CLASSIC LIT MEN RANKED FROM LEAST TO MOST DATABLE (As Decided By A Lesbian)
•DRACULA - crusty old creep, absolutely horrid, ruined the lives of at least eight people, turned one of said people into a vampire and nearly turned another, Hollywood likes to ship him with Mina for reasons that I don’t understand because he ALMOST TURNED HER INTO A VAMPIRE THAT HER FRIENDS AND HUSBAND WOULD HAVE HAD TO KILL.
•DR. MOREAU - it’s been a hot minute since I last read the book, but the fact that he performs vivisections on wild animals to turn them into humans is fucked up on SO many levels.
•ERIK - murderer, stalker, would probably combust if shown any semblance of actual affection.
•CREATURE - made to be pretty but Victor fucked that up somehow, killed 3 people out of revenge, would also combust if shown any sort of real love.
•GRIFFIN - canonically buff & smart, but he’s also an egomaniac & self-admitted ass (there is textual evidence for that latter point) with a god complex who plotted a reign of terror so . . . maybe not the best choice.
•THE TELL-TALE HEART NARRATOR - yeah, he doesn’t need romance. He needs psychological help. Desperately. If murdering an old man because his glass eye creeped you out, hiding his body in the floor, then hallucinating his heart beating during a police interrogation isn’t a red flag, then I don’t know what is.
•JEKYLL/HYDE - on one hand, he’s a middle-aged chemist who represses every desire he has; on the other hand, he’s an Uncanny Valley-flavored criminal who beat a man to death with a cane, so you can’t really win with this one.
•ICHABOD CRANE - he’s not a bad person, and he is well-educated, he’s just less interested in an actual, committed romantic relationship and more interested in the money he’ll inherit from it.
•SHERLOCK HOLMES - he’s in the middle because I actually don’t think he’d make a bad boyfriend—he’d just be oblivious to the efforts of anyone who tried to make a move on him.
•VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN - like Griffin, he also has a god complex, but this twink somehow managed to make Robert Walton fall head-over-heels in love with him two seconds of seeing him freezing to death in the Arctic, so there has to be SOMETHING there.
•THE TIME TRAVELLER - he seems like a really sweet, passionate guy. He’d definitely ramble to you about his time machine. My only qualm is that we hardly see him interact with people (at least, people in this stage of evolution).
•JOHN WATSON - he’s kind, he’s supportive, he’s a badass, he’s canonically good-looking and charming (a feature that Holmes uses to their advantage multiple times in the stories), and he’s a doctor. He’s perfect.
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Lately I've been considering a spin on morally dubious women from Greek epics, where Medea plays a role akin to Captain Nemo (foreign political exile with a grudge against the political Powers That Be and incredible expertise in sciences no mere mortal can begin to fathom) while Circe is more Dr. Moreau (sadistic researcher who experiments with castaways on her island)
@tabby-shieldmaiden, @headspace-hotel, @loki-zen: the post about expanding roles for female characters, as promised
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Do you ever think about The Island of Dr Moreau? Do you ever think about the fact that Prendick never fully recovered from what happened to him? Do you ever think about how he gained a dislike for people, religion, and everything he used to know? Do you ever think about the way he withdrew from society and never fully reentered it due to the trauma of what happened? Do you ever think about the fact that he didn't just go back to normal or do some 'real men don't experience emotion' thing? Do you ever think about the fact that talking through what happened and how it affected him with someone else helped him feel better and recover a little, even if things could never be the same?
Yeah, me neither. I am also normal and definitely don't think about this all the time.
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