#a top tier bastard that wants to be your friend | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emeritus-fuckers · 1 year

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I got dumped on my birthday and I'm still not okay 😭😭 so if you could write some hcs or a fic on how all the papas would comfort you or deal with the situation? Please

But if you're busy or don't want to then it's seriously okay ❤️❤️❤️

I'm so sorry for you, babe! No worries, I got you! From the request I assumed you wanted it platonic, I'll gladly do another one if you want a romantic one, too - Jez

Papas comforting you after a heartbreak during your birthday party headcanons

Includes: Primo, Secondo, Terzo, Copia, young and old versions of Nihil. Sodo, Swiss, Aether, Cirrus and Cumulus mentioned in Copia's. Sister Imperator mentioned in Nihil's.

Primo

At this point we all know he's a top tier father figure.

If he witnesses it, the first thing he does is talk to you and ask the ghouls to take you outside so you can catch a breather while he gives the bastard who hurt you a very stern talking to.

Keep in mind, he's in his late 70s/early 80s. He might appear old and fragile, but this man can be scary. Very scary.

Might pretend to curse the poor bastard. Or actually do curse them.

Needless to say, when he's done, the whole room is quiet for a long time, even if he barely raised his voice.

He doesn't slam the door when he leaves. Doesn't need to.

He then joins you outside and gently holds your face, wiping your tears gently with his thumbs.

You spend the rest of your day in his garden or greenhouse, which is also his own little butterfly conservatory.

He'll make tea with you (from scratch!), walk you through the process of it and teach you which one is good for what.

Do you want to talk about the situation? He's all ears.

Do you want to distract yourself and forget about? He'll give you a tour of the place, teach you about the plants and butterflies (fun fact, I can also teach you about butterflies - Jez).

He'll keep you company as long as you need it and should you need a parental figure to help, he will.

He's absolutely the sweetest in that regard.

Secondo

Facepaint or not, this motherfucker can be intimidating as fuck. The poor bastard that broke your heart will absolutely end up crying just from this man's glare.

It's up to you to continue to party after that jackass leaves. If you want to continue the party, Mr. Worldwide over here will absolutely let out his inner party animal and help you forget everything.

If you wanna leave, you're leaving, no questions asked.

He takes you shopping and pays for everything you look at for more than five seconds. Everything you touch, too. And don't even try to protest.

"It's a gift from me to you. You won't turn down Papa's gift, now will you?"

Bro will gaslight you into letting him pay, it's best for you to just go with it, trust me.

Takes you to a fancy restaurant, somehow manages to get the entire place empty for the two of you. Don't ask me how.

Takes a week off and turns it into your birthday week. He takes you anywhere you ever hinted at wanting to go.

Even if abroad.

You are getting everything you want and that's it. There's no time to think about some idiot.

Terzo

He most likely causes a scene, mocking the bastard stupid enough to hurt you.

It's almost like a stand-up routine, where he somehow manages to point out the very specific thing that asshole is insecure about.

Nobody gets to hurt his friends and gets away with it.

The way he acts also puts the spotlight on the one who broke your heart, letting you slip out and take a breather.

Terzo will end his little performance by either spitting on the shithead's face or straight up slapping them, really depends on how strong your reaction was. If it was bad enough, he'd punch them, no questions asked.

When he's done, he'll come and find you, offering you a hug. He'll hold you as long as you need, rubbing your back comfortingly.

He'll ask you what you need. He knows nobody is gonna know how to help you better than you.

He'll probably have his ghouls keep people away from you until you feel better.

He will probably ask Primo for advice, too.

Terzo might be a shitty cook and and even worse baker, but if you like to do stuff in the kitchen, he'll do his best to help, even if it's just silly things like handing you ingredients.

He'd probably take you to an amusement park in the evening.

Buys you all the colors of cotton candy.

Buys you a big plushie of your favorite animal.

Terzo's comfort food is Chinese take out, so he'll probably get you to try that, too.

You get a second, better birthday party with him and the Ghouls.

Copia

Back in his cardinal days, he'd just take you away and try his best to soothe you.

As Papa, however, he got a major confidence boost (he's still very awkward, but he can be serious and confident when needed) and he won't let that slide.

Copia is by no means as scary as the other Papas can be, but he's got charm and he can make people just kinda... Flow with what he says. And his ghouls are a menace.

So when he throws a comment about the bastard, his ghouls (especially Sodo, Swiss and Aether) pick up on it and bully the life put of them.

Meanwhile Copia and the Ghoulettes leave the party with you, taking priority in your comfort.

Copia leaves you in their care for a bit so he can arrange something better for you. Cumulus is put in charge of taking care of you.

You get a sweet little homemade spa session with them and once Copia comes to pick you up, the Ghoulettes giggle at how flustered he gets for no apparent reason.

"Ah, I am terribly sorry for leaving you, I just wanted to make everything perfect for you, I hope they didn't mess with you too much!"

You ignore Cirrus's little giggle as she watches you both leave. She totally ships you guys.

Copia takes you to his room, his rats up and about, eager to play with you as she sits you on his little couch and runs to finish dinner preparations.

The food he made was just a little bit burned (he apologized for several minutes until you laughed and assured him it's fine), but you can definitely tell he made it with love!

Gaming night with him and the rats! He lets you do most of the gaming, only jumping in when you need help or giving you some tips. Even if the tips are a bit useless, it's the thought that counts.

You get ice cream, too. And have a sleep over. If you're uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed, he takes the couch.

Copia just wants you to be comfy!

Young Nihil

This man will throw hands, no questions asked.

I mean it. He's a hoe, but he's very protective of his friends.

The bastard who broke your heart? Yeah, he's on the floor now, clutching his jaw.

"Serves ya right. Fucking bitch."

Nihil definitely spits on them, too. Might kick them in the stomach once for good measure before turning to you, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and telling everyone to go back to partying.

Gets you a drink. According to him, it's the best thing to do after a situation like that.

"That's what I did after Sister dumped me. And now I'm as good as new!" (bold faced lie)

You probably were there to see that this dumbass was a wreck and had to comfort him after Sister Imperator ended whatever the relationship has.

In his eyes, he owes you for that. He's... A bit stupid, though, let's be real here.

Ends up focusing more on making the party great and making the idiot who broke your heart regret their decision.

Once he realizes that's not what you needed, he asks what it is, then. Because in his eyes, there's nothing better he could do.

Give him detailed instructions. He'll forget half of it, but he'll go all out on the half he remembers.

Old Nihil

Bro takes it personally.

Scoffs and berates the bastard like he's the one who got his heart broken??

Goes at it so hard he needs a minute with his oxygen tank when he's done.

He then proceeds to leave with you. And demands you tell him what you want so he can throw you a better party.

He acts like he's genuinely offended at how the original party turned out and the only solution is to throw a bigger, better party.

Strippers will be included.

And fireworks.

Old man goes out of his way to make it as big and loud as possible like he's trying to prove something to the world.

Just like when he's younger, he ends up a bit too focused on it. You have to remind him yourself that it's kinda about you and not his party.

He waves his hand dismissively at that, giving you a checkbook. Sends you shopping with some ghouls. Probably gets you a grand makeover just for the party.

He'll keep you close when you're back and will ensure this party is the best party you've been to.

He's not the best at comforting, but he shows his affection a bit differently.

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rakurairagnarok · 2 years

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Batting for the other Team

It’s finally done!! This was a request from @bigbren1979 . I hope you like it my dude!! Please enjoy. I also have some interesting news coming up later today!!! Stay tuned!!

Brett Lawrie was a massive success on the baseball field. People loved seeing this very attractive man swing away, both men and women. Unfortunately for both of them, he was already taken, having a wife and kid. Even worse, Lawrie was a massive homophobe, making fun of and harassing all the gay guys that worked out at the gym. He didn't make it very obvious so he would not get into trouble, but everyone knew he really hated them all.

Sadly for Lawrie, he messed with the wrong guy today.

Andrew was having a beer with his friends in the local bar, when he saw Brett entering, clearly drunk. He sat down with his buds in a booth and immediately shouted for a waitress. When a guy approached the table, Lawrie and his friends immediately started calling him names. “Get us some beers, faggot” he said while spewing in his face. Andrew watched the scene unfold with his fists clenched. That bastard, always pestering the queer folk around town. He was about to get up to say something to the sportsman, when a thought entered his mind. A sly grin spread along his face as he sat back down and enjoyed the rest of his evening.

The following morning

Andrew walked into the gym, looking for his target. He found Brett on the leg extension machine. Andrew moved over to the baseball player and smiled.

“Hey man, You’re Brett Lawrie right? I’m a huge fan, dude! That last game was fantastic! Your swings were top tier!” Lawrie smiled.

“Thanks bro! It was such a great game. I’m glad there are still some actual baseball fans around here, and not just fags.” Andrew bit his tongue and smiled.

“Yeah man, been a fan for ages!” Lawrie beamed as his ego was stroked to high heaven. Andrew rummaged through his bag and took out a workout shaker.

“Hey man, so I wanted to give you this, it's a protein shake I developed myself. Gives you this hugeeee boost. Best workout you've ever had, trust me. And unlike pre-workout, you don't even have to wait!!” Lawrie took the bottle with big eyes and took a swig.

“Bro… this tastes divine!!” he took another sip and, kind of reluctantly, gave back the bottle to Andrew. Andrew saw the remorse in his eyes and smiled.

“You know what man, you can keep that one, I got another one in my locker.” Brett looked up. “Are you sure… you don’t-”

“I insist dude.” Andrew retorted and handed him the bottle.

Brett gazed at it and quickly took another mouthful. He stared up at Andrew and then immediately downed the whole bottle after which he let out a massive belch. “Jezus that was fucking great man. Thanks a lot”

Andrew grinned “No probz bro. Be sure to see me after your workout though. I can hook you up with some more”

Lawrie nodded. “Yeah sure thing bro!” Andrew turned and started to walk towards the weights, starting his own workout.

In the meantime, Lawrie continued with renewed vigor. He had actually been almost done but the shake had given him an energy reset. He was ready to keep going. He continued to workout his legs and ass. His girlfriend loved his massive ass. When Lawrie was headed towards the Squat rack, he felt his stomach rumble. He chuckled. “Oh dear, there come the preworkout gasses. Oh well, people should know I've been here, they'd better be honored to smell me.” He said with a smug look on his face. But the farts and burps never came. Even when squatting down with 50 pounds on each side of the bar, not a single puff of air came out of him.

Instead, his body slowly started to swell up a bit. His lean body started to fill out with some fat and muscle. His rough slender arms started to fill out his shirt. His stomach roared again, this time enlarging his pecs into soft, warm cushions of flesh. Another rumble and he shrank down a few inches, but as he was squatting down at the same time, he didn't even notice. The former 6 foot athlete, was now an adorable 5 '7. With another rumble came another set of changes. His 30 year old face started to lose some years. Patches of aged skin started to smooth out, the few wrinkles he had pulled away, and his beard receded into a soft stubble. His stern face melted away into a soft and cute face with boyish charm. His short hair started to grow out and turned wavy. Lawrie bit his lips as they slowly plumped up, making him look very cute, but also very, very gay. He squatted down once more and the ink on his body started to wash away with all the sweat that ran down his frame. He now had smooth and youthful looking skin. His final squat and his body hair all but disappeared leaving behind a slight dusting of hair along his new juicy pecs. Having some energy left, Lawrie decided to put on some weights and continue the squats. With every squat his ass felt like it was on fire. Each rep made his ass bigger, and more jiggly. His below average rod also started to grow. Not just hard, but longer, and thicker too. His balls grew too, with every rep making them bigger and faster. Lawrie’s ass was getting bigger by the second, almost ripping his shorts. He was also getting smoother, all the hair sucking into his balls and shaft, leaving a perfect smooth member.

He finally put down the bar and stood there, panting and sweating. “Fuck… that was amazing” he thought to himself. He grabbed his towel and headed to the locker room, ready to get some more of that delicious drink. As he opened the door he was met with an alluring smell that he could immediately place; it was the drink. He looked around and saw Andrew sitting on a bench, legs spread apart, with a towel around his waist, covering his manhood.

“Hey bro… I “ Lawrie fell silent. His usual rough voice was gone. Instead, when he talked a youthful, squeaky voice rang through the room.

“Hey man, you're finally done. Took you long enough. But damn you look good!” Lawrie looked down, and saw his clothes didn't fit him the same as they did when he put them on this morning. They were hanging lower on his body, but he filled them out much more.

He looked up in the mirror and screamed. Instead of the handsome, rugged face he knew, a new young, cute, and very queer looking face looked back at him.

“What did you do to me” He asked, in that annoyingly gay sounding voice.

“You just love to make fun of all the gays around here, so I thought, why not make you experience it for a change” he spread apart his legs a bit more, and Lawrie got attacked by a fresh, warm wave of the smell.

“Y-you …. Put something in the drink” Lawrie stammered, feeling a thread of drool run down his chin.

“You look adorable like that, but yeah you're right. You want more right, that’s why you came? Want it from the source?” Andrew threw off the towel and Lawries knees buckled. The smell spread around the locker room, and more drool came spilling out of Lawries mouth. Andrew slowly walked over, his thick dick standing at attention. As he came closer there were no questions needed about what the source was; Lawrie only had eyes for Andrews dick. Andrew stopped just in front of Lawrie, his dick on eye level with the former star player.

“Fuck you’re cute now.” Andrew cooed. He ran his thumb along Lawries soft jaw. “You want a taste, baby?” Lawrie gulped and bit his lip.

“N-no I’m.. “

“Lick it boy” Andrew commanded, and Lawrie immediately complied. He opened his mouth and swallowed the rod. The bear groaned as the boy started to expertly suck him off. Lawries eyes opened wide as the familiar flavor of his drink started to fill his mouth.

“That’s a good boy” these words filled Lawrie with a weird warm and fuzzy feeling. “You wanna make daddy cum, don't you?” Lawrie wanted to spit out the dick and curse out the man in front of him but instead he looked up into the bear's eyes and nodded.

“Very good boy, you're such a cutie. I’m gonna take such good care of you” As Andrew said that he shot a load down Brett Lawries throat. This in turn made the boy cream his own pants, shooting out all the old negative parts of the married baseball player. What was left was Barry, Andrew’s soft boyfriend pup, who was such a massive slut for his Daddy's cock.

“That was amazing daddy… did I do good?”

“You sure did pup… but I’ve got a question… What is your sexuality?”

“Im very gay Drewie. I’m so very gay for your cock… And those of your hot friends…”

Andrew laughed and he pulled his boyfriend up, giving him a warm embrace. “That's my boy. Lets get you cleaned up and home’

Later

It's been a few months since Brett Lawrie has been missing. The gay community of the town didnt really mind though. In his place, they got a new slut with a very cute face. Andrew’s new boyfriend made a very cheap onlyfans, and had plenty of time for visitors. His instagram is full of his dumb, cute face.

Brett doesn’t remember much from his old life, only that it got substantially better when he and Andrew met. He now gets endless attention, money, and dick from him so he doesn't have much to complain about.

#transformation #s2g #straight to gay #himbofication #transformation through drink #age regression #rakurai

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bestygogirl · 4 months

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BEST YGO GIRL: Round 3, Group C

Match 4

please use this as an opportunity to say why you like a character, not why you don't.

Propaganda under the cut!

Misty Lola

misty lola is such a girl boss. we stan reptile type ygo characters in this house!!! misty recruits an innocent into her evil death cult and is still not in the wrong. just wants revenge for her little brother and gets results done. forgive and forget? no! lizard death god eat that bastard!

Isis Ishtar

gorgeous, very caring sister, strong duelist, and the only woman to ever make Seto Kaiba squirm

anyways. not only as mentioned above is she the first woman to make kaiba squirm, but she was by all means going to beat him if not for the millennium rod's millennium interference. yami marik admits that she's a strong duelist with a strategy that's been working for literal years-- and given that she's not like, a professional duelist, thats pretty impressive

she also recently got some really cool meta bumps and let me point out that an "ishizu deck" now includes obelisk the tormentor-- which we knew she had prior to giving it to kaiba, but i think it only solidifies my opinion that she very much could wield an Egyptian God Card, an exclusive little club for top tier duelists

as a character she presents herself with an amazing amount of poise and grace, shes compassionate and kind and stays with mai and serenity even though she only just met them. shes struggling through living the past 5 years of her life drowning in guilt for her family's tragedy just because she wanted to make her little brother happy and shadi is a fucking liar. shes foretold her own death and marches towards it grimly but with so much love in her heart. and even then shes 20 years old and holds an important position in the egyptian government that typically requires a doctorate degree AND has been dealing with mariks off-and-on bullshit entirely by her lonesome. she also likes to flex her fortunetelling a little which is awesome i think she should do that more that scene where she tells the guy exactly how the stele is being transported was so everything

speaking of shes got such an attitude. "is it your destiny to waste my time?" iconic. never seen before will never be seen again. watch the duel between her va and joeys its so fucking funny

shes excult. shes doesnt flinch in the face of god nor death. seto kaiba and yami marik respect her. shes so sad and so sweet and battle city couldnt have happened without her.

also her parallels with kaiba are what motivate kaiba to give yugi the card he needed to beat marik.

kaiba, in duelist kingdom, was ready to jump off a ledge if yugi didnt let him through to face pegasus while trying to save mokuba out of sheer desperation to save his little brother. he KNOWS what that dedication feels like and the iron kind of will you need to have to make that kind of gamble. isis is being so fucking legit with what shes saying and he respects that and her judgement enough to change his mind and not only watch the duel, but give yugi a card that eventually helps him win, even if he has no real confidence in the odds. but theres a CHANCE, which is the same thing he taught her when he beat her in a duel. the layers its her faith that moves him to act. which is so crazy

anyway vote isis shes my best friend forever and a real rep for all the 20 year olds who honest to god did not sign up for this bullshit

#best ygo girl poll #round 3 #yugioh 5ds #misty lola #misty tredwell #yugioh duel monsters #isis ishtar #ishizu ishtar

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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years

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FANG....fang. fang. do u have any spare thoughts on poly seroroki. asking for a friend.

OF COURSE

i think . seroroki is a very weird couple to end up poly with because you can't picture it at all. they are dating WELL before you are and unlike other poly dynamics - they don't show you outwardly that they're interested in you which is why you don't even think about it for a long time. you definitely have thoughts OF them because well... on paper they're a sexy and otherwise open couple.

sero is charming and charismatic and todoroki is reserved and cool. together they gossip and they look so good together. it's an unexpected pair but when you really talk to them they have a strange way of really getting along. there's not any particularly power plays either. sero talks a little more than todoroki but they really seem like true equals.

so when you befriend them, it really is just because you like hanging out with them both a lot. franky they're soo fucking funny lmao todoroki moreso than sero. and they invite you to hang out with them on what you would assume is days they have dates. you really, really do not think anything of it for a very long time

it just happens very randomly when todoroki is very drunk one day. you're sitting in their apartment and todoroki is like wasted. sero is in the other room ordering pizza. shouto is like flushed in the face and SO close to you which is normal. he's a touchy drunk. but then he just... very softly goes

"i want to kiss you. can i?"

and you're panicking! because huh!!!! what!!! but he's pouting at you so sweet and he is so pretty. your heart rate is through the roof. and before you can protest, sero is leaning on the door way. he's grinning the bastard, amused by the whole thing.

"sho's gonna be mad when he can't remember this tommorrow. but you should kiss him if you want to," he says, VERY nonchalant "come kiss me too, actually."

when you turn your attention back to todoroki he is very patiently waiting for your yes and you're just kind of pulled into it. he's a good kisser. soft lips and so polite. and then sero walks over to you, kisses you for a little while, then pecks todoroki and disappears into the kitchen again for something. todoroki immediately starts cuddling you and pestering you to kiss again.

and you're just ?????? for DAYS. you can't even avoid them because they hang out with you like it's nothing and when you ask them about they are so non-chalantly like "do you want to date us?" and you just. freeze. because the answer isn't NO.

that's how it happens. they're both very sweet to you and have a tendency to spoil you. shouto is the mutual attention whore so he can't be alone for 5 minutes or he will explode into a fit. sero tends to look after you a lot, weirdly enough. he is also a massive tease so he will abuse his pro-hero status to get you social clout and attention he loves embarassing you

in bed... im going to say that the dynamic tends to be sero -> sho -> you. in general sero likes to make the most plays and todoroki is generally a bit obedient to you both. sero enjoys head mostly on the recieving and likes being ridden i think so he tends to become human sex toy where one of you is on his cock and the other is in his mouth. a common position. it's a lot of switching between focusing on one. sero and u to sho most often, then them to u, and then u n sho to sero. you have never once not had less than 4 orgasms with them lmaooo

i really think it is a top tier poly dynamic with the least amount of angst

#return to sender #poly!srrk #a.bnha #a.sero #a.todoroki

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siremasterlawrence · 8 months

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Payback Is A Bitch (Literally)

Revenge is best served cold where that ne family, friends or foes then there is the Hart Von Al family my worst enemies through out my history.

Who knew exactly eighteen years and three months exactly since they ruined my life back in collage him and his stupid horde of children.

Of course I had I known they would book my illustrious hotel on the sandy Florida resort of my creation which I did by the way the plan is perfect.

The moment I saw them walking onto the the fiery hot sandy beach radiating down on me when I came across them meeting my eye lines.

All I can do is take a deep breath before in order to calm myself down at the sights of the two of them being bitches as per usual to the core.

They enter back into the hotel to utter lack of function everything is in disarray It is in particular when the father Jack steps up to press the elevator panel.

The button lights up racing down the cart hit the first floor opening up with a lard whoosh sound something is off as his feet tilt falling forward.

His body hits the cart with the door closing on him enclosing him in a safe line spot that surrounds him in darkness the lights begin to flicker.

His two kids start to pound on the steel door screaming for him to escape but he could not hear them as a piece of classical music airy and mysterious burst through the speaker.

“The hotel is completely in dysfunction”

“The elevator shaft is in ruins “

“Five star hotel my ass”

“SET ME FREE”

“NOW”

“PLEASE “

“Fuck!”

“I am going mad in here “

“Shit! I am stuck in this shit hole of a hotel”

In the pent house suite miles above in the gigantic floor a young man watches his first major nemesis literally going insane trapped in plan he concocted.

If he had half a brain he while he slid by way of the wall onto the floor he might attempt to remember when he did that to me with Ill intent.

“Revenge is sweet is it not?”

“Who the fuck are you “

“Oh! The bitter taste of your demise “

“I will find you and”

“You will find me and then what?”

“Mwahahahahaha “

“Don’t worry you won’t go insane in fact you will be like brand new”

“A factor reset after all you are a bastard “

“FUCK YOU!”

Andrew Lyle is his eldest shifty son a twisted two time face brat with model physique built like a hanger, pretty smirk and clothes that match.

The helicopter lands on the roof top tower in a tier of gold, white and silver spanning the area and the door slides as he walks off and on to the helicopter pad.

There is state idiot smile plastered on to his face he removes his sunshades he closes one end of glasses brim and leaves it on his lapel.

One of my many hotel employees arrives to greet him taking his bags as they descend the staircase and exit the roof top area he thinks he is going to his room.

It is really quite impressive how he manages

to trick the world into believing he is some sort of God among men and I am about to put him in place.

The hallway empties leaving him in a naked white wall hallway the lights fade to black he starts to panic calling for help when he can hear foot steps approaching.

“Hello? Anybody here? HELP ME!”

“Answer me”

“Speak”

“Say something “

“This is creepy”

“Turn on the lights”

“I said quit it”

“What is going on?”

“How can this be happening?”

“I tell you mwahahaha “

“You are scaring me”

“Oh Well!”

“This is some strange shit”

“Asshole “

The man laughs happily snapping his finger the hallway spins in circular fashion sending Andrew into a tale spin of lust, fare and his inner desire.

The bitch thinks he has his way jumps from the top of the staircase he leaps on to the stairs below making his way attempting to escape.

“Where are you going?”

“I am about to break this place apart “

“How so? You don’t want to vacate this hall”

“I don’t “

“It’s is lush, comfortable and safe “

“So pretty”

“Why would you leave?”

“I don’t want to”

“It’s impossible to even ignore me”

Tom Harry Parker races up to the hotel room

in a passionate moment he slams the door placing his back on it in a panic pounding his fist on the door. His heart beat hitting

his chest he cries loudly sliding to the floor he resumes his dramatic fit then proceeds to shut the window and pulling done the shade.

“He can’t find me “

“I am safe here “

“Right? Right?”

“I am going crazy “

“Not as much as you think “

“In panic mode right?”

“I hate you all “

“So you think”

“You might want to kneel”

“Give up and obey “

“You will fall pretty to me eventually “

“You wish “

“Don’t worry soon you will”

“I will what?”

“Eating from my ass”

“Disgusting”

“So you say come to me”

“What do you want?

“Your total submission “

“Fat chance in hell that will happen “

“Why don’t you shut up and see?”

“Why I oughta “

“Kiss me then you alright destroyed me”

“Succumb to me”

“Inside you already have “

“Like a moth to a flame “

The end

#hugh jackman #andrew garfield #tom holland #hypnosis family #Hypno family #revenge fantasy #mind conditioning #mind control #reprogramming #vacation #Hotel #beach

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grailfinders · 5 months

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Grailfinders Viewers' Choice #21: Deviljho

today on Grailfinders, we’re making more a grail eater. that’s right, it’s the Deviljho! one of these suckers can eat an entire ecosystem, so hopefully the grail can keep him full long enough to finish this build. he’s a Rune Knight Fighter to get to proper Deviljho size, as well as a Barbarian to put some extra power into his attacks. we have to make this guy able to beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker, so advantage on his strength checks really helps there.

check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Ancestry & Background

in order to pick a race for our big lizard, we first have to ask ourselves; what the fuck is “dragon” elemental damage? in Monster Hunter, this appears as a cloud of nasty looking black energy that hangs around the Deviljho and weakens your offensive power, which would likely be either necrotic or poison damage in D&D. this means that depending on your view, either the spell Spirit Shroud or the invocation Cloak of Flies would be the perfect addition to a Deviljho, but unfortunately the rest of the build only leaves us with two levels free, and both of those options require five to work. thankfully, there is a second-best option we can pick up as easily as a feat, so we’ll be calling dragon energy Necrotic in this build.

Now that that’s settled, there’s two options for the race. a gem dragonborn is nice, especially if you want a really impressive breath weapon, but wotc’s already provided us with a lizard that bites its enemies, eats them, and even uses them as weaponry, and I’d be a fool not to go with the Lizardfolk with all they have going for them. specifically we’re going with the Volo’s Guide to Monster’s version since that’s the only one with Cunning Artisan, which allows you to turn a dead beast, contruct, dragon, monstrosity, or plant creature into one of various kinds of weapons.

you also gain a Swim Speed and the ability to Hold Breath for fifteen minutes at a time. you ended up in the New World somehow, right?

and of course, the reason we’re all here, your Bite attack. instead of the normal 1 damage per hit, you deal 1d6 piercing damage. on top of that, once per short rest you can use your Hungry Jaws to tear into somebody as a bonus action, dealing regular biting damage on a hit and giving yourself temporary HP equal to your constitution modifier.

you also have Hunter’s Lore, giving you proficiency with Nature and Stealth because a) you are natural, and b) you have that kaiju-tier stealth- nobody notices you until you’re already eating them.

and you have Natural Armor giving you a minimum of 13+your dex and you can use a shield if you want- that fat bastard the great jagras can really take hits for you.

my god is the lizardfolk statblock a doorstopper. don’t worry, this is all balanced out by the levels themselves going by super quick, not using spells saves so much time.

finally, your background. like all monsters you are an Outlander, mostly because you literally could not fit into society if you tried. also people keep killing you for parts, which makes holidays awkward.

that means you have proficiency with Athletics and Survival, the latter because you’re a giant monster, the former because you’re a giant monster that throws other giant monsters around like ragdolls.

Ability Scores

we’re going with point buy on this build. sorry, but if you want to play a mindless boss monster you have to be willing to minmax a bit. set Strength to 15, I feel I’ve made why apparent by now, but it’s how you bite stuff and how you lift up your enemies to break their friends backs like a socialist Bane. Dexterity and Constitution are set to 14 apiece- you’ve got the bulk of a mid- to end-game boss and despite that bulk you can move pretty damn fast. sure, you fall into pit traps and get poisoned frequently, but it’s usually never more than once a fight. Wisdom is down at 12. I’m sure a literal animal is well attuned to nature- especially once all that nature is digesting- but you’re also kind of just rampaging all over the place. and all that means we’re dumping Intelligence and Charisma down at 8. once again, you are literally an animal. if we could knock intelligence below three I’d do it in a heartbeat. also, not a conversationalist. wild, I know.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: as a first level fighter you have proficiency with Strength and Constitution saves, as well as Animal Handling (in the style of Nero) and Intimidation.

you also get a Fighting Style, and strange as it sounds, we’re picking up the Throwing style so you can pick up a lot more crap. with this, you can draw and throw a weapon at the same time, dealing extra damage in the process. I’m not entirely sure if picking up a cool rock you found qualifies as “drawing”, but it’s close enough to make an argument. if your DM isn’t cool with it, the unarmed style is a good option for tail attacks, and sorry you can’t throw people at people.

you also get a Second Wind to eat your own tail as a bonus action to restore health. it doesn’t make the tail grow back though, as funny as that would be.

2. Fighter 2: second level fighters can make an Action Surge once a day for an extra action to do as they please. mostly biting people. it’s almost definitely going to be used to bite people more, Deviljho are a menace.

3. Fighter 3: by level three all Deviljho have become so scarred they’re now Rune Knights, making them Rune Carvers of their own bodys. flavor-wise. mechanically you still need actual objects to put runes in. each rune comes with two powers- one is always active as long as you are wearing or holding the object; while the other requires you to choose to activate it, usually as a reaction, once per short rest. to start off, you can carve a Frost Rune, which passively gives you advantage on animal handling and intimidation checks, and actively gives you ten minutes of +2s to all strength and constitution checks and saves. meanwhile, the Stone Rune gives you darkvision and advantage on insight checks, and you can react to charm a creature that ends its turn near you for one minute if they fail a wisdom save. have you ever gotten trapped in a stun animation in Monster Hunter? those things take forever to finish.

you also gain some Giant Might, letting you spend a bonus action to grow large, gain advantage on strength checks and saves, and you deal extra damage with your attacks once a turn. you can grow this way proficiency times a day, and each use lasts a minute. you can now reach ten feet in length, while even the smallest Deviljho you can hunt is… 60’. we’re working on it, don’t worry.

4. Fighter 4: use your first ASI for more Strength. bite harder. this is my final message.

5. Fighter 5: fifth level fighters get an Extra Attack each attack action to combo your enemies into the ground. or more likely into a little cart driven by a bunch of cats. the cats are unionized though, you can’t eat them.

6. Fighter 6: sixth level fighters get another ASI, but this time we’re going to get funky with it. grab the Strike of the Giants feat- now, once per turn, proficiency times a day, you can turn any attack you make into a Hill Strike, adding an extra d6 of damage and forcing what you hit to make a strength save or fall prone. basically every attack you make can knock a hunter on their ass, this is just the tip of the iceberg. hillberg. whatever.

7. Fighter 7: speaking of hill giants, at level seven you can make a Hill Rune, giving you advantage on saves against being poisoned and resistance to poison damage. you can also invoke the run to gain resistance to physical damage for one minute. Deviljhos aren’t actually that thick-skinned, this is more just a way to make your HP total look even bigger than it is.

8. Fighter 8: some people (especially those on the wrong end of an angry pickle) would probably call a Deviljho proof of a vengeful god, and I’d believe them. that’s why we’re using this ASI to make this Deviljho Divinely Favored. now you can cast Thaumaturgy as a cantrip to make your screams so loud people need HG earplugs to drown them out, and you can cast Augury and Hex once a day each.

augury’s whatever, but Hex is our breath weapon for this build. I know it’s not an Aoe attack, but it lets you deal extra damage over time like a rage mode, and besides that I usually play MH singleplayer anyway. don’t lie to me, we all know most MHs have weird online setups. that aside, when you Hex someone, they take extra necrotic damage every time you hit them, and they have disadvantage on one kind of check for up to an hour. on top of that, if you drop them to 0 HP you can move the hex over to another creature. that means you can also more easily pin and grapple someone while enraged, and once they’re carted away you can turn on their friends!

9. Fighter 9: ninth level fighters are Indomitable, letting you re-roll a failed save once per short rest. I’d make sure your concentration saves go well, you’re pretty good at them already, and dropping your one spell of the day would really suck. maybe that’s why they fall into pit traps so often, they’re just saving their rerolls for their rages…

10. Fighter 10: tenth level rune knights have a Great Stature, which makes you a little taller even while “normal” sized, and lets you deal even more damage with Giant’s Might. you can also carve a Storm Rune now, so you can’t be surprised and have advantage on arcana checks passively. Yes, Deviljho are quite practiced occultists. you’d know if you sat one down and asked it. and survived. you can also activate the run to enter a special state for one minute, allowing you to react to any check, attack, or save made nearby, giving it advantage or disadvantage. dragonblight weakens your offensive power in MH, and now you can do that in D&D too.

11. Barbarian 1: now that we have most of the deviljho kit down, let’s get a little wild. as a barbarian you can Rage whenever you’re not wearing heavy armor. you technically can as a fighter, but you’re supposed to be a giant lizard, so you shouldn’t be wearing any. while raging, you have advantage on strength checks and saves, deal bonus damage with strength-based melee attacks, and have resistance to physical damage. this lasts for a minute or until you stop fighting stuff, and you can’t concentrate on spells for the duration either. your runes only work once a short rest, so having a few rages to burn through each day can help keep your playstyle more consistent.

you also gain Unarmored Defense, which scales with constitution. right now, it’s the same as your usual lizardy skin, but that will change as we go. it’s a shame they changed your natural defense from the original flavor, a flat +3 on top of this would’ve been amazing for a Deviljho.

12. Barbarian 2: second level barbarians can make Reckless Attacks, gaining advantage on your melee attacks at the cost of giving your enemies advantage to hit you as well.

you also have a Danger Sense, giving you advantage on dexterity saves from things you can see. yes, you’ll still fall into pit traps, but when you’re angry enough you just kind of pop back out.

13. Fighter 11: another Extra Attack! the wombo combo is real. that’s three attacks per action, up to six with Action Surge, and possibly even a seventh with Hungry Jaws. with a turn like that, you could chew through anything.

14. Fighter 12: use this ASI to bump up your Constitution for more health and a better AC at long last.

15. Fighter 13: thirteenth level fighters are Indomitable again, so now you can re-roll two failed saves! it’s not complicated, but neither is a Deviljho.

16. Fighter 14: we’ve got enough flat buffs under our belt, let’s get real funky. nobody really knows where Deviljho come from, so technically making you a Scion of the Outer Planes isn’t the most out-there option for a wyvern we’ve seen so far. thanks to your connection to Chaos, you have resistance to Necrotic damage and access to the spell Minor Illusion. admittedly the spell isn’t that in-character, but you can use it to make your loud roars while raging or any other cool effects you want. this is mostly a stepping stone to our real goal. honestly, even the resistance to necrotic isn’t in character- you’re supposed to be weak to dragon elemental damage, and now you resist it. I guess this makes up for this build capping out at ¼ the size of even the smallest true Deviljho.

17. Fighter 15: at level fifteen you’re scarred enough to become a Master of Runes, letting you invoke your runes twice per short rest instead of once. you also get one last rune, and we’re running out of good ones. Cloud is the least egregious, you get advantage on sleight of hand and deception checks, and you can force another creature to take a hit you were supposed to as a reaction. longswords- not even once.

18. Fighter 16: with our final ASI, we get our true reason for the last feat- as a Cohort of Chaos you can finally even out your Strength score, and every time you roll a 1 or 20 on an attack or save you fire up a Chaotic Flare, which lasts until the end of your next turn. it’s like wild magic, but good! there’s four possibilities for a flare- either your Dragon Aura flares up and everyone within 10’ of you takes force damage when they move or start their turn in it, you can give a battle fury to a creature for advantage on their attack rolls and disadvantage on their checks, you can leap unbound to travel to any space within 30’ of you, or you can roar, giving all creatures within 60’ of you disadvantage on all wisdom saves for a round. you can even use this feature without waiting for luck proficiency times a day as a bonus action!

19. Fighter 17: the seventeenth level of fighter is simple, but powerful- an additional use of both Action Surge and Indomitable. being a Deviljho really is about the fundamentals. and also screaming so loud everyone goes deaf.

20. Fighter 18: at level 18 we get the reason we couldn’t dip into anything else- the final ability of your subclass, the Runic Juggernaut. now when you use Giant’s Might you deal 1d10 extra damage, and your size is bumped up to huge, and your reach increases by 5’! again, we’re still at 15’ to the real Deviljho’s 60’, but this is a good enough size to pick up the larger animals in a Monster Hunter world and start chucking them like footballs, even while they’re alive.

Pros & Cons:

Pros:

you can do a lot of damage in a short amount of time thanks to your multitude of bite attacks mixed with both the once per turn boosts of the Hill Strike/Giant Might, as well as consistent damage from either Hex or Rage. all in all, you can deal 1d10+8d6+28 piercing damage, plus 7d6 necrotic damage in a single turn for an average of around 86 damage, or even a little more depending on how big the creatures you fling around are.

you also take a lot of damage to bring down, with multiple forms of resistance to attack, a good health pool, and even ways to gain health by eating your own foes, all adds up to you being one tough pickle to crack.

your runes and chaos effects both give you access to magic-like effects that you can use even while raging, circumventing one of the biggest weaknesses barbarians have- restricted access to magical nonsense. with these you can teleport, stun people, and force disadvantage on their attacks, all without having to give up the damage and protection of rages.

Cons:

as far as damage goes, you mostly only have nonmagical sources. sure, you have Hex, but that only works once a day- if you have a second fight or drop concentration, you’re completely out of options, unless your DM rules hitting people with magic items counts for something. maybe that’s why you don’t qualify as an elder dragon.

Cohort of Chaos gives your build some much-needed variety, but it’s. y’know. chaotic. keeping the enemy from knowing your next move is a grand idea, but it would help if you knew what your next move was. still, at least you can use it yourself, unlike wild mages.

your wisdom saves aren’t great, and they aren’t helped by one of your own chaos effects making them weaker. that means it’s really easy for a smart enemy to trick you into attacking someone who’s on your side. hey, we fit turf battles in here!

#dnd 5e #D&D #Monster hunter #Deviljho #Fighter #Barbarian #ironic that you can make the monster hunters the monster hunted w this build

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teddybeartoji · 2 months

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MICKEYYYY I’M EMERGING FROM THE BLANKET FORT HAPPILY i come with gifts :33 🍡🍡🧋🧋🌻🌻 i hope today is treating u as kindly as u deserve!!!

OK SOOOO since u finished great pretender there are things i Need to know……. journalist ari is here to interview u i am twirling my little pen and gazing at u fondly ….. first of all!!! i’m gonna have to know your general feelings on the show 👀👀 what did u think?? did u enjoy it??? any parts u especially liked/didn’t really like?? AND then i also need to know your top 3 characters + your favorite case/arc….. it’s extremely important to me.

anyways i love u here is a funny meme that made me think of u <333 they mean the world to me

HIHIHIHIHIIIII HII ARI MY ANGEL!!!! pls know that i love this fucking meme so much but what i love even more is that you sent it to me<3333 and that it made me think of you<33333 love u MWAH

i am now sitting very comfortably with my dr. pepper and i am ready to Go A Little Crazy. btw i am staring right into your eyes are you getting nervous yet little dove? /hj HERE GOES🔥🔥🔥

OKAY OKAY OKAY GREAT PRETENDER!!!!!!! I LIKED IT A LOT!!!!! the fact that they were speaking english in the beginning caught me so off guard i can't even explain it.......... lmao it was cute though!!

i think the second season was my favourite!!! i thought it was really nice how they took more time with the case although yes i understand that there was a lot happening overall so they needed to take more time but i kinda wish the first cases were a bit more drawn out too.... some parts felt a little rushed. like the literally the beginning?? edamura is stealing his wallet but now suddenly they're already in la and that all happened in like the first ten minutes??? that was a lot for a start. but overall i liked it!!!

as for my favourite characters...... look i am truly not immune to little skrunkly kitty cat guys with brown hair and brown hair okay...... edamura my sweetheart<33333333333 (just on a side note i love when ppl wear suits idk something about it just scratches my brain and he was constantly wearing one in the second one i loved it sm)

i felt soo bad by the end of the second one bc nobody treated him right:(((((((( like they didn't tell him anything:(((( yes whatever it was for "his safety" but that doesn't make it right okay:(((((((( like when he got betrayed by his dad after they rescued the kids for the first time???????? and then the whole boat thing??????? he had to watch his friends (fake) die???????? even worse he had to watch his own dad shoot them and then he himself shot his dad?????????? and all that for what??? "for his safety" yeah okay...... HE'S MY BABY:((( kittymura

so i definitely thought that he was gonna betray his friends in the end...................... i'm not saying he's a good guy............. but that old lady was treating him quite nicely wasn't she............. so yes i did think that that was gonna happen buT I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS STILL A PART OF THE PLOT IN THE END??????? so i was still bamboozled. in a good way i enjoyed that a lot bc i feel like i very often figure out things like this whether i want to or not so i don't get too surprised that often anymore but this did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WILL GIVE KITTYMURA HIS OSCAR I PROMISE I WILL!!!!!!!!!!!! like holy shit that scene was so good!!!!!!!!!!! i think u said u watched the dubbed one right? anyway i watched the subbed one and the voice acting was top tier in that one too!!!!!! when he starts laughing and saying that he finally bested the blonde bastard or whatever i got chills waaaa that was so fucking sick and then the best part!!!!!! the same u commented about too............. the one where he covering his eyes and then the hand drops over his lips 🥴🥴🥴 SO COOL HE ACTUALLY LOOKED MENACING THERE I LOVED IT SOOOO MUCH i won't lie i might've been rooting for him (sorry to my other beloveds...) but yeah that scene was amazing i was sitting so close to my computer screen i just couldn't pull myself away i was so into it

LAURENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYY YIPPEEEE YAYY!!!! MY FAVOURITE BISEXUAL CON-ARTIST. very gender if i do say so myself. i loveed him!!!!!!! i love suave and charismatic characters a lot i think i'm TRYING to project onto them yk. btw have i said that every time i have a job interview or anything alike i just think that i'm george clooney. i'm not even kidding. i just think of him in ocean's 11 and i repeat to myself that I Am A Charismatic Man Who Doesn't Speak Too Loudly Nor Too Fast I Smile And I Keep Eye Contact And I Make A Joke Here And There And I Will Get This Job Because I Am A Cool Guy btw i've gotten every job i have ever been interviewed for.

and i LOVEDDDDDD him in season two!!!!!!!!!! i loved loved loved his background story so much it's so good to see the suave guy who never fucks up.... fuck up. like when he was stammering at their first job plsssss that made me love him so much more. and to see him with dorothy too:((((((((((((((((((((((((( i thought they were really really cute!!! the speaks-too-much and the stares-fondly dynamic always gets me going<33333333 the way he treated dorothy and how sweet he was i almost cried what's new....

+ i just loved when he Showed Emotion. he always had a smile and he was constantly cracking jokes so it was good to see him upset too. made him more real ig.....

PLUSSSS JUNICHI SUWABE IS SOOOOO FUCKING GOOD AAAAAA PLEAAASEEEE HE NEEDS LIKE AN OSCAR TOO he did such a great job with laurent he fit him so well and just overall he's so fucking good like obviously him as sukuna BROOOOOOOOOOOOOO I GOT CHILLS LIKE EVERYTIME HE OPENED HIS MOUTH OKAY and ofc odasaku too............ whewww okay this is another side note bc idk i love voices so i recently also discovered that he voiced viktor from yuri on ice????????????????????? that made my eyes drop out of my head i think voice acting is so fucking sick how do you voice a guy like viktor (btw i've never actually seen it but i've seen clips) and then a mf LIKE SUKUNA THE NEXT DAY THAT'S SO COOOOOL WAAHH

wait also THE LAURENT AND EDAMURA DYNAMIC!!!!!!! INSANE ACTUALLY!!!! very funny and gay. the end of season two made me go very crazy.. like when edamura is losing it and pointing the sword at his dad and then laurent steps in waaaaaaaaaaaaa that was so cool and i loved all of the times when edamura thought he had bested laurent only to realize that that indeed was not the case lmao they're so cute i can't wait to see more of them!!!!

what da fuck i just scrolled up when did this get so long...........anyway my third favourite character drum roll pleaaaaseee..... ABBBIE!!!!!!! I LOVED HER SOO MUCHHH finally a female character who doesn't smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very refreshing to see it and what's even more refreshing was that they kept her like that for the whole thing!!!! i feel like typically they'd make her "break" or whatever by the end of the show......... yk like idk if they made edamura n her kiss or something. ew. definitely feels like if a normie would watch it that's what they'd hope for and i'm very glad they didn't give in to that!!!!!!!! not every female character needs a love interest!!!!! she and kittymura made very very good friends and i hope they stay that way!!!!!!

btw i loved cynthia too i am bringing her here aswell!!!!!!!!! i was a silly goose and i kinda spoiled the first plot twist for myself bc.......... when u mentioned her i might've googled her............. just for the looks i wanted to know it's her when i saw her but............. i didn't realize the whole twist was that you wouldn't know who she really was.................. she appeared as the fbi agent and i went waittt isn't this???? 😐😐😐😐😐 yes. yes. it is................................. that was completely on me that was stupid....

anyway i adored the painting arc a lot!!!! it was so sweet and again it let us see the mighty swindler in a way different light and i really appreciated that it can get a bit boring when the characters are JUST some cool people who are always Cool and Successful it's nice to see them have emotions like i said before

i wasn't a big fan of the dad......................... idk if it's really my own daddy issues kicking in but i hope edamura stays mad at him....... that's kinda petty i guess but he fucked up sooooooo badly aaaaaaaa. i get it ur friend dies but then you just completely abandon your family???? yeah okay you had like a masterplan and had other people taking care of your son buT HE'S STILL YOUR SON?????? HE WAS SO TINY BACK THEN AND THEN HE'S JUST WILLINGLY LETTING KITTYMURA GET INTO THESE BIG GIGS wahh okay something about it just doesn't sit right with me okay....... even if it all worked out in the end........... edamura deserved better......

OKAAAAAYYYYYY THIS GOT SO LONG I AM NOT SURPRISED. LONG STORY SHORT I LOVE KITTYMURA AND I LOVE BILAURENT. VERY FUN SHOW AND I AM THANKING YOUR FOR THE RECOMMENDATION MY LOVE!!!!! <33333333333

and we are now reversing the roles as i beg you to answer the same questions please please pretty please!!!!!

(this is my chance to tell u that i watched the first ep of haikyuu last night!!!!!! and i of course liked it a lot what a surprise..... hinata is soo cute very baby and the beef he and kageyama already had made me laugh so hard but i did only watch the first ep so i can't say more but trusttttt i will let you know when i have my favourites picked out hehe)

OKOK ENOUGH ENOUGH HERE'S SOME NICE WARM TEA FOR MY PRETTIEST IRIS ☕☕ oke maybe it's coffee actually either way it's a warm drink to keep you nice and.. warm!!!!! yk since i can't be there to hug you or whatever😒😒😒 ANDDDD HERE'S A 🧁 BC YOU NEED SOMETHING SWEET I KNOW YOU DO!!!!! no rush with the reply bc this turned into a novel but yeah!!! can't wait to hear more of your thoughts!!!! I LOVE YOJUUUUU<3333

+ they're hugging<33333333 kittymura is just surprised but we both know he hugs him right back<33333333333

#HELLLLOOOOOOO YAPNATION #who wants to read my book #damn this got so long #it's fun though #i love kittymura #and laurent #super gay #and super pathetic #which is which #who knows #anyway #THANK YOU FOR BEING MY LITTLE JOURNALIST ARI THIS WAS SO CUTE #made me think of journalist!gojo i won't lie............ i miss him #WAHHH #OKAY #MANY WORDS AS ALWAYS #I LOVE U MWAHHHH #ari <3 #friends!!

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hardchoicespod · 9 months

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How good do Spider-Man villains bang?

[We're not talking about hotness. This is only about what they bring to the bedroom]

Norman Osborn is a shit f*ck. FINDOM THIS DOOFUS 🤑🤑🤑 Unless you want to hear that screechy ass Green Goblin voice. You want to hear him tell you hard he's gonna nut in that voice?

2. Doctor Octopus? WHAT A F*CKING ROMANTIC! LOOK AT THAT FACE! Do you not think he brings flowers??? Man has trained each limb to make you scream in a different way.

3. J. Jonah Jameson. Not technically a villain, but like, don't you want to fuck this absolute smug asshole bastard? LEAVE THE CIGAR LIT, BABYEEEEE

4. Venom is the ultimate goo husband and will love you and keep you safe and eat pop-tarts with you at 3am, but also, he got that tooooongue 👅👅👅

5. Mephisto is gonna make you think he's f*cking you and then suddenly, from the mists of this incredible performance of raw sexual power, he appears and then does a comedy 💦 on you because motherf*cker can't resist. Do you want this dude to nut on your tits and then laugh at his own dumbf*ck genius?

6. Rhino is a problem. Look, is the dick trapped in the suit or not? If this is hardcore chastity play, okay. Okay, we can fuck like that Rhino. But don't you want this weirdo to just cut loose and pound you so hard the neighbors call your super? HE IS A FULL TIME FURRY AND ALSO DOES CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?! Find out about that dick situation first tho, probably.

You want more lovingly horny takes about these dorks? listen to Hard Choices 26 - Spider-Man and get all the boners you can possibly handle. Episode description? Babe, I got you.

We all know that with great power comes great responsibility. You know what else comes with great power? Us when we think about Spider-Man! It's not just Peter Parker who makes our web-shooters go thwip, either; he's got a huge cast of friends, foes, and supporting characters to suit every taste, from monsterfucks like Venom, to adorable loser fucks like The Shocker, to the jackpot herself, Mary Jane. This episode, your friendly neighborhood MeganBob pushes DEEP into the Spiderverse to find the median, the zenith, and the nadir of its fuckability, all with the help of: The Amazing Annie Craton! The Spectacular James D'Amato! And Dan Mulkerin from an alternate reality where he never lost his Captain Universe powers! IN THIS ISSUE: Dan single-handedly promotes Tombstone from D-tier to Daddy-tier MeganBob discovers the only bad way to listen to "The Cruel Angel's Thesis" Annie lets Carnage's gooey appeal blind her to his, you know, everything else And James finally takes a public stance on whether eating boys is wrong!

Is this podcast safe for work? F*ck no it isn't. Is this going to make you laugh so hard you snort a cheeto? Yeah, probably. Jump to anywhere in the episode for takes that will make you go "Ya'll need god."

Big Sloppy Kisses, Hard Choices 💋🍆

Which spidey character's are your top three f*cks? We won't tell.

#spiderman #across the spiderverse #spiderverse au #spiderverse x reader #podcast #doctor octopus #green goblin #spidey #smut #when you want to fuck norman osborn but know you shouldn't though #But I'd rather fuck Doctor Octopus #Ya'll #kraven the hunter #is the most fuckable villain ever maybe?

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vermilionlavendereyes · 2 years

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share my name... forever

SasuSaku Month 22 Day 1: Passports Word count: 1,595 Rated: T a/n: there literally is no plot it is pure nauseating fluff bc i just want to see my babies happy always and forever u have been warned ok thank u so much for reading <3

They don’t have a big wedding. Or any at all, really. It’s just them and Naruto and Ino and an officiant in an office after work on a sunny September afternoon. Sasuke is wearing the same suit he wore to work that day and Sakura is in a flowy dress she changed into from her scrubs. Her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head and she slightly smells of antiseptic – along with Ino.

It is a spur-of-the-moment decision. Sakura calls Sasuke during her lunch break and tells him that she doesn’t want to wait anymore. That she doesn’t care about distant cousins and aunts that Sasuke’s never even met before. She doesn’t care about flower arrangements and multiple-tier cakes, about flower girls and first dances. She just wants to put the ring on his finger and for him to put the matching one on hers, the one that will accompany the small diamond set in a white gold band, wrapped around her finger.

He says he’ll call her right back and Sakura is worried for all of fifteen minutes when Sasuke calls her back and tells her he’s secured an appointment for them at the courthouse at 4:30 that afternoon. He can hear her beaming through the phone as she mutters an “okay,” sounding breathless. He says he’ll get her and Ino at four and hangs up.

Sakura scrambles to her feet and sprints out of the cafeteria to find Ino. She doesn’t care if doctors and nurses and patients alike stare at her with wide eyes. She finds Ino at reception and grabs her by the hand to her office. The blonde is confused but doesn’t protest and when they are in the privacy of Sakura’s office walls, she asks her best friend to be her maid of honor. Ino squeals and cries and hugs Sakura so tight as she says yes.

They wait outside the hospital’s entrance for Sasuke to pick them up. When he arrives, he gets out of the car, a beautiful bouquet in hand. Sakura has the urge to just tackle him right then and there but knows how much he hates public displays of affection. So she refrains herself and takes the flowers from his hand, giving him the brightest smile he’s ever seen. Ino rolls her eyes and tells them to get a grip and get going or they will be late.

Naruto is waiting for them in the courthouse’s parking lot, his mouth stretched in a wide grin. “It’s about damn time, teme,” he says, clapping Sasuke on the back.

“Shut up, dobe,” Sasuke mutters but his voice is too soft, too happy, to really affect Naruto so he just snickers in response and turns to Sakura.

“You ready to spend the rest of your life with this gloomy bastard?” Naruto hugs her.

Sakura laughs. “I’ve been ready.”

“Well, let’s go on then,” Ino says.

Afterward, they have ice cream – except for Sasuke, who sips on his coffee with a content uptilt of his lips. Sakura exchanged glances with him every so often and despite being married now, she blushes at the tenderness in his gaze. When Naruto asks them about their honeymoon plans for the third time and neither of them notices – too busy looking at each other, at the identical rings around their fingers –, Naruto stands up and motions for Ino to get going as well. Sakura snaps her head toward them at the sound of the chair scraping against the floor.

“Where are you guys going?” she asks.

“I think we’ve stolen enough of the happy newly-weds’ time. We’ll leave you two alone to enjoy each other.” Ino winks.

Sakura blushes but doesn’t avert her eyes. She says goodbye and hugs her two best friends.

“We should get going, I suppose,” Sasuke says, standing beside her. He fishes for some money in his pocket and leaves it on the table before pushing Sakura by the small of her back to the exit.

They barely make it into the living room before Sakura’s dress is discarded and she’s accidentally ripped Sasuke’s shirt. He kicks the coffee table but Sakura swallows his curses with a searing kiss. She hits her thigh on a dresser but Sasuke kisses it all better for her. They fall into bed all hot and entangled in each other and in love. She is drunk on his kisses and he is high on the gentle caress of her fingers.

I love you, I love you, I love you, she keeps declaring whenever their eyes lock. I love you so much, he murmurs against the goosebumps covering her neck. So, so much, he tenderly kisses the slight curve of her stomach.

They don’t leave the bed until she has to get ready for her shift the following afternoon. Even then, it is hard to say goodbye to those beautiful, dark eyes and slight curve of lips. Nothing really changed and yet, everything seems so much better, so much brighter.

“Sasuke-kun?” Sakura calls from the living room. He’s making her a snack in the kitchen. Cutting up refrigerated apples, tomatoes, and some pickles on the side. Her latest cravings.

“Yes?” He handed her the plate.

“Ah, thank you.” Her eyes light up with a hunger he’s never seen before and she starts shoveling the contents of the plate into her mouth. “Just what I needed!” she exclaims. Sasuke takes her feet into his lap and starts massaging them. A satisfied smirk tugs his lips when he hears her moan slightly.

“What did you want?” Sasuke asks when the plate is almost empty.

“I was wondering when we were going to go on our honeymoon?” she looks up from the now-empty plate, munching slowly on the last piece of apple. “We won’t have long before this little lady arrives,” she says, pointing to her slowly, but surely showing bump.

“We’ve only been married a week,” Sasuke responds as if that is an actual answer to her question. “And you’re not even four months along, she’s not coming any time soon.”

“Well,” – she flails her arms, reminding him of a frustrated child – “still! I might not be able to fly later on in my pregnancy. We haven’t even decided where to go!” she whines.

“Fine,” he sighs. “Where do you want to go?”

“Belgium,” Sakura answers instantly.

Sasuke frowns. “Belgium? How the hell did you come up with Belgium?”

Sakura looks down sheepishly at her hands and they caress her stomach. “I’ve… I’ve been craving authentic Belgian waffles.” She looks up at him with guilty eyes, head still hanging lowly, biting her lip the way she knows he loves. And Sasuke can’t help the incredulous laughter that bubbles in his chest and escapes his lips. Sakura lifts her head fully at the sound of his rare, melodious laugh and beams at him as he gives her feet a squeeze before dropping them.

Sasuke grabs the sides of her neck and pulls her in for a kiss before getting off the couch. Sakura looks after him, dazed by the kiss and confused by his sudden departure. He returns a moment later with his laptop in hand and when he plops down next to her, an airline’s website is already open in his browser. Sasuke is about to book their tickets when they realize that Sakura’s passport has expired.

He can see the panic in her eyes and assures her that they’ll go to get it renewed first thing in the morning. When she reminds him that they have a doctor’s appointment in the morning, he says that they’ll go and get it renewed second thing in the morning. She smiles and leans her head on his shoulder. He presses a kiss to the crown of her head and starts searching for the best waffle places in Brussels.

Her new passport arrives the next week and she squeals when she holds the large envelope in her hands. She sits at the kitchen table and tears it open, carelessly flinging the ripped pieces of paper on the table. She opens her new passport and looks at her picture first and decides that it could be a lot worse. She looks over her personal information next and that’s when she spots it. UCHIHA SAKURA, written bold letter, black ink on pale-colored paper.

Sasuke finds her crying and instantly panics. They were leaving in three days, if there was anything wrong with her passport, they wouldn’t be able to get it fixed in time. He kneels down beside her and takes her hand in his. She looks at him and smiles. This puzzles him. If there’s nothing wrong with the passport then why is she crying… and why is she smiling? This annoying woman… even after all these years, he can’t seem to figure out the hurricane of emotions that is Sakura.

“Sakura…” he says softly, patiently.

She wipes her face. Smile brightening as she speaks. “I’m okay, Sasuke-kun. It’s just…” She shows him the passport. His eyes scan the document, softening as he reads her name, as he looks at the beautiful smile she sports in the picture.

“Yes?” he asks, looking back at her eyes.

“It’s stupid.” She waves her hand. “It’s just that this is the first time I’ve seen it written down like this…”

Sasuke knows instantly what she’s referring to. Her new name. The name she now shares with him. The name their child – growing under her strong, beautiful, tender heart – will share with them.

#ssm22 #ssm #sasusaku month #sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku fanfic #ss fanfiction #ssfanfic #naruto fanfiction #naruto #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #naruto uzumaki #ino yamanaka #naruto au #vlefics

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misty-wisp · 2 years

Note

top 5 smt/persona characters? :3

YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL-

okay uh. uh uhhhh. there's gonna be a lot of favoritism in this, like a lot a lot...

funnily enough, i did make a personal tier list for persona characters, but i can't find it anywhere...i'll remake it if anyone asks.

anyways, onto that top 5-

5. Yukari Takeba/Yosuke Hanamura

I can't choose between them for this spot, I love them both too much 😭

What can I say, Yukari's my girl. I feel like she's one of the most realistically written girl's in the Persona series, especially in the Answer, even though that's where most people have problems with her.

I really don't get those people, like...c'mon. She's a human being, not a "waifu" who can't experience the emotions that come with grief. lmao.

And Yosuke...Yosuke resonates with me. I, too, am a lonely bored bitch living in a small town...Or, I used to. I'm no country kid these days. lmao.

Seriously, Yosuke is a WHOLE mood aside from the anime trope-type stupidity forcibly written onto him in certain scenes. Moving out of the city and slowly losing contact with your old friends except maybe one? Wow...he's LITERALLY me!

4. Ann Takamaki

Ann's also my girl. I love her to pieces and I will never forgive ATLUS for their butchering of her entire character past her introductory arc.

I've already made a post about this a long time ago, but her social link rank where she talks about the loneliness she felt from moving around so much really resonated with me, and the fact that she managed to befriend not only Shiho, but the other thieves is kind of inspirational to me. I hope to find my own thieves someday, as cheesy as that sounds :)

3. Isamu Nitta

I bet'cha weren't expecting an SMT fella to be on this list, huh? Jokes on you, I actually really like the self isolation enjoyer!

...But I also hate him. And the entire idea of Musubi. I have a very complicated love/hate relationship with this boy. On one hand, I love him, he deserves happiness, but on the other, he's a stupid idiot. I distinctly remember just yelling at my TV "nO-" when he was going off about his bullshittery, because I've been in that kinda spot. I've been isolated from people for years. It's a hell I want to get out of.

But I still love him, he deserves so much better than what life and the Conception dealt him :(

2. Ryoji Mochizuki

Surprise, not surprise! The moon boi himself at number two, who would've guessed?

Honestly, Ryoji's such a tragic character. His characterization in P3 is pretty bad, with a severe lack of screentime in the game. Luckily for me, though, that's improved in not only the movies, but P3P!

I watched through the P3 movies while in the middle of playing the game so I could hurry up and get info on his character, because I wound up spoiling myself somehow(deadass i don't remember how. i just did. i think it was bc i browse the megaten wiki a lot), and lo and behold, I wound up really loving him! He's just...such a sweetheart...gently holds

...And then I played through the rest of P3 and got severely disappointed by how much screentime he got in comparison to the movies.

like. my god. this man got less screentime than Haru did in vanilla P5.

So then I looked through his P3P social link because I learned he was romanceable! And then I nearly cried at how tragic it is. I just...the fucking RING, man...brb crying

so there's no wonder that i ship ryoham and ryomina lmao

1...even though it's unsurprising as hell...Goro Akechi

If you weren't expecting him, then you deserve a gold medal because you actually failed at predicting the most predictable lady on this Earth. Applause.

Akechi's like...like an onion. He's got layers. A lot. Too many. I still can't understand this bastard's character and have to look through analysis after analysis to gain a better understanding because I'm big dum :(

Funnily enough, though, before Royal was released, I was part of the Akechi hate bandwagon, because how DARE this guy mess up what the gang is doing >:((((((!!!!! He's BAD, I DON'T like him >:(

...I didn't play P5. I was only going off of shitposts and discussions whilst severely spoiling myself. Oh, and the limited amount of game footage I got from watching my (at the time, not) boyfriend streaming himself playing through vanilla P5.

And then Royal released! ...And I didn't play it because I did not own a PS4 at the time, like a fool.

Fast forward a few years. I got majorly spoiled (again, forgot how) and I barely have an opinion on Akechi. I have just finished playing through P4G, and just began playing through P3.

And then in comes Christmas, and I get a PS4 along with P5R!

...And then I took a solid year playing the game on and off to finish it, and finish it I did...but only the vanilla story. By then, I really liked Akechi. He was on a similar tier to Isamu. He's a tragic boi for sure...and he needed some more screentime, goddammit!

And screentime he got, with the addition of third semester, which made him even more tragic! Boy oh boy, my favorite flavor of character!

His navigator lines are the funniest shit I've ever seen. I was genuinely pretty salty that he gets replaced with Futaba pretty quickly purely because she's not as entertaining.

Yeah, I cried at 2/2. Ever since I beat the game, my discord status has just been "2/2 broke me" and I think that says enough about how much I love Akechi. lmao.

#thank you for the ask!#i had fun writing this #ask

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emwritesstuff · 3 years

Text

housesitting | bucky barnes x reader

summary: Housesitting for Steve Rogers has many perks. The man has the comfiest bed you’ve ever slept in; his coffee machine is top tier; and he also pays for every single streaming service you could think of, because he doesn’t wanna miss anything.

You can hardly see how Bucky Barnes stumbling into his apartment at 3 am with multiple wounds is one of them. But I guess it might be?

notes: this is my attempt at a more ~comedy centered one-shot, with some making out in the middle because uh, who doesn’t like that? In other news, reader is Chaotic. Canon mcu (Infinity War/Endgame) is non-existent in this. (word count: 3K)

warnings: language, mentions of blood, gunshot wounds, general patching up shenanigans, some making out/grinding but not quite third base

[PART 2: breaking and entering]

Housesitting for Steve Rogers has many perks. The man has the comfiest bed you’ve ever slept in; his coffee machine is top tier; and he also pays for every single streaming service you could think of, because he doesn’t wanna miss anything. An old popsicle thing, you assume.

It’s peaceful, too. The neighborhood is nice and quiet, the other tenants are either extremely polite or too scared of Captain America to make much noise. You’ve had very nice stay-cations at his place, where you were free to choose to binge The Office while eating an entire pizza in the spam of 2 episodes or taking advantage of the quiet to write your grad-school thesis.

So when a loud BANG almost makes you drop your coffee mug on the floor, your spidey senses are immediately on alert. You don’t care how many times Peter insisted that it wasn’t a thing, your arm hairs stood up and your heart started hammering on your chest all the same.

You contemplate squeezing under the bed, turning off the show that was long abandoned and hiding until whatever it is goes away, but before you can do any of that, a string of sharp cursing and soft thumps and thuds snaps you out of your fear.

Maybe it’s a burglar. You could take a clumsy burglar, easy.

Now feeling like Tony had just welcomed you into the Avengers, you hop off Steve’s bed and let your baby Yoda socked feet carry you stealthily into the living room, holding a table lamp as if it was a baseball bat.

Everything is quiet, with no signs of forced entry at the door (you remember someone on Law and Order using those words), and in the dark you don’t notice the bloody trail coming from the kitchen.

You’re imagining things, then. When was the last time you slept? You don’t even feel tired, but you know sleep deprivation always gets you all kinds of crazy.

It happens the second your arm falls to your side and your posture shows the slight of relaxation. A strong arm around your neck and a hand against your mouth to muffle the screaming.

In the quiet of Steve’s apartment building, there is only you shrieking and howling and thrashing against the hold of a stranger.

“Don’t fuckin’ move.” You still.

And then you bite into the hand that is muting you, immediately regretting it when your teeth sink into something hard. Metal? Concrete? Ouch. You resume your resistance, determined, and is shoved away.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Who the fuck are you.” His voice is gruff and dulled over the mask he is wearing, and as you’re taking this giant of a man in, you notice it.

The metal arm. The strapped leather jacket. The tortured blue eyes.

Winter Soldier.

The intruder is James “Bucky” Barnes, Steve’s best friend. That’s who the fuck it is.

“I’m Steve’s house sitter! I even have a key.” You say, with arms in front of you to signal no harm but inching closer to the table lamp with every step.

“House…sitter? Where’s Steve?”

“Who knows. Maybe a mission. He texts me, I come over.” You shrug, and put a chair back to where it was before it got knocked over.

“I don’t believe you. Where is Steve?”

“Listen, I don’t know, okay? I guess he’s just out for a few days. I don’t ask. He just lets me stay in here so I can water the plants and feed the Avengers.”

“The– the what?”

“The Avengers! The fish, see.” You point to the aquarium, where a handful of colorful fish swam peacefully in.

Peace. So much for your peace, because now what you have is a surly super soldier eyeing the fish tank like it was the most loathsome thing in the entire universe, except maybe for you.

“I hate this thing. Naming them makes it even worse.” He trudges back to the kitchen, stomping on the floor like he was on a parade.

So much for the other people’s peace, too.

“Hey! Sir. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s 3 in the fucking morning?” You sass, putting your hands on your hips when he retorts that yeah, he does know. “What are you even doing here?”

“Back from a mission.” He grumbles without looking at you, as if you’re the one who stumbled into his place in the middle of the night.

It wasn’t your place, but still.

“Don’t you have a house?” There’s a part of you that knows pushing the Winter Soldier’s buttons is asking for trouble, but your tired and confused brain decides to ignore it.

“You interrogating me? I need a motherfucking– ” He wheezes and nearly doubles over, holding on the door frame between the living room and the kitchen. You finally spot the blood, both on the tiles and seeping out of the Soldier’s jacket and pants.

He’s hurt. Shit.

“– first aid kit.”

“You need a motherfucking hospital!” You shrill, panic chilling your bones. You don’t do blood. Or any kind of wound, for that matter.

The man ignores you, opening up cabinets hastily. You huff, and walk past him to get to the actual home of the first aid kit. Steve’s oldest, closest friend and can’t even find a box with pharmaceutical supplies in his kitchen. You slam it on the counter next to him.

“You’re welcome.”

“Zip it.”

Just a look from him is enough to render you speechless, and not in the good, butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of way. You’re positive that one swat of that metal arm and you’ll be flying out of the window.

He begins by removing his mask, revealing a handsome face underneath, and you try your best to focus on how dark and menacing it looked while locked in that scowl of his. Then, he unbuckles his jacket and discards it on the floor, it coming to a stop next to your feet.

Oh man, he’s naked. Well, not really, just the incredibly toned, strong and muscular top half of him, but you stare wide-eyed as if he was.

“See somethin’ you like, doll?” He quips, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, and you turn your back to him, mostly to hide your own embarrassment.

“No.” You cross your arms resolutely, because you definitely don’t think he’s attractive. He is a rude, grumpy, private-property-invader-bastard. Doll. Yuck.

You hear a rumble come out of his chest. Is he laughing? Shithead. Other noises follow, wheezes, small grunts and the tinkle of metal on the marble counter.

A particular pained grunt makes you turn, and you see Barnes with his body twisted, trying to reach a bloody hole on his back. It would be funny if he wasn’t trying to poke a gunshot.

“Do you need… help?” You ask, against your own will, only to be met with his icy gaze.

“No.”

“Come on, you can’t even reach that.”

Another glare is shot your way, and you quirk your brow up. He did need the help, you think, because aside from the muscles and the sweat making him glisten like a delicious – wait what – glazed donut, the man looked like hell.

“…fine.” He slides a pair of surgical prongs, something you identify in your head as oversized tweezers, and you instantly regret your offer. Pressing an iodine-soaked cotton ball to a wound, sure. But not this.

He turns his back to you without a word, supporting himself on the marble. You think that he’s about to make a dent on the goddamn stone if he keeps holding onto it that hard.

“Ah, fuck. Shit. Fuck. Ugh, it’s so gross. Fuck.”

It’s the most horrifying thing you’ve ever done, but you try your best to get to the bullet quickly, so very thankful that Barnes holds himself perfectly still for you. “Got it!”

He lets out a long breath when you toss the prongs and the bullet on the counter with the rest and resumes his cleanup. So, he’s not even going to say thanks. Great.

You try not to think about how you still want to make conversation while you hurriedly scrub the blood from your hands, because aside from the hostility and him jumping on you as a meet-cute, the guy peeks your interest.

Steve has said Barnes is nice, too, and you believed Steve, because he’s basically incapable of lying. Or maybe because he’s pretty. Both, for sure.

With your hands now clean, you turn to him, mouth open with some kind of conversation starter that is immediately forgotten.

Oh man, he’s naked. For real this time.

Bucky Barnes has stepped out of his pants while you were overthinking by the sink, now standing in only a pair of black boxers. It’s like he feels you staring at his butt, because he turns to you with raised eyebrows.

“Last one’s on my thigh. I got it.” He’s holding the prongs this time, and you’re glad you don’t have to do anything, because your face next to that groin might make you go into spontaneous combustion.

“Yeah.”

He hums. You hope all of this is a fever dream.

“Isn’t there a med bay at–”

“Don’t like people prodding and pokin’ at me.” His comment makes you grimace. He’s the Winter Soldier, damn it. You know the stories, everyone does. Of course he doesn’t like being prodded.

He looks at you funny, probably because you went dead quiet. You don’t want him to think you feel pity, because you don’t, but god don’t you feel bad for poking him now, even if verbally.

“I’m gonna – grab one of Steve’s – uh. Dude you need to put some clothes on. Jesus.”

He laughs at you again, which you’re thankful for because anything is better than the awkwardness of the other subject. You pick up a black pair of sweatpants that was so deep in one of Steve’s drawers that you know he’d have to have bought it and never had the guts to put it on. This one would do just fine.

If there is one thing Steve Rogers isn’t, is a black sweats guy.

“Here.” You deposit the sweats and a white tee on the counter, one of the millions that you found inside the closet. Barnes was patching himself up now, bandages wrapped everywhere on his body.

Got his ass kicked good. You shudder when you imagine the state of the other guy.

He eyes the clothes, and saying nothing, returns to his task. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“I didn’t ask you to help me.”

“Yeah, but I did anyways! ‘Cause I’m stupid, I guess.” You almost hurl a dirty plate at him when he scoffs, muttering a yeah, guess you are. “God, why are you so grumpy?”

“Well you try being shot 5 times and see how cheerful you are after.”

“You got shot 5 times?!”

Looking at you from between his brows, the Soldier nods to the five mangled bullets sitting on the counter. You think about how you’ve made yourself a sandwich just hours earlier on the exact same spot. You want to puke.

Taking time to look around yourself, you can finally grasp the state of Steve’s ever-so-pristine kitchen, now a mess of dirty clothes, blood and your own few dishes from the night before. You don’t even think about what you’re doing as you move, gathering every single cleaning supply you can find, and start working on the cleanup.

You’re struggling, because obviously you’ve never done this before. Anyone can tell, from your soft abdomen and your severe lack of muscle, that you’re not an Avenger. Sure, you work with them, but you’re usually neck deep into advanced tech, not in the gym by any means. Also, you don’t do blood.

That means you have to think about something else, anything else, while you’re manically cleaning the floor. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, the Winter Soldier’s tight ass, four sheep, get it together goddamnit –

“Leave it. I’ll clean.”

You huff, he huffs back, and you look up at him.

“You got shot five times. Go sit down or something before you blow your back too, grandpa.” You call him that to assure yourself that he is old, like actually super old, and thirsting over him is weird. Even weirder when he’s all bandaged and bleeding. And still shirtless. Shit.

He mumbles something that you ignore, and stomps off. You think you actually did a pretty decent job with the cleaning, considering.

You need coffee. Definitely an entire bottle of vodka too, but there was no alcohol in this god’s good home, so you settle for the brew that you made earlier. You pour a mug for Barnes too, because you’re nice like that, and amble into the living room to find him slumped on a chair.

“Coffee?” You start, settling his mug on the table next to him.

“It’s almost 5 a.m.”

“Guess I’m up early for once. Maybe I should go for a run.”

He snorts, and opens one eye to inspect you from where he is. He reaches out for the coffee, using his metal hand, and you consider the two ways this could go.

He’d shatter the mug right then and there. Or, he’d throw it at you. Your jaw goes slack at what he actually does, sirens blaring loudly in your head. Truly astonishing, the most bewildering turn of events.

He drinks from it.

“Thanks. Quit staring at me.”

“Wow, Mr. Winter knows the magic words. Mr. Barnes. Sergeant?” You’re thinking aloud, abandoning any trace of sanity you’ve been holding. You even sit on the couch next to his armchair.

“It’s Bucky,”

Again, absolutely bewildering. You must be going insane.

“– and you talk too much.” He finishes, with an end-of-story tone, and returns to his rest. At least that felt like normality.

“Bucky. Bucky.” You roll the name on your tongue, feeling a weird buzz start to take over you. It grows stronger when you notice he’s looking at you, one brow quirked as if you lost your marbles. “You know, Bucky, this is definitely not how I saw my night going. Home invasion, playing surgeon – not my usual kind of fun.”

You get up, maybe because you decide that you – and Bucky – need a blanket, or maybe because you need a distraction from his chest going up and down like it’s got a business with making you want to touch it.

You’re not a slut, but who knows? Jim Halper would get it.

“You’re that kid, aren’t you? Stark’s assistant.” Bucky’s voice, low and husky, makes you jump. You look at him, your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

It’s surprising that he knows you, considering. He’s – well, he’s basically a celebrity, if ex-assassins could be considered that. You’re only Tony’s techie, and you and Bucky have never actually met, not even in the few parties you had attended to stop your boss from nagging you that you had to actually go out and have some fun sometimes, because you’re still young and cute and you need to enjoy yourself before you get saggy and bitter.

Jokes on him, you were born bitter.

“I’m no kid.”

“Nice socks.”

You wiggle your toes and it makes the ears of one of the baby Yodas move.

“Still not a kid! If you wanna be sad and wear your sad, plain socks, Bucky, that’s entirely your choice.” You said, pointing your index at him, making circles in the air with it to really get your point across.

Bucky smirks, and you go up to him with the two blankets on your arms. He’s blocking the door with that bulky body of his, and you raise your eyebrows quizzically.

“I’ll have you know – meeting Steve’s annoying, mouthy, pretty house sitter is not how I saw my night going either.” Bucky puts a doubtful tone on house sitter, as if he still doesn’t get exactly what it means.

You blink. You’re positive you heard it wrong. Is he… is this flirting?

“You think I’m pretty?”

“I called you annoying and mouthy too.”

“Yeah, I mean I know that much about me.” You chuckle, rolling your eyes. “The pretty part is new though.”

Bucky still hasn’t moved from the doorframe, and you find yourself staring up at him. He is inches away now, pupils blown wide in the darkness, and you can see a ring of steely blue around them. He licks his lips, and you’re drawn in.

The maelstrom in his eyes sends you spinning.

“I think someone should say you’re not see through, much less–”

Bucky shuts you up by pressing his lips onto yours, a slow, exploratory kiss, the tenderest he’s been all night. His metal hand rests on your lower back, making you shiver at the cool touch.

You’re all panting and eagerness when you cup his face with both hands and press your body against his. You need to deepen this kiss. You haven’t drooled over Bucky Barnes all night to keep things lovey-dovey.

He responds in earnest, pulling you closer. The flesh hand on the back of your neck is a stark contrast against the chill of the other. You and Bucky stumble from the corridor and back to the living room, knocking over a few of Steve’s decorations in the process.

“I don’t feel as bad for this one.” You mumble against his lips, stopping to look at a particular framed picture of Captain America in uniform, surrounded by every single counterfeit Cap in Times Square.

“S’ one of his favorites.”

You nod, you’re aware. Steve thinks it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

Bucky’s breath tickles the hairs on your neck when he continues.

“I hate it.”

“Yeah.”

You capture his lips again, and you two resume your chaotic redecorating. You’re thankful for Bucky’s strong arms keeping you from falling over, because at this point you’re not sure if your legs work anymore.

He takes you with him when he drops down on the same armchair from earlier, and the dizzy spell you find yourself in is broken when you hear him groan.

Right. He’s battered up and stuff.

“Shit, Bucky, I’m sorry–”

“No.” He pulls you close again, and guides your body to straddle one of his thighs. “Stay right here, doll.”

Doll. God-fucking-damnit.

His hand moves under the elastic band of your pants, oh my god you’re making out with Bucky-Hot-Piece-Of-Ass-Barnes in your wiener dog pajama bottoms, and finds the hem of your underwear. He pulls on it, and you yelp when he lets it snap against your side.

He laughs, and you vibrate along with his chest.

You find yourself grinding on his leg, sucking on his bottom lip, raking your nails along his shoulders, doing anything, everything for more, trying to burn the taste and the feel of him on your memory. He moves on to kiss your neck and you sigh, tugging on his hair and making sure you’re holding on for dear life.

Your eyes flutter open, enough to see the fish Avengers in their tank.

The Avengers.

Steve Rogers is an Avenger. So is Bucky, technically.

You’re making out with Bucky. One of his hands is on your boob.

This is Steve’s apartment.

You manage to sober you up enough, despite Bucky’s constant attacks of open mouth kisses and bites on your neck.

“I don’t think Steve would – if we–” You lift your head begrudgingly to look at him. “You know, on his armchair.”

“Right.” He didn’t seem convinced, but his hand moved up from your butt to your waist again.

Steve Rogers was probably miles away right now and still cockblocking you.

Even worse, his furniture was cockblocking you.

Stupid star-spangled IKEA shopper.

And his hot best friend. Who’s currently smiling at you in a such a way that makes you almost abandon all comradery towards Rogers and the sanctity of his place.

You debate getting up, but resign yourself to burying your nose in the crook of Bucky’s neck and just staying there, because honestly, when are you going to have the chance to do this again. Never, that’s when.

Also, he’s surprisingly comfortable for someone with a metal arm and such a jacked-up body.

“You’re sleepy.”

“No, I’m like, super awake.”

It’s a lie, because now that the sparks have flown and the rush of blood in your ears gave way to the quietness of the early morning, you feel yourself drifting, on and off, surprising yourself when you come to once and find that Bucky is still there, warm under you.

“Sleep, doll. I need it too.”

You shift, ready to let his rhythmic breathing lull you to sleep. The last 75 sleepless hours catch up with you.

“Bucky? If you want to break into someone’s house again sometime – I have a first aid kit too. Just sayin’.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #avengers x reader #emwrites

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cinnamonest · 3 years

Text

Ok but also modern Xiao is the exact type of boy to fall madly in love with a camgirl/egirl.

Like people joke about "beta" dudes and simps being the type to like camgirls and whatnot but from what I've heard from accounts of camgirls, those dudes are the most *vocal*, but the real loyal viewers are the silent ones. Quiet, socially inept kissless-virgin loners that don't have a social life to speak of.

As a camgirl you get a lot of commenters during streams -- there's always dudes who feel the need, for whatever reason, to comment on parts of your body or the acts you perform, or a bunch of simple comments like "hot!!" and, you know, various spammed emojis. And most of the bastards seem to think their comments are worth more than money, since they leave the bare minimum despite all their drooling over you, but that's just how people are.

You do get one, though, that's virtually silent. Almost a lurker, if it weren't for the massive cash drops the guy deposits once per stream and one very short comment. It's very simple, it's always a huge donation, followed by a very simple request for this or that, a request that certainly isn't really worth the insane sum of money you're being given. Worded very plainly, no descriptive language or use of emojis or anything, it's more like "suck on it." or "use that one." Sometimes he alone out-donates the rest of your viewers combined.

Not to mention, he's the sole subscriber to the top tier of that patreon you started. So the mystery guy gets a lot of benefits. A custom 10-minute video per month, for starters. You weren't really certain what else you should put on that tier... So you contact him about it and agree upon sending him something per request every month. He's a gross perv, which you could have easily predicted. Asks for things like used underwear and shirts, lipstick prints on your polaroids, hell, you even fill up a tiny container with saliva once for him. Oh, bathwater too. Gross. But he's paying, so.

And then, he starts asking... For something different. A conversation. You're a bit surprised at first, but he's serious. So you do it. Schedule a thirty minute session, message back and forth. You expected maybe he wanted to say something, but you end up doing 99% of the talking - he just asks simple questions. What do you do when you're not working? What do you do for fun? Do you have any family? Do you have any friends? Essentially an interrogation into your life. It feels like the kind of questions someone would ask on a first date, to be honest. You can't help but feel some pity for the guy if he's so lonely that he's willing to pay for this, so, you let it go a bit over the time limit.

You ask some things in return - he seems to not like talking about himself, quickly turns back around to questioning you, but gives brief answers - You're surprised to learn he's young, and not, well, a gross old dude like you're aware most viewers are. Seems odd, why can't he just go out and meet people? You can't say so directly, it would be rude, but he seems to pick up on the hint from things you say and answers the unspoken question - I'm not good with people.

He's aware of how it all works. He's not a delusional bastard that thinks a girl on the internet actually gives a shit about anything but his money, but... It feels nice. He's... A very lonely person. Never got along well with others, never really had anyone that cared. You're always so sweet in your little messages, you send little heart emojis and smileys and xoxo's in every message you send him, and he knows it's part of the act, but sometimes he does like to pretend it's real. The semblance of kindness and warmth and love. Likes to pretend you're being that sweet because that's how you actually are. Likes to forget that he's living on ramen and has a flat-zero savings balance because he's blowing his grocery money and savings on you. Likes to forget the transaction entirely, pretend there's no money involved. And most importantly, likes to forget you have plenty of other dudes that pay for you.

If he's being honest, he does sometimes let... Fantasies run through his head. Sometimes. But he knows it's dumb. And he feels pathetic about it, really. It's not like he can even hope to get a girlfriend in real life, he can't even remember the last time he talked to a female human being. Or... Anyone, for that matter. He has no friends, he works from home online. To say his social life is empty is an understatement.

Becoming addicted to you is only natural. He realizes he's becoming obsessed, but doesn't see any point in fighting it. You're just so sweet, so nice, and you even take your clothes off too. So he... Kinda starts to lie to himself, intentionally. It's almost kinda like having a girlfriend, isn't it? A... Long distance one. That doesn't know his name, that he probably doesn't know your real name, and has never seen his face, but... Still. It's kinda like that, isn't it? Maybe, just maybe, he can hold a little bit of hope in that dream every dude that ever loves a camgirl has... That somehow, a miracle happens and he has a real chance.

But it occurs to him that even if that's not what fate has in mind, he can make that reality come true.

Perhaps you're desensitized to creepy, given how so many of your followers are, so you make what will ultimately be a mistake. One month he asks for something... Odd. Says he wants to send you something that you should wear in your stream, that's the arrangement for this month. You set up a PO box. Figure it can't lead directly to you that way. It's a t-shirt, rather plain single color. It occurs to you that it's probably one of his, that he'll get off to seeing you wear, but something feels... Off about the whole exchange. Like there's some other intention you don't realize.

See, he's a bit tech savvy and has already well figured out where you live in general, he just wasn't sure which apartment it was, so he waits outside for you to pick up the package and follows you home. What a perfect, utterly unimaginable coincidence it turned out to be - here you could have been separated by oceans and countries and yet, it turned out you two lived in the very same town! Well, you knew that when he sent you his address for mailing, but you were smarter than to inform the guy who spends nearly his entirely salary on a camgirl (let's face it, no one who does that can be a mentally stable person) that you just so happen to live so close together. He realizes you avoided mentioning that realization, but he understands why.

Yes, he understands exactly why you wouldn't tell him, because you know that if he found that out, then he might do exactly what he knows he's going to do.

Also, you seem to be looking over your shoulder a lot more lately. He would know, he counts the number of times you do it every day for the past week. At least when you're outside, he can't see you as well when you're inside your place, even with the binoculars.

Your paranoia is what he thinks about as he goes to the store - walks there of course, so no cameras capture license plates. Wears a hoodie over his head. Self-checkout. Pay with cash, untraceable. Double-bags to make sure no one can see the red-flag combination of acetone, bleach and duct tape.

Yeah, he can't say he blames you, but you started being cautious a little bit too late.

#scheduled post #yan.txt #.camgirl

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soft-october-night · 3 years

Text

The Love Interests in the Works of Jane Austen: An Assessment

This is an "extremely scientific" and "thoroughly researched" ranking based on personality, money, family and connections, and is a bit of a blend between the book characterizations and the film characterizations (and is in no way only based on my own opinions). Here we go, grouped by book but not much else.

Edmund Bertram: absolute trash. His family has treated you unbelievably shitty since day one and not only has he BARELY noticed, he ALSO has treated you shitty. Will fall in love with someone beautiful and fun and when she dumps him will come crawling to you for a rebound. His passion for you is so lackluster that even the esteemed author who wrote about it barely spared a paragraph on your relationship. Has a job but only because his dad owns the land the church is built on. You’ll gain no connections or family by marrying him, since he’s literally your cousin. 0/10

Henry Crawford: There IS such thing as too much fun, and that is never clearer than in this man, who will try to seduce you as a game, freak out when his middling overtures don’t work and then try and seduce you “for really real” this time. You will definitely move up in the world if you marry him, and if you play your cards right it seems like his sister is also just REALLY into you, so see how that goes. Life will be pretty okay until you find him in bed with one (or more, who knows) of your relations. 3/10, 8/10 if you’re into that

John Willoughby: Will be like something out of a romance novel, you’re thinking he’s going to propose and then he just fucking ghosts you and embarrasses the fuck out of you at a party by acting like he doesn’t know you. Somehow marry him (congrats on the inheritance you must have, btw) and get ready to take a backseat to the whims of his aunt for as long as she lives. 1/10, at least you get to live in a nice house.

Edward Ferrars: Oh Edward. He’s a bit of a mess, isn’t he? Super kind, your family loves him, he made a bunch of stupid decisions in his youth that are coming back to bite him in the ass. He is loyal to an absolute fault, but you luck out when his fiance turns out to be a bit of a gold digger and dumps him when his mom disowns him. He doesn’t have a job and neither do you, but his family doesn’t wanna speak to him (lucky you!) and you’ll be happy and poor together if you two can work on your communication skills. 7/10.

Colonel Brandon: He’s got a nice house, the respect of his friends and the community, and he has a LOT of passion. He’ll give your sister’s penniless husband a job, dramatically rescue you from a rainstorm, make sure his dead girlfriend’s daughter is happy and taken care of even after your ex fucks HER over too, and is all around a pretty decent guy. Just. Uh. Maybe, kinda, sorta, needs to go after women his own age and is probably with you because you remind him of his dead girlfriend. 5/10 with the wildly inappropriate age gap, 9/10 without it.

Mr. Wickham: Please don’t. He’s a thirsty bitch who lives for drama and you think he’s fun until you find out he tried to sleep with one teenage girl and is making eyes at your fifteen year old sister behind your back. Marry him (through the grace of mysterious benefactors, cause he ain’t marrying anyone unless he’s paid the right price) and get ready for a life of being surrounded by military men in the north of England while your husband tries to fuck everything that moves. Work that out somehow with him and you might actually be happy. 0/10.

Mr. Bingley: He is a softboi who will do literally anything his friends tell him to do. He is SUPER rich, and marrying him will throw your sister’s into the path of other rich men and he is REALLY into you, but get ready to be sucking up to his sisters for literally the rest of your life. Unless he can ship Miss Bingley off to live with Mrs. Hurst, have fun trying to wage a war of barely concealed insults over the breakfast table every morning, and if you’re marrying Bingley I’m sorry but that is a war you just cannot win. He doesn’t have a job but he does have five thousand a year, and neither of you can manage money. You’ll love simply and deeply and be happy as any two can be. 8/10.

Mr. Collins: Last resort to rescue yourself from a life of being a burden to your parents until they die and then having to become a governess or something. Has a job but never shuts up about his boss. You will have to rearrange everything in your house according to his boss’ will. 2/10

Mr. Darcy: Is a anxious disaster who doesn’t know how to talk to girls at parties and needs to learn how say no to going out when he’s just not feeling it. He doesn’t have a job because he’s a landlord; he owns half of Derbyshire and has ten thousand a year, but turns out that all of that money and land can’t buy tact or charisma. Doesn’t know how to flirt and thinks he’s doing a great job (he’s not). He’ll propose to you out of the fucking blue one day by insulting literally everything about you, but don’t worry! Reading his letter unlocks Darcy 2.0. This patched version gives him humility, a personality, and he WILL gain the ability to rescue your family from utter ruin. Marry him and enjoy a life of luxury and witty ripostes, but beware! You ARE going to have to deal with Lady Catherine until the day she dies, not to mention Caroline Bingley’s barely concealed contempt every time you meet in polite company. Darcy 1.0 3/10, Darcy 2.0 8/10.

Captain Wentworth: Absolutely top tier. Has a job, has earned everything he has, including a fortune and the respect of his peers, superiors, and subordinates. His sister and her husband are practically the only happily older married couple you know, his friends are super fun and nice (even the dour one with all the poetry knows how to have a polite conversation). If you dumped him ten years ago on the advice of your almost comically shitty family yeah, he’s going to hold a grudge, but he WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU and the MOMENT he gets over his pride will do everything and anything in his power (including leaping the bounds of propriety!) to win you back. Based on his love, money, and connections you should RUN, not walk, into his arms TODAY and allow him to rescue you from your family and whisk you off to see the world on his ship, at least until Napoleon busts out of Elba. 12/10

Mr. Eliot: Will lose all your old schoolfriend’s husband’s money in a bad deal, has debts out the ass, might be trying to get with either you or the woman your dad has been flirting with for the last few years, you’re not sure. Is totally ruining the rekindling relationship you’re trying to get going with your far superior ex. He wants the land and title your dad has and will stop at nothing to get it. Marry him and you can move back into your old house (maybe? it’s a little unclear what with all the debts) but have every single cent your mother left you immediately put into some dumbass scheme. 1/10

Henry Tilney: another softboi who just wants to act in the school play while his dad and brother plan to ship him off to military school and berate him for not joining the football team. Bring him shopping with you to pick out dresses, spend long nights over tea chatting about books. Has a job, but again, only because his dad owns the land the church is on. Loves you even though you have some very strange ideas about his house, and will forgive you when he realizes you thought his dad either murdered or imprisoned his mom. If he can find the courage to tell his dad to fuck off and let him live his own life, expect a long, happy marriage of snuggling together in a window seat somewhere, sipping tea and reading. 9/10

John Thorpe: Trash bastard man. Peaked in whatever equivalent of high school he had. Shitty and rude to everyone, would post racist memes on facebook and start fights if he could, all while being shitty and manipulative and CREEPILY possessive of you. -2/10

Robert Martin: A sweet himbo farmer who just wants to love and worship you. He has a job, is pretty rich, and while his connections may not be above his class, he’s an earnest boy who wants to take care of you and be taken care of in turn. Marry him the first time, absolutely do NOT let your friend influence you against him, because who KNOWS if you will get a second proposal! (You will, he likes you THAT much.) Marry him and enjoy a sweet, simple life of exactly zero drama (unless your friend is around). 7/10

Mr. Elton: Trifling gold digging trash who doesn’t know what the word no means. Do not marry, unless you want to be censured by decent, hardworking people -1/10

Frank Churchill: Knows how to have fun, but you know there’s something more going on. He won’t let you see his letters, he sends out secret notes, then he smiles and tells you that everything is totally a okay. Another boy with ANOTHER overbearing aunt, only this one doesn’t know how to say no. Marry him if you’ve got the money, but he will always be longing after the poor girl next door that auntie wouldn’t let him married, and would have cheated on you already if she was into it. 3/10

Mr. Knightly: He’s your brother in law and you’ve known him almost your whole life, so that’s a little sus, but he is also the ONLY person in your entire life who knows how to tell you no (and you really, REALLY need to be told no sometimes.) He is extremely wealthy, but more importantly he’s kind and caring about people who are considered “beneath” him. He will break his weird no dancing rule to dance with your shy friend, he will ream you out for being shitty to unwed spinsters who value your opinion, and somehow has the correct read on everyone all the time. You will gain no connections by marrying him, since the two of you already have the exact same connections anyway, but the two of you should be content in a test of wills that will last a lifetime. You’ll be very happy as long as he doesn’t get super pedantic and start correcting you about everything. 7/10

#jane austen #pride and prejudice #persuasion #sense and sensibility #emma #mansfield park #northanger abbey #mr darcy #captain wentworth

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zhanyes · 3 years

Text

Tianshan dating headcannons because i also love these two dumbasses too

Also dedicated to @el-mundo-real who requested tianshan headcannons 🖤

. . .

- Literally no one knows whether they’re dating or not. Not even themselves because they don’t talk about it

- Jian yi thinks they’re dating already and Zhengxi says they’re still getting there (somehow they’re both right) and they make a bet

- He tian likes staying over at Mo’s and he’s gotten pretty close to mama Mo

- Mama Mo teaches him how to knit !! He tried to knit a scarf for Mo but it came out a little messy and tangled. Mo still wears it anyway saying it’s a waste of yarn if not used (He’s actually really touched)

- He eats dinner there about 5 times a week and sleeps over thrice a week. He’s a permanent fixture in the house now, he has his own plate and mug, utensils, toothbrush, a spare key, and more than half of his closet migrated to Mo’s closet

- Sometimes Mo “accidentally” wears He tian’s sweaters and He tian dies a little bit every time

- Sometimes He tian deliberately wears Mo’s clothes and it’s always tighter and a bit shorter on his body so when he moves his arms the shirt rides up. Mo guanshan shouts at him to change and to stop contaminating his clothes but his ears are red anyway

- They bicker A LOT. Over the smallest things because He tian loves riling him up and Mo gets riled up too easily

He tian, for the 7th time in 5 minutes: “What does this thing do?”

Mo guanshan, losing his mind: “THAT’S A FUCKING MICROWAVE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT DO?!”

- There are times when homicide is the best option

Mo Guanshan: “I acknowledge that I can be mean sometimes-”

He tian, in the bathtub: “Sometimes?”

Mo Guanshan: “Shut the fuck up. So I brought you a bath bomb as a peace offering.”

He tian: “That’s a fucking toaster.”

Mo guanshan: “Exactly. A bath bomb.”

- Contrary to what his actions say, Mo guanshan is actually relieved that He tian spends most of his time in their apartment. He tian never told him but he can see how lonely the other teenager is

- Mo guanshan tries to teach He tian chores because He tian knows nothing about cleaning or doing everyday things

Mo guanshan: “How the fuck do you not know how to wash dishes where the hell do you eat?!”

He tian, drinking milk straight out the carton: “Obviously on plates, Momo. I just throw them away after.”

Mo guanshan, sputtering: “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THROW OUT PLATES?!”

- The first and only recipe that He tian managed to cook successfully is instant noodles with boiled egg that’s not quite cooked enough. Sometimes he brings Mo noodles as breakfast in bed and he looks so proud of it Mo has a hard time saying that the noodles are overcooked and that noodles aren’t exactly breakfast food (he eats it anyway)

- Mo sometimes, only sometimes, brings He tian grocery shopping because he needs to learn how to buy food for himself. Somehow He tian always ends up in the miscellaneous section where he has a pack of ballpens he’ll never use, 2 journals he’ll also never use, a couple of scented candles, various dog clothes and leashes for the dog he doesn’t have, a couple’s mug, and a vase in his cart

- He tian stopped trying to barge into Mo guanshan’s bed and sleeps on the futon on the floor beside it. It’s not the most comfortable and he had a hard time sleeping on it at first but he likes being in Mo’s company even while sleeping

- Sometimes Mo would move in his sleep and leave his arm dangling on the side of the bed, He tian grabs it of course and Mo wakes up to sweaty palms. He still leaves it for a few moments before harshly slapping away He tian’s hand

- Mo’s hands aren’t smooth at all because of working all the time and practicing the guitar but He tian loves them all the same. He likes to feel the contrast in textures with his slightly smoother hands

- He tian has a thousand pictures of Mo guanshan sleeping in various angles and poses. He has his favorites framed and keeps it on his bedside table in his apartment so when he’s sleeping there he still feels like they’re sleeping together

- Mo guanshan has a few of He tian sleeping but he swears up and down that he'll never do anything as disgusting as that. He makes one of them his wallpaper.

- Sometimes when they don’t feel like sleeping yet they stay up talking and arguing about random things

Mo guanshan: “Why would aliens be in space? The ocean is definitely the way to go.”

He tian: “But why would they be in the ocean? They’ll drown.”

Mo guanshan: “They’re aliens maybe they have gills or some shit.”

He tian: “I’m telling you they’re not in the ocean, Mo.”

Mo guanshan: “And I’m telling you you’re wrong, bastard.”

- On rare days they would stay up talking about their pasts and about life in general, with the lights closed and the only source of light is the moonlights from the window

- One of these nights, Mo told He tian about what happened to his dad and their restaurant, why they’re in so much debt over it and He tian holds Mo’s hand tightly throughout

- He knew better than to say that he could pay for that debt so Mo doesn’t need to worry anymore (He still says it anyway and Mo blew a fuse) but he swore to help Mo through other means

- The next day he orders a whole carton of mangoes, apples and peaches in his apartment and learns how to peel properly through youtube and Zhengxi

- He goes to Mo’s part time job in the grocery and helps him peel fruits, Mo guanshan doesn’t mention anything when he notices the bandaids on the other’s hands but he does cook him beef stew for dinner

- As expected He tian’s presence brings more customers and the manager asks if he wants to work there permanently but he said he’s only working for Mo so the manager can give Mo a raise instead

- Once, Mo got sick so he missed his part time job for the day (He was supposed to give away flyers on the streets) and got extra pissy because He tian didn’t visit him and wouldn’t answer his phone

- Apparently He tian took over his job for the day and he only finds out when he goes to the manager and the manager asks when his ‘boyfriend’ can come back to work again because the customers love him

- He tian almost never talks about himself but once he talked about the puppy who disappeared after he saves it and then found out that it’s still alive after all these years

- Mo keeps quiet about it the whole time he was talking and the next few days he takes time to knit a small dog plushie and leaves it on He tian’s futon

- He tian didn’t cry, he didn’t (he did), but he hugged Mo and whispered a sincere thank you. For once, Mo lets it happen

- Mo quickly regrets his decision when He tian names the plushie “Chicken sandwich”

- He tian brings Mo in a lot of not-dates (according to Mo) like arcades, ocean parks, festivals, and fairs because he didn’t get to go as a kid and he wants to experience it for the first time with Mo

- They get crazy competitive in every game. Every. Single. One. If it’s a co-op shooting game they would compete on who kills the most enemies, if it’s a harmless crane game it becomes a competition of who can get the most plushies

- They both each have a photobooth strip. Mo keeps his as a bookmarker in a journal, and He tian has his in the back of his phone.

- They go on a double not-date with Jian yi and Zhengxi and it ends up in almost getting chased by a police car at 2 am in pokemon onesies and holding a bag of chips

- Sometimes Mo would visit his dad in prison and just rant to him about He tian

Mo guanshan: “The nerve of that guy to do something like that in front of a teacher urgh.”

Papa Mo: “Your boyfriend sounds like a fun guy, son. I want to meet him soon.”

Mo guanshan: “BO-BOYFRIEND?!”

Papa Mo: “Yes???”

Mo guanshan: “No??? That bastard isn’t my boyfriend??”

Papa Mo: “Are you sure about that?”

Mo guanshan: “...Yes?”

- Enter gay panique because he doesn’t actually know whether He tian is his boyfriend or not

- They don’t call each other boyfriends and they never talked about it so no??? But they’re also not just friends so maybe??? Do they go on dates?? Can grocery trips be considered dates??

- He rings up Jian yi and the blonde just laughed for 5 minutes straight without stopping and he wonders how he’s still breathing

Mo Guanshan, after hearing Jian yi laughing for 5 minutes: “Are you fucking done?”

Jian yi, trying to catch his breath: “Man this is some top-tier entertainment.”

Mo guanshan: “WELL?!”

Jian yi: “Look bro literally no one knows whether you’re dating, fucking, planning each other’s murder OR planning a murder together.”

Mo guanshan: “What if it’s all of the above?”

Jian yi: “Then congratulations…? Please don’t murder me?”

Mo guanshan: “Urgh you’re fucking useless I should have called Zhengxi.”

Jian yi: “Wait don’t, I don’t wanna lose the bet. How about this, there’s a festival upcoming for couples and families, if He tian asks you then you’re probably, maybe, dating?”

Mo guanshan: “That’s stupid. AND WHAT BET?!”

Jian yi: “Ah woops gotta water my dog.”

- Mo tells himself that it’s stupid and there’s no way he’s falling for that...but he feels disappointed anyway when He tian doesn’t ask him the following days

- He tian asks on the last day before the festival, but he asks mama Mo first and Mo guanshan second cuz he wants to celebrate with both of them. He confessed that he’s never actually went to a festival with a family before so he was trying to build up courage to ask

- Mo guanshan is an absolute goner after that

- On the day of the festival, they find Zhanyi there on a date but decide to leave them alone. While they were leaving Jian yi kept throwing Mo guanshan so much winks that Zhengxi thought he got something in his eye

- The festival was fun but Mo couldn’t take his eyes off how happy and content He tian looks

- Queue cliche fireworks scene but it’s He tian being amazed by the fireworks and Mo looking mesmerized at him thinking, “Ah, I want him to look at me like that.”

- The next day, he drags He tian to visit his dad in jail

Papa mo: “Oh this is a surprise, you’ve never brought someone before?”

He tian, trying to introduce himself: “Hello, sir. I’m He tian, Mo guanshan’s fri-”

Mo guanshan, cuts him off: “Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend, dad.”

He tian:

#19 days #19 days headcannons #19 days hc #tianshan #mo guan shan #he tian #zhanyi #jian yi #zhan zheng xi #am i procrastinating updating my fics and 19 days socmed au by posting random 19 days stuff?#yes yes i am #old xian

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sixeyesgojo · 3 years

Note

Gojo with a father in law like Claude from wmmap hcs pls? Let's go all in and make daddy op as fuck and hotter

Omg, anon, I think we talked past one another 😭😭 I thought you wanted a fullblown oneshot and meanwhile you only wanted hcs? I feel bad for miscommunicating now 😭😭

Anyway, a little note for everyone (which I have added to my nav now):

Currently, normal requests are closed.

Requests for my 400 follower milestone thing are open.

Headcanon requests or any kinds of ask (like, asking random stuff or telling me about something) are always open.

That being said and without further ado, let's embark on this journey!

I did change father-in-law to soon-to-be father-in-law because... wouldn't it be weird if Gojo didn't know his s/o's parent?

Summary: Gojo with a future father-in-law who looks very young for his age, is extremely good-looking, is very powerful and a TOP TIER DILF. (inspired by Claude de Alger Obelia)

You and Gojo have been dating for quite some time, about a year and several months.

Some people might argue that getting married after dating for 'only so long' would be too early

but Satoru knows he wants to spend his life with you already;

you have suffered enough because of his hectic schedule and almost never-ending absence, yet graced him with love and affection everytime he came home

So he plans to ask that question soon

Yes, he has prepared everything already, carefully planned it out

He also ordered the ring already; naturally, it's a custom-made one because he won't let you have anything less than perfect

So Satoru is on his way to pick up the ring at the jeweler's

He has time because you're out with a friend (?) anyway

You just said you'd go out with someone and he didn't bother asking with who

Anyway, he's in town and he spots you

He wants to surprise you and say hello... but who is that? The man linking arms with you? The one that makes you laugh so heartily?

"Noooo, DADDY! That would be soooo mean!" you laugh.

Daddy? But that was your nickname for Satoru-

For a moment, his trust falters and Satoru feels a sting in his chest

You wouldn't cheat on him right?

Nooooooooooooo BUT WHO IS THAT YOUNG AND GOOD-LOOKING MAN, TOUCHING YOU SO CASUALLY???

Haha... jk... unless it's true-

Satoru follows the two of you around, in stealth

He notices different things about the dude who's with you: That bastard also has blue eyes that seem to sparkle in any light... light-colored hair... and an immense presence of cursed energy that doesn't quite feel like cursed energy. Satoru feels slightly intimidated by being overpowered but he would never admit it.

So that was your type?! Like Satoru himself but with more time on his hands and probably even stronger! Horrible!! A love rival for sure.

Satoru's blue eyes spy the two of you going into some kind of café

DID YOU JUST KISS HIS CHEEK AFTER ORDERING? GASP.

Several cracks have stretched across Satoru's heart.

He returns home with the velvety box semi-carelessly tossed into the drawer next to the bed

Wasn't that enough evidence already? Still, he decides to text you. Benefit of the doubt.

Toru: Babeee, when are you home? Miss ya.

You: Idk yet, I'm at some place right now

Toru: Some place?

✔ Read 4:49 PM

You: Oh yeah, sorry, we were ordering some food and stuff hehe

By the way, you'll meet him later!! Be prepared!

Toru: Meet who? WHO IS IT???

✔ Read 5:46 PM

MEET HIM??? THE DUDE?? Hell no. Why would you or he want that?!

We're gonna fast forward because we don't wanna watch Satoru anxiously doing... stuff for an hour straight 👀

They meet.

"So this is the man my daughter gave her heart to? Not... what I expected... I get a playboy vibe but I'll respect my daughter's choice, I suppose," the man, who is watching Satoru with blazing blue eyes, comments

Wait wha-

DAUGHTER??

"Toruuuuu, meet my Daddy!" - now it all makes sense. It was not a nickname but a title 💀💀

This man, with the humonguous amount of cursed energy, is your FATHER?

For the first time in a while, the mighty Gojo Satoru is rendered speechless

The meeting is very awkward to say the least and Satoru is sure your father does NOT have a good 'first' impression of him

After saying goodbye to your dad, Satoru confronts you and confesses his deeds, how he saw you and how his trust faltered for a moment

You reassure him you'd never leave him but you can't help but laugh

Satoru's pout prompts you to peck his lips, it had to be done

It's safe to say that Satoru would spend a looooooot of time to get into your dad's good graces because Daddy's princess deserves the best and only the best

#nie answers #anon #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo #gojo satoru headcanons #gojo headcanons #jjk gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen headcanons

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