#I'm not sure if I'm sick or depressed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queer-apocalypse · 11 months

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I don't see people talk nearly enough about what having your bending taken from you must entail.

Your bending is not just a weapon: it's the tangible manifestation of your energy, it's a big part of how you interact with the world and a vital, organic function of your body.

And I'm sure this was especially true for Ozai, if Iroh's description of his aptitude towards firebending from the cradle in Legacy of the Fire Nation is anything to go by.

I can't help but think about how losing it must've affected the rest of his bodily functions.

Ozai struggling to regulate his body temperature in his cold, humid cell, hugging his own shivering body tight enough to leave fingers imprints on his arms and still not finding any comfort because the cold is coming from within.

Ozai suddenly finding himself breathless after the mildest physical effort because a lot of his breath regulation was based around fire control as well, and his lungs still try to steal more oxygen than he now has need for.

Ozai losing sensitivity in his limbs some days, and being so overly sensitive his rough clothes feel like sandpaper on his skin some others, because his nerves' endings are raw and burned with the trauma of deprivation.

Ozai's body being incapable of holding onto much food because his whole metabolism was partially relying on the fire inside him.

Ozai's mind floating aimlessly every so often, unable to focus with the decreased temperature of his brain, unable to keep track of time and faces and to discern the muddy blur of his emotions, if he's still able to feel any at all.

Ozai slowly flickering and fading away like a flame trapped under a glass, with no oxygen and nothing to hold onto.

#atla #ozai #firebending #energybending #aang #angst #depression?#yeah depression #I've been sick these days and maybe I'm projecting but yeah #are we sure this was the most merciful option aang?

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trlvsn · 8 months

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btw sorry for the severe lack of art and properly meaningful things to say. i'm in a state

#the thing about me is that i'm usually spending days battling intrusive thoughts and delusion so i am frequently full of energy #and use art as a distraction or a way to arrange my thoughts #but lately my brain decided to just make me depressed and somehow that's worse. the battle is gone and everything else is #including inspiration apparently #i'm sure it will pass in a few days and ill be back to the usual insanity that keeps me going and in agony #okay see. now i'm even talking in depressing ways. fucked up sick and twisted #anyways. it'll be okay. sorry again to the small but validating following i have here #rant post #raysidk

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lifeinkinder · 4 months

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Why am I feeling off?

Am I sick?

Am I depressed?

Is it basically winter break?

Does my child have another medical procedure this week so he'll be intubated for the 4th time?

Does my boss suck?

Am I grieving?

All of the above?

#ok maybe not sick because we were all just sick and all over it now #also pretty sure i'm not depressed just sad

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eyeballcommander · 4 months

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soo...Commander Peepers. How's everything going? We haven't heard from you in a long while and I just wanted to check in to make sure you're alright

Bad. Not really feeling social.

#At least I can write and type now without excruciating pain #I'm telling ya- blasters aren't designed for handling recoil in that direction!#Especially if you- like me- hold it with two hands when you REALLY can't miss the shot! (Which put my arms in an awkward twisted position)#.....................................that stupid dollshit was worse #As in that BULLSHIT with treating me like a doll!!!!!!!!!!!#Oh I cannot WAIT to replace him!!!!!#I've already expanded my search by loosening the watchdog requirement #And since eyeclops USUALLY have at least a little magic potential #If they're not magical powerhouses (which are unfortunately almost mythical with their rarity)#I'm SURE someone who can take him down without being out of place here will contact me to arrange an interview any day now!#Ugggghhhh- the sooner the better #I'm willing to lower my standards further if I don't get any bites by the end of the year #Not only to rid this universe of HIM #But because I'm REALLY sick of this throwaway number's prank calls #normally I wouldn't mind them much #But it sucks to get your hopes up only for some stupid stock joke- y'know?#[[tbh I'm an engineering student and it's finals season so I've been online far less 😭]]#[[3 more days including this one....]]#[[btw Peepers was on bedrest during the end of my spring semester too]]#[[I'm glad me and Joey roleplayed this now because him being injured and depressed is a good way to explain his absence]]#[[he also gets reclusive and depressed when he's forced to stop working]]#[[Because Peepers is bipolar (type I) and he NEEDS that adrenaline/momentum to keep the mania part of it prominent]]#[[so that's another good reason he's not really online]]

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fire-eyed-raven · 7 months

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If every time I've seen Madara being terribly mischaracterised I've got a penny I would probably be reach already T_T

At least warring states/founding of Konoha times Madara

#I'm so sick and tired of the “macho-man” Madara as I call him #oh so agressive and a conqueror the quintessence of masculinity etc #so hungry for power and wanted to be a hokage etc #so confident!#but..... he is not????#It's very obvious in the Manga that he's sad and depressed and insecure in his position #and he's not a forceful tyrant as people love to portray him #he listens to what other people want ( his clan and Izuna) he doesn't try to force them to do anything unless it's inevitable #he hasn't wanted to be a hokage he was surprised and not sure that he would be a right choice for a position #when Hashirama told him he wants him to be a hokage #when he overheard Hashirama and Tobirama speaking he clearly was going to Hashirama to talk #he didn't confront them right on the spot like he could he turned and run #he didn't confront them at all until Hashirama came to him to speak ( too late)#that's not how aggressive confident person beheaves #and even later in the 4rth war ark....#his original plan hadn't included war or big scale violence #he wanted for it to be realised without much collateral damage ( war happened because of obito)#people always basing his dominative/sadistic interpretation off this ark #but the fact is - he doesn't enjoy dominating and beating people who are weaker than him #the mere fact of victory doesn't bring him joy or satisfaction #and people almost always write him like he gets off on it...#he is bored almost the whole ark - he gets emotional and exited when Hashirama appears #because it's Hashirama and because he is a promise of struggle #the promice of fight with an equal or stronger opponent #what Madara canonically gets the kick out of is the process of the fight the struggle the fight against the strongest opponent #he seems downright joyful when his ass gets beaten he's enjoying it and that's canon #the man canonically enjoys being overpowered and getting his ass beaten #and comments on how he's bored and unsatisfied with beating and overpowering others 🤦‍♀️#the fact that he canonically represent the ying part in the yang/ying pair with Hashirama #is another meaningful matte which I won't expand on here

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txintedhope · 2 months

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just been feeling ill and exhausted on loop lately

#ooc #not sure if I'm just depressed rn or genuinely sick tbh

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koumeowkami · 2 months

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haven't felt so horribly depressed in quite a while

#rant in tags #“why don't you talk abt it to someone” and then what. what am i supposed to tell them #“i'm depressed. no i don't know the reason i just woke up feeling so fucking sick of everyone around me and with no strength to do anything”#like how do i explain the inexplicable... i don't even know myself what got me like that and nothing helps me either #i just feel so helpless and lonely #i should probably isolate myself from everyone. i never get to have a good day after all i'm sure even my friends are annoyed at this point #gonna delete later #hopefully

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transingthoseformers · 11 months

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The more I think about it, the ending the hatchlings had in "How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth", while already pretty brutal, was probably kinder than they faced in canon.

#transformers bayverse #fanfiction #i don't think I'm wrong #i haven't watched TLK as many times as ROTF (as for some reason the first two films are my go to when sick)#so I'm not sure if we see them again in TLK or if DOTM is the last time #primus that's depressing #but the mighty pen can fix all

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dykegirlie · 1 month

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woaw. there is a Void at the centre of my Me. that sucks

#cat meows #thinking abt how if my antidepressant doesn't help #which it won't i'm sure #then i actually have no more options left.#last time i saw public MH it sucked so badly that it almost pushed me over the edge #the only options left are ECT or TMS or [redacted] myself. TMS isn't funded #and they've historically been wary about ECT. with the DID. since it can cause memory loss #so like. idk man. i hope the med works like it did last time. i don't have other options anymore #MH services said as much. and worse.#my private psych had good options for the mania side of things but...#not so much the depression i think. or maybe the med she recommended was for that #if it was that's One Single Viable Option. but means i have to admit to my GP that i am in fact becoming badly depressed #i'm sure they're sick of that. happens every year in autumn/winter like clockwork.

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kareenvorbarra · 1 month

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i'm like. desperate to get back into doing music regularly but the thought of doing it by myself is really depressing. i could sing, but what i really want to do is sing with other people. i can't accompany myself because i only really have experience with wind instruments. i could start practicing recorder again, but recorder is also kind of a bummer to play on its own, especially after having the experience of playing in a small group. i could try to learn guitar, but i know i don't have the motivation to teach myself and i don't really have the money to spare for lessons.

i know if i don't want to do it alone, i have to be more proactive in either getting together with my few musical friends who live close enough and persuading them to do the kind of things i want to do (we have varied interests that don't always overlap), or finding an existing group that i can join (nobody near me is doing exactly the things i want to do and i don't have the contacts or the skill to get in touch with strangers and start something)

#whining complaining etc #every time i go to an early music concert i'm a little bit in despair fdkjhgkfdjghkjfg #i miss being in choir but i also got a little sick of the choir i was in pre-covid...lots of the rep just wasn't my thing #which was true in college also but i didn't mind bc i was so tight with the other singers #and i never got that close to anybody in adult choir #plus i kinda ghosted them during the post-covid comeback phase (which was still mid-covid tbh. though it was milder by then)#idk i was really depressed at the time and just didn't want to go. so i stopped going and stopped replying to emails. shitty behavior i kno #it was a big enough group that they were fine without me but i feel weird about getting back in touch (and i'm not sure i want to go back)#real life adventures

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glass-expanse · 3 months

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Why does my dad keep coming to bug me "you're not depressed are you you're acting weird and potatoing" no I'm not you're making it up I normally spend all day in bed/on the couch quit reading into it and leave me alone (you have had the right to know my emotional state revoked for a long time and I refuse to give you a window into I feel because you do not have access to that level of me)

#Sure I might actually be depressed or whatever #But you are not allowed to know jack squat #I don't care go away worry about something else #Not me! I'm so sick of you worrying about me!#I swear I should take a trip to texas just to prove that you can quit worrying about me once and for all

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balsam-red · 11 months

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"oh you're sad? 🥺 just be happy"

girl you would also ask a dead person to just be alive won't you? you would ask someone who got their foot broken to just put it back. gtfo

#i'm sick of this shit #death tw #mental heath tw #depression tw #i'm not sure what other tws to add sorry #personal

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maegalkarven · 7 months

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Don't trust his big wet puppy eyes, this is the Durge who doesn't have amnesia. His memories are a little dizzy and details are hard to grasp, but he is well aware who he is and what his silly little sister has done.

The issue is, he doesn't seem to care. Just what part of his brain his idiot of a kin butchered?

#dark urge: nemo #Him! the au durge with no amnesia but toned to 0.05 feelings. Orin hit a different brain center and got her brother depressed AND apathetic #Bhaal: Don't you want to make her pay?#Nemo: not really actually #Nemo: she can take the wheel if she wants to. I'm on vacation #Bhaal: chosen of Bhaal do not get vacations #Nemo: on a sick leave then #Bhaal: chosen of Bhaal do not get sick leave!#Nemo: FINE I've retired #Bhaal: chosen of Bhaal do not retire!#Nemo: you say so. But Orin forcibly pushed me out of the narrative. SHE can destroy the world and everyone in it now #Bhaal: she will come for you #Nemo: when she'll come for me. But I'M not going to her. Pff. The bother #Bhaal: you're a disappointment and a disgrace. You know I can undo you where you stand?#Nemo: OH NO NOT LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO DIE ANYWAY #Nemo: the world will end by your will father #Nemo: I'm not denying it. I just don't want to be the one actively ending it. Orin plotted SO HARD to overthrow me.#Nemo: I say let her taste the full power she so desired. I'm done. with tadpole or not but I AM RETIRED #Bhaal: you can't retire #Nemo: well i'm not destroying the world that's for sure #Nemo: *ends up saving the world bc ppl needled him too much to and it was easier to comply*#dark urge #durge #the dark urge

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born-to-lose · 1 year

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According to 6 different serious health/psychology pages I have BPD, do you think that means I should see a therapist?

#i've been thinking about the possibility for a while but never looked up symptoms because i was scared #and now it's starting to get out of hand so i finally did even though i originally didn't want to be officially diagnosed #for various reasons like the stigma in society and my health insurance knowing so all my future doctors will go back to their #'it's only psychological stop being so dramatic you're not actually sick' shit and invalidating me and my health problems in the past #some of them straight up refused to write a sick note for school when i actually had the flu back in 8th grade #so that's one reason why i don't want any mental illnesses to appear in my medical record #plus the cost factor because i'm not sure if the insurance would even cover everything but i might end up paying for it myself #if it means the health insurance won't be informed even if it's probably a lot of money #but in order to get therapy i need to get diagnosed by a professional so once i read into it a bit more i'll figure out how to tell my mom #and see if i'll call this one therapist in my town who apparently treats psychosomatic disorders #i'm sincerely sorry to everybody i've talked to recently (aside from casual fandom chatting) who may have noticed me behaving kinda shitty #advice is greatly appreciated because this hit me like a train and i don't fucking want this. like at all #i thought my switching between depressed and anxious and angry and empty and hyper was just. idk something else but not That #mel talks

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the-20th-century-girl · 5 months

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Woke up (after oversleeping waaay too much) from a dream, which I am now convinced my brain put together as a personal attack on me. It really had everything in it that I was worrying over, just to make me sad.

#It ranged from people I haven't seen since school to dead relatives to current people in my life who I've met online.#All of them ignoring me and me in the dream desperately wanting to talk to someone but my crippling shyness kept stopping me.#Really forcing home the theme of me feeling really lonely and isolated atm 🙃🙃🙃#I think this has all come on as I have been ill this past week now and my mental health is just catching up to my poor physical heath 🙃#Not normally this low around this time of year (I usually have seasonal depression in the hotter summer months)#But I think part of it is me wanting to go out and do things as it's cold enough now but I'm too sick to do so atm #Anyway enough of me ranting in the tags. I'm sure no one will read all this anyway haha. That dream was just the last thing I needed today

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upperranktwo · 5 months

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It's 6:30 and I haven't slept at all, from what I recall, I've almost been awake for 24 hours. I can't keep doing this (have been like this for years) I need to see a doctor about my unhealthy sleeping at some point lmao (will not see a doctor)

#my new main doc is so sexist i cba with him #debating taking me off anti depressents because he believes i'm just an emotional woman #jokes on him I stopped taking them because they made me sick #he also didnt wanna diagnose me with BDD until my 'husband' verifed it #sure lemme just ask the non existing husband of mine to ask him to tell you i see myself warped #it's on my record i'm single btw meaning he just thinks I should be married #so if I go to him saying i have insomia he'll start claiming it's because i'm a girl #oh when i told him i'm not married he asked if he could speak to my dad #good luck!!!! my dad talks to nobody he's worst than me in social situations #sky rambles ♡#never forget the time I had an earache and a nurse asked me i was on my period and thats why I was crying #honestly fucking killing myself at this point man can't do shit #i've had bad ear pains since birth 😭 you can't make this shit up #i've had actually blood pouring out from my ears and still been told i'm exaggerating #can't wait to drop dead and i'll still be declared as alive because i'm a silly woman who is over the top #am I emotional??? yes #is that the cause of all my mental issues? i don't think so I think that's more physical verbal emotional and mental abuse but go off #i really REALLY shoukd be medicated but the sickness and weight gain which wouldnt go away was too much

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