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jtl-fics · 11 months

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Fluent Freshman - Part 18

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

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#Fluent Freshman AU #FINALLY CAN PUT DOWN MY TAGS #You have no idea the number of times that I had to sing hollaback girl to myself during this #It was B-A-N-A-N-A-S #We have now closed the 'Andrew is going to crazy murder me' emotional arc #The 'Oh god if Andrew or Neil find out that I know Russian they're going to stop being my friends and hate me' arc begins #He's gotten a confirmed 3 friends today #And he got to go to the bathroom #He's riding a high #Not only is it 3 friends it is 3 friends who like him enough to invite him to spend the holiday break together #That's so nice #Andrew is so nice #FF cannot BELIEVE he thought Andrew 'eat these dried apples' Minyard was going to stab him #Captain Neil is lucky to have him #Also Andrew is lucky to have Captain Neil #Neil and Andrew are definitely down in the Speakeasy right now enjoying FF's bathroom break #Andrew's ordered FF another round of Banana daiquiri #Andrew: I can't believe he ate that ice cream. His stomach must have been killing him.#Neil: Yeah he was really pale and sweaty until he started drinking that banana drink #Neil: I'm a little worried about Smith finding the bathroom. Maybe I should go up?#Andrew hand on Neil's thigh: he'll be fine. We can go look if he's not back in 10.#AFTG AU #AFTG OC #AFTG #AFTG Shitpost #AFTG Fic #My Fic #Andreil #FF - Pt.18

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dccomicsnews · 7 years

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This October, at New York’s Comic-Con, DCN had some wicked fun! The playful, witty cast of Dirk Gently discussed their newest season and their work with Max Landis. They all sound greatly fond of him, certainly applauding his writing and talents. At the end of the cast’s questions, Max Landis spoke with DCN to tell us what inspires him to write such trying and melancholy underdog tales as we saw in the brilliant, cathartic DC Comic series, American Alien, which featured the struggle and growth of New 52’s Clark Kent into becoming Superman.

Lois Lane: You want to do something small? C’mon Clark…

Do something BIG.

Q: This sort of genre, this detective but also sci-fi, how do you think this sort of genre helps improve society, any benefits that the show [morally] comes with?

(Left to right: Fiona Dourif, Elijah Wood, Arvind Ethan David (Producer), Hannah Marker, Jad Eshete, Samuel Barnett, Max Landis, Mpho Koaho)

Samuel Barnett: Without getting political, we are living in times that feel more chaotic. And I think the nature of the show [Dirk Gently] is that the universe is chaos, but ultimately everything passes and everything somehow comes together, and everything is connecting. I think it [this genre] is a beautiful reminder with things being so polarized at the moment that we are actually all connected and all the same ultimately. And I think it’s a very human show. I think that’s what people plug into.

Elijah Wood: Beautifully said. Yeah, and there is so many genre elements within the context of the storytelling, it is also ultimately character driven. All of the characters present, even the “supposed” heroes are flawed, and I think that is something really beautiful, is that they’re all related. Ever Dirk Gently, even our strongest character is flawed and you can kind of relate to. It’s a group of misfits trying to do good.

Q: I like your beautiful chemistry, and I see it between your cast and I see it on the show too. How do you think that impacts the way the script is written?

Hannah Marks: I would love to say that Max took from our personalities but I don’t think so. Max has got a vision that he’s had for years and years and years somewhere in that crazy brain of his so I think he intentionally divides the people that have chemistry. He’s like “I don’t want you guys together!” And he picks the people you would never expect in a million years. He’s going to put those two characters together. As much as I would love to work with [only] Jade.

Jade Eshete: Right! “Hey! Can I have a scene with Hannah now?”

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Q: [To Fiona Dourif and Mpho Koaho] How does your relationship develop with Ken [in season 2], what route does it take?

Fiona Dourif: Well…watch season 2 of Dirk Gently on BBC News. [She laughs] You know, finding a connection with Ken is the dragging force behind everything I do in season 2. It’s a testament to Max Landis, there is an emotional light built into all the plotlines so there is a human reason why I do everything that I do in season 2.

Mpho Koaho: The progression of Ken is not because of Ken. It is taken a lot of Ken to do almost anything by himself. The kid is just a different guy: hermit, scared, all these things and Bart gives him a reason. It’s like “oh, somebody likes me?” Do you know what I mean? That was Ken’s mentality, especially when he had the chance to walk away when she gave him the option to leave. He came back. […] So that’s enough for Ken, I’ve got a friend now! You know, that’s purpose.

Q: Detective and Supernatural genres bring so much to the table, but what do you think putting them together brings to people, as a heart of the story?

Mpho Koaho: I think relationships do that. Bart, Ken, and Bart. I mean, who wouldn’t want that? Maybe it looks weird at first, you know, the girl trying to kill everybody and then this sweet boy [comes in] but where it goes though?

Who wouldn’t want that? Dirk and Todd have their own thing and then you add the rowdy three, everyone has the development to their relationship to their extent, so if you take that away, where is the human element to it? People need to connect. Everything is connected. People want to relate to somebody, there are so many characters on the show, somebody is going to see someone they know! They’re close to. And the relationships influence, because you finally connect with a person and somebody cares for this person.

Q: Do you feel the relationship has romantic potential?

MK: No. That’s not this show. We don’t do that on this show. And I’m not talking about how Bart’s not a stone-cold fox. That’s not what I’m saying. I just don’t think that’s why we participate on our show, I think we do a great job separating all that [romance]. We don’t ship.

FD: We have a surprising amount of anti-tropes. There is some sex in Dirk Gently season 2 and we have two lead gay characters, which is really nice. I think its refreshing and fantastic the lead female characters are not their clothes off, and it never comes up. It’s not even a plot point that I don’t have a boyfriend.

The cast talks about Max’s writing, he puts his passion into building strong, meaningful bonds.

Q: I read your comic, American Alien, brilliant series, Dirk Gently too. It deals with a lot of identities. What drives you to write stories about people who are underdogs mastering their demons?

Max Landis: So everything I write is about…do you want the real answer?

Yes, the real answer.

Max Landis: Basically, everything I write, if you look at my work, is about an outsider who is unhappy and frustrated with their life. Then discovering a secret talent that allows them to connect with other people and that then causes trouble. And either they engage with their identity and change their behavior as a hero, OR they refuse and use their talent in a bad way and that causes chaos. So that’s American Alien, Chronicle, Victor Frankenstein, Mr. Right, American Ultra, everything I do is that.

And that’s because I was a lonely kid who’s kind of…spent a lot of my time as a jerk. And blaming other people, and felt very lonely and alone and weird. I couldn’t connect with other people. And then I started to become a writer and through that, I have been forced to engage with ideas about myself and other people that have caused me to grow. And that started when I was 23 and is still in process. But you can SEE. If you track my scripts, my development personally is right alongside them. In a way that’s really upsetting, that I didn’t realize until my girlfriend pointed it out to me. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Even in like my movies, the movie I wrote first was Mr. Right (that got made later), and Mr. Right is Marth, Anna Kendrick is a sociopath. She is a demented crazy person who can’t connect with other people who then meets another sociopath and instead of it helping or curing her, she just goes “ok, I’m gonna murder people.”

And that’s her arc. “yeah good!” But then if you look at Chronicle, Andrew finally makes friends and then goes “f*** you, you guys don’t know me!” And dies. So now, being crazy is fine, being crazy maybe causes problems, and then you look at American Ultra or Victor Frankenstein, which both features friendships, one of which is a romance once of which is a friendship, where characters find the salvation of each other. And that’s where it goes from there.

Max Landis, creator, and writer of Dirk Gently, author of American Alien! Check out season 2 of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, where supernatural meets great detectives!

DCN Visits NYCC: Interviewing DC Comics ‘American Alien’ Writer Max Landis With Cast Of ‘Dirk Gently’ This October, at New York's Comic-Con, DCN had some wicked fun! The playful, witty cast of…

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