#THIS WAS REALLY SO SICK OF THEM | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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birdmenmanga · 3 months

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I think there's no greater indication that disco elysium is sympathetic towards communism when it literally says "communism is failure" and then the literal gameplay itself rewards trying and failing. The most obvious one being the Shivers check at the FELD mural, which is an Impossible 20 check BUT opens itself up again and again the longer you spend in the world doing things, but even just looking at sheer probabilities, for any given white check, rolling first and THEN putting a point into that skill upon failure is more likely to grant you success than putting a point first and then rolling, but that would require failing first.

Other things too: Precarious world saying you'll 100% fail red checks no matter what (not necessarily a bad thing, btw!! throwing the boule into the sea is a success but like. in some other ways one would want a perfect petanque throw instead. but people wouldn't typically assume that failure is desirable sometimes from the start) persuading you to accept that you'll fail some things that is irrevocable, for a world where everything is just a tiny bit easier.

The faux game over screen when you faint after reading Dora's letter— emulating a sense of failure on the scale of the entire game. When it rolls up most people go "What?? Game over?? No way, what did I do wrong!!" and waking up after that, with no huge or lasting impact on Harry's health or morale really tells the player, "Sometimes things will seem so bad that it all seems like it's coming to an end, but it's not the end, it's really not the end, go drink so water, you can still go on despite this failure"

I'm sure there are other things as well that are eluding me but like. The literal gameplay rewards failing and succeeding far more so than simply succeeding every single time, and I think you get a fuller experience of Elysium that way too

#just thinking thoughts...#disco elysium #idk man when did we get so scared of failing!!#people never want to speak in class because 'what if I'm wrong :((('#well then you are wrong... that is okay... it's normal to fail... sometimes saying the wrong thing is a great way to jumpstart a topic...#'getting a good grade in X is both normal to want and possible to achieve'#okay sure but have you made peace with the fact that getting a BAD grade in X isn't a bad thing?#a bad grade in being friends... okay... so you didn't check up on someone in 3 months... you failed... that's fine...#you can learn from it!! you can learn how to keep in touch with people. how to take care of them when they're sick.#how to resolve a dispute. how to communicate and compromise. these are all things you are not born with #and will fail first before succeeding at #Like yes I get that in the age of surveillance your failures may be recorded and preserved forever and that's not great #but if we don't normalize failure I really think we'll just suffocate and die

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yrsonpurpose · 6 months

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alex ± always needing to touch henry

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betweenblackberrybranches · 11 months

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Soooo Hanahaki disease am i right?

Part 2 Part 3

Luckily the guys arent in as immidiate danger as y/n because they can just open up their insides and get all that stuff out before it gets too bad... they could also just try to get over y/n but they would never do that

And y/n is just having a time being helplessly in love with their animatronic coworkers, too afraid to confess and too stubborn to forget about them

White clover and forget-me-nots if anyone is interested

#fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf dca #daycare attendant x reader #sundrop #moondrop #my art #hanahaki #would this be considered robot gore? you technically see their insides?#cw robot gore #???#well anyways i hate the version of hanahaki were you die if the other person rejects you because thats bullshit #i see it as your repressd feelings taking form so if you dont let go of them or let them out you get yourself seriously sick #so uh the flowers dont really represent anything i just made it what felt right #this is a 0% energy comic i just made this to get back into drawing the guys...

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wasyago · 7 months

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so, would you?

nothing important under the cut, you don't need to look haha

#inspired by the random youtube short i saw about how these types of questions are not really about logic but about emotion and reassurance #doesn't matter if the question doesn't make sense. you say 'yes' because you love them no matter what. not because its a worm or a bug or #or anything. its a way of saying 'i will love you when you've changed and when you're different. because it's still *you*.'#idk something about it just felt so gentle and genuine. like a pure display of affection through a silly question...#and of course fnc was the first thing i thought about because i got brainworms #jrwi fish and chips #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #gillion tidestrider #my art #sketch #also im back from a vacation! and i feel so awful i got sick the first day home and im sitting here at 6am drawing fishes and chips #the dialog feels a little ooc but i cant figure out if it really is or if its because my head hurts and i cant think #tbh it doesn't really matter.......... but it matters to me augh #ALSO yes the under the cut bit is about episode 109. i dont know if its clear or not

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turtleblogatlast · 17 days

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Every day I’m haunted by the fact the boys happily swim in sewer water

Even if it’s filtered somehow there’s no way it’s not still nasty 😭 Bet they can defeat any of their villains just by accidentally giving them diseases I swear

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #bless their hearts but they’re nasty #it’s funny because like #each and every one of them has moments #where they’re a typical disgusting teenage boy #and then the next they have STANDARDS #can’t blame Leo for being so determined to go to a spa #even if he nearly licked his own foot that’s prob cleaner than anything else the boys have been up to in years 💀#thank you shelldon for all your hard work cleaning after then 🙏#they’re all gross teenage boys!!!#even Donnie he is NO exception here #bro was DRINKING A BEVERAGE while wading through sewer water he is just as gross as his bros #bro also talks with his mouth full he is no more refined than his equally gross bros fr and I love it #but yeah no way that water isn’t disgusting even filtering it would still leave grime on the walls of the sewer for yearsss #pros of them moving into an abandoned subway system is fixing their sense of smell enough to not be as gross #100% that’s part of why they didn’t mind being so filthy pre shelldon #because I mean they were literally raised in the sewers and they’re teenage boys like that’s a double whammy #THEY ALSO DONT WEAR SHOES #the few times any of them do the shoes are discarded before heading home 💀#I love them tho they are endearing anyhow #April’s immune system must be godlike just being around them fr #honestly no joke Mikey’s probably the cleanest of them all #just by virtue of being a chef #Leo I see as a mixture since he no doubt loves to pamper himself so he’s clean like #a percentage of time before he goes out and ruins his own hard work #Donnie is similar in that he’s just VERY SELECTIVE about what he thinks is too gross #Raph may be more on the stinky end but it’s not his fault he has his stinks and eats things of dubious origin(esp since his bros ate poison)#Donnie and Leo really have the gall to be sick about Raph eating the origami salami but they have no room to talk #all their villains are prob like please stay away from us we have salmonella now

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noxclara · 7 months

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Is he a fake? Is this some kind of transformation technique? All the possibilities...

HE'S REAL...!

...Are rejected by his six eyes

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #geto suguru #satosugu #im really sorry if someone already pointed out this parallel already and made a beautiful gif about it #anime #I HATE THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SO SICK AN TWISTED GEGE AIMED TO MY HEART WITH THIS LIKE LET THEM BE FRIENDS AGAIN

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esmiara · 9 months

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Love confess-...oh!

Kind of a "sequel" to this, but it's really just about that one scene in fifteen.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #soukoku #skk #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #fanart #teen skk #reference y'know #but not actual teens #i really went “imma do a whole COMIC about this silly attempt n°2”#i missed doing some proper comics anyway #it's great #what is also funny (or scary) is that i drew them so much i don't need to look at refs or do a sketch anymore #there must be something to worry about there... uh...#“it's just a phase!” no it's not it's already been whole months and i'm still as sick about them #damn look at all this rambling

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lovingache · 14 days

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“𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲”

𝐭. 𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 summary: “𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲” | or the first time kageyama calls you “baby” is entirely by accident. warnings: aged up!haikyu!! (karasuno is a university) | no y/n, gn!reader, fluff, just some general cuteness tbh— I love kageyama, he deserves happiness word count: 1.2k a/n: yes, this is based on “first time” by hozier, i heard it and immediately thought of tobio because this is exactly how that man would react to being called a sweet pet name.

The first time that you called Tobio “baby,” he locked up as if you had insulted him. His hand, which you were used to seeing hitting effortless jump serves, setting quicks to Hinata, and generally being the dependable watchtower of Karasuno’s volleyball team, froze on your waist as if he had forgotten how to move his body.

His severe and intense gaze locked on yours as if he were attempting to solve a puzzle—as if he couldn’t believe that you had called him something so sweet and intimate. He gave you a curt nod as he dropped you off at your place, his hand lingering on your waist as he bid you goodnight and your name coming out softer than he intended.

He’d never admit it to anyone, but that night, he felt something stir deep inside his chest, unlike anything he’d ever felt. It wasn’t the same adrenaline he got from playing against hard teams, nor was it the same joy he felt when Karasuno proved victorious over other teams after hard-fought matches.

No, this, you, was different— something simultaneously died and was reborn inside of him when you called him “baby” that night, unlocking an emotion he never entirely understood when he heard others talk about it, but, in your presence, he understood it as if it were a practiced play.

You never pushed him to say it back, satisfied with relishing each time he said your name softly between sweet kisses or tender hugs. You weren’t here to change him. After all, you fell in love with Tobio because of how he is, not out of an aspiration to change him into anyone else. He just didn’t like to use pet names with you, you assumed, and didn’t push him for anything he wasn’t happy to give you.

So it’s safe to say that you didn’t see today coming. At first, you weren’t even really sure what he’d said. Tobio has a habit of mumbling, especially when coming down from the high of a hard match, so you could only make out bits and pieces of his greeting. You were too busy savouring how he held you as you jumped into his arms, congratulating him for a great match and winning against Karasuno’s opponent.

He gave you a tender smile, a rare sight for other people but a mainstay in your relationship, before giving you a soft kiss as he set you down gently. He had murmured your name, that’s for sure, but you couldn’t quite make it all out until you saw the look on the team’s face. Hinata’s and Tanaka’s faces, in particular, urged you to ask him as you gave Tobio a quizzical look.

“Sorry, what did you say, honey? I didn’t quite catch it,” You say, cocking your head softly to the side as his brows knit together, and a blush paints his cheeks at the name you called him.

“I.. didn’t say anything, I just said thank you—” he starts to say, his hand still resting easily on your waist, before he’s interrupted by Tanaka and Hinata running over to hug him, cooing about their friend’s heart finally growing three sizes.

“Wrong!” Tanaka yells as he hugs Tobio, circling his neck with one arm and patting his head with his other hand. “You totally just said ‘baby’! Who knew you had that sweetness inside you, Kageyama!” He teases as Hinata joins in.

“Yeah! You even said it all nice and stuff!” he adds, laughing with his senior as they mimic Tobio’s voice and cadence. “You were all like, ‘Hi, baby! Thanks so much, baby. I’m so happy you were here to watch! Mwah, mwah!!’” Both burst into laughter as they watched Tobio’s glare, waving off his muttered threat of a gruelling time next practice for them as they strode away.

The rest of the team lays off teasing him as they start walking to the locker room, but only after his seniors get their digs in. Azumane and Sugawara give him broad smiles with their thumbs up as they pass the two of you, and Tobio’s blush deepens.

“S-Sorry about them,” he says sheepishly, touching the back of his neck. "I guess it slipped out, and I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.” He apologizes genuinely as he looks into your eyes, hoping that his team didn’t scare you off.

You chuckle, circling your arms around his neck as you bring him down for a long kiss. “Don’t worry about it, baby,” you say, relishing the way he softens under the name, his features relaxing as he smiles against you. “You can pay me back by saying it to me so that I actually hear you this time,” you whisper, teasing him but also wanting to hear it clearly so you can store it in your memory.

He leans in close, the two of you the final people on the court as his team filters out completely, and he presses a tender kiss against your forehead. He chuckles softly at your request, an attempt to wave you off, but the glint in his eye tells you that he’s about to indulge you anyway, “Alright, alright.”

He gives you a slow, deep kiss, savouring the heat of your lips against his— a sensation he swears he will never get used to. It always sends that electric jolt throughout his body better than any perfect set or victory. He pulls back, soothing your hair and smiling, “Thank you for coming today, baby. I think I play better when I know you’re watching me.”

He presses a chaste kiss against your lips, “You’re like.. a guardian angel, baby. Did you know that? Maybe I should start calling you angel instead, hm?” He says against you, and his sudden shift in demeanour causes you to shiver.

You nod, running your hand through the hair on the nape of his neck. “I think that’d be great, baby,” You whisper, a blush painting your cheeks as the thought of him calling you “angel” crosses your mind.

“Is that so? Alright, ang—”

He’s cut short by Daichi’s voice ringing clearly in the empty gym as he opens the metal gym door, searching for Tobio. “Kageyama! Meeting!” He yells out from across the gym.

Tobio sighs, pulling away from you only slightly as he nods to his captain. “Okay, I’ll be there in a minute!”

“Now, Kageyama, we already waited five minutes for you. Let’s go!” Daichi calls, the heavy slam of the doors signalling his impatience.

Tobio leans in close, “Another time, baby.” He kisses your forehead as he starts to walk towards their locker room.

The door swings open again. “Kageyama, c’mon! Or do you want me to call you baby, too?” Daichi teases as he waits for Tobio at the door, watching him run up to his captain, apologizing half-heartedly for his tardiness.

You laugh as he teases him, knowing that Tobio’s doing his best not to glare at Daichi. You laugh even harder when you hear their bickering.

“None of you are allowed to call me baby! That’s special, and I’m not about to let you dumbasses ruin that name for me!”

“Alright, we’ll call you King again, how’s that sound?”

You shake your head as you gather your things, knowing that this teasing from the team is far from over as you make your way to wait outside their locker room— giddy at the idea of hearing him call you baby again.

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wholecakes · 4 months

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zoro who is so caught off guard by sanji’s kinder actions towards him is one of my favorite tropes. sanji crafting him specialized post workout snacks personally adjusted for him but still down to fight and call him names. he’s still the biggest asshole zoro has ever had the displeasure of knowing, and he’s horribly considerate. he’s a little confused but doesn’t reject any of sanji’s specialized treats. it’s not like sanji is fawning and doting over him like he does nami, so zoro feels like he can cross off sanji actually liking him from his list of reasons as to why sanji is acting like this. but it’s still fucking strange..

meanwhile sanji is in his kitchen wondering how zoro hasn’t taken a damn hint yet

#i always thought sanji was really weird about showing affection to anybody who isnt nami or robin #bcz with them its just second nature like he likes them so much its so easy to shower them in love #meanwhile you have ZORO who is like #‘is that asshole trying to kill me?’#zoro who thinks its similar to when you get a dog excited to get into the car only for them to go to the vet #thinks sanji is ‘buttering him up’ for his own sick desire #sanji whose sick desire is literally just to make snacks for his crewmate as a display of care #doesnt even have to be romantic just wants to show a bit of appreciation #still tagging as zosan because. luv my babas #zoro: wtf is your problem #sanji who just made him lunch: MY problem??#zosan #one piece #txt #roronoa zoro #headcanon #sanji #vinsmoke sanji #zoro #prompt

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anna-scribbles · 1 year

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“He was— He was my ‘buttercup’,” she sobbed out, and his hand gripped her far shoulder, “And I— I never even— I never got to tell him how much he m-meant to me— not even th-the stupid sun thing—”

“Oh… Marinette…” he whispered, his nose brushing against her hair, “The sun thing wasn’t stupid.”

this scene from chapter 6 of drowning (in plain sight) by @buggachat has PLAGUED me since i read it i am deeply unwell

#my art #ml #ml fic rec #miraculous ladybug #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #is it monday yet. is it monday yet.#ugh this fic makes me SICK #it hurts so much i’m sooo unwell #buggachat just. creates scenarios which wrench all my guts in such a specific way #thank you for your service queen. i’m doing so bad #would really really really like for things to get better soon #or keep making them suffer. i will absolutely be reading either way #also i colored this in sort of a different way than usual and it was fun #okay goodnight.

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seagiri · 5 months

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helmet party because i no longer feel like everyone is sick of me drawing these two art keeps getting harder each day and my brain feels fuzzy again

#delete later #im sorry i have this problem that whenever i get obsessed with something and make too much art of it i feel like im being observed and that #everyone is plotting behind my back and that everyone is sick and tired of me because im so annoying #im sorry i just really like them #i know prob nobody even thinks about my art but i just feel watched 24/7

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puppetmaster13u · 2 months

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I am rotatin @phoenixcatch7 Possessed Doll Au. And just had a realization.

Gotham would start having little mini dolls of the bats, wouldn't they. Like they would have Batclan merch and little good luck items. And that would definitely include people's best attempts at recreating each of the batfam.

Like can you just imagine Bruce, in his puppet body, getting approached by small child who excitedly shows him the tiny matching plush. To the rest of the league's bemusement because they find Batman very unsettling lmao.

#possessed doll au #batman au #batman #dc #dcu #cryptid batman #cryptid batfam #I bet each of the batkids get lil matching dolls for themselves too #And get Bruce his own batplush #Probably for fathers day or his birthday lol #I bet those plushes look horrifying to people not from Gotham #Everyone whose been like a generation or 2 in Gotham finds them adorable #The weird energy gets to them #Like Gotham canonically has lead everywhere yet no one is getting sick from it so Gothamites are just somethin different really

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icewindandboringhorror · 6 months

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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

#tumblr polls #hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today #still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual #They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully #it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec #fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since #I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm #ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos #or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things #I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming #over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY #I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb #e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about #different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see #stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I #can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone #said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects #the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm

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mrpsychokiller · 1 year

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this is how people talk about you online when you dont use they/them pronouns

#getting really soooooo sick of getting they/them'd and so many of my friends who dont use they pronouns also getting they/them'd #paradoxically its like people have been taught that using they/them is best bc its neutral so its better than assuming someones pronouns #and potentially misgendering them #but just forget that youre supposed to use they/them when you DONT know the persons pronouns and once you learn them you change to the #correct pronouns. it really shouldnt be that hard to take a second to check someones bio for their pronouns and use the correct ones #its like people dont take into account that they/them may be ''neutral'' but not everyone identifies with them or likes being called them #or that it might still feel like misgendering even if its not he or she #sigh...

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critter-covenant · 19 days

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"ooooh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!"

They'd be good friends I like to thinmk

#hoppy being very super touchy when happy or excited #catnap being touch averse with some exceptions (and preferring prior warning)#hoppy forgetting this fact and grabbing n' tugging him around when she gets excited anwyas (she'll apologize later)#they're so sillyyy #all the ways the critters get along on a one by one basis is so interesting to me I like to think about what makes them all click #im rambling again oops oops hoppy catnap friendship is also peak i take no criticism /silly #poppy playtime #poppy playtime chapter 3 #smiling critters #smiling critters fanart #catnap #hoppy hopscotch #poppy playtime fanart #sorry for disappearing for half a week I got sick and then just. didn't really draw sorry about that one chat #thats pretty normal behavior for me actually dw if I ever go silent for a while that's my norm unfortunately

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