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ryuzakemo128 · 2 years

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Peaky Blinders Incorrect Quotes (Part Ten)

(Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / Part Ten )

(Divider by this person here )

Aberama: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Red: Bees? Aberama: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Red: Wait- *Alfie approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

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Aberama: Look at the buns on that guy! Red: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns* Alfie: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny! Aberama: I'm not going back to jail!

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Thomas: Aberama won’t come out of their room! Red: Just tell them I said something. Thomas: Like what? Red: Anything factually incorrect. Thomas, shrugging: If you say so. Aberama, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

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Red: *talking about Aberama’s funeral* You do know we’re burying a great person today! Alfie, shocked: Did someone else die?

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Alfie: Would you slap Aberama- Red: Yes. Alfie: I didn't even finish! Red: Sorry, continue. Alfie: Would you slap Aberama for 10 dollars? Red: I would do it for free. Aberama: Rude...

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Thomas: Alfie you can’t move in with Red. Alfie: Why not? Thomas: Well, um, how are you going to feel when they see you without any makeup? Alfie: I’m not wearing makeup right now. Thomas: Holy crap, you’re beautiful.

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Red: Adulting is hard. Red: How do I quit? Thomas: Time travel. Aberama: Die.

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Alfie: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Aberama: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you? Red: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

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Red: I hate to tell you this, but one of you was adopted. Thomas & Alfie: Thomas: Only one...?

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Alfie, planning a group disguise: You cannot be Blake Bortles. Red: Fine! Then I’ll be Jake- Aberama, under their breath: Don’t say Jortles. Red: Jortles! And I work at the molotov cocktail department.

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Alfie: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?! Red: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long line of violence. Alfie: Oh... Thomas, from across the room: *from across the room* I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

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Red: While I'm gone, you're in charge Alfie. Alfie: Yes! Red, whispering to Thomas: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want them to feel bad. Thomas: Obviously.

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Aberama: Why were you up yesterday until 3am? Red: How did you know I was up until 3am? Thomas: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.

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Thomas: Your lab is in the bathroom? Alfie: Aberama says this is the perfect place for my work. I’m just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary.

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Aberama: What, in the name of sanity, have you got on your head? Alfie: It's a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool. Thomas: *snatches the fez, throws it in the air* Aberama: *shoots it*

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Thomas: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a. Aberama: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory. Red: Fuck you.

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Red: Which movie are you and Alfie going to see tonight? Thomas: Oh, I always go to whichever movie Alfie wants. Red: Which one does he want to see? Thomas: I haven't decided yet.

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Red: I have locked Thomas in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, he has been well and truly hoist by his own petard. Aberama: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. Red: I’m blackmailing him. Aberama: Oh, happy days.

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Aberama, trying to impress Red: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture. Alfie: He turned it off and back on again.

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Alfie: I hate you sometimes. Aberama: Well according to this picture Red drew of us holding hands that's not true. Alfie: Aberama, you drew that. Aberama: It doesn't matter.

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Alfie: Red, I am questioning your sanity... Thomas: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

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Aberama: So how’s the food Red made? Alfie: It's great! Compliments to her. Aberama: *goes to the kitchen* Aberama: You're adorable. Red: *blushes*

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Red: But what about Thomas? Aberama: Don't worry about him. Aberama: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.

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Aberama: Alfie won’t wake up, what do I do? Red: Did you try kicking them? Aberama: Yes. Red: I’m out of ideas.

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Aberama: *speaking Spanish* Thomas: I know, I know. Red: You speak Spanish? Thomas: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Aberama speaks.

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Red: Guys, Thomas is missing. Aberama: Good.

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Thomas: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? Alfie: Okay. *later* Aberama: Alfie! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. Thomas, whispering: Deny everything. Alfie, loudly: That isn't a chair.

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Aberama: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins? Thomas: Can't relate. Alfie: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

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Thomas: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare. Alfie: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great. Thomas: Not when you’re playing with Aberama, it’s not. He puts words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

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Red: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life. Thomas: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Red: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Alfie: Edible.

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Thomas: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter? Red: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes. Aberama: Because I condone murder and cannibalism.

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Aberama: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world. Alfie: Thank you for your sacrifice, Thomas.

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Red: Would you take a bullet for me? Aberama: ...yes? *Thomas angrily burst into the room* Red: *running away* Great, thanks!

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Alfie: I know we’re not exactly friends, but- Red: What do you want? Alfie: I've been stuck with Aberama for 2 weeks and he has been drinking all the soy sauce. Alfie: Help.

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Aberama: Why does Alfie always do the laundry so loudly? Thomas: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house. Alfie, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

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Red, to Alfie: If you see Aberama, give them this message *makes a neutral face* Red: They'll know what it means. *later* Alfie: oh, and Red said to give you a message. Alfie: *makes a neutral face* Aberama: Oh no. The neutral face of displeasure.

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Red: Regular soda is too sweet! Alfie: Diet soda has a weird after taste! Red: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY! Alfie: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda! Red: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink! Alfie: I'm going to physically attack you. Red: Which is better, Aberama? Aberama: Oh, I usually drink water! Alfie: Wha- NO! Red: DISGUSTING!

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Aberama: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Alfie a little bit. Red, holding Aberama's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation. Aberama: No, that's our joint tombstone. Red: My mistake.

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Thomas: I’m afraid of clowns. There, I said it. Aberama: Thomas, if you don't like clowns, why are you hanging with Alfie?

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Red: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off? Thomas: What? No, I— Aberama: *enters room* Red: *jaw clenches*

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Alfie: Aberama- Aberama: *sighs* Red used to call me Aberama... Alfie: ...Because it's your fucking name.

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Red: So... This is my full potential? Aberama: Yes. Red: So, then it's... Aberama: All downhill from here. Red: Like Thomas. Aberama: I do not know what this Thomas is. But it sounds disappointing.

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Alfie: What are you two arguing about this time? Red: He is always using common phrases incorrectly! Aberama: Cry me a table, Red.

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Aberama: Guess what number I’m thinking of. Alfie: 420? Aberama: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously. Thomas: 69. Aberama: Yeah it was 69.

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Aberama: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small. Red: I would say infinitesimally. Alfie: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

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Thomas: I think Aberama is in trouble. Red: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

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Red: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Alfie does? What if he jumps off a cliff? Thomas: If Alfie were to jump off a cliff, he would have done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Alfie jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Red: You jump off a cliff. Thomas: Gladly, provided Alfie did first.

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Alfie: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically. Thomas: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes. Aberama: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting. Thomas: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

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Aberama: Red doesn’t look very happy. Alfie: That's their happy. They're just a bitch.

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Red, to Thomas: If Alfie doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check. Alfie, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

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Alfie: Hey, do you know the password to Red’s computer? Aberama: Fuck you, Alfie. Alfie: Hey!! Aberama: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouAlfie". Alfie: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

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Alfie: So, are you two friends? Aberama: Yes. Red: No.

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Thomas: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Alfie! Aberama: So Alfie knows about this? Thomas, walking away: No, this is between me and me!

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Red to Aberama: First rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are. Thomas, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo! Red: 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

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Alfie: Aberama said its my turn with the brain cell. Red: Square up.

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Red: They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed. Red: Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it. Red: But who's to say. Alfie: I think France isn't real. Aberama: Alfie, you've been to France. Alfie: And???

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Red: There's beer in the cooler. Thomas: What about for the children? Red: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer. Aberama: Why don't we just give the kids water? Red, angrily: I suppose you could do that!

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Thomas: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Aberama, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Alfie, whispering: Because I have little hands. Aberama: Because he has little hands.

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Thomas: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Red, rushing in: Thomas! Aberama tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

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Aberama: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! Red: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Alfie, go find out if that thing can catch fire! Aberama: You're a bad influence. Red: And you don't know your sayings.

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Alfie: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation. Thomas: So you're just gonna wait until Aberama is in danger and save them? Alfie: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them. Thomas: ... Thomas: You're insane.

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Red: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it. Thomas: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side. Aberama: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!

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Red: What are you writing? Aberama: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information. Thomas, looking over Aberama's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

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Red: Thanks for not telling Alfie what happened. Aberama, dumbfounded: I wouldn’t even know where to begin trying to explain this.

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Aberama: What time is it? Red: I don’t know, pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out Red: *BLASTS the saxophone* Alfie: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING Red: It’s 2 am

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Red: What happened to Thomas? Aberama: He died. Red: He what? Aberama: He died, but he's okay. Red: …Can you please clarify? Thomas: Clarification is for the weak.

#peaky blinders incorrect quotes #peaky fookin blinders #peaky fucking blinders #Alfie Solomons #Aberama Gold #Red (Female Reader)#Thomas Shelby #Tommy Shelby #peaky blinders au #modern peaky blinders #peaky blinders modern au

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justafanficwriter123 · 2 years

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Hallo! I hope you have a nice day. Have you play kai island? Is so loveable cute and funny. May i request a kai satou x s/o of their interactions? Just like how kai interact with others on the island. I love his sarcasm and jokes. 😂 I die the part where gin become his wingman to get a future partner for him haha.

Hello! Of course you may. I'm sorry this has taken as long as it did. I have written a long one.

I have finally finished playing 3 days ago and your request has given me an idea to start a mini series of one-shot based on Your time to shine called "Y/n's time to shine". Thank you! I had a blast writing this! 🧡

🌴Y/n's time to shine

Kai Satou x reader

Being stuck on an island wasn't as bad as it sounded, at least for you it wasn't. You weren't alone, you had your allies with you and together you made this place liveable.

You were closest to the 6th grader Gin Ibushi and homemaker Kai Satou. You often went crafting with them.

Gin approached you "Hey Big sis/bro/sib Y/n! Do you have a moment?"

Fondness event <<watch

"Yes, of course. What do you need?" You said.

"I was wondering if you could help me with something, meow." He said.

"Of course, what is it?" You said

"Well, long haired apron guy and I are working on 'Make mom cry with joy' project. You are good with chores, meow. Can you help me, meow? I think it will be more successful with two tutors, woof." Gin told you excitedly.

"Is that so? That is wonderful. How would I ever be able to turn you down with such heartwarming project?" You replied enthusiastically.

After a little bit of chores later you were able to teach Gin the basics of dusting.

He smiled and said "You are amazing Big sis/bro/sib Y/n! Is there anything you can't do?"

You replied most seriously "You are overestimating me Gin. There is certainly a lot of things I can't do."

"Hmm..." He looked at you curiously "Like what?"

"Well..." You started "I cannot help sick people as I did not receive medical education. I cannot sing very well. I cannot for the life of me find a husband. I cannot cook... Oh, please... Do not ask me to cook..."

"Big sis/bro/sib Y/n can't cook! I can't imagine it!" Gin seemed a bit surprised.

You looked at him awkwardly "It is better that you don't know how bad I really am."

"And what was that about not finding a husband?" He asked you "I can't imagine that there isn't a line of guys just waiting to marry you. You must have pretty high standards."

"W-Well... I guess so." You replied.

"Would you like to?" He asked. "Would you like to get married, I mean."

"Honestly...I want to get married but I'm scared I will be too late." You answered.

"Got it, meow!" Gin exclaimed. "You need to start looking now. I'm gonna help you, woof. I know what to do."

"Hold on, you can't just-" He was off before you could finish your thought.

You had a fun time with Gin.

Later that day you were visited by none other than Kai Satou, the handsome homemaker.

"Hello Miss/Mr/Mx Y/n. May I ask you something?"

Fondness event <<watch

"Kai, did you need anything from me?" You asked him.

"I have noticed that my disciple has been showing a huge improvement in his dusting. He is showing some really advanced techniques. I know for sure that I didn't teach him that." Kai said.

"I'm guessing that you came to ask me if I was the one that taught him that." You said.

"Well... I couldn't think of anyone else on this island who could have. You are very advanced in the art of doing chores." He said. "But... Gin is my disciple after all."

You looked at him "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It simply means..." Kai paused "I must assassinate you."

"Huh?!" You exclaimed "Excuse me!?"

His eyes were so serious at that moment, you felt like he was really going to assassinate you. His eyes turned to more playful ones after a few moments.

Kai chuckled "That was a joke."

"Hehe..." You laughed awkwardly "I didn't know you were such a jokester Kai."

"I would like you to help me with Gin's training Miss/Mr/Mx Y/n." Kai said. "It would appear you are a great teacher as you have teached him techniques that are a struggle even for advanced homemakers."

"I would love to." You answered him.

You had a fun time with Kai.

The following days, you were helping Gin's training and spending time with both Kai and Gin.

You and Kai had been getting closer day by day and Gin has started to notice that.

Fondness event <<watch

"Hey!!! Big sis/bro/sib Y/n! Long haired apron master! Can today's lesson be about cooking, meow!?" Gin asked excitedly.

"Of course Kai can teach you how to cook." You told him.

"No! I meant both of you, woof." Gin protested.

"Of course my disciple. We shall cover the basics." Kai said.

You started packing a little bit "Great! You can go do that! I have some... Things to attend to, I'll see you later." You tried so desperately to leave.

Kai stopped you before you could get any further. "Excuse me Miss/Mr/Mx Y/n, you said you didn't have anything in particular planned for today. What's with the sudden change of plans?"

"I-I-" before you could say another word, Gin interrupted you.

"Y/n is just embarrassed by the fact that she cannot cook well." Gin said "But don't worry Big sis/bro/sib! I wanted long haired apron master to teach us both, meow. So you won't be so embarrassed."

"So... That is what is causing you discomfort." Kai said "Do not worry Miss/Mr/Mx Y/n, I shall do my very best to be a great teacher!"

"A-alright, but don't expect anything! You'll just end up disappointed." You said and your lesson begun.

Kai was surprised, to say the least, he did not expect you to be as bad as you were.

"You are not doing this right." He came closer to you.

Your body's touching each other. You could feel the warmth rising at your face. You couldn't even focus on the cooking, not that it would turn out worse than what you would've normally cooked.

Your food surprisingly turned out decent.

"So... Big sis/bro/sib, we have crossed two things off of the list of what you can't do, meow." Gin said.

"Eh!? What do you mean two?" You asked.

"You learned how to cook decently and you found a husband. I'm a great matchmaker, aren't I?" Gin said.

You were very flustered, so you decided to just walk away.

You had a fun time with Kai and Gin.

Few days have passed and you tried avoiding Kai and Gin. It was not because you were uncomfortable, it was because you needed to get your feelings sorted.

"Miss/Mr/Mx Y/n, we need to talk." Kai suddenly approached you.

Fondness event <<watch

"Oh... Alright..." You told him.

"It was brought to my attention that you have been avoiding me and Gin." Kai said "And I wish to apologize for making you uncomfortable."

"No, you got it wrong. I'm not uncomfortable at all." You said.

"By all means, please come back to us. Gin misses you a lot... And so do I..." Kai said. The last part was almost a whisper.

"I... Really want to but... I do not wish to make things awkward between us." You told him.

Kai looked somewhat confused when you said that. "I apologize... I don't think I follow..."

"I... I really like you... Like, like you like you... I like you in a way I have never liked another man before..." You confessed.

It was silent for a few moments. You just started at Kai's shocked expression. You could master the words to say anything more up until he broke the silence.

"I'm absolutely delighted. I could have never imagined we feel the same way Miss/Mr/Mx Y/n. I'm moved to tears." Kai brought his frying pan to his face.

"Really?" You asked.

"Yes... I like you a lot Miss/Mr/Mx Y/n..." Kai got close to your face and kissed you. Just then he noticed a little boy in a cat hoodie watching you looking somewhat satisfied.

"How about we go somewhere more private?" Kai told you.

You had a fun time with Kai.

#x reader #yttd x reader #kimi ga shine #your turn to die #kimi ga shine x reader #yttd #kai satou x reader #yttd kai x reader

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imomomi · 4 years

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Extra:

Atsumu wasn’t sure what he was expecting when Y/N said she was bringing her friends. Hell, if he was being honest, he’d never even expected her and Suna to get along as well as they did. But, the two girls that arrived were vaguely familiar and leveled him with glares so deadly, he instantly worried that he’d rejected them at some point. Y/N was oblivious to the stare off, searching the ground for the spot with the most grass. Atsumu rolled his eyes and tossed her his blazer. She didn’t say thank you and he didn’t really care to hear it.

Her friends tossed their things onto the ground as Y/N made a blanket out of his blazer and sat down. Iwanuma and Ota greeted him, bitingly adding that they were cheerleaders and that they hoped that Inarizaki would make it farther along this year.

“It’s not like you’d have anything else to cheer for if we don’t,” he said and then winced. Y/N frowned and raised a brow. Her eyebrows were usually the best indication of what kind of doom would follow. Once and only once, when he’d spilled a whole bottle of Pocari Sweat on her after winning a game in middle school, had her brows gone so high that he feared for his life.

“I’m here because no one else could stand to be in your presence, so shut up,” Y/N said. He rolled his eyes and stuffed the last of his onigiri into his mouth. The rice was bland in his mouth.

“Oh, no worries! We know he’s just joking,” said Ota with a cheery grin on her face. “Besides we never cheer for Atsumu-senpai.”

Atsumu blinked, head lolling to the side. He shook his head and laughed lightly. Guess Y/N had found more friends. The thought rung hollowly in his chest. It’s not like he cared much or needed that kind of shit anyway. He had Osamu, his teammates—even though some of them hated him—and volleyball. His brow furrowed and he fell strangely quiet, not noticing the three girls exchanging glances.

“Eat,” said Y/N and shoved a melon-pan into his hands. “It’s creepy if you’re watching us.” Her bento was freakishly neat, something Ota took delight in photographing.

“It’s always creepy. He has a pervert’s face,” said Iwanuma.

“Osamu has this face,” he defended. Y/N laughed sharply and shook her head. A tiny grin played at the corners of her mouth; eyes wrinkled at the corners.

“He wears it better,” she said, “I wish one of you had kept the black hair. It was nicer.”

“I look good! Everyone thinks so.”

“Who is everyone? The fangirls only want you because they think you’re going to be rich,” Y/N paused, turning to him with sharp eyes, “They haven’t heard you speak yet.”

“That’s not fair,” he whined, “I’m the older twin. I’m better looking. Come on, admit it.”

“What does being older have to do with looks? Won’t you just die faster?” asked Ota.

“That’s not the point,” he cried. The girls laughed together, the sound neither mocking nor scornful, but warm. Atsumu risked a glance at Y/N surprised to see that she was smiling freely. Though she wore her mask less often than she had in middle school, her face always carried an eerie calm that made it impossible to determine what she was feeling. Maybe it was because he’d know her for so long and spent summer’s figuring out what each twitch meant, but there was something comforting in being able to read her face.

They settled into light conversation, talking about school and their classes. They touched briefly on entrance exams, attempting to skim past the conversation when Ota voiced her displeasure at being the younger of the group. Atsumu knew that Y/N had her heart set on Tokyo, but he’s surprised to learn that it was because of her cousins.

“Volleyball,” he answered when they turn to him.

“Any team?” Iwanuma asked.

“The Jackals.”

“Holy shit,” Ota exclaimed and immediately covered her mouth with her hands. “You’re like good good.”

“Duh, he got called up to Youth Japan,” hissed Iwanuma, “What did you think? He’s dramatic, but it’s not without anything to back it up.”

“Dramatic?” asked Atsumu. He leaned back and rested on his elbows, grass digging into his white button down. Y/N made a noise between a squeak and a hiccup as he did and lurched forward. He swatted her away, smiling at the scowl that instantly formed on her face.

“THE SERVE ROUTINE,” Ota shouted. She stood up instantly and backed away a few paces. He groaned as she took four steps forward and thrust a fist in the air.

“No, no,” said Y/N to his surprise. His eyes widened as she stood too. What alternate universe had he walked into? Y/N mimicked his actions perfectly, down to the way he walked, and when Iwanuma started laughing, she leveled a heavy glare at her that was all too familiar. Atsumu choked and laughed so hard, tears sprung to his yes.

“Oi, sit down,” he ordered, “You’re all a bunch of scrubs.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” asked Ota.

“Doesn’t matter. Just don’t try that on M-1, you’re awful,” he shook his head. Ota jumped on Y/N’s back, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek that was immediately wiped off.

When they’re done eating, he helped them clean up their stuff, not because he wanted to, but it felt like something Kita might have done and he’s all about channeling his ex-captain these days. Y/N lingered in the hall, letting her friends run off before her. Iwanuma dragged away a shouting Ota, who screeched the names of some boybands down the hall until she was no longer in sight.

“Where’d you meet those two clowns?” he asked. His blazer is tucked her arm with a promise to be washed and returned.

“Haru went to middle school with us,” she rolled her eyes at the look of confusion that crossed his face, “I tutored Mirai when she was a freshman.”

“You know, you’re kinda cute around them. A total tsundere.”

“Oh, shut up,” she huffed, cheeks turning a light pink, “I don’t need your inane flirting-“

“So, you admit it’s flirting. That seems like a step in the right direction.”

“Atsumu.”

“Y/N,” he mocked. She sighed and ran a hand over her face, staring at him with deeply ingrained exhaustion.

“We have practice later?”

“You can skip if you want. I’m pretty sure they deserve a break from their demon manager.”

“Your sets to Riseki need work. You’re the same height, but you keep tossing too high. He’s not playing on a trampoline; he can’t jump the way you want him to. Also, I think Osam-”

“Stop using your brain for a second. It’s stressing me out,” he breathed in deeply, putting a hand on her shoulder to force her to do the same, “Put it on paper and give it to me later. I’ll look at it.”

“Can you even read? You got a 10 on your last Japanese Literature exam.”

“I swear to god,” said Atsumu and inhaled sharply, “I’m this close to kissing you.”

“You demented pervert! This is why I don’t speak to you,” she shoved him away in an instant. The scent of her peach shampoo filed the air as she turned on her heel and stomped away. It was way too easy to rile her up, but somehow the thrill he got from doing it hadn’t gone away. Instead, he found himself looking for new reactions: little blushes, the way she ignored certain texts for hours, but would respond to others right away, sometimes he’d push just the right button and she’d throw something at him, usually her books, but once she’d pulled off a shoe and tossed it with a enough force to have given him a concussion had he not caught it.

Masterlist

Previous || Next

TAGLIST: @qunibunisartblog @nerdyphantomlady @yeet-these-hoez @akakuzumo @kiyoojima @bringmelily @renee1414 @zaizaihntai @ynjimenez @oikawalmart-hq @kiyoomile @of-heroes-and-dreams @fairsumu @alyssasteaparty @anime-simp @cherryonigiri @iloveanime691 @fangirling-25-8 @sakuzaddy @mx-minxx @cactuski6 @iikiag @imuziawi @rinnieee @keiijiis @iwaizluv @hamsterfan17 @svtbitch @suna-allie @kylalily @kneecotinee @midnightsky17 @raenebalgaire @wishingcomet @lilacshouko @momo-has-a-gun @breathandrun @akaashimp @ochabby @sakusakymi @ravioliplease @bap-kingdom @sweetfntsii @roiana-mustang @keijination @otomefan @gyubit17 @laughingismorefun @starfleetakaashi @keiyoomi

#haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu #atsumu miya #atsumu miya x reader #miya atsumu x you #miya atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu imagines #haikyuu social media au #social media au #haikyuu smau #smau #atsumu smau

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zosonils · 2 years

Note

🍍, 🍓, 🍰, 🎂, 🍩, 🍻, 🍕, and 🍟 for hex ace?

[from this ask game!]

🍍 - despite his complicated relationship with it, hex is actually at their most relaxed when they're chilling in space between assignments. obviously they can be contacted when she needs to be teleported out to a satellite, but it's mostly an environment where he doesn't have to deal with interacting with people and can just go no thoughts head empty for a bit. while her happiest moments are usually when they're on earth goofing around with their brothers, she mostly feels uncomfortable when he's down there because he isn't as used to the extra gravity and greater need to interact with others

🍓 - the boring answer is that they don't have a sense of smell because she's a space robot who doesn't need one, i don't really have a good answer to this one lmao. i think astronauts have said that space has a distinctive smell, maybe he'd have a strong opinion on that scent?

🍰 - hex isn't exactly mx. stable moral compass but they're fiercely loyal to anyone they consider a friend, so hurting said friends in any way would probably do it. there's all sorts of other, more minor things he'll justify burning their chances of friendship for, but it's more a self destructive thing than an actual moral hangup

🎂 - i guess that they're a ride or die super loyal friend if you have the patience to stick with his intense personality and trolly nature? hex is a very what you see is what you get kind of bot, they look like a bastard [affectionate] and act like a bastard [affectionate] and are indeed a bastard [affectionate], but she's got just as much hidden emotional depth as anyone else

🍩 - not counting his actual canonical crimes, which are hijacking government equipment and violating several osha laws in the process: if they could pick any crime, some national-scale prank that doesn't hurt anyone but makes a lot of people very confused and miffed and technically counts as a breach of the geneva convention. realistically, he gets on pretty well with drum and sweet and would probably end up in hot water for using a high-security government communications link to send them memes even after being reprogrammed again

🍻 - it depends on where her stress is coming from. if they're angry and need to work it off without hurting someone in the process, they'll teleport back to earth without directly telling anyone and work on whatever combination of mechanical scraps he's been most invested in lately until they've blown off some steam. if it's a more existential kind of stress she prefers to just drift around in space until he gets either over it, too bored to be sad anymore, or called back into work

🍕 - again, usually either floating through space or cobbling together some wacky frankengadget. if they've been sent back for repairs or are otherwise likely to be on earth for a while she usually ends up hanging out with oil and time! their own schedules can get in the way sometimes but all three of them [including time, he will die before admitting this] really love each other's company and the opportunity to goof around as The Shit Brothers for a while

🍟 - honestly i'm not a huge fan of the term 'guilty pleasure' as it's commonly used so i'm gonna misinterpret this one a bit - hex is fully aware of their tendency to push others away and burn bridges at a moment's notice, so she's often plagued by feelings of guilt over accepting compliments or having friendly interactions that they feel like they'll inevitably disregard for the sake of being aggressive. there's no way he'd admit this if you asked though, she'd deflect the question with a joke answer like 'whoopee cushions' or 'chugging an e tank when i don't need one' or 'voiding the warranty on video game controllers i find at the dump'

#hex ace <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #i'll do the other one [and anything else that comes in overnight] tomorrow it is WAY past my bedtime hdjnkdbj #robot master posting #hex ace #ask game #theabsolutebuffoon #my favourite problem child adult.....

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kageyuji · 4 years

Note

sfw alphabet for Kirishima?

Taglist: @transmantrash @rycbar-221b @squeaky-ducky

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

*pats roof of kirishima* this sweet boi can fit so much love inside

He’s pretty affectionate, although he makes sure to ask before any PDA or the first time he goes to touch you (even if it’s hand holding or a hug)

I can see him burying his face in your neck a lot

He’s a sucker for domestic life, but we’ll get into that later

All in all, he’s pretty affectionate

I feel like his love language is a mix of physical touch and acts of service

Of course, he gives his fair share of the other love languages, but those two just stood out to me

He loves physical affection, he’ll occasionally just pull you into his lap and bury his face into your back/the crook of your neck

And he just kinda wraps his arms around your waist and holds you close

He also loves doing things for you

Like standing up for you, helping you with homework, or getting you gifts

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Sunshine boi

He’s so nice as a best friend?

Like of course he’s nice but the ingredients in a Kirishima is just kindness and adorable obliviousness (is that a word? Idk)

He’s probably one of those people that stay up until midnight so he can be the first one to wish you happy birthday

He’s somewhere between the funny friend and mom friend

Like I can see him having band-aids on hand at all times

And making sure you’re drinking water, eating, and resting when you’re supposed to

But at the same time he’s the friend that makes a joke in most situations

He’s pretty optimistic, so even in battles he’s trying to smile and make you smile, just so you don’t feel discouraged

Kiri would definitely call you at like 4 in the afternoon just to say he missed you and ask if you wanted to hang out

Speaking of hanging out, he’d also FaceTime you or go to your house just to kinda enjoy your company without actually having to talk to each other

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

Kiri loves cuddles

He is an absolute cuddle monster and no one can convince me otherwise

He doesn’t really care how, he just wants to be close to you and hold you

He especially likes putting his head in your lap and letting you absentmindedly play with his hair

Another favorite is just like,, engulfing you lmao

He likes to hold you against his chest with his arms around you

It makes him feel really manly

Like he can protect you from anything

The Confidence(tm) it gives him

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely

He’s not one of those ‘trophy wife, white picket fence, 2.5 kids’ guys necessarily

But he’s a sucker for domestic life

in the fact that he likes waking up a little before you and seeing you walking into the kitchen with messy hair, sleepy eyes, and pajamas still on

Kisses, even though neither of you have brushed your teeth yet and you’re half asleep

He’s actually pretty good at cooking

He’s weirdly good at cooking pancakes, I can’t explain why he just is

Blueberry pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, strawberry pancakes, they’re absolutely perfection whenever he cooks them

He is not that great at cleaning though

He tries, don’t get him wrong, he tries

Kiri also really likes lifting you up off the ground when you hug

Or waking you up with light kisses all over your face

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Honestly I can’t think of a reason why he would break up with them unless it was a matter of their safety/happiness

Or they did something really wrong/the relationship was toxic

But anyway, he’d go about it really cautiously

Because like I said, he wouldn’t do it because he lost feelings or something, he would still probably love you and not want to break your heart

Even if you broke his heart

So he’s gonna sit you down at a time when he knows you’re in the right headspace

He’d politely explain to you why, trying to phrase it the best way he knew how to

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I’m gonna be honest he’s ready for commitment pretty early on into the relationship

He gets attached pretty quickly, and when he does he gets insanely attached

But if he doesn’t feel like you’re 100% ready he won’t ask for your hand, and even after he does think so he’ll wait a long while just because he doesn’t want to rush anything

He has no problems with commitment, he likes feeling like he belongs somewhere

It makes him feel wanted in the same way he wants to be close to you all the time

He would die if you called him your husband/fiancé

Also, he calls you mr/mx/mrs Kirishima all the time and the smile on his face will not fade for the next few hours

After you agree to marry him, he wants to schedule the wedding as soon as possible

Obviously, he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s rushing things, but he’s just so happy that you wanted to actually marry him

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle both physically and emotionally

Well, he tries to be physically gentle

He sometimes forgets his own strength or accidently turns his hand or something hard

But mostly he’s pretty gentle

and if he does hurt something/someone, he always makes sure to apologize and help fix whatever damage he’d done

And he feels so bad about it, the poor sweet babie

I can’t see him being rude to anyone, like ever lmao

I mean, you saw him feel bad for the guy who was trying to attack him in that one episode right?

Emotionally, he is very gentle

He’s very sweet, always offering his S/O compliments and doing sweet little things for them

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

The man loves hugs ok

And you know he gives good hugs

Like the ones where you’re kind of trapped in his embrace but it’s not like you’re complaining because you just feel so safe

But if he’s excited or hasn’t seen you in a while, it’s bone crushing

^^ He sometimes forgets his own strength, and therefore hugs just a little too tight when he isn’t paying attention

Also, he picks you up to hug you during those instances

He hugs...a reason amount?

Wait what’s a reasonable amount I’m touch starved

Like it’s not like he is hugging you every few minutes, but it’s not like he never hugs you

Maybe once when he first sees you, or when the two of you are parting ways

And he also hugs for comfort, but we been knew

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Oh, he says it the second he knows for sure

Although, it might be at a seemingly random time

Like you’ve just cracked some dumb joke and it suddenly hits him

And he just kind of blurts it out whether you two are alone in the room or not

Or maybe he can’t sleep one night, his mind is running crazy, and he realizes he can’t sleep because he’s thinking about you

And he texts you at 2 AM to tell you because for him it’s so important that you know in that instant

He doesn’t even care if you’re awake to respond, he needed to say it before he could sleep

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He gets a more insecure type of jealous

And he hates that he gets like that

Because he trust you and he wants you to know that

So for him to feel jealous makes him feel like he’s saying he doesn’t trust you; when, in fact, he trust you with his life.

When he does get jealous, you’ll know

He ask you if you think he’s manly enough for you

When he’s jealous, he always has his arms wrapped around you, holding you closely against himself

He tries to convince himself he doesn’t need to feel jealous of the other person because...you don’t like them, do you?

He usually ends up failing in convincing himself and winds up not-so-subtlety trying to get you away from the person.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kirishima’s kisses are always full of passion

His hand are always somewhere on you

Whether that be your waist, your back, your face, he just needs to be holding you

Usually, it’s just pecks on the tip of your nose or your forehead

But whenever he sees you for the first time in a while, after arguments, run-ins with villains, and similar circumstances his kisses are full of passion and longing

Also, he likes when you kiss his shoulders? I don’t even know why, he just loves it

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Kids loves him

They think him and his quirk are so cool!

And plus he’s really gentle and sweet with them

He shows off a lot infront of them because he’s trying to impress them

He talks to them a lot, telling them all about his hero work and how he used to have absolutely no control over his quirk

It’s a lot encouragement towards them

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He usually wakes up a little after the sun, not too early but not too late.

If you’re asleep, he won’t wake you up, he knows you probably need the sleep

Instead he’ll go cook you breakfast and bring you some in bed

If you wake up before him, please for the love of all things holy, wake him up with light kisses all over his face

He would die of fluff overload

Once both of you are awake, he pulls you against his chest and sits there until he can wake up mentally

Ok but can you imagine tired, shirtless standing in the kitchen sipping coffee?? That’s my sexuality

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’s the type that falls asleep on the couch watching TV

So he doesn’t actually go to bed until like midnight

He’s the type to get up at like 2 am to get some food or something and you think there is someone stealing lmao

He’s always holding you in some way when you’re sleeping, even if he just has his leg barely pressed against yours

Although he would much rather be cuddling with you

He takes night showers, so can we just take a moment to appreciate Kirishima with his hair wet

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Kirishima’s not the type to say everything all at once

But I also can’t see him being the type that just randomly mentions things and leaves you sitting there like ‘?’

He probably does it pretty early on in the relationship, or if you were friends first he starts mentioning stuff a month or two into the friendship

He mentions it slowly, not wanting to scare you away

Although, he is a pretty open person so there are some things you’ll be able to figure out right off the bat

He’s not very secretive with you, especially not after he opens up to you

So any fights you may have definitely aren’t because he’s hiding things from you

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not very

He may get frustrated with himself a fair amount

But he doesn’t get very angered at other people very often

He’d much rather talk about what’s bothering him than argue or keep things bottled up, but he usually doesn’t have many problems with people

He would gladly take his time with anyone who asked for his help instead of getting impatient and starting to yell like other people might *cough* bakugou

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers a fair amount

Obviously he can’t remember everything you say

He does remember random little things you say, though

Like sometimes he might get you a plushie of your favorite animal that you might have mentioned you liked once.

It’s little sweet things like that

And obviously he remembers the important things about you, like your birthday or what you’d like to do once you graduate

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He remembers how a few months after you two started dating, he saw you were wearing his hoodie

It was actually a Crimson Riot hoodie, he’d had it for a while but he loved it

Of course, you knew how much Kirishima admired Crimson Riot

So you assumed he was smiling because the hoodie had been buried in his closet for who knows how long and he was seeing it for the first time in a while

“I like the hoodie, where’d you get it?” He joked, sitting down besides you

You just smiled and leaned on his shoulder

“Ya know, Kiri, I like it. But I think I’d like it a little more if it said ‘Red Riot’.”

His heart fluttered, you’d always supported him when im came to his dream to become a hero

But still, to hear you say that, it made him so happy

And he couldn’t deny that it made him fall just a little more in love with you

No, Kirishima could not function properly for the rest of the day

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Kirishima is protective of you but not in the “I’m not letting another man around you ever, you are not allowed to have friends, Nope” kind of way

It’s more of an “I just want you to be safe” kind of way

So he’s always there make sure you’re safe, he doesn’t know how he would be able to forgive himself if he couldn’t save you from something

Especially if you have anxiety, he wants to be there to ground you, to be the reason maybe your anxiety isn’t so bad

He actually doesn’t like being protected himself, though

Apparently it “isn’t manly” so he’ll always insist that he doesn’t need help

Even though he usually does

He needs more of an emotional type of protection, if that makes sense?

He justs needs someone there to hold him and tell him that everything is gonna be ok

Or really just someone to talk to, you don’t even have to listen

Because lets face it, he has a lot of insecurities from when he was bullied in middle school

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Ok so he’s not the type to plan big, extravagant parties and stuff for you

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t put a lot of time and effort into his gifts

He remembers what you like, what you don’t like

He take notes of all the little things, if that makes sense

He remembers your favorite flowers, your favorite animal, your favorite everything

He also remembers your favorite places, where you went on your first date, where you first met, where you had your first kiss, places like that.

So usually any time you have an an aniversary it’s at a special place

Also, he’s more of a pleaser than someone that likes to be pleased, so he does a lot of stuff for you

Like he’ll get you gifts just because he wanted to see a smile on your face

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He says “manly” a lot

He doesn’t have many, to be honest

If anything, it’s that he’d break himself before he gives up

Especially when it comes to you

He would use his last breath trying to protect you

Which can be an issue for you, you just want him to be safe

And then there’re goes, losing sleep trying to do things for you

When in reality the only thing you want from him is for him to be healthy and happy

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He doesn’t mean to be

In fact he hates that he is

But after being bullied so much in middle school, he can’t help but feel a little insecure from time to time

Which is why he dyed his hair, started working out

That’s not to say that he’s vane about it, he doesn’t brag and think that he’s better than other people

But he isn’t as self conscious as he used to be, and especially not now that he has you at his side

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, he couldnt feel whole without you, not now that he knows what it feels like to have someone always there for him

He loves that he has someone to rely on so fully

And to suddenly not have that person there for him, to not have an anchor of sorts, there is n way he could feel completed again

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

This man has literally walked into the store with a whole ass grocery list, saw something that you might like or reminded him of you, bought it and forget about everything else he was supposed to get

He rushed home just to give you the little gift he had gotten you

It was not the first or the last time it had happened

Honestly just anytime he gets to bring a smile to your face is a good day for him

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He’s not a fan of someone who is picky

Like obviously you can have opinions, but he wouldn’t like someone who judges him, if that makes sense

He just doesn’t want to feel insecure

And I feel like if he was with someone who was in any way judgemental, he would be an insecure wreck constantly

Basically, he just wants someone who is open-minded

But he doesn’t really care about many other things

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Like I said before, he goes to bed at around midnight but falls asleep on the couch at like 10

But anyway

He’s a pretty deep sleeper, he has slept through a few bad storms in his life

He drools a lot. And also he snores a lot. Babie boi

He has an unreasonable amount of weird dreams but he only remembers like 2% of them

You know they happen though because he also talks in his sleep occasionally, and when he wakes up you’re just like “Kiri?? Why were you talking about overthrowing your ant overlords last night?”

No one knows

This man cannot keep the bed sheets straight in any sort of way, he he goes to sleep in the fetal position and wakes up laying horizontally at the foot of the bed

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gerrymike · 3 years

Text

OK. commentary on my satg playlist. For reasons

lol it wont let me hyperlink but. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0w9pMZtOvP0plqdxT665q7?si=wEFnvdh3Rjaa0p2UX251mQ&dl_branch=1 Plug

1. PIEDMONT (DESTROY BOYS)

Looks like I'm late for the party Everyone knows the attire but me Glass walls separate us Catch a glimpse into different books On different shelves

i.e. teen crisis where u want desperately to live the same life as ppl on the street but also can’t imagine anything worse

2. SWEET ADELINE (ELLIOTT SMITH)

It's a picture-perfect evening and I'm staring down the sun Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head Or any situation where I'm better off than dead

i.e. she’s alive! is that worse or better. also jfc, you fucking hate hospitals

3. ALAMEDA (ELLIOTT SMITH)

You walk down Alameda Shuffling your deck of trick cards over everyone Like some precious only son Face down, bow to the champion

also

Walk down Alameda Brushing off the nightmares you wish Could plague me when I'm awake And now you see your first mistake Was thinking that you could relate For one or two minutes she liked you But the fix is in

i.e. oops it’s two elliotts in a row, sorry. just. about the connection you can form with someone given just a short period of time, and how sometimes it gets ruined by, like, a werewolf. pretty similar to sweet adeline. mx weisglass gets two songs. plus “precious only son” 😬 “shuffling your deck of trick cards” 😬

4. CAN I PLAY WITH MADNESS (IRON MAIDEN)

Give me the sense to wonder To wonder if I'm free Give me a sense of wonder To know I can be me Give me the strength to hold my head up Spit back in their face

i.e. for Me mostly because i think the whiplash from elliott to maiden is kinda funny. also the gerry VS twisty animosity, in over-the-top wizardy terms. sometimes you are full of hate and that’s OK 😬

5. ICU (PHOEBE BRIDGERS)

If you're a work of art I'm standing too close I can see the brush strokes I hate your mom I hate it when she opens her mouth It's amazing to me How much you can say When you don't know What you're talking about

and

I'll climb through the window again But right now it feels good not to stand Then I'll leave it wide open Let the dystopian morning light pour in

i.e. we’re back in london…and, well, yeah. also, song title! we’re still in sacramento, actually, spiritually, at this point in the story

6. CRY FOR JUDAS (THE MOUNTAIN GOATS)

Feel the storm every night Hope it passes by Hallucinate a shady grove where Judas went to die Unfurl the black velvet altar cloth Draw a white chalk Baphomet Mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get

i.e. crew. i think about him

7. IRIS (THE GOO GOO DOLLS)

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

plus

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

i.e. OK. OK. OK. yeah, OK. damn right all you can taste is this moment…yeah OK. SONGS5

8. KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE)

It's been 8 bitter years since I've been seeing your face And you're walking away And I will die in this place

It's been 10 fucking years since I've been seeing your face round here And you're walking away And I will drown in the fear

i.e. ah…the lyrical differences in the chorus…yes…also i love how raucous this song is despite what it’s about. it’s got satg energy!!! “seeing your face”, of course, is not literal 😬

9. ENCHANTING GHOST (SUFJAN STEVENS)

Don't carry on carrying efforts, oh no, oh oh oh oh Somewhere there's a room for each of us to grow And if it pleases you to leave me, just go, oh oh oh oh Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost

and

Did you cut your hands on me? Are my edges sharp? Am I a pest to feed?

i.e. 😬😬😬

10. PAUL (BIG THIEF)

In the blossom of the months I was sure that I'd get driven off with thought So I swallowed all of it As I realized there was no one Who could kiss away my shit

and PARTICULARLY

Well Paul, I know you said That you'd take me any way I came or went But I'll push you from my brain See, you're gentle baby I couldn't stay, I'd only bring you pain

i.e. HARROWING TERRITORY!!!

11. PITSELEH (ELLIOTT SMITH)

I'll tell you why I Don't wanna know where you are I gotta joke I've been dying to tell you

i.e. sorry. a lot of elliott smith on this playlist. thems the breaks

12. OPHELIA (THE LUMINEERS)

Oh, Ophelia You've been on my mind girl like a drug Oh, Ophelia Heaven help a fool who falls in love

i.e. callbacks to SONGS5…! and more pain

13. CLOUDS (BORNS)

I forget all my dreams I forget everyones name I meet I forget about time and space But I can't stop thinking 'bout your face

i.e. tfw your memory’s shit and also you just threw yourself into the sky and you’re still not over it. yowch!

14. ARCADE (DUNCAN LAWRENCE)

Oh, oh-oh-oh oh Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh All I know, all I know Loving you is a losing game

i.e. sorry i heard this song first in a c#tradora edit and i have never recovered.

15. WARS (OF MONSTERS AND MEN)

Yeah, I love you on the weekends But I'm careless and I'm wicked Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war I still have pieces of you stuck on me Pieces of you stuck on me Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war

i.e. PIECES OF YOU STUCK ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the only song of the new omam i’ve heard. i never got around to listening to it. but this one slaps

16. MONTERO (LIL NAS X)

Lookin' at the table, all I see is weed and white Baby, you livin' the life, but baby, you ain't livin' right Cocaine and drinkin' with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend

AND

A sign of the times every time that I speak A dime and a nine, it was mine every week What a time, an incline, God was shinin' on me Now I can't leave And now I'm actin' hella elite

AND ESPECIALLY

I want that jet lag from fuckin' and flyin'

i.e. God i love this song. re: avatarhood. YOU CAN’T LEAVE!!! not saying it’s like being a celebrity, but it’s like being a celebrity. dual perspectives here with G + his morality regarding the person he loves being, uh, evil? (you live in the dark / i cannot pretend) and M + debt he owes to his god, erosion of his own morals. also, SHEER F*CKING VIBES

17. GEYSER (MITSKI)

You're my number one You're the one I want And you've turned down Every hand that has beckoned me to come

i.e. love songs that serve double as to your god and to your lover

18. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE (BRUNO MARS)

Jump in the Cadillac (Girl, let's put some miles on it) Anything you want (Just to put a smile on it) You deserve it baby, you deserve it all

i.e. this song is here because i say so. a real “sorry it’s been seven years let me make it up to you” vibe

19. RUN AWAY WITH ME (SUFJAN STEVENS)

And I say, love Come run away with me Sweet, falling remedy Come run away with me

i.e. more grand ridiculous propositions. more to come. but they’re born out of a real frustration with the situation at hand! it sucks! also, “falling remedy”,

20. LET’S GET MARRIED (BLEACHERS)

I'm gonna get right for you, honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah I know it's hard enough to love me But I woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let's get married"

i.e. bro.

21. I WILL (MITSKI)

And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

i.e. a lot of these here are self explanatory..

22. ME & MY DOG (BOYGENIUS)

I had a fever Until I met you Now you make me cool

also

I never said I'd be all right Just thought I could hold myself together But I couldn't breathe, I went outside Don't know why I thought it'd be any better I'm fine now, it doesn't matter

i.e. title is significant. and yeah. just. recovery’s tricky

23. I FOUND (AMBER RUN)

And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would

i.e. this is like a staple song for like. basically. any pairing. but i’m pathetic and it gets me every time. there’s something about it. not sure if i’m going to leave it on this playlist but. hm. yeah

OK that’s a wrap. highly likely i’ll put more songs on this as i go

#talk #i wrote this post instead of working. yay me

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gay-otlc · 3 years

Text

Monsters- Chapter ב

Previous chapter

Summary (changed from last time btw): Eyphah has monsters in hir head. How much do the monsters have to control hir life before ze becomes the monster?

Content warnings: OCD/intrusive thoughts/trich, religion, cursing, low self esteem, violence, lmk if I need to add anything.

Playlist (if anyone’s curious)

Word count: 1762

“Monster,” ze whispered to hirself again, as ze walked through hir door. Ze swallowed and put on a fake smile. “Shoshanah! I’m home!”

No response.

Heart thundering, Eyphah rushed across the hallway and up the stairs, footsteps echoing loudly. “Shoshanah!” ze yelled again, ripping the door open. The lights were off, bed empty, sheets slightly ruffled. Hir eyes flicked around wildly until they fell upon a sheet of paper resting on the nightstand.

Eyphah exhaled, grabbing it.

Eyphah-

I know you get worried when I’m not here, so sorry to worry you, but I had to fill in for Yakov at the hospital. I won’t be home until late, so you can have dinner without me. I’m alright and I love you!

Love,

Shoshanah.

“Fucking idiot,” Eyphah muttered, setting the note down and rubbing hir temples. Why did ze have to freak out every time Shoshanah didn’t answer immediately? Why did the monsters in hir head have to fill it with images of Shoshanah lying in her bed, unable to move, dying before hir eyes- or already dead.

And ze was still fucking anxious. “She’s okay,” ze muttered again, shaking hir head. Hir eyebrows itched. A lot, like the fear of stabbing someone with hir sword and finding Shoshanah dead had all physically manifested in hir left eyebrow, needing to be extracted from hir body.

Ze pulled.

And pulled again.

And then wrapped hir hands behind hir back and sat on them, determined not to pull again.

And pulled again.

“I fucking hate you!” ze yelled at hirself. Frustrated, ze stood up and grabbed hir notebook, opening it to the most recent page.

Reasons I don’t want to die:

I want to learn the new sword move.

I love Shoshanah

Shoshanah loves me

Maybe I’ll find a new ahav

No babka when you’re dead

NO RUGELACH WHEN YOU’RE DEAD!

The thought makes me feel sick

I don’t want to die

I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die

Eyphah remembered writing that. Ze’d been baking; latkes, was it? It was Tammuz; last month, and one of the summer ones, but ze hadn’t wanted to let the wrong season stop hir from enjoying latkes. The rest of the memory was a bit blurry. Ze opened up hir drawer to get a spatula and flatten the latkes, but hir gaze fell upon a knife.

Ze imagined grabbing the knife instead of the spoon.

Ze imagined quickly thrusting the knife into hir chest.

Ze imagined bleeding out on the floor, Shoshanah coming to discover hir body and screaming.

Eyphah hadn’t opened that drawer since, nor had ze baked.

It was sad. Ze used to love baking.

Baking and sword fighting; those were hir favorite things to do for fun, but the monsters in hir head made hir terrified of that. What would happen next? Would ze have to avoid Shoshanah, someone she liked to do for fun as well?

Do you even love Shoshanah? Or are you just her ahav out of pity?

“SHUT UP!” ze screamed, and wrote down ten reasons ze loved Shoshanah.

The way she bites her lip and looks down when she finds a joke funny but doesn’t want to admit it’s funny.

Her kisses. She tastes like strawberries.

The way her eyes light up when someone calls her a girl.

The little twirl she does when she wears a dress.

Her singing voice for Havdalah prayers.

Her determination to help others.

When she talks about picking her name and has this sweet little smile on her face.

The way she flaps her hands when she’s happy.

How her hand fits in mine perfectly.

Her laugh, like sunlight.

When Eyphah was thoroughly convinced ze actually loved hir ahav, and wasn’t just faking it and toying with her feelings out of some sick sadism, ze threw the notebook down and paced across the room, trying to release the nervous energy bubbling up inside hir.

Normally, when ze had this buzz of energy, ze tried to get it out by practicing with hir sword. But that wouldn’t work now, would it?

Convenient.

Until hir stomach rumbled, ze had no idea ze was hungry, but ze gratefully accepted the distraction of going to get food. Ze was good at baking, but terrible at cooking, and ze hated using the stove anyway- too big a risk ze’d set something on fire. Bagels, maybe? Shoshanah bought bagels yesterday, and they should have at least a few left. No cream cheese, though; ze’d have to use a knife for that.

Eyphah focused on the motion of hir legs, lifting one up and swinging in front of the other, over and over again, until ze reached the kitchen, because otherwise ze’d get too lost in hir own head to move.

Even without cream cheese, the bagels tasted pretty good, and ze ate them quickly. After reciting the birkat hamazon, the sound of hir voice stopped echoing through the house, and it fell silent. Ze was just alone in here, and it was dark out, and there was nothing stopping the monster in hir from taking over.

Maybe ze should go out into town? Ze hated being around people, always had, and ze was probably a danger to them, but maybe it would be better than being alone in this empty house. Eyphah shifted hir weight on the chair as ze thought, and even the creaking seemed to whisper monster at hir.

It was official, ze had gone insane, and Eyphah needed to get out of this fucking house.

After pausing just long enough to leave a note for Shoshanah- Shoshana didn’t worry like ze did, she probably wouldn’t need it, but maybe it would be nice- ze changed into a cleaner shirt, short sleeved and white like before, but not covered in imaginary blood stains. Then, ze left the house and decided to walk to the jewelry store, hoping to get hirself a new magen david necklace.

It was raining lightly outside, the sky clouded over with grey so ze couldn’t see any stars. Disappointing. Other than that, Eyphah didn’t mind the rain much; sure, hir hair was getting wet, and hir scalp where ze had a bald spot, but it felt kind of nice. Calm. Ze could almost imagine that the rain was washing away all the evil that lived inside hir.

Almost.

Slowly, ze breathed and focused on the noise of hir shoes clicking against the pavement, of the rain gently pattering on the windows of the stores surrounding hir. It had been such a long time since ze just focused on what was going on in the world around hir. Most of the time, ze was too caught up in hir own head, obsessed with the past or dreading with the future. Eyphah let hir eyes linger behind hir a little too long, or narrowed hir vision on the world ze was hurtling into, and and never took the time to look around.

It wasn’t so bad.

Ze ran a finger through hir damp hair, making it look a little more presentable, before walking into the jewelry store. Was it even open this late? Maybe ze should have checked that first. But the lights were on, and loud voices flooded the building, and there were people in there. It felt much warmer than hir empty house.

“Eyphah! Shalom!” someone called, and ze started a little, not having expected to be welcomed. It was easy to forget people liked hir, when ze struggled with liking hirself so much.

Ze waved, responding with “Hey, how’s it going?” Hopefully, if ze initiated a conversation, whoever called hir name would come closer to hir and ze would figure out who it was. Their voice wasn’t instantly recognizable.

They did, in fact, come closer; Chaim, Eyphah remembered. They had been extremely close as children; he had done an aliyah at hir B’nai Mitzvah a few years ago, and while they hadn’t spent as much time together recently, they were still good friends. Eyphah smiled a bit.

“Pretty good,” Chaim said, grinning. He was usually grinning, his slightly crooked teeth showing and dark eyes lighting up. His hair had gotten longer since the last time ze saw him, dark and curling around his warm, copper colored face. “I’m getting a boat soon, finally. I’ve been saving up for years.”

“That’s great! I’m really happy for you!”

“Yeah, I leave in a few weeks, but I’ll be sure to write. How about you, anything interesting going on?”

Eyphah tugged at hir hair, a few strands coming loose. Chaim must have noticed the bald spots, wider and more obvious than the last time they’d spoken a few months ago, but he was nice enough not to comment on it. Nothing very noteworthy had gone on in hir life recently, especially not something ze’d want to share with people.

“I’ve been working on sword fighting more often,” ze said finally, omitting how terrified ze was of hurting anyone. “Gotten pretty good at it.”

“Nice! Please don’t stab me though.”

That’s what I’m worried about. “Haha, I won’t,” Eyphah said weakly, clawing at the skin where hir neck sloped into hir shoulder and tearing it off.

Chaim took a step forward in line as whoever was at the front left. Eyphah followed. “A lot of people here, huh? I thought there’d be hardly anyone.”

“Tu B’av is coming up soon, I guess. A lot of people buying their ahavs jewelry.” Eyphah usually made Shoshanah a cake for Tu B’av; ze supposed ze’d have to come up with something else this year. Hopefully ze didn’t disappoint her.

“Right. Forgot about that.”

Eyphah nodded, shoving thoughts of disappointing Shoshanah out of hir head. “Are you here buying anything for your ahav?” ze asked, the corners of hir mouth turning up.

Chaim snorted. Eyphah had thought he would find that funny, considering he had never and would never love people like ahavs, the mere thought that he would was ridiculous. “I was hoping to get earrings, actually,” he said once he stopped laughing. “Lost my old ones.”

“Disaster,” ze teased.

“You’re one to talk, Mx. I got my hair cut because I burnt it cooking.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“You love me, bitch.”

“I do.” Eyphah smiled again- a real genuine smile!- and leaned against Chaim’s wide frame. He made hir feel like a person. That was nice. Ze had forgotten what it was like to feel like a person, not a monster.

#shai's writing #shai types things #monsters #everyone is jewish wip #gonna rebagel with taglist #i love chaim btw #and he's aromantic #if that wasn't obvious

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hailbop1701 · 3 years

Text

Down The Rabbit Hole

John Kennex/OC

KennexWhump!

Hello, my loves! I have another request here from @zecklein! I really, really hope I did good and that you like it. This actually my first whump fic so it took me a while.

The city abuzz with activity despite the late hour. The sound of a persistent ringing broke the peace in the previously quiet apartment. A soft groan blindly reached over to grab the offending object off of the coffee table. “Speak and it better be good,” came an irritated female voice. “Sorry detective, we have another scene for you,” a voice said softly over the line. Another groan and the woman slowly moved off the couch, “Thanks Lewis, gimme the address and I’ll be right over.” she whispered tiredly. A soft chuckle echoed from the phone, “fall asleep on the couch again Thea?”

Thea scowled, “no,” she lied and winced at the crick in her neck and the shooting pain in her shoulder. Lewis paused hesitating, “the killer crossed districts,” he said as Thea sniffed at her laundry hunting for something clean. She froze holding a pair of jeans halfway to her nose, “You’re shitting me. He’s back, he’s been dormant for months! Same M.O. the same?” she asked. Lewis sighed, “Yes, and don’t get too crazy on this,” he scolded. Thea scowled putting her phone on speaker, “When am I not crazy?” she asked, pulling on the pair of jeans. She could practically see Lewis rolling his eyes, “How about all the damn time. Not a lot of people can work with you,” he said patiently.

Thea grabs a shirt that hung over the railing to the stairs that lead up to her bedroom, “I got nothin’” she said, pulling it over her head quickly. A huffed laugh made her smile, “I sent you the address and Max is waiting for you downstairs with coffee,” Lewis chuckled. “Oh Lewis if you weren’t gay I’d think you were being sweet on me,” she purred before hanging up. Pulling on her boots and shrugging on her cheap faux leather jacket Thea grabbed her bag and was out the door. She was ten feet from her door when she remembered she forgot her gun, “Oh it’s gonna be that kind of day,” she muttered, turning on her heels to go back.

A solid fifteen minutes and ten flights later; “the damn elevator is broken, really?” Thea was grumpily stalking over to her waiting MX. “Good morning detective,” he said in his usual monotone, Thea huffed and took the coffee he held out to her. “Not really Max,” she quipped back, getting into the driver's seat. Max tilted his head and moved to the passenger side after closing her door, “You’re blood pressure is unusually high, are you alright detective?” Max asked, looking at her like an over-talkative X-Ray machine. Thea wrinkled her nose and shifted in her seat, “I’m just tired Max, and maybe the fact that the killer I’ve been working so hard to catch has decided to meander over to a different district after taking a six-month-long cat nap!” she growled not taking her eyes off the road. Max was quiet for a moment as if he were thinking of the right words to say, “I pulled up the file on the detective you are working with,” he said with a blink of his eyes. Tightening her grip on the steering wheel Thea let out a breath; she picked up her coffee and took a long sip, “Okay, give it to me,”

Max looked ahead, “Detective John Kennex, 41 years of age. He has a successful career and he is single-” he said but stopped when Thea waved her hand, “What are you-stop. No, don’t even think about it,” she said whining. Max looked over at his human pointedly, “You are increasing in age detective Redding. It would serve to be in your best interest to procreate at-'' Thea screeched cutting off the android again, “No Max, you need to stop doing this shit! God, you’re worse than my mother!” she yelled. The MX closed his mouth and kept silent, the silence made Thea relax a little. “I can’t believe I got the MX who might have a personality, I blame the lightning that hit you last year,” she muttered, picking up her coffee again.

Max opened his mouth but closed it again with an audible click. After sitting in traffic a moment too long Thea turned on the siren and proceeded to drive up onto the sidewalk. Finishing her coffee in one long swig, she rolled down her window and tossed it in a garbage can as it passed by. Max turned his head to stare at her for a long moment, face void of emotion but Thea knew the look he was giving her anyway. It read, ‘really?’

“Don’t you fucking judge me, mister let me set you up with a murder victim’s husband,” Thea said pointing a finger. Max looked away again, “We are coming up on our destination,” he warned as Thea turned into a relatively abandoned parking lot. “Really? damn, I didn’t know that,” she said putting the vehicle into park. Thea got out of the car and strode over to where numerous CSI milling around with their arms crossed. She moved through the holographic police tape and nodded at the officer who had waved her on; knowing Max was right there she held out a hand for some gloves and they promptly appeared. Pulling them on Thea stopped by one of the two bodies, squatting down she checked the neck first. “No ligatures,” she whispered with a sigh.

“See John, I told you that you made a wrong turn.” a smooth voice echoed from behind Max. “I was just taking a detour!” another voice shot back. Thea rolled her eyes and held out her hand again, a penlight was dropped into it. She gently pulled open the dead woman’s mouth to peer inside, “Nothing obstructing the airway, and…” Thea turned the victims head to check behind the left ear, “the killer’s signature. Just perfect the asshole got brave and hunted outside his comfort zone,” she muttered. Standing up Thea turned around to see two men bickering close by, one android and one detective who was kinda cute. In a grumpy, ruffled kind of way. Thea cleared her throat looking at the two with raised eyebrows, “Murder in your own district and I beat you to the scene?” she joked testing the waters. The cute one opened his mouth to retort but was elbowed by the DRN in the ribs.

Max scrunched his eyebrows together, “But detective Redding you drove fifteen miles over the speed limit and then cut traffic by driving on the sidewalk,” he said matter of factly. A snort of laughter from Kennex made her eye twitch. Pinching the bridge of her nose and looking at the ground Thea pointed to the car, “begone you oversized lightning rod, you’ve lost crime scene privileges.” she said flatly. The MX hesitated before striding over to the car and getting into the passenger seat. Looking up again she saw that Kennex’s android had a hand covering his mouth to keep from laughing. Kennex laughed openly, not caring what so ever, “he’s such a handful,” Thea muttered with an eye roll. She held out her hand, “Detective Thea Redding. Sorry that this guy came into your neck of the woods, he’s been dormant for six months and I guess he wanted a change of scenery,” she said with a wince. The other detective took Thea’s hand; his engulfing hers, “John Kennex and that disco ball is Dorian. This is the twelfth body?” he asked letting go.

Thea huffed, “Yeah, he officially turned into a serial killer at body three and four. Married couple. What’s strange about the killings though is that they die of asphyxiation but they aren’t strangled and they didn’t choke on anything, and the tox screens come back normal. We’ve been working on going through each victim's histories hoping to find a connection between them but so far nothing besides the obvious,” she said nodding towards the wedding rings on each victim's left hands. She turned the dead woman to the side again and showed them the small carving behind the woman’s left ear. A heart.

“A heart?” Kennex asked, looking at Thea questioningly and she nodded lips in a thin line. The sun had come up by now and people who were walking by were starting to linger. Thea looked into the crowd with narrowed green eyes, “He’s meticulous but he seems random, I know for a fact that he’s not. I managed to narrow him down to a specific area then he disappeared, and now he’s outside his hunting grounds.” she ranted in frustration stepping aside letting the M.E. get to the body. “Maybe you were getting too close, were there any close calls?” Kennex asked almost reassuringly. Thea bit her lip and nodded, “Yeah the Pier. I managed to track him back to one of his dens. He managed to get there first and torched it. I saw him, sort of. Too much smoke and the flames were too big. I ran after him anyway and got shot in the shoulder for my trouble,” she said glaring at the growing crowd behind the police barrier. Dorian winced, “I’m guessing that’s when he disappeared?” he asked and Thea nodded and patted her pockets when her phone rang, she pulled it out of her back pocket and walked away to a quiet corner.

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Kennex looked at the crowd that gathered outside the police line, “Dorian do a scan, see if anything pops up.” he said quietly the android nodded and quickly recorded and scanned the crowd, names popping and saved for later. “What do you think?” Dorian asked looking over at him. John shrugged, “ I’m not sure yet. I do know she’s close to this one, it’s personal for her now-”

“No, not the case! I was talking about detective Redding herself!” Dorian interrupted smiling. John looked at his partner with a raised eyebrow, “What about her?” he asked, quickly turning his eye to the crime scene. Dorian’s lips twitched into a smirk, “I saw how you looked at her. And your heart rate increased when you shook her hand, not to mention your tes-” John whipped his head around and clapped a hand over Dorain’s mouth. “Don’t you even dare. Plus you promised to never do that again!” he hissed. Dorian held up his hands in surrender. John took his hand off Dorian’s mouth as Thea walked back to them pushing her phone into her back pocket, “I got word from my tech guy. On the last body, there was a cell phone, it didn’t belong to the VIC and it had some crazy encryption and obviously, it has taken them months to get into it. The thing is, it unlocked by itself,” she said shoving her hands into her jacket pockets with a deep frown on her face. John cleared his throat after he realized he was staring too long, “what did they find?” he asked, crossing his arms, “a single voicemail. They said they sent it to your precinct.” Thea said with a sigh. A CSI walked up to her side and handed over some evidence bags, “thanks,” she whispered, taking them and tech nodded before rushing off.

“Do you mind if I get a ride with you? I want Max to take these back to-'' Thea stopped when she saw John and Dorian’s faces, “You named your MX?” John asked with a surprised laugh and Thea nodded almost sheepishly. “Yeah, it sort of just happened, and then it stuck. He was struck by lightning and became like a Jewish mother,” she said grimacing. John opened his mouth to say something smart but he just couldn’t come up with anything, “Wow,” he muttered running a hand through his hair. “We’ll wait in the car detective,” Dorian said kindly. Thea smiled at him before jogging over to her police-issued vehicle. John shook his head, “how do you do that?” he asked the android who had just shrugged, “I don’t know man, but you should consider asking her out,” he said opening a door to the backseat of the car. “Stop that, what is it with you and my love life?” John asked, glaring at Dorian in the rearview mirror. The passenger side door suddenly opened making John jump ever so slightly, “Okay let’s go!” Thea said buckling. As John pulled out from the scene Thea bit her lip, “can we stop and get coffee?” she asked and John huffed amused. “Woman after my own heart,” he said heading for the closest shop. He didn’t notice the light pink of a blush spread over Thea’s cheeks. But Dorian did, he smiled and began to scheme.

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“- and then boom! He was struck by lightning!” Thea said gesturing wildly with her hands. John wheezed from laughing so hard while Dorian had a huge grin on his face, eyes dancing with amusement. “I don’t believe you. That is too perfect to happen in real life?” Kennex said with a shake of his head. Thea held a mock offended hand to her heart, “Why detective Kennex are you calling a lady a liar?” she asked with a mock southern belle accent. Kennex smirked and had the perfect retort when he was cut off by a voice over the main screen, “You’re no lady Redding! I’ve seen you drink alcoholics under the table,” Thea flipped off the screen but with a smile, “Fuck off Toby, and that guy deserved getting hustled in pool. He was an idiot. God that night...I’m never drinking tequila again.” she said with an eye roll and a grimace. The man on the screen tilted his head back and laughed before becoming serious again.

They walked into the bullpen, Thea’s eyes darting everywhere taking stock of the differences. A lean frazzled-looking man stood there holding onto a tablet bouncing on the balls of his feet. As soon as the trio was in range, the guy held out a hand for Thea to shake. “Hello, detective Redding! I heard from your techs Lewis and obviously Toby they had sent every report and bit of information you gathered on the killer, and I must say you’re very thorough,” he said it all without letting go of her. John sighed, “Rudy,” he said and the tech quickly let go and backed up. “Sorry, I’m Rudy,” he said nervously. Thea gave him a kind smile, “it’s nice to meet you Rudy. What do you have for me?” she asked sweetly. Rudy stuttered for a second before hitting a button on the tablet wordlessly, the disguised voice made Thea tense. She looked up at Toby but his image was gone.

“Hello detective Redding, how’s the investigation coming along? I’m sure an intelligent woman like yourself can figure it all out in time; before the next two bodies drop. Bodies eleven and twelve,” the killer clicked his tongue in a disapproving manner, “I disappointed detective, you’ve missed me again, though I do have to give it to you. You almost had me, that one sunny afternoon. The pier is such a big place, so easy to get lost. I had to cross district lines ahead of schedule. It took me some time I grant you, rabbit holes can be deep. How’s the shoulder?” the voice chuckled darkly adding in the last like an afterthought and Thea’s arm automatically jolted in pain at the memory. She hissed as the voice continued, “Detective Kennex I welcome you to the fold and I wish you luck; I feel like you’re going to need it.” he chuckled and then silence. “I feel like that was a threat,” Kennex mused unconcerned.

Thea was silent staring off into space biting her thumbnail, the room around her was busy bustling with people but the small bubble around her was silent. A silence that was almost deafening. Someone brought her out of her thoughts by gently placing a hand on her arm. Looking up she saw Dorian looking down at her with slight concern in his eyes. “I’m okay, I’m just-” she trailed off and pulled the tablet from Rudy’s hands. She scrolled through the written transcript of the voicemail. “He said that he had to move districts ahead of schedule,” she said and tapped at the screen in her hands. With a flick of her wrist, she sent the pictures and profiles of each victim to the big screen. Thea looked at Kennex, “What do you see?” she asked expectantly. John looked at the crime scene photos, eyes darting back and forth. “Married couples,” he frowned, and then his eyes widened a fraction. “They’re successful, a bit snobbish, “ he said touching the screen bringing up their social media accounts. “Arrogant is the word you’re looking for.” Thea pointed out. Dorian stepped forward-looking at the giant screen in front of them, “Do you have a map of the body drops?” he asked and Thea wordlessly brought up the map she and Lewis had made. The map of the district appeared and each crime scene location popped up one by one. They formed a large circle that covered several miles, “That’s how we narrowed it down to the pier,” she said with a sigh. Thea quickly expanded the map so it showed delta and the new crime scene. “He’s found a new den,” she scowled, running a hand through her hair so the brown waves were pushed back. Kennex appeared on her other side looking at the map intently, Thea mentally tried to connect the dots.

“Rudy do you know when the voice message was left?” Redding asked, turning toward the man. Rudy looked like a deer caught in some headlights for a minute before consulting his phone. “Uh, six this morning,” he said looking up. Thea sighed expecting the answer, “He was watching us,” she muttered irritated. “Dorian, did anyone in the crowd today look odd to you?” Kennex asked leaning against what Thea assumed was his desk. Dorian stared into space for a moment and tilted his head to the side, “I have an adult gender unknown with a hood covering their face. Their body language is relaxed and he’s staring in detective Redding’s direction.” he said, turning his full attention back to Kennex and Redding. John seemed stone-faced as he eyed the big screen in front of the room, while Thea closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I have an idea but neither of you will like it,” she said biting her lip. Dorian and John looked at each other almost nervously.

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“You’re right, I hate this plan,” John deadpanned over the secure comm. Thea chuckled and walked the dark street holding a warm cardboard cup of coffee to keep the cold away. Snow slowly trickled down from the blackened sky, “He’s going to go after one of us, trackers and teams are in place. It’ll be fine. I hope,” she said discreetly. Kennex snorted over the line, “when this is done you and I are going to have a talk about what’s fine,” he said a slight smile in his voice. “I look forward to it,” Thea chuckled and took a sip of her hot drink. “You two are just adorable, I think SWAT has an ongoing bet on when you go on your first date,” Dorian teased over the line. Kennex cursed the DRN out, while Thea blushed and cleared her throat. John abruptly cut out, his harsh insults stopping. “Aw come on John, I’m just teasing,” Dorian said with a light chuckle, the laughs of the SWAT team could also be heard. Thea smirked but it melted away when the man didn’t answer, “John?” Thea questioned voice even. No reply. “Is there a visual on Kennex?” she asked, stopping at the mouth of an alley. There was a long pause, “No visual,”

“Fuck!” Thea shouted, dropping her coffee she started to run toward Kennex’s last known position. Thea stopped in the middle of the abandoned street panting; Dorian ran up to her with SWAT on his ass. “How in the hell did someone get past us?” he asked looking up and down the street. “He’s a hacker and a good one. We were compromised,” Thea growled angrily. Mostly at herself. A shrill ringing broke the tense silence. Gritting her teeth Thea pulled out her phone, “Hello?” ground out. A dark chuckle over the line made her freeze. She looked up at Dorian with wide eyes; his face immediately lit up hoping to trace the call. “Nice try detective but you can’t trace me, tell the DRN better luck next time,” the disguised voice hissed. Dorian shook his head at Thea and she scowled, “Where is he?” she growled out.

“Oh, I assure detective Kennex is quite safe, waiting for you in fact. Come alone and you both will be free,” the voice purred over the line. Thea met Dorian’s eyes; he set his jaw and shook his head. “No tracker, no android,” they whispered, making Dorian shake his head again. “Fine,” she said and the android in front of her huffed, tossing up his hands. “Good detective, now walk.” the killer growled. Thea looked at Dorian apologetically and stalked down the street phone attached to her ear. “What do I call you anyway, I can’t just keep saying ‘the guy’ in my head,” she inquired, trying to keep the conversation going. The voice snorted “Call me Hatty,” the voice-Hatty said in amusement. Thea paused midstep, “So you’re a woman,” she muttered. Hatty laughed openly and dropped the voice changer. “Very good detective! I almost lost hope in your abilities! Turn right at the corner and keep going until the end,” she instructed proudly. Thea did as she was told, “Hatty short for Harriet?” she asked matter of factly. Hatty hummed undoubtedly smirking “Can I asked why you killed them?” she asked bitterly, “they deserved it, detective. They had no souls, they only thought of themselves and cheated to get what they wanted. They didn’t work hard as I did! But you’d never understand, all you have to do is bat your pretty eyes to get what you want! I’m the main character now!” Harriet shrieked, losing her cool. A male voice shouted something in the background and then a resounding crack echoed over the line, “Hatty, what did you do! You said you wouldn’t hurt him!” Thea hissed angrily into her phone. The woman huffed a sigh, “Relax, he’s fine. Just a little reminder on who’s in charge,’ she said mildly annoyed. Thea gripped her phone tighter and came to a stop at a series of abandoned buildings close to the wall, “straight ahead and down the stairs detective, see you soon.” Hatty chuckled and Thea heard nothing but the dial tone.

Taking a deep breath Thea opened the front door of the old apartment building. Dust covered every surface making the woman wrinkle her nose; using her phone as a flashlight Thea eased forward toward the labeled basement stairs. Nudging the door open with her foot Thea looked down into the darkness, “Yeah, this isn’t creepy at all,” she whispered. After hitting the hard cement at the bottom Thea looked down each long hall on either side of her. One was pitch black, while the other had a light at the end, “I’ll take the less creepy hall for two hundred Alex,” she whispered to the dust mites. Thea moved quickly and quietly until she came to a wide-open room, which was filled with books and a desk housing monitors, and a jammer. “There go the trackers,” she grumbled under her breath. On the monitors were dozens of pictures of her; at home, at work, at her favorite coffee shop. On the desk sat an old copy of “Alice’s adventures: Through the Looking Glass” she tapped the book with her knuckle curiously before turning to the rest of the room. That’s when she saw him, “John!” she ran over and knelt down by the bloody unconscious man. Placing two fingers on his neck Thea sighed in relief, shoulders slumping relaxing ever so slightly. “Welcome to your repentance detective,” a feminine voice hissed, and then there was nothing.

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Thea groaned when someone shook her shoulder, “Hey Redding. Thea wake up.” someone whispered to her gently. Her eyes fluttered open only to meet soft green ones staring right back at her, “Hey there,” she whispered slowly lifting her head from Kennex’s lap. “You okay?” he asked and Thea waved her hand with a grimace, “I’m just peachy,” she slurred squinting at the brightness of the room. “Concussions are fun,” she muttered, swallowing hard. They both got to their feet and gazed around the room. Mirrors, all they could see was themselves reflecting endlessly. The room dimmed, and the harsh light from before was gone. The sound of a vacuum made them freeze and it became hard to breathe; Thea looked over at John who had clamped his mouth shut to save his air. ‘This is how she does it then,’ she thought dryly holding her breath as well. The floor glowed in a red hue revealing words on the floor. The world tilted and began to grow grey around the edges. Thea couldn’t hold it anymore and choked falling to her knees; Kennex was beside her hoping to do something. Thea pointed at the inscription on the floor but he didn’t seem to understand it. She fell to her side gasping for air that wouldn’t come, she stared at the words mindlessly. She couldn’t process what it said, Thea felt a hand cup her cheek. Kennex turned her head so she was looking up at him; he was fading fast. He brushed the hair out of her face and took one last breath; and then he slowly gave it to her. Their lips connected and air filled her lungs. Thea gasped and snapped her mouth shut to hold the air in. She watched as Kennex fell to the floor twitching, eyes wide.

Thea rolled over eyeing the quote again, ‘ She who saves a single soul, saves the universe.’ it read. She pushed to her feet and staggered over to the mirrored wall; she put her hands on the cold, smooth surface hoping to find something; anything. Her vision was starting to blacken again, she was running out of time. Placing her forehead against the mirror Thea pushed her mind. She thought back, ‘A heart. A heart meaning what? Hatty. An angry little girl...who loves Alice in Wonderland.’ she thought, “Rabbit holes are deep.”

Thea pounded a fist on the mirror in front of her in frustration, everything was fading. ‘Alice in Wonderland what did it teach you? Six impossible things, high caterpillars, off with their heads...and nothing is what it seems.’ she spun around to take in the room again. Her infinite reflection seemed to mock her, ‘not as it seems,’ she chanted to herself as she staggered to the center of the room where John lay unconscious. Narrowing her eyes Thea looked at the floor, it was so smooth and inviting. She let her knees buckle so her eye was level with the ground below her. ‘No, not the ground. Tinted glass.’ she thought dimly. The exit was below them; down the rabbit hole. Thea with the last of her strength picked up her foot and slammed it down on the glass below her. It cracked. She opened her mouth in a silent gasp and brought her foot down again. The crack grew in size so it spiderwebbed beneath her and John. The strength left her as quickly as it came, she slumped to the side over John’s torso eyes giving in to the spreading darkness.

As Thea closed her eyes she failed to notice the glass cracking and spiderwebbing to each corner of the room, or better yet the modified shipping container that they were housed in. The sound of shattering glass filled the empty space; a large empty parking garage and the two detectives fell six feet to the ground. Twenty long seconds passed before Thea took a gasping breath. She rolled to her side and coughed harshly, she yelped and winced at the glass biting into her. “K-Kennex.” she gasped out seeing his prone form. He wasn’t moving his chest was rising and falling as it should; Thea pulled herself to her knees and crawled painfully towards him. Thea bent over John and listened for a heartbeat when she found none she laced her hands together and began chest compressions. Counting thirty compressions Thea pinched the man’s nose and tilted his head back, she puffed two breaths into him. Nothing. She counted thirty more and did two more breaths. Nothing. Thirty more compressions and the tear were falling down her cheeks. Taking another big breath Thea breathed two more into him. Kennex gasped into her mouth making Thea quickly straighten. A hysterical laugh bubbled past her lips and she fell painfully backward onto the glass-covered floor. “You’re okay, you were only dead for a minute or two,” she said reaching an arm over to pat his chest lightly.“That’s comforting,” he wheezed taking her hand and holding it.

“I’m never reading The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland again,” Thea muttered as she gingerly got to her feet. She winced when she saw that they were covered in little shards of tinted glass. She braced herself and pulled John to his feet, “Oh I’m going to feel this tomorrow,” he gasped clutching onto his newly broken ribs. “Sorry about that,” Thea said guiltily and John waved it off. “You saved my ass, and all you should be concerned about is what type of drink you’re gonna have when I buy it for you,” he said casually as they wandered down a pitch-black hall. “Are you asking me out Kennex?” Thea asked teasingly and John huffed trying to hold in a laugh. “It’s possible Ms, Redding. It depends, is that a yes?” he asked tilting his head down towards her. Thea smiled softly, “I’ll give you an answer when we catch the killer detective Kennex,” she said coyly. John sighed and nodded and then groaned when they reached the basement stairs.

It took them ten minutes to reach the street and another five to get far enough away from the jammer to make a call. Thea turned on her phone and was greeted with a functional but heavily cracked screen, she looked over at John who was leaning heavily against the brick wall of an old storefront. Thea tapped at her phone and frowned, “The lights are on but no one's home,” she said holding up the useless device. Kennex groaned tossing his own phone aside, “If we keep walking I’m sure we’ll find Dorian. He probably has everyone looking for us,” he said shoving off the wall. Thea nodded and took some of Johns’s weight as they walked. As soon as they had a view of the main road they were engulfed by light and swarmed by people. Cops and EMS alike. Dorian darted forward and pulled both detectives in for a hug, “Ah come on Dorian, enough!” Kennex whined. The android laughed and scanned each of you, “Hospital, now.” he ordered waving a few EMTs over with their stretcher. “What about-” Thea asked but Dorian cut her off, “We found Harriet Chase running from the area, she had John’s badge and an old book. She was being interrogated for your location but she wouldn’t speak a word except for Alice in Wonderland quotes,” he said gently pushing Thea onto a waiting stretcher. The EMTs strapped her in careful of the glass embedded in her skin, she looked over at John who was already watching her. Thea raised an eyebrow making Kennex grin, “How about that drink, detective?” he asked as he was being lifted into an ambulance. Thea grinned back, “You’re on Kennex, I’ll even kick your ass in pool!” she called out before the doors slammed shut.

Thea chuckled as she was placed inside her respective ambulance and was shocked to see a stoic MX sitting there back ramrod straight. “Max?” she questioned and the android looked down at her, lip twitching. His version of a smile, “Hello detective,” he greeted before falling silent. Shaking her head Thea smiled, “I have a date,” she said in a whisper. The MX looked at her emotionless to others but to her, the twitches in his face said differently, it said ‘about damn time,’

If this is well-liked I'm willing do another Chapter where Hatty and Thea meet face to face and the date!

Tags:

@zecklein

@thottiewithashotgun

@writerdee1701

@lauraaan182

#john kennex #john kennexXOC #almost human #Dorian #Hailey the queen of typos

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mxvirani · 3 years

Text

hate me, | self para

tw: depressing as hell, addiction, overdose, suicidal ideation

This is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon I was just calling to see how you were doing You sounded really uptight last night It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too I just wanted to make sure you were really OK And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication

the answering machine beeped off in the distance as he stared at the ceiling, his fingers intertwined in a ball of elastic bands. he remembered them bounce across the ground at george’s feet when they were still preteens, that was the day that they had first locked eyes. all of the memories in darkwood were interlaced, cropped together and turned into a never ending reel. it was never the story of his life, it was always the story of george’s, the story of nina’s. mx had never been a main character and now in the shadows where he lay, he wished he could erase himself from the reel altogether.

his mothers voice was not enough to pull him from the darkness that engulfed him, it had been one year since the fire and as he sat up, he stared at the pictures he splayed like posters across the walls. there they were, laughing. they were always laughing. mx didn’t laugh anymore, somewhere deep inside there was a pain that was tearing him apart and the only light he had ever known had been torn right out of the world.

barefooted he walked to the wall and he tore down a picture, a lighter from his pocket aflame as he watched george’s face burn out from the surroundings. they weren’t laughing anymore, now there he was, just him alone and next to him a burned void where someone used to be. that was all it was, him and his void. together forever, unchanged and alone. that was all he wanted it to be.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

a night out with dean but dean never really saw the end; he saw the legendary parts, the laughs and the excitement. he saw the mx that had once been so bright as a burned out star and god, mx laughed and it shook every part of his insides. it racked his ribcage until it felt it would fall apart. he laughed so hard with dean that he thought one day his head would spin off and the world would finally go dark (or maybe that was what he wished for).

when the door slammed shoot to his studio apartment, his ribs cracked open and his body sunk to the floor. when he knew nobody could hear him he would scream in the middle of his kitchen until he fell to the floor like a scene from a horror movie. he would feel that pain in his ribcage and want to tear himself in two to make it stop. he would realise that all that laughter was never real and every part of him ached for a life that no longer lived.

he would lay there until the next evening as if he was dead and when the phone rang about another night out he would answer and laugh. but dean didn’t know. dean didn’t know because nobody did.

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again? And will you never say that you loved me, just to put it in my face?

then there was that night. he stared in the mirror, opened and closed the cabinet. his anti-depressants stared back at him through his blurry gaze. they shimmied and moved and when he grabbed the bottle he poured six or seven or eight or twelve into an unsturdy hand. the walls were covered in newspaper conspiracies now, a long running joke that mx talked shit well known all around town. he never made sense. why would he? he was strung out to high hell one hundred percent of the time.

“what are you doing?”

the voice shook him and pills spilled over the bathroom tiles, a strange clattering sound as he backed into the sink. at first he could barely figure out who was standing in front of him or perhaps he just couldn’t believe it, “nina?” he blurted, “nina? what the hell? what are you doing here? this ca-- you’re dead. you’re dead,” he’d finally done it, he’d finally blown the lid on his own delusions. he felt sick to the pit of his stomach.

“you’re acting kind of funky,” the girl replied.

when he blinked again she was gone and his head was spinning, his anti-depressants lay unswallowed on the ground and he wondered if he should take them at all. he had made two discoveries in that exact same moment, the first was that there was a sweet spot right between being high as hell and wanting to die where his brain released some kind of delusion to make him want to stay and the second was that maybe more than being addicted to being numb, he was addicted to the knowledge that he could find a place where he would see his friends again. where they were more than a burned out picture.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made And like a baby boy I never was a man

"leave me alone, please,” mx cried, backing into his kitchen cabinets, his knuckles white against the countertop as he backed into the corner. once he had thought that this was the way he wanted to live but now he was haunted in his waking hours by his own thoughts; people that weren’t really there. people he could not get rid of because they were a part of him more than they had even been while alive, “george, i can’t do this anymore. you have to go.”

“you’re the one who keeps bringing me here.”

it wasn’t a haunting, he knew that and yet he couldn’t make it stop. he couldn’t make his brain stop throwing out these images like clockwork. he didn’t want to get better. the drugs had been there to make him numb but now he was being daylight haunted, the flickers of a life that had never existed at all right before his eyes.

“i can’t do this anymore, i can’t fucking do this,” he ranted, his eyes screwed shut, his hands over his ears. “go away, go away, go away.”

Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand And then I fell down yelling, "Make it go away!"

when rachel came over she didn’t see what was happening to him, he never told her that when she sat at his kitchen countertop she had a dead friend on either stool. she didn’t tell him that sometimes he caught himself pouring an extra portion of cereal. he didn’t tell her that he hadn’t left the house in three weeks, that he had thrown his mobile phone out the window or that he hadn’t seen his mother in over a year. he didn’t tell her any of that because she didn’t ask.

instead he told her about something he found on reddit with his words jumbled, he explained how his tv didn’t seem to be recording episodes (not that he’d forgotten what day, week month it was).

he didn’t tell rachel a damn thing because when he looked at her and remembered how her eyes had been scorched out by flames, he thought, she must be a better person than me. he wanted her to stop coming. he wanted them all to. he wanted to stop seeing it again and again, hearing the voices. he wanted to be numb again and laugh with dean in a bar until his ribs cracked then cry himself to sleep but now he stared absently for hours at a television that was turned off and saw an entire show as george and nina passed popcorn over the top of him.

but the popcorn bowl was empty and there was never a move, there was never even a sofa, just a towel on the floor where he spent hours sweating off highs trying to get clean. he wanted to get rid of them so badly that it seemed like the only choice. he’d make them stop, he’d make it all stop. he’d find a way to get back out of this and get back to numb or something else. nobody had to know. nobody really wanted to; sometimes even he didn’t know if what he felt was real or fake but it crippled him all the same.

he locked everything that was left in a box and flushed the key down the toilet.

nina and george seemed pleased.

Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

he never quite made it, for six days he sat inside his apartment going through a pain so crippling that he thought that his insides were going to shut off. yet, it was nothing compared to the pain he had dulled after the fire. all those memories flooded back like a sea and they took him whole, enveloping like an old home. he felt like he never slept but he was never awake, he was just in a living nightmare, not quite sure what was real or what wasn’t. a hazy descent into hell surrounded by two ghosts who promised they would see him through it; that was when he finally cracked. he realised that they were just ghosts, they were just him and he had never seen himself through a fucking thing. he had never fared a storm, he’d never been through it without breaking down. if there was one person that always let him down it was himself.

he found the box and he tried to crack it open. he used a nail file but his hands were shaking, eventually he found a novelty mug and smashed it through the wood. later his mother would return the broken pieces of a mug with dean and mx’s faces on to dean in a signed for mailed box.

the end of his story, it wasn’t sad, it wasn’t numbing, it wasn’t even glorious. it was just about a man who knew he’d never find a way out of his own self inflicted darkness. the ghosts were gone when he stuck the final needle into his veins. in those final moments he finally saw his studio apartment as it really was; EMPTY, CHAOTIC and LIFELESS. he didn’t feel his life flash before his eyes, he didn’t see a single scene, he just stared at a torn piece of newspaper he had taped to the wall and let out a gentle laugh as he finally passed over into the darkness for good.

he hoped when rachel found him that she realised that he had never been worth saving to begin with. he had never WANTED to be.

#para #????????

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theshawnieboi · 5 years

Text

Boss Baby | pt. 3

boss baby pt. 2

Over the weekend, I was in contact with Nancy to prepare for a type of welcome slash congratulatory lunch party thing for that new author guy and the company. As Monday rolled up, we were busy preparing everything at the office pantry.

"Hey, Lexine.” Nancy called, looking through the list on her clipboard. “Are we good to go here?”

“Yeah.” I sigh. It was almost 11 in the morning, and we were expecting people to arrive by then. “This was tiring. How did you survive through this when you were alone?”

“I don’t.” She chuckled. “I die right after then come back to life.”

Shawn enters the room, looking much more edible than the food...

“Everything looks good here, ladies.” He said, eyes going around the room. He went to check on the mini buffet we got catered and scrunched his nose up at the last meal. “Why is there tomato pasta?”

I look at Nancy, confused as to why Shawn was asking about the tomato pasta.

“He doesn’t like tomatoes.” Nancy whispered, and I just nodded in understanding but still confused.

A few minutes later, employees from every department started to come and Shawn greeted them at the door.

Shawn called for me and as I went to stand by his side, Tyler arrives with his team. “Hey man.” Shawn greeted him and they did the man handshake hug type thing.

“Hi.” I gave them a small smile and ushered them to the buffet table, leaving Shawn.

“Lexine, right?” Tyler asked, looking like he was about to say something else.

“Yes.”

“It’s nice to see you again.” He said, letting his team go first.

“You too, and congratulations again on the book deal.” I smiled.

“Yeah, thank you! I think it was because of you, you’re kind of like a lucky charm.” Tyler joked which actually got me giggling.

“But really, it was all you. The book is amazing, I’ve just finished reading the unedited version you sent us.”

“Thank you. Have you eaten? Come eat with us.” He offered and put his hand on my back, as a gesture to get me to cut in front of him.

I took a step back to get his hand to fall from my back. I looked around the room to see if someone saw, but instead made eye contact with my boss who was slowly approaching us.

“No, you guys go ahead. I’ll eat when everybody’s done. Thank you.” I told Tyler with a small smile.

“Hey, let’s eat.” Shawn said, who now has his hand on my back. He smiled at Tyler before guiding me to the end of the line.

“I really should let everybody eat first.” I smiled nervously at Shawn but just got pushed back in line by the hand that was still on my back.

“Eat.” He said firmly, took his hand off my back and handed me a plate.

“Okay..”

When we sat down with our food, Shawn was just looking at me like he wanted to say something.

“What?” I asked.

Shawn shrugged, finally starting to eat. “Didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah, but why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” I took a tissue and tried to wipe my face when I got stopped by Shawn.

"Nothing.” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at him, trying to stop the smile from forming on my face, which actually got him chuckling a bit more.

After the small gathering, Nancy and I were left at the pantry cleaning up, and Shawn and Tyler were at one corner talking about something.

Nancy nudged me on the side, and pointed to Tyler with her head. “Well, you never told me that the new author was cute.”

“Meh.” I shrugged.

“Not your type?”

“Nope.”

“But Mr. Mendes is.” She smirked at me.

“Nancy.” I hiss a little too loudly, making the two men look at us.

“Everything okay?” Shawn asked.

“Yes, sir. Uh, we’ll head back to the office now.” I said, grabbing Nancy by her elbow and pulled her towards the elevator, the both of us giggling.

“Would yah look at that.” She laughed once the elevator doors closed.

“Stop it. You’re going to get me in trouble.” I managed to say in between the fits of giggles.

“Whatever.”

When the elevator doors open, Nancy and I immediately went back to work mode and proceeded to our desks.

As Shawn walked out of the elevator, Nancy winked at me which got us both giggling again.

“Thanks for the lunch, ladies.” Shawn said.

“You’re welcome, sir.” Nancy thanked our boss for the both of us before he entered his office.

My phone beeped with a text from Annie at our group chat.

Anniebee sent a message to bestiez. lets dwink anniebee is sad

Johnnyboi sent a message to bestiez. ure always sad

Anniebee sent a message to bestiez. f u.

You sent a message to bestiez. hahahahahahahahahhhahh dwinks at my place then

Anniebee sent a message to bestiez. Y A Y

Johnnyboi sent a message to bestiez. see yall later mwa

I put my phone back in my pocket and got back to work.

The intercom buzzed followed by Shawn’s voice. “Lexine, tell Tyler to just come straight to my office when he arrives.”

I pushed the button and said, “Okay, sir.”

Tyler arrives not long after. “Hi, Mr. Mendes said that you can go ahead into his office.”

"Got it.” He replied with a smile and went into Shawn’s office.

I’ve got to say, he really is charming. I mean, your typical cutie next door with the blond hair and green eyes. You know, if you’re into that Jesse McCartney charm.

I was taken out of my thoughts by the very person in them standing in front of me. “Yes? Is there anything that you need?” I looked at Shawn’s office to see if he was coming out.

“Oh, no. The meeting’s over.” Tyler smiled at me and took out what looked like a business card from the pocket of his jacket. “I was kind of hoping that you’re available for dinner later?”

“Oh, uhm...I can’t.” I manage to choke out, a blush creeping up on my face, and took another glance at Shawn’s office. “I already made plans.”

“What about Saturday?” He raised his eyebrows at me, with a hopeful smile.

I was about to decline again when the intercom buzzed followed by my saviour’s voice. “Hi, Lexine. Can you please come in here. Thank you.”

“Sorry.” I cleared my throat of whatever was blocking it. “I need to go. Excuse me.” I quickly stood up from my desk and speed-walked to Shawn’s office, not daring to look back.

“Ah, Lexine. Can you please cancel all my meetings for tomorrow.” My boss said, looking at me briefly before turning his attention back to his phone. “I need you to help me with something.”

“Is everything okay, sir? Can I get you anything?” I asked, concern lacing my voice.

“I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.” He said, not going into detail.

“Uh, okay. Would that be all, sir?”

“Yes, thank you.”

I walk out of Shawn’s office and see that Tyler and his invites are gone.

“Hey, I think Tyler left something on your desk.” Nancy said with a smirk on her face.

I look at my desk, and on top of it is his card. Okay, spoke too soon, Lexine. I pick it up and see that his phone number is underlined by the purple pen on my desk, he also wrote ‘saturday?’ on it. I sigh, actually feeling like a teenager being asked out on a date.

The rest of the day was uneventful for the office, and I just couldn’t wait to get home and get that drink with my best friends. A very much needed drink.

I groan as Shawn was coming out of his office. “I’m leaving, don’t worry. You can leave too.” He snickered.

“Oh, shit.” I muttered. “No, I was just-” I stuttered, unable to find the right words. “Oh what the hell.” I feel my face heat up, and covered it with my hands, not having the courage to look at my boss.

“It’s fine. Let’s go?” He asked, still chuckling.

“Go where?”

“To the elevator, Lexine? We’re just going down together, don’t stress yourself too much.” He said, grinning, finally stopped laughing at me.

“Oh right, let’s go.” I followed him to the elevator without a word, afraid that I might say something stupid again. We entered the elevator, and I stood absentmindedly by the buttons.

“You okay there?” Suddenly Shawn’s breath was fanning my face, getting me out of my trance, as he leaned to press the ground button.

He went back to his place after pressing the button, and I dare to look back and see him standing there with a smirk on that perfect face. My face immediately heats up as I make eye contact with him.

“I hate you.” I mutter and looked at the buttons again, trying to hide my face with my hair.

been watching christian grey for some intimidating ceo vibes inspo

well that took long enough im so sorry for the delay and im so sorry for sucking

taglist: @ashwarren32 @ellascarlettangel @ilsolee @mx-and-mb @to-the-road @shawnmendes048 @miclarodeluna @someinsanefangirl @lili-alvarez @sweetheartmendes @coralchloe @vintageroses1014516

boss baby pt. 4

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #boss baby shawn #theshawnieboi

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roxyaddams · 5 years

Text

Sanders Sides High School AU!

Better known as AUs Nobody Asked For Part 5! (I think.)

---

Roman walked through the doors of Sanders High on the first day of his sophmore year.

He glanced down at his phone, the screen currently displaying his schedule for the year. His first class was Art 1. He pumped his fist in excitement as he speed walked through the halls towards the class. He quickly took a seat in the middle of the classroom, not too close to the teacher, but enough to show that he actually cared. There were several other students in the class already, most sitting near the front, or in the back. "This bitch empty! YEET!" A voice shouted and Roman groaned as his twin brother walked into the room. He watched an empty soda can fly through the air and hit the head of student sitting in the back. The boy took off his headphones and stood up.

"Try me, bitch." The male replied, his voice deep. Only one of his eyes was visible, the other being covered by purple bangs. He wore a black hoodie with patches of purple fabric sewn on. His visible eye had black eyeshadow applied under it. The boy was the definition of emo. "You tickle me, emo." Remus replied.

The teacher, Joan, walked in, an orange beanie on their head. "Class, sit down, and Remus stop throwing things." They already sounded done with the class.

"For our first project, you will have an assigned partner and you must create a piece that incorporates both of your art styles." They announced. A few students seemed excited, but Roman knew he wouldn't enjoy the assignment.

He worked better by himself, or with Remus. He didn't need someone there to stifle his creativity. Mx. Joan had begun listing off their partners. "Roman Garcia, your partner for this project is Virgil Storm." Roman watched as the emo boy in the back slumped back in his chair. So that was Virgil.

Roman tuned out until it was time to get with their partners, drawing on his hand with a white gel pen. When it was time for the class to go to their partners, Roman looked at Virgil with expectancy. Virgil made eye contact with him, and gestured his thumb towards the seat next to him. Roman huffed, grabbing his bag and sitting down next to Virgil.

As soon as Roman sat down Virgil began to speak. "We can do a painting, and you can do the main character and I can do the background. Knowing the differences in our style, they can compliment each other well if we do this." Virgil explained.

Roman's eyes widened. "And what makes you think I want to do that?" Virgil narrowed his eyes, "Umm, I don't know, getting a good grade?"

"I can still do that without your plan." Roman replied. Virgil pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "I knew I was stupid thinking that having Roman Garcia as a partner could turn out well." The emo muttered. "Excuse me?!" Roman gasped.

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Listen, Sir-Sing-A-Lot, let's just work together for this project and then we can go back to ignoring each other's existence, just like we always have. Alright?" Roman let out a huff. "I happen to like that name, so joke's on you. And fine. We can do your plan."

The two spent the rest of the period planning out the drawing and the composition of it.

Virgil sat down next to Ethan, Emile, and Remus, Ethan's arm around a cheerful teen, with large round glasses. "Hey, V, this is my boyfriend, Patton." Virgil gave a small two fingered salute to Patton before sitting and beginning to eat his lunch.

"Hey, kiddo! It's nice to meet you!" Patton said. Ethan sent a glare towards Virgil, the said to talk to Patton or else. "Its nice to meet you too, I guess." Virgil replied quietly. Just as Patton was about to say something else, a teacher came up to the table.

"Mr. Storm, do you know where your sister is?" The teacher asked. "You never told me you had a sister!" Emile exclaimed. "I don't." Virgil replied, turning to the teacher, "He will be here tomorrow." The teacher walked away, and Virgil turned forwards and crossed his arms. The table made small talk until it was time to head to their next class.

The rest of the day went by quickly for Virgil, save for P.E. He and Roman shared that class along with drama. Virgil believed it should be illegal to be that handsome. He looked like a Greek statue, and Virgil hated it.

When he reached his house, Virgil leisurely walked upstairs to his room, dropping his bag on the floor and flopping into his bed, his face landing on the pillow. He stayed there for a while, too busy disassociating to hear a car pull into the driveway.

A male walked into the emo's bedroom, taking a long sip of his iced coffee, lifting his sunglasses up with his free hand. "Really, girl? No big "Welcome Home!" party for your fabulous older brother? You didn't even have a cute boy on standby." Remy said. Virgil let out a loud groan into his pillow.

"That bad, huh?" Remy asked, maneuvering his way through the minefield of items on the floor to sit on the bed. Virgil was silent for a minute. "You didn't suffocate there, did you?" He asked. Virgil turned his head, the pillow no longer able to muffle his speech. "I hate life." Virgil declared.

Remy rolled his eyes. "It's a boy, isn't it?" Virgil's face went red, and he stammered, trying to form a cohesive sentence. "Wha- No- I- How- Why would you think that?!" Remy laughed. "Sweetie, you're easier to read than a Buzzfeed article."

Virgil sighed, "He's a huge jerk, but damn if he isn't hot." "Mood." Remy said. "So, what's this boy's name?" Virgil muttered something Remy couldn't decipher. "What was that, babe?" Slightly louder, Virgil answered, "Roman Garcia."

Remy nearly dropped his starbucks. "Holy shit. You have the hots for Roman Garcia? That boy goes through boyfriends faster than I do!" "I know, which is why I'm going to keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die." Virgil lamented. "Quoting John Mulaney in relation to your love life? Girl, that's sad." Remy stated.

"Like you haven't." Virgil said. "Rude much?" Remy retorted. "Sorry." Virgil mumbled in response. "Hey, V, why dont I go make some popcorn and then we can make fun of some dumb horror movies until Mom and Ma get home?" Virgil grinned, "That sounds great."

#sanders sides virgil #ts virgil #virgil sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #remus sanders #remy sanders #sanders shorts remy #ts patton #patton sanders #moceit #tw deceit #tw remus #long post #aus that nobody asked for #sanders sides high school au

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mx-in-words · 5 years

Text

Monsta x reacting to their babies being born.

Hi! I would like to request Monsta X reacting to their pregnant S/O getting into labour. I just think they'll be great parents someday - anoun.

↬ Shownu

a lost bear

I can see you sitting on the couch with him watching a movie.

then you felt a small cramp, maybe you were hungry?

you: oh I just ate and I am hungry again. That’s weird.

sh: maybe because you're eating for two?

you: yes mayb- ,,, OH SHIT BABY I THINK I AM GETTING IN LABOUR

sh: :0 !!!!! OK LET'S GO

he would be lost but needs to act OMG HIS BABY!!

HE DRIVES LIKE A CRAZY

when you both went to your hospital, your doctor was ready waiting for you and shownu.

will hold your hands all the time.

calls kihyun to warn everyone else, including his family.

will cry when seeing your baby in your arms.

*heart eyes shownu seeing his little baby holds his hands with such small fingers*

sh: I can't believe this is happening, it’s a dream. I love you both.

will be overprotective about the boys holding his baby ESPECIALLY MINHYUK.

jh: omg I have a brother/sister

sh: I am only *your baby's name* dad now jooheon.

mx: :( we lost our father.

a sweet with you. will do ANYTHING you ask.

will freak out about being a good parent.

you: you took care of seven boys, you will do great honey.

sh: :3 thanks, baby!!!

soft for his kid I think shownu may explode of love??

↬Wonho

I am SO SOFT FOR MX HELP

YOU: HOSEOK I WANT THIS BABY OUT!

wh: honey, what can I even do? It was supposed to born a week ago but I guess your belly is better :)

you: ugh I love you but istg

tried everything

in the middle of the night, you felt something. When you got up, your water purse broke and you called wonho.

you: HONEY WAKE UP MY WATER BROKE

WH: O M G

picked all your things, he had already done your bag.

called the boys in the way, driving

since you started to push, he was already crying while trying to film the scene.

we actually sobbed when the baby was out, crying.

doctor: congratulations on your healthy ( the sex of the baby)

wh: *crying so fucking hard *

will literally die if anyone holds your baby

like your mom it’s holding the little person and he is like

wh: okay 3 seconds holding now give it to me

will take so many pictures of you and the baby

literally so worried about you.

wh: do you want me to kick everyone out of the room so you can rest? do you want to eat something out of the hospital? ANYTHING???

you: baby what no- I am fineee!!!

wh: okay okay

so proud of his family he can’t even breath

will protect you and the baby of EVERYTHING

↬Minhyuk

already knew the possible date of the delivery, so he stayed with you the whole week.

every five minutes asking you if you feel anything

mh: how about now? anything?

you: no baby, nothing yet *rolling eyes*

mh: just checking love u

you were eating dinner with him while watching knowing brothers than you felt a little pain.

when you got up, your water broke and minhyuk started to scream.

mh: I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER LET’S GO Y/N

RUN THE FUCK UP TO THE HOSPITAL

mh calling his mom: MOM MY BABY IS COMING COME TO THE HOSPITAL AND BRING CANDYS

his mom: OMG OMG OKAY HONEY BUT WHY CANDIES

mh: I need candies in stressful moments mom

you: are you for real right now? I WANT SOME TOO OMMA

will take care of everything for you in the hospital

holding your hand

that puppy smile

kiss your forehead before the labour starts

mh: I love you and this is the best moment of my life.

EVERYONE CAN PICK HIS BABY

101% about you and the baby

you: you look so happy, baby

mh: of course I am, my dream is being a father and having a family with who I love, in the case, you.

mx: eww

sh: when did my kid become this man???

you: shhh let him enjoy pls

mh: *holding the baby and looking at them with the most lovely expression ever *

↬Kihyun

this boy is so precious ughhhh

packing things for the hospital for mouths

ACTUALLY MADE A LIST FOR THIS MOMENT

let everything in the car

buT

schedule calls him

he was at the end of an interview when you called

you: baby is happening, my mom is riding me to the hospital, I see you there.

kh: what- I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER HURRY SHOWNU GIVE ME THE KEYS.

SWEATING LIKE HELL

he cannot miss this, camera on point.

found your room and the labour hadn’t started yet

kh: fuck you scared me

you: yeah I LOVE YOU TOO

kh: OF COURSE I LOVE YOU WE ARE HAVING A BABY omg relax honey how are you? feeling pain?

calling your family

will film the whole labour

cry only when it’s over, hugging the boys.

jh: men you're crying

kh: I just released I am a father now jooheon can u let me?

takes a lot of pictures of you and the baby

ask everyone to not visit you two because you need to rest

anyone cant touch you or the baby if doesn’t wash the hands TWICE

EVEN HIS MOTHER

sings to the baby when you're tired

helping you all the time

he stays with you in the hospital until you can leave

makes sure to tell you how much he loves you and is proud of his family

will say that you look fantastic as a mother and your little belly is sexy

can I buy myself this man? I love him

↬Hyungwon

you are at a dinner with the boys

everything looks great

then you felt something

it’s pain

hw: everything okay sugar?

you: hm no...

kh: oh she’s having the baby

hw: NOW?

you: no,, next week,,, OF COURSE, IS NOW

run to the hospital

he is SHOOK

CAN'T THINK OF IT

you: honey please move breath blink say something

hw: I GONNA BE A FATHEEER

mx: yeah now he is going to cry

hw: not yet.

only cries when he picks the baby in his arms for the first time

was only the three of you in the room

hw: thank you for making me so happy y/n. They are so cute look this little legs!!!

you: worth it.

your baby is so quiet

stop crying in hyungwon’s arms

hugs his parents so hard when they visit you both

hw: minhyuk can you be quieter my kid’s brain will explode you're so annoying

kh: I have to agree

mh: but he is SO CUTE!!!!

you: looks like the father :)

wh: hm no the baby is cute for real

hw: I hate you all

will put koala’s clothes in the baby and post in twitter for monbebes to see.

treats you like a queen

so worried about you

hw: please eat well. Drink water, honey. PLEASE

such a sweet

a little sad because he knows he won't sleep in some mouths

but so happy that he loves his family more than sleep

↬Jooheon

Can’t wait to see the baby

Keep asking you when he will get to see his son.

you: oh idk, do you want to put your head up down here and look inside?

jh: son,,, you’re making your mommy angry you know * pouts*

Literally buys u anything you want.

Prefer to says that he is pregnant too

jh: I having desires for guacamole

you: baby you’re not pregnant, I am.

ck: I am what I am man.

Wjdnjsjdjsnsje SORRY I JUST

kh: please y/n just push out this kid I can’t take this anymore.

you: honestly… I WISH BUT THIS LITTLE SHI- OH

Then your water broke

You felt something was up to

You’re having a baby

jh and mh: YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jooheon, changkyun and minhyuk singing a rap about honey being a father

Something like BABY IN THE WAY JOOHEON AS A DAD THAT’S WHAT I SAY D A D D Y STARTING A FA MI LY

you: goshhh why

At the moment the Labour is about to start, he holds your hand and kisses your forehead

jh: I am so thankful for this moment, I will finally have the two loves of my life right by my side.

You both crying holding the baby.

Would make sure everything looks fine, don’t want you to get worried.

Asks shownu to buy your favourite chocolate just because

kh: y/n is sleeping man, gosh they are so little, how does it feel to have such a small person?

jh: it's my little angel, it feels like a blessed man, I can’t stop smiling LOOK THIS LITTLE FINGERS

Gets so emotional because his kiddo is his life now

jh: look!!!!! * shows you your baby*

you: it’s this a bee costume in our two days old baby????? ARE THOSE NIKES SHOES FOR BABY’S?

jh: lil baby has styyyle

Will watch you and the baby sleeping and think about how he wants to be the best person for you two

Wants to dedicate himself totally for the family from now on

Already planning the Disney trip for the family.

↬Changkyun

so yeah he’s scared af

but shhhh don’t tell no one

cause he’s cool ;)

was actually on the supermarket to buy you something weird at 3am

what a husband huh

want your favorite chocolate or maybe Arabic food? i’ts okay he gets it.

theemmm you called saying that

the baby is coming

he FROZE

sweating but trying to keep it down

holds your hand all the time like, literally

ck: can I cry? omg I am going to be a dad!!!!!!!

you: you didn't even saw the baby yet slow down honey

ck: what if I am suck at parenting?

you: oh you’re gonna be fine, we’re a family and i’ts impossible to not love you, so your baby will love you too.

ck: *smiling incrediable happy and them start crying*

ask shownu some advices

ask jooheon to calm him with crackhead jokes

ask kihyun to help him with BEING AN ADULT

ask hyungwon to... even come bc honestly is he sleeping?

don’t show to you how worried he is

can’t stop looking at your baby and how much he is in love with them.

will keep his eyes on you ALL THE TIME

actually cries in front of you because he wants you to rest

ck: I can hold the baby y/n pleaaase rest.

you: changkyun I AM BREASTFEEDING slow down

ck: oh okay...

you: Baby, we will do fine. Just relax! I trust you, so trust in me too okay?

ck: yeah you’re right. Do you need anything?

you: yeah, a kiss and a kiss in the baby.

* changkyun heart cant take it this scene is so cute omg*

he actually helps WITH EVERYTHING

the hospital bills, the baby's clothes and your stuff

dad material

already checking the bests schools and all the baby's future

How To Be a Liberal Father GOOGLE SEARCH

loves his family with everything he has.

sooooooo thank you for the request!!! My requests are open!! hope you guys like it <3

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welcometothepenumbra · 5 years

Text

JUNO STEEL AND THE PROMISED LAND (PART THREE)

SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.

CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra. Take your seat, please, take your seat.

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.

The junction lies just ahead, Traveler. If you’ll allow me just a moment.

SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.

Well, next stop? I suppose that is the question, isn’t it.

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.

Given the choice, dear Traveler, where would you go? Above stands a metropolis of corruption, below a promise of paradise. Above lies a place wracked by spasms of change and below, there is silence, and stillness. So if given the choice, dear Traveler, where would you go? Above to Hyperion City, or below, to the Free Dome. Our next stop:

SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES. DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.

Juno Steel and the Promised Land.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

JUNO (NARRATOR): Lightheaded and punch-drunk, with a gun in my back and some bad… ugh, bad, really, just terrible, awful breath on my neck…

PIRANHA: Why don’t you step a little faster, P.I.? Somethin’ gives me the impression we’re runnin’ out of time, see?

JUNO (NARRATOR): It’s honestly hard not to wonder how the hell I got here. And I don’t even mean in this stupid tunnel leading to the Free Dome, I mean… in general. It’s just a hell of a time to decide you’re too pissed to die. Right before you’re probably gonna, uh, die.

And I’ve got a lot of excuses, sure. My mother, my brother, all that junk that happened in the HCPD with Diamond and Captain Hijikata, but if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve always been this way. From minute one.

My name’s Juno Steel. I’m a private eye. And y’know, I got in my first fight when I was three years old. It was with my brother. Benzaiten Steel. Benten for short. Ben if you’re in trouble and you need to get away quick. I don’t remember what it was about, even – which is I guess how things go with old, pointless arguments like this – a-a toy, or somethin’. It was before Andromeda, so it was probably one of the Turbos. Anyway, I socked him right in the eye. He teared up an-and looked at me, at the face so like his and so different, and he… socked me right back in the same eye.

Ben would never start anything like that. He was too happy. But he’d defend himself if I got outta line. Plus things always had to be fair with him, equal, balanced. An eye for an eye, I guess.

Mom must’ve pulled us apart soon after. Even in her good days she wouldn’t have been close enough to stop it before it started, but… she would’ve cared.

MUSIC: STARTS.

I might not remember the fight very well… but I remember Mom pulling us apart. T-taking a few hits herself. I-I remember her shaking us, until we stopped fighting and started crying. And I remember her forcing us to look at one another, and, I remember her shouting. She sounded scared. I didn’t like that.

SARAH: Stop it. Damn it, I told you two to stop it!

Just knock it off, you little morons. You want to get flattened, you go lie down in the road; you don’t do it to each other.

Oh, God damn it, don’t cry, not now, don’t—

(SIGHS, DEEP BREATH) Okay, okay. Benten. Juno. You can’t do this. You can’t fight. People… they’re nasty. They’ll chew you up and spit you out, if you aren’t— Don’t. Cry. That’s just the truth. Live with it!

Listen. If you want to live out there, you need someone to live for. You need someone else, so that when you’re not tough enough, they can be; so that right when you want to give up, you remember you can’t. Because you’ve got someone better than you to worry about.

And that’s what you are to me. I love you, my little monsters.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Did she see what was on the horizon, even then? See what person she was going to become?

MUSIC: CHANGES.

I hope so. God damn it, I hope so, and I hope she hated every second of it.

But she might’ve been right. How would I know? I’ve been chewing through people to fight for my whole life: Ma, Ben, Diamond… Nureyev. You burn through that many people and it gets harder and harder to fight off the idea that maybe they aren’t the reason you keep running out of people to fight for. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s me.

Because it’s always been about me, hasn’t it? Every case, every good deed… they’ve just been so I’d feel better.

Just fighting for myself.

Maybe it’s me.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

PEREYRA: Hey, deep space cadet. I’m talking to you.

JUNO: Huh?

PEREYRA: Isn’t anyone paying attention? I’m holding the most important find of the last two hundred years in my hands, and she’s on her radio, you’re in la-la land, and your friend is just… staring at me.

STRONG: Pretty sure that counts as paying attention.

PEREYRA: Well, stop it.

STRONG: Then what do you—

PEREYRA: Not that it matters. With a Dome in my hands, I can’t be touched. Not by radiation, by the elements, by anything. (CHUCKLES) And I gotta tell you, pals, that’s a hell of a feeling. Just imagine me riding in like this when I win the election! A force of nature! Invincible! (LAUGHS)

MUSIC: ENDS.

JUNO: You’re awful confident, given that we haven’t even seen that Dome, uh, do anything yet.

PEREYRA: Oh, I’m not worried about that, buddy. It’s just like Marshall D’Arc said: you’ve got to have faith.

STRONG: Testing chamber two… “The Test of Faith.”

PEREYRA: Just like that. (CHUCKLES)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Let me tell you, my faith was tested long before we ever stepped through that stupid door.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.

How could it not be? I’d had a gun pointed at me for three days straight, my blood had just been sucked out and shot back in at record speed, and then, there was Pilot.

SOUND: LOW ELECTRIC HUM FADES IN.

I hated to admit it but there was something almost divine about them, holding that Dome. The sky projecting from that orb like they were shooting it from their hands; the bubble of plasma surrounding them; the strange light adding an unearthly, shifting sheen to their shiny lips, their contoured cheeks. Whether or not they were invincible, they definitely looked it.

The testing room was… less impressive. It looked like someone had left a football field and a chessboard alone with a bottle of liquor and waited for some mistakes to happen: a huge grid of tiles, so many it made my head hurt looking at the endless lines of them ahead.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): (CHEWING)

STRONG: Oh, goody. There he is again.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Hi, hey. (SWALLOWS) It’s, uh, it’s Marshall. D’Arc? Who else would it be.

Whatever. Alright. So, where the hell are y’all? What was the last one…?

I said I’d give you what?! The Dome sample? Are you kidding, D’Arc?!

STRONG: Does this feel… really weird to anybody else?

JUNO: Yeah, but they all have.

PEREYRA: It’s a distraction. Part of the test. Obviously.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Whatever. Whatever! You’ve got it now, I guess, so, uhhh… Test of Faith. Something to do with the Dome sample? Uh, let’s see, let’s see, let’s see… Recording’s ticking down, audio files you can’t write over… Jesus, Ma, what a joke!

Alright, fine. Test of Faith. You’ve got to do whatever I say exactly, right? That’s how you prove you can be faithful. That you’re gonna listen when I tell you to do something. That you’re not just gonna run out, Malvin. So here’s what I want you to do: walk straight. That’s it! Easy, right? Just hold the Dome, and walk straight, no matter what. You hear me? No matter what. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll listen.

Uhh, Marshall out.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS. LOW ELECTRIC HUM CONTINUES.

PEREYRA: (CHUCKLES) Genius. It’s completely genius.

JUNO: It is?

PEREYRA: In order to demand faith, you have to create a lack of it. So far, D’Arc has been correct at every turn. If he just gave us direct orders, we’d have no reason to distrust him. So he makes himself sound unreliable. Genius.

STRONG: That… seems like kind of a leap, Mx. Pereyra. That’s really enough to get you to walk across there?

PEREYRA: If you want to be successful, only two things matter in this galaxy: luck, and who you know. I’ve got some of the former. And as for the latter… I have you. You’re coming with me.

JUNO: Oh, hell no. If you want one of us, Pilot, you take me. You might need her later.

STRONG: Juno…

PEREYRA: Need her for what? This is the last test. You’ve had your insides handled just as roughly as I have, P.I. You can barely stand up. I wouldn’t take you down the street.

JUNO: But—

STRONG: Stop it. I’m going.

JUNO: Alessandra—

STRONG: I’m the survival specialist. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Rely on me. Stop trying to do it all alone, and stick to where your edge is. My edge is out there. You do see yours. Don’t you?

PIRANHA: She means your eye.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I turned around and saw the Piranha staring at me, running the tip of her tongue on her thin, scarred lips. I hadn’t even thought she could hear us.

The thought of using the Theia… scared me, to be honest. With every update the Theia Spectrum could do more and more; make me see better and shoot faster and detect harder. Barely twenty minutes ago it had solved the Test of Charity for me – saved my life, probably. But it did that by walking up to my body’s steering wheel and shoving me out of the way.

I didn’t want to do that again. Not if I could help it.

STRONG: She’s right, Juno.

JUNO: But—

PEREYRA: Then there you go. Plan settled. He takes a comms, she takes a comms, and he gives her directions as we walk. Now let’s move.

STRONG: Juno…

JUNO: Yeah, yeah, I’m on it.

PIRANHA: That’s a good P.I. Just call ‘em up and let ‘em know if there’s anything they oughta look out for. And I’ll let you know if you’ve stepped outta line, see?

JUNO (NARRATOR): Pilot squeezed on the orb in their hand and the Dome disappeared for a moment.

SOUND: SHORT SUCTION NOISE.

Alessandra stepped close to them, they squeezed again, and both of them were swallowed by that glowing bubble of light.

SOUND: POP.

PEREYRA: Remember. Perfectly straight.

STRONG: You said it two seconds ago. I’ve got it, thanks.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): They took a few tentative steps out. The tiles next to them flipped over, and we got a good look at what lay underneath the floor. I could’ve seen it before they stepped on it but, uh… I… didn’t?

SOUND: BZZT.

THEIA: Error: cannot access scanning protocol without user permissions.

SOUND: DRILL WHIRR. COMMS BEEP.

JUNO: Strong, look out!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Whoa!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Stay still!

JUNO: Alessandra!

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

Alessandra! No, damn it, damn it…

STRONG (FROM COMMS): (AFTER A PAUSE) Holy… what?!

PIRANHA: Not bad.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The dust settled, and… they were still there.

The floor was torn open, and there were scorch marks as high up as the ceiling, but the Dome was still standing – with Pilot and Strong inside it. Untouched.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): See? You’ve just got to have a little faith. (CHUCKLES) Now keep walking.

SOUND: LASER BLAST.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel?

SOUND: LASER BLAST.

Do you see anything?

SOUND: SEVERAL LOUD BANGS.

JUNO: Uh, you mean besides the ten tons of munitions firing off every second?

SOUND: LASER BLAST.

Nope, but pretty much looks like your Dome’s got that handled!

SOUND: SONAR SCREECH. GUNSHOTS. LASER BLAST.

PIRANHA: They might be good now, P.I., but ain’t you risking a lot, not even bothering with a scan?

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

JUNO: Okay, knock it off.

PIRANHA: (CHUCKLES)

JUNO: How’d you know that? Why do you keep bugging me about my eye?

SOUND: MACHINE GUN FIRE. SEVERAL LOUD BANGS. GUNSHOTS.

PIRANHA: Wowee, you’re paranoid, ain’tcha? That underground radiation seeping through your skull already? Makin’ you go a little bonkers, huh? Be careful, or you might start seein’ things, like dragons that ain’t real? Fire that ain’t there?

JUNO: The hell did you just—!

SOUND: SONAR SCREECH, ENGINE POWERING UP.

Hang on.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Alessandra! Did you see that flickering?

SOUND: JETS WHOOSHING.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): The what?

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Keep moving forward. No matter what.

SOUND: JETS WHOOSHING.

JUNO: There’s no way that’s good.

PIRANHA: No, P.I. No, I don’t think it is.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Mx. Pereyra… it looks like there’s something wrong with the—

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

Whoa!

PIRANHA: Ooh boy, and that one almost takes her head! So close!

SOUND: JETS WHOOSHING, EXPLOSIONS.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Mx. Pereyra…

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): An illusion. Keep walking. Have fai—

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

(PAINED HISS)

PIRANHA: Right in the thigh! Smell that sizzle!

SOUND: JACKHAMMERING. DISTANT BOOMS.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Pilot, the Dome’s not looking so hot!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Because I looked away to talk to you.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): These are a lot of becauses stretched about as far as they’ll go, and it’s getting harder and harder to buy them.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): That’s why it’s a test.

SOUND: ALL SOUNDS STOP EXCEPT LOW ELECTRIC HUM.

See? And just like that. Rewarded for our efforts.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): I’m… not sure about that. The intercom – there’s no recording from D’Arc yet.

SOUND: DISTANT BOOM.

STRONG & PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Ah!

PIRANHA: Oooh!

JUNO: The hell is that? It’s coming up from the floor!

SOUND: DIRT SHIFTING, RUMBLING.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): You don’t know?! Aren’t you supposed to be scanning for it?

JUNO: Uh… yeah. I-I mean– the hell is that! Tha-that’s what it is, it’s a hell, by which I mean, y—

SOUND: THUNK.

Oh, it’s just a chain link fence. That’s not so bad.

SOUND: LASERS BUZZING.

Until it turns its lasers on! Then it’s– wow, yeah, tha– yeah, wow, really that’s, ah—

SOUND: SHORT SUCTION NOISE. ELECTRIC HUM STOPS.

A-also your Dome is gone!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Really? What setting do you have that eye on, Steel? “Obvious threats?”

THEIA: Would you like me to engage sensors for. Obvious threats?

SOUND: MOTOR WHIRR. RUMBLING.

A free trial sample: the laser-wall. Is now moving. Towards the two targets.

JUNO: Alessandra! The laser wall is moving towards—

STRONG (FROM COMMS): I swear to God, Steel, if you finish that sentence I’m gonna beat you over the head with that stupid eye!

SOUND: LASERS BUZZING.

JUNO: What else do you want me to do?

STRONG (FROM COMMS): How about you stop throwing me scraps and tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do, here!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Keep walking, P.I. You gotta visualize. You gotta believe.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I didn’t know what to do. I could still remember the feeling of the Theia grabbing hold of my muscles and not letting go.

THEIA: Would you like to perform. An electronic scan. For incendiaries, explosives, biochemicals. And other traps?

JUNO: Shut up.

THEIA: Command not recognized.

JUNO: I said shut up!

PIRANHA: How come you don’t shut up? Some of us are trying to enjoy the show.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel! A little help out here! The lasers are getting closer!

THEIA: My assistance cannot be activated without user permissions.

JUNO: Good, that’s definitely how it should be.

THEIA: Assessment: the room is heavily booby-trapped. Projection: if you do not perform a scan. They will die.

JUNO: I didn’t ask.

THEIA: They will die. And it will be. Your fault. And we will never. Let you. Forget it.

JUNO: What the hell?

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Juno!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked up. The laser wall was accelerating. It would be on top of them in seconds. Even when Juno Steel gets his mess together he still leaves a trail of bodies behind him, I thought. Even with two lives on the line he’s still just fighting for himself.

I said it without thinking.

JUNO: Theia, activate scan.

SOUND: ELECTRIC WHIR.

THEIA: Scan complete.

JUNO: Alessandra, there’s an open tile two to your left! Go!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Got it!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Hey, let go of me, you…

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Come on, Pilot!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): No!

SOUND: FLAMES WHOOSHING. LASERS STOP.

PIRANHA: (CACKLES) Y’know, this might’ve been worth the three days sealed up with you idiots!

JUNO: You’re not going to be safe there for long. Go two tiles forward, one tile left.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): There are laser turrets—

JUNO: Just trust me, okay? Quickly!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): You’re gonna get us killed! We just had to keep walking! We just had to have—

SOUND: QUICK GEARS SPINNING.

(YELPS)

STRONG (FROM COMMS): And… one to the left. Juno, those turrets still look—

JUNO: Swinging crusher plate on your six! Just duck!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Whoa!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (YELPS)

SOUND: BIG CRASH.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Destroyed! Okay, those turrets look completely demolished. So, that’s good.

JUNO: Don’t get too comfortable.

THEIA: Caution: high-impact plasma cannons detected. Active in fifteen seconds.

JUNO: You’ve got just over ten seconds to jump the three tiles in front of you, make a break for the other side of the room, and duck on the last tile! It’s a straight shot!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Jump? I can’t jump wearing these. Do you know how expensive these shoes are?

STRONG (FROM COMMS): How the hell did you survive politics, Pilot? Hell, how did you survive middle school?

THEIA: Cannons preparing to fire.

JUNO: Now, Alessandra!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Just jump it, already! (GRUNTS)

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (YELPS)

JUNO (NARRATOR): It was a big push, and a big jump. Almost enough to make it the three feet Pilot needed to.

SOUND: SEVERAL BLASTER SHOTS. POWERING DOWN.

Almost.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Oof!

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

(PANTS)

SOUND: DRILL WHIR.

(GASPS) My heel!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Are you really still whining about your stupid shoes?

PIRANHA: They don’t mean that heel, see? They mean somethin’ a little closer to home!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (PANTING) It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Oh… oh… wow, yeah, that’s pretty bad.

JUNO: There’s no time, Alessandra! The cannons! Run!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Run?! How am I supposed to—

STRONG (FROM COMMS): It’s either run or die, Mayor Pereyra, and I’m only letting you do one of those. Now lean on my shoulder and let’s move!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Ah!

SOUND: SEVERAL BLASTER SHOTS. POWERING DOWN.

PIRANHA: So close! Just a little slower and maybe we’ll get to see a real show! (CACKLES)

SOUND: SEVERAL BLASTER SHOTS. POWERING DOWN.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): We’re almost there! Duck the last tile, right?

JUNO: You got it.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Under what?

JUNO: Honestly, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel—!

JUNO: Now!

STRONG & PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Oof!

SOUND: BIG BLAST, SONAR SCREECH. SHORT SUCTION NOISE.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (PAINED GASPS)

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Yeah, you know what? That’s… that’s the one time I’m gonna agree with you that it’s better I didn’t know.

JUNO: See? I know what I’m talkin’ about. Sometimes.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Thanks—

JUNO: Not often, so I want to take credit when I do, obviously.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Thanks, Steel.

PIRANHA: You two wanna stop kissing over the damn comms and deactivate this deathtrap? If I’m not gonna get any fun out of this I’d at least like to keep moving, see?

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Agreed. Deactivate this, and then deal with my foot. Now.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Fine.

PIRANHA: Let’s get moving while the intercom blabs. Nice job, P.I.

JUNO: Hmph.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): (CHEWING) Hey. You listened.

SOUND: MACHINE POWERING DOWN.

Nice work. If you’re alive. Which… you probably aren’t. Because you probably didn’t listen. Nobody does. Why would you? Why would anybody? (LAUGHS) Talking to a bunch of dead bodies. This is a new low, Marsh. A new low. Unless… I mean… hey, it’s possible. You could be there. And if you are… (CHUCKLES) It worked. I got the best. (LAUGHS) Erin, you old idiot. I knew it would work. I knew it! It’s gonna be amazing, and we’re gonna keep it that way because we only let in the ones who deserve it! You can’t make everyone happy, Ma! That’s why you could never make anyone anything! (LAUGHS) Alright, winner’s circle! Come on through! We’ll make this last test an easy one, then… home. Welcome to the Free Dome. Marshall… out!

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And somehow, I knew then that was the last time we were going to hear from Marshall D’Arc.

I was less sure than ever of what we’d find, where the Free Dome was supposed to be. I was less sure than ever that I cared. I was just tired. Tired of the victims. Tired of people getting duped, then dead. I just wanted it to be over. I just wanted it to be over.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

STRONG: Thanks. Hold their leg up. They’re bleeding too much for me to clean out the wound.

JUNO: Got it.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

PEREYRA: (PANTING) This… this is all your fault.

JUNO: How the hell do you figure? She’s the only reason you aren’t dead, you—

STRONG: Just let them babble, Juno. Missing that much blood I’d be surprised if they can even hear you.

PEREYRA: The Dome would’ve protected us… D’Arc said the Dome would protect us…

JUNO: Your stupid Dome didn’t work, Pilot. It fell apart on you. It’s broken.

PEREYRA: Didn’t work? You mean this?

SOUND: POP. LOW ELECTRIC HUM.

JUNO: What the hell?

STRONG: It’s on again! But then… why did it shut down on us?

PEREYRA: Because we were supposed to just listen. And you had to ask questions.

SOUND: SHORT SUCTION NOISE. HUM STOPS.

And I should shoot you for that right here and now.

SOUND: GUN COCKING.

JUNO: Damn it, you’re kidding me. You didn’t take their gun?

STRONG: I saw them drop it—

Damn it, that’s my gun. They took my gun three days ago.

PEREYRA: You’re damn right I did. Now keep bandaging.

Too dizzy to hear you, huh? Counting Pilot Pereyra out. You and everyone else. Always. But you know what? I got faith.

STRONG: Hey, uh, you want to help us handle your boss over here?

PIRANHA: Sorry, Big-Eyes, but I’m a little busy—

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

Whoa!

PEREYRA: Shut up. I’m trying to talk. She doesn’t work for me. Maybe she did, but after this? No. Hell no.

PIRANHA: You tryin’ to skip out on the bill, Pereyra?

PEREYRA: Oh, the bill. I’ll pay your stupid bill just to get you away from me. You’ve got nothing but what you’ve got right now, this second, and that’s barely anything, pal. I got the whole future! (LAUGHS) That was always the secret to my success, y’know. Numbskulls like O’Flaherty promise they’ll bring the future to you, but me… I always knew I’d only ever be able to get it for myself. Just watch me! One month and I’ll be out of that public dump of a city, and I’ll have the whole future! Whatever future I want!

JUNO: Wait, hang on—

PIRANHA: Shut them up.

JUNO: Not in Hyperion City? But if you’re just gonna leave—

PIRANHA: Shut up.

STRONG: Why would you be starting a whole real-estate operation now?

PEREYRA: I run way too many deals to know what the hell you’re talking—

PIRANHA: I said shut up!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

I’ve had a long couple’a days. Hell, I’ve had a long couple’a months. I’m ready to get paid and go home, and we gotta get back and move on with our lives before the vice-mayor declares you dead. So let’s. Go.

PEREYRA: Good idea. I’m not done using you two yet. But as soon as we get to the Free Dome… pew! (LAUGHS)

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And so we kept walking.

The final room was big enough for another test, but there wasn’t anything there. Not even a real message from Marshall. Just this:

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Placeholder audio… test, test… testing rewriteable audio– oh God dammit, not again—

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And that was the last we heard from him.

Then we made it outside to the underground again – the dirt and stone, the irradiated, half-melted light fixtures. The tunnel sloped upwards, and in the distance, if I squinted, I thought I could see…

PEREYRA: A door. We’re here. Go. Go, quickly. Now.

JUNO (NARRATOR): So we kept walking.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BUZZES & BLIPS.

PEREYRA: You see? This is our grand welcome.

VOICE 1 (FROM SPEAKER): Please… please, go away. Go home! This is your last chance!

STRONG: It’s that voice again. From the very beginning.

VOICE 1 (FROM SPEAKER): I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to get in the audio but Grandma’s system was too complex, and-and Dad… it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing here. Please! I’ve been trying to tell you, there’s nothing here!

This is the only message she left rewriteable. Probably so the Domers could keep subbing out the welcome message, over and over again, forever. You’ve got to know that, about Erin Marshall D’Arc: she wasn’t a bad person. She wanted this to last forever.

Dad was a good guy, too. I-I… well, I mean… well, no, he wasn’t. But-but if you heard this every day and you saw what he saw…

SOUND: ELECTRONIC JINGLE.

Just, please, don’t listen to her! Go back!

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): My new neighbors. Congratulations. After such a long, long journey, you’ve finally made it home.

PEREYRA: We’re almost there. Keep going!

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): In the Free Dome, we believe in one thing above all else: that if you’re going to believe in anything, you have to believe in people. They’ve made mistakes in the past. They set up planets, and cities, and a galaxy that can’t be fixed, and that is a shame. But people, young and old, all have one thing in common: the present.

And you have to believe that, given a chance? People will use today to make a better tomorrow. If you give them a fair chance, an honest chance, people will make a home worth living in. You have to believe that. I believe that.

So open the door, neighbors. And welcome home.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS. GUN COCKING.

PEREYRA: You heard Ms. D’Arc. Open it. And the second you get a look at paradise… you die.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I felt Pilot’s pistol pressed against the back of my head. I felt Alessandra hold her breath beside me.

PEREYRA: Open it.

JUNO: Hey, uh, come on, now, don’t we get any last words or anything?

STRONG: I’ve got some.

PEREYRA: Make them quick, then.

STRONG: Juno, when I saw you before we went down into the stupid subway, I thought you were exactly the same mess of a P.I. I met months ago. And I was wrong. You were a bigger mess.

JUNO: Cool! Cool, good to know I get to end this whole life thing on an up note.

STRONG: And you know what? That felt like a real shame.

Because when we first met, you really swept me off my feet. Do you get what I mean?

JUNO: Yeah, I’m a real heartthrob or whatever. This is seriously how you want to go out?

STRONG: Steel!

PEREYRA: That’s enough. Open the door.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And I could only hope I understood what Strong was saying. So I reached forward, pressed a button…

SOUND: CLICK. FOUR BEEPS.

…and opened the door.

SOUND: HEAVY RUMBLING.

PEREYRA: Keep those eyes wide open, now. I want to hear what you think of it.

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): You’ll see the road, first. Concrete, like old roads on Earth. Trees in the parks – trees out in the desert, can you believe it? And you’ll hear music, bells from the schools, and you’ll smell the fresh-baked breads, because here we have time for things other than weapons. Here we have time for music, for baking, for art, for life.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Finally, the doors were open enough to see a sliver of light. And then, when Pilot was distracted by whatever was on the other side of that door? That’s when I swept them off their feet.

SOUND: TWO THUDS.

PEREYRA: Oof!

JUNO: Got ‘em down. Alessandra!

STRONG: Got their gun! And if you move I shoot, got it?

PIRANHA: Uhhh, yeah, whatever. Just try to keep it down, see?

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): And protecting you from above?

PEYRERA: No…

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): My creation, the invention that makes our liberty possible… the Dome! The Free Dome!

PEREYRA: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no!

JUNO: That’s right, Pilot. The game’s up.

PEREYRA: No, no! Where is it? Where is it?!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I followed Pilot’s gaze, but I knew what I was going to see before I ever saw it.

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): This is the Free Dome, neighbors. Now let us give you a great big welcome home! Three… two… one…

SOUND: CLANG. RUMBLING STOPS. WIND BLOWING.

STRONG: Come on, ma’am. Put the gun down. I don’t want to hurt you or your boss, here.

PIRANHA: Gimme a second.

JUNO: She said put the gun down, you—

PIRANHA: Yeah, hey, and you know what? I might. Just do me a favor and stay quiet a little longer, see? I’m tryin’ to catch the end of the big game.

JUNO (NARRATOR): You don’t take a shot in a standoff unless you have to, so we didn’t. I kept my gun aimed at the Piranha, she kept hers at Strong. A sandstorm was growing in the distance, red and writhing. As the wind began to howl, the intercom coughed to life one last time.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BUZZES & BLIPS.

VOICE 1 (FROM SPEAKER): God, I’m… I’m sorry, I’m so, so…

I promise, if there was ever a way to get this recording in earlier, I would’ve done it. I tried so hard to warn you, or to deactivate the pod or the tests, but… I just had to leave. You don’t know what it was like, you don’t know… what it was like…

I don’t know how it happened. The underground radiation, maybe, making them see things, or… maybe they just wanted to see it. I never met her, but Dad… Dad wasn’t good before the radiation either.

(SNORTS) You don’t care. Why would you care? It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.

(SIGHS) I wish they’d made it. I wish it was possible.

MUSIC: STARTS.

Erin. I think she really thought… well even if she couldn’t do it… maybe Dad could. She believed in him so much. And, when he realized he couldn’t make it work, he– he just…

(SIGHS) It was bad. He was… bad.

(SNIFFS) This is the only spot where I could find a foothold in Erin’s security protocols. The only spot she wanted rewriteable, so we could keep welcoming people forever, so. I’m gonna rewrite it.

To make sure this never happens to anyone else I’ve added a protocol here to shut everything down. The tests, the messages, the Dome sample, everything. This big door is going to close automatically in two minutes and this whole place is gonna shut down, and go away, and it, and its stupid promise, can never hurt anyone again.

I hope nobody ever hears this. If I could have anything… it’d be that.

But, if you are… please, go home. Please. Because… home’s not here. And it never was.

MUSIC: ENDS.

PEREYRA: No… that can’t be real. It can’t be!

That’s it. It can’t be real. A test. Marshall said there would be three tests, and this, this is- this is just the third test, isn’t it? The Dome is still out there. It has to be out there!

STRONG: Mx. Pereyra…

JUNO: Ugh, look, Piranha-face, are you gonna give up or what?

PIRANHA: Shh! Hold on, hold on! Aaaaand… that’s the score.

Alright, yep, I give in. Let’s go back now.

PEREYRA: You what?

PIRANHA: You want them to shoot you? Yeah, wowee, gosh darn, we sure did lose this one really bad, see? Sounds like it’s time to go home.

PEREYRA: A test… it’s just a…

Fine. I’ll come… quietly.

JUNO: You sure?

PEREYRA: Absolutely. Just let me up. I can barely breathe.

STRONG: I’ll make sure she doesn’t do anything tricky. Go for it, Steel.

JUNO: Alright, Pilot, lift up your arms so I can check your po—

SOUND: PUNCH. RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.

Oof!

STRONG: Steel!

PIRANHA: You idiot, you’re letting them get away! Didn’t’ja hear? That door’s gonna close in two minutes!

JUNO: I didn’t know they had it in ‘em… they looked like they could barely stand up.

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

Pilot, get back here!

PEREYRA: (DISTANT) I’m so close! I know it!

PIRANHA: (BECOMING DISTANT) You get back here, you idiot! Didn’t you hear D’Arc? If this thing seals with you outside it, you’re stuck in the desert! And with that sandstorm brewing, nobody’s gonna be able to find you until you’re half past dead!

STRONG: (DISTANT) Stop trying to stall. Drop your gun, gangster.

JUNO: Pilot, stop!

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) Oh, for God’s sake, that’s enough!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

STRONG: (DISTANT) Ah!

JUNO: Alessandra!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was almost there. They were already injured. I would’ve grabbed their shoulder in two seconds.

Then… the laser shot.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. GRUNT.

It came up behind me, winged past my ear… and hit Pilot right in the back.

They hit the sand like a sack of bones and rolled, slowly, to a stop.

PEREYRA: (PANTING)

STRONG: (DISTANT) Agh, my hand, my hand!

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) What are you crying about? That was just a stun blast, shouldn’t’ve done any more than tickled your fingers, see?

Wuh-oh. Looks like I forgot to… put it on stun.

You ever have one of those days where it just seems like you can’t catch a break, Big-Eyes?

JUNO (NARRATOR): I couldn’t understand anything I was seeing. Pilot, sobbing as they bled. The sandstorm growing in the distance. Behind me the Piranha’s gun was still smoking. Strong’s gun was across the room. It and her hand were sizzling.

STRONG: (DISTANT) How are you complaining about this? You shot off two of my fingers!

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) Oh, whatever. I’ll buy you new ones.

STRONG: (DISTANT) What?

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) Just stay put for two seconds, alright? And that goes double for you, P.I.! I better not see you move unless it’s towards me!

JUNO (NARRATOR): She stomped in my direction. Her gun wasn’t even raised. When Pilot grabbed the end of my pant leg I almost jumped out of my skin. They were sand-caked, already looked sunburned, eyes wild.

PEREYRA: Where is it, P.I.? I know it’s out here. Just tell me and I’ll give you anything you want, buddy, anything—

JUNO: Pilot…

PEREYRA: Don’t lie to me! I know it’s out here! I’ve been looking for this for too long, I know it… I believed!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. SILENCE.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Pilot Pereyra was still. Their red blood, pouring out onto the red sands of paradise.

They’d always had a fire in them, Pilot. They threw everything they could into it – time, and money, and people – all in the hopes that it would bring them here. To the Free Dome. So maybe it was fitting that when they found out there was nothing here they threw in the last thing they had: themselves.

PIRANHA: Holy hell, what a day.

Look, if anybody asks what happened to them, we leave this little stun-blaster mixup out of it, okay? One of the traps did it, or whatever.

JUNO: You… y-y-you killed them.

PIRANHA: Yeah, sure, this one’s on me. Fine.

JUNO: But, why?

Who are you?

PIRANHA: Eh, nobody special. I like it better that way.

SOUND: ALARM BEEPS.

Damn it! The door!

SOUND: HEAVY RUMBLING.

Hey, I’d really love to have a good long pow-wow about this underneath the blistering, radioactive sun, but we’re kinda outta time. So what d’you say you and me talk about this back in the tunnel?

JUNO (NARRATOR): She reached out to grab me, but those hands…

I thought I had it all figured out. Pilot, sabotaging Ramses, kicking people out of their homes… it felt like if I had one more piece, the whole puzzle would make sense. And out here, in the Free Dome, this was supposed to be where I found it.

I thought it would all be worth it. The Proctor, Swift, Pollock, even that stupid cat, I thought they’d all be worth it so long as I took down Pilot Pereyra. Now I had. And I still didn’t know a goddamn thing.

The Piranha’s claw came closer, but I couldn’t let her touch me.

SOUND: HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: Command received. Amplifying reaction ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time—

JUNO: What the—

SOUND: GLITCH.

THEIA: ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR (REPEATING IN BACKGROUND)

SOUND: ALARM.

JUNO: (PAINED YELL)

JUNO (NARRATOR): That pain again. It came from my eye but that wasn’t where I felt it: it grabbed me everywhere, spreading from my spine like a crack in ice, growing, growing, ready to shatter. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think.

SOUND: ALARM STOPS. RUMBLING CONTINUES.

PIRANHA: Now that’s more like it. Didn’t even have to pull the trigger.

JUNO (NARRATOR): She grabbed my elbow. And even if I couldn’t think, I still wouldn’t let her touch me. So I did what I’ve done in place of thinking since I was three years old.

JUNO: (GRUNTS)

SOUND: PUNCH.

PIRANHA: Oof!

My gun!

SOUND: THUD. GRUNTS, RUSTLING.

PIRANHA: Get offa me! We’re gonna roast out here, you moron!

JUNO: Tell me how you keep doing this.

PIRANHA: Doing what?

JUNO: My eye! Every time I try to get you, my—

SOUND: GLITCH.

(PAINED YELL)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Another bolt through my spine. The Piranha pushed me off her and gave me a kick in the ribs for good measure.

PIRANHA: Fine! Die with Pereyra if you want. I’m not letting some one-eyed idiot kill me!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING. HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: The Theia Spectrum is now online.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I sat up. The door was almost closed. The Piranha was almost there. But, she wasn’t gonna make it. Through the crack still open, I saw Alessandra Strong. “Cockroach Strong,” they called her, because she couldn’t be killed – and she wasn’t about to be now.

It was the right choice. I wish I had the guts to make it.

STRONG: (DISTANT) Juno, you moron! Dying’s easy! You have to—

SOUND: CLANG. RUMBLING STOPS.

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) No! Hrnnn, no! No, God damn it, no!

JUNO (NARRATOR): The Piranha’s gun was in the sand just a few feet away. I started crawling.

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) You’re meat, P.I.! I’m gonna rip you to pieces, see?

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I shouldn’t have risked using the Theia again, but the first time we tangled, the Piranha had gotten away from me because I missed the shot. I wasn’t gonna miss this time. I wasn’t.

I braced myself for the pain. The good guys always win, I thought. The good guys always win.

THEIA: Command received. Activating aim assissssttttaaaannnnccccceeee—

SOUND: GLITCH.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR (REPEATING IN BACKGROUND)

SOUND: ALARM.

JUNO: (PAINED YELL)

SARAH: Little MONSTERS!

PIRANHA: You messed with the wrong hitman, P.I.! Without that eye you’re nothing, see? Nothing!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. ALARM STOPS.

Oh, give it up! Every goddamn shot you take is a bone I’m gonna break, I swear!

JUNO (NARRATOR): She was close, now. She looked about half a second away from ripping me in two, and I still couldn’t hit her. The pulses from my eye were grabbing my arm and pulling it here, pushing it there, and it was going to kill me.

This was it. My eye working together with my killer, and I’d never know why. I thought. Then I felt something. Rolling up my spine, into my skull, and then…

SOUND: HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: The Theia Spectrum is now online.

Receiving. Logged request. Overriding. User muscular control. Firing in 3… 2… 1.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. THUD.

PIRANHA: (HOWLS) Oh, God damn it, unghhh! God damn it! How did you… (PANTS) Your eye’s back on.

JUNO: Yeah, about that. I think you and I need to have a talk.

PIRANHA: But if your eye’s working, that means…

He turned on me. He really did it. I get him this far, and then he double-crosses me.

JUNO: Let’s start there, for example. Who the hell is “he?”

PIRANHA: (CHUCKLES) Fine. He wants to stick it to me? Why the hell not. I’ll stick it to him. Might as well get some fun out of this stupid job.

JUNO: I already asked you. Who is “he?”

PIRANHA: It was that mess with Babbling Brook that got you on his radar, you know. You got in his way. He needed a stooge. It was a match made in hell. And your job at the Fortezza, that was just the interview. That was a fun one. I’ve never had anybody pay me to hire another hitman. Or to call in a target like that.

JUNO: Just say his name.

PIRANHA: Polaris Park was next. He just wanted a little sabotage we could eventually tie back to Pilot, but when he heard how I did it he wasn’t too happy. Hypocrite. ‘Cause then you stomp in there and murder Swift yourself and he’s all “let me give you a hug” and “my poor, poor little lady.”

JUNO: No, no, God damn it, stop lying!

PIRANHA: After that he got squeamish, changed tacks, wanted to find some other way to make Pereyra look bad. So he thought: what’s the only thing so important to Pereyra that they’d leave their city on election day for it?

All this.

JUNO: You knew…?

PIRANHA: Our guy, he’s got corporate connections, see? Galactic. Easy for a guy like that to get a dumb treasure map. So he parked you on some roof for a month, then told me to keep Pilot busy until election day… playing treasure-hunter. And you got to pretend to be a big hero for three days, even though I was always there to protect you. Was it fun? Wanna get on the ride again, sweetheart?

JUNO: Say his name.

PIRANHA: We know who we’re talking about.

JUNO: Say it.

PIRANHA: How come you want it so bad, P.I.? Huh? Why don’t you say it and I’ll tell you if you’re right?

You can’t do it. Can you? Because you’re still hoping it’s not really him. You know it is, but you’re still hoping. Because you believe in him. That’s how he got you, you know. That’s how he gets everyone.

JUNO: Say his God damn name or I’ll shoot!

PIRANHA: So you know what my secret to success is, P.I.?

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

(GRUNTS) Oh, come on! Shoot me like you mean it! You can’t beat me like I beat you because I don’t believe in anybody but myself, see? I take the Free Dome away from Pilot and it kills them. I take the old man away from you and you’re broken. But me? I only believe in me. And you can never, ever take that from me.

JUNO: Say his name or I’ll kill you.

PIRANHA: You say it.

It’s too late. You’ve got nothing, now. And I’ve still got the only one anybody can ever rely on, see? And I’d just like to see you take that away from me, P.I. (CHUCKLES) I’d like to see you try! (LAUGHING)

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT, LAUGHTER STOPS.

MUSIC: ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): That earpiece – the one she’d been listening to ‘the big game’ on – fell out of her ear. I put it in mine.

ANNOUNCER (FROM RADIO): …it’s a landslide victory! One more time, folks, if you’re just tuning in with us now, Ramses O’Flaherty has taken the election in a complete upset! We’re tuning in now to O’Flaherty’s victory address, live from Hyperion Town Hall:

SOUND: CROWD CHEERS.

RAMSES O’FLAHERTY (FROM RADIO): Now, I know that saying “thank you” is the cliché at this particular moment, but… thank you.

SOUND: CROWD LAUGHS.

But, really. They say that helping yourself is sometimes the most difficult thing of all. Sometimes, when we seek to make the world a better place, we so fear being selfish that we refuse to act in our own self-interest; we bow and scrape to those who wish us ill and call it tolerance, respect, humility. But you, my fellow citizens, you chose to help yourselves. You chose a better future – and by God, you’re going to get it.

(LAUGHS) And to think. It was only a few days ago, as I spoke to a friend of mine, that he told me he felt that hope was pointless. Just a lot of flailing for nothing. And on that day I could not blame him.

Because on that day, our mayor was a psychotic. They acted only in the interest of what benefited them, and worse, they couldn’t even seem to decide what that was! Incontrovertible evidence has shown that they have attempted to take my life, that they have successfully taken the lives of others to win this election… and yet, come election day, where are they? They care enough to murder, but not enough to show up?

They cannot be trusted. The corrupt HCPD, who refused to protect me from the Proctor and who assisted Pilot Pereyra in their escape from the Museum of Colonized History, cannot be trusted. My young friend was right to doubt. But you, the great people of Hyperion City, you have chosen to doubt no longer.

SOUND: APPLAUSE.

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was numb, top to bottom. I could hear his voice. See the hope in his sky-blue eyes. And even now, even now that I knew the truth, I believed in him. God damn it, I believed in him! Ramses O’Flaherty. The person I’d been chasing all this time, the connection between every eviction and theft and murder, was the man I was working for. And I’d helped him do it.

RAMSES (FROM RADIO): That young friend I spoke of? He is chasing after Pilot Pereyra now. It’s true. The killer who took your families, the monster who took your homes. In just a few days, the bravest young person in Hyperion City will return with them in tow. And though his acts will be heroic we cannot let him stand alone.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked at the huge gate of the Free Dome, at the big, broken promise of it. I looked at the slumped body of Pilot Pereyra. I looked at the Piranha, who I killed.

And then I looked at the desert. The growing storm. The lonely wastes.

It was quiet out there. No politicians. No people. No promises.

I took the Piranha’s radio out of my ear and dropped it.

SOUND: SOFT CLUNK.

RAMSES (FROM RADIO): (DISTANT) We need people like him. We need people who will not tolerate evil, will not tolerate corruption, will risk their own lives to stomp it out. We need people to build a new city, a better city, a city of the future!

JUNO (NARRATOR): For a second I could still see the radio, an ash-colored dot in the red, red sand. A desert wind blew by and a light dust began to cover it and I knew soon it would be buried. With Pilot, with the Piranha, gone, forever.

That didn’t sound so bad, I thought.

So I turned to the wide open Martian desert, those endless, swirling sands, and I started walking.

RAMSES (FROM RADIO): (DISTANT) It’s the sunrise of a new day, my friends, so grab your tools and join me! Together we build our new home! Together we will make the city of the future!

MUSIC: ENDS.

***

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.

CONDUCTOR: If you’ve enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you’ll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actors Joshua Ilon, Kat Buckingham and Simon Moody, and co-creator Sophie Kaner:

SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.

JOSHUA: …gonna be alright, so, I expect it to happen eventually.

SOPHIE: In the end.

SIMON: They lied! (LAUGHS)

SOPHIE: Eventually. Not any time soon.

SIMON: Well, when we first read through the episode, like, I got fully, fully, like hoodwinked, to use a turn of phrase, um, by that– that twist at the end. Like, oh shooooot. Like, here he is, Mister Big Dreams, and here to do good, and like, no, don’t you do me like that, you’re gonna d– oh, there it is.

SOPHIE: He did.

SIMON: Yup. Yup. He did it.

SOPHIE: He did do you like that…

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.

CONDUCTOR: You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.

We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Vron, Charlie Spiegel, Minchowski, Jaimie Gunter, and the Princess and the Scrivener for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.

This tale, Juno Steel and the Promised Land, was told by the following people: Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, Kat Buckingham as Alessandra Strong, Simon Moody as Mayor Pilot Pereyra, Sophie Kaner as the Piranha, Kiki Samko as Sarah Steel, and Matthew Zahnzinger as Ramses O’Flaherty.

This tale also featured: Lauren Shippen of The Bright Sessions as Erin Marshall D’Arc, Zach Valenti of Wolf 359 as Marshall Erin D’Arc, and Rich Wentworth of Hadron Gospel Hour as the last of the D’Arcs.

On staff at The Penumbra: Kevin Vibert is our lead writer and recording engineer. Sophie Kaner is our director and sound designer. Grahame Turner is our script editor. Noah Simes is our production manager. Alice Chung is our designer and financial manager. Kat Buckingham is our publicity director. Original music by Ryan Vibert. Promotional art by Mikaela Buckley.

The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.

I’m afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

#juno steel

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suhoerections · 5 years

Text

50 things tag

I was tagged by @rosyyeols thanks love lol I’m using this to procrastinate

also sorry if i’ve done this before i can’t remember

1. What takes up too much of your time?

School smh

2. What makes your day better?

sleep or talking to my best friend

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

its 10am i woke up like an hour ago akdsfkajhfk so I’ll just say that recently it would probably be going on that geography field trip friday

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

Somewhere where i can get laid

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Really good surprisingly

6. Do you have any mental illness?

PTSD, some anxiety shit and idk but i have real bad germaphobia lmao

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

No but ik people who have and it sounds terrifying

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Chanyeol 😔

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

lol nope

10. What’s your dream date?

Getting food and eating it by the seaside and like just chilling together like nothing elaborate just a nice little casual date, tho if we going fancy then a nice dinner would be greaT

11. What do others notice about you?

uh idk? my glasses?

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

i don’t know how to act around people and i get cussed out on it a lot

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

i’ve never dated

14. How many exes do you have?

0 (i’ve legit never had a bf/gf aslkdhfal)

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

umm don’t really have playlists but i have like 2000+ songs in my library

16. What instruments can you play?

guitar, uke, a lil bit o keyboard

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

prolly dumb pics of my friend and like mx and junmyeon

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Italy and Japan

19. What is your zodiac?

Aries

20. Do you relate to it?

annoyingly, I am very stereotypical aries

21. What is happiness to you?

not having writers block and punching out a good 2k

22. Are you going through anything right now?

uhh idk? i suppose?

23 What’s the worst decision you ever made?

too many to just say one

24. What’s your favorite store?

baskin and robins

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

pro choice - i don’t believe in forcing my morals on people

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

no? i just sorta go “get fucking laid before you die smh”

27. Do you have a favorite album?

Ballads 1 - Joji

28. What do you want for your birthday?

prolly money

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

that i’m loud, dirty and opinionated. Like i just sorta say a lot of like dirty jokes cause i don’t know how to act around people idk and i’m really loud aksdjfhaskj

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

16??? surprisingly???

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

like next to me

32. What word do you say the most?

like or oof

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

like 3 years older?

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

i wouldn’t date someone younger than me tbh

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

author??

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

lofi hip hop/lofi city pop

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Japan :}

38. What is your current favorite song?

Pizza - OOHYO

39. How long have you had this blog for?

July last year

40. What are you excited for?

Term to end

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Listening

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Plan a camboy!Baekhyun fic

43. What do you want for Christmas?

an exo album 😔

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

Italian - I’m top of my class 🤧🤧

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

7, my arm has been twitching for over an hour and its pissing me off

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

if i’m not a psychiatrist and getting laid regularly i’ll cry

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

i’ve never dated big oof

48. What age do you want to get married?

don’t really wanna get married tbh

29. What career did you want to have as a child?

marine biologist

50. What do you crave right now?

the ability to stop time

I’ll tag @flowerline8 @thesoondongiefiles @multi-yeol @cbxs @ninibears-erigom uhh idk whoever wants to do this can say i tagged you

#yee haw

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shotfromguns · 5 years

Text

Overall, I think Avengers: Endgame was... about as good as we were going to get, given who was involved in making the film and what had already been established (or had failed to be established) in previous films. It was for sure massively better than Age of Ultron and a noticeable improvement over Infinity War. But there were still plenty of flaws (including things they easily could have fixed) and a few things that outright frustrated the hell out of me.

My thoughts on Endgame follow under the cut. There will obviously be spoilers. This is for @pantsvaporation, but anybody else is welcome to read/comment/etc. as well.

I was pleasantly surprised that there was a minimum of obvious “actors swinging at CG enemies that hadn’t even slightly been described to them.” And while there were definitely places the film could have been tightened up, I had been expecting the three hours to feel noticeably slack, whereas the plot never seemed to me to drag at all. In retrospect, maybe I should have been less surprised by that, given that it was directed by Russos, who were also responsible for CA:TWS, which remains the most perfectly paced action movie I’ve ever seen.

Given the length of the film, however, I am fucking furious that the only (and MCU first-ever) LGBT “representation” we got was one of the Russos as a nameless extra in Steve’s support group who was framed as a mlm through the pronouns of who he was on a date with. 181 fucking minutes, and you couldn’t find room for less than 60 seconds to show us Valkyrie with a girlfriend? Carole Danvers got that amazing (as my girlfriend often describes my current look) ‘90s dyke aesthetic after the time skip, but she couldn’t have a wife? And, of course, anybody and everybody else was given a Big Case of the Not Gays, including and especially the male characters people have enthusiastically been shipping with each other due to the historical nigh-complete dearth of women in the MCU films (Tony, Steve, Sam, Bucky... and I will have more to say about Steve).

I did cry a few times, especially towards the end, which I honestly hadn’t expected to. But it all felt very... emotionally manipulative? For example, I didn’t cry at Tony dying, per se. I did cry at Pepper reacting to his death, his daughter, Happy, etc. It felt like they sort of realized that by this point Tony had become extremely unsympathetic and that they’d probably overly telegraphed that he was going to die, so they needed to make us sad about it by ensuring we were thinking about how other characters would feel about his death, versus how we ourselves felt about it.

And we sure did get a whoooooooooole lotta time to show the audience how sad everyone felt about Tony to ensure we did, too. But there was (a) very little for Natasha, who died in this film saving the universe even more tragically than Tony did, given that she didn’t even know her sacrifice would work to get the Soul Stone, let alone whether the rest of the plan would work even if she did; and (b) almost none for the characters who died in Infinity War and didn’t get a Comic Book Death resurrection through Bruce snapping or past!Nebula breaking literally the entire premise of the film (more on that in a bit). The Vision got a two-second reference, not even by name. Loki got just a flash of a cameo, with Thor not bringing him up once that I can recall, being completely focused on their mother even in a time when they were both still alive. Heimdall didn’t even get that much, nor was he even referenced; nor were any of the Wakandans who died so that Scarlet Witch didn’t have to lose her creepy robo-boyfriend (which, whoops, she did anyway). Regardless of how obnoxious some of these character and/or their fans may have been, they still very much should have mattered to the other characters, who should have been mourning them just as much as they were mourning Tony. And yeah, sure, anybody who didn’t get Thanos’d had had five years to mourn the ones who died in Infinity War, but (a) to anybody who’d just been brought back, they were still freshly dead, and (b) even the people who were around for those five years are probably dealing with that grief all over again, not least of which because they had the others who died then returned to them, and because not everybody (especially not Thor) had even properly gone through the whole grief process in the first place.

On the topic of Thor, boyyyyyyy howdy was it frustrating how thoroughly Endgame finished off the way that Infinity War had started cutting the entire legs of his Ragnarok character development out from under him. If it weren’t for the momentary appearance of a handful of characters from Ragnarok, the movie literally might as well not have happened: Thor no longer cares about being a leader for his people, he’s back to leaning on weapons instead of relying on himself, and he seems to have completely forgotten Loki after having finally reconciled with him. And making Thor fat as a joke was not only fatphobic and unfunny but really undercut the narrative’s ability to make the viewer take his trauma seriously, because of a continuously competing tension between “you’re supposed to laugh at how he looks” and “how he looks is supposed to make you sad” that was never really resolved. There was no “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it actually means, and you feel like an ass for having laughed.” It was clearly set up to be, “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it means, and you feel a little sad, but don’t worry, there will be plenty of more times when ‘Thor is fat now’ is a punchline.”

As for the film’s humor as a whole, while there were some genuinely funny moments that were well positioned in the narrative, the movie overall felt like it frequently ran into the same problem as Star Wars: The Last Jedi, where the writers were so desperate to have characters constantly quipping that they constantly undercut their own poignant moments.

Probably the biggest actual plot hole is, unsurprisingly, the time travel. They initially did an... okay job of justifying why the characters couldn’t just change the past (though it wasn’t until Bruce got to have his chat with Mx. Yellowface that it actually got in any way coherently explained). But after they did all that work of establishing that they couldn’t just change the past, for capital-R Reasons...

They did uhhhhhhh a whole fucking lot of changing the past. A few of these things could be at least fanwanked away. Maybe past!Steve forgets future!Steve telling him Bucky’s alive because he got knocked unconscious immediately afterwards. Maybe Tony’s chat with his dad had always happened. Maybe Steve had always spent decades with Peggy. But there is no way Sitwell et al. wouldn’t remember Steve pretending to be a member of Hydra, which would significantly alter the events of The Winter Soldier if they weren’t smart enough or lucky enough to verify that Steve wasn’t also a mole and therefore realize he was an “imposter” before one of those Hydra sleeper said something to past!Steve to make him suspicious. And Loki grabbing the loose Tesseract and poofing is a massive change in the timeline.

Their enemies did a whooooooole lot of changing the past when past!Nebula brought past!Thanos and The Gang through to the future, including effectively permanently restoring Gamora, i.e., someone who’d been “irreversibly” sacrificed to obtain the Soul Stone.

Once these things happened, there was literally nothing to explain why (a) the future!Avengers couldn’t at least bring back Heimdall, Loki, all those Wakandans, the Vision, Natasha, and Tony by pulling them from earlier points in the timestream, and (b) why the future!Avengers couldn’t just take their set of Infinity Stones to a point before all of this shit happened and prevent it from ever having happened. Which isn’t to say the writers couldn’t have cooked up some sort of internally consistent explanation, e.g., “this Gamora is basically stolen from the other timeline, which still exists on its own independent axis, and the Avengers wouldn’t kidnap their friends out of another timeline and leave that version of themselves without the person they want to restore just to have that person here.” But they didn’t bother, which presumably means no one involved in making the film even noticed the utter inconsistency.

Speaking of utter inconsistency... Steve. Steven fucking Rogers. Hooooooooboy. That ending was the biggest, stupidest, cheapest piece of schlock I’ve seen in a movie for a long fucking time. Let’s leave aside the fact that he chose to leave behind two perfectly good boyfriends and the fact that he barely said boo to Bucky, despite the film having reminded us how important Bucky was to him by having his name literally be the thing that so shocked past!Steve that future!Steve was able to beat him. You’re seriously telling me that Steve was still pining soooooooo badly for Peggy that he would literally risk the entire timeline so they could have their Hetero Happily Ever After? (Bucky, Sam, Tony, Angie: I’m so sorry, bbys.)

Yeah, sure, Peggy and Steve being parted was sad when it happened. But they’d been colleagues for a handful of years, then maybe sorta friends, and then kissed once, in a speeding car, just after they finally admitted they’d both been crushing on each other pretty hard the whole time because they were on the way to possibly both die. That is not “the love of your life” who you spend the rest of time sighing over. That’s, like, the guy I casually dated for a bit over a month in 2011 because, while we hit it off amazingly well, I didn’t want to get serious when he’d be moving in about a year once his postdoc was done, who sure enough moved to the east coast a year later and then abruptly died of a heart attack a few years after that. Is it tragic that he’s dead? Absolutely. Have I sometimes thought, “Gosh, I wonder what could have been”? Sure. Did I decide that I would never ever again date or even look at anyone else, because he was the only person for me in all of space and time? Lmaoooooo no. I am, in fact, deliriously happy with my current girlfriend, who I also happen to think is way better for me than he ever could have been.

It was already established that Peggy got married in the original timeline (in CA:TWS, Steve watches some footage in which she mentions that during the war he’d saved the man she eventually married). This means that either (a) Steve supplanted her original husband, which is pretty gross, especially if he didn’t tell Peggy “oh hey btw you originally married this other guy, wanna go check him out first,” or (b) Steve was Peggy’s husband all along, and she just obfuscated that. Either way, in the timeline we end up with, somehow for 50+ years this incredibly well-known woman and sometime Director of SHIELD was married to a man she kept absolutely secret and hidden, which somehow no one ever discovered the secret of or even ever commented on, apparently. It also means that, when Steve showed up on her doorstep, both of them agreed that (a) it was more important for them to play house than for Steve to ever openly use his abilities again and (b) Steve would sit on his ass and twiddle his thumbs through every major crisis he knows is coming over the next half-century. If the MCU serum slowed Steve’s aging the way the comic serum did, this might be slightly understandable, because they could justify it as, “Well, Steve will go back to adventuring after he closes the loop with his original timeline, and this will basically be an extended vacation.” But Steve did age (and they presumably had no expectation that he would not), meaning that he wasted decades of active time at most acting secretly and anonymously from the shadows. You really think that these two incredibly dedicated and driven heroes would both agree to that? Sure, I could absolutely believe they’d take the opportunity to finally get that dance. But there’s no way that Peggy wouldn’t have booted Steve’s ass out of bed and back to the 21st century, and it’s highly unlikely Steve himself would have so much as seriously considered staying for more than a more leisurely farewell and proper closure.

Steve’s Hetero Happily Ever After also further complicates the issue of that time travel plot hole I mentioned. If the stones were plucked from one or more divergent timelines (or changes made while grabbing the stones then caused the creation of divergent timelines at those points)... how did aging!Steve end up staying in the same timeline as the rest of the future!Avengers? It seems like it should be impossible for all these things to be simultaneously true, which means either I’m missing something huge or at least one of them is a huge fuck-up in terms of the plot’s internal consistency. EITHER the changes to the past happened in (or spawned) one or more divergent timelines, which is why, e.g., Gamora could be brought forward from her past and now be alive in the future without altering the past that led to her being brought forward in the first place, in which case aging!Steve would have spent his life in an alternate timeline and old!Steve wouldn’t have been able to come visit all his buds on the day young!future!Steve left to return the stones; OR everything took place in a single, unified, undivergent timeline, which would mean Steve could drop into the past and take the long way back to the exact point in spacetime he left, but the changes to the past would have altered the past events, meaning that because Thanos and The Gang skipped forward and Loki is at large with the Tesseract, the events of Thor: The Dark World, Thor: Ragnarok, Infinity War, etc. never happened, and we’re also back to having no reason why other dead people couldn’t be pulled forward from their past timeline, why Thanos couldn’t be stopped by time-traveling the stones to before he retrieved them and using them to stop him, etc.

Various other issues:

The “monstrous” single woman who can’t get pregnant sacrificing herself so that the virile man will have his wife and children restored to him is... not a good look. Also, it’s weird how “we don’t trade lives” when it’s about a robot coded as a white man sacrificing himself to save half the universe (though apparently even at the time a whole bunch of Wakandans was fine, whoops, remember all the Black people who died trying to stop Thanos from getting to the Vision, weird how those lives were okay to trade), but when it’s about Natasha or Clint throwing themself off a cliff, immediately they’re both all, “Yeah, it’s gotta be done for the greater good.”

Thor getting to be the one to axe Thanos’s head off instead of, you know, like, oh, I don’t know, Nebula? The woman he abused and tortured pretty much her entire life? Bad. Inappropriate. Disappointing.

Everybody kept talking about how the characters who got Thanos’d in Infinity War were their “family.” For Rocket, I believe it; one thing the GotG films actually did well was to establish that level of relationship for those characters. But the Avengers? Lmaoooooo. The MCU Avengers were not a fucking family. The MCU Avengers spent every single movie at each other’s throats. If you wanted us to believe they were even friends, you should have given us at least one film of them seriously working as a team instead of against each other.

Holy shit, do I not care about Clint Barton’s Manpain(tm). Also, if you want us to see how far he’s “fallen,” maybe do something other than giving him the worst mohawk I’ve ever seen (including one done backstage after a show and one a friend gave me in my bathroom in college) and a boring tattoo and having him badly pick up an ugly katana-esque sword to kill objectively bad guys.

Bringing Scott back was easy enough that a rat walking across a panel after five years of that shit sitting in a storage facility could do it, and yet no one else tried even once? Somebody saw all that shit set up, and went, “Welp, guess they’re all just dead,” instead of, “Hey maybe this running equipment indicates an experiment in progress that we should maybe investigate”?

The “let’s line up all the named women” shot in the final battle was the most patronizing display of pandering I’ve seen in the entire franchise. Not only did it make no sense for them all to be in the same place at the same time with no men even in the shot, but... they were utterly ineffectual? It was like, “Gosh, how will Carole ever make it through that??? Oh, she’s got US, GIRL-FRIENDS, DID WE MENTION WE’RE ALL LADIES, BUT NOT QUEER OR ANYTHING.” And then... Carole immediately blew straight past them, because her power level is so off the charts compared to almost every other named woman in the MCU, many of whom are simply very, very skilled peak human heroes versus being superhuman.

Speaking of superhuman abilities: Why wasn’t every time-travel suit an Iron Man-style suit like Rhodey’s? Obviously he needed an exoskeleton bit to walk, but since Tony took the time to build him a beefed-up full suit, why didn’t he do the same for everyone else?

Along that same line of stupid decisions made around the Vitally Important, We Only Get One Shot At Fixing This time-travel mission, why didn’t they wait until everyone was in better shape? Thor was clearly still an emotional wreck, and if Rocket hadn’t been on the ball, it would have cost them one of the stones. As soon as you’re traveling back in time to fix something, unless there’s a hard limit on how far you can go back (which there wasn’t), you literally have the rest of your lives to get ready for it, so can and should take as much time as you need to prep (and even over-prep) for that mission. A little more lead time also would have given someone the opportunity to go, “Hey, wait, why don’t we first make a quick stop to just grab more Pym Particles, so we have more flexibility with destinations and do-overs?” Or even, “Why don’t we make these suits modular? That way, they can join into a single unit for each team on the way there, thereby saving a bunch of charges, but also split off into individual suits with everyone having enough juice to get home individually just in case someone gets split off. That will leave us with a bunch of extra Pym Particles in case something goes wrong.”

Other than meta reasons like “we want there to be a big epic fight,” why was it such a struggle to fight Thanos? The Avengers very nearly beat him in Infinity War, when he had five of the six Infinity Stones. Here, he had none, and they still barely squeaked out the victory by the skin of their teeth.

Thanos’s rapid switch from “I’m gonna kill half of all living creatures to uhhh save the universe somehow” to “I guess I’ll just wipe out everything and make an entirely new universe” once again highlighted how deeply stupid his original plan was. If he has the capacity to re-create the entire universe, why doesn’t he just... make more resources, if that’s such a fucking problem? I mean, also, spoiler alert for the real world: It’s not. It’s always been an issue of distribution, not amount. People aren’t starving to death because there’s no food; people are starving to death because of capitalism. So unless you target your population elimination at capitalists exclusively, killing off a bunch of people is going to maintain exactly the same problems of unequal resource exploitation and distribution.

Speaking of which: Why is post-Thanos Earth presented as a mellow semi-paradise (except for everybody being sad about all the dead people)? The loss of half the world’s population would have been catastrophic, cascading into many more deaths. Nor would it have solved inequality... or even resource “over”-utilization. Earth hit a population of 3.85 billion (i.e., half the current ~7.7 billion) around 1972, which many people currently alive have personal memories of not actually being particularly idyllic. This also highlights once again how deeply stupid and nonsensical Thanos’s original plan was, given that his “solution” could easily become obsolete in another 50 years... or even sooner, given that Thanos also cut all non-human creature populations in half, which would have not only reduced related resources available for human consumption but devastated ecosystems worldwide.

There has been a huge official campaign to persuade audiences to not spoil the movie for others. As a general principle, I’m a fan of encouraging anti-spoiler culture, but I think it says a lot about this movie in specific that the studio has put in so much effort to try to stamp out spoilers: i.e., they’re worried that the only real draw it has is people finding out assorted plot points. If your film can be easily replaced by a bulleted list of who’s alive or dead at the end of it, it’s... not actually a good film.

ADDENDUM MAY 5, 2019:

Okay, so, per the Russos, the reason Steve's Hetero Happily Ever After DOESN'T break the entire rest of the film is that it happened in an alternate timeline, and he just jumped back to the MCU prime timeline later... somehow. I still think that's shitty, lazy filmmaking, because in three hours they absolutely should have, you know, made that more clear (or... at all indicated that's how it played out). But at least it keeps their time travel mechanics from completely breaking their own plot.

But that means that in THAT timeline there were two Steves. Which means the BEST-CASE SCENARIO is prime!Steve hooked up with that timeline's Peggy after being 100% honest about who he was, alt!Peggy... chose a different version of Steve over her own Steve, for... reasons?, and then together they found and revived alt!Steve, at which point prime!Steve was like, "lol sorry bro, she's my wife 'cause I missed my chance with prime!Peggy, but at least now you're not frozen for any longer than you already have been."

Other options include:

Prime!Steve pretended to be alt!Steve while leaving him in the ice, counting on him not getting rescued until alt!Peggy would be nearly dead.

Prime!Steve helped rescue alt!Steve, then left alt!Peggy and alt!Steve to have their personal Hetero Happily Ever After while he... married some other random person?

Prime!Steve straight-up murdered alt!Steve to take his place.

Prime!Steve and alt!Peggy rescued alt!Steve, and she married both of them. (Somehow I don't see Disney going for that option.)

ADDENDUM MAY 12, 2019

I just read another interview, this one with the writers. Buckle up, because there’s even more embarrassing shit.

McFeely: I mean, we did all of this before Ragnarok.

Markus: Yeah, initially we were writing drafts prior to Taika coming onboard. And it was once they got underway and they were off in Australia making the movie and it was clear that they were discovering new facets to Thor, Chris Hemsworth wanted to make sure that this new loosened-up Thor didn't vanish immediately upon returning to the Avengers world. And so he and Taika flew to Atlanta and we had long meetings with them and watched some footage and got a sense of the new Thor tone, and it worked perfectly with where we wanted to go.

... ... ... ... Literally WHAT FUCKING PART of Infinity War and Endgame matches AT ALL with Thor's character development from Ragnarok? I was all ready to go, "Oh, okay, that makes sense" at the reveal that this was written before Ragnarok. But then, nope, they admit that they just have no fucking idea what they're doing and think they actually integrated its changes WELL. JFC.

McFeely: So where we hit upon it was in order to become their best selves, Steve had to find a life, and Tony had to lose his.

Boring idea and poorly executed to boot. (Not to mention the extreme cringiness of “finding a life” necessarily requires “marrying a woman and having babies in the suburbs.”) How are they getting paid money for writing this trite?

Fandango: So people are asking... Does this mean an old Captain America was hanging out this whole time while another Captain America was saving the day?

Markus: That is our theory. We are not experts on time travel, but the Ancient One specifically states that when you take an Infinity Stone out of a timeline it creates a new timeline. So Steve going back and just being there would not create a new timeline. So I reject the "Steve is in an alternate reality" theory. I do believe that there is simply a period in world history from about '48 to now where there are two Steve Rogers. And anyway, for a large chunk of that one of them is frozen in ice. So it's not like they'd be running into each other.

HAHAHAHA HOLY FUCKING SHIT okay so NOT ONLY do the director and writers have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IDEAS about what the fuck happened at the end (did they... not discuss this with each other? at all?), but the WRITERS' version is the one that is THE MOST OUT OF CHARACTER. HOLY SHIT.

McFeely: So we've always thought that the most perfect conclusion to [Natasha's] arc would be to die for her new family, or to sacrifice greatly for her new family.

GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG

McFeely: We toyed with not doing that, and we had another version, and several women on the crew said, "Don't you dare take that choice away from her. The heroic thing is for Natasha to do it, not for Hawkeye to do it."

these are definitely real women who actually exist

Fandango: Do you think there's a world where we see the adventures of Captain and Peggy either on the big or small screen?

Christopher Markus: Possibly. I think maybe all I did was Steve was a stay-at-home dad and Peggy went to work at S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't know that there were any adventures.

lmaoooooooooo

Imagine being this bad at knowing your own characters. Imagine thinking either Peggy OR Steve would just give up their life to play house when there's important work they could be doing.

#Analyzing film #Avengers #Avengers: Endgame #Tony Stark #Steve Rogers #Thor #Natasha Romanoff

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lenaisanerd · 5 years

Text

so that post about delivery people

@lynne-monstr made a post. a post about delivery people. i wrote a fanfic (it’s rlly more of an excuse for outsider pov) 2000 years later. enjoy! (thx to @disaster-lesbiab and @raisehades for editing <3)

Trevor cursed as one wheel of a trolley, loaded with heavy crates, rolled over his foot. Wearing steel toed shoes may have kept his toes from being crushed like grapes, but it hurt anyway.

“Ow, fuck! Watch where you’re going, idiot!”

The idiot, Georgie, mumbled an apology, then went back to leaning against their truck and looking at his phone. I swear, this job would be easier if I locked him in the truck and just did the deliveries on my own, Trevor thought but didn’t say. Who knew what his bosses would make of a Black kid showing that much ‘’unfounded aggression’’ towards his white colleague? Even if said colleague was, in fact, about as competent as a piece of wonderbread.

Trevor rolled his eyes. “Come on man, let’s go. We haven’t got all day.”

He pushed the trolley across the street towards the apartment building while Georgie slouched along behind him, but at least ran out to hold open the door. The lobby was elegant, decorated in dark tones and wood, with marble floors. There was an old-fashioned little booth for a doorman on the right hand wall, but it was empty. They got on the elevator, which was one of the only things in the lobby that looked like it was built this side of the turn of the millenium. As the doors began to close a hand shot out to hold them open. Trevor flinched. He was fairly certain the lobby had been empty just a second before.

“Sorry”, said the hand’s owner as the doors slid open again and he stepped inside. He looked… nice. Definitely not intimidating. But something about him was off. It was hard to pinpoint, but every time he looked at the guy a cold shudder ran down Trevor’s spine. His skin looked cold, lifeless almost. When he noticed the other men staring, he half-smiled at them. He had very sharp teeth.

“Going up?” he asked, motioning to the buttons.

Trevor swallowed. “I mean, this is the ground floor, so yeah.”

“Oh, right,” the guy replied sheepishly. He pushed the button for the penthouse and shifted his stance, fiddling with his headphone cord.

It was like riding the elevator with a shark. Trevor felt watched, observed. He imagined the man’ eyes digging into his back. The gaze of an apex predator. His heart hammered in his chest, he felt cold sweat on his neck. This is it, he thought, this guy is a serial killer. I’m gonna die in this fucking elevator, and the last person I see will be Georgie. One glance at Georgie told him that he wasn’t holding up much better. He probably would have started running already if that hadn’t just resulted in a spectacular crash into the wall of the elevator.

The ding of the elevator reaching its destination made him flinch again. Serial Killer Man (the world’s most terrifying superhero?) stepped out first, heading down the hallway, and ringing the doorbell for Penthouse I.

All of a sudden the strange terror Trevor had felt in his presence dissipated. He felt like he could breathe again. He took a moment to blink and shake his head, then he helped Georgie maneuver the trolley down the hallway and they came to a stop behind and next to Serial Killer Man (It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a really creepy guy you think is going to murder you!).

The door opened and a scowling, but admittedly very handsome, face poked out. The expression softened when the guy spotted serial killer man, then immediately turned to worry when he saw Trevor, Georgie, and the copious amounts of hard alcohol.

“Simon, hey’’, scowly man said. “Thanks for coming.’’

“Of course’’, serial killer man replied softly. “Is it– how, uh. How’s he holding up?’’

Scowly sighed heavily. “Pretty well, I guess, considering–” he glanced at Trevor and Georgie,”...uh. Stuff.’’ He made a vague, all-encompassing gesture.

“Can I…?” Serial Killer Man asked.

“What? Oh, sure.” Scowly face opened the door a bit wider to let him slip past into the penthouse. Trevor used his chance to get out his pen and clipboard and stick them both into Scowly’s face. Which wasn’t that easy, because the guy was very much on the tall side.

“Sign here please.”

Scowly glanced behind himself, into the loft, then back at the bottles on the trolley. His expression darkened. Very quietly, to himself, he said, “I didn’t know he was drinking this much.” Trevor felt a pang in the pit of his stomach. One of the downsides of delivering to people’s homes was that you sometimes got way too involved in the personal tragedies of your customers. And he always wanted to help, to do something, but what was a delivery guy gonna do? He was just there to get a signature and then fuck off.

Scowly man sighed again. “Guess you can’t really take this stuff back, right?” Trevor shrugged in a way that hopefully conveyed both how sorry he was about that, but that it would also cause him rather a lot of trouble he’d like to avoid.

Scowly man signed reluctantly. Trevor and Georgie started to unload the boxes from the trolley, but Scowly bent down and picked one up like it weighed no more than a carton of milk. Normally, Trevor couldn’t carry one of those by himself, and he wasn’t unfit. The guy seemed like he worked out, but this was just excessive. He didn’t even break a sweat. In about ten seconds the boxes had disappeared behind the door. Scowly was just about to close it when Trevor held out a small flyer.

“I don’t wanna be rude, but uh. If your roommate”– more scowling–”brother”–scowls for days–”boyfriend”–ah, that’s the ticket– “if your boyfriend wants to, you know. Get help.”

The man eyed the AA flyer sceptically. “I don’t think this is a problem mundane meetings can solve.” Huh? “Thanks, anyway.” He tucked the flyer in his pocket. “Have a good day.”

The door clicked closed. Trevor shook his head. What a fucking weirdo this Bane guy must be. Lucky in the boyfriend department though.

The building at High Street Station had a really fancy elevator. That was the first thing Nina noticed, anyway. Makes sense if you think about it, she thought. You gotta have some cash to get groceries delivered every week. She shifted the cardboard box in her hands to rest on one hip and dug her phone out of her coat pocket. Penthouse 1. So a lot of cash. It was early afternoon, and she guessed she would meet the help instead of the residents. Which was fine by her, the staff was usually much nicer to a Hispanic college student in her first week on the job, who still dropped her signing stylus 90 percent of the time. But the few rich people she did meet varied wildly on a scale from boring and snooty to eccentric and weird. She was curious where Mx Penthouse 1 fell.

Ding. Nina stepped out of the elevator, her steps muffled by thick carpeting, and knocked on the door. The hallway was quiet, but after her ears adjusted she could make out faint sounds coming through the door. A clanging, like metal on metal, dull thuds, a roaring like strong wind. Someone shouting. Heavy boots approaching the door. Nina involuntarily took a step back. The door opened just a crack and a guy, early 20s, blonde hair disheveled, poked his head out. He was breathing hard, and– was that blood on his forehead? A scrape, definitely fresh.

“What!” he demanded.

Nina was dumbstruck, torn between giving him the finger and calling the cops. That forehead wound looked nasty, and she suspected he didn’t bump his head getting out of the shower. Instead she stuck out the box.

“Uhh, delivery for M. Bane.”

Another series of clangs and roars from behind him. A girl’s voice called out “Hurry the fuck up, Jace!” Blondie turned to look back, then accepted the box.

He was about to close the door in her face when she managed to dig out her stylus and phone.

“Sign here”, Nina said.

Blondie rolled his eyes but quickly signed. The door banged shut. Nina stood still for a few seconds more, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Then she hurried back to the elevator. She had thirty-four deliveries left and traffic wasn’t gonna get any better.

Victoria’s phone buzzed again. She stared down at it, frowning. Another delivery after this one. To the other side of town and back. Well, fuck. She rubbed her hands together, trying to get some feeling back into them after biking through the freezing rain. It was in weather like this Victoria wondered whether this job paid enough, and the conclusion she inevitably came to was that it didn’t, but that she also couldn’t seem to get a better one. So delivery-app bike courier it was. At least she got a workout while doing it.

The display overhead informed her that she had reached the top floor and so she stepped off the elevator.

Right away Victoria knew which of the apartments she was delivering to: Through a door to her left she could hear music and voices, the muffled echo of celebration, friendship, togetherness. Despite her mood she felt herself smiling. Nothing taught the essential similarities between people like living in a city, where lack of space and number of inhabitants meant that, if one stood still, one could observe many lives continuing on in parallel. Victoria unslung her backpack and rang the doorbell. Footsteps neared.

The guy who opened the door was, there was no other word for it, gorgeous. Golden skin glowed in the low light of the hallway, dark, eyeliner-framed deep brown eyes, black hair in soft spikes. When he turned his head a glint of silver reflected off a delicate cuff on his right ear. And he was really buff. Like the face wasn’t enough. The face that was smiling a very nice smile at her.

“You must be the food?”

“Hopefully not. I’d taste horrible.” The joke had slipped out and she groaned inwardly, but the guy laughed, genuinely and with just a tiny roll of his eyes.

“I should have seen that one coming.”

Victoria grinned and shrugged to say “you really should have” and bent down to unzip her backpack. From inside the apartment she could hear music, now louder, and the sounds of a video game being played and discussed loudly by multiple people. She caught a bit of a sentence ending with “...and in real life jumping between buildings isn’t this hard” and a clonking noise like pots banging together. Something smelled like it was burning. Even gorgeous guy glanced over his shoulder. He seemed concerned, but not quite enough to investigate. Victoria returned to unpacking the bags of food.

When she looked back up, a girl had appeared next to the guy. She was short, red-headed, and also really attractive. If the rest of this guy’s guests looked like this, Victoria supposed she’d have to invite herself to this party.

“How’s it looking in there, biscuit?” Gorgeous asked the redhead.

“They’re this close to fratricide, I’d say.” The girl held up two crossed fingers. “But they’re being very passive aggressive about it.”

Gorgeous nodded thoughtfully and picked something out of her hair. It looked a lot like a small shrimp. He frowned and muttered something like thought they were making lasagna.

“Well, I don’t know what it’s supposed to be, but I’m guessing ‘edible’ is not on the list.” Redhead turned to Victoria and smiled. “You’re our salvation, honestly,” and to Gorgeous, “Thank god you ordered food.”

Another girl’s voice called from somewhere to the left: “Magnus? Why do I smell takeout!?” It was followed by a deeper voice with a similar tone of outrage: “Hey, we’re almost done. It’s not that bad this time,” which was followed by a very insulted “Alec!” The burning smell seemed to be getting stronger and Redhead frowned.

“I’d better get back there, smells like they’ve succeeded in setting your kitchen on fire.”

Gorgeous stopped her from turning back with a hand on her shoulder. “I’ve got this.” He snapped his fingers (it was louder than it should have been) and the smell dissipated suddenly.

Victoria tried to crane her neck in a subtle way. She was now very curious about these guests. She kept herself in check (barely) and handed the bags of food to Red, who accepted them gratefully and carried them back towards what must be the living room. In the low light, Victoria could make out the silhouettes of more people, gathering around Red and calling dibs on the food.

Victoria put her backpack on and, with one last wistful look towards the warm apartment filled with food and company, mentally steeled herself for the bike ride through the cold night. “I’d better get going. Have a good night and enjoy the food. I hope your friends aren’t too disappointed by your ‘betrayal’.”

Gorgeous (Magnus?) rolled his eyes fondly. “They’ll get over it. Until then, all of us will be grateful to you for not letting us starve to death. Oh, I almost forgot,” he dug some money out of his back pocket, “for your trouble. Good night.” With that he shut the door.

On the elevator back down, Victoria unfolded the crisp 50-dollar note. Now if only her next stop was equally generous, this job might become somewhat bearable.

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfic #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters fanfiction #post 3x10 #post erchomai #outsider pov #shtv #fanfuckery

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