#Tumblr really is a videogame huh?
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¡500 publicaciones!
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for @bittysteam (literally, your ask was my n° 500 post!)
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Ramble post incoming!!!
So I uh, I abandoned tumblr for a bit there huh….
The excuse is that I’ve been working really hard to get myself in a good place, like financially and stuff.
The real reason is because I’m too busy getting really good at one videogame in particular bc I wanna be part of a tournament.
In any case, if I were to come back, I do have a few cute ideas and headcannons that I could share, but idk how fleshed out they’d be
#a/b/o#omegaverse#alpha beta omega#omega#miscecanis#transmasc#miscecanis lifestyle#omega headcanons#alpha headcanons#omegaverse lifestyle#rambles#hi tumblr
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STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E9 "Into the Forest I Go"
[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.]
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Seeing DISCO fly like that orbiting the ship is so pretty.
Lorca does captaincy pretty well so far
Or at least definitely holds that air
Ok so these camera cuts dont feature zooms every shot - feels infinitely better.
But I dont imagine that will last.
It's so odd - I want to like Lorca more but he has such a sinister air about him - which is intentional im sure. curious what his lore is.
I wonder where his tribble tribbles off to
Nice to see lorca caring about the purpose of his ship - science haha
this is the first time ive felt evil untrustworthiness in a main starship captain
damn saru
just like TALK to burnham?
i saw your look at her when Lorca said she's to stay.
These effects are so nicee
Oml how Doc Hugh just swiped the PADD's contents into the holographic screen like that, sexy
its so odd to see the camera out of focus in shots that should be in focus
i really love how these screens look
Kol talking is so nice to hear
his voice and how klingon roles off his speech sounds relaly good
Ok in these klingon scenes, they really should stop the zooms.
it makes it all feel like cutscenes in a videogame.
such pretty beaminggg
Im curius to see how they can retain this tension
Ugh seeing DISCO move like that is so pretyyyy
Dude time and time again, Trek could be such a good game series.
theres so much to do if they can write a rich enough basis and objective course.
I know Star Trek: Resurgence is a thing, but why is it the ONLY thing like it that exists for Trek?
These things really make me wonder.
And make me worry
I really hope Trek doesnt fade out.
I recognise another aspect of why I feel confused about Burnham's character is that it hasnt been made apparent to me really her amiable or decent rooting into the crew to care about them due to all of the animosity the show was borne with.
L'Rell's eyes look so gooddd
Damn she was into torturing u huh
Damn you just shot her like that
damn poor Tyler.
I love how solid the phasers look in hand
I love the detail in the sets
marvelous job.
Ohh thats a very nice fade in to the monitor of the sensour
oml
the way DISCO could just spin like that and pull DBZ teleport
lmaoooooo
Kol saying "wtf is it doing" lmaooo
I worry that the sensour on the klingon ship is so bright and glowy would just give away its position to the klingons
It's a little odd how the DISCO spins before teleportation haha
intersting though
Stamets said I love you but had like no gravity
ack
The way Stamets shakes his head side to side like that nakedly without camera effect or blured movement looked laughable. this kind of stuff just really impedes the show.
when its easy to fix.
The way Kol picks his teeth with the badge - the way its shot is not the best
but ill say Burnham's line delivery saying "I'm the one who killed T'Kuvma" was actually really good and strong.
man this show has bits and pieces of being rather fair in performance.
but it gets assaulted by really amateur/dumb/distasteful constructive choice in the episodes
damn
i didnt think hed put the badge on himself
That looks so interesting
imagine that
OOOO
I liked that
transport midjump
nice
???
really??
Kol is destroyed just like that??
that felt so fast
with very little impact?
Kol never really felt menacing is the thing.
The scariest the klingons felt in this show so far is literally episode one.
when Burnham meets this fully armoured klingon during her space flight.
It was a literlaly BEAUTIFULLY DELICIOUS moment of that reveal
and that bird of prey
it was actually WONDERFULLY done.
where has that gone.
i still dont care at all for ash x burnham.
itd be more compelling if they were good friends.
without romance.
i feel like nothing really significant happened with Kol gone now like nothing at all.
There is a certain curse that Star Trek has.
That is loses a lot of steam when it attempts to deviate from TOS.
I mean, i understand TOS is the essence of trek forever and always.
but it also makes me sad that trek doesnt really stand on its own with much semblance of strength without TOS.
It's another reason why Trek feels so small.
Cargo Bay is so pretty.
Lorca being humble is nice.
saying thank you?
nice.
The filming of this episode is literlaly better.
the camera direction is not done in such an annooyingly impatient jittery way as past episodes
I like how we just appreciate the cargo bay environment
KLINGON BOOBS.
i didnt think id see that.
oml dont tell me you have a stockholm syndrome thang going on :(
wow thats the first time i ever seen a naked klingon.
Oh shit. dont say she R'd u.
that's fucked.
Ok I think another reason why this episode is actually better is because its actually DARING to be more S T E A D Y .
which is something htis show CRITICALLY needs desparately.
stamets kissy Hugh
cuteee
Stamets you better not die from this last jump.
Um.
Lorca.
Those are a lot of coordinates?
um.
ummmmm.
oh shit
whoaaaaaaa
those are some NICE ice crystal effects on the glass
ummm
there were momentarily 2 DISCOs
…….
m….
…..m………mmm…….mirrorverse….???
infinite permutations huh
MIRRORVERSE?
damn stamets so pale even his eyes lost colour.
Kind of funny every time we see the android we hear that electronic sound
Oooo
Ok yeah this was one of the stronger episodes in the series so far.
almossst exclusively because the camera work/cinematic editing was more PATIENT.
whatd i say.
ok well an improvement for sure, this episode was.
im waiting on ya, DISCO.
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all my fics below the cut! mainly stevetony so far, both Tony and Steve!Centric. some links are for ao3 and some for tumblr 🧡
asks open for everything and anything stevetony and prompts! <3
my ao3
MULTI-CHAPTERED
there's a place | kid fic, coffeeshop au (sort of)
If someone had told Steve just a few days before that he would end up adopting his neighbour's child, he would have dismissed that as a bad joke. Sure, he had been spending more and more time taking care of Peter since his aunt had fallen ill, but that didn't mean he was going to do something that drastic.
But then again, if someone had told him he would be forced to look for a new job and end up meeting Tony Stark in a broken elevator precisely because of that... Well, he would have laughed.
Yet, that's exactly what happened
date to dream about you | college au, a/b/o
“So, what are you going to do? You can’t hire someone to go with you to couple therapy. That’d be— wait,” Rhodey said, blinking quickly when he noticed the thoughtful expression Tony was displaying. “Tones, no, that’s fucking crazy.”
The bell rang at that moment, and Tony went to open the street door to the delivery guy as he said, “and what other options do I have, huh? I can’t exactly find an alpha to date and automatically ask him to start the relationship going to couple therapy. That would be even crazier than hiring someone!”
“I don’t know, man…” his friend said, following him with his gaze from the living room. “Do you really want to carry this lie that far?”
“Yes,” Tony said, pining Rhodey with his intense gaze as the elevator’s door opened behind him. “That’s exactly what I want to do.”
Rhodey sighed heavily as Tony turned around to smile at the delivery guy.
“Hi, guys,” Steve said.
ONE-SHOTS
bird set free | a/b/o, toxic relationship
It's been five months since omega Steve ran away from his alpha, five long months of being the talk of the town. At this point, no one —not even Steve— expects him to have a chance at finding a mate, so it's a big shock for everyone when Tony Stark shows up at his door and asks to court him.
the proposal challenge | idiots in love, lots of shenanigans
Tony decides on a Monday he wants to propose to Steve, only to find out that Steve has the same idea in mind. Somehow, without meaning to, their week turns into a competition to have the best proposal idea. Only, by the time their weekly Friday date arrives, none of them have made a move and both of them are very tired.
Will they manage to propose at all?
on one condition | getting together, kittens
Ever since Steve met Tony, he's known about the one rule in the Tower - no pets. And while he doesn't know the reason behind it, he obeys it like everyone else. Until Christmas Eve arrives and he and Bucky find a kitten in a box in an alley near the Tower. What will happen when Tony finds out? Will the tiny paws possibly path the way to something else for Steve and Tony?
in a good way | pregnant!Tony, gentle alpha!Steve
Steve prides himself on being pretty used to his omega's antics and thinks he no longer can be surprised by them. But when Tony starts taking his coffee with sugar and gathering lots of blankets all of a sudden, he can't help but wonder whether all that is Tony being Tony or whether he's missing something else.
the new old | steve and the 21st century, videogames
When Clint finds an old Mario Kart game and Steve doesn't get why Tony's so excited about it. Until he does.
memories that last forever | soft hour, Steve remebers his mum
Tony sighed, turning around all the way and asking with a tired, raspy voice, “Why am I hugging a pillow on Christmas Eve, Rogers?”
Or, Steve can't sleep and Tony asks him to tell him a story about his mom
what does a baby care for oaths and pledges? | baby peter and overwhelmed dad!steve
Steve and Tony have just returned home from the hospital after having their son Peter and Steve's feeling very emotional while watching him sleep.
right here (at my fingertips) | lovesick puppy steve
After decades used to a longing heart, Steve realizes he finally has everything he needs right there (at his fingertips).
your eyes look like coming home | lovesick puppy steve
Where steve wants to return home, only to finally realize he's already there.
it's nice to have a friend | protective steve, hurt tony
Steve has seen Tony injured many times, more than he could care to count. And of course, he doesn’t like to see Tony hurt, but when it happens in the context of a battle everything he can do is check out he’s alright in every other way and leave him be. He doesn’t like it, but he knows he doesn’t have a right to do anything else.
But when one night Tony stumbles into the kitchen just as Steve was about to leave, something dark and purple covering his left cheek, Steve sees red.
still heroes | retired superhusbands, fairies
Retired Steve and Tony realize they still have the ability to help others, even if it's on a much smaller scale.
it always leads to you | famous tony, bodyguard steve
After breaking up five years ago because of heavy miscommunication, Steve gets assigned to be Tony's personal bodyguard.
you have me now | hurt steve, gentle tony, mutual pining
Steve has a bad night and Tony is just a call away.
that's an order | love confessions, getting together
Tony suddenly starts obeying orders and Steve has lots of questions
about last night | mutual pining, love confessions
Tony attempts to apologize to Steve for all the things he said the night before, only to find out Steve isn't angry, but rather the opposite.
love sees loveliness (written with @meidui and @omg-just-peachy) | pining steve, fluff and humor
In which every attempt at getting rid of Steve's crush on Tony only makes it worse.
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I posted 7,760 times in 2022
That's 1,916 more posts than 2021!
317 posts created (4%)
7,443 posts reblogged (96%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@flowers-all-around-me
@sorrelchestnut
@vaspider
@geardrops
@cat-boy-tits
I tagged 2,862 of my posts in 2022
#dishonored - 297 posts
#blackbirb babbles - 201 posts
#our flag means death - 139 posts
#dnd - 117 posts
#judaism - 82 posts
#dragon age - 70 posts
#horizon forbidden west - 57 posts
#disco elysium - 56 posts
#death stranding - 47 posts
#the witcher - 46 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#id feel so much more welcome at a pride thats a riot and welcomes kinky people than at whatever sanitized toothless crap some folks promote
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Fucking hate the feeling when you're bored and your brain hurts because it craves engagement but at the same time nothing feels appealing, no hobby or videogame or activity feels like worth the effort, so you just sit on the couch like
>:(
219 notes - Posted May 7, 2022
#4
Some days the executive really dysfunctions huh.
351 notes - Posted March 24, 2022
#3
I continue being amazed just how much of an effect starting hrt had on my sexuality. I used to think I was attracted to guys and masc-presenting people, but sike! My crushes on guys were 90% my debilitating dysphoria going gotta be one of my favorite genders, that.
I've been on T for 1.5 years, and in that time I've done something of a 180; I get weak in the knees for femmes and feminine people. I have zero wish to be feminine myself, but....girls pretty......
This has been (and keeps being) an interesting journey. I very much identify as "just some guy" but I can't deny feeling a massive kinship with butches and he/him lesbians. I present fairly binary in my irl life just for safety reasons, but everything about how I experience attraction, gender, and sexuality is profoundly queer.
This also goes to show how sometimes you won't know everything about yourself before the blaring alarm of dysphoria is finally addressed and silenced. I just want to give a shout-out to everyone who thought they were flavor A, only to later change their mind. Having the headspace to figure this stuff out is priceless. Obviously most people probably know their sexuality before transition, but I just want to reiterate that it's okay if you don't. Seems like I didn't.
Before life settled down, these kinds of odd and even contradictory vibes would have made me anxious. I would have felt like I have to pick one and own it a 100%. Now I'm just...kind of content to sit with these ideas. Maybe one will grow bigger than the others. Maybe not. All this comes before I even touch the fact that I'm some flavor of aroace. :D
I've become more private in recent years but maybe sharing this insight will help someone. I'm 31, which isn't that old, but I know I would have needed examples of older (not old, lmao) folks transitioning. Especially with the recent resurgence of TERF bullshit and hate against trans guys and transmasc people, I feel it's important to show that the people behind online handles are both more complicated than you'd think AND that they're still. Just some guy.
Peace, and happy pride month. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
523 notes - Posted June 14, 2022
#2
I fucking love it here, I'm never leaving Tumblr.
525 notes - Posted November 10, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
My partner was mailing me a care package and she asked if I'd like "a Kim Kitsuragi print."
Obviously I said yes, thinking she meant, like, a printed picture.
WRONG
See the full post
6,889 notes - Posted October 15, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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number 8: persona 3 reload
originally, i did not intend to write much about this game. the more i played the more i got into debates and discussions about it. mixed with the varied degrees of reception you end up seeing on social media, it only felt right to fully articulate my thoughts into something bigger. it often seems like people online (on twitter specifically) can focus their thoughts on a single thing at a time. the new game came out, now it's my time to bash on the rest of the series! the remake is finally real, everyone else must acknowledge how i was always right! and so on and so forth. i'm glad i take part of a group of people that care more about our specific takes and opinions (even if we can end up taking the piss on each other for the sake of the bit). i only wish media discussions online didn't usually end up as such black and white concepts.
unfortunately due to the 30 image limt on tumblr i'm starting to come to the conclusion that this site isn't too ideal for what i'm doing. going forward, i'll have to figure out something else or shorten these things.
with that said, whatever your opinion is on this particular game, persona 3 reload, i hope more can come from reading these words. that is ultimately what my goal with writing these things is. first i must clarify a few things:
i have only played persona 3, 4 and 5. it essentially means "the persona series" to me. from my understanding persona 1 and 2 are more smt than what we know as persona, but i couldn't tell you much about them nor compare them to any of the others, so for any mention of other persona games these do not come into consideration.
i played persona in reverse order, be first 5, then 4 and finally 3. both p5 and p5r, only golden, only reload. i could only wish to have an opinion on these things in a vacuum, but alas it is not possible to do. p5r is also my favorite so take that as you will.
there are some general (important) plot points i already knew before jumping into reload, that may or may not affect the end experience. we can argue about the importance of going into something completely blind without getting spoiled vs simply experiencing the way the story is told, but that is a completely different discussion for another day.
without much further ado, this is persona 3 reload. spoilers will be discussed. otherwise, the tl;dr:
persona 3 reload is my excuse to play persona 3. even if it very clearly reports itself as an older game in the series, it is unlike anything its two subsequent entries in the franchise would end up offering. it's an important game, for atlus, and for videogames. instead of tying it forever to its roots, it brings itself to modern audiences, and does it as it was needed.
i never had much intent to play p3, or p3 fes, or p3p. in fact the more i heard about it the less interested i was. pick your poison: uncontrollable party members, or a top down view of the entire game akin more to a regular visual novel than the persona you know. i do understand the intent behind not controlling your party in the original game, i still don't really care for it, sorry. social links don't really do anything, you can't actually talk to the male party members, and every interaction with a woman is exclusively with the goal of you romancing her. you also need to make sure they don't get jealous with you since that will sever the link and waste your time. hadn't really heard people find tartarus fun either, but i see different takes on it now. add this to the fact there are different versions of persona 3 that add and take different aspects of the game, never really offering you the full package. at some point i decided that, effectively, the only way i would play persona 3 is if it got remade. i try to not go back on promises, so i did play it. they got me.
initially, expectations weren't too high, but as the date got closer i did start thinking "damn so by next week i'm actually gonna be playing persona 3 huh". i'd say the first couple of hours of the game were the most magical part. it did get me on that train of saying "this could just be persona 6 if they wanted it to be", but it is a 100 hour long jrpg so things can change quite easily over time.
how would they not get you excited when you're just starting? the game is fabulous to look at. atlus can't miss with their presentation, as usual. actually playing it isn't much different either. the quality of life improvements are very much welcome here. thank you for adding the shift to the game, i was in need of my dear baton pass. all the animations are stunning, the music is punchy as usual, in addition to what could go up as my favorite (if not second favorite) persona battle theme. not mass destruction, it's going down now. first one would be axe to grind from scramble. only thing is that the game maybe looks a bit too much like Made In Unreal with the motion blur turned on so i chose to turn it off through the game files.
even if the places around iwatodai and tatsumi port island aren't the most visually stunning, they serve their purpose so i can't complain much. their simplicity has a charm to it as well. tartarus itself is the key point in visuals, with every floor having its own style and architecture.
general gripes? i don't really find tartarus that fun to go through after 50 hours of videogame. randomly generated hallways are not my thing there isn't much more i can argue; having 250 floors of that gets tedious after a while. tartarus also can simply end up feeling secondary depending on the way you do things. you don't really have to go as high as it lets you before the next full moon, as far as i understand. you do it because it's your end goal, and also because people go missing and you need to get them before they die. i can commend it for making it a player decision instead of forcing it onto you, i guess. puts you in the shoes of the characters and all that. it just turns out that going there once a month for 4 hours straight until i reach the top isn't the most invigorating activity, personally. the game focusing on tartarus exclusively at night also makes it so most other days are completely devoid of activity. even if this isn't an issue for the entirety of the game, there are some long sections where it becomes very evident that maybe you should space out your tartarus visits throughout the month. my schedule management still wasn't the best anyway, so that's on me.
the game is also seriously easy. playing on merciless could've been a better option, but who knows. i started on normal because if a game says the normal mode is "for experienced players. moderately challenging combat" then i'll take your word. maybe i'm just too much of a grind freak. i just try to defeat as many enemies as possible and if i have too much sp left by the time i'm done, i'll do another go at it to not waste it. otherwise, normal gameplay for someone who has already played a couple of jrpgs.
most "challenging fights" are solved with a single theurgy move, if not two. it got so stupid i decided to change the game to hard halfway through it, but not much changed. i do really like the theurgies, i rather they stayed than have them removed. they're just a bit broken in my opinion. i pretty much fused a black frost as soon as you could and used him for most of my playthrough. seems to have worked.
one of my biggest struggles personally is trying to find a reason to ever change party members. i think a lot of the blame can be put on me, sure. i don't recall one jrpg where i'm actually swapping around members a lot. if you find a party that works, stick with it. then there's also the part i can blame the game for. if i have to go back down and change around my party then i kind of won't ever feel like doing it. huge props to them for adding the level up clock, even if it's limited to 13 levels at once.
you might say "a lot of jrpgs are like that" and you'd be right. the issue to me comes with the way persona works. since you have a limited amount of time in a year, can only rely on the sp your party members have, and they don't really level up when they're not in your party, i'm simply gonna focus on the party i'm already using. p5 maybe solved this by letting them all get xp if you got mishima at a higher level, and you could swap them out whenever you wanted if one of them ran low on stamina (doesn't mean i did, though). then again, i also am the type of guy to hoard all the best items i can "in case i need it" and never use any. you do also have the fragments you can use to get everyone back to full and you find a bunch of those as you keep going. then again, you need them to open chests, if you open chests you get the clock to level them up, so maybe it's better to keep them. feels weird, i can't really ever get to decide on what i want to do. the fact party members also get special characteristics like cost reductions for healing magic and passive 10 sp gain every turn makes it a bit hard to swap them out (because, yeah, my party was yukari, ken and koromaru). either way, it is a fun game to play. maybe repetitive, but i can't entirely say i play jrpgs exclusively for turn based combat. "i hate jrpgs" says the guy playing jrpgs, we keep going.
what i'm mostly interested in is story and characters. things persona has a lot of! i'll go into those in the opposite order as how i listed them, because i like to talk about characters.
i am so sorry for the persona 3 fans because a solid 80% of the social links blow, real bad. the rewards for social links in 4 and 5 are definitely nice. initially, i wondered if the fact you don't get much through them besides a persona would give you another reason to max them out. the train of thought was "well, it should speak for itself if just talking to people is rewarding enough", turns out that for most of them the only goal is the persona at the end. if i didn't like someone, i simply wouldn't talk to them ever again. the ones i wasn't crazy into i simply maxed out because i had nothing else to do, otherwise the list of people i maxed would've been lower. i also don't really like how both p3 and p4 make a bunch of your links part of different clubs inside the school. the times end up messing up each other, it feels weird for you to be hanging out with 5 different clubs while never actually going to most of them for more than a month at a time, and everyone ends up being unavailable anyway when you get close to exams or on holidays. the fact that some of these are exclusively connected to one another, meaning you can't even start them if you haven't gotten another one to a certain level doesn't really make things easier. i want to go through each one of them one by one to get across my feelings in regard to social links.
also, i know i said "rewards for social links in 4" but to be quite frank with you i kind of did not do a single social link in golden that was not in the main gang - besides adachi, marie, nanako and dojima. as far as i'm concerned, the rest of the links could be just as bad as the ones in 3, i simply do not know. what it definitely wins over though, is giving everyone in the team their own social link, apart from the usual rewards for leveling them up. i do like the way they tried to fix this in reload, however.
here is where each social link would get their own banner image. images which i stole entirely from rpgsite.net but made it look slick and easier to follow. my apologies if they all blend together but i hope you remember what each social link looks like.
the magician arcana is occupied by tomochika kenji. what is so magical about him is how quick and easy it is to hate this guy. since he's the first obligatory social link, i did, unfortunately, get him to rank 2. in those two ranks all he could do was talk about miss takeba, pester you constantly on whether the two of you are dating, if you ever get too peep at her since you live in the same dorm, and if you've done anything with her yet. he's also really down bad for his teacher. i don't like him, he's annoying, a creep and keeps insisting he's your friend throughout the entire game even though i never talked to him. he's one of the couple i had to end up watching the full link on youtube because i would never have done it out of my own volition. apparently when you tell him you're into "girls of all ages" he says how "interesting" and "impressive" it is (maybe more on that later). his whole link is him trying to bang his teacher, even though she never really thinks of him that way. he only deludes himself through the entirety of it. he ruins said teachers status since everyone starts thinking she's dating a highschooler, then starts crying when she leaves to kyushu with her husband. nothing of interest happens here.
something i saw someone say is that "everyone knows a guy like kenji". maybe i did? it sure isn't someone i'd ever be friends with though. i don't even particularly think the idea of a highschool kid being into his teacher is terrible, those things happen. it's mostly the fact he is absolutely convinced it's a good idea and wants to dedicate his life to her completely even if he doesn't know the first thing about her or can't really say anything about her that's not the fact that she's extremely hot. she is hot though, so he gets a pass on that. mostly found him insufferable and wanted to bash his head with a rock whenever he started talking to me.
odagiri hidetoshi is part of the emperor arcana, maybe a bit ironic. i initially didn't quite like this guy since he started as a bit of a prick as these people usually do. extremely conceited and aggressive. i respect the dedication but your options end up being "yeah! fuck them all!" or "uh, i think you're going a bit far with this". guess which one he likes to hear you say. a bit further into his link he does realize that there's more important things he could be worrying about, as no one will hear what you have to say if you're this much of an asshole. my problem with his link stems from the fact that he decides to change after trying to defend you, since he trusts you wholly. this would be fair if it wasn't for the fact that you are one of the main people that have been fueling his horrible tendencies up to this point, unless you didn't pick the good dialogue options and instead took longer to do his link. if so, then why does he even like you then? unsure. i believe a better option would be for both of you to get in trouble. then, have you face the actions of your consequences in whatever way imaginable. that way you both grow as people, see the failures of your actions and manage to grow. what if you actually found the student that was smoking and he got expelled? at the start of the link it was only to avoid any further trouble, then it gets more serious. you both understand that kicking him out wasn't the way to do things, and you're directly responsible for it. somehow convince the teachers to give him a second chance, track down the guy and understand where he's coming from. maybe then he can consider his own future as a teacher himself. odagiri is strange because he becomes a lot more genuine towards the end of his link, i can only wish it was done in a different way. he's generally more chill when you get to know him better, so actually being friends with this guy kind of makes sense. maybe he's not the most evocative image of friendship or comradery, but it's something he is trying to figure out himself.
"hierophant" is similar to "elephant" and i think elephants live for long. bunkichi and mitsuko are the first social link i maxed out. they're easy to talk to since they're available all days of the week except for sundays. maybe i should've left them for later into the game but they were the only people i liked talking to so i focused on them at the start of the game. there isn't much deep reflection that comes with their link, but it's nice enough. you're a random kid and they're a random old couple, but you feel for them and they feel for you. what i find strange with them is how little action you actually take into helping them. you're usually just saying "everything will be fine" and "i'll make sure of it" in regards to the tree at the school getting taken down, but, as a member of the student council, you never take any actions regarding the tree. they thank you for helping them out and can say you didn't do anything but they won't believe you. maybe it would be a little bit annoying to actually go out of your way to get people to sign or do stuff outside of the link, but i think it would add a lot to it. you could also just make it part of the link and show a little cutscene of your character doing stuff, who knows. besides, for stuff like elizabeth requests you have to go around the city doing things that don't take your time anyway. they've done it already. imagine if you had to go to a couple of your social links, or talk to the people at sees to sign. all of that for the tree to get taken down anyway, but it's the thought that matters. it's a bittersweet end and i like it for that. it's nice, i only wish you actually had more to do with it than just listening to them progress through it.
miyamoto kazushi is supposed to be the chariot of the track team. instead, he's just the chariot arcana. i only maxed this guy because i had nothing else to do. i don't think i hate him? i simply don't see him as a friend. it strikes me that most of the guys in this game want to hang out with you so bad because they don't actually have any friends. they allude to the fact they do, but clearly they do not. miyamoto is just stupid. he's supposed to be the star of the track team yet you show up one day and sweep all over the guy like it's nothing. he may be the best in your school (before you showed up) but he's not that good in general. the guy is convinced that he has to train as much as he can to win, so he injures his knee. instead of doing what any sane person would do and rest for a month or so, he simply decides to continue to run, further injuring himself. he concludes that the best course of action is to tell you his knee is about to snap and that you NEED to keep it a secret. even if this is bad for you, for him and for everyone involved, he asked you to keep it a secret so there is clearly nothing else can you do. SURELY he has a good reason to keep injuring himself? oh, of course he does! his cousin got into an accident and broke his legs. if he wants to move again, he will need to go to rehab. except he won't go to rehab unless our guy miyamoto becomes the fastest fucking runner in the entirety of japan. it's that simple. so, the only way to do this is to get better now instead of waiting. i don't really think i need to explain how insane this is.
besides the fact that ruining his knee will only make it so he can never run again, thus making his goal impossible, he's not even fucking good at running in the first place? the worst part is that by the end of the game after 3 months of him resting, his knee is completely recovered. so what was even the point of hurting it so much throughout the entire year? as usual the other problem with it is how the best dialogue options you get are "keep going! don't give up!" and "if you stop running you're a pussy!" because it's the short term goals that matter i suppose. i don't even know how you'd improve this link. i think i would scratch most of it completely. what i would like is for him to be in the track team because he likes yuko, and maybe he gets hurt because he's training so hard to impress her. then, he keeps training only because he doesn't have any other excuse to be around her. now, you obviously have to keep it a secret because he doesn't want her to know he likes her. this scenario would consider them being less close than they already are, and would make it kind of high-key fucked up if you ended up dating yuko at the end. i can take that though, it would make for interesting conflict. ideally she would never fall in love with your regardless, as within the canon of the game she seemingly starts a relationship with him if you don't romance her. considering atlus still cannot fathom the idea of a same gender romantic partner, can't imagine they would do that. they did technically do it the other way around with junpei rejecting you in portable, but still.
fushimi chihiro is the face of the justice aracana, perhaps because some justice is needed for this poor girl. i do like chihiro. she's obviously not the most boisterous personality, and she doesn't really need to be for you to like her. at the end of the day, everyone has their type. chihiro is one of the links i do like, or most of it anyway. her insecurities and anxieties towards men come from a very real place, and having the protagonist help her get through it is really nice to see. i didn't actually end up finishing her link because i wasted my time doing other things, but i got halfway through it. the crux of her link had just started when everyone starts blaming her for stealing the club funds and she can't stand for herself. i ended up watching the rest of it on youtube. it's fine. she grows for the better and that's the main thing you need after all. she manages to gather up the words she's been trying to say, thanks to you believing in and helping her out, which is more than most other social links are willing to do. what mostly strikes me as weird is the fact they never address how she actually got the money to buy the manga she wanted. i may have misconstrued the situation, but around rank 6 or so she gets excited to go back to the bookstore and see if anyone bought the manga collection she wanted. i suppose she doesn't explicitly say "i hope no one got it so i can buy it", but i assume that's the reasoning. the thing is that a rank earlier she explicitly says how she'd have to save up an entire year worth of her allowance to get it. so where is this money coming from? i take this as purposely making her seem suspicious so the player has to decide between their intuition and the trust they have over her, which is good. i only say it's weird because she isn't guilty, nor ever was. did she actually get to buy it? how so? this is beyond me, but it's mostly a cool social link all things considered.
maya… maya…. maya…. you should've stayed as a hermit! i genuinely believe maya could be a really great social link if it didn't completely send itself down the drain halfway through it. i find the idea of our main protagonist staying on his dorm all day to play a dead mmorpg really funny. he's playing that thing for like 8 hours straight and then goes back down and someone says "oh, didn't even know you were here". besides that, maya as "maya" herself is a really fun character. the online lingo might've changed since 2008 but it doesn't really come off as unrealistic. most unrealistic part is the fact of all kinds of people in this niche dead game you would find a middle aged woman playing it every day off. there's a lot that the link tries to say in regards to the online spaces, teachers, the school system, social expectations and such. it would come together nicely in the end to have this woman meet someone online that helps her get through her troubles, to then find it was one of her students all along and get really embarrassed about it. the big issue is, clearly, that she goes and says how she's really into you. so, she's not embarrassed about the stuff she said but rather the stuff she said about you, to you. even as the game is about to shut down and she goes "we should tell the developers", it's pretty stupid. besides the fact no group of developers would give a damn about 1 person online telling them this, sending your message logs about how you came out to a guy online as a groomer is kind of insane. she backs down on it not because of that, but because it's pointless to try to do anything about the game. i understand that atlus tries to appeal to different audiences and age groups with these games, but it is a weird thing to have her say. at least she doesn't ask you out at the end of it, maybe persona 5 could learn a thing from that.
fortune is a bit of what hiraga keisuke has. can't really hate the guy for that. i do like hiraga's social link overall, it's pretty nice and round even if it doesn't do any major things. he's a nice kid. most believable of them all to actually be your friend. he's talented and the people around him have expectations on him. his concerns are understandable and being unsure of what you want to do in highschool (or even after) is a regular worry to have. he genuinely enjoys drawing, but he cares for others and wants to help however is possible. i suppose you don't "do" a whole lot for the guy besides being there for him, but you can't really be figuring out his life out as a favor either. you help him when he needs it and chip in when asked about, and that is enough for both of you. he's mostly one of the good ones in my eyes, and the final social link event is also one of the funniest in the entire game. i don't find him trying to run away from home as a good part of the link, but the fact that he keeps bumping into old people that are all about to die and he has to help them out in the moment is absolutely hilarious. at least it's better than maiko in that sense, if only just a little bit.
train those legs! gain some strength! nishiwaki yuko can help you with that! she's fine. i don't really hate her or anything, i just find her a little bit strange. her link surrounds her and some kids she wants to help with training. they're constantly pushing the idea that you're her boyfriend and that's fine, kids can assume those things. you can take the hint and roll with it, or ignore it and stay as friends. neither particularly seems like you actually getting to know her that well, and that's where it ends for me. there isn't much going on with both of you or her entire social link. the kids ask for her help, you aid her, they win against the older kids, you're done. it concludes with her wondering what she wants to do with her future and that's perfectly fine, a bit like hiraga too. she doesn't really decide on what she wants to focus on though. for the most part my thing with yuko was the fact that i always saw her as "the girl miyamoto likes" even if neither of them ever allude to anything of the sort - but she does, canonically, end up with him if you don't. they've known each other for a while and it's clear that the idea is both of them ending up together. unless you interfere, of course. as such, i never felt like getting closer to her had much meaning and i didn't finish her link. i watched it on youtube, though. again, fair enough. don't really have an alternative scenario for her link, sorry. she's fun, i understand why people like her. not that interesting to me.
the hanged man is what i become once i finish maiko's social link, because god. the start of her link is you hearing some girls at school say "hey, did you see that kid at the shrine" and of course the first thought any teenage boy would have in that scenario is "curious. i should go see what that's all about." who the hell is this guy? the kindest soul in iwatodai, i hope. i don't mind the idea of you bumping into a kid that's having trouble at home. he can play with her and waste time to stop her worries. maybe even help her deal with her that and have her learn a thing or two about life. i did laugh my ass off when she started crying about how her parents are getting divorced, but maybe i'm also just evil. maiko is the perfect example of how little input you ever get into these links. i'll go into detail about makoto's character later on, but he is such a brick here. it's either "everything is gonna be fine" or "yeah kid, your parents hate you". she says how her dad just hits her like its nothing and you also have to suggest her staying with her dad when she's given the choice. she tells you to your face how she's running away from home (reminder she's 8 years old) and there is nothing you can do. she simply runs away. right in front of you too. then her parents appear and you're like, "idk, i think i know where she might be though". i don't think i need to explain how bad it is that she promises to marry you when she gets older and there's absolutely no way you can choose to deny it. a lot of missed potential with this one. if it was tuned right it could come out really nicely, but that's not how persona 3 rolls.
tanaka may as well be the incarnation of the devil. a devil i'm a bit iffy about. i think tanaka is a piece of shit, not much to discuss here. he's an asshole, he takes advantage of you and anyone he can. he suffers a bit of odagiri syndrome where everything you say has to be to confirm his own shitty values. the main difference here is that he loves explaining how you are wrong and he is right so most of the time it's actually better to tell the opposite of what he wants to hear, and i find that somewhat more enjoyable. i hate how he got like 40 thousand yen from me and never gave it back, how he doesn't particularly teach you anything at all but pretends he does (and the does game too), and how he seemingly "grows" by talking to you but only because he deludes himself into doing it. it is another odagiri, but less charismatic. it's fine that he hides his true feelings (or at least that's the idea) but nothing about him makes me want to care for the guy. sure, he donated money to charity for one reason or another, but that doesn't wipe the fact that he still casually scams, bullies and mistreats others. the asshole supreme, is what he is. don't think they were going for much more than that. thank you tanaka's amazing commodities, i will continue to buy your products.
temperance is what i need to not kick bebe right on his nuts. hon hon hon how sugoi! french-kun is a weeaboo. he likes japan. he LOVES japan! he can't think about not being in japan. i find his voice and way of speaking extremely jarring and annoying with his japanese voice. in english it's a lot more bearable. his japanese comes off as a racist caricature of what a foreigner would sound like while his voice in english is just a heavy french accent with random japanese words sprinkled around. that's how i see it, at least. i also just find his japanese voice annoying to listen to. i hope for a day where the Weeb Foreigner In Japan character actually has perfect japanese fluency instead of the joke being that he's annoying to understand. now that would be funny. if it was only that then maybe i could put up with it, but he's a really boring character too. it's literally ONLY about him loving japan. his aunt dies and he gets sad because his uncle will get him back to piece of shit france instead of letting him live in beautiful nihon. you talk to him a bunch and he decides to make a kimono to convince his uncle how beautiful japan is. too bad his kimono is horrendous! i don't actually know what he tells to you if you have him maxed by march, or if he's even still around by then. i do not care either. my time was spent on more important people, the french guy was never in my priority. a much more interesting take would be doing the opposite, and having him learn about japan while he misses home. maybe his family moved to japan because they had it rough in france or something. home is where family is, and japan can also be a beautiful place if you know where to look, or something. you could be the one that shows him around and gets him to learn the meaning of home. he can do that ugly ass kimono at the end for all i care, as a token of gratitude to you. i dont know, man, just change the way he talks and maybe he'd be more bearable.
mutatsu has the tower arcana, i'm running out of ideas. he's a sad old drunk man that goes at night and tells teenagers to go pick up girls (fair). i don't really find this man endearing at all considering he's always under the influence but i get his deal. he fucked up and wants to get his wife and son back. the only way he realizes that he should be the one to take the first step is by talking to you. that's kind of it. i respect the advice to use your time wisely, even if the way he does it is hardly what i would consider wise.
the star of the local racing scene is called hayase mamoru, and that he is. i really like this guy. i really like his link. hayase is what i was looking for! thank you hayase! you meet this guy at the track competition when he rolls up to you and goes "hey, nice moves. we should hang out". it definitely comes off as a little weird but hey, he's a sportsman, he knows how to spot a friendly challenger. as opposed to that fraud miyamoto, hayase has his real reasons to run (and is actually good at it!). he does absolutely love it, but, over anything, he doesn't want to be a burden on his family. he is similar to akihiko, losing someone and focusing on himself to take care of his loved ones in whatever way it is possible. since he lost his father, he needs to get a scholarship, as his mother wouldn't be able to pay it. he's a really nice, caring and responsible guy. since he doesn't have many other people he can talk to from the track team, he relies on you to hear him out as well as to train with him. after a while, once his mother collapses from exhaustion, he figures out that he needs to put his family over everything and moves away to work at a factory far away. it's not any big revelation to anyone, but it's simply what was needed from him. he never feels bad about it or gets angry at anyone, he knows what he has to do because it's what he cares about that is at risk. you eventually find out that at the factory he's working the people he hangs out with end up getting into running just like he does, which makes him excited for the future and keeps his passion alive. it's really nice to see. a social link where our protagonist has more than just a passive role, even if not by much, with solid reasons for the link to grow and the character to change.
alone, fat and sad, which the moon watches upon, a constant pain he will be. suemitsu nozomi everyone, the gourmet king. the gourmet king is one of the reasons i'm convinced i don't need to trust persona fans on twitter. i'm pretty sure you have to level up tomochika first before getting to talk to this dude, hence the reason i never even started him. that, and the fact that everyone said he was the worst social link in all of persona. i ended up watching it on youtube and came to the conclusion that the worst social link in persona is still tomochika. maybe not, i just hate the guy. it's probably ohya in p5. either way, the gourmet king surely deserves some criticism, but i'm not sure if it's the social link that's to fault. i do believe that there's a high chance i would've ignored the guy anyway if i had the option to talk to him. he's crass, aggressive and generally unpleasant. all he does is go around giving you orders and pretend that he's better than everyone, to only then try to scam you in the end. however, i find it as one of the most interesting links in the game. the "cult" he starts talking about is heavily relevant to the events that take place by the end of the game. someone as weak as him can be tricked into major delusions. someone that is persecuted by his traumas and the actions of others. he can't face himself nor his problems, so all he does is eat. eat his problems away, puke when he can't take any more and continue eating. no need to worry about your problems, just eat. of course a guy like that wouldn't be the most inviting to talk to. it's uncomfortable, but he needs some help. the fact that his link purposely reverses itself once you go against his own beliefs is excellent. you are the one that makes him realize what his problems are and that he's doing things the wrong way. even if it feels weird to still hang out with the guy after all he's done to you, maybe it shows your belief in others (or the protagonist's). people can grow and change. maybe he is too ugly for you to be interested, maybe it takes a bit for the link to get interesting as well. it's fair, i didn't want to talk to him in the first place either. i wish i could've given him a fair chance as he deserved, instead of treating him the same way everyone else did for a long time. he reminds me a little bit of the drunk man in the little prince; "i drink in order to forget. forget that i am ashamed of drinking".
at last, kamiki akinari, the sun of your sunday mornings. i'd have to agree that akinari is probably the best link in the game, as long as we're ignoring aigis. i found it extremely bizarre when this guy of all people won that one poll months ago for who was the best social link in the series. i still think it's crazy, but at least he's pretty good. he is definitely someone that needs you by his side, and i'm glad for that. he's lonely and he's dying. it runs well with the themes of the game, and you can give it a lot of benefit for that alone. what initially seemed a mindless waste of time to him, only waiting for his demise, turned into a beautiful moment he can enjoy for what little time he has left. the only thing i find extremely weird is the creative liberties with which they took the end of his link, where he randomly disappears in front of you. the wiki says "it implies he already died some time ago and this final meeting was his spirit" which i'm sorry that's just dumb. is there any need to make him a spirit and not just a normal dying guy? what does this add to his character? i forget about this fact anyway so it doesn't really matter to me. i like him a lot. his story is also really cool, inspires me to write more things myself.
you will see people usually default to the "persona 3 has the best story, persona 4 has the best cast, persona 5 has the best gameplay". when we're talking about best and worst there's a lot of factors that can come into play. subjective vs objective analysis and what you generally prioritize in a story or a game or any kind of piece of media. throughout my playthrough there are many things i could've gone on about how one game or the other does better or worse, but i struggle to see the point of this exercise. i absolutely cannot look at persona 3 reload without thinking of the other two games, but i rather focus on the game itself than how i would compare it to the rest. ironically enough, i believe i ended up liking this one more to persona 4.
a lot of my issues stem from our main character. canonically, yuki makoto. it may or may not have been me playing the game around the time i started watching the monogatari series again, while also reading no longer human, but the same idea of an actor trying to fit into society struck me as i thought about the way he acts. whoever thinks that persona protagonists don't have a personality are simply wrong. at times they can do things that may be off character if the player decides to do so. others it can shift slightly depending on dialogue options. for the most part, though, there is a certain kind of person you can draw from their actions and their train of thought.
besides makoto always having a dialogue option that can make him simply go "i don't give a damn", for the most part he is the most neutral kind of guy you can find. for better, or for worse. he is sociable and likeable, but only because he's put in situations where others talk to him and he always puts the other person before himself. a good trait perhaps, but it feels as if it comes from a lack of empathy rather than coming from a place of compassion. it's a game of gaslighting and convincing others. miyamoto should continue doing what he wants, it's his leg. odagiri is doing everything right, he knows what he wants. tanaka is making a living off of this, he probably knows what he's doing. maiko hates her parents, she can run away if she wants to. the only reason it's different with the people on sees is because they are important to the story, so they need him to be there to do things.
you can be best friends with junpei from the very start, always have him in your party and gas him up whenever he's down. he will still get angry at you for being the leader instead of him. yukari can get pissed off at mitsuru for keeping secrets from her and the only reason you will go help her out is because mitsuru suggested you do so. mitsuru does the same with shinjiro and ken when they need some attention. not once is it makoto that thinks he needs to take action for his own teammates.
i'm not asking for multiple diverging paths that depend on what actions you take. it's still a linear story. stuff needs to happen. it simply often clashes directly with the actions you take, or want to take, as a player. ludonarrative dissonance plays a big role in persona 3 reload.
i do find the cast of persona 3 really enjoyable. they aren't the strongest group of people. they have their problems and they obviously don't get along quickly as soon as they meet. the dorm setting confuses me a bit in this scenario, as it's not quite clear to me what the requirements are to be part of the dorm or how this even works at all. in fact, is it even normal to have both boys and girls living in the same place like this? it's more of an apartment complex than a dorm from the looks of it, but persona characters kind of end up being more young adults than teenagers anyway.
yukari is the one i ended up going for the romance route. while i do like her a lot, she's also a really weird character. she's dependable, selfless and caring. she can have quite the short fuse, but it doesn't try to come from a place of genuine malice. try being the key word. the start of her social link has her getting assaulted by a group of men and her reaction is to get pissed at you for helping her out. i fully understand she doesn't want to be treated as if she's weak and unreliable, but we're talking about completely different things here. throughout the entire game she keeps throwing shade at junpei for every single thing he does. even if he does deserve it at times, he also has his stuff going on. the guy had the girl he loved die right in front of her and on christmas eve she goes "i can't imagine that guy going out with a girl". seriously what is her deal? again, story doesn't match with the things we are doing. i understand her complains with mitsuru most of the time, even if she doesn't trust her at the start for reasons that are beyond me. she knows how she is, and she knows that she's trying her best. it is her family that brings most of the problems. while i get that she would get pissed for learning what happened with her father, putting the blame on mitsuru without understanding her own situation is a little bit ignorant. if anything, it helps for later on when they learn they've been getting duped and she learns to open up with the people around her. i do really like yukari, i simply can't say she's fabulously executed in the context of the game.
junpei did come as a big surprise. at the start, he's a bit of a weird guy. he's the bro, the one that wants to pick up chicks and go out and play. even if not the type of guy i'd go out of my way to become friends with, there's a lot to him that you will only learn once you know him well enough. he comes off as a little bit strange at the beginning. he's really adamant on trying to hang out with you, but you have nothing better to do i suppose. he really forces himself into you. maybe yukari is a bit too quick into dumping all her trauma to you as soon as you meet each other, but her reasoning is fair. junpei looks more like he's desperate for friends. can't blame him though, he can be a little bit annoying at times. he's weird, in a charismatic way. i think i often find myself talking the same way he does a lot of times, randomly emphasizing some words just because it's funny, or changing his intonation.
junpei is a bit of an idiot, we all know that, but he never means any wrong. he will be there to help out. he wants to stand out, sure. he wants to be the center of attention, sure. he will complain about it, but he's not your enemy. he starts off as extremely selfish, wanting to feel like the hero, but comes to understand that there are more important things to care about. what i was hoping to be further explored with junpei, is this deeply rooted self esteem issues that aren't completely delved into. it happens multiple times throughout the story where junpei starts getting angry at you or blames you for everything going wrong. he knows this is not right, he understands and apologizes. then, it happens again. i seem to understand that at some point, either in the answer, some other spin off or the femc route in portable, we learn that his father is an alcoholic. unless i missed something along these lines in reload, i don't really think they expand upon it which is a bit of a missed opportunity. more content is good, but i don't think getting precise characterizations and key moments of his past outside of the main story makes things better.
his arc with chidori, though, is probably my favorite in the game. this is when he manages to meet someone he can take care of. someone that makes his life a little bit more interesting. when he's at his lowest, feeling useless and easily replaceable, he has someone by his side he can share time with. at first, she doesn't seem interested in him, but junpei is the reason why chidori opens up and learns what it means to live. to want to live for longer. they both deeply care for each other by the end of november, and sacrificing herself to save his life is all she could ever wish to do for him. on it's own, it's a really strong moment for the story and junpei himself, but by getting some flowers for him to give chidori right before she dies, she can survive and come back later on. now, i feel a little bit weird with the game wanting you to do things you can easily miss to get an extra event that completely changes the story development and junpei's character, but either result can work out in some way. if she doesn't survive, junpei has that moment he will always look back on to make sure it never happens again. live for her sake. if she does survive, that memory is still just as painful, but it comes with a bright light of hope for the future. chidori is back, the pain and suffering wasn't for nothing as he still grew and learned what has to be done, but now it's accompanied by a different future to push towards. her memories are gone, so all they went through is lost for her. at the same time, all the pain she suffered is missing as well. trying to overcome those hardships and staying there by her side is another reason to live and continue, for both of them. it may as well be poignant enough to kill her off and leave it there, but since it's not something the game retcons out of nowhere and does lead you into it way before it actually happens, it feels proper. i also cannot complain about having some nice and happy event in the list of tragedies that keep happening towards the end.
mitsuru seems like a nice lady. extremely responsible and intelligent. she can be cold, but she means well. there's a certain charm to her that stem both from her personality and big sister energy, as well as the ways she often misunderstands others due to her lack of experience with the world and her upbringing. even if not my favorite, mitsuru is someone they all need to have around. her social link in particular comes off as a little weird to me. at the point in the story where you can start talking to her, it doesn't really fit at all. she trusts you wholly so having you around in a moment where she needs it most makes sense. you know, with the whole dead father thing. you go around the town with her as she learns more about what Normal People do. turns out she's getting married off to a guy for the sake of the company. it would be nice and all if you helped her figure out what she wants to do, as the general idea seems to be that the kirijo group is tying her future down. what we're overlooking here is that the world is seemingly going to end in the next month. girl, you don't have a future unless we do something about it. it doesn't matter what you decide now with your fiancé if you don't decide if you even want to remember all of this. it won't matter if you have no plan for how to survive. no one in sees ever looks at this whole deal as a barrier to break through. obviously, it's scary. no one is sure what will happen or how to deal with it. is it better to forget and die in peace? or try your best and fail? on daylight, mitsuru talks to you about takoyaki and how getting married may not be a terrible idea. at night, she wonders if you're all gonna get killed. she even talks to you with the idea of "only having so much time left together" but until graduation, not the end of the world.
specifically with my playthrough, there is a specific dialogue where she says something along the lines of "if i was in love with someone but i knew i can't be with him, would that be wrong?". here you can either tell her that if it's not meant to be then that's it, or that it's up to her. i don't really know about individual opinions but i think that being in love with someone you can't be with isn't quite something you control. i understand the question is probably more suited as a "should i still try or do i give up?" but that's not what she's saying. is it wrong? no? should you do something about it? whatever you think is right. obviously in the context of the game this either means "be with me" or "i'm not interested", so telling her that she should decide for herself indirectly tells her that you like her back. unfortunately, that is not my case! she proceeds to confess to you in front of her annoying fiancé, makes both of you really uncomfortable and she runs away. interpretations may vary but i can't see mitsuru as the type to be into you. just like akihiko, she's close to him as a dear friend. not much more than that. she can absolutely defend your honor and you may mean a lot to her as a friend, but not as a potential lover. though, at the same time, she gets riled up in the moment and isn't quite sure about her own words so it could be fair to say she simply spouts out something that could be taken differently - but she does say "i want to be with him forever" and then confesses to you, so not a lot to misinterpret from that. maybe just a me thing. even then, it still doesn't fit in the slightest with the point we're at in the story, so whatever.
akihiko is definitely the bigger bro. he's always there, he's got your back, you got his, the respect is mutual all the time. akihiko is also autistic as all hell and we love him for that. most of the time he genuinely doesn't know how he's supposed to talk to others, but, over anything, he has one thing he focuses on and devotes his entire life to. to train, to become stronger and to become the best he can be. he sure trains because he genuinely enjoys it, but it also comes from a place of tragedy. a loss he cannot forgive himself for. he doesn't want that to ever happen again, so he knows he needs to improve himself. i absolutely adore the fact he was adopted by a caring family on what i assume was around his early teens. he becomes stronger by the people around him and it takes him a bit to realize it, but he will always have someone taking care of his back. be it family or friends. a guy that knows what he wants and will do anything to achieve it. "but even if that's how i feel, i can't back down now. i'll carry that responsibility, and pay for it the rest of my life if i have to."
before playing the game i was ready to become a devoted fuuka fan. i was a little bit surprised to find out i didn't go that hard, but i sure understand the hype. fuuka seems to be concocted to be the girl your average fan would adore. she's cute, shy, really nice, caring, good with computers, a bit of a nerd, curious about trying new stuff, and is always in need of your help. i do like her a lot. she's a really nice friend, i'm safe to assume most people would be glad to have a friend like fuuka. it's just that.. damn.. i find her social link pretty weak. the majority of it is solely her trying to get better at cooking and you trying out her food. at first, god awful. then, she learns she can make onigiri and it's good. only onigiri, though. it's fine if she wants to get better at a single thing for the sake of everyone, akihiko does do the same after all. akihiko, however, has many reasons to try and get stronger. fuuka wants to get closer to others, i suppose, except she's not particularly closed off from everyone in the group either. if you didn't do anything with her here, she would still improve on her own and grow as a person through normal story means. so at the end of the day she goes through the same arc twice in the game. she has that one moment where she mentions she doesn't like bookstores because she couldn't stand up for herself back when someone accused her of stealing a book or something. a fine example of why she wants to change, but it insists on focusing about cooking instead of having her do anything more active. slowly, she naturally starts wondering why is it that she relies on you so much and you get the option to tell her that she loves you or, actually, you're only really good friends. my guy yuki back at it again gaslighting women. she learns that it's not always about having a list of traits that are useful for others to use, and tones down all the negativity that's been burning her away. there's nothing inherently wrong with the link, she gains confidence in herself and opens up to people. whether through cooking or talking about her problems with her friends, she comes to understand herself. as always, i would wish you had a more active role in these things rather than let everyone passively grow by debating about what they should and shouldn't do against a wall (you). the counter argument is that i do really like fuuka so it gets a pass.
i want to talk about ken and shinjiro at the same time because they end up being intrinsically linked together by the time their arcs peak. for starters, i find ken extremely charming. he's a nice kid, maybe too grown up for his own good but that's what makes him responsible and easy to talk to no matter the age difference. he also tries to act more grown up than he is, insisting that he likes his coffee black, that tokusatsu is actually lame and generally trying to hide what he's thinking or feeling. not entirely dissimilar to shinjiro, the stern looking buff guy with a heart of gold hidden within the trench coat he wears all day every day for the entirety of the year. seriously, it's so hot outside what is your issue.
now i did know that shinjiro died, because, once again, persona 3 fans cannot keep a secret. i saw someone casually mention he dies, then i talked to someone else and explained how "i read about a character dying but i'm not too sure about it". then, they proceeded to say "oh yeah, i know who you're talking about. worst part is that he was the strongest party member so all the levels and armor i put into him were worthless". way to be subtle! regardless, a little bit before the events of october 4th, shinjiro himself reveals to you that he doesn't have much time left in this world. both him and ken have been living in pain for the past 2 years, and this day is where they want to put that to rest. before ken comes out and says he wants to kill shinjiro with his own hands, he does show clear signs of something going on in his head so it doesn't entirely come out of nowhere. same for shinjiro being responsible for the death of his mother as there must have been some reason he quit school and has been loitering for the past year. what i'm not entirely sure i can buy, even now, is the fact that ken, a 10 year old boy, has been actively planning to kill this guy for the past 2 years. not only that, but also planning on killing himself after the fact.
take this as my interpretation of the character, i've discussed this entire thing with someone else at length and couldn't really come to a proper conclusion. ken explicitly says to shinjiro: "i've even though about killing myself", "i vowed to live until i found her killer", and, literally, "i'm gonna kill you". i, personally, take the slightly goofy, responsible type kid that amada is as the type to not conclude that the entire meaning of his life from age 8 onwards, to be the fact that he has to kill a guy and end it all. perhaps the idea was that he initially thought about suicide, later figured that it wasn't the way to go and revenge was the better option - and not, killing shinjiro and then killing himself. unsure. either way, i'm not here to talk about the mental stability of an 8 year old child and child suicide rates. i'm here to talk about ken amada.
the way he throws around "i even thought about killing myself" rings pretty hollow to me. as if killing himself was a phase he had. i fully understand that his mother was the only one he had. she meant the world for him, obviously it would destroy him. is he really that kind of kid though? i always took him as the strong, independent kind. did yukari go "i thought of killing myself" when her father died? did anyone else at sees think of "killing themselves" when they lost someone close to them when they were younger? now don't take me wrong, these are all serious topics and it's evident that different people will take such loss in different ways. i'm only trying to understand how ken would react to it. he's not "weak" for thinking about such dark outcome for himself because he lost someone close to him, it definitely affected him severely and that's all it is. for 2 entire years though? you're telling me he was exclusively thinking about this for 2 years? that as a 10 year old, this was his only goal in life. i just feel like i have to suspend my disbelief a little bit too much for ken amada of all people to say such things.
shinjiro, as valiant as he is, ends up sacrificing himself to save ken. he tells him that he's welcome to kill him, but warns him that it will haunt him for the rest of his life, just like it did for him. definitely where shinjiro's character shines the most. for a moment, ken himself thinks that his revenge is now worthless if he dies through other means, but it's clear that it would be hard to process such an event. the guy that killed your mom just saved your life. how would you feel about this? it's a lot of mixed signals and of course he's confused. so confused to leave sees for like half a week. who knows where to, he is still just a kid. it's beyond me whatever the hell he did on his own for those days, but i digress. at the same time, everyone does kind of forget the fact that ken literally tried to kill shinjiro by his own hands. whether he was successful or not doesn't entirely matter, his plan was to kill.
now this, as i take it, is probably a lapse in judgement from ken. sure, he may have pumped himself for a while to think he had to kill shinjiro. i don't think 2 years makes sense. i think as soon as he found out shinjiro was the one that killed his mom, he started thinking about it and it got to him. when time came to it, i don't believe he would actually be able to kill shinjiro. again, he's not that kind of kid. maybe my own head canon, but words like "i don't have anything else to live for" is a thing he would just say in the moment and not mean with further thought. in my head, it simply works out better as ken living in pain for that long, not being able to move past it entirely, hating the guy and blaming all on him. only then, he finds out who shinjiro is and thinks that killing him is the way to go. this, instead of living for 2 years with the sole goal of killing a guy. once it gets to it, shinjiro saves his life and he realizes how even though his reasons for hating him are fully justified. there's more to the story, more to shinjiro and more things that are worth living for.
shinjiro's death doesn't particularly hit me as hard as something like chidori's, most likely because i already knew it would happen. plus, the fact he does mention he will die regardless, but it's very resonant in it's own way. not because you're gonna die anyway it means your life means any less. i didn't really talk to him much before he passed and never even added him to my party, but you only realize how important the people around you are once they're gone. his death incites hope for the future. he leaves off with a smile and finally atoning for his sins for the last time. death isn't happy, but he makes the most of it by doing what he couldn't do last time. save a life.
koromaru is a dog. he's a good boy.
aigis may have ended up as my favorite character in the game. she's a special one. what was initially a pretty hollow, although goofy robot girl, whose only purpose was to defeat shadows and protect you for reasons neither of you understood, turned into a deeply caring, worrisome character who bears no resemblance to that of a machine. besides looks, that is. i have to commend sakamoto maaya of all people, for the excellent performance behind aigis. sakamoto has always been good at her job, but it was only recently that i've taken notice of how precise her performance can be. how the slight changes in the way she speaks sell a different version of the character, through age, personality, or growth along a span of time. aigis does look like a human and does sound like one, but doesn't talk like one. there's a lot she doesn't understand and a lot she doesn't know. evidently, as you grow and get to understand the world around you, you will clearly become "more human". if it were only in writing you would surely understand how much she learns through time. sakamoto just makes it incredibly grounded. even after aigis is gone for a while and everyone starts mentioning how she seems different, you feel that as well as a player. i can't say anything about the english va, i watched her play the game for a bit and she seems fun. i simply didn't play the game with english voices.
beyond that, aigis becomes an extremely fun character. she grows so much but you grow alongside her. i mean, we're all human (i hope) but how often do you actively think about what it means to be a person? what truly makes you human? she has all the characteristics of a human being, but she comes to the realization that she will never really become one. she's a machine, she can be repaired and come back to life. she will outlive everyone around her and there is nothing she can do about it. what she can do, however, is to keep the memories of everyone important to her. if she will outlive them, the memories of them will do as well. even if it's not for long that you've known her for, she means a lot to you and to everyone. you mean a lot to her, too. caring for others is what makes her human. so even with the body of a machine, one that can be repaired, she cannot be replaced.
with these freaks, you get the cast of persona 3. they're a special bunch. they have their issues, as any group does. as any person does, really. they have an enjoyable chemistry that doesn't explode from nowhere but does bloom as time goes on. not much is forced here, but even if a bit slow it manages to hold itself together nicely. even the casual group events that happen on every game with the beach, ryokan and banquet celebrations are, honestly, better than usual. the beach episode doesn't feel out of character. junpei is always the guy that will try to hit on girls even if he's really bad at it, and he gets made fun of for it instead of making it awkward for everyone involved. akihiko only does it because of a bet, as he would, so it's also fitting enough. with the ryokan they do sort of get into trouble "by accident" and do just want to leave quietly before anything happens. even if it's more because mitsuru would get angry and take their lives if she found out, but still. ryoji is more to blame about this than the rest of the guys, which i haven't talked to about yet.
ryoji is unabashedly himself. he gets little time to do much for him to become, like, a relevant character in my head. i find him really fun, though. he's charming and goofy. he's so clueless about everything that it becomes funny. more than a creep he's curious about others in every shape and form which leads to misunderstandings and questionable behavior, but generally funny nonetheless. i would like for him and his time on earth to have a bigger impact on the protagonist as he's supposed to be part of him after living "inside his body" for the past decade, but that leads into the ending itself.
the big thing goes last. i talk way too much about the characters when compared to the story. i like to think that i'm better at that, hence the priority, but this has been taking so long to write that my thoughts get all scrambled around and i forget half of the things i wanted to say. i started writing these things just so i could set my thoughts on paper before forgetting them! only 8 of these and the length has gone up 10 times, so, there's that. in between beating the game, starting this, adding one more year to my life counter and the moment of writing this sentence, they've announced the answer as the dlc to come out later in the year. i cannot talk about the answer since i haven't played it, obviously, but there are some things i know about it. as far as i'm concerned, the ending of the game is the only thing that matters right now. the answer may as well be the fanfiction epilogue written by someone at atlus, i don't care. i'm sticking to what i've played and what i know.
i've been insisting on how the game often employs the ludonarrative dissonance card throughout it's runtime and characters. this is what strikes me as particularly truthful towards the end.
in december, everyone is told the world will end. there is nothing they can do to stop it. if you decide to forget, everyone dies happy. otherwise, you can try your best and see what happens. january, the background music changes and the entire screen gets a saturation shift for every color to be slightly muted. persona loves to make things clear at times, but this one seems a little bit too on the nose even for persona standards. you know what would be cool? making small changes throughout the month until the fated day. only then, the music would slowly change for all to sound more somber and the entire city to look dead. it comes off as extremely weird because the dorm theme is still the same one, as well as the song that plays for jobs and social link events. i say you either go one way or the other, not both. make it so everything is purposely dark, somber and sad. go all the way with it and have everyone around you react to it. i don't really see the point in doing this change so out of nowhere myself. it feels dumb. it doesn't really fit either. add the fact that half of the month is wasted on nothing because you can't talk to any school related social link until vacations are over, and it feels like a pretty stupid month leading up to the grand finale.
must say, the takaya fight was harder than nyx. not sure why that guy has more health. he also just drains your entire sp like it's nothing - he's crazy. nyx you can kind of beat in 1 or 2 moves for every phase. it's not that interesting of a fight, but i like the design. once you're done with nyx, you get a call from igor about how friendship gives you infinite power to seal nyx forever. "the power of friendship surges within you", since you've supposedly made the necessary bonds to garner a power unlike anything else. strong enough to sustain the heavy blows by this godlike entity, and strong enough to use your final ability "great seal". now, supposedly, since this skill uses up all of your hp no matter your level or items, the idea is that you're effectively using all your life force. had i not looked it up after beating the game i really do not think i would've ever thought about this connection on my own. maybe i'm stupid? i sure didn't read what the skill even did when using it, less so how much hp was necessary to use it. i cannot say with confidence anyone else checks that before hitting the final blow on the last boss of the game. if i understand right, what people infer from this and the events in march is quite simple. guy has no more hp (so literally, his life) -> waits until he could fulfill his promise -> dies. is this what has been getting hyped up since 2006?
genuinely, what are we working with here? i fully support the idea of killing your protagonist. i think that is fabulous. i only struggle to find it appealing in the way it's done here. first off: really? he uses all his hp in battle and dies? we know for a fact battles as shown in game aren't applicable to a real scenario. is the implication that your party members legitimately die and are brought back to life mid battle with a simple item? i do not find the idea of a skill you forcefully have to use to finish the game as a cool "got you". do we, as players, actively decide to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of those we love? does the protagonist do this on his own? if we're talking about a skill used to seal a god you just unlock in this particular scenario, of which you have no further info of, with the supposed strongest persona imaginable, with the help of the bonds you've crafted along the way, i don't buy it one bit. what i see as the weirdest thing in all of this is the fact that he doesn't even die right then and there. he's back up and kicking as soon as the fight is over. it takes a whole month for the guy to die, even though he's supposed to have been completely drained.
everyone forgot about what happened, except for you and aigis. i'm not sure why our main character remembers, but at least the player will obviously do. just when you're supposed to all meet up in the roof as you promised, they finally end up remembering and come running to you. you get this really nice cutscene with everyone running full of joy knowing what they've accomplished and what the future promises for them. you're dead, though. dead corpse in the roof. not that any of this is shown as a tragedy since it's presented as more of a happy moment than anything. the game ends. was this the promise he had to keep? what about ken and fighting him again when he gets stronger? what about whoever you romanced and promising to be by their side? what about aigis saying she wants to be alongside you forever? what about literally anyone you ever talked to expecting you to be by their side lending them a hand when they most need it? i'm really sorry, i just cannot think that this the only thing that mattered before passing away.
as i get it, the argument seems to be how it lines up with the theme of the game and the idea of death. not that death isn't a prominent idea in the game, but i would argue the only reason you are facing death is because you literally are facing Death, not because you get what death is. death isn't nice, it's a tragedy. "facing death" is about accepting that people can pass on and leave things behind, not literally dying and being okay with it. jesus christ, we're talking about a 17 year old highschool student. it doesn't matter if he gets what death means, he hasn't been alive for even half of what the average human lifespan would be. persona 3 is about loneliness. that's the theme. loneliness always comes along with death. the death of our loves ones making us feel alone. loneliness, and finding the people you live to fight that loneliness. the people by our side that will help us get out of our worst moments. the ones that will help us grief and bright our days back up. please, kill the main character - but make it meaningful, not a plot device.
you know how i take this as? making friends kills you. i played the game, i talked to people, i made friends, i made lovers. all of this for them to give me the power to defeat god and for it to kill me. this is the ultimate power you have cultivated. my actions as a player ultimately don't matter because you are there to die at the end of it all. you used a skill in battle and it killed you. sorry!
now, let me backtrack a bit. i knew the main character died at the end of the game way before i played the thing. it's another one of those things people cannot keep to themselves. no matter how slick you think you are by posting the same screenshot every march, i can imagine what is going on here. i had my own theories of how this would happen. clearly, Death had been living inside of you for this long. you are intrinsically tied to the fate of the world. surely, if you kill Death, you kill a part of yourself. maybe nyx had its fate tied to you. maybe it's as easy as a noble sacrifice for the sake of others. it's none of the above, apparently. you finish the fight, a month goes by and you go to the roof. it might've been clear already but i need to be frank, i had to look up what the ending was supposed to mean. rather, what people interpret it as. great seal skill and all.
now, see, had i not read about him dying or other theories, i'm not completely sure if that's what i would've concluded it as. after looking at it in retrospect, yeah, dies. he's extremely tired by march, he needs to close his eyes and rest. rest for how long? you decide. the problem to me is how unclear the reason for all of this seems to be. okay, so he died. let's track down the reason. why did he die? he beat nyx and kept living for another month, so why now? they never said anything about his life being tied to nyx either, so that can't be it. absolutely no idea. okay - so it's because of the stupid skill at the end of the fight. whatever, sure. why didn't he die back then? why did it take an entire month for anything to happen to him? does he just toughen out death for that long? i couldn't tell you. turns out, it's because that's the day they promised to meet up no matter happened. yeah, sure, that makes sense. what about literally every other promise he made the month before and months before that? was that the only thing that ever mattered? to meet up at the roof on graduation day? you know what fucks me up: he doesn't even fucking meet them! he takes his beauty sleep before they even get there! so you couldn't even fucking keep that promise anyway!
you know what doesn't kill you? sleep. actually, that's a lie, you can die on your sleep pretty easily. the way this entire scene is written and shot (or animated, i suppose) does not strike me as anything close to a death. i understand that it is, because aigis is crying, because you don't want to "sleep" but it will happen anyway, because you're literally fading to black, and because the guy just taking a nap may be a little bit boring. i say he could be taking a nap. who gives a damn! the ending is open ended enough for you to bring whatever the hell you want into it. does he wake up shortly after and they celebrate? why not? it makes as much sense as him breaking all those other promises and amassing the power of friendship to kill himself. you'll have a bit of trouble defending your head canon once the answer rolls up, unfortunately. guess he really is dead!
i will sustain that it's left open ended on purpose. it may be a little bit self explanatory, yes, but as long as it's not spelling out anything directly at you, you can take it as you will. the idea of coming up with an epilogue that blatantly details what happened seems off the mark to me, but at the same time i can't criticize a piece of story content i haven't seen, so that's all i can say.
i liked persona 3 reload. it's a fun game. it has great music, generally fun gameplay and enjoyable characters. it's not my favorite persona game by far, but it has many redeeming qualities to it that make it a really interesting entry. i deeply enjoy the dichotomies between themes, settings and aspects for persona 3, 4 and 5 a whole lot, which makes each one of them stand out in their own right. the more i played and as time passed, i started wondering how much i actually care about persona 4. i'm not too sure about it by now. i should probably replay it at some point, but this has taken way too long to write so here goes nothing. it's been one year and one day since i created this account. thank you for reading.
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OH, OKAY- I really can't be mysterious, can I? but what a lame huh? looks like you're going to have to keep talking (umm, writing), and I'll have to keep listening then (right... reading. I understand your struggle now). It's really a misfortune, there really is no other way out or choice, this totally sucks, daaamn
the way i GASPED! You wouldn't do that, would you? You can't! there's more people's lives at stake than mine, doing that would make all these innocent people pay for something they are not to blame for.
I don't know if being a sucker for irony also fits the irony of having enjoyed a bloodsucker show. Há! get it? Sorry, I'm stopping right now, I swear I make cool jokes sometimes.
I also don't understand how this man can be underrated!!! I live in a bubble where he is super famous and literally everyone loves him (aka my head). Do you mean in general in all versions of it including comics or just in games? And thank you for accepting my apology and you can judge as you wish, I judge my child self too- but it was because I was such a big brat and only my favorite superhero mattered 😶
All these series (except supergirl) you just mentioned I started watching but never finished and I don't even know why. I want to finish Legends of Tomorrow but I would have to watch it from the beginning because I forgot most of it, I also found out that my mothers (Avalance) got married🤭
CAITLIN SNOW THE WOMAN YOU ARE!!! I've never watched supergirl but I know very well who kara danvers is so let me tell you: they fueled your gay awakening with all the right reasons.
– 🌟
i mean, you could argue that being on anon is mysterious enough already so you don't need anything else. yeah, going on these long tangents with you is so lame, i'm totally not having a great time. [ ;) ]
i absolutely would and i could and you'd have no one to blame but yourself. however, i'll be nice since you more than made it up with the essay you sent about my alpha!kate fic. BUT you're on thin ice 👀
sdkjghjadjg lmao, i thought your joke was good, don't worry. [i was also going to make a bloodsucker joke but in the olivia rodrigo direction]
i think we may share a bubble, ngl. i know they made a titans show [that i never watched] but it's not like he's hit the mainstream. how many times has DC restarted their movie franchise and Nightwing still hasn't made one appearance??? it's a crime and it really only leaves me with the videogame adaptations of him because i am not rich enough to buy comics 😶 [honestly that's a very valid reason]
i cannot recommend legends of tomorrow enough. it's silly as hell but that's exactly what makes it so good. i think season 1 is probably the worst one which is hilarious since it's the one that truly leans into the superhero aspect, every other season is just increasingly more chaotic shenanigans and very gay interactions. OH MY GOD, don't get me started on Avalance, i sobbed my eyes out when they got engaged and then even more when they got married. i will NEVER forgive the CW for cancelling this show.
i am NOT immune to slightly traumatized, witty, brunettes with pretty smiles and it shows. and kara danvers is just a golden retriever gf so of freaking course i fell in love what else was i supposed to do??? [unrelated but my first tumblr blog was actually a writing blog dedicated to the arrowverse ladies. and my writing was awful but that's beside the point]
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WIP (AKA, I never published my work on Tumblr before and I am TERRIFIED)
Hello! I finally gave in and splurged on a Xbox this year, which may have also coincided with my rising anxiety and boredom since I’ve decided to take a year off of college (my senior year to be exact). Luckily, my boyfriend and friends, knowing how I tend to throw myself into fictional worlds when I am stressed had recommended to me this sweet little game series. It was filled with space and wonder and characters so wonderful that they will make your heart hurt.
That, dear readers, was Mass Effect.
I had already played a little of the first game of the original trilogy at the very beginning of 2020 at my boyfriend’s house, long before all of my post-college plans came crashing down (as did the world too!)
So I finally invested my time (and money) into Mass Effect Andromeda in November of 2020. Let me tell you, after loosing control over everything else in my life [laying panicked in bed, constantly praying that the pandemic would not claim the life of my middle aged father after already losing my mother to lung cancer just two years prior], it was unbelievably refreshing to be able to have some resemblance of control in this fictional world (And yes, I realize that this is a video game and of course I have control). And the fact that what Bioware was doing was...pretty freaking great.
So, I apologize if this is coming off a pity-party, I promise, it isn’t supposed to be. It’s more like I had just finished my first playthrough of my first videogame ever and I am filled with feelings and emotions. I never post original content on Tumblr, and that’s mostly because I got scared off posting my work after receiving mean-spirited reviews when I posted my fanfiction on Fanfiction.com years and years ago (which is fair, because looking back my work wasn’t that great, but holy crap I was 14 guys!) I have not written creatively since my high school creative writing class in senior year, but this game and this winter, I thought I would try? And hopefully get to connect with other fans? Let me know what you guys think; I’m planning to add more chapters/content soon. Okay, I’ll quit rambling...
He notices that she tends to have a lazy eye. He’s not sure when exactly he notices this, but it’s becoming more and more apparent.
Which is not a problem, absolutely not. In fact, he thinks it’s adorable in a way, especially when she’s tucked into a pillow and loudly craving sushi.
“I wondered if she was mocking me,” Keema notes one day. Out of all the Angara Reyes has had the pleasure to meet, she still seems one of the few who can truly read humans in a non-lateral sense. Her favorite so far was when she discovered the music genres of both EDM and metal in the same day, “it wasn’t until I was approving shipping orders from the docks the other day I realized why. The Pathfinder needs glasses.”
She also loses control of her lazy eye, it seems, mostly at night, usually by 2300 hours standard time.
“I’ve been reading studies about team bonding.”
He hums as he rubs her back. Sara, despite commenting on the numerous things she’s done throughout her day, seems wired and intent on rambling. He’s okay with that. More than okay, it’s been years practically since either of them has had a free moment to even been able to just relax in bed and daydream. They probably both haven’t been able to enjoy this luxury since they were…teens? Finishing school and about to launch themselves into the military? For him, he figures it was before that, probably when he decided to work for that florist at 12. Sara gives bits and pieces of her life in the Milky Way but he thinks she was definitely a kid who tried to ‘help’ C-Sec with their cases, constantly looking for ways to help people in any way she can. He smiles. It’s probably a never-ending itch for her.
And now? He’s just content that he convinced her to come down to Kadara to ‘inspect Ditaeon’, or whatever bullshit she told Tann. Luckily, it seems that life is, slower? No, that’s not it, people are more than excited to create themselves anew here. Stores and trading posts are popping up everywhere and another hospital has just been built in Prodromos. There’s practically a whole shopping district in Kadara now, with outdoor venues and a movie theater that plays cinema classics every night. It’s more like they both are finally properly settled into their positions, like when a CEO is situated in a new company. Sure, the CEO may face numerous problems at first, especially if it’s during a recession or the company is about to go bankrupt. The CEO may even have to intimidate secondary managers and fight to gain respect; however, once the dust settles, whilst there may be everyday problems, it’s nothing compared to what it used to be. Usually, these problems are solved by lunchtime, mid-morning if either of them are lucky.
In the old days, when she appeared to be this amped up, Reyes would subtly (or not so subtle, it depends on how you look at it), swoon her until they had sex. It probably didn’t feel that way at the time, but sometimes Reyes cringes when he thinks of how rushed their attempts at romance used to be. Back then, they didn’t know how long she would be in the area and they would race to make the most of the evening. Now he wonders how much he used to unconsciously push aside the thought that either one of them could be dead the next day.
Errrr. Negative bedtime thoughts. Not good for sleepytime.
“Darling?”
“Yes?”
“Are you listening?”
“You were just telling me how you were reading various theses on social exchange theory but then you were already anxious about the thing that you have yet to tell me so you decided to read something familiar like one of the works by Dr. Brené Brown,” he pauses to give a quick glance at the data pad in his right hand. “Mi cielo, I have been informed to tell you that your contacts have been delivered as they were just sent in, along with the rest of the Tempest’s supplies, this morning.”
He liked to think he was a good boyfriend.
“I hate when you do that.”
“What?” Listen? Dearest, it’s part of the job description as your lover. Speaking of, remind me to pick up toilet paper tomorrow.”
“No, multitask.”
He sighs and reaches up into the upper center of her back. Oof, she really is tense there. “You do it too.”
“Not at nighttime!” She scowls and rubs her eyebrow. “Ew, when did I become an old prune as soon as it gets dark?”
He starts tenderizing the hard muscle. Mentally, he makes a note to remind her later when she’s not grumpy to do her prescribed yoga. “We’re all getting older dear. I’m thirty-one and the other day I heard my knees crack.”
She was silent. Any other fool would think that she was lost in thought while others would be jealous of the close bond she shares with her AI. Honestly, Reyes is just grateful she spends any of her time with him, let alone his bed. And if she occupies a part of it in a mental showdown with SAM, who is he to complain.
“SAM thinks you should get an appointment. Even if Dr. Nakamoto is busy, there’s plenty of others who are just as qualified. Also, I think Peebee and Jaal are sleeping with each other.”
Both he and Sara know the in(s) and the outs of their jobs so well by now, that he can probably predict easily what his men will ask for even before the message is downloaded on his office’ terminal. However right now, as Reyes stops reading a report on corn being grown on Havarl that he already skimmed over this morning over his huevos rancheros, all he can think about before checking to see if he is correct is how her left non-dominant eye is floating far out to the side.
Hmmm, who knew fraternization would be cutting into his beauty sleep?
*************************************************
If you made it this far, thanks so much for checking this out! I apologize for any grammar mistakes. If you’re confused, this is set to take place three years after the Hyperion first makes contact with the Nexus in the Andromeda Galaxy. I was just so intrigued by the dialogue between Jaal and Peebee. And then, after the initial curiosity, I was about to forget about it when I came across some interesting dialogue while driving the Nomad...
Jaal: Vetra, I catch Peebee looking at me. Frequently.
Vetra: Peebee likes new shiny things. Uhh… and why not? You’re genuinely interesting.
#
Jaal: Vetra, remember when I told you that Peebee was looking at me? Frequently?
Vetra: Yeah? Is it getting annoying? Want me to say something?
Jaal: No, no, no. It’s… just that… lately, I find myself… looking back.
Vetra: Huh.
**
So of course I had to dig into that! And what better way to do so than by using my new favorite ship: Reyes and Sara? (Domestic times!)
Anyways friends, hopefully my writing isn’t awful and you enjoyed yourselves. I may wake up in the morning and delete this. Who knows.
Have a great day guys!
#Sara Ryder x Reyes Vidal#Pathfinder Sara Ryder#Ryder x Reyes#Ryder x Vidal#Reyes Vidal#keema dohrgun#peebee#peebee b'sayle#pelessaria b'sayle#background peebee x jaal#jaal ama darav#when asari and angarans have fun#Poor Pathfinder#drabble#please be nice to me#domestic Reyes x Ryder#domestic Ryder x Reyes#domestic and happy Sara Ryder x Reyes#Reyes Vidal and Sara Ryder#mass effect andromeda#me:a#fanfiction
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rewatching decadence part 2 because part 1 got too long
ep7: Getting to see the game Deca-Dence as a new player would with the opening cutscene, skipping the TOS, character creation and all was a good touch. Also the fact that Kaburagi could look like anything, but he wants to look like mid 40′s dad both times. I wonder who it was that decided Minato should vape. The conversation on the top of Deca-Dence is real interesting because its like only 20% of the actual conversation is spoken out loud and the other 80% left unsaid, so we have to guess what was left unsaid. Minato tells Kaburagi to not make things worse for himself, condoning his actions, but also vows to himself to help Kabu even though it is very dangerous for him. Kaburagi leaves after regretfully saying he doesn’t want to cause Minato more trouble, and yet his current and future actions are and will be doing just that. The obscuring fog in this scene adds to the sense of distance or disconnect between these two. Somewhere over the past 7 years they have fallen off the same page.
This episode again highlights how while for the Tankers this is life and death situation, for the cyborgs Deca-Dence is a game. We get a shot of some Gears lightheartedly discussing how fun the latest game event was, followed right after with what that event meant for the Tankers as we see a makeshift medbay in the streets filled with the dead and dying to really drive home the gap of compassion between the two groups. Minato is one of the few cyborgs we really see besides Kaburagi and the show uses him to show how cyborgs don’t think of humans as people. Humans to the cyborgs are just npcs in a game. Now anime and manga about videogames have been around a long time and were especially popular in the mid 2000s (mmorpgs especially) after which the genre dropped the “in a game” part but kept everything else which were today know as the isekai genre. Hot takes like “the videogame characters are actually people all along” aren’t new either, but Deca-Dence is one of the most successful in generating sympathy and compassion for the Other by flipping the script. Most of those series come from the perspective of the player and show the player coming to care about the npcs. This often isn’t done very well or comes off as patronizing, like the other characters act in service of making the mc look like a good guy instead of actually acting like fully realized people in their own right. (*cough* sao *cough*). In contrast to this, Deca-Dence initially starts from the perspective of Natsume who is human just like us the audience, and thus predisposing us to feeling with and feeling for her. So later when its revealed the humans of this world aren’t seen as people by the cyborgs or the the corporation that rules all their lives, it is granted greater weight in the context of all of us who have played videogames before and met npcs and maybe not cared all that much about them. Decadence places the viewer in the position of the npc, the Other.
Episode 7 is also the beginning of several letters exchanged between Kaburagi and Natsume. Its a presence that lingers long after the person has left and also acts as a contrast to the call/social networking apps of the cyborgs. In episode 5 we saw Kaburagi choose Natsume over following the orders of Solid Quake, but through to episode 7 he still believed in its system. Look even at episode 6 where he still believed that if he worked hard and played by the rules, the system would reward him and everything would be ok and compare that calm assurance in episode 6 to his mountain frustration in episode 7. He’s starting to see how thing are run in Deca-Dence makes life really hard and kind of terrible for the Tankers. This frustration at the system culminates at the end of the episode when he realizes the real human cost of perpetuating this system of oppression in how it hurts Natsume. I mean “Late stage capitalism made my adopted daughter Natsume cry, so I'm going to dismantle it.“ is a joke and pretty funny, but like, that’s what actually what happens. Both Kaburagi and Natsume further the theme of pushing the limits. Kaburagi realizes the limits of his society and why its time to break them down, while of Natsume’s side we see her struggle in the face of things much larger than her. Much like how the cyborgs are stuck in their lifestyles of working for Solid Quake, earning oxyone, and playing Deca-Dence, the Tankers are stuck in their role in society to leave their fates to the Gears and Deca-Dence. So Natsume asking everyone to take charge of their own lives and close that the hole is them stepping out of the comfort of what they’ve always done, which is leave it to someone else (deca-dence administration, gears, etc.). Natsume asks the Tankers to push their limits, the step outside of what they’ve always done and to believe in things they thought were impossible to do. We see Fei representing the belief a lot of Tankers that nothing needs to change, thus nothing should change and they will not act to bring change to their own lives. The Tankers live lives that are decided for them. The Deca-Dence administration controls their population, and the system eliminates any who would disrupt it. They don’t have a lot of control and are resigned to live like that, until Natsume comes along. This episode we see her do what she does the entire series, inspire people to be more. Natsume’s doing alright, she might not be where she wants to be but she’s taken steps in that direction. Where Nstsume is psychologically contrast Kaburagi who’s a bit of a mess realizing he can no longer live under the thumb of Solid Quake’s Deca-Dence system and is kind of floundering about. When kaburagi meets Natsume again... he is so awkward, I’m getting second hand embarressmen. and again the assault jokes have got to stop. The shot of the empty chair calls back to the first episode and another talk between Natsume and Kaburagi. I always love it when an anime plays the credits early.
ep8: again the importance of the individual over the group with kaburagi’s lines at the beginning on why he’s taking down the gadoll factory. I’m just thinking about how kaburagi is certain minato kept his avatar. and everyone just agreeing that minato has that vibe. I really love the avatar retrieval part of the first episode. Its a heist sequence. I love heists!. They also did a good job with pacing and tension in that part. Still can’t believe the creators put a sex toy in this show but at least this joke is actually funny. Oh Minato pulled strings to get Kaburagi out of the poor jail. I missed that part. but now the two of them are not only on different pages, but on different books. Minato doesn’t see the tankers as people and follows the Deca-Dence system on what is good and what is bad, so he can’t comprehend why Kaburagi is throwing away everything the Deca-Dence system values for something the system has deems less than worthless. While Kaburagi has formed a moral compass independent of this system, he sucks at communication and doesn’t explain anything to Minato. Interesting how Minato views bugs as bad but has made an exception for kaburagi and probably did some mental gymnastics to do so. It reminds of those homophobic family members that make an exception for their gay family member. Minato never wanted anything but to be by Kaburagi’s side so he prioritizes Kaburagi above pretty much everything else which is why while he defends the establishment, he also breaks rules for Kaburagi. Their little convo continues the same dialectic, Kaburagi’s been inspired by Natsume to push the limits of himself and society, to choose how he lives instead of letting the Deca-Dence system tell him. Kaburagi underwent character development when Minato wasn’t looking and he can’t recognize him anymore but desperately wants to. Kaburagi moving forwards without him and him realizing that he was never as much a priority to Kaburagi as Kaburagi was to him, means that Minato’s really hurting by the end of the scene, and he doesn’t take it out on Kaburagi, he just leaves. ...if it isn’t obvious by now, minato is my favorite character. gotta love the gay robot having a mid life crisis. (i mean his feeling aren;t necessarily romantic, but you know the joke I’m referencing). Turkey just wakes up and chooses evil every day huh. I predict someone on tumblr with a history of unhealthy relationships is horny for turkey.
ep9: why does the reactor look like a cyborg core? Again. WHYYY does Donatello have a gun??? idiots let him keep a working gun. I love the contrast of the actual pretty gritty situation of the prison riot being represented with super cartoony slapstick animations. This probably saves on frames as well as keep the series from getting too dark, because if you think about it the labor camp conditions are pretty horrifying but its disguised with cartoony designs and wacky characters. Kaburagi and Natsume are doing very important plot things, but the core of episode 9 are Sark and Turkey. Through them we see the same conversation that has been repeated through out the series of conforming to society and staying in line, that things won’t ever change so you should just duck your head and follow order, or the “I’m comfortable how things are” versus you should make your own choices with live life how to want to, to push your limits. Turkey sees the Deca-Dence system as absolute and eternal and thus tries to play by the system and help it continue by selling out everyone else. Sark is passive and doesn't really have an opinion of his own, just following whatever the others are doing whether its Kaburagi stealing his avatar or Turkey in betraying everyone. Sark unlike Turkey isn’t malicious, he wants the best for everyone but also isn’t quite willing to put himself at risk for others. After seeing everyone be destroyed as a consequence of following Turkey however, his new resolve and subsequent suicide bombing is the only reason the plan ends up succeeding. For total destruction of the gadoll factory two things were needed: flipping the kill switch on all the gadoll in the dome, and destroying the reactor powering the factory. We aren’t told how Jill and Kaburagi originally planned to destroy the reactor (like was he just suppose to wander around until they bumped into it?), but Sark’s explosion is what allowed Kaburagi and Natsume to get away from Hugin. Without Sark, Hugin would have totally caught them. So it was Sark taking charge of his own life and pushing his limits that saved them all. That said, if the explosion was powerful enough to reach all the way up the giant tube and destroy the reactor, why didn’t it break the tube and why didn’t it destroy everyone left in the prison? ah well it makes thematic sense so I’ll let this pass.
So I’ve talked before about how Deca-Dence’s ending could be improved to build on some of the themes established in the first couple episodes. The problem is that this show isn’t pushing a narrative of collaboration and the power of collective bargaining, its pushing an individualist narrative about how each and every person can reach out and better themself. Now I don’t think these two themes are mutually exclusive, but it would take a very delicate touch as well as an attentive and thoughtful audience to successfully weave these two theme together into a nuanced whole. And if a rewrite were to happen with the minimal amount of changes, I think ep 10 is a good divergence point. The final little arc is about the rogue gadoll outside of the Deca-Dence system and the threat of total annihilation by solid quake, and while big kaiju fights look cool, they don’t quite deal with dismantling systems of oppression at the hands of your corporate overlords. So, I would have preferred something like the cyborgs and Tankers coming together to seize the means of production, destroy Solid Quake, and take its assets for themselves. The ideal rewrite situation though would for this all to be 24 episodes and the big gadoll to be the episode 12 climax while taking down Solid Quake happen in ep 23-24. And since we’re doing a rewrite, Natsume kinda drops off as the main character after episode 5 and I’d like to see her back at the forefront of the show.
ep10: If this show had leaned more into the futility of Natsume seeking to improve herself within a system that rendered it meaningless, it would have ended up much darker, but I also think it would have been richer. Ah poor Natsume, she’s at a low point since the context of what she has been doing has wildly changed, afterall, what’s the point of improving yourself if nothing else ever changes and what you do doesn’t matter. The letter writing continues and it is good. So I’m not going to question how the exit tunnel is still intact, but watching into robot kaburagi angrily drive a car and swear is really funny. I’ve been wondering for a while, the humans literally live in a fuel tank, how is there enough light to grow plants in there? Like as part of the post-apocalyptic aesthetic, a lot of Tankers have little house plants which in addition to being inside the fuel tank, are also inside their houses. oh yeah for any who didn’t get it. The reason as a child Natsume went into cardiac arrest and her chip was read as dead wasn’t because of the severity of her injuries, Deca-Dence’s system had deemed her too dangerous to live and flipped her kill switch.
ep11: on a thematic level I might be meh, but the writing and execution are what really pull the ending through. Everything is nicely set up from the mutated gadoll the victim of animal abuse several episodes earlier to fighting hugin in the factory being how hugin finds out about natsume. I think about Jill’s lines here, that no matter how hard you try to keep things from changing, you’re just fighting the inevitable. Also Natsume took Kaburagi’s switching bodies really well like seeing someone you care about die in front of you but then surprise they just got another body would give most people such whiplash. “our bodies are under the system’s control, but our core’s are independent of it” I’m still thinking about this. It makes sense given how the first generation of cyborgs where humans with mechanical implants, but cyborg’s cores are still such a mystery. The things you can’t control are a part of life too. In Deca-Dence bugs are uncertainties that the master control system doesn’t know what to do with. More than just individualism good, here we get a little more nuance to Deca-Dence (the show)’s theme. Jill was one of the creators of the Deca-Dence game (giant mech, control system, and all), and they tried to create perfect system where everything was under its control and order could be maintained forever, and this inevitably failed (the show tells us). Trying to perfectly order everything is to attempt the impossible, disorder will always creep in and those little individual differences should be celebrated. and is to the backdrop of an old Deca-Denca(robot) part that is rusting away, plants and animals overtaking it much like how the Deca-Dence’s currently enforced status quo of the game will fall away in the face of those it deems bugs. wait did we ever figure out what the bug was that jill left in deca-dence? mmmm I’m still thinking about Minato logging out because the system told him to but unwilling to let things end this way so physically going back down to earth in his real body. Facing the possibility of truly losing Kaburagi forever is what pushes Minato to question following the Deca-Dence master control system. He totally became a bug for Kaburagi. I doubt Kaburagi had any idea how much Minato wanted to hear the words “let’s fight together to the end”, but offered the thing he truly desires, Minato probably would have done anything. mmm he’s got it bad. there’s also that linking Kaburagi and Deca-Dence’s core takes two people and yet, Kaburagi didn’t bring anyone with him. Which is terrible planning, but allowed for this really great scene. that he knew Minato would come after him. And then the last thing me sees in Minato. Minato truly is ride or die. literally. He could have gone back to the spaceship so that he’d survive no matter what, but he choose to stay. If the plan succeeds then he will see it through with/right beside/literally inside of Kaburagi, and if it fails and Kaburagi is annihilated when Solid Quake wipes the dome, Minato will also be annihilated along side Kaburagi.
ep12: so kaburagi just straight up demands admin privileges and the governing sys is like “sure”. Yeah pretty sure the governing system convo was a season 2 hook to show the big wigs. The independent all governing system tells Kaburagi that all this, him and bugs are a part of the system’s learning process, to which Kaburagi responds that all that doesn’t matter since he’s going to do what he wants independent/regardless of the governing system. the context in which you do things doesn’t matter. Also I never pointed it out since its like the 4th wall of scifi, everyone is just trained to suspend their disbelief, but oxyone is total bullshit. A non toxic liquid energy dense fuel that can be concentrated into orbit range lasers. The tankers all helping Natsume push the spare part is a feel good moment seeing everyone working together. Its an unnecessarily scene for the purpose of including the tankers in the action, since the part wasn’t ever really needed and the writers didn’t have to have it severed by the laser to begin with. the Natsume montage overlayed with the music is very good. wait. i just realized, limiter release can be reversed. Afterall, Kaburagi released his limiters with his first avatar, and if he had still been fully connected to it when hugin killed that avatar, cyborg Kaburagi should have died too but he didn’t and just immediately logged in on a different account. Kabu-Dence releasing his limits here and literally giving all of himself to destroy omega is fulfilling both for his character arc and on an emotional level. This entire show has been about pushing one’s limits and making your own choices, and it culminates here’s in Kaburagi literally releasing his limiter, thus putting him in mortal danger, and then giving every last ounce of himself to the path he has decided. The destruction of the mech fortress Deca-Dence is also symbolic of the end of the game of the Deca-Dence mmorpg as we know it. wait wait did Kaburagi hold on just long enough to hear Natsume thank him. aaaaahhh and then the ed song plays!! and then the play the new mmo intro scene. Still real weird that they’re using a cyborg brain as a ball.
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Could you possibly write a kamilah x mc fic where mc does a lot of tik tok’s and kamilah getting annoyed 😂idk🤷♀️And kamilah is always like in the background of the tik tok’s working or reading or even cooking and the fans are just saying they are goals😂and loving the tik tok’s and loving kamilah in it🤷♀️
Warning: none. There’s a little bit of NSFW in the end, but nothing much. It’s mostly funny.
Quarantine can be really boring. Even in the Penthouse, with all the DVDs, big screen, videogames, wines, huge bed… After the first couple of months, Annie was growing impatient, unable to sit still. Her overflowing energy reached the highest level around the tenth week. Kamilah was always too busy with videocalls and emails, so she didn’t even notice when the videos started. Every now and then, Annie would walk around with her phone up and a ridiculous outfit, but the Vampire usually assumed she was only taking another hundred selfies.
“What on earth are you doing?” Kamilah dropped her gaze at the woman sitting on the office’s floor, phone up so the camera would film both.
“Shh, don’t talk, just keep writing on your papers!” Annie giggled, restarting the whole thing. “Aaaaaaaaand, recording!”
“Oh, god…” the Vampire preferred not to ask again, drifting her attention back to the forms on the desk. By the peripheral vision, she could see her wife swinging to a music that wasn’t playing. “I married a complete lunatic.”
“Goal done! Thanks, babe.”
Without waiting for an answer, Annie jumped her way through the hallway, so excited that Kamilah knew it meant trouble. However, work was so overwhelming these days that she forgot all about it for the rest of the afternoon. At least, until it got dark and the same thing happened again while Kamilah was cooking dinner. A sharp knife on her hand, carefully slicing onions, when suddenly a shadow surged dancing behind her. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. The sound of that fool’s heart beating was already memorized in her mind.
“I am not going to ask… I am not going to ask…” the Vampire kept whispering to herself, fully aware of her wife in a unicorn pajamas dancing in the middle of the kitchen.
“Done!”
And for a while, that was it. Kamilah didn’t catch Annie doing anything stupid – or at least not this kind of stupid – again. She was back at taking selfies or just filming herself playing videogames. Until one evening, when they were both cuddling in bed. The Egyptian had a book on one hand while the other kept brushing her wife’s hair. She was so compenetrated by the reading that didn’t even notice what was going on.
Annie had pulled out the phone and started recording something else, this time without the dancing, but moving her mouth like she was saying something. After a couple minutes, Kamilah caught her muffling a laugh, and glanced at whatever the girl was watching.
“Anna Sayeed.” The tone made her drop the phone, lifting those big black puppy eyes to meet the Vampire’s intense gaze. “Tell me what you did.”
“Okay, but only if you promise not to be mad.”
Kamilah arched an eyebrow. “Tell me and we’ll see. Go on.”
“Alright, look.” Annie unblocked the phone, her tone flickering between excited and afraid while she was explaining it. “First, I posted a selfie on Instagram when we were watching that old movie and people said we looked cute together. So, I realized we have never posted our pictures anywhere. Or told our story. That’s how I started uploading the wedding photos, and some old ones too, like the one we took in Japan. Oh, I also made a Tumblr to post about how we met. I did like in a book, you know? The name is “Let me tell you a good story”, I tried to do exactly how we told Lysia and Drake at that dinner, before quarantine. People loved it! They said you’re a hot vampire. Then I th…”
“Wait. Stop right there. You told the world that I am a vampire?” Kamilah stole the phone to see it for herself, scrolling through the dashboard.
“Yeah. It’s called a fanfiction. They don’t actually believe you’re a vampire. It sounds like I just took our love story and made it more exciting. But they don’t know what we know that is true, you know?”
“I… Excuse me?” she shook her head, confuse.
“Ughh don’t worry about it, baby. It’s fiction. Nobody really knows what’s going on. They think it’s just a book.”
“Is that why you were filming those videos around the house?”
Annie blushed, swiping the phone back. “Yes…”
“Anna. The truth.”
“Well, that wasn’t for Tumblr…”
“Why are you trying to hide the phone now?”
“Let’s talk about something else.” She pulled Kamilah to be on top, quickly getting her attention with a rough and sudden kiss.
The book fell on the floor as they started rolling on the bed. Annie felt a hand underneath her pajamas, nails lightly brushing on her sides. Their lips parted to deepen the kiss, the Vampire’s knee teasingly pressing the woman between her legs. She moaned and started moving at the same slow pace, already wet and easy, when Kamilah suddenly stood up with the phone on her hands.
“This is unbelievable!”
“Kami… Wait, you were trying to get my phone? This is so low!!” Annie whined, sitting on the bed with her hair all messy.
“It’s not my fault you’re so easy to tease. And to be fair, you’re the one who tried to distract me with sex in the first place. What the hell are those, anyway? What is a… Tik tak?”
“Tik tok!” She laughed, jumping to take the phone back but the Vampire lifted her arm, leaving it out of her reach. “Stop itttttt, lemme show you!”
“Could you please elaborate what led you to film yourself dancing to this ridiculous song while I was cooking in the background?”
“It was a request. Your fans love you.” Annie opened her best angelic smile. “I may or may not have been filming us for a while now.”
“This is my office!” Kamilah widened her eyes, still going through the videos. “Whose is this voice? Who is dubbing you here? No, more importantly, why?”
“It’s a thing, baby. We have the audios, and we make fun stuff with it. That’s from Shrek.”
“What is a Shrek?”
“What…” She gasped, stealing the phone back like a lightning the minute Kamilah lowered her arm a little bit. “Okay, we’ll solve this Shrek situation later. First, let me show you how Tik Tok works. We’ll do this one that every time you hear a music you recognize, you’re supposed to jump to the other side.”
“What side?” Kamilah crossed her arms, standing tall in front of her.
“Just give a jump to the right. No, wait. This is too sexy. Put on a robe.”
The Vampire wasn’t going to argue. She slid herself inside a red satin robe. Still sexy, but at least covered her breasts. Annie sat on the bed to film it, trying to find the perfect angle. “Okay, now you just do the jump thing whenever you recognize the song. Got it?”
“If you ever doubted my love before…” She shook her head, waiting for the music to start. After a couple minutes, Kamilah was still there, not moving, as the songs kept switching. None of them rang a bell. “That’s it? The reason why you like this thing so much is still a mystery for me.”
“How is it possible that you didn’t recognize a single one?” Annie fell back, laying down on the bed as she watched the video again. The image of a frozen sexy Kamilah staring at the camera as old pop songs kept playing was funny enough. “Okay, this is soooooo good. I’ll post it.”
“Anna…”
“Huh?” but the woman wasn’t looking. Her eyes were glued to the screen, as comments started to pop up.
“Turn off your phone.”
“Just a sec.”
“Drop. Your. Phone. Now.”
She shivered at that tone, feeling two hands pulling her by the ankles to sit on the edge of the bed. When Annie looked up, red eyes were watching her with hunger. Kamilah was slowly taking that robe off, so dangerously close that the satin was brushing against her wife’s thighs.
“So, I guess this isn’t going on Tumblr…” she smiled at that sight. The Vampire took off the nightdress with a single movement, letting it pool on the floor. They had been married for years, yet the image of Kamilah naked could still take Annie’s breath away.
“No, my love…” the Egyptian leaned in to give her a small bite on the lower lip. “Tumblr doesn’t need to know what I am about to do to you.”
“Oh, my.”
#choices: stories you play#kamilah sayeed#kamilah x mc#bb kamilah#choices kamilah#choices: bb#kamilah#it was really challenging cause I know nothing about tik tok 😂#a special thanks to @kamilahismyqueen for helping me here#and for my baby sis who also explained the app and called me a nana#hope this is what you were expecting
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The Molten Charcoal - Chapter 4 - Silver x Idia Fanfiction
Yeah I may have... forgotten I was publishing this on tumblr... I apologize krkrkr.
I shouldn't have said "yes" that easily. I'm just so weak after a certain time outside... Like it must be a downgrade or something... Sure I don't want to hurt Ortho but... If I end doing shit in front of Silver, I will ashame everone (once again lol), right? I can't tell anymore if it was a safe bet or not... No, it never has been a "safe" bet because I'm playing with humans www. They aren't as easily predictable as AI if they aren't shaking in fear... if they "aren't shaking in fear". Shut the fuck. Shut the fuck up, Idia. No, I should talk like this, right? This is the way I get to the top in videogames, after all... No, shut the fuck. The only reason you get this high... Is it because of "this"? Or "that"? Or both? Or neither, in the end? Nothing "has" to make sense, after all... If everything had to make sense, they would be true. I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE TRUE. EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT. EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT. THEY'RE THE ONES BEING WRONG, OR BEING A DIFFERENT KIND OF WRONG. If I'm doing everything "wrong" because everyone keeps thinking like them, then there's a possibility that I'm actualy the only one being right, right? (That's a Higurashi curse-like thinking but that's not exactly what I mean...) Everyone is a fucking weirdo here, so why am I the one considered even stranger? That must mean "something else". Or does that doesn't mean anything? Why am I even thinking about all this crap? That's because of them. I shouldn't think about all this... But if I don't, I'm going to disappoint Ortho because I'm going to be stupid and not trying enough... That's because of them. Because they wanted me so bad to be their heir. "A meeting is funny as long as you can play with the people". Why did you want me to play like you? I shouldn't have been here watching every adult whispering. I shouldn't have been here, hearing all these bad things. I shouldn't have been here. But my hair cannot betray you, right? I cannot hide. I cannot run. I cannot speak. Even if this adult smiles, he will stabs the other. Even if this one threatens to stab, it will be "only" a joke. Will it be? Which of them was joking? Which of them IS joking? Why did you show me this? Why did you show me so many people, as if they were your playthings? You really enjoyed inviting every last of them knowing they would insult you, and making them fear for one day to be fighting each other under your blackmailing, right? You even expected me to be abducted, huh? You didn't give a shit when I was abducted by this smiling couple. They really looked nice. I can't tell if they looked nicer than you. How many days did I spend here? They were still nice when they were with me. They kept on smiling. They lied. They lied again. Do I have to become an adult like this? I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. WHY DO YOU EXIST. WHY DO I HAVE TO BECOME LIKE THIS TO SURVIVE? I DON'T WANT TO. I'm tired... Why did they keep on smiling to me even when I told them I knew I had been abducted? Did they really not want to worry me because they didn't bear me a grudge for one of the things you had done to them? I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I can't understand, Ortho. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, you did so much for me and I'm just lost between all of these things... And I was released and I didn't die, right... Right... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ortho. I shouldn't... What should I think? I was almost murdered, right? But I didn't die. Even when another two brothers, two agressive brothers I definitely chose to escape from, caught me and threatened me to death with knives... I didn't die. I knew they were dangerous, right? Or did I want to believe they were not since the smiling couple was a bunch of bastard NPC? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I don't want to apologize outside of this... This will be useless, right? Ortho, you're always trying to help me but you were the one killed, right? I barely woke you up... did I? Or are you another type of fake as well? Who are you, "Ortho"? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't want to doubt you. I don't want to doubt Ortho. If he's the true Ortho, everything's alright. If he is my creation, everything's alright as well. Your skin is alive. Your voice is there. Haha... I should make a Frankenstein's ref here. I feel a bit better but I need to vent... I'll just play a bit.
Thanks [x], WyverneCastel was there and at least my day wasn't an absolute hell (lol). At first the game was total shit since there were a lot of servers crash on this new game, I honestly thought we would just leave and go back to TESO or something casual, since I've already rushed Dragon Nest's new events and the others, lol. We have been able to play but in the end the game was worthless, lmao. It wasn't original, had nothing to be "interesting". Maybe it was "fun" but I don't really care about it anymore... At least, WyverneCastel was funny. They even asked me if I was alright??? I thought they were joking or begging me to buy them something in another game, but it seemed not? I thought it would be good to test out if they were a true friend or not and huh... I was terrified at first. I thought the whole room was dragging itself into flames and that heat was going to consume me. Either I would burn out or burn the whole world down like I was probably expected to do. So... I've spoken to them, for once. They appeared to be really understanding, somehow. I thought I might get banned or blacklisted for saying out loud that I was gay but oh, I guess our gamers's mindset wasn't that shitty for once. He wasn't surprised that much, so I can't tell if he was really serious about anything but... He told me that of course if the one I loved rejected me because I love him instead of "her", then I should just forget about him because he would be just another bastard I shouldn't pine on... Sure enough, but if love was that easily curable, I wouldn't be on the verge of grieving, nah, crying with all my might just because I "have" a date with the one I love, even though it really doesn't make any sense. Of course I shouldn't be ashamed of being in love with him, and I'm not ashamed of being gay, fuck off. I barely told him that I was in love with a prince-type... Was it wrong? I mean, I have to stay honest or I'll just be the shy-neet everyone likes for no specific reason but pity... And if I can be different than them, it would be for the best as well... If they want to make fun of me for this, I will just hack them and teach them a little something, still lurking in my own den. Or in the worst case, I would have changed my pseudo... WyverneCastel did not mock me, and maybe never ... even fathomed mocking me. That's probably just a dumb thought but I feel like they are just curious and benevolent (I guess they're the depressed mysterious dude character)? Nonetheless, I don't want to be naive and crushed, but even more I don't want to get closer to the Flame Crown. I don't even want to write down their names. They don't deserve it, right? WyverneCastel, WyverneCastel, WyverneCastel. Let's scribble down more about them.
They... told me I would find my prince if I wanted that much to be with one, and yet feared that much being with them. I guess he would be the kind to speak of "trials", "fate" and "forgiveness". A hopeless optimist, an eternal philanthropist (and not the Izaya kind, huh). I should tell him someday that I'm happy to have him as a friend. He probably already knows about it... right? Maybe I'll just make myself a stupid lad by telling him this... But does he want me to tell him this, too? Perhaps he wishes for a single word as an "hope"? He knew of my school as a "miracle", too. He even asked me if my "beloved" was Epel Felmier... I mean, I could have, perhaps? He's way too cute for me, he almost looks like a child (not a girl since just thinking about it would bring a curse upon me lmao, no honestly, even if I don't like him, that would be disrespectful.), I can't. And we also talked about how frightening he was whenever he snapped... Definitely not for me, and he looks fake too... Like all of Pomefiore, except creepHunt, to be fair. They are just so superficial and shiny... It looks like they want to walk on water and leaped out of it to sit on sunny clouds. I would offer my flames to them if I could... I just told WyverneCastel my love was another student, and not a Pomefiore one. Of course, he could have heard of the school because of its reputation and Pomefiore because Vil is in it... But I'm pretty sure he is a student now, since he already told me he was a guy (wouldn't have assume his gender if he didn't tell me). Well! I assumed he was a student because of the ominous silence following my answer before he started rambling again. His Internet couldn't have crashed since I still could hear his mic buzzing, and so neither was the mic off. He simply, didn't make a sound. For a few seconds. And if he had been surprised about my choice not "being Epel", then he would have surprised before, and not lolling as he was, probably. I didn't tell him but he probably wants me to ask him about this someday too. I guess... I didn't have the time to question him since some scams invaded our serv and began behaving as if they were girls with their girly characters in-game... Of course they were asking for money for IRL meetings and all that stuff so I just hacked them... It took a few minutes, but I couldn't afford to lose hours with WyverneCastel trying to ignore them when they were making a ruckus and... using hyper sexualized women characters? Like wtf, are we still in the past, dudes? They're just hurting everyone by doing this, and the LGBTQIA+ community doesn't needs some dumbfucked lads who would just serve as scapegoats for people hating on trans people and women... So fucking tiresome. I just wanted to talk about my prince and bad-written NPCs barged in. In the end, he just told me everything would be alright as long as I was staying true to my self and that I wouldn't find any semi-perfect prince if I didn't... I guess he meant that it would be easier to find one if I was faking but that the prince would indeed be ideal if everything was a lie, but then the whole prince, castle and white horse would be stuck together around me, and there would be no way of separating them... And the other way around, probably. I should take a walk and sleep, now... Or try to sleep, at least.
[Started Recording at : 9:45 am : Fourth? Day]
The coliseum was blessed by hollowness. Void and vacuity, though fake vacuity in the end, facing the sweet void, twirled among the stairs yet engraved by humans centuries ago. The eerie, airy presents were not made to hold any perfume neither scent. Only one or two students jumped from seat to seat to leave but nothing behind them. All of the ancient chairs were on their own, now. And thus, the presence among them refrained from gamboling as well, and went back to another void. They were, after all, no exception.
-Hmm, it seems the coliseum is empty today. I guess sometimes pups do behave as good boys. Well, if they study in the meantime, that is.
The wind was cut at some point, even if it was authorized to come in this area. He should not be that greedy, probably. No storm, no tempest, no breeze was to interrupt an exam day in the coliseum. Sunshine could not disappear yet, but someday quiet shadows would run accross the dirt field. Stones bedecked by seals and symbols did not need all of this light.
-Pups! Come here. Let us make teams and start the exam right in time.
Each student throngs on the still ground.
-Hm, everyone is here. Good boys. Diamond Cater, Hunt Rook, please make a first team. Mhh... Well, Shroud Idia... What is it, Clover Trey?
-I don't mean to interrupt you at all, sir and I'm sorry if I do. I would like to know if it were possible to be with Shroud? His performances may end up bad if he was with someone he doesn't know, and he may also have panic attack and it would mess up everything.
-This is quite an harsh way of saying things, Clover Trey. I would like Shroud Idia to overcome his fears, but let us be benevolent for this test only. He barely shows up, after all. But next time will be a random pairing, remember this. And this will only works if Shroud Idia agrees with you, Clover Trey. What of it, Shroud Idia?
-I-i-i-i-I... huh... wh-why not... after all...
-Thanks, Crewel sir, thanks Shroud.
The seats were still empty, and were meant to stay away from a temporary crowd. The sun was already too much of a witness, in the end. How much would he suck away all of the water in the flames heir? Perhaps it would first attack his surroundings. He was not alone. There was even a possibility he would get away with a tiny drop in his hands. A drop shining by reflecting.
-Diamond Cater, Hunt Rook, get yourselves ready. Shroud Idia, Clover Trey, stand in front of them. We will start the exam. Let us see who can stand until the end.
The two semi-teams came forth. None of them were fully a team, indeed. Diamond and Hunt smiled to a certain percent, and Clover and Shroud stressing to another. Was it the higher the better, or the lower the better? Several words were muttered by Idia, and Trey barely reacted. Were Rook and Cater deserving of a victory, now?
-Lets us begin, puppies.
-Damoiseau orné de diamants, may you use your unique magic to ease our hunt?
-Suuure~ I planned on doing it from the moment we were facing Shroud anyway~ He fears crowd so let's have fun, Shrouuud~! I'll take a selfie with you if you lose eheh!
-Hey, Shroud you... Hey, why are you hiding behind my back?! Jeez... it was to be expected, I guess. Fine, let's go, Cater! I won't abandon Shroud the way you don't care about Hunt!
-"Split Card"! Let's go, myselves~ Let's pin cutie Trey to the ground and force him to give up!
-Oh, oh, so you think something as simple will work on me, Cater?! Your "selves" won't move anymore if I can strike them all in one single shot... "Doodle Suit"!
-HEHHHHHH?! DID YOU JUST REWRITE MYSELVES?!
-OH YES I DID!
-N-nevermind! It won't be enough to defeat me... as if my unique magic was the only thing that was... shining withing myself! Take thiiiiiiiiiiiis!
A fireball flew across the area, flickering of mad sparkles. Yet, it was alone, as blinding as it could be. No other fires hid themselves. The light went forward, running through the usual sea-like Cater toward the forever lake-like Trey. Cater's "selves" were still, and would not move as long as Trey was not overdoing himself. Basically, Cater "should" have aimed to reduce his focus and magic slots. If Trey could have defend himself twice, then he should have throw several fireballs, as long as they were more than two. Yet he did not. No matter how Trey was stretching his neck and all body as one, there was but one fireball coming his way.
-That won't do it, Cater! I will bring you down... and I will take care of Hunt!
-Heeh~ Could that mean you can't take both of us down? You're really tired, huuh~! I will make you fall asleep and you'll have some sweets dreams, Treyyyyyy~!
They both brung their hands on their foreheads and wiped some sweat, almost in the same fashion as well. There was a possibility they were both lying. Yet, if Cater has used his unique magic and was still forced to maintain it because of Trey's unique magic coercing them into a motionless army... The fireball burst into numerous drops and shone into multiple drips full of infinite colors, filled with Trey's own magic and shades.
-Don't even think your fire magic will be enough to defeat me.
-Then I'll use some tree one... Just kidding! I knew I wouldn't defeat you, but we already won, right, Rook~?
-Damoiseauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Rook Hunt had disappeared from Trey sight for a long time for obvious reasons, but so had Idia.
-I... don't see Le Roi des Ombres behind Le Chevalier des Roses! Quelle est cette diablerie!
-EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!
-Hehehehehehehheheheheheheheheehehehehe... NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ME AGAIN, FUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!
A single ray came behind a still Cater's copy, bouncing between all of the numerous fake selves toward the usual fake one and its superficial yet earnest one, drenching the losing liars with a superficial water worthy of them.
-Huh... we...
-Clover Trey and Shroud Idias team won. A brilliant strategy, I reckon.
-Wait, what do you mean by strategy??? Shroud and Trey had...
-Yeah, I had planned this since the very beginning ufufufufufufuu... From the very moment you thought I was simply muttering to myself, Trey was listening to me and ready to follow my strategy!
-Uwaaa~ Idia Shroud is actually so cooool~ Can I have a selfie with you to apologize~?
-No w-w-w-w-w-way! You hypocrite...
-That aside, I must apologize for judging you, Roi des Ombres. You really do show a beautiful intellect and scheming.
-T-That's okay... Just let me go away, please...
The wind finally thronged in the no-more private area. The void would likely move as well. Among all the droplets, their status was but one, and only one. They were the one hindering the sun fostering reflection. They were the one hiding music. The child of the void's hair waltzed dazzlingly under the bright sun overflowing. His fingers tried to force the hair down in the hood, but only some of his skin obeyed in the end. He coerced his feet protected from the atmosphere by boots to move on, and more especially, back. But the crown of flames rushed forward, gleaming in front of him again.
-How beautiful, Roi des Ombres! Why would you want to hide such brightness...
-Oh, Cater, Hunt, look out, Vil came to cheer you up!
-EHHHHH?
-Oh~?
The flames followed the kid which they were yet meant to fuse with someday. They had no choice once no more could play with them... No sand was brought to their eyes, though. All elements were not helping him, after all. He had disappeared. Only clouds were playing with the sunshine.
-Eeeh, Treyyy~ Vil wasn't there, are you sure your eyesight is good even with your glasses on~...
-I'm sorry! I thought I saw him... Oh, Shroud has left.
-Chevalier des Roses, you are but quite the bad comedian. On a side note, what a great strategy, oh my!
-Rook, what the...
-Le Roi des Ombres sure has thought a lot upon this fight, hasn't he? The fact he asked you transform Damoiseau's copies into motionless mirrors to make his own shot bounce in it... Splendide! It was really splendide!
-Haha, thanks, Hunt. He really thinks a lot... He just needs some time to open up to people. Let's be nice to him.
-You three! Move away, pups! The next team has to fight!
-O-oh, yes, sorry, Crewel sir.
[Ended Recording at : 10:30 am : Fourth? Day]
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Chapter 11: And I had an anxiety attack... again.
In which the title describes the whole chapter
*Your POV*
I slammed the door behind me, fell to my knees, and closed my eyes. Today was such a shitty day I actually don't want to go back. But I have to. Unless I want to get fired, which actually doesn't sound THAT bad.
Wait... yeah, that sounds reasonable.
My apartment was just like my mind: a complete fucking mess that made no sense and looked like Narnia. But despite that, my personal laptop was hanging out on the small table I have in front of the TV. I sighed and went to the kitchen, trying not to worry.
It's been a while ever since I met the group of monsters and, honestly, I'm loving it! They are super nice and a part of me has changed a bit... so I'm becoming more dedicated to making them as happy as I can.
And that also refers to some of their complaints, like "you should seek a better job" or "this is dangerous for you, you should have something that makes you happy". And that's what I was about to do.
After taking my cup of coffee and I sat on the couch, I opened my laptop and started to search for different jobs and opportunities. I'm a scientist and a... politician? We could say that. I'm experienced in both terms and I'm really trying to look for a scientist post today. I want to do what I love and, well, I'm a science nerd. Fite me.
I just don't want to work in the Congress anymore. It's boring, it's lame, and I'm not going to stay in an office for the rest of my days- not when I'm starting to care about things. Alphys and Sans have said that they want to become part of the science world, but they have to study hard to get it. While I'm waiting for them, though, I'll make them proud and work in science!
While browsing around, I ended up on a Facebook page and noticed I had a shitton of notifications. Interested, I checked the groups and started to read the messages... bad idea...
Paula: Hey, monster lover! You should just go with them to the Underground, hah!
Anna: Jesus, when did we let this happen?
Anna: I thought you were smarter than this!
John: You are gonna put us in trouble
John: And it'll be all YOUR FAULT!
And so it went. I frowned slightly and decided to check Discord, trying to get distracted for a bit. My mind was starting to make bad moves, and I just couldn't make them real. What if it was better to leave the topic? Did I make a mistake? Should I start protesting AGAINST them?! Are they a threat to humans? Oh my God, what have I done? Should I-
Do you wanna get... Frisky?: Hey (Y/N)!
Do you wanna get... Frisky?: you wanna play UNO?
CoolSkeleton95: YES, HUMAN!
CoolSkeleton95: YOU SHOULD JOIN THE FUN!
I shook my head with a smile, knowing I could never do that to them. Not after the little and funny history we have together, and how much comprehensible they looked with my problems socializing. They've made laugh like there is no tomorrow and to learn a lot of things. I just can't wipe them away from their dreams. I just can't wipe them away from my life.
Smartass: Sure, right now?
puns are love, puns are life: we're startin' right now, kiddo.
puns are love, puns are life: join this round before undyne comes with her shitty strategies again
I giggled softly, remembering the stupid nicknames we all had in that Discord group. I immediately went for my headphones, then joined the chat.
"Hi!" I exclaimed, praying that everyone could hear me. Fortunately, they could.
"hello kid, ready to lose?" A deep voice said, which I immediately recognized it was Sans. Everyone seems to have a high-pitched voice comparing them with him. Heck, even my father would sound like a three-year-old girl if we compare their voices!
After a bit of playing stupid rounds of UNO and hearing Sans's awful puns, I lost track of time. Eventually, Sans and I ended up playing Dead by Daylight together, the skeleton by some coincidence having the game installed. And so talked privately from then, and... got used to the game, I suppose.
"DUDE WHAT THE-" I stopped myself before I could use a bad word, not knowing how he would react. I still don't feel comfortable enough to be my usual, swearing, and boring self around them. I'm trying to be as less boring as possible... but I know that I'm still boring, even if I, indeed, try hard.
"i hate this game soooooooo much... what if we play somethin' else?" he asked, making me sigh in relief. This game's no good for someone with anxiety, keep that in mind. Bad thing I'm kind of a masochist in that aspect.
"You hate a lot of games, don't you? And sure, any suggestions?"
"do you have... mortal kombat?"
Oooh
This is going to be interesting!
"Which one?"
"x, i'm too poor to buy the new one"
"Sure, I have it! I'll love to play it, it's been a while"
"cool cool, i'll invite you then"
And we played like for, what, hours? Mortal Kombat is sincerely one of my favorite sagas of videogames since I was a little child. Dolls? Nah, videogames were my thing since the beginning of times.
I forgot my problems, I forgot everything. It was just me, my character, and an angry Sans rattling his bones all over the mic. I was enjoying it, even if he tried to deconcentrate me with his jokes, that at the end were all just corny comments trying to make me flush but made me laugh instead.
I joked now and then as well, and hearing his laugh was such a gratifying feeling I couldn't do anything but to laugh with him. Besides, his laugh is quite contagious, and I'm easily influenced when other people laugh, so this got the best of me.
When I looked at the clock though, fear ran all over my body, and I stood quiet for some good minutes. I tried to contain my anxiety, to calm down. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes, telling myself I'll be just fine.
"(y/n), are you-"
"HOLY SHIT IT'S 1 AM WHAT THE FUCK- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
...
Nice job, sweetie.
My mind was being a huge and stupid mess whenever those awful screams were out of my mouth. Sans wasn't answering, so I felt worse. I started panicking and creating ways to make him hate me less, and before I could say anything, I heard laughter.
His laughter.
"oh my god (y/n) you panic a lot" he said between breaths, while I just remained silent. What the- "i'm sorry, it's just... you should not worry about anything, k? remember you said tomorrow you don't have to work, k? just relax. nothing's wrong with staying late once in a while, right?"
"Wait, so you don't think I'm pathetic or anything like that?!"
"wha- of course not! everyone has their moments (y/n), and you have anxiety, for god's sake! it's totally normal for someone to freak out now and then. you shouldn't feel guilty of that"
How...
I felt tears trying to escape from my eyes and I hold them back, keeping my cool... temporarily. I draw a weak smile in my face, even if Sans couldn't see it.
"Thank you. I needed that" Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnd my voice broke down in the process. Shit.
"don't worry (y/n)" he said kindly, and I bet he was still wearing that permanent shit-eating grin. I chuckled to myself, slowly making tears disappear "hey, do you wanna meet up tomorrow? maybe you want some time to yourself, i know, but maybe you should try to interact more with people... since i'm assuming you don't"
I never thought I would get lectured by a skeleton. Guess life is unexpected, huh?
But I realized he was right. My social anxiety can only be solved by interacting with others. There is no escape, and I'm conscious of that. Besides, what can go wrong? Sans has been nothing but a nice guy, and I'm starting to enjoy his company a lot. Maybe I'll be able to consider him as a friend?
"I'd love that, thank you so much. I don't get to hang out often, so that means a lot"
"don't sweat it. everyone deserves a chance to express themselves"
We hung up the call with a quick "see you tomorrow" and I went straight to bed, never erasing that last sentence he said from my mind.
"Everyone deserves a chance to express themselves", huh? Maybe...
Maybe this is my chance
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*Sans's POV*
We hung up the call and I let out a sigh. I never realized I was playing until late, mostly because Papyrus didn't come for his bedtime story, and so I lose track of time. I was having a good time though, but I can't be stubborn and keep her up any longer. Not after she almost had a heart attack.
She's nice, and she seems pretty genuine. Doesn't look like the type of girl that should hide anything, not with that anxiety of hers. She's a goddess in Mortal Kombat, though. She knew how to use almost every fighter perfectly, and I felt like a punching bag with jokes in its interior. The more she won, the more I joked. At least she laughed... a lot, actually. She's a good audience, just like Tori.
Then I remembered she cursed when she was starting to freak out, and I started to wonder if she uses "strong" language daily. Or well, at least in her head.
I looked over that beautiful website called Youtube and watched some memes, that are truly gold if you ask me. A sick and dark sense of humor combined with random things and retards living their lives- in one word, perfection. I would also watch Tumblr, but that site gave me a good uncomfortable feeling that I don't want to relive any sooner. I also wanted to check Wattpad, but ever since I knew that it was mostly FanFiction, I thought more about it. Then I remember that Alphys told me she had an account and I immediately never went to that place...
Alphys is scary sometimes, no one can judge me. Her weird FanFictions are pretty much apart from anything I like to read or write...
And yes, I'm a writer.
That's why I thought Wattpad would be a good idea...
Thank God I changed my mind.
I'm mostly a science fiction lover, but drama and suspense are not that bad. I also like a lot of horror novels, but I'm no good at writing one my self. Believe me, I tried. It's hard to make it as noncliché as possible, considering that paranormalities are a huge cliché themselves.
I always include romance in my stories though. I realized it's quite essential in defining people's personalities and actions. Besides, romantic scenes leave a nice drama feeling when they are not exaggerated, so I try to put them once in a while.
I'm currently writing a novel instead of a short story, but it's hella difficult if you are bone dry of ideas. It takes a skele-ton of effort to come up with something good, and it's harder to put it in words. I also need to do some more research, since it includes scientific things...
Ah, sci-fi. What would I do without it?
I'm also a classic novel lover. Macbeth it's just wonderful and Journey to the Center of the Earth are old masterpieces that have a special place in my soul. I read them when I was a kid, and I would do it over and over. But I also want to see what new books the surface has to offer- one of my wildest dreams is to visit the biggest libraries around the world, like the ones in Paris or in Tokyo. But that has to wait.
I'm tired, but I never get myself to sleep. I suffer insomnia since... quite a few time, actually. It all started with the first reset of that goddamn flower; it started whenever I realized that the timeline theory was real and that, whoever got the power- the DETERMINATION- had the entire world at their hands.
Flowey was first, then Frisk came and had the power. Now I don't know if she has it anymore, considering we are at the surface and anyone could be more determined than her. But there's still a chance she has time and space at the tip of her fingers, and with a snap, she can make everything and everyone I love disappear.
That kid... she probably wants to see me suffer. After everything I've done to stop her, she hates me even more. She's selfish. She's a prick. And I'll never forgive her.
She knew I would remember when she did that. She killed everyone I loved, she destroyed the little hope I had on my home... and laughed at my face about it. That fight, that crazy look in her eyes... I have nightmares about it. Whenever I see the kid, a part of me replaces it with the painful memories of past timelines.
And I can't make them stop. I can't erase that devilish and empty smile Frisk had. I can't erase the vision of that flower becoming a God before my eyes.
I can't erase Papyrus's smile still with hope before turning to dust.
I shook my head and sighed. Out of all the times, I can't bring myself now into thinking like that... not anymore. We're on the Surface now, for God's sake! I should be happy because now I can fulfill my happiest dreams!
...
I lack the motivation, though.
There's no hope for me, or that's what I think.
I want the best for everyone (except Frisk and Flowey; screw them), but me? Heh, this old sack of bones won't be his usual self any sooner. It's just... it's just stupid to think I'll ever be the casual and relaxed skeleton ever again. I'm paranoid. I'm scared. I'm a fucking coward trying to protect his brother, but being too useless to do anything about it.
I can't go back to Snowdin. I can't go back to that goddamn house. I can't.
I glanced over my desk and noticed the folder with the things for my education. I let a sigh, knowing that I would never be able to keep up with that kind of stress. Not if my mind it's worried about something else.
I turned off the lights and went to my bed, trying to clear my mind. I let a new human enter my life, one older than Frisk...
That doesn't mean it's less dangerous.
That doesn't mean she's not a murderer...
#sans x reader#sansxreader#more than i thought fanfiction#more than i thought#sans#x reader#undertale
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all the odd number questions >:3
okay first of all how dare you and second of all I still love you ok but just. you do realise no one here actually cares abt this ?? so I’ll put the answers under the break
ask game
1. who’s your celebrity crush?
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh I don’t think I really have the stereotypical celebrity crushes? if we count lesser-known celebrities, then I’d have to say the amazing youtuber TBSkyen, who runs a wonderful channel all about character design in videogames and such. I admire his skills and the content he puts out is very informative & also he happens to be one of the rare people online who pay attention to LGBTQ issues and cultivates a safe space in the community surrounding his channel & also is aware of the issues of sexism and ALSO just happens to have a lovely voice (example: x x x )so how can you blame me for crushing hard?
he made me care about League of Legends and DARK SOULS, for god’s sake!
3. rant. just do it
I feel like the previous answer was enough of a rant already lol (I just love him so much uuuugh he says at one point in his life he was gonna be a teacher and IT SHOWS! he explains art theory so well! fml)
5. how many accounts do you have?
on tumblr? on all of the internet? I only have 1 tumblr account and uuuuuh 7 sideblogs, which I barely use.
7. opinion on… (specify to the person you’re asking to)
oh hello heidi. asking me to give an opinion on one of my best friends now huh? very sneaky indeed!
well She is a lovely lovely person who I met/got to know thanks to tumblr and mtg (I’m not sure how we became mutuals in the first place but I’m not complaining) and I love Her very much! She’s sweet and terribly kind and I have a plushie and a cute plastic snail to prove that! Also She is adorable and deserves all the happiness in the world and I will cut anyone who even looks at Her wrong
(also probably one of the people whom i talk to the most these days. how did that happen OH RIGHT because she’s an enabler and lets me rant. read this ask.)
9. favorite brand of clothing?
not much of a brand person, I just pick out stuff that’s comfy, cheap-ish, and at least vaguely gay
11. what unusual talent do you have?
……. I can purr, I think?
13. ever prank called a store?
I’m sure people in my school tried & my cousins did that as well when we were kids, but me personally? no. I was merely a witness. A co-conspirator, if you will.
15. what’s a question you constantly get asked?
no single question stands out rn, but I guess these days it’s just university-related things. :/
17. google the top song from the year you were born
google has a lot of results for me but the ones that immediately stand out are Livin’ La Vida Loca & All Star. …… yes that fits perfectly
19. what’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?
art history/drama/english (I think?) high school teacher. she’s queer and super chill, likes dnd and not to be dramatic but I WOULD DIE FOR HER. first adult outside of my family who I came out to & she was way better about it than my mom and CAN YOU GUESS why she’s my fave and I look up to her so much??
21. what’s a conspiracy you believe in?
I don’t.
23. if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?
that’s. not enough. please give me more of those I have like 24 bad habits that need my immediate attention please and thank you.
(probably my severe procrastination. but that’s very broad and generic.)
25. what’s something you can’t stop buying?
binge food. no it’s not fun. yes, maybe this would be a better answer to the previous question. the two of us have a bad relationship and it sucks.
27. how long before a trip do you pack?
last minute. if we leave in the afternoon then I pack the morning of the trip. if we leave in the morning, I pack at night.
29. what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?
anything that comes out of rich people’s mouths. “believe in your dreams // anything is possible” is easier to say for someone from a dual-income family who gets a car for their 18th birthday and goes on vacation every year. fuck off.
31. you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?
capitalism.
33. what do you think about a lot
gorgeous men. this blog is a testament to that.
also? great animation/visual effects
35. what does home mean to you?
messy rooms, late night trips to the freezer, worn matresses, leaky windows & the only place where I feel comfortable singing loud
37. have you ever been called down to the principals office?
only for good results in competitions
39. describe your aesthetic
pop-culture references, dark undereye circles, worn sneakers, oversized jumpers, long showers, cool breeze, late summer nights, staring at the moon, physical affection
…
this took way longer to type up than I thought it would
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💜 Tag game 💜
I've been tagged by the lovely @pikachulein thank you so much 💕
Rules: Share 5 little things about you that people might not be able to tell without seeing you in person, and tag a few people you want to know!
1: some people have told me that I seem intimidating and kind of cold but I'm actually just shy around new people or people I don't really know sometimes ^^
2: Also a lot of people misjudge my personality and think I'm kind of naive and that I only like cute stuff, which is only a little bit true (not the naive part but the part that I like cute stuff) but when people get to know me one of the first things a lot of them are surprised about is that I love horror games and horror movies, psychological thrillers and so on
3. When I talk I often switch between languages which always confuses people so much xD most of the time i do that because i can't remember a word or a sentence in the the language I'm talking in to another person and then just try to say it in another language :D That just happened today actually, I talked with my mom about what's in my wallet and I just completely forgot the German word so I just pointed at it and said "wallet!!" And my mom was like "?????huh???" because she didn't know what that means😂
4. I don't really show it here on tumblr but I love videogames, a lot, half of my room is full of videogame stuff like gaming consoles and games, some merchandise and things like that ^_^
5. There are times when I could talk for hours without an end about some things but then there are also times when I'm just kind of quiet and would rather listen than talk
I'm tagging @cosmicxwoobear @jisungsings @jjisungg @felixandflowers @stray-anpanman @atinypiratequeen but you don't have to do this if you don't want to of course ^_^
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15 Questions
I was tagged by @crimsonbluemoon hi. You surprised me.
To play, you answer 15 questions and tag 15 people. Fuuun. I don't have 15 people to tag. I don't know anybody's tumblrs.
Are you named after someone? No. I made sure that my name wasn't taken by someone I know/know of. I eventually remembered I share a name with a cowboy in a video game. Too late. And I like the cowboy....and the video game. I play it too much....OW. Oh wow. I'm off topic. Not a surprise.
When was the last time you cried? I can't remember. I usually can't remember.
Do you have kids? If characters count as children then...YES. If Skittles counts then her too. (This will probably make sense at the 'pet' question.)
Do you use sarcasm a lot? Pfffffft....nooooo. Why would I ever use sarcasm? Hahaha. That's funny.
What's the first thing you notice about people? Well, if it's in real life (which never happens...what's outside?)...I notice how tall they are. I think. Most of my meetings with people are over the internet. Faceless meetings. Over text, whether or not they use proper grammar. Over voice, how deep their voice is or accents (if they have strong ones).
What's your eye color? Brown. Sometimes their hazel, or an amber color (which is cool) and sometimes one is different than the other. In reality, they probably aren't changing. It's just surrounding colors and lighting...probably. I don't know stuff.
Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings! I don't like scary movies. I don't want to be anymore scared or paranoid about things than I already am.
Any special talents? I don't know. I can...kinda sing. I guess. I don't really know how it sounds to other people (and the quality does go down when I try nto sing to other people), but I like how it sounds when it's just me by my lonesome...like it usually is. Haha. Does this even count?
Where were you born? Ehhh....wellllll....no exact places...but on the western side of Canada...Mountain time zone...that narrows it down quite nicely.
What are your hobbies? Playing videogames, drawing (both of which are accompanied by listening to music), watching YouTube, singing, reading, writing...sending random scenes of characters to my friend.
Do you have any pets? Haha...DO I? Yes. Yes, I do. Three dogs, five cats, and a bearded dragon. Dogs: Jake (giant clumsy oldman), Daisy (has injured back legs and really likes tipping over the garbage can), Chewy (Chewbacca...he does a higher pitched version). Cats: Skittles (my baby), Marbles (fluff ball), Bubbles (demon), Taffy (Taffeta is what my mom calls her), Odin (he has a cool mustache pattern on his face.) Lizard: Yoda (don't know the gender, 55% sure it's female).
How tall are you? ...5'3"...
What sports do you play/have you played? Uhh...I don't know if it counts...but I did gymnastics when I was a kid. I also played soccer...alone...when I was younger...and at my brothers soccer practices....
Favorite subject at school? Art, drama, science (specfically chemistry, but physics is cool too).
Dream job? I don't know. I want to help people. So...like...an EMT. Or a Forensic Scientist...or a Police Officer (they have a bad name, though, huh?). None of those will happen, probably because 1. I am squirmish and blood and wounds make me all paranoid. 2. Forensic science is cool, but...yeah. 3. They have a bad reputation with that last one...and I don't want people to hate me. 4. I have a bad course with schooling. I don't even know if I will be able to graduate. I'm not dumb, just unmotivated. I'm also not physically fit. I'm a noodle. I'm also trans, so, being accepted in a work place is difficult.
I have time, though....two years is a lot of time...
Tags. Hi. First of all: if you want to do this and you weren't tagged...you can still do it! Just say I tagged you or something!
@applecannibal @un1dent1fi3d69 @cloverink56 @poptart-puppy @stillnotjack @thatonemexicannerd (I know you two were tagged, but I don't know anyone else. So...sorry?) @applecantbebothered (suffer)
That's it. I'm done. Thank you...and goodnight.
#hahahahahhahaa#i really dont know anyone#my answers were also really long and probably went into more detail than y'all would care to know#but all well
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Get to Know the Writer
Thanks @seebaru for tagging me!
Rules: answer the questions and tag 20 (or less) people to do the same
Name: Call me Haya
Sign: Aries
MBTI: INFP, if I recall correctly.
Alignment: I never thought about this... Neutral Good?
Native Language: Italian
Favorite books: Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend (Matthew Dicks), The Neverending Story (Michael Ende), Ten Little Indians (Agatha Christie).
Favorite films: Whisper of the Heart (1995), and now I’m feeling bad that all the movies I really like are either anime or animated movies... so I’m gonna add Kung Fu Panda 2 too.
Favorite TV shows: Nothing, I’m afraid. I’m not a fan of TV shows (I only watched How I Met Your Mother, so...)
Favorite Broadway shows: I’m afraid not.
Favorite operas: Never saw any...
Favorite plays: I never went to the theatre, but I studied a few scripts for university. I quite liked Molière’s Don Juan.
Favorite songs: ...oops, I almost never listen to songs... Mostly instrumental music (mainly videogame OSTs, but not always). Here’s a bunch that I really like:
Waves - by Mattia Cupelli
Open Your Gate - Hiroyuki Sawano
Remnants of the Departed Ways - Owsey
Wings of Kynareth - The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion OST
Town of Water ~ Misthallery Day - Professor Layton and Last Specter OST
...and many more.
Favorite Artists: ...that’s too generic! What do you mean? Visual artists? I follow lots of people, but here on Tumblr I’m particularly fond of zandraart and drachenmagier! I don’t want to tag them, but please check them out!
Rural or urban? Rural!
Do you enjoy politics? to be honest, I have a really hard time understanding politics...
Classic or Romantic? Huh... I gave a really quick glance to the first Google link I found, and I think I’m a mix of both? Kinda leaning towards Romantic more, though.
Do you have a type? Not really.
What are your aspirations? Being happy with myself. Then use what I learned to help others.
What’s your philosophy on life? Everything is weird. Nothing makes sense. Think outside of the box.
I’m afraid I can only tag @gyppygirl2021!
Everybody else who sees this, feel free to do it!
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