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dear-journal-00-just-a-survivor · 2 years

Text

console.log('Oh, honey, don't read that.');

Dear Journal,

my race to the future is in crises. I certainly wasn't born to good at something the life, and to be honest it never bothered me. I'm lazy. And I am not talking about a common laziness that makes you sleep without brushing your teeth. I just don't know do anything without looking for shortcuts. Think about how... I’m writing this diary to practice English, but guess what. Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V all the time. Anything I can automate, I will. Anything I can give an excuse not to do, I won’t do. Well, come on, whose fault is that? Ok. I adminit, it's my fault. Though, to be fair, the world has always liked to reward sluggards. And it's not an excuse... yes - since I was 2 or 3 I knew. And yes, I've been making the most of it ever since I can remember.

I was too lazy to interact with people. As the first time the I read a book, "My Sweet-Orange Tree". I was only three years old when it firt happened it. I decided to take the time to grab any book and lie down on the cool floor behind the living room door, without a care in the world. I would use the book as a pillow. My mother used to attend Reverend Marcos's church at unusual times and dragged me to every wet and heavy place in the countryside of São Paulo which she strangely frequented. But in that moment, she advertised to my father we were going out. He settled into his couch and opened his book, "Marianne in Black and White". He focused and kept his eyes forward. "She is reading it" he saind calmly.

– this is certainly not true. - he got very impatient with him- this girl is a worthless. Our childer was too lazy to read anything.

– Wel, I saw her take one of the book.

She didn’t even hear it anymore. Moved all the furniture around frrrr trrrrr frrrr "You don't even know her. " frrrr trrrrr frrrr "Don't believe her." frrrr trrrrr frrrr "This girl is a bitch liar" frrrr trrrrr frrrr "No matter what happens, I WILL FIND YOU, GARBAGE CHILD! frrrr trrrrr frrrr "She lied to you." The steps drew swifty nearer, and of the street.

My body ache and my stomach was in so much pain I couldn't stand it any longer. I have this sort of... pain in my stomach when I think of her. Always. And feel it now as I type. frrrr trrrrr frrrr knock "I found you, craling around on the floor like a worm. " thump, thump I felt as if my heart was going to burst when I saw them and they saw me.

– I'm reading this book, mom. I was again forcing laughter, faking smiles. I don't know, maybe she was right. I guess I'm just another bitch lier. I wouldn't read. I couldn't read a word.

– How can you if you can't read?

– I have learned from books. Dad looked closely at me.

– Good, let's hear it.

– What?...

– Let's hear it. Isn’t that what you said? You can read, right? I heard a definite tinge of satisfaction in your voice. My mind was briefly occupied thinking what she was going to hit me with. I just kept thinking about how then he would be climbing on my little body and everything would be wet. While all this is going on, to think about her reasons, she washed all the dirty cassocks while he was hurting me. I never understood that. His leap on the floor, it brought me back. "Let's hear it".

– to - tó - c.. c... ca. totóca.

– You know there's no such thing. That is not a word.

– ll right, baby, let's see this is book. Dad say softly.

– Totóca. Yes, there really is a Totóca. Nickname, apparently. She's too young for to know how to read... I didn't hear you say that, that moment, I knew that laziness is rewarded. My mother was alone that night and I stayed at home reading as much as I could, enjoying my newfound discovery. My father, super proud. I knew it! I knew my dad was a superhero! But there was an abyss between us: he thought I was a gifted child, but I was just a little liar. #trigger alert

#writer #writing #thoughts #quotes #sad #writerscommunity #words #writingcommunity #art #writers #author #girl #tumblr #survivor #trigger alert #( ˘ ³˘)♥#(づ￣ ³￣)づ

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sothischickshe · 4 years

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Novella, Backstory,Time Lapse 😘

😘😘😘

novella: do you prefer to write short stories, one-shots, or entire novels?

Well, as per usual, I'm not sure I understand the question. I mean, can a one-shot not be short? Or at least novel length?

And prefer for what???

I think on balance I enjoy writing short things more bc:

Writing complex plotty plots hard

Can hold the entirety of a short story in my head at once, which is helpful for editing

Precision and specificity in language choices become more important, and that's where I live

Not so many words to write

But i think that's an answer about what I prefer to edit 😂

It's also hard for me to gauge bc a. I've never written any ff that breaks the 50k barrier (I think yourself and others is like 46k and it's by far the longest?), and have no particular desire to do so, and b. I write the multi chapters a chapter at a time. So it's like: write a chapter, post a chapter, OK shit what's happening next??

I've done nano a couple of times and written longer things (though again I think we're talking novella length rather than long long), and I've always meant to go back and edit them and just haven't and... Again I think I'm answering a question about what I prefer to edit 😂

I dunno, I think I lean more towards enjoying writing one-two shots and shorter stories bc I prefer the editing experience, but I'm not averse to longer things probably

(also: I think I've read more bad short stories than truly bad novels, and I'm mad at every bad short story I've ever read. And a perfect short story is I think more impressive to me than a perfect novel. But also im hella lazy and can't be dealing with more than ~5000 words really)

backstory: how did you come to love writing?

I don't know. I wish I had a good answer for this! I feel like I've always loved reading and therefore I've always loved writing??

Things that maybe helped:

My mother was convinced I was dyslexic like her (and TBH I sometimes think she was right??) and put crazee amounts of energy into making sure I was comfortable making letter shapes etc, and v soon the teachers were like what you even on about you mad woman, she's like the best in the class at this, pls calm down

My hearing is horrid, and I've got a general preference for written comms

I was surrounded by books and art and pens and paper and noone ever implied I shouldn't be doing it

My parents are songwriters (amongst other things)

I dropped English literature as soon as I was able 😂

I am extremely resistant to the idea of making my living out of something i love and am creatively passionate about for varied reasons

Family members were: English teachers, school librarians, academic writers, screenwriters, studying, storybook writers (everyone just always seemed to be frenetically typing)

^none of whom can spell so I was just like LEMME GET MY RED PEN OUT, CAN'T TRUST ADULTS TO DO A GD THING AMIRIGHT

A lot of my friends are writers

time-lapse: how long have you been writing (as a hobby or for work)?

Kind of since always I think as a hobby??

Me and a friend in primary school had these elaborate worlds of characters and wrote like 3 million notebooks worth of stuff?? And carried it on for yyyyyeeeeeaaaaarrrrsssss

But then again, it's not been a consistent hobby for me, it's dipped in and out of my life.

This time/gg ff? Just over a year :)

For work, I mean i don't, but I do think written communication is a part of my job, and a part of many jobs, and I think finessing the clarity of your written communication (especially when it involves dealing with dumbfuck men) is a boon to creative writing too, probably???

#Sorry i think I might've answered something completely different to the qs???#I'm all over the place!!#Writing #On writing

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