#IM NOT EVEN KIDDING WHEN I SAY I HATE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH THIS IS SUCH A MESS
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❝GIDDY UP & GO!!... ❞
word count: 3.3k
warnings: subbot! male reader, domtop! boothill, genitals are not explicitly mentioned, grinding, no actual penetration, unnecessary descriptions how much there is of spit (sorry if ur not into that), predator/prey if u squint, nd gunplay if u squint really really hard (is implied), lots of pentnames, praise, save a horse ride a cowboy but I change a factor, cowboy hat rule because RRGHGHGRHRGHHGHGHG
prompt: boothill has made it his life mission to cash in the money he gets when he lands you behind bars. however, when it becomes apparent as to why you let him pursue you, he begins to chase you for an entirely different reason
notes: lost 50/50 to yanqing (he's still my kid nd I love him regardless YANQING HATERS LEAVE!!!!) when wishing for aventurine. now I'm pulling for boothill if I don't get my little gambler (if Sunday is playable and better than boothill then im sorry to my fav cowboy yeehaw) not beta read
fem aligned dni
“Oh, my.”
Boothill hates your guts. That’s a given.
He hates the way you carry yourself, the sly remarks you’ll make if you spot even one hint of insecurity, the slight draw on certain syllables to give a mocking tone- you, in general. Although he’s more on the bothering side than the bothered, you’re just so much more annoying than he thought even possible. Guess that’s why you’re known as a high-end bandit.
He’s been on your tail for weeks, chasing any leads (a lot of them, like you wanted the chase) he could get his hands on. He’s even seen you slinking around taverns, poker tables, run-down hotels- for fucks’ sake, even on horseback racing down a dirt path while attempting to rob a moving train. To feel the satisfaction of seeing the credits Boothill would obtain after putting you behind bars is all he wants to experience because this is just getting ridiculous.
So, why the hell now, is he bound up to the ceiling with chains thicker than his own ankle after finding your base?
The amused smile finds its way upon your lips and Boothill wants to do nothing more than to kick it right off. You were in a vulnerable position before he decided to sneak in, with your chair tipped as your feet were kicked up on a busted wooden table, a bandana resting over your eyes to block out the sunlight that dared to drift into the room. Boothill made the dumbest mistake by alerting you of his presence through triggering a well hidden trip-wire. Perking you up, you began to rise from your seat, swiftly removing the bandana from your eyes and fingers instinctively on the handle of your revolver that sat on the gun holster strapped to your thigh. The trap triggered so fast, Boothill’s sensors barely had time to react to it before the ‘snap!’s and ‘crack!’s echoed throughout the room and he was pressed against the ceiling within seconds.
Sharp glares were stabbing through your form as your hand rested on your hip as you whistled, looking up at the ranger in slight surprise and smugness. Aeons, he hated you.
“Wow, such a reckless move to jus’ prance yer way in here, no? Hey, aren't cha a Galaxy Ranger or somethin’?” You tease, swiveling your chair so that you could sit backwards on it, crossing your arms atop of the back rest so you could rest your chin on your forearms, “Surely, ya coulda suspected that I woulda set up a trap. But why waste all yer precious time on someone as measly as me? I ain’t nothin’ but a lil’ ol’ bandit.”
“You better seal yer pretty lil’ lips, doll.” Boothill hisses at you, his voicebank glitching to censor the words he so desperately wanted to say, “My bullets don’t take too kindly to sweet talkers n’ foxes.”
A laugh echoes throughout the falling apart structure then settles into a hum as you stand up and kick the chair against the wall, “Ya sure like to talk big. Kinda fits ya, though.” The chair slams right under Boothill and you slowly make your way towards it, the clinking of spurs on your boots highlighting every step you take.
Looking up at the suspended robot, your left foot raises and rests on the seat, leaning in to provoke the cyborg even further, “It’s kinda cute how ya keep pursuin’ me despite all these failed attempts. How ‘bout I give ya more of a reason to keep chasin’ me than only doin’ it for jus’ the credits?”
Boothill’s eyebrows creased in suspicion as your hand raises up to his face, contemplating just biting your fingers straight off until he hears the click of the safety and a metal barrel against the human skin of his jaw. His teeth clench in anger as you nearly laugh at his compliance, reaching above his head and snatching his hat right off.
Oh, he was going to kill you for sure-
The hat plops onto your head and you wink at him while sticking your tongue out.
What.
There wasn’t-
There was no way.
“Catch me if ya can, cowboy.” You say dismissively, briskly turning around and walking out of the rundown hideout. However, before you could get out of his line of sight, your head turned to face him and you said, “I’ll be waitin’. As always.”
Dumbfounded and a half an hour later collapsed on the floor from the wooden boards snapping- which loosened the chains, he replays that minute over and over again. He didn’t want to believe that had actually happened but his memory told him otherwise.
There was no way that you...
Whatever. He’ll think about it later. He needs to get his damn hat back.
The first time Boothill finds you, it’s in a more forest-y area. You’re on your trusty steed, talking to some other criminals with little interest. The cowboy watches the interaction, paying special attention to your reactions to see if you’ve noticed his presence. From what he could tell, you didn’t seem to see that he was watching while using the shrubbery to cover him and the horse he was on. The people you were talking to he recognized from some wanted posters, only worth some credits. Not as much as your bounty, though.
...
...You’re still wearing his hat.
“Look, partner,” Your voice dips into an exhausted, low, sigh, “I need that shipment as soon as possible, ya hear? I ain’t got too much time left before she’s reached her time. Ion care how ya get it, I need it in at least a week! Otherwise she’ll get real snappy and I’m gonna hafta put some lead in some poor person's head.”
One of the bandits flashes a worried look to another, “Boss, ya don’t understand! The Xianshou Luofu’s been havin’ sum sorta delay! We ain’t gonna get those packages ‘til some long period of time!”
Boothill’s interest peaks as you begin to snap, “Did ya not hear me? I said, ‘Ion care how ya get them!’ Find a way! Talk to that Trailblazer everyone’s been praisin’ about or somethin’! Jus’ get me my stuff before ‘m gonna start blowin’ some brains out-”
A rustle causes you to pause your sentence as you draw your weapon immediately, the barrel facing his direction and bullets fly. Boothill’s horse had begun to munch on the bush, which gave away his position, but thankfully he moved quick enough to get out of the way.
You decided to book it when you caught sight of the familiar white and black hair, spurs hitting the sides of your horse as you begin to get out of the area to leave nothing but a trail of dust. Boothill doesn’t hesitate to race after you, whipping the reins of his horse to get her going.
Branches and twigs tug at Boothill’s hair as he chases you through the forest, lowering his torso so that he could lessen the wind resistance as his horse’s hooves slam against the ground. You’re quite the distance away, mostly because your horse is pretty speedy. It’s how you get away from crime scenes so fast. However, Nellie, the horse Boothill is riding currently, is also quite fast.
Although, not fast enough because in the end, he still loses you.
The curses he spits all get censored immediately as he slows into a stop, head turning in every direction to see if you left any trail behind. Only to see none. Didn’t expect as much from a skilled criminal.
The second time he spots you is in the tavern, playing a game of poker with people that had their pockets stuffed full of cash. ‘Rich folk,’ Boothill grimaces as he could see them tilt their chin up like the world owes them something. If you rob them, he won’t feel even a sliver of remorse.
He knows that you can see him as he leans against the wall to watch the match, some of the rich getting intensively frustrated as they begin to fold after betting so high. Judging by the scheming smile on your face, he could tell you have a winning hand. Then again, when are you never smiling like you have something up your sleeve?
Finally, in the showdown, you and the person you’re going up against reveal your cards and you win with a four of a kind. Lucky.
The people at the table groan and push their chips in your direction, getting up to leave as their attitudes have just been soured over that singular match. Boothill takes the opportunity to walk over to you and remove the gun from his holster and press it right up against your lower back, hand coming up to snatch his hat that rests atop your head.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
A window shatters behind him and he could hear flames begin to roar but he doesn’t dare tear his eyes away from you. Only when he feels cold metal press against the nape of his neck does his actions falter and his eyes turn to face whoever decided to draw their weapon.
He blinks in shock to see a figure completely made of water, his gaze returning to you and seeing you sitting on the edge of the table with your gun pressed against his forehead. Shit. He’s lost again.
The tavern completely surrenders to the flames as people scream at the sight of fire, swallowing up the alcohol and wood. Boothill can hear his fans whirring to prevent himself from overheating but the attempt is futile as the room begins to get unbearably hot. He’s not sure if it’s just the fire that’s causing him to overheat or it’s because you look insanely good with all this red and orange light.
...
What is he even thinking right now?
“Y’know, it’s gettin’ real fun toyin’ with ya, cowboy.” You speak, completely unbothered by all the heat in the building. He can’t even see a single drop of sweat on your face. Even so, you continue, “But I think ya can do a little better than this.”
The ranger’s lips purse in offense, glaring at you as best as he could. The gun you had pointed lazily at his forehead falls to the floor and Boothill isn’t sure how long he can last in this heat. Before his system could finally shut down because of overheating, he could feel your lips press against the area where your gun was pressed up against. Then, he falls over as his system forcibly turns him off.
The third time Boothill sees you, he’s lying on a metal workbench with cold water floating above him and fans blowing in his direction. He’s confused, obviously, and on his toes as he realizes he’s not in an area he’s not familiar with. He attempts to sit up to find a way to escape only to realize that he can’t move his arm. Now, he’s terrified.
“Relax, cowboy.” Your voice coos from behind a computer, typing away at something as you're taking a tip from a glass. Presumably water. “I’m cooling ya off. You’re welcome... You should be able to move now.”
Boothill shoots up from his spot and rips off the cables that are attached to his left arm, head darting around to look for his gun. He hears a click and once again finds himself with a gun pressed up against his jaw.
“Lookin’ for this?”
The crosshair that replaces his once human pupils flit over to your direction, noticing that you were holding his revolver in your dominant hand. Boothill swears that you must like pointing a barrel in his direction for how many times this has been done. He also sees that you’re wearing his very cropped jacket over your usual attire. ... And you’re still wearing his hat.
“That’s mine, pretty boy.” The ranger gives you a half-assed growl as his censor kicks in once more, already getting annoyed at your sly behaviour, “Ya really got a knack for takin’ stuff that’s not yours, huh? No wonder yer a criminal.”
You giggle at his words, tossing his gun on the metal workbench, “It’s not loaded, neither is your little gun hand.” You tell him, like he was going to start unloading mags into your skin. Turning around, you walk back to your computer and open up a drawer on the desk it sits on, “Well?” You ask after a momentary silence, leaning on one of your legs as you crack open a bottle of whiskey and begin to pour it into your empty glass.
“‘Well’, what?” Boothill narrows his eyes at you, picking up his revolver and shoving it back into his thigh holster. He’ll just have to go to the nearest mechant and buy more bullets.
“Ain’t ya gonna, I don’t know, take yer hat back?” You ask him, taking a sip of the alcohol that gives a slight burn down your throat, “We’re in an enclosed space, barely any room t’move around, exit’s right behind ya ‘n all. Perfect chance t’arrest me, if I dare so say m’self.”
He blinks. There’s got to be some sort of trap if the setup is this perfect. He’s not going to make the same mistake he did before, not again. So, his sensors scan the room quickly, which leaves you unamused, and he sees that there are in fact no traps in this room. Boothill almost doesn’t want to believe it.
“Are ya playin’ some sort of game with me?” Boothill’s eyes begin to squint in suspicion, carefully trying to think of a situation you might pull that puts him on the losing end of the stick, “Yer jus’ gonna let yourself get arrested? Jus’ like that?”
“What? Ya don’t wanna do it? Too scared?” You taunt him again, causing the cowboy’s circuits to boil in animosity.
“Ya know what?” Boothill smiles a tense one, taking long, menacing steps in your direction, “I’ve ‘bout had it with your attitude, pretty boy. Seems like ya didn’t have anybody ta teach ya proper manners.” All of a sudden, you felt yourself being slammed up against the wall behind you with a grunt, Boothill’s right hand keeping your wrists together and his left hand tilting your chin up to look at him, his eyes glowing a dangerous red, “I mean, after that stunt ya pulled in yer lil’ base, it seems like ya wanna be caught by me.”
“Hah.. guilty as charged.” You laugh, attempting to keep your smooth facade up, only for it to crack once you could feel his metal knee nudge between your thighs. A whine rips through your throat as he keeps his knee still, not bothering to give you the pleasure you oh so wanted from the day you saw him.
“How ‘bout it, doll?” Boothill sneers at your pathetic expression, lips getting dangerously close to yours, “I can give ya a better punishment than jail could.”
One thing’s for sure: Boothill’s mechanical body does not have any built in... pleasure devices, he’s nearly as smooth as a doll. However, there is a slightly large bump on his pelvis in the shape of an oval that if you were to grind just right up against, you’ll-
“O-oh!”
Boothill’s lips curve up into a smirk as he sees you push down hard against his metallic form, trying to settle your trembles by wrapping your arms tightly around his neck to stabilize yourself. It’s cute, he thinks, seeing you all desperate for sexual relief. The way you hopelessly cling to him like he’s the last thing keeping you alive. He can’t believe he actually thought about putting you behind bars if getting you wrapped around his finger was this satisfying.
“How’s it feel, pretty boy?” Boothill whispers in your ear, causing a shiver to rack your spine as his grip adjusts to settle on your lower waist, pushing you even further against him, “Feel like yer gonna explode yet?”
Whimpering in response, your shaky fingertips grip onto his shoulders as your forehead now presses against his. Soft pants fill the room and Boothill can practically see the hearts in your eyes as your hips continue to move against his. You both still have your clothes on but this all still feels so intimate, probably better than actual penetration.
The ranger’s hand reaches up to tug his hat that still rests on your head, fixing it back from its tilted state, “Ya look like ya wanna kiss, doll.” He teases, bringing your chin closer to the point where your noses brushed up against one another.
“Pl-please..” You say breathily, gently tugging at his hair.
“Attaboy.” Boothill snickers in response, “Looks like yer finally learning.” His freakishly long tongue slithers past his lips as soon as they press against yours, slipping into your mouth as saliva begins to spill down your chin. Aeons, you’re just so cute.
Soft moans are swallowed up by Boothill’s greedy mouth, his thumb coming up to pull against your bottom lip before he pulls away and the only thing that connects your mouths is the thin trail of spit. His robotic thumb pushes into your mouth, pressing against your tongue as drool continues to spill down your pretty lips. He could get used to this.
He notices how much faster your hips move, calculating that you were close as whines and whimpers flood the room. The smile on Boothill’s face only widens even further, bumping his hips up to catch you off guard. He knows he succeeds when he hears a shaky squeak come from your mouth.
“What’s wrong, pretty boy? Ya gonna bust?” The ranger sneers, the thumb in your mouth shifting so he widens your lips by pushing at the sides, “Y’know, I could easily deny ya of that relief. Ya kinda deserve it for teasin’ me this whole time.”
You shake your head violently, already too close to be pulled away now. Boothill snickers in response, “No? What makes ya think you can tell me what to do?” A pleading look flashes across your features and Boothill has half the decency to make you beg for release. He decides to have mercy on you, though, “Mmmn, I mean, I guess ya have been pretty obedient. Go on and blow yer load f’me, pretty.”
With a shudder and a slight bite on Boothill’s metal thumb, your pants get soaked in your fluids, staining the fabric. Your hips jerk a couple of times to ride out your orgasm then you started slumping onto his chest in exhaustion. Boothill’s other hand rubs at your hip to soothe you, letting you rest in place to calm the trembles that still cause your body to twitch in overstimulation.
“Good boy.” He says softly, pulling his thumb out of your mouth, watching as it dripped since it was slick with your spit. Letting you catch your breath for a moment, he waits before he decides to ask, “So, what package were ya waitin’ for?”
“Baby stuff.” You sigh, face burying into Boothill’s neck, “My sister’s expecting ‘nd her wife’s been tellin’ me to get that stuff as soon as possible. The Luofu has been delaying their packages for a bit, somethin’ about shippin’ difficulties. Can’t believe ya’d remember something like that, though.”
The cowboy huffs in response, “Bein’ a cyborg’s got some perks. The only bad part is that ion got a dick to fuck ya with. Woulda been nice to see ya unable to walk for a few days.”
You sit up and give him a weird look, hands resting on his shoulders, “Ya do know strap-ons exist, right?” The way you said that made him feel much stupider, like you were pointing out the obvious to him.
“...Oh.” Boothill’s face flushes embarrassingly hot as his fans kick in once more.
Aeons, he hated you.
#x male reader#male reader#x bottom male reader#bottom male reader#hsr x male reader#hsr x reader#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#boothill honkai star rail#boothill x reader#boothill x male reader#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x male reader
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aita for avoiding my husband on purpose, like, all the time? my husband (m36) and i (f34) have been married for almost 10 years (anniversary in a few months). we have 3 kids (m10, f8, f1) and he works full time while i stay at home. even before we got married i didnt really have friends other than him, and i always had a hard time finding excuses to get out of the house. frequently, he gets to hang out with his buddies who he also works with, and ever since we had kids he's always going out and leaving me home alone even when hes not at work just to idk. hang out at bars and pretend we don't exist. well lately ive been making time for myself to go out when the kids are at school (my youngest is pretty well behaved so i just take her with me instead of paying a babysitter) and i had managed to get kinda friendly with some of the wives of my husbands coworkers (theyre all members of the same union, so we see each other at those functions every once in awhile). i thought it was all going well and i was having fun and enjoying getting to be social for once, but about 2 weeks ago, the whole family was invited out for lunch (a picnic type thing) with his buddies from work's families. all was going well and for the most part even the kids were having fun, but then my husband got absolutely fucking trashed for no reason. none of the other guys were acting like that, and we've had conversations about him not doing that sort of thing, but he NEVER listens. he's always acting like this, but usually i dont have to see when its in public. well he embarrassed me so fucking much. he was trying to start fights, messing up his clothes, and wouldn't listen to me at all. just in his own world as always. i should've known because its been a decade of this, but i could have sworn it wasn't this bad before. he wasn't like this when we dated you know? so we got home and i was just. grossed out and annoyed. i slept on the couch and pretty much ever since then, i haven't been talking to him. i got a text from one of the ladies saying that a wednesday hangout thing i had been invited to had been canceled, but i pretty much KNOW 100% that it wasn't, and that they just don't want to be associated with me now. the kids don't really seem bothered by the tension around the house (i think its sort of normal to them since hes frequently not around anyways). i wouldn't be near as annoyed if there wasn't a part of my brain telling me "he did it on purpose". i know that's just how he acts but i could SWEAR its almost like he just doesnt want me to have friends. he doesn't want to hear about it, he just wants me THERE at home, watching the kids and existing solely for his convenience. i used to consider divorce, before we had our youngest. but i haven't had a job since high school, and i couldnt put the burden of asking for help on my sisters. they hate him, but i couldnt ask them for that support. and i dont even know what the kids would think, i cant do that to them. but yesterday, my husband brought it up (cornered me in our room pretty much) and asked why i was ignoring him. what if he really didnt know why? i TOLD him, but its like he forgot or just expects me to be "over it" by now. all i wanted was just this one thing, to HAVE FRIENDS, have that time away from being just "mom" and do what i want. he gets to do that so why cant i? or AT LEAST he could put some more effort into being around and doing things as a family? but i still wonder if im being the asshole, for giving him the cold shoulder for this long. he didnt have a happy childhood or good examples for parents so maybe he just thinks this is normal? i never asked because i assumed he knew it wasn't. and he does seem like, disappointed that i wont come to bed. maybe ive been driving him off and that's why he doesnt like to come home? idk at this point, im at a loss. aita?
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the way i try so SO hard to gain even a crumb of body neutrality only to then see some shit on twitter that remind me that oh yeah. a distinct portion of the population genuinely believes they are being discriminated against when they have to look at or be within 50 feet of a fat person
#the amount of times ive heard my skinny friends call themselves fat and disgusting to my face without considering the implications#i saw some tweet that just like. had a fat person in the video and ALL of the responses were men making fun of her#like. yes i realize my life would be so much better if i was born with a faster metabolism. thank you for reminding me#yes i realize i am not treated seriously because i am fat#that sort of incredulous look skinny people give you when you have the audacity to sit near them on the bus or ask for directions#like they're shocked you weren't some round thing that was in their sights for 2 seconds to make fun but disappeared#i am trying very hard not to let it get to me but when so many people seem to think the same thing it feels stupid#likei know i dont see people the way allosexuals do but are fat people really so disgusting that they feel like they can say shit like that#its so so frustrating#if i am going to die alone because of my own failings i can learn to accept that#but if i die alone because i can't find anybody that doesn't think fat people are worthless then what is the fucking point lmao#''people irl dont actually think that'' i cant count on 1 hand the amount of skinny people who have lamented about their weight to my face#someone brings in cookies to work and as im eating one someone skinny says ''well. i really don't need the extra calories so ill pass''#someone skinny checking out diet/exercise books because they ''REALLY have to lose some weight''#no they aren't talking about me/to me but how detached from your surroundings do you have to be to shit on yourself for your weight#like. even if i was skinny they're still talking about how gross and ugly they are around kids#''love your body and your self!!!1!!1'' okay then stop calling yourself disgusting regardless of how much you weigh.#you can think if if you want but god that 12 year old girl in line behind you is going to remember that forever#she is going to internalize ''oh okay. thats what a disgusting body looks like''#andthen she'll grow up and hate herself and continue the fucking cycle#just stop. stop talking about your weight around kids. i dont need 60 yo women telling me they're gross when they weigh maybe 150 lbs#i know this is super unhealthy but i literally cannot wait until i can move out and isolate myself from society#because every second i try to engage with it is literal torture#yall are so mean for no reason#i dont really have much to live for#but it would be helpful if skinny people didn't constantly reiterate that there's no point to living if you aren't skinny#im so tired#vent
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im gonna be real anon I don't care about label shit ship discourse I care about if real people are getting hurt and ONE reblog from someone being jokingly aggressive on the subject isn't enough to convince me that people are getting hurt when there's more evidence to the contrary. you've put me in a shitty situation here and I don't want to engage with it. please just ask people what they actually think next time before you go throwing your assumptions at other people.
#i trust enough that most of my mutuals understand the nuance needed of media depiction of unsavory subjects.#if i'm wrong then I'm wrong. okay. thank you.#i hate the dichotomy i hate the lack of nuance in this discussion I want people to actually talk to each other#I want people to realize that you can respect people with different opinions than you if they aren't actually hurting anyone#I'm literally. someone who was alone with me a lot as a kid is in prison for CP/solicitation. I think if anyone can say that media-#depiction of fucked up shit that really happens is more nuanced than 'x is bad so it shouldnt exist'#you cant do that in real life. you cant make something not exist. just because something fictional contains it doesnt mean it condones it.#im so tired. im so tired. why wasnt this a dm. i dont really want to have this discussion publicly.#i can think things are gross but understand that there's nuance to depiction and just because I don't like it doesn't mean those people-#-don't deserve to have something that understands them.#not everyone is good at actually. being mature enough to handle that nuance. when they try. people can be wrong#and if people ARE weird I can just not engage with them. there's. I can decide for myself!#and now I'M stuck in my brain is insane and. as if! as if people always reblog things they 100% agree with!#im so tired. im so tired. im in pain and people are messaging me about a singular reblog from six months ago on someone else's blog.#i understand being cautious i really do but thats like insane behavior. why are you putting this on me. why didn't you just talk to me.#fucked up things happen and people deserve to be understood. okay. even if i don't like it. there is no right answer. there is no world-#where all pain can be avoided. saving private ryan made vet suicides skyrocket. did you know that#but it also understood those people. yknow. and there's more people living that it understood too.#there's just so much nuance that's thrown out when you cover everything you don't like with a blanket. okay#it's more complicated. it's more complicated. please.#in my mind it's far stranger to assume everyone is out there giggling and twiddling their fingers thinking about in/cest#than it is to just assume they don't until proven otherwise.#im so tired. just block me if you don't understand where I'm coming from. I don't care about ship disco/urse and i dont want to live-#constantly worried about what other people think about shit that has no right answer.#everyone is innocent until proven guilty and one reblog of a joking aggressive post isnt enough for me. sorry.#phlyaros' nonsense#euurgh.#welcome to the internet where we judge people based on one reblogged joke and nothing else even if it contradicts us#what a perfect encapsulation of what I don't like about dichotomy argument#tw suicide
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Brain lovingly reminded me that the reality is I'm probably not going to be able to be with the gf for years and might never actually live together and I'll never get the one thing I want in life eventhough I'm so close to getting it and now my heart hurts. And I don't even know what to do because if I talk about it with them n they say it too I think it'll kill me.
#universe says here's the best thing you could ever ask for#whst would make you happy#and life worth living#but you have to sacrifice everything else in your life to get it#and im going to dangle it in front of you eventhough you cant reach#you know in game of thrones when cersei kills pedro pascals kid in front of his wife n they try n hug but they cant bc#they're chained to seperate walls and are just out of reach to eachother#its that#and s couple times a month i remember it#and its going to just kill me for a while until i distract myself#i cant ask them to leave everything behind for me#and they cant ask me to do the same#and they work so fucking much#even without it the time difference still hurts#and i hate texting#and i hate calls#but we have to#why can't i just have this#please#ldr#and am i going to live long enough to find out if it'll ever happen#i dont know if i can#crying n trying to lie to myself saying itll be okay#just give it another month just more time another chance maybe itll change#(i know it wont)#i need a miracle please
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Just finished tma. I have to go to fucking school tomorrow. How do I FUCKING BE A PERSON AFTER THAT?!?!
I'll probably reblog with more tags later (cuz 30 just isn't enough) but !!!
#you know the drill tma spoilers in the tags dont read tags unless youve watcged the whole series. statement begins#i never really cry over fiction and that held true but FUCK did i get close when jon said 'that ones for sasha'#ill get to the lamenting but let me talk about my fucking !!! first. helen my beloathed i was so fucking happy when you died#i enjoyed her character imensly but GOD was it satisfying to hear jon say 'helen... was that a lie?' and !!! shes a gaslight girlboss#hearing jude and notsasha get smited was also so good. hmmmm i love how slimy jude sounds and how corparate notsasha sounds too#love the moment when all the acatars jon kills realises theyve fucked up (careful who you bully in middleschool)#and daisy and basira :( never liked those two too much but it was still sad :( basira confuses me from a worldbuilding standpoint#i love it though. shes the only person in daisys domain and i think thats metal as fuck. but seeing trevor and breekon alone made me sad#and annabelle!!! stunning. love her. would die for her. shed let it happen.#that being said i want to punch her so fucking bad. shes the tape recorders?#i saw this post where it was like 'what kind of kid was jon that the web thought hed bring the apocolypse?' and i thought itwas exagerating#georgie and melanie! georgie was a favorite from s3 so im glad we get to see her a bit more! even if shes a... cult leader?#oh :( when jon leaves them to get martin from annabelle and when he comes back the other seven survivors are gone :(#i hate all the arguing though :( i have the nuance of an oreo so seeing my blorbos argue just makes me sad :(#anyway. night night my beloved. recollections my beloved. wonderland my beloved. checking out my beloved. gah!#and the rosie and elias statements!!! ive always wondered about rosie and now i wish i never found out!#and hearing jonah and jon work together on the elias statement sounded SO COOL!!!#with jonah being like the voices of all the people hes inhabited. and all the archivists wandering london like zombies!#i was sort of disapointed jonah wasnt like super hard to defeat but holy shiiiiiiiiiit#i. LOVE. the 200 statement. its like 10 minutes long but i just might have to make an animatic of it.#oh its so fucking cool. i always imagined the web and eye as the smart entity power duo but no.#the web was playing the eye like a cheap whistle the entire time. i guess the eye does need avatars to actually do much#like lonely your alone. end you die. desolation is your fault. spiral is all you. but eye needs people to do stuff with its information#martin and jon. Martin and Jon. MARTIN AND JON.#those fucking idiots. hearing martin enter the room and both him and the listeners realizing what happened felt like ORPHEUS turning around#dude. martin stabbing jon always gets joked about. i thought itd be a light hearted moment or some shit#and hearing the three girls at the end. basiras 'good luck'. gah. just hearing the birds chirping was enough#but i also get to know simon was probably mauled to death by a crowd wich i find hilarious.#jonahs 'good luck' as well. like sir. jonah fucking magnus does not have the right to choke me up.#the magnus archives
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#I'm thinking about like. how anxiety can cripple my articulation again like. when put on a spot. i don't feel like j express myself as well#as i can. and then i feel guilt over it especially when people end up picking irresolvable arguments with me because i feel like i#overexplain myself and the other party just straight up categorizes me as the Bad Person ahdgjskd which makes me more anxious aggsjddk#(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao)#(like every time i start thinking about it i know im on the brink of an anxiwty attack again and then i just. shut down ahgshdke FUN IT'S#SO FUN!!!)#anyway. my point is. im very. like. careful with how i curate my space on other social media because i feel like there's ~ c l o u t ~#involved and it's also some weird sense of obligation that i can't shake. i put it down to self-importance honestly bc i don't have a big#platform or anything but i feel like even the ability to influence someone in a small way is like. RESPONSIBILITY.#with tumblr i dont feel that responsibility. i don't actively follow people who are spouting hate or have beliefs which are honestly#really fucking outrageous. like. terfs can die i wouldn't feel bad. samr for racists lmao. or nazis. the usual fodder right#but i tolerate aphobia to an extent. bc *I'm* ace and ive interacted with the group#and most of them never actively say anything. the ones who do are ignored but others im like. i will take yoir jokes but nothing else.yk??#it's a strange system but it's very stress-free for me and i curate it that way for whatever reason#even now i feel like I'm not expressing myself properly. like.. it's not about agreeing with a certain belief. it's about my personal level#of comfort/discomfort. and how much im able to tolerate from a person before i say enough is enough.#also i can't bring myself to like block people bc again weird problems but i curate carefully enough that that's never a problem for me#all this bc i saw some post about kids being afraid to consume certain media bc they're afraid of being ousted from their social circles &#LIKE YEAH. I MEAN. IT HAPPENS FR. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL? SO??.#HMM ANYWAY. i don't even post desinatural anymore that used to be my thing it makes me so sad :(#personal lmao.#dony even reply to this this is Nonsense ™#i have friends outside i am okay it's just a trigger so im ranting#bYE
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finished hate reading for the week haha
#i thought.... this fic couldnt get worse#i was wrong#what the fuck did i just read. what the fuck#how the hell are we supposed to ROOT for jk when hes sooooo fucking annoyung#he is LITERALLY a spoiled brat#and jimin is so fucking insecure its insane#but hes also a girlboss somehow#“trauma” counter went insane this week#how many times do you have to say that word to try and make me believe your no stakes ass fic has an impact on the characters#you know how sometimes you can just tell. the emotional immaturity of a writr#the way she talks abt grief should be illegal. i know youve never grieved anyone but at least try and be respectfu#also............ why make it pack dynamics a/b/o if you DONT INCLUDE. ANY OF THE PACK DYNAMICS A/B/O#sorry. the major conflict with the villain this week invovled them SLAPPING each other#no im not joking. they slapped each other#like a pair of kids#the guy who kidnapped jimin last chapter.#yeah i dont. i dont even wanna think abt this chpater anymore#worst one yet#do nottttt hate read.... its not worth it#im in so much pain right now
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i fundamentally think what causes the most problems in the world is dualistic thinking (us vs them, good vs evil, light vs dark, etc) and i think a lot of that dualistic/black and white thinking came from christianity (technically it came from zoroastrianism and then christianity took it a mile further) hence why i often blame christianity for a lot of the worlds problems, it all always seems to stem back to it, where people under christian influence think themselves to be the Good Guys and The Light and from there it just snowballs down until you have people committing genocide against those who "Taint Their Goodness" somehow, likely for just existing and being different or disagreeing with the christians' beliefs, "good vs evil" becomes less of a guideline on how to treat others and is instead interpreted too literally and thus people are labeled entirely good or evil instead of just their actions. same goes for "light vs dark", which, i probably dont need to go into how christians have used that ideology to fuck up the world in a million ways. "darkness" is no longer a metaphor for evil, instead it is once again taken too literally and thus anything thats "dark", whether that be the night, people, animals, clothing, etc. becomes "evil", rather than it being simply being symbolic of "being in the dark". this is where i think anti theists get messed up, they wanna paint all religions as bad but truly i think its only the ones that push duality so hard that end up being harmful, not to mention duality is an ideology someone can have who's not religious. it's all about lacking the ability to see yourself in another person, of putting yourself in their shoes, a lack of seeing them as part of the same whole that you are, that their existence contributes something to the world just as yours does. idk .-.
#i get it- i grew up in the same cultural christian society you did my friend. i get how much b/w thinking has fucked you up#and i get how you might think erasing all religion is the solution. but its not. not even all christians believe in this dualistic thinking#its unique to a lot of american christianity (i say american bc thats what im experienced with but im sure western* in general applies#i just dk. all ik is europe is infected by christianity too so im sure its not great over there really either esp since thats... kinda wher#american christianity was originated from....) and it fucks up our society in so many ways but thats not the fault of ALL religions clearly#no other religion pushes dualistic thinking the way christianity does. none that ive seen.#so many dharmic religions are the opposite of this and try to get you to see the world as a part of you and you as a part of it#so its pretty unfair to treat all religion the same#judaism doesnt even see satan as this horribad person the way christianity paints him and instead hes a 'servant of god'#which makes way more sense to me anyways?? when i was a kid second guessing christianity that always puzzled me-#how christians hate a guy who 'punishes sinners' in spite of many of them actively acting like agents of god to do the same fuckin thing#but then still somehow see satan as bad and think of themselves as so entirely different 😒 whatever ya need to tell yourself martha#antitheism cringe
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It comes as somewhat a surprise when the others realize that something has obviously happened between their resident Lieutenant and Private, as she’s quick to fall silent whenever he appears, and even more so make herself scare when she can when he’s around. It’s only the third time that Soap sees it that he says something, because if he doesn’t no one else will, and where’s the fun in that?
He watches her duck her head and leave the break room, Gaz, Soap, Price, and Ghost sitting alone at the breakfast table conversing over soggy cereal and cooling tea; Soap pushes a piece of bacon on his plate and asks, “Trouble in paradise, Lt?” the corner of his mouth arches with a slight grin when he hears the warning grunt come from Ghost.
“No.”
“Seems like it,” he retorts, taking a sip of his coffee. “What’d ya do? Tell her ta fuck off?”
“Drop it, MacTavish,” Ghost warns darkly. “Nothing’s wrong.”
This time, Gaz jumps in. “C’mon, Lt., it’s obvious that something’s wrong. I mean, she won’t even look at you, let alone say anything unless you speak first.”
“An’ she’s callin’ ‘im ‘sir.’” Soap adds, pointing at him. “Christ, Lt., ya musta done a number on ‘er. Poor Puffin. So sweet and kind. Broke ‘er heart ya did.”
Price can tell that Ghost is close to snapping at the both of them but gets to it before he does. “Soap, Gaz, go catalogue our inventory for the mission next week.”
“Aw, but we already d—” Soap falls silent when Price shoots him a look and quietly grumbles to himself as he grabs his plate and cup, Gaz following in suit.
It’s only until the two soldiers are alone that Price asks, “What did happen, Simon?”
Ghost lets out a long sigh and rolls his head back, staring at the ceiling. “Pretty much told ‘er to fuck off.”
Price watches quietly as Ghost begins rattling to himself—he’s never really had to ask the man to explain himself. All he’s gotta do is prompt him to do so and Ghost does the rest.
“I just got mad. She’s always ‘round and practically up my arse, and I got caught up and instead of ‘andlin’ it properly, I shoved my fucking foot in my mouth and scalped her.” He rubs a hand over his face. “I meant to be gentler but once I started, I couldn’t stop. It just kept comin’ out. And now she fuckin’ hates me.”
He pulls his hand down and looks up at Price with a scowl—the man is smiling at him, but it’s that stupid smile that means more than Ghost wants to admit it does.
“Quit that.”
“You care about her,” Price murmurs, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, though his admonish is still harsh. “And instead of telling her how you felt like a grown adult, you took the ten-year-old way out and decided to be a cunt to her.”
“I didn’t mean to be such a cunt.”
“But the fact of the matter is that you did, and you’ve screwed up team fluidity and cohesion.” He looks at him. “You know a team divided—”
“Can’t stand,” Ghost finishes with an even worse scowl. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” He looks away. “I just don’t know how to even start tryin’ to fix it.”
“Well, apologizing might be a good start,” Price rumbles with a grin. “She’s a good kid, Simon. Her heart’s in the right place, even if it’s a bit much at times. Shows she cares. More than most do in our line of work. She’s a rare one.”
“I know,” he admits in a much, much softer tone. “I just don’t want her to lose that doin’ this.” His eyes meet Price’s, and they hold such a misery. “Look at us, Price,” he mutters, gesturing between them. “Middle age, unmarried, no kids, too fucked up for anything like that. She doesn’t…” he clenches his jaw. “She deserves a better path, a safer path, than this life. She deserves to go out and have a life where she comes home to a family.”
“That’s not your choice to make, son,” he replies gently, but there’s a firmness to it. “If this is what she wants to do, then she will. We can’t make her get out of service.”
Ghost growls low in his throat. “She has so much more potential than being cannon fodder. She could do somethin’ with her life. Somethin’ good. Somethin’ that won’t have her dying face down in the sand with a bullet wound in the back.”
Price simply watches him.
“But she’s so fuckin’ stupid. She wants to be here. She wants to spend whatever time she has dodgin’ bullets and wakin’ up every night in sweat ‘cause she can’t escape the dreams. No one wants to do this. We don’t want to do this. We do this because we have to. But her? She’s happy here.” He lowers his voice, it’s as if he’s in disbelief. “She’s happy here.” He looks at Price. “Why? Why is she so happy here?”
It's another long moment before Price speaks.
“You hear, son, but you don’t listen.” He moves the cup on the saucer. “She bounced around homes growing up, scraped by on the skin of her teeth. She has no one. But here, she has something. She has people who care for her, if nothing else, they won’t let her die alone.”
“Oh what? So, it’s found family bullshit?” Ghost spits. “If she dies, at least the team would mourn her?”
“Isn’t that what you’ve done too?” he replies, and Ghost falls silent. “People like Gaz, Soap, and myself are different than you and she are, Simon. We have homes. We’ve had families that have loved us, that do love us. But you two? Simon, you’ve made a home where you’ve had to. Made a family out of people you’ve bled for, would gladly bleed for. You’ve made something that’s yours. You made a family for yourself. And so did she. She’s made us her family. The one she never had the privilege to call her own.”
Price lets out a quiet hum, and pats his thighs, standing up and pushing his chair in.
“Think on what I’ve said, son. And if nothing else, apologize and leave it at that. Put the ball in her court and let her make the next move.”
As he walks off, he hears, “And if she doesn’t want it?”
He tosses a knowing look over his shoulder. “I’m sure she’ll take it.” His eyes twinkle as he adds, “Takes an awful strong woman to care about a man like you.”
#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader imagines#simon ghost riley x reader imagine#simon ghost riley imagines#simon ghost riley imagine#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley x reader imagines#simon riley x reader imagine#simon riley imagines#simon riley imagine#simon riley#ghost x reader#ghost x reader imagines#ghost x reader imagine#ghost imagines#ghost imagine#ghost#cod#cod imagines#cod imagine#captain price#price#john soap mactavish#soap#john mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#gaz#kyle garrick
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i feel like i need to tell my sister's mom about what he did
it doesn't sit well with me that there could be a possibility he's hurting her or has hurt her the same way. she's eleven just like i was when it stopped
i feel like i'm responsible because i'm the one that left. i feel like i left her. i left her with him and i didn't look back why didn't i say anything she was so little why didn't i tell?
i don't really believe in god but i pray our father hasn't already done the same to her
i don't know if i could take it
#i know. i know if i tell.#that its going to be a massive shitstorm.#im honestly 95% sure that our extended family will probably not believe me or will accuse me of lying. like i WISH i was lying.#i cut contact with pretty much all of them but my sister & her mom and even then her mom isnt around much anymore#my little sister is staying w our older sisters mom because her bio mom is going thru drug addiction on and off#which is another reason i feel like i should tell her. he would accept drugs as payment sometimes. if both of them are strung out like that#i hate to think of what could happen to my little sister#i dont know if i could take it. if i told her & she didnt believe me.#shes never been good at putting us kids first though. thats the other reason im worried.#i still remember sitting on the floor of the goodwill dressing room while she tried on clothes. i was trying to stay awake/conscious#i had a very high fever & was very sick but she kept saying 'i promise ill be done soon' so i just sat down and leaned against the wall#blinking in and out of awareness#my mom was not happy when i came home w that super high fever and she found out that not only did they not bring me home#they stopped at a store to look around/try things on despite the fact i was literally seconds from passing out#i was in bed the rest of the day#wow. typing that out for the first time is. it made me realize how fucked up that actually was#i was sick and they didnt care
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yes charlotte would absolutely use the "im pregnant" as a trump card if things were so horrid in her marriage to the point rafael asks for a divorce
#oc talk#and tbf im not... exactly sure whether rafael would trust her or not#he would probably be extremely distraught being confronted by the obvious (she cheated on him all these years)#so i dont think he would be in the mentality to trust her on that. and will probably snap with a#'well whether thats true or not; how much of a chance there is that its actually mine?' so it wouldnt work at all lol#.... i do feel he would kind of keep thinking about it when he cools down though. he would be with mary and mention this to her#she would bonk him on the head and tell him shes 100% lying though lol. she lied on everything shes lying about this too#like how convenient shes suddenly pregnant. why she didnt mention it before when they have been married for years huh.#(and tbf they probably didnt fucked in a few months when everything started to fall down so.)#would charlotte go to finnley and dalila and tell them he 'abandoned' her when shes 'waiting for a baby'? yes#and honestly they would ask her if she knows who the father is; to which she would say very offended that of course its rafael.#and the siblings look at each other and her like 'yeah sure'. i mentioned this before but they would consider abortion as the first choice#and dali probably has a few locations for it 'just in case'. charlotte gets even more offended they suggest it. they fight.#this is kind of how they already are but the siblings do see kids as nothing but a trouble. unless very specific conditions are meet#you shouldnt be having them at all. being in the middle of a divorce with your husband hating your ass#surely isnt part of the specific conditions. having a kid would be reckless. so yeah. i feel like she would 'admit' her lie to them though#but in a 'oh apparently the other test was wrong im not pregnant. sorry!!'#its a mess#(but in a lighter note; i do like the thought of an expo where luca is invited taking place in a few days#and mary showing to rafael an insta post luca did about that and confirming hes going with a :-) and nothing more kjsdfndjs#your chance to see your celebrity crush!! you need a break buddy)
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everybody and their mom reblogging that post about 14 year olds dont you guys like love yourselves sometimes
#have you seen jackie?#you are very mean#''unfortunately they act like 14 year olds about it'' ok well im gonna act like an 18 year old about it. im so tired of seeing these kinds#of posts#im not trying to be bitchy i genuinely think these posts are very upsetting to see. why do you hate children so fucking much#we're always like we need to treat children like humans who have their own opinions and thoughts! and then we#turn back around and act like this#ohhhh my god theyre acting liek 14 year olds about it because you are being mean!!!!! they are OFFENDED BY ITTTT#god forbid a young teenager reacts badly to you saying their opinion doesnt matter i wonder why they raected badly#i do agree with opting out to pick fights with kids when youre an adult. MY problem is discrediting their opinions and feelings just bcs of#their ages. THAT IS FUCKING CRUEL. DO YOU HEAR YOURSELFFFF#the past few weeks ive seen so many hateful posts written about teenagers that are so fucking mean that are full of vitriol#you people of all people know how miserable it is to be a teenager why are you going out of your way to make it even worse for them#just let them fucking exist you will literally be ok if you stop thinking about hating children and teenagers for 5 seconds if you just#like did anything else like focused on anything else#the next time a teenager annoys you i want you to breathe in breathe out and GET THE FUCK OVER IT.
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something about writing a couple who loathe each other as much as they still love each other. something tore them apart years ago and they havent healed, how could they, they were apart the whole time, but then they reenter each other's lives and they want to fix it, they really do, but every attempt at fixing it just makes it worse, every "maybe this time we can get back together" ends in a fight and its over, really, but maybe its not. sometimes while fixing something you end up cutting yourself on the pieces or whatever
#ough#valerian is having the worst time of his fucking life#its so much fun though#they were married for nearly 3 decades before splitting up#and then theyve been apart for what. 5 years? 6?#and it wasnt like an 'i dont love you anymore' breakup it was a 'the path ur on rn is endangering one of our kids so im protecting them'#val spends 6 years YEARNING PINING for a man he believes to be dead for the latter half#and then when they do meet again & their goals align again & valerian thinks yk 'maybe its not too late maybe its still fixable'#and yet. when his husband admits to messing up. 'i hate to say i told you so'. no you dont you BITCH#because even if he still loves him there is also the lingering resentment. they fought! literally!#and theyre just so fucking tired#theyre SO tired. they dont want to fight but it just happens. emotions overwriting logical sense#etc etc#they eventually do manage. im too attached to their relationship. they just needed to get all of that out of their systems#valerian is one of my favorite ocs rn i cant just torment him forever
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Wearing my Rantanen shirt on days I know are gonna be rough like its a "Do it for him" meme
#me eyeing tomorrow on the horrizon as i reach for my emotional support hockey shirt#so fucking over it ngl#i HATE subbing in that room#1) forced us to close MY room; so i dont get to see my babies at all#2) i do not Get Along™ with the teacher im subbing for (at least i dont have to work with her tho)#3) her room is a M E S S and it grosses me out#4) 13 kids. 13 toddlers. 13 TWO TO THREE YEAR OLDS#5) I DID MY TIME WITH THOSE KIDS ALREADY AND IT ALMOST BROKE ME like i love them so much but oh my god#6) they all get there as soon as we open. and they all get picked up when we close#7) too cold and dark to go outside with them at the end of the day#7.5) you try keeping 13 toddlers whove been at school for 10hours busy in a classroom that should really only have 9 busy. ill wait#8) she never says thank you when i cover for her. she doesnt even acknowledge that i did anything at all#9) its the monday before a full moon
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