#The future conservatives warned us of | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caligvlasaqvarivm · 2 months

Text

Murder, Love, and Destiny: An Eridan Ampora Character Study

Warnings for things from Homestuck, like discussions of child abuse, mental illness, murder, suicide, etc. etc.

Because there's a huge wall of text after this point, I'm going to summarize what I hope to convince you of in bullet point format, and then hope you'll actually read the rest of the text before arguing with me about it.

Eridan is the least casteist highblood, if you ignore all the slurs.

Those are his emotional support slurs.

Pale EriKar was not only canon, but set up to be endgame.

Eridan is incredibly plot-relevant, thematically relevant, and was definitely originally intended to be brought back to life, alongside the other dead trolls.

He's Sad.

The first thing we have to establish is what counts as "canon" for the purpose of this essay. I am only counting the original comic up to Game Over, after which there's a general consensus that Hussie kind of gave up on his original planned ending, and slapped together something that most people hate. So I am immediately disqualifying Pesterquest, supplementary material, fanworks deemed canon, the epilogues, and Homestuck^2.

Moreover, we are taking Hussie's commentaries with a grain of salt, for two reasons. The first reason is that I firmly believe - and will be arguing - that the original plan was to bring Eridan (and the other dead trolls) back; therefore, Hussie (who has a track record of playing coy with future plot twists) can't speak too fondly of him, lest he give it away. The second reason for de-emphasizing Hussie's words is that, post-retcon, Hussie isn't very well going to say that he had plans for a better ending, and then didn't execute on them; to save face, he has to act as though his trashing of several prior plot threads, including but not limited to Eridan, was the plan all along.

Therefore, this essay will not be putting too much emphasis on Word of God, and will instead be relying on textual evidence from the comic itself, of which there is plenty. So without further ado:

Eridan is a Consummate Murderer.

The reason I'm starting with this point is that, far more than any other, this truth lies at the core of his being. Eridan is formally introduced to us with a murder, and he's haunted by an overpowering genocide complex. He outright describes to Rose at one point that "killin is all i evver done practically," and uses "murder" as an expletive (ie "swweet stinkin murder"). With a conservative estimate of 5 kills per week for 4 sweeps (Vriska looks VERY young when she has to start killing, and Eridan was likely a similar age when he began), both Eridan and Vriska easily have bodycounts above 2000 - the real number is probably even higher.

At this point, many raise an objection that Eridan is only killing lusii, but I believe we need to count his kills as troll murders, for three reasons: first, a dead lusus results in the orphaned troll being culled; second, one has to assume he has had cases of trolls trying to defend their lusii, or coming after him for vengeance; and third - and most importantly - Eridan HIMSELF is thinking about the orphaned trolls.

Compare Feferi: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. At least until she dies.

To Eridan: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere very sad.

So Eridan, to a much greater extent than even Feferi, is thinking about the orphaned trolls he's leaving behind, and considers his own actions to be murder.

Now that we've established the facts regarding his murders - a rough bodycount, and the fact that, by his own admission, he barely had any hobbies outside of it - we can move on to the effect that it's had on him. It's not very good!

Vriska's manipul8tions and murders had to be done for her own sake - if she ever stopped, she died. Therefore, much of Vriska's personality revolves around justifying her own actions so she doesn't have to reckon with her softer feelings, like guilt or kindness - which she expresses would be viewed as scandalous by others of her caste.

But if Eridan ever stops feeding Gl'bgolyb, everybody dies. The stakes he has riding on his shoulders are, at all times, the fate of all trolls, including all his friends. Given Dualscar's title was "Orphaner," it's implied that killing lusii for Gl'bgolyb has always been a violet blood's duty, and is seen as such by the others, which is why nobody expresses gratitude for his hard work even a single time.

Which brings us to our next point:

Eridan is Crushed by Anxiety.

If Eridan stops killing lusii, everybody - especially his friends, but everybody else, too - dies.

If Eridan ever shows guilt or kindness, he'll be considered "weak" by the standards of highbloods - he shares this with Vriska.

Eridan is expected, by aristocratic tradition, to take on the mantle of his ancestor Dualscar and finish his work. Dualscar met a comedically cringefail end, so this is a massive undertaking.

Before finding out that god tiering is an option - so, for nearly his entire life - Eridan has had to live with the expectation that he will outlive all of his friends. The lowbloods from culling or dying on the battlefield, the highbloods from old age, and Feferi from being killed by the Empress when she gets old enough.

(This is reflected in who he talks to the most - Feferi, who's the only one with a natural lifespan longer than his, Vriska, who's a highblood, Kanaya, who's practically guaranteed to survive into adulthood, and Karkat, whose anonblood allows Eridan to give him the benefit of the doubt.)

Also if he can't land his concupiscent quadrants he'll die from that too, but that seems pretty secondary to the rest of his concerns.

He can't even make friends with the other highbloods, because sea dwellers are expected to hate and antagonize them.

He had a free ticket into adulthood, but would almost certainly be expected to join the army and serve as a commander. That is to say, his fate of performing the role of a vicious, murderous sea dweller seems dreadfully inevitable to him.

NO WONDER he can't stop having emotional breakdowns. NO WONDER his chatlogs swing wildly from relentless self-aggrandizement to traumadumping. NO WONDER he's obsessed with murder and death and genocide.

Doc Scratch calls him a "vengeful boy on the path of nihilism," and it's not hard to see why: Eridan's entire life has been about living up to the role imposed on him by society, sacrificing his own time and sanity for everyone else, which he "nevver got any appreciation for anywway." And all he had to look forward to was more of the same, all his friends dropping dead one by one before him. For Eridan, there has never been any hope.

SGRUB could have been a way out for him, but a combination of his own terrible choices, spurred on by his anxieties, and his teammates' unwillingness to knock some sense into him, meant that he only wound up mired even deeper in his hopelessness.

We all know about how Eridan wouldn't stop killing the angels on his planet, provoking their aggression and turning it into a ball of death. How he was definitely not supposed to be doing this, and how his stubborn insistence on it led to his further ostracization from the rest of the group. The thing is, when we look at his angel-murders from the point of view that Eridan's entire life has been about murdering things or else Something Bad™ happens, it actually starts to become... kind of sad.

KARKAT: BETWEEN A TRIGGERHAPPY PRINCE WITH A GOD WEAPON BLASTING ANYTHING THAT TWITCHED AND A MILLION CRAZED ANGELS HE DELIBERATELY ENRAGED, IT WASN'T WHAT I'D CALL AN IDEAL SOCIAL HUB. KARKAT: IF YOU WERE LONELY WHY DIDN'T YOU VENTURE OUT MORE OFTEN? ERIDAN: wwell i wwoulda but nobody else wwas vvolunteerin to pick up the slack on angel killin duties

Killing the angels is something he feels like his has to do, because his entire life has been about killing things he doesn't want to kill. He's unable to break out of that mindset on his own, and his unpleasant personality has scared off anyone who might want to help. No one on the team tries to understand his thought process on a deeper level, not even Karkat, who just tells him it was an idiotic thing to do without addressing his underlying anxieties at all. Indeed, "nobody understands."

And this is really the root of why I think so many people get the wrong read on Eridan - Eridan is constantly contradicting himself, constantly denying his own feelings, constantly pushing an image that he doesn't actually believe in, and constantly insisting that he's fine with all the horrible shit in his life - that he likes it, even. After all, he can't admit to his guilt for his murders, or how much he doesn't want to watch his friends die, or how scared he is about the future - that'd be weakness!

CC: I can't look after you anymore. CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble

You see his contradictory nature with his stated love of history, which he only ever offhandedly mentions - because he's not actually that interested in history, it's just something that's expected of someone of his station. And you see it with his wavy accent, which he himself calls "weird" and drops when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. And you see it with his dumbass outfit, which is very clearly an imitation of Dualscar (with the only exception being the wizard-ass scarf, because wizards are his actual interest. I don't believe he likes fashion. I genuinely believe - and Eridan himself says so - that he basically has no hobbies outside of murder).

Even being proud to be a sea dweller is pretty much an outright lie:

CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at... CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!

One that he tells because he's SCARED OF THE OCEAN. Because he knows what lives in the ocean, because he's been feeding it his entire life. I see a lot of people who give Eridan an interest in marine life, and I'm telling you, that's just got no basis in canon. He's fucking TERRIFIED of the sea.

And for that matter, land dweller genocide. Eridan doesn't want to do it. Both Feferi AND his internal narration call him out for not actually wanting to do it. He outright states he wouldn't kill his friends.

CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

But he feels like he HAS to want it, HAS to believe in it, HAS to be talking about it constantly, because that's what's expected from him as a sea dweller, and a sea dweller is ALL that he will get to be. The mutation that puts a violet streak in his hair is damning. It's a fate he feels like he can't escape. Which brings us to:

Eridan is Not Actually Casteist, Well He Is But Not Like That, It's Complicated

Secondary title: Those Are His Emotional Support Slurs, Okay

In the exact same vein (haha) as secretly not wanting all the land dwellers dead, Eridan also genuinely doesn't feel like he's better than lower blood castes. Vriska and Equius obviously put quite a bit of stock into being nobility, and both have acted superior to Karkat for it. Feferi actually revels in her high status, and while she is genuinely well-meaning, she's not as interested in abolishing casteism as she is in changing the meaning of "culling" specifically (the hemocaste, aristocracy, and casteism still very much exist in a Beforus under her rule). Gamzee MIGHT be the only highblood less casteist than Eridan, but then again, as soon as he snaps, he does say a lot of casteist stuff to Equius, although it's unclear how serious he is, and he also proceeds to get really into his weird highblood clown cult.

Meanwhile, Eridan - despite all his slurs and talk of genocide - does not actually try to "pull rank" on a lowblood for being a lower caste than him with a single exception. That exception is Sollux... after he's already shown having entirely caste-neutral opinions on Sollux:

CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete! CA: man that guy CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB. CC: 38P CA: fuck SORRY CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life. CA: yeah sorry

CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her CA: so forget it thanks anywway

It's only AFTER he's mad at Sollux for dating Feferi that he starts going in on Sollux with casteist rhetoric... which is treated as unrequited flirting and not serious casteism:

ERIDAN: hey finless this doesnt concern those wwith mustard sludge slippin through their vveins ERIDAN: its a matter for royalty only ERIDAN: so keep your mouth closed or ill slit you open ovver my next meal SOLLUX: w/e bro, not iintere2ted. FEFERI: -Eridan, please! I don't want to see any more dueling. FEFERI: Don't try to provoke )(im. It's not like I don't know w)(at you're doing! You keep trying to spark a rivalry wit)( )(im to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant! FEFERI: It is t)(e oldest and lamest trick in t)(e book. It didn't work t)(en and it won't work now!

THEY don't even think he's being casteist.

In fact, directly contradicting this earlier argument he has with Feferi:

CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is. CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!! CC: GLUB. >38( CA: pshh CA: hemospectrum begs to differ

He OUTRIGHT states his real feelings here:

CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody CA: im worse than anybody CA: EVERYBODY CA: all the bodies

So the question of "is Eridan casteist" has an answer of "kind of, but also no." Eridan DOES espouse the rhetoric; he's constantly saying stuff that a casteist sea dweller "should" be saying. However, if you look at his ACTIONS, and the way he actually treats people, he doesn't actually care about blood color. He'll hit on anybody, and he's rude as fuck to everybody. The real problem with him is that he's terrible to talk to, not that he's discriminatory.

That's the thing about Eridan. Understanding him means looking past the way he presents himself, the lies he tells to himself, and even, at times, the way the narration presents him. His "overblown emotional theatrics" seem a lot less overblown when his problems ARE so real, deep-seated, and constantly causing him an unimaginable amount of anguish.

The problem is, the main people he has to bounce those problems against are Feferi, Vriska, and Kanaya, three of the people most comfortable with their privileged positions, for whom Eridan's genuine emotional distress seems like needless melodrama. Feferi loves being a princess, Vriska enjoys her noble privileges, Kanaya doesn't need to worry about culling. But for Eridan, his noble status, and the duties and expectations placed on him for it, have caused him nothing but pain - of course he would feel like nobody understands. Most of his closest friends genuinely don't, nor do they try to.

Because that's what he is at his core - a traumatized fucking child, who doesn't see any way out. Eridan is not a casteist genocidal sea dweller... he just wishes he was one, and tries to be one, because if he actually was one, he wouldn't feel so awful and scared and sad all the time. He'd be normal, like his friends.

The reason he constantly spouts anti-land dweller rhetoric and uses casteist language is to assuage this cognitive dissonance. That's why he has to come off so strong, present himself in such an aggrandized way, act like such a douchebag. They're his emotional support slurs. He doesn't actually believe what he says, which means he's a Bad Sea Dweller, which means he's Failing, which means Something Bad Will Happen, so he'd better get his ass in line and say something casteist!

And it's all made worse because:

Eridan is Dumb of Ass (and True of Word)

Oh my god you guys he's so stupid that it hurts.

Okay, that's not entirely fair. Eridan is clearly well-educated and book smart; he has some of the most elegant prose out of the trolls, and he's prone to going off on insane rants with it. (Actually, his language gets more flowery and showy when he's trying to impress a stranger, and gets progressively more laid back, chill, and even kind of "bro"-y when he starts talking to people he doesn't feel like he needs to impress.)

CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince GG: wow what are you talking about

What I mean is this: his brain is so full of anxiety and cognitive dissonance and murder and death that he struggles to care about other people, which has devastating effects on his social skills. I go really in-depth on how his though process informs his behavior here. The question may have popped up in your mind already: if his casteism stuff isn't actually real, then what is Eridan actually like? The answer is, overwhelmingly, and discomfortingly, SINCERE.

This boy is gunning at 100% emotional earnestness 100% of the time, and it's deeply uncomfortable for others to deal with. He'll swing wildly from insults and derogatory language, to stating a desire to kill all land dwellers, to awe and amazement at his friends' prowess, to demanding that they do things for him, to traumadumping and venting, without missing a beat. Often in the same conversation.

CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

He's also specifically terrible at parsing hostility. Functionally, he interprets all hostility aimed AT him as either pitch/ashen flirting or "ironic repartee," and similarly views his own hostile words as verbal jousting, pitch/ashen advances, or even just factual descriptions of the world around him (ie calling Nepeta a "kittycat shipper cavve girl"). Hostility and aggression are just kind of his baseline, default state of being, and he basically has no ability to differentiate between good and bad attention. I talk more in-depth about his emotionally bereft upbringing (and shitty lusus) here, but suffice to say that our boy isn't getting any emotional support at home, and as a result, craves attention, no matter what kind.

This also means he's insanely gullible. For example, Rose calls him an idiot to his face, and then blows up his computer, sarcastically calling it "your first lesson in showmanship." Eridan proceeds to literally considers it that, blowing up Jade's computer after he's done talking to her. Furthermore, Kanaya sees him as a burden, insults him to his face, and pretty much just bullies him along with Rose for fun.

So she trains Eridan to become a powerful white wizard of hope to challenge her, as a joke.

And yet, in spite of all that, Eridan still has nothing but gratitude and praise for Kanaya:

ERIDAN: kan i been meanin to thank you KANAYA: For What ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help KANAYA: But I Didnt Even Really Train You I Just Made You A Wand ERIDAN: yeah wwell thats all i needed i guess ERIDAN: i just needed for someone to showw a little faith in me so im sayin thanks i owwe ya KANAYA: Okay Then Youre Welcome KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic ERIDAN: wwhat KANAYA: The Thing I Just Said KANAYA: I Didnt Even Realize How Sarcastic I Was Being Its Starting To Become A Problem I Think KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science

Like, he's in the middle of genuinely thanking her for believing in him, she makes fun of him to his face, and his response is to laugh it off and offer to teach her how to properly insult someone. It's honestly... kind of sad. Not that he doesn't deserve the ridicule, but what we're seeing here is a traumatized, emotionally neglected boy trying to communicate the best that he can that he loves and appreciates his friends, and receiving nothing but mockery in return.

It's really not a surprise, then, that he goes off the deep end. His entire life prior to the game has been shit; he got broken up with as soon as he entered the game (by someone who didn't even care enough not to use fish puns while doing it); he's ostracized and avoided for the game's duration; and then he spends the rest of his time on the meteor being bullied. He feels deeply hopeless and anxious about their situation because he literally doesn't know how else to exist, and his concerns are dismissed and mocked at every turn. When Feferi turns on him with intent to kill, that's his breaking point.

I see a lot of people say he goes grimdark, or succumbs to external influence somehow, but I don't think that needs to be true (nor is it) - he's just a deeply traumatized kid with almost no support network who's finally been pushed to the edge, despite displaying every possible warning sign and making multiple cries for help. Yes, ultimately, he's guilty for his own actions, but his killing spree - alongside Gamzee's and Vriska's - represents a cohesive failure as a team to address very clear problems in their midst.

So Feferi and Kanaya are sick of his ass. Sollux hates him platonically, Equius doesn't like him, and Nepeta thinks of him as a creep. Vriska is his awkward ex, and Terezi agrees with him when he calls himself pathetic. He never interacts with Tavros, Aradia, or sober!Gamzee. Is there anyone that treats him nicely?

Uh, okay, so I swear this isn't shipping goggles -

Pale EriKar Is Canon And I Can Prove It

So, I'm going to start this with a disclaimer: you can ship what you want to ship. I don't mind. I don't care. Headcanons are valid, death of the author, etc. What you do in your free time is up to you.

What I am attempting to argue in this section is that an Eridan/Karkat moirallegiance was heavily foreshadowed, one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the entire comic, and - assuming that the original ending of Homestuck included all the dead trolls being brought back and redeemed - was going to be endgame. There's a torrential amount of evidence pointing to this, and very little of it is acknowledged even by the EriKar shippers, which is a shame.

At the very least, I'll be happy if I can convince some Karkat RPers to be extra nice to Eridans, because they are actually just friends who care deeply about each other. Canonically.

The first thing to note is that Eridan and Karkat, at least prior to SGRUB, talk all the time, to the point where Feferi feels the need to comment on it:

CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations. CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING! CA: shrug CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro. CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail! CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember. CA: maybe CA: seems kinda CA: odd though

("Can you please stop having an emotional affair with Karkat" "Eh, I'll think about it")

The second thing to note is what the contents of those conversations entail. Sure, they "gossip," but it goes deeper than that, because they gossip about things that Karkat would NEVER gossip about with anybody else, because Karkat usually respects his "VERY GOOD FRIEND"s. For example, here Eridan mentions that Karkat has speculated on Kanaya's love life with him:

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that GA: No Thats Not It CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

And it's not even a one-off thing, because here Karkat is again, mentioning Nepeta's crush on him:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK? KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL. KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

It's a situation he's been trying to "tiptoe around for a long time," and he tells ERIDAN, of all people? MULTIPLE TIMES? (AND HE ALSO TELLS ERIDAN THAT THE REJECTION WASN'T HIS FAULT???? WHAT??????)

So we've established that they talk frequently and about some pretty seriously sensitive topics. But did you know that they also talk about... their feelings?

See, the thing is, Karkat has always been weirdly nice to Eridan. Here he is in a memo near the very beginning of their game, when Karkat is at his most "rah rah, I'm the big bad leader":

FCA: i got a problem FCA: wwith feferi FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin CCG: OK, WELL CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU. CCG banned FCA from responding to memo. CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN? CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

Compare that to Tavros asking for advice later down in the same memo:

PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME, PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL, PAT: lIKE, PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT, CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES. CCG: ALL OF YOU. CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE. PAT: sORRY, CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY. CCG: JUST CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.

He then proceeds to dispense no actual love advice; he just points out that Vriska can totally read this memo too, and then mocks them both when she shows up - thus making it clear that he is giving Eridan special treatment.

You see it again in his discussion with Eridan in [S] Kanaya: Return to the Core, where Eridan invokes a "pact" between them, and Karkat immediately plays nice with him, despite himself being extremely high-strung and stressed out:

KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT. KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.

That's definitely pity, which Karkat states to be the basis of all relationships besides pitch. But, sure, okay, Karkat is sometimes nice to his friends. He is, after all, the Friendship Troll, so that's not necessarily out of the ordinary. But how about the fact that it goes both ways?

That's right, Eridan "100% aggro 100% of the time" Ampora is actually really considerate toward Karkat's feelings, and basically nobody else's. Upon hearing that Karkat is distressed that Sollux has died, Eridan actively puts his own meltdown about his breakup with Feferi on pause:

TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that CA: are you sayin hes dead TC: YeAh :o( CA: oh fuck CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole

He then goes on to chastise Gamzee for his shitty advice, demanding to be given the chance to comfort Karkat himself instead:

TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG TC: HoNk CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on

Before finally giving up when Gamzee insists he's "too scared of Jack" to help, drinking some Faygo, and trying to ask past Karkat for help, because past Karkat isn't sad yet about Sollux dying. So, to recap,

Eridan's first instinct when in emotional duress is to go to Karkat.

Eridan feels like he knows Karkat well enough to know that Gamzee's advice would be useless (and is proven right by the fact that Gamzee and Karkat's moirallegiance fails for similar reasons).

Eridan is willing to shelve his own emotional meltdown for Karkat's sake.

Eridan demands to be the one to provide Karkat with emotional support.

And this is, again, not a one-off thing. In the memo Karkat opens right after Eridan and Gamzee have both turned murderous, after he's spent several minutes making death threats toward Eridan and insulting him directly, he goes:

CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it

Eridan spends this entire memo under the belief that it's a completely run-of-the-mill conversation they're having:

PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor CCG: UGH, NO PCA: are you busy PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it

Which implies that offering to listen to Karkat's feelings is also a completely regular thing for them.

But something magical is ALSO happening within this last memo, and to really explain it, I'll first have to be a little mean to the GamKar shippers (sorry).

So, canonically, GamKar doesn't work out for them, despite also being somewhat foreshadowed. In fact, they feature on Nepeta's shipping wall, which is actually, in my opinion, foreshadowing that it WOULDN'T work out. (Nepeta's ships being wrong, and shipping being something she needs to learn to outgrow, is a whole essay on its own, that I'm not getting into here.)

But the thing is, the seeds for them not working out were also planted in the first - and only - real post-moirallegiance interaction that they have with each other, where Gamzee tries to calm Karkat down... and FAILS:

GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe. GAMZEE: :o( ... KARKAT: OK KARKAT: OK YEAH KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX. KARKAT: AND BREATHE. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT? KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST KARKAT: BREATHE KARKAT: LIKE KARKAT: THIS... KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT. KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON. ... KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY? KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT? KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

But let's go back to that memo where Karkat is freaking out in every way possible. This is how he starts that memo - so upset about the deaths of his friends and terrified by Gamzee that he can barely string together a coherent thought:

CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED. CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM? CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK. ... CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY. CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. PCC: Sorry for w)(at?? CCG: FOR CCG: I CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.

In fact, he's so distressed that he bans Past!Feferi and Past!Gamzee almost immediately after they come in. But then Eridan comes in, and... I mean, first of all, just compare how long it takes for him to ban Eridan:

But more interesting are the contents of their conversation. Over the course of talking to Eridan... Karkat completely calms the fuck down. Like he's entirely forgotten that he's shitting his pants with fear. In fact, he even starts critiquing Eridan for his dumbassery:

PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you CCG: WHY NOT PCA: cause youre future you PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW. ... CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU PCA: no CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT. PCA: wwell uh PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.

It's extremely funny. Over the course of talking to Eridan, he goes from:

CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

To:

CCG banned PCA from responding to memo. CCG: ANYWAY CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.

Eridan isn't even trying to calm Karkat down. He still succeeds in doing so. This is because they are soul mates. And I mean that in the sense that the comic literally calls being moirails soul mates, which it doesn't do for the other quadrants:

A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

That "social purpose" being that an even-tempered troll calms down a more hot-tempered one, and vice versa.

It also goes on to note:

But some pale pairings, as the one above [referring to a picture of Nepeta and Equius], will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.

But what's really interesting is the next page.

And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.

Did you catch that? Let me zoom in.

(Also, the blue and red cuttlefish to represent Sollux - Feferi and Sollux spend the whole game together, and even wind up talking about their feelings constantly in a pile - more on piles in a sec.)

In fact... in Eridan's first visual appearance...

The crab has always been there for him.

It's also important to talk about the bottle of Faygo that's been photoshopped to be candy red, Karkat's blood color. The path that it takes actually directly mirrors Karkat's relationships with Gamzee and Eridan - it's initially something that Gamzee has, but winds up being ejected out of his life, and washes up on Eridan's shore. In fact:

TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin CA: is that wwhat this is TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt? CA: oh CA: oh god youre right i do CA: i totally forgot about it TC: YoU SeE MaN TC: MoThEr TC: FuCkIn TC: MiRaClEs TC: :o)

When Gamzee and Eridan discuss this exact bottle, Gamzee even likens it to "reunited lovers"; it's something that Eridan has had this whole time (after all, he was cheating on Feferi with the guy), but never realized.

There are a few miscellaneous things that don't really mean anything on their own, but put next to all this other stuff, is worth considering, so I'll list those now.

First, they both do the bonk:

Second:

CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID. TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing. TA: ii cant even tell anymore. CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON. CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.

Third, Karkat muses to his future self about how he misses his friends, especially the assholes, two pages before staring at a dead Eridan's ass (joking, he's definitely looking at WV, but it's still significant that this thought is being associated with Eridan):

CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT. CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY. CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES. CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT. CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.

Fourth, in the same conversation, he bemoans his failed relationship with Terezi, before Future!Karkat chastises Past!Karkat for his instability and mixed signals. Going back to the page on moirallegiances, an explicit function of a proper pale relationship is stabilizing a troll's other relationships:

The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

Of course, I don't need to tell you how messy and unstable Eridan's relationships have been.

And finally, Piles of Stuff™ are associated with moirails, and directly stated in-comic to cause an outpouring of emotion:

Standing near this pile stirs powerful emotions. The closer you stand to piles of stuff, the more freely the feelings flow. It is a law of reality.

So here's a seven-word tragedy for you: For Sale, Shitty Wand Pile, Never Used:

ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.

(Which he specifically tells Karkat about.)

So, yeah, what I'm saying is, there's just, like, a weirdly large amount to read into here. That Karkat and Eridan are probably soulmates or whatever. And that this is important because...

Eridan Is Plot Relevant (Well All The Dead Trolls Are But This Is An Essay About Eridan)

So. Now we are going to talk about themes. Yes, like we are in schoolfeeding again. I'm going to keep it simple, because "The Themes of Homestuck" is a whole essay on its own, and this one about just the shitty fish boy is already way too long.

I think it's fairly non-controversial to posit that the main theme of Homestuck is, "children should mature, care about each other, and throw off the shackles of their old society, because they will be responsible for a new world one day."

Up until Game Over/the Retcon, this is so prevalent and well-established that SBURB/SGRUB's coming-of-age themes will outright be commented upon by the characters, and the main villain is a child who deliberately stunted his own growth so he could go around kicking over other peoples' toys forevermore.

So, the thing is, with that being the theme of Homestuck, if ALL of the Alternian trolls don't survive to the end, the ending is thematically unsatisfying, because the message suddenly gains an addendum of "well, some kids just need to die," which totally sucks. Like, sure, Eridan was a violent, crazed murderer even at the best of times, but his permanent death within the canon ending kind of means that the comic is saying that people in his position don't deserve kindness or second chances. That position being a traumatized, emotionally neglected child, who was being bullied by people he considered his friends. It's a pretty terrible message.

It's even worse when you consider what other trolls don't make it to the end - Nepeta, the most outspoken troll against the hemospectrum (and Davepeta does NOT count, don't try to tell me the final culmination of Nepeta's character arc is being combined with some guy she barely knows and a bird). Feferi, who genuinely wanted the best for others, even if she was kind of a privileged princess. Aradia and Sollux also stay behind in the bubbles, even though their lives have pretty much been endless parades of suffering and being used by other people. Even Equius doesn't deserve it - he was kind of a casteist freak, but not irredeemably so, and the fact that he became kinder to Karkat over the course of SGRUB proved that he had the capacity to change. And Tavros, allergic to himself and being insulted by Vriska, is a terrible way to end his arc.

It's also really clear that, since half his friends are dead, Karkat just doesn't really have anything to do. His title is the Knight of Blood, and Blood is about bonds - romance, friendship. And yet, he ends the comic having never figured out what Blood was about, with no confirmed filled quadrants (sorry DaveKat likers, but within the comic itself, DaveKat is never confirmed), and most of his bonds nothing more than ghosts in the bubbles. It's a terribly unsatisfying ending for the most narratively important troll.

I think, then, that even if you don't agree that Homestuck should have ended with full revivals and redemption arcs for all the trolls, the essay is going to proceed on like you do, so, sorry, I guess.

The thing with Eridan, specifically, is that he's actually tied deeply into the plot and themes, and his return means more than just Karkat finally getting a date (although that's important, too). Eridan is directly intertwined with a prophecy to kill Lord English; he's set up to mirror Caliborn and Calliope; and thematically, his redemption would be the most clear instance of the "interrogating society" part of the theme of Homestuck, because Eridan is kind of the Society Troll. And also, he was definitely supposed to be Roxy's wizard boyfriend.

Just gonna get that last one out of the way real quick because it's a fast one, Roxy fucking loves wizards and is a hipster. Eridan is a wizard and is also a hipster. Roxy has a crush on a prince. Eridan is also a prince. Roxy wears a purple striped scarf. Eridan wears a blue striped scarf. Roxy uses rifles. Eridan uses rifles. Momlonde's introduction includes a passive-aggressive fridge battle that features a cameo of Eridan's quirk.

Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together. Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.

Yeah. So. Uh. Not only did Eridan need to be brought back to date Karkat pale, but he also needed to be brought back to date Roxy flushed. Can you imagine how funny it would be. They'd get together within 5 minutes of meeting for the first time and Rose would lose her shit. Anyway.

Him being a parallel to Calliope and Caliborn is also a quick one - Caliborn uses Riflekind/Sceptrekind, and Calliope uses Pistolkind/Wandkind. Eridan's two weapons are rifles and wands. Lord English is described as an evil wizard and at one point is shown using Calliope's wand. Eridan is also an evil wizard who uses a wand.

Look, I'm not saying that Eridan is necessarily directly related to these two, nor am I even necessarily saying that he and Roxy HAVE to date, but I am saying that he's got Weird Plot Connections that make him bizarrely relevant to characters that only come into play well after his death - almost like the comic was setting up that he would be coming back. His reaction to Cronus supports this, which I go into detail about here.

There's other strange "Eridan's plot important" things, too - like the fact that he's completely unimpressed by Faygo, considering it to be "just soda," and seems to be the only non-cultist who's okay with it. Or the fact that he's actually been awake on Derse since before the game (but unable to hear the horrorterrors, maybe foreshadowing some psychic resistance?) which he casually reveals to Kanaya and which Terezi is aware of, hence he's included in the people she names are "in" on the existence of the game. Or the fact that the genetic code for Alternia's first guardian was written within the pages of four FLARP books, with the addition of a fifth code Gamzee wrote in Karkat's ~ATH book... but Eridan was the fifth FLARP player in the team, implying that Doc Scratch/LE influencing Gamzee caused him to usurp Eridan's part of the first guardian code, giving LE his way into the trolls' universe.

Individually, it's all kind of nothing, but it just paints a bigger picture of Eridan being weirdly relevant, especially when we get to the juicy stuff:

The Prophecy

ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. ... [T]his magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. ... ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope.

ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized

GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! CA: wwhy GG: because he said hes my grandson CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing GG: umm yes ... CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be ... CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway

Jake is supposed to have been the one to defeat Lord English. (No, Jake defeating pre-LE Caliborn right before he gets sealed into Cal doesn't count! He doesn't even get the final blow in that fight, DIRK does.)

But Eridan at one point had that destiny on his shoulders. Aranea turbohealing Jake, and the resultant hope field, summons a bunch of angels, which are heavily associated with Eridan - yet another random connection that Eridan has with future plot events.

Jake was another character, alongside Karkat, who was kind of reduced to a joke by the end, despite the fact that he had literally, directly, been passed the destiny of defeating Lord English. It's hard not to see this as a consequence, at least in part, of removing Eridan from the story. By cutting him out of the fabric of the ending, several plot threads - including this prophecy - are left dangling in irrelevance. And so Jake, like Karkat, now has nothing to do.

Homestuck is generally a series where every prophecy does come true, which makes it kind of startling when several prophecies fail to - Feferi's to "unite the two races," Jake's to defeat Lord English, and Karkat's to bring "compassion, forgiveness, and equality among all bloodlines" in the Signless's place.

That last one is actually relevant to:

The Thematic Importance of EriKar As Soul Mates

Eridan represents the worst aspects of Alternian society. He's a sea dweller at the top of the caste structure, with free reign to murder whoever he wants, soaked in the blood of thousands of innocent trolls. He espouses the casteist rhetoric that their society is built on, calling for the deaths of all land dwellers and the oppression of the lower castes. And while he should be benefitting from his position of privilege, it has also done nothing but hurt him.

Karkat, meanwhile, is a pariah. A mutant who would've been culled on sight, who spent his entire life living in hiding, and most of the game in fear that he would be ostracized or worse by the rest of his friends if they found out about his blood color. He's also the second coming of Troll Jesus, and thus, more despised by the Alternian ruling class than a mutant normally would be. For most of his life, he dreamed of nothing more than finding belonging within the society that had deemed him unfit.

Their friendship is something that "should not be." The highblood and the mutant. The royal-v and the off-spectrum. The empress's sea dweller and the second coming of the signless. Eridan "should" see Karkat as a miscreant to cull on sight. Karkat "should" be terrified of Eridan's very existence.

But in reality, Eridan doesn't give a shit about blood color, and Karkat just wants to be accepted. Eridan just wants someone to care about him, and Karkat loves his friends. Aside from Feferi, Eridan is the only highblood who never comments about Karkat's mutant blood, and they were best buddies even before Eridan knew.

Eridan and Karkat getting together isn't JUST the two most undateable trolls on the team finally landing a stable quadrant. These two, moreso than any other pairing, represent the themes of Homestuck. Children growing up, caring about each other, and throwing off the shackles of their old society.

In the pre-retcon timeline, their team failed to do so. This led to Gamzee falling into his highblood clown cult, Equius letting himself and Nepeta die by submitting to his place in the hemospectrum, Vriska killing Tavros because she couldn't allow herself to show weakness, and Eridan completing his caste's dream of genocide. Karkat spent the entire meteor trip and beyond beating himself up about it, since he considered it all to be his fault.

But with the introduction of John's retcon powers, they have the chance to, one by one, redeem themselves. I believe that's how the original ending would have gone: Terezi would ask John to bring Vriska back, because she only feels comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Vriska would then have asked John to bring back Tavros, whom she regretted killing. Tavros would be there for Gamzee, rendering him an ally. Gamzee would ask John to bring back Equius and Nepeta. Equius would ask John to help him not make the same mistakes with Aradia, and Aradiabot would catch John by the wrist and demand he bring her back in time to before she died, allowing her to circumvent her own death and Sollux's guilt. Sollux would ask John to keep him from provoking Eridan, saving Feferi. And Feferi would be pretty ok with the way things were... but KARKAT would then pull John aside, and drop an entire book of mistakes he made on John's lap, and this would result in a finalized timeline where all his friends are alive and god-tiered.

Because all the trolls SHOULD have survived.

Vriska should've survived because people should be allowed to have second chances.

Tavros should've survived because caring about each other, and being willing to show kindness and mercy, are good things.

Gamzee should have survived because people mired in religious fundamentalism and cults deserve to be offered a helping hand.

Equius should've survived because people should be allowed to grow and change their beliefs.

Nepeta should've survived because she was the anti-casteism troll. Casteism is bad, folks! Not only that, but I'm convinced that she was originally going to give the Ultimate Self exposition, and Davepetasprite^2 had to be contrived in the canon ending in order to shortcut Nepeta's character development, ruining it in the process.

Aradia should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team and live a life free of the control of evil uncles and shitty ancestors.

Sollux should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team because we all deserve to heal and be happy.

Feferi should've survived so she could be in a kismesistude with Nepeta, and realize that casteism itself is bad, not just the definition of culling, and then used her Witch of Life powers to even out the lifespans between the next generation of trolls, which needs to happen or else casteism will just happen again as long-lived highbloods inevitably amass power. And, also, it would complete the prophecy Gl'bgolyb gave her that she was intended to unite the two races (dream bubbles don't count, because by that metric, Sollux did more than she did by establishing a connection between the trolls and humans).

And Eridan should've survived, because the harm society has done to us can be undone. We don't have to submit to the roles it imposes, to the laws it wrote, to the abuse it inflicted. We can be free.

I've seen a lot of people who believe that such-and-such character did SUCH awful things that they don't deserve a happy ending. Oftentimes, it's Eridan, but nearly all of the dead trolls have gotten this treatment. So, let me just ask all of you who have gotten this far and still hold that opinion one thing. Do you think that's what Troll Jesus would have wanted?

This is why pale EriKar is so important: for it to happen, Eridan has to make a choice between upholding the beliefs of his shitty society, or pursuing a happier, kinder future, one where he outright rejects the caste system. For it to happen, Karkat has to shake all his insecurities about not being good enough by Alternian standards, and take on the duty of creating something better than what he came from. If pale EriKar happens, it means Eridan and Karkat choose love, not fear. Compassion, forgiveness, and equality.

This choice - this pairing - is the ultimate representation of giving Alternian society one big middle finger. Saying, we don't need you anymore, fuck off! Saying, we reject you at your core; we will choose something better! Saying, we will create a new world, and it will be kinder than the one we came from!

Pale EriKar means LOVE WINS.

Thank you for reading.

#homestuck #eridan ampora #karkat vantas #erikar #im also going to tag all the other trolls that feature because yeah.#vriska serket #feferi peixes #nepeta leijon #equius zahhak #gamzee makara #kanaya maryam

1K notes · View notes

mochinomnoms · 4 months

Note

A random thought I had that would be funny is having a zoo/aquarium date with a beasty/fishy boy and they end up seeing their animal counterpart and it stares them down or gives the two of them a lot of attention.

I think Azul, Floyd, and Jade are probably used to interacting with their animal counterparts as the ocean is pretty open and free. I like to imagine a little Azul talking with cuttlefish and other small cephalopods, venting about school and his bullies as their tentacles held onto his own in a comforting squeeze. Jade and Floyd would often be warned to not interact with their animal counterparts, as they could be more aggressive and mean than their merfolk counterparts. They didn't care and would delight in bothering an old giant moray that lived near their grotto. He was a grumpy thing, but surprisingly kind, sort of anyway. He'd rough them up, sending them home with bruises and shallow bites, to get the twins to toughen up and learn to fight back.

They'd probably enjoy the aquarium date, trying to impress you by speaking with their animal counterparts. It only works out until he (Azul and Floyd most likely) are arguing with the fish about who would make the better partner for you. Jade straight up lies and tells you that the moray isn't feeling up to conversation, and why don't we go look at the jellyfish instead :).

Leona and Ruggie probably didn't interact with their animal counterparts growing up, as Sunrise City was a rather metropolitan area. Zoos are a rather foreign concept there, as Sunset Savannah's culture is set on setting up wildlife reserves. The closest you'll get is conservations for endangered species, or rescues for wildlife that were illegally sold as pets. I personally think that lions and hyenas would be held in high regard, due to the lore connected with the King of Beasts. Jack would've seen wolf packs as a kid in the Shaftlands, but wasn't allowed to run around with him until he was a bit older. For the most part, Jack was fond of them and felt a kinship with his animal counterparts. Especially running around with the cubs, it really helped build his endurance!

Leona and Ruggie are a bit concerned and confused about the concepts of zoos. People in Sunset Savannah would not be allowed to interact with the wildlife in reserves unless they were wildlife scientists, conservationists, or veterinarians. Both are staring down the animals, the closest they've ever been to them, curious and maybe even a bit fascinated. While they may not agree with the zoos, they are enthralled with seeing their counterparts so close, even with a thick glass wall between them. Jack is actually going to bring you back home to introduce you to the wolf pack! The youngest of the pack is but an old man in wolf years, but they remember Jack and his family fondly. The same pack and its children have been hanging around them for 3 generations, so Jack is eager to introduce you to what is basically his extended family, especially if you're to join them in the near future.

#mochi asks #twst #twisted wonderland #jade leech #floyd leech #azul ashengrotto #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #jack howl #jade leech x reader #floyd leech x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #leona kingsholar x reader #ruggie bucchi x reader #jack howl x reader

580 notes · View notes

tteokdoroki · 9 months

Text

✩࿐TRACK 03: WAR WITH HEAVEN. izuku midoriya (2K)

about. upon spending time apart from your pro-hero fwb, deku, for a work trip — he quickly realises he wants it all with you. heaven, hell and life on earth.

warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! suggestive, sfw, slight angst, fluff, happy ending, sneaky links, long distance relationships, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex, friends with benefits to lovers, journalist + fem!reader, pro hero!deku.

things to note. another saturday is upon us and so is another instalment!! i really like this one n can’t believe we’re half way through already !! anyways i hope you enjoy <3 - masterlist / series masterlist / series playlist ✩

whether you believe it or not, izuku midoriya has never been hopelessly in love.

like most people with an overexposure to romance saturated media — the number one hero has always had that nagging feeling, craving for something more. the person to come home to, the partner, the kids and the dog that chews through the white picket fence or makes a mess on the freshly cut lawn. he wants a family like most individuals. but with a schedule as busy and a lifestyle as reckless as his…there’s hardly any time for izuku’s dreams.

dreams were for losers, anyways.

after high school, izuku quickly learned that dreaming wasn’t enough to get by even if it had motivated him to become a hero. reality is harsh and full of hard truths — bearing the responsibility of future number one and being all might’s prodigy had taught him that. so his rose tinted view of the future he had planned for himself quickly collapsed, the stain glass window shattering above him while its shards nicked at izuku’s youthful, hopeful skin.

he wasn’t so pure and good after leaving U.A — at least not in front of the public. behind closed doors izuku was a pessimist. he was sly and maybe a little sleazy, always on the prowl for something or someone to toy with. little deku was all grown up, no longer baby-faced and bright eyed but instead buffer with an unfairly tiny waist and an angular sharpness to his jaw that could cut diamonds.

he was attractive and he knew it — his new found confidence bled into his sex appeal and sky rocketed his popularity and now…the number one controls the whole of Japan in the palm of his hand. everybody wants a taste of the new and improved izuku midoriya.

everyone including you.

mindless hookups, despite being easy stress relief, always left izuku with a sour taste in his mouth. conservations with the elite that happened to stumble into his bed never went further than superficial talk and the odd ‘lets do this again sometime’s. he hated how people would change around him, clinging onto him after a night in the sheets like deku owed them a piece of his soul.

being the number one was no longer enough for hungry mouths. sex no longer satisfied those in his circle.

that was until he met you. the first time deku encountered you (at a hero press junket), you had been a shy intern journalist forced to follow around her mentor with an extreme lust for the green haired hero. he felt bad for you, you were obviously there to learn and do your job but the senior professional they’d stuck you with couldn’t help but slobber all over him instead of teaching you.

half-way through the junket, izuku had managed to sneak away from the pestering paparazzi to get a moment to himself — and it seemed, you’d had similar ideas. his initial assessment of your character was way off too. you were quiet, sure, but observant and snarky as well. a realist just like him. and somehow, you’d managed to convince him to leave to conference; get drinks at a secret roof top bar for only the highest members of japanese hero society, and talk and talk for hours about everything and anything. from quirks to the best snack combinations at the only kombini open past three AM on your street.

izuku liked you, he hadn’t felt such a spark for someone since his rookie days. you were cute, he couldn’t stop looking at your eyes and how they sparkles. your lips when you sipped the drinks he ordered for you and the way you instinctively leaned up to deku just to hear what he was saying.

the way you ended up in his bed that night was no mystery to either of you.

except the sensual and sultry night you shared together didn’t end there — at every event, every occasion, where journalists were required to be present, you found yourselves gravitating towards one another. one moment you’d be sharing bedroom eyes with one another from across the room and the next deku would have you bent over in bathroom stalls, his hushed moans in your ear and his fingers deep in your mouth to keep you quiet.

months went by and the sex didn’t stop, neither of you wanted it to. you made izuku feel a little bit whole again, you made him feel good and made him laugh all in the same breath. he didn’t just like it when you left your claim on his neck bordering the line of keeping your rendezvous a secret and letting the whole world find out — but he liked it when you stayed over and wore his shirts around his luxury apartment. or came to hang out with him at his private gym with a bag of cheat-day take-out katsudon and an earful of gossip from your office.

deku really liked you, more than he should’ve for a girl who was meant to be just a fling, more than he should’ve for someone who didn’t have time in his day for a lover.

“did you get over me?” the hero pouts into the FaceTime call, watching you struggle to grab your luggage off of the conveyer belt in baggage claim. if he were there, he’d have gotten it for you by now.

despite not being anything serious to one another, izuku had made it a habit to weasel his way into your everyday life. you sent cute little good morning and goodnight texts to one another, along with other messages like ‘get home safe’ and ‘have a good day’ too. those text messages quickly escalated to phone calls once the green haired number one admitted to you that it’s hard to fight crime whilst looking for the right kao emoji to send you.

you roll your eyes, coy smile budding on the edges of your lips. “it’s only been two hours, izuku.” you say, finally managing to grab your bag before you head out to the main lobby of the airport.

one thing about that man, is that he’s clingy as fuck. all of your attention has to be on him or he’ll feel like he might die. with you being away for the weekend at a journalism conference instead of in his arms, izuku feels like he might burn the whole world down from the ground up. just to be near you.

either that or he’s just extremely pussy whipped.

“streets are sayin’ you might sleep with that guy from your team while you’re there, is that true?” deku fires back, running a scarred hand through the mass of curls atop his head. he lets it run down to smooth over his face, peach fuzz starting to grow through — but you made him promise not to shave until the day after you got back. apparently his light stubble against your inner thighs made you cum so much—

“—i don’t even like him like that, you big baby,” you tell him matter of factly, cutting through his train of thought and bringing your phone up to your face once more to let emerald eyes peek down your sweater. “and i think he’d get the hint if he saw all these damn marks on my neck.”

pink blooms underneath the freckles on midoriya’s cheeks at the sight of the purple hues decorating your neck and shoulders. he remembers the extra turtlenecks you had to pack because of it. “couldn’t help it, i needed to give you a reminder of what you’d be missing while you were away from me.”

“you’re so dramatic, deku.”

“oh, you wound me, angel.” he purrs into the mic with a sly grin, knowing that he’s affecting you just as much as he misses you. especially when you give him a pointed glare. izuku let’s the conversation wither out as you order yourself an uber that’ll take you the hotel. he can’t help but chuckle when you perk up and notice the amount of money he’s sent you to cover the costs of it. “yanno…” deku mumbles, resting his cheeks on his knuckles. “you’re like heaven away from hell to me.”

you won’t admit how sexy he looks, even if izuku is all googly-eyed and soft for you. even if his forest green locks curl over his pretty eyes and hide them. it almost pisses you off. that he’s so blissfully unaware of how fucking pretty he is and how that mere fact manages to ruin you you even though you’re miles apart. “what’s hell, then?”

“my work. this city. this apartment, without you.” he says smoothly, filling your stomach with butterflies. izuku has a away about him that makes you feel like you’re his entire world and only his — but there’s never been any strings attached, you’ll never fully be his and he’ll very much be the nation’s hero (and dick) until someone manages to tie him down.

“are you asking me to move in with you, izuku?” there’s no expectancy in your voice — you say it mostly as a joke because you have no idea how much the number one pines for you. how tonight, he’ll drink himself into a stupor with his friends and whine to them about how much he misses you. izuku may have changed on the outside, may be stronger and faster but he’s still that insecure teenager on the inside.

he has to force his knees to stop knocking whenever you’re around. he finds himself swallowing the lump in his throat whenever he thinks about the possibility of you being with someone who isn’t you. he feels sick to the stomach and panics at the thought of losing you. you mess with deku’s head in the worst of ways and yet he finds himself wanting more. nevertheless, he smiles, loving how his name sounds on the sweet glaze of your lips.

“you’ve got a place in my bed. you’re always here anyways.”

“you’d never let me leave it, if you had a say in the matter.”

“you’d never have to work again if you let the number one hero take care of you angel.” izuku sighs longingly, giving you his cutest pair of puppy dog eyes that never fail to make you swoon. “but you love your job.”

“i do.” your uber pulls up and you reply curtly so you can properly greet your driver. they aid you with your suitcase and you slip your headphones on while in the back seat to keep your special conversation private.

“do you love me?” he can’t help but ask. izuku is hopelessly enamoured by you, you’re like a virus that’s spread across his brain and controls his every thought or action. he needs you like his lungs need oxygen to breathe — you’ve changed him for the better, shown him that maybe he can have both work and luxury. a family and foundation. with you, if you’d want him.

“izuku.” you warn, but playfully.

“so it’s true,” the hero drawls across the line in faux disappoint though his eyes speak mischief. “you only like me for my cock ‘n my money.” you can practically hear the pout on his pretty plump lips.

a fondness takes over you and you can’t help but squirm happily. “and your pretty boy smile,” you squeal cutely, filling midoriya with the same amount of fondness “don’t forget.”

“so you do love me.”

“i can’t answer that until you ask what you want to ask me properly.”

“alright then,” sitting up, deku grasps at his phone between shaky fingers and holds it above his head — giving you the perfect view of his freckled and scared (and chiselled) body. he chews on the swell of his lower lip, dancing around the question he knows he wants to ask. “angel. i want you. more than just a fling. i want you to be mine.” he blurts, closing his eyes so that his thoughts come easy and he can’t see you reject him.

midoriya doesn’t know what he would do if he lost you, he’s seen what losing your love has done to his friends. kirishima and his partner had almost broken up with each other recently. he’d be a mess in that situation. izuku has faced too many hardships in his life, his career, to let this one good thing slip from between his fingers.

“will you? be mine?”

he sees you poke your tongue into your cheek, laughing as you pretend to think. “i will, izuku. i want nothing more,” you coo. “keep my side of the bed warm. i’ll be home soon.”

relief floods through deku’s body. “don’t be too long, gorgeous.” with a couple of blow kisses, he lets you go with the reminder to call him back once you’re settled in at the hotel (so he can pay for your room service). it’s only when you’re alone again that izuku realises he’d rip stars from the sky to be with you, pull the heavens right down to earth to be by your side.

you’re everything to izuku, and for you, he’d go to war with heaven.

782 notes · View notes

pennyluna · 3 months

Text

Misunderstandings Part 1

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (18+) Wordcount: around 1.5k

Genre: New to working together au. Cold playboy au. Future something au.

WARNING: This story contains some bad words/strong language! Contains also spicy scenes, so please be aware before reading it.

It has been a week since my team started working with Yoongi, the week had been filled with meetings about coordination between the teams, some of the meetings were one on one basically so I could get a sense of what he expected from me during this 5 weeks, it was fairly easy to agree on the way we could handle things, starting from the fact that I would have to be available 24/7 just in case I was needed! I had been going home around 8pm every day and always kept my phone on me with the ringer.

Yoongi was going to be in the studio all day tomorrow, which meant I didn't have to go into the office so I decided to relax tonight, took a long shower, moisturized and did my relaxing ritual, put on a grey tank top, no bra and some shorts, wrapped my long wavy dark hair in a towel and walked to the kitchen.

I make sure the bottle of Sauvignon blank that I bought on my way home was cold and put out two wine glasses, one for me and one for my girl best friend Josie, she is on her way over so we can gossip and watch reality shows. Josie has been my best friend since middle school, fun fact her fiancé is also my best friend. Even bigger fun fact, I had been on a date with Zion when we were in college but we quickly agreed that a friendship was the thing for us, I introduced them during one of Josie's visits on campus and now 4 years later they are just a few months away from getting married.

I hear her emergency key to my apartment in the lock and start preparing the popcorn.

"Zion is driving me crazy!!" she says with an exasperated tone while closing the front door.

I laugh at her facial expression, she is going for annoyed but it looks cute on her.

"Hello to you too... what did he do now?"

"He keeps changing our funny dance for the wedding!"

"you mean your first dance?" I say with a confused face while pouring the wine and handing her a glass.

she takes a big sip "Nono, 'Cant help falling in love' is still our song but he saw online that people like doing some funny dance trend after and You know I'm not good at dancing."

Josie comes from a rich conservative family, she is very classy and polished, never late and never a hair out of place, so I was surprised when she told me she was in love with Zion, his style very much the opposite of her but both with a heart of gold.

I laugh at the thought of Josie dancing some TikTok challenge.

"Oh josie...you are a great dancer, just not with the new stuff!" i try to comfort her and we walk to the couch.

We are under the fluffy blankets watching our third episode of love island UK season 10, we had finished the USA one a couple of weeks ago. Suddenly my phone starts ringing, the word OFFICE written in the screen, I look at the time "11:34 pm". Josie and I look at each other with confusion in our faces, she pauses the show and I shake my head trying to shake the 2 glasses of wine off my system and then proceed to answer the call.

"Hello (Y/N), this is the security from the building, sorry for calling you so late, Mr. Min is here at the office trying to access the studio but he had left his keys inside and the other copy isㅡ"

"is in my bag!" I say simultaneously facepalming my face. "I will be there in 15 minutes" luckily I don't live far away from it.

Hanging up I rush to the room, put a pair of skinny jeans on, my classic vans and put my hair on a messy ponytail. The taxi Josie had called for me was here already so I rushed out of the door telling her I would be back soon.

7 minutes later I was in front of my building, greeted the security and proceeded to the 19th floor, were the studio is. Yoongi is waiting right in front of the elevator doors when they open and I get surprised to see him in his very relaxed outfit. Hair covering his gorgeous forehead, his phone in one hand and the other one in his pocket, his eyes rise up to meet mine and I smile at him. We start walking to the elevator, he is behind me and I don't know if its his presence or the wine but I feel my cheeks heating up and warmth running through me. I open the door for him and try to hand the keys to him.

"do you want to come in for a while?" he asks with a blank expression.

"mmm sure." dammit, I am supposed to be just dropping the keys off.

I walk past him and he closes the door behind us. Its a normal studio, with little touches of him, a couple of basketball gadgets and some posters, a couch with some pretty purple cushions and a blanket, he had made it his own.

"would you like some more wine?" his question takes my attention out of looking around his studio.

"mmm sure. thank you. Waitㅡ 'more'?" my face expressing my confusion.

He has a small smile on his face while pouring me a glass "yeah, more! I noticed you have a slight scent of wine on you, so you must have been drinking some before coming here".

aww, he was smelling meㅡ Stop. waitㅡ oh my god did that mean I smell of alcohol?. oh God, that's not very professional.

"hey, its not a problem you know. I like wine, so you know... you smell good" his words snapping me out of my small mental freak out. "plus, you weren't even supposed to be coming here so don't worry about it." he hands me the glass of wine.

We've been seated on his couch and talking casually about the things we like and our passions for a couple of hours now, I feel really comfortable around him and he seems comfortable around me! He said something funny and I pushed his leg in a jokingly manner but when I tried to retrieve my hand he grabbed it pulling me closer to him, we stopped laughing suddenly and stared into each others eyes, he bit his bottom lip and shacked his head no subtly, like if he was shaking away a thought. His eyes started roaming my frame and My heartbeat accelerated once I noticed where his gaze had stopped.

My nipples were hard and he could see their outline through my tank top. Shit!!! I didn't put on bra. I should say goodnight and walk away but why aren't my legs moving?! I feel warmth spreading through my thighs.

"It's late!" He suddenly gets up and it startles me. "Maybe you should go home!"

"huh? maybe you should go home!" I say with defiance, -why cant i just shut up-.

"(Y/N)!" -my name sounds so good in his voice- "You are drunk and I'm afraid you will regret any decision we take after this point!"

He is making sense, he has a point, plus we are working together, we need to maintain a professional relationship so I get up and start walking past him and towards the door, I say goodbye and walk to the elevator. Pressing the button to call the elevator I realize that my keycard to leave the building is in my bag with my phone and my house keys -damm it- I walk back to the studio where Yoongi hadn't closed the door yet for some reason and when his eyes reached mine, I swear there was a little hope in them. I walked past him again and grabbed my bag then turned around to wave goodbye.

He stayed still for a while, like contemplating what to do, he raised his hand to wave back but he seemed hesitant. I started to walk to the door when suddenly he grabbed my wrist. I stopped breathing for a second and my heart started beating faster.

"Maybe you should stay!" he says softly. while pulling me towards him until my chest is flat against his. I can feel his breath on my face. A hint of whiskey on it.

"Maybe you should stay too!"

He smiles at my statement and that seemed to be all the permission he needed because his hand started to travel from my waist to my breast while the other one held my chin up while he watched me and the kisses me.

It was gentle at first and then became passionate, one of those kisses that take your breath away and make you dizzy. He kissed like I belonged to him, like no one had kissed me before and I was loving it.

His hand move to the front of my jeans and start undoing the buttons, his mouth now trailing my neck. my jeans come off and we move around, he leans my ass against his desk and starts trailing wet kisses from my neck down. He sucks my nipples through the tank top and starts rubbing my core.

"so wet for me already huh?" I moan and put my hands on the desk to balance myself a bit. His mouth trails down my body until I can feel his warm breath on top of my core, his fingers slowly move my panties to the side and the he assaults my clit with his mouth. -so much talent in that mouth-.

Yoongi's tongue is all over my clit and I feel my orgasm building. I cant control my moans and thank god this place is soundproof. He starts alternating between tongue fucking me and playing with my clit and I am almost at my high. The minute his hand grabs my hips to keep me still I cant control myself any longer and come. "Good girl! You taste amazing". he smirks.

"My turn!!" I smile at him and fall to my knees, looking up at him and holding the eye contact I start lowering his sweatpants. I was surprised to notice he wasn't wearing any underwear and his erection almost smacked my face when it came out of his pants!

I start holding his dick and licking the tip of it, he exhales a shaky breath and I slowly introduce his erection in my mouth. Starting to suck in and out of my mouth at first slowly and then increasing my pace, I cup his balls in my hand and then continue to suck him off at a fast pace! he is moaning and throwing his head back and I can feel it wont take him long before reaching his orgasm! I slow down my pace to tease him a little and we make eye contact again, he seems hungry for me, he wants me.

"Get up!" after taking the rest of his clothes off, he helps me get up and he takes my tank top and underwear then stares at my body for a second, I can see hunger in those eyes, hunger for me. I can see he cant decide on what to play with first. "Bend over my desk!" he commands -I guess he decided where to start- my boobs are now pressed flat against his desk, it is cold and I feel my nipples hardening.

His hands start caressing my ass and touching my clit "You are a sight. I've been wanting to bend you over my desk ever since the first day when you gave us that building tour" he says and I instantly moaned out of neediness, I need him inside of me now!.

"YOONGIㅡ"

"My god I love how you say my name... keep saying it princess!" -fuuck I want to come again so bad- he continues touching me and then I fill his hand get to the back of my neck pinning me to the desk and his other hand rubbing his dick around my folds.

"Yoongi, I needㅡ" he shut me up with his dick entering me hard, I moaned loudly and he waited a second to let me adjust then started pumping into me hard and at a fast pace. I became a moaning mess and my orgasm started building again, he used his free had to spank my ass and I moaned again, my eyes got teary but I was enjoying this. I was enjoying being fucked senseless. I enjoyed the pain mixed with pleasure that he was giving me. I needed it. After all, it had been almost two years since the last time I had sex.

I notice his pace getting faster and faster "Come for me princess! I want you to come!" he says with a commanding voice. Our orgasms hit us couple of seconds later, his seed all over my lower back!

We are both panting. He takes a second to clean me up, then opens a drawer grabbing a t-shirt from it and giving it to me. We sit on the couch to rest for a bit he kisses my forehead and suddenly the exhaustion and the wine get to me and I fall asleep in his arms!

I wake up the day after with a strong headache, I feel around for my phone that should be on my bedside table but then open my eyes to realize I'm still on the couch in the studio. Yoongi isn't in the couch anymore so I look around and see him working at his desk on the computer. I breathe a sight of relief. I reach for my jeans put them on and then walk towards him.

"Your bag and keys are by the piano" eyes fixed to the screen and monotone voice.

"Thanks!" I say hesitant about what to do next. "Would youㅡ" he cuts me off.

"I will see you at the meeting this afternoon." This time his voice sounds annoyed and dismissive. A bad feeling downs on me.

I grab my things and once I'm at the door I look back, expecting him to at least look at me before I go but nothing. -He regrets it- that thought hurt, more than my headache!

While waiting for my taxi I realized that its 6am, that I had left Josie at home waiting for me and that I had royally fucked up by sleeping with the VIP, that he seemed to regret it to the point of not being able to look at me and that the meeting where I will have to see him in a few hours will be hard.

A.N: This is part 1 of this story, Hope you can enjoy it. Please if you want, read the prologue of this story too. I am not clear on how many parts it will have but hopefully many more, I have already mapped out how the story will continue but publishing it depends on the readers request.

A.N 2: any feedback would be appreciated! Likes and conditions are appreciated too! Please do not copy my work and give credit if reshared!

#bangtan #bts yoongi #fanfiction #bts army #yoongi angst #yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x you #bts suga #bts smut #bts scenarios #armysource #btsedit #btsgif

94 notes · View notes

thedivineart · 1 year

Text

⋗ · 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖽 ✶ souls of love ﹙🥥﹚

DISCLAIMER: take what resonates with you and discard what does not. to remember, tarot cards and other form of divination cannot accurately predict the events in our life however this can provide us advice, hints and warning for what to expect in future. left to right 1 & 2 down left to right 3 & 4

about:

how will your future spouse love you

collab with:

@wisdomseeker02

deck used: the literary witches oracle

one

cards: rabbit, wolf, ghost, lantern

this fondness deep within is taking leaps and awakening, hopping in great precise, been longing and was waiting for this kind of love in every corner of this world, no, not only in this world but in entirely expanse of it's universe. their love is way more greater than anything, no one is involve, just themselves, love that is form of loyalty and guardianship– a protection towards the predators and negativity in whomever haunts you in everywhere, in anyway. were quick whenever you are in need and support, they are affectionate in ways not words like choosing to be near at you, holding your hands, kissing cheeks or even lips. they become more soft and tender for their love for you, like they don't be irritated instantly when you did something isn't acceptable or unpleasant, as much as possible they avoid the quarrel between the both of you, this individual quite patient when it's talking about you, a gentle nature indeed. They are frank and honest to their feelings and love for you and probably often keep their promises, loving you brings gratefulness inside within themselves. since you got the rabbit card, some people who pick this pile is going to meet their future spouse this year or they were born to the year of the rabbit anyway let's go back to the reading, as I stated above that this person got gentle nature however they can be cautious and conservative in some of the time. They are also someone who can be more sensitive when the topic is about you, you win their heart because you provide and show courage and support to them. I feel their love for you will give you or will enhance your inner self confidence and will makes you more stronger than your past self, maybe the reason why is that they are too faithful and loyal for their love in you. I'm sensing this scenario where you are talking to someone and they probably think both of you are flirting which is not [ rabbit + wolf ], then your future spouse will be in jealous and will not talk to you at some time, they don't want someone near you or making you happy cause they want they will be the reason behind your smiles and attention. their love for you is something will leave a mark in your soul not only in your soul but also in your heart, it's like whenever you are or what time frame you will be- you end up always remembering them, haunting you in positive way. a ghost that is barely visible but can literally feel it in wintry breez of your days and nights which brings you chills and spookiness, it's love that comes to different form, shapes and shock you in their way of presenting their affection. A type of love that gives you light into your dusky place of heart and life, the light of it is giving you perfect vision too see the path of their love, to see the dead love inside of you. It's also giving you visibility or be able to see the invisible soul of love that was form and shaped you in some way. Yes it is, their love is can scorching for you and little bit scary since it was hot however this love is like burning flames and strong attraction in you, possibly this could be a sensual way. They can be sensual inside and the reason is you yet this sensual and playful side of them is can only seen by you, it's like this other side of them has been concealing for a very long time, maybe they want to show it for the person whom they will going to truthfully love.

✎ ̼ NOTE

Hello, please do pay a visit to my account @thedivineart , your support and encouragement will be always enlightened me, Thank You♡

⌂ HOME ︳❏ MASTERLIST ︳⩉ BUY A READING

𖤘

If you liked this reading leaving like, comment or feedback and re-blog are highly appreciated, thank you😊🤍

two

Your future spouse will love you by being your strength. They will be there for you always when you need them. They'll always offer a shoulder to cry on, and will be your comfort. They'll always reassure you that everything will be alright. Your hard times will be easier because they are there. They will do everything in their power to make it so. Your fs will love you by letting you know all the time how much they care about you. They'll make sure you truly know how much they love you, and you don't forget. They may say "I love you." a lot. They're constantly going to show you they love you through their actions as well. They'll really make sure you know that. Your fs will also love you by getting you a lot of material things, and spending a lot of money on you. They'll love you by making sure you know that you are the one, that you are their first and only choice. They'll love you by making sure that you don't come up with some negative assumptions about your connection, e. g. that they don't love you anymore, they're cheating on you, they don't care about you, or something like that. They'll make sure your fears don't get the best of you. They'll make sure you don't misunderstand things they have said, and take them to heart, and feel bad about them.

collab with:

@wisdomseeker02

✎ ̼ NOTE

Hello, please do take have some time to visit her account, read and support her works and blog, trust me she's amazing and i already put and mentioned it above and in below the link so you can know where is the destination is heading, Thank You♡

⌂ HOME ︳❏ MASTERLIST ︳⩉ BUY A READING

𖤘

If you liked this reading leaving like, comment or feedback and re-blog are highly appreciated, thank you😊🤍

three

cards: house, pond, devotion, volcano, elixir

you were their home and so they are, it is the kind of love where you feel you are suited and do belong, their love for you is very comfy and secure. A caring love that will empower by how happy it is and how you feels relax when they were around, indeed a home where you truly belong. you will never be feel lost because the echoes of their love is leading you it's way to where you fit in. Their love for you is being at ease cause they often helping you in ways of what they can do for you, a love where you can found yourself that have cupful happy memories. Also this individual will give you so much respect and makes you feeling important or being valued. Whatever circumstances, bad and even in worst they likely to provide all of their love, it's like they won't let you feel that you were alone and often ready to be your side. Yup, they will be there in your times of uncertainty and feel less. Your future spouse love isn't deep as the ocean however that doesn't makes that they don't love you anymore, it's like you will illustrate to them will reflect to them, this could be a soulmate connection. For you their love is very motivating it's gives you power to create and do whatever you want in your life, they love to place whatever you need and desires rather than their own needs and desires. It likes they willing to give rather than taking, making efforts and time for you, even though they will quite busy in certain day they going to make sure they make time for the bond with you. Also this person got a lot of patience in you, even though at sometimes you can be really annoying, they do believe that patience is the key for a long lasting relationship as well the respect and understand. Their will benefit for being healthy and curing you in some way I think, if you've have been hurt in the past.

✎ ̼ NOTE

Hello, please do pay a visit to my account @thedivineart , your support and encouragement will be always enlightened me, Thank You♡

⌂ HOME ︳❏ MASTERLIST ︳⩉ BUY A READING

𖤘

If you liked this reading leaving like, comment or feedback and re-blog are highly appreciated, thank you😊🤍

four

Your future spouse will love you by not letting anyone do you injustice, they won't let anyone mistreat you, and be unfair to you. If anybody does this, your fs will get their ass. They will love you by keeping your life interesting, they'll take you to different places, you'll do different activities, so that you'll never get bored. They might bring you to a lot of vacations, parties, dates and stuff. They'll love you by picking you up, when you get down. When you're bored or sad, they'll make sure to lift your mood somehow, e.g. by taking you to all of these different places, by doing all these different activities. They'll always try to keep you lively, interested, excited, and having fun. They'll always stand up for you, they won't let anyone mistreat you, talk poorly to you, make you feel bad, etc. They'll be kinda possessive as well, they'll be really happy to have you, and they'll make sure no one tries to steal you from them. It feels like people might try to get with you, and your fs will show you love by clearly showing that you're theirs, and only theirs. They'll show you love by letting you know in different ways how freaking hot they think you are. They'll hype you up and the way you look big time, like your outfits, and the way you carry yourself. Your fs will love you by not suppressing their feelings for you, they'll express them clearly, and not hold back, so there won't be any mixed signals.

collab with:

@wisdomseeker02

Hello, please do take have some time to visit her account, read and support her works and blog, trust me she's amazing and i already put and mentioned it above and the link so you can know where is the destination is heading, Thank You♡

⌂ HOME ︳❏ MASTERLIST ︳⩉ BUY A READING

𖤘

If you liked this reading leaving like, comment or feedback and re-blog are highly appreciated, thank you😊🤍

763 notes · View notes

siren-sashimi · 8 months

Text

Uchiha Petnames and PDA Headcanon list [Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Obito, Uchiha Shisui x gn!reader]

Contents and warnings: fluff, allusions to possessive behaviour, repressive behavior, mostly sfw but with allusions to mature themes!

Uchiha Sasuke Note: Public and private (meaning, only the two of you, and maybe in front of your children in the future) are two strictly separated spaces for Sasuke. Partly it's due to his upbringing in socially high standing family that taught him to not appear too lax in front of others. Partly it's him being uncomfortable displaying intimacy publicly. • He might warm up to some handholding or letting you holding on his arm in public. Keeps the fangirls at bay and you're close by his side. • Can and will possessively touch or put an arm around you when someone's mean or flirting with you. It's not your fault, you can't help being the best being with the prettiest smile in the world, it's others that can be trusted around you. • But please respect this separation of public and private space, that boundary's important to him. • In private Sasuke needs some time to let his walls crumble - like with everything that is a form of intimacy to him. • In private Sasuke will let loose for once. Be it leaning on you while you read, sew, cook, paint, or any hobby requiring you to sit down and barely moving. Wrapping his arms around you while you fold laundry or prepare your meals. Curling onto you when sharing your bed. • At home, Sasuke is a weird mix between Koala and cat. He isn't clingy but he enjoys sharing the same space with you, even if you don't talk all the time. Might lean onto or hug you without needing anything but your proximity. • If you're into pet names, you will have to lower your hopes with Sasuke. • Even in private it took quite a while before he could get comfortable with your first name combined with familiar honorifics. That will be the most you'll get out of him in public spaces. • In private he will address with first name without any honorific, even casually slip a "love" or "dear" when feeling cozy around you. • But between the sheets... Pet names are a perfect way to tease you or to utilize for dirty talk. • More tolerant with you using petnames on him. But don't push it. "Honey" sounds sweet to Sasuke but jokingly ridiculous ones like "boobsie" or "Boo-bear" irritate him. • Once you playfully called him "Sa-chan", and weirdly he found himself enjoying you calling him that, even when you're going out. It's casually intimate. • Wouldn't address you with nicknames himself but doesn't mind with you use nickname variations for him. Uchiha Itachi Note: Similar to Sasuke, Itachi has a reputation to maintain, comes from a conservative family, therefore He won't be too explicit in his PDA but is less strict in this matter as his little brother. • Quiet a romantic, Itachi enjoys holding hands or you leaning on his side when going out. • Still he comes from a traditional family so PDA will remain chaste. Might let you get away with a quick kiss on the cheek if you're very quick and giving him innocent smile afterwards. • At home Itachi can get really gooey, peppering you with kisses or swiftly kissing any spot of yours when you just pass by. • Loves when you lean on him while he's reading or writing something. He likes to cuddle when you go to bed. • Usually he isn't raunchy but by times he might enjoy giving you a light slap on your ass or casually caress your arms when he's getting in the mood... • Loves when you play with his hair. Secretly, Itachi is quiet proud of his meticulously kept hair. • Even in public Itachi calls you "sweetheart", "dove", "lovely", "baby", "honey"and so on. He does it so casually, it feels casual and saccharine at the same time. • One petname for sticks in particular . It was inspired by running gag between the two of you. • Not much into nicknames. In fact, you can only use the short form of his name in the bed room when he wrecks you enough for you to be unable to speak coherently. • Itachi's use of nicknames is limited to maybe a shortened form of your name and only this one will remain. His Strict education is still engrained in him. Uchiha Obito • Obito has always been a bit of the black sheep of the family. So he's bold and open about PDA. • By times it can be more demonstrative to show that yes indeed, his relationship is very real, nobody could not not witness it. • Handholding in public is basically obligatory. At first it Obito's hands were terribly sweaty, more a demonstrative gesture. When Obito calms down from his first high of actually having scored a date, his hands become dry. • His hands are big. He touches your hands like something delicate. • Expect randomly receiving little kisses on your temple or on top of your hand. • So perfect to lean onto, Obito is like a cozy rock. • Take care to bring sunscreen and soothing cream for Obito's scar tissue when going out. He might be neglectful about that matter, having stayed for such a long time isolated from the outer world. • At the beginning of your dates, you were a bit unsure to continue dating because Obito was a too deliberate with PDA. The Public display part felt more important than the affectionate part. That was until you learnt that he's inexperienced, therefore he behaved like a hormone driven teenager. You need to talk with him first about boundaries. He does sulk for a bit but comes around eventually. Afterwards handholding, little public kisses are just as common although more natural, spontaneous, and less about going through all the cliché things to signal dating. • Calls you ridiculous nicknames just for the sheer fun of it. They aren't mean, they're just funny. You're totally free to come up with fun ideas too. • Saccharine terms of endearment are earnest moments or home. • When he addresses you with first name, no nickname, no honorifics, you know who wants to tell you something serious. • The moment Obito calls your name like this, you know that he sincerely, deeply loves you.

Uchiha Shisui • Addressed you in informal ways very quickly whereas you barely knew him, you still addressing him in an informal way. • He does this to get you flustered and nervous. • And yes, there is something sexy when you stammer "U-Uchiha-san" while he teases you cute nicknames. • It should be said, that he never does this when you aren't in the room. He wants to get your attention, not undermine your authority. • Calms down remarkably when you begin to date. Shisui has a way to speak out your first name like it was delicate. Somehow that feels far more intimate than his former impoliteness. • Only uses nicknames as a joke but usually simple variations of your name. • Pet names aren't particular either. Shisui likes to use simple ones like "honey", "dear", "love" like he would use your name in a conversation. • Just you wait until you use pet names on him. Being addressed as "sweetheart" gets his heart racing. • It should be noted that petnames are an intimate thing for Shisui. Even though he might seem to use them casually, he won't give anyone but you pet names because after all, he's an Uchiha, he can't get gooey with anyone else. Even if you call friends fun petnames he might get a bit hung up about it. • PDA might also seem very casual but is only reserved for you. • Shisui does public hand holding or putting his arm round your shoulders, or letting you cling to his arm. • Kisses in public: Gives you kisses on the top of your head, letting you lean onto him or leaning onto you but lip kisses or cuddling is not something he will do in public. • Again, the Uchiha name comes with certain social expectation, even if he isn't from the mainbranch, Shisui has a reputation he wants to maintain. • In private Shisui is all kissy-kissy. Kiss on the shoulder, quickly grabs your hand to kiss your knuckles, kiss on the cheek, small kisses he can casually reach. In-between meals, while folding the laundry, when you wake up, when you go to bed, when you return home. • When he's tired all he longs for is leaning onto you or being hugged gently. • Surprisingly chaste with private touches. Shisui's touches are all about intimacy and comfort, it feels like being embraced in a warm home.

#Naruto smut HC #sasuke x reader #Shisui x reader #Obito x reader #Itachi x reader #Lily note pad

337 notes · View notes

cheegu3 · 9 months

Note

Yandere prince Sunwoo who is like in love with you but you love someone else (a commoner who works at your palace or something) but Sunwoo just wants you to himself. He can be mean or something. I love your work a lot btw!!

ty for requesting prince sunwoo 🛐🛐 & thank you sm c: 🖤🖤🖤

Sunwoo - the heartbreaker

warnings; yandere themes, sunwoo is a mean asshole n a misogynist, conservative views, sexual themes, prostitution ?, slutshaming, mentions of non-con, objectification, arranged marriages, family problems, a little angst / tragic love, reader is a badass feminist wc; 2.9k pairing; princess, f.m!reader x prince!sunwoo featuring; juyeon & jacob (tbz), lily (nmixx)

note; I hope this wasn't too far from what you had in mind, Sunwoo never says it but it's implied he fell in love at first sight and thought abt her that whole week

You felt your mother's familiar hand on your lower back, urging you to go forward. The longer you resisted the harder she'd push, until you'd lose your step and drew the attention of the royal family.

Today was no different. Another prince and royal family you had to bow deeply to. Someone you didn't know, but heard the ladies gossip about on the way in. Someone your parents wished you'd marry so your own kingdom wouldn't perish. Someone you'd most likely hate but hadn't even met.

The ladies whispers were particularly bad today. Usually they would contain nonsense, gossip that was very trivial like ' he was born out of wedlock ' or ' he isn't the real heir to the throne ' nothing you cared about, because it didn't have an impact on his character.

But when you were meeting prince Sunwoo of Gija, they whispered something else - ' I've heard the prince has many different lovers ', ' he treats women like decorations, ones he can use as he pleases for his own satisfaction '

And the closer you got to him, the more the line in front of you with the ladies cut down; the more you heard about the infamous prince. He'd earned a nickname, the heartbreaker.

You wished your lover was there to see the way the prince coyly looked the princesses and daughters of lords' forms up and down, his eyes dripping with lust, while he barely listened to a word their fathers or mothers would say to him.

You imagined being with your favourite person instead of being forced to be at another dreadful place; at your favourite spot, under the chestnut trees just outside your own palace, in the garden you both loved so much.

His name was Juyeon, and he was everything Sunwoo was not, except for a prince of course. That one thing meant that he would never be approved by your family, no matter how perfect and gentleman-like he was.

But you could pretend that he'd be the one you'd marry and grow old with during those short moments you shared in the garden, laughing you troubles away until reality kicked in. Until your guards went to fetch you, mumbling discreetly about another prince you had to meet - and you knew, despite seeing the strong front he put on, that Juyeon broke a little more any time you went to look for your future husband, knowing deep down that it could never be him.

The moment prince Sunwoo's eyes landed on someone attractive, his sweet luring words would come out so smoothly, at the right time and to the right person. The young, naive girls would swoon over the handsome man, agreeing to meet up late at night like he'd asked. Then he'd sleep with them; seducing with the promise of a wedding, before ultimately never speaking to them again.

And you refused to bow to immoral men.

Your friend Lily, a lady of your castle, tugged on your sleeve as the room fell uncomfortably silent. The murmur from the mothers who were fixing up the daughters they were looking to marry away stopped, and everyone's heads were fixated on the lady who was glaring openly with disdain at the charismatic prince.

'' Y/n, if you don't bow you'll catch his attention, which is the one thing you don't want to do! '' your friend pleaded in your ear.

You shook both her and your mother's begging off, instead stepping as close to the platform he was sitting on as you could, even taking one more bold step than the other ladies had dared to.

His lips immediately curved into a smirk when you did so, knowing that you weren't doing so out of interest, no - you were challenging him.

'' Who is this rude girl? How dare she treat my son with such disrespect! ''

You turned, breaking the intense stare-match with the prince to glare at her too.

'' Maybe if you hadn't raised such an arrogant and vile womanizer, he wouldn't deserve all the disrespect I can give him. I can't even bare to look at him for one more second, your son disgusts me! '' you spat out, with so much genuine distaste that the ladies gasped in horror, quickly parting when you turned around to leave with your mother and friend hot on your heel.

'' Y/n! How could you do that? ''

'' Your majesty, please...you know how she is. ''

You ignored them both, striding towards the carriage and slamming it shut before your mother could talk to you. Hopefully your friend would've calmed her down before she'd finally enter on the other side.

The voices being drowned out by the carriage lent you some relief. You sighed and leaned against the door. As the adrenaline slowly dissolved, it was replaced with worry.

Had you gone too far? Who knows what his family might do if they were to seek revenge. They were far richer than your own family, and more affiliated politically too. That was the whole reason they wanted you to marry at all, because you didn't have any brothers who could take the throne. Your country's resources were quickly running out, famine, poverty and sickness had increased which was why your parents were in such a hurry to find you a husband, fit to be a king.

Your people would hate you if you brought unnecessary conflict to them due to your temper that often got the best of you. But a part of you also refused to lower your head if that happened, nothing was more important than your morals.

'' Y/n? ''

'' Yeah. You can come in. ''

The door cracked open slowly and your mother and Lily squeezed inside, you shift uncomfortably in your spot as your knees touched each other.

'' Have I caused trouble? ''

Silence fell in the carriage, they both seemed hesitant to answer.

'' Perhaps. We don't know yet. I suspect we'll be chased down by their royal mailmen. Her majesty will at the very least want an apology to the prince. ''

You gave a sorry look to your mother.

'' I couldn't help myself. ''

She didn't answer. Lily's hand grasped yours and she looked at you sympathetically. The rest of the ride carried on in silence but you could feel the tension the whole time.

When you arrived, a guard hurried over to open the door, extending a hand to help you down. It was your favourite guard, Jacob who was a sweetheart and friends with Juyeon. He'd always help you sneak out of the castle to meet your lover, without any objections or scoldings.

'' Welcome back, your highness. ''

You gave him a small smile and he mirrored it playfully.

'' Any mail? '' your mother cut in.

Jacob's expression immediately changed, and there was an instant drop in the mood all around again.

'' Well...yes, your majesty. ''

Everyone held their breaths as he brought out an envelope from inside his jacket. You could already tell who it was from by the wax stamp and the imprint on the back.

'' It's from the royal family Kim of Guija. ''

You heard your mother's deep sigh from your side.

'' And? What do they say? ''

Lily came closer to you, resting her head on your shoulder while holding your waist. But you couldn't even give her a grateful smile, your eyes were fixated on Jacob while his eyes scanned over the letter's contents, feeling breathless the longer the silence stretched on.

'' They seem to want an apology. Eh- '' he scratched the back of his neck uneasily. '' They insult your highness and claim that she has humiliated the entire royal family and ruined their reputation. Calling it a rebellious and childish stunt. ''

'' What do they want then? An apology by letter? ''

You all knew the answer, and it wouldn't be one you liked.

'' No, your majesty. They demand an apology in person. ''

*******

A week of rest hadn't done anything to soothe your nerves, as well as the lingering anger. You knew that when you meet eyes with him again, you'd probably explode. But this time it was crucial to your family's reputation that you kept any personal opinions to yourself.

That's why they let Juyeon come with you. Despite your family trying to keep you two away, they didn't hesitate to use him to keep you in check when they needed it.

A simple apology was all they requested anyway. After that you'd be free to go home and you'd never see his arrogant face for the rest of your life.

Your clenched fists started shaking by the mere thought of just that, the prince's face. Juyeon chuckled softly and laid his hand on top of your closed one.

His kind eyes calmed you down again. When you relaxed and released your fists, he smoothly put his hand in yours to stop you from clenching it again.

'' You'll do just fine. ''

Your heart warmed at your favourite sound in the world - his voice. Any time you'd had a bad day and you heard it, you could melt into a puddle. In contrast to everyone else in your life, he was so sweet, calm and easy; he never raised his voice at you, even if he was angry.

You laid your head on his shoulder and looked up at him with dreamy eyes. He knew what you were feeling, you didn't have to say it. Not that you could anyway with your mom and Lily in the carriage, but your gazes exchanged the same words anyway.

'' Thank you for being here. '' you mumbled, not wanting them to hear.

'' Thank you for letting me. ''

The carriage came to a stop just outside the palace of the Kim family. Your mother had warned you that they'd likely try to put the whole thing on a spectacle, to show that their family still had respect; inviting half the town since you had insulted the precious prince in front of them.

The silhouette of a man neared the carriage and everyone inside seemed to be on guard when the door was opened. You came face to face with a young, tall and handsome guard who without a word, stepped aside to let you come out.

'' Welcome, your majesty and her highness. Please, follow me inside. '' he said very curtly after some time when you'd all stepped outside.

He started walking without looking back which you supposed was out of privacy, but it gave a false sense of politeness - the other guards stood surrounded behind the carriage, in case you got any stupid ideas.

The four of you followed him despite that, there was nothing you could do anyway.

He opened the large doors in the front and you were suddenly greeted by hundreds of faces that had turned towards the direction of the screeching sound of the door opening.

It was a cathedral, the same one you had met the prince in last time. You dreaded raising your head and having to walk down the aisle to look up at his smug face sitting on his throne again; although this time it was undeniably worse since you had to apologise, and bow at his feet for the mercy of the Kim family.

Lily's leaned in to whisper.

'' He's waiting for you. Just get it done and then we can go home. ''

You turned your head and whined but she just shook her head with a small smile and gave you a gentle push forward. With a sigh you obeyed and started the long walk down the aisle.

Everyone's eyes were on you, watching your every move or facial expression and analysing your appearance. You heard judgemental comments when passing by one of the back-rows. But what could you do except bite your tongue and move forward?

Your pride kept you from looking up. Even as you finally reached the very front, your eyes were trained to the floor below.

'' Y/n? ''

Your head snapped up now as you recognised the shrill voice of his mother, the queen. She looked at you with dissatisfaction and scornfulness, not even bothering to hide it.

'' Apologise to the prince. ''

You licked your lips and took a deep breath, feeling your anger start to rise to the surface.

And at last, your eyes landed on him.

Prince Sunwoo, who was sitting leaned back on his overly embellished throne, one you didn't think he deserved to sit in but you had to hold back that insult to restore your family's honour.

'' I'm sorry for my behaviour- '' your jaw clenched as you pressed out, '' Sir. ''

Silence filled the cathedral just after you heard him try to suppress a laugh. Everyone was on their edge, waiting for either the queen or the prince himself to say something - Would he accept or refuse?

'' Accepted. ''

You were stunned at his monotone answer, very much expecting him to drag it out to humiliate you. Although you didn't know much about him, that's what people like him would do for fun right? A predator naturally wanting to toy with its prey.

'' You'll give him an apology in private too. '' the queen filled in, causing you to look at her questioningly.

They seemed to be in a great deal of hurry, presumably because they'd continue the search for a bride for the prince; you didn't get the chance to say anything to your mom or look back at your friend. The guards heaved you up on your feet and lead you away immediately to some back door.

'' Where are you taking me? ''

They didn't answer. You were taken outside and up cobblestone-stairs that lead to the palace, Sunwoo following closely behind. It was much bigger than yours, just further shoving the fact that you had to be on their good side in your face.

Well inside, they took you up the grand stairs that were right inside the entrance. Not much time was given for you to look around, it was almost like they didn't want you to. About a minute later of walking very hastily down yet another corridor, they at last opened a door at the end of the wing and shoved you in.

As soon as you heard the door close behind, a bad feeling settled in your stomach. It was hard to pinpoint the reason - was it simply paranoia, intuition or was it just uncomfortableness with being alone with a man?

Well, technically you weren't alone. Two guards were stationed outside. Just enough space to give you privacy, but not too far away if you'd try something on their precious prince.

Said person, walked past you and stopped right by the window.

'' As you know, I've been looking for a woman to marry lately. ''

Sunwoo's voice caught your attention.

'' But I haven't had much success. ''

He smirked when he turned back and saw that you were watching him, seemingly hanging on to every word that came out of his devilish lips.

'' Are you not scared of me? '' his head tilted as a curious look shot to his eyes that could only mean something bad.

Did he feel offended?

'' No. '' you confidently answered, despite the chill that ran down your spine.

He neared you, causing you to back away until your back hit the door. The guards on the other side stirred at the sound, thinking they'd have to intervene.

'' You should be. ''

Your gaze shifted away from the prince, trying to look at anything but him. But he came even closer, to the point you could feel the fabric of his clothes touch your bare arms and smell the scent of his cologne.

When he started leaning down, his hand raising with it; you flinched away but was left with your mouth hanging open in surprise when the sound of the door locking sounded in the room instead.

You stared at him.

'' Why did you lock it? ''

'' Haven't you heard the rumours? '' Sunwoo rested his hand against the door, almost caging you in and looked down at you. '' About what happens to the women that come into my bedchambers? ''

You swallowed the bile that rose up.

'' Your mother gave you to me. ''

'' What? ''

'' You're mine now, the wedding is next wee- ''

He rolled his eyes when you turned around and tried to unlock the door in panic. Too easily his hand caught your wrist in the act and with one quick thrust, you stumbled across the room, landing on the bed.

You already knew he was creeping up behind you.

'' Do I need to tie you up? ''

You pressed your lips together, refusing to answer him, while your mind was working overtime to try and think of a way to escape. But while sitting there on the bed and thinking, you came back to what he had said - your mom gave you away?

Your heart felt like it was slowly suffocating. You thought she had loved you, she was your mother after all. So how could she do this? After everything you had said about him, she chose him of all people?

'' I asked you a question. ''

A sudden hand came from behind and grabbed your jaw harshly, making you gasp.

'' No. '' you mumbled.

Sunwoo sat down on the bed, next to you so you could see him.

'' We should prepare for the wedding, don't you think? ''

Tears welled up in your eyes. You knew what was coming next by his leering gaze. Confirming your suspicions, he crept closer and the hand from before finally landed on your face, caressing it like that of a man who was madly in love.

You prepared for it. Maybe if you gave in for that one thing, he'd leave you alone for a bit - giving you enough time to think of a plan again.

But then he caught you by surprise again, chuckling deeply at you jumping as his breath tickled your neck.

He whispered sickeningly sweet, '' By killing your lover first. ''

#kpop yandere #yandere kpop #yandere sunwoo #yandere the boyz #yandere tbz

151 notes · View notes

clockworkouroboros · 5 months

Text

i don’t even go here but the hbomberguy/todd in the shadows videos on James Somerton are both enlightening and, for me, not wholly unexpected. I didn’t watch many videos by Somerton, although I know people who did! And I can’t say I wouldn’t be taken in by a different video essayist in the future. but there were a number of things in Somerton’s videos that turned me off of watching more—and for the one or two I saw, I don’t know if I even finished the whole video.

First, Somerton’s work seemed inconsistent. some of what he said was eloquent and persuasive, and sometimes he was jumping to conclusions and expecting you to follow without outlining his reasoning or how he reached that conclusion. A lot of that makes sense in retrospect—he was plagiarizing better writers and thinkers than himself, and his own contributions were all over the place.

Second, a lot of Somerton’s opinions appeared to be very cynical/angry/dismissive. He seemed to have a cherry-picked view of the world that demonized people who weren’t like him or didn’t agree with him. To claim to be representative of an othered group and then use that position to alienate and other groups not like you left a really bad taste in my mouth that I couldn’t get past. Likewise, he had a very clear superiority complex over “the bad guys”—conservatives, homophobes, queer people he didn’t like. It’s really easy for a lot of us to deny the humanity of groups that hate us, which is why his constant putting down of conservatives and homophobes was easy to support. For me, though, I didn’t like how flippant he was in what was supposed to be an informative essay—it reeks of arguing in bad faith.

Thirdly, I know Somerton’s “intellectual” style really appealed to a lot of people who wanted a smart, academic authority figure to help educate them on queer history and queer media. Again, for me personally, Somerton’s persona as an intellectual struck me as false. Man was trying way too hard and it came across as pretentious and untrue to himself. I know a guy like that in real life—he’s my classmate in university—and I know for a fact the guy I know is one of the worst students in our class, to the extent that he’s failed multiple classes. I don’t think everyone has to be an academic or an intellectual, but that if that’s not an area in which you should excel, you should find an area in which you do excel and feel fulfilled. Somerton’s intellectual persona was phony, and I recognized it as such because I have seen other people do the same thing in real life. Likewise, the smartest people you know don’t always look or act like their the smartest people you know. Think about hbomberguy’s video: he meticulously and thoughtfully exposed all of this plagiarism and had really important thoughts about plagiarism on the internet and youtube, all while being a little ridiculous and also wearing a lab coat that was burned all over and falling apart. Genius is not James Somerton’s carefully paced reading and his black turtlenecks. Genius is much more similar to the passionate and thorough work hbomberguy did.

These are things that personally turned me off his videos, but I wasn’t about to tell other people they couldn’t watch. Some of what he said was really good—now, knowing what we know, the good stuff was probably all plagiarized, but it was good material! I do think now, in retrospect, I do think some of this might be helpful in evaluating other video essayists. Usually, if they’re as egregiously unethical as Somerton was, there are other warning signs. I do think the most insidious was the villainization of the other, because it is so easy for our confirmation bias to get in the way, or our tendency towards generalization. Somerton’s videos really took advantage of that—a trustworthy essayist is going to steer clear of generalizations and villainizing an entire group of people, unless it’s about like, the nazi. which apparently Somerton went into a lot of detail about how gay they were (false information), which is horrific. so.

#hbomberguy #todd in the shadows #youtube #internet culture #james somerton

131 notes · View notes

vanwritesfan-fiction · 5 months

Text

Addiction

Part Five: Love Is A Four Letter Word

Series Masterlist

Warnings: smut, language, couple fighting, references to drugs and alcohol, mentions of violence

A/N: A lot of backstory in this part...

Jack knew it was fucked up.

He knew giving you the key card, sleeping with you, starting a relationship, leading you on, while he was supposedly committed to someone else, was fucked up. An act of rebellion of the lowest form.

Jack was miserable. Had been for a long time. His life leading up till that night was a culmination of his mistakes and cowardice, and he felt helpless. He was looking for an outlet for his frustration, an escape, and it wasn't even as if he was targeting you specifically. He just saw your smile, the way you held the attention of the room, and he was drawn to you. The rest was devastating history.

You were at the wrong place, the wrong time, with the right one.

Even then, it was never his intention to hurt you. His motives weren't pure, he'd admit that with no hesitation, but the feelings he had for you were, and as much as he wanted to tell you how much he cared about you, it'd be like burning down a house after carelessly lighting a candle; it didn't matter what he intended to do once the damage was done.

He could tell you how sorry he was, that he loved you and he wished things were different, but as he watched you unravel in front of him, collapsed to the ground as he told you he was going to marry someone else, someone you both knew he didn't want to be with, he knew it would be in vain.

You don't treat people you love like this.

****

1 Year Ago

Jack and Claire's relationship read like it was plucked out of a really bad romance novel plot, by design.

They ran in different circles; Claire was a one percenter, an elite among New York's elite, and Jack was just some kid from Louisville who was clinging to the name he'd made for himself in the music industry. At least, that's what he told himself. He didn't like to think about the fact that he was complicit in the façade that was their relationship.

There was a time where you couldn't go a day without seeing Claire in the tabloids, strung out in front of 1Oak on the arm of some B-List actor. What she considered to be a normal for her 20s, meant trouble for her father. His only daughter was supposed to take over the Barbour-Beckham publishing company, his legacy, but she couldn't even stay sober for more than 24 hours. Something had to change, and fast.

Over the next couple months, Claire underwent an image change that even Lindsay Lohan's publicist would have been impressed by. She traded her nights out for charity events, hard liquor for disgusting green smoothies, and before she knew it, there wasn't a person in New York City who could remember the old Claire.

But old habits die hard, and there wasn't a photo op in the world that could change the fact that Claire was bad for business. Her future was dependent on convincing a bunch of old, conservative men that a woman was capable of leading a company. Claire knew that the only way the public would truly accept her was if she appeared to be but a mouthpiece for the board, unassuming and passive.

It was purely a business decision to pivot her image to wife and mother. It would keep her in the public eye- people love to gawk at a new wife and mother, praise or condemn how attentive she is to her husband and how quickly her post-partum body bounces back, but they would disregard her, as they do all mothers, and it was at that point she would take over at Barbour-Beckham. Now all she needed was to find someone desperate enough to agree to her terms.

She chose Jack because there was something homegrown about him. He was rich and successful, a chart topper in the music industry, but it was all hidden underneath his southern charm. He kept his nose clean, both literally and figuratively, and he didn't overshadow her. Underneath it all, he was a good person, and she could use that to her advantage.

****

They met for the first time at Atlantic Records.

Jack's career was stalling, to put it nicely, and he was desperate to climb back to the top. Sure, he had solidified himself as a bona fide rapper in the industry, but long gone were the days of letting the music speak for itself. If he wanted to stay in the game, he was forced to compete with every new one-hit-wonder who blew up on TikTok, and it wasn't how he wanted to operate. He was running late for a meeting with Jason, and as he entered the conference room, he realized quickly that this was an ambush.

"Jack, this is Mr. Beckham, CEO of Barbour-Beckham publishing, and on the board for Atlantic." Jason ushered Jack into the room when he noticed him hesitate. Jack scanned the room. He knew the face, not the name. "and his daughter, Claire." Claire he knew, at least of her. He had come across her a couple times at different clubs around the city, but based on the state she was in each time, he doubted she had a sharp memory. He nodded to both of them, taking a seat with a huff. "What is this? Some kind of intervention?" Jack let out a humorless laugh as he studied Claire's face. She couldn't hold eye contact for longer than a second, her gaze dropping to her hands.

"More like a business opportunity, Mr. Harlow." Claire's father cut through the silence. "I'm gonna get straight to the point. Its no secret that you aren't the artist you used to be a couple of years ago, Jack." Jack smirked, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "If anything, recently, you've become a liability to Atlantic Records. There is no tenure for an artist here. Either you perform or we replace you." Jack glanced over at Jason, who was visibly nervous. "This is off to a great start." He muttered out, running a hand through the curls at the back of his neck.

"If you were anyone else, we would have dropped you from the label already, but we recognize your value here, and we're hoping we can come to an agreement that both parties are happy with." Jack straightened up in his seat. "What do you want? I'm working on an album we can put out by the end of the year. I'll do the press circuit, a tour, whatever it takes."

"There will be time for all that. Right now, its more important that you prove how loyal you are to Atlantic." Jack was throwing glances at Claire, whose gaze was burning a hole in his chest. "I would say 10 years of record sales has been more than proof." He'd had enough of the stares, turning his body toward Claire, who flinched. "Is there a reason she's here?" He narrowed his eyes at her, trying to read her face.

"The company thinks it'd be in your best interest to enter into a public relationship with Claire." Jack didn't even bother to look at Jason as he spoke. "It will be good for your image to show that you're in a committed relationship with someone of Ms. Beckham's status. People love a new IT couple." Jack's stomach turned. They didn't care about his career, he was just going to be a pawn in a much larger game. "While you're dating, you will promote his album and Claire will continue to be a pillar in the community."

Jack gripped the arms of his chair, the heat creeping up his neck. There was no way he could say yes to this. It went against everything he believed as an artist and a person.

"No. There's no way that I'm going to be an industry plant. The rumors were bad enough when I was starting out, I'll be damned if I prove them right." He pushed his chair away, standing to exit the room. "Sorry you wasted your time." Jason let out a sharp breath as he watched his client walk out the door.

"Jack, wait." He heard Claire's voice trailing behind him as he walked to the elevator. He had no intentions on turning around. She caught the elevator door just as it was about to close. "Jack, I get it. Its a lot, but-"

Jack cut her off. "Does that really feel right to you? Pretending to be in love with someone just so you can look good in front of people?"

"Neither of us got to where we are now because of love, Jack. If I've learned anything, its that love is a fleeting feeling that eventually leaves you feeling empty and alone. I know you don't want to let your career die because of a feeling." Claire crossed her arms over her chest.

"You don't know anything about me." Jack bit back.

"You're right. We're strangers. But I do know my father. He doesn't like to be told no, and I have no doubt that he will step on you to get what he wants." Jack knew that was a threat. "This is so much bigger than a couple of pictures for the paparazzi. You say no to this and people will quickly forget all about Jack Harlow."

Jack bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't want to be buried, he didn't want to be forgotten. He'd worked too hard to get where he was to lie down and and let them steamroll him. If he said yes, at least he was still in the game, and he could control the outcome. There was a kid from Louisville who only wanted to rap for as long as he could remember, that he had to make proud.

"Only in public. In private, we don't talk to each other." A grin slipped on Claire's face. "Agreed. Its purely for show."

****

At first it was fine. Holding hands as they left a restaurant together. A couple strategic paparazzi photos that were conveniently sent to every major publication in the country. The thought of it made Jack's skin crawl, but his career was finally on the up and up. Jack sacrificed his privacy and in turn, Atlantic gave him access to some of the best producers and mixers in the industry, and he was able to get back to making music; the only thing he truly cared about.

Their very public first kiss was on the cover of every major magazine, and the public was starting to fall in love with them. They spent a lot of time together, for the publicity, and Claire's father suggested that Jack move into Claire's Upper East side penthouse so there were no holes in their story. Their PR relationship was quickly becoming real, and as much as he hated himself for it, he thought he was the only one who could possibly get caught in the crossfire, and he was more than willing to sacrifice himself for his career.

The first hit came about six months into their relationship.

"What the hell is this?" Jack slammed the door to Claire's office closed, making her jump. He slammed a magazine down on her desk, knocking over her cup of coffee. He was fuming, his chest puffed out with each breath. "Jack, listen, I didn't get a chance to tell you yet. They just published it this morning."

"Claire Beckham saves Jack Harlow from crippling alcohol addiction", his voiced boomed through the room as he read the headline. "What the fuck? I don't have a drinking problem. I've been purposely sober for years."

"Claire stood, holding her hands out in defense. "My father thought it would be a good idea to dangle a headline out there for the public. Your music career has been tanking, so you turn back to drinking to ease your pain, until I come in. Everyone loves a redemption story. How love saved Jack Harlow from being a washup, clinging to the bottle." She spoke as if she was pitching a movie idea; the excitement in her eyes terrified Jack.

"I didn't sign up for this." Jack ran his fingers through his messy curls, raking his hands down his face. "Oh, but you did, baby." Claire lifted herself up to sit on her desk. "I didn't see you complaining when your new single went #1. In fact, I think I remember you being very excited." Jack ripped the magazine as he tightened it in his grip. "I was doing that before we ever started this shit. I'm still a good musician." The laugh Claire let out sent a shiver down Jack's spine.

"Jack, you agreed to play the game. This is it, this is the game. Its messy and its humbling, but its working. You're back at the top, and I am your perfect girlfriend." He scoffed, feeling every muscle tightening at her words.

"I want out of the game. Tell your father I'm done." He turned on his heels toward the door. "Fine. The public is going to love this next headline." Her words made him stop in his tracks. "What headline?" He threw over his shoulder. "Jack Harlow embezzles millions from Barbour-Beckham company, uses Claire Beckham to steal from her father. There won't be a record company in the country that will speak with you after that comes out."

Within a second, Jack had crossed the room. Claire let out a sharp gasp as she came chest to chest with him. His voice was a low growl. "Would you really do this just to save your ass? Are you really that fucked up?"

"I think the question you need to ask yourself is, what wouldn't I do to save myself?" Claire retorted, her gaze dropping to Jack's lips. Jack was seething, disgusted with the person in front of him. He didn't even have time to react as she crashed her mouth with his, their teeth clinking together as she roughly kissed him. Jack pushed Claire away, his face contorted with repulsion.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He cried out, wiping at his mouth. "I thought- I thought that you-", Claire pressed her fingertips to her lips, realizing she'd read the situation terribly wrong. "You are fucked in the head if you think I could ever actually like you. You disgust me." Jack's words were laced with venom and hatred.

Much like her father, Claire was used to getting what she wanted, and she wanted Jack. Whether or not he wanted her back didn't matter to her. "Play the game, Jack, or I'll destroy you." Claire gritted out between clenched teeth. "Now, get out of my office."

Jack had to resist punching his fist through the wall, he'd never felt this much rage before. His vision began to tunnel, forcing him to cling to the wall, a sharp pain radiating through his chest. He was panicking, the ringing in his ears almost bringing him to his knees. He wanted out of this relationship, needed to get out, slowly feeling his sanity slip away, with no one to blame but himself.

****

Claire was right; Jack had never been hotter. His album was set to be the best selling of his career, and he was hitting milestones he'd only dreamt of during his early days. He should've been incredibly happy, but he was indifferent to it all, just going through the motions.

He could never admit it to himself, but Jack was terrified. He was scared that he had gotten himself in too deep and there wasn't a way out of it. There was no way he could take on Claire and her father by himself, and every day she reminded him just how insignificant he was. There was no use in fighting if you already knew you weren't going to win.

So he kept up the façade in public, and in private, he did anything he could to numb himself. He enjoyed the company of any woman that was willing to sign an NDA, and quickly became jaded towards sex and intimacy, slowly watching himself become someone he promised himself he'd never turn into.

The night he met you, he could tell that you were unhappy.

Most people would tell you there's no way you can tell someone's emotional state just from looking at them, but Jack had quickly learned over the last few months just how much sadness weighed on the body. He didn't even recognize himself in the mirror, the way his shoulders slumped over with exhaustion, the bags under his eyes reminders of the nightmares he'd been having over the last couple of weeks. You had packaged it under a beautiful face and a pretty dress, but to him, the discontent was obvious.

When you showed up to his hotel room that night, you all but signed your soul over to the devil.

You could throw a fit in front of him all you wanted, try to convince yourself that you showed up to his room out of principle, deny your wants and needs to save face, but he knew better. You were looking for someone to take command, make you forget about the monotony for even a second, and he was desperate to feel some semblance of control again.

****

The first night was a fluke. He had every intention on using and abusing you, and forgetting you ever existed.

Actually doing that proved to be harder than he expected. After you left, he couldn't focus on anything but you. He could shut his eyes and clearly see your face, his hand ghosting over the bulge in his pants. He closed his eyes and began stroking his cock to the thought of you. The way your mouth felt around him, and how pretty you looked down on your knees. The way your face contorted with pleasure as you came around your hand. How willing you were to submit to his every demand. He was cumming in his hand purely to the thought of it. Power and control were coursing through his veins, and God, did it feel good.

His eyes shot open to the sound of the door opening, Claire emerging from the doorway. Jack quickly covered himself up as she entered the room. "What are you doing here? How did you even find me?" He slipped a sweatshirt over his head, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. He'd been staying in different hotels around the city for the past couple of weeks, anything to avoid having to spend another night with Claire.

"You should know you can't go anywhere anymore." Jack groaned, knowing that he'd probably been caught leaving the hotel by one of the many paparazzi who was stalking him. "What do you want?"

"The girl in the elevator, one of your latest?" Claire's tone was laced with jealousy. He hadn't even been trying to hide his escapades from Claire. He got a sick enjoyment out of her knowing that he'd fuck pretty much anyone but her. Jack raked a hand through his curls. "That's none of your fucking business."

"It is my business if you get caught with her. Everyone likes to blame the girlfriend when the man cheats." Jack let out a humorless laugh as he stood, his jaw flexing. Claire staggering back as he walked toward her. She talked a big game, but that's all it was, talk. "Do you ever get tired of being such a bitch?", he spat at her.

"Cute." Claire pressed her lips together in a hard line. She turned on her heels toward the door, grabbing the handle before she turned back to Jack. "Make sure she signed an NDA. Can't let this fall back on us in the future when she decides she wants to capitalize on sleeping with Jack Harlow."

The next day, he knew seeing you again was a risk, but he didn't care. He was mostly doing it to spite Claire, but he also couldn't get you out of his head. Jack was quickly becoming addicted to the way you made him feel, a deep craving to see you writhe beneath him before he cut you off for good. He put the flowers on Claire's credit card, knowing she'd see the charge and put two and two together.

You came crawling back without any hesitation, and at first he felt a nagging guilt, knowing he was taking advantage of you in a vulnerable state, but as he felt you cum around him for the second time that night, he realized that you wanted this escape just as much as he did. It was so easy to get you here, to fuck you senseless night after night, because you wanted to be here. The phone call later that night all but confirmed it. He'd underestimated just how intelligent you were, but most of all, just how addicted you were to the way he made you feel as well.

You were walking into the lion's den on your own accord. You just didn't know how dangerous it was yet.

Tag-List:

@jacks-daycare

@livsters

@katiaw2

@xangelonmyshoulderx

@thatonegirlthatlikesthings

@j0hkiya

@bell3e

@isisosidixj

@caroline334

@lightsoutstyles

@hufflewhore128

@jackscurlyhair

@jackharloww

@brixo

@beautiifulpeople312

@bernelflo

@taniapri

@ageofthebarbarians

@honeyharlows

@aga21

@iheartharlow

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@w1ldthoughts

@jackslilsecrett

@harlowcomehome

@fantasywritersstuff

@exoticr0ses

@iknowdatsrightbih

@itsyagirljaz

@hoodharlow

@bobthe-turmpetman29

@wittyjasontodd

@purecinnamonextract

@fluidsentiment

@comehomeimissyou

#jack harlow #jackman thomas harlow #jackharlow #jackman harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic

111 notes · View notes

charmingsoa · 9 days

Text

✶ Where the Wild Things Are: Two ✶ ■ 1960s Sons of Anarchy story ■

⌃ Jax Teller/ OC x Thomas Teller/OC ⌃

Warning: Please read with caution. This story will include: drug use, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse. miscarriages, sexual content, alcohol use, homicide, cursing, etc. ★ If You would like to be tagged in future updates, simply leave your username in the comments.

Taglist: @oskea93, @keyweegirlie @ravennaortiz

As the California sun beat down on me, the wind whipping through my hair as I rode on the back of the motorcycle, I couldn't help but reflect on the narrow-minded beliefs my parents had instilled in me and my brothers. Growing up in a conservative household where conformity and judgment were the norm, I had always been taught to view anyone who rode motorcycles as nothing but trash – individuals destined for the depths of hell.

My parents, staunch believers in their own sect of holy rollers, held strong prejudices against those who lived differently or held alternative beliefs. They saw the world in black and white, with no room for shades of gray or understanding. But as I clung to the back of the driver, feeling the freedom of the open road beneath me, I realized how misguided their teachings had been.

The rider in front of me, a stranger whose name I learned was Tig, exuded a sense of liberation and rebellion that I had never experienced before. The rumble of the engine beneath us seemed to drown out the judgmental voices of my past, and for the first time, I felt truly alive.

When the group first pulled up in front of me, I didn’t know whether to take their offer or run for the distant hills. Growing up, the horror stories of gangs kidnapping young girls and doing the unthinkable were ingrained in my psyche as my mother preached of their dangers. She would spew words of hatred and fear whenever the topic arose, warning me to steer clear of any suspicious-looking individuals or groups that might pose a threat.

As I stood there, frozen in indecision, the leader of the group stepped forward with a smile that seemed almost too friendly for someone in his position. His eyes held a glint of mischief, but there was something else there too – a hint of vulnerability that I couldn’t quite place.

"Hey there, don’t be afraid," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "We’re just a group of travelers looking for some company on the road. We mean you no harm."

I hesitated, my mind racing with conflicting thoughts. Should I trust this stranger and accept his offer of companionship, or should I heed the warnings of my mother and make a run for it? The decision weighed heavily on my shoulders, the consequences of each choice playing out vividly in my mind.

In the end, curiosity got the best of me, and I found myself nodding hesitantly, agreeing to join the group on their journey. As I climbed onto the back of his bike and we set off down the road together, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was embarking on an adventure that would change my life forever.

As we finally started to slow down upon entering a small town called Charming, I couldn't help but notice the reactions of the locals as the bikes rumbled past. Pedestrians on the sidewalk stopped in their tracks, their eyes widening with surprise and disapproval as they watched the group pass by. Disapproving looks were etched on their faces, and I could almost feel the judgment radiating towards them.

The quaint shops and cafes that lined the main street seemed to quiet down as we rode through, the sound of the engines cutting through the peaceful ambiance of the town. I could see the whispers and sideways glances exchanged among the townspeople, their curiosity mixed with a hint of fear or disdain.

The men didn’t seem to mind the disapproving looks from the townspeople – smirks on some of their faces as they revved their engines a little more as they passed by. The sound of the engines roared through the quiet streets, echoing off the old brick buildings that lined the road.

As they pulled into a side entrance of a garage, I knew this was officially the end of the line for them. I watched as they parked side-by-side, each backing their bikes into their assigned spaces. The engines sputtered to a halt, the sound gradually fading into the background as the men dismounted and stretched their legs.

I quickly gathered my things, removing myself from the bike, my legs feeling equivalent to jelly as they gathered the strength to hold up my weight. The adrenaline that had fueled me through the ride was now dissipating, leaving behind a feeling of exhaustion and exhilaration.

I leaned against a nearby lamppost, watching the scene unfold with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. The men exchanged nods and grins as they gathered in a loose circle, their leather jackets creaking slightly as they moved.

One of them, a tall man with a patchwork of tattoos covering his arms, pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered them around. The faint smell of smoke mingled with the lingering scent of gasoline, creating a heady mix that hung in the air.

As they lit up and took long drags, their faces relaxed into expressions of contentment. The tension that had hung over them during the ride seemed to melt away, replaced by a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose.

The door to the business slowly opened, an older woman stepped onto the concrete below. Her presence commanded attention, exuding a sense of authority and confidence that made it clear she was not to be underestimated. The leather pants she wore hugged her figure, accentuating her strong and graceful movements as she made her way towards the men.

Her blonde highlights caught the sunlight, creating a halo of shimmering gold around her head. Despite the warmth of the day, there was a coolness in her gaze that hinted at a steely resolve beneath the polished exterior. I observed from a respectful distance as Gemma interacted with the men, her gestures filled with warmth and affection that spoke of deep bonds and shared history. She moved among them with ease, exchanging hugs and kisses that spoke of a familial closeness that went beyond mere camaraderie.

A tall man approached her from behind, his presence exuding a sense of quiet strength and authority. He wrapped his strong arms around her small waist, drawing her close in a gesture that was both protective and intimate. The woman’s laughter rang out, a clear and joyful sound that seemed to light up the space around them.

Their lips met in a brief but tender kiss, a display of affection that was unapologetically open and genuine. There was a sense of ease and comfort between them, a connection that ran deep and unspoken, forged through years of shared experiences and challenges.

My eyes moved away from the couple as the door reopened, this time revealing a blonde man. He looked to be in his early 20s – shoulder length hair resting against his work shirt. I don’t know how I looked to those around, but it was almost like how a cartoon character’s draw drops to the floor – he was gorgeous. I watched as he stepped off the stoop, sauntering over to the circle of men, clapping them on the back as he welcomed their return.

I was so caught up in the enigmatic presence of the blonde man that I failed to notice another individual had quietly slipped into the corner with us – the older woman with a knowing smile playing on her lips. Her voice, smooth and seasoned, cut through the hazy atmosphere around us.

"You lost, kitten?" she inquired, her tone a curious blend of amusement and concern. Her eyes, framed by fine lines that whispered of wisdom and experience, held a glint of something indefinable, as though she saw more than just the surface of things.

Startled by her sudden appearance and the unexpected nickname, I turned to face her, momentarily at a loss for words. The air between us crackled with a kind of unspoken understanding, as if she could see right through the facade I presented to the world.

“Sorry-“ I stammered. “I – uh-“

A smile spread across her face as she placed her hand on my arm, her touch warm and comforting. "You must be the little one the guys picked up on their way home. Tig told me all about you when he called a little while ago."

Memories of when we stopped at the gas station hours before came flooding back – the smell of gasoline, the flickering lights, and the sound of chatter from the other customers. I remembered my eyes connecting with Tig’s as he spoke animatedly in the glass box, his voice carrying a sense of urgency and excitement.

"What’s your name, sweetheart?" the woman asked, her eyes kind and curious.

Tucking a loose red strand of hair behind my ear, I replied, "Catherine. Catherine Landry." My voice was low, almost a whisper, as if unsure of my own presence in this moment.

The woman's smile widened, a glint of recognition flashing in her eyes. "Catherine Landry," she repeated softly, as if savoring the sound of the name. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Catherine. I'm Gemma."

As I started to speak, the sound of gravel crunching beneath heavy steps caught my attention, drawing my gaze away from Gemma. I turned, my eyes following the path of the approaching figure with blonde hair that glinted in the bright sunshine.

He walked with purpose, his strides confident and measured, his presence commanding attention. The gravel shifted under his weight, creating a rhythmic pattern that seemed to echo the beating of my heart.

As he drew closer, I noticed the intensity in his gaze, the way his eyes seemed to search and assess, taking in every detail of the scene before him. There was a certain magnetism about him, a silent strength that seemed to radiate from his very being.

Gemma's expression shifted slightly, a flicker of recognition crossing her features as she greeted him with a nod. "Hey baby," she said, her voice warm and welcoming.

As the two embraced one another, I stood there, a silent observer to the intimate moment unfolding before me. The man's eyes remained fixed on me, a hint of curiosity and something else I couldn't quite decipher lingering in their depths.

Gemma's arms wrapped tightly around his waist, her embrace filled with a sense of familiarity and comfort. There was a closeness between them, a bond that seemed to transcend words and time.

I watched as they held each other, their connection palpable in the air around them. It was as if they shared a history, a story that only they knew, leaving me on the outside looking in, a stranger to their world.

As they finally pulled away, a silent understanding passing between them, the man turned his gaze back to me. There was a question in his eyes, a silent inquiry that hung in the air, waiting to be answered.

As Gemma turned her attention back to me, her warm smile lighting up her face, I couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions swirling within me. "Catherine," she began, her voice filled with a sense of familiarity and fondness, "This is my son, Jackson."

Jackson. The name echoed in my mind, stirring something deep within me. I looked up to meet his gaze, finding a pair of eyes that held a hint of curiosity and a touch of amusement.

Gemma's introduction caught me off guard, her words painting a picture of me as a lost soul in need of rescue. "She's the little thing that Tig and the guys picked up along the way," she explained, her tone lighthearted but tinged with a hint of motherly concern.

I couldn't help but inwardly roll my eyes at her explanation, feeling a twinge of annoyance at being likened to a stray puppy. It was true that I had found myself in an unexpected situation, but I was no damsel in distress in need of saving.

As I exchanged greetings with Jackson, a sense of curiosity sparked within me. There was something about him, a quiet strength and a depth in his eyes that hinted at hidden layers beneath the surface.

Jackson smirked and his eyes roamed up my body, a wave of self-consciousness washed over me, causing a slight flush to rise to my cheeks. His gaze held a hint of mischief and confidence, leaving me momentarily flustered in his presence.

"It's nice to meet you too," I replied, trying to maintain a composed demeanor despite the flutter of nerves within me. There was something magnetic about Jackson, an undeniable charm that drew me in even as I felt the weight of his scrutiny.

Gemma's proud voice interrupted the moment, drawing my attention back to her as she spoke of her son. "Jax is the leader of the group," she said with a hint of pride. "Along with my other son, Thomas." The revelation that there were two brothers leading the group took me by surprise. “Club comes from a strong line of Teller men," Gemma continued, her tone filled with reverence and hope for the future. "Hoping to continue that tradition in the future." She affectionately patted Jackson's chest, her gesture a symbol of both maternal pride and a legacy to uphold.

Jackson rolled his eyes at his mother's suggestion, a hint of amusement danced in his gaze.

"Trust me," he stated, his deep voice carrying a sense of authority that cut through the air, "She's really the one in charge."

The bond between Jackson and Gemma was palpable from the very beginning. It was clear to anyone who observed them that they shared a special connection, a closeness that went beyond words. Jackson was the one closest to his mother, their relationship built on a foundation of trust, understanding, and unwavering loyalty.

In contrast, Thomas seemed to be as far removed from Gemma as possible. There was a distance between them, an unspoken divide that hinted at unresolved issues and unspoken tensions. While Jackson and Gemma thrived in each other's company, Thomas seemed to seek solace elsewhere, distancing himself from the intricate web of relationships that defined their family dynamic.

Jax and Gemma's bond ran deep, a complex tapestry of emotions that intertwined their fates in ways that were both captivating and destructive. They fed off each other's energy, their connection fueled by a sense of mutual need and dependency that bordered on obsession.

Thick as thieves one moment, brutal enemies the next, their relationship was a rollercoaster of emotions that played out like a high-stakes drama. Time slipped away, leaving behind a trail of unresolved conflicts and simmering tensions that threatened to erupt at any moment.

The heat that Gemma placed between her two sons was a double-edged sword, igniting a fire that fueled their passions and their conflicts in equal measure. Theirs was a relationship fraught with complexity, where love and loyalty mingled with jealousy and resentment, creating a volatile mix that kept them locked in a perpetual dance of push and pull.

Thomas felt the weight of his mother Gemma's favoritism like a heavy chain, binding him to a perpetual cycle of disappointment and resentment. From a young age, he watched as Gemma showered his older brother Jackson with praise and attention, leaving him in the shadows of Jax's achievements. Despite his best efforts to earn her approval, Gemma's preference for Jackson was unwavering, creating a toxic atmosphere of rivalry and animosity between the Teller brothers.

"So, from what I heard, you’re hitching to San Francisco?” Gemma spoke as she looked at me with curiosity. “What’s so important down there that you had to leave home for?” She pushed past her son, taking hold of my arm as she started walking up towards the building.

“From the looks of you-“She did a once over. “Looks to me like you’re running away from something – midwestern lifestyle, perhaps?” Gemma's keen observation caught me off guard, her words cutting through my carefully crafted facade. I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, feeling exposed and vulnerable in a way I hadn't anticipated.

I cleared my throat nervously, feeling the weight of my confession hanging in the air. "My parents are very conservative – conservative and very religious," Her eyes closing in understanding, Gemma listened intently as I opened about my inner conflict. "They're lovely people – " I began to backpedal, feeling a need to qualify my earlier statement. "But the life I want to live doesn't match with how they want me to live. I want to be able to be free and do what I please, but they're all about the image and how the Lord wants us to live our lives."

"You ran away?" Gemma's voice was filled with concern and empathy, her eyes searching mine for answers.

I nodded slowly, the memories of that night flooding. "Left in the middle of the night after my father beat me with a switch," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. My eyes cast down to the ground, unable to meet Gemma's gaze as the shame and hurt of that moment washed over me once again. "He called me awful names, and my mother just sat there and watched."

Gemma's back straightened, a steely resolve entering her expression as she processed my words. "Doesn't sound to me like they're lovely people," she stated firmly, her voice tinged with indignation.

I shrugged my shoulders, “That’s just how they are – been like that my whole life.” I knew I shouldn’t be making excuses for them, but they were my parents. “I’m the only daughter – I was supposed to be the epitome of a perfect daughter.”

“What could be so bad that your daddy beats you?”

I watched as she pulled out a cigarette, gesturing for me to take one as well. She quickly lit the end of the stick, the smoke invading my lungs with ease. “I started messing around with boys at an early age – sex, drugs, dancing. Sex was my go-to though. They didn’t want their only daughter being known as the town whore, which I guess I became. I was supposed to save myself until I was married – only letting my wedded husband lay between my legs.”

Gemma chuckled, a wry smile playing on her lips. "Sounds a lot like my folks," she remarked, her voice tinged with a mix of resignation and humor.

"I just needed to get away, and after seeing all those people on the nightly news coming out here and living life their own way and being free and peaceful –" I paused, the weight of my words hanging heavy in the air. "I just need that in my life right now. A life where I can be free and do whatever I want to do. And if that means I have to do negative things to get to that place, then so be it."

As I spoke, I felt a mix of determination and uncertainty churning within me. The longing for freedom and self-expression had grown into a burning desire, fueled by the stories of those who had dared to defy conventions and carve out their own paths. The allure of a life unbound by limitations and expectations beckoned to me like a distant star, promising a sense of liberation and authenticity that had eluded me for so long.

“You know –“Gemma started. “The Frisco area isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” Her tone matter of fact. “I know it looks all peace and love on the tv screen but it’s really just a bunch of homeless hippies that are looking for attention and free handouts.”

I let out an annoyed sigh.

"Listen, little girl," her voice took on a more serious tone, the lines on her face softening with a mix of concern and affection. "You've accomplished the biggest goal you set for yourself – you made it all the way to California." She paused, letting the significance of the moment sink in before continuing.

A wide smile slowly spread across her face, reflecting pride and admiration. "By what you just told me, that was the ultimate goal. Now, I know going a little further south for the whole peace and love movement was the next quest, but I think for your sake it would be better for you to stay here."

“I don’t know anyone here, though.” I was grasping for excuses.

Her face twisted in a mix of concern and determination. "You weren't gonna know anyone down there either." She tossed her cigarette down, the ember extinguishing under the pressure of her heeled shoe. "You've managed to meet a whole crew of men that will now look after you if you choose to stay. You've met me and Jax – you'll get to meet Thomas when he decides to come home. You're no longer around strangers, baby doll. We can be your family – a family that'll treat you right."

Her voice softened, the edges of her tough exterior melting away to reveal a deep sense of care and protection. "We've seen the world through different lenses, faced our own battles, and carved out our own paths in this chaotic dance of life. But amidst all the chaos, we found each other – kindred spirits bound by shared experiences and unspoken connections."

The older woman's eyes held a glimmer of hope, a silent plea for understanding and acceptance. "You have a home here, among friends who will stand by you through thick and thin, who will lift you up when you stumble and celebrate your victories as their own. Take a chance on us, darling. Let us be the family you never knew you needed, but always longed for deep in your heart."

I would end up staying in that small fucking town for the next 25 years – my whole world coming to revolve around the Teller family and the Sons of Anarchy.

52 notes · View notes

dreaminginthedeepsouth · 3 days

Text

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

April 21, 2024

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

APR 22, 2024

During her confirmation hearings in 2021, Interior Department secretary Deb Haaland promised “to responsibly manage our natural resources to protect them for future generations—so that we can continue to work, live, hunt, fish, and pray among them.” Noting her Indigenous heritage, Haaland tweeted, “A voice like mine has never been a Cabinet secretary or at the head of the Department of Interior…. I’ll be fierce for all of us, our planet, and all of our protected land.”

Her approach was a shift from the practice the Interior Department had established at the beginning of the twentieth century when it began to prioritize mineral, oil, and gas development, as well as livestock grazing, on U.S. public lands. But the devastating effects of climate change have brought those old priorities into question.

Republicans, especially those from states like Wyoming, which collects more than a billion dollars a year in royalties and taxes from the oil, gas, and coal produced on federal lands in the state, opposed Haaland’s focus on responsible management of natural resources for the future and warned that the Biden administration is “taking a sledgehammer to Western states’ economies.”

On Thursday, April 18, the Interior Department finalized a new rule for a balanced management of America’s public lands. Put together after a public hearing period that saw more than 200,000 comments from states, individuals, Tribal and local governments, industry groups, and advocacy organizations, the new rule prioritizes the health of the lands and waters the Interior Department’s Bureau of Land Management oversees. Those consist of about 245 million acres, primarily in 12 western states.

The new rule calls for protection of the land, restoration of the places that have been harmed in the past, and a promise to make informed decisions about future use based on “science, data, and Indigenous knowledge.” It “recognizes conservation as an essential component of public lands management, on equal footing with other multiple uses of these lands.” The Bureau of Land Management will now auction off leases not only for drilling, but also for conservation and restoration.

Western state leaders oppose the Biden administration’s efforts to change the Interior Department’s past practices, calling them “colonial forces of national environmental groups who are pushing an agenda” onto states like Wyoming.

The timing of the Interior Department’s new rule can’t help but call attention to Earth Day, celebrated tomorrow, on April 22. Earth Day is no novel proposition. Americans celebrated it for the first time in 1970. Nor was it a partisan idea in that year: Republican president Richard M. Nixon established it as Americans recognized a crisis that transcended partisanship and came together to fix it.

The spark for the first Earth Day was the 1962 publication of marine biologist Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, which showed the devastating effects of people on nature by documenting the effect of modern pesticides on the natural world. Her exposé of how the popular pesticide DDT was poisoning the food chain in American waters illuminated the dangerous overuse of chemicals and their effect on living organisms, and it caught readers’ attention. Carson’s book sold more than half a million copies in 24 countries.

Democratic president John F. Kennedy asked the President’s Science Advisory Committee to look into Carson’s argument, and the committee vindicated her. Before she died of breast cancer in 1964, Carson noted: "Man's attitude toward nature is today critically important simply because we have now acquired a fateful power to alter and destroy nature. But man is a part of nature, and his war against nature is inevitably a war against himself? [We are] challenged as mankind has never been challenged before to prove our maturity and our mastery, not of nature, but of ourselves."

As scientists organized the Environmental Defense Fund, Americans began to pay closer attention to human effects on the environment, especially after three crucial events. First, on December 24, 1968, astronaut William Anders took a color photograph of the Earth rising over the horizon of the moon from outer space during the Apollo 8 mission, powerfully illustrating the beauty and isolation of the globe on which we all live.

Then, over 10 days in January and February 1969, a massive oil spill off the coast of Santa Barbara, California, poured between 80,000 and 100,000 barrels of oil into the Pacific, fouling 35 miles of California beaches and killing seabirds, dolphins, sea lions, and elephant seals. Public outrage ran so high that President Nixon went to Santa Barbara in March to see the cleanup efforts, telling the American public that “the Santa Barbara incident has frankly touched the conscience of the American people.”

And then, in June 1969, the chemical contaminants that had been dumped into Cleveland’s Cuyahoga River caught fire. A dumping ground for local heavy industry, the river had actually burned more than ten times in the previous century, but with increased focus on environmental damage, this time the burning river garnered national attention.

In February 1970, President Nixon sent to Congress a special message “on environmental quality.” “[W]e…have too casually and too long abused our natural environment,” he wrote. “The time has come when we can wait no longer to repair the damage already done, and to establish new criteria to guide us in the future.”

“The tasks that need doing require money, resolve and ingenuity,” Nixon said, “and they are too big to be done by government alone. They call for fundamentally new philosophies of land, air and water use, for stricter regulation, for expanded government action, for greater citizen involvement, and for new programs to ensure that government, industry and individuals all are called on to do their share of the job and to pay their share of the cost.”

Meanwhile, Gaylord Nelson, a Democratic senator from Wisconsin, visited the Santa Barbara oil spill and hoped to turn the same sort of enthusiasm people were bringing to protests against the Vietnam War toward efforts to protect the environment. He announced a teach-in on college campuses, which soon grew into a wider movement across the country. Their “Earth Day,” held on April 22, 1970, brought more than 20 million Americans—10% of the total population of the country at the time—to call for the nation to address the damage caused by 150 years of unregulated industrial development. The movement included members of all political parties, rich Americans and their poorer neighbors, people who lived in the city and those in the country, labor leaders and their employers. It is still one of the largest protests in American history.

In July 1970, at the advice of a council convened to figure out how to consolidate government programs to combat pollution, Nixon proposed to Congress a new agency, the Environmental Protection Agency, which Congress created that December.

In honor of Earth Day 2024, Democratic president Joe Biden has called for carrying on the legacy of our predecessors “by building a greener, more sustainable planet and, with it, a healthier, more prosperous nation.”

In a statement, Biden noted that no one can any longer deny the impacts and staggering costs of climate change as the nation confronts historic floods, droughts, and hurricanes.

“Deforestation, nature loss, toxic chemicals, and plastic pollution also continue to threaten our air, lands, and waters, endangering our health, other species, and ecosystems,” he said. He noted the administration’s efforts to build a clean energy economy, providing well-paid union jobs as workers install solar panels, service wind turbines, cap old oil wells, manufacture electric vehicles, and so on, while also curbing air pollution from power plants and lead poisoning from old pipes, the burden of which historically has fallen on marginalized communities.

Biden noted that he brought the U.S. back into the Paris Climate Accord Trump pulled out of, is on track to conserve more lands and waters than any president before him, and has worked with the international community to slash methane emissions and restore lost forests.

And yet there is much more to be done, he said. He encouraged “all Americans to reflect on the need to protect our precious planet; to heed the call to combat our climate and biodiversity crises while growing the economy; and to keep working for a healthier, safer, more equitable future for all.”

Happy Earth Day 2024.

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

#Heather Cox Richardson #earth day #history #Letters From An American #Conservation #natural resources #Interior Department #Silent Spring #Rachel Carson

25 notes · View notes

roseapprentice · 7 months

Text

Look At It, It's Got Depression

Content Warnings: depression, ed, suicidal reasoning, ideas that could prod you toward fascism or the murder-y kind of socialism if you aren't thinking critically

I feel steadily more sure that depression evolved as a strategy to cope with times of famine & plague.

Source: I have depression and I've thought about this too much

Hear me out: What caused most premature deaths for most of history? Infectious disease. When did infections kill the most people? While we were starvation-weak.

We think of evolution as a process that refines survival skills, and that's mostly right. But the drive of natural selection is more precisely, "Make sure something with similar genes exists in the future." And our standard for similarity can get wonky.

Humans' top priority is usually offspring, and next up is a messy mashup of ourselves and whichever other humans we know and like best.

So imagine we're a group of early humans, trying to keep our loved ones alive in hungry plague times. What strategies will help? Eat rarely to keep food available. Scarf down calorie-dense food before it spoils, especially if there's a lot or there's no one around to share with. Be lethargic & pessimistic about adventures to conserve calories.

If we feel extra bad, shun the people we love for their protection. Distrust the outgroup because they're here to either spread disease or take our food. Reconcile ourselves to thoughts of death in case wandering off to die with our contagion/empty stomach becomes the best shot at survival for our friends.

What cues could our bodies rely on to trigger this response? Lack of plant life in our surroundings. Worrying mainly about how to manage limited resources. Lack of exercise because there's no food to hunt & gather. Shortage of contact with other humans because the ones that rely on us most are already dead or deathly ill.

If you're a human living in the 21st century, these cues are probably sounding awfully familiar.

Of course the strategies are useless now. Advances like motor equipment & modern fertilizer turned starvation into a purely political phenomenon; quietly fading away doesn't help your people survive politicial oppression. Cross-cultural cooperation gets more feasible and necessary with just about every new technology. Physical isolation can still block disease sometimes, but a lack of social support does the opposite. It's now possible to isolate with tools & careful timing instead of instinctive exile; and anyway medicine & sanitation have made that need a lot rarer.

If I'm right about the cause, modern human life contains a wild excess of depression triggers and a stark lack of uses for depression. It's an outmoded strategy with a stuck "on" button.

I've never seen scientific literature bring up this hypothesis (though it has to be out there somewhere). But here's why I want to tell people about my weird pet theory despite my having no research behind it:

In the worst part of my depression, I came across a post that helped me hugely. It said, "Depression is when your body wants to die but your heart wants to live."

I didn't feel at all like my heart wanted to live, but the words hit so hard that I started to wonder if it was true somewhere deep down under all the numb misery.

Any moments when I did want to live just fed directly into my desire to die; the wanting hurt so much that making it stop felt like the ultimate priority. The force of my survival instinct was twisting back on itself as if my brain was caught in some weird paper finger trap of death.

This illness was vast and insidious and frustrating and pointless.

But if depression is an adaptive trait, then my experience makes sense. My body is intermittently trying to incapacitate, starve, or kill me in order to protect the people I love. (In some cases that includes incapacitating/starving me short-term to provide for my long-term survival.)

That's a depression I can accept and outmaneuver.

I can say, "Yes, I want to protect us/them too! These people are my heart, and I want my heart to live. Thank you for also wanting that. But your methods stink."

Then I can use all possible cunning to remind my body that my presence is a blessing to my loved ones, that adventures can yeild satisfying rewards, and that there is more than enough food around for all of us to thrive if only some jerks weren't holding it hostage.

When I've laid out this idea in the past to other people with depression, they tend to eventually find it intuitive and empowering in a similar way. (Or else they start humoring me 😛)

So here's me offering it up to the internet in general to see what y'all make of it.

Final note: for the gazillionth time I'm linking to the interactive self-care website, You Feel Like Shit. I find it's an effective tool for precisely resisting this intricate self-sabatage contingency that's been stupidly built into my stupidly overcomplicated brain by stupid evolution.

(At least I think that's what happened)

#rose posted this #depression #mental illness #mental health #recovery #reblogs welcome #effort post

73 notes · View notes

skellymom · 2 months

Text

"Vagabonds" Chapter 10

Ongoing fanfic Hunter x Reader/Fem Reader/OC

(Posted 2/29/24)

ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ

To read Chapter 9:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/741739026615353344/vagabonds-chapter-9?source=share

Word Count: 1.2K

Background: Time is running out for Hunter, Omega, and the crew of The Beldame.

Warning: Star Wars swears, Earth swears, fear, physical pain, fainting, blood, hypothermia, dog bites human, canon-typical violence.

(Credit: Cool moving star dividers by @4ngelic-wh1spers )

Recap:

As the jovial banter continued, a group of clones stood around the window, watching the planet recede from view.

“You think She and Little One have a chance?”

“Much better than staying on Kamino. The Nomaadi will take good care of ‘em.”

“Wish I could’a stayed on the planet with ‘em. Kriffin tired of this rat race.”

“Miss them already...”

“Shhh...we can’t. At least not right NOW.”

“Maybe sometime...in the future...”

“Yeah, younger ones go first.”

“Gotta be REAL careful if we smuggle any more out.”

A hush fell among the group as the planet disappeared with only cold black space remaining.

"Stranded"

Far out in cold black space the Dread Beldame drifted.

After Mad had fainted and fallen to the floor, Sil turned her over. Pale and with a bruise from the fall developing on her face, he could feel the panic rising.

“Sil...breathe...” Omega had to keep him calm. “Love?”

The teen floated above the decking; eyes rolled back in their head. No answer.

Hunter had finally passed out from the horrific sensory stimuli.

Tiggy shook it off and ambled over to them whimpering. She pressed her body up against Sil to distract him.

The lights of the Beldame began to flicker.

“Sil! What’s going on? Are we losing power???”

Sil snapped to, furiously stroking Tiggy. “We lost main power after the Venator exploded.” He looked terrified. “The auxillary power is starting to fail...lights, gravity...and life support.”

Omega felt a chill go through her. “We can fix it...RIGHT???”

“No... we need another ship to hook up to the ‘Dame for recharge and repair.”

“It’ll be ok, Sil. The Marauder will be here soon!”

Sil shook his head. “Omega...the explosion pushed us parsecs away from Ord Mantell.” He got up, leaving Mad and Tiggy to check ships comm. He found them inoperable, then stared out into the blackness of space.

“I... recognize SOME of these stars. No planets or any other large landmarks. But we’ll continue to drift farther out.” He looked resigned to their fate. “Without coordinates, or a way to radio them, it’s going to be near impossible.”

“Tech and Echo WILL find us!” Omega was hopeful...but she was also scared.

The lights dimmed again and stayed at half capacity.

“It’s going to get VERY cold here soon, Omega. And we need to conserve oxygen best we can.” Sil opened a panel and pulled out insulation blankets and oxygen face masks.

Omega and Sil pulled Hunter, Mad, Love, Tiggy and each other close into a warm huddle, donned their oxygen masks, and hoped for the best.

Echo and Tech furiously checked as many comm channels as possible to hail the Beldame.

Techs voice was rising, “I cannot find them on ANY channel!”

Echo was starting to worry, but couldn’t concentrate...

“You stink!” Echo wrinkled up his face. “Get in the refresher, Wrecker!!! Pick up your armor, too.”

“Wait” interjected Tech “Who was that clone with you in the sewer tunnel?”

Echo perked up and turned around in his seat “Another clone on Ord Mantell other than Rex???”

“He called himself Riffraff. Escaped off world after Order 66.”

Echo smiled from ear to ear, “Thank the Maker! Vod made it.”

“You know him?” Tech inquired, still checking comm channels, trying not to panic.

“Yeah, he was a shiny I met from another unit just before joining the Batch. Good kid, he had promise.”

“He looked SO OLD though. Didn’t recognize him as a clone at first.” Wrecker was shocked.

“I agree with Wrecker, he must have aged to look like a first-generation clone with all the adversity he witnessed during Order 66 and after. He said he was staying behind to gain intel for a growing rebellion.” Tech’s brow creased stressfully. “STILL cannot hail the Beldame.”

“Wrecker, shower!” Echo ordered.

“I’M GOIN’! GEEZ!!!”

“Well, I hope he accomplishes his goal. The galaxy really needs a strong rebellion. Maybe more of our brothers will join the fight.” Echo looked hopeful. “Inhibitor chips be damned.”

“I’m worried about the crew of the Beldame” Tech looked to Echo. “Without a functioning shield they may not have escaped.”

Echo shook his head, “I REFUSE to even consider that an option.”

Darkness penetrated the Beldame. A thin coating of frost covered the huddled, blanketed crew. Omega and Sil were shivering violently from the cold. Love, Mad, and Hunter were still out, but breathing and warm...for now.

Tiggy, being small and warmly nestled within the center of the group squiggled up through the bodies. She climbed up on Sil’s chest and pressed her canine head against his forehead.

He felt a strange presence in his mind. The pitter patter of little paws though his thoughts...was the best he could recall. Sil was too weak to care. Concentrating on this was better than the agony of slowly freezing to death.

“...mega?” Was the best he could muster.

“Mmm...” She was barely there. He pulled her closer, trying to keep her warm with his body heat.

How much oxygen did they have left? Even with the masks...it couldn’t last forever. Was it the low oxygen levels or the cold causing them to fight to stay awake?

Tiggy crawled away from Sil and pulled herself up to Love, who was still levitating, but tied up close to their group for warmth. She whimpered and scratched at Love’s chest. No response. She barked.

“Tiggy, leave it.” Sil tiredly commanded.

The puppy whimpered and whined...then bit Love on the chin, drawing blood.

Love’s eyes popped open with the pain response.

“Tiggy, NO!”

Omega intervened. “Sil...I think Tiggy is trying to do something.”

“What?”

“Don’t know...”

Couzin? Love’s eyes rolled back in their head.

Tiggy bit Love again. HARDER.

Love’s eye focused on the pup. Oh...can’t...too weak...

Then Tiggy MASHED her head up against Love’s. Her little tail wagging furiously. Omega and Sil watched closely.

For what, they didn’t know.

Bubbles filled the refresher shower. Wrecker scrubbed away at the stink on his skin. On his third wash to finally be rid of it.

Plunging his face under the faucet a tune wound an earworm into his head.

Wrecker hadn’t turned on his holotunes, but an oddly discordant song kept repeating in his head. More like a repeating snippet of a song...with some percussion.

It became stronger. Then Wrecker started to hum...over...and over. Tapped his foot even.

He finished, dried off, dressed. Still humming the tune, tapping the percussion now with his knuckle on the bunkroom wall.

Wrecker wandered to the cockpit...

...humming...

...tapping...

Echo and Tech were backtracking coordinates, retrying comm channels, plotting hyperspace lanes...concerned for the worst.

“Like they just disappeared!” Echo furrowed his brow.

“Echo...I think we MIGHT have to entertain the idea...” Tech eyed his brother with concern.

“NO!”

...humming...

...tapping...

“I know it’s difficult to consider...Echo...”

“I WON’T accept that they may be...”

...humming...

...tapping...

Tech swung his chair around to look at Wrecker.

Wrecker was grooving along to some type of internal tune. Humming along and tapping on the Marauder’s interior wall. It wasn’t exactly musical, but Wrecker didn’t seem to mind, eyes closed, and he just kept on jamming along.

Echo took Tech’s lead and watched Wrecker for a few moments.

“WRECKER!” Echo shouted.

“WHAAAAT?”

“Why are you tapping out Basic Standard Code?”

Wrecker shrugged. “Stuck in my head...can’t stop.”

“Keep going, Wrecker.” Tech urged, rubbing his chin.

They watched Wrecker repeat the humming and tapping over and over.

Echo broke the silence, “DEFINITELY BSC! The message keeps repeating. Don’t know what the other part is...”

Tech interrupted excitedly. “Notes on the musical scale!”

Tech repeated the Basic Alphabet that corresponded with the notes to Echo.

“With the Basic Standard Code...” Echo started the sentence...

...and Tech finished it, “They’re coordinates!”

They both spun their seats around and immediately engaged the Marauder.

Wrecker stopped humming and tapping. “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

To read Chapter 11:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/744912201871245312/vagabonds-chapter-11?source=share

29 notes · View notes

star-girl69 · 11 months

Text

Ultraviolence

Natalie Scatorccio x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: i hope you all enjoy!!

warnings: swearing, mentions of fire, mentions of death, mentions of a panic attack, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Five - Give Me a Reason To Love You

—-

1996-

It was haphazard, but after ripping a bunch of little strips of random t-shirts, Misty had managed to create a secure bandage for the gash on your face. There was a loop running over your eyebrows, one in between your mouth and nose, and another around your chin. It was awkward, and you felt a little claustrophobic- which made you think back to when Nat had placed her arm around you on the plane- but it was better than leaving an open wound to the elements.

I’m so tired, of playing, playing with this bow and arrow,

Gonna give my heart away,

Leave it to the other girls… to play

The music in your ears was a welcome distraction, and you were glad that you had decided to bring it, your small walkman and black headphones, since you always wrote best when something was playing softly in the background.

Night had fallen, and with it came darkness, and cold. A sudden burst of light, and Natalie had used her lighter to spark the fire the girls had made. You leaned forward, greedy, rubbing your hands together and placing them palms out towards the growing flame.

You could hear Nat laugh slightly over your music.

For I’ve been a temptress too long,

After everything that happened today, it was nice to stick with facts, and not make believe. The worst thing imaginable had just happened to you. Everyone thinks “it won’t be me” until it is them. They say, “it won’t happen to me, it couldn’t” until it does.

And you weren’t a fool. You saw how Tai and Van gravitated towards each other, your saw the looks, the care and concern, the touches. They were in love, and you weren’t a fool.

You knew what having a crush felt like.

But you had never expected to have a crush on a girl. Much less the enigma that was Natalie Scatorccio.

Just give me a reason,

To love you

Give me a reason,

To be… A woman

Natalie sat next to you after a moment, staring at the fire that was rising strong, flaring into a bright red and orange inferno.

You let your mind wander back to the cold, the cold of the wilderness, that not even a fire could assuage. The fire was warm, but not warm enough, so you wrapped your arms around yourself- thinking of insulated houses.

I just want to be a woman

Natalie was like fire, in a way. She was unpredictable. One day she could be burning houses down, the next she was keeping a group of teenagers warm in the wilderness. But like fire, she could be used- fire doesn’t just start all by itself. It needs a match. A catalyst. And the world had given Natalie plenty of sparks.

You wondered if she got to close- would she burn you? You always thought of yourself like a deadly nightshade, but plants could catch on fire easily.

Are you willing to take that risk?

“Give me a reason to love you,” you think.

—-

“I’m sure the plane has an emergency transmitter sending out a distress signal,” Shauna says suddenly. Everyone glances up at her from the fire, and you can still faintly see the image of the flame burned into your eyes, flickering across her face, dancing in the warm glow the actual fire casts.

“They’ll be here to rescue us by morning.”

But Shauna doesn’t know the future.

You were distracted by the sound of loud chewing, nuts cracking between someone’s teeth. Your stomach twisted at the thought of food, and you looked up at Van, at her apathetic face staring into the flames.

“Still…” Jackie started, “Maybe we should conserve some food? In case they don’t get here till later in the day?”

Van nods, her face twisting into a disgusted sort of scowl.

“You want to save the CornNuts?”

They stare at each for a moment, before Jackie looks down, and no one else at the fire speaks for a while.

—-

“You okay, Laura Lee?”

Tai taps Laura Lee’s arm, who’s still clutching that poor bear, and you notice the tears in her eyes.

She stares at the ground a second longer before replying, shaking slightly.

“This is all my fault,” she whispers.

Everyone sits up taller and looks at her. What could somebody like Laura Lee do to make our plane crash, you wonder? She’s sweet and kind, and prays more than anyone else you know.

“I did something really bad,” she whispers. Tai looks to Van, who simply shakes her head. Tears start falling down Laura Lee’s face, and her voice grows thick with sadness. “I kept screwing up in my piano lesson last week. Mrs. Brophy kept yelling at me. ‘Sharp. F sharp. F Sharp.’ I just… I couldn’t take it anymore. So I called her a bad word.”

She sniffles, and you can’t help but look around the fire, seeing everyone’s shocked and confused faces glow in the orange light.

“Just in my head, but… God heard me. Now we’re all be punished.” She says it so mournfully, and even though you’re sure God has bigger things to deal with- you can’t help but feel for her. She truly believes she caused this- but she didn’t. It was a freak thing. No one is to blame for that.

“What did you call her?” Tai whispers.

Laura Lee looks up with her big eyes filled with tears, true regret on her face.

“Cunt,” she says, so softly.

Van is the first one to laugh.

At first, everyone tries to hide it, looking down at the ground, keeping their lips pressed together tight, but eventually- the stress of their day’s events are wearing on everybody, and maybe this release is what you need.

Soon, the wilderness is filled with the sound of girls listing hysterically, gathered around the fire.

You see Laura Lee even let out a small giggle, which only makes you laugh more, until Lottie speaks.

“I steal shitty clothes from T.J. Maxx,” she rushes out, staring at the flames. The laughter dies to down. “I return them, and I get credit that I never use, and I have thousands of dollars in T.J. bucks.”

More laughing, even as Misty touches up the fire.

“I, uh, used to sneak downstairs after everybody had gone to bed,” Jackie starts with a wistful smile on her face, “and watch Color of Night so I could pause it on Bruce Willis’s wang.”

“Definitely why we crashed!” Tai chimes in, earning more laughter.

“I mean, Jeff’s not bad, but damn.”

More laughter, even as Shauna looks away, no laughter pouring from her mouth.

And, maybe it’s the adrenaline still in your veins from earlier in the day- but you confess next.

“Um, sometimes I leave these really stupid, really mean notes on Gordon River’s desk before school paper meetings.” Everyone waits for a second, for some grand reveal of how he wronged you. “He’s just so fucking bitter towards me ‘cause I’m a better writer than him.”

More laughter. A part of you wants it to stay like this forever- this peace. But, you can hear the wilderness all around you- the rustle of a few branches, the soft scurrying of a squirrel or a chipmunk through the leaves, the sounds of an owl.

The wilderness is only just sinking it’s claws into you.

—-

2021-

The scar on your face had gotten better with age. Once you had gotten out of the wilderness and some moisture had returned to your face, the scar healed much better. Countless doctors appointments, antibiotics to make sure there wasn’t anything brewing under the now-closed skin.

For months after the crash, when reporters followed you at every turn, they would always ask about your scar.

Did it come from the crash? Did it come after? Did one of the other girls hurt you?

The sudden vision of a hazy, humanoid figure. A crown rested upon her head- but it wasn’t like the one in movies or books. It was a crown of bone, of antlers, like a deers. The Antler Queen-

You rubbed your eyes, looking into the mirror, tracing the faint scar on your face. You had gotten really lucky with it. It was only on your face, not your head, so you didn’t have a concussion or a brain bleed. And besides for the fact that there was a huge gash in the middle of your face, it was superficial. Deep, but it didn’t hinder your ability to move your face or talk in anyway.

You thought about Natalie.

You didn’t think about her a lot these days, but she used to always smell like cigarettes and alcohol- especially those first few days after the crash. And with an apartment soaked in the stench of nicotine, it was hard not to think about her.

She tasted like cigarettes and alcohol too, even after the wilderness, in those few months you spent motel hopping around the south- shutting the blinds each night, turning the TV on loud and getting drunk and high and whatever else to pretend like you weren’t utterly dying inside.

Not only was the wilderness inside you, but it was wrenched itself into your soul in such a way that you would never be the same again. It had forced your organs aside, made a place in you where it wasn’t supposed to be. Something inside of you was broken. Displaced.

You doubted you could ever fix it.

The last time you saw Natalie was about a year ago, another stay in a motel, upstate New York, fucking around in some random city- far away from the forest.

That was when she overdosed. That night is hazy, but you remember pleading for her to stay with you, stay alive, and she did. You stayed just long enough to make sure she was alive, then you came back to the city. Moved into your cigarette-soaked apartment, got your job at Whole Foods.

A new number. A new address. A new job.

And in a place like NYC, she had no hopes of ever finding you again.

And you were fine with that. That’s what you wanted.

You couldn’t see her hurt herself again- and maybe that was selfish, but it was for you.

But on nights like this, when it’s fall, and it’s a little cold- you think about her. On nights like this, when a bird has found it’s way too close to your window, you think about a night you spent with her.

Neither of you had dont any drugs that night, surprisingly, and only had a little to drink. So in the dingy motel, in that cold bed, Natalie had wrapped her arms around you while you kissed her neck, laughing, talking about something you can’t remember.

When the wind picked up, it didn’t bother you. But when the tree started to scratch against the window, that’s when it started.

—-

2019-

At first, it had only spooked you. You were tired enough for one little noise not to totally terrify you. Besides, with Natalie practically surrounding you, you could barely hear the first scratch against the window.

The next few were the same.

Until the wind came again, faster and stronger, scratching, scratching, like the sound of a knife hitting bone, like the sound of someone screaming far away. The last sound prey would make, before they died.

You shot up in bed, dragging Natalie with you, while she blinked the sleep out of her eyes and tried to tug you back to her, asking if you had a nightmare, while tears streamed down your face and you covered your ears, letting out a small cry.

“What- what’s wrong?” Natalie asked, cupping your face with one hand to get a good look at you, her finger sitting perfectly over your scar.

“The tree,” you gasped, “the tree, the tree, Nat, please-”

She didn’t say anything for a moment. Just thinking, until she pressed a small kiss to your hairline, and whispered:

“We’re in Texas, baby.”

She grabbed the remote from the bedside table, turning the TV on, some random talk show about the best five kitchen appliances to make cooking easier.

And like that, with Natalie wrapping herself back around you, your face in her neck and the sound of a talk show host’s squeaky voice, you fell asleep.

—-

taglist:

@sweetdayme4427 @dreaming-for-an-escape @peachydoki

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #natalie scatorccio #natalie scatorccio x reader

90 notes · View notes