Duke: …So, is Two-Face like, B’s ex or something?
Steph: I think it’s more of a situationship? They still seem to have some feelings going on there.
Jason: Yeah right, and get accused of cheating on Selina? I think not. They’ve been dating for as long as I can remember.
Dick: That’s…strange, cause I’m pretty sure he and Clark are married. Big Blue gave him a ring and everything.
Damian: A Kryptonite ring. One that Father keeps in a lead lined safe with the rest of the alien’s bane. Besides, everyone knows Mother’s laid her claim to him already. Only a fool would interfere with such a union.
Cass: Talia and Bruce are about as divorced as two people can be.
Tim: No, you guys are all missing the point. If we want Bruce to have a partner, we need to pick the most profitable option for us. [ pulling up a PowerPoint ] Hear. Me. Out.
—-Later, At the Watchtower-—
Oliver: Bats, why are your kids inviting me over for dinner?
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The justice league goes for training without powers just to see how they’d cope in that situation.
Bruce and Oliver are so ready for this moment, and no one likes the way the two are teaming up.
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the difference between the bats and the arrows is that ollie has more than once snapped his kids out of brainwashing/depression/the morbs by standing there unarmed and telling them to shoot him whereas if bruce tried that with 90% of his kids they would assume it was a 5D chess manipulation tactic and either shoot him immediatly to call his bluff or have an all-out breakdown (or both)
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I think everyone who complains about the existence of queer people in comics should read this letter to the editor in a Green Arrow 1988 comic and shut the fuck up
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Peak Bruce Wayne behavior is making the front page of 5-10 different tabloids the night before for something insanely graphic and/or embarrassing and then immediately having to drop into a Watchtower shift with, you guessed it, a man whose literal job revolves around being aware of the news, a man who’s half computer and therefore half internet, a man he’s known since boarding school (and who was probably there last night), a mind reader, several people with enhanced senses who can tell how hungover he is, and his friend’s wife who’s a mental healthcare provider (and is silently judging his coping mechanisms during this meeting)
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Oliver: I knew you two couldn’t stay mad at each other.
Dick: Oh yeah. We’re closer than ever.
*Dick and Roy hold up their hands and they are both handcuffed together*
Bruce: You wanna tell me how this happened?
Roy: Well, Wally thought-
Bruce: Oh man, I wish that boy would stop doing that.
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Consider: Batman’s identity gets leaked to the press, enough that it’s a popular rumor but not enough for it to be confirmed, and the JL all pitch in to just. Gaslight the shit out of the media.
Superman: Uh, Bruce Wayne? Hasn’t Batman saved that guy a couple of times?
Wonder Woman: I’m unsure if we’re speaking of the same Bruce Wayne. The one who invited me to a gala three weeks ago and got so drunk he tripped into a chocolate fountain? This is the Bruce Wayne you believe to be the Bat?
Green Lantern: Doesn’t Bruce Wayne have like a million kids? And run a business? I don’t know about the rest of the League, but superhero-ing’s a full-time job for me.
Flash: (play dumb) Who’s Batman? (not that dumb-!)
Green Arrow: Why would I want to be on a team with a billionaire?
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Random things I like to hc :
(here's part 2)
- Constantine calling Batman "love" anytime.
"Good plan, love. Now, if I may add..."
- Diana constantly fighting the urge to add multiple times in the footnotes of her research papers : "*I know that because I was there."
- Clark feeling some type of way whenever anyone from the Batfam calls him Uncle Clark (he does tear up a little the first few times).
- Anytime, Booster would get cancelled for a tweet, he'd go back in time just far enough to prevent from tweeting it. He did that way too many times.
- Barry and Hal being that one best friend duo that are big on PDA. Most of the time during JL meetings, Hal's leg would be intertwined with Barry's.
- Given that the way they usually interact correlates with what he learned about married couples, J'onn assumed for the longest time that Bruce and Clark were spouses.
- Much like how Clark switches off his kansan accent when he's being Superman, Bruce switches off his "posh" accent when he's being Batman.
- On the contrary, Oliver always sounds filthy rich.
- Everytime someone mentions (any) Robin, Hal's mind still can't fathom that Batman's sidekick is a literal child.
- Dick is a bisexual flirt in and out of costume.
- Regular occurence : Batman enters the meeting room, sees Booster's stupid expression that's a clear sign he's going to share very stupid ideas, and Batman exits the room without a word. He doesn't come back for the rest of the meeting. After it happened more than once, some of the members get the clue and walk out as well.
- Superman can recite entire movies by heart. Not surprising in and of itself, but surprising that Bruce silently lets him do it over his shoulder when he's working in the batcave. Lets Clark unwind and gives Bruce background noise.
- After multiple complaints, Batman had to soundproof Dinah and Oliver's room in the watchtower.
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