#SHE TEACHES THIS TO MORRIGAN | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

surielstea · 2 months

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Ballroom Secrets (pt. 11)

Based on this request.

Read pt.I here.

Pairing: Eris x Fem!Reader

Summary: Cassian finds out about readers secret relationship with the High Lord of Autumn.

Warning: Angst | Slight description of depression | hurt/comfort | happy ending

5.6k words

A/N: Sorry this is so long 😭😭 I just really wanted to get the angst right so it got long quick, hope you enjoy! :)

I sat in the sitting room of the river house cuddled up next to Morrigan who was splitting a bottle of wine with me.

"Where'd you get this?" Mor asks, pinching the silk of my new dress between her hands. "Oh I'm not sure, it was a gift." I smile, remembering the way Eris handed it to me for no particular reason other than the fact that he wanted to take it off of me. "From who?" Feyre asks in her own chair, Rhysand standing beside her, leaning against the arm rest. My mouth goes dry.

"It's a male, look at the way she's blushing." Azriel hummed, leaning back against the wall. I cast him a glare but he only returns it with a soft smile. "The same male that gave you this?" Mor points to my neck. "Gave her what?" Cassian perks up from his sprawled out position on the couch, Nesta's feet in his lap. "Yeah, what?" I look to Mor confused. "A hickey." A smirk curves her lips and I slap my hand over where the mark lies.

"By who?" Nesta sits up, gods even she was interested. "No one, I don't know— just some guy." I stumble over my words, cursing myself for my horrible lie. Azriel nearly laughs and rightfully so, his shadows were probably picking up on every nerve that tensed in my body.

"Is that why you've been missing training?" Cassian raised a brow and I can't will the words to leave my mouth. I've always been a horrible liar, Eris has tried to teach me his ways of deceit but it was no use when every time I tried to be quick witted or malevolent it failed miserably and I made a fool of myself. "I've been missing training because you schedule it for the asscrack of dawn." I grumble, half truths however were my forte. Cassian narrows his eyes on me and I swallow thickly. "Oh leave her alone already, let the girl have her fun." Amren speaks up and I silently thank every god I can think of. "Cauldron knows she's had the three of you Illyrians hovering over her shoulder since she was born." The eldest of us finalizes and the conversation thankfully ends there.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

I was in the middle of reading a novel in my bedroom of the river house when a note fluttered down onto my chest, appearing from thin air. A soft smile comes to my lips as I close the book and pick up the note, recognizing the handwriting immediately.

Will you be home soon?

I twist my lips to the side and dwell over the question before flipping on my side to grab a pen from my nightstand. I quickly write back and watch the note disappear from my hands.

I'm waiting for everyone to fall asleep, we're all night owls evidently.

It takes only a minute for him to reply and the words on the paper make me audibly giggle.

Drug them. I miss you, and I'm tired.

Can't sleep without me?

Apparently not. I smile widely at the sentiment. I'll leave soon, just for you.

Soon isn't soon enough

I roll my eyes at his childish impatience but a smile forms over my face as I write out my retort.

Shut your whining up, I'm trying to read

You're so mean to me (I like it)

I don't write back, deciding that if I say anything else he might winnow here himself just to take me back, which wouldn't be good. I opened my book back up but as soon as I was getting back into the story there was a knock at my door. I sigh and use Eris' note as a bookmark before shutting it. "Come in." I call, sitting up.

Cassian enters, taking up the whole entry way as he shuts the door behind him. I smile at my brother as he looks to me with his warm hazel eyes. "I thought you were going to bed?" He creases his brows skeptically and I roll my eyes. "I say that, and then I read my romance novels." I lift up my book and it was his turn to roll his eyes, taking a seat on my bed.

Cassian isn't my brother by blood, but he might as well be. I can't remember a time when he wasn't taking care of me. When he was only seven years old he offered me shelter in his tent. I was six and lost, my parents deserting me, or so I presumed. He tucked me under his wing and shielded me from the rain until arriving back to the tent. He snuck me food from Windhaven and even stole maids clothes off of laundry lines. If it weren't for him I most likely wouldn't be alive today, ever since then he's been particularly protective of me, even towards friends from other courts. I wasn't Illyrian either, but he always said I acted like one. Perhaps that was an insult, but I took it as a compliment.

"What's up?" I shift in my bed so my legs dangle over the side and he's right beside me. "We haven't talked in awhile, I miss you." It was true. It feels like it's been months since it's been just him and I. Realization dawns upon me that all of my free time has gone to Eris, he's my mate sure, but that doesn't mean I want to leave the rest of my family in the past.

"I know. I'm sorry." I lean my head on his shoulder. "I've been busy." I murmur, fiddling with my hands.

"Alright, Who's the lucky guy— or gal, I don't discriminate." He hums and my heart drops. Gods I did not want to expose my relationship with Eris right now. Not ever. "Can we not talk about this right now?" I say, my voice gentle and pleading. "C'mon, you used to tell me everything." He groans and I lift my head from his shoulder, my hands coming to my knees to stop from fidgeting. "This is different." I shrug.

"How so?"

His question is met with silence, I was weighing whether or not I should just kick him out and tell him I'm tired. He'd leave if I asked. But I didn't want him to, just didn't want to talk about this.

"I'd like to meet who's got my sister glowing like this." He bumps my side with his. "Doubt it." I grumble, then curse myself for letting that slip. "What's that supposed to mean?" He snorts a laugh and I look at him nervously, gripping my knees tighter as his smile slowly drops. "I've met him?" He arches a brow and all I can do is slowly nod. Is this it? All that sneaking around summing up to this very moment? "Do I like this guy?" He guesses like this is a game and the health of our friendship isn't in my hands. "Not really, no." I answer honestly, lying is impossible and staying silent will only cause his thoughts to drive him mad.

"Well if he's got you this happy, I'm willing to reevaluate." He shrugs, carefree. He clearly doesn't understand the situation. "It's not that simple." I shake my head, looking away from him and back to my lap. "Talk to me, I won't judge." He reaches over, placing his calloused hand on my clenched ones. "Promise." He gives them a reassuring squeeze. A pit forms in my stomach. My nails dig into the skin of my knees and he understands, pulling his hand away. My eyes widen and I can only pray he doesn't hate me for this.

"Before I tell you, try not to be too mad okay?" I crease my brows, swallowing thickly and looking to him. "Uh, okay?" He looks at me foolishly. "I'm serious." I stress with wide eyes. "Okay, okay, I won't be mad." He promises and I force myself to take a deep breath. This truth that I've been hiding for nearly a year now about to be exposed. All because I forgot to glamour a fucking hickey on my neck. Gods how could I have been so stupid?

I realize the quiet has been dragging on for far too long and that if I don't tell him now I never will.

"Eris."

Silence. He doesn't make a sound and he doesn't move. A weight lifts from my shoulders and for a second it's bliss. "What?" His voice lacks emotion and a new weight envelopes me. Fuck. "Eris is the male I've been secretly seeing." It comes out in a pitiful whisper. "Are you mad?" I was quick to ask, but he doesn't reply for a long moment. Allowing me to think of everything I've done. All that I've risked just to be with my mate, to be happy.

"Please tell me you're talking about another Eris." He tries to remain calm but I can hear it, the quiver of his voice, the clenching of his fists. I shake my head no and I swore I could feel the heat radiating off of him, pure anger. "You promised you wouldn't be mad!" I stand to look at him, a fire in his eyes that is pure rage.

"Well that was before you let that bastard into your bed." He stands and my neck cranes up to keep eye contact, the power dynamics making my legs wobble. Gods I felt useless.

"It's not like that—" I try to defend but he doesn't let me finish. "What? Don't tell me you think he's in love with you?" He scoffs like it's the most improbable thing on the continent. Tears well in my eyes at the idea. "You don't know him." I defend. "I don't want to, for all I know he's probably using you for a good fuck—" He starts. "Stop it." I demand and he clamps his mouth shut. "He's better than you think." I will my voice not to break. "Has he brainwashed you? You can't be serious." He nearly laughed at the idea. I don't say anything, allowing him to get his anger out before I plead my case.

"Or have you forgotten what he's done to Morrigan?" A shutter racks through me and I can't bring myself to look him in the eyes. "That story isn't true." I rasped but I doubt he hears me. I must sound insane to him. "Do you know who his parents are? How you'll be treated if you ever married him?" He goes on but it's not true, none of what he says is true. "You'll be a fucking brood mare, forced to give sons over and over again. Do you understand that?" His hand comes to my shoulders, squeezing tightly. "He's not Beron. We've talked about it, he doesn't even want kids unless I'm willing to give that to him." My words are just above a whisper and he lets go of my shoulders like he's repulsed, as if I hold a virus and he doesn't want to get infected.

"It doesn't matter. Eventually you become parents." He whispered. "You really believe that? Tell that to Rhys. To Morrigan, or Azriel. Tell that to fucking Nesta." I grit out, whipping my head up to look at him and his hypocritical statements. I allow him to see the fury in my eyes, the tears streaming down my cheeks. "Leave her out of this." He narrows his eyes on me.

The first argument to this level we ever had was over his mate. I hated her, loathed every part of her and what she made my brother go through— and now she's one of my most trusted friends and one of my favorite people. A laugh escapes from my body. I must've looked crazy finding amusement at a time like this. "It's the same thing." I bring my hands up to wipe my tears. "Gods were so fucking predictable." I sigh out. He looks at me confused, eyes analyzing my body language. "Nesta is just like him, and you know it." I narrow my brows at him. "This is different." He clenches his fists at his sides. "How so? Give me one good reason as to how this is different?" I will him. "Eris hurt Mor." He says the crime like it's dirt in his mouth. "Nesta hurt Feyre." I reason with him. He grits his teeth. "He hates Illyrians. He hates you and I because of where we come from, do you understand how fucked that is?" His hands come to my wrists, as if pleading me to listen.

"His father hates Illyrians." I correct. "And stop saying I'm an Illyrian I'm not." I pull at his grip but it's iron. "Fine. But he hates me, are you picking sides right now?" His brows crease like I've betrayed him. "No! I—" My breath gets caught halfway up my throat. "I don't want to pick sides, I want both." Tears continue falling and I don't bother wiping them away anymore. "And Nesta hated the Fae entirely, don't be so certain that makes them different." I seethe out at him and he narrows his eyes at me. "We're mates. Nesta and I are cauldron willed, you can't ignore something like that." He says and I stare at him unwavering, not bothering to say anything but rather dropping my glamour around the mating bond connected straight to the high lord of Autumn.

His eyes widen and his grip on my wrists loosens but I don't pull away. "No," His voice is a whisper. I nod. "Reject the bond, you deserve better than him I don't care if you love him." He rules. "I already accepted it, nearly half a year ago." I expose. If I was going to be honest I might as well lay it all out. "Half a year?" He rasps and I nod gravely. "You've been lying to me for half of a fucking year?" His tone is louder, more angry. "I don't understand why you care so deeply, I gave you my reasons now leave it alone." I match his lever of voice. "Why I care? I've always cared, you're my family—" He begins and I tear my wrists from his grasp. "You're not even my real brother!" I yell at him and I swore the world stopped spinning. Pain flashes across his eyes and he stumbles back, his mouth falling open before he clamps it shut and swallows thickly.

"Cass I didn't—" I try. "No." He looks at me like he's never seen me before. "You've made your point clear." He walks to the door. Every fiber of my being wants to beg him to stay. But my feet can't move and I stare aimlessly as he leaves, the door clicking shut with a gut wrenching softness. Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I use whatever remaining energy I have left to winnow back to my apartment. Where I knew Eris impatiently waited for me to return. I land wobbly on my feet, tears slowly cascading from the wells of my eyes. Eris who was laid on the couch with a book sat up alarmed. I remove the walls around our bond and allow the misery that overwhelmed me to flood into his end of our connection.

He rushes toward me alarmed, fire raging in his eyes but not toward me, toward whoever made me feel this way. "Eris," I murmur, I was sure I was going to collapse. "My love," He brings a hand to my waist, keeping me steady but that didn't stop a choked sob from escaping me. "What's wrong?" His other hand comes to my cheek, wiping away my tears. "Talk to me." His brows crease and this feels so wrong, seeking comfort in the very reason Cassian is mad at me in the first place.

"He knows." I whisper. "Who knows?" His brows crease in confusion, before they relax with realization. I grip his shirt in my fists, looking up at him like a lost animal. "I'm a horrible sister." I confess, my voice breaking on the final word. "No," He shakes his head, pulling me into his chest, holding me close and warming me up. "No love, don't say that." He whispered into my hair, his arms tight around me.

Another sob racks through me but he doesn't shush me, he allows the dam of tears to break and every emotion I've kept bottled up for the past half year comes flowing out.

I tell him everything. From the moment Mor noticed the hickey to the point when Cassian left my bedroom. My voice shook when telling him of what I said to my brother. "And now I'm here and, and I don't know what to do." I sobbed, looking up at him as he ran a hand through the ends of my hair. "I see." His voice is soft, caring. "I was so mad, I wasn't thinking and with all the words he said about you I just— I hated him at that moment." I cup my mouth at the realization. I never wanted to hate anyone, especially not someone I love so much. I never want to feel that uncontrollable emotion ever again.

"It's not your fault." He stresses. "We'll figure this out together alright?" His thumb traces along my cheek and I nod, blinking away my final tears. "But what if he never wants to talk to me again?" I whisper. "What if he hates me?" My lip quivers at the thoughts, I don’t know how I’d live with myself if Cassian ever hated me. "Your brother loves you too much to ever consider that. Alright?" His hands grip my face slightly as if to stress his point and I nod meekly, slipping my hands around his waist again and hugging him tightly.

He releases a deep sigh and hugs me back, his touch warming my skin in a way that comforted me more than he could ever know. In the hug I begin to wonder how he feels about the world knowing. I hoped he knew how much he’s helping me, how much I appreciated that he’s here for me. Then I realized that he might be thinking of leaving for my benefit, so I can return to Cassian and tell him everything he said about Eris was right and I can stay with my family. I didn’t want that. Gods, why can’t I have both? The cauldron must’ve been playing a cruel joke on me. "Please, don't leave." I beg of him. He bends down and places a hard kiss to the temple of my head. "Never." But he would, if I asked.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The next few days were long. I barely slept, every time I tried I'd be reminded of the words I spat at Cassian. I couldn't face him, didn't dare go back to the River House, much less the House of Wind. I stayed in bed, staring out the window of my bedroom, watching the sunset shining against the Sidra, the water refracting in rainbows as stars awakened in the sky. Another day passes.

I felt hollow, my limbs heavy and my stomach a pit. I knew I'd have to face Cassian soon, see him and the others. I wonder if he told them, warned them all to no longer speak to me. All because of who I'm in love with. Anger consumed me for a few days, thinking him deserving for what I said. Who was he to pick who I can and cannot love? I spent hours cursing him as a hypocritical bastard, spewing lies to convince myself I was in the right.

I slowly came to, deciding I needed to stop avoiding my own fate and face what truly lies at the root of the problem. The rest of the days of my solitude was spent in grief.

Feeling sorry for myself wasn't any better than the raging nights. It was truly pitiful how I ended up here.

There was a knock at the door frame. I didn't have to look to guess it was my mate. "I'm not hungry Eris." I say plainly, continuing to stare out at the river. "Have you eaten today?" I don’t expect his voice to be behind me as he slithers into the bed beside me, curling an arm around my waist. “I had a bowl of soup not too long ago.” I answer, flipping onto my side to look up at him. His golden eyes that rolled with sadness, he couldn’t help blaming himself for my situation and I hated that he did. “Okay.” He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I have to return to Autumn later tonight, high lord stuff.” He grumbled and I groaned, tucking closer to him. “I’ll be back in the morning.” He promised. I huff, wrapping an arm around his torso and burrowing into his chest. “Unless, you want to come with me?” He arched a brow and I look up at him, my head propped up on his chest. “To the Autumn court?” I ask. He nods, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I haven’t been to my mates court since Eris’ coronation because it’d raise suspicion if a girl from Rhysand’s inner circle began to roam the markets of the foreign court. But I suppose that didn’t matter now if our secrets out. “You think your people will react well?” I ask anxiously. “After my father ruled over them they’ll take anything they can get, and if a pretty high lady is an option I think they’ll be over the moon.” He offers me a gentle smile. “High lady?” I can’t help but smile at the idea of ruling a court together. He nods. I fantasize about the idea for a moment, until the thought of Cassian finding out about me proudly wearing an autumn court crown settles over me. He’d fall into a fit of pure rage and I’d never forgive myself. “Can we wait?” I ask. “Just until all this is resolved with Cass, and then yes. I’d love to be your high lady.” I nod. He gives me a comforting expression. “Of course my love.” He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to my lips. I him against the action and kiss him back. Wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him impossibly closer. His lips slotted perfectly against mine and the feeling that bloomed in my chest when kissing him filled the pit of my stomach and the hollowness of my heart. I felt lighter. A knock sounds at the front door, loud and demanding. My ears perk at the sound and I pull back, he seems to want to chase my mouth back to his but he freezes too when another impatient knock rings through the house.

I sigh and sink down into the bed. "You can answer it." I say, removing my arms from his neck. "Are you sure?" He asks, his own warm arms slipping from my waist and I wished they didn’t. "They all know by now, what's the point of hiding it?" I grumble, and he nods as he stands from the bed, my eyes watching him as he does so. "Alright." He nods. “If it’s not Cassian I’m not interested.” I voice. He glances to me and only nods in reply.

He leaves the room and my eyes go back to the window. I strain my ears to hear for the voices in the living room but I can only hear Eris.

"She doesn't want to see you." He said. A mumble of a voice replied, it was soft, must be female. My hope diminished when I realized it's not my brother. "In the bedroom." Is the next thing I hear from my mate and I mentally prepare for whoever is about to walk into my room.

The door creeks open but I don't move. I stay looking out the window, watching as dusk now takes over the sky. "Gods its dark in here." Nesta.

I don't have the energy to reply, giving her enough of an answer with my silence. "Look, I know I'm not who you want to see, but he's in a similar state as you." She hums and that fact settles deep into my bones. I adjust, sitting up and facing her, leaning back against my headboard.

"He throws up every night too?" I ask with a wry sense of humor. Nesta tossed a glare toward Eris who stood at the doorway like a guard.

"No, much worse. He won't stop training." She hums, crossing her arms and sitting on the edge of the bed beside my thighs. Her eyes go distant as she thinks about her mate. "He's spent more time in the training ring than sleeping as of late, he doesn't joke anymore, and I haven't seen him smile in a week." She confesses, her brows creased in concern.

"Are you telling me this to try and make me feel better?" I murmur, avoiding her gaze.

"You know me better than that." She scoffs. It was true, Nesta is one of my best friends. The three Valkyries all are, but especially the eldest Archeron. I remember all the things I said about her, how I boiled her down to all of her faults. The hollowness returns and another thing I will never forgive myself about forms. "I care about you, but I care about him more." She stands up, Eris growls from the doorway but I wave him off, understanding what she meant. "And I just need the two of you to figure your shit out so he goes back to his usual self, it’s so quiet at the house." She crosses her arms over her chest defensively but her tone is soft. "He misses you." She reveals. "He won't admit it but he wants to see you, stop by the house, please." She finalizes, before turning on her heel and walking towards the door.

"Nesta," I call, she whirls around to look at me. "Thank you." Is all I can get out. She nods, then turns back around and exits the way she came.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The house of wind was emptier than I expected it to be. Eris offered a dozen times to come with me last night, saying that he’d cancel his meetings in the Autumn court so he can offer some sort of support but I told him he had to tend to his own court, that I had to do this on my own. So here I was, about an entire day after Nesta's speech, ready to face my brother. Or at least I hoped I was.

I wandered the halls, stretching ny hearing for any sound but I was met with nothing. I remember Nesta mentioning the training ring so I ascend the steps to the roof.

The clang of metal swords clash loudly as I welcome myself onto the landing, staring at my brother and Azriel who were sparring just to get frustration out. Cassian was sloppy with his moves, not breathing through each step the way he usually did. And Azriel was going easy on him. It was rare for the competitive shadow singer to sympathize but in this instance he was working Cassian like a charity case. The general knew it too and only fueled more of that anger he held in each of his swings.

Azriel and I make eye contact and his movements freeze, shadows pooling at my feet as Cassian struck him down and pinned him with his sword. "Again." My brother demanded, reaching his hand out toward the spymaster. Azriel remained looking at me and with the distraction, Cassian whirled around to look at me with narrowed eyes that quickly turned wide.

His sword clattered down onto the mat as he let it slip from his hand. "Cass." My voice is a rasp. He takes a step out of the training ring until he's right in front of me and I'm looking up at him again.

Tears well in my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said I just—" I tried to speak but was cut off by his large arms wrapping around me tightly into a warm hug. I melt into it, releasing a soft sigh of relief and hugging him back. "You were right." He confesses. "I was just hurt and wasn't thinking about how you might be feeling." He mutters into my hair. "No you were right to be mad," I shake my head. "I kept it a secret from you for a long time, I should tell you everything." I admit and he backs away from the hug.

"I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things, I reacted poorly." He sighs. "I did too, the things I said about Nesta were uncalled for. You know I love her." I say with tearful eyes. “I know, it’s okay.” He reassures, squeezing me tighter and lifting me up off the ground slightly with his height. "But, I'm not sorry for being with Eris." I assert as he places me back on the ground and he backs away. His eyes soften and he wipes a stray tear from my face. "I know, it'll take some time for me to get used to but I want you to be happy." He utters and that's all I needed to hear. "I can't promise he'll be invited to all the family dinners." He scratches the side of his neck and I offer him a relaxed smile. "That's okay," I nod my head. "I doubt he'd want to come anyways." I shrug. "The prick should consider himself lucky for even being able to look at you." Cassian grumbles. I give him a reprimanding look and he puts his hands up like he's been caught for a crime. "Sorry, I'll be better." He promises. "Thank you, brother." I pull him closer into another hug. "Means the world to me." I mumble and he presses a kiss to the crown of my head the way he's always done for the past five hundred years.

"You're sweaty." I grimace, breaking away from his hug. I lean to the side of him to see Azriel waiting impatiently for him to return to the training ring. "Do me a favor?" I look up at him. "Anything." He hums without hesitation. "Kick Az's ass for me?" I arch a brow and a menacing smile curves his lips. "I heard that!" Azriel calls from a few yards away, dammed shadows.

I look at the blue siphoned male glaring at me as Cassian retreats back to his sword. I blow the spy master a kiss and he waves me off. I smile contentedly and winnow back home.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Eris leaned against the kitchen counter with a furrow in his brow, waiting impatiently for me to return. I was surprised at his early arrival, he said he’d be home tonight but the sun had barely left the horizon. I suppose he wanted to return as soon as possible. He pushed off the counter and looks at me expectantly. A bright smile curves my lips and I jump into his arms, he catches me without so much as a stumble back, his warm hands coming under my thighs and heating me up like a cozy fire. "Everything's okay?" He asks worriedly, I don't reply and instead bring my hands up to his sharp cheekbones and pull him in for a kiss.

It was soft and lasting, like he was afraid I was going to tell him to leave after this ends. That Cassian somehow convinced me my mate was some maniacal creature who didn't deserve love. He wouldn't blame me, he'd go if I asked him and that fact is tearing at me. So I deepened our kiss, pulling him closer with a hope to reassure him.

"Please tell me everything's okay." He begs against my lips and I nod. "Everything's okay." I whisper with a small smile and he releases a hefty sigh, the weight of a world lifting from his shoulders. "Cass said he'd try his best. But then he followed up by saying you're a prick so?" I scrunch my nose at the way it sounds and he grins widely. "Sounds about right." He nods, placing me atop the countertop.

"Thank you." I say, wrapping my legs around him. "For what my dear?" His brows crease. "You took care of me when I was at my worst, I appreciate it." I softly say, his eyes glaze over for a moment but the sheen quickly disappears after he blinks. "You would've done the same thing for me." He shakes his head, leaning closer and pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of my lips. "I think I'll miss sneaking around with you." He admits and I chuckle. "Me too, but think about all the things we can do now that we don't have to be a secret?" I grin wildly at all the possibilities. His eyes light up and a smirk curves his sensual lips.

"What?" I ask him nervously when he doesn't say anything. "How would you like to be crowned high lady now?" He suggests and my cheeks heat. "But you've already been crowned, can we still do that?" I tilt my head. "It's my court love, I can do whatever I want." His arrogant tone makes me roll my eyes. "And what do you want?" I tilt my head, running my hands through the tufts of his deep auburn hair. "I want you on my throne." He purred, pressing a kiss to my jaw. "That can be arranged." I grin, throwing my arms over his shoulders.

"Anything else high lord?" I give him a seductive smile and he gets the hint. "I also want to fuck you by the fireplace." He confessed, pressing light kisses up the side of my face. "Then what are you waiting for?"

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aphroditelovesu · 9 months

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Yandere Inner Circle Headcanons (Platonic)

❝ 🌹 — lady l: here it is, I hope you guys like these Inner Circle headcanons! I haven't proofread it yet and it may contain errors and forgive me for that! Good reading, darlings! ❤️🖤

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of injuries, implied torture, implied death, and unhealthy platonic relationships.

❝🌹pairing: yandere platonic!inner circle x gender neutral!reader.

The way you came into the arms of the Inner Circle is complicated, to say the least. It was Cassian and Azriel who found you bruised and lost in the Spring Court woods. You were weak and had clearly been attacked by someone or something and the illyrians didn't know what to do with you at first. They couldn't leave you there, it was pretty clear that you would end up being killed given the critical state you were in. So they decided to take you to Velaris. They could deal with the High Lord and High Lady after they made sure you were okay. They didn't understand why but the thought of you succumbing to your injuries made them bitter.

You were treated by the High Lord's favorite healer and you were out of danger, leaving the males relieved, but now they had to deal with Rhysand and Feyre. The rulers didn't seem upset but rather curious about what motivated the illyrian males to bring you to Velaris and how concerned they were about you. Though they could show kindness and mercy, the peculiar way in which they acted around him baffled him. They didn't even know your name, but they were determined to save you.

When you finally regained consciousness, you found yourself surrounded by the males who saved you, although you were half unconscious when they found you, you recognized and thanked them. Although you still felt pain, you didn't want to stay in an unfamiliar place any longer and wanted to go back to your home. Wherever it was. Needless to say, they didn't take it very well. They didn't seem willing to let you out of that bed, that much you noticed, but not that they didn't seem to want to let you out of the Night Court. And soon you found out it wasn't just them.

Rhysand tries to be the voice of reason and tries to be sympathetic to your situation and talks to Azriel and Cassian about you, but soon he is considered a hypocrite when he finds himself attached to you and does not intend to let you go. There was something about you, something that made you so special in Rhys's eyes and he didn't intend to let something so precious go. Rhysand enjoys listening to you talk, he's a good listener, and would love to take you flying with him if you wanted.

Feyre was one of the most excited to have you with them, along with Azriel and Cassian, it didn't take long for her to convince her mate to accept you into the Inner Circle. She is so kind to you and loving, almost like a mother would. Feyre learned to love you once she heard your ''story'' told by the males and she decided she couldn't let you go. What if you were attacked again? She couldn't have that and she wouldn't. She loves to paint you and she will love to teach you how to do it if you want to learn.

Morrigan was wary at first but soon warmed to you like the others and truly loved you. She was furious when she learned that you were attacked and wanted to find the culprits to make them pay for daring to hurt you. A passionate delusional, Mor doesn't seem to understand how wrong it all was, her family's obsession with you and she didn't care.

Cassian warmed to you the moment he found you semi-conscious in the woods, and just like Mor, he wanted to make whoever hurt you feel bad. The general refused to leave your side until you got better and was ready to fight Feyre and Rhys if they didn't allow him into Velaris, thankfully that was avoided. Cassian is playful and wants to teach you how to stand up for yourself, he loves to tease and flirt with you, but will get annoyed if someone else does the same. Only he is allowed to tease you.

Azriel took a little longer to warm up to you, although he felt bitter when he met you, he was still suspicious. He's not the Spymaster for no reason, he needed to make sure you weren't a threat, but even so, Azriel didn't like the idea of leaving your side, but you would be in good hands until he checked everything and that led him to find out who hurt you. He's quieter and the least demanding of your attention, but Az wants you to choose him for things, be it training, or being in the Shadowsinger's silent company. He has really come to love you.

Amren was the last to warm up to you. At first, she was curious and suspicious of everything, the strange affection others had for you, but as he spent more time with her, she could finally understand and Amren began to open up to you. You became good friends, much to everyone's amazement, and the First Mate found herself craving her company more often, particularly when you brought her blood.

Family is what they are and what they will always be. They all warmed to you in their own way and you became theirs when you accepted to become part of the Inner Circle, even if you didn't know you were theirs before all this happened. When Azriel found out who had hurt you, they all went after those responsible and made them suffer in return for what they did to you. No one could hurt you and get away with it, they would make sure of that.

Everyone is kind and protective of you, but if you try to run away from them, they won't be so kind anymore. Rhysand and Feyre would order you to be hunted down and brought back home and when you were brought back, screaming, they would make you regret leaving. They love you, but you dared to disobey them and soon you will learn what it means to revolt against the Night Court. But don't worry, they won't hurt you too much. And when it was all over, you would find yourself covered in affects that would break your mind more than the worst tortures.

And if you still fight their love, Rhysand and Feyre will have to use their daemati gifts. They don't want to have to break your mind for you to accept them, but they will if everything becomes too much to handle and others would be inclined to accept you being manipulated, broken. But once it's all over, when all the pain is gone, you'll be more loved and more cared for. Cassian and Azriel would take you flying and sightseeing, Mor would take you drinking and shopping, Amren would shower you with jewels, Rhys would be so protective and loving and Feyre would be so affectionate and would spend hours painting you. They would all act as if nothing had happened and anyone who threatens to shatter that illusion will bitterly regret it.

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pxme-granate · 1 year

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#nevermoor the trials of morrigan crow #nevermoor series #morrigan crow #jupiter north #artists on tumblr #pxme art #hnn i burned through the first book so fast and i’ve been in a drawing mood ever since #it was seriously so good #i love morrigan sm she deserves nice things #idk about her umbrella but it’s okay #I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT JUPITERS HAIR #the book mentioned how jupiter would run his hands through his hair SO MUCH #i just think it’d be cool if it were long. he could fidget with it so much more and it’s cute #AND IT LOOKS NICE lol #morrigan probably never got her hair braided and now jupiter gets to teach her 😭

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kasagia · 9 months

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Bring me a dream pt. 1

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/general Kirigan x fem! sun summoner! reader Summary: Everyone has their soulmate—someone they are meant for. This was due to Sankta Maradaia, who decided to connect two souls destined for each other during their sleep to show them their other half, Sankta also sent them a tattoo of their loved one name, so that souls thirsting for each other can finally be united. Aleksander never had even one, short dream about his soulmate. Just a tattoo that has taunted him for ages. The Darkling believes this is his punishment for creating the fold, another privilege of being condemned. To never know his soulmate. But one day, a dream about a sun summoner comes to him. Someone equal to him. Someone meant for him. And he promises himself to find you at all costs. Not just because of your powers. Nonsense from me: This is an request from @morrigan-crowmwell I hope you like it! 💙🖤 P.S. I know it took me soooo looong again and I'm so sorry. I'm trying to fight my writer's block. 😅 I used a quote from Taylor Swift's Blank Space. Inspired by the song Mr. Sandman - SYML Wairning(s): mentions of blood, abuse, fighting, violence Word count: 6,7k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @morrigan-crowmwell ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

I've been waiting a long time to meet you in my dreams…

"My soulmate is great! I've seen her fight with a REAL sword! Can you imagine that, guys?! My father still teaches me on that wooden. Ugh! I envy her so much."

"Mine swims faster than either of you! Of course, he's not as good as me, but I've seen him shoot a bow. What I'd give to join him on a hunt!"

"And you, sahdow-boy? You sit more quietly than usual, don't be shy! Show off what she or he is like."

Aleksander tensed up, feeling the other boys' eyes on him. The young shadow summoner felt a blush of shame appear on his face. He hated such conversations. He already couldn't fit in with a group of other kids, and he was constantly reminded that he was different. Weirdo. Proteus.

"I… I haven't dreamed of her yet. But I know her name!" he tried to reply in a tone of voice that mimicked their enthusiasm. He couldn't show them that he was weak. That the fact that he had never seen his soulmate before hurt him. That he was a changeling again.

"My father also started dreaming about my mother late. Maybe she just wasn't born yet?" his only friend put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. He thanked the saints for Ivan. He was a light in his darkness for now. And heartrender wasn't talking about his shadows at all...

"Did you hear, guys?! Shadow-boy will be dating a baby!"

Aleksander was furious. He felt anger rise up in him as the other children laughed at his soulmate. Without knowing when, he summoned his shadows and plunged the clearing into darkness, stopping the laughter of the other children.

"Hey, take it easy, shadow-weirdo! We're just kidding!"

"The freak, as usual, can't control himself."

Voices came out of the darkness, and the footsteps of children receding were all Aleksander could hear before he was alone with his shadows again.

Even Ivan's hand disappeared from his shoulder as shadows blanketed the area.

He was utterly alone. And he hated it.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, smiling.

18 birthday. Your big day.

You adjusted the necklace your grandmother had given you around your neck, proudly displaying the amulet with your birthstone. Your mother's earrings hang proudly from your ears. Nostalgia is starting to get to you. You so wish she were here.

"I've lived in this world for so long that, for ages, I've felt that time moves infuriatingly slowly. But ever since you came into the world, I've felt it slip through my fingers. You've grown up so fast... you look like your mother." the woman sighs as she stands behind you in the mirror and looks at you tenderly, fixing your braid.

"I wish a madraya was here." you say sad. Grandma puts a hand on your shoulder and turns you around to look her in the eye.

"She is here, my sun. In our hearts and memories. As long as you can picture her before your eyes, she will always be with you. Watching you from heaven." you both stand in silence, remembering your recently deceased mother.

"I have something for you." the woman speaks as she pulls a beautiful gold bracelet engraved with your family symbol from her sleeve.

"Oh, grandma, you didn't have to… it's beautiful."

"And practical. Materialnik made it specially for me. Thanks to this, no one will see THAT on your wrist."

"Why should I hide it?" you ask, confused, when she helps you fasten the bracelet on your wrist where was your soulmate's name on it.

"I want you to be careful."

"Careful of what?"

"Powerful men." she replies seriously, stroking your cheek tenderly. "There is nothing worse in the world than the greed of men. Than their excessive ambition. We are the sun summoners, honey. You are my blood, my pride, and my only solace in this world. The love of men is fatal. You don't need it, and trust me, you don't want it. Promise me for your dead mother and my daughter..." your grandmother grabbed your wrist, turning it so you both could see that the black ink, that showed up this morning, disappeared. Aleksander Morozova. "Do not seek him. Avoid him. Treat him like the plague. Do not repeat the fate of your poor mother. I couldn't stand losing you because of another man's lust for power."

"I promise you, babushka. I will not share my mother's fate." you promise with tears in your eyes. Your mother trusted the wrong person... you were not going to repeat her fate.

"And you will always wear a bracelet and necklace from me?"

"Yes. I promise." you solemnly promise, while looking into her eyes. You two were one of a kind. Summoners of the sun. Long-lived. Powerful. You have to stick together if you want to survive in this cruel for Grishas world. "Can I go now and enjoy the summer solstice festival?"

"Yes. Have fun, sunshine. And return home no more than two hours after dark!" she screams after you as you run to get some freedom... to forget who you are for a while.

"That boy keeps staring at you!" your friend shouts through the crowd of people having fun and nods her head at the boy by the fire.

You glanced at the side she indicated. She is right. A handsome brunette with dark eyes looks straight at you. He looks away when he sees you noticing him and pretends to be talking to the boy next to him. You roll your eyes at your friend's behaviour and continue drinking your beer.

"And what do you think I'm supposed to do about it?"

"Go and have fun!" she says, offended that you don't know. "I've known you since you came here. You haven't had a single boyfriend, you're shooing all the suitors away. You're 18. Go and flirt with him, or I'll take care of this handsome one."

You are laughing at her words. You look at the boy again, and you can't deny that you feel a strange pull… a bond that wants you to come to him. But you don't listen to it.

"So take him. I'm going home," you say as night falls completely. The flame of the torch and bonfire is the only source of light.

"Really? Will you waste an opportunity like this?" you just laugh with a shrug at her words and make your way to the path through the woods leading to your house, pushing your way through the crowd of people.

You leave the clearing where the festival is taking place and enter the forest. You sigh with relief to be alone, away from people's voices. You walk confidently into the darkness without being afraid of it as you watch the stars above you.

You are walking down a familiar path when suddenly you hear the crunch of leaves and branches behind you. You turn slowly with your hand close to the hidden dagger at your hip.

You see in front of you the same boy who was staring at you by the fire. You watch him warily, waiting for his move.

He takes one slow step towards you, his dark eyes never leaving yours. Without knowing why, you stare spellbound into his eyes again, unable to utter a word. It's only when he crosses halfway between you that common sense returns to you and you raise a dagger in his direction.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt you." he says, stopping and staring at the blade glistening in the moonlight. "Of course, only if you don't hurt me either."

"Why are you following me?" you ask without lowering your weapon, still holding it as a warning between you two.

He frowns, looking from the dagger to you. "I have no bad intentions. I saw you going this way and this forest… is not the safest place."

"I know. Nowhere is safe." you reply coldly, eyeing him carefully. "Which doesn't answer my question. Why did you follow me in here?"

"I wanted to make sure you made it through safely." you snort, amused, not for a moment believing the stranger's concern for you. He stays where he is, not moving for a moment, undaunted by your reaction. If anything, curiosity only grows in his eyes. "You haven't experienced much kindness from others, have you?"

"I'm not going to answer a stranger's question like that. You do not know anything about me."

"I can see you're too distrustful, and if the lack of trembling in your dagger hand tells me something, it is that you've threatened someone more than once."

"That's right… shouldn't you run as far away from me as possible, then?" you ask, raising an eyebrow at him as you watch his impassive reaction…but you certainly didn't expect him to raise the corners of his… pretty mouth in response.

"I'd rather walk you out and make sure you're okay... or anyone who dares stand in your way." you bite your lip, holding back a smile so you don't react to his teasing.

"I doubt you'd be able to do anything."

"I'm tougher than you think." he says, answering your challenge with a mischievous smirk. The sparkles in his dark eyes shine in the moonlight… and you involuntarily agree with your friend. He was handsome… and dangerous.

"I don't need a man to play my prince on a white horse. I can be my own knight."

"Well, if you want my opinion…" you cut him off before he could finish.

"No, thank you. I have my own." he laughs at your words, shaking his head in amusement as he licks his lips.

He stares at you intensely, and you know that if you were anyone else, you would have pounced on him by the campfire. But you were a sun summoner. You couldn't trust someone like that. Even if you wanted to...

"Very well then... but, I'd feel better walking you through the woods at least. May I?" he asks, extending his hand towards you. "Or are you too afraid that you will enjoy my company?"

You snort, placing your hand in the crook of his arm. You could have let him. Clearly, he has had no ill intentions so far. You glare at him defiantly as you see a spark of amusement in his eyes and a wild smile on his lips.

"What?" you ask dryly.

"Nothing. I just thought you couldn't look prettier… you seem to glow even more when you prove people wrong."

"I'm too smart to be seduced by you." you warn him, looking at him carefully as he tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. You feel your cheeks blush slightly.

"Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to you?" he asks, whispering, staring into your eyes.

You're drowning in the moment. His smell, the depth of his dark eyes… and without knowing why, the feeling is… actually the opposite of what you felt when others tried to flirt with you.

"Careful... you've stared into my eyes for too long to say you don't care." he says, sparks of malice appearing in his eyes. You snort and are about to respond to his taunt when his expression suddenly cools and he pulls you into his chest.

You're about to yell at him and attack him when suddenly an arrow flies right over where you used to stand. You recognise its distinctive arrowhead. "Drüskelle." you whisper.

You don't waste time. You back away from him and grab your daggers. You can't show the world what power you wield, so you limit yourself to melee combat. You're also not sure if your companion is Grisha.

You kill the first of them, and next to you, you hear the sounds of your companion's fight. He's doing fine. You deal with most of the Drüskelle pretty quickly when suddenly one of them comes up behind you. Before you can engage, your companion pulls you back to his chest. You see nothing. He makes sure of it when you hear Drüskelle's desperate cry from behind you, who wanted to kill you as well as the others who managed to stay alive. Suddenly it's quiet again... but it's darker around you than before.

You gently pull away from him as he releases his strong grip on your hair. You look around, seeing Drüskelle's bodies as if they were… cut.

"I… how?" you ask, dumbfounded, not believing what you see. You turn your gaze back to him. "Are you a Grisha? Heartrender maybe?"

"It's... a little more complicated." he says, looking down at your hands and bloody daggers.

"I'm guessing you're not a Grisha, then?"

"It's a little more complicated." you say, repeating his words. He looks up and stares into your eyes again. Without knowing why, you both giggle. "I... thank you. I wouldn't handle them all alone."

"No problem." He says, still staring at you. Without knowing why, you lean towards him.

You swallow, smelling his scent again, involuntarily remembering the warmth and safety his arms gave you. You shouldn't feel that way about a stranger. And yet...

"I… I should probably go now."

"Me too." he whispers back, but you're both too hypnotised to move. Not thinking much about the bodies around you or the blood on your clothes.

For some strange reason, the eyes of the other and this closeness seem much more interesting to you both than the world around you.

He leans towards you too. A short distance separates you as you both stare at each other in silent anticipation and excitement. However, that moment is effectively cut short as you hear another movement around you.

You both draw your daggers and aim at where you heard the movement. There is a woman behind you. Her dark eyes are remarkably similar to those of your companion. You are surprised to see how his irises have already been etched into your memory.

"You find yourself a friend?" the woman asks him mockingly, staring at the two of you.

"I'm going, mother." he says, obviously waiting for her to leave. But she stands there, watching you curiously. He sighs in annoyance and turns to you. "See you soon." he whispers, placing his dagger in your hand.

You shiver at the skin of his hand on yours as unimaginable power rushes through you. But that's not what keeps you staring at him speechless… and you think you both know it as he gives you a wistful, longing look before turning away.

You can only stay there and stare at the receding silhouettes of the two of them. Then you are all alone again. You turn around and continue on your way home. With a small smile, you tighten your hand around the black dagger.

You were coming home to your grandmother. It was winter, and it was getting harder and harder to drive through the snow from town to your house. But someone had to do the shopping.

As you walked, you heard the sounds of a struggle. Interested, you veered off the path to the house and walked slowly through the snow, trying not to alert anyone to your presence.

You froze as you saw a group of teenagers fighting the same boy who gave you the dagger and helped kill Drüskelle.

The rational part of you told you to get out of there and not deal with this stranger. And you almost did, but then you saw one of the girls stab him in the back and shove him into the ice hole.

You threw the wicker basket with your groceries in the snow and ran towards them. You used your light and stunned them all into unconsciousness. Not enough to kill them, but enough to make their heads hurt for days and some of them lose their eyesight.

With your light, you melted the ice in the river and pulled the mysterious boy out of it by his shoulders.

You held him close as he coughed, spitting water into the snow. You only let him go when he's back to normal.

"Do you attract trouble, or do you just like getting into it?" you ask him with a laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere. You take off his soaked coat and cover him with one of yours.

"Both, I'm guessing." he says, still shivering. You don't know if it's from the cold or from the attack.

"Get up. We need to keep you warm." you speak and help him stand on two legs.

If he notices the bodies of his unconscious tormentors, he decides not to say anything or ask how you did it. You pick up the basket you dropped earlier and guide both of you to your house.

Surprisingly, he doesn't protest when you enter the house, and luckily for you, your grandmother hasn't come back yet.

"Stay here for a while. I'll go get some dry clothes for you." I speak as I disappear into the other room for a moment.

"How did you overpower them?" you hear his question. You swallow and try to think of an answer as you walk back to the main room.

"It's... complicated." you reply, handing him the clothes. "You can go there and change. I'll put some water on for tea."

He nods and takes the clothes from you. He wants to say something, but instead he sighs and goes to the next room.

You place the kettle over the hearth and wait for the water to boil for tea for the two of you.

"Do you often save people from trouble?" he asks jokingly as he joins you. You smile when you see that he's feeling a little better. He still has a red nose, though. And you're pretty sure if you took his hand, he'd be icy.

"Selected only. Feel honoured." you snort, amused. His laugh makes you shiver. A strange warmth begins to spread from your chest.

"I am." he replies, looking deep into your eyes. He leans closer to you, examining you intently, searching for any reaction from me that would indicate that you are uncomfortable with him.

He finds nothing.

So he leans in a little more. Your noses brush against each other as he waits, giving you the option to either kiss him or pull away from him.

You feel your heart beating fast... you know that if he was a heartrender he would have leaned forward and kissed you a long time ago. You also know you should back off, he was a stranger, a man, you shouldn't trust him.

But after the look he gives you and a glance at his enticing pink lips, you lean forward and press your lips uncertainly to his.

His cold lips warmed up.

You close your eyes as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer with one hand on your waist and the other in your hair. You sigh, feeling how wonderful it feels, how proper it is to kiss him even though you don't even know his name. What's undeniable, however, is how great you feel around him.

But you feel something else… like an unimaginable amount of power flows into you with his touch. How your light calls for release. And for a moment, you feel like you're going to lose control if you keep kissing him.

Fortunately, before you stupidly reveal your powers, you pull away from each other, startled by the sound of a whistling kettle.

You both laugh, resting your foreheads against each other. You eventually pull away from him, take the kettle off the hearth, and shift your gaze to it. He's warmer from your kiss than from the fire.

You shift your gaze towards him. And experimentally, you take his hands in yours. You feel the surge of power buzzing through your veins again. Your gaze returns from his warming hands in yours to his irises, and you get lost in his dark eyes again.

"You... are the amplifier." you whisper as you look at him. "That's why they wanted to kill you... they wanted your bones."

He swallows, moves his gaze from your eyes to your joined hands. He doesn't take them out of your warm embrace as he nods, trembling without looking at your face.

"What are you going to do about it?" he asks, realizing full well that you must be Grisha to sense his ability.

The very idea that you, the only person who has shown him any kindness (not knowing him at all) will suddenly want to hurt him after what happened between you two a moment ago makes him sick.

But Aleksander has been through it more than once. Last an hour ago. Despite everything, he still holds a strong grip on your hands, trembling unconsciously.

Your response is to pull him close to you in a tender embrace.

"You're safe." you say simply, and from the way he holds his breath before burying his head in your neck after a few seconds of complete shock, you know that you must be the first person in a very long time to show him such affection.

And you're realizing that you don't need to know his name to know that it's good to hold him in your arms.

And Aleksander feels warm for the first time in a long time. He feels like he's holding the sun. But the most striking thought for him is that he is no longer alone...

"Is that all, General?" Ivan's question pulled Aleksander out of his thoughts. He stopped stroking the tattoo with his soulmate's name hidden under his kefta and glanced at the heartrender.

"Yes, you can go." he sighs, shifting in his chair and rubbing his eyes with his hand.

Ivan looks like he wants to say something but changes his mind at the last moment and leaves the war room, closing the door softly behind him.

Aleksander sighed, staring at the map in front of him. The king was going to bring down Ravka. Only his Grishas were able to hold Ravka's borders. He shuddered, thinking of all the good soldiers the Fjerdans, Drüskelle and others had taken from him. He felt powerless. And if he knew anything in his centuries-old life, it was that he hated that feeling.

He ran a hand through his hair, glancing at his watch on the wall. It was long after midnight. He sighed as he got up from his chair and walked towards his bedroom. He won't help his army if he's barely conscious. He took off his kefta and pushed the books to one side of the bed. He lay down in the free space and fell asleep as soon as his head rested on the pillow.

Something was different… otherwise, Aleksander could sense it the moment his dream began.

There was a strange feeling in his bones; his heart was beating much faster, excited, as if it couldn't wait for what was about to happen.

He was alone again in the deep black shadows. He took a step, and suddenly the shadows parted. He looked up and gasped as he saw a figure in a black-golden kefta in the distance.

He'd had that dream many times before… especially when he was a little boy. That he was irretrievably lost in the darkness.

He had never met anyone in the depths of his shadows before. He took another hesitant step towards the mysterious figure, not taking his eyes off it, afraid that it would disappear at any moment.

But it's not.

A figure in a gold-black kefta stood with its back to him.

Aleksander is afraid. He's afraid that it's just another trick of his mind, that as soon as he utters the name that has haunted him both asleep and awake for hundreds of years, you'll disappear, leaving him utterly alone in the darkness of his shadows again.

But Aleksander had been patient enough for a long time... maybe he could finally give in to what he most wanted, what he missed most, what he craved for like a foolish boy.

He came over to you. Hesitantly and slowly. As if he could spook you at any moment. He raised his hand, but instead of touching your arm, he met air as you took a step away from him and slowly turned to face him.

He held his breath in anticipation, waiting for you to pull down your gold-black hood to reveal your face to him. He watched in fascination as golden threads of light slowly began to flow from your hands.

He had been accustomed to the darkness for centuries. But he couldn't take his eyes off you as your threads of light slowly grew stronger. He watched in utter awe as your light changed from gold to pure white after dispelling the shadows around you two.

His eyes widened as your hood fell back to reveal your familiar, beautiful face. He sighed, letting out a long-held, shaky breath.

And when you took his hand, which he still held out to you, and ran your thumb over his palm? He completely lost himself in your irises, feeling your light grow stronger through its amplifying powers, enclosing the two of you in a silver and gold orb.

But before he gets a chance to reach out to you and caress your cheek tenderly, to feel again that warmth he always felt from you and which turned out to be your light, you suddenly disappear. And with you, your warm light.

His cold shadows enveloped him again…

He wakes up and finds himself in his bed, in his chambers. But for the first time in a long time, instead of being disappointed that he didn't dream of his soul mate this time, he's relieved. And happiness. Excitement. And something he's clung to so desperately all these centuries, much to his mother's taunt... he feels hope.

He doesn't know what has changed. Why suddenly did the saints decide to reveal your face to him after you had met so many centuries ago? For a moment, the bitter thought crosses his mind that he could have had you by his side much sooner. That together you could carry the weight of eternity... but he shakes his head.

He had a chance to implement all his plans now... and to meet his soulmate, whom he had missed for so many centuries. All he had to do was track you down.

And he's not going to lose.

"I'll find you... moya solnishko." he whispers to himself, fondly stroking the tattoo on his wrist. "And when I do, I'll make sure you'll never hide from me again." he promises, placing his lips on the tattoo on his wrist.

He would do anything to finally have someone to call his own…

"I was hoping to find you here." Aleksander turns around in surprise when he sees you standing behind him.

"How did you know?" he asks, putting the book back on the shelf. You see the title out of the corner of your eye.

The Lives of Saints

"I know many things." you say, leaning against the shelf. "But honestly? I didn't take you for someone who prays to saints. Or maybe your ego and ambition are so big that you want to become one of them?" you say teasingly, smirking at him. He rolls his eyes and takes your hand, leading you out of the library. You let him lead the two of you into the woods.

"You must have wanted something if you took your precious time to find me." he starts when you both walk a familiar path. This is where your strange "friendship" began, if you could call those stolen moments, kisses, and nights between you two like that… how poetic that it will end here as well.

"I am leaving." you speak briefly without looking at him.

You feel him tense up. It was probably not the answer he ever expected. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him swallow.

He clears his throat, trying to look composed. However, his dark eyes, as always, reveal his true feelings to you. You wonder if you're the only one who can read him like that. "Why?" he whispers.

"Apparently my warning was… not strong enough. One of the people who tried to kill you complained to my grandmother. I have to leave."

"I can talk to her…"

"No!" you cut him off quickly, letting go of his hand and standing in front of him. The last thing you need is his intercession with your grandmother. "I know you mean well, but it's the final decision."

"I see." he says coldly, looking away from you. "Is there anything else you wanted?"

"Yes." you say, pulling his dagger out of your sleeve, handing it to him. "I wanted to give it back to you."

"It's a gift. I'm not in the habit of taking back what I've given someone." he snorts, offended, at which you giggle, amused. He turns his gaze back to you, raising an eyebrow.

"I knew you'd say something like that. That's why…" you pull out a second, identical dagger to the one he gave you. The only difference is that the dagger's handle is decorated with a sun… an eclipsed sun. "I did it." you say, handing it to him.

He takes the dagger from you and examines the engraving. "Why it?" he asks curiously. "Why the eclipsed sun?" his gaze is burning, inquisitive. You know there's no turning back now. You take a step back, his dark irises following your every move.

You shrug. "Guess, shadow summoner."

He stares at you in shock. A thought… a ridiculous and beautiful thought crosses his mind. He knows there's no point in chasing after you. You'll run away from him anyway. But he can't help but scream after your receding silhouette. "What's your name?!"

You're smiling. But you don't turn around to look at him one last time, to steal one last look at his dark, piercing eyes, to get one more moment... Instead, you scream over your shoulder: "Call me sunshine!"

You disappear from his sight. Deep down, you know you'll meet again… But you weren't going to share your mother's fate… even for such mesmerising, dark eyes as his.

After hundreds of years, you've become accustomed to dreamless sleep.

It was your conscious choice. A promise to grandma, mother, and you. You didn't pray to the saints to bring you a dream about your soulmate. You didn't want him... even though his name on your wrist, hidden by your grandmother's bracelet, had tormented you for hundreds of years.

That's why, when your first dream started, you knew it was something bad. You knew your grandmother's necklace had somehow fallen off your neck. And so, you were dreaming. You dreamed about him... and he probably dreamed about you.

You galloped on a horse. It was early morning. The clearing where you galloped was shrouded in mist. The cool wind hit your skin, and your cloak billowed behind you as you tried to lose the black rider following you.

People usually run to their soulmates. They wanted to meet them at all costs. Not you. But the saints have never been merciful to you… maybe because you never prayed to any of them.

Or have they stopped letting you prolong the inevitable.

That's why the black rider soon caught up with you. He rode by your side for a moment, then shot forward. You knew he was trying to block your way, so you sped up and managed to catch up with him for a moment. You rode side by side for a while, but you didn't dare look and atface.

But your wishes no longer mattered.

He sped up ahead of you and stepped sideways, causing your horse to stop and stand on two legs. You held on tight to keep from falling. It wasn't until your horse had calmed down and stood on all four hooves that you loosened your grip on the reins.

"Moya solnishka..." his whisper made you shiver. You lifted your head and looked into those familiar, damned dark eyes that were the cause of all your troubles.

You sat still as he rode his horse closer to yours so he could touch your cheek with his hand. His thumb caressed your skin gently. "I've been waiting a long time for you."

You shivered, hypnotised, as you watched him lean closer to you. A familiar warmth spread through your body as you felt him amplify your powers. But his lips were too close for you to notice anything else than him; his touch and dark eyes, which were looking only at you...

You wake up suddenly. Your hand goes to your neck. Panicked, you discover that your grandmother's necklace is not there… you must have lost it in a fold.

"Fuck." you whisper, running your hand through your hair. The only defence against dreaming about your soul mate is gone. And now he knew who you really were... just as your fears were confirmed.

He was your soulmate. General Kirigan, Darkling, Black Heretic, the boy who was your first kiss hundreds of years ago…

The monster who created the fold…

And as it turned out… Aleksander Morozova.

You look around the room, realizing you're in a tent. And the red keftats of bustling healers confirm your worst fears.

During your journey through the fold, the ship was attacked by volcra. And you, obviously not wanting to die or let other people die, decided to use your power. You've done it hundreds of times before. Only much more discreetly… and you've never fainted from using so much of your power.

Your grandmother must be cursing you from the grave. She warned you a thousand times not to go near Ravka or the fold… and even after her death, you didn't listen to her. Now you have to sneak out of here somehow before word about the sun summoner spreads around the world. Hundreds of years of hiding will be wasted just because you weren't careful enough…

He was excited. He couldn't stand still.

His soulmate, his sun summoner, the solution to all his problems, his little sunshine was here.

He had been waiting for this moment for centuries. He had imagined it thousands of times. However, he never thought that his soulmate would be brought to him by his heartrender after they captured her after rescuing a ship full of people from the fold.

He dismisses everyone from the tent. Only he and she remain.

"It's been a long time, solnishko." he speaks softly. He is prepared for her silence and gives her a moment to process the situation. But he hoped to see a little more enthusiasm from her...

So he takes the time to look at her. On noting all the changes he might notice in her… her cool, indifferent look in those eyes that captivated him so much is one of the worst changes.

He clears his throat. You are still silent. You still ignore him. And Aleksander can't stand it.

"I had an interesting dream recently…" he begins, but you don't pick up on it. You don't really take your eyes off the floor… he's starting to get annoyed.

"You won't look at me?" he asks, waiting for your reaction. However, he finds nothing. Just a blank stare at the symbol he has chosen over the course of several hundred years. Eclipsed sun.

"You won't even comment on that? What a pity. I've always liked your sharp tongue." he says, taking a step towards you. You watched him carefully. He's a little triumphant to see that he's managed to catch your eye. Saints… he missed those damn eyes. "The cat stole your tongue? Or did they finally cut your tongue out for your insolence?"

"I thought you liked my sharp tongue." you snort sarcastically, avoiding his gaze as you realize he won't come any closer.

"She can talk!" he says, clapping his hands. "I was afraid something had happened to you, sunshine." you flinch at his words.

"Don't call me like that." you growl angrily, turning your stern gaze on him.

"You told me to call you that yourself. Don't you remember?"

"And now I take away your right to do so, Black Heretic. Or maybe you prefer a Starless Saint? I think I remember that you wanted to become one; what a pity people didn't even try to remember your name." you taunt him, and for a moment you see that he is offended, even hurt by your words, but his eyes quickly become blank, unmoved by your words.

As if he had heard them hundreds of times before and gotten used to them…

"I don't remember you being so… hostile to me before. What has changed?" he asks instead, watching you carefully and looking for answers in your eyes. But after all these years, you too know how to hide your emotions behind a stony mask of cold indifference.

"Maybe you didn't know me at all?" the question hangs between you for a while. You see for a moment that he hesitates with his answer, but his indecision is quickly replaced by a mocking, derisive smirk.

"When I heard about the mysterious Grisha, who can summon light and was stupid enough to throw herself into battle against hundreds of volcra, I immediately thought of you. And guess what…"

"At least one of the two of us should be concerned about Grishas' welfare. Why am I not surprised it's me and only me?" you see him clench his fists in rage when you insinuate that he's selfish, that he doesn't care about his people.

"Or maybe you don't know me at all?"

"I know men like you."

"There are no men like me. There are no others like us. And there will never be. I thought you had enough time to accept and understand it." he says bitterly, staring at you, disappointed. "Anyway, I have to go through the formalities. Your sleeve, please."

You stand still, too stubborn and angry to cooperate with him. He snorts, expecting your reaction, and takes two steps over the distance between you. You lift your head slightly, giving him a defiant look. He just gives you that irritating, confident smirk and grabs your hand gently, rolling up your sleeve himself. His dark eyes never leave yours. Even when his ring pierces the skin of your forearm.

You're so intent on each other that there might as well not have been that beam of light between you that shot the moment he made a small cut on your arm. It's just you and him. And from the unreadable smirk on his face, you might as well expect anything.

If you used to do it easily, now you can't read his eyes anymore. A skill he had to acquire over time. Hiding true emotions.

You both have changed. Each in its own way. He was no longer the nameless boy you met. And you weren't the mystery girl he used to know. He became the darkness he so often summoned... and you became the light you were meant to carry. If you once had anything in common, now you are completely strangers. Time heals wounds... or deepens them, but it always and undeniably changes people.

But neither of you could deny the connection between you. Even after all this time and even after what happened. It was a bound that was pulling you both towards each other…

"You and I are going to change the world, Y/N." you shivered hearing your real name for the first time come out of his mouth as lightly as if he had always called you that. Like he's always known you by that name deep in his heart.

Even if you didn't agree with him, you have to admit that he was right...

It's gonna be forver or it's gonna go down in flames...

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theladyofbloodshed · 3 months

Text

Chapter 21

Feyre had swept into the red-brick house like a phantom wind. Her visit lasted no more than half an hour – and apparently she had arrived the night before, after Azriel and Cassian had raced off to find her. Her other family was deemed more important than her sisters. While they were cloistered away to hide the damage, they were unimportant. All the visit had done was upset Elain more because it had brought with it confirmation that they could never go home.

Nesta had managed to soothe her when Feyre and Cassian departed. Her head was still in Nesta’s lap, fingers running through the silken strands of dark hair. Elain had stopped crying. It had been replaced with a quiet grief that was worse.

Maybe one day Nesta could grieve for the life she had lost. Maybe she’d have a chance to stop and weep that she’d been tied to a faerie by fate without a choice in the matter.

Not today.

Faintly, she could make out the soft pad of feet through a house that she believed to be empty. Warily, Nesta opened the door a crack. Her heart already knew it wasn’t the shadowsinger – and she hated that she could know that without trying.

A male with a sheet of red, shining hair was walking along the corridor as if he had turned abruptly at the sound of the door. He paused, glancing back towards her.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’

The male – Lucien, he was called – froze.

‘Get out,’ Nesta said through clenched teeth.

He raised his palms in a peace offering that was unwanted. ‘I’ve been granted refuge here.’

‘I don’t care. You stay away. I don’t care what imaginary string you think is tying you to my sister. Forget about it.’

Nesta watched him go with a small amount of pride in her chest that he had so easily scuttled away. That was until dinner when she was pressured to attend. She had tried her best to coax Elain to join them – then when she knew Lucien Vanserra would be seated at the table, she promised to bring Elain’s dinner to her. If Nesta attended the dinner, she could keep eyes on Lucien rather than him skulking off to seek out Elain.

Wearing a long-sleeved, dark blue gown that clung to her curves, Nesta entered the dining room and blocked out the sudden hush and stares.

‘Where did that dress come from?’ Mor breezed towards her, hands pawing at the fine material. ‘I want one.’

Her own dress exposed much of her midriff, back, and chest. The almost-sheer red panels of the skirt flashed her legs. The female may as well have been bare.

‘I assume my mate dug it up somewhere,’ said Feyre.

‘He gets all the credit for clothes and he never tells me where he finds them. He still won’t tell me where he found Feyre’s dress for Starfall. Bastard.’

Nesta hated them all staring at her. Worse still was because this dress had not come from a long-forgotten chest of clothes. No, a male who had decided that he belonged to Nesta had been to a seamstress to have it made for her. If the attention was on her for too long, the others would realise that this was a new gown, designed perfectly for her body.

Mor examined the silver combs in her hair – another gift that had appeared when she refused to leave her rooms. ‘It’s a good thing we’re not the same size – or else I might be tempted to steal the dress.’

She kept her face blank, wishing this inspection would finish. ‘Fortunately for you, I don’t return the sentiment.’

Nesta claimed a seat as Azriel choked on his wine at the other end of the table.

The dinner was fine. Nothing she’d want to repeat in a hurry. Not with the odd, little creature beside her claiming they were the same. Not with Cassian and Morrigan drinking more and growing louder with each glass or sticking their tongues out like urchin children. Regardless of their lack of manners, Nesta followed the volley of conversation back and forth. Only Azriel did not offer anything to it when even the red-haired male contributed to the conversation - until he suggested teaching Feyre to fly. There was a terseness in his tone as Azriel explained that he had learnt later. Nesta felt his pain, felt it as acutely as if the wound had been inflicted upon her. Shadows wreathed his hands as though they were comforting him too.

‘I can show you how to engage your powers, girl,’ said Amren. Nesta did not want to admit that a fire simmered in her blood and constantly pushed at the edges in its desire to be unleashed. ‘Rhysand, when you go the Court of Nightmares, we will go with you.’

‘What?’ Feyre said with a gasp.

‘The Hewn City is a trove of objects of power. There may be opportunities for Nesta to practise. Let the girl get a feel for what something like the wall or the Cauldron might be like.’

‘No,’ rumbled Azriel.

‘Covertly,’ added Amren.

‘That is no place for Nesta,’ he said. The warning was clear enough, but Nesta hated how the eyes in the room flickered between him and her, at the way he’d leapt to protect her.

Feyre cleared her throat. ‘We might need your assistance during the meeting with the High Lords – to provide testimony to other courts and allies of what Hybern is capable of. What was done to you.’

‘No.’

‘You don’t mind fixing the wall or going to the Court of Nightmares, but speaking to people is where you draw your line?’

Nesta’s mouth tightened. She could not relive that night. Could not trot out her story for all to see when it caused her so much grief. ‘No.’

‘Feyre,’ warned Azriel. ‘She does not want to.’

Despite being startled by Azriel’s low, rough tone, Feyre turned back to Nesta. ‘People’s lives might depend on your account of it. The success of this meeting with the High Lords might depend upon it.’

Nesta couldn’t do it. She was back in her bedroom, the first sounds of an intrusion snapping her from the sheets in her sheer panic to get to Elain.

‘Don’t talk down to me. My answer is no.’

Feyre angled her head, nodding sympathetically. ‘I understand that what happened to you was horrible—'

‘You have no idea what it was or was not. None. And I am not going to grovel like one of those Children of the Blessed, begging High Fae who would have gladly killed me as a mortal to help us. I’m not going to tell them that story—my story.’

‘The High Lords might not believe our account, which makes you a valuable witness—’

Nesta shoved her chair back, chucking her napkin on her plate, gravy soaking through the fine linen. A witness. Not a victim. A damn witness.

‘Then it is not my problem if you’re unreliable. I’ll help you with the wall, but I am not going to whore my story around to everyone on your behalf.’

She shot to her feet, colour rising to her ordinarily pale face, and hissed, ‘And if you even dare suggest to Elain that she do such a thing, I will rip out your throat.’

***

All that night, Azriel had stayed awake in the House of Wind. Once the others had departed either to bedrooms in the house or elsewhere in Velaris, he took up his post beside the bedroom door like he had many weeks before. Azriel leant against the wall, shadows blanketing his outstretched legs.

He’d caught the soft murmur of Nesta’s voice as she spoke to Elain but there had been no responses from the sister. The bedroom had been silent for some time. Still, Azriel remained there. Nesta had banished him. Had refused to look at him during dinner, had opted to take the seat at the other end of the table than be anywhere near him. Azriel could not stay away. Knowing she was on the other side of the door soothed him. His mate was close by.

At the sound of her crossing the room, Azriel stilled. If she jerked open the door and found him there, she’d unleash hell.

Careful not to make a sound with his wings, Azriel stood. Shadows veiled him.

It was worse than Nesta opening the door to find him there.

Her crying seeped through to him. Unrestrained, broken tears from a female forced into a world she wanted no part of.

Azriel pressed his hand to the wooden door, wishing he could haul it open and hold his mate.

A day later, Rhys gave the summons that the sisters were to be moved to the town house with immediate effect – and kept far from Lucien Vanserra. Through the grapevine of Feyre then Mor then Cassian, Azriel had discovered that Elain had left the room of her own accord and Lucien had happened across her in the library. How the male could still draw breath after facing a fearsome, protective Nesta, he did not know.

Their belongings were packed quickly and bundled on the roof ready to be winnowed. Azriel knew better than to reach for Nesta to offer to fly her; she dared not even glance his way. That cool indifference was a mask he already wanted to rip away. Instead, Azriel cradled an unresponsive Elain in his arms on the roof. Realising that she would be in Cassian’s arms, Nesta looked as though she’d rather walk off of the roof.

‘Precious cargo,’ crooned Cassian. ‘I’ll carry you gently.’

One of Azriel’s shadows darted at Cassian, stinging him on the neck like a wasp.

Feyre nudged Nesta towards Rhys instead, but neither seemed thrilled at that prospect either. It left Cass with Lucien.

They landed first with Feyre winnowing not a second later. Elain’s hair snagged on the scales of his leathers as he gently put her down.

‘Would you like to see the garden again?’

Each day, Elain was fading more. At least she had talked to Lucien in the library, but it had been little more than half-riddles and questions from what he’d gathered. If Elain did not heal, it would leave a wound in Nesta that could never be forgotten. Azriel coaxed her around the garden, offering names for flowers or plants that his mother had taught him in lieu of conversation.

Once the others had arrived, he heard the stomp of Nesta’s feet – could recognise the gait. He rushed through the house, abandoning Elain to the flowers.

‘I need a toilet,’ she said, pressing her hand to her mouth.

‘What did you do?’

Azriel pulsed forwards, not caring who or what was in his path. Brother or high lady, he didn’t care.

‘I asked him the same thing,’ said Feyre, crossing her arms. ‘He said he went fast.’

Tempting, so tempting to blast Rhys with all seven of his siphons to see if he enjoyed going fast too. Cassian caught the flare of his temper and cut him off with a wing.

‘She’s terrified of heights, you bastard,’ Azriel snarled. ‘She will never fly again.’

The sounds of her vomiting splattering against the bowl pierced their stalemate.

Rhys was watching him closely, violet eyes flicking from his clenched fists to the bathroom door. Then the brass knob twisted. Nesta’s face was still greenish-pale but her eyes burned like molten ore. It was quicksilver set aflame with one target.

All of her attention was fixed on Rhys.

A burst of shadows tried to stop her, tried to cling to her arms and legs as she powered forwards, silver flames crawling over her body.

‘Nesta,’ Feye snapped, urgency ringing out.

Rhys braced himself, shields going up.

It would be his own damn fault if Nesta slayed him, but the alternative was Keir in command.

Azriel stepped in front of her path. He seized both of her hands, not caring for the sting of her flames, so cold they burnt.

‘Stop,’ he said, voice low enough that only she might hear.

She’d lose herself to magic. A beautiful, terrible magic that would consume her from the inside out to seek its vengeance.

‘Nesta,’ he murmured, thumbs rubbing the backs of her hands.

She blinked slowly. The burning, molten gaze became normal again and she slid her hands out of his grasp.

Lucien breathed, ‘What are you?’

‘I made it give something back,’ she said with terrifying quiet. ‘I wish to go to my room.’

‘Take the one on the left,’ Feyre said, eyeing her warily. ‘We need to go to the Hewn City in three hours.’

Nesta gave a single nod of acknowledgement then weakly trailed up the stairs – and it took all of Azriel’s strength to remain there rather than follow her.

***

All of it was useless. The black dress that Amren had stuffed her in, the haughty look she had perfected to skim the Hewn City's faces, the hope that her powers might prove useful in protecting the wall. It was all a useless waste of time.

Amren had walked her through the room of objects, many of them leaping off the shelf to either avoid her or to hurt her. She’d ended up with welts on her arm where a statue had come to life and clung to her before Nesta could produce a shield. Amren didn’t go easy. Said it was her own fault for slow reactions – as if she hadn’t only been taught how to do it the day earlier.

Failure was ringing in her ears even as they returned to Velaris. An argument spilt out between Morrigan and Rhysand then between the latter and Amren. Cassian had been closest to her and swept Nesta behind his wings anticipating an eruption. The mood had remained terse. Elain had appeared rambling about withered hands and crying girls. Lucien had the perfectly splendid idea of a healer seeing to Elain which Feyre whole-heartedly agreed with as if it hadn’t already happened. Madja had already been to see Elain multiple times and found nothing wrong with her.

Nesta had thrashed in the sheets, too hot to settle, to stressed to remain there. If they didn’t use her to whore her story out to the high lords then Feyre would plonk Elain on a chair in front of them all like a spectacle. The delicate girl who traded her sanity for immortality.

Wisps of clouds swirled across the night sky. Even Nesta could admit that the Night Court had a sky to be envious of, as if there were more stars here despite that being impossible. She settled herself in a chair in the lounge and cracked open a window.

‘Nesta.’

The voice was whisper-soft, so tender that she thought that she’d imagined it like a being had carried her name on the wind.

Nesta glanced at the doorway, finding it empty, then pulled her thin blanket tighter around her shoulders. Despite open windows, she was warm – yet couldn’t relinquish the safety of a thin sheet around her shoulders in the living room as she read by candlelight. She turned back to her book although her attention had struggled to stay with it. It had struggled to stay with anything recently. Sleep was not a regular occurrence and the evidence of that became more apparent through her irritable mood and pale complexion.

‘Nesta,’ the low, male voice repeated.

From the shadows, a figure stepped across the threshold. A mist had dusted Azriel’s hair, dampening it which was at odds to the dry, hot summer they were experiencing in Velaris. It seemed that Nesta was not the only one who struggled to sleep.

‘I don’t want you here,’ she said firmly, body coiling tight enough to strike from his presence.

Her words landed like a blade sinking into soft flesh. She’d seen him as the merciless spymaster in the Hewn City that night. That icy exterior hadn’t given anything away. Azriel had looked as though he cared for nothing except pain.

‘I know,’ replied Azriel, voice hoarse. Still, he stepped closer then revealed a book from his leathers. It was bound in pale blue cloth that reminded her of the sea. Carefully, Azriel opened it where the ribbon had held the page then set it before her.

He gave a slight incline of his head, encouraging her to read.

Once a mating bond has been accepted by the female, it is a force that can only be cleaved by death. In such incidences, the male feels the loss significantly and is never the same as a result. Many males have fallen to madness as a result. Although rare, females can overcome their grief and return to a relatively calm life.

‘Are you suggesting I kill you?’

Azriel’s lips quirked at the notion of violence. A scarred finger guided hers further down the text.

Prior to acceptance, the mating bond remains malleable. For some, it can be interpreted as a string tying two souls together and others have reported it as spun metal, unbending and unwilling. Due to the physical nature of it, spell-casters can feel bonds and sever them. It requires the blood from a dying male’s throat and the blood of a birthing female. In addition, the spell must be performed beneath a blood moon beside fresh running water.

Hope flowered in Nesta’s chest. There was a way to sever the tie to Azriel. It was possible… and he’d offered up that information to her freely.

The loss of a mate leaves irreparable damage.

Her eyes shot from the line to him. Her nostrils flared. ‘What sort of damage?’

‘It’s rarely felt by females.’

She straightened her spine, drawing herself taller. Nesta held Azriel’s stare until he relented and gave her the answers she needed.

‘Females can feel like they’ve lost something. Like part of them is missing.’

‘And males?’

He lifted a shoulder. ‘It’s unimportant.’

‘Azriel,’ she snapped, voice cracking through the silent lounge like a whip.

He didn’t balk from her anger – he never had. If Azriel had not been there to block her path earlier, Nesta would have unleashed that silver fire on his high lord for flying her too quickly.

‘Males can be driven to madness. They can remain possessive, be agitated if the female finds love again. They can believe themselves entitled to her.’

Nesta gave a choked laugh. ‘So, I am damned whatever I do.’

He dared to take a step forward. ‘No. I respect your choice. I’d rather cut out my heart than ever hurt you. And I have hurt you. I should have told you. You were mortal and I didn’t believe it could snap. One day, we’d forget each other. You’d grow old and it wouldn’t matter. Then you were brought into our world and I couldn’t tell you after everything had happened. I wanted you to live and this would hurt you again.’ He swallowed, the gulp audible. ‘You were starting to be happy. I couldn’t ruin it.’

It was the most they had talked in days. The temptation to reach out for him, to ease his pain, burnt in her gut.

‘A blood moon isn’t until three months from now. I’ve secured a spell-caster from the Continent who can perform the spell when it’s time.’

‘Is that where you’ve been every night?’

Azriel eased out a breath. He was still stood awkwardly in the room, afraid to come closer or get comfortable. ‘Yes and no. I’ve been trying to find a way into the mortal queens’ castle. This was a side project.’

‘Oh,’ she replied. ‘I thought you were avoiding me.’

‘You don’t want me near you.’

Had she said that? Nesta supposed it was true. She reviled the bond. Despised the notion of fate blindly shackling her to another.

But this was a male who’d left little pastries at her door, had visited a seamstress for new clothes, and returned to a ruined manor to retrieve the last traces of her life.

Nesta wish she could comb through what was real and what was encouraged by a bond. Would he have done any of these things if fate didn’t encourage it?

‘You would really sever the bond?’

A single shadow peered at them as if it had been sent forwards by the others to listen in and report back.

‘I made a promise that I’d protect you,’ he said. Regret flashed on his face. ‘I failed. I’ve researched and there’s no way to reverse what the Cauldron did to you. This is the only way I can conceive of to make things better.’

‘This is atonement?’ demanded Nesta.

‘This is what you want.’

The idea of wrenching something away that could never be replaced was not foreign to her. She had lost her mother, her home twice over. Even if Nesta was unscathed by it, the very thought of causing irreparable damage to Azriel then having to force him to be in her presence was too cruel.

She stood so she could look at him properly. ‘What do you want?’

Her chest felt as if it was caving in as she took in the forlorn expression upon his beautiful face. For her, Azriel would ruin the bond. Whether it was for atonement or a punishment to himself, did not matter. He would be damaged forever as a result.

She didn’t want that.

Azriel was the only one who had tried to make Velaris feel like a home.

She couldn’t hurt him. All of her own research into mating bonds spoke of their joy, their rarity. Accounts spoke of mates dying for the other, going to the edge of the world to save each other. For most, it was a happy match. Two souls destined for the other despite obstacles. They were meant to be a perfect balance. How could she take that from him?

A panicked sob ripped through her.

‘Take that book away. I don’t want to see it.’

His shadows curled over the book summoning it to him and out of sight.

Nesta’s hands trembled. ‘You’d just sever it like that? You wouldn’t fight? You will never be the same. How can you be willing to do this? You will be happy with this?’

Her head was spinning. The idea of losing that thread tying them together made her chest ache as keenly as if it had already been taken away. Her palm splayed across her ribs as if Nesta could feel the tether to him pulling tighter.

Azriel made to reach for her then thought better of it, the anguish plain to see.

‘You are my mate,’ he said quietly. ‘Your happiness is the most important to me. That’s what it means to have a mate, Nesta. I only want a good life for you.’

‘And I shouldn’t reciprocate that?’ Her voice sounded shrill. How odd that she’d stood on the battlefield then decided to change sides once she’d seen her opponent. ‘How do you think I will feel if I do this and it ruins you?’

Azriel’s lips pursed then he opened them then closed them. His brows bunched together before a warped laugh escaped him.

‘You wanted to sever the bond but now you’re angry with me for finding a way?’

She lifted her chin. ‘Yes.’

The corner of his mouth twitched. A lightness lifted his hazel eyes.

‘Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look so hopeful. I don’t know what I want. We’re running towards a war and I’ve barely caught my breath but all I know is that I feel better near you,’ she said in a hurry before the words could be locked away.

This time, Azriel did find his bravery and took a step closer so there were inches between them. His hair had dried, the ends curling slightly around the sharp planes of his face.

‘You have three moons to think about it, Nesta. Don’t consider me. This needs to be about you.’

How could Nesta not consider Azriel in this situation? It was surely his decision as much as hers. He had never asked to be her mate – nobody would want that. The repercussions would cause more pain to him than her.

‘What about the alternative?’

At his confusion, Nesta continued, ‘If it isn’t severed?’

‘If it’s left hanging and never accepted?’

‘No. The other one.’

His eyes snapped wide. A soft exhale was released.

‘I told you once that I’d hold you until only the poets remembered us,’ murmured Azriel. He dared to reach out a finger and run it down the length of her arm. ‘I will give you the life you deserve. Ours would be a love that the poets wished they had written.’

Nesta when Azriel finds a way to sever the bond:

#nezriel

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acourtofladydeath · 18 days

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Here it is folks, my Poly+ ACOTAR Week 2024 Masterlist! It's time to get excited!!!

D1~Beginnings: "How I Met Your Fathers"

🥿 Feyre has a conversation with Nyx about how the bonds snapped between herself, Tamlin, and Rhysand. Inspired by the storytelling of "The Princess Bride" and "How I Met Your Mother" this is angsty, fluffy fun. (Feytamsand)

D2~Comfort: "Hold Me Close, Hold Me Tender"

🩸 Nesta has always struggled with more intense cycles than most, and when she became fae it only got worse. Thankfully, her mates Azriel and Cassian are there to take care of her. (Nessriel)

D3~Secrets: "Stairway Snoops"

👂🏽 Morrigan sleeps at the town house after a night out and as she's trying to sneak out, she learns a secret about four people she never expected to find together. (Azriel X Eris X Cassian X Nesta)

D4~Adventure: "Our Greatest Adventure"

👶🏽 Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel feel their baby kick for the first time and feel all the emotions. (Nessriel)

D5~Favorite Tropes: "Cold Feet, Autumn Fae, and Only One Bed"

🛌🏽 My first attempt at a headcanon post! The Band of Exiles are in a new relationship and immediately had to travel for work. Of course, Jurian books them a room with only one bed... (Jurian X Vassa X Lucien)

D6~Celebration: "Into the Fire"

🔥 Feyre doesn't listen when Tamlin tells her to stay in her room during Calanmai, and they both wind up in the cave with a very beastly Tamlin to complete the rite. *smut* (Feytamcien/Lufeylin)

D7~Free Day: "Know Your Place"

Chapter 1 of a new multichapter fic titled "Return to the Hewn City" 🦇 Eris and Nesta follow through on the conversation they had in the epilogue of "3 Jewels in the Hewn City" and teach their Illyrian mates their place. *smut* (Azris X Nessian)

I can't wait to share these all with you during @polyacotarweek!!!

Which one are you most excited for? Let me know in the comments and tags!

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fanttasttica · 6 months

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Male in the fox's mask

Eris x reader

You are betrothed to Eris, who was crowned as the High lord of the Autumn court recently. You don't know why he had chosen you and you are also mad at him. He made you feel like you were a cow for sale, so the night before your wedding, you decide to find someone, with whom you can lose your innocence. Will you get away with it?

warnings: smut

words: 3731

“This is a very bad idea and you know that.. I know that” You said to your friend probably for the tenth time this night, as she dragged you to one bar, where you definitely shouldn't be going. “Oh come on, Y/N.. For the last few weeks we were talking about this, planning this and now you want to run? If you truly wish to return to your home, we can, but this is your last chance to do this. Decide carefully.” She put her hands on her hips, waiting impatiently for your answer. You thought about it once more. Maybe you really should return, this was too risky and the consequences could be deadly for you. There is a possibility that your family could somehow find out what you did and they could disown you. Well.. that was a better scenario. You heard a story about Morrigan, who did something similar like you were planning and you also knew what her family did to her. Your family was similar to them, so you wouldn't end up better, probably. And Eris would be also mad, it would be humiliating for him, to have not one, but two fiances, who decided to lose their virginities before the wedding, with some other male, but on the other hand.. You wanted this, maybe it was some sort of rebellion, since you had no say in this matter. Eris asked your father for your hand, the very next day he was crowned as High lord of the Autumn court and your father happily agreed. You still didnt know why Eris asked for you in the first place, you spoke to him a few times and you didn't have a nice time with him. He seemed cruel, like his father. He obviously liked mocking you and his eyes were watching you like prey, like a fox watching helpless rabbit before catching and eating him. You could forgive him all that, well after some time. Right now, you were mad too much. He made you feel like a cow for sale, like your only purpose was to be an obedient wife and birth as many children as possible. You clenched your fists. “No.. Let's go inside.” You were determined to go through with it to the end. Your friend smiled at you “As I thought.. Now, come, we shouldn't waste any more time.”

This bar was overcrowded, music was playing out loud, and you were sure that waking up tomorrow will be very challenging, since your head was already throbbing. “Now, what should I do?” you raised your voice, because there was no way that your friend would hear you if you continued whispering like outside. “We should go dancing. There are a lot of single males, who will surely come to you and try to seduce you. Don't worry, we will find someone you can fuck tonight.” She laughed happily and you followed her into the middle of the dancing floor. Of course you were teached how to dance, but this was something new to you. At first, you weren't sure how to move, but after a while, music got into you and you started to enjoy this. “Okay, I am really glad we are here, it's way more fun than in the court..” You admitted. “Yeah, it is. But don't forget the real reason why we came here and try to concentrate for a while. Is there someone who caught your eyes?” You looked around yourself, lights were not very bright, so you couldn't see the faces of people next to you so clearly, but you tried. You wanted to find someone tonight. You wanted to sleep with some male, so you could lose your innocence tonight. Your wedding was tomorrow and with it also your wedding night. You were supposed to save yourself for Eris, but you didn't want to give him the pleasure of taking your virginity, that's the reason why you were so determined to have sex with almost anyone tonight. As you were observing the room, you catched some male, who was looking at you from the other side of the room. He was tall, leaning to the bar as he watched you with a drink in his hand. What was weird is that his face was covered by a mask, representing a fox. You couldn't see the color of his eyes, but you felt them on your body. You were wearing a red dress, which were very tight on your body and were complimenting your curves. You bit your lips and turned to your friends. “Do you see that male in the fox's mask? He is standing next to a bar.” She looked over your shoulder, grinning at you. “I see a male in the fox's mask currently walking towards you.” Your eyes widened as you suddenly felt the male's chest pressed lightly to your back. Warm, that almost made you moan, was coming from him. He hadn't said anything to you, but you still felt the urge to please him and do everything for him. “I will not disturb you..” Your friends winked at you and she danced away. “You dont look like someone who normally comes to these types of parties, little mouse.” That stranger whispered to your ear, his breath made you shiver. He seemed familiar, but you couldn't remember where you heard him. “It is my first time here..” You admitted, suddenly feeling his hands on your lower abdomen. He pulled you closer to him, brushing his lips against your ears. You started breathing faster. "I see that.." Your cheeks are red, he obviously knows that being in the bar for the first time isn't the only thing that is new for you. "And why is that? What are you here for?" You closed your eyes and smiled, feeling pleasure only by his voice. "I.. I.." You exhaled shakily. "I just want to have some fun tonight." You replied a little bit hesitant. You possibly couldn't tell him the real reason why you were there. He would see only as an insane woman and probably would leave you right here on the spot. And you didn't want that. "Hmm.. That's something I can help you with, little mouse." You could see him smiling. "Really?" You asked maybe too happily. He chuckled darkly. "It will be my pleasure.." One of his hands remained on your lower abdomen and was pressing you to him and the other traveled to your neck. His fingers brushed against your neck and squeezed it tightly. Moan escaped your lips, he seemed pleased by that. "You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into."

Suddenly your surroundings changed and you were no longer standing on the dancing floor. You were in the quiet room, it was dark here, the only source of light was fire in the fireplace. The walls in the room were painted red, the furniture was made of dark brown wood, but what dragged your attention the most was the big bed that was in front of you. "It's better here. We will have more privacy." Maybe you should be frightened, you didn't know this man and it was also so easy.. Maybe this was normal? In the end you never did this before. "Yeah.. It's better like this." You agreed with him. What should you do? What should you say? As if he was reading your thoughts, he kissed the back of your neck and continued to do so, while he started unbuttoning your dress. This was it. "You know you can move? You can touch me as you please. I will not protest." You listened to him, you turned so now you were facing him and put your hands on his chest, it felt so strong. You looked him in the eyes, as you slowly took off his shirt, so now, he was naked before you. Well.. the upper part of his body was naked and to the Cauldron. This man was perfect. You stroked him gently for a while, trying to remember this sight, because only Cauldron knows, if you will ever see this perfection again. He was standing still, allowing you to explore his body. You dared to do the next move, you kissed his neck and heard a groan which escaped his lips. You were doubting your skills, but it was nice hearing him, it gave you more courage to continue with this. “Jump” he gave you command and you obeyed him. Now, your faces were next to each other, he kissed you passionately, dominantly as he laid you on his big soft bed. His mouth traveled to your neck, leaving marks everywhere, it felt like he was marking his property. His hands moved curiously, at first they were holding your hips, squeezing them but now, you felt them on your thighs. He used them to open your legs for him, which resulted in you moaning. You felt so vulnerable, spread like this for the first time. Devilish smirk was playing on his lips, as if he knew what were you thinking now. One of his hands started to go up by your thighs, pulling up your dress at the same time. With his other hand, he decided to pay attention to your sweet core and you were really happy with that decision. You felt throbbing the whole time and release was coming. Firstly, he decided to use fingers, which were magical. After a while, you became a moaning mess, breathing faster than usual. “Please.. I want more..” You whispered, your voice filled with need. “What do you need? You have to tell my little mouse..” of course he wasn't going to give it to you so easily. “Anything you will give me, please!” You were already desperate. His fingers were awesome, but you needed more. He laughed “It's your first time and you are already so spoiled..” You weren't sure how he noticed that, but since yo couldnt think clearly, you let it go. In the end, it wasn't you who had some experience, unlike him. With the way he knew how exactly to touch you, it was obvious that he sure had many women in his bed. “But I will grant you your wish.. Now lay still.”

You were watching him as he knelt down before you and started devouring you with his mouth. You were crushing sheets in your first, as you felt your orgasm tonight building in you. It was amazing, how could you miss out on something like this for so many years? At the same time, you were also wondering. You talked with some married friends about this topic and none of them said, this is also possible and is so pleasurable. As you reached your peak, you moaned loudly, if you knew his name, you would be repeating it like a prayer. “I was imagining how you taste for so many months now.. But in reality, you are much sweeter..” Another word you didn't understand, but now, you were concentrating on your lingering pleasure, instead of this, thinking he was just weird. Maybe he saw you at the court? That could also be the reason why he felt so familiar. This would be really bad, since he could use what had happened against you, but again, this isn't something you could concentrate on at the moment. And it was late anyway. Maybe you hadn't had sex yet, but this was basically the same. He moved, now his body was covering yours, his eyes found yours as he kissed you again, but now it was slower, as if he tried to enjoy every moment of this, trying to remember how you taste. In the next second, he found a zipper on your back and unzipped your dress. He gladly helped you take off your dress and throw it on the floor. Now you were entirely naked, exposed to him and he sure was enjoying this. His eyes were eating you alive, you could swear that you saw fire flame dancing in them. He wasn't wasting any more time, only now you saw that he is naked too. You couldn't help yourself, you looked at his member, finding it… well big. It was bigger than you expected it to be. You knew, this can be painful for the woman, especially if it's her first time and if every man had something like this, it wasn't surprising at all. You inhaled sharply, your eyes filled with worries but with need at the same time. Maybe you were scared a little bit, but you still wanted to continue. “We can stop, if you want.” He offered you, his voice was soft and filled with understandment. You shake your head. “No. I want this. “You assured him, he studied your face for a while, but he wasn't trying to talk you out of it again. You both wanted this, wanted and needed more. He took you gently, trying to distract you with his mouth, which he used to kiss you, but also to bite your neck and nipples, which were hard due to his attacks. It was unpleasant at first, but after you got used to him and he started to move faster, with more confidence, you rolled your eyes with pleasure. “You are amazing, my mouse, taking me so well..” He was whispering to your ear, taking everything you offered him and you were doing the same. Enjoying the pleasure he was giving you, not holding back anything, not your moans, not your hands and mouth, which you were using to please him. His groans were like music to your ears, louder as he was closer and closer to his release. “Come with me.. now.” You were really close and his words set you from the edge, another wave of pleasure overwhelmed you and made you see the stars.

You were tired, so much tired and also terrified a little bit, not that you would admit it out loud. Today was your wedding day. It was supposed to be a happy occasion, well maybe in another court, in Autumn weddings being a happy day for the bride was rare. In this court, people were marrying off their daughters for political benefits, not because they were in love. This was your situation. You were hoping that after what you did yesterday, you will feel better, but you weren't sure anymore. You weren't much more confident at all. The thought of this act of rebellion still gave you some satisfaction, but at the same time, you were sad. Yesterday's night was magical, it felt so good and that man was so nice to you and you were sure that Eris will be different. And now, you were supposed to know, what are you missing out, again? That cursed male. It wasn't his fault, it was your. You shouldn't be thinking about him, but you were and not only because of the pleasure he gave you. You were also thinking about his eyes, about his voice, about the pet name he gave you.. About everything he did and said that night. You were missing him. This was crazy, you were crazy. You will probably not see him ever again, you had to stop thinking about him, but you just couldn't. Not when your maids were helping dress you into your wedding gown, not when they were doing your makeup and hair. You were even thinking about him even now, as you walked down the aisle to the priestess and your soon to be husband. You woke up from your trance, after your father pulled your hand. He gave you a warning look, before turning to the High lord and giving him your hand. Right at this moment did you dare to look at him and after you did that, the whole word stopped. There he was, High lord, your fiance.. and the male you lost your innocence with in the same person. He was glaring at your father angrily, but as he turned his gaze at you, his look became softer and there was a little smirk on his lips. He gently helped you to step closer to him and the priestess, if he hadn't done that, you'd probably be standing there for the rest of your life. You were lost in thoughts during the entire ceremony. You felt so many emotions and thought about so many things that you got lost in them. You didn't even know what to feel. Relief? Joy? Anger perhaps? Before you could figure it out, you were already Eris' wife and Lady of the Autumn with many people who wanted to meet and congratulate you and also with a big celebration ahead.

During the day, you hadn't had time to talk with Eris that much. Actually, he didn't say a word to you and you weren't sure if you wanted to talk to him at all. You were mad at him, but at the same time, you were glad that it was him yesterday. These feelings were complicated, the only fact that was worse is that you had only a little time to think about everything in peace. Currently, you were walking accompanied by your mother to your husband's chambers. It was your wedding night, the first night you were supposed to spend together and consummate your marriage. “Y/N! Are you listening to me? This is very important for us!” She barked at you. You frowned at her. “I know, mother. And I also know about everything that is expected from me tonight. You already told me everything. Don't worry, I will play my part well, like always.” Her expression saddened suddenly, only for a brief moment, before it was gone again. “Good.. I know you are ready. So.. go.” She nodded towards big mahagon doors which were guarded by a few guards and a few courtiers. Suddenly, you were nervous again. Knowing that they will be here, listening to you all night.. But there was nothing you could do. It was another tradition in the Autumn court. You walked to the doors, which were opened by guards, right on time. You inhaled deeply before stepping to the room.

Eris was already here, looking into the fireplace, holding some drink in his hands. Unlike you, he was still wearing the suit he was wearing during the wedding and later during the celebration. Feeling too exposed, you pulled your robe closer to your body, hugging yourself. “Do you realize, there is nothing I haven't seen before?” You bit your lip. “I am really sorry. I know what I did was.. irresponsible. It was a mistake that will never happen again, I assure you and ask for your forgiveness.” You felt his gaze on you, but you avoided his eyes. You were almost sure that he was going to punish you and you were too scared to look him in the eyes, when he says how is he going to punish you. Instead, he sighed and drank from his glass. “I knew what you were planning for a while. One of my men was watching you for a long time, since the first day we met. His job was to make sure my father didn't hurt you while he was still alive. When he died, I originally wanted to recall him, but.. I couldn't. Until you were mine, I wanted to know what you were doing and if you were okay. I wanted to know who you are talking to and if there is another man in your life.. And when I found out what you were planning.. I was considering letting you do it. You obviously really wanted it, but in the end I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to leave you for another man. I'm selfish, but I've wanted you for myself since the first time I saw you. Even before we first spoke.” This was too much, shaking your head, you looked at him and saw nothing but honesty written on his face. “I don't understand you. Everytime we spoke you were.. almost rude.” This wasn't making any sense for you, be he was willing to explain it to you. “I know, it was again, because of my father. I couldn't possibly tell him about.. my feelings. About our bond.” Your expression widened and suddenly, you felt it, the mating bond, forming between you two. “You are my mate, Y/N. That's why I couldn't let you leave that bar with another male. That's why I wanted to marry you in the first place. I will gladly admit it, I am a very selfish male.” He shrugged, turning back at you, again drinking from his glass. He was giving you an opportunity to think about what you are going to say next, but you didn't need that. Finally, you knew very well what you were thinking and what you wanted. Step after step, you walked towards him, placing your hand on his cheeks in a loving gesture. “Eris.. I think.. I love you. I think I always loved you, but my anger at many other things overshadow it. I'm ashamed to admit it. This doesn't mean that I am fully forgiving you. I am still a little bit mad at you, because you didn't tell me this sooner and let me wonder what my future is going to look like.. But I am not afraid any longer. And I am glad that last night.. it was you, who took me for the first time. I admit it, I was thinking about you all morning today.” You said shyly and he smiled at you, pleased at your confession. “You have been driving me crazy for a months now, my mouse..” He wrapped his hands around your waist. “I am happy that you are finally mine, even if you are still a little angry.. But luckily I know very well how to make you forgive me.” He said as he catched your lips to his. That night, he showed you, how he is going to make it up to you many times.

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar imagine #acotar series #a court of thorns and roses #autumn court #high lord eris #eris x reader #eris acotar #eris vanserra #eris x you

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