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starflirts · 3 months

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I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU (HOW YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I TURN TO)

in which you and percy must navigate the intricacy of love and glory in the midst of terror percy jackson x ares! reader, wc: 1.8k, warning: violence, description of wounds/blood, note: thank you so much for requesting!!! and yes, i picked the quest members randomly SUE ME

Percy was busy this summer. On top of his daily activities at camp, the Oracle had bestowed on him a particularly tedious quest which he eagerly accepted, not one to miss out on adventure. But the last few days have been tough for everyone. The quest Percy and his friends had taken on proved to be way more demanding than expected and monsters seemed to constantly appear out of nowhere. Looking over his shoulder to ensure everyone was okay, he noticed you trailing behind Annabeth and Thalia, backpack slung over your shoulder. Even with tired eyes and a couple of cuts on your face, you were the prettiest being he’d ever seen.

“I think we can stop here for the night,” his voice cuts into the silence of the early evening. “we’re not far off our destination and if Thalia's mapping is correct we might be a few days early. That’s great news !”

The rest of the group nodded, each setting down their bags and stretching. “Thalia and I are gonna settle here, call us if you guys need anything.” Annabeth said, to which Percy acquiesced.

As soon as they moved off, Percy's gaze turned to you, sitting on a rock with your backpack on your knees, looking away.

“Hey angel,” he approached you, one hand brushing your arm before settling himself by your side. “How are you holding up ?”

Looking at him for a brief second, you shrugged, opting to play with your dagger, a gift from your father, the infamous god of war.

Taking your silence for an invitation to continue, Percy adds: “I can’t believe we made it this far so quickly you know ? Everything is going smoothly and if we get back to camp this early Chiron might see us fit for another outing !”

His words feel like pit scorpion stingers and you close your eyes, huffing through your nose. That's when he notices how taut your shoulders are. He frowns, attempting to meet your eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong ?” he tentatively rubs your back. “Do you need anything ? I might have a few snacks Grover packed before we left..”

The mention of your friend back at camp half-blood makes your stomach clench. You miss Grover, you miss camp. Hades, Mr D’s stupid shirts are even starting to grow on you. This quest seemed to go on forever and you wished Percy wouldn’t be so stubborn about it. Putting your stuff away you sigh, looking up towards the stars slowly coming out of hiding. “I don’t need anything Percy.” you answer dryly.

You can see him from the corner of your eye, looking at you skeptically. “Is this because we’re still on the road ? You know the worst is over, I think we’re in the clear about monsters and all… And then, if everything goes exactly as planned we’ll be back at camp in a couple of days.”

You press the heel of your hands against your eyes, as if his voice was enough to give you a headache. “I don’t care, Percy. I don’t wanna know about that stupid plan or those stupid monsters. The quest is the only thing that has been coming out of your mouth ever since Chiron told you to go talk to the Oracle. Even when we’re at camp you only seem to care about going away !” you finally snap, staring at him crossly.

Percy’s confused, you can see it in the way his brows furrow. “Listen, it’s- it’s important, okay ? These quests, these prophecies, they’re vital if you want to prove yourself, to grow stronger ! How do you think we’d be doing in the real world without this ?”

You sigh, toying with your bracelet, a gift your boyfriend had given you last summer. “That’s not what I meant Percy ! You’re just so… You give your all to all of this and I understand, I admire you for that ! But it sucks to see you risk everything so often, to see you come back all hurt and bruised.”

“Would you like it better if I stayed at camp and did nothing then ?” it’s his turn to get upset, arms crossed as he stares at you.

“No ! Of course not ! I just wished you knew how to take care of yourself and others at the same time ! You’re all up in your head sometimes, barely acknowledging me, or anyone else for that matter !” you let out an annoyed laugh.

“Oh so you’re mad because we can’t hang out like we used to ? Come on, you know how serious that is ! Of course I care about you but this is important too !”

You scoff, turning away from the boy. “Glory is important to you, I get it ! It’s what runs in your blood. But why can’t you see how it affects others, me ?”

Percy runs a hand in his hair, obviously distressed. He calls out your name, a hint of dejection in his voice. “I think the journey has taken a toll on you. We should talk about it, about us ! You don’t mean that.” he reaches out but you step away. “Yeah, right. Is there even an us right now ? Maybe I’m just a hindrance. You’d definitely do greater things without me pestering you” you breathe out, angrily wiping your eyes.

Your words slice his heart and you can see a twinge of sadness in his eyes. “Come on–”

He barely has time to finish this sentence when Annabeth yells from behind: “Watch out !” Briskly turning around, the boy is faced with two enormous hellhounds. Drawing out his beloved Riptide, Percy slashes the air, attempting to get the monsters to back off. When the two creatures jump forward instead, Percy’s mind goes blank. He can only think about everyone’s survival. In his line of vision, he can see Annabeth and Thalia actively defending themselves. But he can’t see nor hear you and that’s enough to make his heart beat ten times quicker. He can’t afford to diverge his attention right now but he knows you, he knows you can put up a fight. You’re not the pride of Ares’ cabin for nothing after all.

One down, Percy thinks as his sword pierces through the monster’s fur. Brushing off the dust sticking to his face with bloodied knuckles, he turns around in horror as he hears a bloodcurdling scream. Your scream. His feet drive him to you as fast as they can, only to find you wrestling with the remaining hellhound on the ground, its fangs sinking into your flesh.

Percy sees red. He lunges at the creature, weapon raised. Within a few minutes, what remains of the monster is the flickering black dust disappearing in the moonlight. Out of breath, Percy rushes to your side when he notices you’re not getting up.

“Hey hey ! It’s over, you’re- you're okay.” His hands on your shoulders, “C’mon, we gotta get you up.” He tries to get you in a seating position but the whimper you let out makes his heart clench. You grab his shoulder with a shaky hand, throat prickling as you attempt to tell him something.

“Hurts Percy…it hurts…” and that’s when he notices the gash on your lower stomach, shirt ripped to shreds and blood dripping down. A wave of nausea hits him but he holds on, applying pressure on your wound.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, we’re- we’re gonna get you back to camp, we’re gonna help you. Just… Just talk to me yn, don’t close your eyes.” Percy’s hands shake as he tries to keep you conscious while Thalia and Annabeth fumble around him with a makeshift stretcher.

Even now, Percy is still amazed at how fast they all ran back to camp, guilt plaguing his mind as Chiron and a couple of dryads took your inert body and carried you to the infirmary.

The next few days are awful. Percy’s at the edge of your bed night and day, feeding you nectar and ambrosia, dabbing the sweat off your forehead when you strike up a fever, helplessly watching a kid from the Apollo cabin change your bandages. When you finally come out, he’s sat at the edge of your bed, head in his hands.

The sun peaking out from the closed curtains is still too bright when you open your eyes. You frown, slowly raising your arm to cover them. The rustling of sheets has Percy whipping his head in your direction and even in your daze, you can see his shoulders sag with relief.

“Hey…” he says softly.

“Wha– what happened ?” you speak out, voice husky.

He’s sitting next to you within seconds, hand gently holding yours. You can see he’s trying really hard to find the right words, to tell you exactly how his nightmare played out. “We…We were on the way back to camp after our quest. We were all exhausted and- and we fought… I’m so sorry yn,” he pauses, voice shaky. “We didn’t have time to talk things through… Two hellhounds appeared out of nowhere and by the time I turned to look for you I– I saw you on the ground. You were fighting the monster but he got you really bad and when he was gone I wanted to see if you were okay and– and you weren’t.. There was so much blood and you were in so much pain and–”

You squeeze his hand twice, cutting him off. He looks at you and this time you can clearly see the tears forming at his lash line.

“It’s okay Percy,” you smile weakly, thumb drawing circles on his skin. “We made it, you made it.”

He shakes his head, closing his eyes for a few seconds. “No, no it’s not. I was terrified when we brought you here. I was mad at myself for fighting with you and I was so, so scared to lose you. I kept repeating our last interaction in my head and thinking that those words might’ve been our last made me realize how stupid I am for not noticing how I hurt you. You’re right. I get too much in my head. And… I can’t do anything when I’m not with you. I know this might sound silly but I need you with me all the time.”

You let out a small chuckle. “It’s fine Percy. I am partially to blame too y’know… I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I– I didn’t mean what I said. Of course there’s still an us. I guess I got too much in my head too.” you smile at him sheepishly. “And I hope you know I wouldn’t deal so nicely with any of this demigod bullshit if you weren’t by my side all the time.” you add with a mischievous smirk and Percy’s heart swells.

Resting his forehead against yours, his hands are on your face, thumbs stroking your cheekbones. “We’ll be alright angel. We’ll always be alright as long as we’re together.”

#percy jackson and the olympians x reader #percy jackson imagine #pjo imagine #pjo x reader #percy jackson fluff #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson angst #pjo fluff #pjo angst #percy jackson fic

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asha-mage · 7 months

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Here's what I'll say about Siuan for right now, since their are still a lot of unknowns floating in the air: I think her actions in this episode are largely in accord with her book characterization no matter which way the show breaks on certain details.

Siuan's central character flaw in the books, the thing that largely leads to her downfall, is her default response to most problems being to exert raw force and control. It was how she handled the Hall of the Tower which allowed opposition to coalesces around Eladia and Alviarain, it was how she handled Gawyn creating a resentment in him that would drive him to side against her during the coup, and how she forced Min to remain in the Tower against Min's wishes which was the catalyst for Eladia realizing she could strike against Siuan at all.

And it's what Siuan does in this episode when confronted with a problem she does not have another way to deal with. Moiraine is with holding information from her? Go to Cairhien herself and seize the tiller of events with her own hands. Rand is running wild, derelict in his duty? Take him captive and bring him to the Tower where at least he will be under her eye and safe from the Forsaken. Moiraine is attempting to abscond with him as a result? Cut off her avenue of escape by any means necessary, even if it means damaging her personal relationship with Moiraine, possibly forever.

And that's the other thing to keep in mind: Siuan, like Moiraine, fundamentally does not trust anyone except her partner in conspiracy. She can't. For twenty years she's been on a quest that will lead to her stilling and execution if it is ever discovered. She and Moiraine are each other's confidants and allies, their deepest and most important loves. But even in the books Moiraine is withholding information from Siuan out of a sense of greater good. The difference is that in the show Siuan becomes aware of it in the show and of course she begins to doubt and loose trust in Moiraine as a result.

In her mind she has gone almost at once from being a partner, one half of a team that trusted in and depended on each other, to being on her own against the storm. If Moiraine didn't tell her about being stilled, what else might she be holding back? And if she is stilled, then realistically, how much good can she do for their cause now? How can she keep Rand safe from himself and the Forsaken, prepare him for what's coming, when she might not live another year? And that agony- that pain that the person she trusts and loves most didn't just betray that trust but also might not be around long enough for Siuan to be mad even be mad at her- has to be put aside because the mission, the duty, is everything to Siuan, just like with Moiraine. The stakes are too high for anything else.

So she falls back on the safety net of the Tower's traditions and secret plans. Take Rand to the Tower, keep him safe, prepare him for what's coming and trust to the Light for the rest. Take away his agency for his own good and the good of the world (something it should be noted she's wistful for the ability to do in TSR when she wishes she could keep hiim from a learning a word of the Prophecies, which is the same scene where she outright admits to Min she intends to try and control him in), and bring him firmly under her thumb. And what does Moiraine do? Enlist the aid of one of the Forsaken to break Rand free and flee to Falme through a Waygate, which is at best an INSANELY risky and potentially very stupid play, and at worst tacit confirmation of her worst fear, that Moiraine has gone over to the Shadow, and everything is on the brink of being lost.

And where does that leave Siuan? Isolated and alone and with no other fallback by her same response: to keep exerting raw force, to pressing the spring down until it snaps.

#WoT #Wheel of Time #WoT on Prime #Wheel of Time on Prime #WoT Meta #Siuan Sanche #moiraine damodred #Siuaraine #Siuanraine #WoT Book Spoilers #TSR Spoilers #I don't necessarily buy the theory that either Siuan has been compelled #Or that this is a Deep Play by her and Moiraine #Though of the two I'm more inclined to believe the later #Though it would mean we need a missing moment of Moiraine and siuan re-establishing their broken trust in the throne room #immediately prior to or after the reveal #I also just keep tilting my head because people keep surfacing the quotes from late series siuan about the oaths #when that's a lesson she had to learn as a RESULT of the events of the coup #partly through having her idealism restored by teaching egwene to be amyrlin #fair warning: I am always down for good faith discussion #but I will block without hesitation for bad faith takes or clowning

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faerietells · 1 year

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“Princess? Forgive me for this intrusion but please wake up.”

Being the light sleeper that you are, you are quick to be woken up even from the lightest touch on your shoulder, especially when you also heard a voice of a man in your chamber at such an ungodly hour. Panic filled your chest for few seconds, your mind racing as you thought of the worst as you got up into a sitting position. You’ve never encountered any assassin before but what if someone did send an assassin to hurt you? In pure panic and fear, you quickly turned your head to the owner of the voice, already preparing yourself for the worst when you realized that the man in your room is none other than your trusted knight, Alastair.

“Alastair. By the gods, you’d give me heart attack one of these days,” you tell him, relief washing over you as you realized he’s not an assassin or anything of the sort. It didn’t last very long, however, as you see the conflicted and grim expression he wore on his face. “Oh, no. What’s wrong?”

“I really don’t know how to tell you this without sounding insane, but…" he paused, hesitation evident in his voice. "Do you remember when I tell you that I am a Dreamer?”

You nod slowly. Of course you remember. It’s not everyday you meet someone who could actually predict the future through their dreams. Not to mention that since Alastair is half-fae, his dreams are even more accurate than most Dreamers’ so it really piqued your interest ever since you found out about his gift. “Of course. What of it?”

He opened his mouth only to close it again, seemingly torn on what to do. You didn’t push him to talk, though, you just wait patiently until he’s ready to tell you. You trust him and you believe whatever he saw in his dream must’ve been very important for him to come to your room this late at night. He’s not even wearing his armor either so he must’ve rushed to go here as soon as he woke up, which only confirms to you that whatever he saw must’ve really haunted him.

“Please, I can’t apologize enough for intruding your chamber at this hour but you must believe me when I say you cannot stay here any longer,” he finally told you after he weighed his options.

“Here? As in this chamber?” you frowned in confusion.

“No, as in this Kingdom.”

You blinked in disbelief of what you’ve just heard. “I… I don’t follow,” you muttered softly, your anxiety growing by the second. “What do you mean by that?”

“I saw it in my dream. I saw how the new Queen had framed you, making you look as though you tried to poison your stepbrother. She then demanded for you to be punished for attempting to murder her son.” He looks at you, sadness evident in his amber eyes. “Princess… the King allowed the execution to take place.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as his words rung in your ears. You never did have a good relationship with your father. Ever since you were little, the King was distant toward you, cold even. Some said it's because you resemble your late mother but others disagree, saying that's just how he is. Nevertheless, you would never think that your father would let you perish. He might ignore you but he couldn’t possibly hurt you, right? You are his only child, after all.

Well, unfortunately for you it seems like you are greatly mistaken, judging from what your trusted knight saw in his dreams. You really can't blame him for deciding to barge into your room after what he saw. It must've really rattled him and if you were in his shoes you'd probably do the same thing, especially considering how close the two of you are.

“So what…” you paused as you try your best to calm yourself. “What should I do? Should I bring this up to my father or—”

“I think we should leave,” he suggested, much to your surprise. Your mouth hung open as you tried to process his suggestion and he quickly elaborated. “It sounds extreme, I know, but I genuinely think that the risk is far too high for us to stay and figure out how to avoid that outcome while you still live here.”

“We?”

Your question seemed to catch him off guard and you noticed how his cheeks are dusted with pink as he’d realized what he said. “Yes,” he replied sheepishly. “If you would allow me to come with you, that is. You’d need all the help you can get and I can offer you my protection.”

“Absolutely not. You’d break your oath to my father if you come with me. I can’t allow you to sacrifice your honor for my sake,” you refused. In all the years you’ve known him, he’s not only been kind to you, but he might as well be your only true friend. You simply cannot allow him to do that, even if it’s for your own safety because if he did break the oath not only he’d sacrifice his honor but he’d also be seen as a traitor, which is punishable by death. What kind of friend would you be if you allow him to take such a risk?

Clearly Alastair thinks differently, though. His face hardened as he was reminded of your father and his oath as a knight to him. Who’s to say your father would not make him turn his blade against you? His oath would've demanded him to do so should your father ever ask him to, regardless of what he feels for you. “I don’t care,” he said with this determined look on his face. “If helping you makes me an oathbreaker then so be it. Your father was the one who knighted and assigned me as your personal knight, it’s true. But he’s not the one I care about so I couldn’t care less about what he thinks.”

Your quickly shushed him as you rushed to put your hand over his mouth, panic filled your chest once again after he made that bold declaration. If anyone hears it, he’s a dead man and yet he doesn’t seem to care, which is both bewildering and frustrating to you. How could he not care about his own well being? In contrast of the panic and anxiety that marred your features, you don’t see even a shred of doubt in his eyes. You could only see determination and devotion there and you can't decide whether it's heartwarming or concerning for him to put you over everything else.

“Do not be a fool, Alastair. The walls have ears,” you warned him in hushed voice. This didn’t seem to deter him, but since he didn’t want to stress you out even more he decided to keep whatever he had to say about your father to himself.

“Let me come with you. Please,” he pleaded as he held your hand. “I’d beg if I have to, I just… I can’t let you go out there on your own. What if something bad happened and there’s no one to help you?”

You sigh, knowing full well how stubborn he is. He seems to have made up his mind about this and truth be told, you also didn’t really want to leave without him. And he's right, you can't really be sure that you wouldn't ever be in danger out there. You can barely fight as it is so having one of the best knights in the Kingdom by your side would definitely be helpful in the long run.

“Fine,” you finally relented, much to his delight and relief. “Pack up your thing. We’re leaving now.”

“Okay! I’ll be quick, I promise!”

He planted a quick grateful kiss on your knuckle before he left your room in a rush, leaving you completely speechless. You shook your head in attempt to clear your thoughts as you look around your room, trying to figure out what to bring with you while you try to process what just happened. You knew you’d leave your home one day, but not even in your wildest dream you’d imagine it’d be like this. Alas, it seems like fate doesn’t favor you this time. It truly is a shame, you would’ve loved to see your stepbrother grow up. Although you can’t deny that his mother is an unpleasant person to be around, you and him have grown to care about each other. You don't even want to imagine how he'd react to your sudden disappearance and although you wish nothing more than to be able to say goodbye to him in person, you knew it wouldn’t be wise so you decided to just leave a goodbye letter instead.

Taking in a deep breath, you tell yourself that you can cry about all of this later and just focus on what’s in front of you. For now, you need to survive and get out of this Kingdom, preferably without anyone noticing until you’re far enough.

“Well then,” you mutter to yourself in attempt to make yourself feel better, “I suppose it’s time to go on an adventure.”

#monster x reader #monster boyfriend #monster romance #fae x reader #fae #faerie #faerie x reader #female reader #teratophillia #terato #exophilia #monster lover #self insert reader #drabbles

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vhagarlovebot · 1 year

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request where both the reader and aemond are in love or are in a relationship, and now comes the agns drama bc I love it, the reader gets married to aegon??? god back drama angst I was inspired by the Youtube videos that there are with that theme. And maybe we could add the scene in which they go looking for Aegon where Aemond says everything he did, say something about the reader?

being married to aegon ii targaryen is easy, most of the time. you don’t even spend time together besides important court events or whenever you are need to be present. he respects you enough to not attempt something without your consent. of course is not a happy marriage but even if your heart belongs to someone else, duty will always comes first.

and it is exactly because duty comes first that you are now walking around the city next to ser criston cole and aemond. you are not supposed to be doing this but you weren’t going to just stay in the castle while your husband is about to commit the worst mistake of his life.

“do you have any idea where he might be?” the knight asks you, stoping to rest for a few minutes.

you shake your head. just like aemond you thought he would be in the brothel, you know he likes to frequent that place.

aemond cames out from the third brothel, the expression on his face clearly telling you he had no luck. he looks at you and then to ser criston.

“why are we even doing this?” he says, but doesn’t wait for an answer. the three of you know exactly why you are doing it. “if he does not care, why should we care about him?” if someone other than you two hears him, aemond can be arrested for treason, it doesn’t matter if he’s the prince. but he trusts you enough to let it all out. “he could be dead.”

your breath gets caught in your throat at hearing about that possibility, you pray to the gods you can find aegon safe and sound. despite not loving him, you don’t wish for his death.

“let us hope for your mother and his wife’s sake that is not the case.” at your mention, aemond’s gaze finds you.

“here i am, trawling the city, ever the good soldier in search of a wastrel who’s never taken half an interest in his birthright.” he speaks calmly but you can hear the venom in his voice.

ser criston does not talk, taken aback by the prince’s words, more worried about the surroundings and the people starting to notice your presence.

aemond looks at the ground, sighing, before raising his head and speaking. “‘tis i the younger brother who studies history and philosophy, it is i who trains with the sword, who rides the largest dragon in the world, it is i the only one who really cares and loves her,” aemond points at you, blank expression on his face and eye fixed on the knight a few feet away. “‘tis i who should be—”

that is a lot to process. but your mind can only focus on one line. it is i the only one who really cares and loves her. it is i the only one who really cares and loves her. it is i the only one who really cares and lo—

“you should not say those kind of things.” ser criston gives you a warning look before whispering for you two to follow him. but you don’t move, you can’t.

your eyes are on aemond, your heart screaming for him to say it again, this time looking at you, that is all you need. but you know it would never happen again.

ser criston cole is not paying attention to you, and you think about grabbing aemond’s hand and running away, get on the first ship you find and never look back.

you and aemond have in common so many things, however there is one that stands out the most and is that duty always comes first.

aemond does not look at you, he just starts walking, leaving you behind. your heart is still beating fast, the butterflies in your belly still going crazy, because your mind still repeats his words: it is i the only one who really cares and loves her. and so you pray to the gods aegon is safe and sound but far from king’s landing by now.

#📮 ⌇ my works ˖⋆࿐#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #house of the dragon imagine #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen scenarios #aemond targaryen angst #aemond x reader #hotd fanfic #hotd imagine #hotd x reader

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laundrybiscuits · 1 year

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(purify our misfit ways tag | AO3)

After the ultimate betrayal that is her best friend experiencing some kind of gay apotheosis about Steve Harrington, Robin’s in no mood to put up with any shenanigans from that quarter.

“How’d you meet Eddie, anyway?”

Ah, so the shenanigans will be starting early today. Robin marshalls all the authority she can muster in knee-high socks and turns to him, hands on her hips.

“Hey, dingus! Did you forget what I said just the other day about harassing him?”

“How am I harassing him? He’s not even here! You sure he’s not your boyfriend? Because you’re sounding kinda—” Steve breaks off and snaps his fingers. “Wait, you totally want him to be your boyfriend, don’t you? That’s why you’re being so weird.”

Robin thumps her head against the display case. She’ll have to clean up the smudge later, but right now it is vitally important that she express her pain in some concrete way.

“How many times do I need to tell you, no. Not my boyfriend, and I wouldn’t date him if he were the last person on earth.”

“C’mon, Robin. I know I’m not, like, your favorite person, but I get it. I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

“The words for how far you are from getting it have yet to be invented in any language,” Robin informs him. “If getting it is here in Hawkins, you are on the other side of Alpha Centauri and getting lightyears farther every second. We’ve sent probes after you, but they’ve fallen prey to decay while attempting to traverse the vast distances between you and getting it.”

“Sure,” Steve drawls, patronizingly. “Whatever you say.” Robin thumps her head against the display case a few more times for good measure.

Steve doesn’t tease her about his extremely wrong assumptions, like she’d expected. It’s much worse: he’s supportive.

“You know, it’s pretty cool that you’re, like, smart. Plenty of guys are into that.”

“Ew,” Robin says. “Please don’t hit on me.”

“What—I’m not! I’m saying, I bet Eddie likes smart girls.”

“Bet you a million bucks he doesn’t,” says Robin flatly.

Also, in her experience, guys do not in fact like smart girls; it doesn’t really matter to her either way, because she bets it would also suck to have a bunch of guys into her for real, but her kind of smarts have only ever made her a target for bruised egos. Kinda funny that Steve Harrington, the guy with the biggest ego she’s ever come across, doesn’t get that.

Maybe it’s not really ego, though. She thinks about the stilted half-truths he’s dropped about his current circumstances; he’s clearly having the worst summer of his life and not exactly coping the best anyone’s ever coped, but he doesn’t seem to be taking it out on anyone else.

Well, she assumes he’s not. It’s not like she knows what he gets up to outside Scoops, but…nobody ever comes to visit him at Scoops. She wonders if his friends even know he’s working here, or that he has to work in the first place.

So if he’s mad and frustrated about his whole situation, and Robin can’t imagine not being mad and frustrated about his whole situation, he’s either being incredibly professional and keeping his temper tantrums to his off-hours, or he’s gone through some kind of evolution. She’s honestly not sure which one’s more likely, even though professional and Steve Harrington should never belong in the same sentence, ever.

She definitely wouldn’t describe him as evolved, though. Case in point: his attempts to be subtle about her alleged romantic inclinations towards Eddie.

“Sometimes, guys are just nervous,” Steve says halfway through their next shift. “I mean, that’s why they might not ask someone out, even if she’s awesome.”

“Please never talk again,” says Robin.

“I’m not talking about anyone special!” Steve holds up his hands, wide-eyed and faux-guileless. “Just, I bet if a girl wanted a guy to ask her out, it would speed things up a lot if she dropped some hints. Give him some hope. That kind of thing.”

She bikes over to Eddie’s place straight from her shift, fueled by new heights of exasperation.

She’s been spending a lot of time there this summer. It’s strange and exciting to have a friend who basically lives alone; she’s met Wayne Munson once or twice, but only ever in passing, and he doesn’t seem to have any rules about how Eddie has to behave in the trailer. Eddie’s never worried about breaking stuff or being home at certain times. He doesn’t even seem to clean up after himself if he doesn’t feel like it. His bedroom floor could probably use a bucket of bleach, or maybe a lit match, but it’s his choice to keep it that way.

Robin is barely seventeen, and that kind of freedom seems so impossibly far away. Of course she knocks on Eddie’s door whenever she gets the chance.

“He’s being nice about it,” she says when he opens the door.

“About…?” Eddie doesn’t ask who he is.

“About how we’re, like, the tragic untold love story of the ages!”

A week ago, she might’ve felt too awkward to refer to anything about romance between them, despite…everything they’ve disclosed. God, she can’t even say the words in her own head unless she works up to it first. Eddie’s been really great about giving her space and not making her talk about it; even aside from The Steve Incident, though, he’s started mentioning stuff about guys now and then. Just little stuff, like thinking actors are cute or whatever. She thinks he might be doing it to reassure her that he wasn’t lying about being gay, which is hilarious because now that she’s looking for it, the whole thing seems really obvious. It’s less hilarious because she knows she’s been slow at working her way back to being totally comfortable with him, hence why she wouldn’t have brought up the idea of them together even a week ago.

That was before two full shifts of Steve Harrington’s well-intentioned meddling pushed her to the breaking point, though. She doesn’t have time to feel weird about things, she needs to complain to her best friend. So hey, in a sense, maybe Steve Harrington did help their relationship after all—not that she’s about to give him any points for trying.

“Eddie,” she says, grabbing his shoulders. “Steve is a visual learner. I need you to help me demonstrate to him, once and for all, how we have zero chemistry. Whatever the opposite of chemistry is, that’s what we have. Steve needs to learn this, visually, so that he will stop trying to convince me I’m a total catch and can definitely lure you in with my feminine wiles.”

She looks him in the eye and digs her fingers in, just in case he tries to make a run for it. “Eddie. I need you to come back to Scoops.”

#fic: purify our misfit ways #steddie #important to note that I fervently believe canon!Robin has the worst gaydar of anyone in ST #I have a whole meta post about this marinating in my drafts lol #like at this point it's not even a headcanon it's just my reading of the text #so for the record: 'seems really obvious' is blatant self-delusion

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rainytigerdinosaur · 1 year

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Analysis of a Predatory File - Sigil - Hypdom

Welcome! I'm going to be putting together a series of posts detailing predatory files--what makes them predatory, and what to watch for. It's my hope that this will spread awareness of the sorts of suggestions that are red flags from the get go as well as guiding people away from dangerous people in the community.

For this first installment, I'll be talking about hypdom's "intro" file Sigil. This isn't the worst of his files by a long shot (we'll get to those...), but it still exhibits some red flags, and it's important to look at the beginning to understand how files build on each other and how seemingly innocuous suggestions can build into much more sinister ones.

If you're unfamiliar with hypdom, he's a predatory hypnotist who's been around for a long, long time in the hypno community largely keeping quiet and doing his best to appear safe. I've personally worked with some of his victims, though, and can say he's absolutely not someone you want to be involved with. He ignores boundaries, does not seek consent, negotiates in trance, breaks down safeties, victim blames, instills fear and anxiety to protect himself and his suggestions, and has had significantly negative impacts on the lives of people he's played with.

(And, honestly, his files aren't even particularly good! If you're going to get addicted to something, there's better out there. There's a reason Sigil has a "this is the best file you've ever watched" suggestion in it! Good files stand on their own.)

Unfortunately in cases like this it's frequently one person's word against another's, so I hope by discussing his files it'll be clear he's someone to avoid.

Let's get to it...

Red Flags

Always Listen to the End

"And you're always going to listen from the beginning to the end of any of my files."

This is excessively bad. It's just one line, and it might be easy to miss or not think anything of, but this is a keystone of the foundation. It's attempting to embed the suggestion in the listener's mind that regardless of how they feel of a file they'll always listen all the way through. There's absolutely no reason for this suggestion other than to set the listener up for shady suggestions in later files as well as ensuring if they start to listen they'll continue listening.

Make no mistake. This is bad and any file setting something like this up should absolutely without reservation be considered predatory.

Focuses on Weakening Resistance

"See how resisting just makes you weaker" "The more you resist, the faster you drop" "Completely unable to resist the sound of my voice" "It's so hard to keep resisting because it just makes your mind weaker"

Resistance inductions are a thing, and this isn't necessarily uncommon, but it's still a red flag to immediately set in at weakening resistances. This is very much phase 1 of predatory hypnosis, introducing resistance play as part of trance and slowly wearing down resistances--particularly in a file set to be listened to repeatedly. We'll see plenty of this in later files also.

Directing to Contact the Creator

"You're going to feel like this is the best file you've ever watched, and you're going to want to tell me so."

Any file that directs you to contact them should immediately be considered shady and predatorial, but this file takes it one step further adding a suggestion that this is "the best file you've ever watched." The direction is a little insidious also, as it's not "You want to contact me" but "You want to tell me this is the best file you've ever watched," reframing the contact to make it a bit more likely you'll reach out.

Addiction

"Feel how good it feels just to listen to my voice again and again." "Desperate for (my voice). Addicted to it." "You listen to me. You need it. You want it. You want it." "Loving my hypnosis. Needing my hypnosis." "You need this, don't you." "Every time you see one of (my symbols), you're going to want to come back here and listen to this again." "Feels so good to drop for me over and over, again and again." "You love to listen to me, don't you." "You're going to find that you want to come back here very soon. Maybe right now." "You're going to watch this file again, aren't you. Maybe right now."

The one thing that's actually advertised on these files, though the "might" is a bit light considering how heavily it pushes addiction both to this file and his hypnosis in general.

This sort of thing might seem fun at a glance if you're into mind control, cnc, and the like, but it can be extremely dangerous. Especially with a hypnotist and set of files like this where you start in, things seem fine and safe, and then eventually they're not, but the addiction's set in and every time you try to pull away you find yourself coming right back. This'll become more clear as the files progress also.

Another thing to note here is the final suggestion. "You're going to watch this again...maybe right now." Keep in mind this file's weakening resistance and increasing obedience and the final suggestion does not offer an out. No "If you want to" or "If you feel like it". Just "Maybe right now." Which might seem like an out, but it's actually a gentle push back in. (And don't worry! This push will become much less gentle as we go further into his files.) This is outright unsafe and unethical, leaving a listener to loop an unknown number of times.

Final Words

Hopefully this gives some insight into things to watch out for in files. As mentioned above, a very important thing to remember is that frequently files will build on each other with the "starter" file laying a groundwork and each file after progressively layering more and more suggestions. It's not just the first file that matters but every file the hypnotist has created, particularly when the files are building addiction and a need to listen.

Make sure if you're going to listen to files that (if you can safely) you skip the induction and deepener and check the suggestions in the middle to see what you're getting into. If you can't, ask someone you trust who's familiar with hypnotic suggestions to check them out for you. Going in blind may seem fun and sexy, but it's a surefire way to end up in a bad situation.

Play safe.

#safety #safe hypnosis #predators #predatory hypnosis #predatory hypnotists #hypdom #sigil #hypnosis files

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linka-from-captain-planet · 2 months

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Hi again! Here's another thing I'd like your angle on: When trauma catches up with either Minthara and Florrick, how do they help each other cope?

hi! This is tough to answer because you first have to arrive at one or both of them a) registering the fact of being traumatized and simultaneously b) welcoming help from anyone, let alone one another.

Cut for wall of text

Minthara picks and chooses what trauma she's willing to recognize (e.g. she will talk pretty freely about Orin, but will never acknowledge the trauma of her upbringing). Florrick definitely thinks she doesn't have any because the only real setback she's ever experienced in her life was Wrym's Rock and that Turned Out Fine. So the first barrier is that neither is really likely to open up.

In my headcanon, Minthara opened her heart to a Tav only for them to choose someone else, so she's more hesitant than ever to open her heart, even as much as she desperately wants that connection. She would write Florrick off as not being able to understand because she didn't experience the tadpole herself and has only ever heard the worst of Menzoberranzan, and she's also very cognizant of the fact that Florrick wants her to change. She feels like she's still at war, so showing any "weakness" just wouldn't fly. Florrick would be able to recognize when Minthara was upset, but being more emotionally reserved and not a words of affirmation type, her attempts to support in other ways would probably fall short. (This is increasingly the conflict in my fics).

For Florrick, hubris is a big part of her personality and I think she sees herself as being logical and methodical, when really she just isn't. She was on board with the logistical implications of losing Ulder to the Absolute and grieving for her city, but she doesn't quite grip the purely emotional impact of the truth that she was almost killed, her talents and efforts weren't enough, she was betrayed by a monster wearing the face of the most important and trusted person in her life. It keeps her up at night, but she holds the feeling at arms' length, trying to rationalize it away. Minthara, depending on how emotionally engaged she's feeling, might not have a lot of sympathy because betrayal and impending execution are just a regular Tuesday to her. At her best, I think she'd actually be quite good at comforting Florrick with her poignant words and grounding touch, but she's also self-conscious of her feelings in contrast to what she perceives Florrick's to be, so she could easily hold back.

Another thing is that Florrick has something that Minthara doesn't: other people to turn to. If she felt she needed support, she would seek out Ulder, other friends, or other more established romantic partners first, both because they know her better and because she isn't sure if Minthara wants to be that emotionally intimate. For Minthara, the loneliness of surface life is a big pain point these days, so feeling like Florrick chooses others over her builds resentment and makes her less likely to try.

So basically, they could help each other cope, but... it's spotty at best.

#minthara/florrick #hopefully this is comprehensible as I've been brain dead for a few days #asks

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unreadpoppy · 6 months

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song as old as rhyme - chapter 10

{Beauty and the Beast AU - Raphael x OC (Elize)}

chapter 9

Read on AO3

Taglist: @littlemoondarling @desenhosdebolso @shyminnie07

A/N: I'm back babeeeeey. Also, this might be a bit OOC but idc about that anymore (edit: divider by @inklore)

Raphael was slipping in and out of consciousness. From time to time, he’d listen to hushed voices and a warm hand would touch his forehead, then he’d feel salves being placed in his chest. Sometimes he’d hear a feminine voice humming a song,but when he finally woke up, he was met with Haarlep’s face.

He only had a vague memory of what had happened. He remembered the dinner. He was in the middle of an important negotiation when the girl had burst through the door, accusing the elf of poisoning.

After that, Raphael only had flashes of what happened. He could remember the feeling of his throat closing. Someone had held his head and made him drink the worst thing he ever drank. He remembered Haarlep taking him to his room. According to the incubus, he had been asleep for three days, and afterwards, they gave him a brief explanation of what had happened.

But Raphael did not have the full picture and so, he started questioning everyone.

Now, he had summoned Korilla to give her testimony.

“She asked me if I had served the wine, sir.” She replied. “She took a sniff of it and then ran away. When the others and I arrived, you were on the floor and she was retrieving some coal from the fireplace.”

Raphael put a hand on his face, analyzing her words. “And you just let her shove some coal down my throat?”

“What was I to do, master? She was the only one who knew what to do.” Korilla explained.

“And what if the coal had made things worse, huh? What if they were acting together, conspiring to bring me down?” He said in an accusatory tone.

Korilla raised an eyebrow. This was ridiculous.

“Master, I’ve been scrying on this girl for a long time. She would not have done such a thing.” The dwarf rationalized.

Every time Raphael suffered an attempt on his life, he would become suspicious of everyone, believing even those closest to him were ready to stab him in the back. This behavior had only gotten worse after what Tav and their party did to him, a few years back. “Besides, if anything, you should question her, and not the rest of us.” And with that, Korilla left, leaving the devil to his thoughts.

The next person he spoke to was Mol. She didn’t add much to the conversation except for one part.

The tiefling had been talking about what happened after Raphael coughed up the coal. “She would bark orders at us and barely let anyone near you.” Mol complained. “The only reason I obeyed was because she made sure you would be safe.”

Raphael raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean she wouldn’t let anyone near me?”

“Didn’t you see? She was the one who took care of you the whole time.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she told us to bring some plants and herbs, said they had healing properties. Maybe that’s why you healed up so fast.”

Raphael quickly told Mol to go back to her things, allowing him some privacy to think.

Truly, he was confused. How would this girl know all of these and why would she do all this work to make sure he lived? It did not make sense. Raphael sighed. He would have to ask her directly.

……..

A week had passed since the incident had happened and Elize had continued with her duties as normal. She had been able to get her glasses fixed thanks to Korilla and lately, she had started to play Lanceboard with Mol, with the tiefling girl winning almost every time.

In truth, she found it weird that things seemed to have moved on without a question to what had happened. ‘Maybe this type of thing is normal around here’ she thought.

It was during one of these occasions that Korilla approached them, turning to Elize and simply saying “The master wants to see you.”

Elize sighed. “I guess this is the end of our game for now.” She said. “Will we continue later, Mol?”

“Of course, so I can beat you again!” The girl replied and Elize chuckled at that. She got up and headed towards Raphael’s room.

She knocked on the door and waited until the master called her in. When she entered, he was sitting on a chair, face unreadable.

“Master.” Elize said, bowing her head. She stood a few feet away from him.

“I have spoken with every other member of this house, to understand the events that have occurred.” Raphael paused for a moment. “What I have yet to understand is why.”

Elize brows furrowed. “I don’t understand what you are saying.”

He got up from his chair and began explaining. “Tell me, Elize, how does a poor girl from the middle of nowhere know how to identify a poison and properly treat it?” Raphael asked. “How would she know that, hum? Because to me, it appears as if you knew beforehand what would happen.”

“Excuse me?”

“Why wouldn’t you conspire against me? You had been given the opportunity to get rid of me and return to your mundane life and you took it.” Raphael, at this point, seemed to be talking more to himself than to the girl before him. “If I were in a similar situation, I would have done the same. What I don’t understand is why would you try to save me.”

“Sir, if I could please-”

He ignored her, slowly walking towards her. “If you were trying to kill me, why would you change your head afterwards? Was it to gain my trust, to get rid of your fellow conspirator and when the time came, betray me?!” Raphael shouted in her face.

Before he could continue this madness, Elize spoke up. “I knew the poison because my mother taught me!”

“What?” That seemed to get him out of whatever theory he had created.

Elize breathed deeply. “My mother, before she had me, was a druid. She was well versed in the treatment of poisons, especially those that came from deadly plants.” She began explaining. “When I was young, she taught me about them, how to identify and treat them.” Elize started to walk away from him. “Devil’s bane is a deadly plant, and it works particularly well against those of fiendish nature. Even tieflings could be seriously hurt by its consumption.”

She analyzed his face, his brows furrowed. Elize continued. “This plant is also unnoticeable to its very victims. My mother once told me a story of how an ancient wizard had put a spell on these plants, making sure that no devil or demon would be able to notice what it was until it was too late.”

“Is that why the wine seemed to have no taste or smell?” Raphael asked. He remembered mentioning that detail to his guest, who had brushed it off as being a quality of the drink. Now he knew his true intentions. He knew of this poison but he was unaware of that property.

Elize nodded. “Devil’s bane has a very particular smell. Because of my mother’s teachings, I was able to get there in time.”

Raphael nodded in understanding. Elize sighed relieved. “Still, however, that does not explain why you helped me.” He said.

“Why wouldn’t I save you?”

“Because, as I said before, if I died, you would be free. Wouldn’t it be much simpler to let me perish?”

Elize shrugged. “Perhaps, or perhaps not. You may technically be the reason why I’m in this predicament but I chose to be here, to make sure my father was safe. From how I see it, this deal of ours is the only reason he still has his life and I’d rather not put that in jeopardy.”

“But-” Before he could continue, Elize interrupted him.

“Look, sir, I do not know what else I can tell you. Sometimes we do things because it’s the right thing to do, regardless of the other person.” She said in a tired tone “I did not care that you’re the devil who separated me from the only family I have, all I cared was that you were in danger. Try to villainize my actions all you want, I am telling you right now that there were no interior reasons. I did what I had to do and I would do it again.” She paused. “Now, please, may I go back to my duties?”

He didn’t reply verbally, only waving his hand, signaling she could leave.

Moments after Elize left the room, Haarlep walked in.

“Mortals intrigue me sometimes.” Raphael said, barely acknowledging the incubus. “One moment, they are at each other's throats, killing for things as small as a loaf of bread. In the other, they would be willing to save a devil like myself.”

“Is this about the girl?” Haarlep asked.

He nodded. “I can understand why Korilla, Mol or even you would do that. You all are loyal and bound to me in some ways, but she…” He didn’t finish the sentence.

“Did she explain herself?”

“Indeed, and I find it hard to believe that it was all altruism.” Raphael once again sat on his chair, putting his hand over his mouth in thought. He didn’t even question why she would also do the work to bring him back to health, so that would have to come up later. Could someone really save him just because he was in danger? Could there truly be no other reason?

Both Korilla and Mol had contracts with him. If they saved him, it would be to keep their benefits, he doubted it would have been because of affection. Haarlep was bound to him, and they would have nowhere else to go should Raphael die. Elize, however, would benefit greatly from his death.

And yet…

“Regardless of her intentions, you should reward her.” The incubus spoke. “Show how great of a master you are.”

“Hum…and what do you suggest?”

“Well, she has been sleeping on the floor this whole time. Maybe…you could give her a room to sleep in.” Haarlep said, hoping to help his friend.

Raphael, in all honesty, was not aware of this fact. He had been away from the House of Hope for most days and with how much Elize would avoid him, he hadn’t noticed her sleeping anywhere.

“I will see that it’s done.” Raphael finally spoke. “Now, get on the bed.” He said to Haarlep.

#raphael x oc #raphael x elize #not tav oc #raphael baldur's gate 3 #raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #beauty and the beast AU #my writing #haarlep bg3 #haarlep #mol bg3 #korilla bg3

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emotionallychargedtowel · 2 months

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Love in the Big City, part 1

Well, I started out trying to answer @bengiyo’s discussion questions, and my answer to the first one got so long that it’s its own post. I may follow up with others or I may not, but here’s what I have so far. If I was going to answer just one of the questions, this would have been it, so I feel OK about this post.

The relationship between Jaehee and our narrator grounds most of the narrative. What aspects of their relationship stuck out to you the most?

The things that stuck out to me the most were the interplay of honesty and acceptance in their relationship and the sometimes indirect ways that they showed how much they cared for one another (until they didn't). Both of these highlight how the unconventional nature of their relationship was intrinsically related to how well it met their needs–at least, during the period of time where it was working for both of them.

I find it so interesting that the reason the narrator becomes friends with Jaehee is that she happens upon him kissing a man in the street and is cool about it. He didn’t choose to disclose anything to her, but once she knew this private thing about him, she had an opportunity to show that she was trustworthy, and she did. And then she opened up to him in a corresponding way about her sex life.

Both characters are not only flouting more general societal norms about sexual behavior but also breaking gender norms more specifically. As a man, the narrator isn’t supposed to have sex with men. As a woman, Jaehee is supposed to have sex with men, but she isn’t supposed to have sex with as many as she does. Does Jaehee realize, once she knows that the narrator is breaking these types of rules, that this means that it’s probably safe for her to let him know that she’s breaking them too? It’s possible.

Whether they knew it from the start or not, it turns out that they‘re able to be themselves with each other without fear of judgment. In fact, it goes further than that. They’re truly accepted in a way that makes a profound kind of support possible. Their flouting of normative standards puts them in danger of becoming isolated, ostracized. Which makes it even more important that they have this sort of unspoken pledge to be there for each other. They can be themselves in part because they know that if worst comes to worst, they’ll at least have each other.

I think it helps that each of them knows that the other person is vulnerable in much the same way they are. I’ve never been in a relationship quite like theirs. You know that joke people make sometimes about being a “non-practicing slut”? In other words, they're referring to the idea of being pro-slut but not actually engaging in slutty behavior themselves. That’s how I’ve always been. At times in my past I attempted to put sluttiness into practice but I never quite pulled it off (unless the standard I was judged by was pretty puritanical). It’s easy to end up being accidentally monogamous, especially if you’re on the shy side like I am. People I tried to have casual relationships with always seemed to end up wanting to get serious, whether I did or not. So I never did anything that would court societal disapproval that intensely, even if I might have liked to.

I’ve had quite a few friends over the years who were more on the practicing side. I sincerely didn’t have any judgment toward those friends. Sometimes I admired their self-assurance or boldness. Sometimes I was a bit jealous of the fun they were having, in a good-natured way. But I truly didn’t think badly of them. But no matter how sincere I was about not judging them, I don’t think it would ever have been possible for those friends to feel quite as relaxed about their sex lives with me as they could with someone who had just as much on the line as they did in terms of potential disapproval. The narrator and Jaehee have a pretty equal amount on the line in this way, and I think it helps them let their guards down.

And then Jaehee starts to change. It’s hard to tell whether she’s still being herself and that self just shifted or she’s making a choice to compromise who she is. Well, it seems like it has to be at least a little bit of both. And that makes sense. These things usually aren’t that clear cut in real life. Even just by wanting to try to have a steady monogamous relationship, Jaehee is already showing she has changed inwardly, and she clearly is changing some things outwardly to please her boyfriend that haven’t changed inwardly (at least, not yet). Whatever the reason for her stepping back from her previous habits, this shift means that the narrator is no longer irreplaceable for her. At the same time, she’s already investing more in her relationship with her boyfriend.

There’s always a chance that friendships will change or even end when one party changes a lot on an individual level, as Jaehee does. But there’s more to this shift than just Jaehee having a different perspective or different priorities. She doesn’t have the same stake in her relationship with the narrator once she starts to adhere more to societal rules. She doesn’t need him as badly, because she has more options for sources of support now that she isn’t flouting societal rules.

I think it’s also interesting that after they’ve drifted apart, the narrator finds out that Jaehee has (seemingly) been hiding the fact that her socioeconomic status is a lot higher than that of her middle-class peers. It’s one more thing that contradicts the narrator’s assumption that they were always–and would always be–honest with each other.

I'm curious to see where he goes from here. Will he look for someone who can fill a similar role in his life to Jaehee? Grow cynical and assume that any close friend will leave him, so that he doesn't bond with anyone? Something else? Will he ever end up being monogamous for an extended period like Jaehee? I'm sure if he did it would be different--the inevitable gender of his partner ensures that he still won't be viewed as acceptable by many people. But I still wonder if he will.

#love in the big city #litbc #love in the big city book club #litbc book club

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zizygy · 11 months

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darkolai, “Just please be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to.” ;) Bonus if they're actually worst enemies.

I'm such a mess I wrote one and a half whole scenes and STILL didn't get to the quote so I'm just going to drop the complete scene XD at least the confession is here Nikolai Sun Summoner AU uh important context, The Darkling is being tried for his crimes as the Black Heretic and he gets a little bitty triggered --

Shadow blades stick out of every surface. The deck, the Reader of Sins, the Sun Summoner cult leader and almost everyone unfortunate enough to be on the stage. The audience had escaped the worst of it but Nikolai had jumped onto the stage and now…

Shadow knives, with their handles trembling just like a real dagger would, splayed out from his stomach, arms… he might be okay, it wouldn’t be the first time Aleksander stabbed him, except there was also one in his throat.

“I love him,” he said again, terrified that his previous protest had been forgotten in the violence. “Stop-” he would have said Stop the trial but blood poured out of his mouth and out of his throat with every attempted word.

His eyes met Aleksander’s and he understood immediately. The blown pupils, deathly pallor, complete stillness even though the metal chains holding him down had been bent and warped. Soldier’s heart. He wasn’t here. Nikolai needed to get to him.

Though the cult had offered their best healer, Nikolai’s hands were nothing like they should be. His fingers shook - something not helped by the blood loss - and he needed to make his summoning symbols almost three times as big as usual to summon half the power. His hands sizzled against his ruined throat but it wasn’t enough. He was going to bleed out and die right here in front of Sasha. He made a pathetic sound, something that might have been an apology or a plea, then he was overwhelmed by darkness.

Aleksander ran to Nikolai’s side. He couldn’t just banish the shadow daggers, as much as he wanted to, because they were plugging the many many wounds he’d inflicted on the man. He fell to his knees and pulled Nikolai into his lap, hoping against hope that the wounds looked worse than they were, that Nikolai was being his dramatic self.

But Aleksander had seen death and he recognized it in front of him. A healer wouldn’t get here fast enough to save Nikolai. He’d lose his sun summoner.

Unless he did something about it.

Before all this sun summoner business, he’d returned to his experiments with merzost. He’d been trying to make soldiers out of nothing, but the Making always demanded something in return. He realized that he needed to give it a body. A life. He’d shelved that particular project.

But here was a body, a life Nikolai, bleeding to death in front of him.

Between this and the ache of losing his daughter, he hardly needed to pull to unravel himself. There were the physical wounds from his trial, but deeper than that, his soul was frayed. It took very little effort to reach in and pull a few of those strands away. They became physical in his hand, long and thin and shining in a way that shadows didn’t.

He opened Nikolai’s mouth and put one strand in it, then pressed - ripping reality slightly - into Nikolai’s chest, until he could feel that brightly glowing soul. He wasn’t sure how the man could ever have doubted what he was when his soul shined like burnished gold, though it was rapidly fading and fraying.

Aleksander didn’t try to grab those threads, he just wove his own shadows into the golden fabric. Once the first was in, it became child’s play to continue to weave, to patch Nikolai’s life with shadows, until they started to flow around his body and patch up the wounds.

He doesn’t stop until Nikolai’s chest rises and falls on its own. Then he wraps his arms around his sun summoner. Let the cult think what they will. That he has a heart or that he’s manipulating Nikolai or that even this is part of his plan, he doesn’t care. Let Nikolai hate him when he wakes, for now he runs his hand through the man’s hair and holds him close.

#darkolai #grishaverse #my writing

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 3 months

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hello,

I've sent in a couple asks before so you may recognize my story but I just have to ask. I was an artist, worked my whole life to be close to good and I even made it into one of the top art schools in my state. Before I applied and even for half of my first semester, I admit I became lazy and greedy. To create art wasn't something that came from the heart anymore, I only cared about being "good" and drawing what was most popular or what I knew would get the most likes on my personal account. It got to a point where I faked my skills and traced all because I was to unconfident in myself. I lost everything and it made me really look at the kind of person I was becoming. I hated myself and it was the worst I'd ever been in terms of mental and physical health. for my second semester I purposefully took on a large number of classes and worked myself into exhaustion. I remember for one class I completely fumbled the final and embarrassed myself in front of the chairman of the department, everyone, and I felt so ridiculously small. I felt like I didn't deserve to call myself an artist, to be there, to even be alive. I attempted suicide over five times and shut down completely. At that point, I dropped out and told myself this wasn't the path for me. I left, began to pursue psychology, but part of me still wonders: what if I'd stayed? To be an artist, a real one, is painful. You love the work and the methods but it kills you to create something truly unique. No artist I've ever met is ever happy or content, we simply move on to the next project. Despite everything that's happened, I now wonder what I could've created had I stayed. Why did I leave? Why couldn't I handle it? Why did I do this to myself? Who am I now but another 20 year old who's flailing through life as if she knows what she's doing. Am I truly content being a psychologist for the rest of my life? Why didn't I stay?

I don't know what to do and whether or not going back would be a good idea. I think stepping away at the time was the right decision. If I continued the way I was going, I would've killed myself or worked myself sick. But, can I say the same now? The person I am now isn't the same as back then, so would the me I am today be able to handle what I couldn't back then?

It's so complicated and I don't know what to do. I look up to true artists who were able to overcome and create their own stories, become the people they wanted to be. I want to do the same, I have a message to spread and a story to tell, there's so much I want to express but my words will never do what I feel justice. Why can't I do this? Do I deserve the pain of an artist and the beauty of fruitful work? Will i become another invisible person in an unkind world dedicated to work I dont care about and money to keep me comfortable? What do I do?

Hello anon,

I wanted to begin by saying that I am so glad you’re here, and I’m so sorry things felt (what I imagine) so unbearable for quite some time for you.

I think you’re absolutely right that who you are now, is not who were back then. Just going by patterns of behavior alone, it seems you’re taking care of yourself in a way you didn’t have the tools for before (and that’s not a knock! We all have to learn skills that speak to us and those might be as varied as we are as individuals - if one thing worked for everyone, we’d all be doing it. And of course that’s not even getting into the other important factors like resources, access to mental health care, and a support system).

Which I think helps segway into potential next steps - in that first I think it’s important to acknowledge that stereotypes of the “tortured, suffering, starving artist” are just that, a sterotype. While the creative process can invoke a full spectrum of feelings, not all of them venture into the sphere of painful and strained (and that’s speaking as an artist myself). I also think it’s important to do away with the notion that unless you check off a social-cultural check box of say, art school, you aren’t an “artist.” This is where I copy and paste Picasso’s lovely quote:

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

And I think that is a problem I’ve seen among many people who want to be creative but aren’t sure if they have the “skills” the “degree” etc. And while of course, depending on what you’re hoping to do with your art, it would be imperative to study and have some training - but who gets to define what your goals are? You. Who gets to say how you study and learn? You. You have the power to decide for yourself moving forward how you’d like to be creative. And the best part? You already are. Everyone is.

Now you get to decide how you want to create (does it have to be in the same medium as before? Could it be multiple mediums - mixed media, writing, poetry, ceramics, embroidery, digital art? You don’t have to stick to one format).

And in what environments (getting a degree? Taking local community classes to practice seeing how it feels to be in a classroom for it again? Online courses if the social aspect feels overwhelming? Free courses online in case you’re worrying about “wasting” money?)

And what you’d like to do with it (are you wanting to sell it? Are you wanting to share it? Are you hoping to process something during the creative process?)

Nothing says you couldn’t get your current degree in psychology, while you do any and all of the things above. Because the beauty is, you can have a “comfortable” situation with your job, and still be creative. But it never has to be an either/or, or a waiting for all the stars to align kind of thing - you can tap into your creative side at any time, and see where it leads on not only your artistic journey, but you’re healing one as well.

Regardless of what your next steps might be, I wish you well,

- Mod Kat

#trauma talks #tw suicide attempt #mod kat #tw sui

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bestshipsmackdown · 1 year

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Hey, so what I’m not going to do is be posting messages on here about why XYZ creator is problematic. Especially when I know for a fact that the entire team working on XYZ project have been doxxed and harassed. I absolutely am refusing to add to it.

If you don’t like XYZ or ABC that I post about, you are more than welcome to unfollow. But assume that I do have eyes and ears and am far too aware of exactly what people do behind the scenes. Unless XYZ creators are inciting violence and/or cruelty towards a minority, I cannot in good conscience sic mindless classless cancel culture minions to harass them. Not that that tactic even works. But that’s a whole other topic.

Unfortunately, putting up socially relevant materials about anything these days will incite violence by people who think that they are on a pedestal for being “morally more correct” than the people they are attempting to destroy. And I simply do not want any part of contributing to that mentality. And since the influx of twitter users coming back to tumblr, the toxic fandom mentality has risen back to what it was before those same people left tumblr during the mass adult content ban.

If this was back in 2013 I might have posted the message that caused this PSA, but alas, I’m not a middle schooler anymore. And I’m far too old to placate and/or prove how woke I am to anons.

The anon was polite in wording which is the only reason I thought about responding to it. However, as the rules state: internet etiquette. “curate your own experience.” I curate my internet experience to be mostly Ao3 centered. I do not center my internet experience around lambasting creators for every single one of their flaws. That sounds absolutely exhausting and I have such a low tolerance for seeing just how ugly this world is. There’s some creators you can’t avoid how nasty they are, because they scream it from the rooftops, so the best you can do is report them or block them.

Being socially conscious in this world means realizing that not a single person in this world does everything correctly. Not a single person is good. Not a single person is evil. Not a single person is worth supporting or believing in. Not a single person is worth wasting time on. Everyone is bad. And not one person can be redeemed without having everything they’ve ever done wrong being thrown back into their face. Everything is owned by a corporation. Corporations keep people in poverty whether it be their workers, their consumers, or the people they exploit to get materials from.

You will never see me saying that a creator of anything is good or should be supported. Because I cannot. Because I will always be wrong if I do. That’s the bleak reality. And that’s why the toxic nature of the internet and its ideas on morality make being alive in this time such a pain in the ass.

While everyone in this world is flawed and immoral, you have to stop finding the things to hate in everyone. You will always find things that people have done wrong. That they shouldn’t have done. That are not okay. And if all you can see is the worst things people have done, you will never see the good things.

And sure. There are some people who do things that are so far beyond wrong that they cannot be looked at without that standing out as the most important thing about them. Their failures as a human outweigh any good that has or could ever come from them. But often times, the world just isn’t that black and white. If you ignore the shades of grey, you will never see what color you really are. You will become exactly the evil that you believed you were stopping.

Anyways I don’t know if that all makes sense. But I’m just so tired of people. The more energy you spend on things like this, the less you have to fight actual oppressors. The focus should be on taking down the infrastructure. And you need the shades of grey to be on the correct side in order to battle true evil.

Being kind and compassionate and aware of people is important. Reflecting on yourself and trying to be a better person than you were yesterday is important. And everyone should be doing that. But the fact is, not everyone will. And they are far less likely to when they know that the only thing they will ever be seen for is each of their missteps. That if they make any new mistakes, it will all be linked back to their previous ones.

And idk about the rest of you, but I just don’t have the mentality to keep a mental list of just how good or bad each and every person on this planet is. I’m just here to make two or three or four or more characters kiss each other, because I’m a romantic. And sometimes making a few dudes kiss is just enough to pretend the real world doesn’t exist. That everyone, I’m trapped on this earth with, aren’t horrible in one way or another.

#psa #not a poll

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jirachis-tag · 2 years

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Milo x Reader?? No need to be romantic, just being peeps is enough but i don't complain :>

(Sfw ofc)

~Platonic! Milo X Reader~

Word Count: 1458

Content: SFW

-As It Always Was-

Milo couldn't exactly figure out why some people liked winter's weather. It was inconvenient, bothersome, cold, and worst of all, he couldn't tend to his outside plants!

That time of the year was usually most boring for him, not having much to do other than drink hot beverages, loaf around, work out indoors - it felt quite trapping, especially during snow storms.

He hated when he needed to go to the store, straight into the safety hazard parkour course with all its obstacles: slippery ice, snow death pits, splashy mud, blinding fog and heavy snowfall.

He groaned once again when he looked outside the window for the tenth time in a span of an hour. He didn't have an excuse not to go and buy some vegetables for lunch now that the wind stopped aggressively blowing. He scratched the back of his head with a sigh, proceeding to comb his peach hair with his fingers, which more often than not helped him focus and think.

Then it occurred to him, the best idea of all - if he's going to torture himself in the outside weather, then might as well take somebody with him to share the pain.

"(Y/N), my pretty flower, my clover patch, I need your help really urgently!", Milo exclaimed to you over the phone.

"Yes, Agent Bushy Boy? Over", you replied with a hand over your mouth.

You two loved being silly, even when rough times hit. In those cases it was far more important to be as goofy as possible in order to elevate each other's spirits.

"You shall go with me to the shop! I desperately need company…", he trailed off, faking a sad sniffle, "I wanted to find a reason not to go, but, alas, I'm hungry."

You hummed in response, trying to contain a laugh, however at one point it proved to be too much and you gave in, amusing him with an entire giggle fit.

"And what's in it for me pumpkin pie? Do I get to have a portion of your lunch as a reward for my hard work and dedication? In case you say yes, I will gladly prove my loyalty", you snickered, hitting your chest with your fist, acting out the role of a fantasy knight, even though Milo couldn't see any of it.

"Of course you do! I'll even brew you a cup of your favorite tea, you know, as per usual."

"Nuh uh, only if it's hot chocolate!"

"Alright, it's hot chocolate then, just please hurry up or I'm going to starve. I'm a big boy, you know?"

"Large, wide, very big!", you proclaimed, choosing to use a different funny voice for every individual word, "Yeah, alright, it might take me a bit to dress up, though."

"Same over here! Layers and layers, scarves, hats, gloves, boots, gah! I wish it was warm again", he complained with a sigh, putting a finger to his forehead.

"Let's not waste time then. I'll see you in a quarter?"

"Of course."

Milo fisted the air, basking in that small, barely significant victory. He never even doubted that you'd refuse, being his best friend ever since childhood. You grew up together so close, that even now as adults, your bond had only strengthened.

You were beyond happy, but not surprised, when he became a Gym Leader. It might not be the best position for him, since he tends to hold back a lot when it comes to weaker trainers, but he enjoys it regardless, and that's the only factor that matters.

Though if you were to challenge him to a battle, he would, without a doubt, go all out because he would never in a million years call you weak or unqualified.

Milo even urged you to attempt the Gym Challenge, which you did consider, and then set it aside as a possible future endeavor. You did have your own small business to run, and oftentimes you help Milo with the crops which is usually just an excuse to hang out in the shade afterwards, eat apples and chase each other with a water hose. Nothing ever really changed when it came to spending time together, even after so many years.

He was always there to hear you out and help however he could no matter what kind of problem you seemed to have. However, what he did differently was hugs. He gave the tightest, meatiest, most loving hugs in the world and nobody could top them. Sometimes the hugs would touch your heart so much that you'd start crying into one of his large biceps, and he'd let you without bringing up any questions. No, quite the opposite - he would just smile softly in serene silence and ruffle your hair.

"(Y/N)!", Milo called out, voice muffled by the thick green scarf wrapped around his neck and lower half of his face. He brought his arm up to wave at you from a distance, the jacket making it a bit tougher to move in, but at least he seemed warm.

That was until you approached closer and saw that he was trembling slightly, his teeth clicking, tip of his nose red.

"Oh, Milo... You really don't handle this well, do you?"

"I am frozen to my roots! We should definitely hurry up, or I won't even be able to carry the bags afterwards", he huffed, rubbing his palms together, building friction through his gloves.

"Hop, hop, hop, then!", you took his hand and began dragging him through snow piles.

On the way, Milo tried to be chatty. Keyword, tried to. You could barely understand him from all the shaking and disconnected strings of sounds that were coming out of his mouth as a substitute for a desperate plea to have his summer back.

You couldn't help but laugh at him, occasionally dusting off the accumulated snowflakes from his scarf, but more of those actually stuck to his eyelashes, making them sparkle when melting, giving him some kind of princely, sovereign appearance. He was adorable.

"Alright, what do we need?", you asked when you finally entered a nearby shop.

Milo took his precious time thawing out, putting a hand up as a sign to give him a minute. You tackled him into another hug, aiming to get his blood flowing.

"(Y-Y/N)!", he giggled, pretending to keep his distance.

"Carrots? Cucumbers? Tomatoes? Do tell."

"Potatoes too! Don't forget those, they're very important!"

"Oh? We're having fries?"

"Stew! You really need to eat healthier, for Pete's sake", he shook his head while examining said potatoes at the vegetable aisle.

"Fiiine, I guess the hot chocolate will make up for it!"

"You say that like I don't make good food."

"Oh, no, your dishes are truly amazing and you know it."

Milo would always cook for the both of you, inviting you over for breakfast and lunch fairly often, especially when he had something interesting in mind. You'd insist on helping him, but he'd usually turn you down, as your job was to be the critique and nothing more. Besides, he functioned better solo in that regard.

"You'll at least let me pay, right?", you shot a question his way at the cash register.

"I'll let you donate half, if you really must", he rolled his innocent green eyes at you.

"Sheesh, you're strict. Still babying me, hm?"

"That was always my duty!"

On the way back, you started reminiscing about the past a bit more. He was always a bit protective of you. That didn't bother you much, as you felt far safer, and it never crossed any boundaries, it was just that the feeling of being a bit of a bother would arise every once in a while.

Despite that, Milo would reassure you that he loved you so much that you would never be dead weight to him. It was his way of showing affection, so you either take it or leave it.

You'd only smile and shake your head at his re-emerging stubbornness. At the end of the day, you were actually glad that this side of him at least never changed, as much as he grew and matured in the meantime.

"Hey, you know...", you broke the silence while enjoying the hot chocolate he had recently finished making for you, "No matter what coffee shop I go to, this is still the best thing that had the opportunity to bless my taste buds."

Milo blew a raspberry, then tapped your back while passing by with a plate of food for you.

"I will try my best to believe you, because that remark makes me incredibly happy", he giggled, taking a seat across from you, "Tell me about your week. We have some catching up to do."

#milo x reader #gym leader milo #pokemon milo x reader #milo pokemon #pokemon #pkmn #pokemon swsh #pokemon trainers x reader #pokemon fanfiction #pokemon reader insert #x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader

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goblinbugthing · 1 year

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ALRIGHT ON IT UHHH *speedily starts playing my emo music for emo focus*

hat game (do keep in mind some of this info is either right off the top of my head or from an unfinished fanfic that ihaveng touched in months so it might be a little wonk, also cw for suicide):

The royal family of Subcon. We know em. We love the one guy that got the worst out of it (poor prince). They have a long history of mental illness, but it seems to affect the women of the family worse. Of course, Vanessa got that shit too, but from her dad instead of her mom (her mom is way too nice for her own good bc of her own mother). Along with the history of mental illness, they also have a history of. Ahem. Murdering their husbands. So yeah, princess bitchface also killed her boy. Sucks for him but now I have TWO hot ghost boyfriends so that slays ig /j

SPEAKING OF THE ROYAL FAMILY, another character who is very very important to the main lore of the actual game is actually related to them. I’m not going to say who though. You have to guess. Or wait for me to write it somewhere. All I’m gonna say is: keep watch for the last name Niagoran.

As I said in Alex’s info, he only realized he had a crush on Moon after they both passed, but even worse? Moon was still in The Horizon at the time. He only realized his gayness when it had been 6 years after the kingdom’s downfall, and Moon was stuck in The Horizon for almost 200 years. Poor dudes. They’re together now, though, bc i h8 bad endings

More Alex angst bc i said so: he offed himself when he found out the prince was dead. That’s where the mark on his neck came from. It’s a soul mark of rope burn.

Typically I’d be writing SO MUCH MORE angst, but I’ve cried enough this week so here’s random shit I wanna talk about related to this au:

Moon, Chrome, and Alex have officially adopted Theophania (or mustache girl)!!!! Moon calls her “Princess Tiff” bc of his royal heritage, and she says it’s weird, but it actually makes her super happy bc she’s. Had a pretty shit life. I mean, no normal teenage girl would attempt planetary genocide.

Chrome introduced Moon and Alex to kirby, and Moon has been absolutely obsessed with it ever since. He WILL explain the entire lore to you if you let him (you should definitely do that btw). Chrome also introduced them to various other things, like fnaf, minecraft, and pretty much anything nintendo. Also emo music, because a lot Chrome’s friends never left their hs emo phase. Alex likes it a lot. Moon finds it kinda scary though. He prefers soft indie music, and classical stuff.

Hattie (or Moxxia) and bow (or Axxiori) are twin sisters, born on the planet of Zentruvia. It’s a couple thousand light years away from earth, and it’s home to a very highly advanced civilization. Time Pieces are created using materials that can (as far as they know) only be found on Zentruvia.

The huge Time Piece in Subcon is an actual Time Piece. Mox has no clue how or why it’s there, nor does Axxi. Moon is scared of it, Snatcher and Alex think it’s cool, and Chrome pretends it doesn’t exist to prevent existential crises.

Snatcher is a physical manifestation of the prince’s anger at Vanessa. He was a very, very kind individual, but deep down, all he wanted was revenge against the corrupted queen. That anger was so powerful that it manifested itself into a physical form, made purely of emotional matter. That’s why Snatcher is mad all the time—his emotions are the source of his power.

AND KIRBY STUFF:

So, you remember Blast Knight Hara? Well, I mentioned her by name for a specific reason. She’s a somewhat important character to this AU. Keep an eye out for stuff abt her.

Speaking of Hara, the friend she was using as support at the beginning of Taboo was not Galacta. It was one of the other heroes of yore. I know my wording made it seem like it was Gala she was holding onto, but it’s not him. He’s… a bit more than a friend to her. Heheh.

After Galacta’s crystallization, Hara personally spoke out and protested against his punishment. She said it was unfair, that he literally needed to use Soul Crystallization to stop Void, but the priestess didn’t listen. Hara was exiled two days later. Told to take her ship and blast off to the farthest corners of the universe so she “didn’t corrupt anyone else.” The Yonna and the High Priestess are very adamant about Soul Crystallization being horrible.

The Ykka are the gods of the Ancients’ religion, said to be all-powerful beings who built the universe itself. The Ykka are also believed to be the ones who bestowed magical powers unto the Ancients.

Hara had a son, only 2 weeks old by the time of her exile. He was taken from her before she was exiled so she didn’t “corrupt him,” and soon sent off in his own custom starship, built to train and raise him in his dreams. It’s a common practice when exiling parents of Star Warriors.

Galacta Knight is actually a direct creation of Void’s. In the lore, it’s stated that Void reincarnates themself into a physical form based off of gathered emotions. That’s what makes him so powerful; his direct relation to Void makes him incredibly overpowered, even for a Star Warrior (it’s pretty rare for a Star Warrior to be directly created by Void).

Morpho Knight is literally millions of years old, maybe even older that Void. They were created directly by Nebulis as the Kirby multiverse’s sole Grim Reaper, and have been doing their job for god knows how long. Eventually, though, there were too many people dying everywhere, so the Grim Reaper system thingy was created (that’s a WHOLE other can of worms that concerns the entire multiverse itself, so it’ll be posted in a separate Nebulis-centered lore thing), and the rest is history.

The people who captured Elfilis and Fiktra were Draconic. Discovera was run by a man who at first really just wanted to protect the world from calamity, but after running into Liz and Gen, his mindset completely changed. It was at this point that he became completely obsessed with power, and his soul was permanently corrupted.

Liz and Gen were both in captivity for 2,045+ years. The first 30 were during the experimental era, the next 15 were after the warp-experiment incident, and the rest was spent in complete solitude. Gen was asleep for most of it, about 3 years after Elfilis initially was split.

Liz was revived 3 times, technically 4 if you count the soul boss stuff in the true arena as a separate revival. First was their initial absorbing of the rat, second was in the ultimate cup, and third was… something I can’t explain here bc we’re not at that point in the story yet!!!! Hahhahahahahahgsgxgs it’ll be posted separately at some point

Ooo weee that’s all I can think of rn!!!! Finally my head is empty of all that stuff!!!!! Thank you for letting me lore dump and make room for new ideas @altblock-tm :}}}}}

enjoy ur food fren

#kirby #ahit #a hat in time #kirby and the forgotten land #katfl #ahit au #kirby au #my aus #lore dump #au lore #ahit au lore #kirby au lore #kirby ocs #ahit ocs #oc lore #buggie’s characters #buggie’s rambles #speculations are welcome 👁👁

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pandoriasbox · 2 years

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Horse Girl “Movement”

I’m just gonna toss my two cents in on this while it’s still a hot topic instead of taking over other people’s posts with my opinions. I think SSE, the company behind the game, made a horrendous mistake in how they’re managing and marketing this “movement” of theirs. I can understand where they’re coming from and I think I understand their general intentions.

Like I get it, “horse girl” especially in North America (though depends on where you’re from) tends to be used negatively and especially for bullying. It wasn’t a huge deal where I’m from since it’s way more rural here so kinda more normal but I’ve always had the impression it kinda implied you were weird or strange bare minimum and I’ve heard some awful stuff from friends about how it’s viewed elsewhere. So I think it’s fair for SSE to think “oh hey we’re a huge horse game that could influence people to look at this more positively and make people feel better about this.”

Problem is, they used probably the worst ever wording for their hashtag and whoever was responsible for replying to concerns on instagram was really ignorant at best and just downright inconsiderate of actual minority groups that face oppression and go through the process of reclaiming slurs. I agree with folks saying “redefining” is a better word to use, it’s at least not feeling like you’re ripping off far more serious and important movements and pretending yours is on the same level as them. Like absolutely bullying sucks but I don’t think any “horse girl” has been explicitly targeted in a systemic way for just liking horses. I have seen other things like people commenting it’s also something that might be related to neurodivergence and I’d agree, I think talking about that would be a really interesting and good topic to discuss. However, the way I think this is coming off from SSE’s side is more of a loosey goosey “uwu we’re gonna post some positive stuff about horsey girls and anti bullying advice that doesn’t do anything.”

And I absolutely hope I’m wrong, I want to be wrong about that but at the end of the day, there’s so little you can do about bullying or supply advice for bullying. You can attempt to ignore bullies, you can talk to someone of authority like a teacher if you’re in school but if you’re an adult or online? You’re kinda screwed, you just block and report if you gotta and try to move on, don’t interact. Honestly, I think the main thing that helps against bullies is just having a support group of some kind and unfortunately if you’re already the odd one out because of something like being a horse girl, you’re just kinda screwed. A lot of times, people won’t do anything about bullying because they either don’t want to get bullied or don’t want to get hurt themselves, or worse, they just don’t care.

So I don’t have any real hope for this “movement” they’re trying to do. I think it’s just going to be a weak attempt to try and uplift their female playerbase, score some brownie points and hand out some likely ineffective anti-bullying advice. Maybe they’ll tell people to be nicer to horse girls too. Again, I hope I’m wrong but SSE hasn’t had the best track record when it comes to making a stand on anything and this comes off as more of a marketing ploy to rope people into the game or just push harder on their female playerbase that they’re hashtag relatable, hashtag we’re with you, hashatag something something girlboss.

So yeah, I’m pretty salty about it and I usually keep rants off my blog but this has affected more than me, it’s hurt my friends, it’s hurt me, and I’m kinda pissed about how inconsiderate it is to minority groups and on top of that, another nail in the coffin showing how little SSE cares about anyone else in their community who isn’t cis female. Like this isn’t a one off thing, these kinds of lack of consideration moments have been sprinkled throughout my time playing and following SSO.

Like I’ve said multiple times, I’m all for SSE being supportive of girls, women, anyone who identifies as female. I want to see them do more positive female orientated things and I think this was an attempt but an incredibly poorly conceived one at best. What I want to see is more showcases of female creators, equestrians, ect. SSE is in a unique situation where they could very easily shine more light on the game design process for young girls and women. They could talk more about behind the scenes, they could showcase more of their female devs, artists and writers (they already do but what about showing them go through their work process if they’re okay with that?) They could even do events around getting girls into game design. But what do they do? Continue to spout about how hashtag feminist they are by marketing towards girls instead of actually producing content that feels like it’s really uplifting female players. It’s not an easy line to distinguish but I gotta say I feel like 8 times out of 10 they’re on the wrong side of it.

And at the end of all of this, it just wraps straight back around to the problem of SSE doesn’t care about players who aren’t cis female. I’m not saying everyone in the company doesn’t but the face of the company and perhaps the marketing and social media teams feel like they don’t. The external elements of this game and franchise don’t care about us, they don’t care about gender queer, trans, nonbinary, gender non-conforming players. They don’t care about actually showing gender equality in their game, about making it so young girls see that they are on equal footing as boys and no better or less. Or about making an actual difference in showcasing how it’s normal to be outside the gender norm even if you identify with your assigned birth gender. And maybe that’s okay if you’re a little company still just trying to make the next Barbie game and fade into the background.

But it’s 2022, gonna be 2023 before we know it and gender diversity is a huge topic now. We are moving faster and faster towards widely recognizing genders other than female and male and if SSE wants to actually be inclusive, they’ll start doing that too. It’s reasonable for them to put more effort into anything female over male or other gender queer content but it’s no excuse to either leave it on the sidelines, limit it to pride month or push it to locked areas the player may never see or only see once and then abandon. And most importantly, there are games with make your own characters or player blank slates that are more gender progressive than SSE is attempting to be right now. I love the look of the new models but I am hating how limiting they are gender wise. I want a nonbinary character, I want to have the option to be a gender nonconforming butch coded woman instead of the only one in the game being A VILLAIN. And maybe I can’t have a character that looks like she’s in her late 20′s like me but I don’t understand why I can’t have a gender neutral one or why I can’t play as a male when even most indie games that don’t have premade characters let me.

SSE needs to grow the hell up and take a long hard look at what’s going on outside their little bubble because even though we’re a minority, a lot of long time queer and male players are getting real sick of this treatment. I don’t enjoy seeing my friends drop like flies off the game that brought us together. I don’t want to drop it myself because continued lack of respect on topics like these. Maybe it feels like an overreaction to people who are part of the target audience but after a while this stuff builds up both in SSO and outside it. I’m just sick of seeing piss poor gender representation and I want to finally say something and try to do something about it.

#rant #vent #this has nothing to do with the essay if you're coming here for that #i'm going to still do the essay the best i can without letting my personal feelings get too involved #the essay will be about both positives and negatives #this is just me getting really frustrated and wanting to talk to people about it #also yeah i do think sso does do a better job than a lot of games especially older ones #you'll see what i mean in the essay #i just need to get this out of my system

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