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neonovember · 1 year

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Reigning expectations pt.2

pairing: thor x fem!reader

summary: Your feelings of inadequacy come forth as thor tries to prove that you deserve whats been transcribed by the gods

word count: 4K

warnings: illusion to smut, depression, self esteem issues, thor’s dirty mouth, probably inaccurate depictions of Thor and Asgard

a/n: pretend I know what I’m talking about, this part two has been long over due

MINORS DNI

The clang of the mythological metal rang through the Avengers tower as it tobbled from your grip and lay flat against the hardwood floor. There is an imminent silence that blankets the team, as they, all of them, wallow in the confusion and wonderment that had just occurred.

The cool midnight breeze wafts in from the balcony doors, and New York glitters with phasing lights and smoke.

It lasts a mere second before the entire team has enveloped the space with rapid questions and demands, each derangily looking between Thor and an alarmingly frozen you. You press your fingernails into your palms, and as your ears begin to ring, the rush of realisation hits you hard then, and it almost tobbles you beside the damn hammer itself.

Quickly rising, your eyes scan the tower, and you don't hesitate for a second before dashing through your teammates, trying to escape the questions you have no answer for and the reality that you have no desire to face. The end of the hallway has an enclosed door that leads to an elevator that takes you straight to the rooftop, separate from the main elevator and one you've found all on your own. You were not shy from escaping into the night air to feel the relief of air gushing through your lungs, it was just a tad bit safer 12 stories high.

Pressing the buttons impatiently, you stand erect in the metal elevator, surrounded by glistening mirrors you can't help but scrutinise your reflection. A queen? A descendant of a god? You let out a pathetic laugh that you hide from yourself. There must have been some cosmic shift in the universe that caused you to lift that hammer, a blip in the loops of universes that made up your timeline, anything, everything, just something that didn't mean worthiness.

Your entire life you had gambled with bouts of low self-esteem, it would manifest through periods of deep self-loathing and merely acceptance of yourself. Everything you did, and every choice you made would be scrutinised by those closest to you, and when the team accepted you as their one you couldn't quite understand why. You didn't know it then but that moment was when you truly started living, the team was your bedrock, the resounding calm after the storm, they helped you pick up the pieces when they fell all those years ago, and now? Now you fear everything was about to change.

You slide down the elevator walls, feeling the mirrors crowding you, leaning in, as push your heated skin against the cool metal walls. You can’t face yourself, much less the thought of your mythological destiny.

— -

Thor’s POV

The team looks towards one another, confusion lifting their features from the amusement and loudness just moments ago.

God, you had truly lifted it. Every harrowing thought that clouds and preens against Thor's mind are are all confused and disoriented. But the pulse in his heart quickens, and his eyes glaze over and he just knows.

He always knew you were worthy.

It bubbles in his heart and causes a restlessness to clamour its way into his chest. It radiates from the tips of his toes to his golden locks, this knowing, it drives him to search and reach for you, for his girl, for his Lady.

A hand presses into his arm, tugging at the tailored navy cloth of a thousand threads

“Thor??, Thor can you hear me??” The baritone voice breaks through his fazed-out expression, causing him to turn swiftly to Steve.

Thor can only manage a gurgle of noise that escaped from his throat, his head swiftly nodding as a concerned look pulls against Steve’s golden features.

“Did you know about this? About another being on Earth holding the capability of your hammer?” Steve asks, eyes widening.

“Not even a celestial being Thor, a goddamn mortal, a human, our fuckin- our teammate, how is that even possible?” Banner interrupts, his gruff voice pitching higher at the end of his sentence. The smell of spilt booze and tobacco intensifies as Bruce sits down on the coffee table across from Thor.

“I-uh, I had no idea” Liar.

“The hammer, Mjolnir, it, it was crafted millions of years before our time, at the hands of mythological legends that embedded a deep power that cannot be explained nor restrained by the-the physics of this world” Thor begins to explain, hands flying across from him, gesturing to the tower and beyond the thick window walls.

The team leans in, the puzzling amusement wafts in the air and they hold their breath, none of them could lift it even a hair, and yet, you grasped it like it weighed nothing like it was a part of you.

What other hidden powers did you possess? What other lurking lineage would manifest out of the blue, causing them to wonder what you truly wore, even years later.

“While it may seem incredibly heavy to all of you, for me, and-and now for y/n” Thor gestures to your seat, before finding it empty, the imprint of your body pressed into the leather but no sign of you.

Thor quickly rises from his seat, moving from the crowding space of the coach, his eyes flicker across from the team, and still, your absence harrows deeper into his chest.

Shaking with earnestness to find you and tell you all the things left at the tip of his tongue and bit back into his lip, the sounds of the team are muffled from his ears.

A crackling fire breathes deep within him, black and blue flames licking their way up his stomach, pushing him, burning him with a sole purpose that bristles the hairs down his back.

Find her. Help her. Keep her.

“Thor? We’re you going?” Tony asks, the drunken liquor that had once softened his features hardened again, the prior events sobering him quickly.

“Y/n, she- she’s gone” Thor replies, his voice cracking as he begins to move

“Shit” Mutters Tony, before moving from his position, calling for Friday to secure the building, barring all exits.

“If she gets out, she’s going to be confused, that power that runs through your veins, it brings something within you, and if we don’t find her, she might- she’s going to..” Thor replies, his eyes darting across his teammates, tugging at his collar which has begun to itch his skin.

“She’s going to hurt some people” Steve replies, an understanding that blankets his features, nodding with a gruff mumbling through a tight-lipped mouth.

“More like a lot of people” Tony snorts, fingers fumbling at indiscreet buttons embedded into his tailored suit. Whilst the rest of the team begin gearing up to find you, and suddenly, like a flash of wind and rain, Thor gritty his teeth and steps forward.

“Wait, stop, STOP, before you all try and hound her, let me talk to her, I’m the only one who can, and believe me, she's not going to want her team mates scurrying around the tower like she's some intruder”. Thor says, before Tony scoffs loudly

“Listen, I get the whole kicked puppy appeal, and I know how you like to play Prince Charming, but we need to find her as quick as possible, this isnt just for our safety, its for hers. Did you ever think about that?” Tony replies, eyebrows raising expectedly.

“She barely knows what's happening to her, and she could end up hurting herself alright? Unlike many of you who think I actually care about the team, well maybe just Y/N but still.” Tony murmur, as he casts his gaze across the team.

“Which is exactly why I, need to find her, not you not the team, not Lady Friday, me” Thor emphasises the word, pressing his index towards his chest.

Tony sighs, he's shoulder giving way, teeth grinding and he bits back a harsh retort, Bruce shifts on his feet, knuckles rubbing across his bottom lip as his mind runs over the hundred questions and possibilities pressing his mind.

“Maybe he's right,” He says, causing Tony to swiftly turn his neck, eyebrows raising as he cocks his head in shock.

“Jesus Banner, you're telling me you agree with him?” Tony replies, a comical laugh leaving his mouth as shakes his head in dissaprovment.

“Look, Tony, I want, more than anything to find her as quick as possible and find out what or how this is happening, alright? But we've got to be smart about this, she's going to be out there, scared, and feeling disoriented, and that isn't a good combination with cosmic wielding powers. The only one who can reach her, through the fog and mist of confusion is Thor.” Banner replies, eyes noting Tony’s scrutinising gaze.

“You should go” A voice rises from the team before Bucky coughs loudly,

“He needs to go, Tony, she only needs one person at this point, and it's you, it's gotta be you” Bucky replies, nodding towards Thor who returns the same gesture.

“Always voted out of a team I practically created, why do I even try anymore” Murmurs Tony, scratching his chin roughly, before he seems to surrender as Thor’s blazing blues bore into him.

Before Thor has a chance to step forward, Tony's gruff voice presses him to stop.

His hands reach down to pat his pack pocket awkwardly, before shifting his reach into his jacket, he throws a small rectangle screen towards the golden-haired god.

“It’s a portable tablet screen that's directly connected to Friday, think of it as a, uh mini Friday in your pocket. If you need us, just click the side button twice,” explains Tony. As Thor pockets the tablet securely, he nods towards him, an understanding that is murmured between their eyes.

And with a turn, Thor takes off into the darkness of the expansive tower, following the route he's carved into the forefront of his mind. The route he knows you take every day, hoping to the gods he’ll find his girl.

--- -

Shouldering the rooftop door open the gush of the city air fills your lungs with mouthfuls, the sting of smoke and escaped steam wrinkle your nose and you sigh out loud at the circumstance you face this rooftop with.

You ride your dress up as you fumble to reach for a maroon brick, shoving it carelessly between the door and the adjacent wall to keep I from locking from the inside.

Walking through the rooftops brick terrace held together by rows of porcelain columns, the glitter of strung fairy lights glistens against your skin, the midnight breeze wafts through your hair and you can't understand why but there is a sliver of unease that runs down your back, bristling the hairs on the curve of it.

Stepping towards the edge of the rooftop, your eyes strain as they watch the waves of yellow cabs and red umbrellas, rolling over and crashing into the bank, pulling back, and pushing into the sea of people that engulfed this city. Sky-scratching buildings seem to loom down on you, as you raise your head towards the skies, towards the thin band of here and there, the world in which its lineage ran through your veins.

You wondered if you would live between those two worlds, between the green and blue of Earth and the luminous realms of Asgard. Would you have to forgo your life on Earth? Leave your teammates to go fight- to go fulfil some designated throne that had been waiting for you since the inception of time? Your thoughts are cut off as you feel that same shiver caress your spine, it's blinding in its uncomfortableness, like an itch you cannot scratch.

And without any conscious reason, you feel yourself recognise the presence of another being, one that feels connected to you, beyond the strained curiosity and shock your other teammates had plastered on their faces.

This person, they reach for you, the whisper of their knowing hands, strong, as they'd hold you, stripping away everything else, the constraints of normalcy and what dictates ordinary on Earth. Reaching for you, like they know, like they understand, like they too grasp the strength of the Nordic grafted hammer.

“Thor” You whisper, head tilted towards the black oil spill that spreads across the evening sky.

“M’lady” He replies swiftly, the sound of his boots stepping forward from their place leaning against the rooftop door frame.

“How did you find me” You chuckle humourlessly, letting the auburn locks fall across your face, a curtain that guards you against the world.

“If I knew better, I’d call it a hunch, but if I'm being completely honest? I can’t help but notice you in a room full of others, you pull me, like some invisible force, where you go I follow, call me foolish and I’d say I’m but a fool for you”. Thor replies, with a deep baritone voice that causes you to quiver.

You gulp at his admonishment, softly turning your body to gaze towards his lingering figure, a stretch of space between you two that told you if you didn't want this you could still back away and run from it. A stretch of space Thor always kept from you, keeping you at arm's length until now, until he couldn't bare to keep you away.

He overpowers everything, his stature looming over everyone in the team like some formidable statue, the cloth navy shirt and pants going to every muscle and ripple in his body, the threads stretching across his expansive chest and back.

The whips of his dirty blonde hair escape his haphazard bun, licking the edges of his beard and curved lashes beaded with a sunset yellow. The wind flutters around him, a blossom appearing on his cheeks and neck, as his eyes survey your expression, trying to decipher your response through the stone of your features.

“You-” You clear your throat as you continue “You truly mean that?” You whisper back, stepping closer towards him. He looks across at you, eyes fluttering under heavy lids, nodding furiously as he steps towards you, causing you to step back until the small of your back brushes against the rooftop railing.

“Swear to the gods, this is a truth I’ve held closer than anything in my life” Thor promises, he's closer now, close enough where you can trace the sun-kissed freckles across his cheeks or the whisper of a white scar that snakes its way across his forehead.

“Let me help you? Please?” Thor looks down at you, a fire burning within the storm of his azure eyes, waves crashing against each other, the depth of a dark beast that tries to swallow you whole.

You furrow your eyebrows, your heart pounding against your chest as you swallow thickly, looking up towards him you reach for his arm and he grasps you earnestly, squeezing hard.

“I don't want to hurt people Thor, and- and I don't think there is anything you can help me with” You reply, as you press your teeth into your bottom lip.

Thor’s gaze on your bristles, his jaw tight as he observes you closely, his eyes darken before he shakes the moment away.

“What do you mean?” Thor replies, confusion spreading across his features

“Thor, do you honestly believe I am some kind of long-lost queen to your dynasty? That I, have the duty and honour to carry that hammer?” You reply, your gaze shifting across his features, as a moment of realisation hits him.

“You don't think you're worthy.” He murmurs, shaking his head as if the mere saying revolted him.

You bite your lip, smiling hard before nodding, it was true after all, so why did it hurt so much when it came from his mouth?

“Did you think I truly believed I was when I grasped Mjolnir in my hand all those years before? Every single fibre of my being dripped with doubt that It wouldn't nudge, that some overarching god saw my deepest fears and believed them”. He replies, his eyes glazed as if reminiscing about life before.

You listen carefully, but can't help the look of shock that overpowers your features. The hammer was practically grafted for him, the hilt and handle moulded to fit the length of his hand. His big, burly, thick hands. And yet he was doubtful, a voice tries to doubt his words, saying they are just a front, but you know, deep down, that he is probably the only person who has spoken to you this truthfully, the only person you know looks at you and sees you.

“And you know what happened?” Thor continues “I picked it up, and with it those doubts lay where they would, and I was so thankful, that they saw everything, my deepest fears, but refused to believe them as true. Refused to give them any chance to destroy me”. He replies

“And now, I come to you, and hope to god I give you that same reassurance, that same ever-lasting remembrance that you are, and will always be, worthy” Thor replies, fingers tracing the curve of your face, tucking a curl behind your ear.

“This isn’t to say I don't carry those same doubts, trust me, darling, they are with me, each and every day, but most days, the belief in me is a little louder” Thor replies, a smile tugging his lips as he looks at you.

“It’s just- it's just so confusing. I mean why now?” You reply.

“Gods tend to have a pretty funny sense of humour, trust me” Thor replies, a chuckle escaping his mouth, it's beautiful, the sound still held back by nerves and the eagerness to not make a fool of himself infant of you.

You can't help but let a giggle leave you, the sound so foreign after so many years of your non-expressive facade, it felt good, to let yourself be free, let yourself go of the pain of everything unsaid.

“You know, before the team, before everything really, I had a sister. She was younger than me but so so tall, and had this amazing raven hair that just fell into beautiful curls down her back. I always felt I needed to protect her, even when I didn't know what that meant you know? And then she died, and my entire life just caved in on itself” You murmur, the memories of those years before pain you, the familiar burn aching just like it was yesterday.

“I was so broken Thor, I mean, just- I was ruined” You smile, tears ebbing on your waterline as you shake yourself.

“How could I possess such power, such significance, when I was so destroyed for years? When I couldn't even bath myself when I couldn’t- when I could protect her. I was weak, and that stays with you, I feel it in my bones. It stays with you” You struggle to swallow around the brick lodged into your throat, blinking back tears that have begun to stain your cheeks.

Thor's hand comes to swipe them away with his thumb, holding it there so that he grasped your face, and scooped it within the mass of his enormous hands. You get safe in them, like the horrors of your past could be protected by his index and thumb.

“The pain, the pain of losing someone close to you, it’s like that of losing a part of yourself, during the battle of Asgard, I had lost-” Thor coughs, shaking his head before continuing. “I had lost one of my dearest comrades, my confidante, my friend. I took it, the pain, and I kept it within me, letting it fester and bellow as more of my loved ones passed. I didn't know it then but I was slowly stripping away, decorticating and rotting from the inside out”.

“I don't think I will ever forgive myself you know? For not doing enough, for doing too much, I don't know. It’s all such a blur, just feelings and memories now, that pain is there.” Thor replies mournfully, pressing a hand to your chest softly.

“But there comes a point where you have to make a decision, to either allow yourself to sink further down the depression and grief, are allow it to be a part of yourself, letting its waves crash over you rather than against you, let the storm take you until it has no choice but to pass”

“It’s there and we carry it with us every day and isn't that enough? Isn’t the pain we feel a testament to our love? To the love, we felt for them? In some weird way, this hammer? Mjolnir? it saved me. Appearing every time I called for it, by my side through it all, and I want that for you, I want you to feel that you can trust me enough to keep me by your side”. Thor replies, wiping away the tears that glisten from the city lights from your cheeks, dipping his head to lean it against your own.

“Oh Thor” You sigh, the sound of his name ripping through you like an avalanche, the emotions you've kept buried deep within the carcass of your chest finally ripped wide open.

Thor shudders at the sound of his name leaving your pretty lips, gods he was enamoured, the way your soft voice whispered the curves and flicks of his syllables. He wonders how you'd whisper it, how you'd shout it in the throes of pleasure, keening as he filed you to the hilt, dark hair sprawled as he rocked into your slick folds.

“I came to his rooftop as a signal of my resignation to this crazy idea of wielding Mjolnir, to give in, yet again to the harrowing voices that had soon taken over every thought in my brain since my sister's death” You reply, eyes shifting to the murmur of the Hudson, the deep river that held and accepting your darkest admonishes, your darkest secrets with open arms.

“And now, now, you've let me see, Thor, you've let me finally see” You croak, a teary smile as you reach for him, your hands grasping at the hairs on his nape.

“How can I thank you? How can I possibly thank you for believing me, my stupid fears, my regrets, my past? For taking the chance none in years had ever?” You reply

Thor looks down at you, the beginnings of an unravelling love tearing through his features, his eyes shining as the gaze over each slope and line of your face, hands tugging as they grip your waist closer to his towering figure.

God, he thinks he’s always known you were something special, from the moment you had spilt half your coffee on him to the moment you had tackled him down on that rubbery training room floor. The curves of your hips pressing into the hardness of his stomach- Jesus Christ.

He couldn't help but spend his nights imagining you pined under him after that, how pretty you’d look with him taking care of you, and now, with the reality, you would both be faced with, with you being able to imprint your presence in the city and world he loved, his cock throbbed with need.

He could picture it now, your curved back sleeping peacefully in his bed in Asgard, left bare save from the threaded blanket strewn between you both. The shine of the city’s morning light filtered into the large pane windows of the castle. Thor answering calls from the team, before you nudged him gently, the need spreading across your face with the bite of your lip and flutter of your eyes. Throwing the tablet across the room before pressing into you sopping heat with a groan, pressing soft kisses to your neck as he shushes you gently “I know baby, I know, let me take care of you hm?” And oh would he fulfil your every burning, dying wish.

Thor didn't have much these days, just stolen memories and tobacco-burnt loves. But now, now he felt he had you, entirely, now he felt you had him, wholly. Until all you saw was a man who wanted to love you, and all he saw was a goddess beneath him.

“Hold me tight, My Lady, and don’t ever let go” Thor presses into your neck, before the burning blue light of Mjolnir colours your eyes, the rooftop terrace, and the sky above. The electricity pushing you forth into the sky as Thor guides your hands to the hilt, letting you feel the power that surges in you, the power that is destined and owed to you, and you only.

His Queen.

Divider by @firefly-graphics !

Requests are always open, however as school begins my updates my be significantly shortened.

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