The Secret of the Urn (1966)

Yet another remake of The Million-Ryo Pot, this time the one-eyed, one-armed ronin Tange Sazen is portrayed by veteran samurai actor Kinnosuke Nakamaura (in Japan his portrayal of legendary swordsman Miyamoto Musashi in a 5-film series is,considered better than Toshiro Mifune’s in the Samurai Trilogy).

This film is directed by Hdeo Gosha, a master of chambara (Three Outlaw Samurai - both the film and television series, Sword of the Beast, Goyokin, Tenchu).

The film also stars Tetsuro Tamba, aka the hardest working man in Japanese cinema, and known better in the West as Tiger Tanaka in the James Bond flick You Only Live Twice (1967).  Tamba-san had also portrayed Tange Sazen: in a 1958 television series, and in the film Tange Sazen: The One-Eyed Swordsman (1963).

For thirty years prior to this film Tange Sazen had been portrayed as an irascible curmudgeon with a heart of gold.  He was basically your stern, yet kind-hearted, uncle who was always looking out for the underdog.

This film changed that.  In the spirit of the 1960s, when many heroes became anti-heroes (or downright villains), Tange Sazen became the monster that his enemies always called him.

Nakamura-san’s Sazen is unhinged, manic, bloodthirsty, and out for himself.  In the context of the film, which depicts how he lost his eye and arm as the result of a betrayal, this new attitude is understandable.  A trauma like that would leave anyone unbalanced.  I mean, that’s how Batman got most of his rogue’s gallery.

But, as fine as the film is - and it is very good indeed - Japanese audiences were not quite ready for this new Tange Sazen.  The long running Toei film series starring Ryutaro Otomo as a much friendlier, almost comedic Sazen, had only ended a few years prior.  Otomo-san’s portrayal was still fresh in many people’s minds, and the new Tange Sazen was just too jarring.

Perhaps not surprising, then, this was the last Tange Sazen film released in theaters.  The character would only return on television in a new series (1970) and several made-for-TV movies.

One of those TV movies, Tange Sazen and The Pot Worth One Million Ryo (1982), was directed by Gosha-san.  It was his remake of The Secret of the Urn, this time starring Tatsuya Nakadai (Sanjuro, Sword of Doom, Ran, Goyokin) as Tange Sazen.  The story remains essentially the same, but Nakadai-san’s portrayal of our hero is much more balanced; nowhere as manic and menacing as Nakamura-san’s.

Tange Sazen and the Pot Worth a Million Ryo (Sadao Yamanaka, 1935)

28. The Million Ryo Pot

Watched this for my East Asian Martial Arts Films class and I gotta say, it was real good. Like, it's genuinely really funny and a lot of the humor has aged well. I also noticed that aside from being black and white, it looks to me like how American sitcoms have looked for... at least as long as I can remember. Very glad I got to see this as part of a class.

Japan Foundation Touring Film Programme 2023 – Always Evolving - Japanese Cinema Then, Now, and for the Future

Japan Foundation Touring Film Programme 2023 – Always Evolving - @jpflondon #JFTFP23

  In the year of its 20th anniversary, the Japan Foundation Touring Film Programme will grace the screens of arthouse cinemas across the UK from  February 03 to March 31. During that time audiences in the region will be able to see a selection of 20 films that have been selected to fit this year’s theme, “the evolution of Japanese cinema” and audiences will have the chance to watch films that…

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Currently visiting family in Florida, and check out what I found!

This book was an excellent resource when I was discovering old samurai movies back in college. Over the years, I have managed to track down quite a few of the hidden gems mentioned in these pages (including Tange Sazen and the Pot Worth One Million Ryo and Bloody Spear at Mount Fuji), but plenty remain unavailable in the United States. Still, it’s fun to read Galloway’s descriptions and imagine the films.

Sazen Tange and The Pot Worth a Million Ryo (1935)

Tange Sazen yowa: Hyakuman ryō no tsubo (Yamanaka Sadao, 1935)

This is a 7 second clip from the very end of the 2004 movie The Secret of the Urn, which is a re-make of the 1935 film The Million Ryo Pot, the first of seven Tange Sazen 丹下 左膳 movies.

Movie aside, can we please appreciate the difficulty involved in drawing a long sword from the left side of the body using the left hand? Like, this looks so easy but it’s really, really not - and previous Tange Sazen movies get around this by having him wear his swords on the right after losing his right arm. Now, I have tried this because … research … and let me tell you, that is both difficult and potentially dangerous. First, you need a flexible wrist to position your hand correctly - that is, where it needs to be for a proper grip once the sword has been drawn. It’s really awkward. Second, Japanese swords are worn blade up, so when you draw with your left, the cutting edge is right there, meaning you potentially risk cutting yourself (or at least your sleeve).

The Million Ryo Pot (1935)

Rating: Very Good

Original title: 丹下左膳余話 百萬両の壺 (Tange Sazen Yowa: Hyakuman Ryō no Tsubo) Director: Sadao Yamanaka Language: Japanese More: IMDB

Denjiro is based on Denjiro Okochi

Pretty similar looking guys, huh? Well it’s not just the glasses and the name that are the same.

Not mihopero related but little thing I noticed. Has some spoilers of One Piece chapter 973 so putting it to read under.

“ Denjirō Ōkōchi (大河内 傳次郎, Ōkōchi Denjirō, 5 February 1898 – 18 July 1962) was a Japanese film actor most famous for starring roles in jidaigeki directed by leading Japanese filmmakers. “ His well known role is that of Tange Sazen in The Million Ryo Pot.

"The loyal Sōma clan samurai Tange Samanosuke is attacked and mutilated as the result of a betrayal, losing his right eye and right arm. He then begins to lead the life of a nihilistic ronin, using the pseudonym Sazen." 

Now in One Piece chapter 973 it is revealed that Denjiro is Kyoshiro, the big bad yakuza boss. Interestingly Kyoshiros back story is almost identical to that of Sazen.

Denjiro comes back as a brooding ronin and starts using an alias, Kyoshiro. Its way too similar to consider a coinsidence.

They all look alike and Kyoshiro and Sazen have similar hair styles! I don’t know if this has been noticed by someone else before but I think its a pretty neat theory.

Denjiro Okochi as the irrascible one-eyed, one-armed fighter for justice, Tange Sazen, in The Million Ryo Pot (1935).

1. Broken Blossoms or The Yellow Man and the Girl (Griffith, 1919) USA 2. Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari [The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari] (Wiene, 1920) Germany 3. Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler – Ein Bild der Zeit (Part 1 - Part 2) [Dr. Mabuse, the Gambler] (Lang, 1922) Germany 4. The Gold Rush (Chaplin, 1925) USA 5. La Chute de la Maison Usher [The Fall of the House of Usher] (Jean Epstein, 1928) France 6. Un Chien Andalou [An Andalusian Dog] (Bunuel, 1928) France 7. Morocco (von Sternberg, 1930) USA 8. Der Kongress Tanzt (Charell, 1931) Germany 9. Die 3groschenoper [The Threepenny Opera] (Pabst, 1931) Germany 10. Leise Flehen Meine Lieder [Lover Divine] (Forst, 1933) Austria/Germany 11. The Thin Man (Dyke, 1934) USA 12. Tonari no Yae-chan [My Little Neighbour, Yae] (Shimazu, 1934) Japan 13. Tange Sazen yowa: Hyakuman ryo no tsubo [Sazen Tange and the Pot Worth a Million Ryo] (Yamanaka, 1935) Japan 14. Akanishi Kakita [Capricious Young Men] (Itami, 1936) Japan 15. La Grande Illusion [The Grand Illusion] (Renoir, 1937) France 16. Stella Dallas (Vidor, 1937) USA 17. Tsuzurikata Kyoshitsu [Lessons in Essay] (Yamamoto, 1938) Japan 18. Tsuchi [Earth] (Uchida, 1939) Japan 19. Ninotchka (Lubitsch, 1939) USA 20. Ivan Groznyy I, Ivan Groznyy II: Boyarsky Zagovor [Ivan the Terrible Parts I and II] (Eisenstein, 1944-46) Soviet Union 21. My Darling Clementine (Ford, 1946) USA 22. It’s a Wonderful Life (Capra, 1946) USA 23. The Big Sleep (Hawks, 1946) USA 24. Ladri di Biciclette [The Bicycle Thief] [Bicycle Thieves] (De Sica, 1948) Italy 25. Aoi sanmyaku [The Green Mountains] (Imai, 1949) Japan 26. The Third Man (Reed, 1949) UK 27. Banshun [Late Spring] (Ozu, 1949) Japan 28. Orpheus (Cocteau, 1949) France 29. Karumen kokyo ni kaeru [Carmen Comes Home] (Kinoshita, 1951) Japan 30. A Streetcar Named Desire (Kazan, 1951) USA 31. Thérèse Raquin [The Adultress] (Carne 1953) France 32. Saikaku ichidai onna [The Life of Oharu] (Mizoguchi, 1952) Japan 33. Viaggio in Italia [Journey to Italy] (Rossellini, 1953) Italy 34. Gojira [Godzilla] (Honda, 1954) Japan 35. La Strada (Fellini, 1954) Italy 36. Ukigumo [Floating Clouds] (Naruse, 1955) Japan 37. Pather Panchali [Song of the Road] (Ray, 1955) India 38. Daddy Long Legs (Negulesco, 1955) USA 39. The Proud Ones (Webb, 1956) USA 40. Bakumatsu taiyoden [Sun in the Last Days of the Shogunate] (Kawashima, 1957) Japan 41. The Young Lions (Dmytryk, 1957) USA 42. Les Cousins [The Cousins] (Chabrol, 1959) France 43. Les Quarte Cents Coups [The 400 Blows] (Truffaut, 1959) France 44. A bout de Souffle [Breathless] (Godard, 1959) France 45. Ben-Hur (Wyler, 1959) USA 46. Ototo [Her Brother] (Ichikawa, 1960) Japan 47. Une aussi longue absence [The Long Absence] (Colpi, 1960) France/Italy?48. Le Voyage en Ballon [Stowaway in the Sky] (Lamorisse, 1960) France 49. Plein Soleil [Purple Noon] (Clement, 1960) France/Italy 50. Zazie dans le métro [Zazie on the Subway](Malle, 1960) France/Italy 51. L’Annee derniere a Marienbad [Last Year in Marienbad] (Resnais, 1960) France/Italy 52. What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (Aldrich, 1962) USA 53. Lawrence of Arabia (Lean, 1962) UK 54. Melodie en sous-sol [Any Number Can Win] (Verneuil, 1963) France/Italy 55. The Birds (Hitchcock, 1963) USA 56. Il Deserto Rosso [The Red Desert](Antonioni, 1964) Italy/France 57. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (Nichols, 1966) USA 58. Bonnie and Clyde (Penn, 1967) USA 59. In the Heat of the Night (Jewison, 1967) USA 60. The Charge of the Light Brigade (Richardson, 1968) UK 61. Midnight Cowboy (Schlesinger, 1969) USA 62. MASH (Altman, 1970) USA 63. Johnny Got His Gun (Trumbo, 1971) USA 64. The French Connection (Friedkin, 1971) USA 65. El espíritu de la colmena [Spirit of the Beehive] (Erice, 1973) Spain 66. Solyaris [Solaris] (Tarkovsky, 1972) Soviet Union 67. The Day of the Jackal (Zinneman, 1973) UK/France 68. Gruppo di famiglia in un interno [Conversation Piece] (Visconti, 1974) Italy/France 69. The Godfather Part II (Coppola, 1974) USA 70. Sandakan hachibanshokan bohkyo [Sandakan 8] (Kumai, 1974) Japan 71. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Forman, 1975) USA 72. O, Thiassos [The Travelling Players] (Angelopoulos, 1975) Greece 73. Barry Lyndon (Kubrick, 1975) UK 74. Daichi no komoriuta [Lullaby of the Earth] (Masumura, 1976) Japan 75. Annie Hall (Allen, 1977) USA?76. Neokonchennaya pyesa dlya mekhanicheskogo pianino [Unfinished Piece for Mechanical Piano] (Mikhalkov, 1977) Soviet Union 77. Padre Padrone [My Father My Master] (P. & V. Taviani, 1977) Italy 78. Gloria (Cassavetes, 1980) USA 79. Harukanaru yama no yobigoe [A Distant Cry From Spring] (Yamada, 1980) Japan 80. La Traviata (Zeffirelli, 1982) Italy 81. Fanny och Alexander [Fanny and Alexander] (Bergman, 1982) Sweden/France/West Germany 82. Fitzcarraldo (Herzog, 1982) Peru/West Germany 83. The King of Comedy (Scorsese, 1983) USA 84. Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence (Oshima, 1983) UK/Japan/New Zealand 85. The Killing Fields (Joffe 1984) UK 86. Stranger Than Paradise (Jarmusch, 1984) USA/ West Germany 87. Dongdong de Jiaqi [A Summer at Grandpa's] (Hou, 1984) Taiwan 88. Paris, Texas (Wenders, 1984) France/ West Germany 89. Witness (Weir, 1985) USA 90. The Trip to Bountiful (Masterson, 1985) USA 91. Otac na sluzbenom putu [When Father was Away on Business] (Kusturica, 1985) Yugoslavia 92. The Dead (Huston, 1987) UK/Ireland/USA 93. Khane-ye doust kodjast? [Where is the Friend's Home] (Kiarostami, 1987) Iran 94. Baghdad Cafe [Out of Rosenheim] (Adlon, 1987) West Germany/USA 95. The Whales of August (Anderson, 1987) USA 96. Running on Empty (Lumet, 1988) USA 97. Tonari no totoro [My Neighbour Totoro] (Miyazaki, 1988) Japan 98. A un [Buddies] (Furuhata, 1989) Japan 99. La Belle Noiseuse [The Beautiful Troublemaker] (Rivette, 1991) France/Switzerland 100. Hana-bi [Fireworks] (Kitano, 1997) Japan

Akira Kurosawa’s List of His 100 Favorite Movies

Every Piece of Media I Consumed in 2023

Wow! What a year it's been for me watching movies, reading books and manga, and playing video games. I don't know if 50 on the dot is my personal most, but I'm really happy to see just how much I filled out the big stack of TVs that I decided to edit. I'm shocked, like actually SHOCKED that not only was there SO MUCH, but also how much I enjoyed most of it. I even played/watched/read things that came out this year for once. If you want my thoughts on any of it, the full list of links to all of my posts documenting it all throughout the year will be under the ReadMore. So I'll leave you with my 3x3 for the year and if you want details, you know where to look.

Death Stranding

Cyberpunk Edgerunners

Shin Ultraman

Splatoon 2

Parasite

Code Vein

Katana Zero

Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion

Destiny 2: Lightfall

Super Mario 3D Word + Bowser's Fury

Neon White

Bocchi the Rock!

NEO The World Ends With You

Metal Gear Solid

Jojo Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable (Live Action Chapter 1)

Sing a Bit of Harmony

The Matrix: Resurrections

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

I Am A Hero

Jojo Part 6: Stone Ocean

Log Horizon Season 3

Jojo Part 7: Steel Ball Run

Charm Studies

The Twentieth Century World: 1914 to Present

The Mandalorian Season 2

There is No Poverty At the End of Labor (1920)

Pokemon: Path to the Peak

The Million Ryo Pot

The Book of Boba Fett

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Inside Mari

Okaeri Alice

Barbie (2023)

Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse

Adventure Time

Adventure Time: Distant Lands

Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake

Yakuza Kiwami 2

Star Wars Andor

Everything Everywhere All At Once

Death Note

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

Death Note: The Musical

Super Mario Brothers Wonder

Death Note (2006)

Kung Fu Hustle

Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga

Honkai Star Rail

One Piece

Record of Lodoss War: Deedlit in Wonder Labyrinth

the snow is bleeding red (ShikaSaku)

part 1 of the “The Haruno Clan is a samurai clan”

part 2 - part 3

Read it on AO3!

There is nothing easy about those missions. It's the third one Shikamaru has been involved in, and only the second in which he is the honeytrap. He knows it's usually ANBU territory, because those guys are trained to endure and overcome the kind of emotional toll it takes on you. Once in a while, though, when none of the black ops are available, or if they need a complimentary skillset to their human bait, they'll call a standard jonin. That's where he comes in.

Ino-Shika-Chō is a interrogation squad, it has always been. That's what they're good at; gathering intel, making people talk, fooling them into giving up the information. Shikamaru knows how easily it would have fallen onto Ino's shoulders if he hadn't stepped up to volunteer. He knows himself, he won't be able to do it for long, but it's better than watching his best friend wither so soon. It doesn't change the fact that he wants to scratch every inch of his skin and soak in a bath so long he might drown.

The mission is far from over, though. He was asked to get intel on the Haruno Clan, a samurai family from Iron which still served the major Houses. Their specific skillset made them more appealing that shinobi for some jobs, enough that they remained the wealthiest clan in the country. Shikamaru familiarized himself with the samurai customs and knows how common it is for the youngest members to seek other men's company when they leave their teacher. Posing as a refined escort was the easiest way in.

So far he only had one client, a twenty-something arrogant boy with ruby hair -a recognisable trait of the clan- and a constant smirk on his pretty face. Getting him to talk is the hardest part. The samurai brags and talks about his achievements, but never slips a word about his clan or what their aim is. Shikamaru suspects they're aiming for the Daimyo seat but has yet to find any evidence to back up his claim.

The hotel he's staying in is the most expensive of the capital, a city twice as big as Konoha and from the look of it, twice as poor. It's nowhere close to Kiri or Suna, but it is obvious Sanrōgakure has a clear divide between the richest and the poorest of its citizens. He packed as well as he could, but a good chunk of his mission money went into the finest winter clothing he could find. The cold is burning his cheeks every time he leaves his room, so bad he had to buy some kind of cream made of fat to prevent frostbite.

Shikamaru had to build quite the reputation when he got here in order to get the attention of the samurai. He's stopped counting the number of baths he took since arriving to the Land of Iron. Sanrō has a pool of customers looking for a good time, and even by picking the wealthiest clients, he still had a number of highly unpleasant time before Ōkei of the Haruno Clan noticed him.

Ōkei is expecting him again the next day, and though he hasn't asked for sex yet, Shikamaru knows it's going to happen. It's cultural for them and it's a mission for him, so there's no way he'll do anything to stop it. Nevermind that the sheer thought of it makes him sick. That's the main reason while he's curled up on the chair next to the window, a blanket around his shoulders as he watches the snow fall quietly on the city. The night is darker here that he's ever seen it in Konoha, a southern land where the days are sunny and long. Here, night falls quicker than you expect it and brings with it a storm every three or four days.

He's contemplating getting up to make another pot of tea when there is a knock on his door. Shikamaru frowns. He's not supposed to see Ōkei until the morning and he has stopped informing the patrons of the hotel of his availability. Usually, when they hear about his work with Ōkei, and the Haruno Clan by proxy, the back down easily. Shikamaru sighs. In any case, the visitor isn't leaving if the repeated knocking is to be trusted, and he is tired enough to want to deal with this as quickly as possible.

Shikamaru leaves the blanket on the chair and crosses the large room to answer the door. He has to bite his lip not to make a sound of surprise when he sees the pink hair and broad frame of the woman in front of him. She's clearly a Haruno, and one of the few samurai on top of that. He hasn't heard much about the women of the clan, most of them secluded to their estate or having small jobs in the city. Iron isn't as advanced as Konoha, and he can count on one hand the number of female samurai he's seen, let alone talked to.

As soon as the door is opened, the woman barges into the room and closes it behind her. She's still in battle armour, which would already be highly unusual, but her face is bruised and it doesn't look like the kind of injury you get from a fight. Shikamaru grits his teeth and crosses his arms, knowing that she won't bulge until he's heard what she wants.

"I'm giving you one million ryo if you fuck me before morning."

Shikamaru almost chokes in surprise, his eyes widening at the dead serious expression on the woman's face. She looks a few years older than him, maybe twenty-five, but he's never seen such dead eyes on someone who isn't a shinobi. He doesn't know the samurai that well, but he doesn't get the impression they do job as bloody as shinobi do. And to offer him that much money means she's hiding something, something big. One million ryo is twice what he's paid for the entire mission.

"What's the catch?" He asks to buy himself some time. He needs to figure out if she's important in the clan. If so, he might be able to ditch Ōkei entirely and focus on her.

"There's no catch. Men don't like samurai women and I'm very frustrated."

Shikamaru almost buys it. She looks confident, standing straight in the room with her armour catching the light of the lanterns. But he sees the tremors in her hands, curled into loose fists at her side. That woman is either furious or terrified, and the bruises make him believe in the latter. One million ryo, though, and she might have the information he's looking for.

"How do you want me?" He says quietly, taking a step in her direction. He doesn't miss the discreet flinch in her arrogant smile.

"Fuck me into the mattress, pretty boy, let me remember it."

And so Shikamaru complies. It takes him all of eight minutes to notice something is very, very wrong. She naked from the waist up, only a pair of cotton under-armour covering her legs. Her armour is on the floor, where his clothes joined it a minute ago. He took her to the bed where she sat down, watching him undress with a stony face. She doesn't comment on his scars, unusual for an escort, and he says nothing about the bruises on her arms and belly as he goes down in from of her. As soon as he lays an hand on her thigh, she tenses up like he's hurt her and her breathing quickens.

Shikamaru slowly moves up and kisses her neck, kneeling between her opened legs. Had he been anywhere else than pressed against her throat, he would have missed the whimper that escapes her at the gesture. He stops immediately and backs off. Eight minutes.

"Are you a virgin?" He frowns, her eyes meeting his in a defiant look.

"So what if I am?"

"I don't do virgin."

He goes back on his feet and gathers his clothes, slipping his pants back on. A hand on his arm stops him from covering more.

"I wont beg, but I can offer you more money. Name a price."

Again, she looks fearless and angry, when a second before she was petrified under his mouth. Something feels so wrong.

"Okay what is it. There someone you want to impress? Scared to look stupid in front of your friends?"

She scowls, brave and fierce like he's never seen a shinobi be. That's the samurai's honour, right here. As easily as she grabbed him, though, she releases his arm and sits down on the bed. Suddenly, she looks tired, almost defeated.

"How much do you want?"

"Tell me."

She sighs and closes her eyes. With a shaking hand, she rubs a bruise on her cheek.

"I need you to fuck me so the clan can't sell me to the noble they've been trying to make a deal with. He won't take me if I'm not a virgin. The Elders say I've been a fighter too long and it's time to make up for the time and money it cost to train me. Now I must pull my weight for the clan and serve my real purpose."

"What happens to you if you don't marry the noble? If he doesn't want you?"

She looks away, towards the window. "The clan will banish me and burn my name from the family scroll. I'll be a rōnin."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

In a instant, she's gone. He turns around, his hand going for a weapon pouch he doesn't find, but it's too late already. There is a blade on his throat and two naked breasts pressed against his back.

"Do I seem like a placid, civilian wife to you? I'd rather die than become that man's thing."

"Then why don't you run?" He swallows, the blade tracing a line of blood on his skin.

"Because they'll come after me. I won't be a rōnin, I'll be a traitor. And they'll chain me if they need to, before giving me over to him. I'm good, pretty boy, but I don't stand a chance against the entire Haruno samurai force."

He frowns. "They'd send everyone after you?"

"I'm Haruno Sakura," she snorts like it explains everything.

And it does. He's only heard of the heiress once, from Ōkei, and it was in terms he couldn't help to remember. He's never seen so much hatred and respect battling in a single man's eyes. Now he understands why. She holds the Clan's future in her hands and apparently, she's been their secret weapon for a long time, good enough to never be linked to Haruno-hime, the pretty heiress of the samurai clan.

"I'd rather be dishonored and exiled than a traitor in chains or a noble's plaything. Now let me repeat the question, pretty boy. What you're price?"

Shikamaru swallows again and gently pushes the blade out of his throat. He turns around and look at the fierce woman with a steady sword and a shaking hand.

"I'll do you pro bono."

There is a certain satisfaction in knowing he took part in the fanciest shit show the Land of Iron has ever witnessed. Haruno Sakura is absolutely terrifying when she storms into her future former clan's estate, in full ceremonial armour. He's following a couple of steps behind and enjoys every second of the chaos she creates by entering the Council room with a stranger.

The Elders are there, with the General and a middle-aged man wrapped in an expensive red kimono. They all gasp when she slams the doors open and barges into the room. She looks down right triumphant.

"Honoured Clan Head, Respectable Elders, let me introduce you to my lover! I don't actually know his name, so you'll have to excuse the breach in protocol. He's amazing in bed, though, so I felt it evened out."

(he's really not, but he'll let her have her fun. She deserves as much)

"Sakura-hime! What is the meaning of this!"

"The meaning of this, dearest father, is that I'm kindly asking you to all go fuck yourselves and your outdated traditions. If you want so badly to make an alliance with this pig, why don't you take his cock? You seemed so eager to let me have it, I thought you'd like having a taste yourself!"

"How-"

"Shut your fucking mouth! I am a samurai, a Battlemaster blessed by the Sanrōyama shrine. You will not sell me like I'm a fancy piece of furniture!"

She draws her sword and they all recoil in fear. But she only grins and slips the wooden pin out of her long hair. It cascades along her back before reaching her thighs. He's heard of the gesture but he realises how important it is when the collective gasp of outraged fuckers echoes in the room. She gathers all her hair in one hand, and with a swipe of her katana, cuts it as close to the skull as she can. Then she drops it on the negotiation table and spits on the floor.

"Here's my Haruno legacy. I exile myself from this fucking clan and I'll be an amazing rōnin a couple of continents away from you motherfucking cunts."

On those words, she storms out of the room again and Shikamaru dutifully follows her until they've left the estate. Only then does she look at him, her seething eyes softening at the peace on his face.

"Now, nameless stranger. I've been through your stuff tonight and I'm not that sure you're an escort. I'd bet on a Leaf nin, but who knows these days."

Shikamaru sighs but doesn't deny. His mission is ruined and it's entirely his fault for sympathizing with this strange, brave woman.

"I have another deal for you," she grins, the pride behind it erasing the anger.

"I'm not sleeping with you again."

She raises an eyebrow. "I've said nothing about sleeping. I'm assuming you weren't there because you fancied Ōkei that much. So here's the deal. I'm telling you everything about the Haruno Clan and all I know on Iron's government."

"What the catch?" He says, an echo of the previous night hidden in his cunning smile.

"There no catch. But you'll take me to Konoha, and you will make me a shinobi."

Shikamaru grins.

"Deal."

Recently Viewed: Tange Sazen and the Pot Worth a Million Ryo

[The following review contains MINOR SPOILERS; YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!]

Two swordsmen stare each other down. Wind howls through the empty street. Sweat trickles. Eyes narrow. Limbs tense. Suddenly, steel flashes, and the opponents charge and clash! A suspenseful moment of uncertainty passes. Then, finally, one combatant collapses. The survivor sheathes his blade.

It's a stock scene, instantly familiar to fans of such essential jidaigeki classics as Sanjuro, Harakiri, and Three Outlaw Samurai—but Nikkatsu's Tange Sazen and the Pot Worth a Million Ryo fundamentally alters its emotional impact with the addition of a simple punchline:

“Why’s that guy groaning so much?” the victorious duelist's young companion innocently inquires as he emerges from his hiding spot, spared from having to witness the violent encounter.

The ronin merely shrugs, smirks, and replies, “He gambled and lost.”

Although the chanbara genre wouldn’t attain widespread popularity until the 1960s, its basic visual language had already been thoroughly established before the end of the silent era. Still, it’s a bit surprising to learn that the various tropes, clichés, and storytelling conventions of samurai movies were being subverted, deconstructed, and outright parodied as early as 1935. Adopting a tone that more closely resembles the contemporary comedies produced by Laurel & Hardy and the Marx Brothers than it does the cynical source material (much to the original author’s chagrin), director Sadao Yamanaka reimagines Tange Sazen's eponymous one-armed, one-eyed antihero as a lazy, grumpy teddy bear—an uncouth layabout that pretends to be a taciturn nihilist… but in reality can’t stomach the thought of an unhappy child.

The entire film revolves around such humorous juxtapositions. One minor (albeit narratively significant) supporting character, for example, is a penniless junk peddler that masquerades as a wealthy merchant in order to impress the bewitching proprietress of the local archery parlor. The deuteragonist, meanwhile, is the disgruntled second son of the Yagyu clan, who tirelessly searches for the titular teapot—or, more specifically, for the map secretly hidden therein, which leads to a vast buried treasure. That’s what he tells his nagging wife, anyway; in actuality, he quickly discovers that he enjoys aimlessly wandering the city’s bustling red light district, flirting with pretty geisha, and shirking his responsibilities as a fencing instructor. Consequently, he makes every effort to prolong his quest. “After all, Edo is a huge place,” he repeatedly insists. “[Finding the pot] could take ten or twenty years, like vengeance!”

By playing the pulpy premise for laughs instead of melodrama and adding humanity and dimension to traditionally flat archetypes, Yamanaka crafts a work of pop art that feels wholly unique in an otherwise formulaic cinematic landscape. Elevated by razor-sharp editing (including several expertly implemented Gilligan Cuts—seeing our gruff protagonist reluctantly doing exactly what he literally just refused to do is consistently hilarious) and excellent music, Tange Sazen and the Pot Worth a Million Ryo is a genuine postmodern masterpiece—even in its current incomplete form.

(Seriously, missing footage has rendered the climactic battle borderline incomprehensible. The fact that the rest of the plot is sturdy enough to compensate for such a glaring omission is nothing short of miraculous.)

1. Broken Blossoms or The Yellow Man and the Girl (Griffith, 1919) USA 2. Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari [The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari] (Wiene, 1920) Germany 3. Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler – Ein Bild der Zeit [Dr. Mabuse, the Gambler] (Lang, 1922) Germany 4. The Gold Rush (Chaplin, 1925) USA 5. La Chute de la Maison Usher [The Fall of the House of Usher] (Jean Epstein, 1928) France 6. Un Chien Andalou [An Andalusian Dog] (Bunuel, 1928) France 7. Morocco (von Sternberg, 1930) USA 8. Der Kongress Tanzt (Charell, 1931) Germany 9. Die 3groschenoper [The Threepenny Opera] (Pabst, 1931) Germany 10. Leise Flehen Meine Lieder [Lover Divine] (Forst, 1933) Austria/Germany 11. The Thin Man (Dyke, 1934) USA 12. Tonari no Yae-chan [My Little Neighbour, Yae] (Shimazu, 1934) Japan 13. Tange Sazen yowa: Hyakuman ryo no tsubo [Sazen Tange and the Pot Worth a Million Ryo] (Yamanaka, 1935) Japan 14. Akanishi Kakita [Capricious Young Men] (Itami, 1936) Japan 15. La Grande Illusion [The Grand Illusion] (Renoir, 1937) France 16. Stella Dallas (Vidor, 1937) USA 17. Tsuzurikata Kyoshitsu [Lessons in Essay] (Yamamoto, 1938) Japan 18. Tsuchi [Earth] (Uchida, 1939) Japan 19. Ninotchka (Lubitsch, 1939) USA 20. Ivan Groznyy I, Ivan Groznyy II: Boyarsky Zagovor [Ivan the Terrible Parts I and II] (Eisenstein, 1944-46) Soviet Union 21. My Darling Clementine (Ford, 1946) USA 22. It’s a Wonderful Life (Capra, 1946) USA 23. The Big Sleep (Hawks, 1946) USA 24. Ladri di Biciclette [The Bicycle Thief] [Bicycle Thieves] (De Sica, 1948) Italy 25. Aoi sanmyaku [The Green Mountains] (Imai, 1949) Japan 26. The Third Man (Reed, 1949) UK 27. Banshun [Late Spring] (Ozu, 1949) Japan 28. Orpheus (Cocteau, 1949) France 29. Karumen kokyo ni kaeru [Carmen Comes Home] (Kinoshita, 1951) Japan 30. A Streetcar Named Desire (Kazan, 1951) USA 31. Thérèse Raquin [The Adultress] (Carne 1953) France 32. Saikaku ichidai onna [The Life of Oharu] (Mizoguchi, 1952) Japan 33. Viaggio in Italia [Journey to Italy] (Rossellini, 1953) Italy 34. Gojira [Godzilla] (Honda, 1954) Japan 35. La Strada (Fellini, 1954) Italy 36. Ukigumo [Floating Clouds] (Naruse, 1955) Japan 37. Pather Panchali [Song of the Road] (Ray, 1955) India 38. Daddy Long Legs (Negulesco, 1955) USA 39. The Proud Ones (Webb, 1956) USA 40. Bakumatsu taiyoden [Sun in the Last Days of the Shogunate] (Kawashima, 1957) Japan 41. The Young Lions (Dmytryk, 1957) USA 42. Les Cousins [The Cousins] (Chabrol, 1959) France 43. Les Quarte Cents Coups [The 400 Blows] (Truffaut, 1959) France 44. A bout de Souffle [Breathless] (Godard, 1959) France 45. Ben-Hur (Wyler, 1959) USA 46. Ototo [Her Brother] (Ichikawa, 1960) Japan 47. Une aussi longue absence [The Long Absence] (Colpi, 1960) France/Italy
48. Le Voyage en Ballon [Stowaway in the Sky] (Lamorisse, 1960) France 49. Plein Soleil [Purple Noon] (Clement, 1960) France/Italy 50. Zazie dans le métro [Zazie on the Subway](Malle, 1960) France/Italy 51. L’Annee derniere a Marienbad [Last Year in Marienbad] (Resnais, 1960) France/Italy 52. What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (Aldrich, 1962) USA 53. Lawrence of Arabia (Lean, 1962) UK 54. Melodie en sous-sol [Any Number Can Win] (Verneuil, 1963) France/Italy 55. The Birds (Hitchcock, 1963) USA 56. Il Deserto Rosso [The Red Desert](Antonioni, 1964) Italy/France 57. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (Nichols, 1966) USA 58. Bonnie and Clyde (Penn, 1967) USA 59. In the Heat of the Night (Jewison, 1967) USA 60. The Charge of the Light Brigade (Richardson, 1968) UK 61. Midnight Cowboy (Schlesinger, 1969) USA 62. MASH (Altman, 1970) USA 63. Johnny Got His Gun (Trumbo, 1971) USA 64. The French Connection (Friedkin, 1971) USA 65. El espíritu de la colmena [Spirit of the Beehive] (Erice, 1973) Spain 66. Solyaris [Solaris] (Tarkovsky, 1972) Soviet Union 67. The Day of the Jackal (Zinneman, 1973) UK/France 68. Gruppo di famiglia in un interno [Conversation Piece] (Visconti, 1974) Italy/France 69. The Godfather Part II (Coppola, 1974) USA 70. Sandakan hachibanshokan bohkyo [Sandakan 8] (Kumai, 1974) Japan 71. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Forman, 1975) USA 72. O, Thiassos [The Travelling Players] (Angelopoulos, 1975) Greece 73. Barry Lyndon (Kubrick, 1975) UK 74. Daichi no komoriuta [Lullaby of the Earth] (Masumura, 1976) Japan 75. Annie Hall (Allen, 1977) USA
76. Neokonchennaya pyesa dlya mekhanicheskogo pianino [Unfinished Piece for Mechanical Piano] (Mikhalkov, 1977) Soviet Union 77. Padre Padrone [My Father My Master] (P. & V. Taviani, 1977) Italy 78. Gloria (Cassavetes, 1980) USA 79. Harukanaru yama no yobigoe [A Distant Cry From Spring] (Yamada, 1980) Japan 80. La Traviata (Zeffirelli, 1982) Italy 81. Fanny och Alexander [Fanny and Alexander] (Bergman, 1982) Sweden/France/West Germany 82. Fitzcarraldo (Herzog, 1982) Peru/West Germany 83. The King of Comedy (Scorsese, 1983) USA 84. Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence (Oshima, 1983) UK/Japan/New Zealand 85. The Killing Fields (Joffe 1984) UK 86. Stranger Than Paradise (Jarmusch, 1984) USA/ West Germany 87. Dongdong de Jiaqi [A Summer at Grandpa’s] (Hou, 1984) Taiwan 88. Paris, Texas (Wenders, 1984) France/ West Germany 89. Witness (Weir, 1985) USA 90. The Trip to Bountiful (Masterson, 1985) USA 91. Otac na sluzbenom putu [When Father was Away on Business] (Kusturica, 1985) Yugoslavia 92. The Dead (Huston, 1987) UK/Ireland/USA 93. Khane-ye doust kodjast? [Where is the Friend’s Home] (Kiarostami, 1987) Iran 94. Baghdad Cafe [Out of Rosenheim] (Adlon, 1987) West Germany/USA 95. The Whales of August (Anderson, 1987) USA 96. Running on Empty (Lumet, 1988) USA 97. Tonari no totoro [My Neighbour Totoro] (Miyazaki, 1988) Japan 98. A un [Buddies] (Furuhata, 1989) Japan 99. La Belle Noiseuse [The Beautiful Troublemaker] (Rivette, 1991) France/Switzerland 100. Hana-bi [Fireworks] (Kitano, 1997) Japan