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#Jude (Hungry Hearts) x You
daddykylokenobi · 1 year
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Requests Open - ADCU
Hey everyone I wanted to make a post detailing what kind of requests I am open for and the characters I will write for!
The characters I will write for are -
Kylo Ren/Ben Solo (Star Wars)
Matt the radar technician (Star Wars skit)
Clyde Logan (Logan Lucky)
Paterson (Paterson)
Jude (Hungry Hearts)
Charlie Barber (Marriage Story)
(And more to come as I see more ADCU movies)
All requests are welcome, if I do not want to write it or will not based off of a moral/opinion I will let you know!
Fluff, angst, smut, serious, funny, whatever idea you have throw my way and I’ll do my best to write it for y’all!
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moviestarmartini · 3 months
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la playa - jude bellingham x reader
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" yo te lo hice a ti en la playa / justo al frente de la orilla / ella y yo no somo' nada pero solo entre comilla "
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pairing: jude bellingham x latina!reader
summary: situationship!jude asked to spend the summer vacations with you. he's been looking at you with something other than his hungry eyes for some time now.
wc: 2.0k
warnings: really short instagram aus at both the beginning and the end, situationship where they both clearly fell for each other but won't discuss it, pet names in spanish, NSFW, semi-public sex, soft dom!jude if you squint, teasing, p in v, praise, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it y'all), creampie, cockwarming, fluff (aka two big goofs in love).
A/N: i haven't written a fic in more than a year but i'm on break from uni and this man has been plaguing my every thought UGHH i'm also tired of january, it should be spring break already so i'm manifesting that energy into both this fic and the new year !! reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated :>
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now playing... la playa by myke towers
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yourusername verano contigo 🤍
“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked, settling your phone down after the content had been uploaded.
You met Jude by spare chance. You’d been living in Madrid for a bit more than a year, occupied with your studies by the time the star boy reached the promised land. Jogging in Valdebebas at six thirty in the morning and having a black car pull up next to you was the way you were sure you were leaving this earth, instead finding a footballer asking for directions at the other side of the rolled-down window.
You easily discover the real reason later on. He was not lost, but had seen you around the residential complex; he’d only gotten the courage to talk to you after taking a big jug of coffee that morning, or so he claimed.
You’d noticed he had been staring at your glistening skin as you tanned your backside, but decided against commenting until the cheeky smile started to blossom. “Nothin’ “ He shook his head, but a tiny smile was half hidden behind his plush lips, giving away other intentions. The sun was so bright it was dazing, you’d sat under it for a while now hoping to darken your skin. The heat felt funny inside your tummy, similar to how Jude made your guts churn whenever he hooked your legs over his shoulders. “You’re sitting too far. C’mere.”
“Jude, mi rey, we’ve been holding hands the whole time I’ve been tanning.” You replied shortly, looking at him from behind your shades.
“Not close enough.” He practically whined, tugging at your arm with need, coercing you to get up and sit on his lap under the shade.
“Better?” You asked from your newfound place in his crotch, warm bodies coming in contact as you settled. You noticed him nod, his arm wrapping your waist in a way his forearm rested against your bare abdomen covering your belly button.
“Why won’t you post me?” His lower lip puckered out, eliciting a laugh out of you as you turned to face him briefly before turning towards the vast ocean in front of you. A small groan left his lips at the innocent movement.
After analyzing the vivid memory of his face, and thinking through your words, you spoke up. “Didn’t know if you wanted me to.” Once again, got comfortable in his lap. A sigh followed, coming from the man behind you.
“Have I ever told you how much I like that bikini on you?” Jude spoke after a minute or so of comfortable silence. You felt him toying with the drawstring of the bottoms. You could also feel something poking at your bare ass. “But not as much as I like you…”
“I think you’ve mentioned how you wanted to take it off.” Your voice barely came out; a mumble almost, ignoring the last sentence. Your heart thud against your chest, louder than it had done before when he questioned his presence— or lack thereof— in your vacation post. You peered around the area, only to find the waves crashing close to your beach beds’ location, and pearl-ish white sand spread for miles on end— just the two of you.
You felt him nod again, his chin brushing against your shoulder. Though he confirmed your suspicions of his true intentions, Jude’s hand didn’t undo the strap that held together the skimpy bikini. Instead, his fingers trailed the hem of the swimsuit, barely touching the warm skin. “Can I?”
The tone of his voice was low, the manner only brought goosebumps down your spine. But you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being eager, or at least the stupor of the hot day didn’t allow you to nod fast enough for you to look desperate. “You don’t know how happy I am to get you like this…” His hand sneaked under the piece at a painfully slow pace. Even though you knew what was going to happen, your breath got stuck in your throat.
“You always get me like this whenever you please.” It could be a complaint coming from anyone else, but it was just the reality of the situation. The relationship between you and Jude was… unclear. Feelings had been owned up to, but a title hadn’t been discussed. In fact, this was the first trip you tagged along; he asked you personally to do so. But you still decided against reading too much into it.
“You were saying, love?” Jude chuckled with malice, smirking at the way your skin prickled up at his touch applied to the bundle of nerves between your legs— which also spread involuntarily to give him better access. The way your words morphed with the moans and delirious sighs brought only further satisfaction to the British national.
“Don’t get all sassy with me.” You complained through a breathy laugh, eyes falling shut. His other hand trailed upwards your torso, to rest against your breasts and get straight into the task of cupping the left one first. The circles to your clit were steady, too steady for your liking. But still good enough to enjoy, and your moans let him know he was doing a stellar job. As per usual.
“What do you want, amor?” You managed to ask. Jude could’ve internally cursed, you knew him too well. A little too well for his liking. Instead of providing an answer, he pressed harder against your clit, the pressure catching you off guard, doubling down the attitude too.
“You,” Jude replied after what seemed years after he couldn’t take any more of your squirming. “Just you, all for me.” You could feel his stubble brushing against your shoulder before his lips pressed onto the length of your neck. It was all too much for you; the heat, the bright sun, the dryness settling in your tongue, his hands touching your body, his hard, clothed cock pressing against your backside, and the coil tightening in your lower stomach.
But he stopped.
Almost bewildered, you gasped, at the same time he undid the bunny ears that kept your swimsuit together. A smile crept onto your face as you turned to face him, thighs on either side of his hips. “You’re looking at me like that again.” You noted humbly, undoing the string of your bra. He couldn’t even formulate a response at the sight of your bare body, eyes scanning every inch, adoring the fresh tan lines.
“How could I not? You’re perfect.” Jude breathed out, leaning forward to catch his lips in yours. It was slow, but oozing with need and passion. You felt a pressure built up in your stomach, sparks, but you hesitated if he ever felt those around you.
“My perfect girl.” He breathed against your lips, hands holding onto your hips as he watched you undo the string that held his swimsuit tighter to his waist. He helped you pull the item down, barely resting at his upper thighs.
He leaned forward once again to catch your lips on his, letting out a tiny groan as you leaned further, just to tease him. “Kiss me,” Jude whined, stomach tightening at the firm grip around his shaft.
“Tranquilo, mi rey.” You cooed, working him up by rubbing his swollen tip on the warm and wet hole before finally sinking down his length. A pair of harmonious groans left both of your lips once you sat in his lap again, hips circling to get accustomed to the stretch.
“I can’t calm down when I’m obsessed with you.” Jude breathed out, large hands helping you steady the pace of your hips. He watched hypnotized by the way his cock disappeared in and out of your warm walls. His eyes were set, as though he wanted to train them to imprint the image in the back of his mind.
Your voice snapped him out of his trance. “Eyes up here, big boy.” The friendly banter defined your relationship; you often wondered if putting a label on things would make that disappear. But it was all just a wall to hide behind the adoration you felt for him, using it to dodge every compliment, in fear that none of his words were sincere. You could tell he wasn’t disappointed in the slightest when meeting your eyes, and the look you couldn’t pinpoint for the whole afternoon reappeared as he tangled his fingers in your hair and drew you right in for a kiss.
A kiss fierce enough to make you weak in the knees.
It was the perfect opportunity for Jude to accommodate his stance to start thrusting upwards, the sweetest noise he managed to squeeze out from the back of your throat was worth the tension in his core. Instantly, your back arched to give him the perfect angle. “I want you like this all the time…” He moaned into your mouth, hands on your hips to pin you down.
“Jude…” You mewled, the sound of skin coming into contact filling the empty air, harmonizing with the waves crashing near the beach spot you both occupied. You could feel your orgasm building rapidly, and Jude wasn’t foreign to the squeezing that built-up with every frantic thrust.
“C’mere doll, you’re doing so good f’me. Cum all over my cock, c’mon.” His voice was soft, the encouragement overlapping with his own groans of pleasure. He drew you into his arms, holding you close to his chest. Jude resisted the usual drawn-out teasing and mocking, now finding satisfaction in babying you as he slammed deep into you.
The string of incoherent babbles left your mouth shortly after his praises reached your ears. Jude closed his eyes to both contain himself from releasing at the way your pulsating walls were milking him so deliciously, but to also cherish the way your moans turned up the octave, nails digging into the sweaty skin of his bicep. Yet again, the heat you’ve been withstanding for the entirety of that morning hazed you, making a fantastic team with the warmth of Jude’s strong arms and the faded smell of his cologne mixed in with the salty air.
But all it took to push you right off the edge was a kiss. A single kiss pressed to your shoulder.
Your release consisted of a cocktail of your orgasm and a wave of realization crashing over you. You were head over heels with the man who was currently squishing your face against his buff chest, strong arms wrapped around your waist as he held you down. Groans and chants of your name replaced your meek moans and sighs, his cum filling you up. You allowed him the luxury of doing so every once in a while, and the dream-like stupor that enveloped your mind currently created the desire for him to do so.
The sounds of waves crashing filled the air once more, overshadowing the heavy breathing you shared. You stayed put, even cuddling closer to him as soon as the tremor left your legs. Time seemed to slow down, and you wondered how difficult the task of pulling away from him would soon be.
“Can I post you?”
Jude broke the silence, he’d been busy brushing your hair strands back into place upon the comfortable silence you’d set on. There was an arm still wrapped along the width of your waist. You pulled back to look him in the eyes, expecting to see playfulness in them, but finding a completely serious stare in return. “Since a certain someone won’t post me…”
“Oh, stop it!” You laughed, cheeks flushed at the idea. “If you think it's that great on an idea…” You puckered your lips while replicating his tone, cupping his face and planting a peck on his lips.
Jude smirked, licking his lips to chase the taste of you. But his eyes were soft, full of adoration. That look. It would blossom by just admiring your presence, or during one of his favorite activities– making you happy. “All I have are great ideas. Amazing, even.” He stole a peck off from you. You giggled, and a smile subconsciously peaked from behind his lips.
His heart flipped in his chest for the hundredth time that trip.
Jude, lost for words, just shook his head and reached for his phone. He started to wonder how a person could compete so easily with the grandiose, warmth and shine of the sun above.
But one peek down at you, snuggled up against him, answered all his questions.
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judebellingham summer with you 🤍
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A/N: used @ keilanilizbeth on instagram as the fc
and that pic on the left has me wishing i could match sambas with jude 😞😞
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lunajay33 · 27 days
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Just Us🩶
Summary: In a world full of walkers y/n was able to escape with her best friend, but maybe that friendship turns into something more
Pairing: Carl Grimes x f!reader
A/n: This story starts when the group is on the road after Terminus but I’m gonna make y/n and Carl 18 just to speed along the story!! This is also my first Carl Grimes series! This story includes 18+ scenes, pregnancy and more
•Masterlist•
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The prison felt like home, a place where we could make permanent and we did…..for a short while but then the governor came along ruining everything splitting my family up in every direction but who ever above was on our side and we found each other. We worked together and escaped and survived Terminus and now here we all were….well who survived, we lost Beth and the next day we lost Tyrese, it was hard on us all but especially Daryl, Maggie and Sasha but we still had our group that had to be worth something right?
We were walking down a road that felt like it went on forever, all the cars empty of gas, no food, barely any water, just us scattered on the road and the hot Georgia sun beating down on us
“Hey you doing okay?” Carl asked nudging my shoulder
“Oh ya I’ll be fine, just……hungry, how this beautiful little bean?” I asked rubbing Judith’s cheek as she was in Carls arms
“She doing pretty good, she’s small enough she doesn’t need much food plus she’s not burning it off cause she’s being carried all day” he said as he adjusted her
“I can take her for a while” I said holding my arms out for her to give Carl a break
“You sure?”
“Of course you know I love babies” I said smiling as I held her to my chest as she babbled nuzzling against me
“I think she likes you more than me” Carl laughed
“I must just have that motherly vibe she wants” I said teasing him knowing how protective he was of her
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Carls Pov
Seeing y/n hold Judith made my heart beat fast, she’s been my best friend since grade 2 and having her be with me during all this chaos was a blessing, she was my light and peace through all the gore and despair
But along the way, I don’t know when but she changed from being my fun loving best friend to this woman who was beautiful and caring and would do anything for the ones she loved, but I couldn’t ruin what we had not in this world
But the image before me, my little sister in her arms, and how quickly Judith took to her as if she was her mother, y/n always had that caring motherly aura about her even at the prison she’d try to help the kids but now we were 18 and maybe I wanted more with her maybe with this little time we had I should tell her
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Y/n Pov
Carl had been glancing at me all day, I had caught him a few times and his cheeks would become beet red and I thought it was adorable, I’ve always found Carl charming in his own way, he was kind and always made me feel included when we were younger, and when people came back from the dead he became very protective and it just made me even more fond of him plus he’s insanely cute so that’s a plus
The group found a barn to sleep in for the night it was nice compared to sleeping in the wide open, atleast this was a bit of shelter and a layer of protection even if it was old
Everyone was scattered around, I was sitting by the little fire with Carl, Rick, Daryl and Michonne while Judith was still in my arms sleeping soundly against my chest
“You tired?” Carl asked from beside me
“A little but I don’t wanna move and disturb Jude” I said as I gently played with her wispy hair
“Here lean on me” he said moving closer so I could lay my head in his shoulder
He laid his head on top of mine, he was taller so his shoulder was at a comfortable height so I wasn’t breaking my neck
“Thank you” I whispered feeling the tiredness fully from the days journey
He wrapped his arm around my back holding my waist and pulling me closer, then I felt him brushing my hair back keeping his hand on my cheek for a bit before he pulled it back
I looked up at him seeing the red was back on his cheeks that warmed my heart, our lips were so close I could feel him breathing
“I’ll protect you y/n, always” he whispered running his hand back through my hair gripping it gently, I could feel my heart beat in my chest, my wrist, everywhere
“Carl promise me……..promise you’ll never leave me”
“I promise as long as you do the same, don’t know what I’d do with out my ray of sunshine” he said smiling as he laid his forehead against mine
This moment was so tender, loving and gentle I’d do anything to just stay in this little bubble of us forever but noooooo other people had to pop it
“Okay love birds calm down” Michonne said making some laugh as we both pulled back a bit blushing like crazy, I laid my head back on his shoulder a little embarrassed hearing Carl clear his throat obviously embarrassed as well
“Says you Michonne” Carl said and that shut her up as I saw Rick smile as he looked at her with such unspoken love, they were bound to be together
Even in when we were all in despair love was the only thing that kept us going, that kept us walking and searching for something, love is all we had and for me it was everything, my love for the group and my personal relationship I have with each one of them, and my deep love for Carl it made me feel safe knowing he was there
“Good night Carl”
“Good night sunshine”
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I woke up the next morning finding myself in Carls arms with Judith still in mine cozy between our chests, everyone else still seemed to be asleep so I gently traced my finger over his cheek, his little freckles and tracing down to his pink lips feeling his little huff of air when he’d snore, everything he did made my heart swell more
“Having fun?” My heart jumped not expecting him to wake up
“Sorry I couldn’t help myself” I said hiding my face against his chest as he ran his hand up and down my back
“It’s fine, thought it was cute” he said laughing quietly under his breath
“Really?”
“Don’t make me repeat it” he said poking my side
“Fine…..”
“How’s Jude?” He asked looking down between us both seeing her curled up sucking her thumb
“Good, still as cute as a button” I said booping her nose lightly
It was silent as we both admired her, she was so naive to everything in the world and still has that wonder about her, she was lucky she had so many people love her
“I miss my baby sister, I remember when my parents brought her home she was so little I wouldn’t leave her side, I helped my mom take care of her, always couldn’t wait to have a baby of my own and now I don’t think I’ll get that and I don’t even know where my family is”
“I’m sorry, maybe they’re out there safe and if we find somewhere safe you can always have a baby don’t give up on that, i remember how you were with her is that why you spend so much time with Judith because it reminds you of Lily?” He asked as he rubbed my cheek
“Maybe…….i just miss her so much she was my best friend before you swooped in” I said trying to lighten the mood
“You know I’m glad you spilled your lunch on me that day, if not I’d never have met such a beautiful best friend”
“We don’t really act like best friends” I said feeling those butterflies in my stomach only he gave me
“Ya I suppose not, I just can’t help it…….do you not like it?”
“If I didn’t like it I would’ve told you Carl” I said smiling softly
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Later that day a guy named Aaron found us, told us about this place called Alexandria and with some convincing Rick agreed and the next day we were rolling up to the gates of this supposedly safe protected community, I looked at Carl as he was sat next to me in the back of the car Rick was driving
“You ready?” He asked squeezing my hand
I nodded as I picked up Judith and we all got out gathering by the gate as it opened, showing a little town, unscathed this whole time, nice houses kids running around, the people looked clean but we were still a little wary
“Dianna will see you each and get to know the group but while you’re all waiting you can look around!” Aaron said as he and his husband left
Everyone had their interviews and after all that we found ourselves in a nice big house setting up bed in the living room
I laid down a big comforter and some pillows to make it more comfortable, Rick had taken Judith making me feel lonely, I was so use to holding her
“Mind if I sleep next to you” Carl said smiling as he started to make himself comfortable anyways
I laid down next to him facing each other as I lifted a throw blanket to cover us both up, everyone else was getting settled for bed as well around us still hearing the murmuring of little conversations
“Do you think we will be okay here?” I asked biting my lip nervously
“I don’t know……but I know that if we are all together then we will figure this out”
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More parts to come! If you like this and wanna be notified of the next part lmk and I’ll add you to a taglist!!:)
Part.2<-
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judespinkytoe · 3 months
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Coming Home
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Summary:Jude, your husband, comes home from a work trip
Pairings:CEO!jude x reader
Warning: Smut!minors do not interact
Genre:fluff, smut
Word count: 2k
Author's note:If there's any mistakes plz forgive me
Masterlist!
___
Jude had always been ambitious and driven. Ever since you met him in college, he had big dreams and a determined spirit. He was the kind of person who saw a challenge and rose to the occasion, never afraid to take risks and work tirelessly to achieve his goals.
When you married Jude, you knew that you were signing up for a life filled with excitement and challenges. And you were right. Over the years, Jude climbed the corporate ladder with ease, landing himself a coveted position as the CEO of a successful company.
As his wife, you couldn't be more proud. You had watched him put in countless hours of hard work and dedication, sacrificing time with family and friends to focus on his career. And it had all paid off. His company had become a household name, and he was respected and admired by many.
But with this success came a new set of challenges. Jude's new role as a CEO meant he was constantly traveling and working late nights. It was tough, but you both knew it was necessary for the growth of his company. You supported him every step of the way, understanding the demands of his job.
But despite his busy schedule, Jude always made time for you. He would surprise you with spontaneous dates, even if it was just a quick dinner at a fancy restaurant. And every day, without fail, he would call you at lunchtime just to check in and see how your day was going.
You were grateful for these small gestures, knowing how much pressure he must be under. But what warmed your heart even more was seeing how respected and loved Jude was by his employees. Whenever you attended company events or functions, his employees couldn't stop raving about him. They spoke highly of his leadership skills, his genuine care for their well-being, and how he always made time to listen to their ideas and concerns.
It was clear that Jude was not just a boss to them, but a mentor and friend. And that reflected in the company's success and growth.
But even with all this success, Jude never let it get to his head. He remained humble and grounded, always reminding you that it was a team effort and that he could not have done it without you by his side.
___
You've been eagerly waiting for your Jude to return home from his business trip.his work often took him away from home for days at a time. But this time, he had been gone for almost two weeks and you couldn't wait to be in his arms again.
You were watching your favorite tv show when you heard the front door open. You rushed to meet him, your heart beating with excitement. And when you saw him, your breath caught in your throat. He looked even more handsome than you remembered, with his impeccably styled hair, his sharp suit and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
He dropped his bags on the floor and engulfed you in a tight embrace and pecked your forehead.
"These are for you," he murmured, his voice carrying a touch of tenderness. The fragrance of the flowers filled the air, a delicate scent that whispered of purity and new beginnings.
Jude, these are... beautiful," you murmured, your heart warming at the unexpected gesture.
He grinned, relieved at your reaction. "They reminded me of you —endlessly beautiful," he confessed, placing the bouquet in your hands, his love reflected in every petal.
His lips pressed against yours, hungry and desperate. You moaned into his mouth, missing his touch and taste. He pulled away for a moment, his eyes scanning over you with intense desire.
'I missed you so much,' he huskily whispered, his hands roaming all over your body.
You could feel the fire of his longing for you, and your knees weakened at the thought of what was to come. He picked you up and carried you to your bedroom, your lips still connected in a heated kiss.
As soon as you reached the bedroom, he placed you on the bed and stood back to admire your body. You could see the hunger in his eyes, and it sent shivers down your spine.
He wasted no time in undressing you, his hands moving expertly over your curves. You could feel your body responding to his touch, aching for more.
You tugged on his shirt motioning to take it off, he got got up to undress, leaving himself in his boxers
"I need you," he growled, his voice filled with longing and need.
He climbed on top of you, his lips trailing down your neck and collarbone, making you moan out loud. His hands were everywhere, touching you in ways that made you weak and desperate for his touch.
whines escapes you as you feel the rough fabric of his boxers against your center, grinding against his hard member.
he chuckles against your lips at your eagerness, and without stopping kissing you, he brings his hand down, lowering his boxers. you hear the soft slapping sound of his cock against his abdomen, painfully hard, and starts grinding against your nakedness
you both moan at the touch, his precum coating your pussy as his movements become more and more erratic. your hands grab his boxers, helping him to get rid of them completely, all without breaking the kiss.
only when you’re in need of air, you leave his lips, catching you breath as you match the movement of his hips. you look down at his aching cock, moaning shamelessly at the sight.
“yeah, you like that?” he says, noticing you staring down at his cock sliding up and down your pussy, that grows wetter and wetter the more he moves. he teases your entrance when you don’t respond, his head pressing against you making you whine loudly.
“jude! ” you slightly jump at his action, and he chuckles at your eagerness.
he can’t help but stare at you in awe, so needy and perfect for him — as you’ve always been.
He entered you in one swift motion. Your hips moved with his, and the room was filled with your moans, the intensity of your connection driving you both wild.
With each thrust his desire grew, he whispered filthy words in your ear, his voice sending you over the edge. Your body arched and shook with pleasure as he brought you to your peak.
But Jude wasn't done with you yet. He flipped you over and entered you from behind, his hands gripping your hips as he pounded into you.
Together, you moved in perfect sync, reaching new heights of ecstasy. And you finally reached your release. You stare at him with teary eyes as he pushes his cum inside you even deeper.
his body falls heavily on yours, his head caged on the crook of your neck as your hand finds his hair, playing with them gently. he hums against your touch as he tries to catch his breath, his arms unconsciously caging you.
You turned to him, tracing lazy patterns on his chest with your fingers. "That was amazing," you whispered, your voice still shaky.
Jude smiled, his eyes filled with adoration. "You're amazing," he replied, leaning in to kiss you softly.
You stayed like that for a few more minutes, lost in each other's embrace. But eventually, reality started to creep back in. You could feel the soreness in your muscles and the exhaustion setting in. You knew you needed to get up and clean yourself up, but you didn't want to leave the warmth and comfort of Jude's arms.
As if reading your mind, Jude gently pulled away and got up from the bed. He disappeared into the bathroom and returned with a warm, damp towel. He carefully wiped away the sweat and traces of your lovemaking from your body, his touch gentle and loving.
"Let me take care of you," he said softly, his eyes never leaving yours.
You couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by his tenderness. Jude was always a passionate and attentive lover, but this was different. This was him taking care of you, making sure you were comfortable and cared for after your intimate encounter.
Once he was done, he helped you out of bed and led you to the bathroom. He ran a warm bath for you, adding some lavender oil to help relax your muscles. As you soaked in the tub, Jude sat on the edge, gently massaging your shoulders and back.
You closed your eyes and let out a content sigh. This was exactly what you needed after such an intense and passionate night. Jude always knew how to take care of you, both in and out of the bedroom.
After your bath, Jude helped you into a clean pair of pajamas and tucked you into bed. He climbed in next to you, pulling you into his arms.
"Thank you,"you whispered, snuggling closer to him.
"Always,"he replied, kissing the top of your head.
As you drifted off to sleep, you couldn't help but feel grateful for Jude's loving care.
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grantgustluv · 8 months
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big baby - jude bellingham
pairing: jude bellingham x fem!reader
author’s note: part 2 to my lando imagine (his champion) currently being written as we speak. HOPE YOU ENJOY MY LOVES <3
WRITE SOME REQUESTS IN THE COMMENTS OR SEND THEM TO ME XXXXX
warnings: fluff, fluff and more fluff. I feel like everyone needs a clingy jude in their life
Jude was known to be quite a hot headed player on the pitch especially if a decision didn’t go his or his teams way. There had been many times when his teammates had to drag him away from getting into some sort of argument or fight over a foul or a decision against him. So if his teammates were to see him now they would be teasing him for months on end.
It was a Sunday morning, which meant it was Jude’s day off. He had his head resting on your chest, arms wrapped around your waist clinging to you like a koala, with soft snores escaping his lips. Your alarm had gone off 30 minutes ago and as you’d moved to turn it off Jude had rolled on top of you and trapped you in this position not allowing you to leave the comfort of his arms or the bed. However, your stomach was begging you to leave and get some food as it continued to rumble underneath your lump of a boyfriend. Jude’s snores had got a little louder, signalling that he was falling into an even deeper sleep, so you took your chance and carefully snook out of the peaceful man’s embrace and quietly made your way out the room.
You had finally made your way into the kitchen and started to pour yourself a bowl of cereal before you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist. “Why’d you leave?” your sleepy boyfriend mumbled into your neck, his deep, raspy voice prominent due to having just woken up, nearly making your knees buckle at the gorgeous sound. “I was hungry sweetheart,” you answered sweetly, knowing your boyfriend wasn’t really a morning person. He released a small grunt into your neck, clearly displeased with your answer. “Come back to bed,” he whined, holding you tighter to his chest. You giggled at your clingy boyfriend and quickly finished your cereal before making your way back upstairs to your bedroom, with Jude having clung to you the full way back to your bed, finally having let go of you to go to the toilet.
You had just got yourself comfortable under the covers, putting a movie on the tv and turning down the volume before Jude trudged back over to the bed and wrapped himself around you again, this time with his arm wrapped around your stomach and his head resting in the crook of your neck with his head angled so he could watch the movie you had put on.
You were about 20 minutes into the movie before you heard Jude yawn next to you. “Go back to sleep if you want baby,” you mumbled to him, kissing the top of his head gently. “Can you do the thing please?” he asked, yawning again. “Of course my big baby,” you giggled quietly before trailing your index finger gently from the bridge to the tip of his nose and repeating until you looked down at him and saw that his breaths were getting heavier and his eyes were closing. After a few minutes his head fell into the crook of your neck, his soft snores became a little louder and his arm became a little heavier around your stomach.
Jude looked angelic and calm when he slept and it was one of your favourite sights, looking down and seeing him so peaceful made your heart flutter. You teased him for being your big baby, but you knew that you wouldn’t have it any other way.
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thelov3lybookworm · 5 months
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Can I request a cardan x reader fic? Anything you want to write! Just gimmi my baby there isnt much of him on this app.🥺
Weeping heart
Summary: Y/n has seen cardan go through lovers like they're wrappers of chocolates. One in his hand before the previous is even in the dustbin.
Now he has found Jude, and she does not know what to do.
•○●⛦●○•
A/n: anon thank you so much for this request! i love you so much for this. It was such a good writing exercise honestly. This is mainly pining, maybe angst.
Also, this marks the beginning of me writing for characters outside of the acotar universe, so I'm very excited
also I didnt tag anyone because the general taglist i have was for acotar.
(i might be down to write a part 2 👀)
(not proofread)
Enjoy!
•○🌑○•
She bit her lip as she stared up at her best friend, trying to contain the smile that threatened to overtake her features.
"Let me see that smile, beautiful." He grinned lazily at her, his dark eyes twinkling under the rays of sunlight that penetrated the thick canopy of leaves above their head. They were currently seated under a weeping willow, hidden away from the whole world outside. Where only the two of them existed, and nothing else mattered.
The place was special to Y/n and Cardan. This was where the two of them would meet all the time, just the two of them, away from their friends and family. In here, they didn't have to pretend, didn't have to act like everything was okay. They could be themselves, and not care about getting hurt.
He leaned closer to her, searching her eyes, his eyes and features softer than Y/n had ever seen before.
"Shut up." She mumbled, but that action had her lips splitting into that smile she was trying so hard to supress.
His grin widened. "There we go."
His hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb absently brushing her lower lip, his gaze following it with a hungry look. Then his eyes lifted to hers, a question in them.
She dipped her chin almost imperceptibly.
That was enough for him, and he leaned forward, his lips getting closer and closer to hers.
She let her eyes fall shut.
But the kiss never came.
•○🌑○•
She opened her eyes, wondering why he hadn't yet kissed her, and found herself staring at the ceiling of her room.
She blinked blearily, wondering what the hell happened, and then she realised.
It had been a dream.
She closed her eyes again, heaving a sigh as she willed herself to go back to sleep, back to that dream, hoping he'd kiss her before she woke up again.
Of course, that was very nearly impossible.
Because someone decided in that moment that it would be a good idea to knock on her door.
She was certain she knew who it was.
Still she called out, demanding the identity of the knocker.
The answer was immediate. Cardan.
She groaned lowly, dragging her hands down her face.
He didn't wait for her to let him in. The permission wasn't ever needed between the two. That hadn't changed. Yet.
The next moment, he had barged in through the doors, a grin on his stupid face.
She sat up, trying to look anywhere but his face. Heavy emphasis on trying.
"Y/n, guess what happened."
"I am not in the mood, Cardan."
She winced internally. She was being cruel. He had done nothing wrong. It was not his fault he didn't know of her feelings. She had no right to be rude to him, especially when he was so excited about something.
He wasn't bothered by her lack of enthusiasm. He simply plopped down on her bed as she climbed out of it, getting ready for the day as he launched into a story of how after last night's revel, Jude had told him to wait in their bedchambers while she walked into the closet, her skirts swishing around her legs.
How she had retuned without it.
Y/n tried not to pay attention to the details, but she couldn't help it. She had never been able to ignore what Cardan said, never been able to let anything he said go unheard. He had spent nearly all his years being unheard because no one considered him worthy of their time.
She had long ago decided that she was not going to be one of those people.
She heard everything, and her torturous brain created all the images Cardan's words conjured. Her traitor of a heart clenched, but she ignored it.
"That's great Cardan." She said when he finished speaking, and when she looked at him, he was practically glowing with happiness.
Y/n felt guilty for being jealous of the mortal who had everything Y/n ever wanted, but she couldn't bring herself to care when her heart was breaking into pieces everyday.
"It feels like I've waited for this an eternity. Never thought I would get to have Jude in my arms."
She gave him a smile. "I need to meet up with some generals this morning. I need to leave."
He nodded happily, straightening from where he'd been lying on her bed. She watched him walk out of her room, a knot forming in her throat, her resolve hardening.
She needed... she knew what she needed.
•○🌑○•
Jude had her eyebrow raised, and it concerned Y/n how a mere mortal's judgement could make her nervous.
"Tell me again why you want to go on this mission?"
Y/n reigned in a frustrated sigh. "There is no real reason. I just wish to explore the Elfhame more."
The look Jude gave her told her she saw right through the act. But she didn't push the mater.
"There has been rumours of a rebellion on the other side of Elfhame. If you really want to go on this mission, then you need to know that this is an incredibly long and dangerous mission. You'll not only have to investigate the place, but also squash any hint of rebellion you find."
Y/n gave Jude a smile. "Sounds amazing."
"Sure it does." Jude's eyes narrowed as she continued. "If you need more time away to, as you say, to explore, then after you finish this quest, have a tour around Elfhame and meet up with people who have associated with Madoc before. Make sure they are not plotting something behind our backs."
Y/n dipped her chin in a nod. "When can I leave?"
"Before the week ends."
"So does that mean I can leave right now too?"
If possible, Jude's eyes narrowed further and she stood. At that moment, the door behind Y/n opened, and she stiffened as the smell of his perfume reached her.
"Y/n! I thought you were in the meeting with the generals. What are you doing here?"
Y/n smiled stiffly, turning to look at Cardan.
"I had something important to discuss with Jude." She gestured with her hand.
Cardan nodded, as if that was the most understandable thing in the world.
"What were you talking about?"
"Nothing-"
"She is leaving on a long mission-"
Jude and Y/n spoke up at the same time, and Y/n had to resist the urge to smack her forehead.
Cardan's head swung towards Y/n, and he stared at her with wide eyes, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out.
Y/n turned to Jude, letting some of the fury at her secret being revealed show in her eyes. And then she smiled tightly. "Could you send that list of people and areas where the rebellion is rumoured to be to my room? I need to begin packing."
Jude's eyebrows were high, but she nodded. Y/n bowed, then turned on her heel and strode away, ignoring Cardan and the way he was trying to gain her attention.
As she left the room, she heard him following and calling for her, but she ignored that too.
Just the way she had always ignored her weeping heart, the one that beat solely for Cardan.
The one that was broken beyond repair now.
•○🌑○•
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aquagirl1978 · 4 months
Text
Cigarettes After Sex - Jude Jazza x Reader (Ikemen Villains)
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A/N: Part of my "A Series of Firsts" event.
Pairing: Jude Jazza x Reader
Prompt: first fight
Word Count: 991
Tags: NSFW; Minors - DNI; angsty smut; piv; creampie; no pronouns used (reader is afab)
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“Jude, what are you –”
“Get the fuck outta here,” Jude scowled at Ellis, who was standing with the bathroom door wide open.
“Why are you in the bathtub? In your clothes?” Ellis asked, his voice filled with sincere concern.
Jude tilted his head, peering at Ellis with amethyst eyes. “Didn't I give ya a job to do?”
“Yeah, Jude. You did, but I just –”
“But what?” Jude took a long drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke at Ellis.
“You were with her earlier. You two had –”
“Shuddup!”
Ellis tilted his head and smirked at Jude. “You’re in love.”
“Fuck off! Right now. Before I shove your face in this water and drown yer sorry arse.”
Ellis let out a long sigh and backed away, not wanting to face anymore of Jude’s wrath. Shaking his head, he muttered quietly to himself, wondering what exactly went wrong.
“What are you saying, Jude?”
*****
Earlier that evening...
You stared at him with wide eyes, tears pricking the backs of your eyes but not ready yet to roll freely down your cheeks. He averted his gaze, unable to look you in the eye. 
“Look at me, Jude,” you demanded. 
With a heavy sigh, he did as you asked, an ugly scowl marring his face.
“Happy now?” 
You pursed your lips together as you glared at him, waiting for an answer. He let out a loud huff of air before averting his gaze once again.
“I’m not a good man,” he said softly.
Taking a seat on the bed next to him, you pressed your palm against his cheek, forcing him to look at you.
“What are you saying?”
“You're better off without me,” he replied simply, as if he was sharing something mundane with you, like the weather outside. 
Your heart didn't want to accept this response; you knew he cared for you and that this was likely some ridiculous attempt to protect you by pushing you away. 
“One last kiss?” you asked as you leaned your face towards his.
He sighed, but relented. “One last kiss,” he agreed before covering your mouth with his in a greedy kiss.
His arms soon wrapped around your shoulders, his long fingers digging in your skin, pulling you closer to him. Threading your fingers in his messy hair, you deepened the kiss, granting his tongue entrance into your sweet mouth.
He pushed you down on the bed, his kisses growing eager and hungry. 
“One last fuck,” he whispered, his fingers already working the buttons of your blouse.
“One last fuck,” you whispered back, your hips rolling against his, desperate to feel him inside you.
You both made short work of removing each other's clothing; layers of fabric were quickly discarded to the floor in a heap, your bodies now bare and exposed only for the other's eyes.
Shifting on the bed, he climbed atop you, his hips hovering over yours, teasing you with the outline of his cock pressed against your belly.
“Jude, please…” you whimpered, wrapping your hand around his shaft. Wordlessly, he rubbed the tip of his cock along your entrance, coating his cock with your arousal.
“Wet already,” he said with a smirk. He began to slide his cock inside you, slowly at first, the stretch pleasurable as he filled you.
He swallowed your desperate moans as he buried his cock in you. Eager to be inside, it only took a few hard thrusts before he bottomed out. He took a moment to allow you to adjust to his thick cock buried inside you, enjoying the sight of your bodies joined together at the hip.
When you were ready, you rocked your hips against his, a silent signal that you needed him. Jude groaned as he withdrew his cock from your folds before sliding back inside. His movements were slow and deliberate, your walls clenching his shaft on every thrust. 
A fire blazed in your belly, its flames alighting your every nerve. You relished the pleasure as Jude increased his pace, his hips now slamming against yours, his cock penetrating deeper with every stroke.
Your back arched as your hips tilted up as Jude ravished your body. Pleasure built and built, the waves cresting, ready to overwhelm your every sense. Throwing your arms around his shoulders, your body clung to his; dragging your hands down his back, your nails left light scratch marks in their wake.
Letting out a shuddering sigh, your body trembled as your pleasure peaked. Never before had you known such rapture. Glancing up at Jude, you smiled blissfully at him as you savored what you wished wouldn’t be your last climax.
His movements quickly became erratic; his thrusts unrelenting as they came rougher and faster. With a loud groan, he plunged his cock in you one final time, spilling inside as he joined you in a state of euphoria. 
Breathless and boneless, your body laid under Jude’s as your heartbeat slowly returned to normal. He stroked your hair, messy from your activities, and tucked a stray lock behind your ear. Your eyelids fluttered, your body ready to succumb to sleep.
You smiled at him one last time before you allowed your eyelids to close. This wasn’t the first time you were intimate, and you sure as hell hoped that this wouldn’t be the last. But if it was, it was one you’d never forget, it was that good.
*****
Jude waited until you were fast asleep before he shifted in the bed. Propping on his elbow, he gazed at you wistfully. With his fingertips, he grazed the outline of your face, your skin soft under his touch. He gently ghosted a finger over each of your eyelids before sitting up and rolling out of the bed.
“It’s better this way,” he muttered, more to himself than to you. “You are too good for this world I call home.”
He took one last look at you before walking out the door and out of your life.
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Tagging: @redheadkittys @themiscarnival   @coral-relevium @cyberk1ee     @kookie-my-little-sunshine @pathogenic       @ellisgivesmelife013 @ikemen-writer   @nightghoul381 @judejazza @randonauticrap @xbalayage @xenokiryu
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nox-swordstr3ss · 9 months
Text
Engvall x Fem!Tarnished!Reader Relationship Headcannons (SFW)
answered an ask on my main blog (@lycheedr3ams) for @x-hey-jude-x
These headcannons will operate separately from my Banished Love fic since the reader is not tarnished in that story. I am long-winded so my headcannons are more like drabbles
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Life in the Lands Between is not easy, and Engvall knows this all too well. Despite choosing to protect a lordless castle for the rest of his days, his first priority is protecting you. Even if you’re just going to collect herbs or take a bath in the stream, Engvall insists on accompanying you everywhere. And, um, you can’t exactly argue with an over 6 foot tall knight  XD
You and Engvall share a large room in the castle he chose to protect. He himself doesn’t mind sleeping on a hard bed or on the floor, but since you sleep with him every night, he would not let you rest until he found the best blankets available. Your comfort is very important to him, and it helps him rest better at night. 
Speaking of sleeping. This man is always cuddled into you or touching you in some way. I imagine the emotional toll of being banished is pretty tough, and Engvall appreciates that you’re always there for him. Whether it’s an arm around your waist, him spooning you tightly against his chest, or your arm and leg lazily flung over his body, he always wants some sort of contact with you when you both are asleep. He is always the big spoon, just bc of how large he is, and he enjoys protecting you even in his sleep. Given how tall he is, he gives off a ton of body heat, and you wake up pretty sweaty in the mornings
Sorry, but Engvall cannot cook very well. He can cook well enough to survive while traveling or just to get by, but it is by no means a 5-star meal. he burns most of his food. He avoids embarrassment by saying he prefers his food to be “crispy”. He has trained his whole life with his halberd and armor, not with pots and pans. Engvall loves it when you cook for him! He will sit patiently and watch you cook like you're the only thing that matters in the world. He’s usually very hungry since his daily activities expend a lot of calories, so be prepared to cook at least three plates for him to be full. But with how lovingly he watches you cook, you wouldn’t mind making food for him all day
Touching again on the protectiveness. He’s extremely overprotective, and a little possessive. If he sees someone else in the castle looking at you for too long or flirting with you, this man will stalk up silently behind you and just death stare at the person trying to get with you. His presence is enough to make anyone fold, so it’s always successful. Once you turn around after the person you were talking to runs away in fear, he instantly becomes your Engvall again, just with a slightly deadly twinkle in his eye
He needs a decent amount of reassurance, especially if he finds out someone was hitting on you. Engvall has little to no money of his own despite his title, and your living means are in no way comfortable. He’s scared you’ll leave him for someone who has more money and resources to give you a better life. But you always tell him that you don’t care about money or status or material things, you just want him, and that he’s the best partner anyone could ask for
Engvall loves it when you help him into his armor. I don’t even think it would be possible for him to put on all that armor by himself. He loves watching the way your fingers glide over the metal and buckle everything in place, and how your eyebrows furrow if something gets stuck. He looks at you so love-sickeningly that it makes your heart flutter. Engvall will track you down in the castle to ask you to help him into his armor even though there are tons of other people around who could easily do so. He says that you put on his armor just the way he likes <3
Engvall really does not want you to become elden lord. The path to doing so is riddled with death and despair, and he would be destroyed if something happened to you. If you want to be the elden lord, he will try to dissuade you at every chance he can get. If you end up setting out traveling the Lands Between to become elden lord, he will be with you every step of the way to ensure nothing happens to you at this rate, he might just become elden lord bc he doesn’t want you to fight anyone)
Engvall is pretty quiet even when alone with you, but you are his peace. When he is silent during his duties, it is because he has to maintain a watchful, cautious eye at all times. But when he’s quiet with you, wrapped up in a blanket in front of the fire and playing with your hair, he’s quiet because his love has no need for words. He will tell you he loves you sometimes, it is just hard for him to voice it. As a knight, he's a man of actions, not words. the only words he really ever had to say was his oath when he was sworn
Likes and reblogs are appreciated!!!
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differenteagletragedy · 4 months
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Cove and Xavier is a really cute ship. Could you write more about their relationship?
I agree, I think they would go so well together!
-- They meet at the post-wedding party at Jude and Scott's house. Xavier comes with treats. MC is all googly-eyed over Baxter and Miranda and Terry are there together, so that leaves the two of them.
-- Xavier is friendly, so they start chatting up Cove. Cove isn't unfriendly, but Xavier leads the conversation. Eventually Cove asks about the bakery and the treats they brought, they invite him to try some, and that's basically it.
-- Cove thinks Xavier is just so nice and warm and good and they make him feel so seen and appreciated. A crush develops! Cove finds himself visiting the bakery, which is fine by Xavier because Cove is very very cute.
-- Xavier starts putting some baked goods aside for Cove because more often than not, he'll stop by the bakery.
-- MC and Baxter are very invested (MC because Cove is their best friend and Baxter because his truest self likes to be a little busybody gossip). Maybe Xavier gets a tip that Cove is especially fond of cinnamon rolls, maybe that happens.
Cove: *mouth full of cinnamon roll* Would you maybe want to go out sometime? With me?
Xavier: *heart eyes* I would love to.
-- So yeah, they end up dating and falling in love. Cove is a little nervous about it at first because he'd never done anything like that before, but Xavier has been in relationships and they're a little older anyway, so they'll hold his hand through it!
-- Things do go really slow, but that's ok because they enjoy each other's company so much.
-- Double dates with MC and Baxter! MC and Baxter essentially ship Cove x Xavier and do everything they can to help out their relationship.
-- I love a good "apartment over a shop" detail, so Xavier lives in an apartment over the bakery and Cove ends up moving in. Xavier makes extra treats because Cove is a hungry boy, but they love baking for him, he's so appreciative and sweet about it.
-- It's just a really cute, easy, natural relationship. There's never any drama or jealousy or anything, they just genuinely love being together.
-- Basically the way Cove ends up being in a romantic relationship with MC, that's how he is with Xavier. "I love you" constantly, cries a bunch, gets overwhelmed with his love. And Xavier is so supportive and loves him just as much.
-- They live happily ever after!
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ducktapebar · 10 months
Text
Hungry Hearts Fic part 2:
Jude x reader
TWs: anxiety, past trauma (not as prevalent in this part)
Jude stayed out for a couple hours before he had to get back home. He couldn’t stand being away from his son for too long. Despite your gentle nature and how good you were with kids and his son especially, he just couldn’t be far apart from his son too long. He entered the apartment and saw you and Noah playing on the floor, you two playing with blocks. Color matching ones, you looked up at Jude as you heard him come in “hey baby, how was your outing?” You asked kindly. The nickname gave a warmth to his heart and soul. He smiled a tiny bit- his eyes seeming to brighten some again. “It was good” he said, he sat down with you and Noah to join you two. Noah looked over and smiled and walked a bit- stumbling some into his father’s arms. Jude lifted him up into his lap and hugged him. He smiled proudly “good job buddy” he praised, his son was trying to walk now, his growth back on track slowly but surely.
You smiled at this, at how sweet he was with his son, at seeing him smile again. Jude’s broken heart slowly healing. Noah hugged his father and cooed, talking in baby gibberish. You scooted closer and carefully rested your head on Jude’s shoulder. He tensed slightly before relaxing. He looked at you softly and smiled gently. He cradled Noah in one arm and held you close with his other. Maybe he could love again. His hand gently rubbed your shoulder. “Thank you for staying” he told you softly. You smiled a bit “of course hun” you assured. “You know I’ll always be here for you” you gently rubbed his arm, his arms so long, you could still reach them with ease when they were around you. He felt Noah getting antsy so he gently set him down and he crawled over to play with his toys.
You felt his gaze and his hands gently pulling you to him. His eyes met yours, you gazed into those soft honey brown eyes. He finally smiled and gently rested a hand on your cheek, rubbing softly with his thumb. You smiled with a soft blush, “Jude…” you said softly. “I-I need to tell you this, I love you…I always have” you knew the risks and maybe assumed he wouldn’t be open to love again, but you had to be honest with him, you knew you could too. Jude sighed in relief and smiled “oh sweetheart, I love you too” he breathed, his eyes misty with tears but these were tears of happiness and love. You smiled and gently kissed his cheek, only for him to gently pull you to him to give you a soft kiss. You felt yourself melt into it as you kissed back. Your hearts swelling with love for one another. Jude felt loved- like he mattered to someone. He felt okay now. He held you close against his chest. Laying back and just held you close awhile. You gently ran a hand through his soft hair comfortingly and with affection for him. “It’s gonna be okay now, I promise” you kissed his head and held onto him. You two fell asleep like this, bodies pressed against each other in shared warmth.
Jude had finally found someone who would truly love him, someone who would love his son too. Someone who wouldn’t harm them, and who would be patient when the pain of the past inevitably resurfaced. Jude was far from completely healing but- he was on the right path now. He had you, he had Noah. He could visit his mom. He had a reason to be hopeful again. Maybe one day even, he would marry you, when the time seemed right. For now though, he was just grateful for you, his light and hope.
A/N: shorter fic! But mostly didn’t want part 1 to be too lengthy
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glassbxttless · 2 years
Text
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Jude x Reader
Word Count: 1,075
Warnings: angst, breaking up, non descriptive sex, divorce, no happy endings
it doesn’t feel the same, the way he touches you, the way he kisses you, the way he whispers promises into your ear. you know deep down that this is it. this is the last time, you’re not focused on the way he’s buried deep inside of you, you’re not focused on the way he’s whispering how much he loves you into his ear. this was your last try, the last night to see if anything could be salvaged. and you know that it can’t.
and when he notices you’re just not enjoying yourself the way he’s used to watching you, he peels his body away from your skin. holding himself above you he studies your face. he sees the tears threatening to fall and he knows it’s over. the last string holding his heart together snaps. you can tell that he’s finally figured it out, he’s finally put it together as he rolls over to lie on his back next to you. the quilt you two had gotten as a wedding gift is draped over your bodies. and Jude takes a deep breath. “this is it, huh?” he asks quietly.
“yeah.” you reply, “i think it is.” you're both looking at the ceiling. breaths are soft, but shared slowly between the two of you. you think it’s too quiet. jude is never this quiet.
“there’s someone else?” he asks softly, his own tears are pushing to the front, wanting to spill as he thinks of another man having grabbed your attention. he’s done everything right— maybe he worked too much, but he had you, dominik, and luka, to take care of. and the quiet nod of your head shatters the pieces of his heart further. he takes a deep breath, trying to think of what he did to drive you away from him. he wipes away the stray tear on a cheek that begins to get redder and redder as he gets more upset. he knew this was coming, but he really really thought he could change your mind. that his love for you would be enough. “are you leaving?”
“i think that’s for the best, judie.” you whisper as you nod, wiping your own tears away. and jude doesn’t know what he’ll do when you walk out the door. dominik and luka’s laughter won’t fill the halls of the apartment. you won’t be sitting on the sofa, tucked into the corner with a throw blanket over your lap. you wouldn’t be searching for something to watch mindlessly. you wouldn’t greet him with a pretty smile and a sweet kiss. “i uhm… i’ll be staying with my parents. we can figure out what to do with custody.”
“just shut up for the night.” jude mumbles quietly. “i just need one night.”
and you do fine. you do fine for months, you see the boys every weekend, jude having opted to be their primary caregiver during your dissolution. he hates to see you, hates how you ended things between you both. he hates that you just gave up on him. you threw him to the wolves. your parents do the pickups and drop offs. jude acts like he never wants to see you again.
you curl up in a half empty bed. even after months upon months, almost a year, of being separated, sleeping alone has never felt right. you tap the back of your phone quietly, debating on calling him. he was your best friend at one point, right? you roll your eyes, weak. setting your phone on your sheets, you roll out of bed and walk down the hall to check on the boys in the spare room. you see jude’s face in each one of them and you’re more than thankful that dominik gets to be included in this arrangement. quietly clicking the door closed, you check in with your parents to keep an eye on them before you’re hailing a cab and giving them your old apartment's address.
you stand in front of the building. he wouldn’t want to see his ex-wife, would he? he wouldn’t want to fix things and talk it out. but you certainly hope you get lucky. as you walk up to the apartment, taking your time with each flight of stairs, you really hope he doesn’t hate you as much as he makes it seem he does.
you knock on the door, seeing a lamp turn on in the living room. you’re hopeful he’s okay. that he’s better than you. you hope he still loves you, just like he promised that night. jude opens the door, t-shirt ruffled, eyes sleepy, boxer shorts hanging low on his waist. he looks you up, confirming he’s seeing what he thought he’s seeing, and sleepily mumbles, “what are you doing here?”
“i came to see you.” you respond. your heart is racing, he stands quietly, not responding for several moments. “can i come in?”
“yeah.” jude nods, stepping away from the door. you step in behind him, shutting it quietly as you watch him stumble around the kitchen for a glass of water. “where are the boys?”
“they’re perfectly safe, they’re with my parents.” you pause. what could just telling him hurt? “i miss you.”
jude almost chokes on the drink of water he’s taken in. “you don’t get to tell me that.” he coughs. his heart speeds up, anxiety setting in. that deep ache of his love is bubbling up in his chest, it’s making his throat burn. “you left, not me. i tried my hardest for you. you don’t get to miss me.” you stand quietly, listening to him and you’re taking in the sight of the apartment. it’s clean. and you know jude. he’s never been able to keep the place clean in his life. “you don’t get to tell me you miss me, you don’t get to show up here. you stopped trying for our family. i didn’t.” he’s sniffling now. “you don’t get to come fuck my life up again because your little boyfriend dumped you.”
and then you see it, on the shelf at the back on the living room. it’s a photo of jude and a woman you’ve never met. he’s smiling. he’s happy. and you’ve realized, he’s moved on. “i’m sorry.” you smile, your heart breaking just as much as jude’s had almost a year prior. “i should get going.” you whisper softly and jude just nods.
“yeah, i think you should.��
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*
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@sacklerscumrag @mrs-zimmerman @miraclesabound @fizzywoohoo @2000andwhat @themuseic @clydesfavoritegirl @caillea @maybe-your-left @driversmutbucket @cornmousequeen @alpha-lobito @mrs-kylo-ren @peachyproserpina @mrs-gucci @millenialcatlady @leatherboundbirate @jynzandtonic @paterson-blue @purplebtsmagic @loganluckylover @hedgy-hog @simpin_mama @thepalaceofmelanie
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ohiobluetip · 3 years
Text
Work Appropriate (Jude)
So this is not at all proof-read but this kind of content with Jude turns me into a pterodactyl please enjoy x
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Warnings: Jude being Jude and kinky for sex at inopportune times, resistance is futile, references to lactation kink, breeding-esque talk (surprising no one!)
Updated warnings: dubious consent
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You twist the bullet of lipstick from the canister—a nude, business-like shade—and looking in the bathroom mirror you apply it to your lips.
Two days at work and three at home was a pretty good return-from-maternity deal, and with Jude’s engineering firm letting him work two days “from home”, taking care of school drop off, pick up, and daycare was getting more manageable by the day.
That is, as long as your husband behaved himself.
You stand before the vanity mirror applying the finishing touches. The only things left to do are tidy up your lipstick and finish buttoning your shirt, before tucking it into your pencil skirt and heading out the door. So far, you hadn’t had a single interruption from Jude, which was definitely a new record.
You might even get to leave the house on time today.
You glance down to click the lid back on your lipstick and when you look up again, you jump seeing Jude in the mirror behind you.
“Shit,” you breathe, startled, “we need to put a bell on you.”
“Hmm,” Jude hums a small laugh as he steps closer to you, smiling. He brushes up against your backside, and his presence behind you is warm. “You look nice,” he murmurs, taking in your heels, curve-hugging skirt, and pretty earrings. “You always look nice for work.” His eyes meet yours in the mirror, then he looks down at your cleavage.
“Thanks, boss,” you smile, starting to button your shirt up, “but you’ll have to wait til later for these.”
“Will I?” Jude mumbles, pressing up against your back. He plants his palms either side of you on the sink, caging you in, and treats the nape of your neck to tender kisses. “Hm,” he hums appreciatively, “like these heels. Little dove’s a little taller for me.”
You smile at him through the mirror, willing yourself resolute against his charms. Jude’s voice is just shy of croaky, so you know he’s still waking up properly, and hasn’t had his morning coffee yet.
“Want you to wear these to bed,” Jude mutters onto the back of your neck, his hot breath ghosting over your baby hairs there.
“Judie,” you murmur, “I just did my hair.”
“So don't move, dove,” Jude croons, sliding his hands up your sides. “Stay right where you are.” He takes your hands from where they were buttoning your shirt and places your palms on the sink. “Keep perfectly still,” he says, and cups your bra-clad breasts in his large, warm hands.
“Jude, come on,” you try to find the reasons to resist, “…I’ve gotta go… and the kids.”
Jude nuzzles in close, ear-to-ear with you, looking at you through the mirror while he palms your tits. “I let ‘em sleep in.”
You tilt your head as Jude caresses your breasts through your bra. “They need routine.”
“What's the problem with ten minutes?” Jude quizzes, lazily kissing the shell of your ear, “I only need ten minutes.”
“Jude!”
“Yeah?”
His big warm hands, long thick fingers, are mesmerising to watch. He cups and lifts and palms your breasts, massaging the soft yielding flesh in circles. He pushes your breasts together and holds them apart, experimenting between firm squeezes.
“Tits feel heavy, dove,” Jude says, “You getting your period?” He watches his hands at your breasts, his chin on your shoulder now. Your eyes meet in the mirror right as he tweaks your budded nipples between his fingers. “Kinda wish you were still breastfeeding. Remember how,” he rolls your nipples through the white lace cups, “you'd just trickle down all over me?”
You gasp, trying to talk. Jude pulls the lace of your cups down so your breasts fall freely, and as you stare at his eyes through the mirror you feel his bare fingers on your nipples, gliding over them. Two of your fingers are like one of his as he coaxes your flesh to firm buds.
“Hard little things,” Jude sucks a breath through clenched teeth. He thought you’d put up a fight—or try to—and didn’t expect to you be so easily aroused so quickly.
“I've got work,” you stammer.
“Oh yeah?” Jude murmurs. He kicks your heeled feet apart. “Ten minutes, dove.” He rucks up your tight skirt and pulls your knickers down till they hang, stretched and limp, about your knees. “You can give me ten minutes,” Jude breathes into your ear as he slides his long warm middle finger up your folds, parting your lips, until he grazes your swelling clit.
“You,” you gasp, “you’ll make me late.”
“I hope so,” Jude croons wolfishly, “’n more ways than one.”
You glare at him, your mascara-lashed lids fluttering as you fight the rising pleasure.
Jude smiles onto your skin as he teases your pussy, and into your ear he says, “We’ve got kids, dove. Everyone knows you can be late if you've got kids.” Then, he drops his voice to a whisper, “Right now it’s only two, but…”
Your jaw drops as Jude caresses your pussy lips and nudges your clit. “You want another kid?” you stutter, flexing your back to press your ass into his crotch.
“I want,” Jude says pointedly, growling now into your ear, “more kids, little dove.”
“Fuck, Jude, we—” you whisper, too many rational thoughts swirling into your mind and then quickly swimming away, only to be replaced by deep desires, millennia-old instincts.
“Yeah, I said it,” Jude interrupts with a low murmur, his full, petal-pink lips grazing your ear. “Wanna cum in you so much I knock you up again. Try for a girl. See if we have twins—"
You gasp his name. “Shit.”
“—’n’ I know like it when I talk about filling up that pussy, dove. You gonna drip for me?”
Jude’s rasping words finally, properly hit you and you gush anew, coating his fingers with more of your arousal, silky smooth and slick.
“That’s it,” Jude coos, stroking your cum all over the lips of your cunt. “Always were a bit of a squirter,” he purrs, slowly circling your clit. “You're still so good for me, little dove. After all this time.” He kisses under your ear, gently suckling your sensitive skin at the height of your jaw.
Joints in your knees and fingers start to tingle and tremble—you plant your hands firmly to the ceramic-topped vanity. Jude doesn’t desist: he strokes your bud until you're even wetter, and then he wraps an arm around your waist and lifts and hoists you higher onto the sink.
“Judie, shit,” you hiss, knowing all too well what your husband is angling for now. “I mean it,” you whisper urgently as doubts prick holes in your pleasure, “I’ll miss my meeting—”
“You won't be late if you cum when I tell you to cum.”
Jude is altogether too certain, too direct, and too nonchalant about this. You lean over the sink as he fusses with his slouchy sleep pants until he prises his cock free.
You say his name and grasp his wrist firmly, your eyes concerned as they search his in the mirror.
Jude stops his manoeuvring, sensing your seriousness.
“…Are you sure?” is all you can think to say.
Jude pauses for a second, then laughs over your name. He grips his cock and lines himself up, says, “Promise, dove,” and slips the thick fat length of it into your waiting pussy with a soft groan of pleasure.
Full, your breath catches, and you shiver as your pussy adjusts to being stuffed at this angle—bent over the sink with Jude pressed close behind. The shudder of pleasure ripples through your body, and makes your velvety walls flutter around him.
“Ohfuck,” Jude blurts, withdrawing and starting a smooth rhythm, a medium pace of rolling thrusts.
The added height of your heels puts your hips up over the ceramic vanity, and makes every single one of Jude’s deep thrusts light up your nerves with wildfire. The tip of his cock hits new, hidden spots inside you, and after four long drags of his fat cock a loud moan bursts from your lips.
“Shh, Mumma-bird,” Jude’s quick to hush you, “don't want to wake our little chicks.” He breathes heavily as he fucks you good and deep, gripping your hips with both hands, his pyjama pants slipping down his legs to pool around his ankles.
Your hands scramble for greater purchase on the countertop. “Huhhm, ‘f I’m,” you pant, “the ‘Mumma-bird’, what does that make you, boss? ‘Papa-bird’?”
Jude growls a quiet groan of pleasure. He leans close and purrs into your ear, “The cock,” right as he thrusts faster, buffeting your whole body forward.
Rubbing your clit to and fro on the edge of the sink.
Your heels slip out of your tall shoes as Jude fucks you up onto your tiptoes. You grab the sides of the sink for leverage: the container with your toothbrushes clatters to the tiled floor, and the soap dispenser tips over with a dull plastic thud.
Jude, grunting and sighing, is too lost in your body to notice. The faster pace makes the delicious friction all-consuming, and the race to make you cum so he can nut inside you pervades his senses.
He breathes quiet, heaving sighs into your ear; long ragged breaths of exertion and pleasure that accompany his plunging thrusts. You limit your sounds as well, to breathy pants and quiet gasps. You’re both pretty good at quiet sex, with two young kids in the house, but the reactions of your pulsing, pumping bodies are unmistakable.
Jude grips your hips tighter and nibbles on the shell of your ear. “Shit,” he huffs, “fuck I’m not gonna last. This fucking pussy—”
"You gonna cum in me, Jude?” you pant, cutting him off. You tilt your hips to get the angle just right on your clit, and your pleasure catches like a lit match. “Put another baby in me, boss?"
His cock twitches, goes rigid with the primal instinct to shoot his load as far up your fertile cunt as he can get it. To fuck you so good and deep your body can't resist as his seed quickens in your womb and his third child grows to life inside you.
“Fuuck,” Jude groans, careless and wanton. He pants breathily into your ear, his lips resting on the shell of cartilage as he asks you if you want more, if you want him to fill you up, if you want more of his babies.
You chase your own release and murmur back at him, “You wanna suck my tits when they’re too full of milk?”
“Fuck.”
Jude’s pistoning hips stutter as the mental image arrests his focus. He corrects quickly, one hand on your hip and the other now up on your shoulder, holding you firmly in place. His breaths get more voice to them. “Ah shit, here it comes, you ready?” he pants. “Gonna put another kid in you, Mumma.”
Your orgasm approaches, not far behind him. “Fuck, Jude—don’t stop.”
Your husband hisses a curse, holding off until he can bring you to the point of breaking. “God I love cumming in your pussy, dove,” Jude blurts out in a breath, overwhelmed. “You gotta fucking cum I can’t hold—”
“I’m there,” you gasp, lingering at the precipice, “I’m there, don’t stop, don’t fucking—!” The first wave of your orgasm cracks over you and you shudder, halting the breath that rose in your chest and threatened to be a moan.
“Uahh, shit,” Jude hisses when he first starts to feel you cum, “shit, ’m gonna nut—ohh.” He groans into your ear when he finally lets go, a choked up, cut-off sound, followed by a deep and heaving breath as you cum around him. He empties his load into your pussy and collapses onto your back, panting and sated, chin to your shoulder as the aftershocks tremor through his body.
You catch your breath, lifting your eyes to look at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Jude nuzzles into the slope of your neck and wraps his arms around your front. There’s mascara smudged under your eyes, your lipstick worn off from how much you bit your lip to stop from making noise.
“You,” Jude starts, but his voice is thick and croaky, so he clears his throat and tries again. “You gotta keep my cum in there all day, dove. All day long.”
“’s that so?” you smile softly, reaching around Jude’s hold and dabbing at your under-eyes with a make up wipe.
“All day,” Jude murmurs dreamily. He tightens his arms across your midsection. “Til I put another load in you tonight.”
119 notes · View notes
mrs-gucci · 3 years
Text
mrs-gucci writes Jude (Hungry Hearts)
jude’s taglist peeps! @goddessofsprings​ ​@beachwoodmonet ➸click the link HERE if you’d like to be a part of jude’s taglist peeps! 
*all of my pieces are written with a female reader character.*
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【professor au】
Drabbles.
𝕤𝕞𝕦𝕥 Wrong
sunday funday masterlist (for some additional Jude works)
8 notes · View notes
lunajay33 · 25 days
Text
Just Us🩶Part.2
Summary: In a world full of walkers y/n was able to escape with her best friend, but maybe that friendship turns into something more
Pairing: Carl Grimes x f!reader
A/n: This story starts when the group is on the road after Terminus but I’m gonna make y/n and Carl 18 just to speed along the story!! This is also my first Carl Grimes series! This story includes 18+ scenes, pregnancy and more
Part.1<-
•Masterlist•
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It’s been a week now since we got to Alexandria, we were still settling in, a few of us were still on guard but it was better than being out there, constantly in fear and always hungry, now we had food and a home
I was sitting on the porch with Judith in my lap as I rocked the chair back and forth as she played with a little stuffy someone from the community gave to her, Daryl was sitting against the railing tinkering with his cross bow, it was silent between us mostly, I always found comfort around Daryl he just gave that silent peace that I desperately needed sometimes
Judith was babbling as she pushed the bear in my face
“Oooo you like the bear sweetie?” I said taking it from her and wiggling it around as she giggled
She calmed down holding the bear and resting against my chest
“She really likes ya” Daryl said from his spot
“I’m glad, I’d do anything for her, do you wanna hold her?” I asked
“Nah don’t wanna get ‘er dirty” he said motioning to his greasy dirty hands
We heard voices close so we both looked to the street on alert, it was Carl and this girl I learned was Enid, Carl started talking a lot about her a few days after we came here and it was starting to eat at me, I noticed him drift a bit away from me, he wouldn’t be affectionate as much, I know we aren’t official but it sure felt like it and now he was interested in the new shiny toy
They were walking down the street right the house, I sighed biting my lip to prevent the built up emotions from overflowing
“Who’s that?” Daryl asked
“Enid, Carls been hanging out with her a lot, I’ve seen them climb the wall, I’ve barely even seen Carl much anymore” I said as I rubbed Judith back as I noticed her falling asleep
“They together?” He asked and it made my heart clench
I looked down not wanting to talk about this anymore
“Umm I think I’m gonna go for a little walk, are you okay here?” I asked standing up slowly as to not wake Judith held tight to my chest feeling her little hands unconsciously grip at my shirt
“ ‘m fine, ‘m here if ya need somethin’” he said going back to work
I left walking along the streets enjoying this moment with Jude, what if Carl really moved on, what if he only saw me as a best friend and now that there was actually another girl our age he wanted her, was I not good enough?
I sat on the curb under a tree for shade, I heard the little birds chirping and felt the gentle breeze blow through my hair as Judith curled in closer to me, I took the little blanket from my shoulder and draped it ontop of her
I found peace alone sometimes but my mind spiraled quickly, Carl always kept me grounded and now that he was off doing god knows what I was here thinking about everything
In the middle of my thought Judith woke looking up at me with those big wonderous eyes
“Mama” she babbled and my heart swelled, this beautiful little baby saw me as her mother and it just reminded me that I’d probably never get to have one of my own but for now I would cherish her
Tears sprung from my eyes running down my cheeks before I was interrupted
“Hey sweetie you okay?” I looked up to see Michonne standing over me with a worried look
I wiped my face and nodded
“I’m fine”
She sat next to me wiggling her finger in front of Judith as she tried to grab Michonne finger giggling
“It’s Carl isn’t it?”
Was it really that obvious, but I mean Michonne always noticed everything
“I’m losing him”
“There’s no way you could lose him y/n, we’ve all seen the way he looks at you”
“Use to, not anymore”
“He’s a boy, he’s gonna realize his mistake and that you’re the only one right for him just give it time”
“But I don’t want him to realize I’m the one after he’s given everything to her, he should just know, I know……” I said as I handed Judith to Michonne
“I just wanna be alone right now I’m sorry” I left going to the watch tower that no one really used
I swear everytime I tried to get away Carl jus plagued my thoughts, usually I’d love it thinking of our moments together but now all it brought me was this throbbing pain in my chest
I stayed in the watch tower until the sun was setting watching the few walkers would wander across the road and back into the trees dissapearing from sight
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Groups Pov
Michonne, Rick and Daryl were standing around the island in the kitchen catching up on the days work
“Have either of you talked to y/n lately?” Michonne asked worried
“Chatted with her today, seems upset” Daryl said as he picked at his nails
“What’s going on?” Rick asked confused
“Really you haven’t noticed?”
“Noticed what is she okay?” Rick asked
“It’s Carl, been running around with that Enid girl, haven’t you seen he’s been running after her like a puppy and totally forgetting about y/n?” Michonne said upset that Carl would actually tear you like that
“I guess she has been asking to have Judith more and it’s just been them when I see her, never with Carl, damn kid” Rick said pushing his hair back in frustration
“Nothing we can really do we just gotta be there for her, kid might come around” Daryl said hoping for the best outcome
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Y/n Pov
I got back to the house later that night after supper and most people in the group were gone to sleep or at least settling in, Carl was in his sleeping bag fast asleep making me miss the days on the road where he’d hold me, just a little over a week ago he was playing with my hair and holding me in that shitty barn before Aaron found us
With how close we got I thought maybe if the community was safe we’d start officially dating but that was quickly ruined
“Hey sweetie you’re back late” Michonne said from the kitchen as she sat talking with Rick now both looking at me
I went and sat with them as I took off my jacket and laid it over the back of the chair
“Oh ya, was just…….sorry”
“Did you have any supper?” Rick asked smiling gently
“No im not really hungry but ummm where’s Judith?” I asked trying to change the subject as I looked around looking for her
“We set her up in the crib up stairs, tomorrow we are gonna start picking rooms between the two houses, my rooms next to Judith’s, so me and Michonne will be staying up there tonight” Rick said
“Hmmmm I see” I didn’t wanna split up just yet it made me anxious
“Who else is staying in this house?”
“Carls got a room up there then Daryl is staying in the basement” Michonne said
“Is there other rooms downstairs?” I asked feeling most safe around Daryl now it might help ease my anxiety with the house splitting
“Ya do you wanna stay down there too?”
“If that’s okay I’d like to” I said biting on my lip nervously
“Of course sweetie” Michonne smiled
“Okay well I’m gonna stay there tonight so good night” I said getting up to head to my new room
I see Daryl across the hall laid on his bed keeping the door open which made sense, not wanting to fully close ourselves off from the group, I looked at my new room plain cream white walls, a double bed with blue sheets, a bed side table with a lamp and a dresser
I checked in the dresser seeing there was some tops and pants, I pulled out a black tank top and a pair of sweats I sighed in comfort, finally being able to wear comfortable clothes, no bra was nice for once as well not having the rickety worn wire digging into my ribs
I opened up the window a bit just to still feel that breeze then pulled back the covers of the bed and sliding in feeling that fresh cool touch of the sheets in my bare arms, it was so comforting in a way reminding me of the old day before everything happened but I also had this nagging feeling that I should be out there, out side of the walls fighting every second it was a weird feeling knowing it was miserable out there, maybe I just missed what I had out there, how I felt with Carl
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Walkers were everywhere groaning and reaching trying desperately to rip me apart, I screamed for Carl seeing him across the clearing not being bothered by the walkers
“CARL PLEASE SAVE ME” I screamed desperately feeling hands all over me but he just turned around seeing Enid pull him away
That’s when I felt my skin being ripped apart my nerves torn the pain unbearable
I woke with a scream shooting up in bed huffing feeling my chest rise and fall rapidly as my heart thrummed in my ears
“Y/n hey it’s okay”
I looked to the edge of the bed beside me and it was Carl holding my shoulders with a distressed look on his face
“You left me” I said feeling the tears build against my water line
“What do you mean I’m right here?” He asked as he started rubbing my arm
“No you’re not, you’re not here with me anymore Carl, you left me for Enid I never even get to spend time with you anymore, you never hold me anymore, you never say those sweet things to me, was I just a distraction for you on the road did what we shared mean nothing to you?” My lip now quivering as his eyes widened
“I…..I’m sorry I didn’t realize I hurt you like this, I would never purposely hurt you, you know how I feel about you”
“No I don’t Carl because you’ve never told me” I dawned on him that he never got the chance to tell you since Aaron came and it distracted him
“I love you y/n not Enid, how could I like her when I have the most beautiful, kind hearted, generous, loving girl right in front of me, I was just hanging out with her because she was having problem with her boyfriend, I love you y/n always have but I promise to never make you feel like this again” he said as he grazed my cheek with his fingers
“I love you too Carl, please just talk to me more because I hate feeling shut off from you”
“I will I promise” he smiled as he leaned in placing a gentle kiss to my lips
His confession lifted a huge weight off my chest making things feel a lot more normal again
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Taglist: @eiirqgi
Part.3<-
94 notes · View notes
bluesey-182 · 4 years
Text
We Have To Stop Meeting Like This - Chapter Nine
1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / ao3 
this isn’t the most action packed chapter but it needed to be written. Plus, the next few chapters are gonna be Wild(TM) so this is like the calm before the storm >:). i know this took awhile, and it may not be as good as the other chapters because i’m dealing with a loss of a loved one right now so writing is hard, but i hope you like it regardless. also, please keep in mind that i was dealing with some serious trauma while being tested for all this stuff so my memory is very very fuzzy but i wrote all of this to the best of my ability.
also, here’s a link to info about psychogenic non-epileptic seizure disorder
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Rather than a gentle awakening, Jude was instead forced out of sleep by a smoke alarm going off and the TV remote digging into her spine. Beside her, Cardan groaned at the noise in the apartment and aggressively threw himself out of bed with his eyes still closed before storming sleepily out of the room. She heard words exchanged, windows being opened, and the alarm soon after stopped it's incessant noise. Something was definitely burning.
"Stop trying to cook, man," came Cardan's voice from the hallway as he made his way back to his room. 
Cardan closed the door quietly behind him and turned back to face the bed, jumping slightly when he noticed Jude was also awake.
"Crap, I was hoping you had slept through all that," he said apologetically.
"Unfortunately," Jude replied, finally pulling the remote free from underneath her, "I'm not a heavy sleeper."
Cardan's shoulders slumped forward ever so slightly before he stalked over to the bed to bend over her. His lips brushed her forehead like a whisper as his hand found its way into her hair. He settled down on the bed beside Jude and her breath caught at the sight of him in all his morning glory--the full view of his tousled hair and the pillow creases still fading from his cheek. He was undeniably, heartachingly beautiful.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked, wrapping his arms around Jude's middle and gently bringing her closer to him. She settled against his chest and breathed in the scent of him.
"Mm. Good. It shouldn't be possible for a bed to be this comfortable."
"Alas, it is possible, but it's also expensive as hell."
Jude hummed a response before they settled into a comfortable silence. With her eyes feeling heavy, Jude felt herself being pulled back to sleep when Cardan spoke.
"Hey, so about last night…" 
"What about it?" Jude pulled away from him just enough to see his face. There was a question in his eyes but otherwise a strange sort of guarded look on his face. 
"Were you serious about wanting me to be your boyfriend?"
Jude's face was suddenly blazing. Had she made a fool of herself? Maybe he didn't want that kind of relationship and she had pushed for it and now--
"Because," Cardan continued shyly, "I was serious when I said I'm yours. If you want me."
If she wanted him? Cardan, with his snarky sense of humor and eyes she could get lost in with no hope of return? Cardan, with his surprisingly soft heart and ability to make her feel at ease? This Cardan beside her, looking at her like she was all the stars in the sky...  All to herself?
"Yes," she breathed. "I was serious." His usual cocky grin spread across his face and she instantly regretted her words. "God you're gonna be an ass about this, aren't you?" 
"Only for a little while," he said. "And then I'm going to go stand on my roof and yell to the world that I'm yours. It's going to be very embarrassing and probably involve a lot of tears, probably some snot bubbles, the cops will definitely be called because there's a crazy man on a roof in hysterics, but when they show up I'll just start shouting 'She's my girlfriend! I can't believe she's my girlfriend!' and surely they'll understand."
"You're insufferable."
"No," he said, pausing to let his real smile consume his face. "I'm your boyfriend."
"You know I could just end things right now," Jude threatened with no real heat behind the words 
"Yeah but you won't. I'm too damn sexy." 
"I hate you."
"I don't believe you," he teased.
"Good. You shouldn't."
From somewhere else in the apartment came another male voice. "Cardan!" 
"Jesus Christ," Cardan moaned before yelling back, "What do you want?!" 
"I'm ordering food! What are you hungry for?!" 
Cardan let his head loll to the side before turning his attention to Jude. "He's just gonna keep yelling unless I go out there."
"Then I guess we better go out there," Jude said.
Cardan’s apartment (if it could even be called an apartment when it took up the entire top two floors of the building) practically screamed money. Where Jude’s apartment was shaped like a shoebox with only a kitchen, living room, two small bedrooms, and a single bathroom, Cardan’s apartment was a labyrinth of halls and massive rooms and an entire wall in the living room made entirely of windows. The room directly next to his was a full scale library--bookshelves lined the walls and stood sentry in lines down the center of the room. First editions peaked out from behind books falling apart at the binding. New books gleamed next to books so old the name was now illegible on the spine. There seemed to be no organization to the chaos and yet the space looked loved in a way the rest of the apartment didn’t.
When they passed the living room into the open kitchen, Jude saw a screen taking up nearly the whole wall in front of the luxurious couch that was in the ground. The X-Box was still on but left on the game’s loading screen.
In the kitchen was Cardan’s roommate with the evidence of a horribly burnt breakfast strewn about on the counters. The man seemed to be around Cardan’s age. He was tall and lanky but with muscles peeking out from under his shirt sleeves. Sandy blonde hair hung into his hazel eyes and the only word that came to mind at the sight of his face was elegant. He had that almost other-worldly look about him that Cardan had. The kind of beauty that only someone who grew up with money could have. Admittedly, he was handsome, but something about his practiced stillness warned that he was sharper and perhaps more dangerous than he looked. Like a snake with too bright colors to warn about it's venom.
"Jude, this is my roommate," Cardan said. "He hates his given name so we call him the Ghost."
"Why?" she asked. The Ghost smiled warmly at Jude as his eyes assessed her. She scowled and scanned him back but, despite her glare, he only continued to smile at her.
"Gamer tag,” Cardan answered. “It's a whole thing. In freshman year there was a group of us that always got together and played. Our other friends we call the Bomb and the Roach."
"So what's your nickname?"
"High King," Cardan said with a smirk.
"Because you're a royal pain in the ass?" Jude teased.
"No, cause I used to do a lot of drugs."
The Ghost took this as an opportunity to finally chime in. "Obviously."
"Oh, yes," Jude replied sarcastically. "Obviously. How silly of me."
“It’s nice to meet you, Jude,” the Ghost said. “Now, we need to figure out something for breakfast because I’m starving and I burned the eggs.”
Jude eyed the lumps of burned matter in the pan still smoking on the stove. “Those were supposed to be eggs?”
"God, you're mean," the Ghost observed with humor.
Jude glanced at Cardan through the corner of her eye. "So I've been told."
The Ghost laughed with a childish sort of glee before giving her a conspiratorial look. "I like it. I can already tell we're going to be friends." 
"Lord help me," Cardan grumbled under his breath.
An hour later they were sitting at some mom and pop diner outside of town. The Ghost insisted they had the best breakfast known to man and so the drive was worth it but Cardan had just shrugged and interjected "the food's alright", which earned him a smack upside the head from Ghost. Jude laughed.
They had stopped at Jude's apartment on the way out of town for her to change into some actual clothes. When she walked back outside, Ghost was halfway into the front seat with Cardan smacking at him repeatedly and trying to wrangle him into the back.
"I want to sit up front," Ghost protested as he swatted at Cardan in retaliation.
"I'm not putting my girlfriend in the back, you fuckweasel," Cardan had shouted back, finally shoving his friend all the way back into his seat. Jude, for her part, pretended she hadn't seen any of it.
"Here's what I'm thinking," Ghost said now as Jude absentmindedly looked over the breakfast menu. "Chocolate chip pancakes, right? Whipped cream, nacho cheese, jalapenos--"
"Dear God," Cardan cut him off. "Please do not eat that."  
"It's not for me, dumbass. I was thinking we could feed it to Locke and see what happens." 
A look of consideration passed over Cardan's face and a laugh burst its way out of Jude. The mental image of Locke eating those disgusting pancakes only made her laugh harder, especially as she thought about him throwing up all over himself.
"Please," Jude said around her laughter, "please do it."
Ghost smiled triumphantly at Cardan and wiggled his eyebrows. To hide the smile trying to spread across his own lips, Cardan covered his face with his hands and his shoulders shook silently with suppressed laughter. "We're terrible people," Cardan said, the words muffled by his hands.
A waitress who appeared to be in her early fourties approached their table with a plastered on smile. "What can I get y'all to drink?" She asked in a charming southern drawl that lacked any warmth. She eyed the three young adults like they were mud tracked in on the carpet but, despite her look, Cardan gave her the same charming smile he had given Jude upon their first meeting. Now that she wasn't distracted by his assholishness and her anger at the accident, Jude could admit it was a smile that could make anyone go weak in the knees.
"I'll have an orange juice, please," Cardan practically purred. Whatever he was doing seemed to be working because the waitress had begun to smile and fiddle with her hair like she was smitten with him. Jude didn't know if she should laugh or punch someone. She glanced over at Ghost across the table and saw him covering his mouth to hide a smile. Catching her watching him, he shifted his hand to block his mouth from the waitress’s point of view and mouthed "MILF" before pointing to Cardan and winking. Unable to help herself, Jude snorted hard enough to choke on her own spit. The waitress scowled at her.
"Uh, I'll have a Coke," Jude said with a smile that only made the waitress scowl more.
"Coffee for me, please," the Ghost blinked up at the waitress in a way that made her roll her eyes before walking away.
"I hope you guys know she's gonna spit in your drinks now," Cardan claimed as he reached across the table to grab the basket of jam packets and began stacking them into some sort of structure.
"Why the fuck were you even flirting with her?" Ghost laughed. "You have a girlfriend now."
"I was trying," Cardan growled, "to get her to like us so we didn't get spit in our food."
"Looked to me like you were trying to get her into bed. What do you think Jude?"
"I think I might have competition," she joked.
"Oh please, no one could compete with you," Cardan stated. "You, Jude dear," he flashed her that knee-weakening smile, "are one of a kind."
"Gross, you guys ruined the fun," Ghost observed as the waitress came back and slammed their drinks onto the table hard enough to spill drops of soda onto Jude's lap. 
"What do you want to eat." It was a question, but the waitress said it like a demand.
They rattled off their orders one at a time and she scribbled them down. "Is that all?" She asked, already starting to walk away from the table.
"Uh, yeah?" Cardan said uselessly.
In Jude’s back pocket her phone began buzzing. The screen flashed with an unknown number. Confused, she excused herself from the table where the boys were still making jabs at each other and laughing. Cardan watched her go with a question in his eyes but otherwise said nothing. Reaching the hallway with the bathrooms, Jude finally answered her phone before it could go to voicemail.
“Hello?”
A perky woman’s voice said on the other end, “Jude Duarte?"
“Um, yeah?”
“Hi. I’m with Dr. Moon’s office,” the woman said, naming Jude’s neurologist. “I see we have you in the schedule for next week but we had a cancellation this morning and we’re wondering if you would like to take it? The appointment is in two hours.”
Knowing Madoc, he had probably pulled some strings to get her in earlier. Jude ground her teeth in frustration but had to admit that the sooner she got to the appointment, the sooner it would be over. “Sure, sounds good.”
“Wonderful!” The woman said with too much enthusiasm. “We’ll see you then!”
Jude clicked the end button on the call and went back to the table in time to see Ghost shoot a straw wrapper across the table into Cardan’s face.
“Hey,” she said softly to Cardan. Ghost, taking the hint that something serious was about to be discussed, excused himself to the bathroom, leaving the two of them to talk. “I have… kind of a big favor to ask.”
“Okay, anything you need,” Cardan’s voice was calm, though there was worry in his eyes as he reached across the table to take her hand.
“Could you, uh… could you drive me to a neurologist appointment later today? I can’t drive anymore because of… everything. But you can just drop me off and if you don’t want to pick me up then I can call Viv--”
“No.”
“What?”
“I’m not just gonna leave you there, Jude, I’ll go with you and stay until you’re done.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Jude’s eyes fell to the table where their joined hands rested as Cardan began tracing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.
“I know I don’t.” Gently, Cardan tucked his free hand under Jude’s chin and tipped it up so she could meet his eyes. “I want to, though.”
Jude hesitated. She was so used to doing everything on her own, never accepting help from anyone other than sometimes her sisters. Letting Cardan into her life was starting to feel like a mistake, like inviting the world to hurt her. What was she thinking, getting into a relationship with him?
“Jude,” Cardan said gently, saying her name like it wasn’t the first time he’d said it in the last few moments. “I can see you spiralling.”
"Sorry," she mumbled, a little breathless.
"Don't be sorry, dear. Just… let me be there for you?"
Jude searched his eyes and found nothing but sincerity. The longer she looked at him the more his features softened into an almost-grin that tugged at her heart strings. She had to admit… letting Cardan be there for her wasn't the worst thing in the world. And having him there would ease her own anxiety.
"Okay," she answered quietly.
"Okay," he repeated as he leaned in closer to her. They were inches apart and he was going to kiss her and she was going to kiss him back, right here in public for anyone to see.
"Are you guys done now? There's a creepy old dude in the bathroom that wouldn't stop bugging me," the Ghosts voice snapped Jude out of the moment and Cardan reluctantly leaned back, though he kept their hands joined under the table.
"You suck, dude," Cardan said. "But yes, we're done."
The inside of Dr. Moon’s office was almost as nice as Cardan’s apartment and Jude found herself wondering (not for the first time) why doctors' offices were always decorated like a showroom for an expensive furniture store. It definitely added to the sterile vibe you want in a medical office, but it also made her anxious to sit in the fancy waiting room and feel like she shouldn’t be touching anything. They had gotten to the office a little too early, even after the detour to take Ghost home, and were now sitting in silence. Cardan was flipping through some magazine while tapping his feet to the song playing faintly from behind the reception desk. Every once in a while he would show her the page he was on in the magazine and make a joke that she distantly registered. After the third picture, Cardan calmly set the magazine down on the table with a sigh and rose from his seat. Jude was about to ask what he was doing when he swiveled his ass around and sat down in her lap.
“Cardan?”
“Yes, dear?”
“What are you doing?”
“Easing your anxiety. You know, like a therapy dog.”
“Your boney ass is crushing me.”
“My ass is not boney, you take that back.”
A robust nurse walked through the door by the reception desk at that exact moment and thankfully pretended that everything was normal. “Jude Duarte? We’re ready for you.”
“Okay,” Jude said with a smile as she attempted to shove Cardan off of her. Before his weight lifted, however, he took the opportunity to further torture Jude’s legs with his protruding ass bones. Jude shot him a venomous glare as she finally got to her feet and he only smiled at her innocently.
“Go back to reading your magazine,” she said before following the nurse behind the door into the offices exam rooms. Jude took in the nurse’s scrubs and cringed at the bright yellow top that assaulted her eyes and made her head ache. As they came up to the little nook with the scale and other basic medical equipment, Jude schooled her features so the nurse wouldn’t see her face and think Jude was being rude.
“Alright, step up onto the scale so we can get your weight,” the nurse, who’s name tag read Claire, said kindly.
“Should I take my shoes off?”
“Yes, if you could please.”
Nurse Claire took Jude’s weight, checked her temperature and pulse, measured her height, and finally led her to the doctors personal office with a smile. 
“The doctor will be with you in a moment,” Claire said with another smile before sliding the door mostly closed. Once again, Jude found herself waiting. There was a rubber band ball at the edge of the side table closets to her that she began fidgeting with just to have something to do when the door suddenly flew back open and admitted Dr. Moon. Startled, Jude lost her grip on the ball and watched as it rolled under the table.
“I’m so sorry,” she stammered.
“Oh, don’t be sorry,” the doctor laughed, “that’s what it’s there for.”
The last time Jude had been in this office she had been eight years old. She remembered feeling so small beside Madoc, so lost beside him in that first year of living with him. They went through weeks of EEGs and MRIs and blood tests only for the doctors to tell her they didn’t know what was going on. Eventually they came to a diagnosis: psychogenic non-epileptic seizure disorder. A fancy way of saying “the death of your parents fucked you up so bad that now you have seizures due to PTSD”. Therapy and medication and several years passing had made the seizures stop until Jude got a traumatic brain injury playing sport in high school and the diagnosis changed from “non-epileptic” to “epileptic”. The seizure meds she was again put onto took care of the episodes and she was seizure free once more. Until now.
“So, Jude,” Dr. Moon said as he settled into the leather chair behind the desk. His hair had greyed since the last time she was here. His storm grey eyes now squinted at her through rimless glasses and new wrinkles lined his lightly tanned skin. “I see from your file that it’s been a long time since we last saw you in here. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
Jude’s mouth was suddenly dry, but she forged on. “Um,” she cleared her throat, shifted her weight in the seat, looked down at her hands in her lap. “My, uh, my seizures started again after several years of not having any. The first one was at my dad’s place and I was taken to the ER. The second one happened in my apartment. I, uh, I hit my head pretty bad and my… boyfriend,” she hesitated on the word, wondering if she should have referred to him as her friend since they hadn’t been dating at the time of the incident, “found me on the ground bleeding.”
Dr. Moon’s face looked thoughtful as he listened and when Jude finished recounting the details, he nodded sagely and leaned forward in his chair. “Jude, I think we’ll start off with an MRI today and then, since we don’t know if this is a relapse of your PNES or epilepsy, I’m gonna recommend that we set you up for an appointment in our other office for some EEGs. I’ll recommend one be done in-office and then we’ll set you up with a 72 hour one that we can send you home with. But until then, we’ll increase your dosage and see if that helps. Once all the results get in, we’ll meet up in this office again and go over all of it with you. How does that sound?”
Terrible. “Sounds great,” Jude forced out with a false smile. Being strapped up to wires and wrapped up in gauze around her head and having a small device strapped across her chest for three days was not something Jude was looking forward to. She had thought she was done with that.
“Excellent, I’ll let our MRI tech know you’re coming back and then we can send you on your way for today. Are you wearing anything metal on your person?”
Jude, having suspected they would want to do an MRI today, had chosen her clothes to be button and clasp free. “No.”
“Very good. If you would like the wait in the waiting room while we get everything set up then my nurse will retrieve you when we’re ready.” Dr. Moon opened the door to his office and held out his hand in invitation for her to exit.
Cardan was pacing between the windows when Jude walked into the waiting room. At the sight of her, his steps halted and he raised a curious eyebrow at Jude. “That was fast,” he said with a question in his voice.
“They’re setting up the MRI machine.” Instinctively, Jude wrapped her arms around her middle at the thought of being in that machine, even for just a few minutes. She hadn’t dealt well with small spaces since a night many years ago full of blood and sirens and coroners and…
Someone else’s arms went around Jude and held her in a tight embrace. She forced herself to take a deep breath, inhaling the now familiar smells that made up Cardan. Distantly she registered his hand in her hair as he gently wrapped some of her slight curls around his finger. 
“Want me to go back there with you?” Cardan suggested. All Jude could do was give a small nod of her head against his chest. With one last deep inhale, Jude peeled herself away from Cardan and reached for his hand to hold onto. It was hard to meet his eyes with the images of a night long past flashing through her mind. Still, she gripped his hand for support and he gave her fingers a small squeeze.
By the time the nurse came to collect her again, Jude had put herself back together and steeled herself for what was to come. Silently, with Cardan’s hand still firmly in hers, Jude followed the nurse to the back of the building where the MRI suite was. Papers plastered on the door and wall gave warnings and notices and all the other necessary disclosures for the rooms’ use. Jude settled onto one of the few chairs lined out in the hallway and watched the nurses’ retreating form. A few moments later a door next to the MRI room opened and a pretty blonde girl walked out with a smile. She was shorter than Jude, with flashing blue eyes, and she balanced on small heels.
“Jude?” The woman asked sweetly.
“Yeah,” Jude breathed.
“Hi, I’m Laney. If you’ll follow me into the room then we can get you all set up. Are you wearing any metal jewelry or clothes with metal clasps?”
“No.”
“Perfect, you won’t need a gown then.” Laney swept open the door into the MRI room and Jude’s heart beat a little faster when she got a peak of the machine. The room itself was unnecessarily large for only containing the one machine and the front wall was partitioned with a huge glass window leading into the tech room where Laney and Cardan would be watching her. Forcing one foot in front of the other, Jude came up to the table and paused.
“So Jude this is pretty easy and completely painless.” Laney fidgeting with wires. “We’ll just have you lay down and remain very, very still so we can get these pictures done as quickly as possible. The machine itself is pretty loud so we have some headphones here for you,” at this, Laney waved some of the wires in her hands into the air. Sure enough she held an odd looking pair of earbuds. “We have Spotify Premium to play whatever you want. And if anything goes wrong or you have a question or anything else, there’s a little button right here that you’ll be holding,” she waved the other wire in her hand, “that you can push to alert me. Sound good?”
Jude felt like she was choking. “Yes,” she managed.
“Fantastic! Let’s get you situated.”
Jude shot a glance to Cardan leaning in the doorway with his hands in his front pockets. Sensing her unease, he stepped forward and offered her hand to help her onto the table. He gave her a reassuring smile as the MRI tech rearranged Jude’s limbs on the table and messed with the technology of the machine. 
“Okay, now we’ll be in the next room right over there,” Laney explained with a gesture towards the window on the front wall. “This shouldn’t take too long but it’s important you remain as still as possible, okay?”
Jude gave a small nod. It was all she could manage.
“What music would you like me to play?”
“Oh, please let me choose,” Cardan said mischievously. Through the corner of her eye, Jude could see Cardan giving her a devilish grin. She sensed she might end up regretting it, but she agreed to let him pick the music. Besides, her mind wasn’t functioning enough for her to think of anything herself.
Cardan and Laney went to the other room. The door clicked shut. The machine started buzzing. With shaking hands, Jude put the headphones into her ears and then went completely still as a small light in the machine came on. 
“We’re gonna start now, Jude,” Laney said. Jude didn’t respond.
Just as Jude’s nerves were fraying to their edges, a song started playing in her ears. It didn’t drown out the machine, but it made the noise more bearable. She was trying to remember how to breathe--inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale--
The chorus of the song began to play and Jude’s breath caught with familiarity. Memories of Cardan’s arms around her and the buzz of alcohol in her veins and the feeling of standing on a cliff's edge came to Jude’s mind as the song they danced to that night in the bar filled her head. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the memory of that night--of Cardan’s gentle touch. His smile, the walk home, the feeling of his jacket around her in the cold. Her breathing came easier now. She no longer had to think through the mechanics of taking in air, she felt her muscles start to relax. The songs continued in a playlist of music he’d played in the car with her, songs she heard him humming, songs he knew she liked. Jude couldn’t help it, a small smile spread across her lips as the last of her anxiety dissipated. Her heart felt like it was going to burst from the feelings bottled up inside her. Still, she let herself get lost in the music.
Sometime later, Laney’s voice came into her ears, “You’re all done Jude. Good job”
--------
tagging the people who have asked me to tag them in previous chapters: 
@goblinwhoships, @hizqueen4life, @judexcardanxgreenbriar, @pilesofriles, @velarian-trash, @standbislytherin, @darlingod, @heyheyheylemonade
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soveryanon · 4 years
Text
Reviewing time for MAG169 (nice)~
- So, no cookie for guessing Desolation with this one, but big kudos to those who guessed that the episode would be reminiscent of the Grenfell Tower fire. Oh boy, what a domain it was ;; Desolation episodes have always felt extremely cruel and this one went veeerrry harsh on the torture and despair, even before the physical pain of it (as Jon said, “Some fears don’t need to be intensified; only manifested”). I really felt the nightmare-logic in this one, the feeling of being trapped and discovering/realising the rules and parameters as they became relevant; a little scenario that felt repeated, again and again, beginning badly (home as a prison, a toxic place that one cannot help but love because it’s familiar and theirs) and only getting worse, with Sabina losing everything (parents, possessions, physical safety), while at the same time… everything was rooted in something very concrete, very logical, very relatable, laced with poverty and the loss of agency.
- The edge in Jon’s voice for this one was terrifying (and so was the soundscaping, expressing what was being said), and it seemed… on point for The Desolation. Jude directly called him out about the fact that he himself was enjoying the fear but, even before that, the way Jon narrated Sabina’s nightmare really hammered in the cruelty and sadistic glee of the domain feeding on her ;; The mentions of the “landlord” were especially chilling, given a rhythmic, almost casually fatalistic c’est-la-vie tone to the whole ordeal (… while no, clearly, it wasn’t, and even if the fire had been accidental, there should have been ways and options to make it out… but no, due to an accumulation of negligence/neglect turning into something criminal):
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “But the door latch never really aligned properly, you see; the landlord always said he was going to get it fixed and… it refuses to open. […] The window frame never really opened properly, you see; the landlord always said he was going to get it fixed. […] But the fire escape was always really rusty, you see; the landlord always said he was going to replace it. […] Falling back into the inferno that is now her home, Sabina dashes over to the laughably small fire extinguisher the landlord begrudgingly provided; it is sputtering, and empty.”
(… Jon impersonating the parents’ screams sadly took me out of it on first listen, because the “We’re BURNING” immediately made me think of Jonny-playing-Galahad in HNOC’s “Hellfire” and the “We’re FALLING into the flames”, which was a bit of a mood-whiplash x”) It worked better on second listen, and again, WHAT is Jon currently feeding to the tape recorders…)
- Same as in other domains, memories were clearly rewritten or only made accessible to serve the dominant Fear at stake:
(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: “Next to him, Charlie saw Ryan, who he’d known since childhood – though the other details were hazy. Ryan gave him a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile – before his face exploded inwards to a sniper’s bullet, peppering the boat with shards of bone and gore.”
(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: “There was never a time before the disease, no matter what the old bastards tell you. It has always been in the village, always festered in the dark corners where nobody could stomach to check, where good neighbours wouldn’t dream to speculate.”
(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: “Its pace remaining as it ever was, it does not care for coming pains as you are torn. Doesn’t it know who you are? No…  And soon… neither will you. […] You will be someone again, someday. […] “I’m still Hannah!” you try to scream, but are you? No. Perhaps there’s some Veronica as fragments there, or Julian, or Anya, but… no. You feel the last of names and “who” you might have been be torn away and borne towards new bodies. New pages, blank; determined to be people.”
(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: “When had the crushing pressure in his chest become literal? When had the empty promise of the horizon finally vanished completely, replaced by the pitch darkness of this “forever wall of earth”? Sam did not know. Time had no meaning here. […] His existence was static, and eternal. Immutable. “Sleep” was only a memory, because even the prospect of unconsciousness might have made his present state slightly more bearable. Food as well, he knew, must be a thing, for he could feel the hunger, but his imagination failed to picture it. The only smell he knew was the damp, and the dirt.”
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “How long as she lived here? How long have these cramped, dingy rooms in the back of this sprawling rundown tenement been the place her heart calls home? She cannot recall, but long enough for her to grow into love for it, to cherish every rusted appliance, every crumbling piece of plasterboard, every – flickering – lightbulb. […] Sabina cannot… picture their faces, but knows that should they wake to see the state of the place… their anger would be blistering. […] What floor was her flat on again? Surely, it can’t be this high. […] Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories, that she can’t quite place [STATIC RISES] but knows are precious to her, curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family whose faces seem indistinct but she knows that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass pops out of the frame.”
For Sabina, memories were only useful to represent what she would lose. (;; It’s one of the things that still makes me the most uneasy with this season: the fact that regular people are deprived of who they used to be, the memories of who they were… while Jon&Martin are beaming with their Uniqueness. People are trapped in these nightmares but, by comparison, it feels a bit like they’re already “dead” and interchangeable, only allowed to remember things and be reshaped to better fear and feed the Powers…)
- I was wondering what would be the point of avatars in this new world (if they would still feed their patrons, or be absolutely superfluous, etc.). The fact that Jude’s death apparently didn’t perturb the Desolation domain very much tends to prove that they aren’t necessary, so it really seems like the keyword was what Oliver said last episode:
(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Sometimes, for some small variety, I will allow Danika to brush against another root: the final fate of someone she loves. […] And with each one, she knows her steps forward bring closer not only her own end, but all of theirs. Time walks forward with her, but she has not the strength to stop it. Her fate draws ever-nearer, filling me with the joy of watchful fear, but also my own concerns.”
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: It’s a maze in there, deliberately so. People running, desperately struggling for fire escapes only to find them blocked. … We won’t get lost, though. I know the route. […] “Do you smell smoke? Do you smell… the creeping ruin of a life, a stalking creature of unmaintained electricals, of cheap insulation, of cut-corners and missing fire alarms and unenforced safety regulations? Do you see it creeping under the door to your bedroom as you sleep, the burning coals of its eyes, regarding you in the supposed safety on your home; not indifferent, but hungry, eager to take everything from you, to burn down your life in any sense it can reach? Can you hear the crackling promise of kindled despair, that it whispers into your uneasy, dreaming ear?”
“Variety”? Creativity? Diversifying people’s suffering for the Powers’ enjoyment, and above all The Eye’s? I… wonder what that would mean regarding Jon, as The Eye’s favourite, right now… ;;
- I got genuinely surprised that Jon mentioned Arthur Nolan as still alive, because I thought he had been done for since March 2014 and the events recalled by Jordan Kennedy:
(MAG145) GERTRUDE: So. Now, Diego has taken over… Where does that leave you? ARTHUR: [SNORT] Slumlording over a nest. GERTRUDE: Oh. A nest of… what? ARTHUR: Found a mass of the Crawling Rot growing, a while back. Managed to get a hold of the property before it became too big. Gotta wait ‘til it blossoms before we can properly burn it. So until then… just playing landlord.
(MAG055) JORDAN: Time seemed to move slowly as he reached for the ashtray on the arm of the chair and picked up a pack of matches. He struck one and without even looking at me, he gently pressed the small flame to the centre of the scar. His flesh caught fire, immediately, the flames spreading across his body like rippling water. The armchair caught, then the floor, and then I was running out of the building before the rolling inferno could come at me as well.
(MAG169) MARTIN: Right… I just assumed this would be… Who was that landlord guy? ARCHIVIST: Arthur Nolan. He’s here, he has a… part of it, but it’s… huge. Bigger than you could believe. There’s so much fear in there…
It had felt odd to die from self-immolation, for a Desolation avatar, but we hadn’t seen him since then, and he had lived his time – given how Eugene Vanderstock was aware that he wouldn’t last forever (MAG139: “So, me? I was born in ‘36 – I know, I don’t look seventy. But burning the candle at all ends does have a few advantages. Until you burn out entirely, at least. It’s hard to say how much I’ve got left in me; how much longer my sacrifices can buy me. But when I go… you better believe I’m going big – and it is going to hurt.”), I had assumed that Arthur setting himself on fire was because his time has reached its limit and/or that his life had been tied to The Hive’s nest somehow by Gertrude, and that Jane becoming The Hive meant his final demise or something? But apparently, no, he was still around. I wonder what he was doing during the following four years? (If it was a matter of Desolation avatars respawning in the domain, I’d have expected for Agnes to be mentioned, but she wasn’t, so…)
- Speaking of Arthur, it’s hilarious how much this statement hammered in the confluence of Corruption/Desolation when it comes to one’s life crumbling, getting devastated:
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “Maybe the dirt and grime builds up to such a degree that the stench begins to infect your soul, or an infestation of moths or ants or bed bugs stretches itself throughout the very structure of your home, until it feels like your skin is squirming with them. […] How long as she lived here? How long have these cramped, dingy rooms in the back of this sprawling rundown tenement been the place her heart calls home? She cannot recall, but long enough for her to grow into love for it, to cherish every rusted appliance, every crumbling piece of plasterboard, every – flickering – lightbulb. Even as the widening cracks and spreading mould fill her heart with dread, they gently, slowly, inch by inch, approach the mildewed room where her parents lie sleeping.”
… Given Arthur’s utter disdain for the idea that The Lightless Flame could be assimilated to anything Corruption-adjacent:
(MAG145) ARTHUR: Not like I can vent to the others about what a prat Diego is! Got a lot of funny ideas. Still calls The Lightless Flame “Asag”, like he was when he was first researching it. I just want to tell him to get over it – I mean, [FASTER AND FASTER] Asag was traditionally a force of destruction, sure, but as a church, we very much settled on burning in terms of the… face we worship, and some… fish-boiling Sumerian demon doesn’t really match up, does it?! Plus, there’s a lot of disease imagery with Asag that I’ll reckon is… way too close to Filth for my taste, but, but no, he read it in some ~ancient tome~, so that’s that– GERTRUDE: Well, I can’t say I– ARTHUR: –reckons he always knows best, ‘cause he’s read a few books, well. Big. Deal! Way I see it, if a writer can’t even save themselves, they probably don’t have a lot worth knowing! Find me one so-called “expert” on all of this who didn’t end up regretting all of it!
I hope your ego and convictions are shattering and that this is your personal hell, Arthur. Diego was RIGHT.
- Regarding Jon and Martin’s own domains, Jon raised the possibility that they were metaphorically trapped in their own quest, and it follows the comments about how they were outside of the box:
(MAG164) MARTIN: Are we safe, traveling like this? ARCHIVIST: Yes… Yes, sort of, we’re… I don’t know how to phrase it, we’re… something between a pilgrim and a moth. We can walk through these little worlds of terror, watching them; separate, and untouched. MARTIN: [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] That’s not as comforting as you might think. ARCHIVIST: I like it better than the alternative…!
(MAG165) MARTIN: But. You said we needed to go through these places. … Is that even going to work here? ARCHIVIST: Uh… [EXHALE] We need to go through them… metaphorically. MARTIN: Mm… ! ARCHIVIST: Psychologically, we need to… “experience” them. […] MARTIN: Jon, what are you talking about? NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She can’t touch us. We’re so far beyond her now. NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She’s just like everything else here, rules by The Eye.
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: Like I said, I can’t see the future. It wouldn’t free them, if that’s what you’re asking. “Free” doesn’t really exist in this place. MARTIN: Apart from us. ARCHIVIST: I suppose. I–in a sense, though… [CHUCKLING] how much of that is because we are trapped in our own quest to– MARTIN: Okay, let’s, let’s not dive into another… ontological debate right now, not here.
… and 1°) they’re still technically under The Eye – the whole world is its domain right now; 2°) Obligatory “WHAT IS MARTIN’S DOMAIN” (a fixed place? Web, Lonely? The Institute-Panopticon too? Jon as “the Archive”, having ~trapped~ Martin?), 3°) … big Oouft because if they were to consider their quest as the “domain” trapping them… a quest is made around a goal. Jon presented it as a “doomed quest” which was already worrisome, Oliver highlighted that the current system would ultimately collapse on its own, The Buried’s domain taunted its victims with constant hope, so… if the goal kept being unreachable, but still “almost” out of reach, Jon and Martin could be trapped a bit more literally than just on an ontological plane.
- ;w; Martin is afraid of fire…
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: … You said you were onboard. MARTIN: I was! I am; I just… thought… ARCHIVIST: It wouldn’t hurt? MARTIN: … That we’d be safe. ARCHIVIST: I never said– MARTIN: I know! I know, okay, I just… [SOMETHING SHATTERS] Look, I j–, I just don’t want to get burned, alright? It’s, it’s like my least favourite pain ever. ARCHIVIST: Is that… a joke? MARTIN: No, no! Okay? I… I legitimately hate burns, alright, they’re–they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just, it– It–it just makes me sick, I–I hate it. Hate it!
* Is it related to the fact that he had to care for his mom from a very young age, and that accidents happened…? That makes his decision to burn statements in MAG117-MAG118 even braver – fire that he could control on his terms, but still, in close proximity to him.
* … Actually, Elias implanting in his mind the truth of how his mother saw him, while Martin had just burned a few statements and was threatening to keep doing it, and when the smell of the fire might have still be floating around at that moment miiiight have added fuel (ha) to Martin’s own fear. Associating bad things and pain to fire.
* Wooft that he hates burns and what they leave, when he’s probably been walking kilometres holding Jon’s all-burned-to-fuck hand.
* YEAH ALSO, that line about how pain can leave a scar even if there is no physical mark to show for it? Is valid on its own but, given Martin’s past, resonates even more when keeping in mind his relationship with his mother and the way Elias inflicted his powers on him and Melanie (MAG118: “Do you want to know what she sees when she looks at you?”). It’s really not empty words, he knows from experience.
* … Same thing as the contrast between MAG117 (“This way I finally get to do something. It’s gonna hurt, but… I’m ready. And I want to. Also, I get to burn some stuff, so that cool!”) and MAG118 (“Don’t. burn. any more. statements.”) around fire: reality not as great as when plans were made, when it comes to the “smiting”, uh.
* … Obligatory “This Is How Web!Martin Can Still Win” since The Desolation and The Web were extremely at odds, and Martin… really was uncomfortable and panicking in this zone, when he had been keeping it together in previous ones (he got very afraid in the Slaughter’s, but it was the first and Martin was discovering the rules):
(MAG139, Eugene Vanderstock) “The compromise we came to… was Hill Top Road. We knew it was a stronghold of The Web, full of other children Agnes’s age. We would supervise from a distance, but were confident she would be in no danger. The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand – all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.”
(Though to be fair: Martin presented himself as a “luxury smörgåsbord” for Fears in MAG117 since he was “just afraid all the time”, was always the Assistant Of Many Fears throughout the series, so it doesn’t have to be significatively a Web indicator – it’s mostly that, well, alright, so Martin can still feel specific, personal fears.)
- … And meanwhile: we went from Jon really casually forgetting that he was using his powers and knew more than he mundanely should have (the beginning of MAG167) to taking a moment to remember that Martin is not omniscient nor a mind-reader, not processing that pain (even temporary and without long-lasting damage) is a genuine factor, and admitting blankly that he’s feeding from this world, which, oops:
(MAG167) [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Help us with what? MARTIN: ‘xcuse me? ARCHIVIST: Annabelle, help us with “what”? Our–our, our journey, killing Elias, vanishing the Entities – what? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] MARTIN: Please don’t do that. ARCHIVIST: Do what…? Oh! Oh. Right, I, I see, yes. [STATIC FADES] Well, I– … [FOOTSTEPS RESUME] Sorry. MARTIN: It doesn’t… feel great, having someone looking inside your head…! […] I mean, I don’t want to keep secrets from you, but– ARCHIVIST: You should at least… be able to. MARTIN: Basically, yeah…! ARCHIVIST: I–I suppose that’s fair. MARTIN: It’s just… It’s weird, knowing that you can… know literally everything I think and feel– ARCHIVIST: Right… MARTIN: –especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people. Emotionally, I mean.
(MAG169) MARTIN: … Seriously? You don’t– … It’s on fire, Jon, it’s– ARCHIVIST: Yeah, uh… MARTIN: It’s a burning building! ARCHIVIST: Yes, it is. MARTIN: That’s on fire! ARCHIVIST: Yes. MARTIN: … Right. You are aware that traditionally, wading into a flaming inferno is actually considered bad for your health? ARCHIVIST: Yes, Martin. It will be fine. MARTIN: Alright. I just wanted to check. So. Okay. We’re planning to go through… all this, so I’m guessing the fire can’t… actually burn us! Right? Jon? ARCHIVIST: Hum… MARTIN: … Jon? ARCHIVIST: Hum… Mm… MARTIN: Jon. ARCHIVIST: I–it’s complicated. MARTIN: Well, if you want me to go in there with you, then I suggest you find a way to make it simple. “Yes” or “no”, can that fire hurt us? ARCHIVIST: Define “hurt”. MARTIN: Will the fire feel hot to me? ARCHIVIST: Yes. MARTIN: Will it cause me lots of pain, if I touch it? ARCHIVIST: Yes, though not as much as– MARTIN: [SHAKILY BUT STRONG] Will it burn me alive, and kill me dead? ARCHIVIST: … No. It can’t do us any permanent harm; once we’re out, we’ll be fine. MARTIN: You are aware that intense pain can do you loads of harm, even if there’s no any physical injury! […] ARCHIVIST: I should have told you before, so… I leave the decision to you. You know my feelings on the matter. MARTIN: I do? ARCHIVIST: I… Oh, right. I–I want revenge on Jude Perry. I want to… “smite” her. Make her feel what… [SIGH] what all her victims have felt. But I’m not willing to force you to suffer for it. […] JUDE: Yeah, but you like seeing their pain, don’t you? Their fear? ARCHIVIST: … Yes.
His relation to pain is understandable as someone who got “used” to the concept of hurting himself by repeatedly getting harmed, getting marked, and accepting more injuries to reach his goals and protect/save people who were close to him (and it’s very ironic that Martin used to be portrayed as the one “always setting himself on fire to keep others warm” while Jon… selectively did and does that too). The fact he’s feeding from this world is not a new thing: Jonah had announced that Jon would be tailored for this world, Jon himself pointed it out in the trailer, Helen toyed with him by being implicit about it – what is new is the… reverence? with which Jon seemed to marvel at the Desolation domain, the glee during the statement, the deadpanness when Jude called him out on it. It felt like at the beginning of the season, Jon was expressing more guilt, more uneasiness when it came to his enjoyment of this world… and in this episode, those were absent. So is it that he’s gradually accepting it? Or that he was trying to make a point to Martin about himself, about the fact that he is also (objectively) a monster and needs Martin to keep him in check if he doesn’t want to turn out like the others? No idea, but I feel like something is happening and building up about it;;
(… Was Jon feeding from Martin, in the Desolation domain? Martin who was miserable and afraid, coughing and in pain?)
- I LOVED the effect of Jon being in his small “bubble” of pouring out the statement, only for Martin to fight his way to get him out of it:
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories, that she can’t quite place [STATIC RISES] but knows are precious to her, curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: “–whose faces seem indistinct but she knows–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! ARCHIVIST: “–that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: “–pops out of the frame.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon, she’s here! ARCHIVIST: “Her home is being eaten alive by–” MARTIN: [CLOSER] Please come back! ARCHIVIST: “–this devouring Desolation–” MARTIN: JON! ARCHIVIST: “–and she–” [RESOUNDING SLAP] [STATIC FADES] MARTIN: She’s here! [COUGHS]
* … So, interestingly, Martin could actually get him out of it this time, while he had mentioned in MAG167 that he couldn’t stop Jon. Was it because the “statement” was different: given by the Desolation domain in this one vs. Jon giving a statement through his “knowing” in MAG167? Is it because Martin was outside of the statement mode, not listening to it (so able to break it, since he wasn’t enthralled by it)? Or is it because Martin has been becoming stronger by getting in contact with the domains? Or because he actually could have stopped Jon in MAG167… but didn’t, because he was curious, too, and preferred to think and say that he was entirely caught in the statement?
(* With MAG160, that’s the SECOND time Martin slapped Jon to “get him back” in some way. Gotta love how Jon shaking him off from The Lonely was by breaking out the violins and making an emotional confession and baring his soul to him vs. Martin, getting Jon back into focus by screaming and slapping him. Different kind of powers when there is an emergency.)
* … I’m very interested in the fact that the tape recorder was with Jon in that tiny statement bubble, while Martin was heard muffled from the outside. It wasn’t only Jon’s POV: it was, above all, the tape recorder’s, hearing the statement more distinctly than Martin. It illustrated the situation very well (Jon being unreachable and following the story, and the outside having trouble interacting with him), but I wonder what caused the bubble to exist in the first place: the Desolation domain contaminating Jon with his story? Beholding, focusing its attention on Jon because he was acting as a vessel while narrating Sabina’s story? Or the tape recorder, since Jon was feeding it?
- It’s noteworthy that so far, avatars have all been able to identify Jon as the one having provoked this apocalypse, and not “just” as an avatar beneficiating from it the most since The Eye is his patron:
(MAG164) HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you!
(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned.”
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: Hello, Jude. JUDE: Fancy seeing you both here. To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure, the honour, of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world, and his, uh… valet…? […] Sure, I moan about The Eye, who doesn’t? But, we’ve won! Both of us. And… that’s great!
Seems like they got a special knowledge or are able to feel his status in the new world? It’s still cracking me up that nobody ever mentions Jonah and his participation, and that he’s absolutely irrelevant (while he was the one to scheme and pushe and engineer this apocalypse in the first place).
  - Gigantic dread as soon as Jon mentioned Jude, because y i k e s: technically, we heard about avatars who felt extremely ruthless and cruel, such as John Amherst or Arthur Nolan, but those had belonged more to Gertrude’s era. Jude Perry was the one who felt the most gratuitous and deliberate in her cruelty, in Jon’s era? And despite that, was mostly staying in her lane – Jon had to look her up to find her in MAG089, she never went after him? So the idea that he was trying to confront her and bringing Martin with him (… without warning him at first), that he sought her out and was planning to kill her, felt dangerous and worrisome.
  - Gotta love, about the “valet”-thing, how:
(MAG169) JUDE: Fancy seeing you both here. To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure, the honour, of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world, and his, uh… valet…?
* It’s payback for Jon’s “I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct?” (MAG089). Opposite of mlm/wlw solidarity.
* ONCE AGAIN, after Elias, after Peter, after maybe Helen currently?, it’s an avatar underestimating Martin on sight.
  - It felt to me like Jon was mostly seeking answers or a form of peace of mind than genuinely getting revenge, or helping Jude’s victims? He insisted on his questions all through their confrontation:
(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: I have a question for you. I’ve been wondering. MARTIN: [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: Did you know what you were doing? JUDE: Excuse me? ARCHIVIST: When you burned me. Marked me with… Did you know it would lead to… all of this? [CRUMBLING] JUDE: You came all this way just to ask that? ARCHIVIST: Answer the question. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just reach into my head and pull it out? ARCHIVIST: Because I want to hear you say it. Willingly. JUDE: What difference does it make if it’s– ARCHIVIST: Just answer the damn question…! JUDE: … No. I had no idea. ARCHIVIST: So why did you do it? JUDE: Why do you think? Because I wanted to hurt you. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: Because you were annoying, and I didn’t like you! So I hurt you. ARCHIVIST: And if you had? JUDE: But I didn’t. Look. I don’t care, okay? MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: I just… I don’t. Raking over the past like it matters, like it means anything… The past is dead, Archivist; ashes in the wind. We’re – here – now. And that’s it! ARCHIVIST: … I suppose you’re right…!
And this time, it wasn’t a tug-o’-war of question/answer resulting in one’s death (Peter), or an impulsive murder (Not!Sasha). It was planned and controlled, and deliberate. And it didn’t feel good at all: it was really a horrible scene, with Martin coughing and coughing in the background (… and Jon not paying it any attention), the execution dragging out and taking time, because Jon was processing slowly and not… giving the final blow. I really wondered if he was going to just stop, or if it wouldn’t work, or if Martin would ask him to stop – but no, quite the contrary, it’s Martin who yelled for it to be done:
(MAG169) MARTIN: [COUGHS] [STATIC RISING: LOW AND SPIRALLING, PRESSURING] JUDE: Uh! Listen… Listen… [BREATHLESS CHUCKLING] You’re enjoying this, right? ‘Course you are! You want to use those powers of yours to hurt people, you want to murder everybody who can’t fight back at you now? I can help you…! [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] MARTIN: Just DIE already!! JUDE: You’re… not… better… than… me! [SCREAMS] [DIGITAL BURSTING, RIPPING SOUNDS] [STATIC DECREASES AND FADES] MARTIN: [COUGH] [PANTING] Is it…? ARCHIVIST: It’s over. … She’s gone.
;; There was something very… child-like, in Martin’s scream? You know, the kind of absolute rejection because he’s hurt and because in his mind there is no other way than for the other person to disappear for him to feel good ever again? I hadn’t paid much attention with Not!Sasha, but technically, the distorted, glitching sounds before and during the ripping of both the Not!Them and Jude sounded very close to Peter’s own static (and Martin’s, when he disappeared in front of Georgie): is it possible that he might have contributed in both cases, or amplified it? Or was it “only” Jon all through it?
- There is something very fitting in the fate of avatars, lately: the Not!Them was forced to “know” the suffering of its victims before getting ripped away from existence; Oliver was not rejecting death and knew it would come from him at some point, and Jon fittingly decided to spare him (although he was aware of the irony); Helen-the-Distortion is an ambivalent case (Jon can threaten her, but they can talk, it’s a bit of an unstable relationship the balance of which could shift at any time); Jude was inflected the suffering of her victims (and desolated herself in a way). It’s kinda fitting, for The Stranger, The End, The Spiral and The Desolation? I wonder how much the Domains are influencing Jon’s behaviour towards their agents, regardless of his personal feelings about them…
- Regarding Jon&Martin, it’s really heartbreaking that they are trying to navigate around and with each other’s feelings, trying to find the “right” decision regarding choices and boundaries… and that it backfired so badly due to the circumstances and the fact that, right now, they can’t really make an ideal, non-harming decision:
(MAG169) MARTIN: Jon, is there another way? ARCHIVIST: I mean… sort of? M–maybe? [SILENCE] MARTIN: That turn…! You, you took a hard turn after the roots back there. I knew that was a thing! Why are we here? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] It’s just… [INHALE] When you said… [SIGH] MARTIN: Jon, why have you taken us here? ARCHIVIST: Jude Perry. … This is where Jude Perry rules. […] You said you were onboard. MARTIN: I was! I am; I just… thought… ARCHIVIST: It wouldn’t hurt? MARTIN: … That we’d be safe. ARCHIVIST: I never said– MARTIN: I know! I know, okay, I just… […] ARCHIVIST: … Alright. If you really don’t want to do this, we, we can go another way. MARTIN: Really…? ARCHIVIST: Really. My revenge… [SIGH] Well, let’s just say you’re more important. […] So are we going in, or not? MARTIN: You’re– … I, you’re asking me? ARCHIVIST: I should have told you before, so… I leave the decision to you. You know my feelings on the matter. MARTIN: I do? ARCHIVIST: I… Oh, right. I–I want revenge on Jude Perry. I want to… “smite” her. Make her feel what… [SIGH] what all her victims have felt. But I’m not willing to force you to suffer for it. MARTIN: Okay, so it’s… I have to choose, do I? ARCHIVIST: Or we could sit here. [SILENCE] [DISTANT SOUND OF SOMETHING COLLAPSING] MARTIN: … No. No, I–I’m not going to choose, I d–I don’t think that’s a fair decision to put on me. It’s your revenge; your choice, not mine. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … Fine. We go in. [DISTANT SOUND OF SOMETHING COLLAPSING] MARTIN: [SHAKY INHALE] Al–alright then…! ARCHIVIST: We’ll be fine. MARTIN: J– Lead the way. [BAG JOSTLING]
It was good of Jon to admit that he should ask Martin, and expressed reluctance at the idea of putting him in an uncomfortable position for his own revenge! It was good of Martin, to establish once again that he didn’t want to bear the burden of deciding for both of them (MAG154: “Don’t do this.” “Do what?” “Make it my decision.”), while it was explicitly about what Jon wanted! … But it also feels like Jon would have needed Martin to decide agree to go for him if the goal was for Jon to find some peace of mind with his revenge, and that Martin would have needed Jon to say that no, definitely not, his revenge wasn’t worth endangering and harming Martin.
(Though, I feel like Martin was the most hurt of them both, this time around ;; He sounded absolutely miserable at the end of the episode, and he had been the one to begrudgingly agree to follow Jon after making it clear that he wouldn’t like the experience… I’m really surprised that Jon stuck to the “revenge” concept while he knew what was at stake for Martin. Really hoping that they will talk about it soon ;;)
  - ;; Technically, Jude made a lot of valid points regarding Jon-as-an-avatar:
(MAG169) JUDE: You’re not scared, though, are you, Archivist? ARCHIVIST: … I can feel the pain of every person you have trapped here. My own isn’t all that different. JUDE: Yeah, but you like seeing their pain, don’t you? Their fear? ARCHIVIST: … Yes. JUDE: You and that stupid Eye, god, you make me sick! Lording it over everybody like you own the place? You’re just leeches, voyeurs, parasites on the real monsters. […] Oooh, I see! I get it. You finally get a sniff of power, and the first thing you do is try to settle some old scores. MARTIN: [LOUDER COUGHS] JUDE: Play the big man, get off on good old-fashioned petty revenge~! […] I’m happy in this world. I belong here. And so do you. MARTIN: [COUGHS] [STATIC RISING: LOW AND SPIRALLING, PRESSURING] JUDE: Uh! Listen… Listen… [BREATHLESS CHUCKLING] You’re enjoying this, right? ‘Course you are! You want to use those powers of yours to hurt people, you want to murder everybody who can’t fight back at you now? I can help you…! [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] MARTIN: Just DIE already!! JUDE: You’re… not… better… than… me! [SCREAMS]
He presented it to Martin as “revenge”. He went out of his way to find Jude, first hiding it from Martin and then deliberately making the decision of going after her after he learned that Martin would be terrorised by the domain (but ready to follow him if Jon really wanted to go). Jude’s execution also exists in contrast to Oliver, whom Jon had decided to spare because he had “helped” him (… to wake up as an avatar), while knowing full well that Oliver had killed people too (MAG121) and that he was currently torturing victims in his domains (in creative, cruel ways for “VARIETY”…). Jude’s smiting didn’t feel like an application of justice, or as something fair; it just felt like personal retribution, because Jon has the power to do it. There is something reassuring in the fact that the whole scene didn’t bring any catharsis, felt so extremely anti-climatic and miserable (Martin was in pain and on the verge of tears, wanted to leave the place; Jon wasn’t triumphant), because Jon behaved as the plaintiff, the legislature, the judge and the executioner – it is terrifying in itself that he has the power to establish who would have the “right” to die or to keep torturing people following whether or not they’ve served his interests.
(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: I just, I don’t think he’s… [SIGH] I don’t know, I don’t think he’s evil. MARTIN: Oh, yeah, sure, he’s probably a really kind, benevolent ruler of a hellish fear prison…! ARCHIVIST: It’s just… He helped me. Wh–when I was… He woke me up. […] But I’m not going to… seek him out. At the very least, he’s earned not having me hunt him down. MARTIN: Fine. I suppose that’s… reasonable. […] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] No. If Oliver will not seek me out, then… I will leave him be. [TINY CHUCKLES] The avatar of Death… shall live. Martin’s going to be thrilled…! [SIGH]
(MAG169) MARTIN: [COUGH] [PANTING] Is it…? ARCHIVIST: It’s over. … She’s gone. MARTIN: [PAINED] The fires are still here. Doesn’t look like much has changed. ARCHIVIST: … No. I suppose not. [CRUMBLING SOUND] MARTIN: [SHAKILY] … Let’s just get out of here.
Jude was indeed that one avatar we wanted to see disappear (since the was gleeful about hurting, that she chose to get involved in the cult and didn’t join it to escape another horrible fate, that she admitted she didn’t regret this world nor the hurt she had to Jon himself); but her accusations had some truth in them precisely because Jon had just decided to spare Oliver given their own relationship – while Oliver, too, had admitted that he was torturing and enjoying people for the fun of it. Jon’s judgement… doesn’t work. And since nothing changed in the domain, it just proved that avatars themselves weren’t the real problem at the root – the Fear-system is still in place, still working, with or without them, still hurting and feeding from people.
(… And it also highlights that, indeed, right now, Jon is “made” for this world, as Jonah had hypothesised in MAG160. He’s been shown grieving the old world, being eaten by guilt, refusing to embrace the fact that the Fears around him feel “right” at the beginning of the season. But he’s currently feeding from this world and still enjoying victims’ pain on some level – what would happen, if Jon&Martin managed to successfully revert the world back in some way? Would Jon still be able to survive?)
- We’ll see if Jon and Martin talk about it soon, but it sure feels like a conversation regarding the “smiting” is needed. Martin seems to have experienced first-hand that it’s nnooooot as good in practice as in theory (he was miserable, in pain, coughing his lungs out, witnessed Jon choose to willingly bring him into a discomforting, potentially triggering place in the name of it), but I’m not sure it will be enough for him to reconsider the idea, or to point out that… he had been wrong about it, and that the logic of killing avatars as an easy, evident, helpful thing… is actually not that simple, since it didn’t change anything. (Probably because they have to aim higher.)
I’m really not sure about their future stances regarding other avatars, because, really, who could feel as “deserving” as Jude? Jon might want his rib back, but he technically gave it to Jared as part of an agreement (and Jared honoured his half of the deal!); Daisy would “at best” represent an attempt at mercy-killing if Jon were to try anything (and it certainly wouldn’t feel good); Julia&Trevor… indeed caused the chaos in MAG158, which also led to Daisy snapping, but would it be enough to want to “smite” them? (Meanwhile, if Jon meets Simon: same as Oliver, given his relationship to his patron, he would probably just embrace his own death.)
Plus, if Jude’s execution felt unsatisfying now, I really doubt that doing anything to Jonah would feel satisfying either? It… wouldn’t solve anything or fix the world back.
- I really wonder what’s happening in Jon’s head right now, if everything was a conscious decision that more or less backfired (ha), or if there are once again influences at stake… Did he really go after Jude because, like Martin suggested, Jon thought it could free or at least relieve the people imprisoned in that domain? Jon can’t see the future, but he could have “known” what had happened to the Not!Them’s carousel to get an indication of what happens in those cases; it… didn’t sound like a genuine reason. Same thing with the concept of revenge: Jon was scared of it just a few episodes ago (MAG166: “Because I’m ashamed, Martin. […] Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I… destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it; the fact that… I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please; the fact that I… enjoyed it, and… the fact that there are… so many others, that I still want to revenge myself on!”), and if it had been only about revenge, he wouldn’t have needed to ask Jude all these questions and to delay the moment when he would actually end her. Was it because he hoped that Jude would regret, would have behaved differently if she had known that it would lead to the apocalypse? Was it because he wanted to check with himself whether “smiting” her deliberately would feel good, fair and right? Was it because he thought that trusting Martin’s judgement and killing avatars would indeed be the best course of action? Was it because he wanted to prove a point to Martin – that he’s a monster too, and/or that killing doesn’t feel as great in practice as on the paper?
… His behaviour in this episode reminded me so much of MAG141, however, and how coldly rational he had sounded about what he was doing to Floyd, as if it was a logical and implacable course of action; so I can’t help but wonder if there is Eye-related influence at play. Pushing him to hurt other avatars for The Eye’s entertainment, to feed from the ones who are usually feared? For “variety”, too?
- … Regarding Jon’s powers, I had briefly wondered whether Jon was still able to compel, given what Oliver had mentioned, but mMMMmmm…
(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a “plea for mercy” or a “call to action”. I would have offered it willingly, of course, but to do so is no longer an option. You cannot ask; you may only take.”
(MAG169) JUDE: You came all this way just to ask that? ARCHIVIST: Answer the question. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just reach into my head and pull it out? ARCHIVIST: Because I want to hear you say it. Willingly. JUDE: What difference does it make if it’s– ARCHIVIST: Just answer the damn question…! JUDE: … No. I had no idea.
Since compelling Peter to death, Jon has never been shown forcing an answer out of someone again. He has been shown “knowing” things with alarming ability, being almost entirely omniscient at this point (MAG164: “Okay. So… how much can you see? What else do you know?” “Uh… Maybe everything…!”), whether it’s prompted by someone’s questions (as Martin demonstrated) or Jon just knowing things on his own accord. He has demonstrated a new way to deal with “statements”: getting filled with the Fears suffusing his surroundings, and having to “pour out” these statements into the tape recorder (MAG162: “This cabin. It’s not right. And, when I thought that, I–I felt… It, it all poured out of me down… into the tape.”). He has manifested his new Eye-related ability to turn the Feared into the Fearful, eradicating monsters and avatars (MAG166: “But The Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other.”). But compulsion as the act of asking a question and forcing an answer out of someone? Nothing since the beginning of the season. It might be nothing, but Oliver has always known so much about Jon and his situation, and Jude directly made a reference to that power when Jon didn’t use it, so… it could indeed be a thing.
(Or it’s also possible that, after Peter resisted compulsion to the point of dying, Jon fears that ability and what it could do, and purposefully stopped using it?)
MAG170’s title is… MmMMmm. If this an episode regarding a territory, I would say Spiral or Flesh (… and Jared in particular). It could also be about things outside of a domain, like what happened with “Curiosity” – and then, I’d see ways for it to be an outside POV (Jonah? Annabelle?) and/or other characters coming back (Georgie&Melanie? Basira? … stumbling upon/finding Daisy…?). And/or Martin talking about himself – we know so little about his pre-Archives life, I feel ;; (Same for Basira…) There could also be a way to connect with something mentioned about Agnes in MAG067…
(… It’s also making me think of Albrecht’s library / the Black Forest crypt and what Jonah did of the books…)
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