Back with the next adventure in the readthrough with The Flash Annual #1 - Death Touch
Note from future me: Be prepared.. my reception of this one was not positive lol.
Since I’m new to comics, I understand enough to know this came out between issues, but doesn’t necessarily happen chronologically. What I don’t totally get is what makes annuals special. Is it that they’re longer? Is it that they have a fairly encapsulated story? Guess I’m gonna find out right now!
The first thing Wally says in this whole thing is that he wants a pitcher of milk. A PITCHER. OF MILK.
You know what, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this is foreshadowing.
Maybe I don’t know how money works, but why do these robbers want receipts and not like cash?
Love that this background guy has a Superman shirt.
I went to look up what dim mak is and ended up on dimmak.com, which can I just say.. is kind of a vibe?? Anyway, wikipedia says it’s “death-point striking”. Okay.
No offense Wally, but repeating the same thing over and over is definitely sus lol.
MARSHALL LAU IS NOT WRONG
This guy is really just expositioning the shit out of this negative kung business.
Uhh WILL the wizened sage teach him? Are we sure about that?? Marshall Lau really throwing the wizened sage under the bus here. Wait you met him ONCE and you’re promising a stranger that he can become a student? Side eye at that.
Hmmm so he knows about Wally’s speedster origins.
I am getting whiplash from this dialog. WHO TALKS LIKE THIS?? NOBODY CONVERSES LIKE THIS. WHAT? Also, Wally, what do you mean “I suppose I must go to Hong Kong”? You don’t have to do shit right now. Drink your damn milk and go home.
Yeah dude, the fortune cookies are a total crock, but your silver dollar is the real deal, uh huh. Why is he telling Wally to sleep there. What is going on? Seriously, the way this is written has such weird energy right now.
I’m not sure when this story takes place, but Wally’s house is still under construction I see. And who is Connie? Ew, Wally’s definitely 100% the kind of guy to call his girlfriend “babe” lol.
This dialog is so bizarre. “Chicks. They’re so insecure.” And then we’ve got, “Be cool, hon.” Then he’s like I know chicks can actually be strong, but only if they have super powers. “The truth is, most women are pretty insecure. It’s the way they were brought up. But it’s biology too.” WALLY EXCUSE ?!? What is going on, I am reeling this so strange.
Anyway, so Wally shows up and tries to find the sage and some other dudes try to mug him unsuccessfully, then a kid’s like “tee hee go to McDougal street idk.” And then he plays hot and cold with his silver dollar, which I’m assuming was just a metaphor.
WOUP
What a description.
Wizened sage: Voice is from Peiping
Voice: It’s called Peking
Wizened Sage: Yeah, so anyway like I was saying about Peiping
I.. I don’t know what kind of answer I expected about the sage’s age. And when he said the thing about his body, I thought he was also referring to that when he said “I don’t own this house” like meaning the body is a vessel he doesn’t own, but is currently borrowing or some mystical thing. NO. He LITERALLY is talking about the house they’re in. Can NOBODY stay on-subject for a single MINUTE???
Annnd there’s shirtless Wally. At least some things never change.
I’m calling bullshit on this. You’re telling me Wally Impatient Asshole West stood still for TEN DAYS DOING NOTHING?!?!?!
“But Connie is far away.” MY DUDE. PLEASE. You just stood for ten god damn days and you can’t keep it in your gi as soon as you see a woman? (Which btw WHY is he wearing a gi and why is Lin Mei wearing a kimono? Am I missing something here?)
FUCKING WHAT
Okay, serious talk time. I know this comic is quite dated, but I’d be 1000% fine to never see another perpetuation of the whole “if you’re in Asia it’s okay to have sex with women there because it doesn’t count” bullshit. Usually I’m like lol Wally you idiot ha ha. But this one is just plain gross. Just the entire way it’s set up and portrayed is EW. So yeah. The racist sexualization of an Asian refugee is like a hard pass for me. :|
That’s a goddamn relief it wasn’t actually her, but idc. The writer still portrayed it in that disgusting fetishizing way that I haaaaaate!!!
1. That is actually funny that Wally’s speed is kind of useless if the other guy is attacking him with sound.
2. Round.
Uh oh
Oh heck yeah, did someone say Dance Dance Revolution? 😂
“Like all men you cannot resist a temptation.” Yeahhhh, no I think that’s just a Wally thing. Like, for once this actually might be a legitimate “not all men” situation lmao.
Okay so they fight and he’s kinda into it bc they’ve got him off his rocker. Then he does his chi thing and breaks free. Can’t believe he paused to ask himself what Barry would do.
I think what’s striking me as weird about this dialog is the complete lack of contractions. It makes everyone sound like bad Speed Racer dubs.
Wizened sage apparently doesn’t know dick about shit.
?? What? This is how it ends? I.. I don’t even know what to say.. Like, what the fuck is this last panel? HUH???????
Final thoughts:
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ. WHAT HAPPENED HERE? DID THE WRITER HAVE A STROKE? WHAT?
Reading this was like a god damn fever dream of racism and stilted grammar. I was told this one was Not The Best, but my god. I’m speechless. I think my reaction throughout captured everything I could possibly say, so I’ll leave you with a very minor edit of the last panel bc really this is what this entire story was.
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