#I'M TRYING TO COME UP WITH SOME SORT OF
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Answers to "please stop"
No.
I can't.
I won't.
I don't want to.
I don't know how.
I will soon.
But then how will you learn?
We're almost done.
It's almost over.
Ask me again!
Oh well, if you're asking that politely…
Fine. For now.
Only once I've come up with something more fun.
Only once you've come up with something more fun.
Or what?
I know you can go a little bit longer.
You know I won't.
I love it when you beg.
I hate it when you beg.
I'm so bored by your begging.
Not until you're too weak to ask me to.
But I don't have anything better to do.
I wish I could.
Alright! See? All you had to do was ask nicely.
I'm not doing anything.
What, exactly?
Just once more, I promise!
Just once more, I promise! (🤞)
You're doing this to yourself.
You wanted this.
You want this.
You know you made me do this.
Are you ready to give me what I want, then?
I will once you give in.
What will you give me in return?
Why should I?
You know there is only one way to end this.
You know there is only one way this will end.
(Answers to "it hurts")
#whump#whump dialogue prompt#whump dialogue#whump prompt#whumblr#i had 2 ppl request a part two to the it hurts one#and i couldnt come up w enough stuff i liked#so here#have this instead#I wrote this all down yesterday when i was trying to fall asleep and i kept coming up w new things so i just kept unlocking my phone and#writing stuff down#i thought i had way less than last time but it's actually much more#granted i rly leaned into the differences just slight wording changes make#also i feel like half of these would do so much better with some sort of term of endearment stapled onto theme#them#so when reading them just imagine some of them with a darling or a sweetheart or a honey tacked onto them bc that's how i imgined them#also if these writing prompts end up on kinblr again and someone accuses me of forgetting safe words just know i'm gonna break into your#house and put mustard in your shoes
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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I've talked a fair amount about how byan has been bullied and hurt by teachers in the past (& how they'd hit their limit and seek drastic revenge, in some cases), but I've never really talked much about how byan has also bullied and outright tormented teachers for themself... like yeah, it's definitely because they don't trust teachers or authority figures in general due to their past experiences, but that doesn't mean that their 9th grade math teacher deserved to feel afraid for his own safety or that their 10th grade biology teacher should have been so stressed that she retired early. byan has been done dirty by a lot of people in their life but they've also been a genuine menace to others who gave them no real reason to be, and they have taken enjoyment in it in a lot of cases.
#byan has a complicated & difficult relationship with teachers & school staff as a whole#and tends to view them as 'deserving' of whatever torment they choose to cause#bc even if this person hasn't done anything too bad against THEM... they probably have to someone else#very like. black and white thinking when it comes to authority figures as a whole bc of their history with some of them#they anticipate that anyone in that sort of position will abuse their power at some point or another ig?#and in a way... I think them being the bully is them showing that they aren't the prime target for that sort of thing anymore#subconsciously ofc. and obvs that doesn't make it right it's still super fucked up#but byan is Not well known for coping well with their trauma lbr#I'm losing my train if thought... everything is scattered & I'm sure this is disjointed to some level but#I hope the basic point/idea/whatever is coming through#byan is not always the victim... they cause a lot of actual problems... they can & have hurt people who didn't deserve it... that's the gist#I'll try to expand on this at a time where my brain is working better & I can explain a little better#just needed to get the thought out there lmaoahfksg#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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I'm apparently not going to have internet for 3 days so if anyone tries to contact me and I don't respond please know I'm not ignoring you and I will get in touch asap!!
#I will make sure to check in whenever we come up the front of the island !! thanks for ur patience#at least I don't need internet to work on comms thank heck#i'm mostly packed and my classes don't start until feb so i've been working on comms and reading and thats about it lol#I got a library card and have been just. consuming queer ya graphic novels by the buttload#ANYWAY. gonna try and sort out some stuff before we head back home 🫡#nadine is typing...
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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I can't even think right now man I've just curled up into a ball and It hurts
#adventure time#fiona and cake spoilers#like not even joking#not even a little bit#this physically is putting me in agony#I'm not going to be ok for the ending of this#pen ward adam muto and natasha allgeri sure know how to just fuck my entire shit up#like... i can't even try to come up with some sort of theory of how this all ends because none of its good#either Simon dies; puts the crown back on and dies on a figurative level starting this hellish cycle all over again#or goes back to Ooo and continues living his miserable existence without Betty#or lives in limbo with Golbetty which he wont last long in#it just#i don't even know#i have no idea how this is going to go but i know im not ready for it in any capacity#im never going to be normal ever again#im never going to be able to think about anything ever again#im never going to recover#this is going to be Come Along With Me all over again except worse I just know it#im going to kms#i need to sleep#its 4 in the morning#im not okay
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Catching up on Tower of God, and all these theories about how obviously Zahard is the one who did something to Traumerei’s memories and that’s the only reason he could possibly be loyal to him, and as soon as Bam or Gustang or whatever gives him back his memories he’s immediately gonna turn on Zahard are reeeaally weird to me, and diminishing to both Zahard and Traumerei as characters.
Everything we’be been shown about Traumerei so far paints him as a huge cunt, by choice, who gets off on the suffering of others (which is why he’s a favourite, of course <3 ). When he’s not napping or dead inside he’s short-tempered, capricious and cruel. A feature not a bug, if you will. While it’s true that we haven’t been shown the origin of his memory-and-emotion-discarding habit we have been shown occasions where he proactively chooses that course of action by himself-in the Yasratcha flashback, where he returned from the Nest to feed some more to Leviathan before dealing with Nen Nen and Wang Wang, and sometime after the incident, if you go by his distorted recollection of the event to Yasratcha. We know from Leviathan that Traumerei is the one who created him and kept feeding ‘filthy’ memories and emotions to him, in quite the amount from what it sounds like. These memories, going by what we know so far, would contain Traumerei at his worst, such as his punishment of Wang Wang, Nen Nen and Yasratcha for example, and likely be coloured by resentment and hatred rather than regret and sorrow (something soldified by Leviathans demeanour, imo) (meaning the current Traumerei is the ‘sanitized’ version).
That aside, how exactly would Zahard have found a way to force Traumerei to cut unwanted memories and emotions out of himself in a way that seems distinctly Traumerei (involving the creation of a Shinheu)? This is not the Hidden Floor, where they were simple data to manipulate and erase (without ill effects to their real/outside selves)! Why would Traumerei have kept up that coping mechanism over the millenia, if it was something forced upon him by Zahard? Why exactly would Zahard himself inquire after Traumerei’s memories, if a key piece of Traumerei’s loyalty to him was their erasure? Zahard himself is the one who brings them up in the first place! What seems like a realtively recent problem to boot, and in a way that seems more eager that he remember and out of worry for an old friend and comrade (’By the way, what kind of nightmares have you been having lately? Do you still not remember?’), (at the end of their strategy meeting, after the ‘business talk’ is already finished) than as some sort of insidious check-up to make sure that he doesn’t remember something from tens of thousands of years ago. It honestly feels like people projecting their dislike of Zahard onto Traumerei, when everything we’ve ever heard about him and are ever shown about him shows him as an ‘enthusiastic’ follower of Zahard and having an absolutely insane treshold of what counts as genuine loyalty. Heck, going by everything about him, it’s more likely that even if he had harboured resentment against Zahard, he would erase it himself to uphold the standard of loyalty he preaches!
In fact, I’d go so far as to say, in view of the Yasratcha flashback and obvious mirroring between him and Traumerei, that it’s far likelier that Traumerei came up with some weird revenge scheme as punishment for ‘abandoning’ him rather than simply being yoinked along by Zahard in something, and that, if he erased his memories because he found them unpleasant to deal with, it was not due to guilt or sorrow but anger and resentment (as we eg. see him exhibit in the flashback upon returning from a trip to the Nest, where he clearly has some leftover frustration).
A lot of fanon seems to view Traumerei as former emotionally softie of the group, who was a poor little meow-meow before he experienced a deep betrayal that emotionally hardened him. While I’m ready to concurr with the latter (and the general fact that the Great Warriors devolved into worse personalities with time) I’d like to point to the examples of what Traumerei perceives as ’betrayals’ in the story, and whether they seem reasonable and justified to feel betrayed by in the first place, or deserving of ‘punishment’, and then reflect upon the likelihood of Traumereis formative betrayal (assuming there is one, definitive one, or that it even involves the Great Warriors) being a cut and dry affair.
As for painting Zahard as the instigator of his unpleasant personality, it reflects an unwillingness to let people other than him be fucked up even though we already know plenty of other family leaders who are, as well as lack of consideration that Zahard might care about some people, like his oldest comrades, and they care about him in turn. Zahard confiding in Traumerei with regards to his views and plans in the first place, Traumerei going above and beyond his assignment to try to turn Bam against Gustang if he proves useful, for example. ‘But the order concering the Poe Bideau family!’- Gustang is the one who stirs the pot in the first place, the one who stole an item whose sole purpose is to defeat Zahard, the one who basically declared if not war certainly conflict, and let it be known that it’s not like Zahard put out a hit on Gustang (which would arguable be pointless, but we do know people as powerful as Eurasia Enne Zahard are capable of getting imprisoned) but merely his family, Gustang’s major instrument for affecting the politics of the Tower.
As of now it seems far more plausible to me for whatever leftover memories that are haunting Traumerei as nightmares to be something done by him instead of to him.
I think that it’s been set up that Traumerei is gonna remember something at the least, and likely something big (maybe eventually prodded by Bam, whom Leviathan told of at least some memories fed to him), but when he does it’s not gonna lead to a sudden heel-turn and alliance, problem solved, but instead a Traumerei actually out for blood, instead of bored and dead inside (anyone remember Bam’s refusal to let Leviathan go free bc ‘if I let it out [...] I’d be committing a sin against the world’ (TOG #531)? That Shinheu formed out of all of Traumerei’s most negative memories and emotions he discarded? That would presumably bubble back up inside Traumerei himself when he remembers?)
To close with a Maschenny quote that summarizes my hopes for Traumerei:
“Has it really disappeared now? That rage of yours? [...] Even if you say that rage has hardened and sunk in your mind, I don’t understand how it could just fly away in the wind like that. It gets more intense and clings to you even more firmly as time passes and you recall those memories. That’s the kind of emotion that rage is. And as long as that rage lives-war can break out at any time.”
-Khun Maschenny Zahard, Tower of God #390
#Tower of God#Lo Po Bia Traumerei#my pet theory that I know is highly unlikely to be canon is that -assuming there was a formative betrayal and it involved the Great Warrior#is that Traumerei was the one who instigated some sort of messed up retaliation or whatever in some form#(forced V to kill himself?)#if we take leviathans demeanour as a genuine representation of Traumerei emotions (excepting eg the resentment of serving as smg to dump hi#negative emotions into)#there is some resentment against Zahard (unless the king he's talking about is Traumerei as his creator)#so what if...the person Traumerei felt betrayed by was Zahard? Maybe for proposing to Arlene even after their huge disagreement..?#So he did something to mess things up even further so V and Arlene really 'betrayed' Zahard (trying to steal the key..?)#(mirroring how Yasratcha framed Wang Wang as a traitor to Traumerei)#(so he'd have no choice but to disregard him either way and come with Yasratcha)#(which I realize is not an exact copy but slightly inverted in the scenario I'm proposing)#boom#Zahard feels betrayed by them for real and retaliates and no more talk of reconciliation#yes Traum talks about dominating those who betray him into forcefully staying by his side but consider:#his 'domination' is literally manipulation?#Emotionally as we see with Wang Wang and Nen Nen even if he seemingly had no set goal#manipulating others be it by controlling their bodies eg Yasratcha or their choices and actions#ngl part of me just wants him to be the toxic gay best friend à la Yasratcha sooo bad#if you want wholesome stuff there's Bam and Khun and whatnot the Great Warriors are for toxicity ONLY#also do not care about leviathan as Bams xth absorbed power show me those memories or perish!
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quietly getting more & more annoyed at my housemate & her bf as the evening goes on. thought they were at his house this weekend but they showed up unexpectedly to have loud sex here, left for a little bit, came back in the middle of a fight, and are now watching tv really loudly in between continuing to totally-not-fight-everything's-FINE.
#ctxt#shit chat#they're both rly nice people who genuinely love each other a lot & have been together like 7 years#but in the time i've known them they just keep playing out the same maladaptive patterns together and it's painful to watch#one of them will be irritable for some reason and snap at the other; other responds by airing a deep-seated grievance they've been sittin on#and instead of just. having a conflict about it to its conclusion to resolve the issue they just both fall over themselves apologizing#and spend several hours being really touchy & reactive to little things but overwhelmingly gentle/reassuring/affectionate#person A: *snaps* im sorry baby i didn't mean it i'm just stressed i love you so much can i do anything for you?#person B: no no my love you're fine i'm not mad i understand can i do anything for YOU you're so special i care about you so much#*make out in the kitchen about it a bit. swap roles rinse & repeat*#like i know turning towards a loved one after conflict instead of giving them the cold shoulder is a sign of emotional maturity#and is generally a healthy communication habit#but like. you gotta actually HAVE the conflict first instead of glossing over it the minute difficult emotions come up???#and when they get in these loops i really think they should just. agree on a mutual time out to do their own thing for a day#calm down sort themselves out and then come back together to mend things#instead of just reflexively drawing closer together immediately to try and smother discontent#which just results in them still being upset and now tripping over each other bumping elbows exacerbating things#while being obnoxiously saccharine to cover it up#i mean. 7 yrs is nothing to sneeze at but imo this is. not a sustainable way of relating & building a life together#and it sucks to watch it play out. reminds me of my parents who were blissfully incompatible in a similar way for like 30 years#before it finally blew up spectacularly with a lot of collateral damage earlier this year.
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the problem with having been active on the internet for over a decade and active on social media for just about as long is that sometimes i really realllly want to like. engage in healthy/casual debate about topics that i see being talked about but. i know it won't go that way. i know that if i engage in the way that i would like to (not just directly agreeing with what's being said) i'm going to immediately telegraph myself as some sort of chud trying to pick fights online over pedantic shit which in turn will immediately put people on the defensive. i've seen this play out. i know how this will end.
#teeth.txt#especially if there's some sort of character limit or something or if i'm trying to be brief lol#this was sparked by seeing a comment#on a video that was like 'FINALLY someone is using the 5 stages of grief model correctly‚ originally it was#used to describe one's own death‚ not the grieving process'#and i realllllllly wanted to be like 'oh it's interesting that you posit the idea that it's incorrect to use it to describe grieving#when the woman who came up with the concept was basing it on her interactions with terminally ill patients coming to terms with dying#which to me seems like a grief process in and of itself#and also i don't think it's necessarily useful to posit things in terms of correctness when it's simply that the 'five stages of (whatever#it was originally called)' were then also used to describe what other researchers(? or just people) deemed to be a similar experience'#but i don't think any of that would have gone over well.#it's hard because i genuinely do think it's interesting. like i wanna explore why this person is approaching it in a different way than i am#but i Will just sound like someone being like Um Actually I Know More Than You You Dumb Idiot
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I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic
#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks#or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow#him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their#entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho#w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode#It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just#like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked#away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write#the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol#you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what#has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for#the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba#too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool#Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions#of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous#ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long#and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good#enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one#special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person#or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first#sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol#Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes#lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi#re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype#then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever#or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring
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:-)
#I've spent the past week organizing in the play's wake - sorting and laundering huge numbers of costumes#some to return to those they belong to and some to come home to my costume storage room which had become chaotic over the last few#months#so a complete spring cleaning for the storage room became part of my task list too. Now the play's been over for a week#and the emails are starting to come in from admin about next year. As some of you know I did a lot of discernment this semester#about what next year should look like and I have decided a mix of continuity is best. I won't be working for my 'main' schoolboard anymore#but I will continue to teach and direct for the one program in the city (the one I did the play for) and possibly with a new home school#enrichment program that may go ahead this year if there are sufficient numbers. Otherwise I am going to spend a semester#tutoring and running workshops f I can get it off the ground. Then we'll see.#Anyway - admin wants me to get new syllabi in to them within a month's time so my thoughts are all in that direction!#I get to teach 19th/20th century Canadian history to the middle schoolers and Late Antique/Medieval Church History to the high schoolers!#Also direct another play and do a humanities course centred around an epic in the spring (the last couple of years we've done Iliad and#Odyssey - they want Aeneid this year but I am trying to talk them into another option. The Aeneid is valuable but I am not sure it's the#time or place with this group of students. The result of all this is that I am spending far too much time doing Internet research for ideas#and then taking breaks on tumblr - which isn't good for my eyes or mental health. What with the play and end of term#I fear I've been out of the reading habit. I'm still hyperfixating on the Book of Romans so there's that at least#but I lost the novel I was in the middle of and am not feeling so motivating with out books. It's a proper reading slump! I need a kickstar#of sorts. Feel free to yell at me that I should pick up a book!
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Silly idea I had for some downtime after the events of @nerdnag's The Boundaries of Magic, where the gang get to actually relax
Well. They try to.
Hubie got a lil sunburned before he could hide in the shade
#duckpond stuff#duckpond doodles#I WAS going to try drawing Yuri who has run off to become a pirate but alas. his curly shoes don't fit the pirate asthetic#and don't worry about Hubie#I'm sure Coco will come up with some sort of spell to help his vampire complexion recover quickly!!!#im aware Sylvain's legs and feet are broken. but at least he has them!!! was so tempted to put a picnic basket in front of them
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TVAU Outfit, coming someday (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#I still have Zero ideas that I haven't already touched on and rejected lol#I know what I'm Not looking for but a design that I'm happy with all the way around eludes me#It can't look too Queenly and it can't have too much of Charm's original colours or shapes#But it also can't Just look like Kaiein either!#The whole point is that he's influencing her from the shadows - he doesn't want his fingerprints to overshadow hers#Mostly for plausible deniability but it's also an ego thing for him#A kind of ''Look what I've made'' without it just Being Him Again#The real problem is that his ego is in conflict with itself he always wants the impossibly high expectation met#He both wants it to be her and not him as well as having an obvious influence but not So noticeable fdlsafjdf#He's infuriating#But that is by design :/ Damn it lol#The middle two could probably be from S2Classic! No AU needed! Wowie!#Expectation and High Standards and Living Up To Your Potential are some of his big themes - external validation thaaaaanks#Charm is under no obligation to live up to standards or expectations set by someone who's not actually interested in her happiness#''Potential'' pff just because you Can doesn't mean you Should - that's kind of her whole villainy deal lol#But that's why he's a great reinforcement-lesson for S2#Archive - Uploaded June 22nd 2023#There have been a few developments since then :3c#The biggest blockades to fully publishing this was the last two panels of the minicomic lol - they were in limbo for like a month#Finally finished! A sort of sequel to the set of them trying to come up with an outfit and him shouting her down#He deserves to get things thrown at him
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"safequeers" dni btw, you actively make queer spaces unsafe for other queer people. you have no right to claim that you're "safe."
#lelei speaks ★#queermisia cw#i'm sick of hearing from you all. i'm sick of seeing you all trying to rebrand yourselves as the 'safe' queer people.#you're just fucking terfs and you'll destroy every qpoc if they don't meet your standards.#you all destroyed my and many other peoples' mental health with your performative activism.#you abused mspec lesbians for years and left the qpoc who begged for your support in the dust.#you only cared about them when you could use them as some sort of gotcha against mspec lesbians.#'mspec lesbians are the reason that black lesbians get raped in africa' shut the fuck up you sick bastard.#i'm sorry for the rant. i want to stay away from them. but they just keep fucking coming here.#i'm still thinking of that sapphic account who invaded our tags with biphobic bullshit a couple weeks ago.#like. i'm glad you got jumped for that bullshit because you 100% deserved it. fuck. you.
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Questions for C Control Pt.2
(As a follow-up for the previous post I made about questions I had about C Control, I decided to make a part 2 since I found that there were, in fact, a few questions still lingering in my head 🤔)
(These questions are mostly just ones I came up with for fun while I was re-watching the show(because that's a thing I do on an average Thursday night 😋))
(ALSO note that this one is somewhat longer than the previous one)
-Hypothetically, what would happen if a Midas representative had a child? Would the child be able to go along with life normally, or would they have some sort of 'special perk'? Are Midas representatives even able to have children????
-In episode 8(in specifically the Japanese sub), Kimimaro calls out to Masakaki, and right after Masakaki actually shows up, Kimimaro admits that he had 3 other ways of getting his attention if yelling didn't work out. I just wonder, what were those other ways?
-In episode 3, Sato mentions two things:
1. The size of each financial district varies on the economic state of the portion of the world it covers, with the far Eastern countries having the largest districts(which would mean that at least most countries located in Asia must be quite huge)
2. There is at least one agent in each financial district trying to get more information on the bank(I believe?)
-Both of these made me come up with several questions:
-Exactly how small could a district possibly be? And which districts are the smallest?
-I wish we could've gotten the point of view from agents in other countries, because how are their investigations doing? Is there possibly any information on the bank that we didn't get to hear about in the show?
-I've been wondering this for quite a bit now actually- But could a person take a picture of the representatives? Or would it be glitched out like with Alastor from Hazbin Hotel? (I don't think there's really a reason for this question lmao- I just think it's fun to think about someone taking a picture of one of the Midas bankers and sharing it with all their friends...Totally not something I'd do in real life, haha 😊)
-I don't think we've ever gotten a full list of the rules in the district, so I wonder how many rules there are? What if a person were to break one or at least several of them?...Or all of them?
-What if a person refused to take part in a deal? I'd imagine there'd be automatic consequences for them(like them immediately 'losing' the deal), but again, it's fun imagining a representative having to physically force a person to participate...
-So say if a child had their own bank account and stuff, would they be viable to become an entre? Are children entres a thing in the financial district???
-...Could female Midas representatives exist? Could that be a possible thing??? This is the question that truly plagues me every night(/hj)
-Does a representative have to do their job? Could they possibly just...Not do anything at all and completely neglect the district? Could one of them maybe even live a normal 'human' life like everyone else, without the district? Or is there something constraining them from that?
-Say if C was about to take place, and after a person was informed of that, they decided to go on a plane and travel to a different country/continent in an attempt to escape C- Would that work??? Could they just...Completely avoid being wiped from existence by going somewhere different????
-Okay I KNOW this is probably very unlikely in the world of C Control, but what would happen if someone with supernatural powers entered the district? Would they be able to use their abilities during deals, or would that be considered cheating?
-Follow up for the previous question, could an entre use outside weapons in deals? Like a gun, for example? Or would that, again, be considered cheating?
-Finally- What exactly happened at the end of the show? I've heard people say that Kimimaro sold his future(and therefore no longer has the future he would've gotten), and I'm willing to go with that theory- But I'm still a bit unsure 🤔
Alright, welp, that's all I got for now 🤷♀️ There's a possibility I might make a part 3, but who knows? :3
#C Control#C the Money of Soul and Possibility Control#This show really left us with a lot of unanswered questions huh 🤠#now I'm really wishing they'd at least do some sort of remaster for the show- and possibly provide more information for the Midas Bank 😔#I can only dream I guess 😪#But for now I suppose I could try coming up with my own conclusions ✨
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I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis
#as someone who loves humans and human behaviours and figuring out why people react to things the ways that they do#uhhh I'm actually surprisingly really bad @ writing characters with those same traits 😅#unless it is smth I can connect to on some sort of level like a few of my characters have issues that I specifically relate to#thereforee I can understand the ways they act in certain circumstances#BUT when it comes to characters that are like almost entirely outside of my wavelength it's pretty hard for me to understand how they work#and it's pretty basic habits and behaviours I just fuckin lack them in general#like the concept of clinginess or abandoment issues or wanting to stay around people who treat you badly or jealousy or missing people#also love like I understand my type of love but my type of love isn't typical from what I've seen from others#even some of my own past issues like dealing with trauma have kinda been lost on me especially bcuz I'm the type to ignore stuff#like I just ignored it til it came back to bite me in the ass and had to just kinda struggle with it and go completely numb#until I got tired of feeling that way and pulled myself outta it step by step and my various negative ways of thinking elude me#since I just gradually built myself up and rearranged my brain so that all negative thinking eventually turns into dust#whether be positive or purely neutral until I'm able to handle it better#REGARDLESS I try to get a sense of what these other traits are like and how exactly they work for people but it is VERY difficult for me#bcuz the stuff is just such an alien emotion to me like people get REALLY emotional about things that simply aren't a problem for me#and I wish I could understand why and what goes on in the brain that causes that but my brain just doesn't work that way#SOOO me trying to make characters of typical issues I see people having DOESN'T really work when I have no idea what's going on#like IN GENERAL my characters need to have more emotion behind them but the emotions I need them to have are#like I said before. something I totally lack ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I have no idea how to do it#I mean I think I need like a check list I need to make a list of traits my characters have in general cuz I never write anything down#it'd be easier to figure it out if I had words to go along with it and then I could figure out the behaviours behind those words#plus I need to draw my characters cuz I'm very much a visual person I can't get as good of a feel without some visuals along with it
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