#STOP REMINDING ME i resent the constant reminders | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sweetblinginrose · 7 days

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𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖔𝖗𝖉𝖊𝖗,

(OS Eddie Munson x fem!reader geek)

summary: Rival Dungeons and Dragons reader who has a tournament and ends up without clothes. Oops…

word count: 6,6k +

warnings: obv +18, rivalry, unprotected sex, asphyxiation, bad language, cumming inside, female masturbation, culilingus.

a/n: hey lol, i wrote this half asleep so idk how it turned out, i'll see if it's any good or not later, so if there is something wrongly translated or that you don't find makes sense, pls let me know, hugs!

oh and don't copy my idea, it's my own huh 🦄

━━ ✧♡✧ ━━ ✧♡✧ ━━ ✧♡✧ ━━

The Sith Order.

All the members of the Hellfire Club and your group, The Sith Order, maintained a cordial and mutually respectful relationship, with the exception of the tense rivalry between you and the opposing leader, the insufferable Eddie. You hated him so much, especially now that you had bet your grand dice, which your brother had given you as a gift.

The abandoned cabin loomed like a shadow among the trees of the forest, a forgotten refuge that now housed your group of friends and your imaginary adventures. Inside, the air was filled with a smell of dampness and earth, a constant reminder of nature reclaiming its space. The once cozy and lived-in furniture was now covered in a layer of dust and cobwebs that wove complex patterns in every corner.

The sofa, your throne, was worn out, with upholstery torn in several places, revealing the crumbling yellowed foam at the touch. Dark stains of time adorned the fabric, and every time you moved, a cloud of dust rose like a sigh from the cabin itself. Sitting there, on your stomach, with a furrowed brow and crossed arms, you couldn't help but feel the rough and cold texture of the sofa against your skin, a reminder of your recent defeat in the game.

Around you, the tables wobbled on uneven legs, their surfaces scratched and marked with circles from past glasses. The faded and torn curtains hung sadly from the windows, allowing dim light to filter in and illuminate the dust particles in the air. The floor creaked under the weight of footsteps, and each floorboard seemed to tell a story of abandonment.

In this space, time seemed to have stopped, and every object told the story of a better past now eclipsed by neglect and desolation.

You felt as if a storm was brewing inside you, a mixture of frustration and challenge that consumed you as you sat on the sofa. The defeat in the friendly game was a thorn in your pride, a small battle lost in a war that seemed to extend beyond the game of dragons and dungeons. The rivalry with the Hellfire Club and its leader, Eddie, was the real dragon to be defeated, and every thought of him fueled the flames of your resentment.

Eddie, with his arrogant smile and his ability to bring out the best in his players, had become the antagonist not only in the game, but in your mind and life. You imagined him, with his tousled hair and carefree attitude, as the perfect villain for your campaign, one who seemed to enjoy every time his group came out victorious. The idea that he might consider your defeat as a point in his favor was unbearable.

While your friends continued with the campaign, laughing, stressed, focused, and rolling dice, you immersed yourself in your thoughts, planning your next move. It was not just a matter of winning a game; it was a matter of honor, of proving that your group could overcome any challenge, even the infamous Hellfire Club. Determination began to replace frustration, and although you still felt the bitterness of defeat, there was now a new goal on the horizon: to defeat Eddie and prove that your group was the best in the fantasy game.

But... were you really prepared for tonight?

...

Eddie, with a sly smile and a spark of malice in his eyes, steps forward to greet you in the lair of the Hellfire Club, the basement of the institute, the setting of countless campaigns and now the battlefield of your latest challenge. As the girls from your club gather in the space, filled with detailed maps and meticulously painted character figures, Eddie focuses on you, his most formidable rival.

"Welcome, oh great 'Mialee!'" he exclaims with an exaggeratedly theatrical and ironic tone, making a reference to the elven mage character to underline his mockery. "I hope your spells are as sharp as your tongue this time, and that your strategies are less predictable than your expressions of defeat."

You can feel the gaze of the others on you, some with complicit smiles and others with cautious curiosity. Eddie continues, not missing the opportunity to poke at your pride: "I hope you brought your Dragon Crystal Die, because something tells me you're going to need all the luck you can get."

The lair resonates with the stifled laughter of the club members, and although you know that Eddie's words are part of the rivalry game, you also feel that each joke is a challenge to your skill and determination. With a firm gaze and unwavering resolve, you prepare to show that this battle will be different, that this time, Eddie will be the one left speechless at the end of the night.

"You are living proof that not everything that glitters in a treasure is gold, and in your case, it's not even copper," you say, challenging him as you look him in the eyes. With a confidence that resonates in every word, you confront Eddie, your eyes shining with the reflection of the candles that illuminate the basement. "I hope you haven't forgotten your part of the bet, Eddie," you say with a firm and clear voice that cuts through the tension in the room. "That Orb of Entwined Destinies you so proudly show off will be mine before the moon reaches its zenith."

The Orb of Entwined Destinies was a perfect sphere of dark crystal, with a core that seemed to contain a miniature nebula, ever-changing and slowly rotating. It was more than just an object for Eddie; it was a symbol of his ability to manipulate probabilities and destiny within the game.

The mention of the orb makes Eddie's smile falter for a moment, a crack in his facade of confidence. You know you have hit a sensitive point, reminding him that you are not the only one with something valuable at stake. "Get ready, Eddie," you continue, "because when I'm done with you and the Hellfire Club, that orb will be the trophy of The Sith Order, and your luck will change forever," you spit, leaving the boys dumbfounded, unlike his group of friends, as they were used to this kind of speech.

Lucas, with a carefree smile and a tone bordering on disbelief, tries to lighten the atmosphere that has built up in the room. "Come on, guys, don't you realize? It's just a dumb bet, right? There's no need to turn this into an epic battle or something..." he comments, his voice a thread of sanity in the tapestry of rivalry unfolding before him.

However, his attempt to lighten the mood is quickly quashed by a severe look from both leaders, who in a rare moment of unity gesture to him with a stern gesture and an almost synchronized "Shh!" The seriousness of their bet is not something they are willing to downplay, even with Lucas' playful interjection.

The battle between The Sith Order and the Hellfire Club unfolds in a fantasy world woven with the magic of dragons and dungeons, but the tension is as real as the beating hearts of the players. The room, illuminated by the flickering light of the candles, has transformed into an epic battlefield where each roll of the dice resonates like the clash of swords.

The Sith Order bravely faces the challenges posed by Eddie and his Hellfire Club. The dice roll on the table like distant thunder, dictating the fate of heroes and villains alike. You, The Sith Order, with characters ranging from cunning rogues to powerful sorceresses, maneuver through traps and puzzles that Eddie has crafted with malicious skill. The battle intensifies, with each strategic move and each spell cast adding layers to the unfolding narrative. Your characters fight hordes of infernal creatures, cross dark abysses, and decipher ancient codices to unravel the secrets that will lead them to victory.

As the night progresses, a tie seems imminent. The Hellfire Club has countered every attack, every plan, with a precision bordering on the supernatural. But you, with your leading character, are not willing to give up. With a mix of cunning and a bit of luck, you roll the dice for one last masterful play. Silence fills the room as the dice roll, dancing on the edge of the abyss between victory and defeat. Finally, they settle, and the numbers they show are the harbinger of a tide change. Your play has been successful, overcoming the defenses of the Hellfire Club and securing an unexpected triumph.

Eddie, with a look of genuine astonishment, acknowledges the victory of The Sith Order, albeit reluctantly. You, with a smile of satisfaction, accept the Orb of Entwined Destinies, now rightfully yours.

Amidst the euphoria of victory, one of the girls from your group, with a contagious smile and an overflowing energy, suggests an idea that captures everyone's attention. "How about we celebrate with some pizzas? It would be great to relax and enjoy the moment," she says enthusiastically.

The idea is met with a mix of nods and smiles. It is a comfortable and familiar proposition, a perfect way to lower the intensity of the night and simply enjoy each other's company. Everyone, except you and Eddie, seems to agree. The tension of the battle still clings to you, and the idea of sharing a table with Eddie and his club, even in a neutral and friendly environment, is something that you find hard to accept, just like Eddie.

However, aware that rejecting the offer could be seen as poor sportsmanship, both of you reluctantly agree with a gesture of resignation. "Fine, but only because I'm hungry," you murmur, trying to hide your reluctance behind a practical excuse. Eddie nods silently, his serious expression revealing his reluctant agreement.

And so, with victory still fresh and emotions running high, the group sets off to share a meal that promises to be as full of flavor as it is of interesting dynamics.

The night has slipped into a soft twilight when everyone, now relieved of the tension of the game, finds themselves in Eddie's van. The space is filled with laughter and the sound of bottles clinking together. "Cheers!" the group shouts for the sixth time, raising their beers in the air in a toast that has become a ritual.

Eddie's van, with its worn seats, stickers, dirt, and windows displaying the world passing by at high speed, has become a temporary sanctuary of camaraderie. With each new "Cheers!", the barriers between The Sith Order and the Hellfire Club seem to dissolve a little more, erased by the alcohol and the shared joy. Or so it seems...

Eddie's van snakes along the road, a lonely path flanked by the silhouette of trees gently swaying under the starry sky. In the front seats, silence between Eddie and you is a marked contrast to the bustle that reigns in the back, where the rest of the group sings enthusiastically game anthems, interspersed with laughter and the sound of opening beers.

You, with crossed legs and a beer can resting in your hands, get lost in contemplation of the nature that unfolds before your eyes. The moonlight bathes the landscape, transforming each tree and bush into dancing shadows that play hide and seek with each turn of the road.

Eddie, with his attention focused on the road, drives with a slowness that seems to respect the shared silence. His profile stands out against the occasional glow of distant street lamps, and although you are together in the cabin, an abyss of unspoken words stretches between you.

"Hey..." Eddie's voice breaks the silence, a word hanging in the air that seems to wait for permission to continue. He does not look away from the road, as if fearing that a moment of distraction could reveal more than he intends.

You turn your head towards him, an eyebrow arched in a mixture of surprise and curiosity. It is strange, this attempt at conversation. Outside the game, words between you have been as scarce as leaves in winter. You have never crossed more than strategies and challenges, and now, this attempt at dialogue seems as out of place as a barbarian in a library.

The tension between you is palpable, a taut thread that is woven with each kilometer the van devours. What words will follow that "hey"? Will it be an attempt at a truce, or perhaps the prelude to another challenge? Time seems to stand still as you wait for Eddie to continue, and in that moment, the van is not just a moving vehicle, but a space where two rivals might, just maybe, begin to see each other as something more.

"No... no, nothing. Forget it..." he murmurs softly, not taking his eyes off the road, but now looking more tense, sighing.

You decide not to insist, but this time not averting your gaze from those long locks, but discreetly examining them for some kind of response.

Eddie's van glides to a smooth stop in front of a caravan. As he turns off the engine, Eddie's expression transforms. The seriousness that marked his face during the journey gives way to a genuine smile, an open invitation to continue the night in a space that is as much a part of him as the game they both love. "Come on, guys! The party continues at my place!" he exclaims with enthusiasm, his voice resonating with the promise of more laughter and memories to be created. "We can drink as much as we want, and if anyone's interested, there's weed too. My uncle works nights, so we have the place to ourselves."

Friends and friends respond with a chorus of approval, their stumbling steps and complicit smiles sealing the tacit agreement to extend the celebration. One by one, they enter the caravan, a cozy space illuminated by dim lights and adorned with mementos from trips and caps. A bit messy, but cozy.

You, with a mix of caution and curiosity, are the last to cross the threshold. Your eyes meet Eddie's, and for a moment, the outside world fades away. Eddie closes the door behind you, a simple gesture but loaded with meaning. You stand there, still, remembering the unfinished conversation, the words that Eddie left hanging in the air.

Feeling the weight of the night and the looks charged with unanswered questions, you decide to join the group that has settled in the caravan. You grab a few more beers, your hand brushing against the cold surface of the can, and sit at one end of the narrow sofa from where you can observe the scene. Eddie, on the other hand, seems different tonight. The usual arrogance that characterizes him has given way to an unusual stillness, almost reflective. Was defeat the cause of this change? Or was there something deeper behind his silence?

With each passing minute, glances between you meet like swords in a silent duel, full of questions that neither of you dares to voice aloud. After an hour of this game of looks, you feel the need to escape, if only for a moment, from the intensity of the atmosphere.

"Where is the bathroom?" you ask, your voice strangely formal in the relaxed atmosphere. Eddie points to a small hallway at the back, and you get up, navigating the space filled with laughter and conversations until you reach the bathroom.

Inside, you find yourself facing the mirror, your reflection returning an image of someone who seems to be on the border between two worlds. You wet the back of your neck, not wanting to ruin your makeup, and step out, feeling refreshed but still restless.

As you pass through the narrow exit of the bathroom, you collide with the partially open door of Eddie's room, and curiosity gets the better of you. You discreetly peek inside, your eyes scanning the space that is so intimately his. The room is adorned with posters of rock bands, metal, clothes everywhere, magazines scattered on the floor, and action figures of fantasy heroes, a mix of passions that reveal facets of Eddie that you had never considered. On the bed lies an open diary with scribbles and handwritten notes.

Eddie, with his carefree smile, leans against the doorframe, watching you with curiosity as you try to process the mess. "What are you doing here?" he repeats, his voice gentle but clearly amused by your confused expression. The scent of marijuana is evident, and his eyes, although red, gleam with a mischievous spark. He seems not to mind in the least your presence in his personal sanctuary. You feel like an intruder in an unknown world, every object in the room telling a story that only Eddie knows. However, he, with that calm bordering on indifference, gestures for you to enter. "Come, I'll show you my collection," he says casually, and suddenly, the place transforms. What was chaos before now seems like an art gallery, each hanging T-shirt, each vinyl, and each magazine clipping is a piece of his identity. He guides you through his space, narrating anecdotes of concerts and trips, his voice a thread weaving a tapestry of lived experiences.

The initial embarrassment fades away, replaced by fascination at discovering the depth of Eddie's personality. And as he shares his world with you, the messy room becomes a map of his personal universe, a place that, despite the disorder, now makes sense.

As you survey the room with your gaze, something catches your attention and takes your breath away: a proudly displayed B.C. Rich guitar hanging on the wall.

It is a red and shiny beauty, with its aggressive shapes and air of mystery, a piece that any metal lover would desire. Your heart beats with excitement, not only because of the surprise of finding such a treasure in Eddie's room, but because metal is your passion, one of the many things you have in common with Eddie without even knowing it, a detail he is unaware of.

He notices your excitement and, with a mischievous smile, takes down the guitar and hands it to you. "It's all yours, at least for now," he says with a wink. You hold it in your hands with reverence, feeling the weight of the wood and the coldness of the metal.

With shyness but moved by the emotion, you ask Eddie to play something. He shrugs, regretting the lack of an amplifier, but he is not discouraged. With a mischievous smile, he starts "playing" the guitar silently, mimicking the sounds with his mouth. It's a parody, but there is something about his attitude that invites you to play along.

"Come on, guess which song this is," he challenges you, as he moves his fingers in the air and imaginary sounds of a song fill the room. You concentrate, trying to follow the rhythm and melody that Eddie creates. The silent notes seem to come to life, and suddenly, you recognize it. It's 'Time Is Right' by Whitesnake.

Laughter fills the room as you guess it, and Eddie nods approvingly. "I knew you were one of mine, babe," he says, and in that moment, the guitar is not just an instrument, but a bridge between two souls who share a hidden passion for metal and many other things.

A blush creeps up your cheeks, an unexpected warmth that takes you by surprise. The word "babe" resonates in your ears, a term so casual and yet, loaded with an intimacy you did not expect. It feels as if you are inside the pages of one of those erotic books your mother used to read in secret, where the protagonists, initially at odds, end up wrapped in a story of love and rough sex.

Eddie's gaze has become more intense, his eyes no longer just reflecting the reddish glow of a pot smoker, but also a different glow, deeper, provoked by your presence. There is something about the way he looks at you that makes you feel like you are the only person in the world at that moment, but at the same time, as if he is undressing you.

You find yourself returning his gaze, unable to look away from his eyes. There is a connection, an unspoken understanding that seems to transcend words. And while a part of you wants to laugh at the situation, at how absurd it is to feel like a character in a pornographic novel, you cannot deny the electricity in the air, that spicy tension that hangs between the two of you.

Eddie takes a step towards you, his proximity overwhelming, and although he does not say anything more, he doesn't need to. Words are unnecessary when the looks speak for themselves. And in that instant, in that messy room that smells of marijuana and freedom, you understand that sometimes, real life can be as surprising and exciting as the stories hidden within the pages of a book.

After that moment, the room seems smaller, as if the walls had closed in to witness the silence shared between you. You decide to break the tension with a nervous smile and a change of subject. "Hey... what did you want to ask me before, you know, in the van?" you ask, stuttering slightly as you feel Eddie's scent filling your nostrils.

Eddie leaned against the threshold of the door, just inches away, watching your lips adorned with an intense crimson and your lined eyes attentively. "Ah, that..." he wondered, feigning forgetfulness. "I think I wanted to say something about Dungeons and Dragons, right?" he inquired with irony, biting his lip as he laughed and crossed his arms.

None of this compared to the fantasies you had with Eddie. Let's admit it, you had imagined countless similar scenarios, all related to the game and its protagonist, Eddie. You had wished for him to touch you in the same way he caresses his guitar. You wanted to be that fucking guitar.

"I don't think I want to talk about that right now..." you whispered, slowly moving closer to Eddie, who raised an eyebrow and smiled widely, catching your hint.

"Well then, if you don't want to listen to me, why don't you shut me up?" he whispered near your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. He grabbed your belt, holding your short denim skirt, forcing you to be pressed against him. "I said, why don't you shut me up..."

Eddie played dirty even outside of his character. He wanted you to take the initiative, perhaps to mock you or further feed his ego, but you wouldn't allow that to happen. With confidence, you ran your tongue over your lips and approached his neck, whispering, "I don't plan on silencing you. I enjoy listening to you and narrating each campaign..." This excited him, caressing your shoulder and getting closer, causing your breasts to press against him, eliciting a reaction in his groin. "Then, shut me up. I know you've wanted to since you met me," you whispered, trying to provoke him, with some success.

He responded by pushing you against the wall, trapping you between it and his body, placing his thigh between yours and gripping your waist tightly, feeling the coldness of his rings against your bare skin. "What I've wanted since I met you is to fuck you on the Harken map, so that your screams scare away the undead lurking there..." he muttered with a deep voice, softly kissing your collarbone, causing a sigh to escape your lips. With captivating slowness, Eddie guides his lips to yours, each movement deliberate and filled with anticipation. When they finally meet, the kiss is like an explosion of fire, burning and passionate. His lips sink into yours with an intensity that leaves you breathless, and his tongue boldly slides in to explore every corner of your mouth from the very first moment.

As your lips entwine in a sensual dance, his hands find your breasts with a firmness that surprises and excites you at the same time. The pressure of his hands cupping your breasts sends a wave of pleasure through your body, making you involuntarily shudder at the intense and unfamiliar sensation. You never expected this reaction, but you find yourself completely captivated by the desire that Eddie awakens in you, leaving you craving more of his passionate touch.

Eddie suddenly stops, his fingers noticing the absence of the bra he expected to find. A mischievous spark shines in his eyes as he looks at you with a mixture of surprise and desire. With a naughty smile on his lips, he whispers in your ear in a seductive tone, "Wow, looks like the girl comes with nothing...," murmuring with a hoarse voice, his warm breath sending shivers down your naked skin. His comment, though bold, is imbued with an irresistible sensuality that makes you blush and feel even more drawn to him. It feels like you're in a scene taken straight from one of those forbidden novels your mother used to find in the library, but this time, you're the protagonist, enveloped in the heat of shared desire with Eddie.

With expert dexterity, Eddie deepens the kiss, intensifying each brush of his lips against yours. As his tongue explores yours with unrestrained passion, his thigh slides and exerts pressure between yours, finding its way under your denim skirt, lifting it almost completely, hitting just that sensitive spot that makes your whole body react instantly.

"Mhmmm..." an involuntary moan escapes your lips as you feel the perfectly placed pressure of his thigh against you, sending waves of pleasure through your body. You feel the need to ride that leg. You were very wet at that moment, so the touch was making you even wetter.

He moves it with precision between yours, creating a delicious friction that awakens sensations that make you gasp against his lips. Each movement is calculated, designed to provoke maximum pleasure, as his thigh finds that sensitive spot on your body, sending waves of excitement through you.

"You've got me so hard..." with a throaty whisper, he makes you aware of the effect you have on him, sending a thrill of excitement down your spine. His warm breath against your lips only increases the intensity of the moment. You feel your heart pounding hard as you let yourself be carried away by the passion swirling around you. Then, with seductive skill, he leans slightly down, his strong hands gripping the bottom of your thighs to open you up and wrap around his waist. The change in position allows his bulge to press directly against your underwear, which is exposed by the previous lifting of your skirt. A wave of desire surges through your being as you feel his prominence brushing directly against your sensitive and swollen clit, sending sparks of pleasure that seem to electrify every fiber of your being.

The movements of his hips are precise and deliberate, each delicious brush torturous while engulfing you deeper into the abyss of pleasure. The sounds of your ragged breathing blend with the seductive whispers and soft moans escaping between hot kisses. You are completely at the mercy of the passion Eddie unleashes in you, lost in the whirlwind of overwhelming sensations that threaten to consume you completely.

The barely contained moan escapes your lips between kisses as you feel Eddie's gentle hip movement, a movement that sends you soaring to the heights of pleasure. Still with your thighs tightly wrapped around his hips, you give in to a wild and passionate kiss, with an intensity that defies any limit.

The kiss becomes a whirlwind of unabated passion, your hands gripping his shoulders tightly as you let yourself be carried away by the overwhelming sensations. Amidst the heat of the moment, you feel Eddie release one of your legs, changing the dynamics of the position and making you feel his bulge even more. Now, in this new position, the contact with his clothed cock is even more evident, causing you to instinctively arch your hips towards him, seeking more contact, more friction. You feel his hands grip your buttocks firmly, aggressively pressing you against his jeans, as if he is eager to feel you even closer.

The brushes and hip movements become increasingly intense, a symphony of pleasure that seems to have no end. You are completely immersed in the moment.

"Mmhm... fuck..." Between moans escaping your lips, accompanied by the sensual movements of your hips, Eddie suddenly stops, only to turn off the bedroom light and then guides you, still with your body on top of his, to his disheveled bed. He places you on your back on the tousled sheets, and positions himself above you, burning desire reflected in his gaze as he begins to explore your neck with hot kisses and licks. Each touch of his tongue against your skin awakens an electric sensation that makes you tremble with pleasure. His expert hands play with your nipples from inside your top, squeezing and teasing them while his thighs continue to exert delicious pressure on your intimate area, making you gasp with each movement, holding onto his back.

Slowly, your rival moves down your body with controlled impatience, licking and kissing your abdomen eagerly before quickly lifting your top and leaving you exposed before him. His lips find your breasts, and he kisses and licks them with devotion, as if they are the most delicious thing he has ever tasted. His long hair sometimes gets tangled in his face, but when you start gently tugging on it for pleasure, he moves away, leaving behind an incredibly enticing scene that makes you arch your hips forward instinctively.

While Eddie continues to lavish attention on your breasts, his hands begin to explore above your underwear with his ring finger, stroking gently from top to bottom. "Do you like it like this?" he asks between kisses and licks, asking you with a husky voice if you're enjoying yourself, establishing an intimate and desire-filled dialogue that only increases the sexual tension between you. "Or is it better like this?" he increases the speed of his touch.

Your silence prompts Eddie to grab your chin firmly, his fingers exerting a dominant and sexual pressure as he forces you to look into his eyes. When you finally respond to his question with an intense gaze, he slowly releases you, going back down to give attention to your body. His lips find your panties, and he kisses and licks them eagerly, soaking them with his saliva mixed with your own excited wetness.

With precise and deliberate movements, Eddie slowly pulls down your panties, placing soft kisses on your inner thigh as he slides them down your legs. Once he has removed your panties, his eyes meet your exposed, naked, and wet pussy, and he can't help but feel his cock throbbing with an unprecedented intensity, eager to satisfy the burning desire between them. You feel incredibly exposed under his heated gaze, but Eddie sees you as a work of art, a sight that excites him to the limit. Without wasting time, Eddie gives you a generic lick to your wet pussy, spreading your lips with his fingers to access your exposed clit directly. An overwhelming moan escapes your lips at the wave of pleasure that courses through your body, but Eddie quickly covers your mouth, whispering that you can't moan to avoid being heard in the common area where the others are.

With a mischievous smile on his face, Eddie realizes that the loud music has concealed any sound that would have revealed their activities in the bedroom. With your mouth still covered, he delves into the task with renewed eagerness, licking and sucking your clit with an intensity that makes your body arch in response. Each suck and each lick sends waves of pleasure through you, taking you to the edge of ecstasy over and over again. Your hips move instinctively in response to the overwhelming pleasure, but Eddie firmly controls them, maintaining a rhythm that takes you closer and closer to the precipice of pleasure. With an expert hand, he begins caressing your abdomen, slowly descending until reaching your clit, parting his mouth for a moment to touch it with his fingers before inserting two of them without any prior preparation.

The sudden stimulus causes your eyes to roll back, and your thighs tighten with force from the pleasure that overwhelms you, arching your back and moving your hips towards the direction of the long-haired person. In a short time, Eddie goes back to action, losing himself between your thighs as he continues moving his fingers with unwavering determination.

He continues like this for a few minutes, not stopping for a moment, until you feel that you're about to reach climax. You grab his hair with incredible strength, almost burying your fingers in its roots, urging him to continue, feeling like you're about to burst in his mouth. But just as you're on the edge of orgasm, he pulls away from you, leaving a thread of saliva mixed with your wetness as a separation between his mouth and your pussy, leaving you in a state of uncontrollable anticipation and desire.

Eddie, eager to satisfy his burning desire, hastily fumbles with his zipper and unleashes his erect cock, ready for action. Eddie's cock, although of average size, has a peculiarity that sets it apart: a curved shape that gives it a unique and distinctive appearance. Its thickness is notable, and the veins that run along its length add texture to its look. The skin that covers it has a pink tone, with a reddish hue indicating the excitement that engulfs it. A slightly glistening liquid adorns its tip. It is an image that reflects virility and desire, a promise of intense pleasure about to be unleashed.

"How does this look, huh?" he moves it, noticeably sensitive, gently rubbing it against your clit, giving you a mischievous look as if he's playing a game with you. Without warning, after lightly masturbating it, he quickly and decisively inserts it into you, completely surprising you and leaving you breathless. "Mhmmm..." he sighs deeply, as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, arching his head backward. From the very first second, he begins to thrust into you with a dizzying rhythm, penetrating you deeply over and over again. You are overwhelmed by the intensity of the pleasure that engulfs you, unable to articulate a single word as you completely surrender to the wild thrusts of the guy. Each thrust hits your insides with overpowering force, sending waves of ecstasy through your body.

Despite the initial discomfort from the lack of preparation, you find yourself immersed in a whirlwind of sensations that make you lose track of time and space.

You writhe under him, unable to hold back the moans that escape your lips as you completely surrender to the frenzied pleasure that consumes you. Although it hurts, you can't help but enjoy every thrust, every touch of his skin against yours ignites a burning fire inside you.

He grabs you by the neck with a firm but dominant hand, stopping any sound that could escape your lips. His warm breath brushes against your ear as he whispers with a husky and authoritative voice, "Shut up." The words, loaded with desire and determination, send a shiver down your spine, leaving you breathless and obedient to his command. You are completely surrendered to him, unable to do anything but obey his orders as you let yourself be carried away by the frenzied passion that burns between you. The orgasm that you had almost experienced less than a minute ago begins to resonate through your body again, but the intensity of Eddie's thrusts makes you feel like you're on the verge of a great climax. You are completely overwhelmed by the avalanche of sensations that envelop you, unable to resist the tide of pleasure that drags you into an endless abyss of ecstasy. Your increasingly intense and uncontrolled moans blend with the background music, creating a symphony of pleasure and ecstasy that fills the room. Eddie, releasing his hand from your neck, begins to hit your thigh and butt with a mixture of desire and unbridled passion. As he continues to thrust into you with force, his lascivious words fill the air, whispering in your ear with a deep and seductive voice.

He tells you how much he has wanted to fuck that pussy of yours, expressing his most intimate desires with an exciting crudeness that makes you shiver with pleasure. He calls you a slut with a tone of desire and adoration, celebrating your sexuality and the way you grip his cock with every thrust. Those words, charged with lust and desire, only increase the intensity of the moment, pushing you closer to climax with each word that comes out of his mouth.

You can feel yourself getting closer to the edge, every thrust of Eddie sending waves of pleasure through your body. He perceives it too, thanks to the way your pussy grips his cock, and he lets out a guttural grunt of satisfaction. You're on the edge of the abyss, about to let the ecstasy completely envelop you, while Eddie's lascivious moans and words push you towards the most glorious climax you've ever experienced

You feel the ecstasy completely enveloping you, a overwhelming wave of pleasure that shakes you to your core. Your walls contract tightly around Eddie's cock, squeezing with an intensity that makes him moan with pleasure. "Damn, you're so tight..."

Your body trembles uncontrollably, your eyes rolling back in your head as a guttural groan escapes from your lips, louder and more heartbreaking than ever before.

However, before you can fully recover from your orgasm, Eddie aggressively grabs you by the throat again, his expression a wild mix of concentration, excitement, and a hint of anger. With notable abruptness, he continues fucking with a renewed ferocity, as if taking revenge for something, but this time he has absolute control. The sensation of being taken with such force awakens a wild fire inside you, a overflowing passion that mixes with pain and pleasure in a symphony of indescribable sensations. You are completely immersed in the erotic game between you and Eddie, each thrust taking you further into the abyss of shared desire.

Thegame is now tied, each one taking the lead at different moments. You feel Eddie moaning with an unusual intensity, sensing that he's about to reach climax. You want to warn him not to come inside, but your throat is blocked by Eddie's firm hand, keeping you from articulating any words. A slight shiver runs through his body when he perceives your attempt to communicate your desire, but it's too late.

With a few final shaky thrusts, Eddie gives in to the avalanche of pleasure, releasing his hot and trembling liquid inside you. You accept his release without reserve, watching Eddie's expression as he does so. His face shows an unusual vulnerability, with arched eyebrows and a lost look somewhere in the room. His slightly parted lips release his moans of pleasure, and his hands grip your hips tightly, as if clinging to you for support.

After Eddie releases his liquid inside you, he slowly retreats and lies down by your side. Both of you remain staring at the ceiling, and suddenly, a nervous and uncontrollable laughter overwhelms you. Eddie looks at you strangely and asks what's happening. Between laughs, you respond that you just imagined that all of this was one of his campaigns, a kind of joke or experiment designed to test your limits and reactions. The surprise on Eddie's face turns into a knowing smile when he realizes that you have disarmed the tension of the moment with your humorous comment. Both of you give in to laughter, releasing the accumulated tension and sharing a moment of complicity after the unrestrained passion you just experienced together. It's an unexpected and light ending to an intimate and passionate encounter.

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dilemmaontwolegs · 9 months

Note

Hi, hope you're alright. I came up with a story idea: the reader is married to Gasly's/Daniel's close friend but their marriage is hanging by a thread. The driver invites her to a few races so she can change the environment, they spend some time together and unexpectedly become lovers. And maybe later her husband is trying to fix their marriage but she and the driver can't stop thinking about each other

His Best Man || DR3

A/N: I took some creative liberties with the plot but I think it does this request justice 💕 ps: never condone cheating, it's horrible and this is purely fictional

Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, alcohol, cheating, smut WC: 7.6k F1 Masterlist || One || Two || Daniel’s Reaction

Dinner with James was a quiet affair, though it shouldn’t have been a surprise. Why would your anniversary be any different when his indifference was the only constant at this point?

You watched as he smiled at his phone, something you hadn’t been able to elicit from him in months, before he locked the device and placed it facedown on the table. The sigh that wanted to exhale from your flared nostrils barely remained silent as you focused on shifting the food around your plate, your appetite gone like the connection to your husband.

“Daniel sent us some passes to the race in Melbourne next month. I thought we could go, make a little holiday out of it?”

There was no excitement in your tone, it was more a question borne out of politeness because he would have seen the paddock passes sitting on the kitchen side if he ever looked away from his phone. The blasted device vibrated again and his fork clattered on his plate in his rush to read the incoming message.

“Well?” you asked as his thumbs flew across his screen.

“Can’t. Work project is going to keep me busy until the deadline,” he answered without looking up. “Take one of your friends, have a girls trip.”

Friends…those people you never saw anymore because James hadn’t liked them, though he never outright said it, those friends who had warned you that you were marrying a narcissist.

“It’s our anniversary,” you reminded him. “You know, falls on the same day each year.”

“Mhmm, yeah,” he nodded, clearly not listening. “Sounds good.”

You propped your elbow onto the glass tabletop and dropped your chin onto your palm as a familiar burn of resentment simmered in your soul. “The mailman gave me a pearl necklace.”

“That’s nice. Put it on my credit card.” He reached into his back pocket and tossed his wallet across the table, narrowly missing the glass of rosé.

You opened it and saw the polaroid from your wedding day no longer sat in the clear card slot but was stuffed behind his drivers licence. You shouldn’t have felt hurt after months of being ignored but the pain still surprised you, almost as much as the condom that you found with his cash. He hadn’t bought a box of condoms in at least three years, not since the wedding when you started trying for a baby - something that was probably best that it didn't happen.

“He must eat a lot of pineapples because it tasted delicious,” you murmured as you took his cash and the platinum credit card too.

James nodded and pushed his empty plate away. “Yeah, tasted good, thanks. Need to finish this project.” He rose from the table with his phone and started to make his way down the hall to his office. “Don’t wait up.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” You had a trip to plan.

You weren’t going to have a girls weekend but you were going to Melbourne. He may have been James’ friend first, but no one had the ability to turn a bad day (or year) around like Daniel could.

When you arrived in Perth you hadn’t expected Danny to be the one personally waiting at the airport. It was impossible to miss him with the amount of people that surrounded him, asking for pictures and autographs before he spotted you stepping out of customs.

You didn’t need to read lips to see him apologising to everyone as he made his way towards you, holding up a large welcome sign for ‘Roo’. You rolled your eyes at the nickname he had given you after one drunken night that ended with you tangled in a hammock, your head poking out of the material like a joey in a kangaroo pouch. You were only grateful he hadn’t nicknamed you Joey since the name had stuck over the years.

Your greeting turned to a peal of laughter as he dropped the sign and swept you into a hug that lifted your feet off the ground to spin you around.

“I’ve missed you, you beaut!” Danny’s smile was contagious and even when your feet were securely back on the ground he still kept his arms around you. “A shame James can’t come, but we can totally make his jealous as fuck for ditching us. One week, you, me, road trip to Melbourne.”

Day One - Perth to Kalgoorlie “I hope you know where we are going.”

Daniel laughed and just winked from the driver's seat of his Ford Ranger. It had been three hours of driving on the highway and you had not passed one town in the dusty landscape.

“It’s not far, just down the road a little more,” Danny said for the third time. “We still have half a tank of gas and a crate of Vitamin B, we’ll be fine if we need to camp.”

You quirked an eyebrow up as you looked in the backseat and saw the green box of Victoria Bitter beer strapped with a seatbelt.

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m going to camp anywhere,” you scoffed, tucking your knee up as the song changed to another country song from his endless playlist. “Spiders, snakes, dingoes, and your snoring. I think not.”

Daniel laughed and indicated to pull off the road despite there not being another soul within what felt like hundreds of kilometres.

“I’m sorry I said you snore, please don’t leave me here.”

His laugh only intensified as he turned the engine off and turned to face you. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Roo.”

“Then why have you stopped?” You tested the window but it had powered off with the engine. “It’s a freaking sauna in here.”

“Because you haven’t been yourself all day and there’s no cell reception out here so there’s nothing to distract you.” He took the useless device from your hand and tossed it in the glove compartment. “What’s going on with you and James?”

“Nothing,” you muttered as his brown eyes narrowed. “Seriously, there’s nothing going on with him. We hardly speak anymore and he sleeps in his office when he’s not out of town on another ‘business trip’. It’s just…nothing.”

Daniel’s brows pinched together in confusion as he sucked a lungful of air through his teeth. “But…what the hell happened?”

“I don’t know,” you exclaimed as you threw your hands in the air, just as clueless. “What do you want me to say? That he’s having an affair, or that one day he just stopped caring, or both?”

You turned away as it wasn’t a bead of sweat that rolled down your cheek when you sighed in defeat. Unable to withstand the heat without the air conditioner, you tugged the door handle and checked the dirt for any unwanted animals before jumping down from the running boards.

Daniel was already getting out his side and circling the bullbars before you could wipe the tears away but the sob you had tried to suppress clawed its way out when he pulled you against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he murmured softly as he rubbed your back and let your tears soak into his shirt. “He can be a bit of a cunt, but I never thought he could do that to you.”

“He did and it’s done,” you admitted with a raspy voice that was still strained from the emotion choking each word. “I moved my stuff out last week, not that he even noticed. I thought I could have a break to get away from it all and deal with a divorce when I get back.”

“That fucking idiot,” Daniel said as he pulled his shirt up to wipe your tears away. “He just lost the best thing in the world and he doesn’t even know it.”

Day Two - Kalgoorlie to Caiguna It was another long day of driving but after the broken sleep spent tossing and turning you weren’t much of a companion. You had eventually drifted off to sleep to the country music that Daniel loved so much and dreamt of crawling through fields of watermelons but the paddock soon turned to mud and you sank under the suffocating weight with it filling your lungs.

“Hey, it’s alright, you’re alright,” Danny soothed as you startled awake, his quick reflexes throwing his arm out to catch you from hitting the window. You could still feel the filthy fluid on your skin and shivered as you changed the song over and took a shuddering breath. “Bad dream?”

You rolled your shoulders and twisted your stiff neck, groaning at the crick that had come from using the seatbelt as a pillow. “Just weird.”

His eyes darted away from the endless road ahead and saw you trying to massage your neck before he brushed your hand aside. There certainly were perks to his strength training because his fingers were a godsend as they erased the knots that had formed.

“Hmmm, thank you,” you sighed deeply and his lips tipped up at the sound.

“Anytime. Hope you got the rest you needed, there’s a stop ahead and these guys know how to throw down.”

You narrowed your eyes at the horizon that was blurred by heatwaves and tried to see what lay beyond but gave up after a few seconds. “Throw down what?”

“Huh?”

“What are they throwing down?”

“Throw down,” he said slowly as if it would somehow make you understand but you were still confused. “Party, drink, dance. Throw down.”

“Oh, throw down, why didn’t you just say that?”

He laughed at your sarcasm and squeezed your knee. “You could definitely do with a drink or two and loosen up. Then I can get my old Roo back.”

“As long as I’m not expected to sleep in a hammock again.”

The motel was a little rough and run down but it had four walls and the bathroom was clean enough to last one night. Daniel had barely given you enough time to get changed into fresh clothes before he was knocking on your door ready to escort you next door to the bar. Coincidentally, the bar was also the restaurant, service station and grocery store all rolled into one.

You and Danny were by far the youngest people in the place but it didn’t stop the warm welcome from everyone. If any of the patrons knew who he was they hid it well because they treated him just like any other stranger passing through.

“Where ya from?”

“Where ya headed?”

“Watch out for ol’ Deloris, she’ll try take a bite out of ya.”

The questions came in quick succession and you looked around the room trying to figure out which of the ladies was Deloris only to find the name on a plaque beneath a huge crocodile head suspended from the rafters.

“Fuck me,” you gasped as you took a step back, bumping into Danny as he laughed along with the bartender.

“Gets ‘em every time,” he chuckled as he placed two large bottles of beer onto the well worn bartop. “Looks like ya sheila could use something a little stronger.”

Daniel’s large hands landed on your shoulders and started to massage the tense muscles. “There’s no crocs ‘round here, isn’t enough water,” he whispered to calm your nerves. “Deloris was probably a pet.”

“Who in their right mind would keep that as a pet?”

“Probably someone not in their right mind.” His warm laugh tickled your ear before he turned you back to the bartender to grab your drink. “Cheers.”

Daniel found a small table in the surprisingly busy restaurant space and it appeared as if most of the locals were keeping the economy running in the place. It was strange to think that the faded walls decorated with old photographs of the glory days gone by felt more homely than the one you had built with James.

You could easily see yourself placing a coin on the pool table to save your place in the queue or ordering the fresh market fish off the menu without questioning how it was fresh so far from the sea. You could see yourself walking in to see the same faces at the end of a long week and the barman would listen to your complaints as he poured your usual without needing to be asked.

You took a generous gulp of beer that Daniel swore was ‘the good stuff’ and hummed at the hoppy flavour as it quenched the thirst that hadn’t stopped since you stepped foot in the country. It was no wonder why they liked their beers so much, they needed whatever they could to cool their bodies down.

“I like this place,” you said with a smile that Danny returned with pride.

“Thought you might, and tomorrow’ll be even better.”

“Where are we going tomorrow?”

Daniel shook his head and occupied his lips with the bottle so he could keep you in the dark a little longer. You didn’t mind this type of surprise, knowing he wanted to make you smile and was planning everything could to make that happen on the road trip.

The doldrum tune that was playing from the corner of the bar was interrupted as a coin was slotted into the jukebox and Josh Turner’s Your Man came on the machine. Couples around the bar and restaurant left their belongings and made their way to the dance floor. Where you came from no one would do that, and if they did their belongings wouldn’t be there when they returned.

Beneath the table you could feel Daniel’s foot tapping in time to the beat and his fingers drummed on the long neck he lifted to his lips. He caught the longing in your eyes as you watched a grey haired man holding his wife, slowly swaying together like you had imagined you would with James in 40 years.

“Come on, Roo,” he invited as he pushed his chair back and held out his hand. His palm was cold and damp from the beer bottle but it was refreshing on your skin with the heat that still lingered with the setting sun. Leading you to the edge of the dance floor he pulled you close and curled an arm around your waist as he started to sing along. “I've been thinking 'bout this all day long, never felt a feeling quite this strong, I can't believe how much it turns me on, just to be your man. I know you know the words, don’t be shy.”

It was impossible to feel embarrassed with him, even if you butchered the song he would still smile like he was listening to his favourite artist live. So, you placed your hand in his and the other rested on his shoulder as you started to sway and sing along.

“There's no hurry, don't you worry, we can take our time. Come a little closer, let's go over, what I had in mind.”

Daniel let go of you and your head fell back with a laugh as he spun you away and pulled you back. You could only giggle as you returned out of step and ended with your back to his chest instead of face to face but he adapted quickly and held your waist instead.

“Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low,” his voice was deep and rich in your ear, intimate and full of promise that hit you unexpectedly. “And put some music on that's soft and slow. Baby we ain't got no place to go, I hope you understand.”

You were glad you weren’t facing him as his words affected you in a way you couldn’t remember feeling for over a year. The very air seemed to thicken in your lungs as you felt every inch of his body fitting against yours. You could feel the veins on his hands as you laced your fingers with his and guided them down to your hips.

This was the first time the lines had blurred throughout the years of friendship and you allowed yourself to feel wanted, if only for a song.

Day Three - Caiguna to Yalata The pounding in your head turned out to be banging on your door and you somehow found the strength to answer it. Bright sunlight flooded in through the crack and you groaned as you covered your eyes.

“Good morning sunshine,” Daniel greeted brightly as he stepped inside. “It’s 7am on another stunning day here in Straya.”

You playfully shoved Danny and he rolled with it to splay across your bed, the blankets still tucked in from collapsing atop them last night.

“7am is too early,” you complained as you climbed into the small space he left on the twin sized bed, curling onto your side and throwing your arm over your face to block out the light. “Let me sleep.”

“You can sleep in the car.” His fingers danced teasingly over your ribs and you jutted your elbow back into his hard abs before he could properly tickle you. “Ouch, you’re not very nice in the morning.”

“This isn’t morning, this is still night,” you grumbled as his arm draped over your waist instead.

“The sun is up.”

“Tell that to the people of Norway. It can be sunny at midnight there.”

You could feel him silently laughing at you as it shook the bed. “But we aren’t in Norway.”

“Shh,” you murmured as you snuggled closer to him. “Let me go back to sleep.”

“Fine,” he conceded, making some adjustments to the pillow before shoving his arm under your head, “but just because I’m comfortable now.”

The hangover was gone by the time you woke naturally and you felt refreshed as you stretched lazily. Rolling over in Daniel’s arms you found his eyes closed and his lips parted slightly with soft snores. You raised your head a little to see the alarm clock that was probably considered vintage in the 80’s and saw it was well past check out time. Luckily it didn't appear that the No Vacancy sign was ever used, so there was no rush to leave.

The small movement was enough to wake him and your stomach clenched at the smile that brightened your day more than the blistering sun outside when his honey brown eyes opened.

“I can’t believe this,” you tutted as you let him pull you closer against his chest. “I was ready to go at 7 and you just went back to sleep…so lazy.”

“How rude of me,” he chuckled. “I’m sure I can find a way to make it up to you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Woah,” you whispered breathlessly as the truck bounced to a stop on the hard sand of the tidal line. “It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t it just,” Daniel grinned as he opened his door and looked across at you. “Coming in?”

You bit your lip as your eyes feasted on the picturesque scene. Big barrel waves crashing out in the bay and white sand welcoming bare feet on the shore, it was a sight pretty enough to make angels cry. Hopping out, you rounded the four wheel drive ute and sat on the metal bar running across the front, distracted by the breathtaking view. “What about sharks?”

Daniel’s door shut and you turned to the sound in time to see him pulling his singlet over his head and tossing it through the backseat window before unbuckling his belt and shoving his jeans off too. It was impossible not to stare at the hard planes of his chest or the definition of his abs, and then the thick thighs that were barely covered by his boxers.

“The chances of a shark attack are less than…” His words trailed off as he looked up and caught you blatantly staring, his teeth sparkling as a big smile grew on his face. “The view is spectacular, am I right or am I right?”

“You or the beach?”

“Spectacular is pretty high in the standards of compliments,” he said as he started to flex his arms, “but if you think I’m spectacular then I would accept that.”

You closed your eyes from the harsh sunlight and tipped your head back to feel the rays on your cheeks as you laughed. “You’ve never had to worry about your ego, have you?”

He sent you a playful pout as he walked towards you, his thongs flicking up golden sand behind him with each step. “It would take a hit if you didn’t come swim with me.”

You hadn’t realised quite how many types of heat there was until that moment. There was the heat of the bonnet from hours of driving beneath you, the heat of the sun in the sky above and the heat of his hands that landed on your knees. It was the heat of his hands that seeped into your blood and spread throughout your body, increasing to boiling point as they slowly ran up your thighs.

Your knees unconsciously parted for him and he stepped into the space so you were eye to eye and his tongue rolled across his bottom lip. “There’s nets out past the reef, you’ll be safe with me.”

You took a sharp intake of air as his fingers caught the hem of your shirt and his knuckles grazed your skin. “Well?” he asked quietly. “Trust me?”

You swallowed deeply as you nodded and he rewarded you with another of those smiles you had come to love before he lifted your shirt up and left it on the hood of the truck so he could grab you around the waist and haul you over his shoulder.

“Daniel!” you yelped as the world was suddenly upside down and he kicked his thongs off before jogging towards the water. “Don’t you dare dunk me.”

You expected the next sudden shift when the water reached his knees but as quick as he tossed you up off his shoulder he caught you again with a booming laugh. His arms were bound around your thighs and your hands planted on his shoulders as you looked down at his amused face.

“I wouldn’t dare,” he promised as he eased his grip, your body sliding down his until you were once more eye to eye. “I just want to make you smile.”

Day Four - Yalata to Port Lincoln As much as you had found yourself enjoying the historical rich motels in the outback, you were just as happy to find the accommodation in Port Lincoln was a five star resort on the waterfront. The sun was just starting to set when you arrived at the hotel and checked into the two bedroom suite with a gorgeous view of the harbour.

“I never knew driving could be so exhausting,” you said as you dropped into the swing chair on the large balcony.

“Don’t worry, tomorrow’s a rest day so you can recover from all that driving you didn’t even do,” Daniel pointed out with a smirk, taking the spot beside you and taking over the leg exercise of swinging it back and forth. “We can do whatever you want, just can’t miss the boat to Adelaide tomorrow night.”

It was nice spending so much time alone with Daniel on the road, comfortable conversations rolling like the tires on the highway, but a change of pace would be welcomed. “What is there to do?”

“Hmm,” he frowned and stood up. “Let me go see.”

Daniel disappeared out of the room and returned a few minutes later with a stack of brochures that he had taken from the tourist stands in reception and you met him on the couch inside where the pleasant offshore wind couldn’t whip them away. Together you flicked through them, separating them into three piles of yes, no and maybe.

“Sure you don’t wanna cage dive?” he teased as you threw that particular brochure across the room. “You could get up close and personal with a Great White. Once in a lifetime opportunity right there.”

You snorted and shook your head. “Once in a lifetime because it would kill me. Not happening.”

“Here, that’s a yes for you.”

You took the advert for a farm park where you could hand feed the animals and added it to the yes pile. “Maybe next year we can go to your farm…unless James gets you in the divorce.” Your lips turned down at the idea and you realised you had hardly thought of your husband, but now that you had he had disturbed your peace even though he was thousands of miles away.

Daniel reached over the coffee table to the stationary set, grabbing a hotel engraved pen before pulling his shoe off. “It’s just like Toy Story,” he said as he waved the pen in your face. “Put your name on me first.”

You managed a small laugh as you took the pen and clicked the nib out. “Should tattoo it so it doesn’t wash off.”

Daniel squirmed on the couch as the pen tickled his foot and you grabbed his ankle so he couldn’t move too much but he started to giggle uncontrollably as the nib ran over his instep. “How long does it take to write Roo?”

You laughed and kept going before he wretched his foot free and crossed his leg over his knee to see your full first and last name on it - maiden name, not married.

“For legal purposes,” you said as you clicked the pen nib away and tossed it on the table.

“Fair enough.” He grinned at the writing everytime he looked at his crossed leg and draped his arm over the back of the cushion as you returned to the seat. “You can come by the farm anytime, don’t have to wait for next year.”

“Except for shearing season,” you smirked as you remembered that mistake where you were roped into helping the jackaroos round the sheep up and shave them. “I have no interest in losing all feeling in my arms again.”

“Earned that beer though,” he said with a chuckle as he started to massage your neck. “I was so proud, you weren’t afraid to get stuck in and help. I kinda thought you were a bit of a princess ‘til then.”

Your nose crinkled at the endearment James used to call you. “Well I’m glad I got rid of that image. But, out of curiosity, what do you think I am now?”

The smile could only be described as devilish as his hand spread across your nape and guided you closer to him. His eyes held you captivated and his lips parted with his answer but it was silenced by the sound of ringtone breaking the tension and like a puppet whose strings were cut he fell back into his seat. The emotion in his eyes was erased with a blink and you reached blindly for your phone, answering the call without needing to see who it was from.

“Hey, isn’t it like midnight?” you asked as you lifted the device to your ear but there was no answer at the other end. “Hello? James?”

“Fuck, yeah, just like that baby. God, Laura, you’re so perfect.” The phone slipped from your grasp as you heard the muted but unmistakable sound of James’ voice.

Daniel frowned as he picked the phone up from your lap and lifted it to his ear, shock registering before it transformed into anger and he hung up the phone without breaking the screen with the force of it. He discarded the phone and pulled you into his lap in the same instance but you didn’t hear what he said as you buried your face in his neck and grappled onto him for dear life.

Day Five - Port Lincoln to Adelaide You didn’t feel like doing anything other than staying in bed and sleeping the day away but Daniel wouldn’t let you waste another minute of your time because of James. In a way you could understand the logic and as a big ‘fuck you’ to him you were going to get your shit together and go and have fun.

Daniel worked even harder to get a smile or a laugh out of you and kept his camera on hand to capture the moments he succeeded. The animal farm did make you feel a little better and holding a joey as you bottle fed it was finally enough to break through the invasive cloud that had hung over you.

“Roo and Roo Two,” Danny commented as he moved around taking a million shots of you.

“Need a hand?” a passing couple offered after watching Daniel try and extend his arm enough to get in the shot too.

“That’d be a dream,” Daniel nodded and he handed his camera over before sitting down beside you and curling his arm around your waist. The joey was almost asleep from drinking all of the milk and Daniel grinned at you as he stroked its neck. “Looks like you when you sleep.”

You grinned back, forgetting about the camera. “Cute, right?”

“Yup, that’s, uh, exactly what I was thinking.” He cleared his throat and scratched his neck awkwardly before laughing when your elbow connected with his ribs. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. You’re a cutie-tootie when you sleep…it’s another story when you’re awake.”

His laugh was loud enough to wake the joey when you nudged him again with an offended look. “What? You’re beautiful when you’re awake.”

“That’s totally what you meant,” you said sarcastically before rolling your eyes. “Just look at the camera and smile like a normal person.”

He tipped his head to yours and smiled brightly for the camera, but he couldn’t resist whispering, “Bold of you to assume I know how to be normal.”

Day Six - Adelaide to Portland It took a moment to recollect the events from the night before and it wasn’t because of the many wine tastings you had gone to around the Port Lincoln area. Perhaps that had a little bit to do with it, but mostly it was because you had fallen asleep in the truck to the gentle rocking motion of the ferry but now you were tucked into an unfamiliar bed.

“Danny?” you called out as you tossed the covers back and found you were still in yesterday's clothes. You could hear some sounds outside of the room but Daniel hadn't answered your call so you picked up the coat rack from the corner and quickly opened the door.

“Jesus Christ.” Daniel jumped back as you waved the long pole his way. “What the fuck?”

You sagged in the doorway and dropped the makeshift weapon to clutch your chest. “You gave me a fright.”

“I gave you a fright?” he asked incredulously. “You gave me a fucking heart attack. What were you going to do with this?” He swiped the coat rack off the floor and couldn’t stop himself from laughing at it. “Please don’t give me a concussion before the race.”

“But any other time is good?” you quipped as your lips tipped up now that your heart rate was returning to normal. “How did I get to bed?”

He flexed his arms with a cocky grin. “I tried to wake you up but you were dead to the world. And now that sleeping beauty is awake, how about we go out for breakfast? There’s meant to be a huge market that sells a bit of everything that we could check out after.”

You held a finger up as you looked down at your clothes and heard your stomach rumble, answering the question of whether to shower or not first. “Just give me one minute to change.”

Daniel had obviously been awake for a while being an early bird so he was ready and waiting at the door when you reappeared, his hand held out and waiting for yours. The lines between friendship and more were getting blurrier each day but it no longer felt wrong as you laced your fingers with his and stepped outside.

“Are you limping?” you asked with a frown as he kept his weight on one side the entire walk to the market.

“No, just got pins and needles in my foot.”

An hour later he was still favouring his right foot so you steered him back towards the hotel so he didn’t make it worse before you got to Melbourne. “You should probably see a doctor.”

Daniel dropped onto the couch and stole the remote to choose a movie, patting the space beside him so he could kiss your temple after joining him. “You worry too much, I’ll be fine.”

“You’re quiet,” Daniel commented as he turned off the tv. “What’s got you thinking so loud?”

You chewed your bottom lip as he called you out. He was too observant, or you were too easy to read. “It’s our last night together.”

“You’re still going to stay with me for the weekend, right?” He shifted in his seat to face you and stroked your cheek with the back of his hand as he waited for an answer.

You nodded and he relaxed a little only to freeze as you spoke, “But you’ll be busy, we don’t have time to hang out.”

“I’ll always make time for you,” he promised as he pulled you into his lap. “This week with you has been…spectacular.”

“Spectacular is pretty high in the standards of compliments,” you reminded him, much to his amusement.

His smile softened as his fingers trailed along your jaw and down your neck to trace your collarbone. “Which is why it’s reserved for very, very good things.”

You were almost certain he could hear your heart racing like thunderous hoof beats in a quiet desert. The blood was pumping around your body carrying the oxygen you needed to replace but couldn’t seem to draw the air into your lungs as he leaned forward.

“You were his best man,” you whispered with the last of your breath as you felt the heat of his lips so close to yours.

“But I’ve always been the best man for you.”

The first kiss was softer than the wind, tentative and testing as you learned how your body responded to the caress before hunger yearned for something deeper. A deep moan rumbled from Daniel’s chest as your tongue rolled across his lips that parted for you and his arms encircled you to hold you tight, as if he were clinging to the spell so it couldn’t be broken.

“Please, Danny,” you sighed longingly as his hands slipped under the summer dress you wore and his thumbs teased you with painfully slow circles on your thighs. “You have never been a patient man, don’t start now.”

His quiet laugh heated the skin of your neck that he kissed with such tenderness you wanted to cry. It had been so long since you had been touched in such a way that you couldn’t wait any longer.

“Please,” you begged as you rolled your hips over his cock that was straining against his shorts. You moaned as the hard length brushed over your panties and a reciprocal sound came from Daniel before he stood up abruptly.

“Fuck, I wanted to take my time with you,” he murmured against your lips as he blindly walked to the closest bedroom.

“Later,” you promised. “Right now I need you to get me out of this goddamn dress and fuck me.”

Day Seven - Portland to Melbourne “Oh, fuck off,” you growled as your phone rang on the bedside drawers. You rolled back into Daniel’s embrace and wrapped your arms around his waist as he saw at the voicemail notification before it started to ring again.

“He’s just going to keep calling,” Daniel said with a sigh that turned to a yawn after the late night spent getting to know each other's bodies intimately. “You’ll have to talk to him at some point.”

“I know, I just want to savour this moment before the drama starts. I can’t remember the last time I woke up like this, happy and content. I’m not ready for that to end.”

“What makes you think I’ll let this end?” he teased as he rolled you onto your back and trailed wet kisses down your neck. “I might just write my name on your foot too and call you mine.”

The warmth of the blankets disappeared as Daniel made his way down your body, kissing the entire length of you before settling between your legs as the phone rang again.

“Answer it,” Daniel ordered as his fingertips delicately traced the stretch marks across your hips, committing every inch of your body to his memory. “Or he won’t go away.”

You tried to find any hint of resentment in his face as you reached for the phone but there was only an air of smugness as he made himself comfortable, resting his head on your thigh.

“I think we have been robbed,” James said without even a hello as you answered the call on speakerphone. “Everything in the guest room is gone.”

A huff of amusement bubbled at the image of him standing in the empty room, his face crumpled in confusion as he scratched his head. “It’s at my apartment.”

“What apartment? What are you on about?”

“The apartment I rented before I moved out two weeks ago. The one I will be living in when I get back.” Daniel’s fingers traced the waistband of your panties and your breath hitched as they slipped beneath the lace.

“Bullshit,” he laughed but there was a hint of uncertainty in the sound. “Just come home and talk about this before you make any rash decisions. I know I have been busy with work lately-"

“More like busy with Laura.” The air that hissed between your teeth could have been mistaken for anger but it was entirely from the devilish look in Daniel’s eyes as he bit the soft skin along your inner thigh.

“Laura’s my assistant.”

The laugh turned to a gasp as Daniel pushed the lace aside and ran his tongue through your folds, his eyes rolling up to watch your reaction, the phone falling from your hand as you reached for his hair. You tugged the strands as his tongue circled your clit and you couldn’t stop the moan from escaping as you arched your back at the growing pleasure.

“Fuck, yeah, just like that baby,” you begged shamelessly and he chuckled as he felt your walls flutter around the fingers he curled into your cunt. “God, Daniel, you’re so perfect.”

A round of expletives filled the air as James heard a real orgasm take over your body but they fell silent as he realised why the words seemed so familiar. You weren’t just accusing him of fucking Laura, you knew. And you were using his best friend to show him.

“Some friend you are, sack of shit,” James growled as you whimpered with the aftershocks of the orgasm.

“Some husband you were,” Daniel snickered as he tore your panties off and climbed up your body to kiss you, sharing the taste of your pleasure on his tongue before he picked up the phone. “You lost the best thing you had, mate. I won’t make the same mistake you did.”

Daniel ended the call stared down at you in wonder as a slow smile started to spread across his face. “I don’t think he will be calling back.”

It may have been the high of the orgasm, or it could have been the knowledge that after a year of enduring the decaying marriage, but you were free - either way, you were giddy with joy as you wrapped your legs around Daniel’s hips and pulled him closer.

“I can’t believe you did that,” you giggled as you hooked your fingers into his boxers and pushed them over his hips.

“He had to know who you belong to now, he had his chance.” His voice was pure decadence in your ear as he ran the tip of his cock through your folds before stretching you wide as he thrust forward and stilled. He gave you a moment to adjust to his size and brushed a gentle kiss across your lips before captivating you with his golden brown eyes. “Still want to know what I think you are?”

Your fingers ran softly down his back, feeling each bump on his spine right down to the twin dimples at the base. “Tell me,” you whispered as your hands grasped the firm muscles of his ass, your nails digging in to spur him into moving.

“Mine.”

Melbourne Grand Prix - Race Day The screams of Daniel’s home crowd were intoxicating and you couldn’t help cupping your hands around your mouth and joining in as he parked front and centre of the pitlane having won his home race. Climbing out of the car, stood atop the halo and threw his fists in the air before tearing his helmet off and holding it up too, tapping his finger on the large number 3.

You couldn’t help but notice how he still favoured his right foot after he jumped off the car and rushed towards his team, grappling them into strong hugs that probably crushed the air out of their lungs - not that they cared as they ran on adrenaline after the race.

“Wow, Daniel, what a race! You were absolutely flying!” the interviewer praised after he took his microphone and joined her in front of the Sky Sports camera. “Looking at some of those high speed corners, it looked like you were fighting to keep the race line.”

“I couldn’t brake hard if I tried,” he laughed and combed his sweaty hair back through his fingers. “Got a fresh tattoo and it’s still a little tender.”

“On your foot?” Naomi asked as she pointed to his Red Bull boot.

“Yeah, glad it wasn’t on my throttle one or I don’t think I’d be up here,” he joked.

“I’m certain I am asking on behalf of everyone when I say, can we see it?” A cheer from the crowd confirmed her statement and your fingers gripped the metal barrier as goosebumps broke over your skin.

“No way,” you mumbled under your breath as you shook your head to get rid of the ridiculous thought you had.

“Sure, I’ll need this off for my shoey anyway,” he said as he pulled the boot off along with his sock. Turning around, he bent his knee so the sole of his foot could be seen and looked over his shoulder, grinning as he found you at the barrier with his team.

“Aww, look at that, it’s adorable,” Naomi gushed as she saw the basic outline of a kangaroo on the sole of his foot. “What a way to pay homage to your nation!”

You bit your lip from smiling too hard when he started to laugh as she completely misunderstood what the picture meant. “Of course!”

He excused himself quickly and hopped towards you, not wanting to get the days old tattoo dirty on the ground.

“You’re actually insane,” you gasped as you slapped his chest playfully, still in disbelief that he had the word Roo tattooed on his foot beneath the picture.

He leaned in closer so he could talk without fear of being overheard and you inhaled the purely masculine scent of him enveloping you as his lips brushed the shell of your ear. “It was your idea, and if you didn’t sleep so much you would have been awake to come and get it done with me.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t keep the smile off your face as his hot hands came to rest on top of yours. “I must admit, I’m a little disappointed that it isn’t my full name.”

“Do you know how ticklish that was? I would have wet myself trying to get your whole name.”

You smirked at him, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes deepening with his growing smile. “That sounds like a you problem.”

“Does anyone have a marker pen?” Daniel asked loudly and about half a dozen were thrust his way in an instant.

“What are you doing?” you asked as you took a step back but the crowd was so tightly packed there was nowhere to go.

“Foot,” he said as he tapped the barrier, “up. It’s not a tattoo…yet.”

“You’re insane,” you laughed as you shook your head but instead he dropped to his knees and caught your ankle under the barrier.

“And you’re mine, I just need to…stop wriggling,” he complained as he pulled your shoe off and bit the cap off the marker before inking your sole. Twisting your foot about you saw his driver number covering the skin and bit your lip at the self-satisfied smirk on his face as he flipped the pen in his hand. “There, that’s better.”

“Is it?” you joked as you slipped your shoe back on. “I would have said spectacular.”

You were always surprised that his smile could somehow brighten, even when it seemed like it couldn’t possibly grow any more. But his smile grew as stepped closer and his hand reached for the back of your neck, pulling you to meet him as much as the barrier allowed.

“Spectacular?” he echoed before crushing his lips to yours until you were breathless and forgot where you were. “Yeah, that’s more like it.”

Daniel's Road Trip Playlist: Cruise - Florida Georgia Line Watermelon Crawl - Tracy Byrd Your Man - Josh Turner You Make It Easy - Jason Aldean Right Now the Best - Zach Bryan Over For You - Morgan Evans Live Like You Were Dying - Tim McGraw Die A Happy Man - Thomas Rhett Butterflies - Kacey Musgraves

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#daniel ricciardo fanfic #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo smut #daniel ricciardo x y/n #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 smut #f1 rpf #formula one imagine #formula 1 fanfic

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azrielslightintheshadows · 5 months

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Hey friend!!! Ive been loooving, devouring and reblogging all your fics! I was wondering if i could request azriel x reader where reader has a visible scar on her face, maybe through her eyebrow down to mid cheek from an attacker that tried to kill her. She has a mini crush on azriel but she sees how hes attracted to Elain whos the definition of beauty so reader just gives up even attempting to like him. Angst with happy ending pls. ❤️

Forever

Azriel x f!Reader

Warnings; mentions of abuse and death.

Masterlist

Not one of my best writings but I really didn't know how to write this. If you don't like it please let me know so I can rewrite it! Thank you so much for your kind words and I really hope I didn't let you down with this.

You joined the inner circle when you were still a teenager. Rhysand had found you in Hewn City when two males tried to force themselves on you after a party. You watched wide-eyed as he made a public display of power by crushing their minds and flinched when he grabbed you and winnowed away. He took you to Velaris and you met the rest of the inner circle who instantly welcomed you and made you a part of their small family.

The shadowsinger immediately caught your attention and you found yourself falling for him as the years passed. Your close relationship with them though pissed off your father and one of the days you visited Hewn City with them he paid someone to end your life. Your attacker managed to find you alone and pounced on you with a dagger in hand. You quickly jumped back and let a scream when his dagger scratched your face from your eyebrow to your cheekbone. Azriel heard your cries and emerged from darkness next to you, he immediately disarmed your attacker while his shadows caressed your wounded skin, their coldness soothing the pain. He called Rhys to take you to Velaris and then disappeared with your attacker.

Madja did everything she could, and she managed to save your eye, but the scar remained, a constant reminder of your father’s resentment. Azriel remained by your side helping you get past your trauma and teaching you how to defend yourself in a similar situation. You really enjoyed the attention he gave you and once again you started hoping that one day he might fall for you.

Then the Archeron sisters came into your life and Azriel became distant as he started spending time with the middle one. He would disappear for the whole day and when he would come back to the house of wind to sleep, he would reek of Elain’s scent. Your heart broke every time he would pass in front of you with a quick nod as a greeting and then disappear into his room. Elain was the definition of perfection, long golden-brown hair, rich brown eyes and most importantly a face without any scars. You could see why Azriel fawned over her, and even though it hurt, you remained silent thinking that he deserves a beautiful female like her by his side and not a sullied one like you. You stopped trying to get his attention, stopped making him tea every morning, stopped tidying his daggers and books knowing that he wouldn’t even notice.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

You were sitting on your bed reading one of the books that Nesta gave you when Azriel strolled in with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong?” he asked and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What do you mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“You are avoiding me.” He exclaimed.

“No I am not” you lied. “I’m not stupid.” He growled “I don’t have to avoid you since you are never here” you snorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Listen, I get why you spend so much time with Elain, she is perfect, and I really hope you two will be happy together but please give me some time to adjust.” You sighed.

“What? There’s nothing going on between me and her. I’m just following Rhysand’s orders.” He was staring at you with a panicked expression.

“Az I know you, this is not just an order you’re following, you’re falling for her.” You said softly. “I really hoped that one day you would fall for me, but I get it… I’m not perfect” you pointed at your scar and Azriel’s breath hitched.

“Don’t you ever say that again” he growled “you are perfect, and this scar makes you even more irresistible.” He sat next to you on the bed and cupped your face “I fell for you the moment I saw you. I couldn’t believe that a female like you could ever want someone like me, and then the attack happened, and I realized that I can’t even protect you, so I kept my distance.” You blinked and opened your mouth to speak but he held a finger up stopping you.

“I spend my time with Elain because I want to help her, to keep her safe because I failed you. I thought that if I could do that with her I would become worthy of you”

“You never failed me Az” your voice was barely above a whisper as you spoke. “You couldn’t know that my own father would hire someone to kill me, and even though you weren’t expecting it you came just in time to save me. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

He sighed and pressed his forehead against your own. “Can you forgive me?” he whispered. “There is nothing to forgive.” You smiled.

He returned your smile and slowly captured your lips with his own, his kiss was soft yet needy and his thumbs caressed your cheeks.

“You have my full attention angel… forever” he said when you broke the kiss. “I love you” you sighed.

“I love you more” he replied and kissed you again.

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55sturn · 1 month

Text

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ SNAP OUT OF IT CHAPTER 0.03

↳ series masterlist! ↳ main masterlist!

↳ summary: in which tensions still run high, even after a week, and matt’s actions have frustrated y/n to the point of nearly snapping, so in a futile attempt to clear and ease her mind, she and jocelyn decide to attend a party, however she only leaves even more confused.

↳ pairings: college student!matt sturniolo x college student!fem!reader

↳ warnings: swearing, drug usage, nicotine usage [both reader and matt smoke cigarettes], alcohol consumption, parties, vomiting, implication of people hooking up, physical violence, verbal arguments, random guy being a creep, unwanted advances, i think that’s it!

↳ important things to note: the part of the song that this chapter is heavily based around is “every time you try to forget who i am, i'll be right there to remind you again, you know me.” and you’ll see why !! also, povs will be changing again, starting with third and then it switches to reader’s pov, and back to third! each pov switch will be shown with a red header!

THIRD PERSON POV

for the most part, things in the dorm shared between y/n and matt, were tense. the air was thick every time the two of them were in the same room. it was a bearable feeling when jocelyn was acting as a buffer of some sort, but the second she left, it became palpable. it left a sour taste in both their mouths, but matt ignored it and preoccupied his mind with countless girls.

y/n was losing sleep over the constant sound of moans and curses leaving the space beneath the floor and bottom of matt’s door. she felt stressed, because between matt having very little concern for y/n at all hours of the night, he refused to acknowledge what had happened the first night there, or even in the past.

as the door slammed shut, y/n scoffed and left her room, stumbling into the kitchen with bleary eyes, grabbing a bottle of water and a muffin from the counter. as she peeled the paper from the muffin, matt stumbled in.

“damn, why don’t you wear clothes like that more often?” matt snickers, gesturing to the cropped, and thin, tank top and short silk sleep shorts y/n wore, making her roll her eyes.

“maybe next time you decide to blow out some bitch’s back, can you keep her from squealing like a dog in heat? some of us are actually trying to sleep.” she spits, throwing her muffin wrapper in the trash, turning to walk to her room.

“hey bug?” matt whispers, loud enough for y/n to hear, causing her to stop dead in her tracks, sending her heart shooting up to her throat.

“you do not get to call me that. you lost any right to call me that the night you called me a dorky fucking loser and that you could never be with someone like me, all because janae broke your heart.” she seethes, returning to her room, letting her door slam shut, making matt jump from the noise.

“i miss you.” matt whispers to himself, his heart twisting in his chest as he retreats back to his room.

following that day, the two didn’t talk much, nor did they even really spare a glance in the other’s direction. y/n was baffled at matt’s level audacity, she couldn’t wrap her head around him calling her “bug”, as if he hadn’t ripped her heart from her chest back in high school, as if he hadn’t tormented for four years, subtly trying to prove her self doubts.

matt wasn’t an idiot by any means, he was just as smart as y/n, if not smarter. but he was arrogant and he was ignorant. and he was an asshole. he learned a lot about her in a short time, the summer they met. but after he broke her heart, he acted like she was a stranger. he resented her because he fell in love with the moment they met, but then he met janae, and slowly forgot about y/n. until she confessed her feelings to him. he was angry about janae rejecting him, but he was angrier about y/n realizing her feelings too late. so he returned the pain janae inflicted upon him because it felt right.

he knew who y/n was from the moment he got his dorm assignment, he just felt that acting like he didn’t recognize her would prove something.

what would it prove?

he didn’t know. he spent so long acting as if she was a stranger to him, that if he kept it up, it wouldn’t give them any room to reconnect but his plan faltered the moment he saw how badly him pretending not to know her, hurt her.

matt was smart. he knew that. everyone knew that. but he also knew he was being stupid treating y/n the way he has when she didn’t even do anything. but he was as prideful as he was smart. and swallowing his pride was not something he was familiar with. every time she got an amazing grade, he felt proud of her, but he felt prouder of himself, he knew he could top her grade, and so he did.

what he didn’t actually know was that every time he topped her grade, it killed her because she thought she had finally accomplished the best she could do, and he blew by her without remorse and with ease, making her feel like she was never going to reach her best potential.

but she was sure that once her film and visual studies course started, she’d be the best in the class. but boy was she in for a rude awakening.

every time she tried to forget what matt meant to her, and who matt was to her at one point, it was as if he'd materialize out of thin air, reminding her that he was always going to be there, in the back of her mind, haunting every decision and thought she made. she felt like she couldn't breathe because of the memories shared between the two, the way he made her feel, because he was like a ghost that attached himself to her, feeding off her self doubt, and reminding her that she'll never be as good as him.

and for matt, she was a parasite in the depths of his mind. clinging to everything that reminded him of her. he couldn't see the colour yellow without thinking of her, no matter how badly he wanted to attach something else to it. he couldn't watch the movie, perks of being a wallflower, without thinking about how every time she watched it when she hung out with nick in high school, the two of them quoting the movie together. every thing he knew about her, stuck to the walls of his mind, unrelenting to let go, permanently altering the way he viewed things.

READER’S POV

i sighed as i called jocelyn for the fourth time, silently cursing her for always having her phone on do not disturb.

"hey it's joce, leave a message after the beep, and i'll get back to you when i can!" her voicemail message hums, followed by the aggravating beep.

"bitch can you please let me know if you left yet? there's a party tonight and i need to go, i need to get out of this fucking dorm." i groan, hanging up after leaving the message, and throwing my phone on the counter.

"since when did you become a party girl?" matt chuckles as he rounds the corner into the kitchen, adjusting the red fitted cap sitting on his head as he leans against the counter opposite to me, his arms folding across his chest, the low lighting hitting his face perfectly, showing off his deep features.

"since when does it matter to you what i do?" i spit, grabbing my phone and an apple, turning to leave when matt speaks up again.

"it always has, you know that." he whispers, his voice sending a shiver down my spine as i spin around, watching as he holds eye contact, trying to gauge my reaction as i scoff.

"i don't know what you are trying to get at here, but these mind games need to stop, matt." i snap, needing him to get over himself, and leave me the hell out of whatever his endgame was.

"alright, princess."

"can you stop being such a cocky douchebag for two minutes and take me seriously?" i groan, watching as he grabs the apple i held onto, his eyes never leaving mine as he takes a bite before placing it back in my hand.

"whatever you say, princess." he hums, winking at me before grabbing his cigarettes and lighter off the table, and heading out the door.

i stand there in the same spot, blinking a few times as i try to ignore the heat building in the pit of my stomach, trying to work through the shock of his actions. and more importantly, the shock of why his actions turned me on. my phone starting ring pulls me out of my shell shocked daze, looking down i see jocelyn’s contact picture flashing across my screen.

“hello?” i hum after sliding my thumb across the screen, waiting for her to speak.

“hi sorry my service has been shit all day but i’m here and i’ve got some shit for you, so can you come help me?”

“yeah i’m on my way.”

after a while of catching up, jocelyn and i began getting ready, wanting to stop by a restaurant a block away before hitting up the party that i was invited to by some random girls in the hallway.

“so where’s matt?”

“probably hooking up with some bitch.” i grunt, pulling up the red leather miniskirt that jocelyn had gifted me, followed by tugging up the zipper that lined the back. i tug the laces through the last few holes of the corset halter top i wore, tying them into a tight bow before turning to facing jocelyn.

“oh my god you look so hot!” jocelyn beams, tugging up the black leather pants she decided on, turning to check out her own ass, giving it a nice slap before laughing. she pairs her pants with a satin-esque strapless corset top, wanting to match with me but made sure we weren’t too matchy-matchy. she chose to pair her outfit with a pair of extra chunky platform boots, while i chose a pair of red platform sandals.

once we finished putting the final touches on our hair and makeup together, we made our way to the restaurant, deciding on walking because it wasn’t too far, and jocelyn insisted i get used to being in heeled shoes before partying in them.

as we sat at the table, waiting for our dinner, she kept looking at me oddly.

“what’s up joce?” i hum, taking a sip of my iced tea as she sighs.

“do you ever miss matt? i know you tell me that you don’t but i know you like the back of my hand, bug, i know you’re not telling me something.” she murmurs, watching with a concerned state as i sigh,

“bee, it’s not that i miss him, i just wish things happened differently i guess, but the more time i spend with him right now, the more i realize that i’m actually glad things turned out the way they did.” i mumble, fiddling with my straw.

“y/n m/n, i see the way you watch him sometimes.”

“jocelyn, let’s just drop this okay.” i snap, not meaning to get so angry but talking about matt always brought forth a visceral reaction, maybe it’s because i wasn’t as healed from everything as i tried to say that i was.

“you’re a shithead.” she laughs, knowing to take my anger with a grain of salt, she knows it comes from me not processing and healing from it the way i should be, and that i’m not actually angry at her.

the waiter brings the appetizer plate we had ordered, both of us giggling as picked our favourites and put them on the smaller plates, like we had done many times on many nights out with our fake IDs, making a mental note to always have some sort of food in our stomachs before getting drunk.

as we eat, we talk about all the party stories we could remember from high school, laughing as we recount every stupid drunk thing we did. after about an hour and a half, we decide it’s time to head to the party, seeing as it’s nearly ten already.

as we approach the fraternity that was hosting, we both snort at the scene in front of us, giggling at how it looks like something out of project x. we slowly make our rounds, spotting some people we went to high school with, as i’m looking around the crowd, i spot matt who briefly makes eye contact with me, smirking and turning back to the girl in front of him, before quickly snapping his attention back to me, his eyes trailing up and down my body, a mix of a shocked smile and smug grin toying at his lips before he looks away again.

despite that his attention was the last that i wanted on me, him doing a double take starts to fuel my confidence. i continue toward the kitchen, grabbing the vodka, a redbull for jocelyn’s drink, two red solo cups, a sprite, and some peach juice that sat on the counter. i begin to pour the vodka into both cups, and i’m about to pour the peach juice when i feel hands on my waist. i turn to find some guy i don’t know, he seems a bit older than most people here and a weird feeling begins to stir in the pit of my stomach.

“hey pretty girl, you got a boyfriend?”

“yeah i do, he’s over there.” i mutter, jerking my head in the direction where matt stood, watching as the guys nods, deciding to back off as matt watches from the corner.

i return to finishing the drinks, both of them basically being the same except that an entire 250mL redbull went into jocelyn’s drink. i throw my trash into the massive recycling bin before grabbing the cups, and bringing them back over to jocelyn who was talking to chris. i hand jocelyn hers, watching as she downs nearly half of it before staring at me, wanting me to do the same.

“hey chris.” i nod, quickly downing half of my drink to be on the same level as jocelyn, who laughs and claps like a proud mom.

i catch up with nick, while jocelyn and chris dance nearby, the two of them finally giving into their tension, both nick and i grimacing at the two of them shoving their tongues down each other’s throats. i began people watching, my eyes trailing back to matt, who’s already staring at me. i roll my eyes as he smirks, pulling the girl beside him so that she stood in front of him, the two begin making out and yet, matt’s eyes never leave me, causing another shiver to run down my spine.

“hey love.”

i look at nick with wide eyes i hear the same voice from before, i begin to feel uneasy again as i turn to face the guy, who seems to be unable to take a hint.

“hi?”

“come dance with me.” he grunts, his hand around my wrist, tugging me to the makeshift dance floor, his grip tightening around my wrist, causing me to wince as he spins me around, pressing my back to his front. i let him move my hips side to side stiffly as he forces me to grind against him, i can’t shake the uneasy feeling stirring inside of me, i let him take control, terrified of what he might do. after the song finishes, i pull away from him, letting him know i was going to find my friend before ducking into the crowd, hoping to make a clean break away.

as i stand outside on the deck, i begin to shake, i lean against the side of the house, watching the people in the yard, as i’m about to make my way back inside when the same guy steps outside, his grin turning sinister as he spots.

“got nowhere to run now, baby.” he chuckles, placing both hands on either side of my head, boxing me in, and the reality of everything begins to set in as i watch his eyes trail around my face.

“buddy, you should back the fuck off.” matt scoffs from beside us, causing the guy to pull back, momentarily knocking his focus, which gave me the opportunity to push him back and run toward matt, hiding behind him as matt stares the guy down.

“the fuck you looking at? i’ll kick your scrawny ass.” the guy spits, watching matt as he shrugs, flicking the cigarette between his fingers into the lawn before turning his hat around so that it sat backwards atop his head. the guy lunges at matt, which he dodges, swiftly landing a punch to guy’s stomach, causing the guy to double over in pain, which gave matt the upper hand.

matt knees the guy in the face, sending him flying back, and matt was quick to clamber on top of him, sending blow after blow to the guy’s face. my feet moved before my mind did, and i was quick to seek jocelyn out, grabbing her wrist and chris’ as well, dragging them over to matt as he kept beating the shit out of the creep that wouldn’t leave me alone.

“this guy started hitting on me and wouldn’t take no for an answer and matt was here and he got mad and starting kicking his ass, i don’t know what to do.” i sob, leaning against chris as he wrapped his arms around me. jocelyn was pissed as she hooked her fingers in matt’s collar, dragging him off the creep and pushing him back against the railing.

“matthew! fucking snap out of it, you’re making shit worse for y/n. she doesn’t need you playing hero when you won’t leave her the fuck alone or stop tormenting her.” jocelyn yells, slapping matt’s shoulder, causing him to scoff as he looks at me.

“a thank you would be nice, bug, i just saved your ass.” he laughs, causing jocelyn to slap him across the face this time.

“you don’t get to call her that, matt. quit trying to hurt her more than you already have.” jocelyn seethes, her voice low and thick with anger as she shoves matt towards the steps of the deck, watching as he stumbles down them.

i feel my breathing begin to pick up and tears prick my eyes, i look matt, watching as he lights another cigarette, shoving his hand in his pocket as chris and nick berate him for acting so stupidly on impulse. and as i walk ahead, i can’t stop the sob that’s forcing its way up my throat from escaping. i stop in my tracks, feeling jocelyn’s arms wrap around me as she leads me down the sidewalk, murmuring sweet nothings against my hair.

“why couldn’t he just leave me alone?”

“cause he’s a fucking creep, babe. i’m sorry this happened, you didn’t deserve that.”

“bu-y/n, i know you’re mad at me, i get that but i’ve told you once before that i’d protect you, and i still mean it.” matt hiccups, facing me as he walks backwards, his words slurring slightly causing me to scoff.

“please just stop matt. you’re just drunk, you don’t mean the shit you’re saying. and frankly, you’ve done nothing but make shit hard for me since we got here, so please just stop. we’re not friends. we’re not even acquaintances. we’re nothing but two people who used to be friends that now hate each other, because your actions, might i remind you.” i spit, brushing past him and briskly walking to our dorm building, need to put this night behind me once and for all.

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twistedwonderlandsimps · 1 year

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Thoughts on Sibling!Yuu AU

The main reason I made the Sibling!Yuu AU was because I wanted to see Yuu being the older one for once. In most fandoms, it’s pretty common to see a younger sibling reader fic so I wanted to flip that trope for once. It’s also quite rare for the reader to be older than a teen or an adult. The second reason was the massive angst potential it held. That’s right, Yuu overblot was imminent from the very start in this one because honestly the probability of the overblot boys overblotting much earlier because of Yuu is very high and is extremely likely. Them blaming Yuu for some of the things happening in their life is also very likely.

Sibling!Yuu has everything the overblot boys want to have and those with their inferiority complex would just make it worse.

For example with Riddle. Would he blame Yuu for running away from their mother, which in turn made their mother stricter with Riddle so that he wouldn’t end up like Yuu? Would he resent this fact? He’d likely have a negative initial impression of them because they ran from their own mother and Riddle at an early time still thinks that their mother is always right and that means what Yuu did was wrong. Anything or anyone that opposes their mother is wrong. Anyone who opposes the things their mother taught him was wrong. Anyone who opposes him is always wrong. Though, a deep part of him is envious that Yuu got to be free. Whether Riddle blames Yuu or not, Yuu will think that it’s their fault.

Even if he doesn’t say it out loud, Leona would feel irritated every time he sees Yuu telling him what to do and what not to do so he doesn’t end up like them. Their constant presence keeps reminding him that the only reason he couldn’t become king was because he wasn’t born earlier and Yuu got a taste of that crown, even if they did get kicked out of the family in the end.

Yuu’s constant interference with dealing with Azul’s bullies when they were younger only made the bullies bolder and meaner the moment Yuu went away so there’s that possibility of some kind of blaming in that one, just like in Riddle’s situation.

As for Jamil's situation, although not Jamil's sibling, Yuu's still part of the Asim family and Jamil technically has a resentment for them because of, well, everything. He was forced to downplay his abilities and be responsible for Kalim, and he has no choice but to serve the Asim family. Kalim himself might not have a problem with Yuu, but Jamil sure does because there’s another person from the Asim family. Another person he has to be responsible for because they seem to be just as careless and reckless as Kalim, even if Yuu is technically older. (Someone stop me, please, I am becoming feral. I can’t stop thinking of Jamil getting a huge crush on this Yuu for some reason and I am internally screaming. He really gonna do the enemies to lovers arc after his overblot, or even before that, and I just can’t. He really said: ‘If I can’t get out of this family, I’m just gonna have to marry into it.’)

Then we have Vil. Yuu would definitely be a big contender for the most beautiful one of all and Vil is not happy. Now that he’s realized that he actually had a sibling, he has to compete with them to be the most beautiful. And he just can’t understand why he’s losing to a sudden sibling he hasn’t even met until now! What was so different between the two of them? Yuu wasn’t even that active in social media before but now that they were staying in NRC for some reason (for plot reasons), people were now beginning to constantly compare the two of them and it’s driving Vil insane.

As for Idia, after seeing the reason why Ortho got diagnosed with the dead, there’s also some blaming there. Yuu’s supposed to be one running the S.T.Y.X organization but both Idia and Ortho (the og) got inside and managed to hack the system. This’ll definitely raise the question of why the two were allowed entry easily when there were dangerous things locked inside the place and why Yuu wasn’t keeping a closer eye to them when they were in the facility that led to the accident.

I might also have to retcon the previous Idia!Yuu's background to fit with Shroud brother’s story. So now the idea that I have is that Yuu was present for the brother’s childhood growing up (kind of) but they didn’t have a close relationship and it was very distant. The Shroud brothers probably don’t remember Yuu, either. They probably thought Yuu was just an employee in S.T.Y.X. and not their sibling. Still, Yuu cared for them so much that when the incident happened, they were overwhelmed with grief and willingly locked themselves away because they fully blamed themselves for what had happened. The only reason they broke out of their self-imposed prison and landed themself in NRC was because they heard Grim talking about Ortho as if he was alive and wanted to see what was up with that. Yuu doesn’t want to show their face to their younger brothers because they’re ashamed and feel like they don’t deserve it.

Then we have Malleus. I don’t know if he’s the jealous type or not, but seeing your older sibling be more sociable than you (somehow, even when they act like a kuudere) and getting more friends than you despite the fact that they’re the older Draconia sibling while Malleus himself was avoided and have had people fear him would be kinda frustrating. It’s another case of ‘what do you have that I don’t?’ thing. Or maybe the others are taking Yuu’s time away and they barely hang out with Malleus and he finds this unfair because Yuu’s their sibling so why is everyone taking them away? Why isn’t Yuu hanging out with them?

Additionally, we can’t forget the fact that Yuu literally go against the boys. There’s bound to be some feelings of betrayal there. Kinda like a. “We’re family and you’re taking their side?! Why are you abandoning me for them?!”

–

[Bonus]

Yuu Rosehearts: “I wish I had been strong like you….”

Yuu Kingscholar: “Don’t make the same mistakes as I did and be better than me.”

Yuu Ashengrotto: “Was all of this… my fault…?”

Yuu Schoenheit: “Because to me… you’re always my number one!”

Yuu Shroud: “All I ever wanted in my life was to protect you...”

Yuu Draconia: “I had to leave you to keep you safe!”

Yuu (Al-)Asim: “…”

Yuu (Al-)Asim: “I have no idea what I’m doing here but I think they need therapy.”

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eth-edwards-73 · 6 months

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Vampire Empire

marc guiu x reader based on Vampire Empire warnings: toxic relationship, toxic Marc, angst

(the parts that are written in cursive are recollections and memories)

At first your relationship with Marc had been great, you had known each other for almost your whole life so it wasn’t a surprise to everyone when you got together in the year you both turned 14. The first two years were heaven together but then came the third year, the year in which Marc started playing for the national under 17 team and FC Barcelona. Everything from there went downhill for the both of you, he was stressed and took almost everything out on you. Your relationship went in circles every time; Marc would take his anger and stress out on you, you complained about it after, he’d apologize and then he’d go right back to doing the same thing. You had told him so many times that you couldn’t keep doing this and that if he did it again that you’d leave but then you’d stay because you couldn’t get it over your heart to break his and yours with it.

Your friends had managed to talk some sense into you and you had promised that if he did it again you’d leave him forever.

Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time

You stood in the kitchen of your apartment with Marc with him yelling at you about some irrelevant thing that you hadn’t done that day because you were busy doing other things. With one hand you leaned on the counter and with the other you pinched the bridge of your nose, you were exhausted from his constant yelling at you. The first few arguments you’d taken all his words to heart but right now it went in one ear and out of the other, you just couldn’t be bothered with his constant string of complaining.

“Just stop.” You muttered and Marc stopped yelling, his brows knitting together in confusion as he looked at you sigh. You truly looked tired and like you hadn’t slept in months when you turned towards him.

“This is the same thing multiple times every week, i’ve told you before that this can’t go on forever and you apologize before doing the same thing again,” Your face stays void of any emotion but your eyes show a whirlwind of them: “It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow.”

Where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go

Marc had cried and begged for you to stay like he always did but his crocodile tears didn’t faze you anymore, the only thing you felt towards them was resentment, for keeping you with him for so long and making you so unhappy. But during his crying never once had he stepped forward and tried to hold you back from leaving, no attempts at hugs or grabbing your wrists to get you to stay while you packed up all your bags.

So I can't find surrender and I can't keep control

Your heart screamed at you to stay with Marc, to surrender once again while your brain screamed at you to keep control and to leave this situation after all it was the best for you or was it? You weren’t sure and you felt unsteady like you had for the last year with Marc.

You turn me inside out, and then you want me outside in

The first time you felt the change in your relationship was his birthday, the two of you were going out to eat with his parents and younger brother. You had given him the task to choose which dress you should wear and you had given him two options both silk dresses, one red and the other a soft baby blue. He had chosen the red one and you had worn it to the dinner. When the two of you had gotten home he had started complaining about the dress and that you should’ve worn the baby blue one. You had reminded him that he had chosen the red dress, laughing a little about it and after that he had lashed out at you.

You spin me all around, and then you ask me not to spin

On valentines day, Marc had asked you if you would be willing to come to more of his games because he found it important that you’d be there now that he was getting closer to going professional. You complied, wanting to make him happy even though you were very busy with your studies.

Like you had promised you went to almost every game unless you had an exam but with you going to games more often came Marc getting mad at you because you went so often and his teammates found it embarrassing for him since their girlfriends never came so often. So, taking in his complaint you had stopped going as often but you still went sometimes. After a while he started complaining that you didn’t go to his games enough.

In the end the both of you just kept going in circles about it with him wanting you to go more and then less. Nothing ever seemed good enough.

You say you wanna be alone and you want children

When your relationship was at very low points Marc sometimes admitted that he couldn’t see you two being together in the long term but after he’d go around telling everyone who would listen that you were the one for him and that he couldn’t imagine life without you.

You had even heard him fantasizing about your kids with him to his mother and yours. But then you’d go home and he’d tell you he never wanted kids.

You wanna be with me and you wanna be with him

In the summer of 2023 you had planned a vacation with Marc to try and work everything out, he seemed really happy with the idea and was very involved in planning the vacation.

A week before the vacation he had broken the news to you that he was going on a vacation with Hector the week that the two of you were supposed to go on vacation so you took your best friend with you on the vacation instead.

While you and your best friend were on the vacation, Marc tormented you about going with your best friend instead of him.

It wasn’t the first time Marc had canceled you at the last minute to do something with his friends instead. This was just the only major event you could really remember because it had become such a habit.

You give me chills, I've had it with the drills

For one last time you looked back at Marc while you stood at the opening of the door, waiting for your older brother to reply to your text in which you asked him to pick you up from your apartment. Chills went through you as you looked at the man who had treated you so horribly over the last year. You were completely done with his lectures about every little thing you did wrong in his eyes.

I'm nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills

Nothing could help the both of you anymore in this relationship, there was nothing that could save whatever was left between you two.

I am empty 'til she fills

You felt empty right now, like you had every time after an argument until Marc apologized to you. You felt as if nothing could ever satisfy you as much as Marc’s sweet words had.

alive until she kills

“This isn’t going to work. I wish you the best.” Marc felt as if you’d ripped his heart out and stomped on it when you uttered those words, he felt as if his legs would give out if he stepped towards you so he didn’t, instead staying nailed to the floor as he looked at you on the doorstep.

His heart cried but he didn’t, no tears spilled out of his eyes or even brimmed up.

His brain wanted to talk but his mouth didn’t move.

In her vampire empire, I am

The last few months he had sucked your soul out of you like he was a vampire sucking blood and now you were doing the same to him.

You regained your lost soul but took his and his heart with you.

You truly felt like you were in your vampire empire.

Falling, yeah

Your brother arrived and you stuffed all your stuff in the car as Marc stayed in the apartment, stuck to his place as you left. The door closed behind you and his legs finally gave out, tears started running down his face as unheard pleas left his mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

idk how to really feel about this one but i think it's a good start to start writing more things again

#marc guiu #fc barcelona #angst #vampire empire

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astoryisaloveaffair · 1 year

Text

Fix You - Chapter 14: Enjoy the Silence

Gif by @hunterschafer

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Fem!Reader

Fic Masterlist

Read on A03

Spotify Playlist

»»———————►

Chapter Summary: The final heat...

Word Count: 7k

Rating: R

Chapter Warnings: Cussing, violence. I will not be warning anything else due to spoiling the story. We are all grown. You can stop reading when you want to.

A/N: Has it really been a year? I wish I had a better excuse than "I haven't been doing great." But that's what it is. I've had huge changes in my life. New job, new career, new goals, and a greater sense of self-worth. I'm feeling a lot better. But my new schedule is busy! Hopefully you can forgive me for such a long cliffhanger.

Finally, a heads up. This has been the arc I have been working towards for almost two years, and I'm not going to waver. Just stick with me like you have been. It’ll be worth it.

I also did the absolute most and made a specific playlist just for this chapter here.

Forever thank you to everyone who commented, reblogged, shared, boosted, made content for, and supported me. It meant a lot and definitely kept this fic in the back of my mind. As always, most love to my girl @musings-of-a-rose who has tolerated me being a shitty friend for a whole ass year, and always talking things through with me in life and in this fic. Cheers.

Suggested Songs: Depeche Mode "Enjoy the Silence", Fitz and the Tantrums: "Out of My League", Lizzo "Truth Hurts", Michael Kiwanuka "Cold Little Heart", Cigarettes After Sex "Cry", Guster "Demons"

Frankie and you decided to break your apartment lease starting October 1st. Fall term started on the 30th of August, and you wanted time to settle into your schedule before planning a move. You spent almost all your time at his house anyway, only stopping back at your apartment for more clothes. Frankie had already given you a row of drawers to keep your things in.

You’d honestly never been happier, both on cloud 9 and it never faded, you were incredibly excited to begin this new start with Frankie and Gabi. It all seemed to have happened so fast. It had only been five months, you hadn’t even told your family about him yet, mostly to avoid comments on the age gap.

You were relieved the hiccup in your relationship settled, you didn’t like feeling unsure or that someone resented you. When you started feeling secure again, you clung to it. That sparkle of joy was hard to keep in check.

You picked your Fall schedule out together and spent the remaining weeks of summer basking in your relationship, playing with Gabi, going out with the guys, and constant fucking. But your most favorite thing was still lying on the couch with Frankie, teasing each other and watching bad TV.

“This is simultaneously the best and worst movie I have ever seen in my life. I don’t understand how they achieved this.”

Frankie shrugs, reaching to your lap for the giant bowl of popcorn, his eyes still glazed to the TV where Mad Max: Fury Road is playing. “I dunno. Who cares? It’s cars and chaos!”

“And Tom Hardy. And Charlize Theron.”

He pinches you on the waist, acting threatened by your thirst just to tease you. “You ever been to a demo derby? This kind of reminds me of it.”

You sit up from where your back is resting against his chest. “Um, no? Isn’t that kind of…for rednecks?”

He laughs, his eyes crinkling. “I’m not sure if you noticed, but Benny and Will are rednecks. But no, it’s for anyone who likes cars crashing into each other. There’s actually one at the fair every year. We always go to it. You should come.”

“I’m not going to a demo derby.”

“Aw come on! It’ll be fun! First time for Gabi too, and there’s rides and games and funnel cake and fried oreos—” He pauses as you hold your hand up to silence him.

“I’ll go. You had me at ‘funnel cake.’”

The fair is packed. The final hurrah of the summer before kids return to school and university students dive back into their studies. The derby started at 8 PM sharp, you, Dali, and the boys got there plenty early to look around a bit, get some food, and find seats.

You forgo any typical entree and go right for the funnel cake, heaping fruit and extra powdered sugar on it until the plate is a big mound of sweet. The guys had talked you up on this for days, Benny wouldn’t shut up about it, and you found yourself excited to watch. Your legs bounce impatiently as you scarf down your cake, breaking off pieces here and there to feed to Gabi and your boys.

The seats were bleachers, hard metal planks that hurt your butt and back and caught vibration from every footfall, but Pope sat behind you so you could lean back against his legs to be more comfortable.

It’s a long wait. The bleachers eventually fill up, you certainly had the best seat in the house (thank you Will), and you could see the hoods up of participating cars behind the commentator podium. The air is musty, the odor of wet dirt from a quick August shower earlier that day.

When the first round of vehicles start revving their engines, Frankie pulls some earphones for Gabi and secures it to her head. Once he’s sure she’s comfortable, he quickly runs you through the basic rules. “So there’s several ‘heats’, and which heat you’re in is based on how many cylinders the car has. Last car moving is the winner, but you can’t just avoid the other cars the whole time. No continuing if your car starts sparking from the engine, no hitting the driver side door, and no hitting anyone who’s already out.”

“Wait, cars catch on fire in this?”

Before Frankie can answer, the announcer calls out the first heat and you almost choke at the state of the cars coming out. They were completely dilapidated, windows punched out and hood frames reinforced with extra steel. It looked like each entry had about 5 different parts all from different cars, horrendous paint jobs, and one of them even had a stuffed dinosaur duct taped to the hood. Some of them looked like they had already been hit by cars, parts hanging off and bumpers pressing in on itself. None of these cars would last at all. There’s no way...

The rink was surrounded by giant cement cinder blocks creating a large “rink” type area. The contestants lined the front bumpers of their vehicles up parallel to each other at the barricades separating the cars from the bleachers, alternately revving their engines during the countdown.

“Okay, so, usually we all pick the car we think is going to win.” Benny says. You lean forward to look over the assortment of jacked up cars for this heat, eventually settling on an old Toyota Corolla painted a matte black. Benny chooses the dino car, Will chooses a Dodge Stealth with it’s headlights hanging outside the socket, Dali and Pope argue over a Ford Taurus whose back end was already smashed into the back seats, and Frankie chooses a Chevy Impala, which you immediately regret not taking because it has such a long front and back end. Lots of room for smashing and being able to keep going.

Gabi jumps up and down on Frankie’s lap as he points out things to her over the sounds of engines and a countdown, and then the cars are off off, engines roaring and dirt kicking up as they all reverse at full speed, several of them crunching up in the middle while others circle around the perimeters.

It soon becomes clear to you that there is no rhyme or reason to which car makes it and which doesn’t. Pope’s Taurus didn’t even start and is eliminated after 2 minutes of no movement, and whoever is driving the boxy piece of shit Honda Accord that Dali had to select is a fucking maniac, winding and weaving at full speed backwards, hitting whoever gets in their way. Her choice is the winner of that heat.

Most of them are driving backwards, and Will tells you it’s because they are trying to protect the engine. You deflate in your seat a little in disappointment, but he assures you that as the heat winds down and there's fewer cars taking up the space, the drivers and announcer will get impatient and they will hit each other head to head.

You’re shocked at how much you enjoy it. At one point a car hits the passenger side door of another so hard that it is pushed up and onto the barricade wall from the inertia, hanging from an angle as the crowd jeers and shrieks in excitement. One car flips over completely, another’s engine bursts into flames and the crowd all starts crying out caution because the announcer can’t see it. You’ve never seen anything like it before and there was so much fire you were sure the whole thing would blow up, but the driver slid out the glassless driver’s side window like it was no big deal and walked it off.

There is something satisfying about two cars hitting each other at full speed, the bodies of them crunching, wheels hanging off axles, bumpers being dragged behind and run over by other drivers, cars with mangled pieces becoming stuck to each other so they can’t separate until another car hits them, tires completely gone and cars only moving on its hubs. It’s chaos in a safe format, a way to experience destruction and violence in a way that feels good and unharmful.

Gabi has never been so amazed in her entire life, her mouth hangs open and she wriggles against her dad to see everything, laughing every time a collision happens. The audience oohs and ahhs and boos and screams and cheers and teases, you and your friends join the clamor as you have your own mini competition with yourselves.

Giant fork tractors come into the arena area to lift the cars that can’t move anymore, some guys are able to get theirs back up and running, driving them to the sides to shape up for the final Battle Royale.

The final heat is fucking wild. All the cars that were already battered enough before they even began to come back out, returned to do another round for the final winner. With all the action you’d barely even noticed that contestants whose cars were still driveable had spent the remaining heats beyond the barricades hammering and reforming their vehicles enough to compete again.

And at the end, the winner of all faces the crowd, pulls off their helmet to reveal a thick curly mass of long hair. The winner is a woman. You and Dali cheer until your throats hurt.

It’s over too soon. There’s a mass exodus the instant the derby is over, the packed stadium standing and pouring down the stairs pressing so tight that you and your boys decide to hang back until it thins out. You lead the way, Frankie’s large and warm hand grazing your waist as you slowly move down the stairs and back out into the fair, turning to wait for the rest of your friends to make it out.

“What next?” Benny says when you are all reunited. “More food? Games? Rides?”

“I’m not eating more before getting on rides, let's do those now.” Says Frankie, grumbling as he hears you tease him with Benny. He whips his head around to glare at you. “Just you wait until you get older and start getting sick on rides, I cannot wait to make fun of you back.”

The wait for the ride tickets is long, but it leaves plenty of time for the group to decide how many are needed. Who is riding what, who isn’t, what pairings and who will watch Gabi on the rides she can’t do. You’re surprised when Will and Pope back out of the Zipper, leaving you and Benny as a pairing for that.

Riding it was a mistake. The ride is basically a giant airborne conveyer belt with completely enclosed containers for people hanging off it that were 360 degree capable. And it lasted FOREVER. You lose some of your funnel cake behind the ride out of sight, threatening violence on Benny if he outs you to the others.

But it didn’t stop you from riding The Freak Out immediately afterwards, a rotating pendulum swing that made you feel like you were going to be catapulted out of your seat. The ride seated 4 groups of 4 so that in between squeezing your eyes shut, you could catch watery glimpses of Benny red-faced and cackling hysterically, Will’s chants of “ohfuckohfuckohfuckOHfuckOHFUCKOHSHIT FUCCCCCCK!”, and Frankie looking…absolutely fine. It was almost disturbing really, he was calm and collected, the only hint that this might have been something other than a nice drive in his truck was his giant smile, the tears leaking from his squinted eyes, his chocolate curls whipping around in the breeze as his hands clutch his hat in his lap with a steel grip.

“How the fuck were you so calm?!” You gasp as you stumble off the rickety landing platform. You hadn’t moved yet you felt like you had run a mile, your heart was beating so fast from the adrenaline it almost felt like you might have a heart attack.

Frankie shrugs. “Feels like a copter in a bad air current.”

You simply stare blinking.

“No, he’s always like this. Like this one time, we were flying in a helo over the Andes mountains, and—”

A sharp stare from Frankie that he tries to hide from you makes Benny backpedal.

“Uhhh yea we were flying over some mountains and the air current was wild but we got over the mountains just fine and everything was fine and we were fine.”

Your heart seizes in your chest, that same feeling of not being told something creeping up. You hate it. You push it back down, swallowing heavily to center yourself. “So I assume you were fine.”

“Yea. Yea. Cat is a good pilot.”

You hum, the panic still not leaving your chest.

Frankie grabs your hand as you walk. “It happened a lot, I just got used to it.”

“It happened a lot?”

“Yea. I mean, sometimes we were flying through shit climates, sometimes even pursued. Doesn’t make for a smooth ride. I’m just used to it. They always scream bloody murder though.” Frankie smiles softly.

“Oh.”

You go silent, continuing to walk to the next destination: the scrambler. You had already established you would not ride and Dali wanted some funnel cake herself, so she heads off while you stay off to the side with Gabi to watch, lost in your own thoughts.

“Just don’t fucking talk about that, none of that. That never happened.” Frankie seethes to Benny as they are strapped into the ride.

“Sorry dude, I can’t read your thoughts. I figured she knew.”

“No. I don’t want her to know. No one else needs to know about it.”

Benny falls silent, looking to Will beside him. Pope lowers his head, choosing to say nothing.

“Catfish…you have to.” Says Will.

“No the fuck I don’t. I never want her to know. If she knows…she’ll actually see ‘real me’. ‘Fuck-up me.” And I don't want her to yet. I don’t want to lose her yet. I don’t want her to be afraid. Stop fucking looking at me like that.”

They stop. But only because the ride starts, and they can’t see anything other than blurs.

You hate this feeling, this fluttering in your stomach like something is wrong but your heart knows, it knows it’s fine. It has to be. Your mind is spinning, trying to combat the rising anxiety clenching in your chest, doing gymnastics to find reasons to not be alarmed.

He’s not lying about something. He’s not. …He promised….I’m just overthinking this…

You can’t. You refuse to even think about it. Confronting the terrible possibility that you might’ve done it again, you might have thrown yourself all in to someone only to—-no.

He’s not lying. He’s not. …He promised….he’s different. I’m just overthinking this…

You can feel butterflies bubbling in your stomach and you feel like you might throw up. Fucking men. You huff in frustration and try to distract yourself with your surroundings, watching people on rides, sharing funnel cake. Your eyes scan over two men staring at you silently by a skewered chicken cart and in your current mood it makes you furious. “What the fuck are you staring at?!” You growl at them. They say nothing and slowly walk away, disappearing into the crowd. Fucking. Men.

You try not to let your emotions show. You sit back while Gabi goes on some rides for her age, using the time to rehydrate and calm yourself down. Living through Gabi’s joy helps.. She’s having a blast, choosing a different person to pair with for each time ride. Pope in the Wacky House, the Helicopters with her dad, Benny on the mini Viking ship. Once you feel better you join in to play bumper cars (Will and Gabi win) and ride the high-rise swings with her seated in the cool metal chair next to you, Benny singing along to the ambient speakers playing “Out of My League” so loud eventually all the other teens on the ride join in.You enjoy the mini coaster more than you thought you would considering it’s for kids Gabi’s age, you and Dali are the only others who can fit in the seats, no matter how hard Benny tried. It was easy to quickly forget.

After the coaster, Gabi begins to slow down, so you hit the fried oreo stand, paying for several batches despite protestation and alternately feeding everyone as the group slowly walks through the agricultural parts of the fair. It’s calmer here, the air warm and quiet. The pathway is less crowded so Gabi is able to frolic around on the walkway in front of you safely.

You walk through every barn, stopping to pet every animal. She’s a natural with them. Completely fearless, not one flicker of apprehension as she approaches cows and horses that are easily 6 times her height, paying close attention to her dad in how to not spook them. Everyone finds the goats to be the favorite because of the sounds they make. Even more so when Frankie engages in a screaming contest back and forth with a bunch of them until someone shoos them out of the pavilion.

Soon, all the sugar Gabi consumed rears its ugly head in the rabbit barn, she throws a fit when Frankie won’t let her get a pet rabbit and you only just catch her upper arm in time to keep her from collapsing on the filthy barn floor. You’re surprised she held out so long. Even you were crashing and getting tired. Also, the rabbits were ridiculously cute.

“Listen Gabi, how about we ride the ferris wheel? Would you like that?” You kneel before her, swiping the tears off her cheeks as she catches her breath. “It goes really high! Higher than the swings!” She nods, sniffing in a snot bubble as she takes your hand. The two of you lead the way, and as you get closer and closer, you start to regret your decision.

It’s much taller than the Freak Out. By more than 100 feet. It doesn’t look very stable either.

“Wait...this…this looks kind of high, don’t you think?” You turn to the guys, trying to conceal the wavering in your voice. You were scared enough at 70 feet. This was more like 200.

“Height requirement says she’s fine. And it’s enclosed, goes really slow. Come on.” Frankie takes you by the hand and your heart leaps into your throat, your feet skidding across the lawn as you try to pull back.

A light shove pushes you forward and you turn to glare at Will as he smirks down at you. “If you don’t go I’m never going to let you hear the end of it. Not after you called us “old and broken down.”

Well shit.

“Fine.”

You’re shaking when it’s your turn, the group mad dashing to three cars next to each other so you could talk throughout. Benny pairs with Pope, Gabi is vibrating with excitement as she’s put into a carriage by Will and Dali, and Frankie is beaming as he motions you towards the left car. He pats your butt as you gingerly step in, waiting until you’re seated before joining you and taking your hand.

“Babe…are you okay?”

You swallow, grateful it’s dark enough he can’t see you trembling. “Yep. I’m good.”

He leans forward in his seat, the glowing phosphorescence of the lights of the ride and around the fair bathing him halfway in a multicolored glow. tThe colors and shadows fold into the angles of his face like rainbow chiaroscuro, an angular stained glass window. He takes your hand again, yours is swallowed in his palm and you close your eyes as he rubs his thumb across the top. The dark beat of Depeche Mode pounds against your chest and echoes in your ears and you briefly imagine this is what it must feel like to drop acid.

“Your hands are really sweaty…and you’re breathing really fast. Are you sure you’re okay? Hey…” He squeezes your palm and you open your eyes to meet his. “It’s okay if you’re scared. I won’t joke anymore about it, I’m sorry.”

You swallow. “It’s just really really high.”

Frankie watches the ride operator out of the corner of his eye passing their car as he makes sure everyone is safely locked in before tugging on your arm slightly. You slide forward minutely, he meets you more than halfway with his large limbs and rests his hands on your hips. You gasp as the ride jolts and begins rolling, lifting the cabs up in the air. His calloused fingertip pushes your head back up.

“How about I distract you.” He murmurs, shifting forward one inch more, tilting his neck as his soft pouty lips meet yours.

You close your eyes, trying to lose your self awareness into him and his mouth and the soft skin of his nose that bumps your cheek and tickles your nose with its little breaths.

The lift mechanism suddenly shudders, clunking over something and it feels like when you run over a squirrel in your car. You inhale sharply against Frankie’s lips as your cab jostles back and forth. Not much, but enough for you to slam yourself back against your seat and clutch the seat bottom as hard as you can. Your heart beats wildly and you imagine the ride breaking and dropping you on the ground to be crushed to death by this stupid fucking metal cab.

You feel pressure on your knees and look down, focusing hard to not see double from fear. Frankie cups both in his hands, thumbs lightly stroking the inside of your thighs. “It’s okay.” He reassures, squeezing your knees once more. “Probably an under-greased cog, it’s nothing. They test these things like 50 times a day.”

You simply stare, forcing yourself to nod.

“Close your eyes.”

You open your mouth to argue then close it and obey. You trust Frankie, and it can’t be any worse.

“Just focus on me. And…you hear the music? It’s called “Enjoy the Silence.” I was obsessed with this song when it came out. And can you hear Benny below us? I can hear Gabi laughing too. We’re all okay, you’re okay too.”

You bite your lips into your mouth, focusing on the song and Frankie’s husky voice. The meditative synth pop calms you, and the carefree voices of your friends below does help calm you, but you can’t slow down your heartbeat.

“I’m okay. Just too much adrenaline.”

The hands on your knees slide up your bare thighs and wrap around the bottoms of them. Frankie pulls you forward in your seat with a smirk. “I’m feeling a little amped up too.”

“Frankie.”

He doesn’t respond, his sole focus on your thighs as his hands slide up and up and up until he is just able to slip the tip of one of his fingers under one leg of your shorts. For some reason, it pisses you off.

“Frankie!” You hiss. “People could see us.”

“Nah…” He shushes you, his finger sliding lower.

You clamp your legs shut and push his hand back in his direction. “Frankie, I don’t want to right here.”

He sits up. “Oh.”

Suddenly you hear Benny’s voice from below. “Hello we are underneath you guys! I don’t want to hear any hooking up sounds!” He trolls, and you fully push Frankie back to his side, your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

It’s the first time you can remember that it’s ever been uncomfortably awkward between the two of you, and you’re not sure why. The silence seems so much more noticeable and weird against the clanking of the Ferris wheel gears and the chattering of random other people.

You’re not even looking at each other, you realize. When did that happen? Your neck cranes to the left as you gaze at the stars, and when you turn back towards Frankie, he is looking to the right and down at the fair.

“…Is everything okay?”

His eyes snap back to yours. “Yea? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Cause I pushed you away, and…I dunno, you’re being weird..”

“Oh, I’m sorry, that’s not intentional. I’m not upset, c’mere.” He opens his arms wide to you, scooting on his bench so there’s enough room for you.

You hesitate. “Won’t it…won’t it throw off the balance?”

You feel ridiculous asking but he doesn’t laugh at you, just shakes his head slightly. “Nah, they wouldn’t be able to run this ride if people couldn’t sit on the same side.”

You balance awkwardly on the edge of your bench overanalyzing what exact moment during the track of the ride to launch onto his, but you overthink it and end up jostling the cab more than necessary. Frankie’s arms pull you into his side and you burrow your face in his neck as the cab continues to rock. The music fades from Depeche Mode to Lizzo to Lil’ Nas X (Will clearly enjoys that one) and then back to Lizzo, and you forget all about your uneasiness.

He was right. It did feel better being with him.

The ride does one more pass then rolls to a halt, letting off you with Frankie and Benny with Santiago. You hover at the exit for Will and Gabi, who have to wait for their cab to reach the platform before dismounting. Frankie takes your hand as you wait.

Gabby’s adrenaline rush runs out fast, and you spend the remainder of the fair eating more fried Oreos and playing games. Somehow you manage to beat them all at the water shooting game, which amps up the competitiveness to the point you’d rather just watch.

Which is how you end up at the “star” game.

“We’re so fucking good at this game, it pisses them off every time.” Laughs Benny, as he shoots the entire Star out perfectly with the gun that is specifically not given enough ammo to achieve this. You hop up on the far side of the counter to watch, noting the way each of you boys handles their weapon and the differences in each. Benny held his gun loosely, like he was relaxed and self assured. It almost seemed like you would be able to slap it out of his hands but you knew he still had an iron grip. Will was precise and, as you expected, “perfect form”. You could tell just from Pope’s posture change that he was the best shot on the team, you’d never seen him look so focused. Frankie held his with a tense white knuckle grip, the folding stock tucked against his shoulder joint. The tension carrying up his arms as his veins popped out in his forearms and biceps. He looked fucking good. And you wouldn’t consider yourself a “gun person.” In fact, you kind of hated them. But there just was something about a strong non-douchey man holding a rifle like that that activated you. Damn the patriarchy. Even Dali is a great shot, though not as good as the guys.

After a few rounds, the carnie finally stopped allowing your posse to keep playing, frustrated that somehow the rigging system didn’t work on your group. You lean back on your hands, your legs swinging against the wood counter, observing Benny arguing with the carnie with a smirk. Gabi is passed out in her stroller next to you as Frankie sidles up to you, feeding you a piece of Fried Reeses, then promptly kissing you so the taste floats between you.

He hums deeply, stepping closer to you til he’s between your legs. His hands rest low on the top of your thighs. “This ok?”

You smile. “Yes. More than okay. And I want more.”

Frankie beams and cups your face, his lips crashing into yours as he all but breathes you in. You tilt your head and poke his mouth with your tongue. He responds immediately and opens for you, meeting you halfway. You whine softly as his hands leave your cheeks and trail down your back, one hand sneaking a bit lower to discreetly cup your ass. You’ve just wound your legs around his hips and your arms around his neck when you hear a shrill voice cut through the din of the dwindling crowd.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Your heart slams to a halt so fast it hurts. You recognize that voice. And so does Frankie. Your heads both snap to the left as a disheveled looking Lex stands there with a bunch of her friends.

Frankie simply stares. She repeats herself. “Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. The BABYSITTER? Are you fucking your BABYSITTER??? Oh Frankie…come on…how pathetic can you be? She’s like a child!”

You look at Frankie, receding into himself like a silent, terrified puppy. You’ve never seen him like this before, it unnerves you.

“Excuse me.” You snap back. “I am 28.”

She scoffs. I fucking knew something was going on with you two. And you’re doing this in front of my child?”

“Well, actually, Gabi is sleeping. At least she was, until you came ranting and raving.” You make eye contact with Pope, who reads your perfectly and starts steering Gabi’s stroller away so she can’t hear. “We made sure to be careful for her but why do you even care if we are fucking? You left him! You didn’t want him anymore, so it shouldn’t fucking matter who he dates.”

“He’s a drug addict and a pathological liar. He will NEVER change.”

“Yea? And you are a drunk, controlling, OCD bitch who can’t mind her own fucking business. He’s happy with me. I trust him. Unlike you. Bye.” You couldn’t help yourself, you just fucking hated her.

But that set her off. “Did he tell you why he was suspended?”

“Yes, he—“

“Did he tell you he was high, flying a family and he almost injured everyone from a sloppy landing? Did he tell you how he would take Gabi to his drug dealers house with him? How he went on a STUPID fucking mission with these idiots to burglarize a fucking drug lord completely off paper? That I deliberately asked him not to because we had a new baby? That he crashed their helicopter, dropped all their money and shot innocent villagers to keep them from getting it? At children and old men adn women? That because of that, Molly’s husband was shot in the fucking head by one of those people? And then they couldn’t even bring the money back so it was all for no reason?”

She’s shouting now, spittle flying from her inebriated lips. One of her friends tries to grab her arm but she shakes them off. People in the crowd are starting to stop and watch. “Then, THEN, he treated me like shit, saying horrible things to me just when he was mad, throwing things, scaring me!”

You feel like you can’t breathe, it’s too much information all at once. “...What? I don’t…No. no, he said he was on a delta mission–”

“Oh sweetheart,” She sneers condescendingly. “He was on a greed mission. He was retired from delta. This was like a year ago. They all wanted to get rich and robbed a fucking drug kingpin and Frankie shot innocent people to make sure he got alllllll that money. And because of that, his friend was shot and killed and his family has NO idea why. He lied to you.”

You turn to look at him, and all his friends. Everyone is silent, trying not to look up from the ground. Dali looks as bewildered as you. “Frankie…?” Tears water in your eyes and you feel like your heart is going to burst. You thought he told you it was an enlisted mission, but on top of everything else you just learned your thoughts are rushing so fast you can’t seem to remember specifics.

Frankie can’t even look at you. And that’s how you know.

It’s true…

“Lex. Stop.” Will’s Southern drawl cuts through the silence, the commanding officer in him coming out. “It’s over. This shit between you two has to stop. Enough.” His eyes shift to Lex’s friends, who are nodding and repeating the same thing. Lex finally allows them to pull her away muttering under her breath, sending one last glare in your direction.

The walk to the truck is silent. The ride home is a foggy blur. But the minute you step into the house, you crack.

“Frankie please tell me all this is not true.” You can’t read him at all, his face is completely blank as he moves around you towards Gabi’s bedroom to tuck her in.

So you wait.

His hackles are already up when he comes back out.

“Frankie–”

“Yea.”

“Well?”

“Yea. It’s true. We tried to steal money from one of Pope’s cases and it backfired and Tom got shot.”

“Because of you.”

His expression changes then, from blank nothing to vicious defensive anger. “Yea. Because of me. I fucked up the flight back and we crash landed and these fuckin’ villagers were gonna take the money! And it was an accident!”

“You ‘accidentally’ shot innocent people?”

He swallows, his jaw clenching and unclenching. You can see he’s doing mental gymnastics in order to avoid accountability.

“Did your finger slip?”

No answer.

“Frankie. Did your finger slip on the trigger?”

You already know the answer before he says it. And somehow it’s like he morphs into a Disney villain as he says it. “No. My finger didn’t slip.”

It burns, the sharp pain in your heart that makes you feel like it’s having a seizure or forgot how to pump blood or is pumping too much blood. “How many people did you kill.”

He shrugs. “I dunno.”

“You don’t know? How can you not know?! Frankie, you told me this was your job! You- you fucking lied to me! I-I I asked you if you were hiding anything else from me and you fucking lied to me!” You can’t help your voice raising, the tears spilling out of your eyes as you realize how fucking stupid you had been. Somewhere in the background you can hear Gabi has woken and is hysterically crying. Frankie, clearly having enough, turns back towards her room. But you continue, screaming at his back. “And that’s why Tom is dead? And his family doesn’t know why?!”

Frankie doesn’t answer and suddenly you are enraged. You run behind him and shove him forward. “I’m fucking talking to you! How can you just be so fucking blase about this??? And…all that other shit???—I feel like I don’t know you at all!”

He whirls around, that furious murderous face you ‘ve seen him give others is finally directed at you. “Because you don’t!” He screams back, his teeth nash and he shoves a finger one inch from your face. You flinch.

“Frankie, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring you? Really? I thought this was your thing?”

You blink, confused, tears stalling on your face. “Don’t–” You plead softly.

“No, Lex is right. You’re a naive little girl who thinks she can save worthless idiots like me and live some fucking fantasy happily ever after. You won’t. You can’t. I’m unfixable.”

“How can you say that!! Frankie, I love you!

He scoffs. “I know you think you do. And I know you aren’t stupid, you told me you’ve done this before. But guess what sweetie, you aren’t better, you’re still doing it because you’re so fucking desperate for someone to love you. You don’t love me. You just want to feel like some fucking savior.”

“No! No… I didn’t, I don’t…you told me you loved me!”

“I wanted to fuck you.” His eyes are black as far, it’s like you don’t even recognize his face anymore. Lex was right. Lex was right. How…did you make all of it up in your head?

“You…You’re a fucking psycho…I feel like you emotionally manipulated me into caring for you only for you to play games with me! I specifically told you I couldn’t go through this again and you fucking did it anyway!”

“Hey, you kissed me. And you were fun to fuck, I will admit that. Let me do fucking anything. But we both knew this would happen. You set yourself up. I did shoot those villagers. I caused Tom’s death. I just wanted the fucking money. And I wanted to kill a bunch of kids too, when they got in my way. Fuckin’ teenagers and I told Pope to fucking shoot them all. And you know what else? We went back and got all that fucking money we hid, and we are fucking swimming in it. And I didn’t share a goddamn dime with my ex. You’re right. I am a psycho, so it’s a good thing this is over. Pack your shit and leave me alone.”

“Fuck you Frankie.”

You don’t wait another moment. You don’t need to be asked twice this time. You shove him aside on your way down the hallway, doing everything you can not to let the second round of tears fall. He’d seen enough.

You slam the door of the master bedroom behind you, frantically bouncing around different points in the room to grab all your shit. When did all of this stuff even get here? Anxiety bubbles up your chest until you can’t take it anymore and say fuck it, he can just throw anything else out. I have to get out of here.

You rush back down the hallway like a speed demon, praying to whatever that he won’t be standing in the hallway still. He isn’t. He’s sitting on his couch facing away from you, his head in his hands. You hate yourself for wanting to go comfort him. He’s right…I’m

not better…

You pause on the front doorway, struggling to say what needs to be said. Don’t be weak. Don’t keep letting people do this to you over and over. “Don’t contact me.I never want to see you again.” You say to his back.

He doesn’t move a muscle, or even look at you. “You won’t.”

You were able to make it halfway across the lawn before the grief fully hit. By the time you got to your car you were gasping like you were no longer able to breathe. And the minute your car door shut you broke, a wailing sob bursting from your lips as you bury your face in your palms.

Again. It happened again. And it’s just as crushing as every other time, except now it feels like you never healed from the others and now they are all piling on top of the other with this one as the final blow.

Why. WHY? Was there something wrong with you? Why were you never enough? Why couldn’t you make them stay? What did you do to keep having to go through this? It almost killed you last time, your eyes squeeze shut as you remember the look on your parents face as they watched you writhe on your bed screaming and crying hysterically from your latest breakup.

And why did you let yourself fall into it again, like you had never learned a goddamn thing. It was like you were masochistic, you told yourself you would never need someone again so badly, you wouldn’t enmesh yourself so fully that when it fell apart you could barely function. Your heart was once again ripped out of your chest and thrown to the floor, the cracks from before making this shattering into pieces so small you know it can’t get repaired again.

With a trembling whimper, you pull your face out of your hands and wipe your eyes, your nose. You realize you’re still sitting in Frankie’s driveway and you immediately look to see if he's at the window, concerned for you. He isn’t. You hate yourself for it but it breaks you even more.

It’s over.

You drive home mindlessly, your Spotify on shuffle and you aren’t aware of anything else. Just get home. Just get home and then you can cry, try to move on. But you already know you won’t.

You finally tire yourself out of tears, and you try to talk yourself up, turning up the music and chanting “it’s okay” to yourself.

It’s Coldplay. You always liked Coldplay.

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try, you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you…

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face, and I–

You slam the on/off button so hard you actually cause the auxiliary cord to malfunction, so you rip it out of your phone and throw the damn thing on the passenger seat. You drive home in silence.

It’s dark in the lot when you arrive. You park in a spot along the side and towards the back because the lot is mostly full. The only light shining is the pole yards away, the bulb switches off and on opposite of the dark one right above you.

You feel numb. You can still feel sticky dried tears on your face, but your ability to utter a sound is gone. You close your eyes and try to compose yourself, simply sitting in your car in the dark. You’re avoiding going upstairs, you know. You’ve pretty much been living at Frankie’s. Walking through that door would make it feel too ‘official’. You cover your face with your hands and rub the tears tracks off your raw face, and are about to take a breath and gather your shit when a THWACKING sound bursts right in your left ear.

You startle with a yelp and look out your window, prepared to tell off whoever is messing with you, but freeze when you find yourself face to face with the barrel of a gun, the only thing separating you from it is the shitty window glass on your cheap car.

»»———————►

Post A/N: Don't yell at me lol

#fix you fic #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x fem!reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal x fem!reader #triple frontier fanfic

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maid-with-sunset-in-her-hair · 10 months

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Catelyn being sweet and loving towards Ned while taking out her resentment on Jon is a classic case of displacement, an unconscious defense mechanism where the mind shifts aggressive impulses to a less threatening target to avoid dealing directly with what is frightening or threatening:

It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face.

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her. "Never ask me about Jon," he said, cold as ice. "He is my blood, and that is all you need to know. And now I will learn where you heard that name, my lady." She had pledged to obey; she told him; and from that day on, the whispering had stopped, and Ashara Dayne's name was never heard in Winterfell again.

Whoever Jon's mother had been, Ned must have loved her fiercely, for nothing Catelyn said would persuade him to send the boy away. It was the one thing she could never forgive him. She had come to love her husband with all her heart, but she had never found it in her to love Jon. She might have overlooked a dozen bastards for Ned's sake, so long as they were out of sight. Jon was never out of sight, and as he grew, he looked more like Ned than any of the trueborn sons she bore him. Somehow that made it worse. (AGOT Catelyn II)

For Catelyn, Jon is a constant reminder of her disfranchisement in the patriarchal feudal system, her powerlessness, her insignificance. Her husband cheated on her and unilateraly decided his affair baby would live with them, and there’s nothing Catelyn could do. When she tried to bring it up, Ned frightened and forbid her from asking about it. She has to “persuade” him to send Jon away because she has no power or authority of her own. She thinks Ned loved Jon’s mother fiercely, with the implication that he loved her more than he loves Catelyn. She might have overlooked it a dozen times for Ned’s sake, as long as it was out of sight. But it was never out of sight.

#asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #my meta #catelyn stark

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bananami · 1 year

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haikyuu characters as taylor swift songs (the break ups)

a/n: time-skip canonically exists and that's what i'm clearly using

in honor of the eras tour starting up, here are some t swift songs that would encapsulate what a break up with certain haikyuu characters would look like; i only did a few because this shit took some tiiiime ok

i'm gonna hurt myself with this one.

masterlist

would've, could've, should've

"god rest my soul, i miss who i used to be" "give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" "and now that i'm grown i'm scared of ghosts, memories feel like weapons, and now that i know, i wish you'd left me wondering"

the effects of a break up with him lasts longer than you would like, following you for months after and even into the relationships you try to have afterwards. everything reminds you of him. if loving him meant you were left feeling like this, you would've rather never loved him at all. the break up with him literally breaks you.

-oikawa, atsumu, suna

midnight rain

"he wanted it comfortable, i wanted that pain" "i broke his heart 'cause he was nice, he was sunshine, i was midnight rain" "and he never thinks of me"

you're the problem. he was the nice guy that you should've chose, but you didn't. years of bad relationships had scarred you for the worse. the problem was that he was perfect, too perfect, and you were broken. better to run while you still had the chance, you convince yourself it was inevitable and he was just too nice to end things. you would ruin it for the both of you, he would find better.

-hinata, bokuto, suga

cardigan

"you drew stars around my scars, but not i'm bleeding" "i knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss, i knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs" "i knew i'd curse you for the longest time...i knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired" "i knew you'd come back to me"

it's a constant game of back and forth that you grew sick of. you were done being a second choice. there are a lot of regrets after the break up, but you get over it faster than he does. it takes longer for him to realize it, and by that time, you've moved on. he's texting you, begging you to take him back, blowing up your phone with voicemails, sending flowers to your work. eventually you block him. you still love him, but you choose yourself this time.

-osamu, ushijima, kageyama

exile

"i think i've seen this film before, and i didn't like the ending, you're not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending now" "i can see you staring honey, like he's just your understudy" "you never gave a warning sign (i gave so many signs)"

the fallout is slow, you've fought and broken up so many times recently that it's no surprise this last time. what is surprising is when he sees you with someone new, looking happier than you ever did with him. he thought it was like every other time, he thought you'd get back together. the confusion on his face is clear, the anger is quick. how could he have missed the resentment growing within you? he'd never stop trying to come back into your life. sometimes you'd let him back in. every time, you'd regret it.

-kenma, akaashi, kita

all too well

"you kept me like a secret, but i kept you like an oath" "maybe we got lost in translation, maybe i asked for too much, maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up" "you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest"

it's perfect until it's not. the worst are the conversations toward the end of it all. he's hurting you, but he won't let you go, sacrificing your happiness for his comfort in a dead relationship. you cry loaded tears and he makes barren promises. the break up isn't even the end of it. you can't escape him, having to share your friends with one another and working so close to each other. you want so badly to be over him, but the wound rips open at every reminder of his constant presence in your life. he won't let you go completely, but he won't ever love you the way you deserve.

-kuroo, iwaizumi, sakusa

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blueshistorysims · 2 months

Text

June 1922, Henford-on-Bagley, England

Dearest sister,

I know you are tired of my constant complaining… but there are few people I can complain to, and unfortunately for you, you are one of them. I had never realized there was so much to do as a peer. I can sense resentment from the tenants of the Feldsbury lands. Parliament is so boring, and most of them don’t like me, considering I one, married a colored woman, and two, I am part of the Labour Party. Not that I care, but I am snubbed often at places where my title is of great prestige. To quote one of the earls, I am ‘a disgrace to the memory of the late Duke and should be ashamed as such.’ What a pity.

Stella is in London again if you and Francesca wish to invite her to dinner, or at least stop by and visit. And before you say wasn’t she in London two weeks ago, well, she is there again. I rarely see her. We were on track to fix everything, and then the bloody old man had to croak. Now we are strangers again in a life neither of us chose.

We have finally been invited by our neighbors for dinner on Friday, so she will be returning for that. It’s bloody Mungroves. I don’t think I ever told you, but I was friends with their son in boarding school and I spent a summer there.

Joel Mungrove was… let’s just say the first person I developed feelings of a non-platonic nature for. Turned out he was a right cunt, for lack of better words. But the hilarious part of it all, is that neither Sir Francis Mungrove nor Lady Mungrove recognize me. I am delighted to embarrass them during dinner.

Your brother, Byron

“Lovely house,” Stella muttered.

“The first girl I ever kissed was their daughter,” he mumbled under his breath.

She smirked. “Anything else?”

“Shhh,” he hissed, looking around. “...I felt her up as she… you know…” he wavered off, making a motion with his hand.

Stella laughed, and he smiled. He hadn’t seen her laugh in a while.

“The Duke and Duchess of Feldsbury,” the butler announced as the Mungroves entered the main hall.

“It is an honor to finally have you for dinner,” Lady Mungrove said, smiling kindly.

She and her husband looked so much older than the last time he’d seen them, over thirteen years ago. He smiled politely and gestured to his wife, whom he noted Sir Francis was not making eye contact with.

“My wife is quite eager to see your dining room.”

Stella nodded. While she loathed it, she played of Duchess well. “The Duke has told me how beautiful it is.”

Sir Francis cocked a brow. “You seen it before?”

“Yes, I dinned here when I was a boy.” He grinned like a shark.

“It really is you!” A voice exclaimed from the stairwell, and there he saw Wilhelmina coming down with a man he thought looked familiar. “You’ve gotten so tall. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I’d read that you were Feldsbury's heir.”

He laughed. “I could say the same to you,” he greeted as she kissed his cheek.

Her parents looked bewildered.

Wilhelmina gestured to the man next to her. “I’m sorry. This is my husband Jack Porter.”

“The poet?”

He nodded. “Yes, Duke.”

Byron was impressed. Stella looked much more interested than she had moments prior.

“You know our daughter?” Lady Mungrove stammered.

Wilhelmina stared at her mother. “Mother, his grace was Joel’s friend he brought here in the summer of 1909.”

Color flooded the cheeks of the couple as Stella bit her lip to hide a smirk.

During dinner, Byron learned that Joel was dead, having perished in the war. Sir Francis and Lady Mungrove were mostly quiet during the affair, likely from the embarrassment of earlier. Seeing them so uneasy made his evening entirely worth it.

Afterward, he and Wilhelmina went to the balcony, reminding him of the many conversations they’d had in their youth. Jack was keen to show Stella the house, asking questions about the jazz scene in Harlem.

“You know,” she began, “When I read that you married your wife and you were heir to the Duke of Feldsbury, I laughed. Of course the dukedom was our neighbor.”

“I wasn’t even aware back then. Are you happy with Mr. Porter?”

“Yes. He knows the real London social scene, and he makes me happy. I love him dearly. What of you and the duchess?”

He frowned. “The title has put a tremendous strain on marriage if I will be truthful. The only person who hates it more than I is her. I rarely see her.” He sighed. “I confess, Wilhelmina, I don’t think our relationship will thrive if I do not leave Henford.”

She sat next to him. “I am sorry, Byron.”

“I didn’t tell her I was heir to a dukedom until after we eloped. She resents me for that. I don’t blame her.”

“Well, Jack and I live in London if she is in ever need of friends.”

“What she wants is to be around people like her, in a community where she doesn’t have to be someone else. That community is in New York.”

Wilhelmina nodded. “...My parents weren’t truthful about Joel’s death.”

“What?”

“I think you should know the truth. He did die during the war years, but not on the battlefield. He was severely injured and disfigured after a mustard gas attack. My mother couldn’t even look at him unless he was in bandages or wore a mask. It was hard to look at him. He couldn’t take it, so he killed himself.”

Byron sat there quietly. “My God.”

#the walshes #the walsh legacy #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 decades #sims 4 historical #sims 4 decades challenge #sims 4 history challenge #ts4 historical #tw suicide mention #ts4 decades challenge #1920s #ts4 1920s #bit of a rollercoaster whoops #tw racism #stella gardenhouse #byron walsh

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simpliao · 2 years

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UDBSISNDSIKF MADAM I CANNOT! STOP! SCREAMING!!! THESE FICS!!! UGGGGGHHHHHH

You are one of the few people giving me my JSchlatt fix, and I cherish every second of it. If I may be so humble as to make a request, can I suggest something involving praising and giving some lovin’ to the Big Guy himself? I feel like he’s the kind of guy to not recognize his own value and contributions, especially in a romantic relationship. Sometimes to just need to smooch, hold, pamper, and remind your boyfriend how much you love him. Thank you and bless your goddamn angelic heart🤍

hey, hey, hey lover ; (irl) schlatt x reader

summary : schlatt is adamant about breaking up, y/n sees through it. and even if he doesn't ever feel worthy, if it takes her an eternity of holding him close and assuring him; she'd do it in a heartbeat.

info : angst to fluff, feelings of unworthiness, depression, poor mental health, mentions of anger issues, reader comforting schlatt, she/her, afab reader. title sourced by the amazing song by the daughters of eve.

a/n : SO GLAD YOURE ENJOYING ANON, BLESS YOU TOO AWE ! decided to take his self deprecation to the extreme just to have some heart warming, chicken-soup-for-the-soul type fluff. Still doing my best to roll out requests!

to anyone who may relate to the way schlatt feels, even if you don't have your own y/n please do know you're not alone. people love you so please seek help if possible. you can get through this toots, we're all rooting for you. ♡

Everyone had their down days, days where everything seemed so hopeless and desperate; being that Schlatt wasn't always the most mentally healthy he would have these feelings more often than not. Never dare uttering the things his mind conjured up in the midst of his constant battle against himself. He took medication, medication that he hid in the back of drawers and never mention to his lover, sometimes he'd never find a moment alone and he wouldn't take it. He'd deal with it on his own, this was his problem, and therefore he figured it was his to deal with.

Other people had their own struggles, adding his would only hurt and stress other people. It wasn't worth mentioning, they'd only want to help him to be civil, because they were forced into it out of pity. He knew his girlfriend of so long didn't need that added stress when she's already practically worked herself to death, she didn't need him to weigh her down.

That's when real rainy days rolled in, when he wouldn't take his levothyroxine, when his lover found herself working late nights and leaving him alone at midnight with nothing but his own thoughts. Sleep would never find him, his mind too busy overthinking every decision in life, he wasn't doing enough, he wasn't enough. He'd find on those still, cloudy nights, nothing but doubt; Y/n must be working late because she can't stand me anymore. Every little distant memory finds a way to him, he wasn't the kind of guy to like PDA, she wanted to hold hands but he didn't, she must still resent him for it.

It sounds slightly exaggerated and stupid, like he was one of those alt, fifteen year old girls he oftentimes would poke fun at. But being in the right state of mind meant that he couldn't see past the fog of doubt that clouded his better judgement. She'd always kiss him goodbye, she'd always whisper the sweetest of nothings into the lobe of her ear, and repeat time and time again how much she loved him; but he was sure she did it out of pity. Who could possibly love him? His temper was short, he was by no means ever the hottest guy in the room, he told stupid jokes that he knew people only laughed at because they had to.

Y/n deserved so much better, just seeing her smile left a bittersweet ache in his chest; she would be happier with someone else. He adored her like she hung the stars and moon themselves, she was otherworldly beautiful to him, always so caring and bright. She was the light holding him together, but he was convinced he was the darkness that consumed and poisoned her life. Her insistence of her love was nothing more than sweet lies that he felt as if he just knew weren't true.

Those murmurs from within the confines of his mind reminded him of this constantly, a fake truth of his own worth and care from others. They whispered lies that would occupy his mind rent free, no one would ever truly love him because there was nothing there to love. Why was Y/n even with him? If he truly loved her he would want her to be happy, and how could she ever be happy with him? He was imperfect, he was damaged, why would she want a relationship that forced her to pick up the pieces he struggled to pick up on his own?

It all cumulating to a breaking point inside him, when Y/n confronted him about it. Her voice gentle and hesitant, she'd picked up on his behaviours for a while but marked it up to stress or just an off day. It slowly bled into his work, his relationship; becoming more closed off and distant. She wasn't entirely sure what was happening, that was until she found the pill bottle whilst cleaning up their bathroom. The original worry of some kind of addiction morphed into pain and regret once she searched up said medication's name to find out what it happened to be: anti-depressants.

She felt the realization sink into the bottom of her stomach, how could she not have known or have been there for him? She was determined to make it right on her end; be the girlfriend that she knew her boyfriend desperately needed and deserved.

"Darling, had there been something on your mind?" She didn't want to immediately jump into her findings, maybe he had an explanation for them? The last thing she wanted was to make him defensive and start a fight. She could have never anticipated the words that fell past his lips, all while never managing to hold eye contact longer than a few seconds at most.

"I..." want to hold you and have you tell me everything is okay "...want to break up." She stood before him shellshocked, mouth agape and seemingly straining to try and say even a single word. Eyebrows furrowed together with only a single thing escaping her, "what..?" Confusion evident upon her delicate features, Schlatt was breaking apart from the inside. She tried to take a step forwards, but all he did was take one back; maintaining the space between them. If she got to close, if her touch graced his skin and he'd be sucked back into his addiction of the feeling of her, he'd lose his self control and break apart. She didn't need his mess, it was his to fight alone; she deserved to fly.

"Why?" Her words were much firmer, a saddened tone lacing between them. At first came heartbreak, and slowly as she awaited for an answer to her cracked voice, she could see with the brief moments of eye contact something clouded in his eyes. He was hurting... It kind of clicked that he was pushing her away, he was trying to cope and prevent her from finding out the truth. He was still suffering, and knowing Schlatt as long as she has, it was in character.

She blinked away tears, he was ready to get into a shouting match and braced for the absolute worst. What he didn't brace for were the arms of his girlfriend to wrap around him, soothing voice never ceasing. It was a risk on her part, if he was genuinely wanting to break up and she babied him like this he would certainly blow a fuse; but she had faith in what she's learned in all their time spent together. And to her favour, rather than get upset, he melted into her embrace. "I don't..." He paused at his words, trying to bite his tongue of his words. "...I don't love you anymore." Those words did sting, no question about it, but he wasn't in his proper state of mind. Y/n promised to be with him until the end, she intended to live up to that promise, and now was not the end; just a bad day.

"I know, Schlatt. I know you're taking medication to try and help yourself." He tensed up at her words, in response she only made her grasp more reassuring and tightening her hold; letting him know she's there. "I really do love you, you know that right? I understand your belief in privacy, but you're obviously hurting; and seeing you hurt really does hurt me too." His large hands slowly came up to rest upon the back of her head and her back, head hung downward to face her. "Please don't hurt because of me." It was similar to that of a desperate plea of a disciplined child, as if he was the one at fault. "I don't hurt because of you, I hurt for you; that's because I love you."

"Then maybe you shouldn't love me." His words, spoken in a hushed manner whilst he kept his eyes glued to hers, filled with such belief of the falsehood. "I will always love you. Please, talk to me. What made you want to break up..?" He held a pause for a handful of moments, heart in a tough ache before he breathed out his confession. "Because you deserve someone better. Someone who won't hurt you, who'll make you happier." Her eyes watered at this, he'd been hurting so bad and what had she done? Seeing him like this, defeated, nothing like he should ever be, killed her a little on the inside.

"Schlatt." Her doe-like wide eyes are those that he could stare into forever, "no one will ever make me happier than you do. You're just... You're my everything. You think of me when I don't think of myself, you're secretly so damn compassionate, the most loving person I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting..." She burrowed her head into his chest, "and it kills me thinking you'll never see yourself the way I see you. You complete me, so please don't punish yourself to fight this alone. I'm here for you, and I always will be."

He practically fell into her arms at that point, gripping onto her like she'd be forever whisked away should his grip every loosen. Something in his chest alleviated, and for once he could finally breathe again. Holding her in his arms felt so natural, like they were always meant to be this close and interlocked together. For the first time a good while, he could feel the love again. She knew his feelings of self hatred and inability to handle praise wasn't just magically blown away, internally was still scarred and beaten down, he was still hurting. But at least for right now she could soothe his pain even just a little, and take the first steps towards recovery.

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sorcerersandskillusers · 1 year

Text

Freed From Apathy, Burned By Remorse BEAST Dazai exploration

Dazai sat on his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest, staring at the opposite wall of his shipping container.

The cold light of the naked bulb seemed to deepen the shadows under his eyes, making him look hollow and emaciated, like his skin was only finely stretched over the skull underneath.

As he stared, his expression began to shift slightly, subtle changes that would be impossible to notice from a distance, flickered as he adjusted small aspects of himself which controlled how other people saw him.

He gently peeled of the countless layers of deception, manipulation and cruelty that made up the mafia boss. Each one falling away like thin sheets of wax. Until finally he reached his own face.

Not a single person in the Port Mafia could have guessed what Dazai’s true expression looked like.

His mouth trembled slightly, his eyes were free of the darkness that usually filled them, but it was replaced with something far, far, worse. Deep, lonely, sadness. A sadness that seemed to wrap his whole body, and burrow deep under his skin. It was the expression of a lost child, who realised once and for all that no one was going to comfort them.

“I defeated mimic… No ones going to hurt you anymore.” He whispered to himself.

“What would you think of me now? I spat on the promise I made to you. I became the kind of person you hate most in the world.” Dazai said as he looked down at the long red scarf draped over his shoulders.

“I… I tried to… I’m sorry.” He held his legs closer to his chest, he knew this was how things had to be. He had excepted it a long time ago. But somehow, he couldn’t stop the aching in his chest.

“Just once… I just want to go out drinking together… I want to show you the Tofu I made; I want you to tell me about your novel, I want to know how the kids are doing, I want to play poker with you, I want…”

Dazai stared at the celling, lost in a fog of memories that had never happened, of a bond that had never been formed, of three people who had found a quiet solace in one another.

Slowly he brought his gaze down to the figure who stood at the foot of his bed.

It was a man, slightly taller than Dazai with messy brown hair, who wore a long beige trench coat, and had bandages wrapped around his neck and wrists. The figure had no discernible face, yet it looked towards Dazai in an almost mocking way, as if silently gloating about the difference between them.

The two of them stayed there for a long time.

Dazai got up from the bed, he walked towards the door of the shipping container, not even sparing a glance for the figure still standing there. He knew why he had been chosen to be the villain; it was a role that only he could fulfil. But he still couldn’t keep some resentment from building inside him.

“Hold on to them.”

Dazai whipped around, his eyes widening in shock. It had never spoken before; he had seen this thing appear many times. It shadowed him, a constant reminder of the choice he had made, a reminder of what he still had to do. But never once had it spoken.

“Those are the feelings you once, so desperately searched for.” It continued. In a voice that was not quite his own.

“Hold on to them, they are proof that you are human.”

Dazai’s shoulders began to tremble as he turned back towards the door. The figure stayed where it was motionless at the foot of his bed until he closed the door behind him.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #beast dazai is one of the most tragic characters ever written #beast dazai #bsd beast #bungou stray dogs beast #bungo stray dogs beast #bsd writing #character exploration #god the things this book has done to me

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sleepyfaequeen · 11 months

Text

Little Accidents

Chapter: 1

Warnings: xfem!reader, reader is in her early 20s, Jack Morrison is bisexual for story purposes. Don't like that, don't read. I don't think I have to explain that it's fanfiction and shouldn't be taken seriously. If that triggers you, do not read this fic.

A/n: Unsure who I should ship reader with but we shall see.

Summary: You find out something that you shouldn't have found out, but here we are. That's what you get for eavesdropping.

Song:

(Y/n) had become a part of Blackwatch for a few months now, and the constant training was always different, but joining Overwatch had become her dream. When she joined as a soldier, she was surprised that she would soon be joining a black ops group who was hand-picked by Commander Reyes himself. To work under someone who's well respected and knows what he's doing was a big honor. Not only that, but for some reason, she had noticed Commander Morrison has been watching over their training exercises. He would actually even compliment her. It surprised her at first, but she knew he probably did that to those he saw with potential. She always saw him talking to Gabriel in the distance, arguing about something, but regardless, it always seemed to calm down.

Today, she was walking to Commander Reyes' office to return some needed files that needed to be filled out and given to Doctor Moira. But she stopped in her tracks as soon as she heard Reyes and Morrison arguing. She knew it was bad to eavesdrop but she did it anyway.

"Absolutely not." Reyes' gruff voice came.

"I'm not asking you. I'm demanding that she be removed from you're squad." Jack could be heard sounding angry and less composed than he usually did.

"Why would I do that?" Gabriel shifts in his seat as he crosses his arms.

"Why?" She leans in, her curious blue eyes looking inside. Seeing Jack turn as he rubs a gloved hand over his face as he takes a moment to answer. "You got my kid in there."

".. What?" Gabriel tilts his head, seeming confused.

"I had a fling when I was young and.." He explains and Gabriel just laughs.

"Is it Cassidy?" Reyes jokes to which Jack scoffs.

"No, it's obvious who." The two lock eyes and (Y/n) can't help but jump as she feels a hand touch her arm. Seeing Captain Amari there made her completely freak out.

"(Y/n)? What's wrong? You look like you seen a ghost." She looks down at her concerned, and (Y/n) can't help but tighten her grip on the stack of papers in her gloved hands.

"No, I'm honestly fine..!" She could hear the two Commanders approaching the doorway and she quickly, shoves the papers into her chest before running down the hall and into the elevator as she turns she could see Commander Jack looks down the hall, her way, as the doors shut with a ding of the elevator.

She felt her heart beating so fast and her head spinning as she felt her entire face in a cold sweat. As the elevator stops, she finds herself aimlessly walking around. She wasn't sure what time it was when she found herself within the Blackwatch members' corridor room. She found her fingers shaking as she kept mistyping her own room code with multiple beeps being heard. She exhales as she stops herself for a moment.

Something about the new girl was off today. She looked rather tense, or at least that is what Genji's eyes could tell. To him, she was just another member, another teammate. A freak but she looked much more normal than the rest of them. More normal than him. Though he usually avoided conversations so he never thought of talking to her or much of anyone. Unless absolutely necessary circumstances. He resented them all for being.. human. It reminded him of what he was not. Of what was taken away from him.

The days in Overwatch was always the same. Everyday, to him, went by quickly and was just as empty as usual. Genji had his own routine like anyone else: training, meetings, more training, then showers. Perhaps the best part of his day. He was always grateful to feel the warmth of the shower against his torn flesh. Unlike his added cybernetic side, it could feel. He walked down the halls to the Blackwatch private quarters, with his towel hanging over and around his neck. Only in his gym shorts as his augments were showing. Stopping as he watched her fumble with her door passcode. "Needing help or something?" He asked her softly as he was more curious today about her expression. He was surprising himself since he rarely talked to other people, but she looked like she could use a hand.

She almost bit her own tongue as the robotic voice had startled her. Her head turning and her eyes blinking away any sort of distress as her fingers fumbled with the key card.

"Uh.. I.. I think I got it." Again, the beeping was still denying her access to her own quarters. She lowers her head as she steps aside and gestures for him to have a try. "Have at it. I swear I forget sometimes." She looks at him as she smiles and rubs the back of her neck as she hands him her keycard. "Code is 8170."

She never knew the cyborg ninja guy even talked. Well, he could she just has never really talked to him before. Only during missions there was usually nothing but nods or hand gestures. He would sigh or scoff and with the plate over his mouth it sounds more robotic. She's heard stories from others around the base and how he was so skilled. Some people would even think he was hard to look at but no one would dare tell him to his face. Honestly, with Genji's red cybernetic eyes, he looked like he could kill someone easily and he probably could. She didn't know him much but she knew he was usually a quiet guy and he seemed to like his solitude. Sometimes, Cassidy would talk to him and she swore Genji would roll his eyes but endure McCree's rambling.

His hand moved to type in the code after memorizing it and her repeating it quietly. His breathing could be heard from behind his mask as he typed in the last few digit numbers. The door to her room sliding open with a small green light on the keypad. He steps back and hands her the keycard.

"The codes are picky, sometimes you have to type them in slow." He said as his eyes looked at her for a mere moment in silence as he stepped back. Turning to walk to his own room as he takes out his own keycard.

".. Training will be early tomorrow." He said as he got to his own door and typed in his own code.

"Yeah.." she said as she steps inside her room and watches Genji walk over to him before her eyes met his. "Thank you, I'll be seeing you.. tomorrow." She said and he gives her a nod before heading into his room before pressing a button to let the doors close and lock and she did the same.

She sighs as she hangs her head low before going to her desk and immediately went to look at an old photo of her and her mother. Her mother never had the chance to tell her much about her father but the fact she unintentionally found him wasn't a coincidence. She just hoped whatever led them towards each other wasn't for the worst.

#x reader #x f!reader #x female reader #overwatch #fanfic #oneshot #blizzard #love story #jack morrison #gabriel reyes #genji shimada #jesse mccree #moira o'deorain #overwatch blizzard #overwatch fanfiction #angela zeigler #soldier 76 #Spotify

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kidrauhlschik · 1 year

Text

Sirius ~ HHJ Imagine

Sirius is the brightest star in the night sky. Its name is derived from the Greek word Σείριος, or Seirios, meaning lit. 'glowing' or 'scorching'.

Hwang Hyunjin would tell you that the brightest star was dim in comparison to you. Little did anyone think about the fact that if you get too close to a star, you burn.

Word Count: 6634

Warnings: angst, alcohol consumption, drunk driving, ¿domestic abuse?, Fighting, yelling, cursing, angst, heartbreak, mentions of infidelity, angst, lmk if I missed anything!!

A/N: this was originally a lee know fic but things happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

He was everything to you, and you were everything to him. Whenever he was looking at you, it was as if he were looking at the brightest star in the darkest of nights. The memory of his loving stare on the night of your wedding remains as vivid as if it had happened yesterday. That night remains as the happiest moment of your life.

“Till death do us part.” His soft words still ring in your ears.

Suddenly you can’t help but wonder. When did the end begin?

Now, years gone, the two of you sit on the cold kitchen floor, wondering if the ache in your chest is coming from an overwhelming amount of emotions or lack-there-of. His position mirrors yours on the opposite side of the room. The room which holds an abundant number of memories of the two of you. Memories that flood back before you can do anything to stop them.

You remember that day in which you both spent hours on end making a dinner for his friends, and the guys had to arrive with firemen as an escort. As much as you tried, neither of you could hide the mischievous smiles on your faces while the firemen carried out the stove.

He remembers the time the two of you had started to bake a cake for your parents, and by the time you guys were done decorating it, you realized that you had missed multiple calls from your parents, telling you that they wouldn’t be able to make it. So instead of storing the cake for later, the two of you decided to hold a competition to determine who could eat the most cake without getting sick. Unfortunately, you both lost and spent the following day wailing and whining in bed, but at least you were together.

Now instead of love, those memories are clouded with resentment. The room holds a fog of bitterness that reminds you of the fighting and tears that seem to be endless lately.

Your jaw remains clenched, while biting the inside of your cheek, you do your best to keep your cold gaze glued to the ground in front of you. Allowing the memories to keep on playing in your head as if they were in a constant loop.

“Where are you? It’s getting late, and I’m getting worried. Please call me back.” Another voicemail piles up with the dozens you had just sent to Hyunjin. He was never late. Not once since he slid that ring on your finger, had he come home late without a solid explanation.

A simple text message, “Running l8. Gotta practice.” Is the only response you receive from him.

Confused, you shake your head and stay in place. It’s no big deal, right? Four hours passed and you still sat in the same spot you were sitting in prior to receiving the message.

Suddenly, the squeaking of the door alerted you that your husband was finally home. Jumping out of the couch to greet him was like muscle memory. Before you could say anything to him, you spot his tired face and slumped shoulders, and all of your concerns vanish at the sight.

“You’re home.” The words slip past your lips ever so softly, and you would’ve assumed that he didn’t hear you if it wasn’t for the small shrug he gives you as a response. “Are you hungry? You looked starved.” Your words fall on deaf ears as he walks past you, making his way to the bedroom. “I’m beat.” His raspy and strained voice allows you to assume that he wants no further communication for the night.

You should’ve known. All the signs were there, the signs you both turned a blind eye to without understanding the consequences for your own ignorance. Now that everything has blown up in your face, you can finally see the end of the tightrope. After so much time of being oblivious, it is now clear that this is the end of the bumpy road.

Realizing that you were partly at fault, in the beginning, was tough. It’s easy to play the victim, but it’s a hike to play the villain. It would’ve been so much harder to talk it out; it would’ve taken so much effort to try to understand him and to make him understand you. So instead, you both took to smooth sailing and bottled everything up.

That night which seemed so insignificant at the time, was truly the beginning of it all.

Your friend had stopped by that random Thursday. She managed to fill your head with so many rumors, and by the time she’d left, you viewed Hyunjin in a different light. No longer your knight in shining armor, but the villain in disguise. When he came home, he would have a piece of your mind. As expected, he was late. Since that first night he arrived late, you could count on one hand how many times he’d actually made it home by dinnertime.

The squeaking of the door no longer affected you like it used to. Now you take to wait in your shared bedroom, since it’s his first and only destination once he arrives home. It took him less than a minute to make his way to the bedroom door, but this time he was not tired. His steps were heavy, he was mumbling something inaudible, and his eyes were glossy and wide. He wasn’t tired. He was drunk.

“We need to talk.” The firmness in your voice didn’t do much to grasp his attention. Without sparing you a glance, he mumbles a quick “M’ tired.” Before attempting to make his way to his side of the bed, but you weren’t allowing it. You rehearse the words you had planned in your head as you make your way to stand in front of him. His drunken state serving to anger you even more.

“Are you cheating on me?” Straight to the chase, no need to beat around the bush. “What are you talking about?” Responding to a question with a question was one of your pet peeves, and at some point, one of his too. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been getting home late every single night. We barely even talk anymore; I’m lucky if you even glance my way. Now, this? You coming home drunk is the absolute last thing I needed.” Your eyes gloss over, and it wasn’t because of the overwhelming sadness you chose to ignore every day, but from the frustration of hearing those words come out of your mouth, suddenly you realize how much his nonchalance has been affecting you.

He rolls his eyes and a small chuckle from his lips doesn’t go unnoticed. “You’re insane.” He sighs in disbelief.

Those two words manage to enrage you in a way that not much has angered you before. The fact that he doesn’t understand what you’re feeling, and he doesn’t even bother to make an attempt at understanding, only adds to your frustration. Without realizing, you raise your voice to try to make yourself heard, “Don’t fucking say that. You haven’t even answered my question. Why do you come home late every night? Why do you barely speak to me anymore? Why are you drunk right now? I’m- I’m so fucking tired of being alone.” He misses the way your voice cracks at the last words.

A second passes, and it seems as if he’d finally grasped some of the words you were saying, but his response isn’t the apology you were expecting. His body sways and he doesn’t even bother to look up at you, “I’m fucking tired too. I’m tired of coming home every night after work, and all you do is nag at me, question me, and bother me. Don’t you think I’m fucking sick of it? Don’t I deserve to have fun every once in a while?”

Your jaw only tightens at the memory, your hands forming into fists still resting on the kitchen floor, your nails begin to dig into your palms serving as a welcome distraction from the heartache. That night was the first of many screaming matches the two of you would have from then on. Every day that followed, he’d come home inebriated, stumbling through the door and the arguments only got worse.

In the beginning, you would cry and shy back from his harsh words and loud tone. Now, you laugh bitterly and scream louder. It’s insane how the times change. Your heart used to hold so much care and love, and now it sat empty… You were done.

Today will be different.

Is what you tell yourself repeatedly. The constant arguments get old and tiring. You know he’ll be late and drunk tonight. It became the new routine. There will be no arguing today though. After getting home from work, you head straight to the fridge. You knew that Hyunjin threw a half-empty bottle of liquor into the refrigerator almost every night. Over time, there ought to be at least fifteen bottles in there now. The fridge no longer held food; neither of you ate at home anymore, so alcohol just fills the empty space.

Every glass seems and feels easier than the last. The goal today wasn’t to forget your problems, it was to not to give a shit about them. You hoped to drink enough liquor to not care that Hyunjin wasn’t home. You hoped that the liquid poison would drown out your emotions enough and you wouldn’t cry yourself to sleep this time around.

You sit on the sofa, bottle in hand, with a deep concentration on the wall in front of you. Now your thoughts aren’t anger towards your once loving husband, they are revolving around how pathetic and sad you are being. How sorry, staying up late every night for your neglecting husband. How pathetic, crying yourself to sleep every night while your husband is black out drunk next to you. How sad, he drinks every night for the hell of it, while the sole purpose of your drinking was to pretend that you don’t care about him.

As expected, he stumbles through the door, and his heavy steps walk past you. Why does it disappoint you that he doesn’t even acknowledge you? He walks past the room you’re in and goes straight into the bedroom. You were right. You didn’t fight with him that night. Neither of you exchanged a word that day, but was that any better? You felt like another string was being broken.

You can’t entirely blame him. You could’ve handled it better, but it wasn’t just your fault. He started it, and you thought he had to finish it. You ponder on the memory of that night. What were you thinking? The alcohol was addicting. You should’ve known. You’ve seen how liquor ruins lives, and now it contributed to ruining yours. Taking shelter in a preloaded weapon wasn’t your best idea.

Moving your gaze from the same spot on the floor to the space where the table once was, makes you remember. You wished that you didn’t remember, and that all of the memories could simply disappear. He wished he had amnesia. You both prefer to be angry and hateful because being in pain is so much worse.

He knows that he was wrong. He should’ve been more open with you. Instead, he chose to hide away behind the walls of the studio surrounded by bottles of rum. He doesn’t blame you at all. He blames himself for absolutely everything that went wrong. You were just trying to tolerate him, you wanted to fix things, and he doesn’t know why he did it, but he just pushed you away. He drove you so far away that now you didn’t want to make your way back to him.

He still loved you. He loved you with all his heart and soul, but the realization came to him when it was too late. When the last string was broken, was when he realized that you were still his everything. Remembering the way, you looked that day makes his heart clench in pain. That day he’d betrayed your trust, and he hates himself for it every day a little more.

Bang Chan was holding a party, and to the public eye, you and your loving husband were still together. You’d received a text during your lunch hour from Hyunjin. “Party at Chan’s tonight. We leave at 8.” You groaned at the thought of getting ready for a party when you get home. The thought of putting up a “perfect spouse” façade was no fairytale.

When you got home, you dove straight for your stash of alcohol, needing some sort of liquid courage to prepare you for the night. In two short hours, you managed to look the best you’d looked in a while. The dark outfit you were wearing flattered you in the best way possible, and though you told yourself you were dressing up to impress everyone at the party, the only one you cared about impressing was Hyunjin. The mere thought humiliated you beyond belief. You didn’t want to care about him. You hated the fact that he was still a priority in your brain despite the anger you held towards him.

Hyunjin, on the other hand, was being eaten alive by his nerves. Would you even want to go? Would the two of you two make a scene in Chan’s house? Would tonight be a pain in the ass? He told himself that he didn’t care, but his sweaty palms and bouncing leg told him otherwise. He kept thinking about the fact that this would be the first night in a while that the two of you communicated in anything other than short texts and dry words. Was he excited about it? Or was he dreading it?

When he arrived at the house, he had less than thirty minutes to get ready, but that was fine because he didn’t have much to do anyway. As per usual, he went straight to the bedroom, and this time around you were in there too. It was odd. He grew accustomed to seeing you on the couch every night. He knew you started drinking. He knew you’d made it an every night event. When he realized, he merely shook his head in disappointment as if he wasn’t doing the same thing in a different location. You were in the bathroom, and he assumed that you were finishing up getting ready. He sighs in relief at the fact that you’re actually going, and he doesn’t have to explain why his “loving spouse” had not attended the past few events with him.

He started getting dressed, and it didn’t take him long before he was ready to walk out of the door. “Hurry up. We’re going to be late.” He said loud enough for you to hear from the bathroom. Your heart skipped a beat, and you weren’t sure why. “Going!” Was all you said as you grabbed your phone and opened the bathroom door.

He turned to face you, and you both stood in place. You were barely tipsy, but still sober enough to acknowledge the fact that your husband looked terrific. He took in your appearance with awe. A hint of a smile played on his lips before he looked down at his phone and mumbled something along the lines of being late. Once he walked out you exhaled a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Why did everything seem… okay?

You followed him to the car and fastened your seat belt. It was the first time in months since you’d both sat in the same car or same space even, and neither of you were sure of what to do next. Silence embraced both of you before he started the car. His hand rested on the key, ready to wake up the engine, but he just sat there. You wondered what he was waiting for. He looked off into space, and you couldn’t read him like you used to.

He was having an internal battle with himself. Should he say it? Was it too straightforward? What would your response be? Why is he acting like a high school boy in front of his spouse?

“You- you look stunning.” He stuttered out before turning on the car and starting to drive, as if he hadn’t said anything. Suddenly, you were at a loss for words. That was the last thing you expected him to say. What would you even call what you’re feeling? Surprise? Shock? Happiness? Why were you flustered at the fact that your husband admired your appearance?

“Um… Thanks?” Your soft voice sounding like honey to his ears. You looked down at your hands that rested on top of your knees trying to hide the blush that made its way onto your cheeks. You were both acting so strangely around each other. It wasn’t quite right, but it was better.

Were you supposed to play music? Make conversation? How were you supposed to start a conversation with someone you once knew so well and now seemed like a stranger to you? He asked himself the same questions. What now?

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” Really? That’s the best you can do? You want to open the car door and just fling yourself out to hide your embarrassment. He chuckles at your attempt to compliment him. “Really? I call you stunning, and I get a “Not bad.” Ouch. I think I at least deserved a “Wow Hwang Hyunjin; you are the most handsome man I’ve ever laid my eyes on” Don’t you think?” He jokes. “Don’t get too cocky now. I was being generous.” You both laugh at each other, and suddenly it feels good. A glimmer of hope sparks in your gut hoping things could get better.

“Hey, and why is Chan holding a party?” You didn’t even know the reason for the occasion. “I’m not completely sure. I think he just wanted to throw one for the hell of it.” He shrugs, never taking his eyes off the road. You roll your eyes. “Classic Chris.” He hums in agreement, and he quickly thinks of something to say, not wanting to let the conversation die just yet.

“I haven’t been drawing as much lately” Blurting out the first thing that presented itself to him was the best he could do. “Really? Why is that?” True concern laces in your words and he can’t hide the smile forming on his lips. “I don’t really know; my mind just wonders off a lot.” Really, he just didn’t want to admit that he’s been too drunk to draw. “That sucks. Have you tried grabbing inspiration from some of your other completed works? Taking it back to the roots and seeing what inspired you?” Your words were well intended, but they only saddened him. You were his inspiration, and he just remembered so. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t draw or paint; he should’ve been putting the bottle down and picking up his phone to check up on you. “You know what? I’ll do just that.” He smiled to himself.

The both of you were in some sort of limbo. Neither of you were thinking of the bad things. Everything was okay for that car ride. Everything seemed fine, but you should’ve known that everything that’s good is bound to end. When the two of you entered Bang Chan’s house, hand in hand, you both remembered to smile and pretend like you were still the best couple around. Something that had been so natural in the car now felt faked in a way. Awkward tension surrounded the both of you, but everyone at the party didn’t seem to notice. Your acquaintances separated the two of you, and you both realize that the car ride here was just that, a car ride. Those few minutes would not fix months of yelling and crying.

Hours pass, and you escape reality once more, with the help of your trusty friend, liquor. You were having a good time with some friends until you spot a familiar physique across the room. It shouldn’t have hurt you as much as it did. But seeing Hyunjin so close to another woman saddened you. However, that sadness quickly turned into rage, something you often did to avoid being hurt. How dare he just sit there with another woman practically sitting on his lap in front of everyone? Did he just not give a shit? If it was so easy for him, then fine. It’ll be just as easy for you.

You weren’t bad looking; anybody in the house would kill for a night with you. But you wouldn’t settle for hurting him. No. You wanted him to feel what you felt during all that time. You wanted him to be in so much pain that looking at you would hurt him. Just like looking at him made your throat tighten and your heart clench.

You looked all over the house, but you found him. Felix was a well-known ladies’ man. Hyunjin always advised you to stay away from him, because he was sure to hit on you with no problem, despite knowing that you’re his best friends’ spouse. Just the person you needed right now.

“Hey Felix!” Your words slurred and you realize that you’ve had a few more drinks than you should have. “Hey, what’s up? Where is Hyun?” He raises his eyebrows at your state and just as he’s about to go looking for your husband, you stop him. “No, no, who cares about him? I’m here. That’s all you need. Right?” Your flirtatious tone doesn’t go unnoticed by the notorious bachelor. “Right.” He chuckles and visibly relaxes as he pulls you to the space deemed as the dance floor with a smirk. “Show me what you got.” He whispers into your ear as he wraps his arms around your waist and all but grinds on you, your backside pressed against his front, and after a couple of minutes, you begin to feel his bulge pressed against your lower back.

Despite enjoying yourself, and the attention, a voice in your head reminds you, that no matter how much you hated Hyunjin, you could never cheat on him. But you realize it all too late.

Someone grabs your forearm with a little too much strength and roughly pulls you away, towards the exit. “Hey, wha-“ The words fall short as you see that your husband was the one to pull you away. You couldn’t see his face, but you just know that he’s absolutely fuming with anger.

He shoves you into the passenger seat of the car and slams your door shut. The drive home wasn’t remotely similar to the drive to the party. Your breathing quickened, and you began to feel clammy with anticipation. All Hyunjin could see was red. He was intoxicated too, he was not well enough to drive, but somehow you both made it to the house safely.

He got out of the car first. The harsh slamming of his door made your blood run cold. You had never seen your husband as mad as he was right then. Tears welled up in your eyes for no apparent reason, but you refused to let them run down your cheeks. You refused to show him sadness. No. He had to think that he no longer held any effect on you.

Glass shattering was the first sound that welcomed you as soon as you opened the front door. It was not the first time either one of you had thrown things across the room. This time though, for the first time, you couldn’t help but feel that the vase that shattered next to the door was meant to hit you instead.

The car ride home partially sobered you up, but you still did not fully comprehend the situation. You could only acknowledge the anger surging from your husband. What you didn’t catch was the pain seeping through as well. You didn’t catch the tears that he could not hold back on the car ride. You were guilty of being all too oblivious to the emotion-filled sob that escaped him while he began trashing the living space.

“How could you do that to me?” His voice carried so much rage, and the pain was completely ignored by your ears. “Do what?” The pet peeve. Both of you hated it. The second question always angering either of you beyond imagination. His hands clenched. He didn’t know what he wanted. He had no idea what to say next. He just wanted you to know what he was feeling, and it angered him that he could not make you understand his desperation.

Another painful scream that you thought was fueled by anger escaped his lips as he pulled on his hair, not knowing what to do with himself. “Why are you being so dramatic?” Your question was light-hearted in your eyes but instigating in his. “Dramatic? Are you calling me dramatic after you practically slutted yourself to Felix? Felix of all people!” His voice only getting louder, you wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, but no. Instead, you puffed up your chest and decided to challenge him. You wanted to see who could scream the loudest.

“Me? A slut? Look who’s fucking talking! When you had that bitch all over you!” You walked closer to him. You didn’t know where this would end, but you knew it would not be good. “What the hell are you talking about?” He was genuinely confused since he had been with Jisung and Minho the entire night, but you didn’t realize that. To you, he had been flirting with a random girl. To him, you were trying to wrongly accuse him of something he didn’t do. If the two of you had just talked it out, you would have realized that you had merely confused him for another guy.

“If only you would stop being such a fucking pussy and started owning up to-“ Your words cut short. One second you were yelling and the next you were on the ground. The pain coming from the right side of your face was almost unbearable. Almost.

He paused. Feeling frozen, he could not believe what he had just done. He stumbled back a bit before looking at you. He hurt you. The look in your eyes when you looked up at him broke him. You couldn’t believe it. He could see that you were trying to understand what had just happened. He wanted to get on his knees and apologize, but something stopped him. He was ashamed. He was embarrassed by what he had just done. Tears welled up in your eyes and knowing that he was the reason for those tears made him want to die. His throat closed up, and he couldn’t even speak.

You could have stayed on the ground. You could have cried, but you were sick of crying. This was all you were willing to put up with.

This was your limit.

You got up, and stared at him, the expression on his face was unreadable. He stayed in place; he hadn’t moved an inch since he looked at you in the eyes. Time stood still. The both of you just looked at each other, not knowing what to do next. You broke eye contact first and looked around the room.

What was it like? You tried to remember how the place used to feel. The atmosphere was once light, it always felt like home. Now it felt like a prison. Four walls that you were bound to come back to every day. The next day always like the last. Every second more bitter than the past.

Your feet moved at their own accord. You didn’t know what you were doing anymore. Everything felt foreign but all-too familiar at the same time. Your body was moving on auto pilot and the only thought occupying your head was that you felt trapped. You needed to get out, but instead of walking out of the front door, you took a hold of the coffee table, and that was the first thing you flipped. You got it from Ikea and building it with Hyunjin was one of the most hilarious things you could have done. Neither of you believed in following the instructions. So, what should have taken an hour at most, took the two of you several attempts and a whopping total of 12 hours to build. Several wine glasses and mugs rested on top of it, now all shattered on the ground.

Next, you reached up to the wall-mounted TV. You pushed it up, and then pulled it forward, and the expensive device crashed on the floor. Tuesdays were for movie nights. From romcoms to horror films, so many laughs and tears rose from that television.

You spotted a fire poker near the now shattered TV screen and took hold of it. With the heavy iron, so many more things were destroyed. A mirror, a cabinet, Hyunjin’s paintings, and pictures.

Hyunjin just watched you. He still could not move. So, he simply watched you destroy everything around him, just how he’d ruined everything for you. Tears rolled down his cheeks, but he just let them, and you didn’t care. After shattering the last frame, the frame that held the photo of you and your husband exchanging wedding vows, you were finally done.

When you’d finished, you felt some sort of relief. It was so strange to feel so bad and so good at the same time. You still wanted to scream, but you no longer wanted to cry. With your back facing Hyunjin, you admired the sweet destruction, and with a smile on your face, you almost cried from joy. After so long, you finally got what you wanted.

You finally didn’t care.

Or so you thought. You thought you would never forgive him. You thought that that was the end of your relationship. You hoped that all of the feelings you once held for Hyunjin were dead, but where there was fire, there will be ashes.

If he had just let you be. If he had just continued being an asshole, everything would be different. If he stopped caring too, neither of you would be on the kitchen floor holding back so many emotions from one another. You thought you’d cried yourself out. You thought that there were no more tears left to cry. The lump in your throat and the pain in your chest convince you otherwise.

He finally sees what his actions did. He always knew of the effects, but he didn’t realize how much it would cost him. He had to lose you, to realize that he didn’t want to live without you. Now sitting in the same room as you, he wants to beg. He wants to humiliate himself to the point at which you’ll pity him and stay, but he knows it’ll be no use. You’re done with him, and accepting it is the hardest thing he’ll ever have to do.

How you wish he didn’t care. How you wish he hadn’t left a sketch for you every day on the dining table. You had ignored them at first. Weeks went by before you finally approached the growing pile of drawings he’d made for you. There was a page for every day, and if weren’t for your curiosity, you would have just left them there.

To him, the worst part is that you gave him hope. You’d finally stopped drinking. No longer needing to drown out emotions that you thought were no longer there. So now sober, you picked up the drawings and inspected them in your room. Once he saw that they were no longer on the dining table, he had hope. He hoped that you would forgive him.

Maybe his art could portray the words that he was too scared to say out loud.

Most of his drawings brought tears to your eyes. Though they were tears of sadness. You still lied to yourself and said they were tears of resentment. It felt like the both of you were pressing on bruises to feel more pain.

Months went by, and you refused to speak with him. However, you still collected his drawings. He gathered hope, and you held the sadness in, but after last night’s sketch, you finally had enough. You ripped them all. Your hands shred every page, and you threw them in a trash bag. You put the trash bag on top of the living room couch in which he was sleeping in to make sure he saw it when he got home.

He’d always come home by dinnertime then. A little too late to fix anything but he was making an effort, although he still hadn’t apologized the way you wanted him to. You don’t know what you would have done if he had. He was never great with words so he hoped you would understand him through his art. So, when he saw them, all ripped up inside of the bag, he swore he felt his heart ripping too.

That night he was the one to cry himself to sleep.

When you came home from work today, every single page was taped back together, now taped on top of the dining table. Naturally, every page didn’t fit side to side. So he just taped what could fit and then taped the rest on top of one another. He was not willing to give up just yet.

A façade. You’ve held it together for entirely too long. Remembering all of the events leading up to this kitchen scene made you weaker than anticipated. Deep down, you knew you still loved him. All of those feelings that you so desperately wanted to kill were once again knocking on your door, and you hated it.

Seeing the table enraged you. Why now? Why did he suddenly decide to care? He had so many chances. When you thought that you were ready to move on, he decided it was time to get you back.

It was frustrating. Too little, too late.

When he got home, and he saw the dining table carelessly thrown in the yard, everything seemed to break around him. He walked past the table, and he passed you on the front porch. Never making eye contact, he kept his gazed fixed on the ground. He entered the house and made his way to the kitchen.

“It’s over.” That statement kept floating in his brain, as he wanted nothing more than to sit and cry. So, that’s precisely what he did. He slid down the wall on to the floor. So many thoughts were running through his head, and every single one of those thoughts involved you. He knew he’d screwed up big time and he regrets it with every ounce of his body. He hates himself for betraying your trust the way he did, and he hates himself for ruining the one good thing in his life.

You followed him inside after a few minutes. Still thinking that you didn’t care for him. Seeing him on the floor, strangled sobs escaping his shaking form, you felt like you’d finally won. You had defeated him. You had finally broken him the way he broke you. You wondered if you’d won… Why did it feel like you’d lost? You slid to the floor; your back on the wall opposite to where he sat and you did the worst thing you could have done. You remembered.

The both of you sat in silence, as you remembered everything you had been through. Every good and bad memory was relived in your thoughts. The flashbacks made him weak. He wanted to throw up from the overwhelming sadness, while didn’t know what to feel. Initially, you felt strong, you felt nothing for the man sitting across from you, but after vividly remembering every bad memory, you felt hate, and after reminiscing every good memory, you felt love. When comparing all the good and bad times, you felt sad.

How ridiculous and pathetic were the both of you? Both of you yearning for each other, and both too afraid to even look at each other in the eyes. He thought that if this is the end of the two of you, he at least wanted to really see you one last time. At the same time, you were curious. While you were sitting there sifting through the pain, you wanted to know what he was thinking.

Almost like a spell, the two of you looked up and your eyes finally met once again. You could see it in his face. He was sad, and he was hopeless. He saw you, you were broken, and you were devastated. Everything that you both held back from saying in all that time was finally being said with no words being spoken. As cliché as it sounds, every emotion the both of you held could be read from each other’s eyes.

Without realizing it, the both of you were now crying. Tears streamed down your face and suddenly all the emotions you had been avoiding strike you at once. Every feeling he had been hiding, finally escaped him.

Realization hits you like a truck.

The entire time that you stayed away from him, was the time you should have been making amends. You needed him, and he needed you. How could you forget how broken you were without one another?

Crawling to each other to meet in the middle must have seemed ridiculous from an outside perspective, but it was a mere act of desperation. Once meeting in the middle, you held each other. You held each other tight as if the world would come crashing down between the two of you again. In that embrace, you both cried. You cried more than you thought was possible. You both sobbed and wailed. Once your voice was hoarse from sobbing, you both whined softly. Never once letting go of each other.

After what seemed like ages of just crying, you rested your body on his. He was uncomfortable and stiff under you, but you were as comfy as you could get, so he didn’t care about how badly he would hurt in the morning, he just cared that you wouldn’t. The both of you fell asleep that way, in each other’s arms still sobbing lightly in the middle of the kitchen floor.

The next morning, he woke up first. It was the first time in a long time that he woke up and you were in his arms. He didn’t dare to move. All he could do was stare at your sleeping figure. He questioned how he was so lucky. He wondered why you had stayed. He knew it wouldn’t be easy. He knew that you couldn’t go back to how it used to be between the two of you. He was perfectly aware that it would take time for you to fully trust him again. This time, he was sure that he wouldn’t mess it up again. He was not perfect, but he would never intentionally hurt you again. He promised himself that he would move mountains for you not to suffer, and he would do everything in his power to make you happy.

You both had a lot to work on, but he would remember that moment forever. The moment in which he could finally admire you once again, and look at you, not as if you were a simple star, but as if you were the beautiful moon in a starless night.

A/N: 😮‍💨

38 notes · View notes

seokiloquy · 11 months

Text

tick. thump. pt 3 - Miya Osamu

AU: Soulmate

Tags/ Warnings: GN! Reader, mild language

Word Count: 2.5k

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3

In your sleepy state, the sun glaring in your eyes, your resentment of mornings only grew. You turned in your bed, not wanting to get out for the first day of school. The clock on your night stand blared in alarm beside you. Your palms were sweaty and a pressure held itself in your stomach.

Something was off.

You took a deep breath and twisted your body to find the small latch at the back of the clock to turn off the alarm. You pulled the blanket up and over your head, hoping for a few more seconds of peace, quiet.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Your heart pounded deeper in your chest. Slowly, you sat up in your bed, covering your ear with your hands, pushing them down hard until it hurt. Still, the dull, steady rhythm of your internal clock was there.

Tick. Thump. Tick. Thump.

How could you have sought out comfort from the sound? In the sound? Your peace frayed at the edges, curling in on itself like a paper burning. You shook your head.

“Go away,” you whispered. You could barely hear your own words. “Go away.”

Your breath quickened and your eyes blurred with tears. Was there something wrong with you? Was this a cruel fake out of the universe?

Tick. Tick. Tick….

The shop was quiet before the morning rush. The hush tones of your parents, which usually comforted you, did nothing for you today. Nothing could drown it out. You tried loud music and putting your head underwater, but the deaden sound wouldn’t leave you.

“My lovely, lovely, child, how great it is for you to join us,” your dad’s voice sang with enthusiasm. He had looked up from packing extra onigiri for you. The moment his eyes met yours, his smile changed to a frown. “What’s wrong?”

You swallowed. “I —”

“You can tell me,” he said, eyes softening.

Deep down, you knew you could. Despite his jokes and quips, you knew that your dad would treat you with kindness and honesty when you needed it — and he always seems to know when you needed it before you did. But you couldn’t. How do you explain that there was something…wrong with you? That you lacked and failed in destiny, something that your parents excelled in and that the universe deemed a mistake.

This couldn’t have happened with him and your mom. They were strong. They had years to build and rebuild their relationship. You and Osamu…You and Osamu had a thread that connected you together, but it was still just a thread, thin and weak and breakable.

You wanted to talk to your dad, but your body wouldn’t let you. Your mouth gaped open; you tried to force out words and nothing came out. Eventually, in a strained tone, you said, “School. I’ve got to go.”

Your dad’s eyes narrowed. “Wait, stop.”

You turned reluctantly. You tried to smile at him but you could only grimace, not meeting his eyes. Your gaze averted to the ground. Your dad’s footsteps grew closer.

Tick. Tick. Tick. The constant, the reminder. It echoed around your head and settled in your bones.

A warm embrace enveloped you. Your dad tucked you close to his chest, resting his chin on your shoulder. “It looked like you needed a hug,” he murmured.

You sniffled and hugged him tightly back. You stayed there for a while, not caring about anything else.

You let go when you were ready. And when you stepped back, your dad smiled at you. “You’re going to be late,” he said, nudging you towards the door. “Go, or I’ll poison your food.”

Osamu greeted his brother with a giddy smile that made Atsumu think Osamu was possessed by some cheerful demon on crack.

Atsumu kept glancing at his brother, who wore a light smile on his face, and it was only when they left the house and began walking that he said something.

“You’re rather cheerful for a person who just got dumped.”

“It’s a good day,” Osamu said.

He felt lighter. If he could have, he would have ran back to the onigiri store and told you that he broke up with Airi, but he remembered what you said. He didn’t think you’d want to be the person who he got together with just after a break up. Osamu didn’t want to be put in that position at all, so he decided to wait and give himself some time.

Obviously he was going to tell you that they broke up, he thought that it would be stupid to lead you on thinking he was with someone else, but he was going to make sure that it didn’t affect the new friendship he had with you. He was more excited at the aspect of being friends with you first, now that you've posed the idea.

He wanted to know more about you while finding more about himself in life without his relationship with Airi.

Osamu felt, in a way, he didn’t deserve you and Airi as his friends, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to throw it away.

Atsumu nodded. “You should get dumped more often then. The cheerfulness is strange, but a good change from your usual.”

Osamu’s face fell into a menacing, deadpanned glare that was reserved for his brother. “I will kill you.”

Atsumu rushed forward. “Now, now. What happened to happy Samu? Changing back so quickly?”

“He died. You killed him.”

With that, Osamu rushed at his brother and they ran the rest of the way to school.

You made it to school relatively okay. You weren’t late; your fast pace brought on by your need to keep moving and your anxiety of being late to anything made a better pairing than you would’ve thought.

The larger crowd at the entrance of the school made you want to jump out of your skin and hibernate in a nice warm blanket. But when have you ever gotten those types of luxuries? You stopped and looked around. Everyone was in groups already, knowing each other from previous years or schools.

You did know one person. Unconsciously, you found him amongst the sea of people — it was rather annoying. You didn’t know if it was his hair that made him stick out from others or the way he was surrounded by people who had the same sports bag as him that made him easy to spot. Maybe some part of you just knew that he would be there.

You had a thought on your way here. Maybe if you saw Osamu, physically reminding yourself and the world that he was your soulmate, it would do something, anything. The ticking made you doubt yourself. You were in a limbo. You knew you were soulmates; you felt it in your bones.

Movement from the corner of your eyes caught your attention but you ignored it.

You sighed and closed your eyes.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

It was dull, faint. But still there.

You kept your head down and quickly went in the opposite direction of Osamu, pushing past people until you found someplace else.

At the entrance of the school Airi watched you as you watched Osamu. Osamu, of course, was none the wiser, like an idiot. She wanted to scream. Why were both of you being idiots? She took a step forward towards Osamu, ready to berate and nag in his ear until it fell off.

Airi hesitated and turned her head in your direction. She didn’t know you, save from your one interaction with each other, but you seemed off. How could the person who smiled and gave her soulmate and his then-girlfriend food, not just go up to Osamu? Especially when they weren’t strangers to each other?

She followed you instead.

Airi suspected that you didn’t know where you were going, but she admired your pace and quick movements through the unknown area. After she became a little winded and tired, and you had gone far enough from the crowd, she matched your pace and caught up to you.

“(Y/N)!”

You turned sharply, your eyes wide.

Airi smiled despite her concern. Your face was scrunched up like you spent too much time thinking and rethinking. Your eyes were surrounded by an irritated red. “You walk fast,” she said. “I’ve been following you for at least the equivalent of a block.”

Your lip turned up. “You have to start with a good momentum.”

Airi nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. I’m —”

“Airi,” you finished. You bit your lip and started playing with the straps of your backpack. “You came in with Osamu at the onigiri shop. I’m —”

“(Y/N),” Airi supplied. “He told me.”

“Oh.”

Airi shuged. She was sad when Osamu told her. She knew that their relationship wasn’t going to last forever, but she didn’t expect for it to end just a couple of months in. Airi held no hatred towards you. One of her best friends found his soulmate. How could she be angry about that?

“We broke up,” she said. Airi saw the way you closed in on yourself and quickly added, “He told me what you said though. I wanted to end the relationship. But I didn’t come here to talk about that. If you want to know, I’m sure that he’ll tell you.”

You nodded.

“I wanted to see if you were okay.”

“If I was okay?” you asked?

“I saw you outside and you looked…worse for wear.”

You gave her a fractured smile, something that you probably thought was reassuring. Your eyes teared up and you started blinking. You bit the inside of your cheek. You shook your head. “Something’s wrong.”

“What?” she asked.

“Something’s —” You turned your head to the side and pressed your hand to your ear.

Airi stepped forward hastily. “What is it?”

“The ticking. The clock,” you said. “I can’t hear anything else.”

Airi reached forward and touched your arm. “But Osamu?”

“I know.”

Airi looked around. How much longer until school started? “I’ll be right back. Do move.”

Despite her windedness, Airi ran back to the main entrance of the school. There were only a few stranglers there, everyone else had gone inside for the opening ceremony. But, if Airi knew Osamu as well as she thought he did, Osamu and Atsumu would still be standing outside to see who will be chicken enough to go in first.

She spotted them quickly.

“Osamu!” she yelled.

Both brothers turned to her.

“What are you still doing outside?” Osamu asked.

“You’re going to break your perfect attendance,” Atsumu snickered.

Airi ignored them both. “(Y/N) is over there. They said something is wrong and —”

Osamu ran off in the direction she pointed out before she finished.

“Who’s (Y/N)?” Atsumu asked.

Airi furrowed her eyes together. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

Airi snorted. “You’re going to be late, let’s go.”

“What?” Atsumu said. He crossed his arms. “Like hell I am. I’m not losing to Samu!”

Airi pulled on his arm, dragging him to the door. “I don’t care. Let’s go.”

Fast footsteps came towards you. You flinched. “I’m fine, Airi. Just go inside.”

“Good thing my name isn’t Airi, then,” a deep voice said. Osamu stood in front of you at least a metre away. He was breathing heavy, his chest raising and falling, but his voice was steady. He opened his mouth, concern lacing his eyes. “What can I do?”

Tick. Tick. Tick.

There was something different about telling Airi. You know about her, but you didn’t know each other. The pressure was off and the words formed easily on your tongue.

“Please,” he said. You didn’t answer. Nothing would go past your throat like matter past the event horizon. Osamu’s fists were tight by his side like he was physically forcing himself to not rush forward. “I want to be here for you. I am here for you. Please, let me be.”

After a few moments, you whispered, “The clock.” You avoided his gaze, favouring to look past him, through him. “The ticking.”

The tension in his shoulder’s dissipated. Osamu swallowed and took a cautious step towards you. “Is it loud?”

“What?”

“The ticking. Is it loud?”

“Yes.”

“Can I help you?”

You nodded.

With a calm, almost blank expression, one that you knew was anything but expressionless, he walked towards you and placed his hands gently over your ears. He was close enough that you could feel the warmth from his body but far enough that you could still breathe.

Your breaths slowed.

The ticking faded, slowly down and beating to the steadiness of your heart. You were afraid to move. What if it came back? You took a moment for yourself, to reassure yourself that you were okay.

You brought your hands to Osamu’s and slowly tugged them off your ears. You lowered your hands to your side without releasing his.

The ticking was gone.

“Is it better?” he asked.

“It’s gone.”

“Are you okay?”

You tilted your chin to meet his gaze. “You didn’t hear anything?”

“No. It’s been gone since I met you.”

You bit your lip painfully. “Why?” you said more to yourself. “Why?”

Osamu searched your face. You didn’t know what he was looking for, but from the glimmer in his eyes, you could tell he found it. “At the fear of saying something wrong, I need to tell you that Airi and I broke up.”

“I know.”

“And whether or not we did,” he continued, like he needed to tell the first part to get to here, “you and I are still friends. I will always be your friend. We’re soulmates, yes, but it is just the start of something bigger. It’s a start because no matter who we are to each other, I have you in my life.”

You held his hands tighter.

“If the clock comes back, we’ll deal with it. If it fights, we’ll fight back. But you have to know that I want to be with you. How can I quit something that is clearly at the beginning?”

You pulled him closer. “We’re at the start.”

“Yes,” he said. “And it’s going to be a very long story of our making.”

Ta daaaaaa!!! Yay! I actually finished a series! This was really fun to write and something (concept wise) that I’ve been thinking about for a while. It’s a little open ended? In a way? But like it said, it’s where their story beings unless you guys want a bunch of parts of them just being friends slkdjfals

I imagine that they��ll be friends for a while….like a while until one of the fesses up.

Anyway, thanks for reading! What will I write next?

Vote for Bacon x dad agenda (GIMME GIMME GIMME -bacon) – Kiwi

Posted: 29/05/2023

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