#Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta
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I am unsure of
when loving you became such
an act of war.
— Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, from "Nunca muero," La Movida
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i don’t know
what i like more:
the desire, or
the agonizing pleasure
of self-torture.
i like girls, but
girls
don’t seem to like me;
In That Way, at least.
i love women
and
i love men,
just as i love
all of g-d’s creatures;
but that doesn’t mean
that i want them,
or to be wanted by them.
hotly spayed virgin
in heat that i am,
i don’t think that
i have a gender,
but i can now
certainly have an orgasm.
i orgasmed
on my way
to the slaughterhouse;
i orgasmed
on the
kill floor.
i wouldn’t say
that the struggle
is between
masculine and feminine.
there’s nothing
that i’m attached to,
i assure you.
i pluck the sinew,
and hold the cup
marked by my lipstick
up to the cloud’s mouth.
i acquire the fear
that i don’t hear
the affect,
because i don't have
the affect.
i would say
that the struggle
is between
decidedly unmasculine
and afeminine.
the struggle
is between
indecision and not caring.
Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, from “[untitled]” (x)
#quotations#poetry#tatiana luboviski acosta#bisexuality#gender#desire#this fucking poem#fucking feeling this right now
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Got tired of being a faceless daughter, so i became a poet.
Got tired of being a rotting altar, so i became a poet.
Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, from The Easy Body
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Got tired of being a faceless daughter, so I becme a poet. Got tired of being a rotting altar, so I became a poet.
- Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta
#aesthetic words#poetry#literature#quotes#darkacademism#dark academia quotes#dark academic aesthetic#dead poets society#wordsthatspeak#poets on tumblr#poetsworld#daughter answer#a girl is a half formed thing#tumblr poems
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[untitled]
Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta
once, while on a coke binge,
and away from my mother,
my father drove his car
across the sand
and into the pacific ocean.
before he had done that,
he had given away
all of his possessions,
and eaten
a steak dinner.
he survived.
And then,
he was able
to torture us
with his aristocratic ascetic drama
for years to come.
you can take a pisces
to water,
and all it will do
is challenge them
to cry more than the sky;
i say this with admiration.
how would it serve me
to make this up.
like my father,
i sometimes threaten
to succumb to wounds
and don the trappings
of desires
disguised as needs.
you may know them:
the sensible shoe;
the classical beauty;
the manicured hand
offered in neoliberal compromise.
i once told konrad
about how i successfully destroy
my attraction to strangers.
i imagine them standing above me,
as i lay prone
before them in their bed,
watching as they try
to get themselves
hard and or wet.
then i imagine
their sheets,
the hovering echo
of their mother,
the amount of humidity
in their bedroom,
if they put music on,
how their underwear
tucks in and around
their ass—
and usually,
around this time,
i’ve lost all
interest in them—
“that is so virgo of you,”
konrad said, admiringly.
“that is 1,000 percent virgo.”
virgo could be
my gender, or
it could be
my sexuality.
virgo in narrative lust;
virgo in high fantasy;
virgo in unhappy ending.
i don’t know
what i like more:
the desire, or
the agonizing pleasure
of self-torture.
i like girls, but
girls
don’t seem to like me;
In That Way, at least.
i love women
and
i love men,
just as i love
all of g-d’s creatures;
but that doesn’t mean
that i want them,
or to be wanted by them.
hotly spayed virgin
in heat that i am,
i don’t think that
i have a gender,
but i can now
certainly have an orgasm.
i orgasmed
on my way
to the slaughterhouse;
i orgasmed
on the
kill floor.
i wouldn’t say
that the struggle
is between
masculine and feminine.
there’s nothing
that i’m attached to,
i assure you.
i pluck the sinew,
and hold the cup
marked by my lipstick
up to the cloud’s mouth.
i acquire the fear
that i don’t hear
the affect,
because i don’t have
the affect.
i would say
that the struggle
is between
decidedly unmasculine
and afeminine.
the struggle
is between
indecision and not caring.
like all good
poor people and aristocrats,
i know how to have a good time.
why i refuse to
is my own problem.
like all good
leftists of a certain region,
i have never read marx
or the bible.
i know the gossip
well enough
to kneel and resist.
for example,
or perhaps,
for instance,
i was content enough
to be a corpse eater
among the lotus eaters,
and then a lotus eater
among the petroleuses.
and now,
i’m a petroleuse
among the corpse eaters.
“The original, working title of this poem was ‘Agon,’ after the 1957 Balanchine and Stravinsky ballet; the word is also ancient Greek for ‘struggle’ or ‘conflict.’ I wrote this poem as a sort of investigative elegy to my father, at a time when I was seriously struggling with my sexuality, studying astrology, and listening to two albums on loop: Neil Young’s Zuma and Eydie Gormé’s Canta En Español con Los Panchos. My father did not become a part of my life until I was eleven, when he entered treatment for alcoholism and substance abuse issues. He died when I was seventeen, and was reportedly unparalleled in his brilliance, eccentricity, and discretion. He was also a fan of ballet.”
—Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta
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Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, La Movida, 2022
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Mission Poetas on Tuesday, April 2nd
Kick off National Poetry Month at the CCSF Mission Campus this Tuesday, from 10:30am to noon. This special event will feature Xochiquetzal Candelaria, Josiah Luis Alderete and Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta. See last week’s post for more information.
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'Evening Mood' by Julia Holter
Another cut from the upcoming Something in the Room She Moves, another furtherance of Holter’s fascination with light and movement. Dancer Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta embodies that fluidity here, weaving and spiralling with wayward abandon through the nurturing wilds of nature. Holter writes: “in the lyrics is the word “alove”, originating from the song Chaitius on my last album Aviary. maybe alove is a mind state. I was trying to channel oxytocin. And Ponyo was on my mind again, the fish who turns into a little girl. I was inspired by the transformability of creatures, and how this works alongside our capacity for love.”
Something in the Room She Moves arrives March 22 via Domino Record Co.
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Books 2022
In 2022, I read 81 books (20 of them chapbook or chapbook type things) for a total of 11,092 pages. A lot more than I thought and had read during the super depressed era of the pandemic. I kept another notebook tabulating how many total pages I read including books I did not finish, and that number is 11,205 pages. Maybe it’s not worth it to keep these two types of lists, but I was curious how many pages I read of things I did not finish, but I also wonder how many books I had read some of in 2021 or earlier that then got added erroneously to the pages read of books completed in 2022 list!
Favorite Books read in 2022:
Plastic: An Autobiography by Allison Cobb
I like how she mixed in research on plastic and the environment with stories about her relationships and her mother dying. I also found out about the huge prevalence of asthma in Houston, which is due to terrible pollution from the plants around there, and remember how I had terrible asthma that required a machine you plugged in (like an inhaler, but breathing that medicine in for 5 minutes at a time) after we moved to Houston when I was 5.
Spacious Minds: Trauma and Resilience in Tibetan Buddhism by Sara E. Lewis
Even though it is a white anthropologist talking about Tibetans, and you wish it was a Tibetan writing it, really helpful for dealing with emotional pain, and quite the opposite of all that western therapy traditions say you should do with trauma. All is impermanent, create space between you and the problems you encounter, as they are not real. Rehashing it, digging deep into it, like in western therapy, just solidifies it more, whereas the Tibetans don’t view it as a solid thing.
For the Good of All, Do Not Destroy the Birds by Jennifer Moxley
Wonderful short essays about poetry with a recurring theme of birds in every type of context you could imagine, mixed in with stories of her life and her husband.
Electrical Theories of Femininity by Sarah Mangold
My poetry twin. I love everything she does.
To Look at the Sea Is to Become What One Is by Etel Adnan (Vol. 1)
I thought I’d get to volume 2 this year, but I didn’t. Loved reading about her time in Marin, as that is where I work, as well as, just everything.
Boys for Pele by Amy Gentry
My first 33 1/3 book I ever read and it was amazing. In addition to descriptions of her songs and in depth analysis of the music, she brings in a lot that is theory based which I was not expecting, which really appealed to my cerebral side.
La Movida by Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta
Romantic and activist and very The Mission.
Boat by Lisa Robertson
I always go into a trance reading her poetry.
Translation of the Lilies Back into Lists by Laynie Browne
Saw her read from this on a Zoom reading and immediately went and ordered it. Translating mundane lists we all make into poetry is totally my thing.
After Buddhism by Stephen Batchelor
Shocking in a cool way to read that the four noble truths were originally four tasks, and the "noble truth" thing was tacked on later. I really like the linguistic analysis about what was said and what we know to be the meaning being not what the text actually says. Some aspects of his critique later on became a bit uncomfortable though, and I just don’t think I ascribe to the atheism part of Buddhism in his style of American Buddhism. But really worth reading.
Interventions for Women by Angela Hume
Feminist/Environmental activism combined with very personal poetry about her failing relationship
An Event, Perhaps by Peter Salmon
New biography of Derrida (I had never read one). Enjoyed reading about his antidepressant, and not finishing his thesis for twenty years, and do feel like I understand some of his ideas better. Did not enjoy reading about his affair, and stealing ideas for his philosophy from a Vietnamese philosopher.
Southern Migrant Mixtape by Vernon Keeve
If only I knew what a great writer he was when he lived here. It’s in the more narrative style which I usually don’t like, but I loved it, very engaging.
The Empty Form Goes All the Way to Heaven by Brian Teare
Poems about struggling though an undiagnosed disability illness mixed in with poems about art.
Mine Eclogue by Jacob Kahn
I really like how he's obviously so charming, but also cerebral and definitely smart, but not in an authoritative way. I don't think you need to know very much about the eclogues besides the fact that it's about nature, because that's all I know. And I like that he got into them as his project.
Girls Against God by Jenny Hval
Goth philosophy more than a novel, but an occasional plot or character makes an appearance.
Drive By by Claudia La Rocco
A chapbook long short story that has several elements I still don’t understand.
Other books I read and loved but don’t have a little spiel about:
Regular Acid Consciousness by Paul Ebenkamp
An Essay, Ritual by Erick Saenz
Desgraciado: The Collected Letters by Angel Dominguez
Weirding by Lindsey Boldt
Facing You by Uche Nduka
Bionic Communality by Brenda Iijima
Worm Holes by Jamie Townsend
Grief Sequence by Prageeta Sharma
Memnoir by Joan Retallack
Necropolitics by Achille Mbembe
Ghost Notes by Kenning JP Garcia
The NIght Before the Day on Which by Jean Day
Eric Sneathen’s private mailings
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Presence: issue 1 In the Mist (2020)
“There is extra haze in the air these days, much more that we are all walking through together. Presence began as an idea for a mellow zine and a way to connect w people I was missing. It became a resonant wide-angle portrait of some distinct creative minds, some real intimacies shared; eavesdropping on a conversation with friends, the notes from a performance rather than a photo of the performance/performer themselves.”
- Liz Harris
Features work by/on Marisa Anderson, Ben Ratliff, Mica Levi, Coby Sey, Adee Roberson, Emel Mathlouthi, Dicky Bahto, Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, Steph Littlebird Fogel, and much more.
#liz harris#presence#zine#grouper#yellow electric#marisa anderson#ben ratliff#mica levi#coby sey#adee roberson#emel mathlouthi#dicky bahto#tatiana luboviski-acosta#steph littlebird fogel#will elias#sally lackaff
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You can’t see me if you don’t
recognize my violence.
— Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, from "Nunca muero," La Movida
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Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, [untitled]
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SPD Recommends The Easy Body by Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta (Timeless, Infinite Light).
"THE EASY BODY is written in letters of fire. The so-called sleep of the just (or 'the sleep of white girls') will be ruined forever for those who learn what Luboviski-Acosta's poetry knows in its brilliant, brutalized, resurgent bones. It's beautiful. Also terrifying. And necessary—if you're holding this book in your hands, don't let it go."—Lauren Levin
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Everyone moves in relation to a place that no longer exists.
Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, from “The Easy Body”
#tatiana luboviski acosta#quotes#q*#im going through some of the things i read a few years back don't mind me
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After an afternoon spent watching the embroidery of the
revolution being undone,
I go home just to shiver
and scratch myself.
— Tatiana Luboviski-Acosta, from The Easy Body
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hello honey!! finding you and everything you post has honestly changed me as a person and made me develop a huge interest in writing and poetry so thank you!! a while back you posted a beautiful compilation post about the relationship between mothers and daughters and you have a tag dedicated to that relationship. i was wondering if you had anything similar concerning the relationship between children and their fathers? maybe you have and i just completely missed it but anything you have to offer would be greatly appreciated. as always, keep being inspiring and lovely in every possible way and thank you so much :)
“Do you believe me if I say I only ever wanted / to be worthy of my father’s grief? / Of the kind of obsession that nearly drowns us?”
“‘Read poems as prayers,’ he said,”
“Father of shivering times crazed by each spring’s demand / Why would you know your daughter?”
“i am not afraid of men only of forgiving / my father without meaning to”
sarah kay, “hand-me-downs” / tatiana luboviski-acosta, “[untitled]” / daughter, “the woods” / julian randall, from “icarus imposter syndrome” / susanne sundfør, from “father father” / seamus heaney, opened ground / li-young lee, from “the gift” / stromae, “papaoutai” / susanne sundfør, “father father” / b.h. fairchild, from “the machinist, teaching his daughter to play the piano” / joan murray, “on looking at left fields” / cathy linh che, from “becoming ghost” / safia elhillo, “the persistence of damage” / elizabeth lindsey rogers, from “questions about the father" / desireé dallagiacomo, from sink; “origin story”
#and thank you sweet anon <3#fathers... are complicated.....#father father#regarde comme ta fille est faite#compilation#words#poetry
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