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#THE FIRST VERSE SOUNDS CHRISTMASSY OKAY
vitaminwaterreviews · 4 months
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S.E.S. - Remember
I’m actually really impressed by this album, too. The opening track was crazy, one of the only songs I’ve heard in this entire project that truly wowed me. The average quality of the music was very high, even the slow jams were enjoyable. Funnily enough I think the last song was the worst-produced of the bunch, and that’s probably the track that required the most production. But regardless, good default sound. The jazz parts were really really good. It is amazing how even with different mixing and production, they still sound SO S.E.S., Bada’s voice really is that distinct, and their songwriters really did have a style. Average score of 7.6, very solid.
Candy Lane
Oooh nice jazz vibes
Okay, here’s the horns
I hear those bells too
This is nice, this is So nice
Dude these vocals are like candy to my ears
The scatting!!! Oh my god
I’m literally laughing rn this is SO good
“And jingle all the way” what is this, Christmas music?
It is snowing outside rn
Actually it kind of does feel Christmassy, I was thinking more like “Penny Lane” at first but I could totally get Christmas out of this too
10/10 right out the gate. I’m sorry but I’ve never heard ANYTHING like this in kpop before. What a song, my god. Also I do love Christmas music so maybe I’m biased
Remember
Black and white moving towards color, that’s nice filmmaking
Mkay, we got some anthemic epic vibes going on
Actually this song feels kind of OST to me so far
7/10, solid song, not my style
Paradise
Mkay, now we’re a bit funkier
Haha peep the vintage cars
Oh okay we get a proper rap section here
That was honestly pretty good, nicely done
Damn they really did just break that bowl
Oh my god that shot where she’s painting is so cool wow
8/10, maybe a bit high but it impressed me
Birthday
Kind of a mellow piano line underneath some Big bass
Now we’ve got vocals, guitar
Really really thicc soundscape, I like it
The second verse feels a lot less full for some reason, which can’t be true. So maybe I’ve just gotten used to it
The “just right now” section was nice
Give me a good bridge
Meh, decent bridge ig
7/10
My Rainbow
Such pretty vocals
This is super slow jammy but it sounds nice regardless
The synth during the bridge is kinda odd
Actually, this whole album does sound kinda OST somehow
7/10
Hush
Super duper synthy, wow, I don’t think we’ve heard anything remotely acoustic yet
Okay the bass is acoustic-ish
I love this timbre of their vocals, quiet and breathy
Woahhh these harmonies post-chorus, gorgeous
This is a good song to add to the list of kpop songs called “Hush”. And actually it sounds the most like “hush”
8/10
Apparently these next three are remakes of former singles, but I don’t think I’ve heard any of their original versions yet?
Life
Actually, kinda getting Christmas vibes from this one
Nice orchestral instrumentation
And then it all goes away
Wow what a tiny voice she has
Oh okay, now we’re all hype
Haha what
This is so show-tuney
I feel like I’d enjoy this way more if I knew the lyrics
8/10, very good, not quite a 9
The Light
Opening with some vocal flexing, pop off girl
Admittedly I am kind of distracted, I’ve got an eye on the score of Fulham-Wolves and it’s the 90+11th minute and I’m desperately begging for Wolves to salvage a point here
The song isn’t really my type either way though, standard slow jam stuff
Those vocal runs are actually crazy though, they’re using her voice well
Damn, ended 3-2, Wolves robbed. Poor guys.
6/10, yeah I know I was distracted but that song is not for me
Love [story]
Now we get more vocal flexing, but the beat is a bit happier
The pre-chorus is cool
Not totally convinced by the chorus, second time through. I feel like the vocals aren’t used very well here
The bridge is nice
Here we go, here’s the rap verse we wanted
Damn they really just shouted out all their old songs like that
Oh ok, suddenly it’s Actually ‘Cause I’m Your Girl haha
I think I remember this, yeah
7/10, felt way too scatterbrained and the good parts weren’t totally good enough. But I appreciate what they were going for
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the best christmas song is hungover in the city of dust by autoheart. no it’s not technically a christmas song but it is
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prinsesa-ng-musika · 4 years
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My Reactions to Boreas (the EP) by The Oh Hellos ❄
I recorded my initial thoughts on audio so I know exactly what came to mind. Post-recording thoughts in parenthesis. Under the cut because of length.
1. A Kindling, of Sorts -already heard this in 08.21.20 but whatever
-still very much love it
-you build a kindling to start a fire meanwhile this song builds up until all the rest of the instruments join in and that's so cool
-still adoring the torches motif + dry branches motif
2. Cold
-wait this intro is so cute
-wow i like this song
-this so christmassy
-which is fitting since it's ber months already haha
-the greek mythology allusions!!!
-this song is a tyler + maggie duet and honestly i like that already
-(in reference to the fourth verse) this gives me grow vibes (idk why i said that lol probably because of "chokes it back"
-this motif sounds familiar omg but i can't place it??? (two listens later: WAIT it's passerine aaa love [you know your ear is bad when you can't even recognize your fave toh song's melody smh])
-the mention of patricians and the rich is such interesting imagery (in retrospect: especially in relation to eurus!)
3. Lapis Lazuli
-TYLER we stan a king 👑
-hey i like the song!
-this song hits this song hits this song hits (for context as i was listening [and even currently] i was not in a good place bc Family Issues)
-what is a rayleigh (yes i'm uneducated pardon me)
-oooh this song's about truth that's neat
-blue as the color of truth while it's also usually the color of nobility or loyalty hmm🤔
-(in retrospect: THE DEAR WORMWOOD CALLBACK AAA)
-this gives me constellations vibes!
4. Rose
-i found the song that's most explicitly christian related and as a catholic and a lover of the song passerine i am Getting Ready (i based this on the bio and annotations on genius)
-this is the passerine of boreas isn't it
- "my mouth don't taste of metal" reminds me of "my palms and fingers still reek of gasoline" in the sense that they mention a body part, a sense, and a flavor/smell
-is this why boreas (the song) is themed around sacrifice as well, because rose starts the concept about suffering and sacrifice first?
-oh is this a reference to sleeping beauty?
-oh Yikes
-oh is the "hangman" supposed to be the hanged man like in tarot cards? i love that symbolism of sacrifice and martyrdom
5. Smoke Rising Like Lifted Hands
-mm okay so i think i still prefer akos more
-but i do like how it gives the vibe of smoke rising
-i think cause of the upward progression of notes?? (i'm not very good at analyzing music by ear sooo feel free to explain to me why it Sounds Like That)
6. Boreas
-skipping mostly bc y'all already know what my thoughts are (search "the oh hellos boreas" on my blog and scroll up a lot)
-but one significant thing is that this is the song i started crying at
-and it continued until glowing
7. Glowing
-(in retrospect: oh what is that morse code??? i later learn that it doesn't mean anything [kloud bdix tho 🍉]. however, i absolutely freaking ADORE the concept of "a message trying to get thru in the midst of darkness" 💙💙💙)
-i like the tune! as in, the overarching one that goes up-down-up
-THE "IN THE END" FROM THE FIRST PLACE CONNECTING WITH "IN THE END" FROM BOREAS I'M 😭😭😭
-not sure but i kind of see lines pertaining to the day of judgment/the second coming/afterlife?? maybe i'm focusing too much on the first part but that would be interesting
-*insert audible crying noises*
-i *sniff* like *sniff* this *sniff* one
-rose + boreas + glowing and their mentions of sacrifice... i appreciate that
-the journey across this 20 minutes is beautiful... we decayed and then we went numb and then we sacrificed ourselves and then we were brought back to life... and that's where ideas come from 😭😍💚💙🍉❤
Okay, on first listen, it's either Boreas or Glowing that's my current favorite BUT I need to relisten so it's fair as I've listened to Boreas ten times already and have only listened to others once (I have now listened to Cold thrice, and am getting more endeared to it and its simple, repetitive melody) but this was such a pleasant album to listen to. It's my first time reacting to an album on the day it got released and with no prior knowledge about it, and it was a great experience. Love y'all passerines, stay glowing 💙
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velveteencurtains · 3 years
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evermore first impressions!
willow - GIRL EUEJDNSKJDJEJD LOST IN YOUR CURRENT LIKE A PRICELESS WIINE!!!!! TAKE MY HAND!!! WRECK MY PLANS!!! THATS MY MAN!!!!!! girl this is so fcuking GOOD! gonna be 100% honest the 1 is a better album opening but this is so fucking good you guys. life was a willow and it bent right to your wind!!! ID COME BACK STRONGER THAN A 90’S TREND???? EVERY BAIT AND SWITCH WAS A WORK OF ART??? SHES SICK SHES REALLY SICK I SWEAR. the way she sings “that’s my man!” yes ma’am yes ma’am!!!!!! the parallel between “I knew you stepping on the last train” and then “you know my train could take you home” SHES SICK YOUR HONOR SHES SICK
champagne problems - okay we love a piano opener. i’m so conflicted on what i think this song is gonna be about. MORE TRAIN LYRICS GIRLIE. this really is this is me trying’s older, sadder sister. “our group of friends/don’t think we’ll say that word again” MA’AM??? SHE WOULD HAVE MADE SUCH A LOVELY BRIDE SUCH A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEAD??????? IM LOSIJG MY FUCKIJG MIND. taylor and joe wrote this together? we love a couple with shared mental illnesses
gold rush - jack antonoff do not let me down. GIRL THE HARMONIES AT THE VERY BEGINNING JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE. okay I can definitely see what they meant by this song being about being lost in a daydream, the juxtaposition between the chorus and the verses is AMAZING. this is just gorgeous’s older sister huh???? “ocean blue eyes/looking in mine/i feel like i might sink and drown and die” and “eyes like sinking/ships on waters/so inviting/i almost jump in”
‘tis the damn season - i can’t tell if i want this song to be christmassy or not. OH SO THIS IS JUST HOLIDATE. TAYLOR JUST WATCHED HOLIDATE AND WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT. this is a continuation of tim mcgraw, argue with the wall. NO BC TIM MCGRAW IS ABOUT LIKE A LOVE FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND THIS IS LIKE COMING HOME FROM COLLEGE AND REUNITING WITH THEM BC YOURE BOTH DEPRESSED AND LONELY
tolerate it - jesus christ i’m not emotionally ready for this. STOP THIS IS THE PRELUDE TO BETTER MAN. LIKE BETTER MAN IS AFTER SHES ALREADY LEFT BUT THIS IS BEFORE WHEN SHES STUCK AND KNOW SHE DESERVES BETTER BUT SHE JUST TAKES IT IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYY. okay but i’m imagining the babe music video and that whole of like the doting housewife who gave up everything for her husband and does everything to make him happy but he just does not appreciate it at all and he doesn’t see how much his indifference hurts her. @taylorswift mv now. honestly? loved that but as a track 5 it’s pretty weak
no body, no crime - I PREDICTED THIS WAS GONNA BE MY TOP SONG ON THE ALBUM LETS SEE IF I’M RIGHT. GIRL THE SIRENS AND “HE DID IT” AS THE FIRST LINES?? THEN THE COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL??? TAYLOR HAS FINALLY GIVEN ME A GOOD OLD FASHIONED “MURDERED MY CHEATING HUSBAND” COUNTRY SONG HELL YESSSSSSS. OH THE WIFE IS MISSING???? NOT GONE GIRLLLLLLLLL MISS TAYLOR CHANNELING AMY DUNNE HERE!!!!! OH SHUT UPPPPPP SHES A LESBIAN WITH ESTE’S SISTER AND THEY COVERED UP HIS MURDER AND NOW THEYRE GONNA LESBIAN TOGETHER MISS TAYLOR
happiness - okay miss happiness you’ve got a lot to live up to but let’s do this. NOT THE MIRRORBALL PARALLEL “i was dancing when the music stopped” and “when no one is around, my dear/you’ll find me on my tallest top toes/spinning in my highest heels, love” NOT THE IDEA OF CHANGING YOURSELF JUST TO KEEP SOMEONE BY YOUR SIDE IM GONNA SOB taylor please stop this i cant emotionally handle any of this. girl this is the prelude to tolerate it which is the prelude to better man
dorothea - okay so seven’s older sister? so dorothea and whoever this singer is were besties when they were teens and then dorothea moved away and now the singer misses her former best friend and also first love and also they’re lesbians yeah it’s gay it’s so gay. taylor i’m literally begging you from the bottom of my fucking soul please give us a music video with two girls please miss swift i ask of you this one (1) thing
coney island - see i thought this was gonna be seven’s older sister when the tracklist was announced so now idk what to expect! JESUS OKAY I KNOW IT SAYS “feat. The National” IN THE TITLE BUT I FORGOT AND I GOT SCARED BY HIS VOICE. NOT A FUCKIJG CAR ACCIDENT TAYLOR IM REALLY SORRY I RRALIZE YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON AND I NEED TO STOP CONNECTING YOU TO HARRY BUT REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. okay anyway here’s my theory hear me out: This is dorothea’s husband who’s confused why his high school sweetheart wife doesn’t love him anymore and why she’s now hanging out with her old high school best friend again damn that’s weird they’re like really super close that’s super odd. anyway that’s just a theory I actually don’t really know what this songs about! miss swift is too smart for me
ivy - stop this song is so sweet!!!!!! i feel like this is getaway car’s sister! i need to stop doing that i know it gets annoying but really honestly it is! NO NO NO THIS IS DOROTHEA’S PERSPECTIVE WHEN SHE HAS AN AFFAIR WITH HER HS BESTIE AND HER HUSBAND STARTS TO FIND OUT GUYS IVE FIGURED IT OUTTTTTTT. WAIT WAIT WAIT THE HS BESTIE IS FROM NO BODY NO CRIME AND DOROTHEA IS ESTE’S SISTER GUYS IVE FIGURED IT THE FUCK OUT YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I GOT IT
cowboy like me - let’s yee and let’s haw ladies and gents. WHOS SINGING????? WHOS SINGING WITH HER???? taylor shut up for a second lemme hear who tf this is. AM I CRAZY OR IS THIS JOE???? i’m probably dumb. but am i? why can i not at all remember what joe’s voice sounds like rn. is that joe??? im so confused. maybe i’m super dumb and it’s really obvious and i’m just fucking stupid. it’s probably not joe it’s probably some country legend that everyone else knows bc they grew up yeeing and hawing and i’m but a wee city slicker but i’m gonna hold onto this stupid theory that it’s joe singing with her until someone proves me wrong later. also this song is fucking gorgeous where’s my cowboy hat not wearing one while listening to this song makes me feel sacrelige. okay wait tay and aaron wrote this one is it aaron? i’m sorry taylor i don’t listen to the national you can hate me if you want
long story short - god the production on this slaps!!!!! and the idea of being hurt before and then finding your love and being all about them and not even caring abt what happened before!!!!! god i’m gonna cry i’m gonna cry. NO MORE KEEPING SCORE NOW I JUST KEEP YOU WARM?????? taylor really said “oh you’re not in love and i’m gonna make you feel like SHIT ABOUT IT” taylor pls a petition to let us say “BITCH” after the last line so it’s “i survived...bitch!” okay pls and thank you
marjorie - oh is this about taylor’s grandma :(((( i knew she used her name but this feels like it’s really all about her. babey. this is so sweet. taylor i love you
closure - okay the opening??? slaps! literally! okay the production of this is interesting! okay i’m like trying to figure out who this is about....who cares this is so good. oh my god the distortion??? it just underlines the anger of it all so perfectly and i love
evermore - exile hive let’s GOOOO. please be an exile pt 2 pls be an exile pt 2. so odd to me because, as a whole, this actually feels like a way more happy and optimistic album than folklore did, yet the title comes from the line “i had a feeling so peculiar/that this pain would be for/evermore”. OKAY BON IVERRRRRR. the violence of the dog days? that’s my next instagram caption thanks taylor. NOT A DUET SECTION AGAIN LIKE IN EXILE TAYLOR PLEASE I CANT HANDLE THISSSSSSS. “we always walked a very thin line” AND “is there a line that we could just go cross?” THE PARALELLELLLLRJSNDBBD. I’m gonna die for this I really think. okay so she ends it on this pain wouldn’t last evermore so that’s good
overall? this is a masterpiece. miss swift has done it again. folklore aoty 2021 and evermore aoty 2022. no body, no crime is really THAT BITCH. i need a mv miss swift! okay bye gonna go cry over this
update: after listening all night i feel like i need to point out that i’m stupid and thought este was the mistress and the singer was the wife when in fact ESTE is the wife in no body, no crime. SO addendum to my theory: este and dorothea were besties in hs then dorothea left and got married and so did este but este’s hubby cheated so then este’s friend murders him and she’s cool w it, then dorothea and her husband move back home and este and dorothea reconnect and realize their long hidden feelings for one another, dorothea leaves her husband and she and este run away together
ANOTHER UPDATE: ‘TIS THE DAMN SEASON IS FROM DOROTHEA’S POINT OF VIEW!!!!!!!! WHEN SHE COMES HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS AND SHES SINGING TO ESTE!!!!!! CJNECNSJSNNDN
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on the 3rd day of 🎄, canyousevmyheavydirtysoul gave to you...
Singing with Panic! at the Disco.
Dallon:
Snuggled underneath a thick blanket on the sofa, you flicked through the pages of your magazine, occasionally taking sips from the mug you held in your hand.
The distinctive sound of music playing and the unmistakeable sound of your boyfriend’s voice drew your attention away from the words on the page, and you scrunched your face up.
“ALLLLL I WAANNTT FORR CHRISSTMASSS ISSS YOOOU-!”
Lowering the magazine from your face, you peeked over the top, raising an eyebrow in amusement as Dallon obnoxiously danced around the room.
“Are you singing Mariah Carey?” you smirked, carefully setting the mug down on the coffee table.
“Or My Chemical Romance,” he shrugged, continuing to dance, “Whichever you prefer.”
“I think I prefer Dallon Weekes,” you giggled, closing the magazine and putting it down next to you as you continued to laugh as your boyfriend sang his heart out.
“I WON’T MAKE A LIST AND SEND IT TO THE NORTH POLE FOR SAINT NICK,” he sang, running around the sofa where you sat before stopping and pointing at you, “(Y/N), sing!”
You bit your lip as you tried your hardest not to break, but with the way he was wiggling around to the music and smiling expectantly at you, you couldn’t resist the urge.
“’CAUSE I JUST WANT YOU HERE TONIGHT.”
“HOLDING ONTO ME SO TIGHT.”
“WHAT MORE CAN I DO?”
“BABY, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU,” you sang in unison as Dallon pulled you up onto your feet and began spinning you around, your laughter filling the air, “YOUUUUU, BABY!”
Dallon continued singing while swaying you around to the music, as you tried to regain your breath through the fit of giggles erupting from your throat.
“YOOOOOOUUUUUU!” Dallon closed his eyes and pressed one finger to his ear, trying to hit that one high note as you covered your mouth, eyes wide as you laughed.
“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?” Brendon’s voice filtered down from the guest room upstairs, “IT’S 6AM.”
“What’s wrong, Bren?” Dallon retorted, “Scared of a little competition?”
“Not a fucking chance. I’m the lead singer for a reason. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  You and Dallon shared a laugh before Brendon added, “And just by the way – your G5 is way off key, dipshit!”
Ryan:
“How about some music?” (Y/B/F) asked, crossing over to the speaker system on the opposite side of the room.
“Yeah, sure,” you grumbled, not really paying attention to your friend as she shuffled through some Christmas songs, eventually settling on ‘Silent Night’ as a starter.
(Y/B/F) sighed as she made her way to you, smiling sympathetically as she plopped down on the seat. “Look, babe, I know that this is the first Christmas since you guys broke up, but I really don’t think that sulking around is the right way to handle it. I mean, this is your favourite time of year, remember?”
Groaning, you let your head fall back over the armrest. “I know, I know. I don’t wanna be sulky, alright? It’s just that…” you shook your head, and (Y/B/F) grabbed your hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
“I get it. Christmas was always an important part of your relationship,” she stated in understanding, and you nodded solemnly. You were both quiet for a moment before she piped up again. “Hey, let’s make a deal. We’ll spend the entire time doing things that’ll get your mind off of him. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll watch movies, drink,” she held up the red wine in her hand and you scoffed, “and there shall be no reference to Ryan Ross. At all.”
Right at that precise moment, by Murphy’s Law, ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ – your and Ryan’s Christmas song – started playing over the speaker.
“Son of a bitch,” (Y/B/F) cursed under her breath, starting to get up and change the song, but you stopped her.
“No. Just let it play.”
“Are you sure?” she frowned at you, and you nodded. “Okay, then.”
The two of you listened in silence as the first two verses passed; it was only at the beginning of the third verse that you perked up.
“Do you hear that?” you asked, moving from the sofa to the window, gasping once you looked out. “Oh my god,” you said softly, pulling open the sliding door and walking out onto the balcony, glancing down at Ryan in disbelief.
He was singing along to the song, pouring his heart and soul into the lyrics as he gazed up at you with a look of pure love while the snow fell all around him.
When the song ended, you smiled down at him, and he looked earnestly at you. “(Y/N), I-“
You silenced him by holding up your hand. “Before you say anything, come in. It’s cold outside.”
Brendon:
Dropping your pen in annoyance, you tilted you head up to the sky and balled your fists up in frustration. Closing your eyes and taking deep breaths, you tried to block out the noise filtering into your apartment through the super thin walls.
You had a thesis to finish for Friday, which you were nowhere near done with and it was near impossible to do any work on it while the annoyingly beautiful voice belonging to your new next-door neighbour continued singing every dreadful Christmas carol under the sun. It was bearable for the first couple of days, but now, three weeks later, you were close to losing your sanity.
Pushing out from the desk, you angrily stomped across the room to the opposite wall and proceeded to bang your fist against it.
“Look, I know it’s almost Christmas and all, but for the love of all things holy, please – for just one day – shut up!”
There was silence from the other apartment for a minute, before the singing resumed at – so it seemed – a much higher volume than it had previously been at.
Banging your fist against the wall with extra force one last time, you spun around and gathered your things from the desk, tossing it into a backpack before heading out the door.
Cursing under your breath, you made your way out of your apartment building and towards the library; you’d deal with your stupidly inconsiderate neighbour later.
~
After your last class on Friday, you’d gone down to the local record store and bought the most un-Christmassy album you could find, which you were currently putting into your CD player. Your stupid neighbour was singing his stupid carols as usual, and you rolled your eyes.
As soon as the first song began to play, you smirked, turning it all the way up.
Two can play at this game.
The lead singer began to sing, and you joined in soon after, belting out at the top of your lungs.
“SIT TIGHT, I’M GONNA NEED YOU TO KEEP TIME
C’MON, JUST SNAP, SNAP, SNAP YOUR FINGERS FOR ME
GOOD, GOOD, NOW WE’RE MAKING SOME PROGRESS
COME ON JUST TAP, TAP, TAP YOUR TOES TO THE BEAT”
The carols from next door had ceased, and now all that was coming from there was silence.
Until the chorus started.
“SWEAR TO SHAKE IT UP, AND YOU SWEAR TO LISTEN
OH, WE’RE STILL SO YOUNG, DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION”
You stopped singing and your face fell as you stood still, listening to the voice on the other end of the wall continue the song.
Hurriedly, you moved to cut the music, and you heard a laugh sounding through the wall. Not too long later, there was a knock on the door.
With your heart beating faster, you opened the door to reveal the source of the voice, and you mentally facepalmed yourself for not recognising it earlier.
“Ya know, I never woulda pegged you as a fan. Hi, I’m Brendon Urie.”
_______________________________
Thank you for reading x
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deadcactuswalking · 4 years
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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: SEASON THREE (29th December 2019)
There are ten songs in this top 40 that are not Christmas songs. There are 30 holiday singles in one chart, for the first time ever. That is one quarter of the chart left that isn’t festive in some capacity. I know I said last week was the Christmas episode, Christmas chart, Christmas special, or whatever, but the post-Christmas week, the first week of the next year, in this case 2020 (The end-of-year chart will soon be released in full), will always include Christmas tracking and hence have more songs. Therefore, you could argue that last week’s #1 isn’t the true Christmas #1. I’d disagree because out of the two #1s, it is the only one that made an evident campaign for the spot, although the campaign for the second #1 is only not evident out of sheer falsity, so it really is an open question. Despite that, I’ll say that for the sake of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, “I Love Sausage Rolls” by LadBaby is the Christmas #1 for 2019. In an awful twist of fate, however, that song is now at #57. Not even LadBaby’s last #1 dropped that far on its second week. I apologise for the third season’s first episode being complete shambles, but the events kind of called for a switch of the format. We have one non-Christmas song in the top 10. It would be unwise to talk about the rest of the top 10 as it’s overwhelmingly more relevant to the Christmas section, hence I present to you 2019’s final edition of:
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IT’S CHRISTMAS INNIT
Top 10 (9?)
The #1 is Ellie Goulding’s “River”, up 10 spaces, with its only festive justification other than its vague Wintry content being the fact that it’s #1 on Christmas. It’s her third #1 and first since 2015, and the last #1 of the decade – or the first #1 of the 2020s decade. You decide. Goulding’s Joni Mitchell cover was an Amazon exclusive existing purely to push UK sales for a cheap #1, as Goulding’s increasingly irrelevant music would not get to #1 that easily, especially a fluke Christmas single that I have never heard, and don’t care to. I wouldn’t like to believe this is the true #1 but unfortunately it is, narrowly beating Mariah Carey, who has been steadily at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 for three weeks now, as her more deserving classic, “All I Want for Christmas is You”, is at #2 after a six-spot boost. Why isn’t it #1 in the UK, you ask? Greedy record labels vying for worthless chart spots that mean frankly nothing other than to boost the visibility of irrelevant acts that they want to cling onto for dear life so they can get a check, that’s why. Sorry, I’m way too passionate about this, I’ll just move on. Um, “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is up two to #5, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is up 10 to #4, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is also up 10 to #6, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is up 10 to #7, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John is up 10 to #8. Now for our second bloody Amazon exclusive, arguably the more egregious, “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Legend, up 23 to #9. Seemingly this song was made for not only false chart points but also because of the novelty of John Legend covering a song by John Lennon. Well, I can’t find a reason to cover this song other than that, as making it an Amazon exclusive goes directly against Lennon’s thoughts on commercialism, and surely making a protest song about the Vietnam war meant to raise awareness about the destruction war causes to innocent civilians a cheap cash-grab would kind of soil the reputation of Mr. John Legend over here... and I don’t even like “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”. It’s a pretentious slog on its own and it certainly did not need a rendition from one of the duller R&B singers to come out of the 2000s. Curiously both Goulding and Legend have ties to Universal Music Group. Sigh, well at #10, we have “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard, up 19 spaces. That’s a better song.
Climbers
Let’s blast through this with no room for anger or dilly-dallying: “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is up 13 to #11, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up 15 to #13, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is up 10 to #15, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia is up 19 to #17, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is up 14 to #18, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is up 12 to #19, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson is up 12 to #21, and that’s all. That doesn’t sound like 30 Christmas songs at all, right? That’s just 16. Well...
Returning Entries & New Arrivals
These kind of blend together at Christmas; I’m never sure if the song already peaked years or decades ago, and I’m just none the wiser towards any of it, or it’s never gotten this high into the top 40 before. I had to check the Christmas specials for 2018-2019 to see what songs I’ve covered before. I actually found out I’ve already covered “Underneath the Tree”, so I didn’t actually need to talk about that one a week or two ago, but my opinion had changed so I think it’s time well spent. If I accidentally cover a song twice, I honestly don’t care, but here are the returning entries I’ve already talked about: “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is back at #37, “Stay Another Day” by East 17 is at #35, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love is at #33, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby is at #31, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Boys Choir or something to that effect is at #28, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber is at #27, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams is at #25, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea is at #24 and “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry is at #22. I know I technically didn’t “review” that last song per se since it wasn’t on streaming services at the time but it’s utter plastic garbage so there’s no benefit in doing so. Here are the songs I do have to review.
#39 – “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” – Dean Martin
Produced by Lee Gillette – Peaked at #12 in Canada and #15 in the US
This really could have just been called “Let it Snow”, right? Regardless, this is actually one of my favourite more traditional Christmas songs, although this is still pretty recent, being a 1959 rendition of a song written by Sammy Cahn in 1945, simply because it was a heat wave in July that year so he teamed up with composer Jule Styne in Hollywood to make a song imagining, in fact almost begging, for colder weather. Despite how controversial Martin’s cover of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has become, he really still is a talented singer who couldn’t get that song’s framing just right. Here, he seems more in his element and despite no reference to the holiday season, since it’s snow, people just kind of lump it in with more festive hits, especially on radio. I think I generally prefer this sweet, orchestral tint Martin’s producer gave to the composition, and the strings here sound really great, despite that vague drum beat not needing to be there, as it’s honestly quite stiff. I would have preferred this without much percussion at all actually. It’s less than two minutes, so it doesn’t overstay its welcome, which is one issue I have with Frank Sinatra’s decidedly un-Christmassy version, which just sounds really ugly to me today, with its squealing brass section and twee backing singers. The bridge is especially awkward. So, yeah, I prefer Martin’s version here, although I’d like to shout out Rod Stewart’s version as well while I’m on the topic. It was actually a pretty big adult contemporary hit in 2012. Go figure. It’s actually pretty sweet albeit simplistic and I don’t even like Rod Stewart, so check that one out too.
#34 – “Sleigh Ride” – The Ronettes
Produced by Phil Spector – Peaked at #17 in Hungary and #21 in the US
I swear I’ve covered this one before, but I couldn’t find it, so uh, I like the horse neighing. “Sleigh Ride” was also composed by Leroy Anderson during a heat wave in 1948, which is an interesting coincidence. The Ronettes sound okay, but the focus was never their voice. It was Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound production, as this appeared on his Christmas album. His production is maximalist and has a massive, vibrant, colourful sound to it... supposedly. I see it in some of his other work, but this song just sounds garbage. Everything feels concentrated to the centre of the mix and it renders as sludge to me, especially when the freaking strings come in. Does this have to be three minutes also? It’s just immensely boring and goes in one ear, out the other, unlike those second-degree murder convictions... you sick, sick man. Merry Christmas, everyone!
#32 – “Holly Jolly Christmas” – Michael Bublé
Nah, screw the production and chart info. I don’t care. It’s Michael Bublé, what do you expect me to say? It’s bland radio fluff white man capitalism whatever. Here are the lyrics to “Re-Rewind (The Crowd Say Bo Selecta)” by Artful Dodger and Craig David.
[Intro: Craig David]
Re-rewind
Enter, selecta
Ehh, yeah
Ehh, eh yeah
Ehh, yeah
Ehh
Enter, selecta
[Verse: Craig David]
Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor
Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core
From the front to the back that's where I was at
You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that
With Craig David all over your (boing)
DJ it's all up to you
When the crowd go wild
Tell me, whatcha gonna do
[Chorus: Craig David]
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Bo Bo
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind
This goes out to all the DJ's
[Interlude]
Ehh, yeah
Ehh, eh yeah
Ehh, yeah
Ehh
Ehh, yeah
[Verse: Craig David]
Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor
Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core
From the front to the back that's where I was at
You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that
With Craig David all over your (boing)
DJ it's all up to you
When the crowd go wild
Tell me, whatcha gonna do
[Chorus: Craig David]
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Bo Bo
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind
This goes out to all the DJ's
[Verse: Craig David]
Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor
Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core
From the front to the back that's where I was at
You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that
With Craig David all over your (boing)
DJ it's all up to you
When the crowd go wild
Tell me, whatcha gonna do
Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor
Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core
From the front to the back that's where I was at
You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that
With Craig David all over your (boing)
DJ it's all up to you
When the crowd go wild
Tell me, whatcha gonna do
[Chorus: Craig David]
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind (Ehh, eh yeah), Sel-lecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind (Ehh, eh yeah), Sel-lecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
Re-rewind (Ehh, eh yeah), Sel-lecta
Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta
#30 –“Jingle Bell Rock” – Bobby Helms
Produced by Joe Beal and Jim Boothe – Peaked at #3 in the US and Latvia
I don’t know what to tell you guys, I really have next to nothing to say for these Christmas classics. They’re simple, catchy compositions with dated and/or cliché production but make up for it by just being infectious and jolly. This applies to nearly all of these Christmas songs. The whole genre is based on these fundamentals and it’s not like they often take a detour – well, that’s coming up. I’m just so excited to talk about the last song here, so I really have no patience for this or “Sleigh Ride” or “Holly Jolly Christmas”. I have no idea how the hell this peaked at #3 in Latvia. I guess that’s something vaguely interesting about this song. I mean, it’s tolerable but I feel no pressure to write an essay about it or anything.
#29 – “Christmas Lights” – Coldplay
Produced by Coldplay, Rik Simpson and Brian Eno – Peaked at #2 in Italy and the Netherlands, and #25 in the US
In December 2008, Chris Martin wrote “Christmas Lights”, and even performed a segment of the draft on live television. Little did he know, that in my opinion, he wrote the best Christmas song of all time! So what’s “Christmas Lights” about? Well, it paints a very vivid picture of an aggravated relationship that brutally shattered on Christmas Eve, mentioned to be one of many but the date making it especially saddening. You could see it as a family breaking up and having an argument on Christmas, which is an especially common happening; 68% of families have a row over the Christmas break. You could also see it as a simple break-up song that just happens to take place over late December, but really it can be construed as both; Chris Martin plays it vague enough to apply to different situations but doesn’t allow for any wishy-washy lyricism, with some poetic specifics that really resonate. The first verse has almost a semantic field of liquid, all of which are somewhat acidic and all of which are overwhelmingly dangerous: “flood”, “poison”, “blood”. The line “Got all kinds of poison in—poison in my blood” reveals the reliance on alcohol as well as the sheer vitriol our narrator has built up for this person during this break-up, although much like alcohol and much like poison, once you take it, it’s quick and you won’t feel anything the next morning, if you feel anything at all, but the long-term consequences will be dire. This is a lovely metaphor that is illustrated throughout the song, and our narrator’s drunken stupor is even represented in the stammering and messy, incorrect structure of his sentences. The second half of the first verse details our narrator’s solution: he can confound into the Christmas lights, which are artificial, neon decorations lacking any meaning but in his dazed and confused state, he will have to rely on the exceptional displays of Oxford Street, which is directly name-dropped in the song, to guide him to some kind of home, literally or figuratively. One narrative would be that he simply cannot see his way home, but the other would be that he finds warmth in the lights that register memories of nostalgia, so much so that he’s able to reminisce on perhaps better Christmas Eves of his youth. The refrain in the first half of the song isn’t exactly referring to global warming when Martin talks about the snow falling; rather, he could be referring to waiting for the lights to come on and the dust to settle, or for the tensions to rise or even fall. It doesn’t feel like Christmas without family, and those violent arguments are the snow. He’s waiting for them to either stop or just come to a climax as the pain leading up to it is unbearable.
In the second verse, our narrator mentions candles flickering and floating; it’s iconic Christian imagery that symbolises Jesus Christ finding light in darkness. It links our narrator’s story to religion but also stars and destiny, implying fate has led him to this dark path. He seems to disregard the candles, though, instead focusing on the chandelier of hope that he hangs onto, once again abandoning tradition for the artificial, commercialised “Christmas light”, which is fascinating but something I’ve never truly been able to piece together with the rest of the narrative here. Our narrator undermines his panicked cries for help as “like” a drunken Elvis impersonator singing out of tune about how he always loved a “darling”, but this story rings true – karaoke is a staple at Christmas, and he might have very well been an Elvis impersonator singing out of tune one Christmas evening, but he now finds himself yelling in a drunken state whilst desperately attempting to calm himself down by remembering a more fun, simple time. After one refrain, we have our song, and I figure I should talk about the actual music now. The instrumentation starts simple, with a piano melody that sounds sombre and flat, especially when Martin’s dejected delivery, full of despair and hopelessness, drowns out all remnants of the composition as he has a stronghold on the mix. The strings are still somewhat decipherable, amongst awkward, ticking percussion, but they’re barely audible at this point, so the nostalgia is gone... until that refrain, where the atmosphere rises with the strings picking up in intensity and we have our first drop, which still feels slightly restrained, until that second verse comes in, and the drums kick in to represent the stupor our narrator is in, as they’re almost hypnotising in their unchanging pattern. Martin sounds chaotic as well, with his uncontrolled falsetto singing what might quite literally be out of tune. In the second refrain, ugly, plastic guitar loops play and I would usually criticise this but if anything this shows the two sides of the “Christmas light” concept better than I can word it: sure, it’s perfect and convenient for mass audiences, but does it really mean anything? It’s also pushed back into the mix and sounds kind of like “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, so I’m okay with it being there, especially since it assists the narrative. So we have our second drop and that’s the end; they swell gorgeously in a way I can only describe as perfect... perfect for a transition, as we are now entering the second half of “Christmas Lights”.
The “beat switch”, for lack of a better term, is mostly just an upbeat piano since the strings’ echo is slowly fading out, and it sounds like it’ll finish right there, but the moment when it doesn’t is pure catharsis. The second half of the song is much more anthemic in tone but the lyrics are even more desperate, reaching back to personal memories of the band, even mentioning where they formed: a mile away from Oxford Street, where the sea (River Thames) and city meet. This doesn’t take away from our narrative though, as the chorus is almost a prayer for these Christmas lights to strip him of all his worries, but it’s obvious from the start that his hope is dwindling, especially in the drunken panic state he’s still in. At this point, you can almost render our narrator delusional, especially due to the imagery being so mundane in modern British society. Everyone has Christmas lights, but his attachment is never fully explained, leaving an aura of mystery around our narrator, separating him from Chris Martin, and letting him become this figure that is relatable to most of the country over the Christmas break, which is supposed to be a time for joy, delight and most importantly, togetherness. That extra degree of separation isolates our narrator further, and in the second chorus, he says the oddest and least likely thing to happen: the Christmas lights bring her back to him. Who’s her? Well, we don’t know, but what we do know is that our narrator seems silly now, so we can’t take him seriously. The audience doesn’t exactly turn on the narrator, but we can take everything this drunken shell of a practically homeless man says with a pinch of salt now. He’s insane, or at least in a state that drains him of his mental capacity, and we’re forced to watch this man celebrate Christmas. It’s depressing, and he knows it’s depressing. In the final chorus, he takes a stance that is rather selfless, despite everything else we’ve come to believe about our narrator: he wishes “her” the same good will he wished the Christmas lights would bring him, and that his emotions are livened by the lights, in a great metaphor about bringing up the fireworks in him, almost as if he’s fit to burst... and he might have; “May all your troubles soon be gone” could represent the narrator, referred to here as her troubles, and our troubles at this point, being gone – dead, missing or just out of her life, whilst the lights just keep shining on, oblivious to this man’s delirious reliance on them for a guiding light. The composition here is just as sweet, with more actual rock instrumentation here that gives it a kick and a sense of stability, although the transitions between choruses are basically nonexistent, almost as if they’re another step towards his fate. The instrumental break is a short moment of realisation, and the chorus of “oh”’s, whilst acting as what is basically a millennial whoop, are the voices in his head coming to an agreement: to stop. The song ends abruptly after Chris Martin stops singing, with a dejected piano phrase stopping midway through and a loud, reverb-heavy thud. This is up to interpretation but I truly think that thud is the death of our narrator, falling to the floor, never to come back up.
This is a brilliantly-written song, and combined with the orchestration courtesy of freaking Brian Eno... This is Coldplay’s magnum opus, and an overall beautiful piece of music. It’s one of my favourite songs of all time, I’m so glad it charted, and Yellowcard’s cover misses the point entirely. Thank you for reading.
The Christmas Songs That Didn’t Make It
I am terrified by the creeping overflow of Christmas songs every year, and that I have to cover each and every one to some capacity, but since last year, there’s obviously been less to cover since I’ve talked about a lot of it already, and after 30 holiday songs, you’d think there’s no other songs that could possibly creep into the Top 40 and become part of the canon, right?
...
“Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” by the Darkness is at #42, “The Christmas Song (A Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole is at #51, “Somewhere Only We Know” by Lily Allen is at #52, “Like it’s Christmas” by the Jonas Brothers is at #53, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano is at #54, “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt is at #55, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie is at #56, “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders is at #61, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Perry Como and the Fontaine Sisters with Mitchell Ayres and His Orchestra is at #63 (Thank God I don’t have to review that mouthful), “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra is at #65, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith is at #67, “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley is at #68, “Man with the Bag” by Jessie J is at #70 (I’m assuming that’s a song about Santa), “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses is at #71, “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” by Bruce Springsteen is at #72, “All I Want (for Christmas)” by Liam Payne is at #73, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue is at #74 and that’s just all the songs in the top 75. There’s probably a bunch more in the other 25 spots. I’ll see these guys next year, I guess, although there is some hope as a couple more Christmas songs I covered last year (Or even just last month) couldn’t make it in 2020. These are “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Jackson 5 at #46, “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. at #47, the aforementioned “I Love Sausage Rolls” by LadBaby at #57, “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA at #62 and “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud is at #69. Yes, I’m counting the Frozen II song as a Christmas single because firstly, if that song isn’t, what’s “Stay Another Day”? And secondly, if we’re going to strictly limit our musical festivities, the only true Christmas song here is by Boney M... because it’s a literal re-telling of Jesus’ birth, even though he wasn’t actually born on Christmas apparently, or at least there’s no direct reference to such event happening on December 25th in the Bible. I don’t think I’m going to dig myself a hole with that one. I don’t know if there will be a chart rule stopping 30 Christmas songs from entering next year, and I’m not sure if I actually want that to happen, but it’ll be interesting to see how the Official Charts Company reacts to this, if at all.
Dropouts
Oh, it was a bloodbath. I’m not going to go in numerical order but I will start by saying that the album bombs from last week fared pretty okay, Harry Styles less so than Stormzy of course, but regardless, “Lessons” by Stormzy is out off of the debut at #9, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles is out from #18 and “Falling” by Harry Styles is out off of the debut at #39. The rest of the songs from both albums mostly survived, in fact “Lights Up” returned to #48. Otherwise, “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #15, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd is out from #20, “hot girl summer” by blackbear is out from #21, “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez is out from #22, “Falling” by Trevor Daniel is out from #26, “Lucid Dreams” by Juice WRLD is out off of the return from #27, “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson is out from #30, “Heartless” by the Weeknd is out from #35, “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One is out from #37, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #38, and “Netflix & Chill” by Fredo is out from #40. I might as well note whilst in this section that there are now at least two versions of each of these four songs within the UK top 75 right now: “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” and “Santa Baby”, which is also sampled in “Santa Tell Me”. That factoid was pretty useless, but kind of interesting. I guess I get it now when rockists say they think all pop music sounds the same, because there are nine in the chart that literally are the same.
What Survived
What little of the UK Top 40 chart prior has remained is not exactly hard to guess. All of the biggest and most consistent songs streaming-wise have stayed, barely. “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi is down nine spots to #12, “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa is down 10 to #14, “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas is down nine to #16, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I is down 10 to #20, “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish also down 10 to #23 (I’m starting to notice a trend here), “Adore You” by Harry Styles is down 14 to #26, “Pump it Up” by Endor is down 13 to #36, and that’s all of the pop songs out of the way, because Stormzy has three songs on the chart still even in the true climax of Christmas music, which is kind of commendable. “Own It” featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy is down three to number-five, making it the only non-holiday song in the top 10, “Audacity” featuring Headie One is down 22 off of the debut to #38 and finally “Vossi Bop” is returning at #40, for whatever reason. I’m not sure why or how but it’s here and it fills our quota for non-holiday songs. And now, I have mentioned all but two songs that are currently charting in the top 75, and for the sake of completion, “Memories” by Maroon 5 is at #60 and “My Oh My” by Camila Cabello featuring DaBaby is at #49. If you’re wondering how many total Christmas songs there are in the top 75, there are about 52. That’s 70%. I know that doesn’t seem too bad, but to put that into perspective, an album bomb is never allowed more than three songs at the same time. Surely Christmas songs are just as monotonous as an Ed Sheeran album, so why should they be under different regulation? I have a couple qualms relating to Christmas music, especially the charting of said music, but I’m nearly 2,300 words in and I haven’t even written the song reviews yet so I think I better shut up. I know this has been a long and somewhat messy episode, but I really had no option. Welcome to season three, everybody. Next week won’t be pretty, either, as all of those 52 songs will have completely and utterly disappeared.
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