#IT FEELS LIKE ITS BEEN AGES SINCE I'VE MADE EDITS
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𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 '𝘴 𝘓𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴
“𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴. 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶” - 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘩
𖧧 pairing: choi seungcheol x afab!reader
𖧧 wordcount: 23.5k words
𖧧 reblogs, likes and comments are always appreciated <3! tumblr is based on reblogs not likes, and they help writers like me to get better reach. thank you ^~^
𖧧 genre: best friends to friends with benefits to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff, smut (mdni 18+)
𖧧 summary: all it took was one kiss and suddenly you and Seungcheol’s friendship has turned upside down.
𖧧 In other words: exploring how far the boundaries of your lifelong friendship can take the two of you, you and Seungcheol try to navigate what it's like to be friends with benefits. just because you're secrelty in love with each other won't fuck everything up...right?
𖧧 tags: bsf!seungcheol, nonidol!au, rich!seungcheol, middleclass!reader, sml!wonwoo, jealous!cheol, possesive!cheol, mutual pining, SLOW BURN, ANGST, both mc's are heavily in denial, lotssss of miscommunication and misunderstandings, they are one year apart, jeonghan is the only sane person, hoshi is a clingy drunk, mona eisa makes an appearance!, its such a cliche story but i love it, they make bad decsions when theyre 'h' word...
𖧧 smut tags/warnings: dom!scoups, sub!reader, multiple smut scenes, p in v unprotected sex, semi-public sex (sorry), slight mutal intoxicated sex in the first smut scene, choking, slapping, multiple positons, oral (f. receiving), fingering, creampie, praise and degradation, pet names (baby, angel, princess, love).
𖧧 note: finally... its here. im sorry for the long wait :"). i thought i was only going to do 10k words but i got carried way. i want to thank @mysafehaneul who helped me with editing this story as well as my two irl friends who brainstormed ideas with me through out the writing process <3. if i've missed any tags/warnings please dont be afraid to lmk! anyways,,, im excited because this thing is my baby, i hope you enjoy! your thoughts and comments are always welcome :') leave me a comment or ask if you want~
As long as you can remember, Seungcheol and you have been attached to the hip. Even though he was a year older than you, you couldn’t remember the last time you spent a day without him, starting all the way from the young, bright age of 5, when you and your family moved into the small, humble house across his. Although your parents weren’t very well off, Cheol was. It was an odd thing that you two were neighbours because his house was much more grand and nicer kept than yours. This didn’t really bother you growing up though, he always made you feel like an equal.
Seungcheol has been with you through it all, from the petty fights in middle school to the pains of adolescence in high school. He’s seen you at your worst like the time you tripped and fell trying to impress a cute guy at school, which resulted in a nosebleed. You were so embarrassed but at the end of the day, Cheol was there to help you clean your bloody nose and pick you back up. A true night and shining armour in disguise. He was the one to patch up your heart, breakup after breakup. Always your shoulder to lean on when you’re feeling down, and especially when you’re happy.
A man and best friend like Choi Seungcheol didn’t come around very often, and you took notice of that since you were young. You cherish every moment you have and will have with him. He is a true gentleman with a heart of gold, he’s handsome, smart, rich and caring. Every single box on your list is ticked off when it comes to him. Yet, you know that no matter how hard you love him, you will only ever be his best friend. The girl he sees is practically his younger sister. The bittersweet feeling of being so close to him tugs your heart till it's torn. It took you a long time to accept that all you’ll ever be is his best friend, and even now you’re still trying to accept this fact.
I.
Fall freshly arrived in your city. The bustling sound of cars, the light whistle of the wind, the leaves that would crunch with each step. It is the perfect atmosphere for you and Seungcheol's weekend movie marathon. On today’s agenda is Divergent, a series you loved reading growing up.
There you two sat, snuggling on the couch, wrapped in maybe ten pounds worth of blankets that could be someone’s monthly rent downtown. This is why you loved having movie marathons at Seungcheol’s place, he always has the best blankets, the best pillows, the best snacks; you could go on for days with reasons.
Your head on his shoulder, his arm resting behind you on the couch, everything felt perfect. If you closed your eyes for just one second, you could pretend that you and he were together and that this was just a stay-at-home type of date. But, the moment your eyes open again you are faced with the reality of the situation.
“Wow, this movie was a lot better when I was like 13…” you snort after finishing re-watching Divergent for the first time in a long time. Only because Cheol hadn’t seen it before.
“Hmm, it's not that bad..?” He tries to defend the movie, but as someone who read all the books in middle school, you knew that it just didn’t compare.
“No Cheol you don’t understand, it’s just gets worse from here. I really don’t know why they didn’t just decide to follow the book more properly. The first one was so good.” you huff with a frustrated sigh after finishing your rant.
Seungcheol can only chuckle, his voice sending vibrations from how close in proximity you two were. He didn’t mind the physical affection between the two of you, after being around each other for so long, you two became accustomed to it. You were always the type to rant to him about the little things, and he just likes to sit there and listen. He always wants to be the person you go to when you want to let your feelings out, no matter how trivial your tangents are.
“Y/n, if you hate the last two movies why are we watching them?” He asks you, his brow quirked up.
“You’re right actually, maybe we can watch something else…” You agree, your head craned up to look at him from where you’re positioned. A small smile danced across your lips, so close to him you could feel his breath fan your face. The smell of his cologne tickles your nostrils.
“Wanna watch Ponyo?” Seungcheol suggests he knows how much you love Ghibli movies. You always like to mention to him that you’re Ponyo and he’s Souske. He doesn't disagree with you, jesting that he would carry you around in a bucket full of water as Souske does.
Agreeing, giving an affirmative nod, you snuggle into him further as he changes the movie, exiting out of the dumpster fire they call the Divergent. As the movie starts to play, you think back to all the times Seungcheol was your Souske, and all the times he spent making sure you would heal from your hurt.
II.
Seungcheol has always seen himself as your best friend. The man that will be there for you when you have no one else to turn to. He has never seen you as more than his best friend, his y/n. He is a man who never second-guesses himself, always keeping a strong-willed sense of mind. Every time one of his friends asked him if he had feelings for you, he would simply answer no; and that you were like a younger sister to him.
That first year was lonely for him, he didn’t really know anyone and all his classes kept him away from socializing. The only thing that seemed to have stayed constant was you. You face-timed him at least once a week before he went to bed, never forgetting to remind him how much you missed him, and how much you cared for him. In the simplest words, you were his rock for during first year.
Seungcheol was never warned about how lonely and jarring your first year could be. The change in place, people, and most importantly the change in the fact that you weren’t there experiencing it beside him. He was never one to believe clichè sayings, but he finally understood what the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder” really felt like. He had gotten so overwhelmed from the loneliness he even began to write you letters, ones he would never actually send out, as cheesy as it sounds. But knowing that he was addressing them to you brought him some type of solace in that first year.
A year later you came to study at the same university, and he was elated, to say the least. Finally, he had thought to himself. The one person he hadn’t been able to see, smell, or touch for a year was finally going to be in his proximity.
Unlike Cheol, you were only able to go to this school through bursaries and scholarships, your parents simply just couldn’t afford to send you to school in a different city otherwise. It reminded you how lucky Seungcheol was to receive support from his parents, getting and going to school was nothing he had to ever think twice about. You knew you could’ve stayed with your family, and gone to school closer to your house, but with Cheol away, it just wasn’t the same. Nothing had felt the same since he left. But this didn’t matter to you the moment you felt his arms wrap around you again.
You stood there in the airport all alone, eyes searching for a head of freshly dyed blond hair. The moment you heard his voice call your name, you knew you were finally home.
“Y/n!” An excited, deep voice calls out for you.
You whip your head around to see him. The man you hadn’t seen in so long, the man you were so desperately in love with. Your best friend.
“Cheol!” A squeal escapes your lips, you run to him. He pulls you into a tight hug, wrapping his large hands around your smaller frame. Swinging you around like crazy, a laugh bubbles up from your throat.
“I’ve missed you so much y/n.” Cheol exasperates as he hugs you tighter, leaving a kiss on the top of your head.
“I’ve missed you too Cheol…” You whisper into his chest, breathing in his expensive cologne, not caring that you are in public; staying there to embrace him for a weirdly long period of time. “Never leave for that long again.”
III.
“Y/n for fucks sake please stop asking me if we can match for Halloween,” Seungcheol whines, his hands running over his face in exhaustion.
“C’mon it be so fun please please pleaseee,” you beg, your “please’s” getting longer with each second he refuses. You’re both sat on his couch, the morning after your movie marathon sleepover. Kneeling beside his spot on the sofa, shaking his shoulder excessively to get him to agree with you.
It’s a week before Jeonghan’s infamous Halloween party, one that you’ve attended every year since you moved here. It is known for being one of the biggest parties of the year, and Jeonghan is the most dramatic yet genius host on campus. Everyone goes, and you mean everyone. This year is no different than the previous ones. You and Cheol have gone together every year, and he has yet to do a matching costume with you. This year you’re simply not backing down from a simple no.
“But Tom and Jerry would be so funny!” You attempt to reason with him, giving him your biggest doe eyes and sweetest pout. You looked ridiculous, begging like a Victorian child asking for an extra piece of bread.
“Fine. Fine!” Seunghceol finally gives in. If there was something he just can’t resist, it’s when you beg to him with puppy dog eyes. It somehow has always worked for you, even when you two were kids.
“Yes! Finally oh my god, i’ve been waiting for this to happen for the past 3 years!” You jump around victoriously in your fluffy pyjamas. Seungcheol can’t help but laugh at your celebratory dance, especially when you wore fluffy bunny printed pj’s.
“Ok ok calm down, I’ll only allow it if I get to be the stupid Jerry cat.” he grumbles, arms crossed as he leans against his couch.
“You mean Tom you idiot..” You muttered under your breath as you sit back on the couch, returning back to the Ghibli marathon.
You weren’t very slick though, Seungcheol weirdly had a great sense of hearing for someone who can act like an old man sometimes. He turns to you with a glare and you let out a squeak, ready to run away from his hold, wow he is really taking his Tom role seriously, you thought as he chased you around his apartment. The sound of child-like laughter fills the space, your Ghibli movie long forgotten.
IV.
Monday had finally rolled around the corner, which you dread even more after spending the weekend in Paradise a là Seungcheol, a.k.a his apartment; which was a lot more fun to be at in comparison to your own. He lived on one of the highest floors in his apartment building, while you lived in the cheapest place closest to campus. It was kind of laughable how different your life is compared to Seungcheol’s, yet out of everyone he’s your bestfriend.
What’s even worse about this Monday is that you’re finally getting your assigned partner for the midterm project. With your fingers crossed you hope that the professor would pair you up with either Jeonghan or Seunghcheol. At least it would make doing the project a little bit more bearable, especially knowing that the whole project itself is worth fifteen percent of your grade. Not a lot but enough to make a dent in your average if you get careless, which you can’t afford. Literally.
“Okay, so I’m just going to start assigning people randomly…” The professor drones on before beginning to give out assigned partners.
“Y/n L/n and Jeon Wonwoo.” Your name is finally called, and thank the heavens your partner is someone you actually know, and someone you know who is smart too.
In a hurried fashion, you make your way to sit beside Wonwoo. You two weren’t really all that close, but you had mutual friends. He is often seen with Mingyu, considering the fact that they are roommates. You had only learnt this from Seungcheol, who was closest to Mingyu. A golden retriever turned person who he had become friends with at the end of his first year in uni.
Wonwoo is an attractive guy, and smart too, which you cannot deny. He was relatively popular for those reasons, but you never really paid much attention to him. Only ever talking to him at parties or in the student union centre eating lunch with Cheol, Mingyu, and Vernon. Honestly, you were just glad to be paired with someone who you know isn’t going to make you do the whole damn thing by yourself.
You slip into the desk where he sits, exchanging a soft hello before bringing out your laptop to write notes. “Hey Wonwoo, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Y/n.”
“Yeah I remember you, you’re Seungcheol’s best friend right?” He asks, probably thinking you look familiar from all the times you had been seen walking around campus with Cheol.
“I am, unfortunately…haha.” You laugh awkwardly along with your joke, trying to break the ice between you two. Wonwoo just nods his head at you slowly, aware of your attempt to make a joke. He definitely wasn’t much of a talker. You picked up on that every time Mingyu had brought him around, and every time you saw him he was either on his phone or talking to a friend quietly in a corner.
You two got down to business pretty quickly after your lousy attempt to try and make conversation. This is definitely one of those moments that would potentially keep you up a night. The ones where you’re trying to fall asleep and suddenly remember an embarrassing thing you did or said.
On the other side of the room are Jeonghan and Seunghceol, and much to Seungcheol's dismay he got paired up with the one person he didn’t want to be with. The moment the professors called out their names, Jeonghan turned around giving him the biggest shit-eating grin. With the professor’s queue, he makes his way to sit beside Cheol, sitting too close for comfort.
Jeonghan loves to tick Seungcheol off, he thinks it’s a great way to pass the time. Maybe even one of his favourites. There was something about getting under his skin that he just found so amusing. It doesn’t really help that Jeonghan is one of Y/n’s closest friends, second to Cheol even.
He met Y/n in her first year at the University and even knew Cheol prior to Y/n, but the two men somehow never really got along. Jeonghan and Y/n shared an intro to psychology class back in her first year and became close for sharing an innate hatred towards their professor. After that, they were like two peas in a pod. Four years into their friendship, Jeonghan still relentlessly teases Cheol, especially when Y/n is around.
Jeonghan has always been an observant man, at least he’d like to think so. The first time he saw Y/n and Seungcheol interact he could tell from the beginning that they were hopelessly in love with each other. Although he would never outright butt into their relationship, he definitely knows how to push things along. Their body language towards each other really was the biggest giveaway and the way Cheol gives into everything Y/n would say. What’s even more laughable was the fact that they were both deeply in denial, for what reason? Jeonghan didn’t know but he found their oblivious attitude to be insufferable. Call him bitter but after spending much time with the two of them he just wanted them to finally bite the bullet and date already.
“Hmm look at Y/n getting all cozy with Wonwoo, they would be cute together wouldn’t they Cheollie?” Jeonghan provoked, calling Seungcheol by a horrid nickname. He poked at Seungcheols arm, giving him a cheshire cat grin. The blond man was not very amused by Jeonghan’s antics, giving him a deathly glare.
“You’re blowing this out of proportion you idiot, they’re just partners for a project.” Seungcheol scoffs, rolling his eys at how fast Jeonghan is shipping you with Wonwoo. “Also stop fucking calling me Cheollie, its such an ugly nickname.”
“Why not Cheollie? You let Y/n call you that…” He wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m just saying people don’t just start dating out of nowhere, plus they’ll be spending a lot of alone time together.” Jeonghan eggs on, nudging Seungcheol with his elbow.
Seungcheol moves his attention towards you, boring holes into the back of you and Wonwoo’s head. Seeing you with Wonwoo didn’t settle right with him, he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it’s because of what Jeonghan said or the fact that imagining you so close with another man wasn’t something he was used to. It doesn’t matter anyways, they’re just partners, nothing else, Seungcheol thought. He lets out a huff of vexation, bracing himself for the upcoming weeks he has to put up with Jeonghan’s antics.
X.
The day of Jeonghan’s party had finally arrived, and you couldn’t be more excited. Midterms had just finished up and you were more than ready to drink away the stress. You hadn’t been to a party in a while now, and you were definitely due for a good one. You were dying just to get your mind off school at least for one night, drinking with your friends and wear a skimpy halloween costume.
The walk to Seungcheol’s apartment isn’t very long, a brisk five minutes and you’re already in front of the entrance. You were excited to see his costume, especially because you haven’t seen him dress up for halloween since you two were kids. As you walked down to his apartment you couldn’t help but appreciate the perfect weather for tonights party. The slightly chilly wind blowing through your hair, the moon full and shining bright in the already dark sky. You just had a weird flutter in your heart that gave you the impression that this party isn’t going to be like any of the previous ones.
Walking down the hall to your best friend’s place always has you in awe, no matter how many times you’ve been down the path to his apartment. Most of the time you felt out of place, everything is so extravagant. The doorman, the high-speed elevator, and especially Cheol’s large floor to ceiling windows. It had a whole view of the bustling city and it took the breath out of you everytime you would spend a few minutes appreciating the scenery.
You knock on his door, and not more than a few seconds later hes opening the door for you. A hearty laugh leaves your lips as your met with the image of him wearing grey cat ears. His cheeks rosy and the tips of his ears turn a hot red as he lets you in. you can’t help but giggle as you make your way into his living room.
Seungcheol may be a little embarrassed by the cat ears but the real reason he’s blushing so hard isn’t because you’re laughing at him. The moment he opened the door the first thing he notices is your costume. He mentally slapped himself trying not to drool at your figure. The brown corset you had on hugs your waist perfectly, the tightness accenuating your cleavage. Your breasts are practically spilling out of the top and the view is causing all the blood in his body to rush to his head. As you walked past him laughing he couldn’t help but look down at how little your skirt covered. His heart was beating so fast, but he quickly masks his desire for you with annoyance.
“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you in cat ears.” You’re practically creasing on his couch, laughing after every word.
“You’re the one who wanted to do Tom and Jerry!” he defends himself, a displeased look plastered on his face.
“O-ok sorry sorry, it’s cute! Don’t worry.” A giggle slips past your lips. You stand up and fix his cat ears, your smile widening at the fact that he’s not happy with how “cute” his costume is. “C’mon lemme draw some whiskers and a nose on you.”
Taking his hand, you lead him to the couch. You let him sit down comfortably on the couch before you climb onto his lap, your eyeliner pencil in hand, ready to draw some whiskers. You focus on giving a cute circular nose, your tongue sticking out a little in concentration. Not wanting to mess up the whiskers, you dont pay attention to anything else as you draw three straight lines on each of his cheeks.
Seungcheol on the other hand is trying very hard not to focus on you. His hands are squeezing your hips with an iron grip. The direct view of your cleavage, the proximity of your body, it was getting too much for him. You were so in your own world, concerned by his cat makeup that you don’t even notice your skirt riding up the slightest bit. He takes notice of this, his breath caught in his throat. With your legs straddling his, he has a good view of your panties peaking out from your skirt. Seungcheol can feel himself getting aroused but he’s trying his best to ignore it, his hands starting to sweat profusely.
“Fuck…” He mumbles under his breath, looking straight down at your exposed underwear. He felt a bit like a pervert but he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from your body.
“Shh I’m almost done promise.” You assure him, oblivious to the fact that he’s not whining about the make up. “Annnd done!” A satisfied smile spreads across your face as you get off his lap. Pulling down your skirt a little because of it slightly hiking up from being on his lap.
With a relieved sigh, Seungcheol gets up from the couch after you. He wasn’t sure why he’s feeling about this away about you all of sudden. Maybe it was because you two were so close in such an intimate way? No that can’t be it, Seungcheol thinks to himself, we’ve known each other for so long. Maybe its because your costume was accenuating every attractive thing about you, he really didn’t know. But what he does know is if that happened again he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. With that last thought, he decides to just brush it off for now. He feels more than ready to get some alcohol in his system.
“Lets go?” Seungcheol asks, lending you his bicep to wrap your hand around. You nod, taking his arm before walking out of his apartment, ready for the fun night ahead.
VI.
You two arrive in front of Jeonghan’s house. It isn’t a far walk from Seungcheol’s apartment, maybe five to eight minutes and you were already there. As you stroll along the side walk the music exuding from his house becomes increasingly loud. The thumping of the bass echoing slightly throughout the neighbourhood, the halloween decorations hanging off the exterior. You are a little bit in awe at how many people are able to fit in a tiny bungalow, but despite the crowded atmosphere, a party like this is a perfect way to celebrate the end of your midterms.
As you and Seungcheol enter the house, you can already recognize a few familiar faces from your classes as well as some of your closest friends. The music practically enveloped you the moment you stepped into the room, the bass causing your heart to thump out of your chest. You squeeze onto Seungcheol’s arm tighter, not wanting to lose him in the crowd. He keeps you close, fearing that you may disappear the moment he lets you go. As you continue to scan the room for your friends, one person in paritcualr catches your attention.
Soonyoung who was of course wearing a tiger onesie, is already in a drunken state, swaying around aimlessly, bumping into people and then proceeding to apologize with a hug accompanied by a kiss on the cheek. Watching this unfold causes a giggle to escape your lips, you pat Seungcheol and motion to the silly drunkard making his way out of the heaps of people. Seungcheol chuckles at Soonyoung as he ends up making his way over to the two of you. The drunk tiger yells out for you , engulfing you and Cheol into a bone crushing hug.
“Typical of you Hosh, you’re already drunk off your ass,” you scold him as you call him by his nickname, patting his fluffly tiger hood. “Now what are you doing going around and giving people kisses?”
“Y/Nie stop acting like my mom, c’mon lets go find Hao and the others.” Soonyoung whines, tugging on your arm so that you would follow him. You give Seungcheol a look, and he just nods, you knew that meant he would go and find you later. So you let Hoshi pull you away, brining you over to your friends.
You spot Jeonghan and Minghao conversing in a corner of the room. This is the first time you’ve seen an angel look like they were out to do more bad than good. Jeonghan’s angel wings and halo shaking as he laughs at something Minghao says. On Jeonghan’s left side is a Mona Lisa painting with the head and arms cut out. You laugh at the way Minghao is constantly keeping his hands in the same way as the original position of the painting as he talks.
“Y/N! Finally the party doesn’t really start till you’re here.” Jeonghan greets you, taking you out of Hoshi’s grasp to pull you into a hug. “Your costume is adorable but also really sexy, Jerry right? Where’s your Tom?”
“Goodevening to you too Hannie, and uhm…Mona Lisa?” You giggle at Minghao’s odd choice in costume.
“Mona Eisa actually.” He corrects and you don’t even think to ask any further questions.
“Well… he would’ve been here if this intoxicated hamster didn’t pull me away from him.” You reply to Jeonghan, giving Soonyoung a look, seeing that he’s already cuddling up to Minghao, who doesn’t seem too pleased by the sudden affection. “Soonyoung stop trying to strangle Hao, he’s not going to disappear.” you scold him again, resulting in a pouty tiger.
“Jesus Soonyoung let go of me that onesie you have on is like a fucking space heater.” Minghao complains, trying to push Hoshi away. Hoshi only whines, holding on tighter. Looking at the situation unfolding, a stranger would think Minghao is the older one of the two. You have always known how much of a lightweight Hoshi is, but tonight it seems he’s had more than usual.
“Y/N stop calling me a hamster, and Hao what’s wrong with a hug? I thought we were friends..” He continues to whine, his cheeks red from the alcohol.
“We won’t be if you keep holding onto me like that you idiot,” Minghao replies, giving Hoshi a warning look. He let Minghao go with a mope forming on his lips. Minghao can only laugh and pat his head. He wasn’t a big fan of physical affection but he still adored Hoshi even if he was clingy. Y/N found their friendship amusing, they would always quarrel with one another yet still show affection when it really mattered.
“Ok ok, break it up you two. Y/N over here is way too sober, let’s fix that.” Jeonghan suggests, and you happily agree. Hoshi’s face lights up and he attempts to follow the two of you. “No Hoshi, not you, you’ve had enough. Go find Seungkwan Hao, this guy needs to be put on an alcohol ban.”
Soonyoung sulks even harder, causing his chubby cheeks to accentuate. It made you giggle at how cute he gets when he’s drinking. You bid your goodbyes to Hoshi and Minghao and follow Jeonghan into the kitchen. As you trek towards where the alcohol is you say hello to some of the people you were friendly with, complimenting the pretty costumes you saw on the way.
When you finally reach the kitchen, the countertop is filled with bottles of every type of alcohol. You end up spotting Seungcheol standing around the island, talking and drinking with Mingyu, Vernon, and Wonwoo. They notice your presence immediately giving you a polite wave. Wonwoo on the other hand takes a longer than normal look at you. This catches Seungcheol’s attention, causing him to grip his red cup harder till it is slightly crumpled in his hand.
“Cheollibee! I didn’t see you come in earlier.” Jeonghan snickers, taking a good glance at his costume. This only makes Cheol scowl at him, muttering about the wretched nicknames Jeonghan is always coming up with.
“Hello Jeonghan.” Seunghceol deadpans, still leaning leisurely against the island.
“You wanna take a shot with me and Y/N? It’ll be fun, promise.” Jeonghan urges, a mischievous glint twinkling in his eyes. You watch the two and laugh, Seungcheol never fails to show his disdain for Jeonghan, it was kind of their thing.
“Sure why not.” Cheol shrugs, coming up to the two of you. He stands behind you, your body pressed against the counter, you can feel his breath fan the back of your neck. Stiffening at the feeling, you watch him grab a bottle from in front of you before pouring out three shots. For some reason the music was nothing compared to how fast your pulse was beating in your ears right now.
Seungcheol’s strong bicep wraps around you to pour a sufficient amount of liquor in each glass, his cologne engulfing your senses. It makes your knees weak, the proximity of his body pressing up against you has your mind running laps. It was so close you could feel his front side brush up against your behind. The thin material of your skirt feeling the texture of his rough jeans.
“You ready?” Seungcheol whispers in your ear as you look down at the shot glass that he’s trying to hand you. The way his breath fans across your face makes you shiver inwardly. You only nod, taking the little shot glass out of his grasp.
From Jeonghan’s point of view you look like a deer in headlights, he can’t help but smirk. Seungcheol’s presence obviously affecting you.
You turn around to face Cheol, and he backs away a little bit, taking the space beside you; one of his hands gripping the counter beside your waist. His blond hair pushed back, the soft cat ear headband hes wearing contrasts against his hard features. As you throw back your shot, you can’t help but keep your eyes on him. His strong jawline becomes more prominent as he takes his own shot, the liquor dripping a little bit off his chin onto his shirt. Fuck, you thought, i’m not drunk enough for this.
Jeonghan sees you ogling and can’t help but chuckle to himself, he pours another set of shots before handing them off to the two of you. Taking the shot, you wince one again as you feel the alcohol burn down your throat. Two shots aren’t enough to get you drunk but you were definitely starting to feel a light buzz. Your surroundings start to become a tad bit hazy, but in a good way.
“Cheollie why don’t you take Y/N to dance?” Jeonghan suggests, his cheshire cat like grin returning. The look of his mischievous smile in juxtaposition with his innocent and pure white angel costume.
Your eyes light up the moment ‘dance’ slipped out of Jeonghan’s mouth, causing you to tug on Seungcheol’s sleeve, urging him to take you to where everyone else is dancing. The alcohol running through his system and the way your eyes sparkle under the kitchen lights is enough for Seungcheol to agree. He could feel his buzz coming on now but he knew he is far from drunk.
“Fine, let’s go.” He allows, pretending not to be a little intrigued on what your definition of ‘dancing’ is.
You smile excitedly and take his hand, leading him to the dance floor, your hips already swinging along with the music. Which was more like the middle of Jeonghan’s living room with the couches pushed to the side. The crowd of people in the middle of the room are moving with the groove of the thumping bass. You start to do the same, letting your inhibitions go. Taking Seungcheol’s hands you place them on your hips, your body's flush with each others. You snake your hands around his neck, holding onto him as you continue to move with the music. The grasp of his large hands holding your hips tight ignites sparks in your stomach.
Seungcheol’s throat goes dry as you turn around, your back facing him. Your ass flush with his front, causing him to hold onto your hips even tighter. What the fuck…, he thinks to himself. The feeling of arousal sneaking up on him for the third time tonight. As you continue to grind on him, he can’t help but let out a low groan, your ass moving against his growing hard on.
“You enjoying your self princess?” Seungcheol whispers in your ear, his hands starting to move up and down. From your hips to your waist, up then back down to your hips once again. Your breath hitches, the tips of his fingers leaving a searing heat on your skin in its wake. The buzzing haze clouding your thoughts, the pounding of the music, the feeling of his hands on you, it was too much all at once.
“Mhmm..” Is the only thing you can say in response as you continue to dance against him.
Seungcheol chuckles, he can sense your arousal too, with the way you put your hands over his, guiding them back to your hips. Keeping your hands on top of his own, you let the music take over you. You close your eyes to really savour the moment; just because you’re not sure when the next time you will get to experience this with Cheol again.
The more you dance with him, the warmer you get. The heat of his body radiates onto you, his hands move from your hips down to your exposed thighs then back up. Who knew that two shots in, you would be dancing (grinding) on your best friend in the middle of Jeonghan’s Halloween party? As time goes on, you feel your clothes stick to your skin just a little more than before, as well as the heat brewing in your stomach.
“Cheollie…” You look over your shoulder to meet his gaze. With a seductive smile, you give him bedroom eyes, not caring that you’re in front of so many people you know. Or the fact that you’re feeling extremely attracted to your best friend right now. “I’m feeling a little warm, can we go somewhere a little more quiet?” you ask, feigning your timidness.
“Yeah if that’s what you want.” He nods, giving you his charming, dimpled smile.
You take his hand, leading him down the hallway to Jeonghan’s room. But before you enter you send a text to Jeonghan, asking if it was ok to stay in his room for a bit. He replies promptly saying that it was fine and to drink the water in his mini fridge if you needed to. After reading that you had permission to enter, you bring both you and Cheol into the room, closing the door promptly behind you.
“You feeling better in here Y/N?” Seungcheol inquires, grabbing a water from the mini fridge and handing it to you. You simply nod, grabbing the water from his and taking a sip.
“Yeah thank you, it was getting really hot out there. Thank god Hannie always keeps his room freezing cold.” You shrug before taking another sip of your water as you sit down on his bed. You admire Seungcheol as he walks toward you, his tight shirt highlighting his muscular biceps, veins running down his forearms. You mentally shake yourself to stop the drool from dripping past your lips.
He towers over you, standing in front of you as you sit on the bed. You clear your throat before putting the water bottle down on the bedside table. Seungcheol grabs a piece of your hair, tucking it behind your ear, his hand moving down slowly to get ahold of your jaw. His grip is firm but gentle, forcing you to look up at him from where you sit. You gulp, frozen, his actions not clear enough for you to predict what he’ll do next.
“You have been teasing me a whole lot while you were dancing, did you know that princess?” He asks, looking down at you while he runs his thumb over your lip, pulling it down slightly.
He relinquishes his hold from your face, going to sit beside you on the bed. Your heart beats out of your chest as your eyes meet his. Seungcheol’s pupils are enlarged, his brown eyes lidded with lust. You aren’t sure what to do, but whatever he has planned you really wouldn’t be opposed to any of it. Although you were having fun dancing with him, a part of you knew if you kept on grinding against him like that, his self-restraint would break.
The muffled music and the sound of your heavy breaths are the only things to be heard in the room. You bite your lip, not sure how to answer him, your cheeks heating with a little embarrassment, apprehension, and excitement.
“No Cheol I didn’t mean to,” you murmur, your face dangerously close to his. He shakes his head with a chuckle.
“Didn’t mean to what? Get me hard from having you grinding on me like that?” he retorts, his hand comes up to grip your cheek, squishing it between his thumb and forefingers. “I think you did mean to, I only have so much self-control princess.”
He lets go of his grip on you, caressing the spot on your cheek where he pressed his thumb. With one swift motion, he grips your hips and pulls you onto his lap, moving your thighs to straddle his. You yelp due to how quickly he got you into the position, your skirt riding up once again.
“Mm.. Maybe just a little bit, I guess I got caught up in the moment…” you admit shyly, averting his hard gaze as you play with the hem of your skirt.
“Well your actions have consequences sweetheart, so what are you gonna do about it?” He whispers into your ear. A shiver runs down your spine, and the feeling of his hot breath fanning your face causes the heat to pool in your core, staining your panties.
“Cheollie…” you whimper, his hands back on your hips, his grip tightening with every second that passes. Embarrassed, you bury your face into the crook of his neck, not wanting to look him in the eyes. You were just so embarrassed at how turned on you are, the feeling of his body so close to yours has your walls lining with arousal.
“You gonna fix what you did princess?” He continues to whisper to you, making you feel like you two are the only people in the entire house. The feeling of his hands rubbing up and down your back soothingly has you leaning more into his touch, his fingertips leaving sparks as he continues. You nod into where you buried your face into his neck.
“With words.” His tone is firm and another shiver runs through you, but instead, it runs straight through your hot core. His hands now running over your bare thighs, squishing them ever so slightly, as he admires how they look smushed onto his lap.
“I’ll fix it, I want to.” You whisper as you look down at his full lips, your arms moving to wrap around his neck. “I really want you right now Cheollie…”
“I want you too, are you sure princess?” He asks, keeping a safe distance until he receives some verbal consent from you.
“Yes, I want it please.” You’re practically begging, whimpering as you lean in closer, your nose touching his.
Lost in his scent, you can feel the blood rush to your head at how close you are to him right now. His hands gripping onto your waist, his lips so close to yours but still not touching. The alcohol, your beating heart, his touch, it’s making your head dizzy with arousal. You wanted this so bad and you didn’t know much you needed it up until this point. Out of all the people you’ve been with before, nothing compares to how much you’re own best friend is turning you on right now. Something about him intoxicates you way more than the two shots you downed less than half an hour ago.
With that last thought, Seungcheol finally crashes his lips into yours. The moment he felt your lips on top of his it was like a fire ignited in him, one that he couldn’t seem to light properly till you. He’s only been kissing you for less than a minute but you’ve already got him hooked. He knows that theres going to be no one after you. The feeling of your body against his is making all the blood rush down to his dick.
You place your hands on both his cheeks, pushing him into your face even more. Tasting the remnants of alcohol on his tongue, the flavour of him and what he drank making you whimper into the kiss. Seungcheol pushes his tongue into your mouth, exploring the softness of your lips. You couldn’t comprehend how delicious it is to kiss Seungcheol, like he was some nectar you’ve been deprived of all your life.
He groans as he feels you grind your clothed heat against his growing erection, the friction causing his head to spin. Gripping your hips even tighter, he continues you to kiss you with while moving your hips back and forth with ease. The hard motions causing you to pull back to let out a moan.
“Haven’t even touched you properly and you’re already moaning like that…” Seungcheol groans, kissing up exposed cleavage and collarbones. “Fuck angel you’ll be the death of me.”
He adores the corset you have on, the fact that your tits practically spilling out right in front of his face made his dick even harder for you.
“Mmmph, Cheol please…” You whine as he continues to suck on your exposed skin, leaving red marks all over. Gripping on his biceps to stabalize yourself, the feeling of him sucking harshly on your soft skin makes your eyes roll back. As you continue to grind on him you could feel him growing harder underneath you, it nudges against your cunt but barely, teasing you even further.
“Tell me baby, what do you want?” He chuckles against your skin, leaving kisses along your neck and face.
“I need you to fuck me please…” You beg, your eyebrows scrunching in frustration, the kissing and grinding just isn’t enough for you.
“Are you sure princess?” He asks slowly, trying to make sure that is something you really want. You look into his soft brown eyes with desperation, nodding to let him know that you need him right now.
“I do I do please Cheol, cant take this teasing anymore.” you complain, grinding your hips to urge him to take you already.
“You’re a needy little slut aren’t you darling?” He smirks, placing his lips on yours once again. This time he doesn’t hold back with his actions, untying your corset from the back before taking it completely off you. He groans into the kiss as he places his hands your breasts, playing and tweaking with your pebbled nipples. You moan into his mouth as you feel him grope at your chest, fondling them in his hands expertly.
“P-please I need you now Cheol,” you whine harder, gripping onto his strands of blond hair, trying to ground yourself in this moment of increasing pleasure. His lack of touch where you need him most is frustrating you, he may be sucking on your tits but you want him to be sucking on your clit instead.
You’re irritation forces you to seek relief for yourself, your hand snaking down past the bottom of your skirt, pushing your thong to the side. Placing your fingers on your sticky clit you let out a sastified moan. Cheol catches on quickly to your attempt to pleasure your self. You barely got to go in a full circle on your throbbing bud before he throws you onto the bed, laying you on your stomach. Dizzy from the sudden change in positions, you yell out a yelp as he forces your skirt cladded ass in the air.
“What a naughty girl you are…” Cheol mutters to himself.
He tugs at your skirt so it bunches up around your hips, exposing your bare ass for him. Smirking to him self, he starts to caress the supple skin, that is until he brings his hand back to slap your ass with full force. It was so agressive that it jiggles from the impact, leaving a read hand mark on the soft surface.
“Ah! Cheol please ‘m sorry, didn’t meant to touch m-myself,” you cry out, the tears stinging your eyes. The cries turning into moans as he continues to smack your ass one…two… three times… until its too much for you to count. You’ve never been hit like this before but you can’t deny how good it feels.
“This is what happens when you act like a fucking whore princess.” He chuckles, rubbing your hand print covered skin, trying to soothe you. “Tell me you wont touch yourself without my permission again.”
“I-I wont, p-promise. Please Cheollie I need you.” You blubber, the tears falling down your face. He hasn’t even touched your needy pussy and you’re already a mess for him.
Seungcheol is satisfied at how pliant you’ve become, crying and apologizing for him like a good girl. He thinks of all the things he wants to do to you, but ultimately he decides to reward you first. You had taken his slapping so obediently, he thought, wanting to giving you a prize for enduring him. So he turns you around, your back against the mattress, legs spread wide apart for him. He finally gets a good look at your face, becoming more satisfied seeing that the tears are staining your make up, your nose red, and your eyebrows knotted in sexual frustration as you pout for him. Cute, he thought.
“Dont worry baby, i’ll eat you so good you’ll forget all about the pain.” He laughs as he lowers himself until he’s face to face with your heat. His warm breath fanning against your folds. His hands gripping your thighs tightly, keeping you spread for him. He licks his lips, wetting them before he indulges into your hot cunt.
Your underwear already pushed aside, he begins to lick a long fat strip against your wet lips. Letting out a wanton moan, you hold onto his hair, your thighs trying to close but his grip only becoming more tense.
“Fuck Cheol… so good.” you moan out, your eyes rolling back with pleasure. He hums against your core, sending vibrations. His actions continue to make your walls build up with more arousal. You’re so immersed in the feeling of his tongue, he decides to take it up a notch. Choking on air, you feel him insert a finger into your dripping hole, hooking it so it rubs against that spot that sends you into heaven. As his finger slides in and out of you, he suckles on your bundle of nerves. This is the moment you begin to see stars, and you start to feel that familiar build up below your stomach. Cheol adds another finger, picking up his pace a little bit.
“Hmmph Cheol please… need to cum.” you beg him, and he speeds up. He speeds up so much you almost black out. Screaming his name, he puts all his force into getting you to the edge, it makes your toes curl. And then its gone.
“What the fuck?” you ask him, you face flushed from the moments before, but also with frustration. He can only smirk at you as he licks his fingers clean, his jaw wet with your arousal. Seungcheol’s eyes darken as he takes in your small frame below him, your wetness still glistening off his chin. His cat ears long gone, you admire his muscular build as he begins to take off his clothing.
“Just wanted to see you come on my cock…” He mumbles, lining up his member with your entrance. Its large and the girth of it causes your breath to catch in your throat. You’re a little scared how much of it is going to fit without it stinging, but at this point you can’t bring yourself to care. All you want him to do now is to fuck you dumb.
Seungcheol’s self control is thinning second by second, he wants to take his time with you. Playing with you till his touch is burned into your skin. Till his length is burned in your pussy’s memory. So he teases you more, rubbing the tip of his hard member against your dripping folds. He loves how he can hear your lips squelch with every movement he makes.
Savouring the feeling of his cock head bumping into your clit, he places his hands on the mattress beside your waist. He moves his hips back and forth, letting his length glide against your lips but never going into your needy hole. The underside of his dick nestled within your folds, hitting your clit with each thrust.
“Oh hmph… Cheollie please… inside please.” you moan salaciously, as you peak at how his cock is rubbing you. It looks so pornographic you almost come just at the sight of all.
“Sorry baby, I just want to savour you for a bit.” He apologizes, his voice wavering as pleasure radiates through his body. The pre cum beading off the tip of his hardness. He relents his teasing, pulling back a bit to sit on the back of his heels. He stares at your knotted brows, the anticipation clearly written all over your face. Chuckling to himself he enters your tight cunt in one go. “So fucking tight for me…”
“Cheol!” you yell his name, your legs held up to your chest by his large hands, folding you in half.
“Holy fuck princess, your pussy is perfect.” He praises into your ear while moving in and out of your entrance with ease. You clench around him after hearing him compliment you, your brain going blank with pleasure. The feeling of his cock makes you dizzy, especially with how perfectly he fills you. His large member stretching your walls deliciously, the tip grazing against that one spot that makes you weak.
“You love taking this cock like a little slut don’t you.” He mutters, letting go of your legs to put one against his shoulder. You can only nod and make sounds of approval.
Seungcheol admires the way his thick cock is spreading your entrance, making him groan. The white ring forming around the base of his dick makes his push into you faster. Your moans increase as you feel him speed up, the sounds of skin slapping fill the room. The echoing sounds of your wet pussy being filled by Seungcheol’s cock grows louder, making you even more horny than before.
You are so fucked out, you couldn’t even form words of praise for him. The ridges of your walls being filled up by him is something you didn’t know you needed until now.
That feeling you had in your chest on your way to Cheol’s place resurfaces, is this the night your friendship with him changes forever? You think to yourself while looking into his eyes, your eyebrows scrunching as you moan.
The sight is so lewd, his member twitches inside your heat. He knows he’s close, but he doesn’t want this to end. As he continues to thrust into you, he can’t help but admire your beauty. Seungcheol was always aware that you’re an attractive person, but something about you being under him right now, drunk off his cock, basking in the moonlight that spills through the semi-closed curtain is really doing something to him. The feeling in his stomach only intensifies as he watches you moan his name deliriously. So fucking pretty, he thinks, the image of your coming undone burning into his memory.
“You close princess?” He asks you, watching the way your legs are starting to shake a little. You nod as you look at him, silently pleading for him to make you cum. He flashes you a smile as his free hand goes to rub circles on your clit, continuing to piston in and out of your tightening hole. Eyes rolling with pleasure, your back arching off the bed as you lean into his touch even more. Clenching and then unclenching, your pussy is pulsing as it greedily sucks him in.
Seungcheol curses under his breath at the grip you have around his hard length, your walls pulsating with each circle he rubs into your clit. “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna come,” he warns you.
You smile at him mischeviously, repeating your actions again and again, watching his strokes becoming sloppier by the second.
“Come inside me Cheol, wanna see it drip out after,” you beg him, staring at him through your eyelashes innocently. He doesn’t have to be told twice, his speed increasing once again. This shuts you up quickly, as you whine at the feeling of his tip kissing your cervix. You feel him twitch in you again, and you know he’s close, so are you. Letting go, you orgasm, letting the high wash over your whole body. Your orgasm triggers his, causing him to spurt his hot load into your spent pussy, creaming you.
“That was…” you say with a sigh, the exhaustion starting to catch up with you. Seungcheol’s breathing is heavy, his cock still buried in your cunt, his cum starting to seep out of the edges of your folds.
“Yeah it was.” He agress with you, finally pulling out. He takes a tissue from the bedside table, wiping off his softening member and then you. Kissing your forehead, he collects your clothes as well as his own.
You watch his muscular back as he picks up each article of clothing. A cold shiver running down your spine as the realisation washed over you, causing your heart to skip.
I just fucked my best friend, you thought to yourself. Your cheeks heat up profusely at how lustful you two became, but also your bashfulness turns into embarrassment and a little bit of worry. The talks you’ve had with Jeonghan and the others about hooking up with a close friend flood your mind. You know things like these never end well, but at the same time this isn’t just any other friend. This is Seungcheol, and for some reason you can’t pinpoint whether that’s a good or bad thing.
Seungcheol finishes picking up everything off the floor, handing you your corset as he puts his own clothing on. You untie the strings and clasp the front parts easily, only to struggle with re-tightening the back. With a meek expression, you stand in front of Cheol with your back facing him.
“Uh, do you think you can tighten the back for me.” your voice sounding small. He smirks at how shy you’ve become after the fact he fucked you shamelessly less than fifteen minutes ago.
“Of course princess,” he leans in to whisper in your ear. His breath fanning against your neck, causing you to shiver visibly. He lets out a low chuckle before tying up your corset, his fingers gliding agaisnt your skin. The touch is hot but gentle, yet the feeling lingers for a few seconds. You can’t help but gulp, thinking about how just a few moments ago his grip was harsh and possessive. Before you could register what was happening next, he steps away, asking if you want to return to the party.
“Thank you,” you mumble before taking his hand and leaving Jeonghan’s room.
It isn’t long before you find the host of the party. He is leaning against the counter, laughing about something with Joshua. The party had dyed down considerably, the only people left were a part of your friend group. You leave Seungcheol’s side to go talk to Jeonghan.
“Now where have you been?” Jeonghan asks as you walk up to him, his smirk increasing as the blush on your cheeks grow. Your eyes are wide, as if he caught you doing something you shouldn’t.
“U-um well me and Cheol just hung out in your room for a bit, the party was getting overwhelming.” you mentally curse yourself for stuttering.
“Uh huh… hanging out. So do I or do I not have to wash my sheets?” Jeonghan presses, smiling deviously at how your mouth opens and then closes. Your eyes are wide with embarrassment, you can feel the heat radiate off your entire face.
“Jeonghan!” You squeak, before grabbing his arm to pull him aside, leading him away from curious ears. “Ok yes, please wash your sheets. I’m sorry I don't know what happened, one thing just led to the next… and then yeah.”
You admit to your actions, feeling guilty for staining your best friend's sheets. Your eyes are glued to your twiddling thumbs, waiting for his response. Jeonghan laughs, he laughs. A hearty, bent over clutching his stomach type of laugh.
“Fucking finally, oh my god Y/N. Sorry but it was bound to happen, you should've seen the way he was looking at you tonight. I swear to god if you didn’t fuck him anytime soon he was going to eat you whole.” He giggles, his hand on your shoulder to support himself, as he tries not to double over again.
“W-what?” You’re confused, you weren’t really sure why Jeonghan said all that, from what you can remember Cheol was acting perfectly normal.
“You really are so oblivious aren’t you Y/Nie.” He sighs as he pats your head. “I’m just glad you got that out of your system, you haven’t gotten laid in so long.”
“Hey! You don’t have to say it like that…” you pout, “Hannie, I don’t know what to do now though? Frankly, I’m scared, this is obviously going to change things…”
“You’ll be fine, trust me. Just talk to him, it’s only Seungcheollie after all.” He comforts you, and it admittedly it does help. You knew if there was anyone you could talk to about this it would be Jeonghan.
“Ok, I’m going to his place after anyways. Thanks, Hannie. Also please don’t tell Soonyoung and Hao…” You plead.
“Don’t worry darling, your secret is safe with me.” He smiles softly, pinching your cheek. You give him a hug, thankful you have someone to lean on when you’re feeling distraught. Especially because you can’t get advice about Cheol from Cheol, even if he’s your best friend too.
“Y/N let’s go home?” Seungcheol interrupts your embrace with Jeonghan. You pull away and his mouth is pressed into a thin line, the possessiveness obvious to anyone but you. Jeonghan playfully kisses your forehead, knowing how much it will piss Seungcheol off.
“Ok, bye Hannie, I’ll see you on Monday ok?” you wave goodbye as Seungcheol takes your hand in his.
“Bye Y/N, i’ll speak to you later Seungcheollie. Get home safely you two.” He smirks, eyes connecting with Cheol. His face is hard with an unreadable emotion, he only nods at Jeonghan’s statement before leading you two to the front door.
You bid your friends farewell as you walk towards the entrance of the house, your eyes drifting over to see the drunken tiger sleeping peacefully on Minghao’s shoulder. You wave goodbye to him as well before you’re engulfed by the chilly fall wind.
It’s quiet as you continue on the path to his apartment, your footsteps echoing along the pavement. The city lights shine all around you, the moon gleaming in the dark sky. It really is a perfect day for Halloweekend, you think, hearing the cars zip past you along the street. It is nearing 2 a.m., and the streets are not as busy as they were while you were on the way here.
“You’re not too cold right?” Seungcheol asks awkwardly with his hands in his pocket.
“A little but it’s only a couple blocks till your place so it’s ok…” you mumble, aware of the stiff atmosphere. He only nods before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, sharing his body heat with you. As you two stride down the pavement, you lean into his touch more. The silence between you two becomes more comfortable, admiring the scenery even more as you’re wrapped in his warmth.
VII.
The morning after you lay peacefully asleep on Cheol’s king sized bed. Your breathing steady as Seungcheol observes your soft features. Without even thinking his actions through, he pushes your hair so it’s not in your face. He takes in the way your brows are scrunching, the pout clear on your face even in your sleep. Cute, he thought.
It was a normal occurrence for you two to sleep in the same bed, platonically. A tradition that carried on from your child sleep overs to adulthood.
Reminiscing about the events from last night, Seungcheol feels a tug at his heart, he’s confused. Never have you two been that intimate with each other before, and he’s surprised at how much he’s thinking about what happened. The visions of you under him playing over and over again in his brain. This is the first time he has hooked up with someone thats made him think about his actions so intensely. But knowing that its you, out of all people, complicates his feelings even more.Yet he still forces himself to acknowledge the fact that your friendship has changed, but he’s still not sure if it’s good or bad.
⌗ 𓂃 flash back to seungcheol’s freshman year.
beep. beep.
With a heavy heart Seungcheol hangs up the facetime call. You had to go to sleep early, and he only hung up a few minutes ago, but he already misses you.
The emptiness of his apartment was harrowing. The silence began to amplify, and the lack of noise caused his ears to buzz. The steadiness of his breath was the only sound keeping him grounded in his forlorn reality.
In his 18 years of life, he has never felt more alone. He was in his first year at University, in a different city full of strangers. Most importantly, he was thousands of miles away from you. You had been with Cheol for the better part of his life, and not having you close was a foreign feeling for him.
Pulling out his journal, he begins to write every single thought and feeling down, just needing a way to let go of all of his feelings. Telling you up front was scary for him, he didn’t want to burden you with his problem especially since you had many of your own.
It’s your last year and highschool and when you two were on the phone talking, it was mostly when you were studying for your next test or something along those lines.
Seungcheol wished that he could tell you everything that he held in his heart but it was just something he couldnt bring himself to do. You seemed so stressed and busy trying to make sure you were able to get into the same university as him, that he just didn’t want to add on to the baggage that you were already carrying.
The familiar pang in his heart resurfaced once again, it ached in a way he couldn’t really describe. The feeling of being somewhere unfamiliar as well as being around unfamiliar people just made him feel so alone, secluded. It started out with a simple ‘dear y/n’.
Dear Y/n,
Today was just like the previous ones. I spent most of my time adjusting to my classes, going over lectures, and like every other day, I still miss you. I actually met someone new today, his name is Jeonghan, and I don't really like him all that much. Although he’s not my favourite person in the world he seems to make me feel less alone. His constant need to pester me about the dumbest things remind me so much of you. He has a childish attitude and I think you two would get along really well. Although in front of him I show distaste for his antics, I'm still thankful that he keeps me company. I wish I could just tell you what’s happening but I want to stay strong. I want to stay strong so that when you get here I can be the one you lean on. I want to be the one that you can talk to when you become overwhelmed with your first year.
Just because I feel this way right now doesn’t mean that you have to go through the same things as me. I just want you by my side. So hurry up and graduate so i can finally see you in person again.
Always yours,
Cheol.
⌗ 𓂃 end of flashback.
Before he could wake you up for breakfast, his phone chimes with a notification. He picks up his phone, reading the name only to roll his eyes after, “Yoon Jeonghan”.
“Had fun last night Cheollie?” Jeonghan chuckles over the line, Seungcheol can already invision the smirk on Han’s lips.
“So much Jeonghan. Why do you ask.” Seungcheol says sarcastically as he gets up to leave the room, not wanting to wake you up from the phone call.
“Im going to need you to send me $50.” Seungcheol scoffs at this.
“The fuck? Why?” He presses, pinching the bridge of his nose, he can already feel the headache coming on.
“Because you and Y/n stained my sheets. Obviously.” Jeonghan says smugly.
Cheol rolls his eyes once again, he can already envision the look on Jeonghan’s face. He should’ve expected that Y/n told him. He wasn’t mad at her, but he knows that Jeonghan is never going to let this go. He sighs, it was the right thing to do, he literally fucked you on Jeonghan’s bed.
“Fine fine, just don’t call me again. I hear your voice enough at school as it is.” Seungcheol grumbles, knowing that even though he warns him, Jeonghan will continue to do what he wants. Cheol curses you in his head silently, wondering why a sweet girl like you became friends with the devil’s spawn.
“So…you gonna finally tell Y/n you’re in love with her?” Jeonghan asks in a non-chalant manner.
“Jeonghan. I’m not in love with her.”
“Sure you’re not…but I’m sure you’re pissed as hell knowing Wonwoo was admiring her all night.” Jeonghan teases, causing Seungcheols ears to heat up. He noticed it too, the way Wonwoo’s eyes lingered on you for an abnormal amount of time. Multiple times that night Seungheol had caught him staring .
“Whatever man, Y/n is my best friend. I want it to stay that way.” Seungcheol huffs before hanging up, the agitation never leaving his body. Agitated at Jeonghan for spitting nonsense and agitated at Wonwoo for looking at you so intensely last night. He doesn’t know why the latter has him so worked up, but he can’t shake the feeling off so easily.
On the otherside of the door, you stand there, your heart sinking all the way down to your feet. You woke up shortly after Seungcheol went to pick up his call but decided to stay in bed a little longer. Now you’re fully awake, trying to keep your eyes dry after hearing the words that your best friend just uttered.
It shouldn’t even hurt this much, you think. You know that all you’ll ever be is Seugncheols best friend, but why did it feel like you have just been hit by a ton of bricks?
Before you could finish your thoughts the door slowly creaks open, so you blink away your unshed tears, coming face to face with your Seungcheol.
“Oh. Didn’t know you were awake.” Seungcheol’s eyes are wide, he’s wondering if you overheard his call with Jeonghan.
“Y-yeah I just came from the washroom.” You stutter. A wave of relief washes over Seungcheol.
Whilst talking to Jeonghan over the phone, it felt like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone that he doesn’t have feelings for you. It was like the words were practically being forced out of his mouth. The guilt was knawing at him, but why? Why should Seungcheol feel guilty for telling the truth? You’re Y/n, his bestfriend Y/n. The Y/n he fucked deep into Jeonghan’s mattress last night…
“I feel like we should talk about last night…” He says after his train of thoughts.
Wide eyed and rosy cheeked, you didn’t expect him to bring up the events of last night so early on. The visions of you and Cheol tangled in the sheets of Jeonghan’s bed starting to leak their way back into the forefront of your memory.
Instead of saying anything more, you just nod. Making your way to his couch, sitting at the corner where the back of the couch and armrest connected. Seungcheol follows suit. He looks serious, lips press into a thin line, eyeing you for some type of indicator that you feel the tension as much as he does.
“About last night…” you begin, not sure how you want to proceed, but you continue to talk anyways, “Did you enjoy it as much as I did?”
With that question, your heart stops momentarily, preparing for Seungcheol to tell you how much he regretted what happened.
“I did like it. But I just don’t want this to ruin our friendship Y/n. You’re my best friend.” Seungcheol confesses, you’re nerves put at ease momentarily. He keeps repeating those dreaded words ‘You’re my best friend’.
With every breath you take its like a stab in the chest.
“If you regret it that’s ok. We can just leave it in the past, but I just want to be honest with you Cheol…” you gulp, trying to find the right words to express how you feel,
“I’ve never felt that good before, and if there was some way we could arrange something between us. I wouldn’t be opposed.” You finally huff out. Gnawing anxiously at the inside of your cheek, you wait for his response.
Seungcheol’s heart skips a beat, he’s quick to agree. “I’m ok with that.”
“I-Wait? Really? You wanna do this…?” you’re dumbfounded.
The man of reason himself, is agreeing to a friends with benefits situation. Huh?
Seungcheol is someone who is very aware of how “FWB” tends to ruin friendships, but he can’t resist this opportunity. Especially after last night.
“I do. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want a round two of what happened at the party… but if we want to do this I feel like there should be some rules.” He concluded.
VIII.
“So you are and Seungcheol are fuck buddies now?!” Jeonghan exclaims, you try your best not to slap the incredulous look off his face in the middle of the student union centre.
“Oh my god why don’t you just tell the whole world while you’re at it,” you seethe, shoving his shoulder lightly as he leans over the table, forcing him to sit back in his chair. His sandwich long forgotten.
Jeonghan has known the feelings you’ve secretly harboured for Seungcheol for years now. He expected that after what happened at his halloween party you and Seungcheol would finally confess to each other. What he didn’t expect were for the you to do to the exact opposite. I’m surrounded by idiots, he thought to himself.
“You two are the stupidest people alive I swear…” he mutters under his breath. You’re close enough to pick up what he said, giving him a glare from across the table.
That previous saturday morning you and Seungcheol hashed out the details of you’re enhanced friendship. It was a pretty simple set of rules:
No strings attached. If one person catches feelings then the agreement is null and void.
The “relationship” is strictly exclusive. No fucking other people.
No one is to know about this. Exception: Jeonghan.
There wasn’t really a point hiding anything from Jeonghan, even if Seungcheol was against him knowing, he knew that Jeonghan would find out one way or another.
“We’ve been friends for so long Hannie, this is just an added bonus.” You tell him, although a small part of you knows you’re convincing yourself more than anyone.
“Good afternoon to you all.” A cheerful voice interrupts your conversation. Soonyoung walks towards your table with a cheeky smile on his face. Minghao trails behind him, looking exhausted.
“Ah so the tiger finally is out of his den huh?” Jeonghan chuckles, referring to Hoshi’s weekend long recovery after the halloween party. The three of them took time out of their saturday nursing Hoshi back to health.
“Well what can I say? You can’t keep me tame for long.” He practically growls. Minghao side-eyes him, the look of disgust and worry painted all over his face.
“...Ok! So what were you two whispering about?” Minghao asks, wanting to stray as far away from the tiger discourse as fast as possible.
“It wasn’t anything important. Well would you look at the time! Jeonghan we gotta go or we’ll be late to our class.” You try to avoid the conversation, the guilt start to boil in your stomach.
Of course you wanted let Minghao and Soonyoung know what’s going on, but it’s just not a good idea. Especially after having a mutual agreement with Seungcheol not to tell anyone, other than Jeonghan. The more people know, the more blown out of proportion things could get.
“Well thats my queue, see you two love birds later!” Jeonghan waves at the two frenemies, knowing it would piss Hao off.
“Hey! Yoon Jeonghan come back here!” You can hear Minghao yelling from across the room as you tug Jeonghan along. The only thing he does is throw his head back laughing, while Soonyoung looks around cluelessly.
IX.
“So what should our research proposal be?” Wonwoo asks, looking at you for ideas.
After entering class the professor allowed time for partners to start brainstorming for the midterm project. With everything that has happened during the weekend you hardly had time to think about school again. You actively recall the events in your head, thinking about the way Seungcheol towered over you. The thought of it all causing your cheeks to heat.
“Y/n? You still there?” Wonwoo calls out for you, waving his hand in front of your face.
Your eyes go wide, and you shake your head slightly, waking up from your self induced trance. Wonwoo on the other hand looked confused.
“Yeah I was just thinking about something.” you mumble, your cheeks blushing even further. The fact that you were thinking about fucking Seungcheol while you were trying to work on a project made you feel bad for Wonwoo. Clearly you weren’t focused on the task at hand, which was more important than your mid-day fantasies.
“Oh ok. Anyways what do you think about doing child development and growing up with pets?” Wonwoo looks for your reaction, trying to gage whether you thought it was a good idea or not.
Internally, Wonwoo became curious on what has taken up half of your attention. He finds you interesting to say the least, and pretty. He doesn’t know why it took him so long to realize how fun you are to be around, but a part of him wants to get to know you more. The other part conflicted, knowing that all your friends believe that you and Seungcheol are meant to be. Yet he can’t help but wonder if he could be the one to make you fall instead of Cheol.
“That actually sounds really interesting! I'm down to do that.” You smile at him, thankful he’s a good partner, and not someone who just makes you do all the work.
“Perfect. Honestly I’m glad I have you as a partner Y/n. You’re a lot better than the ones I’ve had in the past.” He confesses, putting a hand on your shoulder, his warm smile causing you to blush hard.
You glance over at his hand, before looking up at him once more. Wonwoo is an attractive man, you can admit that much. The time you spend with him is enjoyable to say the least, but to you he’s like any other guy friend you have. Seungcheol being the one exception, who has been on your mind since you’ve met him. A man who’s been able to woo you since you were kids, in the most silent and gentle ways too.
You leave your train of thought to answer Wonwoo once more.
“Y-yeah same! We’ve had the same friends but for some reason we were never that close. Maybe we can change that.” You return his friendly affection. At least that’s what it seems like to you, friendly affection.
“I’d like that a lot actually. I'm sure you’d be better company than the boys, or at least cleaner.” He laughs. You laugh along with him, not really thinking much of his words.
…
Seungcheol was annoyed, he watches the way you and Wonwoo are laughing together. The blood in his veins already starting to curdle and boil. Who does Wonwoo think he is? His habit of wanting to be around you at all times kicks in once more.
Cheol is aware of his possessive tendencies, but he doesn’t ever admit about them out loud. It wouldn’t be fair to speak on your actions when you aren’t dating him romantically. Although he convinces himself he’s only your best friend, he can’t help but refuse to push aside his jealousy of seeing Wonwoo spend time with you when it should be him instead.
“You know Wonwoo isn’t going to spontaneously combust the longer you look at him. You’re going to have to try a different tactic.” Jeonghan mutters beside him, trying not to laugh at Seungcheol.
“I dont know what you’re talking about.” Seungcheol crosses his arms, pouting, looking like a cranky child who didn’t get his way. He knows Jeonghan is right but he can’t help but try to blow up the whole lecture hall in his mind.
“Oh please, cut the act Cheollie. We both know you’re jealous of them. Wonwoo isn’t even doing anything and Y/n seems to already be falling for his charms.”
“Jeonghan whatever you have planned I don’t want to be apart of it.” Seungcheol quips, but he can still see the mischievous grin begin to form on Jeonghan’s face within his peripheral vision.
“What plan?” Jeonghan gasps, putting his hand over his chest, feigning an insulted expression. Trying to keep up the act, as if Cheol didn’t have him all figured out.
…
“Thanks for today Wonwoo!” You beam at him, sitting up from your desk to collect your things. He smiles back at you, the crescent shape of his eyes emphasizing.
“Maybe next time we can go to a cafe for our next study session?” He suggests, looking at you for a sign of approval.
“Yeah that sounds like fun actually!” You agreed, feeling happy that you’re partner is actually wanting to put in the work for once. “Anyways, I gotta go meet up with Cheol, see you soon!”
“See you Y/n.” He smiles at you politely, like always, and you find it quite endearing.
You wave him one last goodbye before finishing up packing your things, and putting your laptop in your bag.
“Y/nie!” Jeonghan calls out for you, standing by the door with Seungcheol.
You turn around and spot them, waving at them with excitement. Focusing more on your best friend than the person who called your name. His blond hair flowed, the tight polo shirt hugging his large biceps. You drooled inwardly, trying not to get caught practically eye-fucking him.
He catches you staring at him, smirking at you as you continue to get closer. Pulling you in by the waist he hugs you. This caught you off guard, Cheol was never one for affection in public. Even as friends, it’s always been within privacy, unless there was some type of special occasion.
“Always wearing a tight little skirt for me aren’t you princess?” He whispers in your ear, causing you to blush.
Oh. His voice is low enough that you’re the only one that can hear him. So this is why he hugged you? Because of the outfit you have on? You really hadn’t thought much of it, the skirt didn’t seem short in your own opinion, but you became flustered knowing it was turning him on.
“Y/n and I gotta do something, see you later Jeonghan.” Seungcheol dismisses him quickly, tugging you past the lecture doors without another word.
You begin to follow him down the long corridors of your University, pushing past crowds of people as they all herd towards their next class. The opposition of the two of you moving in the other direction causing you to bump into each person you pass. A string of ‘‘excuse me’s’’ and “sorry’s” leaving your lips. The handsome and strong man pulling you by your waist doesn’t care who he bumps into, his mind only on one thing and one thing only.
It happens all within a blink of an eye, and before you can become fully aware of what’s going on, you find yourself in an empty classroom. The door locks with a click behind you.
“Did you enjoy your study session with Wonwoo?” Seungcheol inquires out of nowhere, feigning nonchalance. Just saying his name is starting to piss him off. Yes he sees Wonwoo as a friend, but he wants you to only see Wonwoo that way too.
“It was normal…why?” you’re suspicious. Since when did he care about the fact that you’re partners with Wonwoo? You wonder to yourself, but he continues to try and close the distance between you two.
“I could see the way he was looking at you, even though I was across the room.” He huffs, like a spoiled child who was told to share.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Cheol.” you sighed. “Sounds like you’re jealous.”
Your heart skips a beat as you utter those words. If Seungcheol is jealous of Wonwoo what does that mean for the two of you? Does he wants you more than as someone to press into his mattress each night? You pondered it for a moment, but you’re highly doubtful of that being the case. It just can’t be, Seungcheol grew up as an only child, he probably just doesn’t like to share, you try to justify.
“Jealous? Baby of course I’m jealous. I don’t like to share.” He scoffs, fuck not voicing out my jealousy, he thinks. It’s like you were reading his mind.
He begins striding his way over to you till your back is pressed against the desk behind you.
“It’s not like we were going to hook up, he’s my partner?” It was your turn to scoff at him, trying to ignore your pulse quickening as his face inches closer to yours.
Seugncheol looks down at your lips, admiring how your teeth graze against them as you bite down. He likes that he has an effect on you, especially with knowing that he’s the only one who gets to see you like this. Just thinking about being the only one making you come causes the blood to flow down straight to his already hardening member.
Placing his large hands on your hips, he tugs you closer to him. A gasp leaves your lips as you feel his hard on against your thigh. Your eyes staring up at him, admiring how he is towering over you, the stern look on his face causing warmth to pool at your core. You’ve always loved how much larger he is compared to you, his shoulders and arms enclosing you completely.
“That better be all he is to you angel, this pussy is mine.” He mutters against your neck, trailing kisses on your delicate skin. As your eyes roll back, you whimper, relishing in the feeling of his lips and the tightness of his grip on your waist.
He pulls you on to the desk, causing you to sit, your legs spread wide enough for him to slip in between. Caressing your exposed thighs, he can’t help but let out a groan as he feels the softness of your skin. Everything about you and your body made his head dizzy with lust, especially when you look at him so innocently with anticipation. You’re alway so eager for his next move.
“I love how wet this pussy gets for me. Barely touched you and you’re already soaked” He mumbles, grazing a finger ahaisnt your underwear clad wetness. The feeling of his fingers make your knees weak, and he hasn’t even put them inside you. He continues to move his fingers against you while kissing you tenderly. After what happened at Jeonghan’s, Seugncheol has been dying to get his hands on you again, savouring the taste of your lips even more.
The smack of your lips moving against his fill the quiet classroom. It was so eerily silent through out the room that you become paranoid that someone might catch you two. Knowing how much your reputation matters for your scholarship, you wonder what the reparations would be caught having sex in public.
“Hmm Cheol.” You whine, but your legs spread further instead of shutting closed. “We’re at school, we can’t be doing this.”
Your brain is fogged by his touch even as you try to think rationally. With every kiss and every stroke of his finger, your mind begins to slip into a state of pleasure. The outside world becoming a muted background as Seungcheol is pulled further into the forefront of your mind.
“But look at you all needy. Would you rather I just leave you like this?” He practically purred into your ear, licking up the side of your neck as he sucks behind your ear. The hotness of his breath and the heat of his kisses makes you give in to him completely.
Fuck it felt so dirty being here, but you can’t bring yourself to ask him to stop.
“This pussy needs tending to doesn’t it baby?” He chides, his tone of voice causing to whine against him once more. You decide to let your morals go for just one moment, spreading your legs further, giving him full access to where you needed him most.
Instead of staying anything more, he takes the opportunity to press his lips against yours once again. The urgency of the kiss causing you to moan against his mouth, feeling the way his tongue pushes past your lips, caressing your mouth with passion and vigour.
His hand snaking their way down to your skirt, pulling off your lace underwear without any hesitation. You lift your hips to ease their removal, excited to feel his fingers fill you.
As he pushes a finger in, you gasp into his mouth, the squelch of your wetness echoes within the walls of the classroom. His finger pumps your hot pussy, your core clenching and unclenching with each thrust of his hand. Seungcheol continues to add more fingers until he’s able to fit up to three comfortably. Your moans never ceasing for a single moment, the euphoria of his long digits massaging your soft spot causes your eyes to roll to the back of your head.
“Want you.” You somehow were able to voice out, begging him for his length to fill you instead.
“Be clear with your words princess. I’m already giving myself to you.” He plays dumb, continues you finger you as his thumb circles your clit.
“I want you inside me please.” You let out another moan, the stimulation of him pumping his fingers into you, while rubbing your sensitive bud has your mind going blank.
“I am inside you love.” He chuckles, enjoying you beg for him. His member straining against his jeans. Seungheol could continue this for hours, but he knows the moment you ask, he’ll be fucking you with his hard length instead.
“Want your cock please Choelie” You whine louder, your hands making their way to unbuckle his belt.
“Good girl, thats what I wanted to hear.” He mutters against your neck, finally moving his hands away from your body to remove his jeans.
The absence of his fingers make you whine, but you’re quickly silenced by the feeling of his thick length pushing past your wet pussy lips. It makes you gasp and lean black slightly, your arms locked at the elbow as you try to support yourself.
“S-so good.” You’re words practically imcomprehensable as Seugncheol pumps himself inside and out of you. His length leaving your warmth only to push back into you fully once more. Over and over till a creamy ring appears at the base of his cock.
“Who’s pussy is this princess?” He asks you, his hand making its way to your neck, holding onto you tight, but only enough to make your head go fuzzy.
“Mmph Yours!” You sputter, only able to think about the way his hardness is caressing against that one spot against you. He hits it once more and before you know it you’re coming all over his length.
“Fuck you’re so tight angel.” He praises you, snapping his hips till he’s filling you with his hot white seed.
“Ah Cheol.” You call out slaciously, your head falling against his shoulder, tired from how hard he fucked you.
“You’re always so good for me aren’t you?” He kisses your cheek as he takes a tissue from your bag to clean you up.
Too tired to respond you let him take care of you, it causes your pulse to beat against your veins hard. Hiding your face in his chest, he helps you get dressed after your classroom quickie.
You jump off the desk, his hand wrapping around you to ensure you don’t fall. Knees wobbling slightly you hold onto him for support. One thing you can’t seem to get over is how caring he is after he’s pumped you full of his come. In a fucked up way it makes you fall for him further.
“You ok to walk?” he cautioned, not wanting you to fall to the ground. You only nod and simply wrap a hand around his bicep, stablizing you.
“I’m fine, but can we go home now?” You murmur, placing a kiss on his cheek as an unspoken thank you.
“Of course.”
X.
After getting home from school and Seungcheol’s place, you decide to give Jeonghan a call. You didn’t know how to feel about what happened today, especially after Seugncheol had expressed his jealousy for Wonwoo. Maybe it really isn’t that deep, but the fact he acted so possessive made your stomach flutter, but also confused you even more.
Jeonghan is the only person who knows what’s been happening, so you turn to him in your time of need. What you didn’t expect was from him to yell into your ear instead.
“Why are you fucking in a classroom, are you insane?!” Jeonghan yells at you through the speaker of his phone. Your cheeks turning a bright pink at his words.
“Ok I know it was a bad idea, but its fine we didn’t get caught!” you try to justify your actions, but you agree it is pretty insane to fuck in a classrom, especailly during school hours. It was like you were possessed in the heat of the moment, nothing could’ve stopped you from letting Cheol fuck you.
“Y/n you can’t just be making bad decisonms because you’re ‘H’ word!” He scolds you, sounding like your mother for a second. You can’t help but giggle at the fact that he hates saying the word horny. Jeonghan once telling you someone like him should never say such an ugly word.
You roll your eyes even though he can’t even see you. You’re phonecall with him quickly turning into a lecture because of how hard he’s scolding you right now.
“Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me young lady.” He warns you, causing you to jump and look around your room. You know hes not here but somehow you’re spooked.
“You can’t even see me so how would you know?” You bite back defensively even though you know hes right.
“Becaue I know you! Oh my Y/nie one day this whole situation is going to bite you in the ass. You and Cheol should jsut be responsible adults and confess already.” He groans, he isn’t even the one in this predicament and yet hes the frustrated one.
“Ok Han, you were literally on call with him the morning after your party. You heard him! He only sees me as a friend.” You counter, not wanting to have to remind yourself that your best friend doesn’t like you back.
“Oh please Y/nie, we both know he was lying out of his ass.”
“How would you know? He sounded pretty confident to me.” You mutter, absentmindedly playing with the drawstring on your shorts. The scene continues to replay in your head, he obviously doesn’t like me, you think. You can still recall the way your heart stopped beating for a millisecond as you heard him utter those words.
“You two are impossible.” Jeonghan sighs, thinking hard. And with that, it was like a lightbulb went off in his head, with a large ding and everything. “Y/nie don’t hate me but I have an idea.”
“Huh? What is it?”
“What if you try and make him jealous.” He chuckles, it’s soft but there was an evil sound to it all.
“Jeonghan whatever idea you have brewing in the scheming head of yours, I dont want to hear it.” You warn him, already not liking where this is going. The thought of seeing Seugncheol jealous is intriguing indeed, but what happens if you realize you don’t even have that effect on him? It would be so embarrassing.
“You’ll never know what could happen unless you try!” He concludes in a sing-song tone, you can already invision the menacing look on his face.
“Hannie it’s so highschool, I don’t think it’d be smart to do something like that.”
“Ok but you’ll fuck him on campus grounds?” He rebuttals, shutting you up quickly.
“I-” You couldn’t even defend yourself.
“Night Y/nie! See you tomorrow.” The line goes dead, and you curse out at your blank phone screen. Leave it up to Yoon Jeonghan to put bad ideas into your head.
XI.
The next day you sit with Wonwoo in a coffee shop that is only a few minutes away from campus.The city had gotten more chilly with each day that passed, and the cafe was a perfect meeting place to do your project. The warm atmosphere enveloped yout two into a perfect working rhythm. Your partnership with Wonwoo was a lot better than the previous ones you’ve had for classes, you agree to spend the majority of your time going over what to add to the presentation, as well as how it should be presented. Hours felt like minutes, and you two ended up finished earlier than you had anticipated.
“I’m so surprised how quickly we got through everything! We even finished everything early,” you rejoiced, happy that Wonwoo is such a productive partner.
“Honestly we make a really good team.” Wonwoo compliments you, giving you that same polite smile. You end up blushing, his eyes staring at you with so much kindness.
“I agree, hopefully we get paired up more for the rest of the semester.” You giggle, shying away from his gaze.
As you spent more time with Wonwoo, you realized how nice it was to be around him. He makes a good friend, and he’s definitely a lot more than just the quiet guy in the group. His personality more complex than what you had previously assumed, and it makes you wonder why you two weren’t really all that close in the first place. The two of you have the same friends, take the same classes, and enjoy the same things. So what was the one thing blocking you two from becoming closer?
“Well that’s all for today. I can walk you home.” He clears up his things, ready to leave the serene environment of the cafe, throwing away his cup along with yours.
“Oh no you don’t have to! Cheol is actually going to pick me up!” You tell him, seeing his black BMW sitting idle in front of the cafe already.
“Sounds good. Let me walk you out at least.” He gestures to the door, allowing you to walk in front of him. He follows you suit till you’re in front of Seungcheol’s car. “It was fun, I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time?”
“Yeah sure! I’ll be free.” You beam up at him, his frame towering over yours.
The wind is blowing slightly, causing your hair to get in your face, whipping at your eyes. Wonwoo is quick to react, taking the strand and placing it softly behind your ear. The heat begins to crawl up your neck fast, making you realize how close you two are standing together.
Wonwoo leans in a touch more to place a soft kiss on your cheek, and the blush on your face is definitely evident now. Before you can say more, hes walking away with one last good bye. Leaving you there standing with a shocked expression painted all over your face. Quickly you shake your head of what just happened before heading into Seungcheol’s car.
“Were you two on a date?” His voice is stern, obviously pissed off at what he just witnessed.
“...No just working on our project.” you say with a dazed look, watching Wonwoo's figure get smaller the farther he walks away.
“Ok…but he kissed you on the cheek? I thought he was just your partner.” Cheol presses for answers, he really wasn’t impressed of having to witness such an intimate moment between you and Wonwoo. His blood curdling as the grip on his steering wheel tightens. The flesh on his knuckles turning a ghostly white.
“He is just my partner, I really don’t know why he did that.” You mutter as you try to recall all of the events that could’ve led up to this moment. It didn’t make sense to you, did Wonwoo have a crush on you or something? He’s never made any advances towards you before. So what changed that?
“He obviously likes you. Do you like him back?” Seungcheol is too jealous for his own good. His pulse reaching new heights with how fast the blood was pumping through his veins. You can’t like Wonwoo, there’s just no way. Right?
“Well no. I see Wonwoo as a friend.” you admit, and the relief sped its way through Seungcheol’s body.
Although another side of him is wondering why it made him so angry to see Wonwoo act so flirtatious with you. He concludes that he just donesn’t like it when peoples are touching what’s his. Wonwoo’s his friend and you and Cheol are intimate with each other, it would just be weird for Wonwoo to try something with you too, at least that’s what Seungcheol says to himself as he tries to calm himself down. You’re his best friend, nothing more, he keeps repeating it in his head. And if you decide to break off the arrangement with him to date Wonwoo, then he can’t complain.
“Oh. I see.” He mumbles as he starts the car again, taking the route to bring you back to your apartment.
…
You and Seungcheol sit against your sofa watching a yet another ghibli movie. This time it is Kiki’s Delivery Service. Cuddled up in your blankets, your Friday movie marathon happening like clockwork at this point. Nothing can make you feel more content than feeling Seungcheol’s heartbeat as you watch your favourite movies with him.
His breathing is steady as his arm holds you close to him, his attention focused on the moving flashing across your tv. On the other hand, you continue to stare at him, his strong brows and nose bridge has always been your favourite feature of his. You love how manly he appears, but you know on the inside he like a big ball of fluff, so warm and inviting. He just smelt like home, even though your real home is miles away, he’s a piece that you can carry around with you anywhere you go.
As the movie continues to play in the background your attention is forced away from admiring your best friend and brought towards your phone. It lights up with a text notification from Wonwoo.
Wonwoo: Hey Y/n. I know this is sudden but I’d really like to take you out sometime. Would that be ok with you?
Your eyes practically pop out of their sockets as you read the text over and over again. It kind of makes sense that he’s asking you, especially with how he acted today. But what does this mean for the situation between you and Seungcheol? You decide to respond anyways, not wanting to flat out reject him over text.
Y/n: uhhmm i’m not sure, can i have time to think about it? :)
Wonwoo: Sure. Take your time.
Beside you, Seungcheol sits with an arm wrapped around your shoulder. He knows he shouldn’t look at your texts but he can’t help himself. The moment he decides to, he begins to curse himself mentally, reading the text over and over again just like you. It pisses him off, seeing how forward Wonwoo is about his feelings towards you.
He ultimately decides not to say anything the moment you reply to Wonwoo’s text, why did you even need to think about it? Shouldn’t you have said no if you don’t have feelings for Wonwoo? His heart falling all the way down to the pit of his stomach. The familiar feeling of the tug on his heart coming back to haunt him once again. Instead of asking you, he decides to call in early for tonight.
“Hey angel I think i’m gonna head home early tonight.” He whispers to you, stroking the back of your head softly. The stinging behind his eyes doesn’t leave, he just can’t seem to get rid of it. He looks at you with such tenderness, from an outside perspective someone would mistake his stare for utter and complete love.
You look up from your phone, locking it before looking at him with a worried frown strewn across your lips.
“Is everything ok? You’re not sick right?” you ask, placing a hand against his forehead to check his temperature. He shakes his head, taking your hand and placing it in his. His long fingers wrapping around yours, squeezing them reassuringly.
“No no, i’m fine. Just gotta wake up early tomorrow.” He attempts to give you a convincing smile. You don’t know why the mood has changed all of a sudden but you begin to worry even more.
“Cheolie is something wrong?” You press the issue, not wanting for him to leave just yet.
“No nothing’s wrong. Trust me I’m ok.” He insists before getting up to to grab his jacket and leave. And just like the seasons passing through the city, he left with a swiftness you couldn’t seem to comprehend. The hurriedness of his movements leaving you dazed and confused.
The guilty pit at your stomach only seemed to grow the longer the silence filled your tiny apartment. Seungcheol’s once warm presence left a dent on the cushions beside you and a cold cup of tea on the coffee table. You frown at the now empty living space, as well as the empty hole in your heart, which can only be filled by the man who left without another word.
XII.
The snow began to fall in your city. It came unexpectedly, and left just the same. This winter being colder than most, you started to feel the seasonal depression coming on a lot faster than usual.
Seungcheol left so abruptly that day, and with the midterm project you weren’t able to reach out to him since then. It felt weird because this is the first time in a long time you’ve gone without talking to him. The week dragging along as you head into midterm break, trying to think of what to say to him the moment you’re able to talk to him again.
For some reason, ever since that night you have had a weird feeling in your stomach. Call it intuition but it felt like Seungcheol was avoiding you. Even though you weren’t able to reach out to him, he also didn’t try to do so either. The predicament you find yourself in causing your thought to stray as you study for the second round of midterm exams.
You would see him often, in class, or eating with friends, but strangely enough he was gone before you could muck up the courage to approach him. The two of you stuck in an odd limbo that feels like it won’t end.
During this time in previous years, it would be you and Seungcheol studying together in the library, but with your current situation you knew it wasn’t going to happen. So instead you sit with Jeonghan and Minghao, figuring out how to cram as much information as you can for the statistics final.
“Y/n? You keep gazing out the window, is everything ok?” Minghao’s voice cuts off your thoughts. His eyesbrown knotted together in worry.
“Huh? Oh yeah…everything’s ok.” You mumble, your eyes still looking out the window. The campus now coevered in a layer of snow, students walking around, bundled up in winter coats.
“You sure? You’ve been staring out there for almost fifteen minutes now.” He checks on you again. You can only muster up a sound of approval.
Thankfully Minghao isn’t one to push to get an answer so he leaves it there. The sudden urge to pee overcomes you, causing you to walk over to the libraries bathroom. But before you could reach it, two people walk into the library, causing you to do a double take.
The last person you expected to walk in is heading towards an empty table. Your heart beat stuck in your throat, the urge to use the bathroom is long gone. As you watch Seungcheol sit down with a girl, you feel the tears start to well. You were so confused as to why he has time to ask this random ass person to study with him, when he could’ve sent you a text instead. It made no sense to you, and with that, you leave the library without another thought.
The tears falling down your cheeks with every step you took. Seeing him with another girl pulled hard at your heart strings, unsurfacing a feeling you thought you got rid of long ago. You continue to walk with your head down, just trying to think of a private space to let out your emotions. But before you could do so, you bump into something hard, which turns out to be a man’s chest. Looking up you realize it’s Wonwoo’s chest.
“Y/n? You ok? Why are you crying?” Wonwoo speaks so fast, the worry spilling out of his mouth in words. His hand flying up to your face, wiping any tears that fall before they could roll down any further.
“I-I don’t even know why i’m crying. This is so stupid my god, i’m sorry you have to see me this way,” you’re hicupping through your words. You begin to sob, and you feel wonwoo’s strong arms wrap around you, pulling you close. Giving you the comfort that you would usually receive from Seungcheol.
Wonwoo’s large frame squeezes you in, giving you that secluded space that you were once searching for.
Behind you is the frame of a man who is your usual safe space, your usual secluded corner. The one to help you deafen out the world from its ugliness and anger. He stands there watching you trade his comfort for Wonwoo’s. He’s never known what it’s like to be on the outside perspective and witness your hurt in this way. In the arms of another. With every moment passes as he watches Wonwoo comfort you instead, he feels his whole world crumble and fall at his feet.
XIII.
⌗ 𓂃 flash back to seungcheol’s freshman year.
“You talk a lot about this y/n person. Is she your girlfriend by chance?” Jeonghan asks Seungcheol.
“No dumbass she’s my childhood bestfriend. I’ve known her for a long time.” Seungcheol tries to clarify his relationship with you, not wanting others to mistake you two for something more.
“I dont know man, you only ever talk about Y/n.” Jeonghan shrugs before going back to his paper.
Seungcheol thinks about Jeonghan’s words, ‘why is she always popping up in my conversations?’, he wondered to himself. He can’t help the fact that he talks about you so much, you’re all he knows after all. The only one to experience anything and everything with him. He can’t help but want everyone to know what an amazing person you are, and the fact thatt everything around him somehow reminds him of you. It was like an empidemic. You conquered all corners of his brain, always with him, but far enough for him to miss you all at the same time.
“You know, it’s not a bad thing if you have feelings for her. She seems like a great girl.” Jeonghan pipes up after realizing how little work Seungcheol gotten done due to his rampant thoughts.
“Yeah I guess if i did, it wouldn’t be a bad thing.” He mutters, attempting to focus on his work once again.
⌗ 𓂃 end of flash back.
XIV.
For the majority of midterm break, you spent it cooped up within the confines of your room. Wrapping yourself in enough blankets to put a bear into hibernation. You’ve gone back and forth with your own thoughts. Calling yourself dramatic for crying over pretty much nothing, to crying again because you can’t just invalidate the pain you felt when you saw him with someone else, and you don’t even know what she is to him. Long story short, the over thinking is getting to you, but calling him up is the last thing you’re about to do.
Although you’ve never really fully admitted or denied it, you know you’re love for Seungcheol goes beyond friendship. You’ve known for so long, and kept it to yourself for so long, and yet you’ve never known whether he felt the same way. His actions always contradicting his words.
The cliché trope of the pain of falling for your best friend is as old as the bible. The story of the unrequited love you convince yourself you’ll never have reciprocated, and yet at the end of every story everything works out, the two friends turned lovers. The end. But what about you? What about the fact that this isn’t some story and you won’t be able to get ahold of your own cliché best friends to lovers ending.
Before you could spiral even further a notification dings, your phone screen lighting up.
Cheolie <3: im outside.
Seeing the text makes your heart drop, but you can’t seem to stop yourself from climbing out of bed and opening the door to let him in. As you did so, you take a good look at his state. In fairness, he looked just as shitty as you did, if not worse.
The eyebags accenuating how tired he looks, his cheeks slightly sunken in. Probably from lack of sleep, and not to mention the way his hair seems to stick up sporadically, you know immediately it’s because he keeps running his hands through it.
“What are you doing here?” You cut to the chase, your heart already pounding out of your chest.
“I-um. I’m not sure actually.” Seungcheol admits, his head falling as he stares at his feet nervously. You sigh, opening the door wider to let him through.
He looks lost and not like his usual self, which makes you feel even worse, but what could you even do to help him? You two weren’t even mad, or had a fight, everything is just weird. So vague and hard to explain. All you knew is that you’re hurt and he’s at the root of it all.
“I don’t have all day, Seungcheol.” You call him by his first name, and you can see how it pains him. The way his frown deepens with each moment you two stand there in the foyer, not exchanging the words you’re meant to say.
“I’m sorry, I know we haven’t spoken in awhile and I just- fuck I dont even know man. I saw that text with Wonwoo and I just freaked out.” He puffs out, running his hand through his hair once more.
“So thats why you’ve been acting weird? Because of Wonwoo?” The look on your face is unreliable and Seungcheol feels the knot in his throat begin to form. Your hand come to cross in front of your chest and you scoff. “Just because Wonwoo shows interest in me doens’t mean I have feelings for him.”
“What? But you didn’t reject him?” He presses on the situation even further.
“I just didn’t want to be an asshole and do it over text.”
“Yeah right, I saw you two cuddled up last week!” He dejects, his arms flying around as he speaks. He doesn’t know why you decided right now is a good time to lie to him, but he knows what he saw that day.
“As if you werent spending time with some girl instead of communicating to me what’s wrong in the first place? You’re unbelievable. I can’t read your mind Seungcheol, and why do you even care about what happens between me and Wonwoo? We’re just friends remember? Or do you only say that when you’re on the phone with Jeonghan?” You spat, the words on your tongue coming out as fireballs of hurt. Every single one hitting him right in the chest.
“We are best friends. I can’t explain why I was so worked up, but if you were going to start dating him, you should’ve broken off what we had first.” Seungcheol attempts to defend himself, spewing out whatever he can to justify his acts of stupidity. He knows himself that what he’s saying wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell you how in love he is with you.
“Ok so because of that, you just get to do whatever the fuck you want then huh? The rules just don’t apply to Choi Seungcheol do they? It doens’t matter if I get hurt in the process of it all.” You sneer, the cold look on your face never faltering.
“No Y/n, I know we made rules but you broke them first. I just copied your actions.” He replies, it makes you mad that he lashed out because of a misunderstanding. You feel fed up, too tired to talk to him or argue further. The tears already threatening to spill the more you look at him.
You and Seungcheol never fought, you can’t even remember the last time it happened. It was probably when you two were still kids, fighting over something silly and not talking for an hour, only to make up the same day. This fight is different though, so many things said out of anger, you knew it wouldn’t just be forgotten the next day.
“I really can’t stand you right now.” You say as a lone tear slips out, the salitness of it hitting your lips.
“Then sit.” He bites back, his facade almost cracking as he sees your tearful expression.
“Fuck you. Go home Seungcheol.” You walk to the door, opening it enough to allow him to exit your home. He doesn’t protest, his anger and sadness bubbling up faster with each second that passes. He’s smart enough to not let his temper overcome him completely.
As the door closes on him, you let out an agonizing cry. Your sobs raking through your body as if the whole earth had crashed ontop of you. The echo of your cries filling the room, mocking you, reminding you of your loneliness.
XV.
Seungcheol hasn’t been feeling well since the argument that went down a few days ago, but he can’t bring himself to contact you again. The anger and sadness he felt quickly dissipated into nothing but shame. He knows it’s his fault. Its his fault that he didn’t communicate with you properly, and the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to tell you he loves you. He doesn’t even know who he was trying to convince, but that argument with you made him realized so much about himself, you, and the friendship you two have.
The constant sleepless nights were starting to catch up with him, the bags under his eyes more prominent than they were the last night he saw you.
There are times he catches glimpses of you on campus and it pulls on his heartstrings, especailly because half the times he seen you, you’ve been with Wonwoo. It pains Seungcheol to know that you’ve been hanging out with him since the fight had gone down, but he has no right to stop you. After everything, he should be understand to let you do what you want freely.
“Well don’t you look like shit.” Jeonghan interupts his train of thought, sitting beside him in the library. He takes out his notes and laptop, ready to work on their project for theri psychology class.
“Wow thanks, I didn’t know.” Seungcheol grumbled, hating how cheerful Jeonghan looks in comparaison to his own gloomy expression.
He takes out his tablet, pulling up their project. As much as he wants to ponder about you some more, he knows that he should probably focus on the rest of the project they need to complete. But everytime he tries to focus on anything other than you he ends up failing.
“So what happened to you?” Jeonghan asks. He can tell something is wrong, both Seungcheol and Y/n have been looking so down in the dumps lately, and Y/n is flat out ignoring him, Soonyoung and Minghao.
Seungcheol can’t even hold it in anymore, if there's anyone he can talk to about what happened, he knows it's Jeonghan. Despite their quarrelling, he finds Jeonghan to be a trustworthy person.
Before he can even speak, he recalls your face, the tears that were about to spill, and the way your voice sounded when you two were fighting. He doesn't even recognize either of you from that day, it was just so out of character for the two of you to fight like that. And the only thing he can do is blame himself for everything that happened.
Seungcheol feels his throat constrict, and his eyes start to sting. He hates that feeling, the feeling of crying and being vulnerable. In all four years of knowing Jeonghan he never thought he’d be crying in front of him. But once he asked that question it was like everything came crashing down upon him once more. All the memories of you, especially the ones from your fight make his heart ache so bad he has to clutch his chest.
“Uh.. Y/n and I, we fought. It was a huge fight and it was really bad. I don’t know what to do and i’m so scared Han. I-I think I love her.” He confesses to Jeonghan, as the tears begin to slip down his cheeks.
As he explains what happened that night, Jeonghan can’t help but feel sad with him. The way Seungcheol speaks about the events leading up to the fight and the fight itself makes his heart ache for the two of you. He also can’t help but mentally scold you two. He knew from the moment that Seungcheol and Y/n decided to partake in becoming friends with benefits, that it would just blow up in flames in the end. They love each other too much to say what's really on their mind. So afraid to ruin their friendship that choosing to become friends with benefits did that for them instead.
“Then let her know how you feel.. God Seungcheol, I’ve been telling this to the two of you for years now. You need to tell her, before it's too late.” Jeonghan is practically begging him, pulling Seungcheol into a much needed hug.
…
You sit there, Wonwoo sitting beside you at the same cafe you two have been going to for the past week now. He always does the same thing, ordering your matcha latte and keep you company while you re-think your fight with Seungcheol. He can see that you’re hurting but he doesn’t ever overstep any boundaries you’ve set up. Instead he just sits there, waiting for you when you’re ready to talk to him.
You called him after your fight with Seungcheol, not knowing who else to turn to. You know that Jeonghan would’ve been available but you weren’t ready for the lecture that he would’ve given you. Calling Wonwoo that one night turned into every night, and every night turned into daily trips to the cafe. He sits there, keeps you company, you thank him and he goes home. As much as he likes you, he realizes that you’re deeply in love with your best friend, even though you won’t directly tell him.
Wonwoo knew something happened between you and Seungcheol, especially because of how red your eyes were that night you called him for the first time. As well as the fact that he caught glimpses of Seungcheol staring at you with so much longing during class, it even makes Wonwoo’s own heart ache.
“We fought over you.” You finally speak up, not bothering to stare into Wonwoo’s eyes, instead opting to swirl your latte with your straw.
“What? Why” He’s confused, why me? He asks himself.
You finally look at him, letting out a bittersweet chuckle, you wish you kenw too. Seungcheol’s distaste for you becoming closer with his friend seemed uncalled for, especially because you’re under the impression that he has no romantic feelings for you.
“Beats me.” You mutter.
“I’m sorry Y/n, I should’ve never asked you out.” He says apologetically, the remorse filling his chest. He feels bad knowing he started this fight between the two of you, but he's also mad that Seungcheol just won’t admit his feelings for you. He just doesn’t understand what was stopping him, especially since it’s so clear that you like him back.
“It's not your fault.”
“I know but you guys would’ve never have fought if it weren’t for me” He sighs, looking down at the his hands, picking at them.
“No, I’m sorry that I even roped you into all of this. I should’ve just been a normal person and tell you everything right away. Instead I’ve been dragging you along because I feel lonely.” You sigh, the guilt of including Wonwoo in all this drama starts to eat away at you.
“I want to be around Y/n, especially because you’ve been so down lately. I know you’re in love with Seungcheol, but I still want to be your friend. I hope that's ok?” He comforted you, putting a hand on top of yours.
“I want to be your friend too. I’m really sorry about everything, and I’m grateful that you’ve been helping me. You don’t know how much this all means to me Wons.” You give him a small smile, the tears starting to running down your face as you glance up at him.
You are so grateful that you and Wonwoo became so close in such a short amount of time. He is so kind to you, despite everything that’s happened. In another universe maybe you did fall for Wonwoo, and maybe you two were together and happy. But he’s not the one you’re in love with in this universe, and you’re thankful he understands that it’s strictly platonic between the two of you.
He pulls you in towards his chest, his arm wrapping around you. Staring at him, you can’t help but glance at his lips. You’re not sure what possessed you in that moment, but you feel yourself start to lean in with no rhyme or reason. Wonwoo does the same, he’s confused but he doesn’t stop himself or push you away. Maybe if you just tried…
You’re so close that you can feel his breath fan of your face, and it’s like the realization hit you like a truck. Quickly, you pull yourself from his arms. You weren’t sure what happened but maybe his warmth and reasurring words were starting to get to you, but you’re glad you stopped before you could even make the mistake for kissing him. He isn’t the one you want, and he can’t do anything to change that.
Wownoo can tell, he can tell that you don’t like him romantically, but the way you were closing in on him had him fooled just for one second.
“I know, you’re in love with him. It’s ok Y/n, I understand.” He sighs, looking at you with longing eyes.
“Yes I am.” You breathe out, before pulling away from him completely.
XVI.
“Y/nie open up! It's us.” A voice calls out from the outside of the door.
Jeonghan, Minghao, and Soonyound standing outside of your apartment, hoping you’re still alive. After your fight with Cheol, you’ve been pretty much MIA from them. Not answering any of their calls or texts, so this is their last resort. Jeonghan knows why you haven’t been contacting any of them, but he decided it’s time that the two of you finally have a talk.
His timing is a blessing and a curse, as he was the one to witness what happend the day you three went to study in the library. That’s when he knew that shit was starting to hit the fan. He’s concluded that hes had enough of the two of you being so closed off about your feelings towards eachother, and it was his time to help once more.
You contemplated opening the door, but decided that you needed the comfort right now.
“Y/nie! Are you ok?” Soonyoung comes running, tackling you into a bear hug. In this case, perhaps a tiger hug. “Hannie told us everything.”
He grabs your face, taking a closer look and inspecting your face, then making a conclusion before pulling you back into a hug. It warms your heart to see him so concerned about you, even after you’ve been ignoring them and only spending time with Wonwoo.
You know you should’ve contacted them, but they can tell what’s wrong with just one look and you know you would’ve cried if you had to explain everything. As much as you love the three of them, it would’ve hurt your heart to recall what happened between you and Seungcheol. So you stayed quiet, opting for the solitude and comfort that Wonwoo offered.
“Yes I’m ok. Dont worry your cute little head.” You say, patting his head as you savour his comforting hugs.
“We were really worried about you kiddo. I’m glad to see you’re alive.” Minghao remarks as he squeezes your shoulder reassuringly.
“Thanks Hao.”
“Ok enough with the reunion. Y/n we need to talk to you.” Jeonghan interrupts the tender moment, a small box sitting in his hands.
You arelady knew where this is going, but at this point you knew there was no way of getting out of this conversation. There is three of them and one of you.
Jeonghan sits you on the couch, his stern face coming into your view. It reminded you of the times your mother would scold you when you were younger. His hands crossed over his chest, foot tapping impatiently.
“Y/nie we love you but you really need to just come forth with your feelings about Seungcheol. The fact that you’ve kept it from him this long shows that it’s doing more harm to your friendship than good. I know you’re scared and I know you don’t want to get rejected, but you need to understand that if you don’t learn to tell him how you feel it’ll blow up in your face.” He sighs, coming down to sit next to you, his hand on your shoulder.
“I know you don’t want to fuck up your friendship with him, but how else can you move on from this if you can’t even tell him how you truly feel?” Mingaho adds, giving you a soft frown.
As you take in their words, you can’t help but feel the tears welling up again. Not just because your scared about the direction you and Cheol’s friendship is going to take, but also the fact that you’re thankful for friends who aren’t afraid to tell you the truth.
“We love you ok? And what ever happens we’ll be there to help you. Every step of the way.” Soonyoung assures you, pulling you into a another hug. You laugh a little and hug him back tighter.
“Thank you guys. I definitely needed that reality check.” you laugh as you wipe your tears.
They laugh with you, embracing you and supporting you.
“Anyways, theres something I want to show you.” Jeonghan says as he pulls back from the group embrace.
He takes the small box from beside him, presenting it to you. As you open it you grow even more confused. It was filled with letters addressed to you. From Seungcheol.
“What is this?” You look at Jeonghan, searching for an answer. He only shrugs.
“I dont know. Seungcheol gave them to me. He told me he wanted you to read them” Jeonghan reveals, peering at the stack of letters in the box. “He’s sorry you know? He said the letters will explain the things he can’t say in person.”
“Hes sorry? I-” you didn’t even know what to say, you were just scared of what all these letters could possibly hold. And why were there so many?
“Anyways we’ll leave you to it. Text us when you and Cheol finally grow some balls and confess to each other!” Jeonghan and the two sidekicks bid you goodbye. Leaving you to scour through the letters on you own.
There was one letter in particular that has a recent date written in the corner.
Dear y/n,
I know you don’t want to hear from me at the moment, and I know I’ve said some things I didn’t mean the last time we spoke. Im sorry. Im sorry I didn’t communicate properly with you, and that I left us in a vague and confusing position. I dont know what came over me. I was so used to the whole world just revolving around us two, and then when Wonwoo began to show interest, I just completely switched off.
You deserve someone as kind as him. A person who will be there for you when you need someone to lean on, a person who’s willing to hold you till you can sleep peacefully. I was always that person for you for a long time, and if i'm not the one you want anymore i’ll come to terms with that. I just want to see you happy Y/n. In the same sense that I know you want me to be happy as well.
There's not a day that goes by where I think about how thankful that I have someone like you in my life. You are my rock and sometimes you didn’t even know. The more you read these letters, the more you’ll start to realize how much you helped me. I know I would be able to survive without you, that I could do it even if it hurts me. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to live in a world where I’m living to survive, when I can be living to make you happy instead. My best friend, the one who understands me inside and out. Please come back to me angel.
I love you and always yours,
Seungcheol.
As you read through the letter you couldn’t help but burst into tears. The relief you felt knowing that he felt the same way, that he wanted you in his life just like how you wanted him. This was enough for you to know that he needs you like you need him.
You begin to sift through the countless of letters he wrote you, all of them as heart wrenching as the previous. It put into perspective all that he went through when he moved here all alone. And with each letter that you read, the harder it got to ignore to urge to just go and see him. So thats what you do.
Dropping the letters on the coffee table, you slip on a pair a shoes and head to Seungcheol’s place as fast as your legs could carry you. The snow starting to stick to your hair as it fell from the sky, the chilly weather making you shiver. But you couldn’t stop yourself, you didn’t even care. You didn't have a coat on nor a warm pair of shoes, the only thing preserving your heat is the thought of finally confessing your love to Seungcheol.
After ten minutes of speed walking, you find yourself in front of his door. You knock, nervously, your heart beating a hundred miles per hour. You aren’t really sure what to expect, but you knew that you just needed to see him. Even if you were shivering, even if your hair and clothes are damp from the snow.
The door opens to reveal the man who you consider home.
“Y/n? Holy shit you must be freezing come inside.” He ushers you in and you oblige happily. “Why did you come in your PJ’s? Are you crazy? You're gonna get sick.” He worries, grabbing your face, scolding you.
“I needed to see you.” You pant, tired from how fast you walked.
“Lets get you some warm clothes first.” He states, grabbing your hand to lead him to his room. Marching over to his drawer he grabs you a pair of sweats and one of his large tshirts. You’re completely engulfed in fabric but at least you’re warm.
“Seungcheol I’m in love with you.” You tell him right before he goes to grab you a hot cup of tea. Better late than never, you thought.
He turns around, his eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Your neck turns red as the blush starts to creep its way up your cheeks. Seungcheol doesn’t say much more, his actions doing all the talking for him.
Taking your face in his hands, he swallows you into a kiss. Pressing his lips against yours with the same amount of passion and vigour as the first night you kissed him. You whimper at the sudden affection, fisting his hair in your hands to ground you.
He pulls way. “I’m so in love with you too Y/n.”
He goes back to kissing you, his arms wrapping around your waist, holding on so tight that you’re convinced he thinks you’ll disappear into thin air if he didn’t hold you close.
“I love you, I love you my angel.” He keeps repeating those three words. Three words that finally replaced the dreaded “you’re my bestfriend” statement.
“You’re my best friend and I love you.” You whisper to him against his lips.
Epilogue.
“Just keep watching the movie love.” Seungcheol warns you, his tongue playing skillfully with your clit as you try to do what he says. Your legs are spread for him, your hips grinding against his face, it’s pure bliss. The pleasure Seungcheol gives you seems to work better than any drug that’s been created.
You don’t know what happened, one moment you two were sitting on his couch, watching Howl’s Moving Castle for the millionth time. The next moment you’re watching your boyfriend kneel in front of you, eating you out while you try to concentrate on the movie playing on the tv.
“Seungcheol please…” You moan, his hair intertwined with your fingers as he continued to lick at your folds. You can hear how wet you are and it makes your head spin, the pleasure, the feeling of Cheols tongue grazing against you, it’s all too much.
“You like this don’t you baby? You like it when your boyfriend eats you out on his couch?” He taunts you as he pumps two fingers into you now, wanting to see you the way your eyebrows scrunch from all the pleasure.
You love the way he calls himself your boyfriend, the label rolling off his tongue perfectly. It was like he was meant to be called that all along. It’s only been a week since you two started dating officially but you’ll never get tired of hearing him tell you that he’s your boyfriend.
“Yes! P-please I need you now, please baby.” You whine and beg as he teases you, his fingers still playing with your entrance. All you can do is watch him, your eyes lidded with so much desire that Seungcheol can probably come just from looking at you.
He relinquishes his hold on you, getting up to sit on the couch before manhandling you into the position he wants you in. Placing you on his lap, he takes off his sweats, revealing his hard member. You drool at the sight of it, ready to take him for all he’s worth.
“Look at how hard you got me love.” He whispers to you, placing a kiss on your lips after. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it makes you moan against his mouth.
Without breaking away from him, you lift yourself up to align his length against the entrance of your needy cunt. Slowly but surely you lower yourself, causing you to gasp against Seungcheol’s lips, feeling him stretch you.
“How are you still so fucking tight.” He mutters to you, his hands breaching the hem of the large shirt that you’re wearing. He fondles your breasts, pinching your nipples as you bounce yourself on his lap. Groaning at your actions, he lifts the shirt completely off your body, taking the opportunity to take one of your mounds and enclosing his lips around it.
“Hmm so close baby.” You tell him, feeling your climax coming on. He groans as he continues to suck on your nipples, his hands snaking around to your ass to grope at the flesh. He grips you tight, forcing you up and down faster, releasing his mouth from your chest.
Seungcheol’s head leans against the couch to admire how sexy you look riding his cock. He doesn’t let go of your ass, slapping it and groping it till you’ve fully orgasmed.
“Fuck you’re so sexy.” He mutters, driving you into overstimulation as he fucks up into you, his own release closely following yours. You clench at his words, your pussy gripping him like a vice, and it finally sends him into his own orgasm, his come filling you completely.
“I love you.” He says, giving you one last kiss before finding a wash cloth to clean you with.
“I love you too.”
⌗ 𓂃 end.
© wonustars
a/n: you've reached the end! i hoped you enjoyed the story, because i know i loved writing it :")). if you have any thoughts, questions, or just want to chat, dont be afraid to visit my ask box <;3 - anna
𖠗 𓂃 。˚ ⋆ taglist: @mysafehaneul @christinewithluv @soonyoonswoo @aaniag @iluvmingi @auniverseline @k07-1313 @idubutily @kmoon @leah-rose03 @ana-marais98 @xcynthiaaa @wonwoo24 @yelsuki @yuyunhoo @sana-is-ms-rmty @hwashiningstar @svt-reads @imprettyweird
#seungcheol#scoups#seventeen fic#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#seventeen smut#seungcheol smut#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol fic#seungcheol angst#seungcheol fanfic#scoups smut#scoups x reader#scoups fic#scoups fanfic#seventeen angst#wonustars ✧ ﾟ. {works}#wonustars ✧.* {fics: seungcheol’s letters}
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five small moments | tommyinnit
let me know if you want me to do another one of these. they're really fun [not chronological order but can be from the same relationship]. tommyinnit x fem!reader
1 - tickling them from behind before hugging them [318]
you stood at the kitchen counter, stirring the tea with mossy cobblestone by bears in trees echoing from the speaker in the office. today it was only you and tom in the office, having the whole place to yourself as tommy streamed from his individual room and you edited on the shared computer for a new video that was supposed to come out tomorrow.
being so into the music (since it was tommy's playlist), you didn't hear tommy exit his office to sneak up behind you. a shriek came from you as his hands swiftly moved to your waist and tickled against the exposed skin. your heart rate increased slightly as a laugh came from you, tommy burying his face into your neck, pressing a tickling kiss to the skin there as well.
"tommy!" you laughed, listening as he laughed as well, squeezing your waist as the tickling came to a stop.
he moved his arms around your waist, pulling you against his front, a chin on your shoulder. the hoodie he was wearing engulfed you, and suddenly you were the calmest you'd been in ages. suddenly the song turned to ultimately by khai dreams and tommy was slowly starting to move to a sway, along with the soft beat of his favourite artist.
"tommy..." you asked slowly, head rested back against his shoulder, at the perfect height. "what are you doing?"
your boyfriend chuckled softly, enjoying the confusion. "nothing in particular. enjoy my time, that's all."
"you're cute." you giggled at him, turning around in his arms to pull him into a tighter hug, head against his chest. his arms move from around your waist to your shoulders as he holds you tighter than before. nowhere else did you feel as safe, nowhere else made you feel like you didn't need to be anywhere else. with tommy, you knew you were the safest you possibly could be.
2 - knuckles brushing against each others and getting shy [367]
the london vlog had been in the works for a few weeks now, but since ranboo could only just get to the uk in the past week, it could only have been filmed now. london was busy as hell, as usual, but that was good because it meant there were lots of distractions to keep the video on its toes.
tubbo and ranboo were walking ahead of you and tommy as the four of you walked down southbank. somehow, you and tommy had gotten distracted by the skateboarders under the bridge and so tubbo and ranboo were a few meters ahead. it didn't take them long to notice, but ranboo immideately noticed how close the two of you were standing together.
soon enough, the camera was directed at the two of you. "what do you think they're talking about?" tubbo asked, zooming in with the camera.
"i dunno, but they're both being rather cute about it, huh." ranboo declared.
it was then that your hand dropped from the railing, falling to your side and so close to tommy's hand that both ranboo and tubbo noticed, one of them reaching over to zoom the camera even more onto your hands brushing up against each others.
"just hold her hand, dude!" ranboo whispers, loud enough so that the camera can hear it. and then there were the actual skin touching. an obvious shy attempt of tommy's to hold your hand but the action was taken over by nerves as he pulled away and shoved his hands into his pockets. "c'mon!" ranboo cried, tubbo raising a hand in disbelief.
"i've been telling him to ask her out for months now." tubbo explained. "they're both idiots, though."
"they're both idiots whether its to do with the fact that they like each other not, toby." ranboo laughed, shoving tubbo slightly. "come on, lets walk on, they'll catch up eventually."
both you and tommy felt the disappointment in yourself that you didn't make the move that day. tommy was sure to get a teasing by both tubbo and ranboo during the sleepover thatg occured that same night. maybe he would ask you out the next day. since you were seeing each other anyway.
3 - one small kiss before a passionate one [484]
tommy held your hand at your front door, the moon high in the sky above the two of you as he smiled down at you. nothing in that moment could have taken the grin off your face. the first date with him went so much better than you expecting, a goofy session of bowling in town ending up in the park and getting locked in. he had hefted you over the fence to get out, both landing on your sides and not being able to get up from stomach-pain inducing laughter.
"thank you tommy." you smiled, watching as a chuckled sligjtly under his breath. "i had a really fun time tonight."
you felt his hand squeeze yours slightly. "even when we got stuck in the park."
"even when we got stuck into the park, yes." you nodded.
suddenly a comfortable silence took over, the rush of traffic at the end of the road and a slight breezing being the only sound. it wasn't bad, and you were even about to invite tommy inside. maybe to watch a movie or something, but he spoke first. it was a question that you certainly hadn't been expecting - but in no way does that mean you didn't want it.
"can i kiss you?" and maybe the nod you answered with was a little too eager.
tommy was still hesitant, though, reaching a hand slowly up to rest against the skin of your cheek, thumb caressing the skin slightly. it took you to nod again for him to lean down finally and press his lips against yours. it was everything you expected and more, but over too soon. nerves got the better of him and he pulled away, making it a simple little peck. not enough.
"sorry." he mumbles, a hand lifted away from your cheek and going around the back of his head to scratch the back of his neck.
your eyes softened, noticing how shy he became all of a sudden. it wasn't the tommy you really knew, but it was sweet and even endearing. you knew that he would appreicate the move you wanted to take, so you took it immediately. a hand reaching up to his wrist, using it to pull him down against your lips again. a longer, more eager kiss that represented how much you liked him. how much you wanted to ask him inside because somehow this boy had gotten you more smitten than with anyone else.
and when you pulled back, you didn't miss the excited look in his eyes that said he really did appraicte the move you made. that, and the small gasp he let out as he stood up straight. "woah."
"you're welcome." you laughed, grabbing his hand again. "i really don't want to say goodbye. did you wanna come inside and watch a movie?"
tommy smiled again, nodding. "only if there's popcorn."
"you under estimate me, tom."
4 - playing with each others hair [291]
the lion king was playing on the tv in front of you. the soft pillow that was your boyfriend was laying beneath you, arms wrapped tight around your waist, his face buried in your hair. ignoring the obstacle of the blanket that was laid over the two of you, you swiftly spun yourself around so that you were kaying stomach to stomach with tommy, being able to see the grin on his face when he saw yours.
"hi." he smiled.
you didn't say anything, just pressing a kiss against his forehead and resting your head alongisde his, nose against his hair. he moves so that there's one hand around your waist and the other moves up to your hair, twirling a strand of his around his fingers.
his hair didn't smell the same, though. instead of his usual shampoo smell he always had, there were a softer, more familiar smell to it that you recognised. you pulled away from him and frowned at him. "did you use my shampoo?"
"maybe..." he grinned slyly. "i ran out of mine, that's all."
you giggled at his words, a hand now in his hair, brushing the fluffiness around and twirling it inbetween your fingers. "no i don't mind at all. it's made it really soft."
tommy mumbled something, smiling up at you and pressing a surprising peck against your nose. "maybe i should use it more often, then."
"well, i certainly won't be complaining." you laughed, letting your hand fall from his hair and onto his chest, cushioned by his favourite hoodie. you let your head also fall onto his chest, feeling his arms squeeze you tightly as you closed your eyes and let yourself be comfortable around him. oh, how you loved him.
5 - small comforts while the other is crying [545]
your eyes were hot with tears that fell down onto your cheeks and then to the floor, some landing on your shoes as you ran up the stairs that led to his apartment. you didn't know why you had come here it seemed like he was the only that could comfort you enough to get you out of a mood like this.
the knock on his door was weak. weak enough that you were worried he wasn't going to hear it, but then you hear him call 'i'm coming!' from inside and all most of your nerves were gone. and just a second later, the door swung open, revealing tommy in jeans and that same hoodie you loved, his arms dropping from the edge of the door and the grin on his face dropping as he saw the look on your face and the tears in your eyes.
"love." he murmurs. "come here, oh my god."
you practically fell into him, the softed of his hoodie instantly becoming home and the sense of inevitable doom slowly whitling away into nothing. just a figment of your imagination. there were a small close of his door before he took your hand in his as he took you into the living room. he told you to ignore the show that was playing on the tv but you cold help but check to see whether you had seen it. you had.
he settled you on the sofa, taking you immeditely into his arms again, his cheek resting against your hair, unconsciously rocking you back and forth. worried started to overtake him, though, as thoughts of what could have caused this breakdown on you entered his mind. if it was something, he would make sure you never had to do it again; if it was someone, he would make sure whoever it was apologised and you got revenge.
but you were more important. "do you wanna talk about it? what happened, lovely?"
"uhh." your voice was shakey as you pulled away from him, using your sleeve to wipe the tears from your cheeks. "i can't-" you paused, gathering your thoughts. "i can't remember. i just suddenly felt so alone, there was no one around and i just felt so lonely so i thought i would come to see you and on the way i thought you wouldn't want me to interupt your day off so i turned back but then i started crying and now i'm here and i don't know why and i'm so sorry, oh god, you probably don't want me here-"
tommy laughed as he pressed his hand up against your mouth, stopping your fast train of thoughts in an instant. "you're rambling, love."
"sorry." you mumbled from under his mouth. he took it away frmo your face and took your hand in his again.
"you've got nothing to be sorry for." he explained, "i told you when i moved here that you could pop around any time you wanted and i wouldn't care less. you mean the world to me, and i couldn't stand you being lonely, ever. please, i'd rather you be here and not feel isolated than suffer at home."
you smiled, sniffing and leaning your head onto his shoulder. "yeah. thank you."
"always." he smiled, and your worries came to an end.
#tommyinnit#tommyinnit fluff#tommyinnit x reader#tommyinnit x reader fluff#grey's five moments#with tommyinnit#tommyinnit fanfiction#tom simons#tom simons x reader#tom simons fluff
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Another member of the Kawahara family that's been slightly anticipated is coming right up! I hope you guys enjoy <3
It feels a little short to me so sorry in advance if its a little shorter than usual- 😔
Not edited
WARNING - MINORS DNI
AFAB reader and reader is described as feminine and chubby/plus sized.
Yandere themes, mentions of gore, stalking, implied manipulation
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Takeo Kawahara
First Meeting + Headcannons
It hadn't been long since you had gotten a visa to work as a translator in Japan. Since you had a couple of languages under your belt, you became quite successful among your colleagues.
You helped translate some books and documents on occasion and that was only what you did at home for random assignments you got. Occasionally you had to go out for public clients and business meetings where a translator was required due to the differences in language barriers.
You quite enjoyed your job! It was fun to keep your language skills sharp and it was nice to help out others when needed.
Plus learning about a different culture while knowing the language was interesting and gave you things to do on your days off.
Sadly though there is the work culture of showing up to work parties and appealing to those who have worked at the company longer than you have that you didn't enjoy. Especially when they harassed you to drink.
It was another party and a few of your colleagues that didn't like you tried to invade your personal life while an older colleague "helped" by getting them off your back. But that one had been making uncomfortable comments about your body and image for a while now which is why you tended to avoid most people in your company.
So you pretended to get a call and made your escape from the restaurant outside. You were wondering whether to call a taxi or just take the train back to your place but unfortunately, that same colleague that defended you followed you out.
You hated putting on a smile to please others but you hated conflict more than anything. You heard him go on about how you'd look so much nicer if you kept up a smile and tried to get along with your colleagues more often and that he's "only looking out for you".
You were about to snap when you felt someone put a hand on your shoulder and pull you close, "Sorry I'm late! I meant to show up earlier but my client took longer than I thought." Said a voice. You looked back to see a man your age with a lit cigarette in his mouth. He quickly put it out before letting his grip loosen and gave you a small wink.
You somehow felt calm and kept up the smile, leaning into him and away from your coworker, "Thanks! I didn't want to walk home alone so this helps me out!" You claimed. Your coworker luckily took the hint and scattered, he was definitely going to gossip about this but you didn't care and let out a sigh of relief the moment he was gone.
"Sorry about that. Normally I wouldn't interfere but he looked sketchy. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my touching!" The man said, immediately letting you go and having a slightly panicked look on his face. You noticed he was handsome and from the looks of it, kind. You weren't used to someone actually bothering to help you out in that kind of situation so you gave him a genuine smile and gave him a bow.
"Thank you. I really appreciate it. I've been struggling to deal with the whole work party since I joined so I'm really glad you helped out!" You claimed, reaching out your hand to greet him. He only smiled and shook your hand before opening his mouth. "Kawahara. Kawahara Takeo." He introduced.
You two went on your own way after he dropped you off at the station and traded Line information.
What you couldn't see after you left was Takeo cheering in his spot. He was so glad that he could finally talk to you. Ever since he bumped into you when you were late for a meeting a month ago he fell for you at first sight.
Turns out his stalking paid off if it made him get a chance to "meet" you naturally. But now he can't help but gaze into the distance and wonder if his eldest brother has some information on your colleagues.
He can't just watch you get harassed can he?
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Regular Headcannons
• Takeo is 24 and was born on November 23rd, making him a Sagittarius.
• Takeo is honestly a stalker with a slight delusional streak. He believes that you'll love him no matter what as long as you don't see the side of him that quite literally has a shrine of you in his apartment.
• Takeo is very outspoken and fun. He enjoys going places and doesn't hesitate to speak his mind or be honest.
• When he was in school with Daisuke he actually used to defend his older brother from bullies since Daisuke was quieter in nature.
• Takeo was what you would call a delinquent but he was a smart one and was high in the class banner in terms of grades. But he did skip class quite often.
• He's also an artist at heart. He enjoys sketching and painting. But something about tattooing something that someone will love on someone's skin makes him feel really fulfilled so it's the main medium he practices.
• But sometimes when you're on his mind too much he paints you or sketches you. He keeps all the artwork he has of you along with the shrine in his studio. He has a pretty decent apartment as he makes quite a bit of money half the time so he's confident you'll never come across the stuff he has that defines his obsession for you.
• Other than art his other hobby is movies. He loves to watch all sorts of films! He also seriously enjoys foreign movies which are how he begins to talk to you on Line to get closer to you.
• He starts by asking about some of your favorite movies from your country and asks for recommendations of things you like. And then if a new movie comes out that he's interested in watching he'll ask if there's any chance that you would want to watch it with him.
• And when you say yes he's always super happy. He's the type who cheers and jumps up on his bed when you agree to a date or meeting up. He honestly has a really optimistic view of love. You could almost call it innocent if it wasn't for his infatuation with you.
• And honestly? He's pretty gentlemanly! He opens the door for you and compliments you all the time and he's a big flirt.
• He's honestly pretty fashionable as well. Not as in he wears big brands and such but he likes to dress in a certain way and looks good doing it. He might also take you to some of his favorite places to thrift some clothes or furniture.
• He just loves to do things with you and show you the things he loves. He also loves to show you off to his friends and his friends respect you and him as well. And if you were to sew up his clothes when he gets into an occasional fight or bring him something you made for him to eat he might just burst into tears.
• He's a man that's well connected with his emotions and isn't afraid to show it. He's overall sweet and outgoing to you and those he loves.
Yandere Tendencies Headcannons
• While Takeo is sweet to those he cares about, it's the complete opposite for anyone else. He's cold and manipulative the moment anyone screws you over.
• If someone is talking behind your back he won't hesitate to get information on them from his brother ♡
• But if anyone touched you? Hurt you or otherwise? They're dead. He doesn't mind getting his hands dirty and honestly will make them disappear so naturally no one even suspects anything, not even you.
• He knows no one would suspect anything from him. He's very smart despite not always showing it. And he knows that his family is just like him in the aspect of how attached they get to those they come to love in a romantic and platonic sense. So he knows he can fall on them if he ever needs help.
• And Takeo is strong. He goes to the gym regularly and knows some martial arts. He honestly could take down guys two times his size if he really wanted to.
• He honestly slightly worships you but tries not to show it too much. He worries that he might freak you out and tries his best to not show too much of his unstable side.
• And when he worries too much he might text you a little more often to make sure you're okay. He may even be like Daisuke and ask for one of those couple apps that track each other.
• One thing Takeo doesn't like though is blood. He doesn't like to touch it and doesn't like to mess with it. It has to due when Daisuke got attacked by a dog. When he saw his brother bleed like that he just couldn't help but grow a slight fear of it.
• So while he enjoys getting rid of others and is fine if it's others that bleed, he prefers to not get it on his skin.
• And if you bleed? Even if it was an accident or just a scratch he'll go into a full-on panic. He'll start hyperventilating and hold onto you so tight you can hardly breathe. He might attempt to call emergency services and it's the only time he actually shows how unstable he can get-
• But when you calm him down and reassure him his panic will reduce. He just can't help it when it comes to those he loves. Yeah someone can bleed on a tattoo but that's different! That's something that's controlled and concentrated. And people choose to go through that. But when you get hurt or a scratch hell disinfect the fuck out of it and wrap it up like it's some sort of infection that you're suffering from.
• Just make sure to reassure that you're alright. He gets a panic attack whenever something like that happens to you.
• Though if you get sick? He will mother you back to health and invade your home to make sure you're okay ♡
• He makes your food easy to eat and carefully takes care of you. You're his so he needs you to be okay-
Takeo worries. He can't help it when it comes to you so don't worry him too much or he might just hold on and never let go ♡
#.takeo_kawahara_♡#soft yandere#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x reader#yandere imagines#chubby reader#yandere hcs#yandere male#yandere male x reader#yandere headcanons
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percy jackson brain-rot as i begin the books again
as someone whos hopelessly devoted to the workings of rick riordon i absolutely never understood percabeth
like,
they're literally 12, children, CANNOT LEGALLY DRIVE OR CONSENT TO SEX at the end of the og series (chalice of the gods) and niggas really out here shipping the fuck outta them
shit dig hard enough on a03 and there's prolly smut of the two of em
never understood it, like i get a cute lil mutual pining thing where they both like each other but a whole ass ship never made sense. like no, the two don't make babies. why? CUZ THEYRE BABIES THEMSELVES
edit:
okay to clear things up cs people are in the comments saying i don't know what a ship is (i'm literally a fanfic writer on here but okay)
i'm just saying that these are literally little kids in middle school. i'm not saying that middle school kids don't have relationships, but it's still weird. and from, i'm boutta geek out about this incredibly obscure topic i'm sorry, a developmental standpoint middle grade children are nowhere near psychologically ready to be in a relationship which is why it's extremely rare to see couples who have been together since middle school (that one episode of abbott elementary). if you go on tiktok and look for people who broke up with someone they were in a relationship with from middle school- high school, those breakups are traumatic
all breakups are traumatic in some way, but there have been several people who have developed traits of borderline personality disorder because they broke up with someone they had been romantically involved with since middle school.
also let's not forget how warped your view on intimate relationships go (fucking. imma say it the way you think about fucking is skewed). the people i've spoken to who broke up with their middle school partner in their older parts of high school have recounted just how awful their view on sex was, some have even pondered if they were asexual because they couldn't picture themselves up under anyone else.
like i get it, it's cute to see little kids who like each other, but most of this fandom are of age to drive, to study for the SATS/gsces, some are able to legally drink in the united states, or applying to college. these are little baby children that high school students and young adults should not be playing match maker for. ALSO WALKER SCOBELL IS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL/ HIS FIRST YEAR IN HS HE WAS BORN IN 2009.
anyway,
i get it, we all have head canons, but shipping two middle schoolers who a) may or may not have started puberty b) did not stay at one school for too long c) don't know trig formulas d) may or may not have had their first period/ voice dropped/ you get the picture.
SO
i don't understand percabeth as a whole romantic ship, but mostly as a fluffy little middle school flirty thing (prolonged eye contact, stealing hats, asking if they can hug/kiss at a certain time, etc.)
i love love love the concept of seaweed brain and wise girl, smartwater, percabeth, whatever, I THINK THEY'RE ADORABLE but i don't understand the draw of why people feel the incessant need to make it extremely romantic. like why why whyyyyyyy. can we js let them be kids, because lets be real a lot of the newer additions to this fandom only know about the show (and its okay we love you guys anyway its just that some of us have read the books too, its not required for you to love the show that you need to read the books) and are already talking about 'annabeth and percy need to just kiss already' no they don't. cs percy just lost his mom (i know something you dooonttttttt) and our cutie patootie annabeth is still lowkey a mystery (i'm guessing?? idk i haven't watched the show yet i think im gonna pirate it soon or smth, im js assuming because idk what point the show is at in relation to the first book), etc. can we maybe not make them a whole ass ship until the show is in relation to the last few books of the series. lets js let them be kids for now.
AND THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT I DIDN'T LIKE WHEN THEY WERE AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP IN THE LATER BOOKS OKAY ITS NOT TO SAY THAT im just saying that i didn't understand the concept of percabeth within the first few books because it was a little wonky to really really want two twelve year olds to be in a relationship. they're cute when its in the last few books but come on yall. lets not ship them yet. also report any smut you see of them that's not cool or rick riordon approved.
theyre still babies, even if some of the fandom has read all of the books and others didn't.
does this make sense?
xoxo,
rae <3
#percabeth#grover underwood#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#pjo series#percy jackson#annabeth#annabeth chase#percy and annabeth#annabeth pjo#annabeth percy jackson#perseus jackson
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Bella Swan is Autistic: An Analysis
(Disclaimers: I enjoy Twilight in spite of its problematic elements, not because of them or in ignorance of them. There are as many different ways to be autistic as there are autistic people. Many allistic people will relate on some level to some aspects of the autistic experience; this does not make them autistic. This is all just my opinion, based on my experience as a late-diagnosed, low-support-needs autistic woman. I am aware this is not a brand-new original idea.)
I reread Twilight (I think for the first time since getting diagnosed 4 years ago) and I found a bunch of things I relate to Bella about. Below the cut is a list of some of her autism-related character traits with quotes for textual evidence. The links lead to articles explaining how these traits relate to autism. The list is ordered chronologically based on page number of the accompanied quotes. Page numbers are based on the paperback edition with ISBN-13: 9780316015844. A backslash in a quote signifies a paragraph break. I’ll update if I read any of the other books or rewatch the movies and anything new comes up.
Bella has trouble regulating her emotional expressions: she has to put conscious effort into how she presents herself
"I'd always been a bad liar" (p. 4).
"For some reason, my temper was hardwired to my tear ducts. I usually cried when I was angry, a humiliating tendency" (p. 25).
"I had never been enormously tactful" (p. 31).
"'My face is so easy to read -- my mother always calls me her open book'" (p. 50).
Bella is shy and a bit socially awkward: she avoids attention for fear of embarrassment
"Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him" (p. 7).
"Mr. Varner... was the only one who made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself. I stammered, blushed, and tripped over my own boots on the way to my seat" (p. 17).
"To my dismay, I found myself the center of attention for the rest of the week" (pp. 68-69).
Bella feels different from other people: she doesn’t know how to connect with others and feels pressure to fit in
"I didn't relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn't relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain" (pp. 10-11).
"I answered honestly, instead of pretending to be normal like everyone else" (p. 47).
“'My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?' The words bothered me more than they should -- probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed" (p. 181).
Bella has a unique sense of humor: other people don’t get her jokes and she doesn’t get other peoples’ jokes
"'You don't look very tan.' / 'My mother is part albino.' / He studied my face apprehensively, and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of humor didn't mix. A few months of this and I'd forget how to use sarcasm" (p. 16).
“Bella was being unintentionally funny” (p. 367).
Bella finds comfort in routine: the change in routine from moving was difficult for her, and she felt better once the new routine became familiar
"I fell into the pattern of the familiar task gladly" (p. 33).
Bella is academically gifted: she finds assignments easier than her peers do, she has already read the books assigned in her English course
"'Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?' / 'Yes'" (p. 47).
Bella enjoys being alone: she is introverted and enjoys solitary activities
"In a lot of ways, living with Charlie was like having my own place, and I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely" (p. 54).
"I've never minded being alone" (p. 241).
Bella has motor difficulties: she is clumsy, uncoordinated, accident-prone, and bad at sports
"Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress" (p. 55).
"My sense of direction was hopeless; I could get lost in much less helpful surroundings" (p. 136).
Bella has special interests: Edward and books
"... no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did" (p. 69).
"I was sitting in my room, researching vampires. What was wrong with me" (p. 135)?
"... they didn't know how preoccupied I could get when surrounded by books; it was something that I preferred to do alone" (p. 156).
Bella is perceived as different by others: a history of social exclusion is hinted at, Edward’s mind-reading doesn’t work on her
"'It's better if we're not friends,' he explained. 'Trust me.' / My eyes narrowed. I'd heard that before” (pp. 74-75).
"He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped" (p. 83).
"'My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year'" (p. 106).
".'.. maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM'” (p. 181).
"'You're not like anyone I've ever known. ... / ... 'I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you ... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise'" (p. 245).
Bella has sensory differences: she notices and is bothered by things others don’t and aren’t, she engages in sensory-seeking and sensory-avoiding behavior when stressed
"'People can't smell blood,' he contradicted. / 'Well, I can -- that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust ... and salt" (p. 100).
"I put in my headphones, hit Play, and turned up the volume until it hurt my ears. I closed my eyes, but the light still intruded, so I added a pillow over the top of my face" (pp. 129-130).
"'You're always crabbier when your eyes are black ... I expect it then' ... 'I have a theory about that'" (p. 171).
“For three and a half hours I stared at the wall, curled in a ball, rocking” (p. 425).
#twilight#the twilight saga#isabella swan#bella swan#stephenie meyer#autism#neurodivergent#masking#masked autistic#autistic headcanon#autistic hc#twilight headcanon#twilight hc#autistic bella swan#bella swan is autistic#autistic bella swan headcanon#twilight fan theory#feel free to add on#feel free to reblog#autistic characters#special interest infodump#projecting#twilight renaissance#twilight bella
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Merry Christmas Sweetheart
Masterlist
Summary: Christmassy fluff! Getting a Christmas tree with Eddie and decorating it later with him and Wayne. Just some feel good fluff for the holidays!
Word Count: 2.2k ish
Warnings: reference to Eddie's mum having died, other than that, pure fluff!
A/N: It's been ages since I wrote stuff! I was really struggling with this but as I've read it through today for a last edit, I actually feel really good about it! It might not be my best work but I like it! I hope you guys do and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
Please don't steal my work!
Sharp winter air hit your face the moment Eddie opened the door. He helped you down from the van by the gloved hand, rewarded for his chivalry with a kiss. A fleeting smile crossed his mouth before he tucked his hands under his armpits and cursed under his breath, “I still don’t understand why we had to get here this early!”
His complaint turned to fog in the cold. He groaned and stamped his feet on the frosty ground, trying to conjure warmth. You rolled your eyes and reached for the coat and scarf still resting on the front seat. “Because,” you answered, reiterating for the tenth time, “If we don’t, all the good ones will be gone!” Eddie grumbled through your explanation. Your playful slap made him pout like a toddler as you forced him into more layers. “Besides!” you tied his scarf in a knot and pulled a navy-blue hat down over his chestnut curls, “Look how beautiful it is!”
The morning sky really was a sight to behold. A pastel ombre, orange fire on the horizon fading through white to an icy blue overlaid with the merest hint of pink. Eddie followed your outstretched arm but the landscape did little to impress him. Instead, his eyes fell back to you. The soft curve of your smile, cheeks and nose tinged rose by the cold and the dawn light bathing your face in warm light, sparkling in your eyes.
“Yeah,” he gave in, “It’s beautiful!”
You turned your smile back on him; he dropped his gaze like a schoolboy caught staring at his crush. You took his hand, laughing a little, “Come on!”
*
Frost crunched under your welly boots but as you reached the field, the sound muffled. Tarmac gave way to soggy mud. You skirted around half frozen puddles, holding onto each other to keep from slipping as you explored the maze of evergreens.
The Christmas tree farm was all but deserted.
“This one!” Eddie called, a few rows over. You followed his voice to find him staring up some ten feet in the air. He turned, a grin spreading across his features as you took in the summit of the colossal pine and burst into a fit of giggles.
“Eddie, it’s three times the size of your trailer!”
He shrugged like he couldn’t possibly fathom the issue. “We could set it sideways? Or Wayne could drill a hole in the roof!” The clueless act began to drop at the last syllable and he too dissolved into laughter.
“You are ridiculous Eddie Munson!” you managed between hiccups.
“Okay! Okay!” he wiped the tears from his eyes, “What about that one?”
He pointed at a sapling that barely reached your knees. The pair of you lapsed into hysteria again.
The morning drew on, echoing your gleeful laughter. The sun rose, washing the sky a deeper blue and chasing the faint wisps of cloud while the trees seemed to sparkle with fairy dust. A magical spell cast just for you.
Eddie managed to find every misshapen tree to put forward as a contender Too tall, too short, branches stuck out in all directions. There was one almost entirely bare on one side and Eddie had to bite his lip to keep composed while he pleaded its case.
*
It took an hour and a half before you found it.
Teeth chattering, the icy temperature was beginning to see through your gloves and boots. You were almost ready to give up when you rounded a corner and stopped dead in your tracks.
“Eddie!”
A nearby groan answered. He trudged through the line of trees, welly boots dragging through the sludge. The cold was getting to him as well, he always felt it terribly, but the grumbling stopped abruptly. Behind you, he drew a sharp breath.
It was perfect.
Lovely and full. Just the right size, the needles thick and the deepest shade of green.
You didn’t speak, just smiled at the little tree. Eddie’s arms snaked around your waist from behind as he perched his chin on your shoulder. “This one?”
When you didn’t answer, he pushed his nose against your cheek, and you squealed at the sudden cold, “Yes! Yes! This one!”
He laughed, pulling you closer and kissing you everywhere he could reach.
In moments, your tree had been cut and packaged. The two of you stumbled across the rapidly thawing parking lot toward Eddie’s van
“Here, set her down!” He leant the exquisite fir against the side of the van while he fumbled with the keys.
“You sound just like Wayne!” you teased as he pulled open the back doors and hefted the tree inside with a roll of his eyes.
Eddie flicked the heating on as soon as you were safely tucked in the front, warming his trembling, red fingers over the grate and blowing air into his palms.
Other people were only just starting to arrive. Cars full of excited families with restless kids slid past you.
“See!” you pointed out the window triumphantly, “If we’d waited, our tree would already be gone!”
“Fine!” he sighed, “You were right! What do you want from me?”
*
“She’s a beauty!” Uncle Wayne exhaled heavily as he straightened; his aging knees ached with the effort. He smiled at the little Christmas tree, now perfectly situated in one corner of the Munson’s living room.
Your heart swelled with pride. “You like it?”
Wayne hugged an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in and pressing an affectionate kiss to your temple. “You did a wonderful job!”
You beamed, snuggling your face into the warm, familiar knit of his jumper and throwing your own arms around him.
“Hey, I helped too!”
Eddie’s indignant voice grew louder, and he emerged from the hallway. His arms were laden with Christmas lights.
“More like hindered!” you quipped, shooting a mischievous smile from your safe haven. “What have you done to those lights?”
Your boyfriend tugged on a tangled string with an affronted huff, “Hey, don’t look at me! Wayne put them away last year!”
Nearly a half hour, it took to unravel them and wind them around the tree. You stood on a chair to reach the top and Eddie hovered inches away, keeping track of your balance, feeding you the next section of lights.
Next came tinsel! Tucked between the branches in halos of scarlet.
‘We used to have gold,’ Wayne explained, setting down a small cardboard box filled to the brim with decorations. “‘til this one decided to chop it all up to make costumes when he was seven!”
“You did not!” Your head whipped round to stare at your boyfriend, jaw-dropped, at the guilty expression spreading over his face.
Wayne nodded. “He did! I found bits of it scattered all over the floor and the rest tied round his head like a nativity angel!”
“I was being creative!” He protested, then looking to you for mercy, “I thought you liked that about me!”
Your smile softened, “I love that about you!” You opened your arms and Eddie leaned in to your comfort with a mumbled,
“Thank you!”
You smirked at Wayne over Eddie’s curly head, “So, were you supposed to be a wizard or a dragon?”
He snorted and Eddie groaned, “Obviously, a wizard!”
*
Baubles were divided between the three of you and scattered over the green boughs. Then came the special decorations!
Some had been collected on Wayne’s travels. Before Eddie, he’d made a point of compiling an ornament for every city he visited. Most had been broken over the years, adopting a toddler one year out of the blue had come with its fair share of accidents, but a precious few still remained. A glass blown statue of liberty for New York, a plaster image of the golden gate bridge from San Francisco, a wooden cityscape of Atlanta, and a hand-painted postcard from Phoenix. These were hung meticulously above the rest, Wayne telling the stories behind each one.
The others had all been made by Eddie in elementary school. Every year he asked his uncle why they didn’t just throw them away, a dark red flushing his cheeks at the sight of his younger-self’s handiwork. And every year, Wayne would act offended, launching into a speech about how precious and important they were to him.
This year, you got to see the assortment of delicate decorations, clay and cardboard and pipe cleaners fashioned into different types of dragons and other monsters. You couldn’t help but smile at the idea of little Eddie proudly presenting his gluey, glittered projects to his teacher. They couldn’t have known what to say!
While the two men argued, you fished the last ornament from the bottom of the box. It was wrapped in bubble wrap, more neatly than any of the others had been. Secured with sticky tape you now carefully slipped your nails under and peeled back.
A small plaster-cast circle fell into your hand, connected with a baby blue ribbon. Eddie fell silent when he saw what you were holding. Wayne laid a hand on his shoulder, gentle but full of firm reassurance.
You turned it over in your hand a small gasp escaped your mouth. On the other side, a photograph of a woman holding a red-faced infant, grainy and slightly faded, stared back at you. Underneath, the words, ‘Eddie’s First Christmas’ were written in the same blue.
The woman in the picture was smiling, dimples creasing at the sides of her mouth and though the flash had distorted the lighting, you could make out her warm brown eyes, the colour of melted chocolate.
You looked up to see those same eyes gazing back at you, filled with vulnerability. With a small smile, you reached out and pressed the ornament into his palm. His fingers closed around yours. Eddie mirrored your smile. If he had been anyone else, you might have missed the tears he blinked away so fast. He spun on his heel and hung the little plaque in pride of place.
The moment was over as soon as it had begun and Eddie was on his knees, presenting you the star with pomp and circumstance, then lifting you up to place it atop the tree. Wayne smiled and applauded as your feet hit the ground, dropping to his knees and crawling under the tree for the light switch.
Eddie snuck a quick kiss and made you giggle.
The tree burst to life. Brilliant golds, reds, pinks and blues warmed the dim living room, illuminating the shadows and sparkling in Eddie’s awe-filled eyes. All those colours reflecting in their bottomless depths; you couldn’t look away.
He caught you staring. Your mouth was hanging half open and he laughed. “You like what you see?” he teased, breaking the spell and earning a playful shove.
“Who wants hot chocolate?” Wayne announced. He checked his watch, “I’ve got a half hour before I gotta head out to work!”
*
Before long, the three of you were settled on the couch, laughing and talking, steaming mugs in your hands. Wayne had put on a tape of old-timey Christmas songs in the background. Their brassy melodies serenaded warm conversation. Wayne glanced at his watch, drained the dregs, and left to fetch his work bag.
You snuggled closer into your boyfriend’s side. His chest rose and fell in steady, contented rhythm as he hummed along to the music. His arm settled around your body, inviting you closer still.
Your eyes travelled over the tree, watching the lights twinkle and admiring the fruits of your combined labours. Once again, you found the precious photo ornament on the blue ribbon, suspended among the needles.
“You look just like her!” you murmured, nuzzling against Eddie’s shirt. He stopped humming and for a second, you worried you’d overstepped, but he tightened his arm around you and pressed a kiss to your crown.
“I know,” he said softly, leaning his cheek against your hair, “Wayne tells me all the time!”
You shifted to look up at him. His eyes were shining again. Was it tears or just the lights? He sniffed and glanced at the tree, then back at you. “I really wish you could have met her!”
Reaching up, you traced your fingers over his cheek. They came back damp with the ghost of a tear. “Me too!”
Eddie smiled and sniffed again, his own hand coming up to cradle yours. You nestled together again, sipping the last bits of hot chocolate in comfortable silence, resting in each-others love.
Wayne came back in, said his goodbyes as he shrugged his coat on and smiled at the pair of you before making his way into the cold December night. The sound of his car starting up and the headlights along the wall faded into the dark leaving you alone together.
Outside, a few flakes of snow began to fall, carried about on the silent breeze. They spiralled and floated like dancers on a shrouded stage.
You sat there for hours, enjoying one another’s company and basking in the warmth. The lights began to blur as your eyes drooped closed. You leaned closer into Eddie’s chest and sighed. “Merry Christmas, Eddie!”
He smiled sleepily, “Merry Christmas, Sweetheart!”
*
Thank you for reading! Please consider reblogging and/or leaving a comment! I love to hear what people think of my writing! It gives me such a boost to know if people enjoy it!
Check out my Masterlist for the rest of my work!
Taglist: @sadbitchfangirl, @neewtmas, @ladymunson, @idathereader
#eddie munson x reader fluff#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson christmas#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson fanfic#eddie x reader#eddie munson angst#stranger things x reader#stranger things#stranger things 4#stranger things season four#amber writes
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My Thoughts On Each Long-Term Writer of the Flash, Part 1
Over the years, the Flash comics have been written by a huge number of writers, with their own strengths and weaknesses. In this post, I am going to give a rundown of all the major Flash writers and talk about the high points and the low points of their runs. In order to qualify as a major Flash writer, the writer has to have written at least four or five issues of the Flash (so fill-in writers don't count).
Keep in mind that much of this is subjective and based solely on my personal opinions. Also keep in mind that I will be harder on the more recent writers than the Gold/Silver/Bronze Age writers, since the older writers were writing during a time when there was much less editing and continuity than there is today. As such, I don't expect as much from their stories as I do from more modern writers.
I'll begin with the original writer for the Golden Age Flash, Gardner Fox, and move forward chronologically from there.
Gardner Fox
Positives
First, and most obviously, Gardner Fox was responsible for creating the Thinker, the Shade, the Ragdoll, the Rival, Jay Garrick, Joan Garrick, and the Flash identity itself. Without Gardner Fox (and artists Harry Lampert and E.E. Hibbard), there's no Flash. This pretty much makes him Flash's most important writer by default.
Introducing the Multiverse. When Gardner Fox started writing the Silver Age Flash, one of the first things he did was introduce the new Flash, Barry Allen, to the original Flash, Jay Garrick. He did this, of course, by establishing the concept of the multiverse. Earth-1 and Earth-2 existed in the same place in space, but vibrated on different frequencies, and each world had its own Flash. It was a brilliantly ridiculous sci-fi way to have both Flashes coexist, and it enabled Jay Garrick, and the rest of the JSA, to return to the DCU.
Writing female characters. For a Golden/Silver Age comic book writer, Gardner Fox generally handled female characters really well. Notably, during his run on the Golden Age Flash, he had Joan Garrick in on Jay's secret from the start, and he was also the writer responsible for ensuring that Barry Allen would, in turn, tell his wife Iris about his secret identity (by having Jay and Joan come visit Barry and tell him to stop keeping important secrets from his wife). He's also Iris' best Silver Age writer, insofar as he made her the most supportive and least nasty. So thank you, Gardner Fox, for being better at writing female characters than most of your contemporaries. (If you want to see the worst example of female characters in the Silver Age, check out Robert Kanigher's Wonder Woman. It's something else.)
Utilizing humor. This was especially noticeable during the Golden Age, where the Flash's adventures often resembled slapstick comedies, but Gardner Fox was also good at using lighthearted humor in the Silver Age (as highlighted by his particular affinity for the Trickster, whom he wrote four separate stories for).
Writing plots. Golden and Silver Age comics have a somewhat justified reputation for being wild, random, slapdash affairs, but, in spite of their light-hearted humor, Fox was actually good at writing solid plots. "The Flash of Two Worlds" is an all-time classic, and I've never read any story of his where it didn't feel like he was putting in effort to create an entertaining, internally consistent story.
Negatives
Honestly, besides being bound by the comic conventions of his time, Gardner Fox doesn't really have any noticeable weaknesses as a writer. The only thing I can think of that isn't something that basically applies to all Golden/Silver Age comic writers is the fact that he might have been a little too reliant on slapstick humor sometimes. That's how we got "The Real Origin of the Flash" (the story that attempted to give the Flash his own Mr. Mxyzptlk style character, but failed miserably) and some of the more tiresome Three Dimwits plots. But still, all in all, Fox did a really solid job on the title.
Robert Kanigher
Positives
Kanigher wrote Barry Allen's origin story, and created him, Iris, and I guess the Turtle Man (not the Turtle---he was created by Gardner Fox) as well. The lightning bot/chemicals origin is absolutely iconic, and may in fact be the best superhero story Kanigher ever wrote.
Before that, during the Golden Age, Kanigher also created Jay Garrick's foe the Fiddler.
Kanigher is....well...he's definitely got some original ideas. Totally nuts ideas, but original ones nevertheless. If you want the perfect example of Silver Age insanity, Kanigher is your man.
During the early Bronze Age, he managed to put out some well-meaning, if very awkward, stories that addressed social issues. They haven't aged well, but at least he tried. And to be fair, his female character do get slightly better in this time period as well.
Negatives
His female characters are painful to read. It's not as though this was something unique to him, but even by the standards of other Golden and Silver Age writers, he was pretty bad. Again, see his run on Wonder Woman for proof. More specifically as far as the Flash is concerned, he's the one who got the ball rolling on Mean Silver Age Iris.
With the exception of the origin story, where he seemed to catch lightning in a bottle, all of his Silver Age Flash storylines fall into one of two categories---they're either boring and generic, or they are completely bonkers, off-the-wall insane. Silver Age Flash is actually one of the more restrained Silver Age comics, so Kanigher's off-the-wall stories stick out like a sore thumb. For the best example of this, check out the first story in Flash #161, "The Case of the Curious Costume". And then, to maintain what's left of your sanity, check out the much better second story in the same issue, Gardner Fox's "The Mirror With 20/20 Vision". (I bet you can't guess who the villain in that story is.)
"Iris Allen is FROM THE FUTURE!!!!" Admittedly, there are several stories that came out of this reveal that I do like....but this revelation would end up tying the Flash Family tree in knots later on down the line. And it's also just an insane revelation in general, especially for the early Bronze Age.
John Broome
Positives
95% of the Flash's main villains. Captain Cold? Mr. Element/Dr. Alchemy? Mirror Master? Gorilla Grodd? Pied Piper? Weather Wizard? The Trickster? Captain Boomerang? The Top? Abra Kadabra? Professor Zoom the Reverse-Flash? Heat Wave? All of them were created by John Broome (alongside artist Carmine Infantino). All of them. And all between 1957 and 1963!
The Rogues. John Broome was also the first writer to have more than two of the Flash villains team up into an organized group. (Gardner Fox had had Captain Cold and Trickster team up in an earlier story, but Broome was the first writer to bring together the team that would eventually become the Rogues we know today). He was also the man who created the Rogues' tailor, Paul Gambi.
Developing Barry's supporting cast. Broome introduced Wally West as Kid Flash (and wrote his hilariously lackluster origin), his parents, Nora and Henry Allen, his childhood sweetheart and current movie star, Daphne Dean, Iris' absent-minded father, Ira West, and Dexter Myles, the ex-Shakespearean actor who would become the curator of the Flash Museum. He also introduced Ralph "The Elongated Man" Dibney and Ralph's wife Sue, who would go on to to get their own stories but who would remain long-time friends with Barry and Iris, and Rita, another friend of the couple's, who would marry a reformed Dr. Alchemy/Albert Desmond. (Broome wrote Albert's reformation story, and also introduced his friendship with Barry.)
Solid plotting. While Broome's stories are still full of wacky "science" and questionable character decisions, as all Silver Age stories tend to be, he was quite restrained by the standards of his era (compare Silver Age Superman comics to Silver Age Flash comics and the difference will be apparent immediately.) He actually writes very solid and entertaining stories most of the time, and "The Doorway to the Unknown" is one of the best Silver Age stories I've read, period.
Negatives:
The whole "Should I Tell My Wife I'm the Flash?" thing. The relationship between Barry and Iris is easily the weakest link in Broome's lengthy run on the Flash. Iris is often excessively mean to Barry (up until around the time when they get married and Broome thankfully has her mellow out), and Barry refuses to tell Iris that he's the Flash---even after he marries her! Granted, she finds out on their wedding night because he talks into his sleep....but still! He doesn't consciously tell her that he's the Flash until they've been married for a year! It's not always terrible---there are some comics where Broome writes them well together (especially after 1964 or so), but on the whole he kind of dropped the ball on their relationship. I would be harder on Broome for this if it wasn't for the fact that I know what was going on with Superman and Lois Lane in the Superman books (which Broome was not writing, so far as I know) at the same time. That relationship makes even the worst moments of Silver Age Barry and Iris' interactions look healthy.
Too many alien invasion plots. I know it was the Silver Age, and everybody was fighting aliens, but hoo boy did John Broome write a lot of stories where the Flash fought off generic, interchangeable aliens. They're not all terrible stories---a few are even pretty good---but having the Flash fight such generic foes gets quite tiresome when it happens about once ever six or seven issues.
Frank Robbins
Positives:
Uh...Flash #184, "Executioner of Central City", is an interesting enough story with some fun time-travel stuff.
Without "The Threat of the High-Rise Buildings", we never would have gotten the amazing lying Silver Age cover that is hippies beating up the Flash:
Negatives:
Flash #180-181. The Flash visits Japan. Incredibly painful stereotypes abound. And, on a less painful but still cringeworthy note, so does bad slang. Just skip it. You'll be much happier for it.
Flash #184 is his only good story for the Flash. Admittedly, he didn't write that many...but still.
Mike Friedrich
Fleshed out Barry's personality a little more. Namely, he established that Barry is afraid of roller coasters, and wrote a hilarious story where Barry plays every role in Hamlet at once after the rest of the cast gets sick (I'm partial to this one because I love Shakespeare).
Wrote a really solid Professor Zoom the Reverse-Flash story called "Time Times Three Equals----?", in which Sargon the Sorcerer tricks Eobard into thinking the Flash is dead for convoluted mystical reasons, and Eobard promptly takes off on a round-the-world and through-time crime spree. It's actually kind of awesome.
Negatives:
I can't think of anything off of the top of my head, other than the fact that his stories don't really stand out to me. With the exception of the Professor Zoom story, he didn't really get the chance to use any of the major Flash villains. So he's not bad, he just didn't write enough to really make an impact on me as a Flash writer.
Cary Bates
Positives:
Arguably the first true fan-writer. He grew up reading the Silver Age Flash, and he clearly loved and knew a lot about the characters. Fanboy writers don't always work out, but in this case, Bates' knowledge of the characters helped him write them really well, and flesh out most of the character well beyond what personalities they had had up to that point.
Wrote a very solid Barry/Iris marriage. They felt like a real couple, with real arguments and disagreements, but they also clearly loved each other and relied upon each other to get things done.
Used the supporting cast well. In addition to ensuring that Dexter Myles, Paul Gambi, Daphne Dean, and Barry's parents continued to make appearances, he also added many new supporting cast members, including Stacy Conwell, a college student who boarded with Barry and Iris for awhile, Barney Sands, Barry's 12-year-old neighbor who was just as big a fan of comics as Barry himself, Patty Spivot, Barry's fellow police scientist, Frank Curtis, an undercover detective who became friends with Barry, and, after Iris' death, Barry's neighbors Mack and Troy Nathan (Mack was a scientist at S.T.A.R. labs), Police Chief Darryl Frye, and Barry's almost-second wife, Fiona Webb. Bates did a really good job a creating a full supporting cast for Barry and Iris, and it helped make the world seem more inhabited.
Bringing back the Rogues. As Broome and Fox had retired, the Rogues had started being pushed to the wayside before Cary Bates brought them back into the spotlight---and then gave them some of their best stories ever. For a few of the Rogues, he's still the best writer they've ever had. Also, while the Rogues had technically become a team under Broome's pen, it was Bates who really solidified them as friends, rather than just the Flash's Secret Six. He had them have conventions together, attend funerals for each other, bail each other out of trouble, and fight the Flash together. They still operated independently sometimes (a fact most modern writers neglect to have them do), but they were now inextricably linked with one another in a way no other team of comic villains ever would be. I also really like the dynamic Bates' Barry has with the Rogues. It's this sort of bemused, mildly impressed frustration that's just great.
Introducing the Golden Glider. Cary Bates created what was, for the time, a downright terrifying villain in the Golden Glider, and, in doing so, subverted (probably inadvertently) a lot of the tropes that tend to accrue to female villains. She was meaner, smarter, and more ruthless than all of the male Rogues, and it's a bit of a refreshing change of pace to see a woman seeking revenge for the death of her boyfriend rather than the other way around. She was also one of the first Flash villains, and the very first Rogue, to uncover the Flash's secret identity. In spite of this, however, she was still quite feminine in a lot of ways, being very beautiful, quite flirtatious, and fond of jewelry. It's a unique combination of traits that you don't often see even today, and it's a bit sad that Cary Bates remains the best writer the character has ever had.
Creating other new villains. Besides the Golden Glider, Bates also created Rainbow Raider, whom I adore, the Clown, Colonel Computron, Clive Yorkin, and the Eradicator, the last two of whom are actually very effective and scary in their respective story arcs.
The Top is alive and well in Henry Allen! It's the best Top story ever written, and I love it.
Able to write both very serious and very humorous stories. Cary Bates was totally nuts sometimes, but he definitely had range in terms of tone, and could write humorous stories and very dark stories with equal effectiveness.
Negatives:
I'm honestly not sure whether this is really a negative or not, since I find the story to be kind of hilarious, but there is this one issue early in Cary Bates' run where he literally writes himself into the comic and has himself help the Flash defeat the Trickster. (We also learn from this issue that in the Bronze Age, Central City was located where Athens, Ohio is in the real world. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Cary Bates is an alumni from Ohio University in Athens.)
"Joe Scudder and Roscoe Neyle". Cary Bates was awful at remembering characters' names. He called Mirror Master both "Sam Scudder" and "Joe Scudder" in multiple separate issues, called the Top "Roscoe Neyle" once, called Patty Spivot "Pam Spivot" a few times, changed Albert Desmond's father's first name from Peter to either Herbert or Herman, called the Pied Piper's mom, Mrs. Rathaway, both "Rachel Rathaway" and "Hazel Rathaway" (within the span of like three panels!), combined the Pied Piper's real name (Hartley Rathaway) with his alias name (Henry Darrow) a few times, gave Barry's dad Henry a new first name at least once, and called the Reverse Flash "Eobard Thayne", "Eobard Thawnye", and "Professor Adrian Zoom". And there are probably more examples I can't remember. This is really only a minor gripe, and it is fun to play the "let's see whose name Bates messes up in this issue" game, but still...Bates forgot a ton of names.
A few too many supernatural shenanigans. Cary Bates was really interested in the paranormal when he was writing his run on the Flash, and while it often led to good stories (like the Top ghost story and the story that introduced Alvin Desmond), I feel like he still fell back on the paranormal a few too many times. The best example of this is the psychic girl, Melanie, who was in the "Death of Iris Allen" arc and just felt out-of-place in it, but it popped up a few other places as well.
Fiona Webb. Fiona Webb was introduced as the Flash's new love interest after Iris' death, and her story was basically one giant trauma conga line. She wasn't a terrible character (she wasn't annoying and seemed nice enough), but her relationship with Barry didn't get enough time to develop organically, and it felt like they got engaged far too quickly. Maybe it would have been better if they had continued dating for awhile, first, even if it meant delaying Eobard's dramatic attempt to murder Fiona at her wedding. I am, however, at least relieved that she ended the first Flash run fully recovered from her mental breakdown. It would've been pretty unpleasant if he'd just had her have a breakdown and then never spoken of her again.
Big Sir: While I'm glad the story goes out of its way to establish that he's a good person whose disability and mental problems don't make him evil (he has to be manipulated by the Rogues into fighting the Flash), this character was handled very poorly for the most part. He was also part of the broader...
Trial of the Flash Arc: There are a lot of good individual stories during this arc (the last four issues in particular are great), but as a whole, it just drags on for way too long. It's not entirely Cary Bates' fault, since he was in the middle of the arc when he found out that the book was getting cancelled, and his only two options were to end the arc as he had planned and try to wrap up the entire series with a truncated new storyline, or to drag out the trial plotline until the series ended. However, that doesn't change the fact that the trial quickly becomes the least interesting part of the actual Trial storyline, or the fact that this story lasted for something like a year and a half in real-world time---which I guess does make it the most accurate fictional representation of a trial in terms of the length of time it took to get to the trial. Aside from its length, however, the courtroom drama is both unrealistic and not especially exciting (the looming threat of the Flash going to prison for murder is exciting, but the legal drama is not, in part because the prosecution lawyer isn't very interesting). Also not helping things is the fact that by the time the Trial arc began, Cary Bates was editing himself. Thus, there was no one around to help steer him and the story in a less drawn-out direction. It's just a big, padded, drawn-out mess of a storyline---though I am thankful that it at least had a really solid, satisfying ending.
Mike Baron
Positives:
His first issue, where Wally runs a heart across the country to a patient who needs it for an operation, is excellent.
Baron writes a good Vandal Savage.
Wally is instantly memorable as a character. He's not necessarily likeable for most of Baron's run (more on that later), but he does at least stand out in your mind.
Introducing the Chunk (a living black hole who became Wally's friend) and Kilg%re (a living computer program). Both of them were fun characters.
Negatives:
Baron's Wally is a real jerk most of the time. He's overbearing, he's arrogant. he's obnoxious, and he's frankly kind of sexist at points. It makes him a little hard to read sometimes.
Wally's parents are humongous jerks. I actually don't mind the Wests being abusive parents (especially since we really didn't see that much of them Pre-Crisis, and we know that Wally has a lot of problems with Impostor Syndrome and depression), but they were very prominent in this run, and neither of them were likable---or scary/intimidating/cool---enough for you to want them to get as much page time as they did.
In fact, almost no one in Baron's run is particularly likable most of the time. It makes for an unpleasant read.
Wally having an affair with a married woman who's got to be at least ten years his senior is...uncomfortable. Mainly because I'm not sure that Baron thought this was a bad thing or not. Messner-Loebs writes it as a mistake on both characters' parts, but I don't know if Baron thought it was, too.
William Messner-Loebs:
Positives
Messner-Loebs made it clear that the reason Wally was acting like a jerk was because he was suffering from depression and impostor syndrome, not because he was shallow or selfish. He also dialed the sexism waaaay back (thankfully) and had Wally develop out of his jerk tendencies over time and learn to become a better hero.
Messner-Loebs also introduced a bunch of great supporting cast members for Wally. He brought back Joan Garrick, made frequent use of Chunk, reintroduced the Pied Piper as a reformed champion of the downtrodden, had Tina McGee and her husband reunite with one another and become friends with Wally, and introduced Mason Tollbridge, an old jack-of-all-trades who helped Wally out from time to time, and Connie Noleski, whom Wally dated for awhile. An at-the-time-reformed Captain Cold, Golden Glider, and Heat Wave rounded out the cast. Most importantly, though, he introduced Linda Park, a no-nonsense TV reporter who would help Wally grow up and who would eventually become his wife.
Flash #19. The whole thing. Wally partying with the Rogues (after the Trickster invites him to their party as a gag) is one of the best comics ever written. It's hilarious from start to end.
"No One Dies" is one of the greatest Flash stories ever. It's so good.
Tackling social issues well. Messner-Loebs' run is one of the few comics I've seen handle mental illness with any grace (his story about postpartum psychosis is really good, and Wally actually goes to therapy!), and his handling of homelessness and the importance of helping people in need is very well done. Messner-Loebs seems to have a lot of compassion, and it's very cool to see it represented in his stories.
Hope. In Loebs' run, people---and situations---get better.
Negatives:
Mary West makes a few too many appearances. I get that she's supposed to be obnoxious, but....she's really obnoxious. Also, the plot where she falls in love with and marries a secret agent was confusing.
After her first appearance in Flash #19, Messner-Loebs begins to write the Golden Glider as though she's bordering on "comic book crazy" (i.e., erratically violent and somewhat unstable). It's at least somewhat restrained under his pen, but it's setting the groundwork for later writers to write her very poorly.
This one isn't really Messner-Loebs' fault, but his run does get interrupted by unnecessary crossovers several times, which have a tendency to disrupt his storylines and are generally not particularly well-written (likely because he didn't really want to write them in the first place). It's especially notable because most of his run is relative quiet and domestic.
Mark Waid:
Positives
Mark Waid knows his stuff. He is a fanboy writer, and it shows in his delightful references to older Flash stories (The Life Story of the Flash is a particularly good showcase of this fact).
Waid writes an excellent Wally. Wally goes through a ton of character growth and development over the course of his run, and I love the snarky sense of humor he has.
Linda Park and Pied Piper are both handled very well by Waid---especially Linda.
Waid writes a very solid relationship between Wally and Linda. Like Iris and Barry under Bates' pen, they have realistic arguments and disagreements, but also clearly love and support one another.
Waid's use of the Speedsters as a team works very well. Wally, Jay, Max, Bart, Johnny Quick, and Jesse Quick all play off of one another well, and all of them are likable. The idea of a Speedster lineage that spreads across all of time is also cool.
The Speedforce. It's so important to the mythos that I can't not include it, even if a lot of later writers misused it.
Waid properly introduced the second Mirror Master, Evan McCulloch into the Flash comics, and in Flash vol. 2 #105, no less!
I appreciate that Waid brought Iris back to the present from the future, since that made it easier to use her in stories and let Wally talk to his aunt more regularly.
Many of the stories have very high stakes, so there's usually a lot of excitement during Waid's run.
"The Return of Barry Allen" storyline is excellent. I think it's one of the three best Wally stories (the other two being Flash vol. 2 #19 and "No One Dies", the story where Wally throws himself out of a plane to save a falling stewardess).
Waid writes my favorite Trickster (James Jesse). I love the reformation arc he gives him, and his mischievous nature is a delight. He also introduced Mindy Hong and James' son, Billy Hong, both of whom sadly only appeared once.
Waid's Kadabra is effective, cool, and scary----most of the time (more on this later).
Even though he was never properly utilized---and I'm not sure he ever could be, given how overpowered he is--I liked Tony Gambi (aka Replicant) a whole lot. The idea of Paul Gambi having a nephew whom the Rogues treat as a surrogate son is adorable.
Savitar was a very threatening villain, and the idea of a speedster cult leader was interesting. His design was ugly as sin, but he was Waid's best original villain.
Negatives:
Too much Kadabra. I like Waid's Kadabra, but he shows up as the main antagonist of big story arcs on at least three separate occasions.
Wally and Linda got separated from one another a lot. It was impressive when Wally escaped the Speed Force to save Linda the first time, but after the third or fourth time he escaped something similarly unescapable to save her, it did get a little repetitive.
Many lackluster antagonists. It really says something that both the soulless Zombie Rogues and the stupid brown-haired Chillblaines were more interesting as characters than a lot of the villains Wally fought during Mark Waid's run. Like Razer. Or the Alchemist. Or those alien guys. Or those other alien guys.
Having Kobra be the main antagonists for the storyline that included vol. 2's 100th issue also seemed a bit strange. Why not have Grodd or some other pre-established Flash villain be the antagonist for such an important milestone? Admittedly, this one is a bit of nitpick.
Waid doesn't seem to know how to write McCulloch. In Flash vol. 2 #105, he writes him as being very violent and grim, and in all his other stories, he writes him like he's Sam with an accent.
"Barry Allen had a SECRET EVIL TWIN!!!!" I would've loved this plot if it had been established in the Silver Age, and tolerated it if it was from the Bronze Age. But this plot twist was written in 1999, and it's accompanied with this weird sense of grimdark gravitas that just makes the whole thing impossible to take seriously. It also doesn't help that "Cobalt Blue" is a terrible villain name, or that Cobalt Blue's biggest achievement is being the ancestor of two guys---Eobard Thawne and Inertia---who are way better villains than he is.
Everything about how he handled Lisa. Waid really seemed to have no idea how to write the Golden Glider. First, he leaned hard into Messner-Loebs' take on her and made her completely comic-book crazy, and then he pointlessly killed her off to make the blonde-haired Chillblaine look scary for an issue before killing him off too. It was such a pointless waste of her character.
The Top. Weirdly enough, "Top possesses the body of a senator, becomes the running mate of a popular presidential candidate, and plots to use his position to eventually eliminate his running mate and become the President himself" sounds like an amazing Top story on paper....but in practice, Roscoe just feels off for the entire storyline. He doesn't really act like himself, and, as if that wasn't annoying enough, Wally and James both act like there's no way Roscoe could come back to life or be a threat. Even though he tried to blow up half the world, tried to blow up all of Central City, and once came back to life by possessing the body of Barry's dad. Why are they acting like he was a harmless joke?! Trickster worked with Top on a regular basis and was there when the Top posthumously revealed his "I'm going to blow up Central City" plan! They should not be so casual about this!
In fact, except for Trickster and Pied Piper, Waid didn't seem to know what to do with any of the Rogues. He killed them off in Underworld Unleashed, and, while he had the good grace to admit that was a bad idea and bring them back to life a year or so later, he still didn't seem to know what to do with them. For some reason, he was convinced that there was no way to write them seriously (even though he didn't have the same problem with Trickster or Kadabra).
I wasn't a fan of the way Waid discarded so much of Messner-Loebs' supporting cast. A lot of those characters were interesting, and it's a bit sad to just see most of them discarded in favor of the new cast of mostly speedsters (even though, as mentioned, I do like the speedsters).
Grant Morrison and Mark Millar---Obviously, they're two separate writers, but their year-long run was a team effort, so I'm talking about them together.
Positives:
Grant Morrison's "The Suit" and "The Human Race" are both totally bonkers, but in the best possible way. I'm particularly fond of how much "The Suit" feels like a Silver Age issue.
Similarly, the story about Jay Garrick is heartwarming and sweet. Morrison does a really good job writing Jay.
Morrison gets to write Evan McCulloch, which is always a delight. No other writer ever quite manages to capture the magic of Morrison's McCulloch and his perfect Glasgee burr.
The Black Flash is a really cool concept.
Negatives:
The Black Flash storyline, unfortunately, is kind of a confusing, disjointed mess. It's really hard to follow what's supposed to be happening.
The "Three of a Kind" storyline, which features Heat Wave, the Green Lantern villain Sonar, and some guy I've never heard of named Hatchet sinking a cruise ship and killing a bunch of people in an attempt to revive Dr. Polaris for some reason, is terrible. Mick is very out-of-character here. He's usually not nearly so violent. Even setting that aside....how and why did he start working with Sonar and Hatchet? He's never worked with them before. And why did they want to revive Dr. Polaris? I know they said they needed a leader, but why did it need to be him? Why not just go find Lex Luthor or somebody? I'm sure Lex Luthor wouldn't turn down three guys with high-tech guns. And joining him wouldn't have required them to sneak Dr. Polaris' comatose body onto a cruise ship and then forcibly take said ship to the Arctic Circle. Ugh, so many questions...
Geoff Johns
Positive:
Geoff Johns does a really good job of making the Twin Cities feel distinct from the rest of the DCU.
Geoff Johns also does a really good job writing the Rogues. He fleshes them out and gives several of them detailed backstories; he's also the one who created Captain Cold's Rules and the one who really brought the team back to prominence. He also really amped up Weather Wizard's powers.
Johns introduced a lot of cool new villains, including the new Trickster (Axel Walker), Captain Boomerang Jr. (Owen Mercer), Peek-a-Boo, Fallout, Double Down, Murmur, Girder, Plunder, Blacksmith, Tar Pit, and Cicada. I like some of these characters more than others, but all of them have a definite narrative purpose, none of them are completely boring, and they expand the Flash's villainous roster in a good way.
Officer Chyre and Detective Morillo are great supporting characters for Wally. I love their odd couple partnership.
It's cool to see Cyborg in the Twin Cities and helping Wally in the first half of the run.
Warden Wolfe and Iron Heights Penitentiary are good additions to the mythos. Wolfe is a great antagonist in that you really want to see him taken down a peg.
Wally and Linda's relationship continues to be solidly written.
I liked the way Geoff Johns established Hunter Zolomon as a supporting character, then gradually turned him into Zoom through a series of tragedies, mental problems, and bad choices. It made for a very effective---and scary ---antagonist.
Wally's twins are born (after an initial miscarriage). Jai and Irey are adorable and I love them.
The idea of Iris Allen raising Weather Wizard's baby son is adorable. In fact, Weather Wizard having a baby in general is a hilarious idea that a more comedically-inclined writer could have used to great effect. But instead....well...more on that later.
Wally continues his character development.
Negatives:
While I actually enjoy Johns' "Wonderland" arc, I also think it's weird and confusing in a lot of places, and it's doubly weird that he later retcons about a quarter of what he establishes here.
Johns' Magenta felt slightly off. Not so much so that she was totally out of character, but I've never felt like Johns quite had a grasp on what she's supposed to be like.
Pied Piper's trauma conga line was....a bit much. Granted, not all of his suffering was Johns' fault (Flash: the Fastest Man Alive and Countdown, I am looking at you), but it was still a lot, and it seemed almost like Johns wanted to break up his friendship with Wally by putting Piper through said conga line.
James Jesse...FBI agent. Another concept that sounds amazing on paper, but was executed very clumsily. The issue with FBI James isn't that he's with the FBI...it's that he suddenly starts acting like a self-serious bureaucrat for no apparent reason. And that he's dumb (and cold) enough to think that making a zombie Captain Boomerang via corpse desecration is a good way to defeat the Rogues. It just doesn't seem to mesh with what we know of James...and that's not even going into the retcons....
Backstory Retcons. Geoff Johns likes retcons. He really, really likes retcons. And he especially seems to like retcons that involve adding murder into the Rogues' early history for some reason. Like how Mark killed his brother (albeit by accident). And how Digger killed his stepdad at his mom's funeral. And how Sam Scudder apparently killed some random person during a burglary before he became the Mirror Master. And how the Top apparently killed more than eleven police officers during the Bronze Age. And how Mick Rory burned his family, another kid's family, and everyone in the circus he worked in alive in fires (this one's not technically a retcon, since strictly speaking it doesn't contradict anything that we already know, but it definitely doesn't mesh smoothly with Mick's origin as it was presented in the Bronze Age). And how Evan McCulloch shot his father (without realizing that it was his father), which caused his mother to commit suicide (again, not really a retcon, but included for completion's sake). Sometimes I worry about Johns....
Roscoe's Mind Control. And then there was the Mother of All Grimdark Retcons, in which we learned that Barry Allen had had the Top brainwashed into being a good guy, that the process had driven him insane, and that he had then attacked the other Rogues and tried to brainwash them into becoming good guys too. Wally has Zatanna lift Roscoe's brainwashing, which makes him sane again, and shortly thereafter he lifts his own brainwashing on James, Mick, and Piper (though Piper manages to stay good through Wally's help). All that character development Mick, Piper, and James have had? Forget that, it was all just Roscoe's mind control! Even though Roscoe never had mind-controlling powers before this story. And even though the way this timeline works, Roscoe would had to have been brainwashed, go crazy, brainwash his friends, commit ghost suicide by exiting his host body, somehow become sane and escape the influence of Zatanna's mind control, return to life by possessing the body of Senator Thomas O'Neil, almost become the president, get attacked by the soulless zombie Rogues, go crazy again, and then somehow fall back under the influence of Zatanna's mind control (because she can't have removed it if it was no longer there). That makes no sense. And that's not even going into the fact that, while you're looking at the timeline of events, only Mick actually reformed around the time that Roscoe possessed Barry's dad. All the other Rogues didn't even start flirting with reformation until after Barry was dead. It's one of those retcons that kind of makes sense on the surface, but makes less and less sense the more you think about it.
Posthumously Fridging the Golden Glider. I really love Captain Cold's spotlight issue. It's a great story for him. The problem is that Lisa's function in the story (the dead little sister he's sad about) is the only role Johns seems interested in having Lisa play. He thinks she's more important to be dead so Len can angst than alive to actually---y'know---be a character. Also, he seriously downplays her romance with the Top, as well as how fiery and mean she could be.
Everybody hates Roscoe, apparently. Johns doesn't much care for Roscoe. That's fine. Everyone has characters they don't like. The problem is that Johns deliberately writes the character to justify his dislike of him, and then has him killed off. Now, to be fair to Johns, Roscoe is indeed a jerk. The problem with Johns' Roscoe isn't that he's a villainous jerk----it's the fact that he's treated as uniquely separate from, and worse than, all the other Rogues. It's also implied that the Rogues never much liked him, but they all seemed to get along with him fine back in the Silver and Bronze Ages (with the apparent exception of Len, who was probably already bitter about Roscoe dating his sister---and even Len didn't hate him in the way that he does under Johns). Also, Roscoe really isn't that much nastier than Evan, or even Mark, and both of them are Rogues in apparent good standing. And, while I actually like the idea that Roscoe is something of an elitist and likes literature and classical music and fine wine, it's a bit odd for Johns to add that to the character, treat it like it was always a part of his character, and then have Len kill him for it. Basically, the issue isn't that he's a jerk....it's the fact that he's at odds with the other Rogues in a way that he never was shown to be before (the only exception was when he died and tried to blow up the city out of revenge/spite, and even then we saw them remembering him with some fondness after his death---toasting him, naming a anti-Flash device after him, etc.).
Needless grimdark deaths of important supporting characters. There are many examples, but the worst ones were, roughly in order of increasing horribleness, Blacksmith shoving a painting into Rainbow Raider's chest and killing him, the whole Captain Boomerang subplot of Blackest Night: the Flash, and having Inertia kill Weather Wizard's infant son.
In speaking of the horrible Blackest Night Captain Boomerang subplot....having Owen suddenly decide that he's A-OK with killing women and small children and feeding them to his zombie dad (I just realized that Johns wrote two different plots featuring a zombie Digger. That's a bit weird). Prior to this point, he had pretty much become one of the good guys, so this sudden shift into horrible evil just came out of nowhere and made no sense.
Captain Cold: Spotlight Thief. So, Geoff Johns really, really, really likes Len, and he writes him well (for the most part). The problem is, this means that he has a bad habit of focusing on Cold at the expense of the other Rogues, and that he sometimes writes Cold as though he's the only Rogue capable of being intelligent or competent (Flash: Blackest Night is probably the worst in this regard, but it shows up elsewhere in his comics too). It gets a little frustrating after awhile, no matter how great Johns' Len is. Worse, this habit of Johns of writing Len as the most important Rogue would eventually lead to other writers focusing on Len even more, and to them treating the other Rogues like they're Len's henchmen instead of his teammates. It's all very frustrating.
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In which I keep a promise to a bunch of people who read a fic five years ago and try to explain why I'm doing that now
In 2018, @vesperthine and I collaborated on run down till the rain delights you and when some people asked for more, we promised a sequel. That didn't happen.
Until now.
Now it's snaking its way to AO3 like an aging Toyota on cold Tromsø roads (I'm really sorry for this silliness but one of the inspo photos we used did this to me).
There's a bit of a backstory:
First of all, you have @nofeartina to blame for run down in the first place and @peacestew to blame for me sliding into the SKAM fandom in 2023 going "hiiii I haven't been in this fandom for years but here's a fic".
In 2018, Tina wanted fisherman!Isak in a knit woolen jumper* and somehow roped V into writing it, and then V somehow roped me into a collab (I'm still entirely unsure how I ended up saying yes), we brainstormed and looked for inspo and wrote some scenes** to see how it went. Fisherman!Isak turned into marine!biologist!Isak with an old fishing boat and a cabin, Even pretended to be suave, the Tromsø area piped up about wanting to be more of a character than a location and there we were:
Gif by @peacestew
It was so much fun writing with V, and we got along so well, so we wrote a short sequel quite soon after. It just needed a few final tweaks.
Then life happened.
Long story short, I haven't heard from Vesperthine since summer 2019. I hope she's happy and well, and I hope she's writing original fiction because she's seriously gifted, and I miss her because she's a very sweet and smart and lovely person. I was left with a nearly finished draft and a hope she'd turn up again. Since then I've turned down requests to translate and podfic run down, and disappointed a few people asking about the promised sequel, because it didn't feel at all right to make those decisions without V's input.
But it's been five years (!!!), I doubt I'll ever hear from her again, that draft is sitting there on my drive, and... so earlier this year I started thinking about just going ahead and posting it. I went through all our notes and figured out what remained to be done (not much, we even had the title ready), and decided to do those tweaks at some point.
Then Peace slid into my notes a while ago (it had been a few years since we were in touch, I love it when old mates show up), we chatted quite a bit and somehow mentioned run down, and I'm entirely unsure how this snowball started rolling but now we're doing an art + fic collab with that sequel. She's been terribly enabling, and dangling pretty gifs in front of me, how could I resist? She even made a gorgeous title gif for run down. V would have been just as happy with this, I'm sure.
Considering that the sequel was just about finished, and V and I never had any actual disagreements while writing (one tiny scuffle about adjectives, we compromised), I think she'd be okay having her name put on the sequel. And I am okay with making that decision, since it's been so long. I've done the final editing, Peace has added her lovely gifs and now I'm just going to work up the courage to post it.
As stupid as I feel giving directions for fic reading I recommend you read (or re-read, bless everyone who has read it) run down till the rain delights you first, I'm not sure the sequel will make much sense otherwise.
the roll of the harbour wake is coming soon to a fic archive near you. Peace and I hope you will enjoy it.
Gif by @peacestew
*the fic was almost immediately nicknamed The sweater fetish fic. Drooling over the guys in knit woolen jumpers kept happening for ages.
**the first scene we wrote didn't actually make it to run down, but we put it in harbour wake, and it goes to show that sometimes a fic takes a very different direction from where you start it.
#skam#evak fic#skam fic#run down till the rain delights you#the roll of the harbour wake#peacestew#vesperthine#sea dreams
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My Page
who's thea?
- lol that's me besties hi my name is thea and welcome to my page :)
- i am 19 years old and have been posting on here since late november 2022 :)
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requests are now closed any requests sent in right now will be deleted and unanswered
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- is always open for chats and/or any questions you might have
- matchups are not a priority, i am getting to them but i've been focusing on other works
accounts
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- @simp-aholic is my original account and where i'm most active
- @howyourideyourdragon - asoiaf smut reblog account for my smut fics
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- @jamescult for impish thirsty hours of seduce me the otome main man james
- @theacanread is my account for keeping track of the fics i want to read but haven't gotten to yet
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- my icon was made by the incredible and talented @aemondx so check out my mama sili, their edits are incredible and so are they! ♡
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- my header was made by the amazing and kind @aegonx! please check miranda out she's too nice to me i don't deserve her😭
requesting rules:
- if something is sent while requests are closed then it will be deleted and unanswered
- if i deem a request too much or it makes me uncomfortable i will not be writing it but i will respond telling you,
i will write
- platonic
- fluff
- angst
- nsfw
- dark/yandere content
- age-gaps
i will not write
- any minors unless it is strictly platonic e.g lucerys, rhaena etc
- sexual assault
- non-consent
my most recent fic
My Masterlists
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- CURRENT MULTI-CHAPTERED SERIES' AND TAGLISTS
- Only Fair - rhaenyra targaryen x fem!targaryen!reader
- Jessie (Jace)'s Girl - modern hotd au aegon, aemond, jacaerys x fem!reader
- All's Well In Love and Enchantments - jacaerys velaryon x witch!reader x queen!rhaenyra targaryen
- The Prince and His Corpse Bride - jacaerys velaryon x fem!reader
- In Vows of Old (unpublished) - jacaerys velaryon x fem!reader x cregan stark
My Current Poll
My Current Requests
My Current Wips
My Character Taglists
you can find any of my fic recs on the tag ‘fic recs’ or ‘thea’s fic recs’
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The Night Shift.
Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.
Chapter 27.
Jake, Johnnie and i decided to walk around downtown for a vlog. before this, i had never really been in any of their videos. although, Jake had been begging me for ages to record with him, and today was finally the day we could make it work.
we walked around stores to pass the time and try to get some funny content. of course, that was easy for them to do. their lewd jokes and comments about everything made it hard for me to not giggle. as i got more comfortable, i was able to joke around with them, revealing a part of myself i had never really let shine that prominent before.
later on, we stumbled upon a tattoo parlor. Johnnie turned to me, his eyes sparking. "what if we got matching tattoos?"
i didn't even feel the need to consider it before i agreed. yolo, right? "uh, duh. are you sure you wanna do that, though?"
"absolutely," he smiled as we began walking towards the front door of the parlor.
"and it's content for the fans to make edits," Jake added in a teasing way.
the three of us ended up getting tattoos. Jake got more stars added on his neck while me and Johnnie got matching System of a Down tattoos. of course, it was a huge commitment, but neither of us cared. on the back of our forearms read 'and if you go, i wanna go with you,' and 'and if you die, i wanna die with you." i also got a smaller tattoo of fairies on my wrist that nearly wrapped around the whole way.
while Johnnie held my hand comfortingly during the tattoos, i began to ramble to distract myself from the pain. "my parents would kill me if they see these," i laughed, "they've always been really against tattoos, piercings, too. any altercation to my body would be like the world is caving in to them." Johnnie continued to listen as i spoke about my parents.
Jake was on the chair next to me, responding and making more conversation as a way to distract himself from the pain as well. we updated the video on how the tattoos were going, showing off all our new ink. we had spent at least 2 and a half hours in there before leaving.
i absolutely adored my new tattoos, not being able to keep my eyes off of my arm for more than 5 minutes. "the fairies were a really cute idea, i love them." Johnnie commented and he slowly ran his thumb over my wrist. of course, Jake was recording.
since Jake was the only editing, the video was for his channel, he added all of the "cute" moments between me and Johnnie. whenever i watched the finally edited video, i couldn't stop giggling and smiling. i knew recording this would be an unforgettable experience for me, especially since it was my first video with them. i really hoped i'd be able to record with them more in the future.
even though i had gotten no sleep that day, i still went to work, of course. the night ended up being very slow, so i decided to spend my time deep cleaning the kitchen. to be fair, it really needed it. the day shift people always left it a mess no matter how much i complained.
Johnnie came in and joined me only a few hours later right after i had finished the kitchen. i brought out a few croissants for us to share as we spoke.
"hey," he greeted, pulling me in for a hug as he usually did.
"hi, what's keeping you up tonight?"i pondered, placing a kiss on his cheek before sitting at the chair across from his.
"to be honest, you. i've been wanting to tell you something for a while."he grinned, "you know how i'm announcing a new song tomorrow?" i nodded slowly, growing slightly worried. "well, its about you. and i've been worried you'd be weirder out or something because i wrote a song about you."
my jaw dropped. "are you serious?!" i covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile. "why would i be weirded out by that? that's the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me, Johnnie! what's it called?"
"it's called 'if looks could kill,' i know it's a cringy name." he blushed and avoided eye contact.
"hm, i think it's cute," i took his hands in mine. "i'm so excited to hear it!"
"i really hope you'll love it."
hours later, i finally closed and got to go home. i crawled in bed next to a sleeping Johnnie. i was so relieved he got that off his chest and was finally able to sleep. i had noticed recently he did seem more restless than usual, and know i knew why. i snuggled up close to him and fell asleep as well.
for the next week or so, Jake spammed my phone with links to edits of me and Johnnie and even reposted some. i constantly threatened to block him, but he didn't stop. whenever i got used to it, i thought it was funny and even cute sometimes. i even reposted a lot of them on my account, which made me gain a larger following because of the two of them.
jake: (link)
jake: (link)
jake: (link)
jake: (link)
jake: (link)
me: SHUT UP I KNOW
jake: y/n you are popping off right now queen
me: ikr
#fanfiction#fanfic#johnnie guilbert#jake and johnnie#johnnie guilbert x reader#johnnie guilbert x you#jake webber#johnnie guilbert smut#johnnie and jake#hearts4golbach#the night shift#cafe aesthetic#cafe#café#smut#tara yummy
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an overview of my 2023.
Around this time last year, I wrote up a Twitter thread about the things that were highlights of the year for me. I'd like to round them up for this year too.
I started the year with the shitty news in January that Inside Job got canned. I was the first to break the news from Shion Takeuchi to the show's wiki and made a little image manip to vent my frustration with Netflix. it got a bunch of likes.
in 2023, I turned the age from that one vine
I turned 9+10 years old, and I'm still feeling the knocks of adulthood hitting hard.
I made a bunch of posters that I'm stupid proud of
I designed a bunch of logos I'm stupid proud of
EDIT: pretend you didn't see the Sparkle On, Raven Wiki logo that is actually from 2022, my bad
I posted three fandom edits to YouTube that I'm stupid proud of, although I wish it had been more
at least one of those is for Childhood Creativity Studios, the MEP studio that I joined in April, which I need to finish a bunch of MEP parts for, oof
I helped out in Well Abridge Me, Princess!, and even put together the opening credits for its first six episodes (part 1!!)
still has a bunch of mistakes but I love it nonetheless
hah, they're upside down
the @realtimefanduboutofcontext account from Twitter moved to Tumblr in December 2022 to escape the clutches of Elon Musk (eventually I decided to simulpost) and it pulled in 500 followers in a year's time!
the Twitter account reached 5000 followers in April, which is unprecedented
and finally, probably one of my biggest highlights this year: I joined Team Neutron to edit the lyric video for "Only One Way", a video which has since hit 169k views!! (INSANE!!!)
Through this video, I actually learned more about how After Effects works. I've also become a very proficient Premiere Pro editor in the meantime.
I've had a couple of small victories in private as well, forged some friendships along the way, and if you're reading this, you know who you are.
Overall, this year has had some ups and downs, but while I'd like to be able to grow into some larger projects of my own, this is currently a good spot to be in. Thank you for your wonderful support, viewers and friends alike. It's deeply appreciated and it means the world to me.
let's hope next year becomes something truly meaningful.
also, if you've scrolled this far, consider educating yourself on how you can help fight against the genocidal propaganda of Isnotreal, so that Palestinians can finally get their ceasefire now.
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So, I heard someone call Nimona a "cringe, not like the other girls uwu movie."
All I gotta say is....
There's no way you actually watched it.
Because that movie had a lot of silly, goofy moments, but it was also very relatable and heart-wrenching to LGBTQ+ folks like myself.
It's one of those times when I'm angry it's trendy because now, the meanest tiktok girls and transphobes are going to find it and tear apart anyone who saw the allegory. (See: Barbie, Wednesday, every other trending piece of media that had a message beyond its social media presentation in the past year) Yet, at the same time, I want it to become even more popular so as many people as possible see the obvious symbolism and how moving this movie was.
(So, trigger warning for a suicide mention I guess? And spoilers, too?Like, it's heavily implied that's what Nimona was doing in her panic)
The part at the end of the movie? Where Nimona had their breakdown and charged at the city as a monster, intending to end her own life on the statue's sword, because she was in so much pain? And the only thing that made them stop was Ballister telling her she was seen and loved?
I sobbed.
Because I never had that person. I've been in this battle, against society, against my body, all alone.
And seeing that moment? That made me feel like I was so much stronger for making it out alive. Because I've always been the only one seeing myself as I really am.
And yeah, I get it, it's trendy, it's funny, it's not that deep. But it was to me. And I don't mean to be a gatekeeping weirdo, but as a trans, fem-presenting, traumatized, punk teen who feels less than human, this movie was basically made for me, because that's the protagonist's whole thing.
Like... if we're going to boil Nimona down into some "uwu I'm quirkier than you" character, I guess we have to turn the others into bland caricatures, too. Which we already did. Ballister already got the pathetic blorbo treatment, which I'm fine with, because turning any character into the pathetic blorbo of the week is always funny, but now people who only know the movie and comic from 30 second edits will think that's all there is to him, and ignore the part where he kept a trans character from taking her own life.
I know, I'm overreacting, and this is the most invested I've gotten in a piece of media since the Dark Ages of my life where I liked Gravity Falls and disliked its fandom stereotype.
This whole post was probably a bad idea, I know I'm not supposed to get invested in things I didn't create, but it was just on my mind.
#rants#ranting#fandom#fandom content#thinking#nimona#movies#aniamted movies#trending#it's just annoying#idk#thought rpovoking#screenshot this#I might have to delete it#anyway I mean no harm to anybody#I just actually cried#You ever seen a stoic punk cry like a baby#over a cartoon#yeah#that was me
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In your opinion, please rate thg movie series with 1-5 scale.
(1 = I hate it, 3=neutral, 5 = I love it.)
1.The Hunger Games :
Things that you like :
Things that you don't like :
2.Cathing Fire :
Things that you like :
Things that you don't like :
3.Mockingjay
Movie 1 :
Movie 2 :
Things that you like :
Things that you don't like :
Thank you 😊
@curiousnonny
So let me preface my ratings here by saying that I really think these books are already so well edited in terms of necessary content that making a movie version of any of them is a mistake. Maybe I'm biased and greedy, but I honestly feel like 99% of the scenes in the books play a crucial role in either plot, character, or theme development and removing them waters down the story too much, in my opinion. I would much rather have seen a series version on screen than a movie. Not to mention, Collins made her name as a writer in television, and you can SEE IT in how she writes her novels. It's structured like a TV series so it should've been shot like a TV series. Anyways. So my rankings are gonna be... kinda low for the movies. Sorry not sorry.
But also... my thoughts on this are fresh. My youngest was supposed to read The Hunger Games with his 6th grade class. The teacher sent home a form requesting parents' permission to do so. I signed it gladly and sent it back, but apparently there were a lot of parents who sent it back with complaints instead of approval. Enough that the class read the first Percy Jackson book instead. I'm fine with that too, lol, especially since my kiddo really liked it and is now on book five of that series. I've been trying to reread along with him and will hopefully be catching up to him this week, lol.
After his teacher switched books for the class reading, he and I decided we'd read THG books together once he's done with PJO, but then, my oldest skipped a field trip he really didn't wanna go on and wound up staying at school and watching... The Hunger Games and part of Catching Fire. He came home with QUESTIONS, which immediately sparked a "Hey, not fair!" from the youngest and prompted a movie marathon. We made it through all four movies back in March, and I'm still not forgiven for not warning him about Finnick btw...
Okay enough story time. *cracks knuckles*
The Hunger Games
Ranking: 2/5
Things I don't like: Ugh where to start? The removal of Madge and therefore the significance of Katniss's mockingjay pin as a symbol of wealth and power bestowed by the Capitol only to be flipped on its head and turned into a symbol of rebellion. Also, the implications of removing Madge in terms of how they tried to make Katniss into STRONG BADASS WO-MAN while dulling some of her softer edges and dependencies on other people. See also: leaving out the gift of bread from D11 to Katniss.
The dialogue is shit. Sorry, those are my thoughts. You already had really good dialogue in the book why change that? Also, the gutting of the dialogue results in the gutting of both Katniss and Peeta as characters. The first movie turns them into The Watson character, i.e. the character whose purpose it is to ask questions so that the audience can learn about the setting/plot/other characters/whatever. The first movie made Katniss and Peeta look naive and dumb about the Games and the very world they inhabit, which makes no sense for their characters. I get it. It's a storytelling technique to quicken up the process of world building and make up for the fact that we don't get to be in Katniss's head where she tells us what we need to know about her world. BUT their characters suffer for it. Katniss and Peeta are sixteen. Anyone who has interacted with a teenager knows that at that age, we usually have #OPINIONS on things, so in the books, both already have developing opinions about the Games because they are by necessity and by exposure aware of how the Games and the government essentially work. They've lived in this world long enough. They've started to develop opinions and world views, and they act accordingly. The first movie loses this completely from the books.
Do not get me started on the dialogue in the cave scenes we will be here until the next century if we go there.
Buttercup. Christ how hard is it to cast a yellow/orange cat?!?!?! Not that difficult. And granted, this is a minor detail in terms of symbols but at the same time... it's a minor detail. The fact that they didn't even bother showed a lack of caring about the details. Also see: Rock Peeta.
The stakes of almost everything are lowered, from the bread scene (we don't realize until MJ2 that she's literally starving and knocking on death's door in that scene) to the berry scene (and here it's Peeta knocking on death's door and Katniss is desperate to save him, enough to put POISON BERRIES IN HER MOUTH and risk her own life too)... the movie lacks the desperation for both of those crucial parts.
Peeta's leg Peeta's leg Peeta's motherfreaking amputated leg!!!!!!
Things I liked: The sound and sound editing. It's such a small thing, and I have a story to go with this okay? When I saw it in theaters, I disliked a lot of things, but one of them was something I could not put my fingers on. It bugged me for weeks until the movie came out on DVD (yes, I'm old and also saw it at the veeeeeeery end of its theater run where I live... like it was a $5 special...). Anyways. Mr. Kdnfb is an electrical engineer by education and is suuuuuper picky about our sound system in our house. So when I watched it at home, the Thing clicked in my brain. The SOUND. It had been Waaaaaay Off in a way that was awful in that theater for some reason. And once I watched it at home, there was just something about the way they did the sound that made a lot of what I had hated become less of A Thing to me. The more I've watched it, the more I've realized the sound and sound editing was excellent, and I put this as things I liked because my story goes to show how such a tiny thing can really screw up a movie.
Catching Fire
Ranking: 3.5/5 (Omg I'm gonna get barbecued for this one.)
Things I didn't like: See my caveat at the top. Okay, so. One of my biggest problems is just how much got cut to adapt this one to screen. Sooooo many scenes. Finnick "hanging" himself in training, "someone else can get the stupid goat knocked up," all the hullabaloo about the wedding is talked about but that doesn't happen in the movies, the setup for the existence of D13, the plant book and Peeta caring for an injured Katniss, training like Careers, scaring Peeta with the medicine, Katniss really starting to come around to the idea of a rebellion even before the Quell announcement, "Poor Finnick. Is this the first time you haven't been pretty?" Just so much cut for the sake of time and results in the story feeling rushed and sloppy ugh.
While the cast and crew for this one did a much better job adapting the dialogue to the screen, there are still a few crucial bits of dialogue that make me itch with hives. The post jabberjay scene and the death of the morphling mainly. Good lord. You finally let movie!Peeta be as eloquent and convincing as book!Peeta in D11, why not give him the space to do it in the arena, too?
Things I do like: The casting. Hear me out. After the first movie, I was still not entirely sold on Jennifer, Josh, and Liam for the roles they were playing. Really, the only main characters who live through the first movie that I was happy and 100% on board with with were Donald Sutherland, Elizabeth Banks, Woody Harrelson, and Stanley Tucci. Catching Fire is where I accepted Josh's portrayal of Peeta a little bit more, mainly because of the process of film making and what they put forth with CF showed me that he could nail the part if only they'd give him the dialogue and choose the cuts that best showed what he could do. I have no idea what sort of dialogue they were given or how much free reign they were allowed to improvise, but I do know that they will shoot a scene multiple times with multiple different delivery styles and slightly different dialogue. Which means that the actors really don't get a say on which version of their performance makes the final cut. But when the dialogue was spot on in the final version, I felt like Josh pulled off Peeta very well. I also think the way they shot CF allowed Jennifer Lawrence to put forth a better overall performance as well, although I'm still not in love with her as Katniss.
But really it's the Quell Victors/Tributes that I loved about CF. I went in unsure and came out convinced. My caveat here is that I tend to think of the movies as their own thing. The movie versions of the characters are their own iteration and I try really hard not to let them bleed into how I see or think of the characters in the books. That doesn't always happen, but I do try.
Okay this one is kinda not the fault of the first movie, but the increased budget for CF is apparent in several of the things that I liked, namely the costumes, the staging, the special effects. Much better all around.
Mockingjay Part 1
Ranking: 3/5
Things I did not like: Gale. MJ1 finishes off the complete removal of any depth Gale had as a character, a process that started with him rage rushing Head Peacekeeper Thread in CF and culminates here with him condemning Peete's words as a TORTURED PRISONER OF WAR rather than him not only intuiting what's probably happening, but explaining it to Katniss, then trying to protect Katniss from it, like he does in the books. The reason why book!Gale is so much more compelling to me than movie!Gale is because Gale's anger and fire and indignation has REASONING behind it in the book. It is chillingly easy to see the lines his reasoning could possibly take. As in... I've worked in weapons development and I have worked with real people who think like book!Gale or Beetee. Whereas movie!Gale is basically just RAWR!!! fury.
The rescue scene. I could write an entire essay on what's wrong with this, but it all boils down to they tried to shorten it by overlapping the video of the rescue with Finnick talking. Which makes zero military sense btw why the freak would you broadcast helmet video of your team going in on a stealth mission and risk someone intercepting it or noting the presence of an encrypted signal and figuring out what was going on holy hell you would NOT. You'd be freaking SILENT and just waiting to find out!!!!!!! And yes yes, but we need to see it. Okay, but you've already shown scenes with Snow and Seneca talking, Seneca and Haymitch talking, Snow and Plutarch talking, Snow and his granddaughter!!!! cuts from D11 and so much more that Katniss would not have seen, so play this like that. You can still show the audience but clearly keep Katniss and everyone back in D13 in the dark. The way it's shot is nonsensical and also pretty much waters down the horror of what Finnick went through and the impact of his words.
And while we're on this topic, they somehow used that overlapping and ridiculous video feed to try and shorten the scene, but wound up making it interminably and unbelievably long with the layers upon layers upon LAYERS of rooms the rescue squad has to go through and also the Skype Call of Inanity. The whole debacle is so freaking long that I no longer feel tense by the time it's finally over. It's so obvious that the Capitol is letting them take back Peeta, Annie, and Johanna because of how long a stealth mission (which should be almost too fast to process) takes that it becomes stupid for D13 to not suspect something. There's no desperation or high stakes for me with this scene because it's too long and too messy, makes no sense tactically and basically just erases all the emotional depth and pacing of what's in the books ugh. Seriously. You could've spent that time on the torture of the prep team or some of the Boggs and Katniss or Katniss and Finnick content we miss out on. Delly. Gale's siblings. Literally anything that you cut out. Rant over.
"He's gonna kill Peeta".... um no actually it's that Snow won't kill Peeta but keep dangling him in front of you, Katniss...
Things I did like: The sets. District 13 is... perfect. Sterile and drab and utilitarian. Zero luxury or any real sense that humans live there. There are zero personal touches in any of the spaces. No connections to art or joy or life.
Effie. I really wish we'd still gotten the prep team in D13, because it's an avenue through which we see how brutal and lacking in compassion D13 really is, but if it's Effie there with her for the movies, then Elizabeth Banks did a stellar job with what she was given to do. I do wish they'd allowed Finnick to keep his line: "They'll either want to kiss you, kill you, or be you." And if not that, then don't freaking cut the "Why, do you find this distracting?" scene. But overall, Effie in D13 works for me in terms of the movie universe.
Mockingjay Part 2
Ranking: 2.5/5
Things I didn't like: Facepalm worthy wigs and dye jobs. Dude. You are the final chapter of a big budget blockbuster franchise. I understand that the dye jobs have taken their toll and wigs may be just more practical for the actors at this stage, but DO BETTER with the money you have.
Just how much of Johanna they cut out of this part and what that does to Katniss's development.
The ending. It's so lackluster in so many ways. One of the things that I loved about the theme of the ending is how it shows that with the right kind of care, a life can be lived and be worthwhile even after the worst kinds of trauma. We get this through the sheer beauty of Katniss's final words in both the final chapter and the epilogue. To me, the movie ending felt just... blah. And I get that maybe they were aiming for a sense of calm and peace, but instead it came off as blah, we're broken and just going through the motions. Which makes sense right after the war ends, but not as the ending continues into the "Real" scene or the epilogue.
Mahershala Ali is highly underutilized in this movie. Let the man play the freaking part. He's already good with what you let him do. Let him unleash the acting chops and make Boggs sing as a character. And part of this has to do with what they cut from the film, like him carrying Katniss to the hovercraft in D8 and her vomiting on him. Same with Julianne Moore. Coin was not nearly cold or controlling enough nor did she convincingly clash with Katniss enough leading up to Peeta showing up in the Capitol.
The omission of the heartbreaking silence Katniss puts herself into and how they turned the sadness of the final breaking of her friendship with Gale into "Goodbye Gale." Ugh. I laugh at it, but it's not a good change. Like we can't allow a Strong Wo-Man Character to be sad or hurt about this, why not????
Burn. Scars. Burn. Scars. Burn. Scars. BURN! SCAAAAARRRRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!
Things I did like: The music. Odd pick I know, but even though the ending is not well done for me, I almost always start bawling the second Katniss starts singing the meadow lullaby as the credits roll. And that's just one weird instance of me liking the music for this film.
How they brought the hijacking to life. I can't even explain why this works so well, but it does. My only wish is that they'd given more time for the Real/Not Real game to develop on film and included more of Peeta's dialogue that shows both the struggle and him regaining parts of himself -- the cafeteria scene, his words to Pollux and Tigris for example.
And there you have it, @curiousnonny. My super long answer to your question. ;)
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Happy N7 Day everyone!
I wanted to do something for this day and had a Shakarian fanfic collecting dust for ages. I thought I could finish it for today, but unfortunately I only managed to get it halfway done. Still, it's been literal years since I've posted a fanfic on the internet and I wanna chuck this bit to the void godammit, so that's what I'm gonna do. I'll (hopefully) get the other part done and post the entire thing when it's finished.
EDIT: the finished fic's in this blog post
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Garrus can't concentrate. Calibrating the new Thannix cannon, an activity that should've taken him ten minutes, was taking him twice as long because he kept forgetting which tasks he'd already run and making extremely stupid mistakes. It's a damn miracle he doesn't activate the weapon by accident and blow a hole clean through the Normandy. When he's finally done, he sets a reminder on his omnitool to do it all over again after dinner because he's not sure he didn't make things worse by accident.
The most frustrating part is that things should be better now. Which, in a way, they are. The biggest one being he no longer feels self-loathing tearing him up from the inside every second of the day; now it's once every hour or so. Sure, it's not perfect, but it's a hell of an improvement in comparison.
Yet there he is, failing something as simple as calibrating a gun. He could do that at his lowest, but now it seems his wits have run away from him even for such an easy task. All because of Shepard.
Back on Omega, when his mind had been shredded by grief and hanging onto his sanity by a thread, body chock full of stims and single-mindedly focused on survival, watching her appear on the scope and tear apart the mercs sent to kill him had been nothing short of a religious experience. He’d wondered if he’d already died and she’d been sent to pick him up. But there’d be no reason to kill the mercs if that was the case, his delirious mind had reasoned, so maybe she’d been sent to save him: an angel of destruction, a spectre of death raining down punishment upon the evils of this galaxy.
And she’d called him Archangel.
He’d eventually found the truth, once he was safe on the new Normandy. She’d indeed died, but was resuscitated by Cerberus and tasked to end the Collectors. Another myth brought back to life. Then he’d merely thought himself lucky and offered his assistance before she could even ask for it. Her relief when he'd done that had been palpable, even as she inquired after his injuries and suitability for duty. Yes, his face hurt something ugly, but he’d worked well under worse conditions and most of the damage would heal soon enough.
Besides, it’s not like I have anything better to do, he’d said. Judging by the twist in her mouth, she’d caught his hidden meaning. I have nowhere else to go. Will you be okay? She’d asked. As if being with her wasn’t the best reprieve he could think of after the hell he’d gone through. He might worry if he were working under anyone else, but with Shepard in charge, he could rest from the burden of leadership and trust his time and skills were being used for a good cause. It’s one of the many things he liked about her: despite their disagreements, he knew he could trust her to make the right calls.
He’d been almost right. Going on missions kept him somewhat distracted from what’d happened in Omega and made them spend time together after two years of separation. He'd meant to use the opportunity to catch up, see if she’s changed from before her death, be there for her as a friend and confidante in these uncertain times.
But the death of his squad had been fresh back then, an open wound undergoing an infection that planted its roots deep in his mind. When he wasn’t working, he thought about them. Constantly. He thought about their friends and families, who’d trusted him to keep them safe. He thought about how they trusted him to keep them safe, how brilliant and righteous and good they all were, how he’d pushed them to their limits for the sake of his own goals, how he’d refused them a vacation when they’d asked for it.
Mostly, he thought about the only member who was still alive. The one who’d escaped. The one who’d betrayed them all.
Every hour his mind came up with a new way of grieving them, a new way of blaming Sidonis, a new way of blaming himself. His dreams were no better. His team gazed at him disapprovingly while Sidonis taunted him and killed his squad over and over again, and he wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop him.
He became distant, sequestering in the forward batteries and forcing Shepard to come to him in order to talk. He was present for his duties, but not much else. Two years apart, and he barely made the effort to reconnect. He hated himself for it, which did nothing but add to the cycle of pain and misery.
It wasn't long till he told her what happened and his plan to correct matters. He knew she wouldn’t like it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Sidonis betrayed his trust and got his teammates killed. As far as he was concerned, Sidonis was a dead man.
Then, the day came to exact his judgment on the man. Despite not agreeing with him, Shepard had been, as always, the perfect partner. She’d helped him find his target and did what she could to keep him from going on the deep end. Thinking about how he’d acted back then made hot shame creep up his neck. He’d just been so angry.
And the one time she’d actively gone against his wishes, she’d done it for him. To give him the answers he truly needed. And by doing so, she’d inadvertently been the one to get his head out of his ass and make him see, with painful clarity, where he was headed to.
The rifle’s getting warm in his hands. Sidonis’ head is in his scope, but so is Shepard’s, and she’s blocking his shot. She shouldn’t be, but she is, and she’s talking to Sidonis and ruining all of his carefully laid plans. He’s angry and sweating and ready to pull the trigger the second his target moves.
So what if the mercs caught and threatened Sidonis? So what if he didn't want to do it? He still got his squad killed. When things got tough, he chose the easy way out like a coward and left them all to die. He was responsible, he was at fault, he'd been the one who deserved to die.
Shepard says something, but he doesn't catch it over the blood rushing through his head. Sidonis starts to move to the right, and she follows to block his shot. It's not a perfect blockade however; if he can time it right, there's a good chance he'll land the shot without hurting her. Time slows down, he's a mere millisecond away from pulling the trigger until he stops.
Wait.
His eyes widen as his actions catch up to him. The opportunity passes by; Sidonis leans over a railing and Shepard's head covers his completely.
Did he just…
Was he willing to risk Shepard’s life in order to fulfill his revenge? His only friend in the galaxy? The only person who’d stood by him in this crazy plan of his? Who’d saved him from his mistakes and listened to him during his lowest and cared despite it? The one he cared about so deeply he’d take ten more rockets to the face to protect? Was he willing to gamble her life to finish Sidonis’?
Horror chokes his throat. He can do nothing but listen to the rest of the exchange, helpless and numb.
Spirits, what had he become?
That's what did it in the end. It wasn't what made him decide not to kill Sidonis; that was a nest of pyjacks he didn't wish to kick again, at least not yet. But without it, he'd have never considered sparing him. He might've done the unthinkable and not just rid the galaxy of its best chance of survival against the Reapers, but also become well and truly friendless. Just thinking about how close he could’ve been to that makes him want to curl up in a ball and never talk to anyone ever again.
He owes everything to Shepard. For her guidance, her friendship, for being there at his worst and not leaving him to face his demons on his own. Maybe one day he’ll figure out how to thank her for everything she’s done for him.
But he’ll never tell her what happened during those few milliseconds. He’ll tell her anything, but not that. It’s his burden to bear, and hopefully, if he ever comes close to what he’d done again, the reminder of his actions will be enough to dissuade him from going down that same path.
What’s important is that he finally feels anchored in the present moment. He no longer feels like his continued existence has been stolen from those who’re no longer living. Maybe he doesn’t need absolute justice to feel at peace with himself. Maybe it’s okay to feel at peace without absolute justice existing in the world.
Maybe, what he needs is something else.
With things finally looking up, he thought that maybe life was finally giving him a break for once.
And then, Shepard had talked to him in the forward batteries and reminded him that as good as she was at being a source of comfort, she could be just as good at being a source of distraction.
----------
Next, Garrus reflects on his relationship with Shepard and realizes he caught feelings for her, which is a huge revelation for him because he didn't know he could catch feelings for someone not his species. He proceeds to have a full-on sexuality crisis not at all inspired by my own, nope no way, zero, mhm, nada. It gets resolved relatively quickly though, no worries. :)
Thanks for reading! I'd appreciate any encouragement you can send me. It'd go a long way in giving me the motivation to finish this fic.
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TAGGED by @simmerstellar ! Thanks friend!
Come get to know me y'all!
1. What’s your favorite sims death? I haven't had a sim die from anything other than old age in a HOT minute but I saw a LP and the murphy bed death seems so unecessarily violent lmfao.
2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? BOTH! I consider my style Maxis Mix. We love a nice combo of both.
3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Not anymore but at one point I had to. Let me explain: I don't know if it was a glitch but like after every meal with grannie's cookbook, Indya would gain weight instantly. Didn't happen with anyone else (although everyone else are athletes of some sort). She's always and forever thick but something was definitely up with the food mods I was using. Anyway, we're good now since I'm not playing her HH exclusively anymore.
4. Do you use move objects? Absolutely. Its too restrictive! Gotta play test when I do though because routing errors make me irrationally angry.
5. Favorite mod? Wickedwhims. I don't care! If I want my sims to get freak-nasty I have a blog for that and WW never fumbles. If I want them to do cute little intimate things, WW is there. If you don't like the smut, I feel bad for you son.
6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? I've gotten pretty much ever iteration of this game except for almost all of the kits and the star wars pack.
7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? ALIVE. I don't understand the other one honestly lol. We're going LIVE as soon as I press play so....
8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Obvs Indya Drake!
9. Have you made a simself? Yes! But she needs help lol I'm not good at that at all so there's a resemblance but she doesn't really look like me. When I do gameplay with her I say she's my "sorta-kinda self sim" lol
10. What sim traits do you give yourself? gloomy, neat, loner, romantic
11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Black but like BLACK Black, not the BLUE Black lol.
12. Favorite EA hair? All of the afro textured ones.
13. Favorite life stage? Young adults.
14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Gameplay mostly stories but I love to decorate!
15. Are you a CC creator? I will recolor the shit out of something! That's about it lol
16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? All my mutuals and anyone who reads my story! #Squad
17. What’s your favorite game? The Sims 4 is the only game I play. Don't @ me.
18. Do you have any sims merch? Nope.
19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Nope, but I have been asked to make a channel and got that far at least. No videos lol.
20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? If anything, less alpha and more maxis match.
21. What’s your Origin ID? [redacted]
22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? All of the ones that do it for FREE and for the love of the game. I donate too because I understand its not easy, but also not worth a month long paywall or conveniently forgetting to publicly release something.
23. How long have you had a simblr? 2015 are my earliest posts I think.
24. How do you edit your pictures? Gshade and Photoshop Elements 2020
25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Cottage Living is the goat IMO even though I don't play it much anymore. I do very much enjoy Island Living and Growing Together will round out a nice top 3.
26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I haven't really thought about it. I just figure the sims 4 is nearing the end of its era and we're gonna start hearing about project rene more and more.
oh! tagging @shesthespinstersimmer @bridgeportbritt @iplaysims4 @beebeesiims @thegloomiestwhim @hazelminesims @therichantsim @omgkayplays @softerhaze @crsentfairy
please ignore if you don't do these or already did this!
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Bram Stoker's letter to Walt Whitman
I've seen a few people posting extracts and links to this remarkable letter in the Dracula Daily tag, but never the full thing - and often the links are to an abridged version as well. I thought we should have it in full.
(Apologies if someone else has done this already. I did search for it, but it's never easy to find things on tumblr.)
I have added photos to make it a bit less of a wall of text, but nothing else.
___________
Dublin, 14 February, 1876
My dear Mr. Whitman.
I hope you will not consider this letter from an utter stranger a liberty. Indeed, I hardly feel a stranger to you, nor is this the first letter that I have written to you. My friend Edward Dowden has told me often that you like new acquaintances or I should rather say friends. And as an old friend I send you an enclosure which may interest you. Four years ago I wrote the enclosed draft of a letter which I intended to copy out and send to you—it has lain in my desk since then—when I heard that you were addressed as Mr. Whitman. It speaks for itself and needs no comment. It is as truly what I wanted to say as that light is light.
Bram Stoker
The four years which have elapsed have made me love your work fourfold, and I can truly say that I have ever spoken as your friend. You know what hostile criticism your work sometimes evokes here, and I wage a perpetual war with many friends on your behalf. But I am glad to say that I have been the means of making your work known to many who were scoffers at first. The years which have passed have not been uneventful to me, and I have felt and thought and suffered much in them, and I can truly say that from you I have had much pleasure and much consolation—and I do believe that your open earnest speech has not been thrown away on me or that my life and thought fail to be marked with its impress. I write this openly because I feel that with you one must be open. We have just had tonight a hot debate on your genius at the Fortnightly Club in which I had the privilege of putting forward my views—I think with success.
Nassau St in Dublin in the 1870s
Do not think me cheeky for writing this. I only hope we may sometime meet and I shall be able perhaps to say what I cannot write. Dowden promised to get me a copy of your new edition and I hope that for any other work which you may have you will let me always be an early subscriber. I am sorry that you’re not strong. Many of us are hoping to see you in Ireland. We had arranged to have a meeting for you. I do not know if you like getting letters. If you do I shall only be too happy to send you news of how thought goes among the men I know. With truest wishes for your health and happiness believe me,
Your friend
Bram Stoker
___________
Draft letter, Dublin, 18 February, 1872.
If you are the man I take you to be you will like to get this letter. If you are not I don’t care whether you like it or not and only ask you to put it into the fire without reading any farther. But I believe you will like it. I don’t think there is a man living, even you who are above the prejudices of the class of small-minded men, who wouldn’t like to get a letter from a younger man, a stranger, across the world—a man living in an atmosphere prejudiced to the truths you sing and your manner of singing them. The idea that arises in my mind is whether there is a man living who would have the pluck to burn a letter in which he felt the smallest atom of interest without reading it. I believe you would and that you believe you would yourself. You can burn this now and test yourself, and all I will ask for my trouble of writing this letter, which for all I can tell you may light your pipe with or apply to some more ignoble purpose—is that you will in some manner let me know that my words have tested your impatience. Put it in the fire if you like—but if you do you will miss the pleasure of this next sentence, which ought to be that you have conquered an unworthy impulse.
Walt Whitman aged 35
A man who is uncertain of his own strength might try to encourage himself by a piece of bravo, but a man who can write, as you have written, the most candid words that ever fell from the lips of mortal man—a man to whose candor Rousseau’s Confessions is reticence—can have no fear for his own strength. If you have gone this far you may read the letter and I feel in writing now that I am talking to you. If I were before your face I would like to shake hands with you, for I feel that I would like you. I would like to call you Comrade and to talk to you as men who are not poets do not often talk. I think that at first a man would be ashamed, for a man cannot in a moment break the habit of comparative reticence that has become a second nature to him; but I know I would not long be ashamed to be natural before you. You are a true man, and I would like to be one myself, and so I would be towards you as a brother and as a pupil to his master. In this age no man becomes worthy of the name without an effort. You have shaken off the shackles and your wings are free. I have the shackles on my shoulders still—but I have no wings. If you are going to read this letter any further I should tell you that I am not prepared to “give up all else” so far as words go. The only thing I am prepared to give up is prejudice, and before I knew you I had begun to throw overboard my cargo, but it is not all gone yet.
I do not know how you will take this letter. I have not addressed you in any form as I hear that you dislike to a certain degree the conventional forms in letters. I am writing to you because you are different from other men. If you were the same as the mass I would not write at all. As it is I must either call you Walt Whitman or not call you at all—and I have chosen the latter course. I don’t know whether it is usual for you to get letters from utter strangers who have not even the claim of literary brotherhood to write you. If it is you must be frightfully tormented with letters and I am sorry to have written this. I have, however, the claim of liking you—for your words are your own soul and even if you do not read my letter it is no less a pleasure to me to write it. Shelley wrote to William Godwin and they became friends. I am not Shelley and you are not Godwin and so I will only hope that sometime I may meet you face to face and perhaps shake hands with you. If I ever do it will be one of the greatest pleasures of my life.
Bram Stoker in 1906
If you care to know who it is that writes this, my name is Abraham Stoker (Junior). My friends call me Bram. I live at 43 Harcourt St., Dublin. I am a clerk in the service of the Crown on a small salary. I am twenty-four years old. Have been champion at our athletic sports (Trinity College, Dublin) and have won about a dozen cups. I have also been President of the College Philosophical Society and an art and theatrical critic of a daily paper. I am six feet two inches high and twelve stone weight naked and used to be forty-one or forty-two inches round the chest. I am ugly but strong and determined and have a large bump over my eyebrows. I have a heavy jaw and a big mouth and thick lips—sensitive nostrils—a snubnose and straight hair. I am equal in temper and cool in disposition and have a large amount of self control and am naturally secretive to the world. I take a delight in letting people I don’t like—people of mean or cruel or sneaking or cowardly disposition—see the worst side of me. I have a large number of acquaintances and some five or six friends—all of which latter body care much for me.
Trinity College Dublin in the 1880s
Now I have told you all I know about myself. I know you from your works and your photograph, and if I know anything about you I think you would like to know of the personal appearance of your correspondents. You are I know a keen physiognomist. I am a believer of the science myself and am in an humble way a practicer of it. I was not disappointed when I saw your photograph—your late one especially. The way I came to like you was this. A notice of your poems appeared some two years ago or more in the Temple Bar magazine. I glanced at it and took its dictum as final, and laughed at you among my friends. I say it to my own shame but not to my regret for it has taught me a lesson to last my life out—without ever having seen your poems. More than a year after I heard two men in College talking of you. One of them had your book (Rossetti’s edition) and was reading aloud some passages at which both laughed. They chose only those passages which are most foreign to British ears and made fun of them. Something struck me that I had judged you hastily. I took home the volume and read it far into the night. Since then I have to thank you for many happy hours, for I have read your poems with my door locked late at night, and I have read them on the seashore where I could look all round me and see no more sign of human life than the ships out at sea: and here I often found myself waking up from a reverie with the book lying open before me.
I love all poetry, and high generous thoughts make the tears rush to my eyes, but sometimes a word or a phrase of yours takes me away from the world around me and places me in an ideal land surrounded by realities more than any poem I ever read. Last year I was sitting on the beach on a summer’s day reading your preface to the Leaves of Grass as printed in Rossetti’s edition (for Rossetti is all I have got till I get the complete set of your works which I have ordered from America). One thought struck me and I pondered over it for several hours—”the weather-beaten vessels entering new ports,” you who wrote the words know them better than I do: and to you who sing of your own land of progress the words have a meaning that I can only imagine. But be assured of this, Walt Whitman—that a man of less than half your own age, reared a conservative in a conservative country, and who has always heard your name cried down by the great mass of people who mention it, here felt his heart leap towards you across the Atlantic and his soul swelling at the words or rather the thoughts.
Walt Whitman in 1877
It is vain for me to try to quote any instances of what thoughts of yours I like best—for I like them all and you must feel that you are reading the true words of one who feels with you. You see, I have called you by your name. I have been more candid with you—have said more about myself to you than I have ever said to any one before. You will not be angry with me if you have read so far. You will not laugh at me for writing this to you. It was with no small effort that I began to write and I feel reluctant to stop, but I must not tire you any more. If you ever would care to have more you can imagine, for you have a great heart, how much pleasure it would be to me to write more to you. How sweet a thing it is for a strong healthy man with a woman’s eyes and a child’s wishes to feel that he can speak so to a man who can be if he wishes father, and brother and wife to his soul.
I don’t think you will laugh, Walt Whitman, nor despise me, but at all events I thank you for all the love and sympathy you have given me in common with my kind.
Bram Stoker
Walt Whitman in 1891
___________
6 March, 1876.
My dear young man,
Your letters have been most welcome to me—welcome to me as Person and as Author—I don’t know which most—You did well to write me so unconventionally, so fresh, so manly, and so affectionately, too. I too hope (though it is not probable) that we shall one day meet each other. Meantime I send you my friendship and thanks.
Edward Dowden’s letter containing among others your subscription for a copy of my new edition has just been received. I shall send the books very soon by express in a package to his address. I have just written E. D.
My physique is entirely shattered—doubtless permanently, from paralysis and other ailments. But I am up and dressed, and get out every day a little. Live here quite lonesome, but hearty, and good spirits.
Write to me again.
Walt Whitman
Leaves of Grass, 1872 edition
___________
Walt Whitman and Bram Stoker met three times - in 1884, 1886 and 1887. Whitman passed away in 1892.
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