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#Please don't expect full backgrounds like this all the time it's super hard for me alsdkjf
kerie-prince · 3 years
Text
the intern
Peter Parker x Reader (college au)
requested: (anon) plz plz plz give me some college aged, super powerful ( think stark ceo powerful ) peter parker shit. idc what the rest of the story is about, i just need a brooding, smoldering, suit wearing, extremely expensive, college aged spiderman. plz and thank you!!!!
warnings: language
summary: When you start a new internship at Stark Industries, you're not only surprised to find Peter working as your boss, but that he's not the shy neighborhood boy you grew up with
a/n: this doesn't follow canon so for this imagine, hammer industries is just a rival company and the snap never happened lol also i don't know anything more than operating a phone so don't expect me to write sciencey, techy stuff lmao
(gif source)
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“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you were running across the road to jump into a cab that was available. Your phone hadn't been charging all night as you thought it had which caused you to wake up forty-five minutes before the start of the interview. You need this internship before you graduate from Empire State and get your degree in robotics.
On the way there, you nearly got car sick as the driver took sharp turns and nearly ran past intersections seconds before they became red. Once in front of Hammer Industries, your heels clicked loudly as you ran inside the tall building. You checked in with the front desk and took the elevator up to the 10th floor.
Just as you arrived, Justin Hammer was calling your name. “I'm right here!” you nearly tripped on your heels and your breaths were short.
“I've called your name three times, do you understand what that makes you look like, correct?” Justin stood unphased as you stood up straight and tried to steady your breath. “All these people are on time. Some of these folks have been here for hours, even.”
“Yes, sir. I’m so sorry–”
“Shame, I really liked your resume and your report on the expansion of nano-technology. Try again next year, maybe.” Justin started to call out the next participant and when she got up you stepped in front of her, “Please Mr. Hammer, I need this internship or I can't graduate.”
The people in the waiting room had their eyes on the two of you, tension so thick that it was almost hard to breathe. “Then maybe you should have come on time,” he pushed you aside to let the next person in to interview. You quickly ran back out and spoke to no one all the way home. Your eyes and cheeks were aching as you held in the tears during your Uber ride. The driver wanted to ask if you were okay, but if you were to break down in his car he’d probably be stuck having to listen to what happened and if he was honest with himself, he didn't actually care.
Once you got to your apartment, you made a straight line to the kitchen. “Hey, how’d the interview go?” MJ, your roommate, asked while still looking at her computer. You reached into the freezer for your emergency ice cream pint, snatched a spoon and walked into your room without saying anything. “That bad, I guess,” MJ said to herself.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
You sat with MJ and Ned in the cafeteria, but had not touched any of the food on your plate. Your head was laid on the steel table and you just continuously groaned. “I’m a failure,” you whined.
“No, what you are is fucking dumb,” MJ commented as she ate.
“Thanks, Michelle, that makes me feel so much better,” you looked up to glare at her before laying her head back down. Ned felt bad that his friend was in despair, “How come you didn't ask Peter for help?”
“Huh?” you lifted your head back up some of your hair falling onto your face.
“Yeah, Peter already works at Stark Industries, why didn't you just ask him to get you in? You could even skip the internship altogether and be in full time,” Ned suggested. You gave it some thought, but something about it didn't sound right.
“No, I don't want to bother Peter. I don’t want him to think that I’m only calling him for a job,” you sighed. Ned texted Peter anyways. Unexpectedly, Peter texted him back immediately.
“He says it’s fine,” Ned showed you his phone to read the text. ‘Yeah man, tell her to come in tomorrow and Ms. Potts will interview her’
You let out a deep breath you didn't know you were holding and pulled out your phone.
‘Thank you so much for helping me out’
(…)
‘No problem, anything for a friend’
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
The Stark Industries building was huge. It almost looked taller than the Empire State Building, and maybe it actually was. Your legs were shaking as you stared up at it. “Here goes nothing,” you assured yourself.
The lobby was bustling with people; workers walking around, a group of kids that seemed to be here on a field trip, and some teens taking pictures in front of one of Mr. Stark's Iron Man suits.
The trip up to the 17th floor was crowded with people as more and more entered in every passing floor. You had to squeeze yourself out and accidentally stepped on someone’s foot in the process.
Looking around, your jaw dropped. It was an open laboratory with groups of people putting together small robots, flying drones, and people laughing and talking. It was such a fun and cool looking environment, you wondered why you didn't just apply here in the first place.
Pepper Potts spotted you walking around and approached you with a tap on your shoulder. “Hi, I’m Pepper. You must be Y/N,” she reached her hand out to shake yours which you accepted. “Hi, nice to meet you.”
“Peter’s told me a lot about you. Come, follow me,” Pepper’s office had glass walls and a view of New York from behind her desk. You weren't particularly fond of heights, but even you would love to have an office view like that. Pepper gestured to the chair in front of her as she smoothed her dress to sit in hers. “So, I see here that you had an interview at Hammer’s. Can I ask why you chose them?” You didn't even know how they got that information. You hadn't seen or spoken to Peter in quite a while, so how Pepper knew that was beyond you. You sat there with your lips moving to say something but nothing was coming out.
Pepper seemed to have caught on what you were thinking and elaborated, “Before I do any interviewing, I do full background checks on everyone.” She had a gentle smile which made you feel better. You thought she would scold you or something considering the question did more than catch you off guard.
“My mother used to work there for a long time and I figured that I would follow,” you explained. Pepper nodded her head and wrote some notes down. She looked onto her computer and looked at everything there was about you. “Well, I see here that you have exceptional grades. 4.7 GPA since you started school and your paper on nano-technology has gotten much praise. I think even Tony read it.” No way. The Tony Stark read my paper? “So tell me, do you see yourself working here at Stark Industries?”
You looked outside and watched everyone in the open lab again. “Yes.”
“Then that’s all I need to hear. We’d love to have you here,” she reached over to shake your hand. You looked at her surprised and hesitantly shook hers. “Welcome to the team, Y/N.”
“Thank you so much!” You cupped her hand with both of yours and shook it a little too quickly, but she didn't seem to mind. You were ecstatic to start your path to your career, and at a dream place at that.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
Your alarm rang at the time you set it to, but there was no need for it. You couldn't sleep all night. Today is your first day of your internship and you were feeling so many things at once. Excited, nervous, happy, scared…
You tried to restrain yourself to a light breakfast, but MJ’s pancakes were to die for that you ate two whole stacks. You looked through your closet just about fifteen times; you had already picked an outfit the following night with the help of MJ, but when you put it back on, you hated it. It sucked for your roommate seeing as she had to sit through you changing from eight other outfits.
You tried to picture the lab again to see how other people dressed for a better idea to base it on your outfit choice. From what you remember, it was pretty casual, so that’s what you stuck to.
You were given your pass the day you were hired, so you had no issue walking inside. The elevator was just as packed as it was last time, but you were more composed so there were no toes being stepped on this time. You weren't exactly sure as to where you had to go, so you looked around to see if there were other interns to ask where to start.
“Y/N!” Peter’s voice surprised you from behind. Your shoulders jumped a bit, but relaxed at the view of his face. His face… you actually hadn't seen him for quite a while. Months, maybe. His jawline was more defined, and his once floppy hair was styled neatly. You tried to not look him up and down, but the temptation was definitely there. And the other thing, his voice was deeper than you last remembered. Is this really Peter Parker? “Hey, Peter.”
He gave you a hug that nearly made you lose breath. He was stronger than you remembered. A memory flashed back to when you were in junior high; you, Ned and Peter were hanging around the local park and you beat Peter on rounds on the monkey bars. He gave up after a couple bars, but you went back and forth a couple times. ‘Show off.’ But now, he had muscles that the shirt he was wearing hugged his biceps.
The hug was quick, and you had to pretend that he didn't just squeeze some life out of you. “Do you work on this floor?”
“Yeah, you’re actually assigned to work with my team. Come, I’ll show you around.” He started walking and you noticed how his posture changed. Damn, I know it hasn't been this long since I've seen him. Why does he look so different? He was wearing trousers. Trousers? Peter hates trousers. But his ass is looking great–
“Hey guys, this is Y/N. She’s going to be working with us as an intern. And I'll say this beforehand, no she's not going to be taking coffee or lunch orders,” Peter introduced you. There were various aged people in this group. Some were your age, and one person looked to have been in his thirties. Peter is in charge of this group? They all said ‘hi’ to you and went around introducing themselves.
Once that was finished, Peter pulled a chair for you on the table. “You’ll take notes for me while I give this presentation,” he whispered to you before walking in front of the table and started writing on the clear glass board.
He was talking quickly and didn't stumble over his words like he used to. Everyone was listening to him attentively and you jotted notes down as quickly as you could. Every now and then, you would steal glimpses of him and feel a sort of… well you felt something. Amazement? Inspiration? Adoration?
No doubt was Peter one of the smartest people you've ever met and here he was leading his own team and making potential products for Stark Industries at such a young age. Seeing him at work was so… it was indescribable to you but all you could think of was how different he is now. In a good way, of course.
Peter Parker has been your friend for years and to see him change from a bumbling, shy, adorable nerd into a confident, intelligent working man attracted you.
When you got home, you thought a lot about your first day. Being an intern at Stark Industries was really fun, so far. You weren't expected to do silly things like get coffee or lunch for everyone or pick up someone’s dry cleaning. You actually learned something and even had your opinions heard on some of the things that Peter suggested for his team’s upcoming product presentation.
If this is what it's like to be an intern, you couldn't imagine what it would be like working full time.
“How'd it go?” MJ stuck her head in your room. “It was fun. I'm working with Peter,” you explained your day to her.
“Cool,” was the last thing she said before she went to her own room for the night.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
In the past few months, your internship at Stark’s has been going swimmingly. Everyone's been so nice, and the work is so fascinating. You've gotten closer with Peter and along the way, he felt like he was more than a friend and boss to you.
Currently, everyone was getting ready for their final presentations for the upcoming annual Stark Industries Convention. It was going to be Peter’s first year presenting his own project with his team and you were so excited to be a part of it.
The time you’ve spent with Peter was really fun. He was a good mentor and a great friend. The only thing was that you couldn't help but look at him a little too long, and you’ve found yourself thinking about him during your classes or doing your homework. The shy boy from Midtown High was no more, replaced– no, grown into the Peter you know now. But you pushed all feelings aside to focus on your next thesis paper and mock-up of the handout brochures of Peter’s project.
Sometimes, you didn't even feel like an intern as Peter would ask for any ideas you had to make the project better and even let you help with assembly. He stayed true to his words and you’ve never once had to run for coffee or things like that. There’d be times when you would study some of the little parts under a magnifying glass and he’d come up slightly behind you and explain about some of the bits on the working table.
And every time he did that, your breath would be stuck in your throat and you’d have to remind yourself that this was just Peter helping you out and you’re just learning. But it was normal to want more every now and then… right?
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
The convention was just a few days away and you had trouble finding something to wear. These events were usually black tie events, but did that mean the presenting teams as well? Wouldn't that be uncomfortable?
One of the guys on your team, Richie, sat with you during lunch and talked about how he was probably going to wear the same suit as always. Not because he couldn't afford a new suit, but he was just a simple person and he only wears it once a year for the conventions and that’s all, so it’s still in mint condition.
The girls on your team and some from others were going dress shopping the day before and invited you to join. You were excited mainly because now you don't have to bother MJ for it.
Speaking of MJ, you were going to ask her to come with you. Pepper sent out the electronic invitations to everyone in the company and authorized plus ones to even interns. She’s never been to one – for reasons you were still confused about – but you wanted your best friend to be there for you. And if not MJ, then you bet Ned would still come with you. Wait, what if he’s going with Peter?
On cue, Peter had sat in the chair next to yours in the small break room, “Hey, Y/N.”
“Oh, hey Pete. You excited for Saturday?” Peter quietly stirred his coffee and gave you a small smile, “Uh, yeah. I’m nervous, but I’ve worked really hard on this. And everyone, too. Including you.”
You slightly blushed. I didn't do all that much you thought. You two just sat there taking small sips from the hot, bitter beverage.
“So… I wanted to ask you something,” Peter started.
“Mhm?” The coffee nearly slipped past your lips. You quickly grabbed a napkin to lightly dab some of it off of your lips.
“Well, as you know, we can bring anyone with us to the convention,” he trailed off.
“Yes?” Is he going to…
“And I wanted to know if you were bringing MJ with you.” Oh. You nodded your head and thought you hid your disappointment well but without knowing, Peter actually caught it for a split second. “Good. You can come with me,” he smiled and stood up.
You were in awe; without effort, Peter just asked you to be his date for Saturday.
:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:・゚’☆:
“Dude, how are you not ready yet? He’s gonna be here any minute,” MJ sat at her computer per usual working. Your music was too loud for her taste playing from your shared bathroom. Peter said he would pick you up at 7, and it was currently 6:50.
You had put on and removed your make-up at least five times. Something was always wrong; one of the wings would either be thicker than the other, the blush would be the wrong shade, or the lipliner kept going out of place. But, alas, you finally nailed it.
Your hair was styled half up with elegant curls and braids. In between some braids were little bits of baby’s breath flowers. Most likely, you were going to have a hard time taking those out but they looked cute and it was too late to take them out.
Your dress was right above your knee and flowed comfortably so you wouldn't have a hard time walking. It was a neutral taupe color and had a V-line that ended just above cleavage and hugged the curve of your waist. You paired it with simple black heels and a small, white handbag.
“He’s here,” MJ informed you.
“Okay,” you took a deep breath, “what do you think?” You spun around and held your arms out. “You look really pretty. Now go get ‘em. I’ll watch it on the live stream.” She gave you a lazy thumbs up and resumed her work.
Outside was Peter in an all-black apparel. His dress shirt had only one button undone, and he had a loose blazer that accentuated the dip of his shoulders. He stood against the limo with his hands at his sides. God, he’s gonna be the death of me.
When he caught sight of you, he had a flirtatious smirk on his lips and held out for your hand. “Peter, where’d this limo come from?”
“Mr. Stark set it up for me,” he stated like it was no big deal. Must be nice being his favorite. He held the door for you to climb in and closed the door behind him. “We’re ready, Happy,” he told the driver. Happy rolled his eyes, closed the window and drove off.
The convention was off to a great start; Tony Stark came in with his suit as he always loved to do and started introductions before everyone else scattered around to look at the projects of the many departments in his company. Some groups of certain departments had large stages, some had small stands, like Peter’s.
There were still large crowds coming to see the smaller presentations, and everyone seemed to be fascinated with Peter's. You stood on the side as his team operated the machine and Peter spoke. He looked confident and it was mesmerizing to watch him.
After the night was over, all employee’s and some guests were brought back to headquarters for the after party. You walked around with Peter and had flutters in your heart every time he held the small of your back. The most exciting part of the night was meeting Tony Stark in person. He greeted Peter warmly, and then his eyes landed on you, “Peter, who’s this?”
“Oh, this is Y/N. She’s a friend of mine,” he gestured for you. You shook Tony’s hand and stood starstruck. “The one you don’t shut up about?” Pepper hit his shoulder and laughed nervously.
“Wait, I’ve heard about you. Buddy of mine works at Empire State and he showed me your paper, it was really good.” You were still shocked that he had even read it and here he was talking to you about it. You went back and forth talking about nano-technology.
On the way home, you and Peter talked and laughed about things you told him as you caught him up to what was happening on campus when he couldn't be there. It was a really fun night, and Peter was more noticeably relaxed now that the hard part was over. “Alright, home sweet home,” Happy announced through the window.
“Well, that’s me,” you smiled sadly, not wanting the night to end. You reached to open the door but Peter climbed out from his side. He walked around to open your door and just like he did earlier, held his hand out for you to grab and assist you out the limo. What was different this time was that he kept his hand in yours as he walked you to the door of the apartments. “I had a great time with you tonight,” Peter confessed.
“Me too,” your voice was soft and low for only him to hear. Peter’s eyes switched from looking into yours to your lips before he grabbed your face with both hands and kissed you. The kiss was needy, passionate, but had a certain gentleness to it. Once he felt you kiss him back with the same fervor, he deepened the kiss and brought one hand to pull your waist closer to him.
You pulled apart to regain your breath and looked to admire his swollen lips and he copied the same notion. He leaned in to give you a gentle kiss and pulled away, “Good night, Y/N.”
“Good night, Peter.” Your cheeks were flushed and your face was warm. You watched him as he left and ran inside. Upstairs in your apartment, you found MJ and Ned sitting on the couch with a bag of chips in each of their hands.
“Good night?” Ned asked. You just nodded and walked slowly to your room.
“We saw the whole thing, by the way,” MJ said nonchalantly. You looked back to glare at your best friends, Ned smiling innocently at you and MJ keeping her straight face.
You changed into your pajamas and laid on your bed on your back, looking up at the ceiling. You couldn't wait to go back to work on Monday.
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twstheadcanons · 3 years
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This is a lore question and a slightly specific one. Cater as a character and otherwise is super interesting to me but at the same time insanely confusing. While at first I thought he would end up having maybe slightly abusive family there's a possibility that's not the case. His sister's seem to enjoy dolling him up and his mother seems to go along with it and his father's a bit more absent. I think I would mainly like to know what his true self is truly reflecting and also if Trey seems to know about this 'true version'. Don't feel pressured to anwser this if you can't btw ❣️
Cater fans come get yall’s food.
S, iideally I’d go through events Cater’s prominent in (Beans Day, Halloween), but that would just make this whole post longer.  So I’ll be using Cater’s card stories for now.  What we know about Cater, on the surface level, is that he comes across as happy-go-lucky, energetic, social, trendy, superficial, flaky, and insensitive at times.  But that’s Cater on a surface level.
So for Cater, his major issues from his background are:
his family frequently moving to accommodate his father’s occupation as a banker
his sisters dragging him into their own interests that he was expected to accommodate as well
Cater repeatedly states he disliked getting dragged around by his sisters and having cutesy stuff he wasn’t genuinely interested in shoved into his face.  This would even happen on his birthday, where his sisters got him things they’re more likely to enjoy, which made Cater feel frustrated since he was supposed to be the focus on his own birthday.  But despite that annoyance, Cater understands his sisters didn’t really mean any harm.  From the sounds of it, they liked hanging out with Cater, and assumed that Cater enjoyed how they spent time together as well since Cater preferred to go with the flow, rather than rock the boat.  
In his Bday SSR, Cater mentions that his sisters became more considerate of his own interests and asked him what he wanted.  All three coming from a family where they move and lose close friends a lot, the sisters are probably close and want to stay close to their brother as well, since they’re the only consistent company in a similar age range.  His sisters are each other’s best friends, Cater didn’t have that growing up.  He also mentions his sisters and mother’s sweets-making kick, and how he eventually got over having sweets every day.  But when he protested, it’d disappoint and sadden them/they’d have dejected looks on their faces, which Cater didn’t know how to handle, so he made himself go along with their whims to keep them happy.  
This pours into his social media life, where he’s a peppy, cheery guy that posts upbeat content and responds with light, casual, carefree messages to people.  His Lab SR literally has him state that he ‘should always be happy and excited, after all’.  So, clearly, whatever dynamic the Diamond family has, while not what I’d call something as heavy as abuse, isn’t considerate of Cater’s feelings and views Cater’s ‘go with the flow’ ways as approval.  If he ‘breaks character’ of the devil-may-care person he is on the surface, it raises questions, and Cater would rather just avoid all that and enjoy himself instead of getting involved in anything heavy.
Again, Cater doesn’t like to rock the boat.  He also mentions in his Lab SR that this obsession with cutesy stuff became rather invasive, and he’d even be criticised or second-guessed if he didn’t go along with the idea.  Cater ends up accommodating that interest to prevent any debate, even if he didn’t actually care for them.  That said, with such an emphasis on aesthetics being the way he grew up, Cater has a good understanding and practical knowledge of decour and eye-catching designs, which makes him helpful and invaluable when the time calls for decour.  This is something Cater knows he’s good at, and enjoys showing off since the focus is on himself and he’s acknowledged for his skills.
With their family moving all the time, Caters gained and lost friends a lot.  Cater has an outgoing personality, at this point, it’s safe to assume he’s an extrovert, so making friends comes naturally to him.  But when you’re moving a lot, maybe sometimes in the middle of a school term, .  Cater needs engagement and social interaction, but at this point in his life, he’s tired of trying to keep up with old and new friends on deep levels, hence his interest and obsession with social media.
One thing to note about Cater: he likes cutting corners.  a lot.
In his R card “Portrait of Rosalia”, it’s understood that Cater being nice to Rosalia by throwing her a party with some lively students around is a way for him to get on her good side, because Rosalia overhears the teachers’ discussions of tests and future lessons so that he wouldn’t have to study for an upcoming history test: while Cater’s idea of a party to lift Rosalia’s spirits is in good nature, he wants something out of it that benefits him.  But while disappointed the plan didn’t work, he’s quick to brush it off, and Rosalia’s anger, by mentioning that she’s cuter when uptight anyway.
In his PE card “This betrayer!” Cater only have five laps left to do in PE.  But he hates how sweaty he is and how tedious the overall task is.  So he uses his UM to try and avoid doing all five laps himself.  Riddle catches him red-handed, and Cater tries - albeit I’m sure he knows it’s a lost cause - to flatter Riddle at the last minute.  Trey’s also involved, and despite leaving Cater in the dust, Trey also returns with Riddle, because Trey knows that Cater’s the type that tries to cut corners whenever possible, something against the rules in Heartslabyul.  Honestly, as far as Trey goes, Trey’s someone used to the way Riddle holds himself back.  Cater’s exterior personality wouldn’t be hard for Trey to recognise as Cater pushing himself or exaggerating points of his personality just to keep up an image. especially after being in the same dorm for three years.
In short, while he isn’t malicious about majority of the time, Cater will use others to get out situations and tasks he wants no part of.  This is a huge thing reflected in his UM, as it allows Cater to be in more than one place, so that he personally doesn’t have to be involved.  Growing up with two pushy older sisters, it makes he develops a UM that complements a need for escape when pure wit won’t work.  And despite being someone with a superficial interest in trends, that experience accumulates in him understanding the basics about social media and how it affects others, himself included, since it became the only way he could stay in contact with acquaintances and ‘friends’ from previous years. 
 Cater has a good understanding of how people, in general, work, especially those in his agegroup, which makes him rather crafty when he wants to string others along and get out of a situation.  This doesn’t make Cater a mean or conniving person, and in fact, he’s generally amicable and social.  Cater lives by a pretty ‘live in the moment’ credo.  He enjoys having fun and not getting overly serious about issues when he can help it.  There are instances where he doesn’t care about the situation he’s in, or thinks it’s lame/boring, but he tries to make the most of it as something to post about on MagiCam later to engage in low-effort social interaction for a mental break. 
Cater pretty much states this in his Halloween SSR:
“If I left there, they remained there. That’s why I’d rather have a casual and happy time with everyone instead of going steady. It’s like a circus troupe, you know, having fun hanging with people all over the world and then leaving. And that’s why MagiCam is the best. I suddenly got messages from acquaintances from the school I went to 3 years ago. Aren’t my casual and light relationships multiplying? It’s lovely! “
Social media helps him keep in contact with people on a low-effort level, so the risk of moving doesn’t damage his relationships online like it would physical friendships.  As for family, Cater’s feelings towards his family are difficult, tricky ones he has problems with.  He certainly doesn’t hate them, but their lifestyle, the moving and pushy personalities, don’t mesh well with Cater’s personality overall.  When Lilia tries to relate to Cater’s experiences of fleeting relationships, Cater can’t help but dismiss Lilia’s empathy as surface-level, since, to CATER’S knowledge (it’s not like he knows Lilia’s old as shit), Lilia’s always lived in the VoT with his own family and friends, which hits a sore spot with Cater:
““Cater: ….Family…huh.
Flashback Lilia: I feel like I understand you. But it is just as Cater says, it might be the truth that you should not attach yourself too much to one person in particular.
Flashback ends Cater: (That was full of lies. For a guy who grew up in the same place and never had to deal with rebuilding relations over and over… He wouldn’t understand my worthless and meaningless feelings.)
/Notification
Cater: Hello, Trey. What’s up? Huh? Are we doing our rehearsal for our night show at the stamp rally now? And is Deuce from my committee lacking in hands, so Ace is helping him out? Darn, Ace is definitely going to use this to ask me for a favor later!
Cater: Argh! And is Riddle on the verge of a rampage? I’ll be back soon, Trey, please calm him! It was such a pain getting involved in the biggest crisis of this Halloween week! No, for real! I’m not lying. That’s why you don’t have to say such cold things to me, kay? URGH, TREY, YOU’RE SO CRUEL!!
Cater: Now that Diasomnia’s turmoil has settled, it’s time to change the mood. No matter how you slice it, we’ll still separate if we become 4th years… It would be different if I repeated a year though. Anyway, I should just enjoy the memories I’m making “now”! I’ll surprise everyone with this charming skeleton costume! I’ll show them my serious side!”
Cater calls his own feelings ‘worthless and meaningless’, which likely ties into how he got dragged into his mother and sisters’ own interests over his own, and sometimes even criticised if he didn’t go with their flow.  He also expects the friendships he’s made in NRC (as we see with him talking to Trey about the rest of the Heartslabyul cast), to inevitably disappear after he and Trey are fourth years with their own internships and lives to live.  Because to Cater, the future of his life and relationships appear disruptive and inconsistent, so instead of fretting about them, he wants to live in the moment and enjoy what he’s doing at all times, hence why he cuts corners to make things easier on himself.  This is why he can come across as superficial and easy to get along with, because he doesn’t want to fret over the details.
unrelated but we’re team ‘former dorm leader cater’ here because him doing it because it sounds cool and fun fits perfectly with his personality
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reynie-muldoons · 3 years
Text
'The Dance of the Celestial Orb' liveblog!
for real this time lmfao
book and show spoilers below
I'm ✨nervous✨ please let our children be okay
0:10 this Sticky arc hurts me so kuch
1:35 this music is BUMPIN
2:22 I just wanna know how she got under there without the dude seeing her
2:47 "all systems go" for the Improvement.... yikes 😬😬😬
2:55 she didn't wait even 5 seconds after they left, the door was still closing when she popped up 😂 can you imagine if one of them doubled back right at that moment
3:18 they look like the dudes from that veggietales movie, I think it was Esther- the island of perpetual tickling?? Anyone??? 😂😂😂
4:00 Kate vented.......
4:51 "not a rat" yeah no shit
5:07 if not for the suspense, I would be jamming out lmaooo
6:10 Mr. Benedict is looking at the shoreline, is he about to watch Kate dive in???? Because I mean that's where she's gotta be going
6:20 "memory challenges"? Is Rhonda talking about Milligan's amnesia, or has short term memory been affected as well??
6:29 .....thank you for answering so efficiently 😂
6:42 "I buy it. I completely.... buy it." RHONDA THAT'S NOT HELPFUL AHSKSHDJKD
6:56 can you imagine seeing your friend go down in a sub then hours later seeing the sub float up in fucking PIECES
7:06 KATE! KATE! KATE! KATE!
7:06 please let it be reunion time
7:25 oh hello that's a drop
7:38 *to the tune of Bezos I* come on Katie u can do it pave the way put ur back into it
7:51 she craves that mineral
8:06 Sticky, my child
8:20 oh my gosh they went out and LOOKED FOR HER I care them 😭😭😭
8:23 SHE KNEW HIS DREAM SHE KNEW HIS DREAM TELEPATH TELEPATH TELEPATH
8:34 STICKY STOPPPP
8:40 "jumping to conclusions is a failure of character" wow that really is something Curtain would say
8:52 angry Reynie. He is in rare form
8:54 "and you helped put her there!" OOOOOOOH I SCREAMED
9:03 "I shouldn't have yelled" okay but you kinda should have Sticky needs a wake up call
9:06 "dont apologize. I like this side of you." IS THIS THE START OF REYNIE AND CONSTANCE HAVING THE BEST SIBLING RELATIONSHIP
9:22 "if you really cared about me, you'd want me to be happy instead of standing there telling me who I am" oh Sticky my dude I am NOT digging the manipulation
9:36 Reynie pulling out the BFF card!!! Also Reynie digging in his feet because he knows he's right!!!! That's great setup for his arc as a strategist later
9:48 "I'm telling you, Kate's fine." Narrator: Kate was not, in fact, fine.
10:03 "they'll notice." Sticky has made one (1) good point.
10:11 oh dear god are they fingerprinting this bitch
10:19 all this equipment, has no one walked up to the cliff and looked down???
10:23 HAHAHAHA WAIT THEY ACTUALLY HAVEN'T
10:27 "we've been out here all night" that means Kate has been clinging to a cliff by her fingers and toes ALL NIGHT????
11:04 babe I know it's been a long night but maybe wait a second for them to actually leave before you climb back up
11:15 BUCKET NO
11:22 she has to go get it. There's no way someone wouldn't find that shit, it's in plain view
11:37 "WAS"???? WHY ARE WE SAYING WAS????? NO PAST TENSE HERE MILLIGAN'S FINE
11:43 "I only wish we could've known him better" NOOOPE NONONO WE'RE NOT DOING THIS
11:47 Rhonda back at it as the voice of reason!!!!!
11:59 "I have never met a more competent swimmer" throwback to "the baaAAAYYYY"
12:10 MR. BENEDICT'S FACE HAHAHAHA HOLD ON LET ME TAKE A PICTURE IM DYING
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12:11 NUMBER TWO, NOT HELPING
12:14 RHONDA'S FACE HAHENDJDKDN
12:33 "we will go rescue him" because of COURSE he would
12:36 Rhonda is his best wingwoman omfg she's so consistent
12:54 MISS PERUMAL??????
12:56 MISS PERUMAL!!!!!!
13:00 SHE KNOWS HE'S RIGHT GAKSHDBDHEKSNND
13:09 "how hard can it be? It's an island!" PFFFFT
13:16 oh SQ baby boy please get out of there
13:25 "I certainly have my own suspicions" he said, looking at SQ why are you looking at SQ like that
13:31 SQ GET OUT OF THERE PLEASE IS2G
13:36 here we fuckin go
13:43 the captions have the f in forest capitalized like it's this special place
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13:43 new hc that the Forest is a magical place like pixie hollow
13:57 TWO THINGS: 1. YES stand up for yourself baby!!!! 2. Shepard Quaid? Interesting! I don't think we ever got SQ's full name in the books, I hope TLS made that decision!
14:08 your "father hat"??? Oh my gosh shut the fuck up right there don't even continue
14:16 oh yeah real fuckin cute put on your "steward of this institution hat" and call that a good reason to be a shit person
14:43 "No." GOOD FOR HIMMMM GOOD JOB SQ
15:03 Kate's struggling right by the shore where a certain someone would be returning after a very hard swim, it would be a great time for a meeting wouldn't you think
15:09 KATE THE GREAT
15:11 "THE TRAPESE GODDESS" I WILL REFER TO HER AS NOTHING ELSE
15:26 sorry but that green screen of her falling was kinda funny
15:28 soooooo is someone, a very certain someone, gonna catch her...??????
15:36 YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
15:43 IS THIS IT????@?@?!?
15:46 awww poor baby girl you can tell how tired she is
15:46 just putting this out there- they look so good in frame together
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15:46 the actor who plays Milligan is fucking huge in stature so I wasn't sure how that would go but it looks so good
16:00 THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER WITH HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I CANT DO THISSSSS
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16:20 "keep going." 😭😭😭😭😭
16:23 "you dont understand." Ohhhh I think he does
16:25 "I think I do." What did I tell you, he's got your back babygirl
16:45 I'm so glad she's talking this out, and with Milligan of all people
17:01 it makes so much sense for Kate to feel alone in that situation, and when Kate feels anything less than positive she goes and does something, whatever that something is.
17:05 "So.. I...." "fell off a cliff and nearly died." Thanks for putting things into perspective Milligan
17:05 Milligan is such a good dad stop
17:19 "most of the way" is an understatement LMFAO
17:29 I'm so glad we know the intimate details of Milligan's illustrious swimming abilities 😂 out of all the new things wfrom the show that one wasnt on my radar
17:52 leave it to Milligan to come up with an escape plan off of an island with no water vessel with four kids in tow
18:08 THEYRE SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭
18:08 lowkey I'm super surprised they didnt take this opportunity to have Milligan's arduous swim force his memories out and have the father daughter bonding time they deserve. I hope they give that moment ample time to flesh out.
18:13 BUCKET!!!
18:13 wait that shot is so artsy hold up lmfao
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18:13 this looks like someone's photography final hahahaha
18:26 THE TENDER MUSIC STOPPPP 😭😭😭
18:41 Sticky is still on that jumping to conclusions bs he got from Curtain
18:44 WETHERALL'S WIDGET 😭
19:31 "Kate... she's in danger..." NO SHIT SHERLOCK
19:36 "and it's all because of me." Not just because of you but love to see you taking responsibility
19:52 once again I am asking WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IN THE OPEN
20:26 "Kate. She has changed." "Not really. She's always been who she is." "Her clothes. She changed clothes." PFFFT HAHHAHA they really took a moment of self-reflection and made it so much better
20:55 AYYYYY KATE'S DEPENDENCY ARC CONTINUESSSSS
21:35 yikes yikes yikes
22:16 I love that Mr. Benedict got closure in telling Miss Perumal that her words stuck with him
22:40 the way she just knows Reynie took the position of leader 😭😭
22:54 SHE WROTE HIM A LETTERRR
23:02 "Would it be possible to get this to him?" Ma'am what part of undercover spy don't you get
23:54 it's still really weird that we are now in a position where Reynie is the one who is not trusted and Sticky is the one in Curtain's favor
24:13 and here we see Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues shining through
24:21 "the little things matter. Every minor detail, it all matters!" CALLBACK TO MR. BENEDICT TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THEY ALL MATTER
24:55 "I can tell with complete accuracy when a person is lying." first of all, no. second of all, I cannot wait for him to talk to Constance.
26:33 why is Mr. Benedict graphically explaining the children's potential trauma so funny to me
26:40 "you're catastrophizing." "Yes. I am. Quite severely. Thank you." WHY IS THIS FUNNY
26:58 MADGE!!!!
27:16 she's so prettyyyyy
27:33 GOOD JOB MADGE!!!!!
27:36 wait did she just take the LETTER??? she's delivering the LETTER?????
28:05 WHAT DOES "OKAY FINE" MEAN??? REYNIE??????
28:22 it's sad because it's true 🥺
28:24 "I miss my teacher from the orphanage" the best lies are the ones rooted in truth 🥺🥺🥺
28:48 roll credits
29:16 Reynie honey Orion's Belt isn't on the ceiling
29:29 the way he was so confident that he had it right 😑 Curtain Stop Being a Pretentious Fuck challenge
29:52 our babygirl is so smartttt
29:55 did Milligan plant his prints 😳 oh no OH NO
29:57 MARTINA???? WHATSUEJHDKD
29:57 is this the replacement for when they pin cheating on her????
30:03 THE KEY CARD!!!!
30:11 MADGEEEE
30:21 "one attacked me as a small child" honey you are a small child
30:24 "it did not win," she said, smiling menacingly
30:40 "so we dance again" WHY DID THE MUSIC REV UP WHEN SHE SAID THAT HAHAHAHA
31:01 ✨woodworking is a passion✨
31:58 "was it functional?" "Well I guess that depends on how you define functionality" RHONDA'S FACE IN THE BACKGROUND HAHAHAHA
32:10 OH HEY MARTINA
32:17 wait 🥺
32:22 that has to be SQ :)
32:28 hi sweet boy
32:34 please tell me they did that shot of the sandwich because Madge is about to take it
32:39 LMFAOOOOO
32:44 hi good girl!!! Enjoy your snackies
32:50 oh god oh no the LETTER
33:25 oh wow we're doing this NOW??
33:52 and here we see another example of Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues bubbling to the surface
34:10 hey what if you uhhh weren't such an asshole
34:33 that man's voice is buttery
34:52 REYNIE'S TRYING TO TELL SQ????
35:02 and they're talking about this right in front of the office door, WHY??
35:24 AND THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE DOOR, WHY????
35:55 he's letting him go 🥺🥺🥺🥺
36:14 why does that look like a body bag
36:17 oh my gosh it definitely is a body bag, hey Martina
36:25 yep, that's about what I expected
36:36 "whoever did this to me, they're gonna pay" oh girl do I have some bad news for you
37:12 ahhhh, so Martina is the burnt out gifted kid who keeps going out of spite and sheer force of will
37:12 everything makes much more sense now
37:30 ohhhhh my gosh feelings time
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37:44 "I think it's awesome." "Yeah. I know you do." THE SHIPPERS ARE THRIVING
37:54 THEY REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS AS PAINFUL AS POSSIBLE HUH
38:10 "it's the least I can do" that's an understatement 😬
38:14 AAWWWWW SHKSHSLSBDK
38:20 "I don't know what I'd do without you, Wetherall" STOPPPPP
38:30 HEY BUD UH MAYBE CLOSE YOUR DOOR???
38:38 he's been writing letters to her every night and now he finally gets one back 😭😭
39:34 so Miss Perumal wrote this letter with the intention of it being sent to him, right- why did she write it like that?? 😂
39:34 they've gone to such lengths to communicate in code but the letter kind of undermines that- it was written in such a way that an onlooker would know Reynie was a spy but wouldn't know what he was doing or why. No wonder SQ was pissed
39:41 KATE!!
40:10 BREAKING NEWS: local bastard man treats everyone like shit
40:15 ohhhhh SQ bud please be careful
40:30 "always have time for my son," he said in a clipped voice that implied that he does not have time for his son
40:35 ohhh he's getting RIGHT INTO IT HUH
40:41 you mean to tell me he's never asked about Mr. Curtain's work?? Ever???? Somehow that doesn't seem right to me
40:57 hey uh what if you didn't talk down to SQ at every opportunity
41:02 "would you care to reconsider that answer, son?" "No." DIG THOSE HEELS IN SQ!!!!
41:22 I'm really not digging that Curtain is using the guise of openly expressing his feelings to communicate his anger and his unasked question. Not cool bitch head
41:33 the fact that he didn't answer SQ's spoken question kind of also answers his unspoken question
41:45 "I knew there was something off about that girl. But espionage?" "How do you so convincingly fake a tetherball obsession?" I love that this entire conversation could be about Martina or Kate interchangeably
42:34 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD
42:36 IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO FIND WITH BINOCULARS HOW HAD THEY NOT BEEN SPOTTED UP UNTIL THIS POINT?!!?#? HOW????
43:05 Kate advocating for Martina with the Society 🥺🥺 the interaction I didn't know I needed
43:58 "I definitely don't like to leave anything unfinished." "That's true, I've seen you eat." PFFFFT
44:05 YESS YOU GO STICKY USE YOUR ACCESS FOR PRIME INTEL
44:19 "well, you can't succeed without me, so..." baby girl you have no idea how right you are
44:28 please let that be Milligan PLEASE LET THAT BE MILLIGAN
44:32 YEAAAAAHHHHH
44:35 I simply adore him
44:45 "would you mind helping me down, please? I'm stuck." Your honor I would die for this man
44:54 oh shit, Martina's tryna sleuth it out herself.. this can't end well
45:04 is she about to find Kate's marbles or something?? Callback to the book?
45:26 the absolute MURDER in her eyes
45:31 FUCKIN YIKES
45:41 "the clothes of someone who had given up" ASEJDGEIDNDLFK
45:47 well that's not good
46:00 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD
46:04 PLEASE let them be on their way already, please
46:14 THEY MADE A BLIMP????
46:17 Goodyear is QUAKING
46:35 why the fuck is Number Two in red, that's upsetting on principle
THEYRE JUST ENDING IT THERE???? goddamnit!!!!
How surreal is it that next week is the finale?? Idk if I'm ready for that????
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fics-n-stuff · 3 years
Text
Secondhand Sofa
Pairing: Willie x Alex
Summary: Alex and Willie need to buy a sofa for their new apartment, domesticity insues. (Alive AU)
Word Count: 1097
A/N: There is nothing that actually connects them, so you don't have to read it, but I wrote this in the same universe as my previous Willex fic Really, Really. It's like a few years in the future from that.
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Alex felt like he was dreaming watching Willie dance around the kitchen, but he couldn’t be because he had just woken up not five minutes earlier. Therefore, it had to be real that he and his boyfriend had moved into an apartment together, and said boyfriend was currently the cutest thing on the planet while they made breakfast.
“Morning.” Alex said softly, a fond smile on his face. Willie spun around to look at him, a grin spreading across their lips at the sight of the sleepy blonde. “What are you making?”
“Pancakes.” Willie chirped, turning back to the pan. “How’d you sleep?”
Alex hadn’t expected to sleep well that night, it being their first night in the new apartment. Technically they had started moving in almost a week ago, but they had only gotten a bed yesterday and still didn’t have a sofa. But, to his surprise, he had gotten a full night of sound sleep and he was pretty sure it was because he’d had Willie sleeping beside him.
“Pretty good actually.” He answered, coming up behind his boyfriend to watch the pancake making process over their shoulder. Completely predictably, both the countertop and the stove were a mess. “I am not helping you clean this up.”
“I don’t expect you to.” Willie chuckled. They reached back to grab Alex’s arms and quickly wrapped them around their own body, smiling when he tightened his hold and rested his chin on their shoulder.
The two of them stood there silently while Willie finished making the last few pancakes, and then Alex grabbed some toppings and plates and they moved through to the living room. The area was sparse – they didn’t actually have any furniture to sit on – but they did have an old table that Ray had gifted them and a slightly ugly rug that Alex had stolen from his parents' attic. They had ordered a TV that should have arrived already but seemed to be delayed in it’s delivery.
“There’s a pretty good sofa at the second-hand store a couple blocks away, if we buy it before noon they’ll deliver same day.” Willie said as they sat down on the rug. “Before you ask, it’s not an ugly pattern and there are no mysterious stains.”
“That sounds pretty good. Is it yellow, orange or green?”
“No.”
“Can we afford it?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s go after breakfast.” Alex smiled, making Willie giggle and they leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “You have to clean the kitchen first.”
“Ugh, why’d you have to ruin it?” They sighed.
“Because you have a habit of making messes and I need to get into the habit of making you clean them up.” Alex answered. “If I don’t start enforcing the rules early then you’ll never listen to me.”
The two of them finished their breakfast, chatting and joking while they ate, and then Alex relented to washing the dishes while Willie cleaned the kitchen surfaces. He really struggled saying no to Willie.
The walk to the second-hand store wasn’t very long, and when they arrived Willie pointed out the sofa through the window before they went in. It was a plain grey, fabric three-seater without any stains, just as Willie had said.
“You know, I didn’t expect it to actually be so alright.” Alex teased, earning himself a light punch on the shoulder from his boyfriend.
“Come on, let’s go pay for it.” They smirked, pulling Alex into the store by their joined hands.
Not only did they get the sofa, but they also came away with a couple of blue tie dye beanbags; Willie’s eyes had lit up when they saw them and Alex didn’t have the heart to say no. The sofa was set to be delivered that afternoon but they carried the beanbags home on their backs, earning a few amused glances from the people that they passed.
“Now we’ll have space for guests!” Willie beamed, dropping their beanbag onto the living room floor. “See, perfect!”
“Yeah, perfect.” Alex smiled fondly, setting his down too. “Two steps closer to having a fully furnished apartment. We have about three hours until the sofa is delivered, what do you want to do?”
“Cookies, cupcakes or brownies?” Willie’s eyes shone so brightly with excitement that Alex almost didn’t think about the mess that they would make baking. “Please?”
“Willie, I love you, but I cannot deal with you constantly making messes in the kitchen; the kitchen that I also have to use.”
“Yeah, and that means you can make the mess with me.” Alex wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen Willie look so mischievous, which was saying something. He pursed his lips, trying so hard to resist giving in to his adorable boyfriend. But, alas, he was a weak man.
“Okay, fine, let’s make brownies.” He sighed, and Willie’s smile widened.
“I love you.” They cooed, grabbing Alex’s hand and dragging him through to the kitchen. He couldn’t help but feel that the words were some type of precursory apology for the mess that was about to be made.
+ + +
“I hate you.” Alex huffed, looking at the mess of flour and chocolate around him. “I love you, but I hate you.”
“You helped me make it so you gotta help me clean it.” Willie grinned teasingly. They had somehow managed to get brownie mix smeared across their cheek, and Alex couldn’t help but move his hand up to wipe it away.
“You tricked me. It was entrapment.”
“No, it was baking with your very pretty boyfriend.”
“The prettiest.” Alex smiled, placing a light kiss on the tip of Willie’s nose. Just then, his phone started ringing where he’d left it in the living room. “Start cleaning.”
“You got it, hotdog.” They chuckled, and Alex scoffed as he went to answer the phone.
The caller ID said it was Julie, but when he picked up he heard Luke talking to somebody else – probably Reggie - on the other end.
“What do you want?” He asked, in lieu of a greeting.
“Do you guys have furniture yet? We’re still waiting for a housewarming party.” Luke said, and Alex could just picture the smirk on his face.
“Who said we were gonna have a housewarming party?”
“Bro, Willie definitely wants to have a housewarming party.”
“And so do all of us!” Reggie called from the background.
“So, do you have furniture yet?” Luke questioned again. Alex let the silence drag out for a moment before he sighed loudly.
“Our sofa arrives in an hour and a half. We still don’t have a TV but if you wanna come then tonight works.” He answered flatly.
“Awsome!” Luke cheered. “See you tonight.”
“We’ll bring takeout!” Julie managed to yell before Alex hung up. He rolled his eyes, stuffing his phone into his pocket and going back to the kitchen.
“What time should we expect them?” Willie asked with an amused smile, wiping down the counter.
“I have no clue.” Alex shrugged. “But we don’t have to cook dinner.”
The two of them finished cleaning the kitchen while they waited for the brownies. It was so utterly domestic, and Alex couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face the entire time. Once the brownies were out of the oven they settled on the beanbags with Willie’s laptop to watch some Netflix while they waited for the sofa to be delivered.
The delivery guys were nice when they arrived, getting the sofa into the apartment and not complaining that the building’s elevator was broken and they had to carry it up five narrow flights of stairs. Now, finally, they had an almost fully functional living room. And to top it all off, the sofa not only looked good in the space but it was also comfortable.
“This place is really starting to feel like a home.” Alex said, taking a moment to stand back and take in the room.
“It’s always gonna feel like a home as long as we’re here together.” Willie replied sweetly, grabbing his hand and dragging him with them to sit on the sofa. “I definitely think we could use a few plants though.”
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Say such sentimental things and then immediately follow them up with a throwaway comment.” Alex explained. He'd never brought it up before but it was something that Willie had been doing a lot for quite a while, and it made Alex’s chest feel funny. He wasn’t particularly good at verbalising heartfelt sentiments – it had taken him a while to even get comfortable with saying “I love you" – but Willie didn’t seem to have a problem with it.
“Because I love you.” They shrugged in answer. “And I love you all the time, even during the most mundane moments. Sometimes I love you and it’s a really big deal and it’s a special moment, but sometimes I love you during super casual moments like getting our sofa delivered.” Alex just stared at them, his brain struggling to process what Willie had said beyond how fuzzy it made him feel.
“Okay.” He mumbled after an unnecessarily long pause, not knowing how else to respond. Willie giggled, adjusting the laptop on the table and hitting play before curling into Alex’s side.
“You could say it back.”
“Oh, I love you too.”
“I know.” They grinned.
They sat together on their freshly delivered sofa for hours, watching Netflix and chatting about random things. Their apartment was turning out to be actually quite cosy. They’d been sitting in silence for a while when all of a sudden Willie spoke up.
“You know what we need to buy?” They asked.
“A set of shelves for all of our miscellaneous stuff and more storage for our ridiculous collection of socks?” Alex suggested, practical as always.
“Well, yeah, but not what I was thinking.”
“Of course not.” Alex chuckled. “What were you thinking?”
“We need fluffy blankets.” Willie smiled excitedly. “And pillows to put on the couch.”
“Why?”
“So that, when our TV arrives, we can have movie nights on the couch and be all warm and comfy.”
“Hm, maybe that’s a good idea.” Alex smiled. He pushed a piece of hair away from their face and tucked it behind their ear, leaning in.
“Yeah, I think so.” Willie replied softly.
They were both smiling, faces only centimetres apart, when they were interrupted by very loud knocking at their door.
“FBI, open up!” They heard Flynn call from the other side. Alex groaned.
“Our idiots are here.” He said flatly. “What incredible timing.”
“We’ll have plenty of time another day. Go answer it, before we get complaints.” Willie replied as the knocking persisted. They pressed a very quick kiss to Alex’s lips before pushing him off of the sofa towards the door.
“Stop knocking, I’m coming!” He yelled, then lowered his voice to a bitter mutter, “I swear to God, this better not become a regular thing.” Willie laughed, and the sound warmed Alex’s heart.
He finally had his own space away from his parents and he shared it with the most perfect boyfriend he could have ever imagined having. He reveled in the feeling for a second before he opened the front door and his rowdy friends destroyed the quiet domestic moment. But that was okay, because this was his family and, although he acted like he was mad, Alex wouldn’t want it any other way.
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HSMTMTS 2x12: Don't say we'll have to let it go...
After a very stressful morning and several moments in which I was close to a full sanity slip completely unrelated to this, it is high time (heck, it's the highest of times, if you know what I mean) I got to the new HSMTMTS, the last one for a while.
I'm honestly scared, though. This morning I thought nothing could make me more nervous today than the whole ordeal I had to go through, but now that I'm here, I'm super scared and anxious. I don't even want to say it, but... what if this is... you know what I'm thinking. We're all thinking it. I just hope we're wrong in a good way.
I feel like I might die of anxiety, so I guess I'll just dive in. Whatever will be, will be.
Supportive Nini is best Nini. Honestly, I haven't liked her all season as much as I do now. The background, behind-the-scenes role seems to fit her a lot better than the lead. I hope to see more of her like this when (fingers crossed!!!) the show comes back.
Ashlyn, on the other hand, is a perfect lead. She was born for this, and it shows. It shows so much that everybody has finally noticed it. They took their time, didn't they?
Ugh, I hate, hate, hate this kind of moment that happens every time when someone has prepared a surprise for someone else — and we saw that twice this season — once with Carlos at his Quinceañero, and now with Ashlyn. I mean the moment before they find out about the surprise and they feel like they've been forgotten and it's all so sad... at least I know whatever my boy Reddy has planned for his girl will make up for that sort of feeling. I can't wait!
Ahhhhh @redlyncentral you called it! You called it big time! I can't say I wasn't expecting it to be something like this, though, because I trust your sixth sense more than I trust mine — and I trust mine a lot. Also, if anyone deserves to have their name in lights, it's Ashlyn. And remember when she told Big Red that, to make things light up, he just had to walk into a room? Or when he told her that the only thing he'd throw at her was a brighter spotlight? You know, I think that, just like airports are Portwell's thing, lights are Redlyn's thing. And that is so beautiful... I am legitimately crying.
Yikes... see, it's one thing when Nini calls Ricky 'Richard'. But it's another thing entirely when Kourtney calls Howie 'Howard'. Gosh, I hope they clear things up. If Howie has something to say (as in, some secret to come clean about, if you catch my drift), he'd better do it now. I was never too invested in Kowie, but it still hurts to see tension between them.
Ok, but... these two are too dorky for words! I mean, you're telling me Howie was acting that way just because of how nervous Kourtney's talent made him? Oh well, I feel like I can understand that, actually. She's a powerhouse. But also, everyone around here needs to learn a lesson or two from Redlyn. About communication, reciprocity, expression of feelings... it's no accident that they're the parents of the drama club. But this is not about them. Oh, who am I kidding? With me, everything is about them. Unless it's about Seblos or Portwell. Never mind. Moving on.
I am trying very hard not to have a visible or audible reaction because my brother is in the room and I'm supposed to be working, but... EJ had his dad put in a good word for Mr Mazzara at Caltech. And that is something that makes me feel feelings I can't very easily put into words. Also, what does that mean for Mr M's future at East High?
As clear as the imprint of Jamie's words is to see on EJ's face, I feel like he's not giving up on Portwell quite yet. 'Play it by ear' sounded quite promising to me, all things considered.
Not Ricky and Nini writing the same thing in slightly different words... again! I absolutely get why people ship them, at least on the surface level I do, but I really can't see them as a couple anymore. That is not to say, however, that I'm not rooting for them on their way to figuring out how to be 'just' friends. (See, I'm not a big fan of the expression 'just friends', as if it's something less than a romantic relationship, so...) They could be the best friends ever. If, and only if they learn to communicate properly. All kinds of relationships require good communication. I feel like I'm saying that a lot, but, you know, if it's true...
I can't look at Miss Jenn the same way after last week's episode. The Menkies have turned her, quite frankly, into a monster. She's too obsessed with beating Zacky Roy to notice how she's treating her students who have always been nothing but devoted to her and the play. Well, some of them anyway... I feel like it's time for Carlos to reconsider his opinion of her... and I know it must be painful, and the least thing I'd ever wish for him is pain, but... sometimes certain painful things are necessary. I just hope everyone comes out of this alright. I think I might not, though. I've been crying for a while already.
No... why is Gina crying? My girl needs a hug... Oh, here comes Nini. This seems like it's been a long time coming.
This was beautiful... only one character played by an actress named Olivia will be redeemed today. And it's the right one, if I do say so myself.
Alright, who called it? Gina connecting Nini with her brother about her music, I mean. I know for a fact someone here called it. If you happen to be that genius and you read this, please come forward in the notes to get the credit you deserve. This is... a little too perfect to be true, but I feel like it's the best way to connect and wrap up several storylines with one blow. And I love when that happens. Gosh, why does this feel like a series finale? Please tell me I'm wrong. I am not ready. I will never be ready. Ok, maybe one day I will be, but not anytime soon. Please tell me my feeling is deceiving me this time.
Oh, good, it's being addressed. The 'jump off of something high' comment, I mean. It would have been wrong not to address it. I kind of really liked the way they did it, too. Also, 'getting there' really is the most accurate answer to the question whether Ricky is happy. I feel like he's got a long way to go before he does get there, but he really is closer to that destination than he's been in a while. This boy deserves all the happiness. He's been through way too much. And I'm glad Miss Jenn is finally seeing her part in his struggles throughout the year.
Ahhh it's the song! I've been so excited for it all week, ever since that teaser leaked. But, once again: why does this feel like a finale? I want to curb my anxiety and watch this episode with a free mind, but the episode itself just isn't helping me. Ok, let's go back to the song for now. Whatever will be, will be.
No... EJ's verse... just no. Somebody tell that boy not to be so hung up on the words of somebody who doesn't even know who Gina is today. I've had 'the majestic S.S. Portwell' for a couple of weeks and I'm not ready for it not setting sail after it was almost out of the... port(well). Have I ever told you I make bad puns when I'm anxious?
Carlos doesn't even remember being on stage... that's too relatable to be overlooked. See, I used to perform on stage (I've decided to quit for good now and it makes me cry only slightly), and that has always been how I've felt about it. I feel like my favourites are who they are because I relate to each one of them to an extent — some are who I think I am, some are who I used to be, and some are who I wish I could become... and so much more on top. I'm being so emotional. I'm not ready to let these kids go. Please someone tell me I won't have to, at least not quite yet.
The Wildcats' reaction to... Capital-B-witch and Fake-French-Git-who-is-apparently-French-for-real (as I've taken to calling those two because calling them by their real names would mean showing them respect which they don't deserve) was exactly the same as mine. No one invited them there. They're not supposed to be there. Someone kick them out.
'Big Red... you were... also there!' Um, excuse you, he was not just 'there'! I mean, I know we didn't get to see him on stage (we've been robbed!!!), but I'm sure he was the most amazing LeFou to ever grace a theatre stage. That being said, we have been robbed! But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I want to see what Big Red's reaction will be. I've been fantasising about this moment for weeks now.
Ok... so I said a couple of weeks ago, in my post on 2x10, that Ricky has been given a chance to prove what kind of friend he is right then and there... and, well, this wasn't exactly how I envisioned it, but it was nice. I think that's the word for it. Nice. Ricky is just too nice to do what I kept seeing in my fantasy. And Big Red is doubly too nice to do it. But I... I surprise myself sometimes with how aggressive I can get in defence of other people. Maybe it's better this way than my way.
Did that capital-B-witch just say what I thought I heard her say? Because there's no way she just said that. Also, 'sometimes people deserve a second chance'... well, yeah. And sometimes they don't, you... well, I don't use words like that, but you guys can put two and two together, right?
'I'd trade it all for this group right here tonight'... me too, Eej, me too. I'm not even going to pretend I'm not crying because, guess what, I'm bloody bawling my eyes out! I kind of stopped for a moment when you-know-who and her second-in-command came in, but now I'm crying again. I am so not ready to let these kids go.
So... they're dropping out? Just like that? Well, that was anticlimactic! But hey, I absolutely get it. That's the Wildcat spirit, after all, isn't it? They did win already. They won something that some of North High's students can never understand. And that's more important than just about anything. [side note: I've got to say I appreciate the fact that my boy Reddy is now able to joke about his opening night predicament. See, that's another thing I relate to. I go through the craziest stuff, and then I laugh and tell stories to anyone who will listen. And I think that's the best approach to that kind of stuff. I just wish I could be less dramatic about the little things, too. It seems to me it's easier to laugh about the big, serious stuff once it's over, but not about some things that most people would deem unworthy of their attention. But hey, I'm working on that. Also, this post is not supposed to be about me. Moving on.]
Bless Ashlyn and the fact that she's good at communication. Even if she's a little late. She's not too late yet. Portwell might still be saved.
No, Ricky, you so did not just call you-know-who! I will not stand for any of that. Unless it's to shut her off once and for all, in which case I say go for it and go full steam. But why do I get the feeling it's not going to be like that? Ok, never mind, let's set that one aside and focus on Portwell for a second.
Ok, that was... that was going to be so beautiful, and then they cut it off. Is Portwell about to be Redlyn 2.0? Oh well, if it really is, that isn't going to be so bad after all. But now all I can think about is... when are we getting the renewal? How am I supposed to sleep at night until we know for sure?
Not them making me cry with a BTS montage... as if I wasn't crying hard enough already. I'm not alone in the house, you guys! In fact, we're having a bunch of guests from overseas in... wait, I think they're at the door. I'm not ready for people! Not now. Pray for me, you guys! (In all seriousness, though, don’t pray for me. Pray for a season 3 announcement to come soon)
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ladywaynebr · 3 years
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Love at Chance - CH 02
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Chapter 02: Jump and Pumps!
Word Count: 1.6 k
Warnings: None yet, just someone coming out from under the stone.
Summary: Dog, a gift and a super attentive mother.
Author’s Note: This is my first story in English, you will certainly notice. I hope you like it and forgive any mistakes.
Chapter 01 Link
NOTE: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION.
Thank you for reading! Whoever wants to be marked in the chapters leave a request in the comments. If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. THANK YOU!  
My day at the office was terrible, my share of arrogant clients is reaching its limit. I just don't throw it all away because the bills don't pay themselves and I like the little luxuries that my salary provides. One of them is the wine I'm drinking. Delicious, full-bodied, with a slight oak aroma. If this wine were a man, I would literally be on my knees for him. After all, the ideal would be a good wine and a hot night with some hot guy. But the resolution I made on my last birthday, prevents me from going to a bar and meeting someone. My new self doesn't spend time with imbeciles. I was tired of booty calls and all those fuck boys. I want someone to stay, someone I can trust.
I was dozing on the couch when I heard the barking from the apartment next door. I ended up discovering that the condominium allows animals, I went to make a complaint with the administration, I left there, embarrassed. The new neighbor and the dog, have been here for almost a month. They spent a few weeks away, and returned a few days ago. He still hasn't fixed my door.
I slept too much, it was certainly the wine. Late for work I left without having breakfast and finishing my makeup in the elevator mirror. They are renovating the parking lot of the building, we residents have to leave our cars near the leisure yard. Last night it rained, which makes the floor slippery and the enemy of high heels. I was walking slowly despite the rush. My cell phone started ringing like crazy in my purse, my boss must be furious with my delay. I answered without looking at who it was.
- Sorry, I'm on my way!
- What?
- Mom, I thought I was someone else. I'm late for work, I can't talk now.
- I just want to confirm our dinner today, I will cook for you. - She increased her tone of voice, my mother thinks that speaking out loud is more agile.
- Yes, but I don't have much in the fridge. - I'm basically living on frozen food.
- Don't worry, I'll stop by the grocery store. - Said the loud voice.
- Okay, see you later!
Hanging up, I stopped for a few moments to put my phone in my  purse.
- Dodger, no! - The male voice roared.
The pile of hair leapt over me again, with its paws against my belly.
- Jesus! - I screamed.
The dog's paws are wet and dirty with sand from the yard. That combination created an abstract art on my silk blouse. I felt my face tremble with rage, the animal stopped in front of me with his tongue hanging out and the tail swaying.
- Please, forgive me! - His owner approached, wearing a blue sweater and Patriots cap. - I don't know what happened to him, Dodger is not to go around jumping on people.
- I find it hard to believe. This is the second time he attacks me, use a collar or something. - The damage to my shirt was great.
-He's wearing it, but when he saw you, he let go of my hands and ran towards you. - The man is also confused. - I don't understand, he's not like that.
- Your dog must hate me. - I turned around, I need to change.
I heard his footsteps behind me. In an attempt to hurry and stay away from them, I stepped up.  
- Be careful, the floor is slippery and your heels are not the most suitable shoes. - He warned me gently.
It just made me more nervous.
- If you were able to control your dog, I wouldn't need to be running. I'm late for work. - I said annoyed.
- It was an accident, I already apologized. - He's still after me. - What is your size, I'll buy you another shirt.
We arrived at the entrance to the building, stopping and I looked at him.
- The same way you fix my door? - His cheeks were flushed. I confess I didn't expect that reaction, I found it a little charming.
- I forgot, I've been traveling for work and with so many things happening. I'm sorry again, I'll take care of everything. - His tone embarrassed.
He disarmed me, I don't like to embarrass people.
- Don't worry, just make sure Dodger stops jumping on me. - Hearing his name, the dog wagged its tail.
- I think he likes you. - He said with a smile.
I just nodded, shooting for the elevator. Impossible for that dog to like me, I barely know him.
When I got home I came across a new door installed and my mom in the kitchen.
- Good night mom.
- Hi darling. - She smiled while chopping carrots.
- Who installed the door?
- Some men, I was entering when they arrived. - She said. - What caused that hole?
- I'm not sure. - I lied, putting my bag on the counter. - The smell is great.
- It is your favorite, go take your bath soon it will be served.
- Right!
- I was forgetting, the mysterious gift is in your bed. - She smiled excitedly.
- What a gift?
- A delivery boy brought a beautiful Prada box. With a card!
Jesus, he kept his promise. I shot into the room.
After the shower, I picked up the box and the card, which I opened first. The message was handwritten.
“I hope I got the size right. This is an apology from Dodger and me.
C.E "
A kind and polite gesture on his part. I opened the box and got a surprise. He didn't buy me another blouse, which wasn't even a designer, but a beautiful flowered dress with a blue background. He got the size right, I'm not tall and I have my curves and volumes. What drove that man to do that, to buy me such an expensive apology gift.
- What did you win? - My mother curious as soon as I sat at the table.
- Something I will return. - I answered. - I can't accept it's inappropriate.
- Don't tell me it's your boss, that asshole is trying to get into your pants again. - She was annoyed.
- No mother. Daniel never approached me again after I threatened to tell his wife. - I regret telling her. My mother can't forget - The gift is from someone else, but because we don't know each other very well, I can't accept it.
- It does well, you are a Christian girl and should not be accepting gifts around. - She took my hand to pray.
She will spend the night here I don't like that she travels by car at night. While Mom chose a movie, I washed the dishes and made popcorn. I hope she doesn't choose anything biblical.
- Did you put butter?
I settled on the couch next to her.
- No, your cholesterol needs to be under control. - She made a face. - What is the movie?
- One with Captain American, he will rescue some people in danger. - She said picking up some popcorn.
A few minutes of the film passed and I was shocked.
- Jesus! It's him! - I screamed.
- He who?
- My neighbor. - I went back to the scene, pausing on his face. - He has long hair, but it's him.
- Chris Evans is your neighbor, how did you let that pass “y / n”?
So that's why he signed the card with the initials.
- I do not follow the world of Hollywood and celebrities. - He certainly realized that I didn't recognize him. - I thought I recognized him from somewhere, but I didn't associate with any of that. After all, what does a star living in this condo?
- I don't know about that, but it's proof that you need to stop working so hard. You are becoming isolated from the world, even the church ladies are able to recognize this man.
- What a small world. - I mumbled looking at the screen.
- Is he handsome like on TV? - She asked curiously. - For a white boy, of course.
If I say I didn't realize it is a lie.
- Yes, actually even more beautiful. - She laughed.
We went back to watching the movie, which took on another meaning for me.
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Text
The Girl Out of Time
Pairing: Bucky x Reader & Sam x Reader
Rating: Story will be overall MATURE but not every chapter. There will be strong language, talk of both mental and physical abuse, some good ole angst, and some eventual smut once the story reaches that point.
Chapter 9
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It didn't take long for me to get back to the apartment. The door was still open and Kate along with two others were standing in the hall. She stepped away from the men when she saw me.
"How is he?" She asked with clear concern.
I just shook my head then pushed past her. When I reached the open door to our apartment one of the men stepped in front of me.
"You can't go in there." He said sternly.
"I live here. I can do as I please." I said coldly.
The man just looked down at me with hard eyes. I huffed out a breath of frustration then grabbed the man around the waist. I picked him up with ease then sat him back down to the side out of my way. I walked inside the apartment quickly grabbing two backpacks. I stuffed some of Steve's clothes in one then I did the same with my clothes in the other bag. I threw them both over a shoulder then left. I ignored the two agents trying to talk to me as I left.
It was late morning now. The sun would be up shortly. I decided to take the leap and see if Sam was on a run this morning. We lived close to the area we usually ran. I stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I could see someone running in the distance. I stayed on the steps waiting for him to make his way back towards me. It was a good 20 minutes before he got close.
I picked up the bags I had throwing them back over my shoulder. I jogged down the stairs then stood in the middle of his running path. He noticed me immediately and started to slow down until he stood right in front of me.
"What do I owe this pleasure? Not looking for a race I hope." He smiled at me.
"No, I was just hoping I'd find you here." I said matter of factly.
The sun was coming up on the horizon painting the sky a light pink.
"Oh, so you were looking for me?" He asked raising a brow at me.
"Steve asked me to find you. Somethings going on or about to happen. All I know is he wanted me to grab some clothes then find you then wait on him to call." I explained quickly.
"Alright, you hungry?" He asked as we both started walking.
"Starving actually" I chuckled lightly.
We walked back to his apartment which wasn't far. He unlocked the door then gestured for me to go in first. Once inside I took in my surrounds. It was a nice place. Well decorated and very clean. There was subtle hints of his military background. I was able to spot them due to living with Steve. He did the same things.
Sam was in front of me suddenly. He was smiling ear to ear. He leaned closer to me. My breath caught in my chest. My heart started pumping faster. His grin turned into a smirk as he grabbed the bags from my hands. He winked then walked away down the hallway to my right.
He was back in the room a few seconds later. I followed him into the kitchen as he started grabbing a few things.
"Water?" He asked holding a bottle in his hand.
I nodded. He tossed the bottle to me then grabbed another for himself.
"I put your bags in the bedroom. You can crash in there. I'll take the couch." Sam said as he worked.
"What? No! I'm not taking your bed Sam. The couch is totally fine." I told him waving my hands dismissively.
He chuckled and glanced up at me.
"I know I don't look like it but I am a gentleman. No way in hell I'm gonna let a pretty lady such as yourself crash on the couch." He explained while smiling down at the food he was cooking.
"How chivalrous" I chuckled.
Sam had me pull two plates out from his cabinet and set them on the counter. He made us both a plate then sat at the small table in the corner.
"Thank you for the food." I told him.
"Anytime gorgeous" he winked at me.
We were silent for a few minutes as we both ate.
"So how do you know Captain America?" He asked leaning back in his seat.
"We grew up together." I stated simply.
"Wait, you're from the 1940s?" He asked in surprise.
"I told you when we met I was in the same situation as Steve." I chuckled lightly.
"That's not what I thought you meant." He shook his head.
"Yea, I was born in 1920. I lived in Brooklyn where I met Steve when we were kids. We were inseparable after that." I informed him
"Wow, so that makes you what? 94 years old?" He asked with a humorous grin.
"Hasn't anyone ever told you not to mention a lady's age?" I asked smirking at him.
"Can I at least say you look incredibly stunning for your age." He smiled.
I couldn't help but laugh. His energy was very infectious.
"So what happened to you?" He asked leaning on the table.
"Not sure really. Last thing I remember is walking home from my volunteer shift in May of 1946. I was kidnapped by someone. Then I woke up here in 2013. It's hard to believe I've already been here for almost a year."
"Why would someone want to kidnap you?" Sam asked.
"Not sure. Still trying to figure that one out. They also altered my memories and froze my in a mountain in the Swiss Alps. There's a lot of questions I have but no answers."
"They altered your memories?" He asked looking very intrigued.
I nodded.
"How?"
"Don't know. My sister and Steve have both told me about a man I was friends with along with Steve. I apparently had feelings for him. There's even photos of us together but I have no memory of him. I only know his name because of Gracie and Steve." I explained.
"This must be really hard for you." He said simply.
"Not really. I've come to feel more comfortable in this time than I was back then. There were so many rules and so much expected of women. They had to find a good husband to take care of them. They had to take care of the house, have kids and raise them, and cook and clean. I never saw that kind of life for myself. I wanted to support myself. I never wanted to depend on a man. Now, I can literally do whatever I want. Nothing is expected of me."
Sam just stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time. His face broke out into a wide grin then he chuckled. Sam took the plates and laid them in the sink. We moved from the table to the couch.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked turning to look at him.
"Of course" he answered turning to face me.
"You keep calling me pretty lady. Is that because you actually think that or you're just being nice?" I asked trying to hide the blush creeping up my face.
He chuckled lightly.
"I think you're gorgeous. You're very interesting. Normally I don't go for woman with such a large age gap between us but I think I can look past it this once." He grinned at me.
I laughed playfully slapping his arm.
"I'm a science experiment. You know I'm just like Steve right?" I asked him.
"Super soldier?" He asked raising a brow.
I nodded. He scooted closer to me. His leg was brushing against mine. Just that small amount of contact had my heart racing. What is it about him that keeps making me so nervous?
"I'll just lay this out there. I'm only slightly intimidated by the fact you can easily bench press me without breaking a sweat but there's just something about you. You're beautiful and a total mystery it seems. I would love to be given the chance to figure you out." His smile was warm and charming.
"And what would happen if you figured the mystery of me out?" I asked while trying to keep my heart from jumping out of my body.
"I honestly don't think I ever could solve it completely. You seem the type that would always be full of surprises and always keep me on my toes." He chuckled softly.
"Would you like to go grab some coffee or something?" I asked hesitantly.
I hope he would catch on to what I was trying to ask. I've never done this before.
"Willow Roffe, are you asking me on a date?" He questioned narrowing his eyes while trying to hide his smirk.
"Yes" I said quietly.
His smile grew as he chuckled. My stomach was turning into a mess making my want to throw up the breakfast I had just ate.
"I would love to." He finally said.
I was suddenly overcome with a happiness I had never felt before. I was suddenly excited and nervous and very aware of how close he was to me. He stood up and reached his hand out to me. I grabbed his hand letting him pull me to my feet.
"Why don't we go for a walk?" He asked still holding my hand.
I nodded unsure if I could actually form words in that moment. He smiled and pulled me out of his apartment. Once we were outside he didn't let go of my hand instead he tangled his fingers around mine and squeezed lightly.
I was a smiling like a fool as we walked around the city just chatting and getting to know each other better. I had to remember to thank Steve later for sending me to find Sam. After a while of walking we stopped in a park and sat on one of the benches under a tree.
"So, there's something you should know." I said quietly.
"What?" He asked looking down at me.
"I've never done anything like this before." I confessed.
"You've never been on a date?" He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Never. I was always with Steve getting into some kind of trouble. I never took the time to be interested in anyone. Unless you want to count the man I don't remember." I chuckled.
"Nah, we won't count him." Sam laughed.
Sam placed his fingers under my chin. He moved my head for me to lock my eyes with his.
"So, if you've never been on a date before does that mean you've never kissed anyone?" He asked glancing down to my lips.
"I don't recall ever kissing someone." I said quietly.
He smiled making my heart leap into my throat. He leaned close as he watched me carefully. It felt like he was taking an eternity that I didn't want to wait on. I reached up to him closing the distance between us. My lips pressed against his and my body came alive. It was like everything was brand new. Every nerve I had was at attention and screaming for joy under my skin. Sam pulled back leaving his forehead against mine. I felt breathless.
"How was your first kiss?" He asked softly as he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.
I didn't answer him. I couldn't. There was no words I could use to describe how I felt. Instead, I grabbed his face and pulled him back to me. The kiss was harder this time as I seemed to gain a confidence I'd never felt before. Sam was the one to pull away again.
"Why don't we head back to my apartment. I could use some lunch." He smiled down at me.
I nodded standing to follow him.
---
Masterlist
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deadmomjokes · 5 years
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I need "Mom" advice...I get married in a couple months and honestly I'm nervous about sex. My actual mom never talked to me about it...was taboo. I barely learned about my period, except some friends explained and helped me through it. I'm afraid I won't make my husband happy or it will hurt. I've heard varying stories of friends' first times, and I don't want things to be awkward. I don't even know how to bring it up with my fiancé.
Thank you SO much forfeeling comfortable coming to me! I’ll try to give a basic “sex ed” lessonhere, and if you’re worried about specific things, please feel free to comeback and ask more, or PM me, or send me an ask off anon to ask about email if you’drather do it that way. Whatever’s going to be most helpful for you. I hope Ican address the concerns you listed, and possibly some that might be underlyingin general (most people have a lot of nebulous nervous feelings surroundingphysical intimacy that can be hard to put to words).
(For those uninterested or uncomfortable, a verybig TW for talking about sexual activity in a scientific sort of way, buttechnical terms and (respectful) descriptions may abound.) LOOOOOOOOONG post ahead, but hopefully comprehensive, respectful, and useful.
First Things First I Guess
Firstly, please know it’s super normal to benervous about sex. Almost everyone is, especially in family or social culturesthat don’t normalize talking about sex. We also do a crappy job in general offormal education about sex and sexuality, so too many people (especially women)aren’t given any background. If both of you are virgins, or new to sexualactivity in general, I bet he’s actually nervous too.
Second, bringing it up is going to be hard, butSO important. It might be worth sitting down and simply saying “I haveno idea how to bring this up, but here it is: I’m worried about sex.” The basis for any good sex life is communication and respect. Ifhe’s not nervous but you are, he has to respect that and be understanding ofthe time you may need to adjust. My guess is he has concerns as well, and beingable to talk about it together will bring a huge measure of relief to both ofyou. Another idea to bring it up would be to write an email or text saying thatyou’re not sure how to bring it up, but want to make sure both of you arecomfortable talking about it, so is there a time y’all could talk about it.Idk, that might be a bit formal for how you guys usually do things, but I knowsome people think better in written form. But being able to talk about your concerns, and having a shared general expectation of how things will go the first time is going to be helpful in making sure you’re not terrified of your honeymoon.
Third, and this is the big one: Almost no one’sfirst sexual encounter goes how they think it will, and that’s almost all because of unrealistic expectations. Sex is a weird concept, bodies areweird, and our cultural and social idea of sex is HIGHLY romanticizedand “sterilized” as it were. We have this Hollywood idea of what sex lookslike and is, and real sex has never been that way. It may end up being awkward physically (more later on that), but that’s okay, because that’s often just how things are, and sexual experiences tend to get better with time. Our culture has normalized the idea of “perfect sex” and promotes this big romantic “first time” narrative, but it almost never works out that way. Not to say it won’t or can’t be fun for you, just know it won’t be all fireworks and amazement right off the bat, because there’s a lot to coordinate between two people and four limbs and blankets and stuff.
Sex might be physically strange or a bit uncomfortable especially the firsttime, but if done properly it doesn’t have to hurt. By done properly, I meangiving both parties enough time to adjust, warm up, and become comfortablewith the situation. First intercourse with any partner, but especially yourfirst EVER partner should be about exploring and admiring each others’ bodies,without pressure to actually engage in classical intercourse (meaningpenetrative intercourse) if you don’t feel up to it. Being very nervous can prevent your body fromadapting in the way it needs to in order to be comfortable and pain-free duringintercourse.
The body has a complex system of reactions thatgear it up for intercourse, but here’s the basics.
How Sex Works Physically
What most people refer to as “foreplay” isgenerally not an optional thing for comfortable sex; smooching, cuddling, and a feeling of closeness are basically necessary to trigger thechemical reactions that start the physical adaptations for sex. Going from 0 (hey how’s it going) to60 (penetrative sex) instantly is going to be uncomfortable at best, but will likely hurtespecially in the beginning. Plus you won’t get anything out of it, and committed-partner sexshould be about emotional closeness as much as it is about physical sensationfor BOTH partners. So spending time cuddling and kissing is an important partof “actual sex.” The chemicals that are released during this time trigger yourbody to send increased bloodflow to the sexual organs, starting the sexual response cycle. (NOTE: Some people can begin the sexual response cycle by thinking about sex, reading or viewing erotic material, or “talking dirty,” so if y’all are really worked up and into it, much “traditional” foreplay like making out may not be necessary. This is usually what’s going on with what people refer to as a “quickie,” both parties are already physically prepared for sex because they’ve been thinking about it and that triggered the sexual response to begin.)
In female/afab bodies, the increased bloodflowresults in swelling of the labia (external parts) and a feeling of fullness,which increases physical sensation (perception of touch), which in turn triggersthe production of lubrication (some people refer to this as getting orbeing “wet” if you’ve heard that term thrown around. And don’t worry, it’s not like a ton of liquid, it won’t be like peeing everywhere or anything, it just makes sure things can move around easily, like an oil coating in a pan.) It also triggers thevagina (the internal parts) to expand, and the vaginal opening to relax and expand. Thesethree processes (lubrication, internal expansion, and external relaxation) are important in making sure sex doesn’t hurt. Like I said,with first intercourse, it may still be a bit uncomfortable because it’s a new sensation and your brain may still be on “no sex, sex is off-limits” mode, evensubconsciously. But if you experience pain–sharp or burning or stinging or stabbing pain, not just pressure (which is normal)– that’s not good, and you should back off and try again later after moresmoochy times or even a good night’s sleep.
Male/amab bodies are somewhat easier to understandbecause much of their adaptation happens externally, and also it’s much moresocially discussed. The penis has a complicated system of tissues that trapthe increased bloodflow coming in, resulting in the enlargement and hardeningof the penis (this is called “erection,” or sometimes informally “getting hard”). It also triggers a production of lubrication, but this is muchless than is produced by the vagina. The male lubrication comes from theopening in the penis, which is called the urethra. (Yes, it is technically thesame tube and opening where urine comes from, but the body totally shuts offthe valve at the bladder for intercourse, so there is no risk of cross-contamination.)During this time, the testicles (most often called the balls, of course) arepreparing semen, which contains sperm and is a thick, viscous liquid. (Theprostate also helps in producing this liquid.) During male orgasm, the semen isexpelled from the same urethral opening mentioned above.
To define, orgasm is the point at which the bodypeaks in pleasure, and is generally the result of repeated physical stimulationto erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are the parts of the body that producesexual pleasure when stimulated. (For many people, this includes not only thegenitals, but the nipples as well.) Male orgasm is easy to identify because itis almost always accompanied by ejaculation (expulsion of the semen), butfemales also orgasm. During female orgasm, the muscles of the vagina anduterus repeatedly contract, which can’t be seen of course(leading folks in the past to believe women couldn’t orgasm).
So, a quick recap: you get all smoochy, then you get all handsy, then clothes come off somewhere in the smoochy and touchy phases, and then if youwant comes penetrative sex. This is the part most people are scared of, and hasthe potential to cause pain if you’re not ready mentally or physically (as inyour sexual response hasn’t yet kicked in all over your body).
I know this is kind of squirmy to say, but itmay actually take several tries (sometimes over several days) toactually “succeed” at penetrative sex, meaning that the penis can enterthe vagina without pain to the vagina-owner. It could also be difficult to findexactly where to put the penis, because generally penis-owners don’t know muchabout what they’re looking for (especially if you’re both virgins), andvagina-owners can’t see what’s going on. So keeping a sense of humor and a lineof communication is super important. Sex is WEIRD. It’s just weird and bizarrewhen you start thinking about it (at least to me, on the asexual spectrum), andacknowledging that and realizing that it won’t be some glamorous tangle oflimbs set to romantic music like on the TV is going to go a long way toward making your experience somuch more positive, and much less awkward.
Mentioned Worries
Re:not wanting it to be awkward. Luckily, it won’t have to be emotionally awkward or embarrassing if y’all go into it with the same expectations, and those expectations are realistic. There’s physical awkwardness, like how a box that’s not heavy but is weirdly shaped is “awkward,” and that’s going to happen no matter what because you’ve never had experience with how to do this sex thing, and you’re not sure where to put your limbs or how to move around another person. But what can be avoided is FEELING awkward, emotional awkwardness, and that’s done through having realistic expectations of what sex is and how it works, and of knowing that both of you are on the same page with this, and are interested in making it work for both of you.
You also mentioned being worried you won’t make your husband happy–I want you to knowboth that this is fine and a good desire (to make him happy), but that it’s not your responsibility to sexually please your husband, and sex is something for BOTH of you. It’s not all on you, it literally takes two to make itwork. Sex isn’t all about him; if it’s something you want to share in yourrelationship, it should be something you want to make work for you, as well as for him. So he has as much responsibility to you as you do to him, to be respectful of your boundaries especially as youfirst get introduced to sex, and to “take care of you” as much as you dofor him. Sex with a new partner is going to take trial and error indiscovering what you both like and dislike, and it’s okay and necessary to be vocal andsay “Please don’t do that” if you need to. I know that you WANT to make him happy, and that’s excellent, because hopefully he wants to do that for you, too! Just know that if sex is kind of weird at first, or y’all can’t quite figure out what’s up on night one, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a partner, that you let him down, or that you won’t be able to satisfy each other in the future (even the near future). Adjust expectations so that your first experience isn’t about having the most amazing sex you’ll ever have (more on that in a bit), but about discovering this new facet of your relationship together.
You also mentioned you were afraid of ithurting, and this is the most common fear about sex. You probably heard or readstuff about “breaking the hymen” or “tearing” or something like that.While some girls will have small tears in the hymen (the flap of skin thatsometimes partially covers the vaginal opening), a lot of girls won’t, and thisskin stretches as the physical sexual response (sometimes calledsimply “arousal”) progresses. It’s also less likely to tearor “break” during sex if you’ve used tampons before, because tampons sometimesactually rupture the hymen just by their nature. (This isn’t to say you shouldstart using tampons if you’re not comfortable, of course.) If the hymen doesrupture, you might experience a bit of bleeding, but it’s nothing a pad can’thandle (much MUCH less than a period, more like getting a small cut on yourarm). Sometimes you won’t notice a rupture til after sex if you’re really intoit, but you might also feel it or feel it about to start. If that happens and it hurts, bevocal and tell your partner to stop. You don’t have to hurt during sex, youdon’t owe that to anyone. In fact, you owe it to yourself to NOT endure painjust for someone else’s pleasure. So it might be worth talking to your fiancebeforehand and having a stop-word, which can literally just be “Stop.” Butboth of you should understand going into this that either one of you has the right tosay “no more” at any point.
It may also be worth considering getting somelubricant (”lube”) if you’re really worried about pain, because most pain comesfrom insufficient biological lubrication or insufficient stretching of thevaginal opening, and lube can help with both. Many people find it super fun toapply to each other, apparently, and it can certainly be useful when you’rejust starting out and both new to this idea. (also, if using a condom, lube is important because sometimes the material can irritate the sensitive skin of the vagina and labia) But the most important things youtwo can do for each other as you embark on this adventure together are to bewilling to voice your opinions and feelings, and also to take time to get toknow each others’ bodies and preferences. That’s more or less part of what the honeymoon is for.
Also, make sure you go to the gynecologistbefore you get married. It’s might be awkward or feel a bit embarrassing, but super important in making sureyou’re healthy for sex (just know that gyns do this for a living and have literally seen it all, so your body won’t be a big deal, and they aren’t judging you). And if you happen to have a problem like vaginismus(painful spasms or contractions of the vaginal opening that prevent anythingfrom entering, including tampons or medical equipment) or an obstructive hymen,the Gyn can tell you and help you with that. You can also ask them questions you have about sex, and some Gyns have tools you can use at home to “stretch” the vaginal opening (it’s not generally necessary and is more for psychological assistance than huge physical benefit, but some people who are truly small might actually need a bit of help there, so it’s up to you). You will also probably want birthcontrol, or to discuss options about birth control unless y’all are planning ona baby right away. (Also he should go to the doc and get a checkup, too, justto be safe, and if he’s ever had other sexual partners at any time in the past, he should get checkedfor STDs.)
The Big Important Thing to Remember
Please know:Wedding night sex isn’t going to be the best sex you’ll ever have ever. Cultures inwhich waiting is the expectation or norm (Christianity is the big one for this)tend to promote this idea that your wedding night will be a big amazing reward for waiting, and isgoing to be the most important and pleasurable sex you’ll ever have in your whole entire life and if it isn’t, you’ve done something wrong. It creates a huge amount of pressure surrounding what can already be an emotionally laden experience. But studies on sexual satisfactionshow that couples who have been together for years have the greatest levels ofsatisfaction. So please don’t go into it expecting that your first intercourseis going to make it or break it. It’s more than likely going to be a bit weird even though it will hopefully also be fun and pleasurable, but you’ll have better sex as time goes on and you get to know eachother and figure out what the heck you’re doing. 
Think of it this way: say you LOVE music, and have always wanted to play a piano. You’ve never gotten to be around a real piano before, but playing the piano is a lifelong dream. Are you going to expect yourself to be able to play Mozart the first time you walk into a room with a piano? No! That doesn’t mean that the experience of sitting down at a piano for the first time won’t be euphoric and a fulfillment of a dream, but you can’t go into it thinking or expecting that you’ll be a master the first time you touch the keys. Look at little kids meeting a piano– they just smash around on the keys and it sounds awful to US as adults who know what it “should sound like” and who might even know how to read music and play a bit, but that kid is having the time of their life experiencing the magic of music and of playing the piano. First having sex is like that. It probably won’t be perfect, and you may look back on it years down the road and kind of go “wow we were goofy and weird,” but it can still be fun as long as you aren’t expecting perfection going in. So no, your wedding night isn’t going to be The Objectively Best Sex Ever, and you probably won’t be quite sure what you’re doing and might even be kind of bad at it, but that doesn’t mean it won’t also be nice and wonderful. You’re not doing something wrong if you aren’t over the moon with your first experience; it just means you have something even better to look forward to figuring out and experiencing together! Especially if both of you are virgins, you may have a bit of a time figuring out how things work, but that’s not a sign of failure. 
Plus, when you’ve been culturally surrounded by a narrative of taboo, it can feel mentally scary to suddenly engage in something that used to be off-limits in the biggest of ways. That’s why talking about it frankly is important (and why I have no problem with discussing sex in educational terms!), and why it’s important to discuss with your partner throughout y’all’s sexual life together.
Sex is messy, there’s fluids everywhere, people get sweaty, bodies are weird, and our brains are weird. But I hope knowing all this can help you feel a bit more prepared, and a bit more comfortable. I know this was long and a ton of info, but I’m super passionate about making sure people are educated thoroughly about this stuff, because I never knew any of it growing up. Our school lied to the state about sex-ed; we were supposed to have it, and they didn’t, but said they did. I never got the sex talk because I wasn’t interested in guys OR girls (I was ace and had no clue, another place education failed all of us), so my mom never told me anything about it. I learned a lot in college through classes and through academic research, and then more when I switched to health as a major (and became enraged that we don’t talk about this stuff!!). 
So I hope that despite being long-winded, it can be a useful reference, and hopefully put some worries to rest or at least take it down a notch. And do let me know if you have further questions, or if this was totally off the mark for what you were looking for!
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What are some TV shows that you highly recommend? (I love The Monkees, but they don't have to be similar to it) Thanks!
Hhhoooo boyyyyyy. Ok I’m going in completely blind here so I will take the shotgun approach. (Bless you anon, I love recommending things.) 
Classic comedies -
The Dick Van Dyke Show: an absolute comedy classic, and Rose Marie and Mary Tyler Moore are main characters! Is great! Can get a little sexist at times but honestly not as bad as it could have been. It’s in black and white and, as a product of the time, Van Dyke will frequently kiss his young son on the mouth in greeting. It is NOT sexual AT ALL but if that makes you uncomfortable, be warned.
I Love Lucy: duh. I mean do I even have to describe this one? Watch it, it’s great!
The Carol Burnett Show: another very funny lady. Their sketch parody of “Gone With The Wind” had me laughing so hard I was not physically producing sound any more.
Get Smart: a spy comedy from the 60s, The Monkees reference it a few times. Has some ridiculously funny catchphrases.
Hogan’s Heroes: set in a WWII POW camp in Germany, is basically a funny version of the howling commandos from Captain America. Again, sexist as a product of their time, but funny none the less. One of the first major sitcoms to have a main black character, and has a lot of behind-the-scenes epicness. Obviously, because of the setting, the main antagonists are Nazis, but I feel it’s important to point out that they are made to look incompetent at ever turn. (A lot of the main/reoccurring cast are either Jewish or come from Jewish families, and the actor who plays LeBeau is actually a Holocaust survivor. Trust me when I say the Nazis never win.)
MASH: you probably see me post about this a lot here besides The Monkees, I love this show. It’s very long, 11 seasons, and transforms over the course of it’s run from a slapstick comedy to a short drama with witty jokes. It’s set in a mobile medical unit during the Korean War so it can get pretty bloody and does not shy away from gallows humor. Is sexist at the beginning but it gets better, same with period typical racism towards Asians. (The guy who plays BJ, a main character, was a guest on The Monkees and I LOST MY SHIT.)
Monty Python’s Flying Circus: a British sketch comedy show from the 70s. These are the same people who do “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” and “Life of Brian” so they are very funny. Unfortunately a lot of it was political satire at the time so it has the tendency to go completely over our heads now, but still great. Other British sketch comedies I love include A Bit of Fry and Laurie with Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie and Not The Nine O’Clock News that has Rowen Atkinson.
Classic dramas - 
Dragnet: I haven’t had a huge opportunity to watch a lot of this, but it’s an old police procedural that actually started as a radio drama. It’s a bit stiff, but it’s NOT as bad as Ben Casey so I’d give it a try.
Star Trek: classic 60s, you had to have seen this coming. Horrifically cheesy special effects, costumes, acting, and music, but man has it got heart. Please do also check out all of the other Star Treks.
Columbo: this is an epic police procedural that turns the typical formula on it’s head; the audience follows the murderer rather than the detective. Basically we watch the lead-up to the crime, usually the crime itself, and then we watch Detective Columbo come in and destroy the criminal piece by piece. It’s great and Peter Falk is a national treasure. Suffers from “black people don’t exists” 70s syndrome, but is basically about rich white people killing each other because they have too much time on their hands so like. Yeah.
More recent shows that are no longer running -
The West Wing: listen. This show is one of the only dramas to effectively work really good comedy writing into itself. It will also teach you about American politics and you won’t mind. I sat down to start this show thinking I would watch one episode to give it a try and then go to bed. I watched 3 in a row. Also Martin Sheen I mean come on.
Psych: very funny crime show about an adult child with daddy issues and his fiscally responsible best friend solving crimes by pretending to be psychic because the police wouldn’t believe he has hyperobservational skills. Has great character development and does not take itself seriously at all. Great show.
Leverage: do you like heists? Well this show does a heist an episode. Basically it’s a team of specialized criminals that work together to Robin Hood it up as they learn to love each other as family. What’s not to love.
Due South: again, I have had little opportunity to actually watch this, but it’s about a Canadian Mountie working with the Chicago PD. Hijinks ensue. Also apparently ghosts get involved later? Can’t wait.
Teen Wolf: ok so like. This is closer to brain candy than Really Great Writing but. The main cast is solid and it’s a fun supernatural drama. I did a rant post at one point about the super good background queer rep so you know. Also Dylan O’Brien.
Black Sails: a show combining fictional pirate characters from “Treasure Island” with real historical pirates while events that set up “Treasure Island” occur. It is extremely full on, expect nudity, violence, rape, flashbacks, and swearing. However it handles these issues well, and gets aggressively more queer as the show goes on. Also the ladies kick ass.
Scrubs: it didn’t age super well, and we don’t talk about the last season, but this is a very funny medical comedy that is sort of the inverse of The West Wing in terms of writing; this is a comedy that does dramatic writing really well. It’s in a hospital though so like, gross and sad things happen sometimes.
Shows that are currently airing -
Letterkenny: I post about this occasionally here, it’s a very funny Canadian comedy about a small rural town. The dialogue can be difficult to follow because it uses a lot of Canadian slang and is very quick fire, but it’s hilarious. Has the benefit of not only including Native characters, but actually casting Native actors in those roles. Has the most creative swearing I have ever witnessed and it is glorious to behold. Is getting progressively more queer. Also, while sexy fun times are talked about, thus far there is absolutely no PDA, not even kissing, on screen which, as an aroace, is nice.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: a cop comedy. Racially and sexually diverse, is still holding up after 5 seasons. Has the distinction of not going down hill after acting on romantic tension between main characters. Brilliantly satirical writing and will call absolutely anyone out.
BoJack Horseman: extremely dark Netflix animated comedy. It covers a lot of intense subjects like depression, substance abuse, emotional abuse, and self-loathing, but it explores them in a really well-written way. Has the distinction of making one of the main characters (Todd) realize he is ace over the course of the series, and it is the best damn ace rep I have ever seen. Suffers from a fanbase of dudebros who try to use the main character to excuse their actions, but literally called itself out for this in the latest season. Epic.
Archer: an animated comedy about a spy organization that is made up of people who cannot work together because they are awful and selfish. Is hysterically funny but quite raunchy and hints at larger issues, like alcoholism and emotional abuse. But again, dark comedy.
That’s all I’ve got anon, and if anyone has recommendations for me hmu!
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taikanyohou · 7 years
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I know this is gonna sound really irrational but I strongly dislike Henrik at this point. Which makes it incredibly hard for me to rewatch the last season. Idk what it is...he just seems really show-off-ish and quite vain and immature kinda. Yeah...I don't know what to think. But my opinion about him has changed drastically the past couple of weeks. Obvs this is just a feeling I have about him, seeing as I don't know him personally. But yeah.
HELLOOOOOO ANON!!!!
Urm, okay that’s .... each to their own opinion, I guess?
But, hear me out, I know I might not be able to change your opinion, and that’s not what I wanna do. You have your own opinion and judgement on things, and that’s cool! But, if I may, I’d like to put across my thoughts.
Here’s the thing. 
Henrik’s a 21 year old, normal, average guy. Just like everyone else is. He’s a guy that has a lot of friends, is in a happy relationship with his partner, that he and his partner both choose to be active and public regarding. He has a job and loves his family and loves spending time with the people he is close to, and sharing all these special moments on his social media. Those moments aren’t for us, they are for him, and his loved ones, to laugh and joke over and fondly remember. 
Henrik is not Even. Even is not Henrik.
At 21 (and I am saying this because I myself am 21, hence I know what being 21 feels like, in the now, in the present moment), you wanna live life. You wanna be active. You wanna have fun. You wanna go out often and make memories. You wanna post about it on your social media. You wanna do all those things. You wanna buy expensive shit. You wanna wear expensive shit. You wanna be a little reckless. You do have moments where you are vain. You mess up and you make mistakes. And then you learn. And you mess up again. And then you learn again. You wanna have fun! But then, you wanna also have days where you wanna lounge in comfy wear and chill out. You wanna have days where you go out with your family and/or loved ones and chill out.
He’s literally, living life, right now. He’s happy! He’s enjoying life so much right now, and he wants to share that. We must remember that his socials are not for us fans. They are for him and the people he is close to. We just happen to follow him because he portrays Even, a fictional character that we love. We therefore cannot push our perspective and our expectations and ideologies on Henrik, a real life human being, because he is his own person, with his own real life, filled with real people and real relationships.
And I feel, sometimes, people forget that distinction. And it’s super important that we remember this distinction. We are not allowed to have a say in what Henrik, or Tarjei or ANYONE from the cast does, because that’s not in our place to say. They can do whatever they please. We cannot idolise the cast as being these “absolutely perfect people” that meet all the criteria we have for them and that tick off every box on our checklist. We can’t do that to ANYONE, whether that’s in the Skam Cast or ... any other person in the world! That’s toxic. That’s a very unhealthy way of thinking. That becomes controlling. 
We each have our own lives, and everyone chooses to live life differently. Some people prefer a quiet lifestyle, a quiet presence. But some? They like being active, they enjoy social media, they enjoy connecting! Both choices are completely okay. We cannot be policing around people, celebrities or not, about what they should or shouldn’t do. 
We don’t know Henrik. His social media doesn’t tell us the full story about him, therefore, we have no right to judge. Your social media is just ONE aspect of your identity, and your identity? That is a culmination of so many different things and people and backgrounds and cultures and beliefs and values and influences that make up who you are. 
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