I Don't Miss You At All (ITA One Shot)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Warnings: tears, trauma, therapy

Word Count: Thank you Tari for being such a nice friend. For reading all that I blurt out here. Thank you for being my reader and supporter even though I have been so inconsistent as a writer and as a friend.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

"Looking for something?" Your attention is brought back by the gorgeous olive-skinned lady in her late forties sitting before you. "Hmm?" is all that comes out of you while you are biting the dead skin on your lower lip. "You were looking around for something on the ceiling and-" she points at the French doors opening to the porch outside with the pen in her hand- "the doorway." Your crinkled brows relax and go up a little. "Oh. Right. It was...I was looking for cameras." Now lady furrows her brows even though she is smiling at you. "It was on involuntary." You shrug casually. The lady does not react. "I am used to cameras in my vicinity." you try to summarise. She opens the notebook in her lap. "Nothing negative. Just a project my father has going on." Now her lips make that straight line and you suddenly feel like you've failed a test. "So there is an entire crew-" "Miss Y/N, breathe." she tries to calm you down.

You breathe in, hold the air and let it out slowly, taking in your surroundings again. The beige-coloured room is well-lit- thanks to the abundant sunlight coming through the French doors. You sit on a cream-coloured velvet sofa, wearing your oversized shirt with a happy Tony Tony Chopper eating candy on the front and a pair of blue mom jeans. "So-" the lady starts, seeing that your nerves seem better- "why did you come in today?" "Doctor I-" "Jane. It's Jane. Please call me Jane," she urges with a smile before settling on her cream sofa. "Okay...Jane." You nod.  "So, tell me why you are here today." Pressing your hands between your thighs and letting the warmth seep in, you feel your chest tighten. The air that goes in to help you form the words suddenly feels heavy in the lungs. Your eyes seem to betray you a little too. You smile, trying your best to let your facial muscles close your eyes as much as possible and wipe away the moisture by some miracle. But they fail. A tear falls down your cheek, falling right through the smile. "Because I'm not okay," your voice croaks. Your shivering hands try to wipe away the tears that now seem endless. "Sorry," you whisper an apology. "It's okay," Jane soothes you, pouring a glass of water from the jar sitting in front of you on her coffee table, "let it out. That's good. We're halfway there already because you are aware you are not feeling okay. So, no need to rush. Crying is also a part of it. It is okay to cry." You gulp down the water in seconds before pouring yourself another round. "Okay," you announce softly, nodding in Jane's direction. "Take a minute if-" "No, I'm good," you confirm and settle back down in your seat with a sigh. Jane's eyes smile their kindest smile at you. "Okay. let's begin."

"Yeah-" you nod- "so, it's been a few weeks now..."

The six am alarm starts to buzz on your phone and before the alarm tone can even begin to ascend, your fingers are stopping the buzz. There is no point in the alarm when you lay wide awake in your bed in the dorm room, your eyes looking at infinity in the sky outside as they have watched it break from dawn to a proper sunny day. The constant throbbing in your head has become a part of your existence now. You lay in your bed for another hour and you would have laid there for two more had Yusuf not knocked at your door. "Y/N! We have a lecture in twenty minutes. Please tell me you are still not sleeping." You have heard him, but your body lays in bed, still looking at the sky. Yusuf knocks again. Silence. "Okay, I'm coming in," he shouts, "you better be decent because we cannot miss today's lecture." You groan and crinkle your nose when Yusuf pulls you up by your arms. You protest, not wanting to attend today's lectures. But Yusuf's begging techniques seem to be your weakness. Deodorant under your armpits and a change of shirt later you are sitting through the day's lectures, pretending to write in your notebook. Everything around you is on the move- the professors, the students, the assignments leaflets, the laptops, even the bugs crawling on the class's windows outside- while you sit in one place. Nothing seems to grab much of your attention. Except for that one whiff of jasmine, lily and a mix of spices that sometimes travels through the air and fires up the wrong wirings inside you. Some days it just makes your heart race up a bit, making you short of breath for a while. On other days, you sweat through your body, unable to breathe, looking for the washroom to run into before crumbling down in there. Today it makes your hands shiver. Your back can feel the cold sweats coming in. "I'll just come back," you mumble to Yusuf and rush to the washroom from the back door of the lecture hall. .

"All good?" Yusuf's concerns are always transparent. "Yeah. I think the dinner from last night was acting up." You smile at him through the lie.  More lectures start and finish before it is time for lunch. "Don't feel like it," you declare, "not hungry." "Have some juice still," Yusuf presses, already having brought you a glass of fresh pressed juice. "Dude, that shit's expensive," you state before sliding it back to him. "I can't. I don't feel so good." But Yusuf does not give up. You take three sips before your stomach begins to feel the nausea. You sit in the grass looking at the endless stream of students going about their day with no thought going inside your brain. And then you see those pair of green eyes. Your heart starts to race again. Only to find it is someone else. But it is already too late. The tears have begun to form. And it is starting to get hard to hide them. Taking out your earphones and plugging them in, you press play on a random tutorial on how to make rice in ten different ways and lie down on the grass with your eyes closed. Some days it works.

.

It's four in the evening and you have volunteered to get dog food for Yusuf's pitbull. You have your car now to drive you through the city, a second-hand ocean-blue Honda.  Your mind knows that dog food is an excuse. But no arguments are made. You sit in the city traffic, waiting for the light to turn green. Some random radio channel is turned on in your car. You have never bothered to set it up before. They start to play a familiar song.

Wind blows Blew me to where I belong It was you A home I came into the night

The cold sweats start again. It gets harder to breathe. The light has turned green but the vehicles in front of you are not moving. You shut down the radio and press the horn into infinity. Your car revs and breaks into a spree, only stopping at a spot where there aren't any eyes and you can finally hit your steering wheel as much as you want before you break down into an ugly cry. Two hours pass before you text Yusuf you cannot find the specific brand of dog food and return to the campus. Parking your car near your department building, you walk to the dorms. It's a thirty-minute walk.  Sometimes you feel like you hear the familiar soft British accent on your way. Your chest feels the heaviness again, but your brain simply makes it for another student on campus. You don't have any more tears left to shed for the day.

.

Back at the dorm, you stand under the shower for ten minutes doing nothing. The shirt and PJs you had on last night are what you wear again. You come down to the dining area to see if you have any appetite. You smile at the familiar faces that greet you. You know your smiles are growing weaker every day. But there is nothing you can do about it. Salad. Soup. Bread. Pasta. Fruits. Ice cream. A tiny leaf of lettuce. A finger-sized slice of bread. Two pieces of penne with barely any sauce on them and a slice of apple. That is all that goes onto your plate. Even the lady serving you is concerned for her favourite student who used to leave the dining hall only after stuffing down two huge servings of everything. You sit on the table in the corner right by the window. It is a cold spot so no one ever prefers to sit there. Even as you sit down to eat the contents on your plate, you are not able to finish the bread and the pasta.

.

Back in your dorm room, you sit in the dark on your bed for about an hour before your phone rings. It's Tony. You look at the time on your phone. It's time for the usual call. You switch on the study light to accept the video call but your fingers never touch the accept button. Finally, you accept the voice call, putting it on speaker. "Hey, sweetie," Tony's voice greets from the other end. "'Sup," you greet back, not truly matching the enthusiasm. "How was college today?" "It was fine." "..." "..." "Okay. Cool. How's that car doing?" "Doing okay." "Because I can send you a better-" "It's doing okay." "...okay," Tony's voice goes down an amplitude, "that's good to know. So...did they have anything good in dinner today?" "Same old." "Did you eat?" you can hear the concern in his voice. "Mm-hmm." Silence. "Are you in your lab?" you finally say, wanting to prevent any more questions that you did not have the strength to answer. "Yeah. Working on a special suit right now. For a special someone." There is a pause for a moment. "Can you...can I hear you work? I have to work on an assignment and I need some sort of background noise to help me get it done faster." "Oh, okay." The amplitude is a little better now.  You lie down on your bed, your legs bent close to your chest, keeping your phone next to you. Tony goes on with this work, chatting with Friday. You continue to listen to him, never consciously feeling the tears fall from your eyes, wetting your pillow. Bruce joins Tony sometime later. You don't know how long has it been since you've been lying there. But you can hear Bruce tell Tony it's two in the morning so they should call it a night. "Y/N, sweetie? You asleep?" Tony whispers through the phone. You say nothing. "I guess she's asleep. Good night, goose," Tony hums before ending the call. You do not wish for the sleep to come, for it has not visited you for quite some days now. But the fear of seeing a familiar face when you fall asleep is also the reason you do not want slumber to hit you. But it comes tonight. Bringing with it reasons you are going to feel the numbness, the hole in your chest, the cold sweats all over again tomorrow.

Loki only visits your dorm when you are not there. You are gone early from the room because you have an eight am class today. The room reeks. Used tissues lie on the floor, below the study table, overfilling the dustbin. There are half-eaten packets of chips sitting on the desk along with half-finished cans of soda. Your hoodies, sweat pants, shorts and undergarments lie in a crumpled mess in the cupboard as well as the laundry basket. He opens the windows first- noticing the dead succulents on your window sill that Yusuf has brought as a 'dorm-warming gift'- before getting to work. He clears the trash, cleans the floors, disinfects the desk, changes the bedsheet and duvet, and replaces the dirty laundry with clean ones. Taking one last look at the room, he makes sure to leave your clothes just as he had found them to not raise any suspicion. He replaces your bottles and mugs with fresh water, praying that you will drink as much as possible. Then he leaves.

.

He disguises himself as another student to watch you from afar. Sometimes he catches you lost in a thought in the window of your lecture hall. On other days he sees you looking at the void while sitting in the campus grounds. It is visible you have lost weight. Your eyes have bags under them. Your signature smile that went up to your eyes is not there. Twice he has witnessed you rush into the washroom with great urgency, and both times he has stopped himself from following you, for multiple reasons. Both times he has waited outside in the corridor, pacing back and forth. Both times you have come out with a freshly washed face, red eyes hiding behind spectacles and a smile for whoever greeting you in the corridor.

.

He keeps a good distance whenever you walk back from your department to your dorm building. The way back is dimly lit and you prefer to walk alone, no matter the time. Sometimes he watches you stop abruptly in your path. Sometimes you sniffle and wipe something off your face. Other times you take your phone out and look at something on it for a long time before closing it and resuming your walk.

.

He avoids the nights. They do not bring the best of him. Because they are not the best for you.

"Jane, is it? You do realise I would not be here had those two baboons not tricked me into walking into your office on the pretext of an emergency." Loki huffs and rubs one hand on his face while the other rests on his hips. Jane purses her lips and shrugs in agreement before sitting down on her sofa. "Must have been an emergency for your friends to bring to a clinical psychologist, right?" Loki chuckles sarcastically. Jane is unbothered. "Oh, Miss Clinical Psychologist-" Loki's eyes have nothing but pity as he looks in the doctor's direction- "you are talking to a thousand-year-old being infamous for the art of manipulation. So, no offence, but I am pretty sure I can diagnose myself better than any doctor on this planet. Let alone this galaxy." This time Jane is the one chuckling. "I am two hundred per cent sure no one has the knowledge of psychology on this planet as much as you. And I take your word for all that you said. But-" she takes a tiny remote from the coffee table in front of her, points and clicks it to the opaque window separating her room from the reception outside, revealing Peter Parker and Scott Lang pacing the length of the reception hall- "for the sake of those two worried souls, why not humour me for...twenty minutes? Not to mention, even the best of psychologists need another experienced person to help them out in desperate times." Loki looks out at the two figures who have no clue they are being watched. He can't hear but Peter is saying something to Scott with a look of anxiousness, to which Scott simply keeps his hands on Peter's shoulders for a moment, telling him something, and finally taking him into his embrace. The window goes back to white. Loki comes back into the room. He is lost in a thought for a moment. "Well played, Jane," Loki announces in a mumble. "Had it been any other day, I would not give a damn about any of this." Jane simply gestures to the seat kept for Loki with both her hands. The God sits down and sighs.

"Why do you think they are so worried about you?" Loki raises his hands in defeat. "Beats me." Loki notices Jane has not touched the dairy kept in front of her. Neither her pen. She simply sits there for the God to elaborate. After a prolonged moment of thought, and the presence of zero judgment on the doctor's face, Loki gives in. "It's their friend. She...and I are not on speaking terms anymore." Loki's voice has gone soft. Jane nods. "Is their friend not your friend?" "...she was. Till she confessed that she liked me." Loki huffs the 'liked' part as if it were an insult. "Okay." Jane nods, adjusting herself a bit towards to edge of the seat, interested in knowing more. "Nothing more to it, Jane," he points out, averting his gaze, "she's gone...a bit far so we don't see each other much." "So, you do see each other." Loki takes in a long breath, furrowing his brows as if trying to push something away. "No. I go see her. She is staying in the city. I-" Loki's gaze goes down to his fingers that have started playing with the velvet on the sofa- "check in on her. Sometimes." "Why do you need to check in on her?" Even if that question is out of curiosity, Jane makes no effort to react in any way. Loki scoffs. "Because she is wasting away, Jane. A woman like her, who is capable of changing worlds is wasting away in a box half the size of the room we are sitting in because she was rejected by the God she fell for." Jane pours herself a glass of water. "You still haven't answered my question, though, Loki." Loki looks at her in confusion. "Why do you need to check in on her?" She picks the glass up. "What do you mean- I just told you she is-" "Wasting away, yes. That's the choice she made. Why do you feel the need to go there?" Jade sits back with the glass still in her hand. "Because I am the reason she is in this mess." Loki cannot understand what is so hard to understand. Jade turns her head a little. "So are millions of other women after a breakup. Why is it so important for you to go back to her? You have already told her how you feel." Silence. The glass is sitting in her lap. Loki can feel an unnerving feeling in his chest as he glares at that glass of water.

"Because I love her," he finally admits. "Because I cherish her. Because she nearly died because of me." Jade does not speak in the silence that comes after. "Because it is preposterous to think I could ever be with her." The confidence and anger with which Loki had entered the room has dissolved into the sea of certain new emotions; emotions that seem to be taking over his features gradually. The previously poised glare has turned into a fragile pair of eyes blinking a bit faster than before. "And why-" Jane's voice is soft as it stresses her words- "do you think you cannot be with her." Jane raises the glass to her lips, drinking the water, giving the room a good long pause. At that moment, the God feels the rush of tears in his eyes, the onset of a slight quiver building in his lips, the shakiness of his breath as his throat tries to bring out what has been sitting inside that little boy for ages. "Because I'm a monster." his voice breaks as he looks back at Jane. "Because I don't deserve that love." He tries to breathe in to compose himself only for his throat to shake. "Because I am scared of not being worthy. Because I am scared she will find out it is all a facade and I am nothing but a spineless pawn. Because I have only been loved on conditions and am afraid to get hurt again." Tears fall frantically through Loki's eyes. He does not bother to wipe them off. Jane pours Loki a glass of water and hands it to him. "Must have been hard to say it out loud," she states. "I can assure you if you choose to sit with me to figure it out, it will be a bit easier than it is right now. It won't be a smooth sail, but it will hurt less. And you just want the pain to stop, don't you?" Loki takes in a lungful of breath. "I want it to stop." Janes nods in reassurance. "Please make it stop."

a comic about fix-it fanfics

the pretend plot of bg3: you've gotta get these tadpoles out and stop a giant floating brain with delusions of grandeur

the real plot of bg3: in order to date us (the party) you must defeat our seven evil exes: a half-demon warlock patron, the literal goddess of magic, a vampiric lord, an insane cult leader , an archdemon, the goddess of darkness, and finally, the Trauma

The Marvels

“Oh captain, my captain”.

Still can’t get over with their chemistry and I miss them already !!

certified coolkid moment: finding the rotting corpse of your classmate in the woods

also by the way i am always obsessed with how spider-people just click and can work together without anything being said in spiderverse . mcu spiderman being like "omg ive never worked in a team” “how are we going to work together” “well im on a team so i’ll lead us" like that was the most boring way to do it . spiderverse instead saying "we just know how to work together because our histories and lives are so linked, its like knowing someone your whole life. seeing the self in the other. our lives rhyme.” LIKE I LOVE YOU GUYS

look at this overgrown wireless charger

The Ocean is She(One-Shot)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Warnings: Loki's POV summary till the Season 4 Midseason Finale.

Word Count: I just sort of poured out whatever I felt for this dude. Which all shades of sad mostly.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

"This is Y/N. She is here to complete her college degree. She will be living here for now." That was the first time Loki saw you.  You stood out like a lost firefly in that lounge among the crowd of broken people on Hero Syndrome. While everyone was giving him the stink eye, you passed a flat smile towards his direction before being pulled by the others into questioning. What is someone like her doing here? Loki was meant to have it as a passing thought. But that passing thought slowly percolated into his life in the form he never really thought he would meet again- a friend. "It's okay, I'll have another one." You smiled at him when he took your cup of green tea your first morning there. And Loki would never admit to his ego that the first act of unadulterated kindness had made his heart sink a little into an unnamed ocean before covering it up with 'this woman must have an ulterior motive'. Ulterior motive. Loki was 'on guard' since then, trying to figure you out. You knocking on his door to join the others for a movie night, making him those heavenly molten chocolate lava cakes on his birthday, buying rings and bracelets that reminded you of him, falling asleep in his presence in the library, asking him to help you study for your exams, sending him pictures of cats on the campus, sharing latest memes with him to keep him up to date; everything you did was seen as motive of some bigger game for the God who had once fallen and twice died. But seemingly, he killed a part himself the day he told you about your origins and you did not blame him for a single second. And nothing was the same for God afterwards.

He started paying more attention to you. His initial reason was that unlike the clowns infesting the building always high on either adrenaline or coffee, you were a specimen that he could study. Right. He was studying how you had a habit of cracking your neck every hour no matter what you did. How you would interact with inanimate objects with emotions, like looking at your assignment on the laptop and asking it with tears in your eyes, 'Why won't you conclude yourself in a way that's not gibberish?!'; or how you would gently pat the car and say thank you whenever you arrived at your destination. How your eyes would light up every time you saw a little spawn of the dogs or cats and your voice would go higher to greet them. He was amused by how your calm persona would do a one-eighty when your menstruation cycle was on the verge of bleeding days. That was the exciting part of his day during the cycle- sitting close to your sweatshirt and shorts-clad figure sprawled on the sofa in front of the TV, watching you threaten anyone who passed the hall. That's all you were to him- an amusing human who helped him pass his days on earth. At least that is what he had convinced himself of, never realising how his day would start by coming out of his room looking for you. How he would take a tour of the entire Avengers facility to find you and when he did, he would play himself off non-chalantly. He did not seem to let himself know how he would automatically come to stand by your side whenever he was to leave the facility and go out into the world. 

The narrator's heart often wonders how he could not see himself getting attached to you. Like that one time, he was the only one up beside Scott and Tony when you were out partying with your college friends; how he pretended to be drowned in a philosophy book while Tony worked on his robot babies and Scott watched the Kaichowa Maid Sama anime; how he intently listened to the phone call Scott got and he immediately recognised your voice even though he sat a bit far; how he heard your slurred words say 'Scottieeeeeee~ please take me home. I am drunkkkk and I kindaaaa don't want to stay heeeere'. "Of course, honey," Scott replied, "but it'll take me an hour to reach-" "Then send someone who'll be faaaaaasterrrrr~" you whined on the line.  Scott looked in the direction of the elevator, wondering whether to call Stark from his workshop when Loki slammed his book shut. "Turn on the sink tap," Loki commanded a confused Scott as he vanished with green and golden hues only to land on the campus grounds in a poorly lit park where you were sitting in the cold grass, your phone still to your ears. "Scott," you whispered into the phone, "you don't understand. I am drunk and I am feeling these waves of horny-ness but I do not want to do it with anyone here!!!" "Let's go home," Loki announced as he stood in front of you, waiting for you to take his hand. And boy did he feel his heart do another dip in that unknown ocean when you smiled at the God with a shade of relief and hugged him the moment you were up on your legs. "Thank you for coming for me." The wave of feeling his heart about to take another dunk into that ocean, he immediately teleported back with you, making sure both you and he landed right next to the sink to help you puke your wobbling guts right into the sink.

As time passed, Loki grew more used to your presence. From sitting together at breakfast and sharing one cup of tea to having reading sessions in his room on his bed. You were one of the rare ones who were allowed to enter his sacred space. No one knew but he thoroughly enjoyed the waves of emotions that would run over your features at different times when you became too engrossed in a manga. Sometimes it was your uncontrollable laughter where you read the same pages again and again; other times it was the repeated punches you threw either on your thigh or on the bed when you found yourself being impressed by something. But then there were the times when you would be in tears when one of your favourite characters died, and you could not stop yourself and Loki would look at you, with the intensity of the moon, wanting to stop time and do something...anything to stop you from crying. 

He did get tested for his belief of looking at you as a specimen. That one time when you and Hope fell into the other end of the universe. This God was ready to draw blood if it meant bringing you back in one piece. Once you were home safe, he could not help but overthink as to why did what he did for you. You were a mere human.  You were not supposed to mean much to him. You were just his amusement. Right? Just his amusement. The very amusement who stood in a barren alien land in front of the most delirious alien army, making Loki calculate in one point two seven seconds how he was about to lose his sleep for the next three months if he was to keep you alive while trying to find a way back home. Home.  Earth isn't my home, he would mentally slap himself back to reality whenever he caught himself thinking of the Avengers facility and the other clowns. But then he would turn to look at you.  Earth was your home. And going home would make you happy. He wanted to see you happy. Another mental slap to his head. You are losing your edge, Loki, he would bully himself to keep himself cold and calculating throughout that demanding journey of looking after you and the monster you had adopted on your way. And of course, Javi.

Any other day, any other life, any other universe, Loki would have punched the numbers as to how useful you were to him dead or alive and then be his way once you fulfilled your purpose of helping him survive. But here, he was doing the basing math of making sure to get you out of all the darkness of the universe unharmed. But life, as we know, has other plans. The music genre too changes when the playlist is on random and the heart is set on adventure for one and survival for another. Aellae came as the genre of dread and darkness. Being well aware of her obsession and abuse of power, Loki knew she would see you as a threat; for she knew the God of Mischief never travelled in a pack unless that pack had Loki's prey or something Loki wanted to keep close. So his first thought was to call in the seven Gods while 'ditching' you in the middle of a desert. Little did he know that you too were thinking from your heart in that space and time. As much as he hated to see you come for his rescue, he would never give up on the time when you two were stuck in that small space in Aellae's dungeons, trying to find a way through the room, bodies covered in sweat, your back and his front finding the angles to become one as you both pushed your way out. How synchronous were your bodies working together, how you readily trusted him with touching you in a way he would never want to witness you being touched by anyone. Why was he thinking that way? All those questions, all those confusions, all those hours of his inside voices bullying him to see you as nothing but a human ticket to a life of peace back on earth- all of them burst with the brittleness of the snow that fell on you as your lifeless figure lay in his arms. This time when his heart sank into the ocean, it did not want to come up. The God could not sense anything but fear crawling on his skin when his hand touched your face and it did not feel warm anymore. Your usually cheerful eyes did not open when he called out your name again and again. The fear he had felt when he first found himself dying when he wanted to live, was nothing in that moment when he was faced with the reality that you might be dead. And just as that little speck of possibility crossed his mind, the hell inside him broke loose, causing a wave originating from his magic destroying everything within a radius of two kilometers. Ever since he was born, Loki, son of Laufey, son of Odin, Prince of Asgard, the Silvertongue, took to his knees for the first time for a life that was not his. He begged for your survival at the cost of his own, no longer denying himself from the truth. His heart did not come up from that ocean that carried your name on every atom in its waves. You were his reason to laugh. You were his reason to be curious in this life. You were his reason to look forward to getting up the next morning.  You had been the reason he had not gone for Plan B of running away from Earth and ending in the bosom of some dying star that would end his misery.  You were the reason he was willing to live a little longer. You were the reason he was ready to love again. 

Even when back from the horrors of the universe, Loki did not stop looking after you. He let Peter in on the secret of your near-death experience because he trusted that boy and he knew how much he cared for you. Both he and the boy would discreetly look for signs of you experiencing any discomfort. Taking shifts in the night, they would help you get out of your nightmares- which were the after-effects of healing you back to life right from the arms of death herself. Loki grew more protective of you but would distance himself whenever found himself feeling whatever little ounces of happiness his heart felt in your company. He would walk the extra mile of punching a man in his face for disrespecting you but he found himself pretending to laugh at your heartfelt confession because his heart could not bear the truth of knowing that you loved him back. You loved him. You, the perfection that walked amongst mere peasants. Loved. Him. And he laughed. He laughed hard enough to hide his tears of happiness that hurt him to the point of no return. He could not let you do that. You were too precious. Too precious to be put in danger again. He was the danger. He brought death to you. He would rather die than do that to you ever again.  And so the God decided to walk away, let out his screams in the middle of the desert to kill his heart for finding love in this lifetime and then hating the fact that it loved him back. The God was no better than a human then. He was in love. But he could hold on to that love for the fear of breaking it with his ill fate.

“this ship isn’t canon” to YOU. I, however, am delusional

Imagine you get into the holiday spirt with the cutest Christmas sweater, the fluffiest socks and these adorable bells in your hair. You're running around the compound with hot chocolate and cookies, the jingle of your bells ringing with each step. Everyone things its adorable. You're like a little elf, busy in your workshop (the kitchen), surrounded by marshmallows, whipped cream, delivering mugs of creamy sweetness along with homemade gingerbread men.

Everyone finds it so cute.

Everyone except Bucky.

Bucky hates it.

He hates the little tinkle he hears with each footstep you take.

Why?

Because his mind is in the gutter.

Your running around looking all cute and sweet and innocent and all he can think about is how gorgeous those bells would sound as he railed you with his cock.

He decided to stay in his room, hoping a book would calm him down but who was he kidding, his enhanced hearing meant he could hear you scurry around down the hall towards his room, and holy shit, if he could just grab your hair and bend you over-

"Bucky!" You lightly knocked at his door before popping your head in with a cheery smile, holding a mug of hot chocolate topped with marshmallows and plenty of whipped cream. No matter how intimidating Bucky painted himself out to be, you knew the soldier loved all the little extra toppings, especially after you caught him adding extra whipped cream when no one was looking.

"Hey" Bucky's voice came out more strained than intended, hoping to will his erection away which currently throbbed with need.

"I brought you hot chocolate" You stepped into his room, pausing when Bucky's smiled looked more like a grimace as he shifted from his place sitting against the headboard.

"Is-is everything okay?" You ask, padding towards him and he can't even hide the tent in his sweats, setting down the book he was reading to try and cover himself.

"Of course-yeah-thanks y/n" He rasped out as you came over and handed him the mug, your sweet scent of vanilla, sugar and spices only making it harder for him to keep his hands to himself.

"Are you sure you're okay?" You could tell Bucky was tensed, chewing his lip without meeting your eyes which was strange considering he was normally fine around you.

"Wouldn't be able to tell you sweets" Bucky chuckled to himself with a sigh rubbing the back of his neck while you cocked your head to the side, the tiny movement making the bells ring again.

Fuck.

"I don't think you'd want to help with something like this doll"

"Try me"

-

"OH" *jingle* "MY" *jingle* "GOD" You wailed, your bells ringing with each thrust as Bucky's cock slammed into you, his hands squeezing your hips as he fucked you from behind. He had you on your hands and knees after tearing your clothes of, loving the needy little whimper you let out after you caught a glimpse of his rock hard cock pressing against his sweats.

"That's it baby, that's it, sound so pretty with those cute little bells in your hair" Bucky groaned, biting his lip to keep his voice down as he fucked you harder, pushing his cock in as deep as it would go, "Look at how you're taking all of me baby, taking my big dick so well, such a good. Girl"

"More, want-more" you hiccupped, tears from pleasure streaking down your face, squealing when Bucky's hand spanked your ass before pulling out and manhandling you till you were on top. You whined, your lips pulled into a pout, all naked on top of the soldier except for the bells in your hair, your needy pussy clamping down on him. You pawed at his hand, tugging it to where you needed him most, moaning when he used his thumb to rub your clit, smirking at your fucked out state.

"Aww babygirl, are you too cockdrunk to fuck yourself on my dick" Bucky cooed as you squirmed on top of him, sloppily grinding yourself, your greedy cunt begging for anything he'd give you. You

"Fuck you're such a little slut" Bucky gritted out as he planted his feet against the mattress and started to fuck up into you, your boobs bouncing in his face matching the dainty rings every time he thrusted his hips up. "Want you under that goddamn tree and nothing else baby, gonna fuck you on every surface of his place"

Bucky could only take so much, his balls pulling tight to his body, cum desperate to blow and paint your walls, your pleasure contorted face all just for him.

"Walking around with these fuckin' bells, making my cock so hard, lookit how pretty you sound now baby, fuck y/n, m'gonna cum!"

"C-cum in me Bucky" You cried out, sobbing in pleasure as your orgasm ripped through you, collapsing against his chest as he fucked you through your high.

"That's it baby, milk my cock, that's what I want for Christmas, wanna empty my balls in you, fuck-oh fuck-milk it baby, shitt!" Bucky bit down on your shoulder to muffle his loud moans, shoving his dick in as far as it would go as he started to throb ropes of his spend into you.

That was round 1.

-

"You look like you've seen a ghost" Tony snorted as he saw Sam and Steve enter the living room, the captain's face pale in shock while Sam couldn't stop grinning. "What happened. We're gonna start the movie soon, where's metal man and y/n"

Steve went beet red while Sam cackled, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Making their own rendition of Jingle Bells"

Anyway, I'm sorry for giving you debauched instead of wholesome plots, MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS (the filthy part is for me @ myself)

From the villain transition to the hero transition

life was simpler when loki just wanted that stupid blue cube

Higher. Further. Faster.