IIt’s a crazy bold move for Matt Johnson to play pretty much the same character as the one he plays in Nirvanna the Band the Show (which in turn is based on himself) in The Dirties, a movie where he plays a SCHOOL SHOOTER.

TBH I ended up relating a lot to Matt’s character, so much so that I ended up frantically searching up if my thought patterns are “normal” (at one point in the film Owen admonishes Matt for “always acting” and “always being conscious of yourself” and that’s like the curse afflicted by autism masking innit?).  But relating to the characters even though you know they’re gonna commit unspeakable violence is kinda the point of the movie, yeah? It maps pretty closely to a classical tragedy, doesn’t it? The whole thinking to myself “He isn’t really gonna do it! He can’t! He’s too much like me! He’ll get help!” but he does do it, and I knew he would because I read the blurb of the movie.

I guess there is something to be said about how autistic traits are often used as shorthand for someone being creepy, violent, or dangerous. Always “acting,” socially isolated, unable to connect with peers, only communicating with others through the lens of an “obsession,” strange body language, dressing strangely, being socially and developmentally “behind” their peers… 

During my school days the shy quiet kids that did nothing but get their work done and go home were often called ‘school shooters’ behind their backs. It's a strange feeling knowing that people would probably say the same thing about me if only I fit the profile a bit better.

Something else about the movie obsession as well and wanting to make a movie that is “real” speaks to me as well.

Well first that is another bit of strange self awareness by the director. Matt Johnson has said that early in his career he only wanted to film “real life” because people who do not know they are being filmed make the best actors. That’s why many of his projects use the real reactions of the public and loose scripts for characters to fill with improv! Maybe if he was more fucked up he would be more like Matt (the character)....

(Of course we could probably sit here and name many directors who turned abusive on set to capture “realness,” though none of them used the public!)

It’s easy why as a kid I picked up what was shown in movies and TV as being the “ideal.” I guess that’s normal, how things are portrayed in movies is an endless discussion that affects how people think. People like to romanticize their life as if it was a movie. But it’s different for me in some ways, most people don’t take movies and TV as gospel on how to communicate with other people. It’s one of the questions on the CAT-Q after all. Once in high school, I said about some event (don’t remember what) happening “feeling just like it does in high schools on TV.” My friend gave me a funny look and asked what I meant by that.

At the bonfire Matt describes his “cake plan” to a girl with a tone best described as “oblivious to her disinterest.” The girl responds that it’s probably not a good idea, it’s too over the top and it’s something that would happen in a movie, it wouldn’t work in real life. Matt responds with “Yeah, but what happens in movies works…”

Zooming out a bit I think there is something to be said about many Matt characters (the Dirties, NTBTS, Matt and Bird Break Loose, and Operation Avalanche to an extent) relying heavily on “plans.” Matt in the Dirties helps Owen concoct plans in order to win over Chrissy, and writes down a shooting schedule in much more detail than is probably expected for a school project. (I think Matt’s plans for Owen are supposed to be a parallel to the type of thorough planning needed for making movies, which is a bit ironic considering the loose improved shooting of the ACTUAL movie). Matt in NTBTS is constantly making plans in order to get a show at the Rivoli and often gets frustrated with Jay when he doesn’t follow through with plans or tries to change them halfway. This culminates in a scene in the final episode in season 2 where, stuck on a roof, Matt uses spray paint to write out a new numbered plan on a wall (a plan that only involves breaking the AC unit and then waiting for the repair person to arrive to sneak out the locked door). Almost as if he can’t possibly keep a plan straight in his head without it being concretely written down. When I opened commissions for the first time last summer I was so stressed that I wrote a detailed planning sheet in order to predict how every interaction would go. Only by writing it down did this plan feel real.

But going back through some interviews I was surprised to learn how much Matt Johnson (the character in the Dirties) is based on Matt Johnson’s (the director) actual experience in high school (the sweatpants story was real!!). I guess it’s just weird to watch a movie that is empathetic towards the school shooter (while still accurately capturing the horror of violence)! One of things that inspired him to make this movie was how ascribing “evil” to someone ends conversations, strips people of their humanity. It’s scary to think about how anyone is theoretically capable of doing this, how it could be us as well. It’s not uncommon for autism (or previously aspergers) to be pointed at by the news media as a “reason” for why people do these things.

Towards the end of the film Matt reads the definition of a psychopath from Dave Cullen’s Columbine book. (Paraphrasing here) Emotions, body language, facial expressions, and voice modulations can all be mimicked on cue. His life is a con, a personality fabricated with the purpose of deceiving people. Matt turns to Owen and asks him if that reminds him of anyone.