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softstarlite · 6 months

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The Casualty of Love

CHAPTER 3

Summary: He's back home. You have almost forgotten how warm his eyes were and how big your crush for him was.

Warnings: Age gap (Javi is 40 and reader is 27), mentions of grief, mention of self pleasure (f receiving), alcohol consumption, angst, both reader and Javi are horny and their thoughts show it, mention of tattoo. (Let me know if I'm missing one)

Rating: +18 (not explicit)

Word Count: 2.7k

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Masterlist

A/N:Here's the third chapter!! Finally!! I'm really sorry about the delay guys, truly. The reader is hispanic but I don't specify what kind of hispanic. I've tried to make all the Spanish sentences as neutral as I can, but they won't probably be completely be neutral, I'm from Spain, so it could show sometimes, sorry in advance. Well, feel free to tell what you thought about this chapter! (Always being kind please) I'm kind of nervous about writing smut in the future chapters (I've never done it). I specifically included the whole dancing part because I personally feel it's a big part of hispanic culture and it's not enough mention in fics where reader is indeed hispanic.

P.D: headcanons, asks and thoughts about this fic are welcome on my ask anything section ;-) <3

Dividers by @saradika

“Pops, we are already too late!! Come on!!” Javier yells from the entrance of the house where he can't help but to look in the mirror on the wall and rearrange his shirt, doing and undoing a few buttons, debating what would you think of every option. He finally shakes his head and reminds himself that he can't think of you like that, not only you´re 13 years his junior but he also isn't good for you.

“Ya voy, mijo! (I'm coming, son!)” Chucho shouts walking down the stairs.

When Chucho arrives at the entrance of the house and sees Javi checking himself on the mirror, making sure the collar of his shirt is okay. Chucho can't help but to raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

“We're feeling cute today, mijo?” he says, holding back a chuckle.

Javier gets startled by his father´s voice, “umm, no pops, just…didn't want María to scold me about a crooked collar like she did when i was a teen” he lies quickly before his dad has more questions.

“Sure, mijo, si usted lo dice (if you say so)” Chucho comments while taking his hat and his keys and walking out to the truck.

When they arrive to Doña Lucia´s house and they come into the backyard by the door fence on the side of the house, the first thing he sees is you, your hair down over your shoulders, your body frame by a summer dress, light blue with little daisies and thin straps, and your feet completely bare, just like when you were a kid. You hated wearing shoes as a kid, your mom and his were always behind you trying to tell you that you could hurt your feet by not wearing any but that never stopped you from going around the ranch “trying” to help Chucho with no shoes.

You´re dancing with an old lady that, if he remembers well, is Doña Esperanza; your cheeks are flushed and your mouth is curved into the most gorgeous smile he's ever seen. He can't help but freeze on the spot, making his dad crash with his backside.

“What the-? Javier!” says Chucho, balancing a bottle of whisky he had brought.

“Um?” Javier gets back to earth and turns around “Oh, sorry pops, here let me do that for you” he takes the bottle from Chucho´s hand and walks to the table where all the drinks are.

While putting the bottle down into the table, he can feel a hand on his shoulder. All of him inside shouts to the earth to swallow him, it must be another town person just wanting to talk about how proud they are that someone they know has done such amazing thing with the government and to ask how did it feel to take Escobar down; to his surprise when he turns around he finds you instead, with that smile, that could heal any illness he'll ever have, still adorning your face.

“Hey, you came!” you say with your hand still resting on his shoulder.

At first he can't find his word for a few seconds, but then he answers you “Um, yeah, wouldn't miss the free drinks and food for anything”

“Ey! Dancing is also one of the best parts of these things!” you say removing your hand from his shoulder to put up your hair into a messy ponytail; his eyes watching the action and it making him gulp.

“I haven´t been to one of this in a long fucking time” he chuckles, putting his hands into the back pockets of his tight jeans.

“Lastima (too bad), it's what i enjoy the most of this get togethers” wait, where you suggesting that you wanted to dance with him? “By the way, don't tell Doña Lucia that i told you but she keeps the really cold drink inside, if i get it she won't suspect a thing” you say suggesting that you could get him one.

“Sure, i would love a cold one with this stupid heat” he says, feeling the sweat going down his back, not sure if it was really from the heat or your mere presence.

“Well, then i'll be back in two minutes” your smile widens a little bit more before turning around and starting to walk towards the backdoor of the house.

His eyes can't help but to wander towards how your hips move when you walk away and how the dress you´re wearing hugs you ass…just before you start opening the door to go inside something, that makes his body freeze all over again, catches his attention. A tattoo on your right shoulder plate that says as clear as day, “Mi Alma” with a little heart beside it.

A chill goes through his body, you´ve tattooed his mom's name on you…

You dry the sweat at your temple as you walk inside the house; it was empty, the AC welcoming you and cooling you a little from the Texan heat from outside and to be honest from Javi´s presence as well. In the kitchen you lean your lower back into the counter and take a deep breath.

“We made a fucking deal, I'm not 15 anymore, i can't react to him” you say softly, arguing with your own mind, if anyone would to walk in now, they would think that you´re insane.

Since you saw Javier again on that parking lot, it was like he was the very air you were breathing; he had consumed every thought you had when your hand wandered inside your underwear at night; you would catch yourself counting the minutes that were left to see him again, even when they felt like way too many, you would think of excuses to show up at Chucho´s ranch before they day that you usually do. At some point in this over a week expanse of time, you had stopped yourself mid thought of him and told to yourself that it needed to stop; you weren't 15 anymore, you were a grown woman now, you couldn't spend your days just drooling and daydreaming about a man 13 years your senior, who you were pretty sure would never look at you as more as the closest thing he ever got to a younger annoying sister.

You smooth the skirt of your summer dress down and pull yourself up from the kitchen counter, you open the fridge and feel a few of the beer bottles to see which one feels colder, when you find it, you take it out of the fridge, uncap it and prepare yourself to walk outside and be in his presence again.

As soon as the sun hits your skin again, your eyes find him immediately, but now he isn't alone like you had left him, your mom is right there beside him, talking his ear out.You make your way towards them and without interrupting your mother, you reach your hand out to offer him the cold beer; when his fingers graze yours, it makes goosebumps crawl through your upper arms and you internally scold your body for betraying you. Once your mom finishes the sentence she was saying, her gaze turns to you.

“Oh mija, le prometí un baile contigo al nieto de Doña Lucia (I promised a dance with you to Doña Lucia´s grandson)” she says, giving you that smile that you know way too well.

You groan and throw your head back “Again ma? I told you on the last barbecue, deje de intentar juntarme con hombres…(stop trying to matchmake me with men) ” you say glaring at her.

She ignores your statement “He has a little dental clinic in town, es un hombre bueno para usted (is a good man for you), he could be a good husband” she says smirking and hitting your arm with the back of her hand.

“Ma…” you warn her; by your side you see Javier hiding a chuckle by taking a sip of the beer you brought him.

“No me haga quedar mal en mis promesas (don't make me look bad on my promises)” she says sternly, putting her hand on her hips.

You groan again and give a little nod; you put up your index finger and say “Just one dance, that's it” her facial expression changes immediately into a smile and nods enthusiastically.

“Es el muchacho de allí (It's the boy over there)” she says, pointing to a man with glasses and slightly curly hair, probably a few years older than you, that's sitting in one of the wooden tables.

You turn slightly towards Javier and tell him “wish me luck” you roll your eyes and walk quickly towards the man before your mom says anything about your comment.

Javier had watched your whole interaction with your mom in silence, feeling the need to jump into it several times to defend you and to prevent any interaction of you with any man. He now watches you dance a salsa with the unnamed man, his fist tightening around the beer bottle unintentionally.

“They would make a good couple, right?” Maria asks beside him, also watching you dance with the guy.

“Umm…don´t know, she didn't really sound interested Mia” he says back trying not to greet his teeth together.

“She could be, he's a good man, lo que ella necesita (what she needs)” she says not taking her eyes off of you and your dancing partner. The sentence makes his chest hurt, a good man…not what she would think of him if she knew even just some of the things he had done in Colombia.

“Mia…could I ask you something about her?” he says feeling like a little kid asking for a piece of chocolate.

“Claro (sure), Javiercito “ she says finally taking her gaze away from you to direct it towards him.

“I saw the tattoo…” he says, knowing he didn't need to say more.

“Si…” she says breathily looking back at you for a second “she got it done when she turned 18, when she was away in college, she came back that christmas with it done already, when i saw the ink at first, casi le grito (i almost scream at her); but then i saw what it said and all i could do was going into the bathroom and cry…” she tells him, at some point through it she unconsciously starts to caress his arm up and down, he's not sure if she's doing it to comfort him or herself.

He can only nod as an acknowledgement that he has heard her, feeling like if he opens his mouth, the only thing coming out of it would be a sob.

He's pulled out off the moment by your laughter, his gaze quickly wandering towards you. The guy you were dancing with accidentally stepped on you and he is apologizing again and again while you laugh it off and shake your head no, to let him know that it's okay.´Javi feels that if his hand gets tighter around the beer bottle, it will break, but before he could even think of doing anything about it, Maria talks again.

“Doña Lucia is calling for me, i'll see you later mijo” she gives his arm a final squeeze then takes off towards the host of the barbecue.

A minute later you're making your way back to where he is, the salsa song has finished and you were serious about only giving the guy one dance. He can see the sweat drop going from the base of your neck disappearing into the valley between your clothed breasts; he gulps the sip of beer he is taking. A few strands of your hair had fallen out of your messy ponytail, your cheeks a little more flushed from the heat than before.

“I think i'm needing one of those” you say pointing with your head to the beer in his hand.

“Well, Doña Lucia is distracted with your mom, and I need another one too, so let's go inside and get us both one, eh?” he says smirking, you just nod, look briefly towards where your mom and Doña Lucia are talking and then start walking again towards the back door of the house with Javier behind you.

The AC welcomes you again when you step inside and you even sigh from the relief it brings to your heated body. You can feel his presence right behind you, you´re sure that if he reached one arm out just a little bit, he would get in contact with your lower back. Once you both get a beer on your hands, you climb on top of the kitchen counter, crossing your ankles together, and he leans into it beside you. For a few minutes you both just stay silent sipping your respective beers, and you can't ignore how the side of his arm grazes your thigh when he takes a sip. Javier is the one to break the silence surprisingly.

“Pops has told me that you visit the ranch often…” he says, looking at the bottle in his hand and picking at the label in it.

“Mmhmm” you say while nodding even if you know that he is not looking at you.

He then turns towards you, now leaning the side of his hip into the counter “Thanks for that, I'm sure it has made him feel less lonely when I was away…” he says to you, looking into your eyes, shaking your entire nervous system.

You shrug your shoulders “It's not a big deal, his family and I actually enjoy his company” you chuckle softly.

“Right…But anyway, thank you” he says before his body acts by itself and his free hand lifts and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. You freeze and your eyes widen a little bit, not expecting the sudden physical contact. He doesn't take his hand away, but rather rests it on your cheek. You both stare into each other eyes, your heart is going way too fast for it to be even healthy and when your eyes wander towards his lips, you both hear the back door of the house being open; he almost jumps away from you quickly, he is very thankful that Doña Lucia doesn't oil the hinges of the door very often.

Chucho walks into the kitchen a minute later, his eyebrows lifting since he didn't expect the both of you there.

“Muchachos, what are you doing here? The party is outside, you´re young, you should enjoy” he says walking past the both of you towards the fridge.

“Nos resguardamos del calor por un rato, viejito (we´re sheltering ourselves from the heat for a bit, old man)” you answer when you see that Javi can't handle it right now.

“It's just a little bit of heat” he says with friendly mock in his tone “ustedes jóvenes no pueden manejar nada (you youngsters can't handle anything)” he smirks and you see how much it looks like Javi´s smirk; you stick out your tongue to him and he laughs and combs his mustache with his fingers.

“Mijita, we might be needing you by the ranch soon, the peach and nectarine trees are getting too full” he tells while uncapping his own beer.

Javier keeps being quiet and it makes you worry inside of what is going inside his mind “Sure viejito, whenever you tell me” you say, giving him a soft smile.

“Gracias mija (thanks, my daughter)” he squeezes your shoulder when he walks past you “Come out when you want kids” he says while walking out of the kitchen. You wait until you hear the hinges of the back door again, indicating his full leave, to turn towards Javier, you open your mouth to address what happened before Chucho came in but before you get even a breath out, he walks out of the kitchen without a word or a glance towards you, and leaves you there, anxiety already creeping up your body.

Next chapter

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firespirited · 1 year

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About yesterday's cry for connection, several things happened at once, as they do. On top of the seasonal despresh hitting it's lows and teasing brief moments of clarity.

Small on the richter scale: The gmail app once again failed to block dad's email which was a seemingly anodyne "happy birthday did you get my ecard (i did and promptly put my emails on their 'do not send' list) , did you do anything special with your friends for the big 4.0?" 1- He's acting like we're buddies, I haven't spoken to him in a decade 2- He's either forgotten or in denial about his complete failure at being a decent human being in November which led to sis finally giving up on him. 3- One of his fave digs was my lack of solid friends (he moved us every three years so that's partly on him) and inability to do milestone stuff like an 18th or 21st birthday bash. It's very on brand to be able to break me in two nice sentences. But it's not so much him per se but the friends who turned out to be anti vaxx or anti mask so I expressed sadness and haven't tried to rebuild. I'm not sure there is any thing to rebuild when folks are explicit their beliefs exclude you.

Bigger on the richter scale: I've injured my pectorals several times in march doing abdominal building exercises and having to catch myself when my hip give out from pain. It's very painful and sets me right back. I need to work on all the muscles around the hips before I can start work on my atrophied lower back. It's at least 3 more months added to the rehabilitation process. Realistically I don't think I'll be rerooting or doing any handicrafts over 40 minutes long per week until 2024. And then it won't be commissions.

It's been 3 full months of rehab work, there is real visible progress but it's very slow and disappointingly small.

I also have to whittle down the project dolls I've kept and get it all out of the house even at a loss (oof) along with a serious re-evaluation of what I buy (double oof). Project dolls are only fun if you can actually *do* the project not just know the exact steps you *would* do. That means other types of treats and finding other things to do when I've got some free time and am itching to make something. The ones that will stay need hairstyles, maybe quick decoden hair and wigs so I won't be reminded until I'm ready, plastic is patient but I am not! (That'll actually be fun to do)

In good news, the anemia has improved and my eyebrows are growing back brown (4mm of brown, 6 of white lol) , I'm on a more solid treatment for GI candida and hope to heal my sore half taste-broken tongue.

I've resolved to purchase anti-mosquito summer clothes for walks if needed as a necessary health expense. Ties into the money insecurities mentioned before with a mental 'fix'.

Tiny on the richter scale but these things add up :

The whiplash of seeing dolltwt acting like they're the nice place for nice people or "it's only funny when it's us, it's malicious if you're someone who can't sit with us". Can't believe I got sucked into that nonsense. Stupid rabbithole to go down.

A youtuber getting too parasocially needy and setting off all my alarm bells.

Way more youtubers who *were* interesting and educational on certain subjects but lately have got lost in navel gazing about whether they're making the mind changing art/activism they dreamed of. It's part film grad, part evangelical need to have convert notches on your belt instead seeing the value in rebuilding broken things, paying someone's bills, prevention not miracles.

You could be educating for education's sake (teacher isn't a lesser job) and doing art for art's sake. I can handle a certain amount of self indulgence and there is always a place for self congratulation on a hard job but the performative is winning out over the active work and I just don't have much grace left to spare right now. I'd rather hear a well made liberal journalistic podcast on a subject than watch a radical leftist who'll derail the point with the implication that it's a sacrifice to be talking about this subject instead of being a 'proper' film maker.

Doesn’t sound like much but when you've carved out your hour of listening and that's not happening because it's become messy then there's a hole and it's really hard to find the right balance of interesting but no cliffhangers or nihilism, no toxic positivity no false promises. With my current desperation for routines and extreme pickyness: You see the problem right?

So, in a nutshell I need to find new treats, new entertainment, more courage to get rid of items I'm attached to, find rerooters in the EU so I can just refer all queries without having to explain that my back is rekt and the rest of me is rekt so healing will be stupid long, set a goal of acceptable hip pain while exercising and a goal of how much hip pain to aim for that won't mess with ab and dorsal work. Wait til enough emotional balance to donate recycle clothes that look rough. Dare to open up and make new friends knowing that heartbreak is inevitable. Cool cool cool. We'll start small.

❤️❤️❤️

#saf #Ramblings

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mothmckrakken · 3 years

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I was watching Poldark with my sister where Ross and Demelza were walking side by side with their hair blowing in the wind and I commented about how nice the contrasting colours of their hair was, and my sister says, 'Ah yes, the black and red couple hair combo that's used so much'.

And I was like ??? It's not used a lot! What other shows? And she reels off Poldark, Outlander, Harry Potter...and then I realised it's also for pairings I like in Bleach, Akagami no Shirayukihime, Yona of the Dawn...there are so many...I just had to sit there and let it sink in how many red-black combos I've immersed myself in without realising...

#I just sat there rebooting for a while #like WOAH #😂#I'm sure my sis mentioned more but I've forgotten #renruki #obiyuki #hakyona #log #red/black pairings

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magpie-69 · 4 years

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Dear L,

My dear friend. My Subby Sister.

It's been one year since we lost you [long contemplative silence]. One year ago today you stepped through the door and received peace. We lost an amazing soul & the Gods gained one. I think of you often. And I think of your family. What they all must be going through today I cannot truly know, but I can imagine. In whatever way they've chosen to spend this day I'm sure they'll be looking at you with loving memories and celebrating the awesome person you were. You never gave up! And because of that you did not lose any fight against the insidious cancer that tried to beat you. You fought with all of your strong and infinitely caring heart. Now you run, fight, laugh and play in the heavens and I bet you give the good old Gods a run for their money! But! You haven't forgotten us! Your wisdom and love is still felt. I hear you and I feel you! Thank you, sweetie 💜

The last year here on terra firma has been a tad odd, to say the least. You know it, Sis! You see it. I bet you're shaking your head at the antics of some. We certainly are. It's been a surreal, frustrating and sad 2020. I know that many more souls will have joined you. Ones that needn't have. There's been far too much suffering and I'll never stop praying that those in charge will one day stop their greed and turn to help instead. I know this is a hopeless pipedream but I can't help but hope. In the meantime I have to keep fighting for compassion for our sisters and brothers and equality for all.

You know I'm not a perfect person and have many flaws. This has cost me friendships on here. I accept I'm not everyone's cup of tea, or coffee, or shot of Tequila ;) However, despite my weirdness I've a good heart and I've made my peace with this. I'm not at all responsible for folk not understanding how I work and what I struggle with.

I've had a difficult year, what with work pressures and many health problems, but so have we all.

Ya know how well our @instructor144 Wolfie friend has been doing, right? You must be so damn proud of him! I know I am. Like me, today will be a hard day for him. I suspect he will deal with it like he always does. With stoic pig-headed determination! He's a good un! I respect, admire and love my old friend dearly. Ain't nothing gonna change that! :) Keep at him, L. He loves it really! ;p I also need to mention 2 other very good friends of mine for how they handle their own obstacles @auroradragon1 and @theshootingcyclist So very proud of the both of them and extremely honoured to be their friend.

This community, this Tribe of varied people, are astounding for what they deal with day after day and how they support each other. They're all fantastic folk and so many have been a rock for me.

Long Live Us And Our Tribe! ⚔️💜⚔️

So, dear L, forgive me please if parts of this letter are overly emotional and soppy, for today is going to be tough for me for another reason. Today I'm taking my eldest son to the city he's going to live in for the next 4 or 5 years as he undertakes his university course. Game development is what he's chosen and I know he'll succeed at it. He's been through so very much in his young life and I'm ever so proud of what he has achieved so far! I've had the heartache of seeing him devastated by his dad's death but have also seen him pick himself up and go for what he wants! He's grown into an amazing young man! 💜

I think I've waffled on long enough now, lol.

All the best, my dear L. Love you lots and miss you more! :)x

'Pie ⚔️💜⚔️

S💞S

20th September 2020

#magstuff #S💞S #Year one :(#Re-blog/comment as you wish #I may or may not

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cliquestitsandicks · 5 years

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Tracking Kat

Episode 1: Kat is mourning the end of her relationship with Adena. It has been 5 weeks since the breakup in Paris. She's still looking at old pictures of them and posted one. She still hasn't sent Adena's equipment to her, even though Adena has been texting her asking for it. By the end of the episode, she's admitted to (in order) Alex, Patrick, and Jane & Sutton that she is not okay. She is still sad about the end of her relationship. Alex tells her "you're so hard on yourself. You got your heart broken. There's no expiration date on heartbreak. You move on when you're ready to move on and when you *are* ready, you will find someone amazing. Someone who will never leave." Then Patrick is an entitled, invasive dick. She told her girls she wasn't ready for it to be real yet and that's why she hadn't told them... but she broke down in front of them. She'd finally accepted it was over. End of the episode, she makes an instagram post exposing her vulnerability to the world and packs up Adena's things for good.

Episode 2: Kat injects Jane for fertility treatment. She is very familiar with Jane's reproductive system at this point - best friends. She learns the Wild Susan, a club Adena took her to that became a safe space she frequents and which happens to be 1 of only TWO lesbian bars in the city, is closing. She learns the only reason it's happening is because developers want to gentrify the neighborhood. We learn Kat has a lawyer (not sure how that may come up later) that she met through the #BeReal campaign. Anyway, Kat throws a queer prom as a fundraiser to help save the Wild Susan. It ultimately fails because $42,000 in one night from poor people is a bit much. But it was a valiant effort and, as Kat learns, the gentrifiers were well aware of its impossibility. This episode is leading up to her political career. "I've been so into my feelings lately, it feels really good to challenge my energy into something that really matters". I am so proud of Kat. In Season 1, I would have worried she was avoiding her feelings, but the writers made a big deal of showing she's done the exact opposite of that in the prior episode.

Episode 3: Kat has been researching councilman Reynolds and he's a total piece of shit - helping gentrifiers, cutting funding to parks, and voting against paid maternity leave. She's fired up. Our girl is P A S S I O N A T E & informed! We meet the councilwoman for whom she plans to volunteer and her campaign manager, Tia. Tia's a tiny, bubbly boss with natural hair and a bright smile and we see Kat brighten up. We later learn she and Kat have more in common, both being NYU grads (actually overlapping while there) and both brilliant. Tia, however, is not from a wealthy and connected background. In their initial meeting, Kat tells Tia "I'm just looking for something to channel my rage and depression". Kat enlists her besties to help get the councilwoman to unseat problematic Reynolds. Sutton clearly sees something between Kat and Tia because she does a friend's background check (checking the social media) and tells Kat she looks very single to which Kat responds "it really doesn't matter because I'm still getting over Adena" and Jane seems skeptical of Kat's protestations with her silent smirk. We learn Kat has really soft lips. Kat is the voice of reason for Alex, being the first one to acknowledge the hypersexual "dangerous" Black man depiction that will likely be projected onto him if he admits he is the man in his friend's story. Then we see her naturally command the crowd at the rally. Again, I am so proud of Kat. She isn't holding back when she knows she should speak up. She's taking control of her narrative. She's fighting for what's right in a constructive manner. And now Tia, who has way more experience with this than Kat, is recommending she run for office.

Episode 4: We start the episode with Kat describing what would be her district and job description to her best friends. She's looking excited about the potential to do something that matters and really help people. In her conversation with the Toby (?. don't know, don't care), we get to see more of Tia being supportive of Kat and Kat being confronted with whether she's motivated to actually run or just wants someone to beat Reynolds. We learn Kat had an abortion in 2013 when she was 20 AS IS HER GOTDAMN RIGHT BECAUSE IT'S HER BODY, but it's something she's felt some sort of shame/concern over seeing as nobody close to her knew about it. Then, and this is so great, after telling her friends she has the conversation with Tia. Tia shares that she's had one as well and completely understands not wanting it to be public knowledge, but in sharing her experience educates Kat on yet another way vulnerable people are having their rights stripped, this time through manipulation and "crisis centers" that shouldn't exist. Tia remains supportive and doesn't pressure Kat at all with her decision. "I am by your side if they come for you, but you gotta do what's right for you". When we get that great speech from Jacqueline we see Kat being moved my the statement that you'll never know what you're capable of if you don't take a leap faith to face challenges that frighten you, then you'll never know what you're capable of. [i'd like to pause right now to say Jacqueline is fucking wonderful and i love her like my white auntie. also Sutton needed to hear that again just as much as Kat and i really appreciate this entire moment.] When Kat leaves Jacqueline's celebration, she passes by one of those "crisis centers" Tia told her about and decides to use her voice to help others. "I like to think of myself as a pretty strong, empowered, forward-thinking, open-minded woman. But, up until now, I haven't been able to talk about my abortion. If me putting myself out there helps even one woman to feel less alone, less ashamed, and less guilty then it's worth it." And just like us, dear Tia is blown away. She actually exhales a breath she didn't know she was holding and biiiiiiiitch (!!!! excitedly). and then they're dancing! This is the episode, upon rewatch, when i recognize how often Tia touches Kat unnecessarily.

Episode 5: Kat's entire recap includes Tia, ending with Sutton saying "she seems to be very single". Her very first scene, Tia is complimenting her walking out of some campaigning event we later learn was a Town Hall. Can we just talk about Kat's blazer for a second? First of all, i want it. Second, how did they find something so perfectly her? It's colorful but still semi-professional, fun, but still about her business. Heart-eye inducing. ok. So the next time we see Kat, she and Tia (whose last name they finally mention as Clayton) are reviewing campaign platform and doing debate prep at Kat's apartment. Tia's complimenting Kat almost continuously at this point. Clearly she's impressed, borderline gushing. and Kat tries to brush it off. Tia's not letting her. And there's this moment when Tia forces herself to break eye contact with her (around 5:40 of the episode). The show tells us Kat still hasn't dated since Adena, but Sutton brings up the "stupid smile" she gets whenever Tia's mentioned. She's making better decisions than Patrick and her being compared to Patrick is lowkey happening a lot. I'm starting to wonder if they're setting up Kat taking over digital if she doesn't win the campaign. Ok, the song choice as they pan to Kat and Tia... "I never normally check my phone 10 times in a minute. I'm not the girl to be kept on hold 10 miles from the finish." Again, Tia is very touchy with Kat, never anything inappropriate of course, but the hand is always on the back or the arm. and their interaction is just.. lovely. I squeal. it's so cute. they're so comfortable. Kat invites Tia to the dinner BEFORE (i got the timing on that mixed up before) Tia says she's "a boring straight girl" [the test determined that was a LIE... nah, my good sis Tia is dealing with some internalized homophobia which is no joking matter, but we don't learn that until the next episode]. Apparently, Kat can cook now? So she just liked Adena's food better i guess? idk... anyway. I get why some of the things Tia said can be taken as flirting, but i still believe that you accept what someone says is their sexuality until they say otherwise. yes, that's even when they're saying things like "when i see what i want, i go for it" and "Annndd she can cook. it's hot" and looking at you like that. Kat telling Jane to apologize because he's her boss and she got suuuper disrespectful and would absolutely deserve getting fired makes me proud. She's the mature friend now. She's the one with a level head on her shoulders. Kat finally makes her feelings known to Tia, but this is after Tia has already stated she's straight. Tia reiterates that this is a professional relationship and apologizes for Kat getting the wrong idea. I'm reminded of when Alex Danvers told Maggie Sawyer she was into her and she was rejected... but in that example i was floored and heartbroken for Alex because ugh, i just didn't see that coming. With this, however, it felt like Tia was clear in her words even if it shocked the hell out of me what the words were. So i didn't feel heartbroken for Kat. I thought... tbh... she brought it on herself for refusing to respect Tia's "no", however soft it was. But the writers did let us know it wasn't over with the music selection... Kat looking at "You and Tia make a great team :)" as "I'll go to war for you" plays.

Episode 6: All the emails have been released and Kat has no worries at all about that because she's a professional. And we get to see her be a boss addressing the entire group. Patrick isn't there this episode (YAY for our sanity!) and i think Kat being a boss so often when Patrick isn't around is intentional. When we see Tia, she says last night is forgotten but she thinks it's a bad idea to remain Kat's campaign manager... which is clearly a hard rejection. One can argue that it's too harsh for someone merely admitting they were into you. But it's just as easy to argue that it's appropriate after telling someone, very clearly, that you are not into them romantically and them ignoring that and saying that you were flirting with them on this date they never called a date before you were already there?? so i'm not mad at it. At the end of the episode, we find out that Tia was rejecting herself, not Kat. Turns out, Ms. Tia Clayton has known she's attracted to women since she was in high school, but she "didn't want to want it". Tia is so TINY AND ANXIOUS ABOUT HER SEXUALITY AND MANY OF US HAVE BEEN THERE. But... and i say this in jest... for someone who is really trying not to be out in the open with her gay, she sure was comfortable kissing Kat all outdoors for anyone to see. My good sis is smitten. I'm excited for the story. Again with the music during their scenes though... "I cannot fallll in love with youuuuu. I cannot feeeeel this way so soon, so soon." Also, my girlfriend and I have watched the gifset of the kiss over the phone and swooned (we live in different states for now). This episode, we also got the flashbacks (i missed Lauren so much). Kat's got red streaks in her hair, is a friend to strangers, has regrettable sex with men who taste like pickles, and is cute as a button. She also called Jacqueline "Mama Jackie" and that's it; that's her name now.

#the bold type season 3 #the bold type #katia #kat edison #tia clayton #TBT S3 SPOILERS #i rewatched the whole season today

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