Arrogance was often met with warnings to be careful, at least on the battlefield.
The Sharingan was NEVER manifested while disciplining a child. To do so would be akin to physically hit the child, which is the type of abuse the clan abhors in the Senju clan.
To reveal the Sharingan to a fellow member of the clan was a sign of open contempt for said member. This hostility was often fought out and ended not seldom in death.
If a man revealed their Sharingan when looking into the eyes of their lover, it was the deepest sign of love for his partner. If a women did the same (the handful that actually gained the Sharingan during this time) they exchanged a vow that was even stronger than the vow of marriage.
If the Sharingan was manifested during love-making it was a sign of reverence and respect.
Uchiha clan (Konoha)
The Uchiha clan living in Konoha was not much different from the Uchiha clan of old. The climate did change a touch more than during the Warring States Era, such as becoming even more individualistic than during Madara’s era. The clan remained important, though, and especially when the clan was pushed to the outskirts of Konoha. It was during that time that they returned to the values of their ancestors.
——-
And that concludes my answer.
Thank you, anon for this question, it was a lot of fun answering this. :)
All the best and take care o/
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sparring-spirals · 2 years
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Thoughts on Shithead the Bird? I am fascinated by FCG's insistence that it always follows them, unrelentingly, despite the fact that we have yet to see that bird in the month of in-game time we have watched. Where bird go?
Well, my primary thoughts so far are that it has good potential to be like, at least 10% true. Both in a "haha whaaaat, thats hilarious" kind of way and in a "i am once again being sucker punched by Sam Riegel character plot twists" kind of way.
Just for fun, some potential explanations, with varying levels of truth:
- Birds do have an uncanny tendency to poop on F.C.G, but it first happened with a mangy seagull.
- It's 100% true and the seagull has simply been preoccupied since the start of the campaign, but its fuckin COMIN.
- Shithead and also All Other Birds are actively trying to bully F.C.G for reasons yet unknown.
- F.C.G was pooped on once by a seagull. It was a terrible experience.
- F.C.G was pooped.on once by a seagull, which was unpleasant, and also had a french fry stuck in his joint or something and the seagull attacked him, which was a TERRIBLE experience, what do you mean seagulls are not full of menace and evil plans :(
- Its true but Shithead is Not A Seagull. *horror sting*
- (Compatible with any of these other options) Shithead was somehow involved with the murder of F.C.G's party/the aftermath, explaining the vendetta/F.C.G's uniquely negative opinion of birds/this seagull
(Jokes aside, its very interesting that F.C.G, who in the start of canon, was unphased by having someone throw a bucket of piss onto him, despises this seagull so deeply, and for this specific reason. It's not just a by product of learned teachings from Dancer, inherent lack of good in seagulls or w/e- this is about a vendetta.
Moreover, believing something has a vendetta against you requires a certain level of self importance- it is about you, something hating you enough to hunt you down, keep after you everywhere you go. Very, very interesting contrast with this character who consistently takes a "oh well, not me, im not soul touched, or important, like the rest of you, im just here to help" stance.
anyway so like, actually, F.C.G, what the fuck happened to convince you of this, tell me more, little robit.)
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Your pinned post sounds like you’re having a pity party. Might want to come off a bit more… self-assured
( @rocketing-diva )
Pity party huh…
You’ll be having plenty of those….when a random kid shows up to defeat you….it’s gonna happen….believe me….
The Heartbreaker…Charles.
💔
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niymue · 1 year
Text
sometimes i see a poll i already voted in and i go wow .. i truly have absolutely no reading comprehension skill
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fratboykate · 2 years
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Man, can you imagine the adorable horror-show/perfection of the whole wedding? Because OBVIOUSLY 90% of it is going to be perfect, but 10% is going to be all of Kate’s old FB buds there to celebrate AND relive the glory days. Never mind whatever happened with Kate’s family (who are homophobes and don’t want to be seen at a lesbian wedding BUT ALSO don’t want to be publicly SEEN as being that homophobic). I have my fingers crossed that Melina punches Derek out.
"Go over it with me again..."
Yelena rests her shoulder against the bathroom door while she brushes her teeth.
"Babe, I got it. We don't need to go over it again."
"Yeah, I heard that before you guys went away for...what do you guys call Tyler again?"
"Master Blaster..."
"Right. That should've been my first warning sign..." Yelena turns around to spit and rinse her mouth. "...that you shouldn't have gone to that Bachelor weekend." Yelena dries her face, shuts the light off, crawls into bed, straddles Kate, and wraps her arms around her neck. "Humor me and go over it with me again."
"No more than thirty-six beers in twenty-four hours. Need to remember that I can't do gin anymore or I end up throwing up on power hose mode like I'm reenacting that scene from The Exorcist."
Yelena grimaces at the mental picture and speaks sarcastically as Kate continues to list things.
"Definitely marrying you for your way with words."
"No hard drugs. What else...OH! Go to the bank and make sure I have enough cash so we can tip the strippers well."
"Fairly certain I didn't say the last one." Kate cracks a smile. "But I'm glad you're thinking about properly compensating the hardworking entertainment you guys are procuring. I'm not going to pretend I didn't know that was going to happen. I know your friends. Just please be respectful...of them and me. That's the only thing I'm asking for on that front."
"Hey. I don't know what they're planning and...yeah, I'm sure it includes...entertainment...but if you say the word, I'll call them right now and cancel the whole thing. That's not what this weekend is about."
"No. I'm not going to get branded as the lame wife before the ring is even on my finger. Besides, you get one last free and sanctioned night of seeing other naked women in your life. After that, it's just me until you die, so...enjoy it. Respectfully. Now, you weren't done with the list. Keep going."
"I don't remember what I said anymore."
"Beer cap, no gin, no hard drugs...and.........you're missing a few things but absolutely the biggest one..."
Kate begrudgingly parrots back Yelena's talking point.
"...and definitely definitely DEFINITELY nothing that will lead to any facial injuries and/or broken bones that might ruin the wedding pictures."
"No injuries. At all. Please, Kate. The fact that you've come back from TWO different pre-wedding weekends all banged up and they weren't even yours is the reason we're even having this conversation. Please don't make me wrap you up before you leave tomorrow. The stitches call last time was bad enough."
"I will be on my best behavior." Yelena arches her right eyebrow. "Okay, I won't, but I will at least promise you I won't come back all sorts of fucked up..."
"I'm holding you to that."
---
It was a surprise to no one with a shred of common sense when Kate walked into her apartment with puppy dog eyes and her left arm hidden behind her back.
It took Yelena TWO seconds flat to clock it. And she was like "JFKEJFKEMFOEKFJWNF KATHERINE ELIZABETH BISHOP THE FUCKETY FUCKING FUCK DID YOU DO SHOW MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
Kate sprained her wrist and broke her pinky and ring finger on her left hand...THE HAND WHERE YELENA NEEDS TO PUT A RING ON AT THE WEDDING.
Kate’s hand is currently on nothing more than a sling and splint, but that’s solely because she insisted no more extensive intervention happen. Doctors wanted to put her arm in a cast given the seriousness of the sprain plus the two broken fingers, but, even as drunk as she was, Kate resisted the mere suggestion. She was like "LISTEN...you don't understand...if I walk into my house with a cast, my fiancée will HANG me, and whatever further damage you're trying to prevent here will be pointless anyway. NO CAST."
---
Yelena doesn't talk to Kate for three days. Nothing. COLD. Mind you, these are three days LEADING UP TO THE WEDDING. It's absolute bedlam around them and Kate gets jack shit. Only the silent treatment. She'll get like twenty texts a day from Alexei that go along the lines of: "Yelena is asking me to ask you..." or "Yelena says you have to be...". Worth noting........KATE CAN'T EVEN TEXT PROPERLY WITH HER JACKED HAND lol. It's all a clusterfuck.
---
Yelena doesn't talk to Kate until she walks into the apartment and finds poor, one-handed Kate struggling to open a jar in the kitchen. Yelena stomps over, opens the jar for her fiancée, then shoves it back into Kate's good hand.
"The week before the wedding. Seriously, Kate."
"I'm sor..."
"I don't want to hear it. I asked you for one thing, Kate. One thing." Yelena turns and leaves. She then stops and turns when she remembers. "By the way, your dad's office called. He and his girlfriend RSVP'd for the wedding today. I'm sure he told your sister, and your sister told your mom because then your mom called me, and they're all coming too. Glad I decided to save those seats, I guess. They're going to show up and see your lovely handy work there. Good job, Bishop. Can't wait to hear you explain that one and see how your father manages to twist it into you being a failure because you're marrying me and I happen to have a vagina. Very much looking forward to being your family's punching bag at my own wedding."
Yelena storms off. Kate hears the bedroom door slam shut, then hangs her head and mumbles.
"Shit."
---
For the next forty-six minutes, Kate stands in that exact spot. During most of that time, she listens to Yelena answer phone calls from the wedding planner, vendors, Melina, or her friends. All about the wedding.
Kate hears Yelena end a particularly frustrating call with the planner about an issue with one of the rental houses. She decides to head to the bedroom where Yelena is currently holed up behind closed doors.
Kate opens the door and Yelena glares at her. They know each other well enough that Yelena can read Kate's face by now. She knows Kate walked in intending to talk, but with the afternoon she's having, Yelena is all talked out. Yelena wants no more Big Conversations today. She doesn't want anyone talking to her at all, actually. Her plans are to crack a bottle of wine open, draw a bath, and go to bed. Nothing else.
"It's not going to go well, so leave."
"No."
"Katherine...you've never been good at listening to what I'm trying to tell you, but right now, I'm halfway to canceling this entire fucking wedding, so leave me alone tonight. Do what I'm asking you one time for a change."
Yelena turns her back to Kate and makes for the bathroom to start filling the tub.
"I'm going to ask my parents not to come."
Yelena comes to a grinding halt and whips her head towards Kate.
"What...?!"
"They're not coming."
"Are you out of your mind? Did you also bang your head when you were fucking up your hand?"
"The wedding is about you and us, not them. I'm not having them show up and ruin it."
"Leave. Please leave the room."
"I'm calling them and telling them not to come."
Kate turns and starts to leave.
"If you do that, the wedding is off."
Kate turns on her heels immediately and stares at Yelena.
"The fuck? Why would you say that?"
"Your family calls to RSVP to the wedding and a few hours later, you call them to uninvite them? Who do you think they're going to blame for that, Kate? Me. They're going to blame me. We sent them invitations, they RSVP'd, they're coming."
"We sent them invitations because I didn't know you felt like this."
"FELT LIKE WHAT?!"
"Like they hate you."
"Did you need the Times to print an Op-Ed about it? Your dad looks at me like he wishes I'd fall into a vat of acid and disappear. They think I ruined your life. I don't 'feel' like anything. That's merely a fact, Kate."
"You didn't ruin my life. You're the best, sexiest, smartest, occasionally funniest thing - but only sometimes...everyone knows I'm the funny one of the two. You're my highlight, and if they can't see that, then they don't need to be there. Seriously, who gets this lucky?! You're smart as hell AND have the looks of a trophy wife??? I hit the Babe Jackpot!”
Yelena is angry enough that she WANTS to keep arguing, but it's kind of hard to find a way to argue with...that.
"It's impressive how you always get SO CLOSE to saying the sweetest, most perfect things and then right at the last second careen right off the road into 'absolutely not' land."
"I think it's probably some faulty DNA strand or something. You should check it out. Make sure I don't pass it down to the kids."
"I should probably get on that. I can't handle more than one of you. It'd send me to an early grave. Or even earlier, I should say. You've shaved years off my life already." They hover in place. "They're coming...your family. They're coming. There's too much shit going on as it is. I can't deal with the drama you calling them would cause. We invited them, they agreed, we deal with it."
"We don't have to. It's OUR wedding."
"Exactly. I want to enjoy it, and if there's chaos and noise happening with them in the background, I won't be able to. I'd rather have them there drinking and eating than angry and causing problems elsewhere."
"But..."
"Can you do as I say? ONE TIME?" Kate nods. "Thank you."
Yelena moves towards the bathroom again. She hasn't forgotten her main task of the night: a bath. She runs the water and starts to fill the tub. She walks out of the bathroom, already removing her sweater. She steps into the walk-in closet with the intention of looking for a set of comfortable pajamas but backtracks and hovers under the doorway in just her bra and skin-tight skirt.
"How's your hand?"
Kate smiles faintly and holds her sling up.
"This thing? Never better. Good as new."
"I'm being serious, Kate."
"Hurts."
"Have you been taking your meds on schedule?" The pause is too long and Yelena can deduce the answer. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Kate. No wonder it hurts. How often are you supposed to be taking your pills?"
"I don't know. A few times a day, I think?"
Yelena sighs.
"Where's the bottle? I should've known......" Kate grabs the two prescriptions she got from the dresser and extends them. Yelena reads the labels. "You need to be taking one of these every four hours and two of these every eight hours. I have seen you take them zero times. Go. Take them right now." Kate doesn't move and mumbles something that Yelena can't understand instead. "What??? Katherine, stop being a baby and go take your meds."
Kate sighs.
"I can't open the bottles with one hand. They're twist caps and you've been mad at me..."
"You haven't taken them because............." Yelena grabs the bottles, twists the caps off and tips the pills out onto the dresser. "Sometimes I think God doesn't exist but then I remember that it has to be some sort of divine intervention that I haven't strangled you yet and the thought leaves my mind."
Yelena closes the pill bottles and heads back to the closet. She desperately needs that bath.
---
Kate is tucked in the guest bedroom's bed. It's where she's slept since the whole hand thing went down. She's scrolling through her phone or at least making a clunky attempt at it with her jacked-up hand. She's still trying to get used to this.
The door opens and Yelena flops from the door onto the bed and giggles. One look at her fiancée and Kate can deduce her state.
"You're drunk, aren't you?"
Kate chuckles
"Uhum."
Yelena nods while clumsily crawling her way up the bed and laying flat on her back because anything else feels like too much effort. She forcefully YANKS Kate by the collar, forcing her to come hover above her so they can be looking at each other while they speak. Kate flops down like a leaf and nothing but a small 'oh' escapes her lips.
"I always forget how Hulky you get when you're drunk. How much wine did you have?"
"Two."
"Two glasses?"
"Bottles."
Kate chuckles.
"Let the record state that I didn't see you consume these bottles, so tomorrow I can't be asked any of the 'why did you let me do this?' and 'why didn't you stop me?' type of questions."
"Nope. No questions."
Yelena jerks Kate down again, a little too violently for how close they are now, and their faces smash together.
"Ow, Yel!" Kate rubs her forehead. "The hell was that for? You don't want ruined wedding pictures, but you headbutt me?"
"No. Just trying to make out with you."
"Banging skulls is NOT how you do that."
"Shhh...c'mehere."
Yelena wraps her hands around Kate's neck and pulls her down towards her lips for what starts like a sloppy, drunk make-out. Under Kate's guidance, it's been redirected into a soft, slow, tender kiss within a minute.
They eventually come up for air and Yelena scans Kate's face adoringly, with no trace of anger in this version of her.
"We're getting married on Saturday."
"I know. I'm very fucking excited about it."
"Yeah?"
"You have no idea. Been wanting to lock it down since that first night."
"Since the first night you met me?"
"Nah...first night I saw your boobs. They sold me on it."
Yelena playfully shoves her face away.
"You're gross."
"You were wearing a white shirt and it had like green edges and a flower pattern."
"What?"
"That first night, when I banged my head on your door...your shirt was kind of off-white with...I don't know what to call them edges...they were green and the pattern was kind of big leafy flowers. I've never seen that shirt ever again, but you were wearing it that night."
"We talked for maybe two minutes. How do you remember what I was wearing?"
"You were barefoot and you were wearing the black fuzzy sweats you used to own. Your hair was in a braid and I also remember thinking you smelled SO FUCKING GOOD."
"It was a Friday. I had an 8 AM, so I probably showered in the morning and it was around midnight. There's no way I smelled like anything."
"You smelled SO good."
"You were delusional."
"No, I promise. I can remember thinking it so well."
"So you basically decided you wanted to marry me after talking to me, smelling me, and looking at my feet for two minutes?"
"In a much less creepy way...yeah...I think so. I don't think I knew I was going to MARRY you. Back then, that's not a thing I believed in, but I knew there was something about you that I needed more of in my life. I just didn't know why. I would hope me chasing you around campus forever would've given that away."
"You really were annoying."
"But I was right, wasn't I?!"
"Uhum!"
"So...yeah...I'm fucking pumped I get to marry you and I'm really sorry that you haven't been as excited about it the last few days because I'm a fuckwad and don't think things through sometimes. I was googling and I can definitely take this off for pictures. I just can't move my hand a lot. It's just a couple hours tops. All I need to do is tape my fingers together, but it should be way easier to hide, or they can even Photoshop the tape out. And I think I can take it all off when you need to put the ring on. I promise I won't cry if it hurts and if I do, people will think it's cuz I'm emotional."
Yelena laughs.
"I'm not putting a ring on your broken finger, you idiot."
"It's our wedding. You can't not put a ring on my finger. That's...kinda the whole point."
"I'll put it on your right ring finger for now. Until your hand heals."
"But that's not where it goes."
Kate sounds dejected.
"Yeah...well, you should've broken the other hand then. Even better, you should've broken no hand at all."
"I didn't break MY HAND."
"Y'know what I meant, Kate...Let's stop talking about the broken hand. I don't wanna get mad again. It's why I got drunk to begin with."
"It's not a broken hand..."
"KATE!"
"I think facts matter! It's a sprained wrist and two broken fingers."
"You're this close to talking yourself out of getting laid tonight."
"Well, I didn't know that was even on the table. You should've mentioned that."
Kate smirks playfully.
"Y'know...I'm also VERY mad that you ruined the honeymoon with this." Yelena taps Kate's splint. "I was planning on having so much crazy, newlywed, honeymoon sex with you. You should see the things I bought to wear. All going to waste now."
"Who says it's going to waste?!"
"You can't move your hand!"
"It's not my good hand!"
"Ruins the fun. I don't wanna feel this touching me while I'm naked. It's all scratchy and weird."
"So what, we're gonna read the newspaper for a month?"
"MAYBE. And that's your fault."
"You literally just said I was going to get laid tonight. How is me getting laid in New York any different from me getting laid in Tahiti or Bora Bora or The Maldives or Singapore?"
"I changed my mind. No sex at all. Not even tonight."
Kate throws the covers off herself, hops off the bed, and ungracefully takes her pajamas off. She's now fully naked. She then crawls back on the bed but doesn't get under the covers. She casually turns her back to Yelena, reaches over to flick the lamp on the nightstand off, and fluffs up her pillow.
"Good night. Sleep well. Love you. Have water, so you're not totally miserable tomorrow." Kate waits. Not even thirty seconds pass before she feels Yelena's hand on her shoulder, pulling her towards her, and forcing Kate on her back. Yelena straddles a naked Kate and her lips are on Kate's neck almost instantly. "Yeah. I thought so."
---
Wedding day.
Glenmere Mansion. About fifty miles outside the city. They've bought out the whole thing since Friday morning, so they had the rehearsal dinner here Friday night and the bridal party/most important guests slept here in anticipation of the Saturday wedding. They will also be sleeping here on Saturday and everyone is leaving on Sunday.
Thirty minutes before they're set to walk down the aisle.
Kate is already in her spiffy suit. Now she's just pacing the room all anxious and nursing a drink, trying to calm her nerves while obsessively running her vows in her head.
A knock on the door pulls her out of it. It's Yelena's Maid Of Honor with the strangest request. Yelena is in the courtyard downstairs and she wants to see Kate. Kate is like "?????? 1) Am I about to get dumped on my wedding day? 2) Isn't it bad fucking luck to see the bride before the wedding???” But the friend is like "Listen, she insisted. Come." So Kate follows her and then the Maid Of Honor leaves her right when they're about to get to Yelena.
"Yel?"
"Turn around!"
"What?"
"Turn around! Turn around! You're not supposed to see me!"
"How am I going to know where I'm going if I'm walking backward?"
"Just do it."
Kate sighs and starts walking backward until she bumps into Yelena. Yelena immediately holds her hand.
"Your hands are cold."
"Yeah. That's because I'm freaking out, Kate."
Kate chuckles.
"Why are you freaking out?"
"I sent someone to go check and your family is here. They're sitting downstairs. They're...here. At our wedding."
"We invited them."
"I know that! But what if...what if your dad...I don't know...what if he stands up and stops it or something?"
Kate cackles.
"He's not gonna do that."
"But what if?"
"Then your dad will probably sock him in the face and we'll carry on."
"What if they talk you out of it?"
"Huh?! Where would you even get that from?"
"I don't know! Freaking out!"
"I'm turning around now."
"DON'T DO THAT!"
"I'm gonna turn around."
"KATE BISHOP! DON'T YOU DARE!"
Kate turns around and Yelena can hear her gasp. She huffs and turns around too. The moment she sees the tears in Kate's eyes, Yelena starts crying too.
"I hate you! Why don't you ever listen to me?! This is bad luck, Kate!"
Kate closes the distance and says nothing before she kisses Yelena.
"There's literally nothing that can happen that will stop me from marrying you today." Kate kisses her again. "Maybe the apocalypse, but even then, I'd tell her to jump to the 'I do' part and we could figure out the end of the world together as wives." Kate kisses her one more time. "Stop freaking out." Kate takes a step back so she can take in Yelena completely and tears fall freely. "Holy shit! You're so fucking hot. Damn. I don't care what anyone says...I'm the luckiest person. No one else."
"I'm hoping your vows are better than 'You're so fucking hot'."
"Only by a little." They both laugh. "I can still ask them to leave. I don't care. If it's going to ruin it for you, then I don't want them here."
Yelena shakes her head and closes the distance between them. She kisses Kate's lips softly then wipes the faint lipstick stain she left behind.
"No. It's fine. You made it better."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Should we go get married then?"
"Let's get married, Mrs. Belova."
"That's not...no. It's Mrs. Bishop. We already talked about this?"
"Sure. Okay, Belova."
"Kate Belova does NOT work, but Yelena Bishop does. We had this entire conversation!"
Yelena kisses Kate one last time before turning around and walking away."
"See you soon, Kate Belova."
"Nope. Doesn't work! Doesn't flow! Yelena Bishop!" Yelena turns a corner and disappears. "Katherine Belova...eurgh."
Kate frowns and shakes her head before walking in the opposite direction and heading back to her room.
---
Luckily for Kate, Yelena was fucking with her. That is one of the few battles in their marriage that she does win.
When they walk into the reception two hours later, after the ceremony is done and pictures are taken (she took her splint off and just taped her fingers because she's a good wife who won't ruin the once-in-a-lifetime photoshoot), they are indeed introduced as Mrs. & Mrs. Bishop.
---
They don't do one first dance. Kate suggested they surprise each other with a song so they'd have two back-to-back dances. Yelena had a feeling this would be a disaster, and she wasn't wrong, but she still did it anyway.
Yelena decides on something slow, romantic, and hella heartfelt. She went with Jon McLaughlin's "Speechless". Kate picks.........Sam Hunt's fucking "Body Like A Back Road".
Yelena is like "......no you didn't......" and Kate is like ""Braids in her hair"? "Took me like six weeks to get her number"? Has a sexy ass body? It's pretty accurate!" Lol.
---
Then comes the father/daughter dances. Alexei and Yelena are perfect and touching. Derek and Kate are...well...
The two of them didn't have anything planned outright. Derek didn't decide he was coming until the last minute and it's not like they have the best relationship anyway, so they don't exactly have much to go on. But they did dance to Paul Simon's "Father & Daughter" at Kate's Sweet Sixteen, so she was like, "Let's just do that again???"
Kate and Derek get up and the song starts. They don't say anything for the first thirty seconds and then Derek speaks.
"You could've at least worn a dress if you were going to do something like this."
"Dad...seriously..."
"You're already playing the part of a man. You don't have to look like one too."
"I'm not doing this with you today."
"I don't think expecting to see my daughter in a wedding dress is unreasonable."
"I don't think expecting my dad to at least congratulate me on my wedding day is unreasonable either, yet here we are. Both of us lose."
"I won't congratulate anyone on a mistake."
Kate leans back from the hold position she was in to stare directly at him.
"Why did you come then? Why are you here?"
"I thought I'd raised you better than this. I still hoped you'd come to your senses. I wanted to be here for support when you did."
"You don't know me at all."
Without making any more of a fuss, Kate leaves Derek standing on the dance floor and heads for the door.
Yelena, who had been having a quiet conversation with Melina, immediately turns. After half a second, she goes after Kate.
Derek tries to play off the embarrassment and returns to his seat.
---
Yelena finds Kate standing perfectly still with her one good hand in her pocket by the edge of the fountain that splashes at the center of the expansive garden.
"Hey..." Yelena cups her now wife's face with both her hands and gently tips it down to look at her. "Hey. How hard do you need my dad to hit him?"
Kate faintly laughs.
"How hard do you think it will need to be to knock the stupid out of him?"
"Hard to gauge. We can tell him to try a few times?"
Yelena wraps her arms around Kate and presses her head into the taller woman's chest. Kate pulls her close and runs her hands up and down her back.
"That might work."
"You okay?"
"Better now." Kate kisses the top of Yelena's head. "I used to worship him. When I was little...he seemed larger than life...I used to worship him. Couldn't wait to be just like him. It's sad how small he looks now."
"I'm sorry you don't have that anymore."
"It's scary because everyone always said how alike we were. I'm terrified I'll eventually turn into him. Promise me you won't let that happen."
Yelena leans back to look at Kate.
"You are NOTHING like him."
"I'm a lot like him."
"Maybe. I haven't spent enough time with him to know about the good parts, but I know for a fact you don't have any of the awful parts. And if they EVER were to start showing up, I'm right here to kick your ass."
"Good."
"You know I will."
"Zero doubt."
"And..."
Eleanor steps out into the garden.
"Katherine."
"Mother."
"Yelena."
"Eleanor."
The three of them fall into awkward silence.
"What you did to your father in there...Katherine, that was..."
"Oh my god, mom! You and dad have spent my entire life at each other's throats and you're going to pick my wedding day to be on the same side?"
"It was humiliating for him, for you, and for our family."
"Who cares? Who fucking cares?! Maybe he shouldn't be an asshole."
"Eleanor..."
"This is none of your concern, Yelena. This is a family matter. Stay out of it."
Kate steps in front of Yelena and closer to Eleanor.
"Talk to me however you want but watch yourself when you talk to my wife, mom. I won't put up with you disrespecting her."
"Who is this person? I don't recognize you. You were so sweet, respectful, and well-mannered until..."
"Until what? Until what exactly?"
"You know what."
"Right."
Kate pauses for a long second.
"I need you to leave, mom. Suze and DJ are staying. I'll make sure they have a room tonight and a ride home tomorrow, but you need to go. Go inside, grab your stuff, and head out."
"If I go, Susan will come with me."
Kate takes another step closer to Eleanor. Yelena gently squeezes her wife's arm. She knows Kate's little sister is her trigger.
"Suze is staying."
"No."
Eleanor walks away. Kate sees red and is about to chase her mother, but Yelena stops her and pulls her back.
"Let me handle it! Let me talk to her. Go back inside. Get a drink and hang out with your friends. I'll be right there." Yelena kisses her. "I love you. Let me handle it."
Yelena whispers against Kate’s lips. Kate nods once in response and they go in separate directions.
---
"Eleanor."
"If she sent you to retract herself, it's too late."
Eleanor keeps walking through the gardens and Yelena is after her. It's a good thing she changed into a dress without a train for the reception.
"She didn't send me. Hey...hey." Yelena cuts her off. "I want two minutes with you."
"I'm not interested."
Eleanor tries to bypass Yelena, but Yelena steps in front of her again and this time, her body language makes it clear to Eleanor that she doesn't have much of a choice.
"I see where Katherine has been picking up her bad habits."
"Kate's not around, so let's put it all out there because I'm not into hypocrisy and fake niceness. You've made it very clear that you don't like me and, frankly, I'm not a fan of you. I'll never disrespect you because you're Kate's mother, but I hate the way you treat her. That being said, as far as I'm concerned, despite everything, you're family now, and for my wife's sake, I want peace. Hate me and what I am all you want but don't punish Kate for it. You know what Susan means to her. It's cruel and unfair to keep them from each other because of your feelings. Gay people exist, Eleanor. You keeping Kate from Suze doesn't change it. She is out in the world. She's online. She's already aware. I'm not forcing myself on you. I'm only asking you not to make Kate jump through hoops to see her sister. You're their mother, be better than that. Let them see each other whenever they want without having to sneak around. Let her stay. It might not mean much to you, but I'll personally make sure she has a ride home and will get back to you safely. It would mean the world to Kate to have her here tonight. You're not doing it for me. Can she stay?"
Eleanor stands in silence for a long beat.
"We go to service at noon."
"I will have her home no later than eleven." They awkwardly linger. "I simply want us to be civil at the very least. Kate and I want a family and I'd hate for our kids to grow up in a toxic environment. Don't contribute to that. I would want nothing more than for you to be a part of their lives, but I won't allow it if there's going to be bullshit flying around. I won't."
"I don't like threats, Miss Belova."
"It's Mrs. Bishop now and I'm not threatening you, Eleanor. I'm telling you that I will protect my children the way you think you're protecting yours. They're two very different things." Silence. "Can we agree on civility then? For Kate's sake."
"Good evening, Miss Belova."
Eleanor walks away. A frustrated Yelena takes a centering breath and exhales loudly before walking moments behind her. Within seconds she passes Eleanor on the way to the entrance.
"It's Mrs. Bishop."
Yelena keeps walking.
---
When Yelena enters the venue, she finds Kate sitting in Eleanor's chair, between her sister and her brother. She's nursing a drink and laughing at something Suze said. Kate immediately spots Yelena when she walks in and stands, but Yelena is heading her way.
A few people try to stop her and congratulate her and Yelena politely excuses herself as quickly as she can. During that time, Eleanor also walks back into the room. Now they're both unofficially racing to reach Kate first. Much to Yelena's chagrin, Eleanor reaches her a few seconds before she does and starts collecting her things from the table. Kate's eyes are flying back and forth between her mother and Yelena, who is still a few steps behind.
"Your sister and brother are staying." Yelena finally arrives and stands next to Kate. Kate immediately wraps her arms around her wife's waist. Eleanor finishes hastily collecting her things. "Miss Belova promised to have them home by eleven, so we can make the noon service."
Yelena clenches her jaw at the sound of her maiden name but bites her tongue.
"Yeah. We can do that."
"If we stay, where are we sleeping?"
Susan jumps in to ask.
"I got it. Don't worry." Kate chimes in and turns her attention back to her mother. "Thank you. It means a lot."
Eleanor turns on a fake act.
"I want you to know that I sat her down and had a really long conversation about how important it is to me that we're civil and that she doesn't contribute to any toxicity between us. She agreed, didn't you, Miss Belova?"
Yelena could knock this woman out cold right now.
"Uhum."
"That's amazing. Thank you, mom."
"Of course, sweetheart." Eleanor kisses Kate's cheek. "I'm exhausted, so I'm going to head out."
"Absolutely. Thank you for coming. Have a good night."
Eleanor says goodbye to Susan and DJ and heads out. Kate immediately hugs Yelena,  kisses the side of her head, and whispers into her ear.
"Thank you." Kate leans back to look at Yelena. "And don't worry, I know how my mom works. I have no doubt in my mind that conversation she's taking credit for actually happened the other way around." Kate kisses her. "You're fucking amazing."
"I almost killed her two seconds ago."
Kate laughs.
"She pretended she was leaving because she was tired, not because I asked her to leave. She twists everything in her favor. You'll get used to it."
"We're in for a ride, aren't we?"
"Crazy as fuck."
Yelena looks around the room, trying to spot Derek and figure out how to deal with him next.
"Where's your dad?"
"I asked him to leave too. Thankfully he's a lot less dramatic than my mom, so he simply grabbed generic girlfriend number five hundred and seventeen and was gone. I don't know that I'll be hearing from him soon...or again."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine...nothing I'm gonna worry about tonight. We have a party to enjoy, no? I have so many more bones I can break."
"I will tie you to a chair if you make me. No more injuries before the honeymoon..."
Kate laughs.
"I make no promises."
Kate jokingly answers. Yelena takes the drink from Kate's hand and finishes it herself in one gulp.
"Cutting you off."
"Nooooo."
"Uhum. No more for you."
One of Kate's friends is walking by with a beer and Kate grabs it from his hand. She playfully extends her arm and lifts her chin all the way back, putting the bottle entirely out of reach from her wife. She chugs the remainder of the bottle.
"Whoops."
Kate shrugs.
Having seen this and getting high school flashbacks, her friends start chanting.
"KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE!"
One of them rushes to the bar and asks the bartender if they have kegs or just bottles. It turns out they do have kegs.
Suddenly, a keg is flying onto the dance floor and a dozen dudes are hoisting Kate in the air. Yelena is giving her "Don't you dare eyes!" but Kate shrugs and smiles two seconds before the guys tip her over into a keg stand. Kate's half of the party cheers. Yelena's half of the party looks on mildly horrified.
Kate chugs for an impressively long time before she coughs and they let her stand.
"SHE'S STILL GOT IT, BOYS!"
Kate is jerked around in celebration. One of the guys tries to take the keg back, but someone screams.
"Leave it! Leave it! Keg Kate doesn't do just one keg stand in a night!"
The friends around her start to talk over each other.
"We should've brought pong balls!"
"I got golf balls in my trunk! Might as well bring back Beer Pong Bishop too."
"That might work!"
"I'll get 'em."
And the dude runs out. Yelena cuts through them and pulls Kate aside.
"You're not about to turn our wedding into a high school or college party."
"It's just a little fun."
"I've seen how you all have fun."
Kate stares at Yelena curiously and squints when a thought occurs to her.
"You've never done a keg stand, have you?"
"Katherine..."
"Hey, guys...can you believe Keg Kate's wife has never done a keg stand..."
In a second, Kate’s friends all swarm Yelena, and before she knows it, she's in the air.
"KATE!"
Yelena is upside down on the keg and Kate squats to hold the hose and look at her. She has a smile painted on her face.
"The moment they put me down, you're dead."
"Are you really down to be a young widow?"
"YES!"
Kate puts the hose to Yelena's lips and begins the chant.
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
Yelena drinks and then releases the hose. Beer goes everywhere before Kate shuts it off. The guys put her back on her feet. Yelena punches Kate's shoulder.
"Ow! You're not even drunk yet. Where's the aggro Hulky coming from?!"
Kate dries the beer that spilled on Yelena's face with her sleeve.
"If you ever let your friends put me upside down again, you're permanently moving to the guest bedroom."
"That was fun. Admit it." Yelena glares at Kate. "You kinda loved it...you did!"
"I didn't HATE it."
Kate grabs her face and kisses her.
"YOOOO...she wants another spin on the keg!"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I SA..."
Yelena is upside down again. Kate squats again and holds the hose to her lips.
"I hate you with every fiber of my being right now."
"You really don't. Take a deeper breath so you can go longer." Kate lifts her arm so Yelena can hold it. "Squeeze when you want me to stop. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Yelena squeezes Kate's arm and Kate removes the hose. "Put her down."
The guys flip her back onto her feet. Yelena punches Kate's shoulder again. Kate rubs it.
"You're going to break my shoulder next!...Wanna go for another spin?"
"Only if you want to leave here on a stretcher."
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
Kate and Yelena turn around to see Alexei being held upside down with the hose in his mouth. Yelena punches Kate's shoulder anew.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"My dad?! Doing a keg stand?! At our wedding?! That is your fault."
Kate flips Yelena around so they can both turn to face the keg and presses the shorter woman against her chest while wrapping her arms around her waist. She brings her lips to her ear.
"You love that I bring a little chaos to your life."
Yelena leans her head back to look up at Kate and smiles.
"I do."
Kate leans to meet Yelena's lips to kiss her.
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"
When they look up to figure out who the hell could be at the keg right now, they find Melina upside down and Alexei holding her by himself.
"KATE!"
---
"KATE!"
Kate hears Yelena scream from the kitchen.
"FIVE SECONDS! Your mommy is so impatient."
"Papiem."
"Exactly. Always rushing us. Always"
The almost two-and-a-half-year-old blonde girl with bright green eyes and features that mimic Yelena's babbles in response from where she sits on the changing table. Kate stuffs the last few things in her bag and zips it up.
Kate taps the tiny snapback on Alexia’s small head with a silly popping sound, then pokes her index fingers into her pudgy sides, making the little girl devolve into a fit of giggles. Kate slings the bag over her neck, then grabs the toddler and perches her on her shoulders. The baby places her tiny hands around Kate's head, keeping herself in place. Kate holds her hand against the little girl's back for an extra layer of safety.
"You ready?"
"YAH!"
Kate zooms full speed out of the nursery. The baby laughs at the top of her lungs and it echoes through the apartment.
---
The two girls reach the kitchen, run around the island, and then do a lightning-fast lap around Yelena. The older blonde sighs as she does her best to avoid them while getting the last few things she needs to complete in the kitchen.
Kate and the baby eventually stop by the doorway and that's when Yelena turns to face them.
"Absolutely not."
Yelena, now almost five months into their third pregnancy, takes one good look at Kate and their daughter and shakes her head. They're dressed identically in basketball shorts, a wife beater, a snapback, and vans.
"What?"
"Go change. Both of you. We're already late, Kate. Why are you doing this to me?"
"What's wrong with what we're wearing?"
"You know EXACTLY what. I'm not wasting words on it."
"One, it's ninety six degrees outside. Two, she's going straight to your parent's house. Three, we're getting in a car and driving four and a half hours to the mountains. Why do we need to be dressed in any specific way?"
Yelena leans against the counter and rests her hand on her growing stomach.
"Kate...we're going to be stuck in a car for five hours and I don't want to be mad at you for those five hours. Please at least put shirts on."
"But WHY?!"
Yelena huffs, walks towards Kate, and takes the baby that sits on her shoulders.
"Your momma may be okay with looking like a vagrant, but I won't let you do it too."
Yelena tells the baby while peppering her face with kisses as she walks to the nursery.
"I don't look like a vagrant! I just choose to be comfortable!"
Kate heads to the nursery. She finds Yelena flipping through the little girl's closet, trying to find a more appropriate outfit.
"Hey Alex, can you tell mommy you love your shirt?" The baby babbles something that remotely ends in something that resembles ‘shirt’. "There you go. Big fan."
"She can have a say in what she wears when she's potty trained and can at least count to ten. Until then, I'm exclusively picking her outfits. You lost your privileges today."
Yelena selects a nice color-coordinated outfit and a headband.
"She's going to your parent's house..."
"And they might want to go out. If she's ready, they don't have to change her...Up, baby."
The baby lifts her arms, and Yelena removes her shirt, then quickly replaces it with the new one.
"What if they don't go out?"
"Then she wasn't walking around in a wife beater and basketball shorts."
"You overthink things."
"And you underthink them." Yelena continues changing the baby. "Kate, I'm asking you one last time, please at least go put a shirt on."
"You're a tyrant." Kate disappears from the doorway. Not two minutes later, she reappears, buttoning up a short-sleeved shirt. "World War III  averted now?"
"See how much better you look?" Yelena moves the baby from the changing table to the floor and she immediately takes off running out of the room. "ALEX!"
Yelena is about to go after Alexia, but Kate wraps her arm around her midriff at the door and pulls her close.
"Why are my wife beaters your biggest nemesis in the world?"
Yelena chuckles.
"You don't look like an adult wearing them."
"Who cares?!"
"I've told you, you can wear them at home but not outside."
"I don't need to wear anything at home. That's the fun of being home. I can be naked if I want."
Yelena rolls her eyes.
"I need to go get the baby. We're so late."
"Yel, she'll be fine for two seconds and literally no one is waiting for us. YOU made an arbitrary schedule that you want us to meet. We're off for a week. Shut down your science, work, spreadsheet, serious brain mode. It's our anniversary. Relax. That's the whole point of this week, no? Why is there a fucking schedule to begin with?"
"Because without a schedule, there is chaos. YOU are chaos. Someone has to keep us on track, and by process of elimination, that is me."
"Embrace the chaos this week."
Yelena laughs.
"I wasn't built for chaos. Besides, all I want to embrace this week is uninterrupted sleep and having uninterrupted sex when we're not enjoying said uninterrupted sleep. No chaos. Opposite of chaos. Peace, quiet, and no baby."
"Technically, there is a baby coming."
Kate tenderly places her hand on Yelena's stomach.
"This one doesn't jailbreak out of the crib, crawl into our bed, and kick us in the face in the middle of the night yet. I'm not counting it."
"Yeah, okay. I'll give you that."
Kate scans Yelena's face attentively.
"You're staring."
"I am."
"Why?"
"Because all this...a wrong door. If I'd knocked on another door, or I'd gone one building over, or you hadn't been home...but now we're here...married eight years this week, thirteen years total, two babies, and a miscarriage deep. I stare because sometimes it feels crazy. Would you change it?"
"Not a minute."
"Not even when I drive you crazy?"
"I'll revise my answer. I'd change the minutes when my wife drives me crazy and doesn't listen to me, which are arguably a lot of minutes." Yelena leans up and kisses Kate. "No. I wouldn't change it. Nothing. You genuinely make me consider filing for divorce at least once a week, but then I remember I don't think I can exist without you and the thought leaves my mind."
"Wow, does that mean I can do ANYTHING?"
Kate smiles mischievously.
"Don't push your luck, Kate Bishop."
"But what if..."
The sound of things tumbling then shattering and a small "Uh Oh!" comes from the front of the apartment. They both sigh and rest their foreheads against each other's.
"Go get your demon child. Go..." Kate laughs as Yelena shoves her wife, sending her to investigate whatever disaster their toddler had just created. "You better hope this one turns out level-headed and composed like me, or I'm packing my shit and leaving the three of you here to be chaotic entities by yourselves. I can't do three of you. My blood pressure can't handle it."
Kate disappears and Yelena hangs behind when she notices that her wife didn't put away the clothes that she took off the baby. She sets on folding that and returning it to where it belongs. She then starts to notice all the small things Kate left out of place when she was getting the baby ready.
"My god, Kate."
Yelena starts to tidy up.
---
Fifteen minutes later, Yelena is heading to the front of the apartment. It's eerily quiet, which she's learned is never good in this house.
When she steps into the living room, she finds the source of the noise. Alexia pulled the bottom shelf of one of the bookcases and everything on it came tumbling down. Everything is still on the floor and neither her daughter nor her wife are anywhere to be found. Suspicious. Very suspicious.
Yelena keeps walking and that's when she hears Kate's hushed voice coming from the kitchen. She walks slower to be able to hear better over the sound of her steps.
"...but you have to clean your face and wipe your clothes. And you definitely can't snitch. She'll kill me. You two can't snitch eit..."
When Yelena walks into the kitchen, she finds Kate holding the transparent plastic container where they store the graham crackers. The baby is currently standing on the kitchen counter, double-fisting crackers. Kate is caught red-handed also feeding crackers to the two expectant dogs wagging their tails at her feet.
"KATE!"
The foursome immediately freezes when they look up to find Yelena in the doorway.
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ruinakete · 24 days
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cannoli - how does your muse express love? how do they act when in love that differs from how they act around others normally?
PASTRY LOVE HEADCANONS ・ not accepting!
hrm hrm hrm ... under the assumption that love, at least for the first question, extends to its platonic and familial forms, then the simple answer would be the phrase from her inspiration tag, "love is pain. pain is punishment". the third part would simply repeat, "and punishment is love".
although I've discussed her view on romantic love in small headcanons, I do not think it would stray too far from her ideals surrounding familial and platonic love. after all, are all forms of love not customary for obligation? is there not something to be given and laid in your partner's hands no matter the bond?
while I highly disagree with the notion that Zephia had any actual love, whether romantic or any, for Sombron, as she debunks this thought when speaking to Griss in Chapter 23, the way she behaves towards him is what she would expect from her partner; obedient, eager to please, and attentive to all she says. since he was the one to find her, centuries ago, she is the one who owes him all she is. servitude is the only expression of love that she believes is genuine.
anyone can say they love you. anyone can perform grand feats of public love. anyone can open their coin pouch and buy a gift in your name. but only a few can, without hesitation, throw themselves at your feet to make you smile.
the only difference between romantic, familial, and platonic love is the degree of affection; and how much you would sacrifice and lose in their name. "love is pain. pain is punishment. and punishment is love." can you really love someone if you are not willing to cut out their heart at the happenstance of betrayal? what of infidelity? failure? pain and punishment will always have a place in Zephia's heart, and, as such, will be equally taught to those she loves.
if you do not commit to the part, then you will be punished. if you do not reciprocate, then you will be hurt. to be loved, and be able to love, is the consent to withstand the inevitable pain that follows any relationship. and because Zephia will only love someone she sees as worthy, first, then her approach calls for their servitude, not the other way around.
love is pain, but that pain is not a two-way street until you tilt the scales of the hierarchy and step out of line.
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