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anime-rambles · 1 year

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Safe with Us: Part 1

Pairing: Alpha!KiriBaku x Omega!MidoriyaTwinReader

Type: Angst, hurt, forced scenting.

Word Count: 3500+

A/N: Thank you all so much for the support and love for my work, I have been super busy at the moment in my personal life and haven't really ad a moment to breathe but I do have this finished and wanted to share with everyone. Part 2 coming soon. I have a new taglist form follow the link below and it will bring you too it. Much love as always, Tiff <3

Summary: You were Midroiya's twin, Bakugou's mate but life isn't easy and one day you were kidnapped, stripped from everything you know. Many years have passed, Bakugou has moved on but only now have you been able to escape, to return to your family. A family that has moved on.

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MHA Tag List: @hornehlittleweeblet2 @mystiqueewrites @belzeblitz @moonygeno413 @ace-the-side-character @unlogical-ella @moonseye @vaellee @corruptowlette @pasteldaze @24-7-multifandomsimp @yetoadet @ninetyeightrins @kirissluttypebble @elaineplayz @phantomalchemist @tigerd-draws @kunaigirlx44 @jujutaku @adventures-in-a-heartbeat @cmars59 @upinacloud @yourdragonsfire @uwiuwi @burningbluegalaxy @kirislilwhorewife @kuzusouda-and-terumaru-blog @kat-perdue @ebiharachan @lazyafgurl @bratty-fics @eraserheads-sleeping-bag @eijiandkatspebbleble

TAGLIST

MASTERLIST

There were many things in your life that you thought was unfair, for one, living with your father away from your twin, having a quirk without your twin and being an omega and not being allowed to be an omega. You know nothing of your omegain side, only that it was something to be ashamed of. That you were merely the lowest of the low and even alpha’s, your destined alpha would tire of you and seek other mates, and you had to be okay with it.

Your father brought you to this group of alpha’s, you never knew why but one thing was for sure they were villains. When the time came for your first heat, that was the last time you saw your father. He had sold you to them, and left you behind. For many a year the villains took care of you, but not for free, you cooked, cleaned and just about did anything that was expected of you. There was one alpha in the group, a new guy, who took a shine to you. He often would tell you he would find a way to get you home, to trust him, that you will know when the time is right.

There was an explosion in the compound, it had knocked you straight off your feet. The door to your room, which was more of a cage, unlocked and the door opened slowly. You could hear screams in the distance and you knew it was time to run. A red feather floated into the room and flew around you, pushing at your back towards the door. It is definitely the sign you’ve been waiting for. So you ran, ran as hard as your feet would take you. Your destination? Unknown. You had nothing, no money, no shelter, you were scared of what would happen now, you could embrace your omega. You could hardly remember your mother, or even if she would take you in, your twin on the other hand…

You ran to the nearest phone booth, putting some coins you had found in your pocket and dialing the only number you could remember, hoping he never changed it.

Beep….beep…beep…

“Hello?” A voice croaked out from the end of the phone.

“Izuku” You whispered, tears already filling your eyes.

“Yes, who is it? It's the middle of the night.” His voice sounded impatient.

“Zuzu, I ne-”

“Y/N, YOU’RE ALIVE, whereareyouareyouokaystaythereillcomeandgetyoudontgoanywhere..” Izuku interrupted you and tears flowed down your face, more happy tears than anything.

+++

“So, you’re telling me, Izuku has a twin, that we’ve never met, that you knew of, that your alpha chose and never thought to mention it to me?” Kirishima stood in front of Bakugou with his arms crossed trying to wrap his head around this new information. Bakugou dropped his bag that he was packing and turned to Kirishima.

“Look, I'm sorry Eiji, what do you want me to say? We both thought she died? she disappeared around the same time Izuku dad went missing and we know how that turned out, she was young and already showing as an omega, and yes my alpha chose her, she was my mate, but she disappeared, my alpha disappeared with her and then you came into my life and woke him up again, waking him up with that big stupid grin of yours, and my alpha claimed you as my mate too.” Bakugou made his way to Kirishima and placed his hands on his face. Kirishima smiled up at him, not really bothered about the omega, Kirishima knew that if Bakugou’s alpha had already chosen the omega as a mate that his own alpha would do the same. Kirishima had a lot of love to go around. Often the pair would add an extra member during ruts but no one ever felt right for the red head to let them stay around. Kirishima was actually quite excited to meet her but he wants Bakugou to talk about it, to open up more. Kirishima lent forward to kiss Bakugou.

“I know bro, so manly you are” Bakugou pulled a face and stepped away from Kirishima.

“What did I say shitty hair, stop calling me bro when you are touching or inside me” Bakugou picked up his bag again and Kirishima just laughed smacking Bakugou ass as he left his room and walked into the main area of the den.

Everyone in the pack lived there and had their own rooms, Kirishima also had his own room but barely spent time in there anymore since him and Bakugou began courting. Bakugou could see Midoriya pacing at the door, with Todoroki at his side trying to calm him down.

“God Katsuki hurry up, she’s lost and alone, andprobablythinksweveforgttenaboutheragaingodwearesuchbadexcudsesforalphas..” Midoriya rambled on, and Todoroki tried once again to calm his mate down, he was failing…badly.

“Let’s go nerd” Bakugou grabbed Midoriya’s collar and pulled him out the door with his pack behind him wishing them luck. Bakugou grabbed his car keys on the way out and threw his and Midoriya’s bag in the boot of his car.

Once both alpha’s were settled in the car, Bakugou began to drive to the airport, you weren’t in Japan anymore. Midoriya sat ringing his hands together not speaking, he was afraid and unsure what you would think. His alpha had missed you all these years, his baby omegain sister. Both of you had dreamed of becoming hero’s together but when he had not developed his quirk and you had, you promised him you’d still make his dream come true. Then you disappeared leaving him all alone, Bakugou and him grew very distant, and the alpha’s hate grew and grew and the next moment they were both in UA, constantly fighting each other for no reason. The pain of losing you, almost killed both of them. It was only after both nearly losing each other in villain attacks, was what brought them back together and formed their clan with the rest of the class. Midoriya wanted to talk to Bakugou, he wanted him to say something but he could barely read Bakugou’s emotion right now so he thought it was best to stay quiet.

Bakugou could sense Midoriya wanted to talk but what could he possibly say at this moment. Everyone thought you had died. Mr Midoriya’s body was found years ago and you were nowhere to be seen. The hero’s and police all deemed you dead, as you were an omega without any protection whatsoever. Bakugou blamed himself that he left you all alone, even though there was nothing he could have done, he did not know what Mr.Midoriya was planning on doing. Since that day, the emptiness had taken over Bakugou, his alpha disappeared along with you. It took many hard years of Kirishima constantly working and helping Bakugou that his Alpha came back, but there was always a part missing, that part belonged with you.

It was like any other day, you were in Bakugou’s house learning how to build a nest which you decided needed to be in his room and Bakugou allowed this, he thought it was adorable watching you learn how to be one with your second gender. It was a lot easier for Alpha’s to join with their second genders, where omega’s had a lot of learning to do. They only join fully with their omega when they go through their first heat. Then Mr. Midoriya arrived and he never saw you again. Bakugou rubbed on his neck, on your mark you left on him. The both of you had not joined sexually as you were both young but you both decided to mark each other early so that if something was to happen to either of you the other would have something to hold onto, one last hope. Bakugou hated the idea at the time but went along with it, and now he was so thankful for your brain for thinking about it, as it was all Bakugou had of you. The nest you had built had been taken by police as evidence and any belongings he had or Midoriya had all gone to some police station somewhere.

Bakugou’s auto pilot had brought the pair straight to the airport and by the time Bakugou’s brain caught up with his body they were boarding the plane. Bakugou turned Midoriya who looked like he was going to pass out. He grabbed his hand and they locked eyes.

“She alive, and were bringing her home, that is all the matters, the past is the past,”

Midoriya nodded at Bakugou and the plane departed on its journey to you.

+++

Your father took you far away, to some little town in a European country with the plans to marry you off for a quirk marriage to create strong children. You inherited your father fire quirk and you were quite skilled at creating objects with fires and if you concentrate hard enough you could even make bombs but it took too much energy and often left you dizzy and breathless so you promised Bakugou you would leave all the exploding to him.

Bakugou, you could hardly believe after all this time of hoping and wanting, you could go back to him. Sometimes you would be able to sneak away and see the news, you could see him and Izuku sometimes. You’d often get punished for watching tv but it was worth it, seeing them. You had this longing in your chest to be with Bakugou, a voice inside, telling you he was safe but you didn’t understand what that voice was. All you knew was that you were an omega, that's it, nothing more. Nobody would tell you anything else. You would've been used when you were younger, something about a heat? But you never had one, the alpha’s had said it was because you were already mated to an alpha as you had his mark, that you were only useful to a dominant alpha to break the mark or they could always kill the alpha that marked you but you never told them who it was. You always said it was a nobody, that someone attacked you and they believed you, well all but one alpha, his name was Dabi. He had tried multiple times to get close to you and even one time tried to burn off your mark but it was no use, you had a fire quirk and his flame did nothing to you. After not having your heat because of your joining with someone, they opted to wait for it to come naturally. This would take time. If you were focused to be with an alpha now, the up would not survive, that was also not an option with how powerful your quirk could be.

Dabi was chosen to be your minder and breaker, you either stayed in your cage or in his room. They hoped that with Dabi’s pheromones your omega would choose him. You spent many nights forced into Dabi’s neck breathing him in, his scent made you sick and just the thoughts of him made your skin crawl. Dabi had also brought you to Japan a few times in the hopes you would be able to point out this alpha, one way or another you eventually would be his. But the hero’s always appeared and attacked him which was getting on Dabi’s nerves so he stopped bringing you. It was too risky.

You're not really sure how you escaped. You knew the alpha with the red wings, Tango, he called himself but you felt deep down he was lying. You also knew he was behind it but you were never really sure why he helped you but you were grateful. You were finally going home to Izuku and to Bakugou. You knew after all this time the pair of them had probably stopped looking for you, there was no reason to believe you were alive so you couldn’t hold that against them. You also knew that so much time had passed, you were in your twenties now and Bakugou probably found himself another mate, you made a bargain with yourself that you would take all the comfort you could from him, until he mentioned his mate, then you would back off, it was only fare to whomever his mate was.

You could feel something inside you come alive, but you were unsure as to what it was. There was a deep hunger inside and you started to heat up. Maybe you had caught a cold while running away from the compound. Izuku has mentioned an airport and you had managed to find a way to it, one or two hero’s had helped you along the way. They were friends of ProHero Deku, which you found so hard to believe that your quickless brother was a hero. That his dream came true. You were sitting outside the arrivals section of the airport afraid to go in, you knew no matter where you were standing Izuku would find you.

The main doors opened and a group of people existed. You looked at them, in the back you could faintly see a mop of green hair and blonde hair. Your heart sped up and you panicked, your brian telling you to hide for some reason, that you didn't deserve to be safe and home. So you hid behind a tree, you could hear your name being called and it was getting closer and closer to you but you stayed behind the tree.

Bakugou could see your arms sticking out from behind the tree. He knew you were scared, he could smell it in the air. Midoriya was already crying, he nudged Midoriya in a way to tell him to pull himself together. Both alphas reached the tree and stood still, they could hear your whimpers.

“y/n, there's no need to be afraid,” Midoriya said in a quiet tone. Bakguou placed the bags on the floor.

“Zuzu, Kats, is it really you.” They could hear the tremble in your voice and could smell your fear in the air. Midoriya motioned to his neck, Bakugou understood immediately and started to pump calming pheromones into the air to try and calm you. Even though Midoriya was your brother, your mate would be able to calm you down more. You started to calm down slightly and peaked at them from around the tree.

“There she is, we're here now ‘mega, nothings going to happen to you ever again” Bakugou stared deeply into your eyes, he held out his hand to you and so did Midoriya. You took a cautious step towards them, looking around the area for the villains, for Dabi. They had often used the boys' images to trick you in the past to bring your heat forward but something deep inside was telling you it was them right here in front of you. You held out both of your hands and grasped both of them. You released the breath you were holding and looked at the two, both alpha’s had tears in their eyes but neither moved a muscle.

“You’re both really here” You sobbed and threw your arms around their necks pulling them into you. Both alphas used their arms and held you tight breathing you in.

“It’s been so long, an-an-d I tried so many times to sh-show you I was ali-vvv-e but they stopped me”You sobbed harder into them. Bakugou and Midoriya both pumped out pheromones to try and calm you down but it was no use, Midoriya could hardly breathe himself as he was crying just as hard.

“Y/n, I failed you, I’m so so sorry” Midoriya fell to his knees, and sobbed into his hands. You pulled away from Bakugou and joined Midoriya on the floor.

“Hush now, let's not live in the past, right now all I want to do is go home and I want you to tell me what it’s like being heroes. I’m so proud of you both right now.” You said and held onto Midoriya, once his crying had stopped he pulled you both to your feet. Midoriya let you go and grabbed his and Bakugou’s bag, giving the two of you a minute. You looked up at him and his eyes stared deeply into your eyes.

“Hello you” You whispered, and made your way to stand closer to Bakugou.

“Hey ‘mega” Bakugou wrapped his arms tightly around you, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist. He tucked your face into his neck and you could feel his pheromones were much stronger here. Something inside you said you should kiss his glands, you could see his mark on his neck, the same one you had placed on him all those years ago, binding you both together. At the time it was just you being sappy, what you had not realized was that it was that sappiness that actually saved you all these years.

“Missed you, a part of me died when you weren't here, never letting you out of my sight again, I’ll die without you” Bakguou whispered into your neck. You hummed for a moment, letting the comfort take over.

“I'm here now, Kats.” you closed your eyes and just breathed in his scent, you hummed again and let it take over. Bakugou giggled into your neck.

“You purring ‘mega,”

“Wait what, that's not you making that sound” You pulled slightly in his arms to look at him. He smiled at you.

“Nope, that’s your omega sweetheart, she’s calling to my alpha, her mate.” Bakugou kissed your forehead, you let out an uneasy laugh. Bakugou could read you in an instant.

“Don’t worry, I help you learn about your omega again, don’t expect you know a lot bout it, stupid kidnappers, and beside it’s my job as Alpha to teach you.” Bakugou’s brows creased and you lent forward to kiss them. He stopped all movements which caused you to giggle.

“I trust you Kats, now let's go home yeah?” you asked as you wriggled out of his arms and made your way to Midoriya taking his hand in yours.

+++++++++++

Many many hours later you were back in Japan, sitting in Bakugou’s lap while Midoriya drove you home. On the flight home you learnt all about their pack, and den. You learnt basically everything you had missed over the years. Midoriya told you about Allmight and what happened, how he’s a hero now. Bakugou filled you in about everything else, the little things you might have missed in Midoriya’s mumblings. The boys pushed you to talk about your time but right now you couldn’t process anything about it without panicking so they stopped asking and decided to wait until you were ready.

Midoriya pulled into the driveway of the house, and some of the pack members were already outside waiting. You looked up at them and started to panic, your head screaming at you that this is where you lose Bakugou, that his new omega is up there. Bakugou could sense your panic and asked Midoriya to get the pack inside and he’ll bring you in, in a minute. Bakugou watched as Midoriya ushered everyone inside and he locked eyes with Kirishima who was smiling like a dork to him.

Bakugou pulled you to him and kissed your forehead. “Come one ‘mega, what's going on in your head of yours.” You took a moment to breathe and pulled back to look at Bakugou and spoke.

“I can’t do it Katsuki, I made a deal with myself that I can have you until we made it back to your pack, and I would give you back to your omega but I can't do it , I can't do it, I can't do it.” You sobbed into Bakugou. He released some pheromones and when your crying had slowed down he began to speak.

“Y/n, I never took another omega, you’re the only one for me” Bakugou wiped your tears away. “But, b–ut, Kirishima? You mention him very differently. I assumed he was your new omega.” Bakugou took a breath, “I really didn’t want to do this so soon, but only recently did I start seeing Kirishima, he brought my Alpha back but sweetheart, Kirishima is an alpha and the pack alpha and I love you both so much, in my heart something clicks with it being us three, but we’ll give you time to heal okay, Kirishima agreed to stay away to help.” Bakugou rubbed your neck as he spoke, you stayed quiet. You weren’t quite sure how to react, were you happy? Yes. Were you mad? No. Something inside you was very excited to meet this new alpha, and you could faintly smell something new on Bakugou but you just imagined it was someone from the clan but now everything made sense and you started to smile.

“Let’s go meet everyone then” You smiled brightly at Bakugou and kissed his lips. Bakugou’s smile joined yours and he released the breath he was holding.

#bakugou x kirishima x reader #alpha kiribaku #kiribaku x y/n #kiribaku x reader #alpha kirishima x reader #alpha bakugou x reader #alpha!bakugou #alpha!kiribaku x reader #alpha!kirishima #bnha fanfiction #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima x reader #bakugou x kirishima #kirishima x y/n #bakugou x reader #kirishima x bakugou #bakugou x you #abo mha #abo dynamics

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emillyverse · 26 days

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This is not an update to the Comic, but it still has something to do with it !!!

(call it a little gift for the Wish Rewrite and KoW fandom)

Hello my little stars! How are you?

I mentioned in the last post in the series that I would be traveling for a week or two and that's why I wouldn't be working. Well I'm still traveling Lmao.

It's been a lot of fun, I'm visiting my Prince Charming and family, both of whom I haven't been to in a long time. Still, I couldn't stop thinking about KoW and Wish's Concept Arts. Disney sealed the fate of its fan artists by discarding so much good material, now they are embedded in our minds and we will not be able to rest until we see them realized. This is crazy but it's beautiful to see how much these discarded concepts generated creative potential in the fandom.

Because of all this I couldn't help but make some small sketches! And well, I came to show them here. They are not sketches of Comic panels, but they have something to do with it and I will show the photos and explain how.

This first one, very faded, are Magnificent and Amable's clothes (designed by @uva124, for the characters in @annymation's rewrite of Wish "The Kingdom of Wishes"). The drawings that Aled did are very complex, I don't judge her for that, in fact I thank her, she gave beautiful clothes to the centuries-old Disney villains and they are perfect. I really wish I could draw them with all the details, but I will do everything by hand, alone and seeking a minimally professional quality (I want to be a comic artist/book illustrator one day. This comic is my first step Lmao, and I want to do something that conveys the best I can give at the moment), so I need to make some things easier for myself. The costumes are one of those things.

" Better something simple and well done than complex and poorly done." — This is my motto for this Comic and for my life.

The next sketches are related to aesthetics. I've been watching a lot of "Analyzing the Art" videos of some Disney films and I was inspired to adopt some "Disney Style" features in my arts for this comic (not everything obviously, because I don't want to be sued by Disney lmao).

What you'll see next is me trying to mix this influence with my own style in some KoW character sketches.

(this last art specifically references a meme in which @rascalentertainments tagged me, Thanks for that, by the way! <3 )

(credits to the artist, I don't know who it is because I was just tagged in this meme and I was busy So I didn't look for more information, but I'll leave the post link and you can check the official credits)

Speaking of aesthetics. Anny received Chiara's aesthetic from someone — the north star, "daughter of Aster", created by his magic at the very end of Anny's fanfic. This Aesthetic inspired me to create an aesthetic for Asha and Aster too and these were the results:

What's your favorite?

Lmao, It took a lot of work to make Aster's. There are almost no things for "starboys" on Pinterest.

I'm leaving this up to you to share as you wish, consider it a gift to the fandom!

Lastly, I want to say that the artistic analysis videos They also inspired me to put together a moodboard for KoW and I'll be leaving it here. Not even Anny and Aled know about this and I can't wait to see their reactions! I wish I could print this painting and leave it on the wall, but unfortunately I don't have a printer T-T.

This moodboard is helping me with the artistic direction of colors, style and is a visual motivation to stay active at work.

I hope you like it too!

That's it for today, it's already midnight in Brazil and I should be sleeping instead of posting crazy things on the internet. I'm going to tag my friends and go to sleep, Lmao.

Kisses full of light and stars!

~ Emy

@wings-of-sapphire @flicklikesstuff @frogcoven88 @chillwildwave @gracebethartacc @gracebethartacc @kstarsarts @oh-shtars Come and get your therapies after the anguish caused by certain publications by Anny!

#kingdom of wishes #wish reimagined #wish rewrite #wish 2023 #disney wish #artists on tumblr #asha wish #starboy #starsha #the kingdom of wishes desings #the kingdom of wishes au comic #the kingdom of wishes au #behind the papers?#behind the scenes #aesthetic #scketchbook #scketchs #please write tags for me when reblogging #I am feeling lazy

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alienaiver · 11 months

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"that's it. i'm removing you from the roster until you've stopped by the doctor."

you look at midoriya in disbelief. unable to keep yourself poised at his final decision, your shoulders slump and the exhaustion washes over you like a wave. he's seen through you.

it's been a year since your near-death experience with an all-too-powerful villain and while shinsou took great care of you during your recovery, something's been off ever since - you haven't been able to put a finger on it, though, so you decided to do what every self-sacrificing hero does: you powered through. until there was no power left to muscle your way out of it. and now it's become visible to others too. you have a feeling shinsou might've ratted you out, but you don't blame him. you'd done the same if it were him.

you get home in a daze and fall face first onto the bed. you don't wake up until you feel the weight shift and the warmth of shinsou's lips touches your cheek. but you don't have the energy to react with more than a hum. your eyelids are so heavy. there's a ringing in your ears but it's so constant that it just feels like a persistent buzz. shinsou says something as he settles behind you, arms wrapping themselves around you. for a while, you think there's silence but he says your name sternly in a voice he only uses when he knows you're not entirely listening to him. huh. you're mostly used to hearing it on the battlefield.

"i'm worried about you."

you sigh and hum, pushing yourself weakly back onto him, "'ve got a doc's appointment..... tomorrow."

he kisses the crown of your head, "okay... okay, good."

he's drawing soft circles into your arm and you drift away again. he wakes you when there's dinner and you perk up again slightly, but not enough to make him stop worrying his lip between his teeth. you fall asleep fifteen minutes into a movie later that night.

you put on your shoes and lock the door behind you, putting the keys in your pocket as you turn for the stairs at the end of the hall. you really wish there'd been an elevator in your building right now. as you walk down the steps, your feet feels heavier but you chalk it up to be your shoes. it's the sneakers you don't wear that often, but it's too cold for sandals today. you shrug it off and just concentrate more on walking.

the doctor goes through your symptoms with you but there's hardly any, you reassure her. you're just so exhausted no matter how many hours you sleep. she warns you that you may be sleeping too much. you agree with a laugh - you don't remember ever sleeping so many hours, having been an insomniac your entire youth. she does some blood tests and sends you home, saying you'll be called in when the answers are back.

the days that pass are all a blur. without your shifts at the agency, time becomes fuzzy around the edges. you don't have to get up, so you just stay in bed, since you've been told you need to rest anyways. on the third day you wake up to several notes on the bedside table, the bathroom mirror and the kitchen counter and fridge from shinsou with various reminders about eating and drinking properly and where he's stocked some snacks and prepped some food for you to reheat easily. you chuckle and shake your head at his antics. you're just tired, is all. the headaches comes with the job, you remind yourself as you try to gently massage out the tension in your neck to relieve your pounding head. he might be right about the water intake - you grab the cold bottle he's put in the fridge for you and brings it with you to the bed.

"i think you should call and ask if they've gotten the answers yet." shinsou says matter-of-factly and you nod, "yeah, it has been a few days. but it's the weekend, right? i'll call on monday." and that ends the conversation.

monday comes but you forget to call, even if you've been determined to do so. by the time you remember, the office is closed for the day. you sigh heavily and fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. you prepare the apology for shinsou on your tongue before you drift off.

tuesday morning your phone rings - several times. you finally reach out and pick up, thinking it's shinsou.

"i do apologize for the wait. the doctor unfortunately had to take some time off last week, but we have your results. will you be able to come in today?"

you agree, dragging yourself up. there's more energy in you today, but it should've been way more given the intense rest you've been having. you put on one of shinsou's hoodies and a pair of sweats before you drag yourself to the kitchen to grab a bite.

turns out, you suffer from anemia. an intense, prolonged form and need medication as soon as possible. shinsou's livid when he comes home and gets the news, angry that it has been missed when the agency periodically keeps an eye on their heroes' health. you sit on the chair with your hands folded like a child being scolded and try to laugh it off, "come on now, hito. i just need to take some medication and i'll be fine. the usual blood tests the past year haven't covered that - even if they should, i know," you hurry to add, "but i'll be fine, i promise."

shinsou sighs and his whole body slumps, leaning against the table you're sitting by. you take his hand, "i'm okay."

he visibly relaxes but there's something he's holding back. you've been together since high school, so you can read him like a book. you squeeze his hand, "open up."

he clicks his tongue with furrowed brows before he opens his mouth, "you've had these symptoms for months. why didn't you tell me?"

you look at the ground, guilt written on your face. mostly, because you don't have a proper answer to give him. you don't know why you didn't - the symptoms had all been sneaking up on you, snaking their way into your body quietly and suddenly it'd just become so chronic that you'd normalized it. you let out an apology and he squeeze your hand back, "it's okay to not have an answer. but please, can we be mindful of things like this in the future?"

you smile at him, "only if you continue to make the little post-it notes. they're adorable - especially your small doodles of dogs."

shinsou hides his face in his hands with a groan, "they were cats."

#target audience? me. i just got diagnosed w some kind of long term anemia and its all adding up lmao #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou hitoshi fluff #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha fluff #TBH! im disabled! theres so much wrong w my body to begin w idk where the symptoms begin and end!#this is written etc on my phone. idk the wordcount rn sorry <3 #ill add that when im home !! im currently babysitting my beloved niece #edit my nieces making tiktoks abt her bunny right now so i counted on an app THIS IS 1K HELLO!!!?????#i just wrote it on a whim after the docs appointment KSKSKSKSSKSKKSKSKS #also this is partly why ive been inactibe i think. the doc thing took me OUT

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dustswordfinder · 4 months

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Dust Sword Journal

Day 55 I think or should it be 1

I found a pile of dust today and on closer inspection I determined it to be grains of dust made from the awesome power of the Dust Sword. After hiking through this ancient valley for so long I almost had given up hope in finding the Dust Sword. But, this blessed dust pile has refueled my motivation to continue my search.

Side note I had better find food soon because my rations are beginning to dwindle.

Is This Day 2?

I think my legs are on the verge of tearing off and leaving me here to sit forever. So I just sit on this rock to let them take it easy.

I walked about what feels like 25 miles today I still haven’t found any food, but I have found columns of dust that appear to have been trees at one point. You’d think they would be blown away by now but, there’s no wind apparently

Day 3 Apparently

I found an old barrel today. When I opened it I found it filled with dried beef jerky. This was a very lucky find due to the fact that my rations are so low I just wish I could find water. Although I may have packed about two times more of it than food, but I’m almost out of it.

I wish I could turn back. But, if I did that where would I go I can only lose if I turn back so for now I’ll wait for night and continue my journey then.

Day 12 It’s Been a While

It’s been a while, I think these are the only way i can vent my feelings. It’s also the closest I have been able to get to a conversation. I read back on my passed journal entries and I say things like “ Oh, that happened to you. Me too we have so much in common.” or “Wow, are you copying me or something?” Of course I knew it was me writing them, why wouldn’t I? Well moving past that, I haven’t wrote for a few days because I had the bright Idea to burn all my unused paper to keep myself warm.

This was a huge mistake because I found an old barrel just behind the rock I set up camp at. I’m still mad at myself, It took me 9 days to find this and one other page, with drawings of the land and some kind of village. This would not do and I had the urge to write so bad that erased them and started the pages anew. Ah, this will for sure help me on my quest. I would write more but I ran out out eraser and some silly and annoying writing remain at the bottom.

Th ocat n o he du ts ord remai s at th se co din 2 74 /| 81 6 E

Day 27, apparently

For awhile now I've been contemplating my life. Which I guess that's why people go out to find the unfound; to find what they haven't found in themselves. I look up at the stars and find them changing constantly. I believe it because they represent life and it's random yet vague path, because no matter how many times they change the bigger picture doesn't. Or it's because I'm in a place that warps to random spots in the universe... Which might be why I can't keep track of time, but I'm getting off track here. The point is I discovered that I went on this journey because I thought my life had no meaning, but

In fact it's this place that has no meaning other than chaos which is exactly what life is.

A chaos.

Day 13... I swear I’ve been out here longer than this

I’m still looking for the Dust Sword, it’s been alluding me for so long I think I might be going insane. This place it seems endless which doesn’t make too much sense because it should only be a small valley.

I need to find the Dust Sword, everything in my life has been leading up to this point and I need to fulfill my duty. I need to fin

I think I just heard something I gotta go.

Day 27 AGAIN

I SWEAR I’ve lived this day before! I just went through everything again and yet again here I am at the end of that day or this day on my back looking at the stars and their meaningless shifting bullshit. I’m so tired of this place not making sense. I’ll go to sleep hungry and cold one day and wake up again again in an old abandoned dinner having just ate two cans of beans the night before. Even my BAG is inconsistent and I’ll have memories of how I got the different bag when I think about it but then when it’s different I can’t even recall what it looked like before.

BUT today is the same it’s the same day I felt as if I woke up in me and I feel my mind at both points today heck I’m writing my other Day 27 right now as I write this one I don’t get this how does it....

I just tried getting my own attention, I seemed to have gotten it but then I got a headache to the point to where my nose started to bleed. Which is me where is me it’s all meaningless.

Truly, is this day 1?

Here I am in my car having just woken up from sleeping before the start of my journey. Have I actually dreamed this whole thing? No... NO I know I've been journeying for.. so long. Well at least I think it's been a long time. By why do I feel my days prior to my mission were just yesterday. The only way that could be is if I once again jumped back. Which could mean this could be my chance, my chance to leave if I want to I know the way out from here and I got the gas.. No I must continue, this is but a test for my determination for the sword. If anything this was a mistake of this land to do this because now I'm reinvigorated now that the purpose for my journey has been reinstated in a sense.

People are counting on me. Using my knowledge of what it's like in dust valley I'm going to take everything I can from this car and put it to use such as these receipts and tissues I have in here great for my journaling.

Day 220... wait really?

I double checked my markings that I add to my arm every day. It's a simple solution to my random time hopping date placements. I just add a mark to my arm the next time I shift and then I count the totals. For ones to fives it's the simple tally marks for the tens it's stars. And apparently for the hundreds it's squares.

I found a place to sleep for the night. I got it to the way I like it and I got up nice and snug. Normally I would have passed out immediately and woke up on a random day with random supplies. But it's different this time, it's like I can't feel tired anymore, but that's crazy.... I mean it would explain why I haven't felt the need for food or water despite the heat today. As well as how I didn't break a sweat, tire out, or anything. In fact it's like I was good to walk unhindered forever.

Heck I only stopped when I saw good place to pass the night. But laying here I can't help but feel like it was a pointless endeavor due to my seemingly God-like endurance. This is the furthest I've ever been in the time line, so maybe something happened to make me like this?

Day 95

I'm kind of bummed out.. I went from having the body of an immortal to this hunk of useless human meat that constantly whines. It's not fair now I have to worry about survival again... :(

Luckily I found some decent supplies. Some cans of soup, a sketch book and pencils, a harmonica, and a cool hat. So there's that at least. Hmm what else... I also made some decent distance today, I saw what I thought was a cactus but it was just a cactus shaped pile of dust... which is now just a pile of dust because I poked it and it collapsed. I'm so sad it wasn't a cactus I always wanted to meet a cactus they're so exotic.

Day 90

I found an old campsite that looks like it's been used by me. The problem is that I have no idea if I have used it or not and if so when I will or did. I tend to leave a sign that I've been to somewhere before it's kind of hard to describe so maybe I'll describe it another time.

But anyways I'm glad that I do this because now I know that I've been here before... wait is that my bag? Oh my God it is now I'm even more happy that I came here. While I am still bummed about not having my super abilities yet, I've come to realize that I should just get over it. It's not like I'm never going again or anything right? .... I'm so glad there was still some wood from an old chair left because like holy shit that would have sucked if I couldn't knock on wood rn.

Anyways, here's to another day in this horrible and dusty world that I exist in.

Day 30

After being here for so long I started to notice something about this place in the early days. Now that I'm aware of that, I was a little excited to be on such an early day of my journey.

I was right about the feeling I was having about the early days. There is someone or something following me at all times. I was able to trap my pursuer temporarily but they escaped before I could get close.

Whatever it is, it's fast and very clever. As it was able to reset my trap and trapped me in the process. Luckily I knew a quick way out because I made the trap.

I digress, the thing was but a blur of gray and left behind no trace other than a tuft of hair or possibly fur.

Day 66

I've been thinking a lot about folding laundry. I don't know why but I just can't stop thinking about it. Mainly the clothes in my house, I would never fold them. Instead I would just shove them into my drawers.

I wish I could go fold them, like holy shit it drives me nuts that I never folded them. Ughhhhhhhh this has to be the worst moment on my journey is the fact that I was a slob and I can't go home and clean it up my slob ass mess.

Anyways I'm going to fold the clothes that I have.

Day 67?

Okay so that's odd, well it may not sound odd but like... Well... It's been quite a while since the last time I've woken up the day directly after the day before.

I'm going to be honest, I'm feeling very paranoid now. I feel somewhat queasy too. My hands are kind of clamming up now, I think I might be having a panic attack. Tbh I've been concerned about how long it's been since my last panic attack. I think the only thing keeping me stable is writt... Writing.. well my brain is slipping now and and the now writing is making me panic more ahhhh I gotta go.

Day 68

Consistency is weird. It's so weird having to deal with the situations that I'm in as they happen. It's like one long episode special. I haven't seen anime in so long though that I can't even remember the name of my favorite one anymo.. oh... Um so there's a person in front of me and they're looking at me while writing on a page. They look panicked like me too.... Hold on that's the clothes I'm wearing and I recognize that face. It's me!!! Oh my oh my I'm gonna go talk to them....

Day 68

This is apparently a consistent phase of backwards days. Yesterday was day 69.... Nice... And before that it was day 70. It's pretty interesting to be going backwards in day order. I kind of like it. I even started a little game where I try to guess how I got to where I was upon waking up. So far I've been wrong a lot of times but I was right yesterday it seems. And.... Holy shit it's me... I forgot this happened today.. um what did I do last time?? Ummm oh yeah I just stood here writing until I walked up and tried talking to myself. Which then shattered time and ummm well I don't know what happened after that because the other me vanished, oh they just started talking to me ugh I'd love to talk but I gotta keep it consistent... Like I don't want to break time more. And here comes the touch and away we go here we go!!!!!!!

Day 40

She looked really conflicted. I found the journal she left when time broke, so I guess I have that to look forward to...

I just hope she.. I hope we're okay on the other side of the break. Regardless, I left a memorial of her. Which actually got me thinking maybe I should start making landmarks. I noticed that there were recently made landmarks on some of my hops, maybe I made those. In any case, it looks like I need to start now.

I hope one day I can travel with someone even if it's another me. I'm growing very tired of this slog of nonsense with no one to talk to.

Day 200

I lost my journal page during the time break. Which is fine because I still have the one I picked up after my first time witnessing the time break event. I don't feel in pain or anything but I feel different now as though I changed as a person. It's almost like I died that day and was reborn.

It's odd I know but, it feels like my way of thinking is different now, I don't know how else to describe it.

In other news I woke up at a department store. My first impulse was to check my bag to see if I already raided it. But, strangely it's my exact same bag that I had prior to the time break. It has the exact same supplies too which is really odd. This may be because instead of inhabiting an instance of myself or whatever, I just straight am myself.

I'm going to take my time looting this place. While I'm at it I'm going to get a whole new wardrobe of outfits. Since my current clothes are very old and kind of musty. They also don't feel like my clothes anymore.... You know what it's makeover time there's a barber shop here too so look out you dusty wasteland a new me is in the making!!!

Day 201

I'm glad to have a consistent day, a single day was not long enough for me anyway. I picked out some sweaters (it gets cold okay), a few pairs of overalls (I'm tired of belts and these pants are sturdier than my old shorts), and a bunch of bright colored shirts. Heck all the clothes that I picked are brightly colored. I'm just so tired of the constant gray dust color ugh... I also found a collapsible hand powered wash device bucket thing (yeah that's what they actually called it on the box).

I also snagged me a nice hiking pack, new cooking gear, a toilet seat, two buckets, and a hand saw (which I kept but also used to cut off the bottom of one of the buckets). Sadly, by the time I had done all that I had exhausted the day.

However as I mentioned before, it's the next day for once. So that means I was able to hit the barber shop today. While there I got a hand mirror, scissors, a spray bottle, and rubber lint roller. I then cut my hair really short, it's never been short before but it felt right now.

I feel like a new person now.

Day 56

I was wondering when I'd see the day after my technical first day. Which made me want to determine what day this is by volume but I honestly lost track of days, not to mention all the days I didn't write a journal. Heck I can't even just use the dates because I rewrote a lot of my entries because they got water damaged and they got dated that day. Which I don't really understand how it happens it just does. The date isn't even consistent with what day I'm on it's like it's the date of the outside world. In which case I think I started this journey in either 2017 or 2018 I can't remember honestly.

Speaking of, it's like I'm trapped inside one year. I've seen myself several times during this journey but I don't like those meetings because I always get headaches. The first time I didn't get a headache was on the time break. Maybe it's because I've never been to that day before so seeing myself there was in the moment for me.

Anyways it's cool to come full circle like this and to finally see the day after my start.

Day 125

I had a long time to think about my journey yesterday. I feel like I haven't made any progress due to this time weirdness. But I'm the one for the job and I'm going to find the dust sword. I'm the only one who can...

Anyways today I did make some sort of progress in that I made a new landmark. I'm so irritated that it took me so long to think about making these.. The people who trained me for this mission are completely useless the only thing they taught me is how to collect water in the rain, but it never freaking rains here!!!!! Like come the fuck on did they want me to fail?? If that's the case then, what the fuck I'm the only one who can survive being this close. Do they want the world to be doomed?

Day 205

I met Nancy today, but before I get into the details about that, I wanna talk about how I skipped to today. Time skips aren't that unusual for me heck I'm pretty used to them at this point. What I'm not used to is that I know what day it is that I'm on without the use of my tally and what's more is that my tally is completely useless now as my prior time skip wasn't a fluke in me keeping all my stuff. Which means my memory isn't swapping with my past/future selves anymore. My whole being is traveling through time now. I also end up in random places instead of at campsites that I well that Nancy makes.

Something else happened to me during the time break. It's as if I am actually a paradox clone of Nancy instead of being Nancy, I'm just me now. Which brings me to my meeting with Nancy.

I woke up in a ditch, I had all my belongings with me but I felt rather disheveled. Turns out I appeared and fell down into the ditch and broke my arm. Yeah that really sucks... Anyways I clambered out of the ditch and saw smoke in the distance. I headed towards the smoke and came across Nancy at her campsite. She looked up at me and smiled saying something about it being a while since the last time we met, only for her smile to fade upon seeing my arm. She quickly went into a panicked state and went about setting my arm. I was still in shock and then I panicked thinking I was about to be sent through another time break. But nothing happened, other than my arm cracking back into place.. ow..

She quickly brought me up to speed about her journey and how we met quite a few times apparently. While she was talking I noticed that it was like she was hiding things from me. I confronted her about this and she explained it was details my future self had told her not to tell me on my first meeting. I then asked how she knew this was the first time I met her after the incident. She simply smiled and pointed to my arm. Guess that means I told her to look for when I had a broken arm.

Day 78

I will travel across the land searching far and wide... There's no pokemon, but there's a sword with a power to destroy!!! Anyways, I've been singing a lot lately. They're mostly parody songs and I forget a lot of lyrics so it's like my own music in a way??

I don't know.. point is it's fun and helps keep my spirits up while I search for this dang freaking Sword that's been turning the world to dust. I'm so glad I'm immune to becoming dust but at the same time I wish I wasn't because that's the only reason I'm here.

Nancy the Dust Sword finder they called me. They had a parade for me and everything.... Well at least I would have liked them too. But nope, they were like yo if you don't go in there we're going to convict you for treason like... Wtf gotta love the government.

Day 1

I appeared on the top of a mountain today. It overlooks the edge of the valley. I can see her car in the distance, I'm not sure if I want to watch it happen but then again it would be interesting to see.

As her car enters the valley it turns to dust, luckily it slows down enough in the process it doesn't cause her any harm. She's super embarrassed about this event so she never wrote it down. But yeah she sat there for over two hours, in a pile of dust. I wish I could have warned that her car was sadly not immune. But I'd rather not mess with time too much.

In other news my gut feeling of knowing the day without my tally is spot on. Nancy helped confirm it last we met and today without a doubt is day 1. I kind of want to try to leave the valley just to see what happens so I'm gonna do that.

Day 9

What makes some things resistant to the effects of the Dust Sword? I've thought about it a few times in the past (relatively speaking), but I've never really spent much time thinking about it. You'd think that I'd be the expert here because I happen to be immune to its effects, but nope. Not even the scientist that studied me as well as other objects not affected by the sword's power, knew why.

So when I woke up today and saw a dusted book and a normal book side by side, I decided that I'd spend the day pondering why. It seems to have an effect on time itself for instance which is why my consciousness is constantly traveling through time. But time is also stable enough that I can exist in random sections of it for a prolonged period of time, only to be distrupted when my mind settles down for sleep.

Maybe my immunity is tied to my activity or at least my tether to reality is tied to my consciousness. I'm going to try meditating to see if I can induce this state of being untethered.

Day 8

I'm growing annoyed with titling these to be honest it's just one extra step. But, I won't stop because I like keeping track of things. In any case at least it's a way to help focus in on my day at times so there's that.

Anyways, I found a cactus today!!!! I named him Fred and I gave him a hat. Now that I know where he is it'd be fun to go see him every now and then. Fred is so cool I want to give him some sunglasses too now. The next pair I find are for him!!!

If I ever get out of here I'll get a tattoo of Fred and it'll be awesome!!!!

Also I was right about cactus being exotic, he has a foreign accent and everything!

Day 49.. again

So the last few days have been a blur. For some reason I kept waking up on day 49 it was weird and more and more of me kept popping up until it was just utter chaos. Since there was only one backpack it was a crazy ass fight to secure it and write in the journal inside. Honestly that day is such a cluster fuck. I'm glad I finally secured the bag and fled. Then I passed out and woke up on day 77.

I will talk about day 77 in my next entry but for now this is an entry about day 49. I was the only one that made it out of that retched day. I think all the other me converged when I passed out with the bag. I say this because I can now recall all the perspectives of that day. They.. I... We failed so many times and for what we're all me and.. idk this mission keeps giving me mental scars.

Day 98

The more time goes on the less I feel like who I once was. I tried leaving the valley but got sent to a different day the moment I tried. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a paradox clone.. thing... Or because nothing can escape the sword's grasp.

I wonder what its true origins are, did it pop into existence or was it created? Did anyone ever use it or is it without a master? I personally like the theory that it's an ancient being that came to earth to destroy it and everything else.

I know it certainly did a number on me... I'm not even Nancy anymore, I'm just .. nothing I ain't nothing, zero, nat ... Nat ... Huh.. I actually kinda like the sound of that, Natt.. okay I'm Natt this is the story of Natt and a girl named Nancy.

Day 77

Today started off with me writing down my entry from a prior day that I'd rather not think about. So locally I decided to start the day over metaphorically.

Today started with a breakfast of jerky with a side of chopped carrots that were kinda dusty in that most of the can was filled with dust chunks in carrot water... Yeah canned food kind of sucks here... Food in general sucks here. Anyways after a hearty meal that well.. yeah.. I started my journey once again.

There was a large mound a few yards away with no signs of foot travel, so I figured I must've camped here in preparation for a hike up. The hike was super tiring and at times I broke down and cried because holy shit climbing a mound mostly made of loose dust is so difficult. Each step my feet would sink at least a foot down. I didn't have my snow shoes for some reason so I tied some boards to my feet. With our them I'd probably sunk deeper into the mound without them but walking with them was so difficult!!

Each step was labored from these boards and it didn't help that they kept getting covered with dust!!! Ahhhhhhhhh ... But yeah it took me the whole day to reach the top but I'm not even going to enjoy the view from up here because it's too dark now.. today sucked.

Day 4

They say the number four is unlucky or down right dangerous, at least in some cultures that is. But I personally like the number 4 it's one of the most even numbers in my opinion. Like a perfect square.

Speaking of, I found such a square today. It's huge, metal, and embedded in the ground. It appears to be rather thick metal yet hollow on the inside. I think it might be some kind of bunker!

I'm not sure if I should try to enter it though. Bad things could happen if I do. Just like in that show called Lost... But at the same time I need to explore everything that I can in my quest.

Time to start preparations.

Day 24

Today I spent a long time strategizing. I need to somehow coordinate the movement of supplies that I'll need to break into the bunker like thing. This will be difficult to pull off as I don't keep a consistent inventory other than these journal entries for some reason. Maybe it's because they're inscribed with my mind's knowledge? Like flashdrive plugged in still or something?

Idk... Wait .. no... That'd be stupid.. but what if... Okay I'm just gonna try it and see if it works. I wrote the description of an item on that item. Let's just see if I'll have it once I wake up again.

I still don't know why I never questioned myself having my notes stay consistent before...

+This is a really nice rock I found.. test rock+

Day 68

Okay it's this day again. I've been super stressed out about this day. I don't want Nancy to end here but how do I stop it from happening? Will I end as a result?

Okay screw it I'm gonna take action, here we go.

Here's what happened after I took action:

First I stopped Nancy that was about to shatter the other Nancy. She was super confused and looked like she had just reset in a way. But anyways I led her away from the event and then the day ended. When I awoke Nancy was there with me looking very lost. I questioned her about her journey and everything went the same as usual until I stepped in. She seems different now though I don't know how else to describe it.

I'm not sure if I stopped Nancy from being destroyed. Because I'm still around but that could be because I'm from a broken time. However, there's a possibility that I just destroyed Nancy even more as she is now separated from the timeline too.

Day 83

I realized that I was so caught up with what happened on day 68 that I never wrote anything about today or that day.

So here goes, it all started while I was busy pondering about how I kept getting consistent days. It has been a rather odd occurrence. But right before I could start writing about it, they showed up. They said their name is Natt and that they need to stop me from killing Nancy. Like what does even mean? It's not like I'm dead in the future because I've been to the future, so like come on.

Now they're freaking out because apparently I'm broken now and Nancy is gone because, "if I'm still alive and you're broken, she's gone now." Like... What?

Anyways been dealing with them all day.. Oh my Lordess... Now they're freaking out saying that I write different now, like bitch I've always wrote in cursive.

Day 70

I found the same rock in my bag though I'm not sure if it's because I kept it or if it's because it's linked to me now. Not much else to note about today but I have a strange feeling.

Day 69

As much as I am over the moon with being on day 69, nice. Me being here after day 70 means my feeling was correct and I guess this is the end of me... It seems too soon but yet maybe it's because I'm a variant like Natt. I'm scared I also don't see a point in having separate pages for this so.. yeah

...Day 68

I've been a bundle of nerves all day and I had a good reason for that but now I feel like I'm in the clear. I saw... someone, they pounced on the other Nancy and they both vanished. I hope things are going to be okay with them. Sending good vibes to your way.

Day 62

I've been waking up on the same day as Natt often right beside them. Normally I'd have loved that as I don't like to be alone. But, Natt is so difficult to deal with lately. They keep looking at me and crying saying things like "oh Nancy..."

Luckily I've been waking up before them so I can leave them to their woes while I explore. I've been getting more and more nimble lately and I think I might be getting taller too... Nah that's impossible I'm at least 28 years old now, so I can't grow taller... Right?

In other news I hate being called Nancy now, it's still a good name and everything, but having it is a constant reminder about what happened. Besides it's not like Natt treats me like I'm Nancy anymore.

Day 62

She's been avoiding me, I often wake up around the same time as her, sometimes earlier, but I lay there to give her the option to decide if she wants to stick around. She never does..

I follow her at a distance to keep tabs on her, because I worry about her. She's been going through a lot and she's been drastically changing as a result.

I have a theory as to what's been going on as it happened to me as well. I think that when a clone is shattered they reform in an unstable state. This factor with the addition of a random quirk, like my writing style. Factor into an identity crisis and we become our own people. At least that's how it's been happening with me and ... Yeah..

She seems to be affected by it a lot more than me though. For example her writing style is just straight up cursive now. Nancy never even learned cursive growing up. So like what the heck is up with that? Then there's the fact that she's been getting taller, slender and quick. Even her facial features seem to be changing, she has silver eyes now!!

I need to talk with her but I don't know if I'm ready.

Day 29

How should I start this journal entry, it was so hectic today that I'm still in mild disbelief. I guess I could start with the dragon- yeah I saw a dragon! I think it's what I trapped on day 30, I feel pretty bad about that still but at least it was able to escape (it also got revenge by trapping me back). I encountered it while on my trek it seemed confused as to why I was there and after studying me for a bit, it sped away. It felt very odd, because it was like I was familiar with the dragon somehow.

The dragon was covered in gray fur, had chocolate brown eyes(like me), long flowy whiskers, two long black twisted horns, and dark almost carbon like in color scales, it also had a very long elegant tail, with white wings.

The other thing that happened is that I still have my rock. This is the first day prior to writing on it on day 40. This is pretty exciting as it means my theory about my writing imbuing items with a link to my mind is correct. I'm going to write on my current backpack so that I can always have a consistent inventory. This will likely mean that I will wake up with two back packs depending on if that Nancy has one when I switch with them. If this occurs I'll simply leave it where I camp that night. I can probably see about making this bag into a one strap side carrier so I could free up some space to carry more.

This also means I can start prepping for the opening of the bunker-like object I found on day 4. The only problem I have is that I'm still changing days so I won't be able to reach the bunker unless I happen to be close by on that particular day. If I end up getting desperate though I could try leaving a message to the other Nancy to see if I could get them to travel that way too... No no no... Scratch that idea, it could probably cause a very serious time break.

Day 77

I'm tired... I'm so tired of chasing after her. She's so fast now it's insane. I haven't even written anything in my journal for a long time because I'm just so out of breath. But today I'm calling it quits, if she wants to run away and not return for hours on end she can. Because, I'm done, that's right I'm done I'm so tired of dealing with it so there.

I don't know why I even bothered. She clearly just wants space from me I get that. But did she really have to transform into a dragon!! Like wow way to show off Newt!! The only thing that happened to me is that I lost my gender. Well my hair also changes colors depending on my mood and what not but come on.. I wanna be a dragon.. I'm grumpy

Although I'm still sad about Nancy, I've come to accept her end and I've also come to accept Newt for who she is... As frustrating as she is... She's my sister and it's important to cherish that. Growing up my parents had always wanted more than one kid but we're very unlucky in that department, while they were happy to have had Nancy, they felt saddened to only have the one kid. It didn't help that Nancy would always talk about how much she wanted siblings.

I'm sure they'll be saddened to hear about Nancy's passing and perhaps they wouldn't even see it that way. But I'm certain they'll be happy to know they are now the proud parents of two more children.

Not really sure if they'll ever find out about it though, seeing as we might dissipate after the sword is found. But it's a nice thought.

Day 84

I can't believe that in all my excitement I forgot to inscribe my bag. But as luck would have it I actually found a much better alternative to my bag. It is a duffle bag that has a bunch of pockets and even has dividers for the large pocket that are adjustable.

So this will be the bag that I inscribe. I'm going to just use it for my important findings such as tools as I do have a somewhat random assortment of items and almost never what I need when I need it.

+Duffle bag I found on day 84+

Day 76

I haven't written in a journal for a long time. To be fair I've been enjoying myself too much to even remember to do it.

First of all I'm a dragon girl now. I don't know how it's possible, but I can turn into a dragon now. When I'm not a dragon I still have my horns and an optional tail. Which is pretty sick because if it gets in my way poof gone.

Actually, part of the reason I haven't written a journal entry in a while is because I didn't know that I could have a human form still. So I spent like a long time just zooming around as a dragon.

I should probably explain how I learned to shift back into a human. I was exploring as I tend to do, when I spotted something odd, or rather someone odd. At first I thought it was Natt, but then I realized their stride was wrong. So I zoomed in to get a good look.

There she was it was Nancy. I couldn't believe it. I just stared at her and she stared back at me and quietly said "wow..." It was then I realized that I should probably get out of there.

I ran off in search of Natt and as I ran I kept thinking. I'm not a monster, I'm not a mistake, I'm not a monster... Then I saw Natt and as I saw them I started to cry and suddenly I was embracing them. Through the sobs I told them everything and pretty soon we were both crying. When we finally finished sobbing is when I realized that I had changed. I was a little confused and after chatting with Natt we realized that I had been internalizing the feeling of self hatred to the point it manifested as me becoming a dragon.

But yeah, Nancy is alive we even verified it with past journal entries. Plus now that those feelings aren't completely consuming me I can shift whenever. Truly a wonderful day!

Day 38

Writing on the duffle bag work! It also kept everything that was in there which is so good!

I've been noticing something lately where I'm starting to recognize just about every place I've been to and yet I still haven't found the sword. This makes me think more and more that it might be inside the bunker-like thing I found.

Speaking of, I still have yet to locate a tool or something to help breach the bunker then there's the waiting for being close enough to reach its location in less than a day. This is such an annoying issue.

All of this would be easier if I had people to rely on... Maybe I could befriend the dragon?

Day 20

I'm ashamed of myself, I pushed Newt to her breaking point and made her feel like a monster. All because I misunderstood what actually happened. In removing her from her time line I broke her in the same way I was broken but it saved Nancy from becoming me.

But then if I never was created then how am I still around? The same thing goes for Nancy if she became Newt how is she still around.. the only solution I can see is that all of us are paradox clones and if we deviate from our path through a means outside our timeline then we break and become a deviated Nancy and develop a different identity.

But if that's the case how come the Nancy that created me didn't break as well... Maybe she's the original.. that would make sense as to how she seems to be immune... Wait does that mean that Nancy would have been the one to time break Newt?

Hmm I wonder if Newt and I are the same as her now that we are our own persons... I did cause Newt to be born and since then we can touch and nothing breaks. We need to find Nancy I'm tired of avoiding her. I think it should be fine so long as we know it to be the current Nancy.

After talking it out with Newt she's down for it. She even suggested that I ride on her back while we observe Nancy from afar. Maybe we'll be able to find the true Nancy though it's gonna be tricky.

Day 30

It's day 30 again, the day I trapped the dragon.. wait.... I can use this! This is a golden opportunity to meet the dragon, because I know for sure it's going to be trapped.

I rushed over to the spot where I placed the trap the last time, careful to not be seen by past me I waited for the trap to be sprung. It took about 3 hours but the waiting paid off.

At first I thought I was seeing things, just a quick blur of gray against gray. But I started noticing it was getting closer and with each hill I'd see it. Then suddenly before I could react I heard the trap go off.

I knew I didn't have long to act so I quickly sprung into action and set about undoing the trap. All the while I was apologizing for not being able to stop the trap and talking about how I was going to free them. As it turned out the dragon had a rider, which was rather surprising and took me aback for a moment.

When I had gotten them free I quickly went about resetting the trap and moving its position. Which went much faster than I anticipated because the other two quickly sprung into action and skillfully assisted me. At the time I was confused as to why there were suddenly two people helping me and how they knew this trap.

One of my questions was answered as after we finished with the trap, one of them turned into the dragon. The other quickly hopped a board and helped me up as well. I was super grateful for the assistance as I could hear the running foot steps from my past self.

The ride was surprisingly really smooth for how fast we were going over the hills. In fact I didn't feel a single bump on the ride, but the ride was super intense it was like I was a smooth high speed roller coaster. The ride lasted for almost a minute and when we came to a stop we were super far from where the trap had been at least maybe a 1 mile at the very least.

The rider, named Natt helped me down from the dragon named Newt. I collapsed on the ground as soon as I was off, Natt started to panic and was about to start CPR but I was quick to prevent that. This series had simply worn me out and I needed a moment to collect myself. Natt continued to hover at least until Newt walked over and flicked them on the forehead telling them to give me some space.

The two of the quickly set up camp as I wrote more in my journal. Once camp was set up we started to chat while eating. Apparently Natt was the Nancy from the time break I caused, I straight up started crying when I found this out. I thought I had straight destroyed my future self but as it turns out I just allowed them to become their own person. Through the tears the two of them explained who Newt was and the three of us cried harder in the process. After the tears I swiftly punched Natt in the arm, scolding them for risking their life the way they did the day Newt was born. I then thanked them none the less for being so thoughtful.

They also explained how they believe their existence works. Which helped me connect a lot of dots about how time seems to work here. After comparing stories for the rest of the day we noticed that it was getting late and went about setting up a system on how they can find me again. We came up with a plan after I told them about the ability I possess to wear I can keep items I write on. The plan involves a system in which we'd both carry a tally sheet for each meeting. That way even if it's a future Nancy or whatever we'd know what not to talk about at the given time. I'm also to start my day by lighting a fire and carrying a flag which will help in quickly tracking me down.

I then informed them about how I found a bunker and they both agreed that was our next goal as a team. The two of them were tired from the past few days of searching for me. So I hugged them both and we settled in for the night.

As an aside I'm so happy to have these two come into my life, I've always wanted siblings.

Day 30

That trap hurt! I knew it was coming and everything but I had to trigger it. Mainly because I don't want to break time even more. But damn... I hated that so much.

Some good came out of it though, we met Nancy. It was the main Nancy too we even verified when she made contact with us. She was the one that actually freed us from the trap and she looked really upset. Once free we quickly set about helping to reset the trap for past Nancy. Then we booked it with Nancy in tow.

Soon after when we stopped we told stories, explained who we are, and bonded. It was a little strange talking with someone that I used to identify as. It was also pretty jarring because I used to know everything she went through but she has developed far beyond what I once knew. I at least changed physically and mentally while she just developed more. I keep having to remind myself that she isn't me I don't think I'll ever get rid of that feeling.

I love her like a sister though and at the end of the day that's what truly matters to me. Even though it feels narcissistic... Idk I need therapy.

She told us about a bunker she found and is ecstatic because now she has a semi-reliable way of getting to it.

I can only hope this isn't something like Pandora's Box.

Day 205

I met Natt again today but it's weird because it's passed Natt and I'm current Nancy. I knew this meeting was going to happen though. Natt has told me they had met a future me and they had just broken their arm that day.

Anyways it was cool to see Natt again even though they weren't currently going as Natt. Apparently meeting them today is what helped them realize they were their own person of sorts. Which kind of confuses me because they had thought I was dead or whatever even though they had met me in the future?

Day 13

Ah so nostalgic being on day 13 again. Back when things seemed so much more similar and not too confusing yet. This was around the time where we had noticed that time was rather odd here though so it's pretty interesting to think about. We ran into the current Nancy earlier as she was hiding from past Nancy. We exchanged information as per usual and we're just getting down to business with our discussion on the current situation with the bunker. Sadly neither of our parties have yet to secure a means to open the bunker which sucks because we've been searching for so long. Heck, Newt has even attempted to break it open using her vast dragon strength and she didn't even make a dent.

We're starting to run out of options with this bunker as the only thing that might be able to break into might be powerful explosives. Which is very unlikely to be found in this hell hole of a valley wasteland but hey at least it's an idea. The only other way we can think of is by finding an alternative entrance. So whenever it's a progressive day forward Natt and I are digging up the ground around the bunker.

Day 23

I'm liking the idea of the bunker less and less. First of all its description really didn't even cover just how sinister its vibes are. Like sure it looks about how it was described on paper sure, but on an eye scale...

I hate this plan, I can't help but feel like we'll all die if we go inside. I feel ill just getting close to it.

However, regardless of how it makes me feel I'm still going to give it my all as long as Nancy and Natt wish to enter. It wouldn't be right to deny them the truth so I'll continue in aiding them.

Day 100

The big ole' 100... You know it really doesn't have the same effect as achieving this day naturally. I don't even think that I've been out here for 100 days or have I surpassed that??? I don't know in the slightest... It's not like I kept track of how many days I've seen and does it count if I repeat days? I don't even write every day that I experience I'll often be just busy gathering supplies such as food, searching for Natt and Newt, and looking for something to break into the bunker.

In fact I only decided to write today just because of how jarring it feels being on this day. Other than that this day has been a big ole' nothing burger I didn't find anything or anyone for that matter. Maybe I can visit my cactus friend?

Research Log 1

I Dr. Molly, have come to realize that I am in fact immune to the effects of The Dust Sword. So I have determined that I must now devote my life to studying it and the valley it's consumed. Many attempts have been made in disrupting the sword's destruction but so far after decades of trying we've only succeeded in containing it with a wall build of items immune to its effects. They've tried everything even reckless acts such as throwing a young woman in here in the very early days of its incarnation.

I've spent my life researching this place and it's history but have come up with very little except for learning of my own immunity. My fellow researchers turned green with envy after my discovery so I fled here for both my safety and my research so really it's a win win. I have brought with me tons of rations, writing equipment, seeds, and many other means of survival all of which I have proven to be immune to the effects of the dust. I spent the first day setting up a base camp and have already found a water source and planted my seeds. I plan on living the rest of my life here after all.

It should be noted that I've felt quite strange since coming here. Almost like time doesn't flow properly here. Also for some reason I've been wanting to build a nest.

Day 5

I visited the bunker today but I still couldn't get it open. The air feels different than normal today. It's almost like something fundamentally changed in the Dust Valley. It's hard to describe but it's an odd feeling that I noticed a few times in the past like with Newt and Natt coming about. I have been able to tell that they're on the same day as me due to this.

But this time the feeling is different like it's unknown to me and not in the slightest familiar which makes it very noticeable. What's more is that I noticed it on day 90 or so but I was too busy to write about it. It's been like this on 7 different days and now I know it's weird because this is day 5 and I shouldn't feel that shift....

Anyways I talked to Fred, the cactus, the other day. It seems that Fred has also noticed the strangeness of the air lately. When I next chat with Natt and Newt I'm gonna see if they notice it too or have at least seen anything odd.

Day 17

For some reason I really want to just start eating dust. Like I'm not hungry or anything but it's a growing feeling that I'm finding hard to ignore.

It's honestly kind of scary that I can't stop this feeling. Like I know there's something wrong with me or something but this is getting out of my control. I was barely able to stop myself yesterday.... I need help.

#journal #journey #dust sword #masterpost

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bosskie · 3 months

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Molluck, Molluck, Molluck

I sketched yet another Molluck practice thing since I felt too tired and depressed to do anything else...

Been doing less than I wanted today for those reasons... But well, Molluck has also distracted me... I just keep thinking about him and see that my love for him is so strong that I cannot really have any other character around but him... I just wish to dedicate all my love to him. Even he helps me significantly every single day, it still depresses me that he is mere fiction...

But yeah, I wanted to draw that expression of his since I love that sinister smile! Yeah, even when Molluck looks sinister or angry, I just love the way he looks... I just cannot help myself with this Gluk...

And no, I haven't still drawn to that 'Molluck sketchbook' since I got my plans for it and I just wanted to draw yet another sketch portrait practice thing. Frankly, I just think that my art is not good enough and I need to draw a lot more to achieve the level I wish to have. I just haven't practiced much for like a decade and I can see it... I have just drawn but not much still. I draw pretty much like I did a decade ago for this reason; I just feel like I'm stuck with my art... Sometimes, I just feel like I drew better a decade ago and it was because I drew a lot more back then. Yeah, I just gotta keep drawing and practicing...

I still feel like I don't draw Molluck like I wish I was able to. My friend has told me that I draw Molluck the best but if what I do is the best, I don't wish it to be the best... Inside my head, I just see better stuff than what I can do right now and I wish that (or someone else's art) to be the best Molluck art, not what I do now.

It still has came to my mind to wonder what's the whole point of even drawing him... I just don't feel like drawing anything else, especially when I have no will to show any other art than my Molluck stuff. I have posted art online for over a decade but I just couldn't stand my stuff and took everything away. I have taken everything away here too for like two times because I just couldn't stand my stuff, again...

I just wanna be open about this stuff since I'm just so tired every single day... Sleeping makes no difference. I'm just trying to go on, even if I don't know why. Even I know that Molluck is mere fiction, he kinda lives inside my head, he is a certain part of me. That part of me tells me to keep going, is kind to me, holds in embrace when I need it... I'm sorry... I'm just have been having a hard time with my mind for over a decade... I still don't know if this all is worth it but as long as even something, was that my mind thru Molluck or whatever, tells me to keep going, I have hope.

I don't really wish to ruin anyone's mood here. I just still wish to share my love for Molluck but at the same time, I'm having a difficult battle with my mind... Sometimes, it still comes to my mind to just disappear and stop posting this stuff and only because I just cannot stand my stuff... When I look my works, I just see all my flaws and it just gets worse when I understand better and better how Molluck's anatomy and such work... There ain't many works I can actually like personally.

But yeah, I just gotta keep drawing that I can stop saying that my art ain't good (enough).

#molluck #oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #oddworld #art like a bosskie

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axewchao · 11 months

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Thanks for the birthday wishes, frens.

I would've replied to them the moment I got them, but I was on vacation with my folks and the WiFi provided was... shitty, for lack of better word. To the point where all I could do both here and on dA was lurk.

There's another reason as to why I've been quiet here, and that's because I recently had to say goodbye to my dog.

I'll stick the full story under a readmore.

~~~

I've been struggling with finding a way to say this without making it seem like I'm just... dumping it all on y'all. But it's not exactly something you can dance around, and it probably shouldn't be danced around.

And I didn't want to just pretend to be perfectly fine online, either. Even the idea of trying that just feels... wrong.

So... I will just say it.

I'm putting extra gaps here for emphasis that this is not pleasant talk. If you're uncomfortable with talk of lost pets, please scroll away/hit the back button/leave this post now. I'll add some squiggly lines to act as one last warning.

~~~

I know I haven't mentioned her very much online, but Zira, my beloved poodle and dearest friend for the last 14 years... was put to sleep the day before my birthday.

It broke my heart, but it had to be done; she was old, she had health problems, and the vet said she wouldn't make it by the time I came home.

I wasn't even able to say goodbye to her. Unless a "be good, doggo." counts as I dropped her off for boarding about an hour before I was given the... news.

I was left unresponsive for the rest of the 8th and most of the 9th. It wasn't until my aunt (who previously owned one of Zira's littermates and lost him to similar circumstances a few years prior) took a moment to talk to me that I finally cracked, letting out everything I was bottling up. Had it not been for her reaching out, I probably would still be in a silent state even now, unable to do anything other than lie down and cry because Zira was gone and it felt as though no one else gave a shit beyond obligatory "I'm sorry"s.

I soon learned how wrong I was in that last regard, as I eventually talked about it with my mother who, much like her daughter, isn't one for crying regularly. To actually see her upset to the point of tears over Zira's fate despite almost never interacting with her... it... I'm not sure how to put it, but it was relieving to know that my mom really did care, both about how I felt and about Zira in the end.

Zira was... well, I didn't call her my "fuzzy baby child" for nothing. She meant everything to me, and to think that starting today, I'll be coming home without her there to greet me, to lie at the end of my couch while I sleep, curl up beside me while I draw, or even so much as hear those cute little snores she made while napping... it just hurts. More than I've ever felt in my life.

I can feel myself tearing up as I type, so... I guess I should finish this off. I'm home now, and have already visited the animal hospital to retrieve the collar and bandanna Zira was wearing, which the vet was kind enough to hold onto per my request. Alongside those were a card with Zira's paw print, and a picture of my girl.

I don't know when I'll start posting again, but I'll try not to take too long. And I'll continue to lurk and talk here and there, if only sparingly.

To those who read this to end, I thank you for for your time.

And to those who still have fuzzy (or scaly/feathery) baby children of their own... Cherish them. Give them as great a life as you can, and when the time comes for them to leave... Do what my aunt told me to do; hold onto the memories of them while they were alive. It still hurts, especially since I lost Zira so recently...

But my aunt's not wrong. Because after I cry over seeing Zira's stuff, I find myself remembering my fuzzy baby child fondly, and smile when I thought I no longer could.

#axewchao chitchat

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pbandjesse · 9 months

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So I came home. I wasn't planning on coming home. But honestly I'm glad I did because I did not feel good today and my neck hurt and I was just kind of having a bad time. Not that it was a bad day but body wise no good.

I didn't sleep terribly last night, falling asleep was hard, and waking up was worse. I woke up because it was raining and then it was loud and then I wanted James to hold me but my neck was in a weird position on the pillow and I was too tired of fix it and that ended up hurting me all day. Like I couldn't bend my neck very much in either direction without it just really hurting but I think I finally worked that pain out but I was dealing with that literally all day.

And honestly I just felt very unwell in general. Enough that James said when I got to camp I should go talk to the nurse. I didn't have a fever or anything I just had radiating pain kind of in my arms and legs coming from my stomach. I would almost describe them as like cramps but they weren't cramps. It was like waves of bad feelings. Hard to describe.

But I would get up and I will get dressed and things would be okay except for I didn't feel good. I packed some food and made a lemonade and hugged on James because they were going on their very long bike ride today. And I just wanted them to be safe. But they were biking all the way to Philadelphia and that's so far! But thankfully Lane was going to act as kind of a relief driver and I knew that she would keep them safe.

So I left the house in the rain and I drove to camp and it was honestly pretty scary at times because it was really really strong rain. But I made it to camp a little after 8:00 because of an accident off the highway. And the rain was gone by the time I got there. So that was good.

And then I just got to work putting things away and getting set up. I had brought a bunch of paint from home because we have no yellow or blue or white that I've now discovered. But I was able to just kind of get myself together and then I walked down to the nurse.

Nurse Becky is very sweet and she had me sit down and she took my temperature even though I didn't eat it. And a little boy that was in there was like why is the art teacher here?? And it was very sweet. And I told her that I think it's from my IUD and she said that she's a pediatric nurse so she doesn't exactly know but she says that my assumption sounds correct and that if I'm supposed to get my IUD out soon it could be a hormonal thing. Makes sense to me. She said she didn't really know what to give me and I said I don't really want to take anything I just mostly wanted someone to know. In case I fall over later. And she said please don't fall over.

I went back up to arts and crafts and I ate my breakfast and that helped me feel a lot better. I let myself have two sodas today. And I think the caffeine helped. I've kind of been on a anti-soda kick. Not that I haven't been drinking soda But it's turned into much more occasionally than constantly. Like last year I was going through a case of soda a week and now this year I had the same four cases the entire time and they're not empty at all. And really I've just been wanting to drink lemonade and that's it. But the caffeine helped for sure.

Tyler came over to borrow materials and we talked for a while. I told him about how we're going to Uganda now and how I'm nervous but he said it sounds incredible. And I just got ready for the day. And it would be a really good day. I miss Tatiana but it was nice to be alone. Love being alone.

I was nervous about this project because it has two parts. But so far today the overnight kids are doing amazing. Day Camp is mixed but everyone really likes the drawing game and I'm really excited about that. The rock painting part is a little I think two amorphous for some of them. And I'm going to try to do better about explaining. But I think that the drawing game, exquisite corpse, is really going to take off at camp and I hope that they use it in their toolbox as counselors too.

like I said though my first two groups did such a good job and they made really cool rock pieces. And then it was lunch time. And I had brought food so I didn't have to go anywhere and I decided that I would take a little walk and collect rocks and eat my pizza and my salad and it was just really nice. I read my book a little bit but I felt a little distractible. And I kept getting up and sitting down and doing stuff and putting things away and then I went through my clothes and I picked out everything I hadn't worn this summer to bring home. And it wasn't bad at all it was just not as restful as I might have wanted.

My daycamp group after lunch did okay. They struggled but they enjoyed the drawing games and they were fun. And then we had some time outside and hammock time once the hammocks weren't too damp. And then I had my half hour break.

because I'm alone this week I was able to have my clothes the door turn off all the lights and sit in my hammock time. Which was excellent and made me feel so much better. Annabelle ended up knocking on the door a couple minutes before the end of the break because she was having a hard time and needed some materials and also just need the vent for a second and I was glad I could be that year for her. I hate that she's struggling with people not being helpful and honestly if Tatiana comes back I might suggest she goes and helps Annabella bit. Because I think she might need it more than I need it for this project. I hope Tatiana comes back or I hope another YLP wants to help out at a program like that because it really can be invaluable to have someone like that.

My bontkirchen group was great. Eva was so excited when I said that we were doing metal casting and hers came out really good! She wanted to make a bubble letter e in her first one was too sharp so we melted it back down and she carved it more in the second one came out great and she really enjoyed filing with my very expensive file from when I took jewelry classes. And I enjoyed talking to the girls and a bunch of them made really interesting pieces and it was a lot of fun. And we honestly didn't use that much metal in the end. A few of their pieces were too thin and so we just would melt them back down but I had a blast and I hope they did too. Because it really seemed like everyone was having a great time. They really didn't want to leave and I had to kind of kick them out at the end.

Because I had my last day camp group and it was Day Camp 10 which I had high expectations for but they struggled a little. They did grade with the drawing game but their rock paintings were mostly just fine. The girls that were doing it this morning were like actually drawing faces and parts and the day campers were kind of just slapping paint on the rocks and being like I'm finished I'm like I don't think you really did the spirit of the project so much. And that was not to say that everyone did that but more than I wanted to and that kind of made me annoyed. It's fine. Doesn't actually matter. The way I'm going to be framing the rock painting is an optional part of the project because I can't collect as many rocks as we would really need and having them go out and find rocks takes a little bit more time than I would like So it's kind of going to be a mix between like the drawing game and then now that we finished the drawing game let's do this painting and if they really like the drawing game maybe doing a second round of it. So we'll see what happens. I'm really glad that I got to introduce this game to them though because it's one of my favorites.

Once the kids were done they helped me clean the trays off that I had used for paint today. Which worked much better than I thought it was going to. It's always a struggle to make sure that nobody's wasting buckets of paint when they only need dots. And so I had the first group put paint on trays and then throughout the day we just used that same paint over and over and over again. So at the end of the day we didn't have a ton to wash off and we weren't wasting much. I will try again tomorrow and see if it continues to work. It did take a while for the kids to clean off the trays and they ended up only doing some of it so I had to spend a few minutes finishing it. But I didn't mind. It was nice to have a task.

But I still felt pretty unwell in my neck hurt really bad and I just wanted to go home. James had only gotten to Philly a little while before I was done for the day and they threw up apparently and I was not thrilled about that but I was glad that Lane was there for them and making sure that they were getting hydrated and getting somewhere safe. Specifically their friend's house. I think they're at Dante's house but I'm not positive.

I put a poll in the group chat asking if I should go home and Yes got two votes and no got one vote. Celia was the one that voted no and she only voted no because she wanted to show me a picture of a frog before I went home. Which was fair. I walked over to the office to see if they needed me for anything tonight and CJ was there so I sat with her and accidentally knocked over a whole bunch of tambourines which was very comedic. Just causing a commotion. And we talked for a few minutes and then she said that Celia wanted to show me a picture of a frog. I had left my phone up in the arts building so I said goodbye and told everyone I was going home and went back up there.

And honestly pretty solid frog. It was super tiny. She also found one that only had one eyeball. And that was neat. And I showed her the mushrooms that I had taken pictures of earlier in the day. After my second program I had gone to go fine two mushrooms specifically that Chris had told me he had seen. It was very nice of him when he came up halfway through the morning to let me know about them because I had not gotten to go on my mushroom walk this morning. And they were some excellent mushrooms. I found three in all. Two from him and one that I found on my own. The two that he saw were very bright and it was very cool. I sent him the pictures as well.

And then it was time for me to go home. I got my stuff together and I ate my second piece of pizza while I was driving. And it was honestly a pretty easy ride for leaving that late. Usually I would hit traffic if I left at 5:00 but I guess I lucked out. And I got back here pretty quickly. And as I was driving through the neighborhood I saw someone putting a table tray in the trash and I was like I'm going to go get that table tray. So once I parked and brought everything upstairs I immediately headed back out to go find it. And at first I thought that someone had beat me to it but I found it around the corner and I was very excited. I took it home and cleaned it up. On my walk back lots of people were smiling at me and that was nice. And I was just in a really good mood and while my neck hurt I knew that I had made the right choice coming home and I was just feeling really happy inside. Even though I was missing James and worried about them being dehydrated from their ride and throwing up. I was feeling good.

I think the trash got left open or something because it smelled horrible in our entryway so I lit a candle and cleaned a little bit. I cleaned the table tray that I got from the trash and put some other stuff away. And then I got to work on my evening project. Which was attempting to put all of the clothes I own Sam's bottoms and sweatshirts and sweaters, onto hangers to look at all of it and decide if I can get rid of anything. This did not work as well as I was hoping because it turns out I did not have enough hangers. But it was still fun to kind of go through stuff and I refolded everything in my storage box and there wasn't anything that I was like I don't really wear this I should get rid of it. So I felt like I'm at a pretty good place with my wardrobe which feels nice. I miss a lot of my fall and winter clothes though so I'm excited for those seasons but I'm going to try to enjoy the clothing options I have right now. And I redid the closet a little bit. I took all the shirts out of the box I was keeping them in because I felt like I was never utilizing because I can't see them. And I put that box in the studio for now and then I put all the shirts in my hanging box thing shelf thing. I don't know what to call it. And I think it's going to be a better system for a while. I hope someday I have a bigger closet again. I've had walk-in closets twice in my life and it's been excellent both times and I really hope that I can have a walk-in closet again.

Once I put everything away and made the space clean again I took a bath and that was really nice. I did the dishes and I went through our cabinet and chose plates that I thought we could get rid of. We have a whole set of plates that I have no idea where they came from. And I don't think we've ever used them. They're nice but we have too many plates! We're only two people. We don't need like 40 plates. That's exaggerating it's probably like 25 but still.

And I've just been hanging out since then. I had chicken nuggets for dinner. I watched videos. I hung out with sweetp. I continuously checked up on James because I was worried about them. Lane sent me a couple pictures letting me know that James was okay. And I've been just chilling. I had ice cream at one point. I checked on my aquatic friends. I painted my toenails. It was just a really excellent afternoon and evening. I'm hoping that it fixes me.

I used to this neck stretcher thing and it really did help my neck pain. I iced my neck first and then I used the stretcher thing and I wish it pushed my shoulders down a little bit more because I can definitely feel how tense they are but it helped the stiffness. So I think I'll be able to sleep a little easier.

And then I'll be going back to camp in the morning. Me and James were supposed to go see a movie tomorrow night. Specifically the Barbie movie. But I don't know if we're going to be able to do that if they're not feeling well still. So we'll see what happens But I am hopeful that it will be a very nice day. I hope that my groups are sweet and I hope that we just have a lot of fun.

I hope that you all sleep great tonight. I hope you take care of each other. I hope you're staying hydrated. Watch out for bikers. Good night everybody.

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queenviserra · 1 year

Text

Ooh, deep and wild, hungry sea

Update!

Chapter six, Good Night Lord Velaryon 🤭

Summary: The royal hunt began and dangerously drew Rhaenys and Corlys together. What happens when they stay together in a very private place?

Previw: "You look different!"

In a desperate attempt to respect her chastity so that the princess could return to her tent with her maidenhead untouched, the Sea Snake gently stroked her dark hair, hoping to draw her attention to it.

She was a spoiled girl anyway and the truth was that he wanted to spoil her further, to make her dependent upon his care.

"I brush and braid my hair myself, or at least I'm trying to."

Her tone was like an angry little girl speaking, which Corlys found cute and irresistible. Instead of laughing, he turned his attention towards what she said.

"I've had this habit with my mammy ever since I was little. But now she's in Dragonstone, she's gone to see my grandmama. My maids tried, but that was a terrible result. So I made up my mind to do it myself."

"I can do that to you. If I have your permission, of course."

"You?" She stared at him with a mixture of curiosity and embarrassment in her eyes. "How can that be?"

"I've seen a bunch of women brush their hair. Doesn't seem too hard. Well, I haven't been alone all my life, I know some things."

"Have the women who have met your needs had so much ease with you?" Rhaenys scoffed, but Corlys had briefly gone back into the past. To what had been lost once and for all at sea, leaving him alone.

"I had a woman of mine who got lost in the sea. The cost of glory and wealth was to lose my first love and half of my fleet on my third voyage."

"So... You had a wife, weren't you?" The sheer envy of her voice took him back to the present. "I cared for her, but she wasn't my wife. I was never wed, Princess."

"Things can change." She threw herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist yet again. "I feel bad for her, I do, but she can't compare to me either way!"

No. She won't be able to. I don't think she ever would. He kissed her so she wouldn't talk again because her voice made him think she shouldn't be there, and if they were caught together, it would be the worst progress he could have imagined, but a part of himself didn't want to stay away from her.

He got really drunk, not by the wine, but by Rhaenys' scent. The cavern of her mouth smelled of wine and spices, and her skin was so velvety soft to the touch.

If he takes her to bed right now, who's to blame? Prince Aemon is not going to deny him her hand. He's older than her, yes, but he certainly has more experience than the foolish boys of her age and doesn't just want to spend time with her. Rhaenys can give him something that no travel's given him yet. A family.

The image of a babe in her arms made him dream with his eyes open.

He stops kissing her immediately, taking his hands off her, only smelling the sweetness of her neck that is dotted with perfume.

His action disappoints her, but she can understand much more, especially when she feels his cock hardening against her thigh. If she lifts up her nightgown a bit, perhaps he will become bold again;

"Good night, Lord Velaryon. My poor hunting party will need my help this morning. Sleep well!"

Check out the rest of the chapter here.

#dance of the dragons #house of the dragon #rhaenys targaryen #the queen who never was #corlys velaryon #the sea snake #house velaryon #rhaenys velaryon #house targaryen #rhaenys x corlys #corlys & rhaenys #corlys x rhaenys

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rubylarkspur22 · 1 year

Note

Do you do fic prompts? Was wondering if you could do one set in the Tsugikuni-Kamado Swap(🌙), particularly when Nezuko and Tanjiro have their final fight

Ooh, I haven't considered that! I would love to do that!

I will freely admit two things right now. I am not a writer by trade, it is a hobby. This was also written at an absurd hour because I couldn't sleep. With that out of the way, let's do this!

Tsugikuni-Kamado Swap 🌙: The Final Confrontation of the Kamado Siblings

The next and final time that the Kamado siblings met, decades had passed. Laying eyes on his little sister, Tanjirou wasn’t surprised to see she still looked twenty-three. She hadn’t aged a day since her transformation. The only differences since they last saw each other were the horn protruding from the right side of her forehead, the crack-like mark around her left eye, and the vine patterns decorating her skin. Tanjirou knew the years had not been as kind to him. “Tanjirou.” Nezuko spoke up. She did not draw her sword.

“I’m sorry, Nezuko.” Tanjirou sighed, forcing himself to unsheath his blade. He didn’t have much time left, but he would give all he had to free his sister from Kibutsuji’s control. “I wish things could have ended differently.” To only his slight surprise, tears welled up in Nezuko’s eyes.

“I do, too. I’m so sorry.” she whispered. “I wish I was stronger. That I could stop him. That I could stop this.” she added before finally unsheathing her own sword, trembling the entire time. "Do what you have to. I don't care if it's painful… Just end it."

"I'll try not to make it too painful." Tanjirou replied, raising his sword and running to Nezuko with the blade poised to sever her head. However, just as he was about to make the cut, Nezuko's own blade flicked up and redirected the strike. As he came to a stop, he took a shaky breath. They were running out of time, his body could give out at any moment.

"Damn it." Nezuko snarled. "Damn it. Damn it! Damn it!" She turned to Tanjirou. The two siblings held each other's gaze, neither willing nor able to make the next move. Something shifted in Nezuko's eyes, and she sheathed her sword. "Moon Breathing. First Form."

/Sun Breathing. Fake Rainbow./ As Nezuko lunged for the afterimage, Tanjirou dove out of the way. His sister's eyes, a much brighter pink than they were as a human, were the last thing he saw before the world faded to darkness. /I'm sorry, Nezuko. I guess I couldn't save you, after all…/

When Nezuko came to, she could smell blood. /Please tell me he didn’t make me…/ Nezuko turned around slightly, hoping to delay the inevitable. She finally turned to face what was behind her, and felt tears stinging in her eyes as she turned away again. She looked at her sword, seeing the blood on the blade. Her brother’s blood. With a pained cry, she swung her sword at the ground, watching the purple metal shatter upon impact. Once the shards scattered, she dropped to her knees and screamed. She didn’t care if someone heard her, if the entire Demon Slayer Corps followed her screams and decapitated her, or if the sun would rise in seconds.

“You’ve done well, my dear.” Kibutsuji chuckled.

End

As you can see, we have some differences between this and canon. I am very excited to expand on them!

If you want more, let me know! It was unexpected, but very exciting to get this ask! It's what kicked my brain into gear to write this fight!

#demon slayer #kny au #kamado nezuko #demon slayer nezuko #swap au #kamado tanjiro #upper moon nezuko #🌙#muzan kibutsuji #just for a moment at the end

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asjjohnson · 1 year

Text

I don't know whether or not to buy a new computer during Cyber Monday. >_< Anyone want to give their opinion?

My computer had started acting weird a few months ago, and though it seems to have gotten better since then, it's still not normal. I've finally gotten around to clearing enough room on my external hard drive to back up my files and try a system recovery, to see if there's a chance it's not a piece of hardware failing. But that backup will probably take a day to compete because transferring files takes time.

The computer I've been considering buying has the same size hard drive as my current one. It only costs $1,000 right now (not counting $100 for MS Word, and $130 for a 3yr money-back warranty). The screen resolution is much larger than my current one. It might be easier to see what I'm painting during sunny days instead of having to wait until after dark. The stats of the computer are generally better, as would be expected. But I have a feeling it's cheaply made compared to my current one (which seemed cheaply made compared to my first computer, despite costing quite a bit). It doesn't have a fingerprint reader or CD drive (I can get an external CD drive)(there's a huge blank space on the side of the computer. whyyyy? If you have to remove the CD tray then at least give me more ports). The keyboard is backlit, which I don't need (and it sounds like people don't like the way it's made).

The computer I currently have has tape on the down arrow key from when a place replaced the fan several years ago and broke the original keyboard and then replaced it with a keyboard with a loose down arrow key (...I'd been afraid to mention it because at least all the keys worked). They also broke the edging trim and I've taped a lollipop stick there to replace the missing section so I won't cut my wrist on the edge. But that's superficial and not too relevant. The battery is dead and I didn't know if I should buy a new battery or not because I didn't know how much longer the computer would last. It's almost eleven years old now. A couple years ago I was running an antivirus scan while painting in a large Photoshop document (because I was being stupid and didn't feel like closing Photoshop to lighten the load), and somehow broke one of the graphics drivers or cards (I'm not sure which). It took a long time to realize all I needed to do was permanently disable the graphics driver. It worked fine after that, even when working on large Photoshop files. However, now, a few months ago the computer started sometimes shutting off while trying to come on (turning on, coming out of sleep, coming out of hibernation, whatever), and it got really bad for a few days, before it got better and now it doesn't happen too often. But sometimes (when I have headphones on) there's an occasional little beep (especially when preparing to play something with sound), and Photoshop has been too laggy for me to draw in. I haven't tried taking the computer to anyone to see what's wrong. The place I've been taking it hadn't been able to figure out that the graphics driver/card was messed up, and they'd messed up things when they had fixed stuff before. But there's a chance the current issue is just something software-related that I could fix by wiping the computer. Or a chance an important internal piece is failing. I would also like to buy the new MS Word I'd found out about, but I don't know if it would be smart when not knowing how long this computer will last. This is a pretty good computer, though. I got top-quality stuff in the build and built it to last as long as possible. The new one... I'm not sure if it'll last as long. I hadn't felt like spending as much money again. But this might be the cheapest I can get a relatively good one. Or there could be a better one in a year from now...?

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iguana-eyanna · 3 years

Text

The Beauty Within Everything

Pairing: preserum! Steve Rogers x 1940s! reader

Summary: reader thinks Steve stood her up on their date but realizes he’s very ill

Warnings: illness, decline of physical health, angst

You were walking on the sidewalk, fuming with every step you took in your heels, cursing under your breath to whoever invented these shoes.

You were on your way to confronting Steve, your boyfriend, at his place.

You think back to the first time you met Steve at a park. You both sat on the same bench as you were reading a sort of novel while Steve was drawing something on paper. The wind blew strongly as he lost his grip on the piece, flying beside your feet. You pick it up and give it to him, looking down to realize he was drawing you.

You both blush at each other as you complimented his talent and he commented on your beauty. Then on, you guys have been dating for a couple of months.

Now, you were beyond upset about Steve avoiding you for the past week. He promised to take you out on a date, but then stood you up on the very night. You tried calling his telephone but he never picked up the line. Now you arrived on his doorstep, knocking on the door loudly. What you didn't expect was for Bucky, his best friend, to greet you.

"Hi, angel face. What brings you here?" Bucky tiredly asked. "I can ask the same for you, it looks like you haven't slept in days." you replied. Before Bucky could rebut, you invite yourself in looking for any sign of your boyfriend.

"Now's not a good time to visit Steve, doll." Bucky says, trying to usher you out. "That charm won't work on me Bucky. I have been beyond worried about why Steve hasn't been responding to my calls. Is he alright?" You ask, not realizing a figure is shuffling to the two of you.

"You shouldn't have come." a voice croaked out, coughing afterward. You turn around and gasp lightly, looking at a very ill Steve. His skin was pale as snow, and it looked like he was prying to keep his eyes open for a bit longer. Steve tries to take another step but almost falls down to his knees.

You and Bucky catch him in time, as you could feel your boyfriend going limp in your arms. "Help me take him to his bed." Bucky gritted his teeth as he properly held Steve on his side. The both of you took him to his mattress as you opened his blankets so Bucky can tuck in his friend. Steve's eyes were partly closed, but you both can tell he was drifting off to sleep. You sweep his hair out of his eyes and then follow Bucky to the living room.

"What happened?" you whispered lightly, trying not to wake him up. Bucky looks down to the ground, not wanting to break the news to you. "When Steve was a kid, the doctor said that he has a weak immune and respiratory system. Since then, he's had a lot of fevers in a span of months, up to the point where he contracts pneumonia twice a year. I've been staying with him for the past week in case something happens." You sit on a nearby chair, feeling your heart aching for Steve's health.

"This has been going on for years? Why hasn't he said anything? I would have understood if-" Bucky rolls his eyes and sits next to you. "You know him, he's stubborn as a piece of wood. But I think he was scared you'd reject him." Bucky sadly admitted. You stare at a nearby window, trying to think.

You stood up and grabbed your purse "I'll go to the market to buy some things. I'll take care of him. You need to go home and get some rest." Bucky was too tired to fight you on it, so he waited for your return.

You came back with bags of groceries as Bucky helped you carry them to the empty fridge. Before he left, he gave you instructions on how to help steve if he had a coughing fit or if he wasn't able to hold himself.

"Remember, he may have the will of ten men, but he's delicate." You nod your head and lock the door once Barnes leaves. You then started making a pot of your signature soup to pass time in case Steve wakes. Suddenly you hear him coughing uncontrollably, so you turned off the fire and grabbed a glass of water.

Seeing him sitting up with his chest heaving made your heartstrings pull. You then tended to him as you offered to Steve the cup that he gradually took.

Once his breathing slows to a normal rhythm, he looks up to you with such heartbreak. "You should go, I don't want to be a burden." he said the best he could.

You sit in front of him by the foot of the bed, ready to scold the living heck out of him. "I am not going anywhere, mister. You still owe me an apology for standing me up this past week. I was worried sick, Steve. Why would you keep this from me?"

“Cause I didn't want you to be looking at me like this." He replied in a small voice.

"You know I would have understood, you shouldn't have kept me in the dark." You told him, not breaking eye contact. Steve's eyes begin to water and cleaned them away with his sleeve.

"When I recently got sick, I realized something. I’m not the man who could carry you in my arms and kiss you with every ounce in my body without wheezing. I'm not the man who's able to provide for you, like giving you pretty dresses or sweet-smelling perfumes. Heck, I can't even afford you a rose” Steve said as his voice was breaking.

"And now you're spending your money to feed your poor pathetic boyfriend back to health. Can't you see I'm nothing but trouble for you?" He concludes, staring at you. You pause for a bit, reflecting on the words he uttered from his mouth.

"Not once have I ever thought you were weak, Steve. Dear God, I think you're one of the bravest men I know. So please, don't bring yourself down because you can't perform these things you've fantasized about doing. I have never cared for extravagant gifts and just having you in my life is more than enough. You taught me so much about life and the beauty within everything around me. That's why I..." you close in to take his hand on top of your beating heart.

"I love you. I love you so much that it hurts me to think you can't rely on me when you're in so much pain. So please Steve, don't push me away when we both know we were made for each other."

Steve's face softens as he begins to cry. You begin to tear up as you pull him into your chest, comforting him with all that you could give.

"What did I deserve to be with you?" he hiccuped.

"Everything, love. Everything, and more." you replied, lightly combing the back of his hair with your fingers.

Steve lets go of you and wiped away his tears, regaining his breath.

“How can I make up for the past week?” he asks, knitting his eyebrows with determination.

“You can make it up to me by telling the truth from now on. No more secrets between us. And I am nursing you back to health, starting with a soup I just made.” You told him.

Steve nods his head and feels his stomach rumble just from the mention of food. "Well, I am hungry." he sheepishly smiles. You laugh at his reply and got up to fetch a bowl of soup. You return back with the food and Steve holds his hand to feel the warmth of the bowl. Once he starts consuming it, his eyes roll to the back of his head and almost made a moaning sound.

"This is the most amazing meal I've had in a long time." Steve announced, making you laugh harder. He's happy that he made you smile, realizing how much he missed hearing the sound of your voice.

She was his rock, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

#preserum steve rogers #preserum steve rogers x reader #skinny steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x 40s! reader #steve rogers imagines #chris evans #steve rogers imagine

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spinaroos-47 · 3 years

Text

Hunter Whispers AU!

A quick (hopefully) post about the basic things that change on the au!

Also a quick warning about blood on one of the images in the middle of the post when I start to talk about Lilith.

Like the other two aus here, it is being developed together with @bernardo-draws-and-cries, who drew some of the drawings on this post.

- Raine meets Hunter when he's pretty young, like around 8 years old and training to become the Golden Guard. They show genuine kindness to Hunter and there's a very slow adoption process (like socializing a feral kitten), Hunter sometimes sneaks out to their house, and then when the cheek wound happens when he's 12, that's the breaking point for Raine to go "that's it" and get Hunter out of the castle and adopting him.

- Hunter managed to stay pretty undetected from the EC even if Raine was getting higher and closer to the EC on the bard coven. He's not on Hexside, he and Raine managed to figure out a homeschooling system. And usually if he's not helping Raine with things, or at home, he's likely on the library or outside in the forest.

- He's part of the BATs! (Took a lot of convincing for Raine to let him join) But sometimes when dealing more directly with the EC, Raine doesn't want to risk him being caught and doesn't let him join in these missions. Resentment happens.

- Hunter resenting and feeling trapped and like no adult thinks he's capable of doing what he wants to do is a theme. He's doing better emotionally than Canon Hunter but there's a lot there that he is not doing well with and still some unprocessed trauma.

- Lilith is the in place of the Golden Guard. She has scars across her face from one time fighting Eda, where she intentionally made her turn into the Owl Beast, to try to capture here, which is why she almost always uses a mask now. She ended up telling her family about her cursing Eda and decided to isolate herself and focus only on the EC. Which is... not good for her mental health.

She still appears mostly on the same momentos as on Canon, but the more friendly times, like Sense and Insensitivity are way less friendly and Eda is less cheery with her, for good reasons. She is Canon Lilith before s1 finale but if she stayed and spiraled.

- Raine has a flying fox palisman! I haven't decided a name for them yet

(haven't digitalized it yet)

I based them on the animal head on their violin looking a bit like a bat! And this au is working with the headcanon that palismen for bard witches can either transform into instruments or join their witch's instrument to help with the magic casting.

So, they're the violin!

- Raine is the one who gets fooled by Belos about the whole "I'll cure Eda" thing. They don't trust Belos for obvious reasons, but they hoped this would help Eda, and they're not going for the capture path, they want to talk with Eda about all this but they never find the time to tell her their plan. Which wasn't going to be 100% doing their part of the deal either, they were planning on getting Eda cured and then let her escape. Also they also have a path of realizing that the curse itself isn't the problem, but it happens a bit too late. And Hunter doesn't know about it. Until YBOS.

- Lilith had also been trying to capture Eda, being way more aggressive about it. And she's still the one who captures Luz in AOAW and makes it seem like it was Raine's choice. Very angst

- The two appear way earlier, in Covention, and appear some more other times, like Hunter in Escape of the palisman, and the two on Grom (and more times. They become semi regular characters but we haven't figured out that much)

- Hunter ends up befriending Luz (and hexside trio) and goes to quite some sleepovers there, specially after discovering about the glyphs! (his love language is snack giving and one constant on these aus besides Hunter having a bad sleep schedule is him having a great relationship with King)

(both him and Raine have bad sleep schedules)

- Hunter gets Lil rascal on SOTP. He has the same wish as canon, just a different situation. He still feels caged and unable to fully decide what he wants for his future

- There's the obligatory awkward pining Raeda

- Eda's requiem has quite some changes that i will probably make a separate post about

- Amber, Derwin and Katya are basically like Hunter's older sibilings. He's the baby of that found family

- And on this au he acts more like an older cousin than as a brother to luz. Still close but not like a brother.

- He can kinda use bard magic but it's kinda weak since he himself is powerless (Lil Rascal helps with that), and we're using another headcanon, about bard magic being able to be used by beings without innate magic in them, just less powerful than if performed by a being with innate magic

- Raine ends up sharing the curse with Eda (the assumption that Eda cursed Raine and not that they shared the curse gets spread around) and Raine can become the Bat Beast

Very fluffy. They can still do bard magic (but way weaker) as it is Eda who is still the main carrier of the curse.

- Things get...pretty tense with Raine and basically everyone else (specially Eda, Luz, King and Hunter) after ybos. Their relationships get slowly rebuilt but then Eda's requiem happens.

- But before that, they're around quite often on season 2, together with Hunter

This au is a lot of "Raine fucked up and is trying to fix it/make up for it" and it's really fun to work on it, even if it looks like it's mainly angst, we still have some non angst stuff about it fksmdmfm

And that's it! The basics about this au! There's a lot more stuff we're going to be slowly sharing

#blood #toh #the owl house #hunter whispers au #hunter toh #raine whispers #lilith clawthorne #long post #au #alec talks

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skzvibes · 3 years

Text

It's not like you're in love

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: intense make out, mentions of nudity, mentions of sex (not explicit smut tho)

word count: 4,6K

a/n: sorry if you find mistakes or typos, English is not my first language so this won't be perfect <3

You met him because you started working on JYP as a staff.

You were almost always working with Stray Kids, so you got close to them and, after a few weeks, you were already friends.

But with Chan was different than with the rest of the members

You have always looked at each other in a different way

And even if you said that you were just best friends, even the members knew that you were just avoiding your feelings

"Are you still here? I need you in my studio." That was the text Chan had just sent you. Yes, you were still in the JYP building where you worked, and even if you were about to leave to go home, you immediately headed to his studio. You adored those moments when you two were alone because he wanted your opinion about his new song or maybe just some company while he was working. You had a special friendship with him even if you had not known each other for that long, and you did not expect that at all when you started working in JYP as a staff member.

When you got there, you knocked at the door, and you heard him saying that it was open. You smiled right when you entered the room. It was kind of cold and dark. The only light was from the computer screen, which let you see his silhouette. You got closer to him and sat in the chair next to his, knowing that he was probably finishing something and he would look at you in a few seconds. And that is what happened. He typed something, and then he took off his headphones to look at you. He smiled and hugged you quickly before handing you the headphones.

"Thank you for coming. Did I stop you from going home?" He asked, looking worried.

"Yes, but you know I don't mind," you smiled and put on the headphones. Chan smiled and played the track he wanted you to listen to. You had the same conversation every day he asked you to go to his studio, but he still felt guilty.

Chan observed you while you listened to the song. The first time he asked for your opinion, you were so serious while listening to the song that he thought you didn't like it, but now he knows that it's just because you want to listen to it carefully so you can say something more than "I like it", and, to him, it's the cutest thing ever.

When it finished, you took off the headphones and stayed quiet for a few seconds before talking.

"I think it's good, but... Don't be mad, but it sounds kinda similar to the last one." You said, and looked up to him, hoping that he wasn't angry at you. You knew he wanted your sincere opinion, but sometimes it scared you that he could get angry or hurt. But he sighed and nodded, resting his back on the chair backrest.

"That's what I thought," he said, staring at his computer. You felt bad for not being able to help him out.

"Maybe you could ask Jisung or Changbin for help. They're way better than me at producing songs, and I'm sure they can give you a better opinion." He looked at you as you continued. "Honestly, I don't know why you ask for my opinion." You laughed, making him laugh too.

"I don't know, it helps to have different points of view, you know?" He said, and you thought that was all but he continued. "And I like spending time with you, so it's kind of an excuse." He added smiling and observed how your cheeks turned pink.

"Me too." You said softly, and after that, you both stayed quiet, the only sound in the room was the buzzing of his laptop, and your eyes locked.

And then he leaned in, slowly. As he got closer, you could smell his cologne, and your heart started to beat faster, not knowing what his next move would be. And when all you could see was him, you stopped feeling your body, you couldn't hear the buzzing of the laptop, and the room didn't feel cold anymore, but warm.

And he kissed you.

His plump lips brushed yours softly and carefully, making you close your eyes. He tasted like mint. At first, your noses touched but then he tilted his head so he would be able to kiss you more confortably. But as he did that, he noticed what he was doing and stopped the kiss. You opened your eyes and took a deep breath. Your eyes connected.

"I'm sorry, are you sure you-" He started, and you answered by kissing him more. You placed your hands on his shoulders and made him rest his back on the chair again, at the same time that you stood up to sit on his lap. You started running your fingers through his hair, and he held the back of your neck to keep you close with one hand while he placed the other one on your thigh.

Your heart was about to explode, and you felt dizzy as you tried to process what was happening. But you just couldn't. All you could feel and think about was him. At one certain moment, his lips were around your bottom lip, and he bit it, taking you by surprise and making you let out a little moan. Then, you two needed to breathe, so you pulled away.

"We can stop if you-" He started again, and you rolled your eyes, placing your hand against his mouth.

"Can you please stop acting as if I don't want this as much as you do?" You whispered, and you felt his smile grow against your hand. Then you placed it in his shoulder again and leaned closer to him. "Because I do." His pupils dilated, and he connected your lips. His hands started rubbing your back and went further down to the end of your t-shirt.

"Take it off." You mumbled softly against his lips, knowing that it would lead to much more that night.

Two weeks later...

"Chan, we should get dressed." You whispered against his chest. It's not that you wanted to do it, but you were in his studio and it wasn't exactly private.

"Five minutes more, I promise." He said, and he kept drawing figures with his fingers in your naked back. You nodded and closed your eyes. You've never felt so relaxed and at peace in your whole life.

It had been two weeks since you and Chan started... whatever it was. And it was great, but you hadn't even talked about it, and you didn't know how to bring it up. Because you appreciated him so much and you didn't know how to tell him that you had fallen in love with him without ruining your friendship. Maybe, if you had noticed that you were in love with him earlier, you wouldn't have started this "friends with benefits" thing. But now you just couldn't help it. You liked him so much that you didn't want to lose what you had.

After a few minutes, you got up from his lap, making him groan.

"It's been like two minutes, not five." He whined. You let out a little laugh and hurried in getting dressed because it was cold without him hugging you.

"Chan, someone could show up here at any moment, and I don't want any of the boys to find out about us like that." He sighed but, knowing that you were right, he stood up too and started putting his clothes on. "Are you going to the dorms now?" You asked him.

"No, I think I'm gonna stay for a while. I got a bit distracted by you the last hour." He joked.

"And you dare to say that it's my fault. I will not come the next day you text me." You teased him. He smirked and got closer to hug you.

"We'll see." You locked eyes for a few seconds. You wanted to say it. I love you.

But you didn't.

"Goodnight, don't leave too late. You need to sleep too, superhero." You kissed his cheek and turned around to leave, but he held your wrist.

"What kind of goodnight kiss is that?" You laughed and pecked his lips. When you pulled away, he smiled at you. "That's better."

"You're unbelievable." You walked towards the door. "Goodnight, Chan."

"Night Y/n" he answered, and you closed the door.

When you got home, you took your clothes off and put on your pajamas. After that, you went to the bathroom to remove your makeup, and you saw yourself in the mirror. You were smiling widely, and you hadn't even noticed it. Of course, it was because of Chan. The last two weeks had probably been the best weeks of your life. And you wanted more of that. You wanted to know if he felt the same way you did when you were together. That's why you decided to talk with Chan the next day.

"Come on, you can do it." You encouraged yourself. You had been in front of the practice room's door for about ten minutes. You could hear them practicing inside. It's not that hard, just open it.

And you did it, making everyone in the room look at you. Chan smiled instantly, and the others were surprised but happy to see you too.

"Hey Y/n, what are you doing here?" Jisung asked you, and he got closer to you to hug you. Jisung was one of your best friends, even though you haven't been able to spend a lot of time together lately.

"Hi, everyone. I wanted to talk with you, Chan. If you can." You said, looking at him. He nodded and indicated the rest to practice the choreography while he talked to you. You walked to a corner where they wouldn't hear you, and he looked at you, waiting for you to talk.

This wasn't a good idea.

"Well, umm..." You looked down and started playing with your fingers as you got more nervous every second. "You know we've been... spending time together..." He chuckled at your way to call it but he let you continue. You took a deep breath and looked at him in the eyes. "What are we, Chan?" You asked, and his smile faded away as soon as you did it.

No, this definitely wasn't a good idea.

"Why are you asking me that?" He asked, frowning. He looked so confused, and you didn't know how to explain it. You started looking around, avoiding looking at him, wishing you never started that conversation.

"I... I just thought... I don't know, we're not friends but- " You tried to speak, but he interrupted you.

"We aren't?" he asked, and you panicked since he misunderstood you.

"That's not what I meant. I mean... We are friends, but we aren't just friends?" You tried to explain, but you didn't even know what you were saying.

"I swear I don't understand what-" He started, and you decided to go straight to the point.

"God, I like you, ok?" You let out, and his eyes widened. "I like you. And not just as a friend." You finished, and he sighed. He looked at the boys making sure they weren't listening, and then he looked at you again.

"Y/n, I don't know if you misunderstood but... I do like spending time with you but that's it..." You felt how your eyes watered, but you held back your tears. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you... God." He stopped talking and massaged his temples. "What I mean is... We aren't dating" And you hoped that was all he had to say so you could leave, but it wasn't. "And we won't. We can't have another type of relationship." He added, and you felt as if someone had just stabbed you in your heart. You waited a few seconds to answer because you were afraid that your voice would crack.

"No, I understand. It's fine." You finally said, but when he tried to reach out to you and hold your arm, you took a step back. He looked worried. "Umm... I have to leave now." You said, walking backward. You just wanted to get out of there.

"Y/n..." He tried to stop you from leaving but at that point, the boys were looking at you, confused.

"No, really, you never said you..." You stopped there, you couldn't talk with the boys listening, but you knew he had understood you. "It's okay. We're still friends." He nodded slowly, but he wasn't sure that you meant it.

"Then... We're fine?" he asked you again before you left.

"Yes, sure." You reassured him, and then you walked out of the room as fast as you could, leaving the boys, especially Chan, so confused. He tried to continue practicing, but he just couldn't stop thinking about your watery eyes. He couldn't take your sad expression out of his head. He tried to explain it to you without hurting you. But you said everything was fine, right? Maybe you just needed some time to think. Everything will be the same tomorrow. He said to himself.

Too bad he was wrong.

The next day he didn't see you for the whole day, and since he didn't want you to feel pressured, he didn't text you when he used to do it. But the same happened two days later. The third one he tried to text you, but you left him on read. The fourth one, you replied to his message saying that you had some stuff to do and you couldn't meet him. He started to feel worried. And he missed you a lot. Not only having sex with you but everything. Chan missed spending the evenings with you in his studio, listening to his new songs or recommending music to each other, or talking about weird and deep stuff he couldn't talk about with anyone else.

After one week, he thought that was enough. If you said everything was fine, why were you ignoring him? So he got out of his studio, where he usually spent the whole day, and started walking around. Of course, he had a million things to do, but he couldn't help it anymore. He needed to see you and ask you what was happening.

After about ten minutes of walking around, he spotted you talking with another staff member. As he got closer, he could see the bags under your eyes, as if you hadn't been sleeping well. What had happened to you?

You noticed him when he was a few meters away from you. You knew you would have to face him at some point, but you weren't ready yet. He said that you couldn't have another type of relationship, so what was the point? You couldn't act as if nothing was happening and keep meeting him in his studio. Because if you were already hurt, who knows how would you feel after a month. Or three. Or a year. You couldn't deal with that, and you needed to tell him, but you didn't know how yet. That's why you had been avoiding him. But you should have known he wouldn't let you do it for so long.

"Y/n, can we talk real quick?" Chan said, and Lena, the staff member you were talking with, left thinking that Chan needed something related to work. Shit, don't leave me alone. You thought, but of course, your friend couldn't have an idea of what was happening. When she left, you nodded slightly, and you two walked into one of those "focus rooms" that everyone could use. They were soundproof, so Chan knew you could talk freely in there. He let you in first and, when he was inside too, he closed the door. Then, he turned around to look at you.

"Do you need anything?" you asked, trying to act as if nothing happened. Chan sighed, knowing what you were doing.

"Yes, I need you to buy me an americano, and I think Jisung wanted cheesecake." He said sarcastically, crossing his arms. You tilted your head and sighed.

"Fine, what do you want?" You asked. You tried to act rough, but if he had held your hand, he would have noticed you were trembling.

“What do I- Did I miss something?” He asked, slightly annoyed. He couldn’t understand your behavior. “You’ve been ignoring me for a whole week, I thought you said we were fine,” Chan observed you, trying to figure out what was happening.

“It’s not that I’m ignoring you…” You started, and he raised an eyebrow. “I needed to think, I thought you would understand that I can’t just act as if nothing happened.” You replied. Chan shook his head.

“Then you shouldn’t have said we were fine. You should have talked to me.” He complained and raised his voice without noticing it, but you did. That annoyed you. Why was he mad?

“Sure, after you told me we can’t have another type of relationship. What a great moment to talk with you, Chan.” You said, loudly. You didn’t know at what point that conversation turned into an argument, but you wanted to end it. “Chan, you only want sex. I don’t want to have that type of relationship with you anymore, and, as you said, we can’t have another one. So I don’t think there’s anything to talk about anyway.” You said and shrugged. Chan looked at you as if you were saying nonsense.

Well, for him, it was. He only wanted sex? Absolutely no. Could he be only your friend after everything that happened between you two? Also no. Could he date you? No, it was forbidden. Did he want to? He didn’t know.

“I’m trying to be professional. I work here. I’m a staff member and you’re an artist. That’s it.” You finished the conversation and tried to open the door, but he stopped you by holding your arm.

“That’s it? What about everything that has happened between us?” Chan asked. He couldn’t believe you wanted to go back to the time you weren’t even friends.

“I don’t know, Chan. Find another girl. You’ll forget me soon. It’s not like you’re in love, right?” You smiled slightly, and he looked down without saying anything. Why couldn’t you understand he couldn’t love you? He would risk every single thing he has been fighting for during all his life. He just didn’t know what to say, so he stayed quiet.

And you interpreted it as a no.

“That’s what I thought.” You said, lastly. You moved your arm, and he let it go. He observed how you got out of the room and walked away without looking back.

Of course, he didn’t know it was because you didn’t want him to see you cry.

One week later

"C'mon Y/n..." Jisung complained. He wanted you to hang out with the boys at the dorms, but you didn't want to. Because of obvious reasons. "I know Chan and you aren't on good terms. I don't know what happened between you two..." If you knew... You thought. "... but we're still friends. I don't want to lose you because of this. And maybe you can talk with him too, I know he doesn't want to lose you either. You two are like soulmates." He said, and you sighed. You knew he wouldn't leave you alone until you agreed. But you weren't ready yet. And, talking with him? He said what he wanted, and you didn't want to do it, so that was it. You didn't need to talk.

Jisung noticed that you didn't want to talk with Chan by your facial expressions.

"And if you don't want to, it's not a problem. Lately, he's been in his room the whole day if he's not in the studio. I don't think he goes out." You were still doubtful. But you missed the boys a lot.

"Fine, I'll go." You said, and he clapped, showing you his heart-shaped smile, and hugged you.

"Cool, see you tonight." You nodded, and he walked away since he had practice with the boys.

After all, he was right. You couldn't just stop talking and hanging out with them because of what happened between you and Chan. That's why, that night, you were at the dorms when they told you. Hyunjin opened the door and smiled at you.

"Hi, Y/n! I'm so happy you decided to come." He hugged you quickly and let you in.

"Well, Jisung said there would be pizza." He laughed and, after closing the door, he led you to the living room.

"Y/n! Changbin-hyung wanted to start eating without you." Jeongin said, pointing at him. You laughed when Changbin raised his arms, trying to look innocent. You were so happy to see them that you almost forgot that Chan was just a few meters away, in his room.

Even if he had his headphones, he heard your laugh. Of course, the boys warned him that you were coming over, and even asked him to have dinner with them, but he excused himself, saying that he had a lot of work to do. He wasn't hungry anyway. He never was since you two stopped every type of contact. He did have work to do, but he couldn't do it anyway. He hadn't composed anything in that week either, and it was driving him crazy. One of the main reasons why he wasn't dating you was that he didn't want to get distracted from his work, but his world seemed to be upsidedown since you distracted him, even more, when you weren't with him.

In the living room, you all were having an interesting conversation about if birds had ears or not (Felix's thoughts sometimes amused you) when Seungmin talked.

"Should we bring Chan-hyung some food? He must be starving." He said. Minho nodded.

"I haven't seen him eat today," Minho added, and your eyes widened.

"For the whole day?" You asked, worried.

"It's not that weird. When he has a good idea, he stays in his room or the studio for days. We always bring him food, but he's been rejecting it lately. I don't know how he isn't hungry." Minho explained, and you looked at Jisung.

"You didn't tell me that." You said. It didn't seem that serious when he told you.

"I didn't? Sorry, I thought I did, But yes, he's been acting weird lately." He stated. Then, all of them started to talk about another topic, but you remained thinking. You weren't sure if he was like that because, as they said, he was working on something good... Or because of you. You didn't want to think like that, but you couldn't help feeling guilty, even if you didn't know if it was your fault.

That's why, a few minutes later, you took a plate and put in it one slice of pizza. Then you stood up, and everyone looked at you.

"Where are you going?" Jisung asked, even if he knew what you were about to do. Of course, he would have brought food to his hyung, but he hoped that you would do it. He wanted you two to talk.

"I'm gonna bring Chan some food... It's worrying me that he hasn't eaten today." You said and walked away toward his bedroom.

When you got there, you opened the door and saw him with his headphones on, the room completely dark except for the computer. Of course, it reminded you of the evenings you spent in his studio.

Since he hadn't noticed you, you walked toward him and tapped him on his shoulder. He turned around expecting to see one of the boys, but he almost choked when he saw you there. He immediately took off his headphones, but he couldn't say anything. He just observed you, there, in his room.

"Umm... The boys told me you haven't been eating well so... I brought you dinner." You said, placing the plate on his desk. You waited for a few seconds, but he didn't say anything, and it was getting awkward, so you decided to go back to the living room.

It's not that he hadn't anything to say. He had so much to say that he couldn't even verbalize it. He was shocked to see you there, after one week of not having any contact. He couldn't help to stare at you and ask himself what he had done. You were probably one of the best things that ever happened to him and he didn't want to lose you.

And when he realized that, you were already about to open the door of his room to leave.

"Y/n" He called you, making you stop and turn around to look at him. Again, he didn't know what to say. He just didn't want you to leave again.

He stood up and took a few steps until he was right in front of you. He cupped your face with his hands and placed his lips on yours. It was so sudden, but as soon as you felt him kissing you, you kissed him back. At that moment, you felt like your senses were waking up. You didn't smell his habitual cologne, but you did notice the vanilla from his shampoo. And he tasted like mint again. His thumb started caressing your cheek, sending shivers down your spine. And after a few seconds, you felt your cheeks wet. He was crying. You stopped the kiss and opened your eyes to look at him. He opened his eyes too when you placed your hands on his cheeks to wipe away the tears.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry." You ignored what he was saying since you were more worried about why he was crying.

"Are you okay, Chan?" You asked him. And he sighed before letting it all out.

"No." He confessed. "I can't sleep. I'm never hungry. I can't write lyrics. I can't compose anything good. Everything I do is think about you even more than before, and it's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do, Y/n." And he locked eyes with you, almost begging you for a solution.

"Chan... Do you love me?" You asked, risking it all. But afraid of being hurt again.

"I told you, I can't..." He started looking around, avoiding your eyes. You interrupted him.

"That's not what I asked." You said, and he stayed quiet. You decided to risk it all one more time. The last time. "I love you, Chan." You confessed, and he broke down in tears and pulled you into a hug, buried his face in your neck. "I love you too." He muttered against your neck. Then you held his face and wiped his tears again. You knew that the tears were just the proof of how much stress he had been going through.

"Then everything is fine. We can go slow and see what happens. I dont need you to take care of me or give me attention all the time, Chan. I know that music is your passion and that you need time for that. I'm okay with it. I understand it."

He just nodded and placed the softest kiss on your lips. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

Then, you told him to lie down on his bed. You knew how tired he was because of not sleeping. You took off his shoes and yours as well and lay down next to him. He hugged you and kissed your forehead. "God, I missed you so much." He muttered against your hair.

"I missed you too," you replied, and you two fell asleep, feeling safe and happy, knowing that the other would be there in the morning.

#bangchan #bangchan imagines #stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids drabbles #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #bang chan x reader #bang chan x y/n #bang chan angst #bang chan fluff #bang chan idol au #stray kids scenarios #bang chan scenarios

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one-sad-human · 3 years

Text

•Something There• Slash

Pairing: Slash x Reader

Requested? Yes! By a lovely anon

Theme: Fluff

Warnings: Some language

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: —

You take in a deep breath. The letter in the sweaty palms feels heavy and intimidating. It's hopefully an acceptance letter from your dream college, UCLA, but there's a chance you got declined.

You open the envelope slowly, unfolding the letter and beginning to read. Your smile grows and you jump up from your chair, pumping a fist in the air and jumping around your kitchen.

You race to your phone and call your parent's phone number, waiting impatiently for one of them to answer. Before a 'hello' is said, you shout out.

"I got in! I got in UCLA!"

It's been your dream to go since you were small. America was scary and foreign, but you've always known that you can't live in England your entire life.

It's always rainy and cloudy, and LA seems bright and gorgeous. It's full of possibilities and excitement. And it helps that your best friend, Saul, lives there.

You and Saul have been friends since practically birth. Yours and his parents were close friends, meaning that even after Saul and his mom moved to America, you all remained in contact.

You're parents took you to yearly trips to America to visit the Hudson's, and he visited England once in a while, too. Over the last few years, you haven't been able to go visit him.

You have a job and have been working hard to save up for college, so vacation was a distant memory. But nonetheless, phone calls are still pretty common between you and him.

According to Saul, his friends call him Slash now, and he has a band. He seems to be happier with this band than his previous ones, and you wish him nothing but the best.

You can't wait to be there, to see him on stage with florescent lights beaming on him, his fingers moving quickly along the fretboard of his guitar. You're smiling just thinking about it.

It's finally moving day. It's bittersweet, bitter because England is all you've ever known, moving so far away is the scariest thing you've ever done. Your parents are also heartbroken your leaving, but they keep smiling faces to not make you feel guilty for leaving.

But the sweetness is stronger. This is your dream! You'd be able to live in LA and see the ocean everyday, walk along the Sunset Strip, and go to your dream school. Saul being there definitely helps, too.

The plane ride is nothing new. It's long and tiring, and you just want to sleep when you finally get to your destination. But the familiar heat wakes you a little when you step out of the airport.

And when you get to your very tiny dorm, you rush around to unpack so you can go and explore. The strip is obviously you're first destination. It's colorful and loud and the exact opposite from England, which may be what you love about it.

A poster stuck to a window with drawings and a date on it catches your eye. It's for a local band called Guns n Roses, and you remember that's the name of Saul's band.

So, naturally, you go to the show. The band is loud and the energy is something you've never seen before. It's electrifying.

After, you reconnect with Saul— or Slash as he likes to be called now. You meet his band and they all love you, although all of them tried to get into your pants at some point during that night.

But as time stretched on to months, you and Slash are closer than ever. His bandmates are convinced there's something going on between you, but both of you always brush it off.

"We're just best friends," is Slash's favorite quote.

Axl and Steven were the most vocal. Axl is nosy and notices everything, and Steven just loves love. You can't count the number of times they've tried to set you up with Slash on a date, it hasn't worked yet.

But nonetheless, Steven and Axl giving up their mission seems impossible. Well, you thought, until now.

"You set me up on a blind date?" You ask, a slight snarl on your face. "With who?"

"What the hell do you think blind means? Go and find out! It's this Saturday," Axl says. You put your pen down, as you were finishing up some schoolwork before Axl had called you.

"Why do you even want me to go on this date anyway? Aren't you the same guy hell-bent on getting me with Saul?"

"Look, this guy needed a date, you're the only single woman I know that I haven't fucked."

"You're disgusting."

"Will you go on the date or not?" Axl asks, ignoring the insult.

"I don't know, Ax." You sigh. "I'm busy with school and work and—

"Exactly! A date is exactly what you need to relax!" Axl says.

"Fine! Fine, I'll go," you agree. You know that he won't give up on asking, he would just show up at your dorm if you hung up. Besides, how much harm could one date do anyway?

It's Saturday, the dreaded day of the week. You park your car outside of the restaurant that your date will take place at. The restaurant looks nice, it isn't fancy and expensive, but it doesn't look sketchy.

You walk in, glancing around quickly to see if you can spot your date. Axl said he should be sitting at the first table near the window.

You walk over, and when you spot who it is, you shake your head in disbelief. He may have his back turned to you, but his curly head of hair is still distinguishable.

"So you're my date?" You ask, rounding the table. Saul looks up in surprise and laughs, throwing his head back.

"Axl set us up?" He asks.

"Apparently." Slash shakes his head but keeps his smile on his face. He gestures for you to sit down across from him.

"Well, I'm starving and I'm not wasting the reservation. What do you want?"

Once you order and begin eating, you begin to think how nice this is. You wonder if there is something there, if maybe it was there all along and you never thought about it.

You become almost hyper aware of everything Slash does, to the way he looks down when he smiles and how he listens to you intently and hangs onto every word.

When the date ends, you’re disappointed and wish it could last longer. Slash feels the same, which is why he walks so slow exiting the restaurant.

“Can I tell you something?” He asks, walking you to your car.

“Of course, what?”

“I really had fun today.” You nod and smile.

“Yeah, me too.” You get to your car but instead of getting in, you lean against the door.

“Could we do it again sometime?” You raise your eyebrows and your lips part. Slash keeps his eyes low, nervous for your answer.

“You mean you want to hang out again?” You ask, and he quickly shakes his head.

“No, I want to go on another date. Just me and you, no Axl setting us up. A proper date,” he explains, his words fumbling.

“I’d love to,” you say with a grin. Slash looks up, a relieved smile on his lips. He reaches up his hand and caresses your face, leaning in ever so slowly. You lean against your car more, grateful for the support.

It turns out Axl and Steven were right sometimes, not that you’d ever say that to their faces.

#guns n’ roses #guns n’ roses x reader #guns n’ roses imagine #classic rock imagine #slash #slash x reader #slash imagine #saul hudson x reader

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goldeneyedgirl · 2 years

Text

TwiFicMas Day 8: Divorced Jalice

Time for an AH AU that is both angsty as hell and a romance because that's my drug of choice. // Means time-skip/new scene, whilst -- is just a chapter break.

And I know I haven't posted many requests yet - I've been so tired, and finally dragged myself to the clinic today to get diagnosed with 'sick', so I've been sleeping more than writing. They are all on my list, and I should be feeling better in a day or two <3

It takes five surgeries and six years.

It goes by so fast.

The scars are huge and obvious, heavy lines bisecting her chest, and are so hard to cover up. She’s died on the table more than once, and her doctors cannot believe she made it this far. That every single time she went back into the OR, the chance of her waking up - let alone to good news - got smaller and smaller.

But she did it.

It cost her everything though.

Her marriage.

Her friends.

Her job.

She used to hate that she was living off money from her family. That she hated them as much as they hated her, and it was cruel and unfair that this was the only option she had left.

Now she doesn’t care. It just… isn’t important. She’s alive and she’s got somewhere to live. She’s reached a place where she sends them a Christmas card and they send her one, and they still don’t talk. They just pay her bills.

Which is why she’s sitting in the park right now, sketching, instead of at work. The last surgery (her favourite words to say) was only a couple of months ago and her doctor doesn’t want her working yet - she’s too thin, too weak, and the doctor isn’t convinced she’s mentally ready to join the real world again.

The shrink’s number is still in her purse.

She pauses in her drawing to sip her drink, and look out at the people. God, she’ll never not appreciate being able to sit in a park with a ridiculous beverage and draw again. Fresh air. Noise. People.

“Alice?”

And when she looks up, she goes cold.

—

“Shit.”

That’s her response when her doctor explains, in gentle terms, what the tests have shown them.

It’s her heart. It’s broken. Very broken, in fact.

That explains a lot.

There needs to be surgery, immediately. Hopefully that will work; if it doesn’t, they’ll need to consider a transplant (her vision swims). But should it work, it will be the beginning of several surgeries, to piece her back together into something that will allow her to live out her life in peace.

It’s a lot, but the doctor is kind and the nurse helps her fill in the paperwork for her surgery and calls her a cab. She goes straight home to read all the literature they’ve emailed her about her poor heart, about what to expect and recovery and all the little things she can’t wrap her head around.

Jasper comes home from work late, smelling of booze and she feels very insubstantial at the moment, utterly powerless.

(She hates his job. Hates how much it eats away at him - so many hours, so many cases. He took it so they could have nice things, live a nice life in a nice apartment and she misses their shit-hole student apartment because at least he smiled and laughed and was with her. Now he’s never home, and he drinks way too much, and she knows he’s self-medicating, and she also knows he’s fucking his classmate from law school, the pretty one who joined the firm last year. He doesn’t know she knows. She pretends everything is fine, even when she finds lipstick on his collar, and receipts for dates he never takes her on.)

He nods at her, focused on his phone, and she wonders for a split second, if it would be so bad to cancel the surgery. To simply call it off and let the chips fall where they may. Let her die in her sleep, or collapse in the shower, or end up in an ambulance that turns off the siren halfway to the hospital.

That thought is ugly, and she pushes it away, closes all the reading she’s been doing on her tablet and orders dinner whilst he showers.

She goes to put the laundry away when she hears him on the phone. That low voice, that teasing, suggestive voice that she remembers. Promising to text her later, murmuring words that makes her chest hurt. She puts the laundry in the guest room instead.

She just feels sad.

They’re eating in front of the TV - Thai food she doesn’t even feel like - and he finally looks at her (he looks tired and thin) when he finally asks her about her day.

And the words are on the tip of her tongue. “I saw the doctor today. It’s bad, Jas - my heart. I’m having surgery next Friday. Then we’ll see where we stand.”

Instead, she looks up and smiles at him and the words that come out of her mouth are, “I’m moving out.”

—

She tries to soften the blow, tell him that she knows about Maria, has known for a few months and was waiting for him to tell her or end it or whatever. And that she’s not trying to make trouble, but he has to make a choice and she’s going to give him the space to make that choice. No ultimatums, just space.

(What would her ultimatums be? Dump Maria. Quit the damn firm. Do something he likes. Get some help for all the prescriptions and the drinking. Stop trying to find the next high, the next dopamine hit, and just have a life.)

It’s a really dumb thing to do, now. She’s going to need support, help. And she’s not just giving up her home, she’s giving up her friends. Jasper’s sister married Emmett, whose brother married her oldest friend, Bella. She’s the odd one out. She’s estranged from her family, has been since college - her husband and her friends were her family. She has a few work friends, a few old college friends, but no one who she can ask for help after major surgery. She’s going to have to find an apartment, too, and fast.

(She’s going to have to resign at work, which is a blow. But the magazine is small, they can’t handle having her on leave for up to four months. Better she confide in Carmen that she’s got health problems, needs to take some time off, and hope and pray that Carmen’s willing to rehire her if she lives. She’s already crunched the numbers - she’s got enough in savings to cover her living expenses for the first surgery, and she’s going to have to call her father to get access to the family trust. Her father may hate her, but he’d hate the blow to his reputation - should people find out that he wasn’t looking after her, in her hour of need - more.)

Jasper’s agitated, pacing; he’d hate being caught unaware like this. Before this, they talked things out. There would have been clues, discussions. He would have gone to the doctor with her, held her hand through the testing.

He throws questions at her, like he’s trying to catch her out, like it’s some kind of riddle or trick.

No, counselling seems pointless until he makes his choice.

No, she has no intentions of calling a lawyer any time soon.

No, she doesn’t expect him to pay for this.

No, she never snooped on his phone.

Yes, she’ll be the one to tell his sister and their friends, that this is her idea.

She’ll move out this weekend, and she’ll sleep in the guest room until then.

He shoots her looks of resentment and gets himself another beer, and she goes to bed.

(She decides to rewatch their wedding video on her phone, and cries herself to sleep.)

—

The message she sends to their friends and his family the next morning is simple - she’s moving out, it was her idea, and it’s just a trial separation. She’s never talked about their problems with the others, it seemed disloyal. They were always a team, a united front. They don’t know anything.

His sister calls a split-second later, right before her meeting with Carmen, and Rosalie is furious.

“It’s coming out of nowhere!”

“What aren’t you telling us?”

“Tell me the truth, Alice.”

(She imagines the words she wishes she could say to her sister-in-law; “I’m having heart surgery in just over a week, and I do not have the energy to face my own mortality and deal with ignoring Jasper’s affair, or his addictive behaviours at the same time. I’ve been trying to ignore it for months, and it’s just more than I can deal with right now, okay? I am tired, Rosalie.”)

She doesn’t blame Rose for painting her as the villain. For a very long time, the only person Rosalie had was Jasper, and they are so protective of each other that she needs him to be the victim in all of this. Besides, Rose isn’t stupid. She’s only delayed the reckoning that Jasper will face when it all inevitably comes out and Rosalie puts the pieces together.

Hopefully gets him some help.

The rest of the day isn’t so bad. Carmen is horrified for her, and immediately promises her a job when she’s well again. She doesn’t have the heart to point out if she’s very, very lucky it’ll be months. By then, Carmen will have hired someone new that she can’t bare to get rid of, I’m so sorry Alice. But it’s nice to know she’s that valued.

Her mother responds to the email she sent her father with two lines - “I’m sorry to hear that,” and the account numbers. It’s more than she expected - she only had to imply that he’d look like a terrible person if he didn’t help her, not outright threaten him.

It’s just a Tuesday.

He’s meeting Peter and Charlotte for lunch, then he’s got a late meeting. The job at the university library is… a brilliant new start. One of Emmett’s best ideas ever, honestly.

There’s a woman on the bench near the bridge, sitting cross-legged with a sketchbook on her legs, and sipping on a bright green drink. It’s only when she looks up that he realises.

It’s Alice.

His Alice. Alice who moved out and disappeared. He’d seen her once since she’d moved out, at the lawyer’s office to finalise the divorce. She’d been quiet, and she’d slid her rings across the table after she’d signed the paperwork. He’d stared at her, wide-eyed, and she’d offered him a tiny smile.

“They were your mother’s, Jas,” she’d said, and that had been that.

He’d put them in his pocket, and immediately gotten completely shit-faced, and told Rosalie he’d made the biggest mistake of his life signing those papers. That she was the goddamn love of his life and he didn’t know how to exist without her. Rose had given him coffee and told him to sober up; he couldn’t force Alice to stay married to him, and it wasn’t his fault she left.

Except it was, and everyone learnt that two months later when he introduced them to Maria and Maria made a few comments and Rosalie had put it all together at the table, her rage building to something enormous and obvious when she realised.

“I owe Alice the most enormous fucking apology. There isn’t a bunch of flowers big enough that I can send her,” she had spat at him afterwards. “You were having an affair?”

He’d gotten angry (too much to drink, again), and they’d stormed off and not spoken for a week. And then Rose had called, demanding Alice’s new number, because her phone had been shut off. Demanded an address to apologise to her friend.

But he didn’t have any of that information. Even on the divorce paperwork, all her details redirected to her lawyer’s office. And that had made things worse, and he’d snapped at Rosalie because of the rising feeling of dread that Alice could vanish in such a way. That she could just cease to exist in his world so easily.

And now she was here.

He’s walking towards her before he realises, and calls out her name.

She jumps when she hears her name, and looks up and she’s still beautiful, but so thin - she has to be smaller than she was back in high school. She’s positively gaunt.

“Jasper!” she looks surprised and straightens up, and it’s then that he sees the scar peeking out from the top of her dress, running from the very base of her throat downwards. It’s still pink and quite new, and that makes him want to grab her and demand to know what happened to her.

But she doesn’t owe him that. She doesn’t owe him anything. He’ll consider himself lucky if she doesn’t throw her drink in his face.

“It’s good to see you,” he says, standing over her. She’s wearing a black sundress that’s a size too big, and enormous sunglasses. “I mean, it’s been a long time.”

“It has. How are you?”

The question is innocuous. Except it’s been six years, and he’s been sober for more than two, and single for almost five, and she closed down all her social media when she left, so it’s not like she’s been following what’s been happening. He sold the apartment and the stupid car, and quit that terrible job, and …

And she’s sitting here, emaciated and with a fresh scar, and he doesn’t know where she lives or what she’s doing or anything. She was his very best and closest friend, the love of his life, and he knows nothing.

Well.

He knows she’s too damn thin, and that she flirted with an eating disorder back in high school but managed to bring herself back from the brink. She’s definitely thinner now.

He knows how she used to drink her coffee - the biggest and strongest coffee over ice with vanilla cream, a cocktail of caffeine and sugar that she claimed kept her going. Not whatever green shit she’s sipping - she used to mock those trendy drinks.

He knows she’s not as relieved to see him as he is to see her.

“I’m… better,” he says honestly. “Can I sit?”

She nods and moves her bag, and he sits down next to her, careful to keep a polite distance.

She’s supposed to meet Jasper at the park, and they’re going to a movie.

She’s surprised to find him playing basketball with Emmett, but waves and takes a seat

Jasper is laughing as he peels off his shirt and she’s glad she’s got her sunglasses on because she’s turning red.

He’s gained muscle since she last saw him shirtless, and it’s a very good look for him.

So are the tattoos that wrap around his torso and down one arm. He’d always talked about getting one, before, but then he’d joined the corporate world and dismissed the idea. She wishes she’d bullied him into it now, because it suits him way too much, and her mind is wandering back to before the divorce, before her heart trouble, before when they were happy, and mentally envisaging him with tattoos, and ugh, she’s in so much trouble now.

(Shit. What a time for her sex drive to return. It hadn’t been an option or an interest for so long, and now she’s here, picturing her ex husband hovering over her with that grin that always meant she was going to have a really good time, her fingers tracing the lines of ink on his torso as he gives her his very best and shit, shit, shit. They’ve had this talk. She’s doesn’t want to go back to that place. She can’t. The only thing that she’s ready and willing to give is her friendship. And no matter how good he looks, and how good she knows he is, it won’t change her mind.

Except…)

#twilight renaissance #twilight fic #alice cullen #jasper hale #jalice #my fic: divorced jalice #AH AU #romance #drama #angst #they have a long road ahead of them #healing takes time #and trust has to be rebuilt

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