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Stanley Ipkiss X Reader – Me, Myself, And I

Description: After Stanley uses the Mask to rescue you, he becomes infatuated with you. The problem is that both he and The Mask wish to date you, so Stanley is forced to compete with himself.

A/N – This is a gift for a user who was very nice on A03 and liked my previous Mask fanfic.

Warnings – None.

Rating – T

You sat on a bench, waiting in Edge City Park for Stanley to arrive for your first date there.

The park was the place you loved most in Edge City. It was one of the few beautiful areas, free of the stench of pollution, the noise of the cars, and the masses of people. Usually, you were glad to be there, but waiting alone there in the evening didn’t feel entirely safe and you felt on edge as you wished for Stanley to hurry up so you wouldn’t have to be alone for long. Granted, Stanley wasn’t big or tough, but he was decent and you felt safe around him.

Besides, he’d met you in the park on more than one occasion. While he worked in the city, you were his dogwalker, taking Milo out for a long daytime strut, as well as several other dogs that travelled in your pack. Yet, though Milo was supposed to be working diligently during those hours, his boss would often send him on the coffee run, treating him more like an errand boy than a skilled accountant. So, to get back at his boss, Stanley would often take the scenic route through the park, occasionally running into you, Milo, and whatever other dogs you had on a day.

After months of dancing around your crushes on one another, Stanley had finally gotten up the nerve to ask you out, and you had suggested something casual in the park. Yet, while you loved Stanley’s company, you were cursing his tardiness as the last traces of light left you stranded in the dark, waiting for his arrival.

Each rustle of the leaves made you nervous. Yet, when there was nobody there, you chided yourself for being so afraid to stay out at night. You tried to relax, wondering what was keeping Stanley so long when you saw movement in the corner of your eye.

Your head snapped in that direction and you immediately stood up as a group of thugs headed your way, hooting and hollering at one another. There were six of them, four men and two women, all with mohawks and angry makeup. Fortunately, their attention was on one another and not you so you started walking brusquely away from them, hoping they wouldn’t pay you any heed.

“HEY!” One shouted.

You ignored the guy, hoping that he was yelling at his friends or perhaps someone else… anyone that wasn’t you.

He yelled after you again, and you hurried away faster, hoping to see any normal civilian that you could latch onto, finding safety in numbers.

The group ran up to you, getting in your face, laughing and jeering as they mocked you, asking what a sweet little thing like yourself was doing in their park. You were terrified, not only by the gang, but by the fact that they had made your safe place scary; even if you somehow got out of this unscathed, you knew that the small park would never feel the same as it once did, and you would mourn that loss deeply.

While you were being harassed by the gang, Stanley had been on his way to meet you, red and sweaty because he was late. When he saw you in the distance surrounded by the gang, he hid behind a tree. It was not the move of a coward, but rather of someone desperately trying to formulate a plan to save the person of their dreams.

Stanley peeked out from behind the tree. There were six of them; even with you, those odds were hardly fair, especially when he could see metal chains sticking out of their back pockets, and some knuckle dusters on one of the women.

Upon spotting a snake with green gems for eyes on the back of the punk gang’s jackets, Stanley recognised them as the Emerald Vipers. They often hung around the alleyways near his apartment; to see them this far out likely meant they were expanding their territory, and that was never a good thing.

Well, if these Vipers wanted to see something Emerald, Stanley would provide. He reached into his jacket pocket where his mask hung waiting for him. He hadn’t intended to bring it out with him, but its hold on him was growing stronger every day, and he couldn’t resist it.

After donning the mask, Stanley’s body became a whirlwind and when he stopped moving, he was in armour and holding a hobby horse between his legs.

“A vicious attack by dragons.” He narrated dramatically. “A lone knight to battle them. His noble steed, Patsy. And true love’s kiss to be won. So romantic,” He gushed, clapping his hands to his cheeks in an overexaggerated blush.

He grabbed the hobby horse’s reins “Away Patsy, away!”

With that, The Mask ran to your rescue, a trail of fire igniting the grass as he ran speedily in your direction.

“Stop, you hoodlums!” He ordered, placing himself between you and the gang. “You shall not attack one’s true love, for I shall vanquish-”

You screamed as one of the thugs hit The Mask across the face with a thick metal chain. He fell to the ground and little birds circled his head, though two of the tiny bluebirds left their post to try and pull him up by the shoulder plates.

The Mask shook his head, drew himself to full height, and then looked bemusedly at the thug, “Just like your mama used to hit.”

“What?!”

Before any more questions could be asked, The Mask grabbed his hobby horse, wielding it like a golf club.

“Four!” He cried out as he used it to knock the thug into the air and way off into the distance.

“What the-”

The other gang members were on edge now, and ready for a fight with whatever weird manner of being was in front of them. But the Mask dodged every hit, kick, and punch, except for those which would have hit you had he not absorbed the damage for you. It didn’t matter how many hits he took’; they didn’t seem to affect him. It was like he was made out of rubber since he always seemed to bounce back with a quip or a pun.

After five of the thugs were taken down in various ways, each arguably more hilarious or strange than the last, there was only one left. She tried to run away, but The Mask donned the apparel of a French artist. He painted an exact replica of the park on his easel, including the fleeing Emerald Snake. Then, when it looked like the Snake was almost free, The Mask added a black hole into the painting, and so it was that the final assailant fell into a rabbit hole, and it didn’t look like she would emerge any time soon.

Although you thought the Mask was done and were about to thank him for his heroic rescue, he wore one final costume, becoming a cleaner and sweeping up the downed gang members on a comically large dustpan and brush, before dropping them next to the bin.

“Keep the trash outta the park,” He said with a mocking shake of his head.

“Uh, excuse me,” You said quietly, uncertain of how to get the hyperactive character's attention.

He turned to you with a sly smile, his outfit switching to that of a forlorn poet in slim bay breeches and a white satin poet blouse.

“Oh, my sweetest love, one need not ever fear the dangers this cruel world might bring, for with the rising and setting of the sun, I have vowed to be thine protector in green. What sayest you to this, so that our hearts may meet in gentle kiss?”

“I um-” In truth, you weren’t sure what to say to such an overdramatic character, and since you didn’t know him, he made you more than a little nervous.

“Thank you for saving me,” You said after a minute. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come when you did.”

“But of course. I would have travelled treacherous fjord, swam the deepest ocean, crossed the harshest desert if only to rescue you,” He took a step closer to you with each declaration until he was almost pressed against you.

“With that said,” He grabbed hold of you, dipping you down suddenly, “What say we do like the French and make out?”

“Wha-”

The Mask kissed you, cutting off your annoyed protest. You squirmed against him, kneeing his groin and making him drop you as he squeaked in response, the attack not hurting as much as it would have if he were only Stanley. You scrambled away and took off running. Granted, you would have to explain to Stanley why you had stood him up the next day, but you were sure he would understand once he heard your side of the story.

“W- Wow,” Stanley pretended to be dumbfounded as you explained the events of the previous night over coffee in the small café at the end of your street.

“I know right, it was so weird,” You said, caressing your cup for warmth.

“So… After this Mask guy rescued you, you didn’t fall for him, or find him cute or anything?”

“What?” You laughed. “Are you mad?”

Stanley shrugged apologetically, a goofy grin playing at his lips, “Oh, you know, masked vigilante, a daring rescue, and he sounds like something of a charmer to boot. I wouldn’t blame you if you had some kind of attraction to him.”

You shook your head smiling, “Call me crazy, but that being straightforward just isn’t my type.”

“Not your type huh, then what uh- What is your type?”

“Hmm… Well, I like someone shy, sweet, he has to like animals, a little goofy… Someone who might just be sitting right in front of me.”

Stanley swallowed nervously. Okay, it was time for the first kiss. He knew that. You were giving him all the signs. The problem was that he’d already had his first kiss with you. Or rather, The Mask had, and while he wanted to kiss you, he was nervous that if he did, you would find that you secretly preferred The Mask.

“Stanley? Are you okay? You’re looking a little pale.”

“Uh, yeah, yeah…” Stanley stood up abruptly. “I- I’ll be right back.”

He strode quickly into the bathroom, his head a mess of thoughts, some his, but some which definitely belonged to someone else… someone green with envy. He hadn’t lied when he said he would be back soon, but when both he and The Mask wanted your attention, he wasn’t sure which version of him would be back.

Stanley was used to competing with other men for women’s attention, but he never thought that he would have to compete with himself.

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