more queer media aimed at young teenagers not just so the new wave of young queer kids have positive, joyful, proud representation, but also for those of us who grew up without it. who had to suppress it and ignore and make it palatable because the media was cold and uncaring. who had to settle for sexualization and fetishization and closeting and death. more positive queer media aimed at young teenagers so they can grow with it and so we can heal the inner thirteen year old who was cringey and awkward and queer and just wanted to be loved so, so badly

I feel so happy for those that can proudly display their Heartstopper books on a bookshelf. I would absolutely love nothing more than to buy all the comics and make an Alice Oseman shelf but I can’t. I secretly bought the 3rd volume and hid it at the bottom of my nightstand drawer, I read the rest of the volumes on Libby (library app). My parents are the kindest people on the planet, they just wouldn’t understand, and I’m not ready to put a label on myself. I would feel uncomfy if they knew the extent of how much I adore this story. I bought This Winter off of Amazon today and it’ll unfortunately go at the bottom of the drawer with my Heartstopper copy. I’m glad I found this series, it has brought me so much joy. I just feel so alone and isolated because I’m not able to share or talk about this love of mine in person. Tumblr is truly a safe space, I feel thankful.

🩷 💜 💙

[image found on Pinterest, credits go to rightful owner]

Two years of Heartstopper TV, what can I say?! It’s a rare thing for a show to take hold of my life like this and…not let go. I hadn’t read the comics when the show was recommended to me by a friend. I trusted her recommendation, went into it blindly, and sat down to watch it on a Friday night. The moment episode 8 ended, I restarted it and watched it all again halfway through the night. Then the next morning, I woke up and watched it again. Then during dinner on Sunday, I watched it again. I watched S1 FOUR TIMES in one weekend. It was as if I couldn’t bring myself to watch anything else. It was so beautiful and loving and powerful. It made me feel GOOD. And a lot of shows out there today don’t.

I obviously then purchased all the comics and fell down the rabbit hole, taking everyone who’d listen to my recommendation with me. At this point, two years later, I’ve watched that first season an innumerable amount. I could probably recite it word-for-word.

Something shifted for me, personally, with S2. I was somehow pulled in even deeper. I was captivated by the chemistry that brought Nick and Charlie to life. Joe and Kit were born for these roles—it blows my mind if I think about it for too long. The themes in S2 obviously grew more mature, and now having read the comics, I knew where we were headed. And once again, I watched S2 on repeat. That first week of its release, I watched it every night. Then I watched it every weekend through late-October.

And, as many of you know, it inspired me to begin writing my fanfic, Because You Loved Me, of a married Narlie in their late twenties, starting a new stage of their lives. They just…infiltrated my brain. In a way that I could never complain!

So, Heartstopper has changed my life in just two short years. I am now a fan of Joe and Kit and their upcoming projects, only wanting the best for them in this world because they gave us the perfect iteration of Nick and Charlie. I am knee-deep in writing said fanfic that brings me so much joy (and others too, from what you tell me 😉). I am consumed daily by the genuine love of Nick and Charlie. One of my favorite love stories written. One of soulmates and everlasting love, ages and sexualities be damned. For those two can get through anything, together, even as teens.

Heartstopper chipped away at my cynical heart and made me believe in romance again. 🥹✨🩵

QUEER LOVE DESERVES TO BE CELEBRATED LOUDLY! 🏳️‍🌈

Cheers to our upcoming S3, which will surely ruin my life even further, and fingers crossed that we’re blessed with a S4 to complete their story how Alice sees fit.

I’ll be here. Fangirling on main.

Dear @chronicintrovert,

Hi.

One year ago today, I sat down on a Friday evening to watch this new show on Netflix. I didn't know much about it other than that it was gay (inclusive) and British, either of which is enough to get me to watch something.

I knew it was eight episodes, so I didn't intend to finish the whole thing in one sitting. But I simply couldn't look away. I was stunned by every aspect: The concept, the writing, the acting, the animations, even the blue-yellow color scheme that I catch some new detail of on each rewatch. Before I knew it, it was midnight and I was watching animated waves splash around Charlie Spring and Nick Nelson, confirmed boyfriends.

The next morning, I sat at a traffic light on my way to the grocery store when I realized I was smiling for no discernible reason (it was 8 o’clock… I had no reason to be happy running errands at that hour). It was leftover joy from the previous night. Never before has media so affected me — infected me — as Heartstopper did.

Today, I can happily report Heartstopper had a tangible, deeply positive impact on my life. I devoured your entire back catalog of work, each one as impressive and engrossing and relatable as the last. I continued on, plowing through stacks of queer books (thanks, local library!) with a hunger I haven't felt since I was a teenager. 

You've also brought me my own creative fulfilment. Heartstopper inspired me to write more than I ever had before, and to get to know other wonderful, dedicated, talented Heartstopper writers from around the world. Sorry, it's fanfic, I know there are legal and personal reasons you can never read it. 

Still, please know there's an incredible community of writers and artists churning out world-class fiction that extends the canonical stories of Nick and Charlie or other characters, or imagines them in new settings: Single dad Nick struggling not to fall in love with his housemate; a dating app AU that is a comprehensive study of trauma and healing; 10th century Vikings exploring historical themes of queerness; two patients meeting in a hospital and healing each other emotionally; professional rugby AUs that tap into queer sports issues; fics where Nick and/or Charlie are trans or demi; even one where they're soulmates who turn into cats when the other has naughty thoughts about them. And those are just the tip of the iceberg. 

On a more personal note, Nick and Charlie have enriched my life. My life is way better because I found Heartstopper. I try to keep compassion and empathy at the forefront, just like Charlie. When I'm angry, I think to myself, "What Would Nick Nelson Do?", and that usually involves calming myself and seeking solutions. (I have yet to punch a homophobe, but I'm not opposed.) 

I was also inspired by Nick to come out to my family and friends as aspec. I had long thought it didn't matter much, since I will never bring home a partner, so what was there to tell? But after watching Heartstopper, I desired to live more openly, and now I am.

I know all of this has come at a cost. You've spoken about the intense pressure to deliver season 2 and the ongoing comics. The cast has also faced inappropriate and invasive attention from what I firmly believe is a small minority of Heartstopper fans who clearly missed its message (not that those people should be considered fans at all). I'm not sure what to do about the world other than cherish your art and proclaim its ideals.

Thank you for your vision, your talent, and your years of hard work. Thank you to the cast and crew who brought Heartstopper off the page and onto my screen. I cannot wait (but I will!) to see what you create next.

Love,

A Heartstopper fan xx

PS To balance all that text, here’s a shot from (just before) my favorite kiss scene in my favorite episode, Girls:

Heartstopper vol. 1 by Alice Oseman

I have been looking for these graphic novels for so long, but my local bookstor never had copies. A few weeks back I realized I haven't really been reading as many graphic novels as I used to in the past, which is why I am using a lot in the reading challenges I am doing. I have read this book for the studyblr w/knives pride reading challenge, for the yes homo prompt, so for the romance prompt. I will also be reading the other volumes of the series for the challenge.

I devoured this graphic novel, I could have easly read it in one sitting and I had to force myself not to. I am pretty sure the other volumes will have the same effect. Anyway, I am so incredibly happy about this graphic novel. I absolutely love the drawing style, and this story is just the lighthearted fluff I need in this moment of my life. It's not overly sweet, which makes it perfect for my taste. I'm pretty sure everyone knows the plot now, but for those who have not heard of it, it's the story of Nick and Charlie. They study in the same school, they become friends, and well then they start having feelings for each other. The way the story develops feels really natural, and I loved the way queerness is shown in it. (I talk about it more freely under the cut not to give out too much). In general I feel like this has the potential of becoming a comfort book series, it brought so much joy to my soul, and I can't wait to see how the story develops.

I will post a new update on the reading challenge once I have read a couple more books.

I figured I would write a bit more freely of things that happen in the plot. I really liked the way Nicm is shown to slowly figure out his sexuality. The existential crisis at night, not understanding what the hell is happening to you. Expecially as someone who went through figuring out their bisexuality, I can say it felt real. The way he isn't really sure, because he lacks the term bisexual, it was really emotional for me to see. Plus finally we have some male representation of bisexuality, which is very much needed.

Let's talk about mental health... (And how Photography and Reading has helped me)

I'm just going to admit it my mental health is absolute garage. We all have our different outlets to vent to whether that be a trusted adult, a friend, a partner, a therapist or formerly in my case a pet. ( I know it sounds really dumb yeah) My family and I had to put down our cat in June of 2022 and my cat was my go to outlet. It sounds dumb but I knew I could tell him anything without him telling anyone or suggesting I talk to someone or that I should go see someone (Obviously because he couldn't talk). He helped me to get stuff off of my mind and to continue living a full life without having crap mental health. After he passed I struggled but didn't realise it. I bottled it up and just left it. Fast forward 5 months and we are moving to a new city. My mental health was in an even worse downward spiral. Once I had moved I joined my new schools book club. My friends in my school's book club kept recommend Heartstopper to me and I saw it while shopping downtown with some family friends and bought it in February of 2023. I read all the books in 3 months and while reading the ones where mental health was a big topic it helped me to realise how crap mine was/is ( It still sucks). I still didn't talk to anyone about it and left it. At that point I wasn't doing as much photography or much of anything that brought me joy, in fact in March I did no photography. At the end of July I decided to go for a walk and take my camera with me and it made me realise that photography brought me joy and helped with my mental health. Photography, reading and being in nature has helped me to feel better than I have in just over a year. Even though my mental health isn't as great as it was I'm doing better now but I still have bad days, and it's ok to have the occasional bad day.

I created this blog because I have so many pictures sitting on a hard drive that bring me joy and I want to share the things that make me so happy with others and the world

(Everything is true to me other that the therapist part)

PRIDE & CARE

A short self-ethnographic writing piece on thinking Powerarchy and Love

A few weeks ago I watched “Heartstopper” with a beautiful friend, and devoted healthcare assistant; it inspired me to share a story I have dear to my heart 2 years and 7 months since mom’s death. It is a story of pride and resilience that I am only recently owing. Before you read on, please mind that this is a self ethnographic piece of writing. 

In the last few years of her life, my mom rented houses to host transgender sexual workers, assist their business, and have a safe place to live and work. I don’t remember her sitting down and telling me straight up “my job is assisting and helping transgender women do their job as sexual workers safely”. I only remember that I entered that part of her life organically. There was not an announcement. 

I remember thinking that mom was a pimp, and had a very negative idea about it all. We didn’t talk about it openly with other people, but I remember the lightness and realness mom could bring in her conversations with me. Like everyone else, she wanted to share her experiences of how she sustained herself. I remember her talking about all the hard work that was involved in what she was doing - ads, picking up phone calls, cleaning the house, helping the girls with their mental health and vice versa. My mother was a stone of care.

My mind WAS the mainstream. I thought about what she was doing as inferior, wrong, nasty, somehow reflected into ‘me’. Little did I know about how much resilience was in what she did after a lifetime of societal abuse, raising a child as a single mother. She raised up, she tried to move on, doing what she was great at - CARE. I did not know how important her job was. My beautiful mother would have been the perfect colleague in a beautiful lgbtqia+ company or organisation. My mom was a carer and I am proud of that. I am sorry I didn’t know it when she was alive, and I am surprised it took me so long to realise it myself after her death. (This is how the "Powerarchy" Melany Joy, 2019 gets you. It sneaks in your thoughts, it is difficult to realise). 

My mom was also a bodyguard to the girls. She would make sure they were safe. I remember her stories about the man that would visit the house. Handsome looking man, police people, lawyers, family members, young and old, the kind that “you would never say”. How repressed are we all? 

We live in a society where beautiful people like my mother feel that they are doing something dodgy, something that is not right, and that they ended up doing it because they had no education, or were not intelligent enough at a young age to get that education. My mom was such a strict advocate of education and I now know why. I wish I could tell it straight to her face that what she did was honourable. She took care of the most vulnerable in society, even if she was one herself. 

I am grateful for the pain I feel today because it is a symptom of love, and how much I care for a world where NO BODY goes through what she had to go through, and what billions of people go through everyday - prejudice, bigotry, ignorance, hate, violence, abuse…  

My dear mom, you brought light and love to people that needed it the most and I am so proud of who you have been and who you are becoming in my memories. As your best friend told me: you “were an animal from another planet, you were authentic - this world was not for you”. 

I hope this story helps someone, somewhere in the world, to see beyond the societal mainstream that makes us see ourselves through the lenses of dangerous mindsets based in hierarchy, power and dominion. I also hope to inspire people to get curious about life, minds and experiences. Celebrating EVERY BODY, MIND and EXPERIENCES because all we have to gain is a glimpse into our selves. 

Every so often, something comes along and makes me stop and think. Reflect on my life, where I am, what I am doing and if I am being my best self.

HeartStopper the comic series by @aliceoseman came to life on TV thanks to Netflix. The series has a huge following and the TV series brought it to so many more people. Watching It and reflecting gave me one of those - ‘Oh!’ moments. I have been thinking about the story for days now and I think my ‘oh!’ moment is becoming a full crisis - I need to do something about it!

The story arch for Nick Nelson (played by Kit Conner), is what made me stop. I see so much of myself in Nick. Even down to being the Golden Retriever! His boldness, wanting to assist, protect, love. The way he falls hard for Charlie (Joe Locke). It filled me with such joy and happiness. The story arch for Charlie is equally as good. I was outed at school when I was 13. It disappeared as an issue, but hung over me. I suspect being one of the tallest in the school meant my school colleagues knew better than to wind me up. To be honest, I’m still not comfortable. I see, feel and know the pain Charlie had and the joy when it was ‘his time’. My immediate thought when it finished was what’s their life going to be in later years? You just know the story of theirs will not end and be filled with joy. The constant coy looks and smiles, the encouragement and recharging they give each other. It’s a relationship we all want the world to win. I really want them to win! Get married have kids and at least two Golden retrievers! (In my future for them - that is what happens!) we hear of straight people meeting at school - why not these guys!

Being able to fall in love in the way Nick does with Charlie - and Charlie with Nick - is what I need and need everyday. I can see them falling for each other every single day! I fell in love with my Husband - at least I think I did - when we started dating. That HeartStopper moment when we met in the early days. Did it continue? I am not sure. I don’t feel the blowing of leaves when I see him. The excitement is not there and this is what’s making me wonder about my current situation- am I living MY HeartStopper moment?

Finishing the series, I read the rest of the episodes online and understand there is an epilogue. Its made me happy knowing Nick is there for Charlie. Is there something I can learn from it and apply to my life. There were two things that got me in the series.

One: it is great to see that the generation coming up are able to be themselves a lot earlier! There is still a lot of shit to be dealt with, but I know it’s great to see the little sparks. Nicks Mum being able to say he seems more himself goes to show how comfortable he is! I knew I liked boys - and only boys - when I was about 7. My first crush - a lad called James. Tall, confident, and good looking. Through my life I hid, scared but never really myself. The fact Charlie was outed, but had a support network in true friends is something I didn’t have - everyone laughed at me - I have no real friends from school because of it. But Nick feeling safe to come out is something I could of only dreamed of. Even today I know there are scars from a life of hiding, unable to let go of control. It is tiring. Also, even at my age, I’ve never officially told my parents! But I wouldn’t have had the support! I was told by my Dad I wasn’t gay - he had had me ‘tested’ and proved I wasn’t. No idea what the ‘test’ was - but now know it is total crap!

Two: recharging. This happens in Paris in the books - Nick wants to be recharged by Charlie in a hug with him. I love the fact that Nick finds Charlie recharging and it is something I have known and felt in certain aspects of my life but at the minute - it’s just not happening. My work sucks, my relationship is tough (I know they are not easy), life just seems impossible! Why? I am not being recharged. Before the pandemic I had a job I loved, I was just married, and things were good. Every aspect of my life was recharging me. Now - nothing! Being recharged is important and you need to have things that recharge you.

Something has triggered in me. I need this constant ‘first time love’, that falling in love every time we meet. Can I truly say that is happening now? No. It’s not. So I need to do something about it! But what? Well - I didn’t buy an orange T-Shirt. The one that Nick wears to the beach. That’s going to be a constant reminder to be more Nick! Today, I can say that I am not living my best life. Give it time and I will work out the rest of it!

A Love Letter to My Favorite Book of 2019 | Blogmas Day 17

I saw someone else do this and thought it was a cute idea. This was incredibly fun to do and really made me think about which book is my favorite read of 2019 and why. What is your favorite book of 2019? Would you write a love letter to your favorite book?

Dear Heartstopper: First of all, thank you to Alice Oseman (@chronicintrovert​). Your books have brought me so much joy while reading each one of them. The first book I read by you was Radio Silence and I instantly knew that I needed to read more. Your stories and characters have made me feel a whole new type of love for reading that I rarely feel. Your books make me feel understood. I love Heartstopper because it makes me feel so much joy in my heart while reading. Nick and Charlie are two of the best characters I’ve read about in 2019. All of the secondary characters have also kept me invested in their own stories. I can’t wait to read more of this wonderful web comic and share more adventures with these characters. All my love, beyondthedustjacket  

The formatting of this post was edited on July 22, 2023.