MC: This is so frustrating! I hate this! I hate everyone!
Luke: *voice crack* Everyone?
MC: Oh, no. Not you. You're a delight to be around.
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Lucifer and MC in a relationship:
Lucifer: You're the love of my life and my closest companion. I would do anything for you.
MC: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Lucifer: Absolutely not.
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Obey Me Incorrect Quote #1
Lucifer (Dog Person):
Satan (Cat Person):
Me (Who has a Cat AND a Dog Fur-Baby):
Me: Hahaha… Ah shit 😃
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MC: this is a playlist that would fit Asmo
Solomon: I am scared
MC: actually it's a Britney Spears' playlist
Solomon: accurate
MC: I know my demon
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Simeon: Put. The. Knife. Down.
Barbatos: Why? I’m making apple pie.
Siemon: Yes, but you’ve made apple pie everyday for the last week.
(Credit to this post by @quick-otp-prompts)
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Nema (my mc) eating Solomon's cooking for the first time: This shit sUCKS HARDER THAN YOUR MOM SOLOMON-
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Lucifer: who the fuck took my demonus i just wanna talk
the brothers knowing that whoever did is fucking dead:
MC: it was me.
Lucifer: what.
MC: it was me.
Lucifer: why??? you literally can’t even get drunk off it????
MC: it tastes like capri sun and i miss it you whore
Lucifer: what the fuck is a capri sun
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Mc: Hey, dumb slut, get over here.
Mammon, sighing: Okay-
Asmo: I'm coming!
Mammon, confused: I thought... I was dumb slut...
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Diavolo: Do you have representation?
Mammon: I call upon my lawyer MC!
MC: My client is innocent!
Diavolo (pinching MCs cheek): Of course he is, case dismissed!
Lucifer: Lord Diavolo there's crisp clean video of Mammon stealing from-
Diavolo (petting & cuddling MC): MC said he's not guilty, so he's not. What's so hard about that?
Lucifer: MC do you handle murder cases?
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Mammon: Demons do not feel guilt, that is only for humans and angels.
Solomon: ... *grinning* Remember that cake you ate the other day?
Mammon: Yeah.
Beel: It was delicious
Levi: An Ur+ ranked cake.
Solomon: It was Mc's
Mammon: ...
Beel: ...
Levi: ...
Solomon: They had been working for two weeks to be able to buy it because it was an ultra-exclusive promotion.
Mammon: What-
Solomon: They came home tired every day from work and attending to your selfish needs… all so they could share that cake with everyone *falsely tearing*
Mammon: *crying* I'm a monster!!!
Beel: *sobing* WE are monster!
Levi: *balled up in a corner*
Mc enters the room and sees the brothers crying.
Mc: What have you done?
Solomon: Me? nothing :D
Mc: Don't tell me you are surprised when people tell you that you are more demon than human.
.
.
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Belphie at Diavolo's parties: this place is so fancy, I don't know which fork to kill myself with
Asmo: the fork on your right.
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MC: I can't take this anymore. I need someone to take me out.
Beelzebub: Like, on a date? Or assassinated?
MC: Assassinated.
Beelzebub:
MC: OBVIOUSLY ON A DATE!
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Lucifer: MC, care to explain why Levi is crying on the floor?
MC: He took one of those 'Which of Devildom's demon brothers are you?' quizzes.
Lucifer: And?
MC: He got Mammon.
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Mc: considering God is real and shit, would he hate me solely because half of the Devildom is simping over me
Lucifer: Mc... he would hate you simply for existing
Mc: yeah fair I hate me for simply existing too
Lucifer: (picking up Mc) Mc we talked about this and now you have to spend an hour with Asmo telling you how good you are
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Mammon: heyyy baby girl
MC & Asmo: HEY
Mammon: Asmo, are you for real?
Asmo: what, I am a baby girl~
Mammon: I will drink holy water after this
MC: *wheeze*
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Mammon: *with a walkie talkie following Belphie* The cow is out of the farm I repeat the cow is...
Belphie: *Taking the walkie talkie* THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?
MC: *on the other side of walkie talkie* I am scared of you so Mammon keeps me updated to know if I leave my room or not
Belphie: I am not going to hurt you
MC: bitch you said the same and killed me I ain't risking it again
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