Defining The Relationship
The way this conversation began stewing in your head was strange.
It wasn't even a conversation that you thought you needed to have or had ever really crossed your mind, but here you were thinking about it.
Relentlessly thinking about it.
Compulsively thinking about it.
All because of your friends and their endless curiosity.
It was only a few days after you'd returned back to the Compound and the team welcomed you back with open arms. It was great, you were home again and the everything was right with the world. You were content to just sit in the peace of being home again.
And then Nat and Wanda asked a question that opened a can of worms that you had no idea even existed:
"So you and Bucky?" Wanda playfully chuckles, the three of you sitting around the common room.
"Why'd you say it like that?" you ask.
"I don't know. Just curious, I guess."
"That means she's being nosey," Nat corrects.
"Not nosey, just curious," Wanda retorts.
"About?"
"Like I know you're together, but are you together?" Wanda says, adding extra emphasis. "Or are you guys going slow after everything that happened?"
"Err...what?" you forcefully exhale.
"You haven't talked to him about it? What you are? What this means for you guys? Don't think I didn't notice you leave Bucky's room the other morning."
"No, I didn't know this was something you had to talk about!"
"Sometimes I forget you've only been in society for like five seconds."
"It's been almost two years," you correct.
"I know, I know. But still, you're new to this kind of thing, and Bucky's...Bucky."
They weren't wrong, you had a blindspot when it came to these types of things. Being in a relationship and dealing with real life romance was completely new to you, and this was not something that cropped up in any movie or book you'd ever seen.
It was completely uncharted territory.
And Bucky was very patient with your lack of knowledge about these things. He didn't judge or push you, and took the time to make sure you felt safe and comfortable at every step. He accepted the slow pace of your relationship and took it all in stride. This was just another step, no matter how awkward it felt. It was just another step, you kept reminding yourself. So it was best to just ask. Right?
"Can I ask you something?" you ask, laying in bed, curled into Bucky's side.
"Shoot."
"What are we?"
"Huh?" he asks, abruptly sitting up.
"I mean you and me, what are we?" you re-emphasize.
"Uh..." he falters, hoping you can't see the startled, confused expression on his face.
"Now, just thinking out loud here, but we love each other, right?"
"Right," he nods definitively, because while he may not know what spurred this question on or have the even the vaguest idea on how to answer, he does know that he loves you.
"And we sleep in each other's bed every night," you continue, more thinking out loud than actually telling Bucky anything that he doesn't already know. Even in the dim light, you can see the strained expression on his face and it only makes you feel even more confused as you start fiddling with the hem of his shirt that you're wearing,
"You're the only person I don't hate," Bucky offers, hoping that'll be enough to get him out of this conversation.
"And you're arguably my favorite person?"
"Arguably? Why arguably?"
"But we've never even been out on a date before," you say, continuing your train of thought instead of answering Bucky's question.
Bucky thinks about it for a moment, and you're right, after everything you'd gone through together, the two of you had never gone on a real date. "Yeah, I guess we haven't."
"But we've gone through all this other stuff, so that shouldn't matter?" you say, though it sounds more like a question than an actual statement. "We're not very good at this, are we?"
He awkwardly chuckles. "No, not really."
"So...what are we?" you ask again.
"That is...a great question."
"And the answer to that question would be...?"
And as if it's his saving grace, Bucky's phone rings.
Without even looking to see who it is, he answers on the first ring.
And it must be his lucky day because Steve needs him for an assignment. Which under any normal circumstance, he'd hate, but he doesn't have the slightest clue of how to answer your question, and this seems like a good way to temporarily avoid it without seeming like a total asshole.
"Steve needs me for a mission. Gotta go," he jabbers, fumbling to get out of bed.
"Okay-" you start to say as he turns to bolt out of the room.
He turns back, pecking you on your lips, "Bye, love you,"
"Love you too."
-
"What's wrong with you?" Sam asks as the trio finally finishes their debrief.
Both Sam and Steve had noticed a particularly stoic, pensive expression on Bucky's face during the entirety of the short assignment. It was an odd look considering the past two weeks Bucky looked like the happiest man in New York since you'd returned back to the Compound.
"I literally haven't said a word," Bucky grumbles.
"Exactly, you're usually like 'stupid Steve making me get out of bed' 'grumble, grumble' 'I miss my girl'. More grumble, grumble," Sam says, mocking Bucky's voice.
"First, I don't sound like that. And I've never said, 'grumble, grumble' in my entire life."
"Minor details," Sam dismisses. "But the sentiment remains the same, so what happened?"
"Don't worry about it."
"Trouble in paradise?"
"No," Bucky grunts, trying to shut this conversation down. It also occurs to him that he's just shutting down all conversations today.
"Then what?"
"Don't worry about it," Bucky repeats in a clipped tone.
"You know we're not going to leave you alone until you tell us," Steve prods.
Bucky sighs in defeat and reluctantly says, "She asked me what we are. Relationship-wise."
"Ohh," Sam and Steve audibly cringe.
"Yeah," he nods, internally cringing as he relives the moment in his head.
"So what'd you say?"
"Nothing! I don't know what to say to that."
"So how'd you leave it?" Sam asks, already knowing that conversations were not exactly Bucky's forte.
"Not great. Steve called and I kind of just...left."
"Ohhh," they cringe again.
"You stupid man," Sam exhales, slowly shaking his head.
"That's not helpful," Bucky chides, feeling even worse seeing his friends' visceral reaction to his stupidity. "What do I do?"
"Who would have thought? Bucky coming to me for relationship advice," Steve proudly states, wearing a smug smile as he holds his head up high.
"You're right." Bucky nods, abruptly turning to Sam, "Sam, what do I do?"
"I don't know," Sam shrugs. "Have a conversation? Answer the question?"
"How exactly do you answer a question like that: 'what are we?' I don't know."
"People who are dating?"
Steve's words only remind him of another example of his idiocy, "Oh, and that's another thing, I've never taken her on a date!"
"Seriously?' Sam scoffs. "What the hell have you been doing- Never mind, I rescind that question."
"Partners?" Steve offers.
"That sounds like you're about to go on a mission together," Bucky recoils.
"Why not just keep it simple? Girlfriend," Sam states simply.
"Isn't she more than a girlfriend by now?"
"I think you two are the most confusing couple I've ever met," Sam complains. "You basically live in each other's rooms, but never discussed what that means. You've never gone on a date, but you're both disgustingly in love with each other."
"Thank you for the incredibly helpful recap, Sam," Bucky sarcastically quips.
"Have you ever thought that maybe- just maybe you should just have a conversation?" Sam repeats.
"No," Bucky deadpans.
"What about a romantic gesture? Ask her to marry you!" Steve wildly suggests,
"What?" Sam questions, giving Steve an incredulous, wide-eyed look. "No! Are you crazy? You don't ask someone to marry you to avoid having a conversation."
"Please," Steve scoffs, and now it's mildly concerning to both Sam and Bucky that they can't tell if he's actually joking anymore. "They've known each other over a year. Together for a couple months, back then that was all you needed."
"I almost forgot who I was talking to," Sam mutters. "Listen, I know in ye olden times, you kiss a girl once and decide you're in love with her, but this is civilized society. And they are both two very emotionally stunted people who just need to have a conversation. "
"Alright, alright, already- we need to talk, but what do I say?" Bucky asks, no longer wanting to hear his friends insane suggestions and sarcastic remarks about his conundrum.
"How do you feel?" Sam pointedly asks.
"God, you sound like my shrink," Bucky sarcastically remarks.
"Let me see your phone," Steve requests, sticking his hand out.
"No."
"Come on, just let me see it for a sec," Steve cajoles.
"No."
"Come on," Steve asks again, this time trying to grab it out of Bucky's hand.
"Don't touch my phone," Bucky warns.
"Alright, alright," Steve acquiesces. Just as Bucky looks back at Sam, Steve smacks the phone out of his hand. It flips out of Bucky's hand and Steve snatches in the air. Bucky tries to grab the phone back, but Steve plays keep-away, using his arm to keep Bucky at a distance. "Aww...she's your screensaver?"
"Give me my phone," Bucky barks, finally snatching the phone back. "What if I just say that I don't want to label anything? Or that I like things the way they are?"
Sam shakes his head in disappointment once more. "Do you hear yourself? You tell a woman that and you're basically telling them you have no interest in real relationship."
"Why can't it just mean exactly what I just said? I do like the way things are."
"How did you get a girlfriend before I did?" Sam audibly wonders.
"Well, technically he doesn't have a girlfriend," Steve mutters.
"And this is why I can't stand talking to you two," Bucky snarks.
"Well, you can talk to us and figure it out or...you can go have a conversation and work through all those feelings, all in real time, in front of another person," Steve teasingly offers, knowing Bucky won't risk messing this up in front of you.
"See this is the problem with the 21st century, you people want to talk about everything. Feelings, emotions," Bucky rambles. "If feelings were meant to be talked about they would be called talkings!"
"I don't think you're going to have to worry long, Sam. He's definitely going to be single pretty soon."
"Great - that's really great, guys," Bucky retorts, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Happy to have your vote of confidence."
"You're not going to get out of this. It's a conversation. You are a literal assassin, and you're scared of have one short, little conversation."
"I'm not scared of it- I just want to avoid it as long as possible."
"Well, it was nice knowing you, buddy," Steve sighs, clapping his hand on Bucky's shoulder.
"Okay, okay. Alright, already. Here, feelings," Bucky shudders. "I'm just- I feel like I'm a different person. I've never felt more at home or had more fun. We do the dumbest things together and I love it, like we have a secret hand-shake-"
"Hold on, you guys have a secret hand-shake? But when I asked you, you said no because it was stupid!" Sam interrupts, crossing his arms.
Bucky shrugs. "She presented a good argument."
"And what was that?"
Bucky pulls his lips in to hide his growing semi-embarrassed smirk. "If, and bear with me, if one of us ever got kidnapped or cloned, how would we know if they're the real person? So we have a secret hand-shake. It's not a big deal."
"And what if that happens to me?"
Bucky jokingly nods, "I'd be willing to take that chance, Sam."
"Can we get back to forcing Bucky to talk about his feelings?" Steve interjects.
"I don't know! Alright, she's- she's my person. We can be one the phone for hours without even saying anything. When I think about my future, it's not my future- it's ours."
"Oh my God, he does have feelings," Steve dramatically mutters to Sam.
"I know," Sam theatrically whispers.
"I'm having some very intense feelings right now," Bucky vaguely threatens, opening and closing his metal fist.
"Anyway...you tell her exactly that. Just say how you feel and work it out together. You'll be fine."
"This couldn't have been more unhelpful. Thanks," Bucky sarcastically quips. "While we're at it, any date ideas?"
"Go!" Sam and Steve simultaneously order.
He sighs and begrudgingly leaves the conference room. He slowly walks back to your room, his mind racing a mile a minute. He stops in front of your door and suddenly, it's like he doesn't remember how to be a person anymore.
Does he knock on your door? Does he just open it? Does he knock then open? Does he normally knock? Or would it seem weird if he started now?
He desperately tries to recall what he did the last time he entered your room.
"I didn't knock, there's no way I knocked," he mutters to himself. "This is crazy. It's fine. It's not like she's going to yell at me for barging in, she likes being around me."
That kicks off an entirely new spiral.
"What if she doesn't like me being around anymore? She has abandonment issues and I just left mid-conversation. What if she thinks I don't want to be around anymore? What if she thinks that I think that she thinks-"
"Hey, James," you call from the other side of the door. "Are you done pacing?"
He almost chokes in shock, his fist clenching around the air in unbridled anxiety. "Yeah," he rasps.
You slowly creak open the door, poking only your head out. "You sure?"
"Yeah," he mutters.
"Do you want to come in or...?" you trail off, letting the question hang in the air.
"Sure," he lilts, nodding a few times too many.
You roll your eyes, taking his hand in yours and pulling him into your room. "Listen, I'm sorry if I made you feel weird-"
"Don't be sorry," he interrupts as he takes a seat on the very edge of your bed. "You asked me a completely reasonable question. I should be apologizing to you."
"What if neither of us apologize and we call it even?" you offer, resting against the headboard.
"Thank you," he sighs in relief, finally allowing himself to relax and flop onto your bed.
"I'm sensing a pattern here," you quip.
"What that our friends constantly meddle in our lives and make things more complicated than they ever needed to be?" he snarks, adjusting himself so his head rests in your lap.
"You notice it too! I was fine with the way things are," you state, raking your fingers through his hair.
"Me too!"
"But now I'm confused!"
"Me too!"
"So what does that mean?"
"Argg..." Bucky groans, completely exasperated at this cursed question that somehow keeps working its way into all his conversations today. "Why am I so bad at this?"
"Why are we so bad at this?" you correct.
"No, I'm bad at this. It's a reasonable question. And I just- I don't-"
"Listen," you say, reaching out to grab Bucky's hand. "We're both equally bad at this, and it's okay. That's why we work, we can be emotionally stunted together."
"What if we start with a date?" Bucky offers, kissing the pulse point on your wrist.
"Are you asking me out on a date?"
"Yes," he replies his voice filled with absolute certainty.
"I'll have to think about it," you tease.
"Funny. Very funny," he scoffs.
-
He takes a long breath as he watches you line up your last shot on the fake grass. You wear a cheeky grin as you look back at him in smug triumph. He playfully rolls his eyes and seriously considers sabotaging the final round of the night.
He chuckles to himself, thinking that it was probably for the best he wasn't trying to impress you with his mini-golf game.
Evidently, super soldier strength had some drawbacks. Even with the lightest of touches, he found himself digging in bushes and in the small water traps for the little golf ball for the entirety of the date. It was almost hazardous to the people playing around him.
And he watches, smiling warmly as you cheer for your final hole in one. And even though it's a little annoying that he's this terrible at this game and he's rolled his eyes countless times tonight, he relishes in the sound of your laughs from behind him as he attempts one final round of mini golf.
"What if we call it a tie?" he bargains as the two of you walk hand-in-hand back into the Compound.
"Mhhh," you shake your head. "I don't think so."
"Come on, tonight wasn't good for my ego," he playfully retorts. He wraps an arm around your waist, kissing you lightly. "What about now?"
"I had fun," you wistfully hum against his lips.
"So do I get a second date?"
You chuckle as he presses the elevator button. "I'm strongly considering it."
"Strongly considering?" he laughs with an eyebrow raised.
"Alright, I'd like that- if only for your ego."
"That's very generous of you," he quips, holding out his arm to hold the elevator door open for you.
When the elevator doors open, Sam's is coincidentally the only person still lingering in the common room, though as well as you know Sam, you know it probably wasn't a coincidence at all. "Well, look at who it is! How was it?"
"12 consecutive holes in one," you pridefully announce, still holding Bucky's hand as you point your thumb at him, "And 12 consecutive holes in 18."
"Only because you cheated!" Bucky scoffs, once again trying to hide his wide, boyish grin by rolling his eyes.
"Does it say no powers anywhere in mini golf rules?" you counter.
"It's implied!"
"No one likes a sore loser," you chirp. Bucky huffs wordlessly, your hand dropping from his as you take off your jacket. "Anyway, I've got to be up early, so I'm gonna head up. Are you coming?"
"Yeah, I'll be right up," Bucky responds.
"Everything okay between you guys?" Sam quietly asks as you walk away, wondering why Bucky didn't just go up with you.
"Yeah," Bucky absently replies watching as you walk down the hall.
Sam watches Bucky for a moment, more specifically the way Bucky smiles like a giddy teenager that just got a date with their crush. "Then what's that stupid look on your face?"
Bucky sighs at Sam though that same goofy, awestricken smile remains firmly planted on his face, "I'm gonna marry that girl one day."
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