Food Poisoning and Toxic People

I had a lot of time this morning to reflect over my decisions made throughout the year. Granted, it was around 04:30 with stabbing cramps in my gut as I voided my bowels in the most violently disgusting way we humans can. The night before, I had eaten some venison...which in and of itself can be a lovely experience. It’s delicious, lean, and goes wonderfully with a mushroom leek gravy and some cranberry sauce. No. The problem laid in the fact that it was my friend’s first time cooking a deer that he’d hunted, so he didn’t know that you should never have wild game anything less than well-done for safety concerns. I knew that he was inexperienced, but accepted the plate of venison smothered in the aforementioned gravy. Ravenous as I was, I didn’t notice that the meat was a smidge on the...red...side for about half of my meal. My bad. At this point, I decided to sleuth around in the kitchen to see what I could find. Lo and behold, I found the leg joint that the meat had been carved from...VERY undercooked and rather red, with deep red juices nearly overflowing from the pan. This boy had fucked up. I had fucked up by not checking when I knew that he was new to this. At this point, I should have stopped eating entirely and had a chaser of Pepto Bismol to ease my passage...but no. No, I decided to be stubborn and finish cooking my portion in the microwave. A free lesson to everyone who may eventually read this: While you may cook the meat by doing this, if it’s been sitting out for a long while or if the food was contaminated during the preparation process to begin with prior to cooking, you will still have problems. This is because, while the heat will kill the bacteria, it will do nothing for the toxins the bacteria have already produced, which is what will make you feel ill. I mean, at least the bacteria are dead and are no longer around to make more toxins or wreak havoc on your intestinal flora, but the problem of the toxins still exists. But, yes, I decided to be stubbornly polite and finish my plate and “Of course I’ll have more, it’s delicious!”. So yes. Poor decisions made by past Cattywompus came to bite the then present Cattywompus in the ass...quite literally. This went on for hours. Plenty of time for self hatred and introspection. New Years Resolution: Don’t be so polite you find yourself shitting out half of your digestive tract at the asscrack of dawn. Sounds like a promising resolution. We’ll see how we do. 

So how does this factor in toxic people (see title)? Well, during my introspection upon the porcelain throne, I thought about a toxic friend who I think (hope) has finally gotten the hint that our relationship is over. It was a friendship I’d had for years. Nearly a decade now. Unfortunately, I’m a bit of a pushover and people pleaser (I’ve gotten better! Kind of!), so this relationship mostly consisted of a LOT of give and very little take. A non-exhaustive list includes: always rescheduling around their plans, making time several times a week for 3 hour phone calls (dialed that back quick once pharmacy school started), spending 7/8 of those phone calls just listening and the other 1/8 being picked apart for what I had to say, my opinions never really being taken into account, being picked apart about my appearance (clothes, weight, hair, teeth), always being the one giving rides, always being the one to pay when we went out, being unable to talk about differences in beliefs (they are very much a “my way or the highway” in ALL matters sort of person), etc. So, yeah. It wasn’t pleasant. I spent years weaning them off of me, as a dependence on my presence had formed. I had seen a small part of me in them and tried to help them figure shit out because it would have been great to have that at one point...but now I see that they allowed those aspects of themself to continue onward despite the many opportunities to grow and change. We may have had some similarities...but I had made the effort to learn and adapt and move past the bullshit (perhaps another story for another time, but probably not, lol, it’s a bit too heavy for an online forum). So I’ve let them go. And while the process has been painful and I feel a little guilty, it’s also quite freeing.

As I sat on the toilet this morning, experiencing something that no living being wants to experience, I was hit with a bit of clarity: Getting rid of a toxic person is like dealing with food poisoning. You feel really bad around this person and experience pain and distress. You know that you have to purge them from your life and you know it’s gonna suck ass (heh), but you know that you’ll feel sooooo much better once they’re gone. It’s gonna burn, it’s gonna stink, and it’s gonna be an overall shitty experience (snort)...but you’ll feel so much better once you rehydrate and move on. This time, you’ll be a little bit wiser to the kinds of people that you can’t stomach being around. And you’ll know to not eat fucking undercooked venison, goddamnit.