#I'm not saying Mexican people can't have blue eyes because I HAVE cousins who have blue eyes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alj4890 · 3 years

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Hi! I want to know you more 😉

1. what was your life like last year?

2. are you good at hiding your feelings?

3. how do you feel right now?

4. personality description

5. have you ever been to New York?

6. description of crush.

7. height

8. things you hate

9. i’ll love you if…

10. 3 random facts

11. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

12. turn ons/offs

13. why you joined tumblr?

I’m not that interesting, LOL, but here’s more about me.

1. Um, I'm going to assume it was like everyone else's. I stayed home, LOL. I was sick a lot last year and the year before. Not with Covid, but other health problems. Staying home didn't really bother me much since I was not feeling well enough to get out anyway.

2. I thought I was until my husband and parents showed me pictures they had taken of me showing my irritation or shock 😂 All these years wasted thinking no one knew what I was really thinking. Now my sons point out that my face says something's wrong even though I say I'm fine. I give up. 🤣

3. Fine for the most part. Content. A little sleepy, but that's my norm, LOL.

4. My personality, huh? Okay, here goes nothing. I'm an optimistic, yet deeply sarcastic person. I try to be nice, and usually do the right thing though my mind is wishing I would give in to temptation every once in a while, LOL. I'm quiet for the most part, but have no problem conversing over a variety of topics. I try and find the humor in most situations, and am that person you would sit next to if you wanted to laugh over it. I have no problem making fun of myself, and end up laughing harder than anyone else when I'm the butt of my own jokes.

5. The state, yes. The city, not yet. I've driven and visited other cities there, Buffalo, Tarrytown, etc. Drove through the Adirondacks (absolutely stunning in the autumn.)

6. Hmm. Well I've been married for a while, LOL. So no new crushes. I've always been attracted to tall men with dark hair with either blue or green eyes. A sense of humor is always attractive. Not afraid to stand firm in their convictions. Someone able to find contentment in whatever life throws at them.

7. I’m 5 foot 8 inches. And I was the shortest grandchild on my mother's side of my family and the tallest on my biological father's side, LOL. I'm taller than both my parents. My cousins on one side were 5'10 and above. The other side were 5'6 and below. Either way, I stand out 😂

8. Pompous jerks. I hate it also when people make assumptions about others. We have no idea what people go through so it is unfair to assume anything based on one single action, remark, or conversation. Overly negative people when they can't enjoy anything because they are fixated on one bad thing. And I hate hot weather, LOL! Which sucks since I live in the southern region of the U.S., lots of humidity and miserable high temps. I was meant for the frozen north.

9. I'll love you if you say, let's go out to eat at a Mexican restaurant. I can eat my body weight in enchiladas, chips, cheese dip, and salsa. I'll also love you if you say let's do this after allowing me to sleep late. I'm fairly easy to please, LOL. Then if you mention watching a movie and relaxing the rest of the evening, I'll probably love you for all eternity 😂

10. I'm an only child who married another only child but we have two children. My dream home is a log cabin. I've never traveled outside of the United States, though I've always wanted to. Opportunities came about but either my health or some other circumstance had me missing out on doing so.

11. Live long enough to see my boys grown and happy in their lives. I don't have a terminal condition, but I've had some close calls in my past with surgeries and all.

My second dream would be to have one vacation where the entire thing is a whim. No plans. No definite destination. Sleep the whole time if I want. Sight see or not. Nothing except whatever I want to do in the moment. Given that I'm married to a planner at heart, I would have to go on this trip alone, LOL!

For my third dream, I would love to see the places where some of my favorite pieces of literature are based. I want to see the cities and countrysides Jane Austen's cast of characters from her books journeyed. I want to see the Yorkshire moors where Cathy haunts Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. I've been to Sleepy Hollow on Halloween night, (my absolute favorite story from the U.S. originated) and loved every second of my exploration of the old Sleepy Hollow cemetery and bridge. I want to go to Prince Edward Island and stand where Anne of Green Gables would have while fighting her feelings for Gilbert. I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to stories and movies, LOL.

12. Turn off’s: lack of a sense of humor, doesn't bathe regularly, tears people down to build themselves up, conceited, lazy.

Turn on’s: the opposite of my turn offs, LOL!

13. It was all thanks to the sweet @fullbeaumonty She found me on Reddit and knew I needed more Maxwell Beaumont in my life. With her encouragement, I braved the wilds of Tumblr and ended up not only staying, but writing some of my own story ideas. Now y'all are stuck with me 🤷🏻😂

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sereniv · 3 years

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I'm not enrolled

I cant

I dont have access to papers from my Yaqui family because my cousin hasn't shown me yet

and I do what I can like learn our language and help out members

and even though I have nothing to gain from any of it

I dont talk about being native often, and if I do it's usually with a stutter. I have to fight back and forth with myself on whether I want to say something when it's relevant

bc im always afraid of being seen as a pretendian

and I know I'll always feel this no matter what. bc I've always felt it about being mexican. even when I couldn't put it into words

it's just it seems so outside me. and ive talked to people who have had the same experiences and I STILL feel outside me. that they aren't my experiences or that they aren't enough

Im mutual with some Yaqui ppl on fb, and one posted the Yaqui flag made up as a pride flag (the red and blue were rainbow)

And though I personally would not have covered the red and blue since they have meaning, I still like it

and the person who posted it had someone comment that it's a sacred flag and that the rainbow desecrate it.

now ofc this person is just straight up lgbtphobic. But besides that, it again, is something Yaqui related that I feel so outside from

I hate that on the stance of the flag, I can't tell if it IS disrespectful (to at least cover the colors).

It's funny bc I was on reddit a while ago talking about my experience and feelings on being mixed and native, and talking about how it's hard not to fall into the whole BQ mindset and wish I could enroll.

And I went on about how enrollment doesn't make one native or not, what enrollment meant to me, and all that. Boiling down to expectations of other ppl and my own low self worth

Anyway I recognized that BQ was bullshit, that enrollment didn't make native, it was just me venting.

And someone who literally says ppl who are half aren't native, mind u lol, telling me I'm not really native bc I think being enrolled means I'm native

then again its reddit

Anyway

I'm always doubting myself. like I've talked with other indigenous ppl. I've said my shit. I've had people feel the same exact way and no matter what I do, I'm on the outside

and I feel like its just all in my head. because besides some ppl on reddit, everyone has been welcoming. and understanding. and patient. and accepting

I'm my own bully. the recent Native news, it's something I black listed. I dont even think Yaqui ppl had schools, but it still something I don't want to read or see.

and I feel stupid for feeling that way? I'm thinking I'm just trying to like idk??

I havnt even told anyone that it bothered me. so how can I be preforming if no one knows?

that's what sucks. is like if I were not me, I'd be like dude. being mixed and trying to connect is hard and these feelings are normal. they might not go away but they'll lessen.

I always think what if I'm not Yaqui. even with my cousin saying he seen the papers. even though my recent ancestors came from Sonora Mexico. Even though my dad looks a lot of Yaqui men to where I can literally guess a guy is Yaqui

it's like nope. it's fake. and I'm lying.

hate feeling this way lol!

it'll go away. or well, like I'll be fine.

it's just I write this and I roll my eyes and I imagine someone else reading this and rolling their eyes and there's nothing i can do

there's nothing I can do but be.

#long vent #identity issues #residential school imply #as in just the word school #reading not required lol #jumbled up thoughts

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