#THE GRIEF JUST SETTLED IN
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HELP I THINK WHEN THE ANNOUNCEMENT for jatp getting cancelled came i was so overwhelmed that i chose to completely ignore it but now i'm in my missing them era and i've been crying for the (last 20 years) last few hours
#THE GRIEF JUST SETTLED IN#forever in my missing them era#how can i live knowing that we haven't gotten a perfect harmony reprise with alex and Willie#how will i go on without seeing caleb sing the living daylights out of me#WHAT ABOUT MY GIRLS JULIE AND FLYNN????#IS REGGIE FINALLY GOING TO HAVE A FATHER FIGURE??????#DOES WILLIE KNOW ALEX IS OKAY????#jatp#Julie and the phantoms#Willex#Jatp Alex#Jatp Julie#Jatp Reggie#Jatp Willie#Jatp Luke
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My heart is squeezing fuck in another lifetime maybe Simon would be able to run away with Johnny. Maybe in another lifetime they could hold each other in their arms and feel safe for the first time. Maybe in another lifetime Simon didn’t have words choked in his throat, jaw flexing and neck twitching just to get the words out to express his undying love for Johnny. Maybe in another lifetime they would be able to feel their skin against each other and to understand what it means to have a soulmate, not that either of them believed in it in the first place. Maybe in another lifetime Simon wouldn’t be holding Johnny’s hand for the last time, watching the red trickle down the side of his head. Maybe in another lifetime simon and Johnny would just have someone to love without an outworldly force determined to tear them apart
#robs ramblings#this conspired from a ghoap TikTok#had a thought while I was at work that the fandom made up so many AUs to hide from the fact that soap is dead in Canon#I mean it seems obvious but it just settled in for me#character deaths especially major ones is a huge gut punch and the first thing to react to it is to simply not accept it#stage one of the five stages of grief lmfao#I mean it would certainly make everything a lot easier to believe they were alive and well and in love#idk man#life#call of duty#ghoap#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#ghostsoap
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Day 28: Love
Grief is a friend.
Odette, as a character, is all about Life and Death, Love and Grief. How they are the same coin, how they’re vital cycles. Knowing Death awaits you at the end of your life doesn’t mean you don’t live while you can.
Knowing that grief will be a common house guest doesn’t stop us from grasping love with both hands, shouldn’t stop us from loving as loudly and proudly and fully as we can.
When you meet grief for the first time it is easy to think of it as an antagonist. But grief has always been your friend.
#decembhyur2023#Pigeon Screens#Odette Hollows#Hyur#Middie#Midlander#time for skeleton girlfriends..........#i hope you guys get it#like i think it's a very obvious thing for people to get#esp with wandavision's amazing line about grief which is tru and correct#and i'm not sayng grief shouldn't hurt#sometimes things hurt#(love can also hurt for example!!!!!!)#but rather !!! You shouldn't reject your grief wholesale#your grief serves a purpose#your grief is love that needs to settle#anyway lmao lol lmao i just !!!!#lOVE IS GRIEF AND GRIEF IS LOVE
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fridging more often than not has the opposite effect on me because I'm too mad about the women in the story being done dirty to care about the supposed emotional impact of their deaths. but man. when time travel (PLLF) hits it hits.
#professor layton#he just got promoted they were finally settling down for real he was going to PROPOSE#she was caught up in something so much bigger than her and had to see the devastating impact of her actions after she was gone#and knowing full well her days were numbered she did everything in her power to put things right#and in the catastrophic wake of their failed experiment and the chain of vengeance and grief and cruelty it caused#convinced she touched the world and succeeded only in hurting it... there he was.#his every good did an extension of who you were to him (he really did take awfully good care of that hat)#PUNCHING A WALL. FUCK.#HER ACTIONS POST TIME JUMP MAKE HER SUCH A FASCINATING CHARACTER. PRECISELY BECAUSE SHE IS DOOMED AND AWARE OF IT#GODDAMIT#i wanted to see more of her fuckignfngjd#i don't want to say goodbye to you again I can't I won't [explodes into a fucking
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youth by daughter is 09 soap in mw3, bitter and defeated after losing ghost, talking to 22 soap who’s so hopeful and secretly in love with his lieutenant
#just mw3 soap being broken after losing his entire team as well as ghost#talking to 22 soap who still has everything and is so full of love it almost makes 09 sick with grief#its a blend of him talking to 22 soap and almost warning him#‘and if youre still breathing youre the lucky ones. cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs’#‘and if youre still bleeding youre the lucky ones. cause most of our feelings they are dead and they are gone’#‘well ive lost it all im just a silhouette’#‘and if youre in love then you are the lucky one cause most of us are bitter over someone. setting fire to our insides for fun#to distract our hearts from ever missing them. but im forever missing him’#as well as him talking to his ghost#‘shadows settle on the place that you left. our minds are troubled by the emptiness’#‘destroy the middle its a waste of time. from the perfect start to the finish line’#‘my eyes are damp from the words you left ringing in my head when you broke my chest’#theres a fic by m1ckstar i think? something like that#about soap worshipping price and him just slowly losing it after he comes back and breaks his perception of him as a god#and mourning ghost at the same time#and i never shouldve read bc fuck if it didnt hurt#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#talk to me ghost#soapghost#ghostsoap#09 soapghost#09 soap#09 ghost#soap cod#soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#we’re a team. ghost team
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Read the first chapter (all thats out atm) of ‘digital in reciprocation’ by Anonymous on ao3 and got fuckin, possessed ta draw this. The prose is SOOOO good,,, heed the tags but if ur interested give it a gander, im personally Very excited ta see where it goes :D
#lifesteal smp#lssmp#branzy#branzycraft#rasplin#mcyt#my art#fanart#fic art#tw suicide#thats technically whats goin on here so ta be safe kawkejrkjewk#also its a clow nzy fic just so yall know but i aint taggin that for this lmao#OKAY now that those r outta the way i have ALOT ta say bout this one#im like. super proud of how this came out akjwerkjkjawerkjkwjkjrwk very fond of sillouhettes#also LOVE how rasplins hair came out specially in that last panel <33 hair <333#its a human au so i wasnt gonna put alotta shit from his design BUT i was drawin n was like OOOO i can make his hair look like horns >:)#also i looked up 'how to draw fire in paintoolsai' n went ta google images n vaguely skimmed what was there but i do like how the fire came#out <3#the text placement of this one gave me some grief theres like. 3 variations of each panel before i settled on what i like dkawkerkwekjkjr#fond of the font i found its Cinzel Decorative#thought it matched the vibe#OH ALSO okay so like#when it comes ta highschool aus my thing for those is they GOTTA be silly. its highschool for gods sake. if u wanna make it dramatic but sti#ll in a school setting make it a college thing#but alongside that you can Also get me ta read literally anyfin if its well written enough n BOY HOWDY THIS FIC#i have an inkling that this anonymous is the same author who did those other 2 rlly pretty prose french title fics that im in love w/ which.#author if ur seein this n u Are that person. pls tell me if i can podfic that one i left a comment on im so in love w/ it. if u are Not that#person just ignore me <3 akjwerkjkwjek#okay im done now. send tweet
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Heracles is really good at making hot chocolate or whatever the equivalent of hot chocolate is in the City
I don't know what your justification is but I'm here for it. I love Heracles people should write more fic about him
-mod andy
#the mechanisms#shitty mechs hc#mod andy#udad heracles#ulysses dies at dawn#Ok if anyone writes Heracles fic. Link it in the notes. Please I'm begging#I just think there's something enthralling Abt him#He wanted a wife and a family#He had settled down#But Zeus couldn't accept that#And as a result he threw himself into violence and rage to cover his immense grief#So maybe he knows how to make hot chocolate for his children#Maybe he learned how in order to comfort them and let them know he loves them#So that he's not like his own father#But. You know#Sorry for this
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literally nothing worse than waiting for bad news to hit. like i don't know how i'm supposed to go to class with this particular sword hanging over my head
#especially since this particular Bad News could change So Much ..#i don't think my dad is ready to be shouldering the entire household by himself. i really dont.#with 3 kids still at home and his job i just. i dont think he can do it alone.#and both of my older siblings have lives already !! they have spouses and jobs and kids !!#they cant just pack up their lives and move across the state !!#but im not settled i dont have a job i dont have kids or a spouse and hell i was gonna leave school anyway !!#just. not this soon.#but fuck i guess i might have to move up the timetable a bit.#but the THING IS that I DONT KNOW YET. like i Know but i dont actually know officially. yet.#and idk. maybe im hoping it'll not turn out the way i know it will so im holding off on making a decision#or maybe im just trying really really hard not to think about the future for the next few days.#but either way by tuesday i'll know for sure and that'll be that.#ill need to talk to my landlord to see if they'll let me move out early. and my counselor to see if i can take a break from school for a bi#and probably my dad just to let him know that im moving back home. idk. i dont fucking know#winter speaks#personal#grief tag#<- gonna be a Whole Thing btw if u wanna blacklist
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i guess it doesn’t make sense in leviathan!charlie verse for her to be keeping her mom alive in her coma, BUT. consider: leviathan!charlie who keeps human!charlie alive after she nearly killed her. halfway through her first meal on earth, and she got flooded with human!charlie’s memories and thoughts and it was so unlike the blind hunger of purgatory that she couldn’t handle it. but she can’t save human!charlie’s life, she went too far before she stopped and now human!charlie’ll never wake up, but she can’t let her go either, can’t face that becoming this version of herself cost someone else so much. someone she remembers being. someone she is in more ways than one. but also isn’t in even more.
#even better. sam and dean being forced to confront this.#that their friend. who they love and have helped out and let stay in their bunker. she’s still a leviathan. she is still a killer.#dean ‘once someone kills once they’ll do it again’ having to confront that especially#leviathan!charlie is so joyful and carefree and always on the move because if she ever stops she will be crushed by the weight of her past.#so just like regular charlie. but add a few thousand years more history in purgatory to it.#in this au the guy she hunts down as dark!charlie could either be the guy who killed human!charlie’s parents#(its both vengeance for the girl she destroyed in becoming. but also its borrowed its for herself its grief that isnt really hers that shes#using as an excuse for violence anyway.)#OR. dark!charlie hunts down other leviathans who have also settled down to be human. because she wouldn’t be the only one.#but she can’t face them and how they took their lives any more than she can face hers. theyre all guilt of the same sin.#if the winchesters won’t put her down for hers. if she’s their exception. well. she can’t let any other leviathan live.#because what if they kill again. (dean says that she won’t. she kills every week as a hunter. as a soldier in Oz.)#leviathan!charlie#charlie bradbury#spn
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I am so grateful to be doing it and even enjoying the experience but whew this training is around-the-clock and exhausting. Working out 1-2 hours a day is one thing, then add making sure I’m eating enough (its own physical & mental challenge) and sleeping enough—on top of working full-time and helping with the puppy and trying (mostly failing) to remain a communicative friend/family member/person
This week has just been hard bc it’s so cold every run is twice as draining and at the end of the day I have absolutely no energy to do anything I’d planned. I have an endless to-do list and people I should respond to and books to read and even race prep stuff but every day is flying by and I’m sleepy
Not complaining simply an observation that they (whoever they are) were not lying about marathon running being a challenge! Who would’ve thought
#also the grief. can’t forget the chill of late january settling into my bones and cracking them apart. as usual#running#the food/nutrition part has been surprisingly difficult… I shan’t even get into it bc. yeah.#but just convincing myself that it’s okay to eat more is annoyingly hard
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there is something I want to draw/write so bad but I've been at work and school and haven't had time but
anyway
i cannot explain how badly I want to see Bishops stuff. the family drama... the healing and moving on, the it'll-never-be-the-same-but-that's-okay, the choice between clinging to the past or forging a new future....
also having thoughts for my AU and I. may or may not end up writing a fic after all. I just need to decide where I would want to start it. I think it'd start after the end of CotL, after Narinder has already settled into the cult community. Mainly bc there's already a lot of stories out there that go through the whole Lamb-Refuses-to-Sacrifice-Themself...
Thinking about prophecies and how in my AU it never reached "nothing." Narinder is still a god and the prophecy isn't complete... something about war and famine and chaos and pestilence leading to death and without death they lead to nothing.... something something self fulfilling prophecies....
anyway my AU is like. equal parts narilamb and bishop-family drama and slice-of-life and hurt/comfort and tragedy
#cult of the lamb#Death's Beck and Call AU#I am thinking of CotL#and the Bishops#I love Narinder and Lamb but. the family drama. the grief. the mutual betrayal and revenge. the /healing/.#the potential for a gut-wrenching twist just as things are settling into a semblance of normalcy.................#also maybe a new villain.... 👀 yeah im thinking thoughts#5 becomes 4 becomes 3 becomes 2 becomes 1 becomes nothing#except there is still 1........
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Today has fucking sucked and I'm so ready to eat my feelings tomorrow
#free birthday everything = perfect chance to drown my sorrows in sugar and caffeine#but yeah I have waffled around on which stage of grief I'm on re: not being able to see everyone at Frostys and have settled on: Anger#I've surpassed being hurt and am now beyond pissed off#at the venue for the lack of covid policy#at the fact I totally could have top 8'd if I went#at how I just want to see my fucking friends but can't#at the app for the sandwich place I like for breaking right when I just want to fucking treat myself and redeem my bday reward#just! Everything really!!!!#and I hate that my reaction to melting down/getting this angry is to then fucking cry#because that has meant I've been on and off tears all day#hate everything man lmfao#I don't even want to tag this with the proper thing so I won't#at least I'm getting cookies and sushi tomorrow
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#even though the difficult emotions have mostly settled out and the lonely season is coming to an end#there is still grief for what has been#being able to acknowledge now that yes that did suck even though it was no one's fault#and still to grieve it#and then wipe the tears away and move on#(it being no one's fault is a huge step forward - i have at various times wanted to blame a. myself b. my best friend c. my former flatmate#and being able to say no we were doing the best we could and it still sucked? a movement forward)#just having a Moment. on my friend's couch.#rowena adventures
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I hope wwx cries a lot more postcanon than he does even in canon. I don't know how he'd cope with the sheer density of all the terrible things that have happened to him, and the contrast between that and the peace in his second life, any other way
#of course he lost a lot of course he has so much to grieve#but thinking about how he died vs. what he has at the end#the cultivation world doesn't hate him personally anymore. he has a relationship w jl and lsz#he's free to do whatever he wants but he also has a home and unconditional love#and being with lwj is really good for him in ways I don't think he gets with anyone else. he's in lovveee#he's settled things with jc to the point that jc won't try to kill him on sight anymore#and he's a mentor figure to a ton of kids who ignore their parents to hang out with him#it's not what he had before but it's good too and it's more than he ever thought he'd have#I just hope he cries about it sometimes. it's good for him to be in touch with gratitude and not just grief#feel your feelings wwx!!! you're allowed!!#cql txp
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snow on the ground on the 2 year anniversary of ghostboo got me thinking about ctubbo carrying cranboo's lifeless body out of the water and bringing him home. not to snowchester though. no, tubbo brings him to the arctic. he lays him down in the snow and waits for the cold to wake him but it never does; ranboo only gets colder.
#and maybe cranboo was always a little on the cold side being half-enderman and all#but maybe this is the first time he's truly felt Cold. not a regulated chill. ice cold.#maybe tubbo waits for a while. maybe he stays to watch the snow settle on ranboo's face— never melt. just settle#it melts on his own skin but not on ranboo's CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#ctechno bringing him in for soup when he sees him.#he's still very much so against government (which ctubbo embodies to him) but they're able to bond over grief#the loss of a friend and the loss of a partner.#they don't say much but they both understand.#guys don't ever let me watch snow fall and listen to sad music the outcome will be devastating#the swarm
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Prompt: Fictober: "Fine. Explain it to me."
Fandom: Lumine
Summary: Sera hasn't talked to Camille in a couple of weeks. Camille is desperate to find her and talk about it. (Takes place a few days after the initial incident).
Content Warnings: None that I can think of!
Words: 943
Through the crowd, Camille caught a brief glance of a familiar pink scarf. Though it was just out of reach, the face of its owner just out of sight—hair and ears hidden by a cap—she knew. She didn’t have to see her face to know that it was Sera. It was innate, almost like magic itself, the two had been so close to each other for so, so long, that even a few weeks of separation wouldn’t cause her to misidentify her.
“Sera!” Camille reached out, pushing past the couple as she shuffled through the small crowd of people looking at the farmer’s market booth. “Sera—” She lost sight of her for a moment and whipped around, her eyes scanning every face and outfit that she could.
Pink, pink, look for that pale pink scarf. She repeated to herself. Sera’s had it for years. It’s her favorite. She’s had it since we were in school.
When she saw the end of it, everything else in the world disappeared; the noise, the clutter of the walking path, the people nearby faded and left her alone in the cold winter sun with Sera. She reached out, seizing her arm and holding tight to the sleeve; her green eyes immediately flicking up to stare into her brown eyes.
“Where have you been?” Camille said, her eyes desperately scanning Sera’s face for any answer. Anything. “I’ve been worried sick about you—do you realize how long I’ve been trying to find you? You don’t answer my calls, my texts, you don’t answer your door or come over anymore—”
Not now. I can’t cry now. She scolded herself, her eyes burning as she stared at Sera’s aghast face. Ever since you accidentally took that stupid potion…
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you…?”
“Camille…” Sera’s expression softened as she turned more to face her, her bag falling heavily against the bend of her elbow and rocking her only briefly. She reached out, taking Camille’s other arm in her own hand. “It’s a lot. And it’s just. Complicated. Dumb, it’s dumb…”
“Fine.” Camille replied, gritting her teeth as she squeezed Sera’s arm a little—a small reassurance that she was real, that she was here in front of her. That this wasn’t just a dream. “Explain it to me, then. Why are you trying so hard to avoid me?”
“I’ll explain. Just. Come on, let’s get off the street.” You’re actually about to cry… She tacked on silently, squeezing Camille’s arm in return before pulling away. Usually you’re so composed. A little grumpy, but… “Sorry about all of this.”
“God, I can’t believe I’m about to cry in front of you.” Camille hissed, still holding onto Sera’s arm as the two moved through the small crowd and towards a nearby bench. “In the middle of the street, at that.”
“It’s fine. I figured you would be upset…” Sera’s arm slid as she turned around to face her again; she moved to lightly touch Camille’s gloved hand, and waited for Camille to shift to hold her hand. “I really am sorry. I didn’t think it would bother you this much…”
“I hear you, I hear you.” Camille said, easing onto the bench as she held her hand loosely in hers. She squeezed, slowly relaxing. Sure, the warmth they shared was blocked by the gloves, but having her there, tangible, her voice grumbling and soft against her ears, it was reassuring enough. “So. Why…?”
Sera stayed quiet for a moment, avoiding eye contact as she rubbed her thumb along the side of Camille’s hand. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to look at—there wasn’t much of a crowd anymore, she wasn’t sure that there even was one to begin with, or if she herself just felt crowded and trapped. “It’s going to sound. So stupid.”
“As if you just running out of my place freaking out and swearing you would pay me back wasn’t stupid? Insisting it was your fault, when I was the one who left the bottle closer to you, saying that you would pay me back for all of it, what you drank, the ingredients to reverse it—you were sick. What if you were a different patient and I had done that?” Camille teased, a tiny smile pulling on her lips. “You didn’t have to do that, you know. We can work on getting the funds to change you back to—”
“No. I need to do this alone. You can say it wasn’t my fault all you want, but…” Sera closed her eyes, breathing a sigh into the neck of her scarf as she sank a little bit. “I practically lived there. I should have known better, or I should have called or texted and asked if one of the bottles you left out was actually for me… I wasn’t a normal patient. I was sleeping in your bed, Camille. Who does that?”
“Definitely not a normal patient. Our bed, though. You know I consider it ours.”
“Not the point.” Sera closed her eyes. “The point is: I wasted something you made. Something expensive that you made. And I’m going to pay you back. I just… Feel awful being around you until then. So… While I work on this, while I work on paying you back, I just… Need a little bit of space.”
Camille took a moment, processing what was said. She nodded slowly, and looked back to Sera’s face—though, it’s not like she looked back at her.
“Alright. I’ll give you that space. I’m just glad you were actually able to tell me now…”
#fictober23#lumine#my fanfics#fanfics#2023#we dont really see camille emote much. not in terms of like. sadness or grief.#i think by the time we see her in the comic she's already well aware of how things are w sera and not quite comfortable w it but just#impatiently waiting the day that sera comes back/they have enough money across the two of them to not only reverse the weredog potion but#also remake the potion (and label it properly. lmao.)#but like... i feel like in those first few days she would have been like. it's okay. it's fine. she's fine right?#but a couple of weeks pass and she would be desperately confused and worried#i feel like she tries to bury those feelings down and once overwhelmed past a specific point#those feelings kind of puncture her cool nonchalant attitude#and that puncture ends up like an overfilled water balloon getting a needle to it#aka all of those feelings just kind of flow out in a brief moment and then settle on the ground in front of her#anyways this is based on nothing. this was just pure indulgence of a headcanon i have for her.
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