Vegas should be terrified.

We know by this point that Vegas’s biggest fear is being alone. The thought that no one loves him, that he is unworthy of even the slightest bit of affection, has festered in his heart and won’t let him go. It’s corrupted him, yet it (ironically) only drives more people away.

But here’s Pete. His captive. His enemy. The subject of his torture. And he stays. 

Not only that, but he hands himself over to Vegas. He grabs Vegas’s hands to keep him from hurting himself. He sacrifices his own freedom to help a broken, vile person. I can’t even begin to describe that level of selflessness. It’s one thing to help someone innocent and suffering, but it’s another to help someone wholly undeserving of it. Vegas is a recipient of trauma, but he’s also a creator of it.

And yet. Pete comes back.

I don’t think I will ever come to a definitive conclusion about Vegas’s expression here. Among other things, I think this is the moment it clicks for Vegas that this man isn’t like anyone else. Pete has been on the receiving end of Vegas’s hate and fury--he’s seen him at his absolute worst--and even then he stayed. Not only that: he reciprocated.

Pete was afraid, once. Now it’s Vegas’s turn. 

So maybe that’s what we’re meant to take away from Vegas’s expression in this final moment: fear. Being scorned or even abandoned by his father would arguably hurt far less than what Pete could do to him. For all the manipulating Vegas has done, he now finds himself in a chokehold. And the complete turnaround is perfectly and poetically ironic. 

hello hello hello ! this is my comfort piece for @doinmybesthere ‘s mental health awareness month collab! and I’d just like to say a huge thank you to emme for creating such a wonderful collab and thank you for letting me be apart of it.

paring: kirishima eijirou (I’m talking 7ft big strongman vibes) x empathic quirk f!reader (established relationship)

word count: 3.7k +

genre: hurt/comfort + fluff

warnings: mentions of anxiety & toxic friendships, instigating with means to harm- please let me know if I missed anything!!

a/n: this I think,, was the best way to approach what has tormented me for years. it was a reoccurring thing for me but I never handled it properly, and just this year, someone important taught me that I deserve more than what I’ve been putting myself through. so here it is! I also think that once my schedule clears up, I’m gonna make a sister piece to this but idk !! let me know if you guys would be interested in that!

++ the absolute biggest thank you to my betas/flow checkers @doinmybesthere @lady-bakuhoe @keishinslove BIG kith

pss. the first person who can guess my love language based off this fic wins a prize

Turning other’s confidence to despair, gloating to fear, persistence to tiredness, motivation into loss- but all you felt was drained. The overuse of your quirk left your head feeling full of cotton; Your chest heaving and vision slightly blurry. 

You arrived late to the fight because what started as a relaxing day off quickly turned into a rush to get to the streets. Thankfully Red Riot had been on the scene, waist-deep and stalling a full-fledged fight between two combat villains until backup came. 

His tired eyes met yours and you flashed him a hopeful smile until witnessing the villain get a short-termed upper hand. They landed a solid punch, which caused you to feel not only the repercussions of the shock-inducing impact but your building guilt of being a distraction.

Years of training reminded you not to let it get to your head, your hero instincts kicking in after emotionally experiencing that strike. Heart pumping with adrenaline, you began to focus your heart and mind, simultaneously tuning into what those around you were feeling, never forgetting to keep your eyes wide and alert. 

Confidence, eagerness, perseverance, exhaustion, determination. 

Taking a breath as you ease into a rhythm, you kept your sights on the two people who were attacking the boulder of a hero and finally, a steady grasp.

Quirk at work, the familiar mental image of loose strings flowing in the wind appeared, and you grabbed a hold of them, symbolizing that you had caught hold of their feelings and wasted no time on bending and contorting to your will. You watched as their actions became slower and less motivated, making it easier for Kirishima to handle. He must have realized what was happening, a new surge of elation pumped through him as he began to knock both of the villains down a peg. 

Seeing him fight had always been such a marvel to watch; it was so easy to be mesmerized by the sheer enthusiasm he had while trying to keep the balance and execute justice. Kirishima Eijirou was a hero in all senses of the word- and not just any hero, your hero- as cheesy as it sounded.

Secured under his weight and possibly unconscious, Red Riot looked around, a bit disheveled, until his gaze found yours. Expecting to be met with the warm sincere smile that always made your heart flutter, your heart sunk when you saw his eyes turn wide and frantic as he called out your hero name. 

On top of feeling a bit dizzy from honing into those particular subjects and manipulating two people at once, a wave of distress washed over you, adding to the unfavorable aftermath of pushing your quirk. 

You were quick to whip around, finding another villain was closing in closer than expected. You dropped all previous controls and focused solely on the person in front of you. 

“You had gotten better since the last time I saw you,” they sneered as they attempted to land a hard-hitting kick to your stomach. 

Missing by a hair, you pushed past the dreariness in your head and went straight into a defensive position.

The close-cut dodge wasn’t the only thing to throw you off; now you had realized why Kirishima looked at you like that; your traumatic past, the one you had divulged to him in the safety of your home, warbling with tears streaking your cheeks, was coming back to roughhouse with the intent of ending in a knockout. 

Fear twisted into gut-wrenching anxiety; the plummeting feeling hit the bottom of your stomach with a harsh thud.

In front of you stood the unmistakable frame of someone you had considered to be one of your closest friends for a time; someone that seemed so natural to be with, someone you divulged secrets and shared smiles with, someone that had made it seem like separation was not an option- now turned villain, sporting a suited evil smirk smeared on their face. 

It was hard not to let the tears collect on your waterline, thinking about the whirlwind of your relationship as your gaze met theirs for the first time in years. Months and months of triggered breakdowns, cold sweats from various nightmares, and countless tears have been shed as time progressed, the sinking feeling of long-lost fear that they had put you through now showing its ugly head; the thought you had convinced yourself for so long- that you ended up not even being worth their time starting to resurface. 

It had been hard to learn the lessons that were dealt and see the mistakes made on both parts- not just yours, to pick up all the shattered expectations of what a true friendship is, but you had. Now you were able to sort through the wrong sorts and had gotten emotionally and mentally stronger because of it; in many ways, the ending of the friendship helped you realize that there were ways you deserved to be treated, and like shit wasn’t one of them.

However, it almost seemed like all the progress you had made swirled down the drain now that they were in front of you. It was like you were experiencing the heartbreak of them ending the friendship all over again.

“Awww! The poor little hero is still heartbroken after I left her?” their tone patronizing as they jutted out their bottom lip to form an exaggerated pout. “Look at you! I can practically see the desperation on your face- desperate for me to come back? You’ve always been so fucking clingy. But you know, the news has you pinned as like... some kind of saint… no, no. You’re nothing but a selfish attention whore playing the good guy... so I just wanted to stop by and remind you of the truth.” they sneered, really aiming to trigger your trauma. 

You had opened up to them about all your fears; from the smallest to the all-consuming ones, so for them to be targeting you like this… they must have thought that you haven’t changed- and you fucking have. You worked damn hard to do so; You’ve grown and have started appreciating yourself more, started loving yourself more, started working on yourself more. The villain was only targeting your past worries, keyword, past.

Regardless, you were already feeling too much as is and the best thing you could do for yourself right now was to control yourself. 

The urge to take it personally was beyond tempting- to make them suffer as they had done to you, to watch them break right in front of you… But there was a specific way to handle this situation, one you’ve envisioned more than enough, the perfect high route. 

Quickly looking back to see how Kirishima was fairing, you were met with the rock hero in the process of cuffing the other two offenders, allowing you to feel a rush of relief. You turned around and mentally centered yourself. The convict seemed to put together what you were about to do, so without hesitation, they began charging only a second too late.

Taking a breath, the perfect feeling to muddle their prideful feeling down surged through you as you carefully knotted their violent stings together.

It was the feeling you faced when all was said and done after, the outcome you faced after you had gone through confronting all of the trauma that was built up by this person. 

All you felt was emptiness. 

When it hit them, you saw it in their eyes as they stopped in their tracks. No smugness, no pride, no cowardness. Nothing to egg them on and yet nothing to make them feel terrible. Blank. 

Before confusion slithered its way to their consciousness, you took the opportunity and roundhoused them- your efficient ankle sweep knocking their head to the floor, deeming them unconscious.

Crouching to the floor next to their body, you made sure they were breathing before cuffing them and standing back up, turning around you double-check on the scene behind you.

The police furthest from you were tucking the Red Riot’s villains in their cars while the others jogging towards you kept their eyes on the limp body behind you, Kirishima in tow. He looked incredibly tired but couldn’t seem to keep the smile off his face. He felt proud.

A weak smile graces your lips as you try to take a step, only to see your vision blur.

Great. 

The last thing you saw was the panicked look in his eyes as his pace quickened to a run in attempts to catch you. You faded out to the sound of an urgent call of your actual name before your body hit the ground with a thud. 

The next few hours came in slow-paced blinks. 

The first time you opened your eyes post-fight, your body felt heavy… but you were moving. It didn’t take long to realize that you were being carried by the muscular arms that you wake up to every morning. Slowly peeling your eyes open, the sight of his signature spikey red hair reminded you that what had just happened. Your boyfriend, the one who was on the scene with you, had witnessed you overcome one of the people that truly had left damage on you. He wasn’t looking at you, but staring straight ahead; by the way, his fingers curled around your bicep and thighs, it had been tough for him to watch everything that had gone down. 

You tried to call out his name, but it sounded stifled, sounding more like a broken whisper than anything. After another try, he seemed to have heard you, his ears perking up even though all the commotion- or maybe it was just ironic timing. When his red eyes caught the beaming smile you attempted to comfort him with, he tried to mimic it, only you could make out the way his bottom lip quiver. Your eyelids became unbearably heavy and for the second time, unconsciousness took its hold over you.

Blink.

The next time your eyes peeled open, you were being inspected by the all-to-familiar medical team. The inside of the ambulance was much brighter than it was outside, fluorescent lighting causing you to squint. Unnamable hands were touching your head and pulse points. When they noticed your eyes open, they tried to keep you awake as long as possible, the first step was sitting you up on the gurney. The first person you made eye contact with was your designated nurse- the one with the most comforting presence, was that part of her quirk? 

With a kind smile and knowing eyes, she jerked her head in the direction of the person she knew was first to come to mind. Following the movement, your gaze landed on Kirishima, who was standing off to the side and chewing on his nail, arms crossed against his chest. 

Had he already got checked out? Was he okay? 

When he noticed you were staring, he mustered up a small smile and in return, you slightly lifted both your hands to do a loose wave in attempts to warm up his smile. It worked.

“Okay c’mon, you know how these checkups go- you can go be with your boyfriend once we know you’re okay.” your nurse teased, knowing full well that a serious approach wasn’t going to work with you being this drowsy. 

You merely nodded in response, head and eyelids still heavy.

 The rest of the examination went by speedily, you being awake making everything go ten times smoother. After everything was checked and you were clear to go home, the nurses moved to talk to Kirishima as you moved to the edge of the ambulance, waiting for them to finish. 

“I’m so lucky that you’re not only my hero but also a registered caregiver. Well actually… both are pretty super...” You mumbled, trailing off with a lazy smile, lids finally starting to accept the losing battle of staying open. 

“Nooo, you’re lucky that it’s the overuse of your quirk that’s keeping you out of the hospital and not fatal injuries. It’s not manly to push yourself too hard.” he quipped back in a light playful tone; He didn’t miss how hard you were fighting to stay awake. “Baby, can you make it to the car or do you want me to carry you?” 

It was moments like this where you appreciated how comfortable Kirishima made you feel in your relationship; feeling no shame when you revert to a clingy pile of mush. Reaching out, you let your eyes close as you mimic grabby hands to your enormous boyfriend. 

You hear him sigh as he kneels in front of you, opening your eyes in time to catch his broad back muscles shifting, “c’mon love, you need to help me with this bit.”

You clumsily climb on his back and loosely wrap your arms around his neck, standing up with ease. He quickly adjusts you against him to get a better hold on your thighs. Once he begins walking, you let yourself subside back into unconsciousness.

Blink.

You were jolted awake when you felt yourself falling, only for your behind to hit a familiar cushiony surface. Oh right, the car. Before you could fade out once again, you heard Kirishima say something about going to grab the paperwork so the both of you can file your reports later when you wake up. The last thought you were able to think was something along the lines of how incredibly lucky you were to have someone love you so deeply.

Blink.

Waking up to the view of the city lights twinkling below your balcony and the energy of a healthy 8 hours of sleep, you stretch the rest of the drowsiness out of your body till you feel ready to accept the hefty amount of paperwork that’s waiting for you in the other room. 

The only light that illuminated your bedroom was the reflection of the living room lights on the hallway floors. Before getting up, you spared a glance at your nightstand, seeing a glass of water with a note underneath, as predicted; this happened more often than not after a battle. You reach out and take the glass in hand and take a steady sip before letting in more and more water, then reading the messy little note:

 in the livingroom <3 

You smiled at the little doodle he drew- two characters that seem a lot like the two of you, kissing, with a sparkly heart over their heads.

The need to recreate this drawing was growing at an incredible speed.

With newfound determination, you push yourself up from the bed and shuffle to the living room, squinting when the light becomes a little too harsh against your eyes.

Eyes fully closed when you get to the center of the living room, purposely facing the wrong way and trying to suppress a giggle, you try to use the most monotone voice you could muster.

“Kiri - where are you I can’t see.” 

“Your eyes are closed- babe, open your eyes.” 

“No it’s too bright but I saw this cute drawing on the nightstand done by this really talented artist and I must recreate it please recreate it with me.”

You heard a bit of shuffling before his voice came close to your left side.

“Was it a pretty manly drawing?” 

“I would like to think so.”

He was much closer at this point, shifted to somewhere close in front of you right before warm lips were on yours; as quick as the peck came, it was gone in a flash followed by the sound of him plopping down on the couch.

“Wait Eijirou-” you start to pout as you turn in the direction where the couch is, eyes now fully open and set on Kirishima until the shock of pain shot through your nerve endings. 

“Ah, shit! Fuck!…” you wince, lifting your leg to hug your newly stubbed toe.

Kirishima is back by your side in an instant, really trying to suppress his laugh but doing a terrible job.

“You’re such a jerk for laughing,” you pout, giving your best attempt of a proper shove… and he didn’t even budge. 

There was a moment of complete silence then the booming of your boyfriend’s boisterous laughs bouncing off the walls. Rolling your eyes, you limped over to the spot on the couch where he was previously sitting, and as the cushion beside you dips, you sigh. 

The sight in front of you was a disheveled mess. Scribbled on papers were thrown about- most were filled out but there were a few that were blank, pens and highlighters could be spotted under and over random reports.

“I did most of the reports… but I didn’t know if you wanted to fill out yours… because of who you were fighting.” he slowly stated, as if he were walking on eggshells. You could tell that he was holding back from hitting the main issue. 

Was this something you were ready to unbiasedly talk about? Kirishima knew most of the details, but he also realized that you probably wanted to talk about it more now that you’ve not only seen them after all this time but had to fight them. 

With another sigh, you let your head fall into your palms- your elbows digging into your thighs- and you roughly rub your eyes before coming up for a new breath of air. 

“My heart was pounding…” you started, attempting to prepare for the unwanted wave of grief, but as you trailed off, oddly enough, it never came. 

When reflecting on the fight, you remembered the range of emotions you felt, but now… you just felt… empty- which was ironic. No sadness, longing, anxiety… if anything, with your caring redhead staring at you with the roundest eyes, you felt at ease. 

“But honestly? I don’t really feel much right now. Like I can say that when looking back, I think I handled myself in the best way possible- they don’t deserve to have that satisfaction of creating a rise out of me, and quite frankly… I’m tired, Ei. I’m so tired of letting them have that hold on me. I don’t deserve that kind of pain. As much as I am a hero, I need to think about myself as a person and there’s only so much I can endure. My mental and emotional health comes first.” 

After saying all of that, there was a slight hint of relief that flooded your system; you already began to feel lighter.

“I’m so proud of you. I know that must have been really hard to face but you did it, and you were so good about it,” he whispered as he reached out for your thigh. 

Accepting his comfort, you sucked in another breath and smiled up at him. He held and returned your smile for a couple of seconds before slightly leaning in, his eyes flickering from your eyes to your lips. 

“Would it be alright if I.. kiss you?” it was such a heart-warming gesture, how he was making sure you weren’t pushing yourself. 

“More than alright,” you whisper, barely getting out the last word because of how quickly the gap between you two closed. The kiss was comfort in the rawest form; his pace was slow, his large hand cupping your jaw as his tongue invaded your mouth. You were following his pace, your eyes coming to a close, melting into a relaxed state for what seemed like the first time today. 

Keeping the kiss light, he pulled away shortly, but not before placing a lingering peck on your lips, then one on your forehead and whispering, “I made you a snack. You’re probably hungry right now so I prepared you a little something filling. And while you eat, I’m gonna run a bath with some Epsom salt and lavender oil, does that sound good?” 

Overwhelming gratitude washed over you. Words couldn’t possibly measure even the bare minimum of the love you have for Kirishima Eijirou, and yet you managed to string a soft, “You are the most wonderful person in the world, and I… Eijirou I love you so much.” 

His eyes became a little teary as he looked down at you, a wobbly smile in place before whispering a returning “I love you,” before heading into the bathroom to run the water in your massive tub. 

As the thundering sound of the water filling the tub echo through your apartment, you get up and rummage the fridge to find a plate of adorably cut red apples with a glob of peanut butter off to the side. 

“Baby do you want tea?” You call out just loud enough, “I’m gonna brew that green tea with the toasted rice!” 

He came into the kitchen looking big and confused, “what did you say, baby?”

“Green tea?”

“Oh yes, please,” he said, leaning in and planting a kiss to your temple before turning back to the bathroom. 

“Kiri? Can you put on the house shows on the tv? I forgot what channel they were on.”

You didn’t need to turn around to hear tv turn on; a shout of thanks was called out before you took a bite of your snack.

It felt all very domestic, something you never thought could happen to you. Your childhood was a montage of quirk abuse, being emotionally used, following the same types of toxic people, and never learning your lesson. It all flipped somewhere in your twenties- you began to realize the pattern after being shown the kindness the world could offer. No longer world you put up with bullshit like that. You knew better now and Eijirou always reminded you of that. 

You were halfway through one of your favorite flipping shows when Kirishima came in shirtless, letting you know the bath was ready, “Okay my love, it’s ready. Take your time, I‘ll be in the tub.”

You stripped on your way to the bathroom, leaving all your clothes on the bench in the bedroom before padding into the warm-tiled bathroom.

The view you stepped in on was delicious; your huge boyfriend taking up most of the tub, his head tilted back against the wall, eyes closed.

“Gee red, you’re so sexy.” you aimed to tease, but your words came out a bit strained. He chuckles before turning to face you and groaning your name, “hurry up and come in here.”

And it’s then when you’re submerged in all the heat and laying against your boyfriend’s warmth, do you remember that life is what you make it to be. Never accept anything less than the love and care you deserve.

Blink.

Hi! So first off, your blog is incredible (probs the best buffy blog I have come across so far?) & second, I have gathered you are a spike fan, super curious to hear your thoughts on the terrible episode in season 6 (?) where he tries to r*pe buffy. I feel like everyone tends to ignore the weirdness of season 6 but I really want to explore other folks opinions on it

lmao thank u for enjoying my bullshit <3

it got kinda long so im putting my thoughts under a read more. tw for discussion of sexual assault

to be frank i dont think ive actually sat down and watched seeing red since the first time i watched the show back when i was like. 14. a lot of shit goes down in that ep that is not fun to watch, nor was it supposed to be. in my personal opinion, i dont like most of season 6. it starts out fine, bargaining and after life are interesting, engaging episodes. the seeds of everyones explosive interpersonal dramas are about to fully bloom, and theres a lot of narrative tension in that regard. but as the characters unhealthy coping mechanisms start to catch up with them and bad decisions after bad decisions are being made, i no longer enjoyed watching characters i love begin to succumb to their downward spirals. the push/pull of negative character development works for some people, but it just wasnt enjoyable to me. i started this blog in march right around the time i was doing my first s6 rewatch in years and i eventually gave up right before riley shows back up because it wasnt fun for me to watch anymore (also because i think as you were is a dumb episode lol) :/ lmao i guess as a depressed 20 something i dont want to also watch a bunch of depressed 20 somethings struggle with real world problems. im still debating whether to just go back and watch the dark willow eps, bc that was fun to see, but other than that ... :/

back to seeing red, while i hate that it lead to an attempted sexual assault, i can understand the narrative path that got them to that point. spike is absolutely in the wrong, he's the one that took it too far, but regardless, from a character perspective i can see how he got to the bathroom. the buffy/spike sexual relationship is absolutely toxic the moment it begins. its built on misunderstandings, buffy using spike without regard for his feelings not understanding that despite being soulless he is his own person with his own emotions, and spike not understanding why buffy is turning to him, that her own self loathing and depression is what is driving her to him as a means of escape, not truly because of a purer emotion like love which is what he wants. their whole tryst is a stew of muddled yes/no mixed signals. and after buffy decides to break it off with spike for good, as a way for herself to begin healing from her depression, it makes sense that he wouldnt fully believe her. she had been turning her back on him and then crawling back so often, why would this time be different? again with the misunderstandings of the relationship between the both of them. they had reached a standstill where neither party knows how the other is interpreting their actions. i like this excerpt from Critically Touched's review of Seeing Red, because i feel like he is able to explain how they got to that bathroom scene in a very succinct way

"Something had to happen with these two. Spike had to just leave the show, die, or do something so bad to Buffy that he'd need to get a soul to even attempt to make things right with her, despite the fact that having a soul makes him a new individual in the process. So, despite obviously not "enjoying" the scene, I did find it shocking and I did find it valuable from a character perspective. Due to their twisted sexual relationship this season, I'm not convinced anything else other than this would result in Spike fighting for his soul to be not just a better man... but to be a man (which is poetically said in "Beneath You" [7x02])."

here is the link to the rest of the review -> [link] which i feel like, as with his other buffy reviews, is able to objectively analyze the episode in a really interesting and in depth way, and also help contextualize the episode not just within the season but the rest of the show. i recommend looking through the rest of his reviews, its an interesting perspective from someone who clearly loves this show a lot and is willing to take the time to analyze both the narrative threads as well as the character development, giving every single character their dues in his analysis.

i genuinely love both buffy and spike a lot as characters. they are both incredibly engaging and interesting, in how they grow and change throughout the course of the show, as well as how they play off each other and what they bring out in each other. seeing red is a difficult episode for a lot of people, and for good reason. while their relationship was toxic for both parties it was absolutely spike that took it too far, his attempted sexual assault is inexcusable, and he pays dearly for his transgression. i dont know if i will sit down and watch seeing red ever lol, its definitely up there with the body for episodes that i refuse to rewatch often (though for entirely different reasons lol).

i hope i explained that adequately. its a sensitive subject and i kno a lot of people understandably dont like spike because of his actions in s6. he had straddled the line between good and bad for so long that he had to reach some kind of tipping point to either go fully good or fully bad, and if he died or left the show it would have felt that his character arc had been cut short or left unfinished somehow. its unfortunate and terrible that the tipping point had to come at the cost of assault towards buffy, but as Critically Touched said given that the nature of their relationship was roughly sexual and full of misunderstandings, i can see how it ended up in that bathroom.

also just as a quick aside the way the scene is shot does an excellent job of evoking this sense of dread and wrong. you can tell immediately something awful is going to happen and it makes my skin crawl

i think your opinion on fight club is really interesting and id like to understand it better - what might the movie refuting itself/acknowledging itself as satire look like? would it have to be explicitly in dialogue or could plot events serve that purpose? thanks!

So, the movie already KIND OF does this. In revealing that (spoilers) Tyler durden and the narrator are the same person, they’re trying to say “see, this perfect model of badass masculinity was actually just an invention of this sad isolated man — it was never real, it was just a coping mechanism that this social outcast developed.” I do think there’s something really clever there— reframing the badass brad Pitt Adonis as a pathetic guy who’s just pretending to be a badass Adonis because he’s incredibly insecure. It even preemptively mocks all the guys who saw this movie and then tried to imitate or style themselves after brad pitt’s character. I also appreciate that it remains somewhat empathetic to the main character, it’s an engaging way of giving us a metaphorical window into this toxic spiral that a lot of alienated young men clearly go through.

So the bones of a really solid critique are there, and I would bet that in the book it’s much more fleshed out. All it really needs is more attention payed to the meaning, and, yes, probably a monologue where the main character more directly and dramatically states all the things I just said. Unfortunately this twist comes late enough in an already long movie that it really only has time to be treated as “whoooooaaaaaa dude whoaaa they were the same freaking person!! He was craaaazy bro!!”. We can kind of infer that by killing Tyler durden at the end the narrator is rejecting that side of himself and resolving to become a better person, but the meaning of all this stuff becomes very muddled. Like, if the moral is about being empathetic and working on healing instead of being self-destructive, why does the narrator get rid of Tyler by shooting himself in the face? Isn’t there a more themeatically appropriate action he could take to reject the meaning of his alter-ego? The metaphor / themeatic conclusion that they’re going for gets kind of lost beneath the sick top ten mindblowing twists of all time nature of the ending, especially when, ultimately, Tyler wins— project mayhem succeeds, and its framed as maybe a good thing? Also the anti-capitalist / anti-consumerist anti-society themes never feel like they quite gel with the themes of masculinity. It only works if you feel like consumerist culture contributes to the “feminization” of men, and the movie I think INTENDS to ultimately refute that thesis but never gets around to it. So I would like a moment where it’s more explicitly told or shown that mindless 9-5 consumerism and primitive violent masculinity are two sides of the same coin, two bad solutions stemming from the same problems of alienation/loss of purpose. I would like it to be shown that Tyler Durden’s rugged masculinity is the ultimate unattainable commodity— in a way that isn’t just obvious for those of us who spend all of our time analyzing media. But it’s cool how the pixies song plays and the buildings explode.

Despite sharing a similar common name, the Gnarled Gorgon is not a creature that is related to the snake-like gorgons. Rather it is a different species from a completely different branch of animal life that has only been compared to each other due to their appearance, reputation and supposed "powers." To further add to their "monstrous" nature, the Gnarled Gorgons live in one of harshest environments you can find: alkaline lakes. For those who are not aware, alkaline lakes are bodies of water that boast high levels of salt and alkaline to the point where they have become toxic. The water is caustic to the touch and, in some regions, boiling hot. This is caused by hot springs feeding into the lake, making the water body like a witch's cauldron. To many creatures, these lakes are dangerous and deadly. That goes for people like you and me! Best not to take a dip in a place like this! Now while many folk have labeled such habitats as places of death, this is not true. Yes, we would find such a land inhospitable, but many specialized species have found a way to call these caustic waters home. In fact, some may argue that these toxic lakes potentially host more life than regular ones! Many birds, insects, crustaceans, fish and other animals reap the benefits that come from such a land, and the Gnarled Gorgon is one of them. Unless you have seen a preserved specimen in a museum or collection, the Gnarled Gorgon is a hard creature to interpret. When viewed in the wild, they appear as twisted piles of roots and branches that are half submerged in the toxic waters (for good reason). Even if you were to watch it in action, you would still have a hard time making out head from tail. In reality, Gnarled Gorgons are large worm-like creatures, with most of their lower bodies long, limbless and prehensile. Near their heads is where things get crazy, as rings of branching tendrils erupt from their bodies, all surrounding a cage-like orifice that serves as their eye. These tentacles are extremely long and branch into multiple twisted appendages. They bear a resemblance to roots, and each part of them is prehensile and strong. In the center of this mess is their "eye," which bears a protective covering that looks much like a cage. Behind this are multiple glowing eyes that peer from far back. Set below this orifice are two smaller tendrils that are tipped with piercing fangs. These limbs are often missed in the tangle of tentacles, but they serve as its mouth. Though fang-like, they are actually proboscises that jab into prey and drain them of fluids. With no chewing mouthparts, they rely solely on a liquid diet and will discard the carcass when dry. Along their serpentine body are dozens of knobby growths that emerge from their back. These are not limbs, but merely bony protrusions that help disguise its body as it rests in the boiling waters.         Since I mentioned that they appear as tangles of roots and branches in the water, you probably already guessed that this species hunts their prey through ambush. This is correct, as they prefer the "sit-and-wait" style of hunting! Immune to the toxic waters, they spend most of their lives wallowing in the shallows, where their gnarled heads poke from the surface and their lower halves hide in the murky fluid. By coiling up their facial tendrils and sitting perfectly still, they look like piles of dead vegetation that are sitting in the lake. When prey approaches, they shall burst forward and swarm them with dozens of wrapping limbs. Prey is snared and constricted, while the dual proboscises get to work. A paralytic venom helps stop the thrashing of the victim while the gorgon feeds, and they will soon perish from blood loss. When its meal is done, the body is tossed away and the Gnarled Gorgon will put some distance between itself and the corpse. You don't want to give away your position by sitting around a floating pile of bodies! Now I can already imagine that this sounds horrifying to many people. No doubt there are folks out there who are now swearing never to go near one of these accursed lakes. Before you cancel your travel plans, though, let me tell you that Gnarled Gorgons are not as dangerous as people make them out to be. While the stories and tales beef them up as monstrous and ruthless beasts, these creatures are actually not that big of a threat. An important thing to note about this species is that the main staple of their diet is birds. They feed primarily upon these feathery fliers and will rarely go after anything bigger. One of the reasons they disguise themselves as twisted vegetation is because most birds are not immune to the toxic waters (save for the local phoenixes and other like species). With the plethora of insects and crustaceans that live in these waters though, many avian species do not wish to miss out on such a buffet. So when they wish to feed at the lakes, they will often rest on the shores and structures that protrude from the water. When one of these birds alights on the limb of a gorgon, it shall snare them in its grip and dine. Other possible food sources are fish and small crustaceans, who are caught when they seek shelter in its limbs. In very few cases will the Gnarled Gorgon go after big prey.  Creatures like Stilted Sifters are much too big and bulky to take down, and they prefer to flee from anything that is bigger than an average human. Now that is not to say that Gnarled Gorgons haven't fed on people or like creatures before. I am sure a freak accident happened before where a human became lunch, but it is incredibly rare (mainly because it relies on some person rowing up to one of these creatures and shoving their head right into its tentacles. Unlikely but sadly not impossible). I mean think of how many people have been killed by cows, and every farmer still raises entire herds of them without a care. 

In terms of reproduction, Gnarled Gorgons are hermaphroditic. During the breeding season, they shall seek out nearby mates and undergo a ceremony that involves a lot of writhing and wrapping. Both shall carry eggs and they will seek out structures that stick out of the caustic waters. The eggs are laid upon these dry spots and the gorgon shall rest besides them. This is to help protect the eggs from predators, but also to catch some extra food when birds inevitably arrive to feed upon the squishy orbs. When the young hatch, they shall drop into the water and live out their larval stage as aquatic swimmers. Many of these tiny critters are eaten by fish and crustaceans, but a few will survive long enough to grow big and strong like their parents. As I pointed out during my section about their diet, Gnarled Gorgons are creatures that people often fear and spin terrible legends about. Their appearance is indeed off putting, and the place they call home adds to their demonic image. You will definitely find tales, songs and paintings that show a writhing monstrous beasts emerging from clouds of steam and waves of acid (though its alkaline, not acid, but that doesn't sound as cool). I am sure this species has inspired quite a few prophecies and tales of doom with an image like that. Their "gorgon" name adds to the terror, as everyone knows the stories about the snake-haired creatures that turn men to stone. With a serpent-like lower body and a head made of wriggling growths, they clearly give folk that impression. To further solidify this belief is the idea that Gnarled Gorgons "petrify" their prey. If you ever visit an alkaline lake that sports this species, you may find peculiar carcasses washed up on the shores. The bodies of birds, bats and other critters will be gray and frozen, as if their flesh had turned to stone. They shall be desiccated and perfectly preserved as if they were statues. People say that this is what happens to those who the gorgon feeds on, as it grabs them and exposes them to its alien eyes. While the gaze of this gorgon doesn't turn people to stone, they are in fact the cause of these corpses. When the gorgon feeds, it fills them with venom and sucks them dry. The body is then discarded into the water, right into a soup of salt and chemicals. With the high salinity, these bodies become encrusted and the presence of venom in their dried bodies causes a strange reaction. What results is the formation of a strange crust that petrifies the body, giving the frozen appearance. At first it will be a muddle of murky colors, but when washed ashore, the crust will be bleached by the sun. The result is the famous stony appearance that captures the last moments of life for these deceased creatures. Their presence on the shores have given rise to the legends of the Gnarled Gorgons, and they have also become morbid pieces that collectors quite enjoy. In the end, though, these carcasses are only a result of it eating, which shouldn't be vilified or despised. We all have to eat sometime! And of course there are words about people perishing to these Gnarled Gorgons, but most of these are actually accidental. In most cases, someone will row out into the toxic lake for fishing or travel and wind up running into a hiding gorgon. When they get close, the creature will panic and flee, which causes quite the ruckus and frenzy. The writhing limbs and violent movements often terrify the boater and cause them to tip during their panic. At that point, the toxic water will do them in, as it eats away at skin and poisons their insides. Even if they get back into the boat quickly, they must return to shore for medical attention before it is too late. Sadly, most victims arrive in unsalvageable conditions and they will soon perish. Their deaths mixed with the appearance of a struggle from afar makes many blame the gorgon for their demise. This is quite unfortunate to all involved, but people must understand that accidents do happen. Thankfully, the toxic habitat of the Gnarled Gorgon prevents their species from seeing much of a comeuppance, as many are not eager to wade into boiling waters for vengeance.   Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian     -------------------------------------------------------- Here is a gorgon creature that I made for this fantasy world as a sort of apology for my blander looking gorgons. I wanted to go crazy and monstrous with this one. This design was inspired by the medusa from The Medusa vs. the Son of Hercules, which is by far one of the best interpretations of the monster I have ever seen. The other inspiration behind this creature are the photos of animal carcasses that have washed up from alkaline lakes (specifically Natron). Due to the pictures being taken in black and white, the corpses appear stone-like and petrified, which I thought was perfect for the gorgon myth.  

To Light A Magic Fart

We have been made aware that our latest commentary has elicited a rant.

https://web.archive.org/save/https://smarmykemeticpagan.wordpress.com/2019/02/12/liminality-divine-intervention-and-other-heresies/

We would like begin by saying the first half of this rant is not only a misdirect but a lot of personal stuff that is outside our targeted topics of commentary so we shall be skipping that.

“As I type all this, I feel a strange sense of bewilderment. I’ve read very little on liminal spaces, magical theory, mythic time, or Dionysus; and yet I’m sitting here, trying to tell my own story and no one else’s, and finding myself describing something that I somehow, recognize as being intimately connected to all of these things at once. “

We must inform you this is very doubtful.  As someone who has crusaded against actual knowledge and those who teach it, study it, and understand it, you suddenly valuing any knowledge you are adamant against giving any sense of importance, this is a contradiction.  We would like to remind you, you have spent years demonizing those who are academically minded, who would possess the best supply of these topics of information.  We need to remind you, you have chased, and guided newcomers away from these very informed and academic individuals with a very glib and dismissive expressions that they are somehow morally and emotionally defective.

We need to remind you, you have spent more posts declaring how unimportant and meaningless academic resources, information, and knowledgeable people who covet such information, that it boggles the mind how you can sit here now and suddenly have an appreciation for information and knowledge.  We must say that is highly convenient, almost like you are a bag of contradictions and hyperbole.

“ I don’t know. Maybe I can’t know. Maybe knowing how and why this is happening isn’t the point. “

We would like to mention that in every occurrence that knowledge is passed on from a deity it is made obvious that it is given by them.  We would like to remind you, this would be conferred as a minor miracle and the god that granted it would not do so with a cloak and dagger delivery.

“Maybe no matter how strange and fantastic my real life is...“

We can not believe you, as you complain constantly about how you are incredibly oppressed and put-upon by the evil capitalist misogynistic patriarchy, holding you in a death grip of poverty...strange and fantastic is not the picture you spent years painting.  If you’d like to recant those lies and give a more accurate depiction of your life, feel free, no need to keep up the pretense.

“... there will always be some way that I and everyone else can convince ourselves that there must be a perfectly mundane, scientific explanation for everything, that nothing truly magical could ever possibly happen in our actual, physical lives. “

We would like to say this is a gross generalization that disturbs us greatly.  We would like to mention that, something can be scientific and still be magical.  Magical events do not have to be beyond scientific involvement or divorced from the world in a separate sphere.  They are part of the same world, they occupy the same space.  Magic is everywhere, and science just helps us understand how that natural magic works.  We understand the gist of what you are attempting to say but it’s so mushmouth muddled with it loses cohesion.  We would like to simplify, you’re wrong.  --Memphis

Not familiar with the idea that magic is only science we don’t understand yet, are you?  The world is as magical as you make it. --Cairo

“In fact, if I had done what nigh on every single Hellenic polytheist told me, 3 years ago, that I absolutely must do before I was allowed to even talk to any of the Theoi; i.e., devote far more time, money, and energy than I even had... “

You’d have a functional well structured and meaningful religious practice that you can easily make a habit to exercise, in order to have an actual religious practice and not just invent it on a whim while screeching “muh poverty lack of resources”, in a religious practice that has its ancient methodologies of worship and practice well outlined with a knowledgeable community that could inform you of them and help you?  We can see how dreadful that would have been!  Better you avoided any of that ACTUAL respecting the gods with their own religious practices which are time tested and just dump a can of wine on the ground, belch and in tone “amen, bro”.--Memphis

If every single practitioner of a religion is telling you that you do something, perhaps that’s how the religion is actually practiced?  Just saying.--Cairo

”I would still be refusing to accept the very possibility that the Theoi are real, and trying to communicate with me, and weren’t just trying to kick the shit out of me because I ‘m not “humble” enough to be allowed to even casually worship them, or even think about wanting to worship them. That is the extent to which I have been gaslighted by an ableist, sexist, queerphobic world...”

We must inform you this is not gaslighting, and none of this is true.  You’re so buried helplessly in the twisted murky interior of your own ideology that you have bought into all the lies and fables it has generated.  Snap out of it!

“It’s because polytheists are, for the most part, every bit as closed-minded and self-righteous as the Southern Baptists who told me I was an abomination and a Devil worshipper and a degenerate for being a queer witch who talked back to pastors and smoked weed.“

We must inform you, you are confused.  These are your actions which you committed upon every community you attempted to infect like herpes.  Anyone who didn’t bow down to every word of your vapid ideology was to be summarily purged.  You created an entire callout blog (which we parody), to bully, harrass and purge people you deem morally corrupt and a heretic to your divinely sanctioned and holy edicts of social justice that must be obeyed to the letter.  You terrorized this community for years with it, dividing it, polarizing it and demonizing our gods, twisting them into these token puppets you can make spit out any words you want to give yourself the squishy feels. 

The only ones who act like southern Baptists or medieval catholic inquisitors, are you and your friends.  Don’t try to backpedal that YOU are the victim here, you are the bully, the aggressor, the one causing harm. 

Some sects of polytheism have actual ancient records detailing proper practices to how their religion is followed.  While following them in personal practice is largely voluntary, they are the methods espoused to have been prescribed by the gods of their own religion.  It’s just respectful to those gods to follow such practices.

”Because of all this, polytheists are perfectly willing to bully, threaten, gaslight, and otherwise abuse young, vulnerable people in their midst who even for one minute threaten their perceived “respectability” in the eyes of the mainstream and of their favorite Big Name Pagans. They are perfectly willing to ignore the real problems in our community -bullying, toxic groupthink, overwhelming authoritarianism, rape culture and misogyny, TERFS and other assorted trans/homophobes, bigots of every kind, ableism to the point that the first thing anyone says to discredit me is that I’m “obviously hallucinating” when I talk about astral stuff or magic (that’s not how hallucinations fucking work you fucking morons! Read a book every now and then, for chrissake), and goddamn actual Nazis- in favor of whining about how Pop Culture Pagans or “fluffy” people or “loudmouthed brats” are OMG THE REASON NO ONE TAKES US SERIOUSLY!1!!11!!! They do all of these things, and simultaneously fancy themselves particularly enlightened, superior to followers of “”Abrahamic religions””, by virtue of simply “following the old gods” and “being connected to nature”, or whatever.”

We are touched, this is clear vagueblogging about us.  What was it you said...

Seriously though, you left this on our post as if you don’t care, and then wrote this thesis of how much it bothers you and you do care.  You’re pathetic.

“Because of this shallow, petty, and toxic paradigm that permeates basically every single official pagan and polytheist space, it is almost impossible for most of us to really, meaningfully connect and communicate with our gods. “

We must inform you, this is fundamentally untrue.  You’re reaching again.--Memphis

Citation needed.  This mod has actually heard more complaints that name you, Devo, and your friends specifically as making it difficult to practice, than heard such complaints about other online spaces.--Cairo

“Because of this shallow, petty, and toxic paradigm that permeates basically every single official pagan and polytheist space, it is almost impossible for most of us to really, meaningfully connect and communicate with our gods. Human beings are intimately social creatures; we are constantly, consciously and subconsciously, affected by the social environment that we are in, whether we like it or not and whether we know it or not. It’s basically impossible not to be drawn in by the assumptions everyone around you makes and operates on, even if we’re ignoring thoughtforms and energies and other woo stuff. Polytheists have convinced ourselves that anything we experience that’s in any way out of the ordinary; in any way not exactly what the historical record we currently have portrays…in other words, anything that might realistically be a part of interacting with actual deities and doing actual magic, absolutely will be called a delusion, an attention-seeking stunt, an idiotic act of hubris, an attempt to “start a cult” or gain coercive power over others, an evil and sacrilegious act, or all of the above, by anyone and everyone in our community who wants to discredit whatever it is we’re saying. No wonder even people who have fantastic experiences doubt themselves, or refuse to go public with it; I’m not a particularly sensitive person by a long shot, and I often have to steel myself to be honest online because of the (attempted) bullying and public shaming that I know for a fact will result from it.“

More about us.  You must love us dearly.  We must inform you, again you are entirely wrong.  You literally told Set in that interview post, you would start a cult.  You adhere to a collectivist ideology that operates on the concept of original sin and so everyone of that group must atone for the sins of the group for every instance in history.  You follow an ideology that abhors individual worth and thought over the group opinion and the group’s collective thought, in which any dissent and the individual will be sacrificed to ensure purity of the group.  You operate like a wanna-be cult leader who wants a cult.

You have done alot of evil in this community and you called it righteous because your ideology decrees it must be.  Your every action is dictated by it, your every thought is shaped by it to the point you declared that a god who historically always supported a theocratic monarchy...suddenly fell in love with socialism/communism...an inherently destructive and genocidal form of government and philosophy.  One that has claimed over 100 million lives, and more?!  That is alot ot buy, smarmy, a LOT to buy.  We didn’t even mention how he just outright confirms all your political points, thoughts, beliefs, and heralds them as divinely sanctioned?!  We don’t have to know how the stove top makes the coil red hot to understand touching it will burn.--Memphis  

Others have said it, and this mod will say it again:  It is not that you are sharing your personal experiences that is the problem; it is that you are stating them as being as factually true as peer reviewed historical sources.  You can believe what you want, but it is absolutely dishonest and disgusting to expect and insist that the rest of the community treat it as fucking holy scripture.--Cairo 

“I’m not a particularly sensitive person by a long shot...”

We would like to say, considering you felt the need to write this dissertation of drivel, you most certainly are sensitive.

“If you say you worship Set, but then spit in the face of his ideals in almost every mundane action you take -from the way you treat people traditionally associated with him to the way you think and talk about mundane, real-world chaos, riots, criminals, and political violence- are you actually worshipping Set, or are you just worshipping your own assumptions about Set?“

We are amazed at how unironic you write this and yet, it’s like you wrote this looking in a mirror.

“And if the very fact that someone online who you don’t like has posted UPG about Set condemning your actions and behavior…causes you to post frantic, histrionic paragraphs about how the person in question is an evil, power-hungry, lunatic aspiring cult leader who is “evidently” crazy and lying and trying to manipulate the entire kemetic community and also is in league with the Sn/ake that wants to destroy existence itself, are you really prioritizing your devotion to Set? Or are you prioritizing your own ego, because you refuse to even entertain the possibility that you could be wrong and ought to change your behavior in some way in order to better honor him? “

Wow again, you gazed in the mirror.  None of our commentaries, nor those of any of your critics, are frantic, nor histrionic, but it is apparent that you are and you do.  They are not the ones fueled by such deep seething hatred and rage for anything outside your own myopic and narrow minded views.  They aren’t the ones demanding slavish devotion to an ideology that history has proven is murderous and dangerous.  They aren’t the ones who profess to be ‘on the side of the angels’ and in the same breath long for violent rebellious war to shred the country and slaughter millions.  You are a hateful person devoid of compassion and an enemy of anything resembling freedom. 

We see you have again mistaken UPG for something provable.  If you had written that interview and stated that you wrote Set’s dialogue intuitively, or you interpreted them, rather then composed the transcript verbatim...we’d have been more lenient with our criticisms.  We point out, every word of his dialogue was verbatim your own, that you have ranted about for the years.  Every bit, from his diction, to his syntax, from tone to word choices was entirely from your own and not from an external source.  The fact it entirely vindicates every word of your political tripe, your beliefs and ideology, to the decimal place, is evidence that it’s not from any external source, or external spiritual entity but from you.  This was a complete fiction.

To state that “anyone who disagrees with smarmy, Set and his people gunna git’ya”, is such a colossal over reach that it strains believably.  We are certain that any god who loves their devotee would say they will defend them against attack, but this.  We must inform you this is something else entirely.

We are quite certain we don’t need to change our behavior to profess your ideals as our own and bow down to accept communism and socialism or even anarchism as the true path forwards.  We don’t need to throw away any sense of actual morality to support systems that have led to more destruction and death then any others in history and recorded memory. 

We are also not above admitting if we are wrong, but when it comes to you and how you abuse the name of the gods for your own twisted ends, we aren’t.

We are however, certain you are.  You are so in love with your own ideological puppetry that you not only profess that a god has endorsed you 100%, promised to smite all who oppose you, promise you power and prestige as his precious prophet of his ideals (which you forced into him).  So deeply entrenched in this ideology and stances of no matter what the cost, no matter how ridiculous, you can never admit to being wrong when facing any dissenting voices or else it instantly negates all of your teachings, beliefs, and words (which it only does because you made them so absolute), that you cannot admit you are wrong and can only dig deeper down this endless trench of foolishness and madness. 

We have no doubts the S/na/ke influences you, it praises you, it agrees with you, it gives you whatever you want, the sense of righteousness that you’re never wrong and always on the side of purity, everyone else is evil, everyone else is impure, everyone else is wrong, everyone else is at fault...That is the danger of isfet and the parasitic spirits that serve it, and you let them in.

“ I believe that gods are huge, ancient, and multi-faceted, so sure, it’s possible that there’s a version of Set out there that likes racist bootlickers and encourages them to follow the law no matter the human cost“

This is among the most offensive things you’ve ever said.  Historical record cannot be dismissed and hand-waved away of how these gods have acted in the past and expect they did a full 180.  We would like to mention, that once again, like any good cult leader, you degrade anyone who dissents.  We would like to state you are completely off the mark, you have no understanding of this god if you honestly think he loves communism and loves nazism and loves racism because ‘there MUST be an aspect of him that likes it’.  We need to remind you, that would make him evil.  This is a complete insult to a god you claim to love and worship.  This is a damning and horrible thing to say about a god you claim to respect.  This shows us you have nothing but sheer contempt for the gods, so you invent a twisted and corrupted idea of them.  We need to remind you, it’s bullshit like this that makes us say your a delusional child aspiring cult leader who is aligned with the sn/a/ke, if you honestly think this about Set.  We are disgusted, you do this noble god, so much dishonor.  --Memphis

How dare you.  How dare you insult a god you claim to be even an outlaw priest of with such a foul misunderstanding of his character?!  Even for hyperbolic rhetoric?!  Can you not have even the barest smidgen of respect for the god you claim to serve or worship?  Or are the words that describe the most basic relationship of priesthood too uncomfortable for you?--Cairo

“ ... to “keep it real” by regurgitating tired and ignorant bigoted stereotypes and acting as though the fact the stereotype exists at all is somehow evidence that you’re right to be a bigot; and believe that “illegals” seeking asylum so that they and their families won’t fucking die are inherently dangerous enough to justify putting them in motherfucking concentration camps. But just because it’s possible doesn’t necessarily mean it’s very likely, now does it? “

We would ask if you ever get tired of making sweeping incorrect generalizations that make you look stupid but we already know the answer.  If you’d like to discuss what we believe regarding various political situations, we at KCFTP would be happy to chat, but do stop shoving words and beliefs into our and everyone mouths that do not apply.--Memphis

Who the fuck is Smarmy even talking about here?--Cairo

“No wonder people react to anyone showing historically common, textbook behaviors of a person being called to spirit work or reacting to being in a liminal space or state of mind, with derision and scorn and bullying. Genuine liminality, one of the main historical requirements for communicating with gods or using magic, is almost universally despised and cursed by modern-day polytheists as heresy.“

We would like to say this literally never happens.  This is a bold faced lie.  We knew you could not help it!--Memphis

That is really fucking weird, every discussion I’ve had with other polytheists and pagans has touched on how to communicate with gods, spirits, and other entities, magic, or other things that require having a foot in multiple worlds.  Everyone usually seems pretty eager to talk about such things.  Unusual for something “universally despised and cursed.”--Cairo  

“LGBT+ people are stereotyped as “special snowflakes” and yelled at about “assigning modern labels to gods” when we say that deities who canonically act as multiple genders or sleep with same-gendered-beings, are queer like us. “

We would like to clarify, no smarmy, that’s just you and your ilk...and it’s by other LBGT+ people...Stop trying to be some martyr, you aren’t.  Go outside, get off the internet.

“ Young people are bullied and publicly shamed on a regular basis if they run afoul of the wrong “Big Name Pagan”, and people smugly tell themselves and each other that it is, somehow, for the kid’s own good because they have to be “taught a lesson in humility” and “being the bigger person” or some other fucking nonsense that sounds like it fell directly from the mouths of actual child abusers and predators. “

So anyone who disagrees with you are child abusers and predators now too!?  We would like to say that is astounding, almost like it’s entirely fiction.  We’d also like to mention, the only BIG Name Pagans around here are you and Devo, and you guys are constantly a problem.  Maybe its you who needs to “be taught a lesson in humility” because you are no where near humble and you are among the most abusive individuals in this community.--Memphis

Said it before, will say it again.  We have seen you and your crew bully and publicly shame far more people in this particular community than any of us.  We’re not the ones who started the Kemetic Callout war, only the ones who have arguably been more successful at it.  And your callout blog only has the people who talked back and wouldn’t bend, it doesn’t count the many who bowed and broke before your bullying or those who left here altogether.--Cairo  

“Until sharing UPG that goes against the more popular narratives no longer makes one a social pariah among their polytheist peers, nobody should be surprised that it’s almost exclusively the heretical, disrespectful punks who are constantly being publicly snubbed and dismissed by their peers, who ever seem to talk about seeing any results or evidence that anything out-of-the-ordinary is actually going on. “

Translation: “Until I can share my UPG and it is believed as absolute fact without any question, and be heralded as the divine truth, the community is a shitshow!”--Memphis

As long as your UPG agrees 100% with your own personal and political beliefs, it will and should be questioned.  Whatever your stance, the gods have a wider experience and knowledge base than we do and will always have a different perspective.  Any spirit that tells you everything you want to hear and flatters you shamelessly is no god and has no good intentions towards you in the end.--Cairo

“Until we all accept that it doesn’t matter if Christians and mainstream secular people think we’re weird and so we don’t need to constantly jump through hoops to seem Academic™ and Serious™ and Normal™, nobody should be surprised that the only public discussions that don’t devolve into nasty name-calling matches are ones facilitated by a handful of holier-than-thou assholes who treat having a PhD in Philosophy as though it’s a permission slip from the gods themselves to be a self-righteous, know-it-all douche, and never really allow any disagreement with them on anything important.“

Translation: “We need to continue being edgy punk teens who disrespect gods and culture and snub actual belief systems by turning them into comical satires of themselves, until the people smarter then us give up and let us have all the power, while we use our UPG to try and seem way more divinely important then we actually are by assigning ourselves flashy titles and divine endorsements!!! Cause if the gods support US, then we can’t be wrong!”

We would like to remind you that history is fraught with oppressive regimes who used this tactic, one example is the Spanish Inquisition.  Did you agree with them torturing and killing people to force them into conversion?  Another example we would like to mention is the North Korean regimes.  The ones who still have ACTUAL concentration camps. 

We would like to mention, China now has concentration camps where they hold and torment innocent Muslim citizens, and Chechnya who still have death camps where they send gay and LGBT citizens. 

We would like to mention these go entirely against your belief and political structures about LGBT+ issues, oppression, and gay rights.  We notice you never mention those.  We notice you never complain about them and how evil they are. We wonder, is it because it goes against your narrative of “communism is the truth and the way” or do you just not care? 

We would like to point out it would seem like those are true injustices you could fight against and for...not...how everyone needs to behave and believe how you want.

We would like to set the snark aside for a second and say, we’re always up for discussions.  We need to clarify that you always reduce the conversations to insults and calling everyone who disagrees with you “racist bootlickers”, so the issue is not on our side, but with you, so stop lying that we and all your critics are the unreasonable ones.

“And until we care more about taking care of each other than protecting our deities’ reputations, nobody should be surprised when our community remains a toxic, misogynistic, homophobic, Nazi-infested shithole, while everyone is more than happy to spend hours arguing about the particulars of shrine setups and deity name pronunciations and whether or not it’s okay to offer potato chips and Netflix binges to ancient deities who, ultimately, realistically are not that likely to give a shit either way. “

Literal Nazis wandered into our community and your reaction was “meh so what” and continued bullying other innocent people, who you labeled as nazis and racists.  You’re a one tune piano smarmy, and you just keep tooting the same tune.  It wasn’t believable when you were “the holy ambassador, ordained by Jesus, to the hellenics” it is not believable now.

“Until we fix the problems with our collective paradigm, until we fix the way we treat each other, until we genuinely value wisdom, compassion, humility, and courage over our reputations, we are all gonna have to accept that the gods we worship are not all that interested in revealing their actual, authentic, awesome, strange and unexpected powers to people who are determined to believe they are either incapable or unwilling to do so.“

We agree, you should start treating people better, starting with inatier and all the other people you’ve spent YEARS defaming, bullying, berating, harassing, snubbing, and demonizing.--Memphis

Actions speak louder than words Smarmy, and based on yours none of these are your values.  We have seen you bully and cast aside community members who did their research and were willing to share, we have seen your utter lack of compassion throughout your time here with anyone who has the nerve to disagree with you, and the idea of you having humility is a joke.  You worry more about being seen as your edgy, antifa, communist [insert additional labels here} self than about having the courage to suck it up, show some compassion, and value the wisdom of trying to mend the fences you have broken so badly over the years.

Additionally, we have had no problem seeing the many wondrous and varied faces of our gods because we are not hell bent on forcing them into tiny boxes that fit only our own personal beliefs.  If this is a problem you have been having, perhaps you should take your own advice.--Cairo

My colleagues have added much to these particular points of your diatribe, but I’ll add my bit here. While it seems like you may be in a better place physically (despite claiming you know more about psychology and medicine than your previous doctors do), you seem to be going down a dark, dangerous road mentally. You might just find yourself in jail yet, or worse if you don’t reevaluate your thinking.

“The insomnia is what caused my other symptoms to get so bad that they become delusions, paranoia, mania, and once, auditory hallucinations.” So you’re admitting to having breaks from reality, along with your emotional instability. Yet, you get butthurt when people are skeptical to your religious experiences. I’m no psychologist, admittedly, but I don’t automatically trust random people’s religious experiences, much less someone with a history of psychosis. Whether it’s you or anyone else. 

I would also recommend you be very, very careful using THC. I don’t know what medications you’re taking, but THC can interact with several different drugs, including Prozac. High levels of THC can cause paranoia and psychosis as well. 

You’re trying to act as a leader and activist when you’re still dealing with some very serious conditions. This is why so many people recommend to not use magic or occultic practices when dealing with mental health. People are not being elitist or ableist when they do this. The whole purpose is to encourage others to first attain treatment for their conditions. You’ve been claiming your own voice as Set’s, threatening violence to attain your desires in regards to politics, and using magic to harm your political enemies. You refuse to understand the motivations of people who don’t hold the same political opinions - even “centrists”, so that even the politically moderate are your enemies. This is even a symptom of borderline personality disorder, which you say you’re diagnosed with. Clearly, your symptoms aren’t completely managed.

https://www.webpsychology.com/news/2015/09/01/dangers-black-and-white-thinking-228391

You have a long way to go in terms of healing. You can blame the outside world all you like for not getting treatment or for a lack of progress, but your mental health is YOUR responsibility and you need to take responsibility and fix yourself before you’re in any position to try and “fix” the world with your ideology.

I highly encourage you to take a break and get some further professional help; wherever you are and however you can get it. Your writings are extremely troubling to us here. The last thing you need is to get arrested or committed trying to “punch a Nazi” or “take down the system”. You’re going to really screw up any chances of getting on your feet, getting treatment, and doing something actually meaningful with your life if you continue down this road.

--Karnak