I need more inhuman characters that are ACTUALLY inhuman. Not even talking appearance. I need inhuman characters that don’t understand emotions. I need inhuman characters that see your tears and coo because it’s oh so human of you. Inhuman characters that wear humanity like an ill fitting skin. A poor mimic. Inhuman characters who touch you not because they need or want to but just to get a reaction. A shudder. Drawing you in just to pick you apart and find out what makes you You.

All so they can break you down and make you more like them.

Urza: So you have met me in the future?

Teferi: Yes, you were a teacher to me, in a way.

Urza: So what is in my future, that you can share?

Teferi: You become worse.

Urza: Worse? In what ways?

Teferi: All of them.

Urza didn't create Karn

Many people think Urza created Karn as a time probe for his experiments with changing the past. This is partially correct, he got Karn while researching his time machine, but he didn't actually create him. He retrieved him from another plane that he found that was already resilient to the stress of time travel... This whole time. Karn has actually been a Cyberman from the Doctor Who universe that Urza reprogrammed using Xantcha's heartstone.

The metallic human-ish shape matches, the time travel matches, and then when freed from Urza's commands Karn went to create an entirely metallic world filled with metal golem people like him. When that world got overrun by Phyrexian oil that seeped from him, instead of matching the original Phyrexian ideals of perfection being earned and fought for, those New Phyrexians were dead set on "compleating" and transforming flesh people into more of their own, by integrating more metal into them. This is just the typical Cyberman programming worming its way onto Karn's own Glistening Oil.

Oh, and some people in Karn's original plane haven't forgotten about him!

art of my and my friend’s characters in some of the godawful tumblr advertisement clothing

Finally completed the MTG Color Wheel Challenge!

Me reading Planeshift as a kid: "Wow! Urza is so smart! He even planned for betrayal!"

Me reading Planeshift as an adult: "This man literally let 2 planeswalkers die so he could publicly kill a third and win a philosophical debate with a dead man. No wonder everyone on Dominaria hates his ass."

ok no none of you understand this is sending me. If my timelines are correct, there is a chance Nahiri could have still been on Zendikar pre-Helvault stint when Urza did this. And I'm cackling imagine Urza showing up, fucking with the hedron matrix, and Nahiri being immediately pissed at him and not giving a single shit who he is, just attacks him. No questions asked

And I can't decide what's funnier, Urza having already decided that hedrons weren't worth it and so he just leaves when she does this, or that Nahiri's rage is so incandescent and shocking over somethinghe doesn't fully understand yet, he just TELLS himself it's not worth it and leaves, bc he doesn't want to deal with Nahiri

meanwhile, I'm just picturing at the end of ONE when the timeline gets inevitably reset bc there's no way in hell we're keeping this one where everything is going to shit, Urza and Nahiri just doing:

and everyone's like "??? you two know each other?"

Meanwhile, Nahiri and Urza, in unison, are just like: WHAT IS SHE/HE DOING HERE (already getting ready to start slinging mage hands)

Negator (Monster)

(Phyrexian Negator by John Zeleznik)

CR16 NE Medium Aberration (Phyrexian)

(The negator is another iconic creature, although one whose card is simply not up to snuff nowadays- the balance of power has tipped so that its astronomical drawback is not worth the creature you get. Still, the obliterator is clearly a riff on it- and got its own, incredibly aesthetically boring riff later- and even then it's simply too fabulous a design not to use. Can you say "xenomorph"?

Lorewise, these explicitly saw most usage in the leadup to full invasion- perhaps, in a hypothetical Phyrexia campaign, this could be the final boss of the second act, before the REAL invasion force finally arrives.)

Negators are perfected assassins of Phyrexia, designed to eliminate key targets with compleat efficiency. They are singleminded in this pursuit- one infamous document stated simply "It exists to cease." Indeed, a negator's heart is terribly stilled- they are not known to experience any emotion but the satisfaction of a job well done and the desire to achieve so.

Negators, being stealth operatives and assassins, are rarely used once a full-scale invasion begins, although they are often deployed just in the leadup to it. Each negator is given all Phyrexia knows of its target, and is simply placed as close as Phyrexia can get it without garnering attention and sent to kill. Negators are surprisingly skilled at stealth and disguise, able to walk as a hunched figure through whatever streets it may need to to reach its target, and are surprisingly eloquent and skilled actors when they need to lie. Once it makes its kill, however, a negator rarely makes time for stealth. Such negators will begin a return to Phyrexia (such that they might possibly be reset, reprogrammed, and reused), but generally lack the precautions of one who has yet to make a kill. These assassinations are its purpose; it seems some higher part of it shuts off once it is done.

This wicked creature stands humanoid, with razor sharp claws and a smooth nubby head lined with tiny triangular teeth. Its body is dotted with glasslike hemispheres and wires arcing between body parts.

Misc- CR16 NE Medium Aberration (Phyrexian) HD24 Init:+11 Senses: Blindsight 120ft Perception: +26, Detect Magic, Detect Good Stats- Str:27(+8) Dex:33(+11) Con:20(+5) Int:30(+10) Wis:8(-1) Cha:24(+6) BAB:+18/+13/+8/+3 Space:5ft Reach:5ft Defense- HP:228(24d8+120) AC:30(+11 Dex, +4 Armor, +5 Natural) Fort:+14 Ref:+19 Will:+15 (+4 Racial bonus vs Emotion) CMD:47 Resist: Cold 20, Fire 20, Electricity 20 Immunity: Acid, Fear, Curse, Polymorph, Petrification, Death effects, Disease, Poison Weakness: Special Defenses: Evasion, Negative Energy Affinity, DR10/Adamantine, SR27, Uncanny Dodge, Mycosynth Flesh Offense- Bite +24(1d6+8), 2 Claw +25(2d6+8/19-20x2) or Negation +29(90ft ranged, 10d8 plus Negation) CMB:+26 Speed:40ft Special Attacks: Coronous Ambush, Sneak Attack +5d6 Feats- Iron Will, Multiattack, Power Attack (-5/+10), Dodge, Mobility, Spring Attack, Wind Stance, Vital Strike, Improved Vital Strike, Improved Iron Will, Quicken Spell-Like Ability (Bestow Curse), Weapon Focus (Claw) Skills- Acrobatics +38, Bluff +31, Climb +29, Disable Device +35, Disguise +31, Escape Artist +38, Knowledge (Arcana, Planes, Religion) +34, Knowledge (Dungeoneering)* +37, Linguistics +15, Perception +26, Sense Motive +23, Spellcraft +17, Stealth +38, Survival +26, Swim +29, Use Magic Device +31 Spell-like Abilities-  Detect Magic, Detect Good, Mage Armor, Deathwatch /constant Bestow Curse (DC19), Fog Cloud, Silence (DC18) /at-will Quickened Bestow Curse (DC19) 3/day Special Qualities- Compression Ecology- Environment- Any Languages- Necril, Draconic, Elven, Aklo, Abyssal, Infernal Organization- Solitary Treasure- Incidental Special Abilities- Coronous Ambush (Ex)- A negator’s erratic, jerky movements and mastery of anatomy give it the opening to strike at its enemies weakest points. A negator may make a sneak attack against any creature vulnerable to precision damage as long as it has moved at least 10ft since the end of its last turn. Negation (Su)- As a standard action, a negator can fire a beam of oblivion energy. This is a 90ft ranged attack that deals 10d8 untyped damage. Additionally, a negator may immediately make a dispel check as with the spell Greater Dispel Magic at +18 against all magical effects the target is under.

Oh doll, don’t worry. I’ll fix you.

Sometimes a family is an arch demon, their thousands of children shoved into a thin skin of webbing and illusion magic, and the human he stole as a pet project.

Urza: I do not act in malice. All of my plans are simply a necessary evil in the fight against phyrexia.

Rayne: OK, but the problem is that usually when people talk about necessary evil, they at least tried to do things right beforehand. But you just went straight for the evil.

Urza: That is unfair. I tried multiple paths before this. I invaded Phyrexia directly, I created a time machine to try and destroy them before they became a threat…

Rayne: Ah, I see. Attempt 1: Suicide mission. Attempt 2: reiventing the laws of physics and magic. Attempt 3: pretty much just copy Phyrexia. Very reasonable chain of events

I feel like they would either get along or hate each others guts

Urza: I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond

Xantcha: Aww!

Urza: You're like the child that I wish that I had

Yawgmoth: Uh, what?

Urza: I care for you, just like a daughter I spawned

Yawgmoth: Hold on now!

Urza: It's a little funny, you could almost call me... DAAAD!