Dominaria United Who’s Hot Speedrun
Please, G-d, they cannot already be doing March of the Machines spoilers come on Phyrexia All Will Be One has been out for like, two weeks. Hnnnnnngh okay here we go.
DOMINARIA UNITED
Mostly disappointing, if I’m being honest! Like hey remember Chris Rallis’ Danitha and Anna Steinbauer’s Radha from last time we were on Dominaria? Hey, no worries if not, here they are:
Extremely hot! I’ve said a great deal about that version of Radha previously. Anyway now here’s versions of them from this set:
Radha, Coalition Warlord (art by Randy Vargas)
Like I’m not complaining, you know, she’s still an absolutely massive elf lady with a huge sword (and you really don’t see enough muscular elves, do you?) but like in comparison to the above version...no, wait, sorry, I changed my mind, she is still extremely hot, I do very much still want her to rail me.
Danitha, Benalia’s Hope (art by Magali Villeneuve)
This, though, is very much a “go girl, give us nothing” moment for Danitha. Which is fine! It’s a fine painting, and Danitha has to cut her Phyrexianized dad’s head off in this story if I recall, so it’s okay if she doesn’t feel quite up to the glamor shots. Not everything should be five-star wifelink material, you know?
Join Forces (art by Aurore Folny)
We do get this nice gay little team-up for the both of them, which feels a little calculated, but I’ll take it. Okay what else we got, Dominaria United?
Elas il-Kor, Sadistic Pilgrim (art by G-host Lee)
Ooh, now we’re getting somewhere! Love a woman just dripping with ichor.
Phyrexian Missionary (art by Mila Pesic)
Ichor AND horrible cyborg parts, even better!
Hang on, do you hear something? A noise, as of distant thunder mixed with the clangor of the factories of Hell? Why, that could be none other than
SHEOLDRED, THE APOCALYPSE (art by Chris Rahn)
All the way from New Phyrexia, the Dross Pits’ lovely Praetor-Thane has strapped herself into an ancient dragon engine: a potent force multiplier both for battlefield devastation and raw sexual appeal. (The dragon engine is a metaphor.)
This set also, in a rare turn of events, has a version of Liliana who absolutely does not make the cut. You really have to fuck up for that to happen.
NEXT TIME ON WIFELINK: THE BROTHERS WAR
Nothing. Like, actually nothing, and I’m not just saying that because I don’t want to have to review yet another set before I get to the good stuff. It turns out Old Phyrexia wasn’t nearly as hot as New Phyrexia. We’re skipping it.
NEXT TIME ON WIFELINK: PHYREXIA ALL WILL BE ONE, AT LONG LAST.
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Low-key nettled that this Radha was downshifted to Uncommon from Rare. I know Coalition Warlord is also Uncommon, and that doesn’t make me dislike it any less.
And nothing against Mila Pesic. This is some fine art. But the borderless version by Dermont Power captures her initial asshole personality from the Time Spiral novels.
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